Break To Breathe
by Okami Rayne
Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him - and only Shikamaru can tell. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji YAOI PART 1 of BtB series
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter One  
**

_What the hell was I thinking? _

Shikamaru snorted his annoyance and raised a hand, feeling the damp slap of leaves drag across his forearm. Rain weighed heavy on his lashes and he blinked against the downpour slashing through the canopy.

_What a drag…_

A drag that not only required him to pit stealth against the Byakugan, but strategy against an equally calculating mind. A tiresome chase with no promise of capture – just a big fat delay Shikamaru couldn't afford.

_We don't have time for this…_

The shadowed figure ahead of him jerked left.

_Shit!_

Shikamaru skidded along a branch, the slick bark offering little friction. He caught himself with a curse. Gritting his teeth, his dark eyes narrowed in on the receding flutter of white and black robes.

_Dammit, Neji_.

Not the first time the Hyūga had veered unexpectedly, throwing the streamline pursuit into more of a labyrinth run-around. Shikamaru paused to gauge his position, his mind already ten steps ahead of this chaotic little cat and mouse game Neji was playing.

_He's not playing. He's pissed. And a pain in the ass._

With a humourless quirk at his lip, Shikamaru launched into a spring, swinging his way along the higher levels of the canopies. He directed his path in a neat pincer movement, adjacent to the route Naruto had sent shadow-clones.

_If he can be herded back to base then I've got a shot at using my shadow possession before the sun sets…_

Shikamaru cast a grim glance at the darkening skies, already blanketed by turbulent clouds. Just his luck.

_I__f this rain keeps up, I'm screwed…_

He needed more light to establish shadow range and probably a miracle to pin the other ninja. If that succeeded, at least he could get Neji standing still long enough to…

_To what?_

Shikamaru cringed inwardly. For all his strategy, he hadn't considered what the hell he was going to say to Neji if or when he finally caught up with the bastard. He didn't even know what the hell had trigged this entire situation. Neji had flipped so damned fast that Shikamaru hadn't had time to process what had happened before the Hyūga was up and running. The moment Lee had made to intercept Neji had set him on his green-clad ass without a backward glance.

Neji hadn't pulled that punch.

And Naruto had followed suit by failing to control his outrage. The knucklehead had catapulted into a bundle of hot-headed fury, _reacting_ instead of _responding._

_Troublesome…_

Maybe seeing Neji lash out at a comrade had reminded him of Sasuke – who knew? But the last thing anyone needed was Naruto projecting his pain and his codes of friendship onto an unstable teammate in an unpredictable mindset.

_Not like Neji to be unhinged. He's the most controlled guy I know._

Shikamaru shook his head, flicking rain from his lashes. He suddenly wished he hadn't sent Naruto in the wrong direction. But it was safer and saner that way. The Uzumaki was a tool to divert Neji's path. Shikamaru had no intention of allowing that well-intentioned but badly-timed loudmouth to confront the angry Hyūga.

_Oil on fire._

There were too many unknown variables in the situation and while Naruto's heart was in the right place, his reaction often bypassed his brain straight to his mouth; heated words would make the situation worse.

_Play it safe. Stop Neji first. That's the priority._

Shikamaru jolted to a crouch on the next bough, chakra flooding to his feet to balance him. Squinting through the downpour, he caught sight of Neji dropping to ground level a few metres away.

_At least he's stopped._

Shikamaru inched closer, taking a circular route. Not that it would do much to disguise his approach from the Byakugan.

_Well, he's not bolting._

Neji remained crouched in the clearing as if winded, his thick mane falling over one shoulder, slick and heavy from the rain. Thin rivulets chased along the plastered contours of the robes he wore, giving definition to muscles bunched and quivering dangerously. From his elevated vantage point, Shikamaru estimated the distance and made his move, sliding down to ground level without a sound, still entertaining the idea that he was keeping out of sight.

_Yeah right. He'll clock my move before I've got a chance in hell._

As if that wasn't troublesome enough, the rain showed no sign of passing, which left him with one workable option.

_Dammit. Didn't wanna have to use this…_

Shikamaru's mouth thinned into a tight line, his expression grim. He slid his hand into his ninja bag, extracting a small terracotta orb Naruto had given him. All the while he kept his eyes on the target. If Neji sensed him, he wasn't about to react. Strange. The crumpled posture seemed so alien to the Hyūga's normal bearing; cool, composed…

_Controlled._

Shikamaru blinked slowly, calculating range before he let the orb fly. It struck the ground a short distance from Neji, shattering its oily contents and catching alight.

The Hyūga jerked his head up, lunar eyes narrowing.

Shikamaru's hands formed a sign. The conflagration roared, casting a black swathe of shadows around the clearing.

Neji didn't move.

If _that_ wasn't enough cause for concern, Shikamaru was almost knocked for a six when he felt the taut tug of his shadow possession jutsu, indicating that he'd caught the other ninja almost instantly.

_What the hell? He's way off his game!_

Straightening up, he watched Neji mimic his motions. The fire continued to rage, unaffected by the rain as Shikamaru began to close the distance between them, feeling the ground squelch beneath his sandaled feet. The Hyūga met him halfway, but the pale-eyed ninja's face was obscured by the long veil of his bangs, strands of mocha sticking to the hollows of his cheeks, those elegantly crafted features cast in shadow and firelight.

"Release me, Nara." It wasn't a request.

_Great. Now what?_

Shikamaru cocked his hip and squinted through the rain. "No need for me to be subtle about this. I'm not letting you go until you tell me what the hell you were thinking laying Lee flat out like that."

"Let me go." The low, deadly drop in Neji's voice added unnecessary chill to the rain pelting their skin to numbness. "Now."

"Not gonna happen. Sorry." Shikamaru watched Neji's gaze cut toward the spitting flames. The Nara's lips curved lazily."Gotta love toad oil, right? Even more effective than napalm. This will burn for a while yet."

"You really don't want to test me, Nara."

"Really not looking to," Shikamaru drawled, affecting nonchalance. "Hell, I'm really not looking for a confrontation of any kind. If you haven't already noticed, I'm not all that into swinging my fists at my comrades. Not really my idea of resolving anything."

"Lee has taken worse hits. Now release me."

"Kinda underestimating your not so 'Gentle Fist', Hyūga."

Shikamaru watched something etch into the grit of Neji's teeth, a tightness that stretched not just along his jaw, but all the way along the chords in his pale throat. The tendons flexed and locked as if choking back a scream.

_Shit. What the hell is going on with him? _

"I just wanna talk, Neji."

"I don't."

"Troublesome."

"Let me go, Nara, or I will make you."

Shikamaru let a dark brow sketch upward and made a show of stretching his arms out before jamming his hands at his hips, watching as Neji was forced to mirror his motions.

"Not in the position to be making empty threats, Neji – even if I _did_ think you had a chance against me right now."

"Say that without your shadows saving you," the Hyūga hissed and his ghostly eyes flared murderously, dark lashes unblinking against the rain.

Shikamaru resisted the urge to smile.

_Guess his pride's still good to go. No bad thing…could use it to my advantage._

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, playing on the Hyūga's predictable ego. "You're way off your game. Even if you _did_ land a hit on Lee, it was only because he let his guard down, not having expected his _friend_ to attack him."

"He got in my way."

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed a fraction. "Yeah, you're starting to sound like a certain someone. Wanna play three guesses?"

"Don't mock me, Nara. Much less insult me by painting me with the same brush as Uchiha." Neji's low, almost hypnotic tones turned sour, deeper. "Our minds are entirely different."

"So prove me wrong – 'cause right now, you're acting like a Class-A asshole."

"Fuck you."

Shikamaru blinked. Those words, coming from Neji, just sounded so _wrong. _Totally incongruous. Almost too crude for someone as eloquently spoken as the Hyūga. But the insult coloured the air a darker shade between them, hanging unpleasantly.

_Think quick, dammit - can't hold him like this forever._

"So what was it, Neji? One minute we're on the trail of an Akatsuki impersonator and the next you're bipolar. Wanna fill me in?"

Neji's jaw flexed. He offered nothing else.

Shikamaru adjusted his posture, forcing Neji to straighten up and face him more directly. Shit lot of good that did. The Hyūga showed no sign of dropping the massive stonewall he'd pulled up. Shikamaru heaved a sigh. This really was a drag, but more than that, it was starting to grate on his preserved grain of patience.

"So it's like that, huh?"Shikamaru frowned and tried to ignore the uncomfortable chill of the rain – or maybe it was a chill inspired by those cold eyes. "Guess this means you're gonna make me pull this puzzle apart right? What a damned drag."

Silence.

He should have guessed as much.

"Okay then…" He closed his eyes, running back along the timeline. "So I'm thinking it was something Naruto said. You broke team back when the idiot gave his routine morale booster." Shikamaru cracked an eye open, immediately gauging Neji's expression. No shift in the angry set of the other ninja's face.

_Damn. Keep digging._

"It wasn't anything _that_ noticeable, but our group formation wavered a little. I knew because I was about to suggest we change it – but funny enough you were a few steps behind rather than ahead. Not like you."

Nothing. Neji continued to glare.

Shikamaru re-considered the events, searching for the catalyst of Neji's fury and the following need to flee. When it came to fight or flight, fear was often the determining factor.

Weighing up his next words, Shikamaru studied Neji for a moment. "Not like you to run away either."

Neji's nostrils flared. "I'm not running away from anything."

"Could've fooled me. I'm almost flattered, considering it was me who was chasing you."

"Tch! Don't get ahead of yourself, Nara."

_No kidding. I'm not getting 'anywhere' by the looks of it. _

Shikamaru smirked, shifting mental gears. "Maybe I've got it wrong. Maybe it wasn't Naruto. I mean, it was _Lee_ that you took a swing at." He paused, pretending to consider what he'd already prepared. He played the pride card. "But then he only got in front of you to stop you from running away when you got all spooked and freaked out."

Neji bared his teeth. "I was _not_ running away. And I did not _freak out_."

Shikamaru read the reaction and rolled with it before Neji could recover. "So what _was_ it? Seems pretty pointless to run from your friends, which makes me wonder whether you were running from yourself."

Neji's top lip curled back again, a veritable snarl. "Shut your mouth and stop interfering!"

_Bingo._

Shikamaru shifted forward, forcing Neji to do the same, closing a little more distance between them. Each step drew more tension into Neji's expression, as if he were being pulled onto territory he didn't want to confront.

"You break team like that and you're bound to land us in shit. And I'm not gonna risk anyone getting hurt because _you_ can't keep it together." Shikamaru paused here, frowning as he looked Neji over. "And what's even _more_ crazy about all this is that you're _not_ the kind of guy to cut and run, let alone freak out."

"I did _not _"freak out". Don't speak to me like you _know_ me."

"I know you don't often lose control of yourself like that."

Neji's eyes narrowed. _"_As if you'd have any idea as to what I'm thinking!"

_Getting closer._

Shikamaru felt the faintest twinge in his gut. A warning tug in his chakra alerting him to the weakening of his shadow possession. Out the corner of his eye the firelight began to sputter a little. It forced him to refocus his efforts with a quiet growl. But Neji was fighting him now; he could feel the strain of the Hyūga's opposing energy.

_Shit._

Neji smirked, glancing between the shadow-nin and the flames. "You're losing your foothold and your firelight, Nara. You can't hold me for long."

"Lucky you. What are you so afraid of?"

Neji scoffed, but the sound caught in his throat, almost sounding choked. "I don't think about fear, much less entertain it."

Shikamaru frowned slightly, his mind quickly assessing the other ninja's expressions, trying to read what was playing behind them. Not an easy thing to do with someone as guarded as Neji – though the Hyūga's words told Shikamaru what the ninja's face wouldn't.

"Fear's not always something you 'think'. It's an emotion. And it's basic to any human. Everyone feels fear, Neji."

"It doesn't enter my mind. And I'm not everyone."

"Yeah well, last time I checked you were still human."

"Am I?"

_What? _Shikamaru blinked, thrown by the words. His momentary hesitation cost him, granting Neji a toehold in the same instant it took for Shikamaru's chakra to waver. The Nara's shadow snapped back. The second it did Neji came at him, but not with the grace of the Gentle Fist. No – this was a straight-faced punch without calculation or consideration for technique.

It was desperate…almost sloppy.

So _not _Neji.

Shikamaru felt the graze of knuckles across his cheekbone, a near-miss that gave him time to regain his footing. They turned simultaneously, both delayed by the heavy grip of the mud. Shikamaru played on Neji's uncharacteristic lack of focus, preparing to launch a counter-attack, his mind leaping ahead.

He paused mid-strategy and fell back a step.

_Not worth it._

To raise the bar in this fight would only encourage Neji to readjust his approach and up his game. That was the _last_ thing Shikamaru needed – so he dropped his plan, precision and his pride. He twisted, braced and launched, tackling Neji around the waist in a tussle that would have been embarrassing had any other ninja been watching them.

_There goes my reputation…_

Good thing he didn't give a shit.

Neji, not having expected the direct approach, went down with a startled grunt, landing with a wet splat against the earth. The thick pulp of earth and leaves seeped between his fingers as they clenched in the soil, forming a fist that he swung toward Shikamaru's jaw.

"Get off me!"

Shikamaru caught the punch, much to the Hyūga's surprise. But then, what the hell were they doing? Tussling like untrained kids in the mud? It was ridiculous and beyond embarrassing! Neji growled, attempting to lodge his heels into the ground, but it gave way with a squelch and slide. Shikamaru had the advantage, his thighs bracketing the pale-eyed ninja as he rammed his arm across Neji's throat, smacking the Hyūga's head back.

"Quit acting like an idiot!" Shikamaru snapped, irritated now, because what was a troublesome drag was now starting to really piss him off. They didn't have time for this. They were supposed to be on a mission.

Neji snarled, his eyes flaring, but his Byakugan remained oddly dormant. "Call yourself a ninja? Your moves are pathetic."

_Why is he holding back? He could easily dislodge me._

Shikamaru only slanted his arm more aggressively, pressing harder as he glared down, the rainwater dripping from his nose and chin, splashing against Neji's headband. He switched tactic again, his voice edging off aggression.

"Quit the bullshit and talk to me, dammit. We're on the same side aren't we? Hell, I could push it and call us friends."

"We're _not_ friends."

"But we're comrades! Tell me what's wrong!"

"No!" Neji bucked his hips, raising a hand to latch at Shikamaru's throat.

"Shit!" Shikamaru craned his neck back, attempting to retain his position. "What did you mean you didn't think you were human? What the hell's wrong with you, Hyūga!"

"_Get off me_!" The Byakugan flared to life, pinching the skin around Neji's eyes with a ferocity that knocked Shikamaru before the hit connected.

The shadow-nin sprawled back with a grunt, blinking rain from his eyes. When his vision cleared, he found himself staring up into a portrait of fury, the ends of Neji's hair tickling his face.

_Crap._

Neji's hand fisted in his flak jacket, jerking him upright so their noses almost touched. Angry breath fired across Shikamaru's face, causing him to squint as he glared back.

"You think you can get condescending with your logic, Shikamaru?" he hissed, jerking Shikamaru onto the balls of his feet. "You cannot hope to understand me. Don't insult me with your attempts to even try. You don't know me! You have no idea what is in my mind!"

Shikamaru ground his teeth, anger threatening to eclipse his confusion, though his mind retained its sharp edge, looking for cracks in Neji's rage. The breaks were there, he could sense them. Hairline fractures beneath the angry mask. There _had_ to be a trigger to all this.

_Think, dammit! Was it Naruto? Lee? Something set him off. Was it the sappy crap they were blabbering on about?_

Shikamaru's eyes rounded.

Neji frowned, deciphering the expression on his face with a scowl.

"Don't look at me like that!" Neji snarled. "Defend yourself!"

Shikamaru shook his head, gripping Neji's wrist to take the pressure off – but he didn't try to pull away. "Wouldn't think something like that would affect you like this."

Neji's eyes widened. A brief betrayal of emotion that soon had his white orbs narrowing into silver slits, he spun violently, dragging Shikamaru with him.

"I see you've formed some pathetic theory!" The Hyūga spat, slamming Shikamaru into the nearest tree, hearing the solid smack of skull on bark. "Well save it. I've heard it all before. People trying to decipher what I'm thinking, trying to work me out. Pitting two good minds against each other – is that your game? Enjoy losing, Nara. My head does not need to be _fixed_."

"You've got it all wrong…" Shikamaru coughed, shaking his head to knock the momentary fuzz from his brain. "You idiot."

Neji blinked, taken aback. "What?"

Shikamaru rested his head back against the rough chafe of the bark, his expression oddly calm. "You're wasting energy defending your head – but that's not the problem…is it?"

Neji's angry mask fractured slightly. "What are you talking about?" he hissed.

Shikamaru's lip twisted in a bleak smile and Neji tensed at the sight of it. His grip tightened around Shikamaru's throat, but he didn't exert enough pressure to cause any real damage, just enough to restrict movement.

Shikamaru was unfazed. "Think I'm tryin' to get inside your head? Why bother trying to work out what's on your mind when it's not about what you're _thinking._ My guess? It's about what you're _feeling_…"

Neji's panting breaths halted abruptly. He glared into the calm, unwavering gaze of the other ninja. "Don't be ridiculous…"

"You can lie to yourself, but I can see through it…"

"There's _nothing_ to see through."

"Yeah, there is. Just now, every time I asked you what you were feeling, every time I mentioned fear or something emotional you immediately turned it into something logical." He searched Neji's ghostly pale face, noting the tightening expression. "You immediately told me I couldn't understand what you were thinking, what was in your head, on your mind. You're way too defensive, ergo, the truth is that it's not about that at all."

"You're wrong."

"It's not me, Lee or Naruto that's the problem. So what is it? Some emotion nerve got rubbed up the wrong way?"

Shikamaru felt the fingers at his throat twitch, then slacken their grip. "I'd advise you to shut up while you're still breathing, Nara."

Shikamaru didn't flinch, his gaze trailing Neji's face slowly. "You're the calmest guy on our team –"

"Shut up, Nara."

"—Always keeping your cool. Up at dawn and meditating…always centred in your head…but totally shut down emotionally…"

"Enough!"

Shikamaru's eyes softened slightly, his voice falling to a murmur. "You're right, Neji. Your mind is fine. You're totally together in your head, but your emotions are so outta whack you don't know what to do with them…right?"

The white eyes grew wide and fierce, but not with anger. The Byakugan was gone. Shikamaru shook his head, a hint of regret tugging at the corner of his eyes. He worked his words out around the shaking grip at his throat.

"So what is it? Being surrounded by people as emotional as Naruto and Lee? In the past it was easier for you right? You could hide your feelings behind this destiny shit and that logical anger against the division in your clan. Kinda like Sasuke…"

Neji's fingers almost cut off his air supply. "Don't you _dare_ compare me to that—"

"It's true," Shikamaru wheezed, craning his neck back enough to speak. "Like him, you also had a grudge and a justified reason to act like an asshole…but now, instead of that grudge you've got a damn decent team willing to lay their lives on the line for you. And you're willing to do the same, aren't you? Like you did back with Kidōmaru when we went after Sasuke three years ago…"

Neji's eyes flickered, but his grip at Shikamaru's throat began to lax again, a shake chasing along his left arm as he desperately tried to keep it steeled and steady.

"Sasuke was a mission. It was our duty."

"Yeah, I know you don't believe that."

Neji's arm snapped taut again. "Don't tell me what I believe, you bastard!"

Shikamaru sucked a sharp breath through his nose in preparation for a throttle, but when Neji didn't follow through his expression relaxed into something just shy of a smile. "Gotta admit that we just act on instinct sometimes. But a different kind of instinct. One that doesn't come from using our heads."

"I wouldn't know," Neji snarled, but it sounded clipped – forced.

"Yeah, not really buying that either…" Shikamaru hummed, testing the waters with his next words. "I'm guessing that place scares the shit out of you."

Neji cracked his fist across Shikamaru's face. But there was no satisfaction in seeing Shikamaru's head whip to the side…because it didn't stop him from speaking. It didn't make the words any less horrifying to hear.

"So…" Shikamaru worked his jaw and spat blood to the side. "It's not about you hating people trying to anticipate your _thinking_ or trying to work out your _mind_. It's about people digging a little deeper than that, right?"

"Speak again and I'll make it so you can't." That might have sounded convincing, if Neji's voice hadn't shook.

Shikamaru ran his tongue along his teeth, tasting copper. He turned his eyes back to Neji, straightening up against the tree again. "Why? Does it piss you off so bad to hear people being emotional because you're so damned repressed?"

An animal sound of impotent frustration caught in Neji's throat. Incredulous, he ripped his hands back, stepping away as if Shikamaru were radiating something toxic. These barbed, confusing words touched parts of him he didn't want to even think about.

"Shinobi must be beyond their emotions." Neji scowled, hesitating for a moment before continuing on. "It clouds our judgment. It makes us careless…"

Shikamaru remained still against the tree, frowning. "It doesn't make us careless. It makes us _care…_and it can make us strong. It makes the crap we do _bearable_…"

"No…"

Shikamaru dragged the back of his wrist across his mouth to wipe away the blood and rain, his eyes narrowing. "And you'd wanna throw that away cause you're too damned scared to admit that you're afraid of something. Hell. You're afraid of your own fear. That's just stupid."

Neji's fist knocked Shikamaru's head into the tree – again.

"I am NOT afraid, you bastard!"

"Then why are you running!" Shikamaru yelled, dark eyes cutting sharper as he snapped out a kick that forced Neji to hop back. "Naruto might act like a loudmouth idiot, but there's truth in all that shit he says! We're people! Feelings tend to come with the package of being human. And it makes us strong!"

Neji's lips twisted into a snarl, his voice raw and shaking. "You're wrong!"

Shikamaru returned the snarl, staring through the downpour, his voice rising in tandem with his anger. "Damn you're dense! Did Sasuke inspire you or is this bullshit just innate stupidity?"

"Fool! Sasuke was the epitome of _why_ emotion makes you _weak_!" Neji roared, slashing his hand through the air to emphasise the conviction in his words.

Shikamaru frowned, confusion breaking up his glare "What the hell are you talking about?"

Neji choked out a bitter laugh limed with frost. "Don't you get it, Nara? Sasuke _thought_ he was in control. But when pushed to his limit, he truly had _no_ control. He was so consumed by his emotions that they corrupted him. If he had used his _head_, he would never have left."

Shikamaru frowned. "So what – you think his logic would have saved him in that state? It doesn't work that way."

"Of course it does. If Sasuke had not _felt_ as he did…he would never have turned to the darkness…he would never have allowed those emotions to twist him into a monster…"

"Neji…"

"It was _because_ he felt so much, that he was driven to find a way to eradicate the source of his pain!" Neji stopped there and huffed out a bitter, breathy chuckle. "Even if logic couldn't have saved him, it wasn't _logic_ that destroyed him…it wasn't his mind…it was what was in his heart. It was what he _felt_."

Shikamaru paused, his eyes losing focus and his breaths sloughing roughly as he considered these words. Suddenly, the world turned on its axis.

_Fuck. He's…right…_

The Nara's gaze dropped down. Sasuke may have shared Neji's once arrogant sense of superiority, but what Neji was saying was true – Sasuke had been emotional – no matter how much he'd tried to remain aloof and untouchable. It was all a ruse. All a lie.

_But Neji…_

Shikamaru lifted his gaze back to the opal-eyed ninja, realising that despite Neji's anger towards his own clan, the Hyūga had remained irrefutably controlled, only letting loose when given the opportunity and permission by others. Even when he'd lost that control to anger, making a move to kill Hinata, it was still within the bondage of an opportunity that had been given to him. The examination. The rule of no rules applying. But Sasuke…Sasuke had _made_ opportunities; control be damned. The Uchiha had actively sought opportunity out, going against regulation, logic and destiny – even his friends and teachers. His entire village.

Neji however…

Shikamaru studied the Jōnin, his eyes losing their anger, clouding with a kind of sad confusion. Neji was so controlled he wouldn't even step beyond the fixed borders of his _own_ rules, let alone the rules of anyone else. He wasn't even like Sai. Sai didn't _know_ any better – he lacked a frame of reference and understanding. But not Neji…Neji _knew _it and could even understand it logically; he knew what it was like to feel emotion…but he would notallow himself to express it. He kept it so tightly bound up.

It was crazy…how could he live like that?

_He can't…Hinata was right those years ago…he's suffering…but the moment he acknowledges it…he risks losing control completely…hell, when Hinata told him the truth to his face he almost killed her…_

Shikamaru swallowed. His eyes traced over Neji slowly, coasting along the elegant yet tragic features as if seeing him for the first time. Neji was oblivious to the observation – the Hyūga was staring at his hands in consternation, as if he could will them to stop trembling.

_He can't…this isn't about mental will-power anymore…he's at a different kind of limit…he's reached his breaking point…shit…_

Shikamaru found himself taking a step forward, not really knowing what the hell his body was doing when his mind was still too busy processing the magnitude of the situation.

_Shit, just that sappy talk was enough to trigger this? Well what a drag…they always say its something small that finally does it…_

Shikamaru found that despite his mind urging him to take a moment to rethink this potentially disastrous situation – which involved taking a _big_ step back – his feet kept moving forward, slowly closing distance. Neji didn't even seem to notice, he was still too busy glaring at his hands, offended by the betrayal in his body. But there was something else playing behind his eyes. Fear. Blind fear. The kind that made people do reckless, crazy shit. Shikamaru resisted the urge to sigh. This was not going to be easy. Not only that, he found that he was drawn to offer some kind of consolation he wasn't even sure he was equipped to give.

"Neji…"

"Get away from me…"

"Not gonna happen, Neji. Sorry."

"Don't…" Neji began to shift back, his foot sliding automatically as his palm raised upwards, assuming a stance that indicated he was ready to attack if pushed.

Shikamaru didn't stop. He continued to approach, albeit slowly and against his better judgement. For some reason, he just couldn't turn away from this.

"Stop fighting."

Neji's voice was hard, but his eyes gave him away. "Back off."

"Neji."

"I said _back_ _off_…" Neji warned.

Shikamaru shook his head. "I can't. You're my comrade. In this case, I'm responsible for you."

"You have it backward, Nara. You're not the Jōnin…" Neji hissed, his eyes locked onto the back of his hand. It shook violently. He clenched his fist. "Damn it…"

"You see what you're doing to yourself? Jōnin or not, it wouldn't matter if you were the damn Hokage. Your body can't even contain it. Stop fighting it."

"If I can't fight _it_, then I shall fight _you_…"

Neji sprung, the edge of his hand slicing through the air in a knife-palm that caught and slid along Shikamaru's forearm.

"Stop it!" Shikamaru ducked another strike. "I'm not gonna fight you, you idiot!"

"I've removed your say in the matter."

"Dammit," Shikamaru hissed, twisting sharply to brace in a cross-hit with the Hyūga. Their eyes met across the lock of their arms. "So that's your plan? To keep avoiding it? Worked wonders for you so far, right?"

The threat in Neji's eyes didn't translate into his actions. The Byakugan remained inactive and his hands carried no lethal chakra. He tried to dislodge his arm, snapping his elbow toward the hinge of Shikamaru's jaw. His strike was blocked, tangling them closer.

"Whatever it is, it's only gonna get worse, the more you deny it!"

Neji roared, the rain splashing off his hitai-ate and washing down his faintly tortured expression. "Shut up!"

"You're supposed to be a genius, Neji, but you're acting like a complete moron!"

"Fuck you! Don't think you know me!"

"Back to the head shit? Aaw man, you're _really_ starting to _piss_ me off!" Shikamaru had no idea where it came from, but a surge of utter fury exploded from his gut, pushing adrenalin into his body that fuelled into his fist.

The hit would never have connected had the Byakugan been active. But Neji was holding back and it cost him. Shikamaru watched the other ninja crash against a tree. A choked cough spluttered from Neji's lips, but before he could recover, the whistle of shuriken sounded – the glint of wires flashing as they roped around him, securing him to the solid trunk. A series of kunai lodged into his robes, missing flesh but adding security to the effective pin.

Neji's eyes flared, his body drawing deadly still. "_Bastard_…"

"Now settle down, dammit!" Shikamaru stormed over to grip Neji's jaw, pushing his head back. "You really believe this is gonna solve anything?"

"You gutless coward. _F__ight_ me!"

"You really think that laying into me is gonna make you feel any better!"

Neji panted a curse, drawing Shikamaru's attention to the bloodied lips. "I'd rather _fight_ you than listen to another word of your pathetic drivel."

"Why, too close to the truth for you?"

"Bastard."

"Idiot."

"Coward!"

"_You're_ the one who's running, Hyūga!" Shikamaru's fingers tightened at Neji's jaw, digging into the hinge as he leaned closer. "We playin' role reversal here or what? It's not like you to run away."

"But it's every bit _your_ nature, Nara," Neji snarled, half-panting.

Shikamaru smirked, his own breath shattering out. "As natural as breathing, but _you're_ still the one running here."

Tension crackled between them, sparks of latent violence and something else igniting at the proximity. They clawed their gazes over each other, intense and primal with an almost carnal aggression.

"I'm going to _kill_ you for this," Neji hissed, his breath flooding out against Shikamaru's mouth.

The second it did, Shikamaru felt an unexplainable static blistering along his synapses, short-circuiting something vital in his brain. Sending a signal to his body so impulsive it took a hold of him before he could process it.

"What the hell a—!" Neji was silenced – but not by a fist or sharp word, but by Shikamaru's hot, angry mouth crashing above his.

* * *

**TBC.**

A/N: Well here it is! My first chapter for my first story. I would really, _really_ appreciate any feedback or thoughts, especially if you enjoyed it. Us writers thrive on the reception of our work! Thanks so much for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Two**

"_What the hell a_—_!_" Neji's words died in a clash of teeth. Shikamaru's mouth swallowed his protest; evaporating it in a kiss that was hard, hot and hostile.

Neji froze - his growl locking instantly in his throat.

He collided into the stone wall of shock. Stunned and silenced. A slick tongue slid across his teeth, catching rain and blood. He felt Shikamaru bite down on his lower swell of lip, snaring it, bruising it. The Nara's fingers tightened at his jaw, but the utter disbelief rendered Neji immobile.

He couldn't even draw air into his lungs.

For Shikamaru's part, there wasn't any logic playing out in this. This wasn't about having a plan. He had no idea what the hell it was about, only that his knee was pressing between the Hyūga's pinned legs and Neji was still frozen, unresponsive.

_Shit._

After a harsh pinch of teeth to Neji's lip, Shikamaru drew back. His dark eyes settled on the white ones staring back at him, shifting between shock and something Shikamaru couldn't place.

A taut silence strained between them, broken only by their ragged breaths and the splatter of rain. Shikamaru felt a backlash of shock whip through him, jolting his head back as if he'd taken a hit.

_What the fuck did I just do?_

Just when Shikamaru thought to move, the Hyūga spoke first.

"What the hell was that?" Neji finally growled, but his eyes weren't angry.

"I don't know…" Shikamaru shrugged. "But it shut you up, didn't it?"

Neji swallowed, frowned, then jerked his head back and snarled. "Don't touch me."

_Now_ those eyes were angry.

Good. A logical reaction. He could follow logic. Not that his logic could supply an answer for whatever the hell had just crashed through his veins like a voltage. Shikamaru managed a weak, uncertain smile, honestly too confused to offer anything else that wouldn't result in the urge to run far, far away from this moment.

"Guess you're still thinking too much," he murmured, not sure who he was addressing, Neji or himself.

"You're not thinking at _all_ if you believe I will allow you to do that again."

Shikamaru arched a brow, his own pride, which he normally paid little heed to, rising like hackles."Afraid of someone taking away that control? Man, you're such a fucking effort. But it's not like you're putting up much of a fight."

"So now it's a fight you want?" Neji released a bitter sound, his breath misting on the cold air. "You've clearly chased me down looking for pain."

"Considering you're acting like a royal pain in the ass, I guess that's right." Shikamaru blinked slowly, his voice quietening. "But I know you don't really wanna fight me."

"Keep digging your grave, Nara. I'll put you in it before you can regret it."

Shikamaru marked the tension drawing across Neji's temples – a sure sign that the Hyūga was close to carrying out his threat. The Byakugan all but stirred beneath the surface, even if Neji appeared to be reluctant to use it.

Shikamaru almost wanted to tell him to go ahead.

Hell, he might have even given Neji his express permission to knock his head into the tree again in the hopes that it would rattle his brain into functioning normally.

_What the hell is wrong with me?_

Shikamaru shook his head. "Despite how this appears, I'm not trying to provoke you, you know."

Neji's eyes dropped to the wires and kunai. "Then what the _hell_ do you call this?"

Shikamaru dodged the question. "I know you don't really wanna fight."

"Tch!" Neji's fists clenched, fabric tearing as he pulled against the restraints.

"You're not even using the Byakugan."

"Well observed, Nara," Neji snapped, twisting his jaw free from the lighter grip of Shikamaru's fingers. "Glad to see your renowned intelligence hasn't completely abandoned you."

_Don't bet on it._

"Why aren't you playing to your strength?"

"As far as intelligence goes, why aren't _you_?" Neji bit back.

Shikamaru ignored the jibe. "You could have stopped this before it began. Why didn't you?"

Neji hesitated. "Just back off before I really _do _hurt you."

Shikamaru's eyes pinched at the threat.

He should have moved.

But something had set itself firmly in his mind, taking the place of his common sense – maybe his 'sense' altogether. He had no idea what the hell it was. But he knew that it wasn't smart. Or safe. Or remotely sane. It felt like an obstinate, irritating, way too troublesome impulse that he couldn't shake. It probably would have looked like Naruto if it had form – screaming all sorts of idiotic direction that would only make this mess more of a disaster than it already was.

The thought caused him to smile grimly.

"You think I'm being funny?" Neji's entire frame drew taut, dangerously so.

"No." Shikamaru laughed a little, not doubting the Hyūga for a second. "Not one bit."

"Then back off."

"I can't." Shikamaru shook his head, raising a hand to settle at the junction of Neji's neck and shoulder. "Not until you settle down."

"Make up your mind fast, Nara." Neji attempted to shrug off the offensive touch, his eyes narrowed. "I thought you didn't want to fight."

"No kidding." Shikamaru tightened his grip, not sure whether he wanted to hurt or help the Hyūga right now – given the recklessness rolling just beneath the surface of his lazy façade.

_I don't do reckless. I don't do stupid._

And yet here he was, doing this.

Shaking off the thought he grit his next words out, frowning. "Gonna make this easier and get whatever's pissed you off, off your chest?"

"Just shut up with this nonsense already!" Neji jerked his shoulder, the wires cutting into his biceps as he tugged against the restraints.

Shikamaru heaved a ragged sigh. "Man, you're gonna give me a fucking nosebleed, Hyūga."

"I'll give you more than a nosebleed you intrusive bastard!"

_Oh you want intrusive? I'll give you intrusive._

"I'm gonna count to three." Shikamaru held up three fingers for emphasis before closing his fist. "Then I'm going to do something as _stupid_ as what you're doing by being a troublesome idiot."

The look of disgusted incredulity on Neji's face would have been amusing, had the context not been so hostile.

"Don't you dare play games with me, Nara."

Shikamaru flicked a finger up; the middle one at that. "One. Not a game."

"This is pathetic."

Shikamaru smirked and oh-so-slowly extended his index. "Two. Probably."

Not appreciating being flipped off, the Hyūga's expression twisted angrily. "What gives you the right to dictate to me you bas—!"

"—_Three_." Shikamaru grabbed his jaw. "Shut up." Then he slanted his mouth across Neji's.

As expected, the pale-eyed ninja reacted this time.

Neji twisted his head sharply, dragging a hissing friction across their mouths. But Shikamaru's fingers remained at his jaw, hard and locked, as stupidly challenging as he'd promised. He turned Neji's head back, muffling the other ninja's growl with his mouth. He pushed dominance into the kiss and felt Neji retaliate.

_I'm dead for this._

Shikamaru's mind barely managed to supply the fatal realisation. It sure as hell wasn't operating on a level Shikamaru had experienced before. The sense of being caught in the grip of something he couldn't shake. It dug its claws into him, raked heat through him. Tore up his thoughts into shreds until strategy was the last thing firing along his synapses.

_Fuck. Push me back._

* * *

The kiss was carnal from the first.

Neji, never having been on the receiving end of any attempt at dominance, momentarily lost his ability to respond to it other than to bare his teeth through the kiss.

And then the urge to fight reared up inside him.

His pride pulled to the surface in an immediate defence.

Neji fought back as much as his position granted. He threw his pinned weight forward and the rigged wires sliced through his robes, lacerating his skin as he tried to dislodge himself. Shikamaru slammed him back and slid his fingers into the long, wet ink of the Hyūga's hair, gripping and tugging as if jerking the reigns of an unruly horse.

The tug on Neji's scalp tightened his skin into a heated crawl.

A dark, hot sensation shot through him like he'd been punched in the gut by a burning fist. Only that fist of heat lodged there, gripped him mercilessly and began to smoulder, burning hotter with every second.

Different to rage, but close enough that he could pretend that's what it was.

_I am going to kill him._

The promise of that thought held, hardened, then quivered under the force of the heat that began to infiltrate this icy defence. The hard, hostile force of the kiss seared through his blood. He tried to twist his jaw free from Shikamaru's grip, tried to bite off that tongue arrogantly pushing past his teeth, only to find that the molten muscle marking out his mouth was causing his mind to loosen its immaculate grip on his control and his anger.

Something else was wrestling inside him.

And then an aching pain in his chest began to tighten.

_Stop…_

Neji's blunt nails dug into the bark of the tree, drawing blood from his fingertips. He pressed his head back, taking the brunt of the kiss with a sharp inhale that had rainwater clogging his lungs.

The pain in his chest was getting sharper.

But Shikamaru offered no mercy and Neji's preconceived notion of the other ninja's lackadaisical and passionless nature was immediately obliterated.

And then so was the kiss.

* * *

Their mouths tore apart on a ragged pant.

It left them both gasping, dragging in damp, heavy air.

"Whatever the hell it is, just let it out," Shikamaru growled, leaning in to nudge their mouths. "Let it out, Neji."

"No."

Instinctively, Shikamaru gave a savage jerk to Neji's hair. "Let it out, you stubborn bastard!"

"No!" Neji snapped, a tortured rage crawling into his eyes. His voice dropped to a warning. "If you push me again, I will _not_ hold back."

_He means it this time._

Shikamaru's fingers released their brutal clutch, smoothing through the dark strands slowly to settle at Neji's nape. The Nara sighed, his previous anger evaporating. He had no idea where that reactive ferocity had come from. It alarmed him in ways wholly disturbing to his nature.

_What the hell am I doing…?_

"Switching tactics so soon?" Neji seethed, feeling the vicious saw of the wires cutting into his skin, focusing on the bitter sting rather than the odd sense of breathlessness that wouldn't go away. "I won't let you manipulate me with this."

Shikamaru clenched his eyes shut, struggling to think clearly. "I'm not trying to manipulate you."

"A _juvenile_ manipulation at that…" Neji snorted, blinking rain from his lashes as he kept his head pressed back against the tree, his eyes undoubtedly angry, but also confused.

"Juvenile? My mouth?" Shikamaru smiled slightly, but it was weak. "Way to hit a guy's pride, Hyūga. Either way, it seemed to work."

Neji's temples pulsed. "Don't mock me."

"God you're so uptight." Shikamaru opened his eyes and glanced down at the Hyūga's robes, drenched and stained with blood from the wires.

_Shit_.

He hadn't intended that.

He pulled Neji's hair away from his throat. "I'm not mocking or manipulating you."

"No, you're just molesting me," Neji retorted, but strangely, there was no real heat in it.

Shikamaru scowled, but he couldn't deny it. Or explain it. Or do anything but hover in this state of complete limbo where the impulse controlling his body wasn't coming from his sane sense of judgement or his sense of self-preservation.

"Yeah? Well you're letting me." Shikamaru reminded and his thumb grazed Neji's throat, brushing just under his jaw. "Why?"

Neji turned his head away from the oddly tender touch. His eyes averted angrily. "I don't know…why the hell are you kissing me in the first place? And touching me like this? Is this your idea of getting 'pissed off'?"

"No, this is my idea of being stupid. I told you." Shikamaru quirked his lip, grabbing humour with both hands – desperate to latch onto anything to alleviate the horrible confusion knotting up inside him at his own actions. "Thought I'd bring us onto even ground. Two geniuses being stupid together…guess it makes sense, right?"

Neji dragged in a rattling breath, swallowing hard. "Why are you doing this, Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru shrugged, pretending he wasn't asking himself the same question. "Don't ask me to figure this one out…I'm not sure I've got an answer."

"I'm not sure I want to know." Neji closed his eyes, his breathing shifting.

"Good." Shikamaru frowned.

This dangerous territory between them was volatile as hell. He hadn't intended to rock an already unsteady boat as far as Neji was concerned. He also hadn't intended for his brain to jump overboard into a sea of utter insanity. He'd tried to walk a plank and had ended up at the bottom of a deep end.

_Yeah, a real smart move. _

Shikamaru shook his head.

Whatever was unravelling or knotting itself into chaos between them seemed too much effort to figure out. More than that, it would require tenfold the effort to resolve once he actually stopped long enough to _think_ about any of it.

_Don't think._

"This isn't a thinking thing…" Shikamaru murmured aloud as he raised a hand, his wrist twisting as he gripped Neji's chin, forcing the Hyūga to look at him, needing some kind of joint closure to the awkwardness. "Is it?"

"_Watch it_." Neji jerked his head free, his eyes snapping open to lock on the dark ones staring back at him. His voice sounded oddly tight and quiet – strained. "Don't, Shikamaru." He paused to draw a rasping breath. "Don't play games."

"I'm _not, _dammit. I don't even have a clue as to what the hell I'm _doing_." Shikamaru sighed, his hand dropping away. He stared at the rain-slick hollow of Neji's throat, completely at a loss. But he didn't pull away. "Guess we're both out of character tonight…well I'll be damned…but at least you're not trying to kick my ass into a coma…"

Neji was silent.

The chords in his throat tense and unmoving.

Shikamaru frowned. "Hey. I'm done making this more complicated. You can stop holding your breath."

"I'm not," Neji choked out, hissing.

"Yeah you are." Shikamaru's expression began to colour with concern, his dark eyes shifting between Neji's chest and his locked throat. "What the hell, Neji? Breathe."

* * *

_Breathe._

Neji would have smashed his fist into Shikamaru's jaw for stating an obvious instruction that was supposed to come naturally. But it wouldn't.

_Ridiculous! _

His mind began to scream orders that didn't translate to his chest.

_Breathe!_

But it was like trying to draw air through a tight-holed mesh. His lungs wouldn't expand, his chest seemed to be caving in on itself, tightening, constricting and crushing air he hadn't had the chance to snatch or hold.

_I can't…_

Then his brain halted in cold panic.

_I can't breathe…_

He clawed his fingers against the bark, feeling the bloody wire wrapped around him but knowing it wasn't the bonds restricting his breath. It a crushing weight in his chest, bearing down on his lungs.

"Neji?"

"I…" Neji choked out, not even noticing that Shikamaru was tugging the shuriken, wires and kunai free.

Panic was starting to push into his pale eyes.

_Why…can't I breathe?_

* * *

**TBC**

[chapter edited]


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer:

NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Three  
**

Noise pulled him from the black; a deep, feral rumble from somewhere far away, followed by a blustering howl and the sound of creaking wood.

Neji's eyes flickered open, slivers of glazed white attempting to focus in the darkness.

_Where am I?_

He drew a quiet breath and frowned at the tightness in his chest. It felt like he'd been kicked square in the sternum. Several times. He blinked slowly, listening to the harsh splatter of what sounded like rain. Shadows swelled across his vision and for a moment he wondered whether he was blacking out again. But as he watched the darkness shrink and swell, he realised it was shadow-play from candlelight. Distorted shapes danced across the walls.

_Wait. Walls? _

Awareness hit him like a freight train, bringing with it a horrible reality check. Neji tensed, his fingers curling against worn fabric. He lay at an incline on a lumpy futon, his torso raised as if to alleviate strain and keep his airways clear. He didn't want to remind himself why that was necessary.

Movement to his left drew his gaze. His focus fell upon the ember-end of a smouldering cigarette.

"Way to scare the hell out of me," Shikamaru drawled quietly, a stream of smoke drifting from his lips in a lazy spiral. "Guess we're even now."

Neji blinked and turned his gaze away, ignoring the dark eyes monitoring him with deceptive calm. Discomfort felt so far off the mark it was laughable.

_Mark…_

Neji quickly reached up to tap his forehead. His touch grazed the cool, smooth metal of his headband. A soft breath of relief fled his lips. He traced a pattern with the tips of his fingers - not the leaf symbol, but that of his cursed seal-mark. After a moment he lowered his hand, still sensing Shikamaru's eyes.

_Stop watching me…Honestly, what do you expect? My gratitude?_

Neji closed his eyes. Discomfort crawled through him, dragging a humiliated rage close behind. All the while he kept this face a stoic mask, determined to retain some defence.

A few heartbeats later, he cleared his throat.

"Where are we?" He croaked, not proud of the fact that he'd either been too busy hyperventilating or too busy slung-over-the-shoulder-unconscious, to even have noticed how they'd ended up in what appeared to be a guest room.

His eyes slipped open again. A rather dilapidated guest room. The walls groaned from abuse of the wind and the slap of leaves and rain scraped the cracked, rattling windows. He was surprised the noise hadn't roused him sooner.

"An old inn," Shikamaru supplied, tapping ash from his cigarette. "Well…sort of."

"Where?"

"Far enough away from where the others are camped."

Neji bristled and his voice hardened. "I don't need you to protect my dignity, Nara."

"Hn." He heard Shikamaru sniff. "Don't flatter yourself. The inn was closer."

Neji tightened his jaw and slowly, so as not to appear dramatic, rolled onto his side. He propped himself on his elbow, placing his back to Shikamaru. He regretted the unexpected pain of the position, but made no outward show of his discomfort.

_Why am I aching like this?_

He slid his palm to his ribs, feeling along the tender area with his fingertips. He resisted the urge to ask whether Shikamaru had 'accidently' dropped him – possibly down a flight of stairs. But the aching bothered him less than the fact that he was naked from the waist up. The faint itch of healing cuts reminded him of the shuriken wires. There was also a curious throb at the back of his head, sharp and tender as if he'd been struck – hard.

_That bastard!_

The faintest scuff of movement redirected his attention. He caught the scent of nicotine much too close.

"Hey," Shikamaru's hand settled on his shoulder-blade gently.

Neji scowled and twisted. Jerking his elbow, he cracked it sharply, catching Shikamaru in the jaw and dislodging that irritating cancer stick from the other teen's mouth. Though the Nara glared, he didn't retaliate in kind. He moved to retrieve his cigarette and crushed it out against the mildewed wall.

Neji met his dark gaze over his shoulder.

"Nice. Good to see you're still acting prematurely violent." Shikamaru snorted.

"Touch me again and you'll be prematurely _dead_."

For some reason Shikamaru smiled slightly. Neji glared. It wasn't supposed to be funny – not in the slightest. Anger kindled in his gut. The situation was humiliating enough without Shikamaru adding insult to injury. Shikamaru seemed to follow his train of thought and the lazy ninja shook his head in what Neji assumed was supposed to be an apology. Or maybe a mitigation of his next question.

"So…" The shadow-nin drawled, dragging the word out idly. "How's your head?"

"Considering you struck me hard enough to render me unconscious, perhaps it's not a good idea to remind me." Despite the thin layer of venom in his words, Neji couldn't help but wish the other ninja had hit him harder.

Hard enough to dislodge the memory of that blistering, brain halting kiss.

_Bastard. _

Neji turned his head away as if afraid his thoughts would be playing across his face. In the wan light, it was easy enough for his expression to be deceptive, but he wouldn't risk giving anything away. He'd already taken a crippling dent to his defences – that would _not _happen again.

_The fact that he had the audacity to even touch me that way…_

"Well you didn't really leave me a lot of options." Shikamaru shrugged, rubbing at the sore spot on his jaw. "Sorry." He didn't appear to be sorry at all.

It took Neji a moment to process that Shikamaru was talking about knocking him unconscious, rather than pinning him, then smashing their mouths together and pressing a knee non-too-subtly between his legs.

Not that he was still thinking about that.

_Ridiculous._

"Hn." Neji made to turn onto his side again.

"You shouldn't turn on your side like that, it won't help with your breathing," Shikamaru advised, bracing a forearm across his knee as he moved to light up another cigarette.

Neji arched a brow. "But I'm sure that passive smoking will help."

"Touché," Shikamaru smirked, tucking the cigarette back into the packet. "Happy now?"

_Far from it._

Neji flicked his gaze around the small room. Candles dripped wax in the corners, the flames wobbling on their wicks as an icy draught whistled through the cracks in glass and wood. He glanced up as the rafters supporting the ceiling gave a precarious groan.

_That won't hold._

"Don't worry. It's pretty sloppy construction, but it'll hold out." Shikamaru yawned, rubbing at his eyes.

Neji grunted, not sharing the other ninja's confidence. Before a painful quiet could descend, he swallowed his pride and broached the inevitable, because he needed to know.

"How long was I…" He trailed off, his jaw locking angrily.

Shikamaru, for some reason, saved him further humiliation.

"An hour or so." The Nara waved a hand idly, as if brushing the topic aside. "Just get some rest."

"I'm not sick," Neji snapped.

Shikamaru ignored him. "It's not like we're going anywhere in this storm. We'll rendezvous with the others when it clears; if we're lucky, it'll have passed by morning."

Neji kept his eyes on the ceiling.

_By morning…_

Dawn had never felt so damned far away. Neji was usually patient and naturally comfortable with quiet stretches of time that others might have found tedious - but _this_ was going to be a painfully long night. For a fleeting moment he wished he'd remained unconscious. Just the thought of his earlier slip caused an abrupt nausea to curdle in his gut. Utter disgust. How had he allowed something so ridiculous to best his control?

_Pathetic._

Neji frowned and slowly settled onto his back again, drawing the sheets up over his bare chest, all the while pretending that he didn't notice those dark eyes tracking his movements. Shikamaru made no pretence at subtlety, blatantly studying him with those deceivingly drowsy eyes. As far as Neji was concerned, the bastard was doing it on purpose.

_Is he trying to provoke me again?_

The Hyūga began to wonder if Shikamaru actually possessed that eminent intelligence of his – which was questionable; especially considering the rash and uncharacteristically fiery attack at Neji's mouth.

_It was just a shock tactic. A ploy…Why am I even thinking about it?_

"I didn't know that you smoked," Neji murmured, attempting to divert attention away from himself and the unnerving thoughts he wasn't supposed to be having.

Shikamaru shrugged. "I didn't know you had panic attacks."

Neji closed his eyes. He should have seen that one coming. He'd left himself wide open – and it wasn't like Nara wasn't going to take a hit. He was a ruthless tactician after all. The manipulation in his earlier actions had illustrated that rather graphically.

Neji released a slow breath through his nose, attempting to slip into a meditative state. If he could centre his energy and examine his chakra network, he could try to identify and fix whatever had caused that stupid seizure in his system.

His attempt was cut short.

"You hungry?" Shikamaru rolled his shoulder with a yawn, crunching lean muscle.

Neji resisted the urge to scowl. He didn't respond. It was a stupid, worthless question. He opted for silence over sarcasm; an effective tactic that required absolutely no effort on either of their parts. The Hyūga hedged his bets on Shikamaru's laziness – and was shocked when the other teenager repeated the question.

"You used to be intelligent," Neji finally snapped. "Work out what it means when someone chooses not to respond to or acknowledge you."

Shikamaru chuckled. "Settle down, Hyūga, just checking that you're still breathing."

Neji shot a sidelong glare that would have chilled a smart man into silence. Shikamaru was _supposed_ to be a smart man. He was also supposed to be looking and behaving smug, amused or semi-superior.

But he wasn't.

He didn't even look irritated. Those dark eyes watched him calmly. Neji frowned and turned his gaze away, not liking the probing, patient stillness in Shikamaru's eyes. It unnerved him. Not much did. And not usually eye contact. His pale, ghost-like eyes often caused people to avert their gazes when he bothered to respond to the staring. Making eye-contact alone was usually enough to get someone to back off.

But not Shikamaru.

No. The shadow-nin somehow managed to withstand the ice in Neji's eyes, all the while appearing unperturbed and at ease; almost as if it was too much of an effort to bother getting defensive. Neji felt his brow furrow sharply - a fracture in his mask.

He was used to being looked at, but not _seen_.

For some reason, Shikamaru's gaze made him feel exposed. Which was ridiculous. Hyūgas did not leave themselves open – anyone who tried to pry beneath their defences often lost. Painfully. They were not an easy breed to interpret or to gauge.

By definition, Neji had never doubted his ability to remain unfathomable; at least not until a few hours ago. Not until Shikamaru, who _should _have been too lazy to bother, had insisted on working out what was _supposed_ to be indecipherable.

It was all _supposed_ to have been different.

The lack of control tightened that knot in Neji's chest. The whole situation felt like an inversion of a natural order that he'd had come to rely upon. And now that precious order was wavering dangerously - like his breathing.

_Dammit. _

Neji's long fingers curled against the futon, almost forming a fist until he caught himself and forced them to straighten.

_I 'will' control this. There is a reason I do not lose. This shall be no different. To lose to myself would be pathetic._

"You okay?" Shikamaru shifted.

"Yes," Neji snapped.

_When did I become so transparent?_ He bit back the growl playing in his throat and shuttered his gaze.

"I'm fine," he added, his voice falling quieter.

He never saw Shikamaru's eyes soften.

Outside the storm rolled on, thunderous and turbulent.

* * *

Neji woke long before dawn.

The noise had disturbed him again; the incessant rattle of glass and hammer of rain pulling him from a dreamless sleep. Though his innate chronometer would have woken him either way, his mood could have been lighter. That irritating weight had not dislodged from his chest, but it was bearable. If he shifted his focus, he was certain he could ignore it.

Later, he would find the time to contain and control it.

The storm had passed, but the rain hadn't. It pelted down as strong as hail, thrashing sheets of water against the frail window. Despite the racket, Shikamaru hadn't stirred. Neji glanced from his distorted reflection in the window, to the lump buried beneath several threadbare blankets.

_How on earth can he sleep through this?_

Neji cocked his head, dark hair shifting with the movement as he calmly stepped towards the centre of the small room. The candles had melted into flat piles during the night, their wicks lost in puddles of wax.

Rather than remain idle, Neji slipped into his mud-spattered, blood-stained robe and tugged on his sandals. He made a silent exit from the room. He soon discovered that the "inn" was more of an abandoned shack. The weather-abused cabin had clearly been abandoned for a long time, to have fallen into such an appalling state of disrepair.

There were small signs that others had used it for the same purpose – a last-resort shelter against the elements. Thankfully the place was a one-levelled building, removing the risk of falling through floors. Even so, Neji erred on the side of caution. He stepped carefully, avoiding a rather precarious looking room that appeared burned out – he assumed it had once been a kitchen.

He searched for candles and found a couple of oil lamps instead. At some point during his 'hour or so' of shameful unconsciousness, Shikamaru had taken measures to secure the place, rigging up a few simple but effective traps. Neji tried not to appreciate the care the other teen had taken. He was content with remaining pissed off for a while longer.

After discovering that anything of worth or interest had either been stolen or damaged beyond use, he made his way back towards the appointed bedroom, slipping through the door as silently as he'd exited.

Shikamaru hadn't moved.

Neji made to toe off his left sandal, shifting his weight onto his right foot.

A floorboard creaked softly.

"_Sneaky_…" Shikamaru grunted from beneath the cocoon of blankets.

Neji rolled his eyes in an uncharacteristic display of expression he knew the other teen wouldn't see. Shikamaru could sleep through a hellacious storm, but stir at the faintest creak from a floorboard? Neji stepped over toward the dozing ninja, casting a faint shadow across the lump under the sheets.

"The storm has passed," Neji raised his voice above the clattering glass. "We should head out."

Shikamaru didn't budge or respond. Neji gave a mental countdown. Then his eyes narrowed.

"Get up, Nara."

Nothing.

Neji glanced around. His pale eyes settled on a dented bucket shoved to one side of the room, catching a monotonous fall of droplets that plummeted from a leak in the ceiling.

A slow smirk laced across the Hyūga's lips.

_Childish but perfect._

Turning silently on his bare heel, Neji stepped over to the half-filled bucket. He kept his gaze on Shikamaru. No movement. A sense of pending triumph pushed a sadistic glean into Neji's eyes. Oh, he would enjoy bringing Shikamaru down a few pegs. Mindful of the floorboards, Neji crouched down and gripped the bucket.

With retribution singing in his veins, he stood up.

Then wished he hadn't.

Water and splinters crashed down on him like a shower of ice. He hunched instinctively, freezing on the spot as a choked gasp fled his lips.

The bundle of blankets stirred.

The sharp disarray of a ponytail emerged, followed by the rest of Shikamaru's head. The Nara's sleepy eyes shifted lazily from the bucket clasped in Neji's hands, to the murderous glare on Neji's face, and then to the barely discernable glint of wire rigged from the bucket to a trap above Neji's head.

"Yeah…real sneaky…"

Neji's glare turned glacial. But it was hard to look intimidating in his present state. Shikamaru simply yawned, shrugged, then burrowed back under the blankets with a groan.

"Ugh. Wake me when it stops raining."

Neji continued to glare. The dark hair which framed his face was plastered like a wet slap to the hollows of his cheeks, his long jet lashes pricked with crystalline droplets. His clothes dripped in tandem with the leak.

Finally, a muscle twitched in Neji's jaw.

He drew a breath and oh-so-calmly straightened. Then he stepped gracefully out of the cold puddle at his feet, turned a degree to his left – and violently lugged the bucket and its contents at Shikamaru…only to find another wire rigged to the handle, which jolted another strategically grooved beam, which swung down to belch more icy contents over the already soaked-through Hyūga.

After the loud splash there was utter silence, except for the rattling window.

The traitorous bucket bounced comically on the rigged string, appearing to float mid-air. It sloshed water out at Neji's feet in a gurgle, adding to the fresh puddle spreading out across the floor a very safe and very calculated distance away from Shikamaru.

The bundle of blankets began to shake. And not in fear.

Neji's eye twitched. Although he tried to ignore it, he could hear Shikamaru's soft, muffled laughter filtering through.

For some reason, it didn't offend him as much as he wished it would.

* * *

"Oi! You!" The abrasive screech of Naruto's voice sent birds into flight.

Shikamaru buried his face into his palm with a groan. "What a moron."

Neji paused abruptly beside him, glancing upward in the direction of Uzumaki's voice.

"Heeey!" Naruto's roar ricocheted again around the clearing.

Shikamaru sighed. So much for the team keeping a low profile in his absence. As if Naruto's yelling wasn't troublesome enough, Lee suddenly decided to burst from the undergrowth like some deranged animal, went to spear-tackle Neji – completely missed – and hit Shikamaru instead.

"Hey!" Staggering into a bush, Shikamaru shoved the green-clad teenager off him with a harassed growl. "Seriously, where the hell do you and Naruto get the energy?"

He watched Lee blink owlishly before the thick-browed ninja grabbed Shikamaru's wrist and tugged him free from the bush far too enthusiastically.

"My sincere apologies, Shikamaru-kun!"

"Ugh. Whatever." Shikamaru shook his head, brushing himself off.

"Neji-kun!" Lee twirled toward the unruffled Hyūga with a thumbs-up. "It is good to see that your most excellent reflexes are as sharp as ever!"

"Yeah, what happened to _yours?_" Shikamaru muttered, slightly winded. Seriously, where _did_ Lee and Naruto get the energy?

Lee laughed sheepishly. "I shall have to move faster!"

"Well if Naruto hadn't screeched like a banshee," Neji said, glancing skyward toward the orange flash leaping across the canopy, "you may have surprised me."

Neji offered a faint smile. Lee returned it with a grin, leaving Shikamaru to wonder whether this was Neji's strange way of extending the hand of peace to his teammate. He doubted either would discuss the other night. As it was, Shikamaru and Neji hadn't spoken a word of what had transpired between _them_.

_It's better that way. For now, anyway._

"HEY!" Naruto screeched, landing in a crouch beside Shikamaru. "Shikamaru!"

Shikamaru winced at the volume. "Quit shouting already."

"Where they hell _were_ you two?" Naruto shouted. "I had shadow clones running all over the place!"

"Man, do you ever shut up?" Shikamaru rubbed at his nape, stepping over to the fire that Tenten was crouched beside. "I'll fill you in as we eat."

And he did.

By fabricating a convincing lie, which Neji supported with the occasional tilt of his head or an affirming hum between bites. Lee and Tenten listened as if spellbound, with Naruto occasionally interrupting.

"A diversionary tactic, huh?" Naruto frowned.

"Wow, Neji, that was pretty quick thinking," Tenten praised, her chin propped in her palm.

Neji avoided her eyes, humming quietly until Lee's camaraderie-like clap on the back almost caused him to choke.

Shikamaru tried not to laugh.

"An excellent plan, Neji-kun!" Lee commended as Neji straightened up again. "To make our enemy believe we our fellowship was divided! Presenting yourself as bait!"

"Yeah well, excellent plan or not…" Naruto shook his head, speaking around a mouthful of rice, "it would be nice if you filled us in next time, you know? Or gave us a head's up."

"It was spur-of-the-moment thinking, Naruto!" Tenten frowned, immediately coming to Neji's defence. "Just ask Shikamaru. It was a good tactic."

Shikamaru quietly glanced at Neji. The long-haired ninja remained focused on the food parcels he'd been dissecting for the past few minutes.

"Yeah." Shikamaru shrugged.

"So who the heck _was_ the guy you fought anyway? He must have been pretty nasty if he got close enough to do that!" Naruto stabbed his chopsticks toward Neji's torn and red-stained robes.

"Yeah, are you okay?" Tenten frowned, reaching to touch the lacerated fabric.

Neji's jaw tightened. Only Shikamaru noticed.

"The guy's history now," Shikamaru interrupted, redirecting the group's attention and allowing for Neji to lean away from Tenten's hand. "Your toad oil helped with that, Naruto. Thanks."

"No problem!" Naruto grinned, his smile brightening up the previous shadow of suspicion on his face. He jerked a thumb over his shoulder towards his ninja bag. "Pervy Sage gave me a whole damn supply."

"Naruto, you really need to stop calling him that you know," Tenten began, swivelling on the spot to face the blond. "Tsunade-sama told you to start showing a little more respect to—"

"Oh give me a break, if you knew just how much of a pervert that old man was, you wouldn't be worrying about what Grandma Tsunade says I should be callin' him."

Shikamaru detected the beginnings of a heated debate and under the pretext of finding something better to do than listen to it, slipped from the circle to gather his things.

Neji was already moving to help Lee clear up the campsite. Rolling up the canvas for the tent, Lee updated Shikamaru on the outcome of the continued mission that he, Naruto and Tenten had completed. It turned out the Akatsuki impersonator they were tracking had more bark than bite, relying on a couple of mercenaries to do most of his fighting. It hadn't saved him.

"It seems that he merely wanted fame by association," Lee informed, bouncing back to his feet. "To strike fear into the hearts of his enemies, without the ability or the mettle to back it up when put to the test!" He struck an unnecessarily dramatic pose to illustrate his point. "A coward and a fraud!"

Shikamaru hummed distractedly. "Right. You guys have him secure?"

Lee nodded sharply and pointed across the clearing. Shikamaru flicked his eyes to the indicated spot. Their captive was securely bound by the base of a tree. To Shikamaru's surprise, the appointed guard for their prisoner was none other than the Hokage's pet pig, Tonton.

"What's the pig doing here?" Shikamaru frowned, swatting Lee's hand away from his mouth when the other ninja attempted to silence him.

"Ssh! Do not call her that!" Lee whispered. "She may hear you. Her name is Tonton."

"What's the pig doing here?" Neji asked, moving to stand beside Lee.

"Careful, she might hear you," Shikamaru muttered dryly. He ignored Neji's perplexed glance and turned his attention to Lee. "So, what _is_ she doing here?"

"Tsunade-sama sent her as an envoy." Lee almost clicked his heels, his voice raising as he relayed the message. "The Hokage has summoned us back to Konoha. It would appear that she is in need of your services, Shikamaru!"

"That sounds kinda gross," Naruto laughed, earning himself a solid smack from Tenten. "Hey! Not my fault he's gonna service Grandma Tsunade!"

"Oh grow up, Naruto!" she scowled. "You're such a pig!"

Shikamaru heard Tonton squeal at the insult.

"Do not insult Tonton, Tenten." Lee wagged a finger.

"Hey! How about not insulting _me_?" Naruto gaped.

"_Anyway_…" Shikamaru groaned. He pinched the bridge of his nose, blowing out his cheeks with a sigh. "This probably involves more boring talks about defence strategies, huh?"

Lee nodded. "That is right. The Hokage trusts your judgement."

_Figures. What a drag…_

"I assume we'll be bringing this imposter with us." Neji inclined his chin toward the prisoner, his melodious tones falling quietly. "It would be wise to let Ibiki interrogate him, just to ascertain whether he knows more than he's letting on."

"Sounds like a plan." Shikamaru straightened up, slinging his pack over his shoulder. "Let's move out."

Neji nodded and moved to retrieve his own bag. Shikamaru watched him for a long moment before glancing toward the bound captive.

"Okay. Naruto can carry the prisoner."

"What!" The blond wailed. "Why me!"

Shikamaru smirked.

Naruto scowled.

Lee almost volunteered himself with an ecstatic "pick me!" but Shikamaru was already two steps ahead.

_Man, three years and its like they never grew up._

Shikamaru held up a set of tokens between his fingers, waving them around. "Well, I was gonna bet my 'all-you-can-eat' Ichiraku Ramen coupons that you couldn't make it back without dropping him, Naruto."

Naruto's wide eyes locked onto the coupons, his voice a reverent whisper. "_All-you-can-eat_?"

Shikamaru shrugged, swaying his hand towards Lee. Naruto's gaze followed the tokens like a dog with a treat.

"But if you don't want them, I'll give them to Lee," Shikamaru drawled with practiced disinterest. "I know he's always up for a challenge."

"On my honour I am!" Lee thumped a fist to his chest, vibrating with a non-infectious enthusiasm. It made Shikamaru tired just watching him.

"No way!" Naruto practically raced the green-clad ninja to the prisoner.

_Great. Hassle diverted._

"Those coupons have expired," Neji noted, arching a brow as his pastel eyes shifted from the coupons to Shikamaru's face.

Shikamaru slipped the coupons away. "Yeah, but they don't need to know that."

Neji scoffed softly then moved away. Shikamaru watched him through his lashes, his attention shifting only when Tenten sidled up to him with a chuckle.

"Shikamaru you rat," she laughed. "Playing them off each other like that, it's almost cruel."

"Hey, _I'm_ sure as hell not gonna do it and Neji is the group's eyes." Shikamaru gave a trademark shrug, his voice half-teasing. "And I couldn't ask the _girl_ to carry the bad guy. That'd be really cruel of me."

"What! You think I can't?" Tenten jammed her hands at her hips, leaping to the defence of her gender before stomping off after Lee and Naruto.

_Worked like a charm._

Left with a moment's quiet, Shikamaru cast a cursory glance around the clearing. A quick scan confirmed that any noticeable traces of their presence had been erased. Satisfied, he hefted another pack over his shoulder and turned toward his arguing teammates. The trio were engaged in a heated debate over who would carry their unconscious cargo, which Tsunade's pig seemed more than happy to abandon.

Tonton trotted over to Shikamaru, oinking something that was probably supposed to make sense before turning to lead the way.

"Uh, right." Shikamaru managed a bemused smile. "Alright, let's get moving!"

"_Hands off!_" Naruto screeched, his voice raising several decibels as Lee attempted to 'steal' the prisoner. "I'm carryin' this clown!"

"Hey!" Shikamaru tipped his head toward the trotting Tonton. "Come on, we don't have all day."

As the group began to mobilise, Shikamaru felt a brush against his shoulder. He hummed in question and turned his head.

Neji's hand dropped away. "Shikamaru…"

"Yeah?"

The Hyūga met his gaze and held it. "What happened before. We leave it here behind us. Where it belongs."

Shikamaru returned the look calmly. "I hear you."

_And I can see through you too. _

Though he didn't speak these words aloud, for some reason he sensed that Neji heard them. A silent communication passed between them. It wasn't cryptic, but it wasn't completely clear either. Something strange played behind Neji's straight-faced mask. Before Shikamaru could decipher what it was, the Hyūga's expression hardened back to stone, just as Naruto's voice barked across the clearing.

"Hey Shikamaru! Hurry it up! Apparently we don't have all day!"

"Yeah, alright!" the shadow-nin called over his shoulder.

When he turned back, Neji was already walking away.

* * *

**TBC…**

**A/N: THANK YOU SO MUCH REVIEWERS**! I hope you guys enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. A bit of light-hearted interaction thrown in there to balance out the pending angst. Hope it worked. **Liked it? Hated it?** I'd **love** to know your thoughts! _Please share them_! Many thanks once again!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Four**

Shikamaru had never stopped wishing he was a cloud.

Despite having come so far, in light of all his achievements, that selfish little part of him still entertained the dream of living a less troublesome life. However, people had unshakeable faith in him and despite moments like this - when he wished they didn't - he knew that it was a good thing. That it _said_ something. His life had meaning and direction. Despite the hassle, at least he could say that he didn't feel empty.

For some reason, his thoughts turned toward Neji. A red zone he'd told himself he wouldn't let his mind stray into.

_Not my business. Not my problem._

Shikamaru sighed and tucked an arm under his head. He swung a long leg over the side of the hammock he lay in, coaxing it into a sway. Gazing up, he studied the thin wisps of cloud curled like whipped cream against the late afternoon sky.

_Yep. Floating on by…that's what I wanted…_

His dark eyes shuttered slightly, his mind easing from its restless churn, lulled by the gentle rock of the hammock. He felt himself drifting off.

Then the sway of the hammock stopped.

He cracked an eye open.

"Hey sleepyhead!" Ino grinned down at him with a saccharine smile that indicated she wanted something.

"Troublesome woman," Shikamaru muttered, closing his eyes again.

"Aaw, don't be like that. Feel like helping a girl out?"

"Not really."

"Shikamaru!" Ino whined, smacking his dangling leg hard enough to jolt him.

"Go away. I've done my time for today. The Godaime just chewed me up and spat me out. Besides…" He waved her off, not opening his eyes. "I'm busy."

"Pfft! Yeah right, busy taking a nap!"

"It's hard work when I keep getting interrupted."

"_Shikamarruuuuu_."

"Man, what a drag…" He sighed out a half-hearted growl. "This had better be good, Ino…"

"At'a boy, Shikamaru! It's a matter of life or death." Ino settled herself awkwardly onto the hammock, almost causing it to dip and deposit both of them on the ground.

Thankfully Shikamaru kicked his leg out for balance, slipping his eyes open to glare at her half-heartedly. "Sure it is."

Ino smiled that too-sweet smile. "Aaw c'mon. Help a buddy out won't you?"

_Yeah, 'cause last time I tried to do that, it was such a success…_

"Are you even listening to me?" Ino scowled.

"Yeah, yeah, life or death – what is it already?"

"_Well_," Ino drew the word out slowly. "I was wondering if I could have a chat with your mom."

Shikamaru stared at her intently. It was only when the silence grew uncomfortable that Ino frowned, huffing indignantly.

"What!" she snapped.

Shikamaru blinked slowly. "Just looking for the kunai that someone should be holding to your throat."

"Shikamaru quit being annoying!"

"Then quit acting crazy, why the hell would you wanna talk to my mother? _Voluntarily_."

"You're such a bad son!" Ino rolled her eyes, grinning straight after in that mercurial way that made Shikamaru almost nervous. "It's about medicine!"

Shikamaru's eyes automatically looked her over for injury. "Medicine for brain damage?"

"Ass!" She smacked him again before elaborating. "Medicine for research. You know how I want to learn to be a medic-nin too, right? Well, rather than _degrade_ myself by going through billboard-brow to get Tsunade-sama's attention, I thought I'd take the initiative!"

Shikamaru arched a brow. "By talking to my ma?"

"Duh! Your clan have extensive knowledge about medicine. I figured that educating myself a little will earn me some points! Who better to ask about that than your mom?"

"_Anyone_ else."

"Shikamaru!"

"Well how about Shizune?"

"She's busy. Besides, I want to do this _my_ way, without it getting back to Sakura."

"Right…" Shikamaru glanced over her shoulder, his eyes studying the sky as he pretended not to admire her determination.

_Way too much effort if you ask me._

"So what do you think?"

"Sure, whatever…" He shrugged, kicking the hammock back into a swing. "I'll tell her you wanna drop by."

"Awesome!" Ino grinned, twisting around on the swaying hammock to follow Shikamaru's gaze skyward. "Still watching your clouds, huh?"

"Yeah," Shikamaru smirked. "When I'm not getting interrupted, hit by crazy girls, pushed into meetings or kicked into missions."

"Oh come on! You know you're happy to help _me_ out!"

"I can barely contain myself…" he drawled.

Ino snickered. "Besides, I'll tell your mom nice stuff about you so she gives you a break."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "Right, good luck with that."

Ino smiled before glancing back down at him. "Oh hey, have you seen Neji around?"

That got his attention; though to look at him, he appeared no more interested than he had a moment ago.

"No." He arched a brow. "Why?"

"I was thinking about asking him for some help with my medic training too."

"Oh yeah?" Shikamaru draped his arm across his stomach, his other still curled behind his head.

"Yup. Hyūga insight into the chakra network and the way it affects the body and organs will definitely be worth learning more about. Plus, he's got awesome chakra control."

"Hn." Shikamaru couldn't stop a wry smirk. "Yeah, he's controlled alright."

"Plus, I thought he could teach me some meditation."

"Thought you had that stuff down," Shikamaru let his gaze trace the clouds, but his mind was drifting into that red zone again.

"Yeah, I'm pretty good at it already. I have to be to do the mind transference jutsu." Ino swung her legs lazily, launching into a ramble.

Shikamaru frowned, lost in his own thoughts.

_The Hokage said Neji was heading a mission today. A-rank too. He'd better have his shit together…_

With Ino's voice lost in the background, Shikamaru realised he wasn't listening and quickly attempted to tune back into what she was saying.

"— so you see, it wouldn't hurt for me to get some pointers."

Shikamaru hummed. "Yeah…"

"You have to be really centred to be a medical-nin, especially in a crisis and Neji is _always_ focused. Last thing I wanna do is freak out or panic."

_Man, this is just way too ironic…_

Shikamaru yelped as a solid punch almost gave him a dead leg. "What the hell, Ino!"

"You're zoning out on me!"

"Man, settle down. I heard you. Chakra control, calm and centred and no freaking out. Can I catch a nap now?"

Ino attempted to scowl but ended up smiling. It was a different kind of smile that made Shikamaru nervous for entirely different reasons than her 'wanna-help-me-out' grins.

_Oh no. _

"How've you been anyway, Shikamaru?"

"Harassed," he said flatly.

"I'm serious!"

_So am I. _

He shrugged with a smile. Ino tilted her head, apparently not satisfied.

"Me and Chōji haven't seen you lately, what with all the divided missions."

Shikamaru swung his leg lazily to rock the hammock again. "Yeah well, tell that to the Hokage, she's the slave driver."

"Apparently _you _are. Or so Naruto says – oh, by the way, Kiba thinks you've taken up drugs."

"_What_?" Shikamaru snorted, caught between a laugh and a frown.

"Okay, not drugs." Ino chuckled, eyeing him closely. "But smoking. Kiba said Akamaru smelt it on you."

"And you believed it?" Shikamaru blinked lazily, though his mind carefully catalogued the information. "That's total crap. I haven't even seen Kiba or Akamaru."

Ino offered a sheepish smile. "Well okay, technically it was Tonton who told Akamaru."

"The pig can talk to the dog, huh?" Shikamaru shook his head. "Figures."

Ino snickered before her expression turned semi-serious. "Hey, that's not true though right? You know Asuma would kick your ass if he found out about it. Not to mention what _I'd_ do to you."

"Thanks for the concern, _mom_."

"Well?" Ino pressed, frowning.

"You know I hate that stuff. And it's not like I can be bothered to take up another bad habit," Shikamaru lied, quirking his lip. "Don't be stupid."

"Good! I didn't think you were that dumb." Ino grinned, clapping him on the leg as she stood up. "Right, if you see Neji around, tell him I'm looking for him, yeah?"

_Like that's gonna happen anytime soon._

"Yeah, sure." Shikamaru gave a lazy salute before dropping his arm back across his stomach. He watched the blonde disappear then raised his eyes back to the sky, trying to push the white-eyed ninja from his mind.

_Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem…_

Wisps of cloud had begun to cluster slightly, drifting into a thicker fleece-like formation.

Shikamaru sighed.

The weather was going to turn.

* * *

"_Rotation_!" Neji pivoted smoothly on his heel, spinning into a graceful pirouette that deflected the lethal rain of shuriken and kunai.

The projectiles ricocheted off his chakra sphere, lodging into trees and enemies. Beyond the spinning dome, Lee and Tenten launched their respective attacks, breaking up the pockets of enemies trying to regroup.

Neji swirled to a stop as the last weapon skittered off his defence. He leapt neatly from the crater formed by his jutsu, landing in a crouch. His sharp eyes scanned the clearing.

_Three behind. Two above._

He feigned a lunge to his right and kicked off his foot to launch left, avoiding the shuriken that whizzed past. He countered the attack with a whip of his wrist, drawing three kunai between his knuckles. He let them fly into the canopies and a pained grunt confirmed a hit. Before he could twist to kick off a low bough, Tenten had already launched a hail of projectiles at the other enemy.

"I'm on it! Get the scrolls!" she called, twirling into a punch. The pin-cushioned man plummeted.

Neji straightened up on the bough.

_Two down. Three to go. _

His pale eyes locked onto the cargo their enemy was defending – a slender scroll case currently in the possession of a young woman firing arrows from an arm-fitted crossbow. One of the girl's comrades remained beside her, his blade slicing towards Lee without success.

_Strange. They appear no more skilled than average thugs. Why is this mission classed as A-rank?_

Neji flicked his eyes back to the girl, frowning slightly. There was something odd about her chakra. He couldn't quite pin it. He turned his head as Lee's high-pitched yell cut across the short distance.

"Leaf hurricane!" the green-clad ninja roared, caving the swordsman's chest with a kick that sent the opponent crashing through the forest.

The woman hissed a curse, spun on her heel and ran.

_Damn!_

Neji barely had time to turn his head before his body moved on instinct, his Byakugan picking up an attack with precognitive ease. A blade lanced into the trunk of the tree – a scant inch from where his face had been. It brought the enemy into range, allowing for Neji to push forward and jab his fingers in rapid processions, rupturing the chakra pathways.

He didn't wait to see the results and ducked under the collapsing man, his attention already shifting onto the girl as his vision stretched beyond the range of the fight. Again he sensed an odd flutter in her chakra signature; faint and inconsistent.

_What is that?_

Neji twisted as a man came to the woman's defence. He deflected a hit with the side of his palm, his other hand ramming a gentle-fist jab straight into his opponent's chest. Avoiding the spray of blood from the man's mouth, Neji kicked the finished enemy aside and sprang into a run.

"Lee! Tenten!" he let his voice direct his teammates, not slowing to explain. The Byakugan led him in a beeline, hot on the heels of the fleeing girl.

_She has nowhere to go. This fight is over._

Springing high, he avoided a trip-wire, throwing a kunai to mark the spot for Lee and Tenten before pressing on. He tilted his head as an arrow from the girl's crossbow zoomed past, skittering off a branch.

_Time to end this._

He swung high and dropped down in front of her, forcing her to backpedal. She drew a scythe-like blade from a sheath at her hip.

"Out of my way!" she growled, with surprising courage given her situation.

Neji kept his palm up, poised and waiting. "Hand over the scrolls and we won't have to do this."

"Not on your life," she snarled, but there was fear in her eyes. Neji placed her at no more than sixteen.

_Why is her chakra balance so erratic? _

He frowned, but didn't have time to assess her network before she came at him. There was some skill to her motions, but barely enough to save her. Neji avoided the swings with embarrassing ease, pushing frustration into her attacks. She obviously had little experience with close-quarter battle, her strength being long-range attacks.

Neji kept his attention on the openings she created, looking for a quick way to disable without killing. That is until she threw the blade at him, hilt over tip, jumped back and made to form a hand sign.

_What? Ninjutsu?_

Her chakra flared a little, an odd pulse fluttering around her sacral area. A possible yin-seal? Such storage of chakra would explain the A-rank nature of the mission. Neji scowled, angry at the thought that he'd been lulled into a false sense of security.

_I have to end this fast!_

She never got a chance to finish the hand-seals before his fingers struck her in the shoulder, causing her arm to jerk and spasm.

"I'll take you with me!" she screamed, twisting her other hand she lodged the crossbow between them and made to fire a bolt straight into Neji's heart – but his fingers were already poised above her own.

He jabbed a hit straight at her chest.

A choked cough spluttered from her mouth and he knocked her arm aside as she pitched forward onto her side. The scroll case dropped from her bag. Neji deactivated the Byakugan and kicked aside the case, making sure it wasn't rigged before retrieving it. Then he crouched to roll the girl onto her back, his brow knitting at the realisation that this defeat had almost been too easy.

"You left me no choice," he said quietly.

The girl stared up at him, the life fading from her grey eyes, curses trickling from her mouth as she shakily pressed a hand over her stomach. Neji frowned, unwilling to take a chance that she might be initiating something.

"Byakugan!" He activated the dōjutsu, allowing his focus to fall to her chakra network.

To his surprise, it was riddled with disease. Some strange, sapping sickness. His brow furrowed sharply as he traced the flood of faded chakra to the strange fluctuation he had sensed earlier.

His gaze fell to where her hand lay above her stomach.

Neji felt his breath seize.

"Gone…now…either way…" the girl muttered to herself, coughing up a blood bubble.

Neji didn't hear her, his pale-eyes wide in shock as he identified a faint and barely discernable pulse of chakra. Weak but struggling – like the fighting flutter of a caged bird. The thought caused a painful jolt in his chest.

_No…no…_

"No…" he shook his head, knocking her hand aside and pressing his palm to her stomach, his eyes wide and slightly frantic. "No!"

The girl smiled grimly, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. "Never…wanted it…"

"No, no…" Neji shook his head, his teeth grit, his touch pressed as if he could push life into the fading light beneath his palm. But he couldn't.

_No. no. no…_

He didn't hear Tenten call his name, or hear Lee's echo of her call. "Neji!"

_No…no…no…_

"Neji what are you…?" Tenten's voice faltered. "Neji…?"

"How did I…not see…? How…" Neji rasped, not taking his eyes off that pulse growing dimmer, dimmer – desperately fighting.

_NO! Please no._

"Neji…" Tenten and Lee hovered behind him, confused and concerned.

Neji felt the dying girl grip his hand, her fingers like ice.

"_Never…wanted…it…_" she whispered.

Neji shook his head, his lips parting around words that wouldn't come. He dared not flick his eyes away from where his attention was focused, desperately trying to search his mind for some way to fix it.

_THINK!_

"Neji…" Lee's hand touched his shoulder just as the woman's fingers slacked on his hand.

Her rattling breath ceased as her last tear slipped away. She died, quietly and without a struggle - unlike the life Neji could still feel, still _see, _slipping away.

_Hold on. Please…just hold on…_

A few heartbeats later, the pulse faded.

Gone.

Neji stared for a long moment, his mind paralysed. He could hear voices, vaguely aware that Tenten was crouched beside him.

"Neji, _please_ say something…"

Neji finally raised his gaze. Not to Tenten, but to the enemy's lifeless eyes still wet with tears. Glazed. Gone.

His voice was a bare murmur in the morbidly still forest.

"She was pregnant."

* * *

Rain pelted down, spattering nosily against the slick footpath leading to the Hokage's Residence. Shikamaru lengthened his strides, having expected the rain, but not the summons to yet another meeting. As far as he was concerned, the rain was less of a hassle than the thought of yet another tedious consultation with the elders.

The troublesome affair had taken him away from a Shogi game with Asuma, which he had already strategized as an inevitable win.

_First Ino, now this…ugh…women…_

He understood the necessity of his input – but it didn't require his enthusiasm. Asuma had laughed when none other than the damned _pig_ had delivered the summons. Shikamaru shook his head, wishing he'd seen the humour in it rather than the trouble. Flicking his gaze ahead he watched Tonton trot along, her hoofs slipping a little on the wet cobbles. An enthusiastic oink came from the small animal as they reached the entrance.

"Great," Shikamaru sighed, shaking his head and earning himself a suspiciously unimpressed look from the pig. "Yeah, yeah, alright."

He followed Tonton into the residence, well aware that they were late. He brushed droplets from his flak jacket, having been forced to forfeit an umbrella thanks to Asuma 'borrowing' it. Quickening his steps without appearing to hurry, he paused outside the Hokage's room, his brow furrowing at the sound of voices.

_Did they already start? Great…_

He cocked his head close to the door and was surprised to hear Lee's voice just about filtering through the thick wood. Arching a brow, Shikamaru drew back just as the doors opened, allowing Gai to slip through. The bushy-browed sensei gave Shikamaru a tight smile and a thumb's up before heading down along the hallway, his steps less bouncy than normal.

_Weird. What's up with him?_

Shikamaru slipped into the room before the doors could close, feigning a look of apology when Tsunade's amber eyes shifted over to him. She didn't appear to mind the interruption and waved him over. Shikamaru's attention immediately diverted to the trio standing to one side of the room.

Neji met his gaze across the short distance.

The Hyūga's pale eyes seemed touched by a latent anger only noticeable by the tension drawn across his elegantly carved face. Before Shikamaru could cock his head in question, Neji's gaze flicked back to the burly red-haired man standing before the Hokage.

"One hundred thousand ryō, as agreed," the man announced. He snapped his fingers and on cue, one of his aides stepped forward to supply the money. "Of course, you have my gratitude."

Shikamaru's eyes slid back to Neji, then to the other two teammates. Lee's heavy brows were furrowed low above his dark eyes and Tenten appeared torn between an expression of confusion and disgust.

"With the scrolls back in your possession, I assume we won't have to worry about any wayward activity on behalf of your clan," Tsunade remarked calmly, her chin resting atop her hands as she kept her eyes on the client.

"Absolutely not, Hokage-sama. Like I said, your people took care of our problem and I've no doubt that—"

"Why was this mission ranked as A-class?" Neji's voice cut across the client's, low and slightly hostile.

Shikamaru frowned, glancing between the client and Tsunade. The man barely deigned Neji with a glance and instead directed his answer to Tsunade.

"I already clarified the risks that may be presented."

Tsunade didn't have time to respond before Neji beat her to it.

"The team we tracked, intercepted and eliminated were classed as A-rank criminals," Neji continued, his voice retaining unerring and deceptive calm. "However, their abilities were hardly up to par."

"So?" The client growled.

Neji's voice dropped a notch. "So either your clan has an appalling lack of skill, or you simply wanted a team of inexperienced minors wiped out."

"Neji," Tsunade warned. "Watch it."

Shikamaru glanced between the gathered parties.

_What the hell is going on here? Minors?_

"How dare you." The client turned toward Neji, his jowls quivering at the insult before he flicked his outraged eyes to Tsunade. "What kind of operation are you running here?"

Tsunade arched a brow. "A successful one. You've got your scrolls, haven't you?"

Neji's long fingers curled into a fist at his side. "You misled us to believe these people were an A-rank priority. We used excessive force when it was not necessary."

"Neji, _drop it._" Tsunade ordered, her eyes still on the client.

"Insolent brat," the man snapped at the long-haired Jōnin, his eyes swinging back toward the Hokage. "I will not stand here and be interrogated by the hired-hands. Our arrangement is settled."

Tsunade inclined her head with a hum, her lips pursed tightly. Shikamaru flicked his gaze between Neji and the Hokage, trying to read between the lines. For Neji to show-up a client like this just didn't make sense.

_Great…another mystery…_

Shikamaru watched the hefty man and his aides leave the room, taking none of the tension with them. As soon as the doors slammed shut, Tsunade slid her gaze across to Neji.

"That was way out of line, Hyūga."

"But Ts—" Lee tried to interrupt but was silenced by a glare.

Shikamaru watched Tsunade's eyes narrow with irritation. "Losing face like that isn't something clan lords take lightly. What the _hell_ were you thinking, Neji?"

Neji's jaw twitched, the fist at his side so tight his knuckles had blanched. "That currency might as well be blood-money."

Shikamaru arched his brows at the comment, but Tsunade didn't share his surprise. Her eyes flashed fire as she smacked a fist down, rattling her teacup and sloshing the contents.

"Wake up Hyūga, you're a ninja! Taking lives comes with the job description," she snapped, losing her temper. "If it's not someone else's blood, it's _ours_. We're _not_ in the position right now to bite the hand that feeds, you got that?"

Neji's eyes flickered, but they averted in a show of respect and relent that must have irked him in that moment to display. "Yes, Tsunade-sama."

"Good," Tsunade sighed, rubbing her temple as she curbed her anger. "You're dismissed. Go work it out of your system – whatever the hell it is that's gotten into you."

Neji blinked slowly and inclined his head, turning in tandem with his teammates to make a more controlled exit. Shikamaru's eyes followed him, but if Neji sensed his gaze, he did not return it.

"Shikamaru," Tsunade said.

"Yeah?" He turned his gaze back to the Hokage.

Tsunade slouched back in her chair, her voice oddly subdued, given her stern words a moment ago. "Look, I'm calling it a day. We'll reschedule for tomorrow afternoon – don't be late."

"You got it." He nodded, bowing his head slightly before pivoting to slip from the room.

_No wonder Gai-sensei wanted out of there. Must have sensed something was up with Neji. Can't imagine him biting his tongue through that…_

Shikamaru glanced down along the hallway, stepping aside as Tonton trotted past him. He picked up his pace to a brisk walk, exiting the residence and hovering under the awning as he gazed out at the rain, his attention shifting from the grey skies to the group at the end of the pathway.

Lee stood with a parasol in hand, shielding himself and Tenten from the downpour, while Neji stood defiantly glaring at his old sensei. From a distance, Shikamaru could decipher that the elder was attempting to placate his ex-student. Gai's hands reached out, settling onto the rigid Hyūga's shoulders. He watched Neji take a step back, dipping away from the touch.

_Not good…_

Shikamaru frowned. Even from a distance he could guess the crestfallen expression on Gai's face. He was probably the only sensei who ever openly displayed the depth of emotion invested in the students he'd trained.

_Not my problem…_

Shikamaru tried to drill the words into a mantra. But for some reason he couldn't take his eyes off Neji. Had this been anyone else, he'd have been able to roll his shoulders in a lazy shrug, turn on his heel and walk away, trusting that Gai or the other two teammates could handle it. But clearly they couldn't, because Neji knocked aside Lee's hand reaching for his shoulder, bowed his head respectfully to Gai and then turned smoothly to quit the scene.

To his horror, Shikamaru felt that stupid, troublesome compulsion to follow him.

_No way. Been there. Done that. _

Despite his better judgement and any semblance of sense, he found his feet moving of their own accord again. He was certain that something, at some point, had been knocked loose in his head for him to be dogging Neji's steps like a fool with a death wish.

_Man, what the hell…why am I making this my problem? _

For all his intelligence, he couldn't supply an answer. Or wouldn't. He wasn't sure he wanted to know his deep-seated, more than likely sadistic reasons for behaving this way.

_I gave Ino shit for wanting to talk to my ma, looks like I'm the one who needs their head checked…_

"Why are you following me?"

Shikamaru jerked to a halt, not having realised that Neji had somehow managed to double back on him.

_Shit. Sneaky bastard._

"Tch." Shikamaru turned his head to glance over his shoulder. "Still flattering yourself, Hyūga?"

"Still interfering, Nara?" Neji returned, levelling him with a glare.

Shikamaru smirked and turned lazily on his heel to face the other teenager. Much like himself, Neji was utterly drenched; the Hyūga's hair falling like a sheet of dark glass down his back. The pale robes were saturated, sticking to him much the way they had when Shikamaru had last seen him – soaked and on the verge of a dangerous brink he didn't want to face and kept trying to control.

"Not my problem we were walking in the same direction," Shikamaru lied as he reached out a hand to grip a parasol stuffed in a rack by the side of a stall – all the while thanking whatever Kami seemed to be on his side.

_At least it wasn't the damn porn shop…not that this could be any more awkward than it already is…_

Shikamaru ignored Neji's narrowed eyes as he handed over the necessary payment to the stall-keeper, appearing nonchalant.

"Need some cover?" Shikamaru asked, turning his gaze to Neji as he fanned open the parasol.

Neji arched a brow, clearly sceptical. Shikamaru made a show of not caring, taking his time to idly swing his arm up and grant himself some cover – as if this had been his intention all along.

"Suit yourself." Shikamaru shrugged. "Guess you're acclimatising to cold showers, right?"

He watched Neji's eyes widen slightly, the memory of the rigged traps back at the abandoned inn causing the Hyūga to avert his gaze and clear his throat.

Shikamaru chuckled at his discomfort, shaking his head. "Hey, fancy a game of Shogi?"

_Like that's gonna happen._

Neji's eyes remained averted for a moment, water dripping from his lashes and the sharp edge of his jaw. Shikamaru anticipated a scathing response that never came.

"Alright…" Neji blinked and turned on his heel.

Shikamaru stared for a moment, almost certain that he'd misheard.

Then Neji paused mid-step and glanced over his shoulder. "Well? Are you coming or not?"

Shikamaru just about kept the shock from his face.

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **Hope y'all enjoyed! Yes? No? Another _**massive thanks to Reviewers**_ – you guys give me the momentum to push forward with the story. **I'd love to know your thoughts, as always – MUCH appreciated!** Thank you so much to each and every one of you that kindly takes the time out of reading to leave me a review. Each one means a lot – thank you!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Five**

_Not again._

The soft scuff of footsteps redirected Shikamaru's attention away from the game he and Neji were engrossed in, to the approaching company of an old woman.

"Head's up," Shikamaru warned, his eyes flicking over Neji's shoulder before dropping back to the Shogi board. "Her old lady's brought a menu this time."

Neji tensed. "You can't be serious."

Shikamaru's lip curved as he glanced up again. "Make that her old lady's old lady."

"This is getting ridiculous." Neji scowled, his gaze fixed on the board.

"You're in demand, Hyūga."

"Shut up, Nara."

Shikamaru tried not to smirk. The look on Neji's face was priceless. Since the moment they'd entered the Shogi house, the owner's fair-haired granddaughter hadn't stopped harassing the Hyūga. Her doe-eyed gaze remained fixated on him and as far as she was concerned, she couldn't do enough to make Neji more comfortable.

Neither could her grandmother, apparently.

Neji tried not to look harassed, his expression smoothing into a polite but detached mask as the owner stopped beside him, holding the said menu Shikamaru had mentioned.

"Are you sure I can't get you something, dear? Some tea perhaps?" she practically shoved the menu beneath his nose.

Neji straightened away in his seat, glancing sidelong at her. "No, thank you. You've been very kind already."

Two pots already sat on the table, one still steaming. Shikamaru braced his chin in his palm, elbow propped on the table as he glanced at the troublesome woman. The old lady wouldn't take the hint and leaned in closer to Neji, dropping her voice to a whisper, as if discussing drugs and not tea.

"We have a new brew, you know. It's just in. Very delicate on the palate."

"Honestly, that's very kind, but we're fine, thank you." Neji managed a weak quirk of his lips, attempting to scrape together some vague expression of gratitude that didn't look pained.

"Or perhaps you'd prefer some saké?" The elderly woman patted his shoulder, smoothing out the non-existent creases in the towel she'd retrieved for him. She'd only brought Shikamaru one twenty minutes later as an afterthought.

_Screw this._

"Saké sounds like a good idea," Shikamaru cut in before Neji could decline, smirking at the glare the pale-eyed ninja shot him.

_It's almost worth the damn hassle, just to see that look on his face._

The old lady, sensing someone aiding her cause – or her granddaughter's – deigned Shikamaru with a glance, beaming. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Oh wonderful!" She immediately turned back to Neji. "What would you like, dear?"

Shikamaru arched his brows, cocking his head toward Neji. The Hyūga's eye twitched, his glare still directed at Shikamaru; thankfully the long fall of Neji's bangs shielded his gaze from the woman as she listed off a variety of different brews.

As she droned on, Shikamaru had to wonder at Neji's semi-clueless expression. Surely he was familiar with saké? Though come to think of it, Shikamaru hadn't ever seen the Hyūga drink.

Neji eventually just closed his eyes, looking thoroughly harassed and uninterested. Shikamaru, despite his initial amusement at the situation, was getting bored pretty fast and decided to save them both the torture.

"Genshu saké would be great," he drawled, ordering the strongest brew off-the-bat, his lips lacing a smirk at the look the woman gave him. "Chilled, not hot. Thanks."

Neji didn't seem to care or catch onto the strong order, his eyes only slipping open when he realised the old lady wasn't nattering aloud or patting his shoulder anymore. She bowed politely and moved to retrieve the saké.

"You're paying," Shikamaru announced, his fingers dropping a Shogi piece across the board.

"We're underage."

"She doesn't seem to think so. And you're still paying."

"I don't drink." Neji tugged the red towel off his shoulders, squeezing out the ends of his dark mane into the damp cloth before dropping it to the side of the bench.

"Yeah? That's too bad, 'cause in situations like this I sure as hell do_._" Shikamaru's dark eyes scanned the board lazily before flicking up to Neji's unimpressed glare.

"Another one of your bad habits, Nara? Perhaps you'd like a cigarette as well."

Shikamaru straightened a little at that, only to slouch with a lazy shrug. _"_Look, unless you're gonna get down on one knee and propose to her granddaughter, I don't see any way of surviving this, or coming out of it sane, other than through complete intoxication."

Neji's brow furrowed at the lack of congruency. "Sanity through intoxication? That makes absolutely no sense, Shikamaru."

"There's a method to the madness, Hyūga, trust me."

Neji scoffed quietly, reaching to curl his fingers around his teacup without raising it to his lips. "We could always just leave."

"Not a chance. I already had to quit mid-game earlier. No way in hell that's happening again – especially when I've got you just where I want you." He only realised how wrong that sounded when it came out.

_Great…and I haven't even started drinking yet._

Neji pursed his lips but didn't respond; instead, he moved to slide a piece across the board. A smooth evasion that Shikamaru had already predicted, but it kept Neji in the game.

"Nice move." Shikamaru braced the heel of his foot on the bench, draping his arm across his knee as he studied the layout. "So, what was all that about earlier?"

He sensed Neji's fingers curl tighter around the teacup before releasing it. "Nothing."

"Didn't seem like nothing." Shikamaru's fingers slid across the board, his attention perfectly divided between Neji and the game. "Mission got ugly?"

Neji was watching him closely; he could feel the weight of those ghostly irises without having to raise his eyes. After assessing his position on the board, he finally flicked his focus up, settling their gazes.

Neji, to his credit, didn't avert his eyes.

Without breaking their gazes, Shikamaru reached to lift a playing piece, setting it down and capturing one of Neji's pieces. Having compromised the Hyūga's defence in more ways than one, he arched a brow.

"Your move."

Neji eyes flickered briefly, that odd look playing behind his mask before his attention was redirected to the sudden presence by his side. Neji almost jolted as the old lady leaned down with a bright smile, sliding two flat, box-like cups onto the table. She took up the ceramic flask and filled the _masu_ cups.

"Is there anything else I can get you?"

"No, thank you." Neji shook his head.

To the Hyūga's barely concealed frustration, the old lady didn't leave. Instead she gestured to the cups, waiting for Neji to sample the saké.

Shikamaru smirked, reaching for his cup with a deceptively unbothered expression.

_Oh man, this is so bad it's good._

Neji closed his eyes for a moment – probably pleading for patience – then he stretched out his pale hand, lifted the _masu _cup and took a sip of the saké. Shikamaru almost held his breath, glancing up through his lashes as he pretended to focus on the board. He watched the tendons in Neji's throat tighten for a few seconds before he finally swallowed.

The old lady's eyes crinkled with delight as the pale-eyed ninja turned his head a bit and offered her a tight-lipped smile.

"It's very good," Neji croaked.

"Wonderful! I shall keep another to the side, dear," she promised, taking her leave to go and secure another flask.

The moment she passed out of sight, Neji put the cup down and slid it away with two rigid fingers, his expression twisting with disgust. "That is absolutely vile."

Shikamaru laughed softly. "Great, you're gonna break her granddaughter's heart."

Neji reached for his tea to wash down the burn in the back of his throat. "What the hell did you order? Toad oil?"

Shikamaru knocked back his own drink with barely a grimace. "Blame my old man. I was impressionable as a kid."

Neji took another sip of his tea, shaking his head with a snort that only a Hyūga could make sound elegant and succinctly condescending.

"I highly doubt it." He slid a piece across the board with his free hand. "You're the least impressionable person I know, Shikamaru."

"Is that a compliment?" Shikamaru captured another of Neji's Shogi pieces. "Colour me surprised."

"Take it any way you want, I refuse to drink this."

"Whatever," Shikamaru shrugged, refilling his cup. "I'm guessing this "I don't drink" rule is just a control thing."

Neji's lips tightened before he seemed to catch himself from reacting. "Why do you feel the need to drink at all?"

"Helps me relax – you should try it." He smirked.

"If you were any more relaxed, Nara, you'd be dead."

"Probably." Shikamaru shrugged, enjoying the banter. He lazily reached for the flask again. "Just think I should warn you though—"

"I'm already aware that I am paying for this," Neji growled, frowning at the Shogi board and his apprehended pieces.

"No, I mean, warn you that your admirer is bringing another flask."

"Wonderful," Neji groaned.

"Yeah and her kid sister too." Shikamaru twisted his lips to keep from smirking at the smitten expression on the younger girl's face. "Well great, looks like you got yourself another fangirl."

He watched Neji freeze as if he had a kunai to his throat. "You're not joking, are you?"

Shikamaru snickered. "Well have fun being sober and uptight. I'm checking out." He raised the flask to mockingly toast his words. "To sanity."

Before he could replenish his drink, Neji scowled, snatched the flask, re-filled his rejected _masu _cup with the 'vile' contents and wasted no time in downing the saké.

"Ugh." Neji shook his head sharply, coughed, blinked back the automatic sting in his eyes and made to refill the cup again. "How fast does this work?"

Shikamaru gaped in utter surprise, before a slow smirk passed across his face, his voice lilting with amusement. "Welcome aboard, Hyūga."

* * *

Two and a half hours later, Shikamaru paid the bill.

As he sipped his last cup of saké, he savoured it less than the look of puzzled indignation on Neji's flushed face. The Hyūga's fingertips were resting on the table, body poised forward in a slant. His opalescent eyes narrowed to slits as he squinted at the playing pieces.

"I lost." Neji stared at the Shogi board as if it were cursed.

"That's right." Shikamaru nodded, setting down his _masu _cup. He was more proud of the fact that he still felt semi-sober. "You lose."

"I never lose," Neji's melodic voice stated with complete conviction. Despite the fact that he'd just lost. Twice.

"Tell it to the board."

Neji frowned and then to Shikamaru's surprise, he laughed softly, the sound tumbling from his lips. "I _lost_."

"Yeah." Shikamaru smirked. "Twice."

"I lost twice. Impossible." Neji shook his head, his dark hair swaying with the movement before he raised his head, squinting across at Shikamaru. "Rematch."

Shikamaru tried not to smile, twisting his lips with the effort. "I'm still gonna beat you. Besides, you're too drunk to play."

Neji swayed back in his seat with an indignant snort. "I am not drunk."

"Sure you're not." Shikamaru rolled his eyes with a chuckle. "Anyway, you already paid."

Neji blinked slowly as if taking a moment to process the information. "I already paid. Of course I already paid."

_Not drunk my ass._

Shikamaru smirked as he stretched, lazily pushing to his feet. "Okay, time to get goin'. If you can walk that is."

Neji's expression turned haughty, which made it all the more amusing to watch him grip the table as though his life depended on it.

"Of course I can," Neji slurred slightly, managing to straighten up, though he began to tilt comically despite his latch onto the table. "What the hell is wrong with this table?"

"Man, you look ridiculous." Shikamaru laughed, reaching out a hand to Neji's shoulder to steady him. "It suits you - now come on, let's get you to walk this off before someone sees you."

Neji inched sideways, his wide eyes swinging back to the table. "I haven't paid."

"Yeah you did, come on."

Neji frowned. "I lost."

"Yeah. Twice." Shikamaru snorted, but sobered at the unexpected smile that Neji gave him.

"I never lose…" Neji glanced at the board. "I'm not supposed to…"

Shikamaru wasn't certain how to respond to that. Thankfully Neji saved him the bother by attempting to command a sense of sobriety he clearly didn't have. The long-haired ninja turned toward the exit confidently and then began to gravitate in the wrong direction.

_Yeah, not drunk at all._

"Okay Hyūga." Shikamaru clapped a hand to his shoulder gently and steered him back on course. "It would help if you were goin' the right way."

"I am." Neji was too busy glaring back over his shoulder at the Shogi board.

Shikamaru kept his hand planted firmly, navigating them out of the Shogi house after a promise to the young girl and her grandmother – and the damned kid sister – that he'd make sure his friend got home safe.

"Man, what a drag…" Shikamaru groaned as they stepped out onto the street. "Not playing at this place again."

"I think she liked you," Neji stated, nodding firmly as he stared around the rain-hosed street.

"Yeah, which explains why she was waiting for _you_ to get down on your knee."

"Why would I do that?" Neji's eyes widened comically. "Did I do that?"

"I wish I could be bothered to lie." Shikamaru smirked, attempting to open his parasol with one hand as he maintained his grip on Neji's shoulder. "Stay still."

"I am still perfectly staying. Everything _else_ is moving."

"Right."

Shikamaru struggled with the stupid parasol. A faint drizzle and a light mist hung around the dim streets, the lanterns hanging like floating orbs in the vapour. Trusting that Neji could maintain his balance for a moment, Shikamaru freed his hand to jerk open the parasol, snapping the flimsy wood with an audible crack.

"Oh come on!" Shikamaru scowled, watching the umbrella-end flag. "Ugh. Cheap crap."

Neji laughed softly. "You broke it."

"Yeah, I noticed."

"I think you cheated."

"What?"

"I haven't paid." Neji attempted to turn his head toward the Shogi house and ended up rotating completely. He caught himself with a frown, pressing his hands to his thighs as he bent over slightly. "Gods…I feel strange…"

"No kidding." Shikamaru dumped the broken parasol in a trash can, turning back towards Neji with a touch of concern. "For someone who doesn't drink, I'm surprised you're not crawling on all fours after what you just knocked back."

Neji laughed, his frown vanishing as he straightened up sharply, staggering a little but not falling. "Why would I be crawling on all fours? I'm not an animal."

Shikamaru resisted the urge to smack his palm to his face. "Ugh. I guess I should have seen this coming. Come on, let's get you moving."

"Lee isn't supposed to drink," Neji informed as they began to move down along the sidewalk. "Disaster…when he does..."

"Oh yeah?" Shikamaru entertained the odd statement, keeping his steps in tandem with Neji's.

"Yes…he can't control it."

"Unlike you, right?" Shikamaru couldn't help but tease, his palm touching Neji's back as he began to slant in the wrong direction again. "Hey, easy."

"I always control it." Neji replied, and Shikamaru didn't have to guess that he wasn't referring to the alcohol.

"Yeah, I'll bet you do." Shikamaru directed them across the street, aiming to walk Neji around the grounds of the Nara forest for a bit.

"Gai-sensei doesn't understand…" Neji frowned, his eyes casting about the misty trees coming into view as if searching for something.

"Doesn't understand what?" Shikamaru watched him closely, his hand still resting at Neji's back, palm flat against the sleek hair currently free from the usual tie that secured it.

"I'm not like the others."

Shikamaru mulled over this for a moment as he led them along a grassy trail. Dew streaked an inverted path in their footsteps. Thankfully it had stopped raining.

Drawing close to a dell, he glanced sidelong at the Hyūga.

"Okay, so what _are_ you like then?"

Neji hummed, his wide eyes still scanning around. "Like I've always been…a bird in a cage…"

The words took him back three years and Shikamaru found this response bothered him more than it should have. He immediately sought to keep his mind from sinking into those dangerous waters. He was already in too deep by troubling himself with Neji at all.

_Yep. Definitely need to get my head checked out._

Neji blinked, drawing up short. "Where are we?"

"Relax." Shikamaru released a slow breath, watching it waft away on the evening air. "We're close to my place. Need to sober you up a bit, wouldn't want your uncle to freak out."

"He wouldn't." Neji laughed and shook his head. "It's not dignified. Hyūga's do not 'freak out'."

Shikamaru frowned slightly, surprised at his own irritation. He wasn't in the position to judge Hyūga Hiashi and it wasn't his place to question how the rooster ruled the damned coop. Still, seeing the toll it took to maintain that kind of control just didn't seem worth the effort. Or the damage.

"So he wouldn't be mad if you stumbled home drunk?" Shikamaru asked, hiding none of his amusement.

"He'd be furious." Neji laughed; a rare and mellifluous sound. "It's a good thing that I'm not drunk."

Shikamaru smirked and looked across at the very drunk ninja. His expression softened a little as his eyes traced the high ridge of Neji's cheekbones, flushed from the cold air and the saké.

"Yeah, say it again and I might believe you."

Neji snorted, raised his chin, spun to stab his finger in a sanctimonious gesture, completely lost whatever balance he thought he had, and went down on his ass faster than Shikamaru could move to grip him.

"Shit! Be car—"

Laughter burst from Neji in a flurry, cutting Shikamaru off.

Not for the first time that evening, the shadow-nin found himself shocked. He'd expected an up-in-arms display of frustration or embarrassed confusion. Then he realised that the mix of fresh air with alcohol might have added a kick to Neji's inebriation.

_Well, guess he's really wasted now. Shit._

Neji was still laughing, an arm draped over his stomach as he lay back on the slick grass, his long, dark hair a puddle of tangled ink around him.

Shikamaru shook his head. "Troublesome."

Neji's laughter turned to a hiss of hysterics at this; his usually cool and unruffled manner completely obliterated. And what was so crazy about it – was how Shikamaru couldn't stop staring. Then he realised he was holding his breath.

_Say something, genius._

"Real graceful, Hyūga," Shikamaru muttered, continuing to stare in bemusement at the totally incongruous and dangerously magnetic image the Hyūga struck.

This was so _not_ Neji – and yet there he was, laughing, on the ground, acting more human and relaxed than Shikamaru had ever seen him.

_I don't think I 'have' ever seen him relax…_

The echo of Neji's words about not being human came back to him briefly, causing his brow to furrow. He shook it off and made to offer Neji a hand.

"Alright, you're gonna catch a chill. Let's get you—_hey_!" Shikamaru's words cut off as a solid tug to his wrist sent him sprawling beside Neji, much to the Jōnin's hilarity.

"See…" Neji slumped back, obviously proud with himself. "I'm not drunk."

Shikamaru bit back a laugh. "Fine, whatever, if you get sick it's not my problem."

He twisted around on his knees before flopping onto his back, curling an arm beneath his head. He assessed the environment lazily. The ground was wet, the air too cold and the sky too dark for clouds. But the stars were out now and for some reason all the troublesome discomforts seemed sufferable; because Neji was behaving like a human and not an unapproachable rock.

Shikamaru told himself he was just curious.

There wasn't anything more complicated about it.

He listened to the resonating tumble of Neji's laughter as it rolled on the cool breeze, wafting away in gentle flurries of vapour before he quietened a little.

"I think…" Neji murmured, cocking his head against the ground. "…that I may be a little drunk."

"You don't say…" Shikamaru drawled, glancing out the corner of his eye at the Jōnin.

Neji chuckled, blinking slowly and drawing attention to the dark fan of lashes framing his glazed, silvery eyes. Like the surface of a lake, they seemed to catch the light, and for the first time, a flurry of emotions rippled unchecked across the surface. His guard was down, a least a little.

"So what made you agree to play Shogi?" Shikamaru asked, keeping his tone light, almost semi-bored.

Neji hummed. "I didn't want to go home."

"Why?"

"Lee should _never_ drink…" was Neji's unrelated reply, though Shikamaru sensed he wasn't being evasive, just drunk.

"Because he can't control it, yeah?" Shikamaru drawled.

Neji turned his head, those glazed eyes widening in surprise before narrowing in suspicion. "How did you know?"

Shikamaru attempted to steer the topic back. "You don't wanna go home – why is that again?"

"Training…"

Shikamaru marked the frown on Neji's face and took a sensible guess. "With your uncle?"

Neji nodded.

"So you're shirking your responsibilities?" Shikamaru teased. "Hey, that's my role. Now look at me, being all responsible and crap, making sure you don't fall on your face."

"I have excellent bralance…"

"_Bralance, _huh? What about balance?"

Neji squinted. "What?"

Shikamaru chuckled. "Oh man, you're wasted."

"My uncle would kill me if I was…" Neji raked his fingers back through his hair, almost dislodging his headband.

Shikamaru's attention was drawn to the glint of polished steel and he watched Neji's fingertips trace along it clumsily, marking out that signature curse seal on his forehead.

"Does it hurt?" He asked, feeling safe to bring it up.

"When they use it…"

Shikamaru's lips tightened. "They've used it?"

Neji frowned, his eyes searching the twilight sky. "I hate it…"

Shikamaru hummed, absorbed in thought as he monitored the other ninja quietly. He watched Neji slide his fingers away from the headband, settling his palm against the grass.

"Shikamaru…"

"Mmn?"

"…I think…I might be a little drunk."

"Yeah, it's okay. I know."

Neji shook his head, strands of wet grass brushing across his cheek. "_I'm_ supposed to know…I should have…known before…"

"Known what?" Shikamaru asked, fully aware that this was going to be a disjointed conversation. But at least it was something. He doubted he'd ever get a chance like this again.

_Hell. I've stupidly come this far…might as well go the whole nine yards…_

Neji shook his head again, clenching a fist around delicate strands of grass. "She was pregnant…and it died…"

Shikamaru's eyes rounded.

_What the hell?_

He turned his head, gazing through the bowed blades of grass to watch Neji's expression twist from its earlier lightness into a frown.

"She said it wasn't wanted…so that must be why it happened…"

"Why what happened?" Shikamaru pieced together the words, sensing this had something to do with the mission, but he wanted clarity. "Neji, who are we talkin' about here?"

"I lead the team…I'm supposed to know…"

Shikamaru propped himself up on an elbow, glancing down. "You can't know everything. We do the best we can. It's all we can do."

"Why can't I make this stop?"

"Make what stop?"

Neji closed his eyes, swallowing. "I just need to know…how to control it…"

Shikamaru released a quiet sigh, concern twisting uncomfortably in his gut. His voice fell quietly. "I know you do, Neji…kinda why you're such a pain in the ass…"

Neji blinked slowly, turning his head to meet Shikamaru's gaze. His eyes carried ghosts – something haunted and obscure. A glimpse of what hid beneath the surface of those closed-off and eerie irises. For one selfish moment, Shikamaru almost wished Neji would get angry – that might have been easier to deal with; because the sadness in those eyes was pulling him in.

_Shit…don't go there…_

He managed a weak smile, reaching out a hand to flick grass away from Neji's headband, attempting to look irritated but failing. His thumb brushed Neji's temple slowly.

"Troublesome…" he murmured.

Neji blinked at the touch. "You did this before…"

"Hn?" Shikamaru tilted his head. "Called you troublesome? You are."

"Before." Neji reached up to grip his wrist – surprisingly hard. "When you kissed me."

_Shit. _

Of all the things he could have possibly said. Shikamaru had no retort and no reply, his tongue curled hard behind his teeth. There was just way too much wrapped up in that statement and responding to it would force him to consider and define something he had no intention of exploring. To make it worse, Neji was watching him with an intensity that had Shikamaru wondering if the Jōnin had miraculously sobered up.

_Well talking about this is sure as hell gonna be enough to do it…_

"Why did you do it?" the Hyūga murmured.

Shikamaru blew out a breath and fanned his free fingers through his spiky ponytail, shaking his head awkwardly.

"Damn…you're not gonna give me a break here, are you?" He chuckled, trying to make light of it.

"Then you did it again."

"I thought we agreed not to talk about that."

Neji tilted his head, glancing off to the side. "I remember…saying that."

"Good to know." Shikamaru smiled, dislodging his wrist. "How about we get back to mine, yeah? Get something to sober you up. You're gonna hate me tomorrow."

"I don't hate you."

For some reason this eased something in Shikamaru's mind that he hadn't realised was bothering him.

"Hn. So says the drunken Hyūga, not so sure the sober one would agree." Shikamaru twisted into a crouch, slinging Neji's arm over his shoulder and helping the other ninja to his feet. "Trust me, tomorrow you'll hate me."

Neji frowned at the offered support. "Why was I on the ground?"

"I'll tell you the next time you ask me. I can't be bothered to explain."

"Shikamaru…"

"Hmn?"

"Did I lose the game…?"

"Twice." Shikamaru chuckled.

"I may hate you a little," Neji slurred before groaning. "And I think I'm going to be sick…"

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **Thank you so much Reviewers!

[chapter edited]


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary:Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Six**

[Dedicated to BrevityOfWit]

_I'm not drunk enough for this._

Shikamaru set the tray of _kabusecha_ tea down on the low table, shaking his head.

_When the hell did I become domestic? _

He snorted at the thought, muttering about the effort it required as he moved across to drop a simple, cotton _yukata_ on the futon for Neji to change into. He turned his head, listening out for the sound of gagging from the bathroom. He frowned at the quiet, straightening up – only to relax when he heard the gentle gush of running water and the shuffle of movement.

_Well at least he's not out cold on the damn floor…_

Shikamaru rubbed his nape and turned to switch on a low-voltage lamp in the corner of the semi-traditional guest room, casting an aura of gentle and unobtrusive light. Sliding back one of the shoji doors, he braced his shoulder and stared quietly out at the forest grounds surrounding the Nara clan's district.

The moonlight slanted through the trees in milky beams, pooling dappled light under the dark canopies. The evening song of cicadas was broken only by the sounds from the bathroom; thankfully nothing worrying.

_Yeah, this good luck better hold out._

He'd managed to navigate Neji with no collateral damage, the worst of their troubles being the odd stumble or need to abruptly pause as the Jōnin battled nausea. All things considered, the Hyūga's mood had been relatively manageable. He'd flipped between hysterical laughter and pensive silence. A bipolar combination that had Shikamaru's temples throbbing by the time he'd deposited the long-haired ninja in the bathroom with an order to take a shower and sober up.

That had been a mission in itself. Fortunately Neji had scraped together enough coordination and spatial awareness to operate the shower and – Shikamaru hoped – had managed to get under it.

The Hyūga had spent the better half of twenty minutes on the floor laughing – his face buried in the crook of the arm he'd draped along the rim of the bathtub, his other hand clutching his ribs, doubled up with amusement.

Shikamaru had no idea what the hell had been so funny.

He'd jokingly considered taking a picture; just to mark the occasion. The fact that he'd been the one to witness something he was certain no one else ever had, created a kind of complicated, warm feeling in the pit of his stomach that he kept telling himself was the alcohol.

_Troublesome… _

He rubbed at his eyes, turning his head when the sound of the water ceased. Retrieving the yukata, he moved to stand outside the bathroom door, waiting with a patience he didn't know he had, arms folded and head knocked back against the door in case of disaster.

After ascertaining that Neji hadn't stumbled out of the bathtub, he rapped his knuckles on the sliding door. "Hey, I'm gonna slip you some clothes alright?"

A barely discernable grunt was his answer.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and curled his fingers into the door's indent to slide it. He hooked his arm around the partition, letting the yukata robe slip from the crook of his arm to his hand. "Here."

He heard Neji stumble and then felt the clothing jerked from his hand. He pulled his arm free as the door was unceremoniously slammed shut with a bang.

"You're welcome," he called over his shoulder as he sauntered over to the low table, crouching to pour the ungrateful bastard some tea.

_Shouldn't have made this my problem…_

Before he could finish the train of thought, the sound of the door sliding back drew his gaze up. Neji stood by the frame, his shoulder braced as he ruffled a towel clumsily along the impressive length of his dark, chocolate strands. He he'd secured the grey yukata well enough except for a faint slant to his left side, exposing the sharp ridge of collarbone. The garment suited him, as it would any Hyūga; only Neji made it somewhat amusing with his current lack of grace.

Impervious to Shikamaru's scrutiny, Neji swayed slightly as he attempted to fold the towel into a neat rectangle that ended up looking like a rhombus.

"Your towel isn't right…" He frowned at said towel as if it were conspiring against him.

"Should have guessed you'd still be out of it." Shikamaru smirked, shaking his head.

"Hmn?" Neji blinked a few times, his eyes adjusting to the soft light before swinging to settle on Shikamaru. The Hyūga's finely boned features were still flushed, his too-bright eyes faintly glazed, but tired.

Shikamaru's attention shifted to the fabric band Neji had drawn low over his forehead, covering the curse mark. "Did you manage to actually get _under_ the shower? Or am I gonna go in there and wade through water?"

"No…" Neji titled his head, making his way over at an incline, which in his mind was probably straight. "You made tea."

"Yeah, it's scary how domestic I can get when I put my mind to it." Shikamaru sat down on one of the two zabuton cushions set by the low table. "Drink it or you'll dehydrate – the infusion should help with the headache."

Neji made it across the short distance without incident, moving to kneel on the zabuton before setting the towel beside him. He squinted at the tea.

"I don't have a headache."

"You will tomorrow, trust me. How are you feeling at the moment?"

Neji stared at the steaming cup for before reaching out, his fingers brushing the china twice before he gripped it. "Tired."

"Good." Shikamaru took a sip of his own tea. "Get that stuff down you and get your ass in bed."

Neji took a shallow sip and twisted slightly to glance over his shoulder at the large futon spread out. "Where am I?"

"My home."

"This…can't be your room."

Shikamaru snorted, setting his cup down. "Hey, for all you know it _could_ be."

"It's not."

Shikamaru snickered. "It's a guest quarter. Rarely used, but ma takes pride in it. Strange woman. The Hyūga aren't the only ones with a taste for tradition, you know."

Shikamaru watched Neji's gaze trail around the room, tracing the elegant paintings of deer that flowed like a story across the fusuma panels. In a similar fashion, Shikamaru found his own eyes tracing over Neji, trailing up from the ends of the long dark hair, to the chords in the pale throat, across a shoulder, down along the seam of the yukata to…the discoloration of skin just visible beneath Neji's exposed collarbone.

_What the hell?_

Shikamaru frowned, his head cocking.

"I need to go home," Neji murmured, snapping Shikamaru from his stare.

"Yeah you should," Shikamaru replied immediately, trying to cover up his confusion. "But I really don't want you coming down on me like a tonne of bricks tomorrow when your uncle sees you can't walk a straight line tonight."

Neji frowned, his eyes narrowing; a far cry from the smiling, laughing creature he'd been half an hour ago. Now he just looked confused, as if the novelty of not being so controlled had worn off, leaving him not quite lucid but not completely drunk. He looked like he was lost between the two states, trying to decide what he should allow himself to be or feel.

_I don't wanna be here when he decides it's pissed off. _

It was time to do the vanishing act.

"Right." Shikamaru clapped his hand to the table as if to conclude the conversation they weren't having. "I'm gonna hit the shower and call it a night. I'll be just down the hall if you need anything, though I probably won't wake up unless it's urgent…like you're choking on your tongue or something – try not to do that."

Neji stared blankly before nodding. Shikamaru pushed to his feet, a quick glance affirming the room was secure. He offered a half-assed wave before making a quiet exit.

"Night," he called over his shoulder, forcing himself not to look back.

* * *

The sound of retching woke him.

Shikamaru's tired eyes cracked open, his brow furrowing with irritation at being pulled from sleep. He blinked to clear his vision, his gaze set on the fuzzy glare of his alarm clock.

4:00 AM

"_Ugh…_" reaching out a palm he gripped the offensive clock and smacked it face-down, sitting up with a groan.

With pained effort he managed not to crawl or fall out of bed and instead pushed himself to his feet. He shuffled across the room, rubbing at his eyes. It was way too early for movement of any kind and as far as he was concerned 4 AM wasn't even an hour. It just didn't exist on his watch.

_This had better be good…or really bad… _

He gravitated sleepily down the short hallway towards the guest quarter. Sliding open the shoji door he squinted as he glanced around the dim room, the only light being that cast from the window and the slot of illumination from the bathroom.

"Neji?" he called out, his voice hoarse from sleep. "I swear, Hyūga…you better not be choking on your tongue…"

Shikamaru dragged his steps over to where he could hear the choked heaves of the other ninja. He slid the door back enough for him to brace his shoulder against the frame - only to pause, his eyes flying wide.

Neji stood at the sink, gripping the enamel with blanched knuckles.

The sink was spattered with blood.

"Get…out…" Neji rasped, his long dark hair veiling either side of his face.

Shikamaru's gut turned to ice.

He jerked the door aside and stepped forward, jolting on the spot when the Jōnin swung around. Neji's forearm smacked his chest in an attempted shove that only caused him to fall back a single step.

"Get _away_ from me!" The vicious snarl was punctuated by a rattling cough.

Shikamaru, for one fleeting moment, wondered whether he was dreaming. The reality came crashing back when the heel of Neji's hand smacked into his shoulder clumsily, but with enough force to jolt him back another step.

"Get out, Shikamaru!" Neji slurred, his eyes pinched with pain.

"Quit it!" Shikamaru growled, knocking aside the next shove easily.

His previous drowsiness evaporated in light of the situation, his sharp mind switching to default assessment. Neji retained a rigid grip on the sink with his left hand, his right cupping his mouth as he coughed. The grey yukata had fallen open slightly, exposing a segment of the Hyūga's leanly sculpted torso.

Shikamaru's eyes fell to the smattering of deep, purple marks dotted about Neji's chest.

_Shit._

There was no mistaking the markings. He'd seen them before. They were the deep, deadly bruises of the Gentle Fist– targeting vital points across the chest.

_Hospital. Now._

Shikamaru stepped forward, meeting with expected resistance. Neji made to shove him, but the Jōnin's reflexes were sluggish. Shikamaru easily thwarted the hit and gripped Neji's arms to hold him up.

"Hospital."

"_No_."

"Not a suggestion."

"Not…an option."

"Don't make me use my jutsu…"

Neji shook his head violently, bangs swaying as he grit his teeth. "I _won't_ be seen like this…I swear I'll kill you…if you try…"

"Then walk me through this dammit!" Shikamaru snarled, concern causing frustration to eat into his patience. "What the hell happened?"

_Fuck. I need to stop yelling. Calm down._

He ignored Neji's potent but unfocused glare and tried again, calmer this time. "Neji…"

Neji swallowed, blinking wide to try and focus. "I can't…think straight…"

"Dammit." Shikamaru twisted them around and managed to get Neji to sit on the rim of the tub. "It's because you're still drunk, idiot."

The shadow-nin slipped into a subconscious autopilot; his body somehow seemed to know what to do. He tugged Neji's hair away from the dangerously pale face, avoiding the reactive shove that completely missed.

"Stop it. This damage is from the Gentle Fist." Shikamaru crouched and gestured to Neji's chest. "Don't waste time trying to tell me its not. What happened? Did your uncle do this?"

No response came as Neji's eyelashes drooped and his body slanted, his breathing shifted to a low rattle. Shikamaru caught his shoulders before he could fall back.

"Don't you dare black out on me! Hey!" Shikamaru shook him. "Neji!"

"_What_…?" Neji growled sluggishly, trying to keep his head up.

"Did your uncle do this?"

"_No._" Neji snapped, his face twisting with anger and confusion, completely disoriented. "He would never…I would never…allow anyone to…" the rest of the sentence gave way to a groan.

"Dammit, Neji…" Shikamaru reached for a towel.

"Save it, Nara…" Neji croaked, tugging the towel Shikamaru held out to him to dab at his mouth. "Where…am I?"

Shikamaru sighed, guilt briefly piquing inside him for having ordered the damn saké in the first place.

_That's not the issue here. Focus._

"I need to take you to the hospital."

"_No_…" Neji's fingers clenched in the towel and he pulled it away from his mouth. "I'm fine…it's stopped…I just need…a minute."

"Look, I don't know what the hell I'm dealing with here."

"_Nothing_…It's _stopped_…" Neji set the towel down, dragging in a breath before clutching the seam of the yukata, tugging it back into place. "I'm _fine_…"

Shikamaru sighed, his eyes flicking over the discoloured patches before Neji covered them. "Doesn't take a genius to know that coughing up blood isn't something you just sleep off, Hyūga…"

"I know…what I'm doing…"

Shikamaru inhaled sharply. "_You_ did this to yourself?"

Neji tensed at his tone and those pale eyes, despite their lack of focus, gained a brief flash of clarity. Neji's voice dropped low. "I _know_ what I'm doing."

Shikamaru frowned, his fingers tightening on Neji's arms. "Get up. I'm taking you to the hospital."

Neji shook his head. "No."

"You're coughing up blood!"

"It's stopped…I stopped it…leave it…"

"Ugh. You troublesome, stubborn bastard…" Shikamaru reached for his arm, slinging it over his shoulder as he managed to vine his other arm around Neji's waist. "Lean on me and breathe through your nose…deep breaths."

"Don't…patronise me…" Neji scowled.

"Shut up, Neji," Shikamaru snapped, confused and concerned. "I'm real close to being more than a little pissed off. Move it."

Carefully getting Neji to his feet, Shikamaru shuffled them through the door, approaching the futon where he tilted to allow the long-haired ninja to slide onto the mattress. Neji had no energy to complain and no coordination to challenge him, though the Jōnin caught the wrist that reached for his yukata.

Shikamaru growled and knelt beside the futon, shaking his head. "I need to see how bad it is. Stop being so damned difficult."

Neji blinked slowly, his half-mast gaze monitoring quietly for a moment. "It's _stopped_…"

Shikamaru scowled; but to his relief, Neji's breathing hadn't catapulted into panic or dropped into shallow drags. It rested at a quiet rattle, smoothing out steadily.

"Why?" Shikamaru's eyes shifted from Neji's chest, to the white crescents observing him. "Why the hell would you do this to yourself?"

The look of violent disgust that Neji shot him confirmed his suspicions that self-harm hadn't been the Hyūga's intention.

_So just what the hell WAS he trying to do?_

Neji swallowed, his voice fractured. "I misjudged…coordination…that's all…"

Shikamaru sighed and tugged his wrist free. "You're a fucking idiot, Neji."

Neji scowled weakly, obviously too tired to bite back.

Shikamaru sank back on his heels, rubbing a hand across his face. He could take an educated guess that whatever Neji _had_ been trying to do was related to disrupting or altering something in his chakra network. Naturally, being drunk had robbed him of his flawless and innate precision.

Right now, what worried Shikamaru more than what Neji had been _aiming_ to hit, was what he _had_ hit instead.

_Judging by the marks and blood, he's hit chakra points either corresponding to the lungs or heart. _

Shikamaru's mind was already slotting the pieces together as he dropped his hand away from his face. He reached out to tug open the top of Neji's yukata, parting the fabric away from the pale and bruise-spotted chest.

Neji's eyelids fluttered open a little, the muscles in his throat tightening as he frowned.

"Just settle down," Shikamaru murmured distractedly, his dark eyes scanning Neji's chest, following the pattern of marks. "Dammit."

The chakra pathway system was way too intricate to comprehend without possessing the Byakugan. The 361 chakra points created a complicated system that only the Hyūga understood how to manipulate or incapacitate.

_What I really need, is another damned Hyūga._

Shikamaru traced the path of marks with his fingertips, his focus on the internal organs, considering that was something he _could_ understand.

_Heart or lungs, it's got to be._

He pushed Neji's hand aside as it reached to brush his touch away, then leaning down he held his ear above the Jōnin's chest, listening for a rattle in breath or an irregular heartbeat. The steady throb of life reassured him a little, but there was some strain in Neji's breathing.

_Okay. So it's the lungs. If he was targeting around that area, does that mean he had another panic attack? Hell, is that even the right label for something like this…?_

"I stopped it…" Neji murmured drowsily.

"Congratulations," Shikamaru drawled, his breath fanning out across Neji's chest.

He straightened up to kneel again and found Neji's eyes closed and his expression less tense as he began to drift into sleep.

Shikamaru patiently reassessed the situation.

Taking Neji back to the Hyūga residence would complicate matters further. Keeping him here didn't exactly make the problem any less troublesome or safe, but at least it would save Neji some dignity, which clearly meant more to the Hyūga than his health.

As stupid as it seemed, Shikamaru owed him his damned dignity, if nothing else.

Moreover, involving anyone else in this, especially Neji's family, would not only piss Neji off, but destroy any progress Shikamaru had made with the Jōnin; it would also ruin any chance of him removing himself from further troublesome involvement with Neji. What he guessed he should have done at the start.

_When did I get to be this stupid?_

Shikamaru scrubbed his hand across his face again. He didn't want any part in untangling whatever knot Neji had tied himself into. He'd have better luck knotting _himself_ a damned noose to hang from.

_Which doesn't explain why I bothered in the first place…and not just once…man, its way too early to be thinking about this…_

Dismissing his thoughts, he twisted from his kneel to sit beside Neji, leaning his back against the wall to take up vigil. Not for the first time, it struck him how severely the Hyūga was going to hate him for this.

_This is what happens when you don't mind your own damn business…_

Shikamaru rubbed his nape, sloughing out a long sigh as he battled sleep by listening to Neji's breathing. He monitored the faintly irregular rhythm, trying not to let his thoughts stray into any red zones.

Like what could have happened if Neji had done more damage…

Or what Neji's reaction to his recent mission had to say about the Hyūga's mindset…

Or what the significance of avoiding his uncle meant…

Not to mention all the other 'whys' and 'what's' lining up.

Shikamaru's gaze slanted down as Neji's breath hitched. The Hyūga tensed, his fingers tightening in the sheets. Without thinking, Shikamaru reached out to touch a hand to the Jōnin's head, kneading gently.

"Relax," he murmured.

Almost immediately, Neji's fingers straightened out, the tension falling away from him. Shikamaru hummed quietly, offering another gentle press of his hand. Then for some unexplained reason, he lowered his touch to brush his fingers across the covered seal mark on Neji's brow.

He dropped his hand away after a moment, as if realising what he was doing.

Shikamaru knew it would be another one of those things he wouldn't think about, just as he knew that this entire incident would be another thing that he and Neji wouldn't talk about. It was better that way. Provided he didn't fall asleep and wake up with Neji's hands around his throat.

Which he didn't.

It was the touch of sunlight across Shikamaru's eyelids that woke him, hours later.

Neji was already gone.

The grey yukata lay neatly folded in the space the Hyūga had occupied. The tea tray tidied and set to one side. No doubt the bathroom would be immaculate. All traces of Neji's presence had been removed.

Shikamaru closed his eyes and tipped his head back against the wall.

Outside, the twitter of birdsong carried.

He couldn't help but think that birds really didn't belong in cages…

* * *

**TBC…**

**A/N: **Aaah, I know its short, but I wanted to get this quick update in before the next chapter, which moves ahead two months. So chapter seven and plot drama is on the way! **Monumental thanks to reviewers.** You guys truly _motivate_ me to continue – thank you **so** much. And **Brevity**, once again, a **zillion** thanks, luv!

[chapter edited]


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Seven**

Autumn crept up on Konoha earlier than predicted. The red hues that usually arrived a month later were already beginning to turn the village of leaves into a portrait worthy of its broader title. The Land of Fire. The premature turn in season brought an influx of missions; some extending further than the Hokage cared to send shinobi.

The Akatsuki threat, coupled with the permanent high-priority case of Sasuke's defection, still caused ripples in the peace they kept trying to secure. It had been three years, but Naruto wouldn't let it go and Tsunade didn't have the heart to force him to break a promise that Shikamaru personally found unrealistic and cruel.

Sasuke wasn't coming back.

That was the present reality. Not likely to change anytime in the near future.

Apparently this reality didn't mean shit to Naruto – and Shikamaru found himself blaming the hyperactive idiot for having inspired a sense of devoted camaraderie in him that he'd only ever reserved for Chōji and Ino. Sure, he would put his life on the line for any of the others, hands down. But not his sanity.

Of course, that bastard Hyūga had ruined _that_ reality.

_Two months and I'm still thinking about that…man, what a waste of effort…_

Shikamaru sighed, shaking his head as he flipped through a mission report, scanning the scrawl of a ninja who needed to learn how to spell. It detailed an espionage mission reporting defence tactics of neighbouring villages. Shikamaru had been assigned to identify flaws in the tactics and then use the knowledge to detect weaknesses in Konoha's own fortifications. It was a necessary re-evaluation task, given the last infiltration attack on the village, whereby Shikamaru had been put in charge of Konoha's defence. The Hokage had seen fit to include him in every military revision meeting from then on.

_Such a pain._

Shikamaru yawned, loud enough to attract the attention of his sensei.

"Ten minutes," Asuma smirked without looking up, flipping through a newspaper to avoid his own reports. "Fifteen if you pick me up some cigarettes."

"Negotiation works for me," Shikamaru yawned again, abandoning the mission reports to slip from the briefing room.

He strolled along the hallway of the Hokage residence, directing his steps to the heart of the village. Chōji and Ino had headed out on a mission earlier with Lee, making up the necessary trio for the task. Lee had mentioned something about Tenten needing to play babysitter to a bunch of Genin and Neji flying solo on some other assignment.

Shikamaru hadn't asked. Lee hadn't elaborated.

Any news regarding the Hyūga he'd learned through other people, which allowed him to keep a safe and sane distance. Friends would offer idle bits of information that Shikamaru would piece together to form a rough idea of what was going on with Neji.

He'd learned through Ino that the Hyūga had helped her develop her meditation techniques and that somehow Sakura had found out and attempted to commandeer him for the same purpose. Tenten had mentioned a variety of missions the Hyūga had completed, including an S-Class assignment with Gai. Any mission available Neji would take, put himself forward for, or request to head. The last one had seen him come back safe and serene.

His usual self, Tenten had said.

Apparently he continued to train with Lee when harassed long enough and still managed to intimidate any Genin or academy students that came into contact with him without even trying. But this kind of information interested Shikamaru less than the kind he'd managed to glean off Hinata.

_Would have been better if I hadn't asked…_

Shikamaru frowned, turning down a sidewalk lined with small, local stores. He selected the closest retailer and scanned for Asuma's cigarette brand, his mind on the lunch he'd been dragged along to with Kiba, Naruto and Hinata a week ago.

While Kiba and Naruto had bounced insults off each other, Shikamaru had exerted a little more effort than usual to draw Hinata into a conversation. At some point, which he'd probably planned without wanting to admit it, the discussion had moved onto Neji.

"Yeah! Where the hell _is_ he?" Kiba had interjected. "Haven't seen him in a while now."

"Takin' on all the missions! The frickin' Jōnin get all the good stuff," Naruto had grumbled around a mouthful of ramen.

Hinata had grown usually quiet, which neither of the other two males had noticed. It was an easy thing to miss, given that she was so damned quiet anyway. But Shikamaru had noticed. Being the painfully reserved creature that Hinata was, getting her to speak had been about as difficult as getting Neji to let down his guard.

But Hinata was also uncannily perceptive. After she'd ascertained that Naruto and Kiba weren't listening, she'd glanced sidelong at Shikamaru and offered a fragile smile.

"Neji-kun's been keeping to himself a lot lately."

Shikamaru had shrugged. "Doesn't he do that anyway?"

"Yes but…he's been away from home a lot…and father's wondering if…" Hinata's eyes had slid away and her voice had carried concern she'd made no effort to hide. "I think it's different this time."

Shikamaru had smoothly changed the topic after that. But the cryptic words had taken root in his brain – and they hadn't stopped irritating him for the past week. They seemed to run on a damned loop, distracting him incessantly.

_Troublesome…_

Even now, as he handed over the ryō for Asuma's cigarettes, he could still see that damned look on Hinata's face. Not just concern for her cousin, but an expression that almost looked expectant; like she _expected_ Shikamaru to know something about it.

Or _do_ something about it.

_It's not my god damn problem._

Shikamaru shoved the cigarettes into his flak-jacket and turned to retrace his steps back toward the Hokage's residence. He glanced skyward as he strolled, trying to find a little peace in the clouds. His path took him past the Shogi house he and Neji had played at. He unconsciously lengthened his strides to pass it quicker and turned the corner to smack straight into Kiba – and Akamaru.

The dog managed to get between them a little, lessening the collision but nipping Shikamaru's thumb for the trouble.

"Hey!" Shikamaru scowled, waving his hand from the sting.

Kiba laughed, scratching the dog behind the ears. "At'a boy Akamaru!"

"Nice." Shikamaru rolled his eyes, dropping his attention down to the large white mutt currently sniffing about his flak-jacket. "Too bad…I don't have any treats."

"_That's_ too bad, 'cause we've got one for you." Kiba grinned, his animal-like eyes glinting with an anticipation that Shikamaru knew he wasn't going to share.

"I don't wanna know." Shikamaru took a step back from the nosey dog, which circled around him like a shark.

"No getting out of this one, ya slacker." Kiba chuckled, but his eyes remained on Akamaru. "Duty calls."

Shikamaru blinked, immediately catapulting an excuse. "Yeah and I'm already at the damned grindstone. Ask the Hokage. Find someone else."

"The Hokage was the one who sent me to find _you_."

_Which can only mean one thing…crap…what a drag…_

Shikamaru sighed, his shoulders sagging in defeat. "Another mission…"

"You bet! Team's been put together – and you're heading it."

"Great," Shikamaru groaned while trying to step out of range of Akamaru's nose as the dog prodded his flak-jacket again. "Wanna fill me in?"

"Sure. But first…" Kiba frowned, then stepped over and without warning shoved his hand into the flap on Shikamaru's flak-jacket to tug out the packet of cigarettes. "I knew it!"

"Great." The shadow-nin snorted, his voice rolling out apathetically. "I can see where this is gonna go…"

"Ha!" Kiba snapped his fingers, an index pointing accusingly at Shikamaru's face as the dog circled and barked. "The pig was right!"

"You know how stupid that sounds out loud?"

"You're smoking!"

Shikamaru's lashes shuttered in a repressed eye-roll. "Did Ino tell you to sic your dog on me?"

Kiba barked a laugh, his voice rising with disbelief. "Man, you're not even denying it!"

"Why bother?" Shikamaru shrugged and snatched the packet back. "You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you those are for Asuma, which they are. So I can waste time trying to convince you, or you can mind your own damn business and brief me on the mission."

Akamaru cocked his head and looked up at Kiba before yipping softly. Shikamaru had no idea what the hell the dog said, but he forgave the mutt then and there because whatever the 'yip' translated to, it got Kiba to drop the subject.

"Okay, whatever." Kiba shrugged, turning to lead the way towards the road out of the city. "You, me and Hinata."

_Ah shit, it would be Hinata…the Hyūga are haunting me…_

"Yeah? Shino out of commission or something?" Shikamaru muttered, shoving the cigarettes back into the vest pouch as he followed.

"Nope. Just don't need three trackers." Kiba held up a hand to wave to Hinata as she emerged at the end of the road. "Me, Hinata and Akamaru are ears, eyes and nose enough."

Shikamaru watched Hinata set down two ninja packs on the bench ahead. He frowned before glancing at Kiba.

"So what is this? Espionage?"

"Nope!" Kiba grinned. "We're back-up for a search and destroy. Possibly an S-rank."

"_What_?" Shikamaru's step faltered. "S-rank? Shouldn't you be asking Jōnin along for that? Hell, I'm surprised Naruto isn't tagging along."

Kiba glanced around as if looking for the Uzumaki. "Nah, the Hokage wants him here."

"Possible lead on Sasuke?" Shikamaru guessed, though that didn't seem likely.

"No, but possibly Akatsuki."

"Possibly, huh?" Shikamaru frowned. "They said that about a mission two months back and it turned out to be a bunch of impersonators."

"Yeah, well even if it is, the Hokage isn't taking any chances." Kiba reached out to take the ninja pack Hinata held out to him. "We need you to balance the team, Nara. Suck it up."

"Three Chūnin on an S-rank isn't exactly filling me with confidence." Shikamaru offered Hinata a lazy nod, accepting the pack she handed over. "Thanks."

"Aaw, don't be so hard on yourself, Shikamaru. Put in some effort and you might surprise yourself. You know, finally get that promotion!" Kiba laughed, winking at Hinata as he turned towards the gates. "Besides, we need a strategist and someone to stall the enemy. With your jutsu, you fit the bill."

Shikamaru wished he didn't.

He caught the small radio transmitter Kiba chucked over his shoulder. "Great…"

"You'll need this."

"You didn't give me an answer, Kiba." Shikamaru tried to ignore the odd look _Hinata_ was giving _him_. "Sure, we could fight close-range if necessary, but as far as raw ability in S-rank combat, who the hell is our close-quarter fighter? Akamaru?"

Akamaru barked at the detected sarcasm.

Kiba ruffled the scruff of the dog's neck, looking over his shoulder at the shadow-nin. "I said we're _backup_, Shikamaru. They've already got Jōnin out there. Kurenai-sensei, Gai—"

"—and Neji-kun." Hinata finished, her lavender-hued eyes slanting to the side, then back to Shikamaru.

Shikamaru kept his gaze ahead, his face deceptively blank despite the tension in his gut. It didn't help having Hinata watching him like that. Why the hell _was _she watching him like that?

_Troublesome woman…_

He abruptly shifted his attention, taking no more than a few seconds to re-focus and strategise.

"Fine, whatever. Kiba and Akamaru at the front. Scent and direct. Track them down." Shikamaru glanced across to the timid Hyūga. "Hinata, we need your eyes at the back. The usual Byakugan radar, hell, you know the drill."

Hinata nodded sharply. "Yes."

"Alright, both of you keep me in the loop at all times. _Anything_, even if it seems insignificant, it _isn't_." Shikamaru secured his pack with a sigh. "Three Jōnin callin' in backup might suggest they're divided. If that happens, I wanna know where they are before they know their Chūnin cavalry's arrived, got it? "

"You got it!" Kiba grinned. Akamaru echoed with a bark and then sprung ahead.

Shikamaru watched Kiba launch into a hooting sprint, kicking skyward into the trees after his canine companion. He stared after the howling duo for a moment, his dark eyes slowly tracking higher…up towards the drift of clouds…where a bird dipped and hovered against the milky backdrop… free from the forest's cage of branches.

"Shikamaru-kun?" Hinata prompted softly.

Shikamaru drew a long, slow breath. "Let's go."

* * *

"_Neji, can you hear me_?"

Neji reached up to respond to the fractured transmission from Gai, but his fingers barely had time to brush the mic. Shuriken whizzed past, forcing him to backpedal along the bough of the tree. A large spider dropped down, scuttling along the branch after him. Leaping higher, Neji pinned the creature with a kunai and dropped to ground level.

_Ninjutsu, taijutsu…now summoning jutsu…their teams are perfectly balanced…_

Neji sliced his palm out, bisecting a spider with the chakra-charged edge of his hand. He spun to sever two more, keeping out of range. The arachnids brought back memories of his battle with Kidōmaru.

_I know how to fight this enemy. I won't lose._

"Let's see you slice this!" the summoning ninja snarled.

Neji snapped his gaze up just in time to see the man's chakra network flare. He knew what was coming. The enemy bit his thumb and smacked his palm to the ground.

"Ninja art, Summoning Jutsu!"

In a gush of smoking chakra, a colossal spider emerged, rearing back on four of its hairy legs. Neji smirked, already knowing exactly how to defeat it.

"Go!" the man snarled.

Neji slid into position, palm up.

But the attack never came.

The spider sprang away from him, heading back towards where he'd last seen Gai, ignoring the Hyūga entirely.

Neji's lip curled back. "Damn."

"Don't worry, we're saving something special for you," the enemy promised as three other ninja dropped down beside him, one with a ridiculously large sword.

Neji had already seen them coming, though they'd masked their chakra well. He'd managed to thwart their earlier formation with Kurenai and Gai before they could operate it successfully. The twelve enemy ninja had initially tried to close ranks around them, forming four circles with three fighters constantly advancing and tightening the noose.

Neji had found a hole in their loop, which Gai had hit it hard and fast, breaking the formation and forcing the enemy to regroup. The adversaries had then exclusively targeted Kurenai; but after one of the men announced that she didn't possess the Sharingan or an eye technique, they'd switched focus and tactics to 'divide and conquer'.

Despite Neji's best efforts to keep a simultaneous eye on everyone, the Konoha Jōnin had been pushed further and further away from each other. The enemy kept driving violent wedges between them; using combinations of ninjutsu and taijutsu.

Then the spiders had come – to make matters worse, the enemy appeared to be replenishing chakra from an external source.

_I need to get back to the team…_

Neji jumped high as a ninja charged, landing an aerial kick to the man's head that sent him crashing. The Hyūga then twisted sharply and thrust his palm toward the canopies as two other enemy leapt for him.

"Eight trigrams! Air palm!"

A burst of concentrated chakra exploded from his hand, knocking them off course. Then a hiss of static sounded.

"_Neji!_" Kurenai's voice crackled through the transmitter. "_What's your position!"_

Neji snapped his fingers to the mic as he landed in a crouch, his Byakugan closing the distance his body couldn't. He could see her – and she was struggling, her chakra low from excessive genjutsu.

_She won't hold out much longer…_

"_Neji!"_

"I'm east of your-!" he cut off, jerking his head back to avoid the jagged slash of a blade as tall as his body.

"You're fast, brat!" the blade-wielder laughed.

Neji frowned. That voice sounded familiar.

"_Neji!_" Kurenai crackled through again. "_You…back here…a target…now_!"

Neji scowled, trying to adjust the mic and fend off the attacks at the same time. He could sense one of the men forming a hand-sign. Another one's chakra flared.

_Dammit!_

"Fire Style! Fire ignition jutsu!_"_

He turned just as a hail of shuriken flew at him, the lethal stars bursting into flame. Neji scowled and twisted into a pivot.

"ROTATION!_"_

He felt the heat of the ignited weapons sear off his chakra shield. Slowing to a halt, he barely had time to plant his feet before a slam to his chest pitched him through a tree. Pain shot straight to his lungs, the snap of the bough reverberating along his spine, punching a cough from him before he landed hard on his back.

"Pin him!" an enemy barked.

Neji's eyes flew wide and he rolled just in time. Kunai slammed into the ground. He turned with a growl and thrust his palm out toward the direction the knives had come from.

"Eight trigrams! Air palm!"

The enemy scattered, allowing Neji to twist and direct the same burst of chakra at the blade-wielding leader of the team. The swordsman deflected most of the damage with his massive blade, using it to take the brunt of the hit. He skidded to a halt a short distance away, his sword having carved a massive trench in the ground.

"Nice moves, brat. Are my clan up to par this time?"

Neji identified the voice.

_Impossible._

The man standing before him was broad and packed more muscle than an ox. But he did not look anything like the rotund client that had stood before Tsunade two months ago. Yet the voice was the same. The chakra signature similar, if not slightly altered.

_Some kind of transformation jutsu? Or perhaps this is his true form._

Neji took a step back, raising his palm again; his other hand reaching for kunai that had dislodged in his fall.

_Damn._

The man laughed, the sound booming around the clearing. "Ah, so you remember me!"

"What is it you're after?" Neji assumed a defensive stance, his sharp eyes fixed ahead, but automatically taking in the periphery and beyond. He knew the other three men were moving, but they seemed to be keeping a distance.

The man ignored his question, instead announcing, "I am Fukurō! Leader of the Tsubasa clan. Though as you can see, I'm rather changed from our last encounter." His eyes narrowed darkly. "When you had the gall to dishonour me."

Neji's eyes narrowed. "Why are you targeting the Leaf? Your clan made peace with our village."

"Peace is a naïve goal." Fukurō smirked. "Anyway, I have no interest in the Leaf. Just one or two clans. Two months ago it was a good opportunity to assess your abilities without having to lose anything of worth."

Neji felt his jaw tighten, disgust curdling inside him. "You fed unprepared, Genin-level ninja to us like sheep to the slaughter…and a misguided girl and her unborn child died for it."

"The brat was dying already. You put her out of her misery before I could."

Neji's expression twisted with revulsion. "And her child?"

"You took care of that, didn't you?" Fukurō smirked before shrugging. "I appreciate it. My daughter was a disgrace. The Tsubasa have no use for whores or traitors, much less bastard children. Especially those who threaten to leak clan secrets. Such things are unforgiveable. Her fate was decided the day she defied me."

_Fate…decided…_

Those words struck a dangerous chord in Neji and he felt the poisonous stirrings of repressed hatred twisting inside him. "It is not your place to decide the fate of an innocent child."

"I didn't have to," Fukurō snorted. "The Leaf took care of that for me. And now, you are going to assist me again. After all, if you want an eye for an eye, I shall be more than happy to take yours as compensation for my daughter's life and that of her worthless child."

The confidence in the promise wasn't feigned. Neji sensed the other three ninja closing in. In an instant, they ingested something and their chakra roared like a conflagration.

_Chakra pills…?_

Neji began to back up, quickly assessing his position. His gaze snapped to the tablet Fukurō pressed onto his tongue and swallowed. Almost immediately, his chakra flared.

_I can't hold up against that for long…_

"Can you see it with those eyes of yours?" the swordsman smirked. "Impressive isn't it? It took countless sacrifices to get the concentration of chakra accurate so it didn't corrupt the system."

Neji's face tightened with anger. Suddenly it made horrid sense. The sickness he had identified in the girl before she'd died. He shook his head, his voice a murmur as he gave voice to the perverse realisation.

"You used your own daughter for experimentation…"

To the Hyūga's disgust, the man looked impressed, almost reverent. "Could you see it? Of course you could. Kekkei genkai is invaluable in such a powerful form." Fukurō's fingers gnarled around the hilt of his blade. "I'm not leaving here without the secret of those eyes."

_So they're collecting dōjutsu…_

At least that explained why they'd lost interest in Kurenai after discovering she did not possess the Sharingan.

Neji paused as Gai's voice crackled through the transmitter. "_Neji!…respond!…you safe?_…_where…?_"

"The Tsubasa have waited a long time to isolate a Hyūga from Konoha," Fukurō continued in a dreamy narration. "We have already coveted other clans' secrets. But with the strength of the famed Byakugan, we will be able to restore a new realm of honour and power to our clan. It is our destiny!"

_Destiny…fate…control…_

"_Neji_—?" Kurenai's voice interjected through the transmitter.

Neji reached up as if to respond – only to switch his mic off.

His eyes locked on Fukurō. A dangerous stillness frosted his expression and his coveted eyes became as hard as the precious opals they were often likened to.

"Ah, that's better." Fukurō smirked, engaged by the attention Neji paid him. He hefted his massive blade. "You'll find this fight to a standard you once claimed we lacked. I wonder how long you can take the heat, before I take your eyes."

Neji gracefully slid a leg back, palm held outward as he slipped into position for the eight trigrams, sixty-four palms. His eyes never left Fukurō, even as the other Tsubasa ninja closed in, chakra's blistering with strength.

Fukurō grinned, tapping his blade against his shoulder. "Remember my name, Hyūga. You can tell it to my daughter on the other side."

* * *

"What the hell is wrong with you, Komori!" A Tsubasa ninja snarled, turning to his comrade who had frozen on the spot mid-strike, the decapitating blow directed toward Kurenai never connecting.

"I…can't…move!" Komori choked out.

"What the hell? Kill her already!"

"I…can't…move my body!"

"No kidding," Shikamaru's voice drifted from above, where he stood holding the shadow possession out of range. "But I'll help you out."

Without warning, Komori turned and stabbed his teammate with his blade, leaving himself open for Kurenai to deliver the finishing blow to his throat. Jerking her knife free, she glanced up.

"Surprise," Shikamaru drawled, dropping down just as Kiba's tunnelling fang jutsu tore up the clearing, taking two enemies with him. "Gai-senpai and Neji?"

Kurenai shook her head, cupping her bleeding arm and sagging against the tree, exhausted. "Gai was battling a spider summon and Neji isn't responding. His transmitter may be damaged."

Shikamaru cursed, turning quickly. "Don't need that to find him. Hinata!"

The kunoichi dropped down beside him, her Byakugan already activated. "He's close and fighting three men. Their chakras…are unusually strong."

"Chakra replenishing pills," Kurenai explained, her crimson eyes pinched with exhaustion. "They've been planning this for months…well prepared…"

"The spider summon fighting Gai-sensei has spawned!" Hinata informed, her eyes constantly darting.

_Dammit._

Shikamaru flicked his gaze to Kurenai. "What else do I need to know?"

"They're collecting dōjutsu…they thought I had the Sharingan and were prepared for it." Kurenai glanced at Hinata. "It's best if you stay out of range and use your efforts to help Gai and Kiba."

"But…" Hinata's breath caught, her eyes swinging east. "But Neji…"

"He'll be fine. I'll go with Shikamaru."

"No." Shikamaru shrugged his pack from his shoulder, his dark eyes scanning the supplies. "If they've got chakra fluctuations from those pills, then I need someone who can read it. I'll need her eyes if Neji is fighting."

"It's their _eyes_ they're after, Shikamaru!" Kurenai gripped his elbow, her protectiveness over Hinata clear. "My genjutsu will distract them and—"

"—you're at your limit, Kurenai-senpai." Shikamaru met the crimson gaze, his voice calm, but his eyes set. "I'm guessing you've got about enough chakra left for one illusion before you're dry. Right?"

Kurenai dropped her hand. "Shikamaru…"

"Yeah, I don't exactly like it anymore than you do," Shikamaru muttered as he tugged out a medical salve from his flak-jacket. "But if they thought you had the Sharingan and they _still_ took you on then they're _prepared_ for genjutsu, even if you could pull one off. But I'm not gonna underestimate these guys and risk someone ending up dead."

He watched Kurenai's eyes dart to the side as she considered his words; she could obviously see the sense in his argument. They didn't have time for a battle of wills. Hinata was already focused on the battle neither he nor Kurenai could see.

"Let the cavalry do the charge," he tried to joke, his voice falling flat as he handed Kurenai the healing salve. "If I can get in range, a diversion might be our saf—"

"_Neji!_" Hinata cried, her lavender eyes widening before she bolted.

"Hinata!" Kurenai's fingers combed the air as her student passed out of reach, vanishing into the canopy. "_Hinata_!"

"God _dammit_!" Shikamaru growled, launching after her. "What the hell is it with Hyūga's breaking team!"

* * *

"Eight trigrams! Air pal_—ngh!"_ Neji gasped as his arm seized in pain, his fingers jerking in a violent spasm.

_Damn!_

He gripped his arm with a hiss and ducked into a roll, coming up behind a tree. He collapsed back against the trunk, dragging in staggered pants. He'd used too much chakra. To force the jutsu would result in a lethal backfire.

Deactivating the Byakugan, he assessed his chakra network on raw instinct. There was no way he could pull off another eight trigrams now, what with the amount of energy he'd expended on mid-air rotation and the drain from the air-palm strikes.

He'd taken out one of the four enemies and crippled a third. But the effort had cost him precious chakra reserve and with his attackers constantly replenishing, he was at a serious disadvantage.

"What's the verdict, brat? Are we up to par?" Fukurō laughed, apparently not caring whether he gave away his position.

_He can afford to be arrogant…he knows I'm reaching my limit…_

Neji scowled, glaring down at his arm. He dug his thumb into the crook and pressed his fingers along the limb. He could feel the dull ache spreading. He'd pushed too hard.

"Come Hyūga! Where's your confidence now?"

Neji curled his tongue behind the clench of his teeth. He seethed out a slow breath through his nose, re-centring his mind. He had one last option, a contingency plan he hadn't wanted to consider, let alone fall back on.

"Can't hide forever!" Fukurō bellowed somewhat theatrically, his voice sounding closer now.

Neji closed his eyes. He sucked in a long, deep breath and his expression instantly calmed, his tense features smoothing out. For some strange reason, it was Shikamaru's voice that brushed his mind.

_Relax…_

Neji flexed his fingers out, pushing past the twinges of pain to force a small surge of chakra to the tips of his slender digits. Then he raised his palm and lightly touched the tips of his fingers to two of the closed chakra points in his chest.

He pressed down.

Agony jolted like a current straight to his lungs.

A hoarse cough exploded from deep in his chest, rattling his ribs and tearing out his breath in a hot, red splatter.

"Found you!" Fukurō roared.

Neji's eyes flew wide. He instinctively hunched and rolled, avoiding decapitation as Fukurō's sword cleaved through the tree. The Tsubasa leader reversed the swing, sawing through the collapsing trunk with barely a grunt.

"_Byakugan_!" Neji gasped, holding a palm to his chest as he sprung away from the toppling chunks of wood.

Splinters and dust billowed in plumes from the upsurge of chakra in Fukurō's attack, the grime clogging in his throat.

_Breathe!_

Neji landed in a crouch, his robes fluttering from the airwaves caused by the scything swings of the blade. Choking out a cough, he dragged the back of his wrist across his mouth, scowling at the gory smear of red against his skin. Ignoring the blood, he pressed one palm to the ground and gnarled the fingers of his other into his robe; as if he could tear the pain out of his lungs.

…_If I release those chakra blocks…I'm finished…_

But he needed the sealed chakra in his tenketsu. Fast. He didn't have time to weigh his options; the skittish whisper of shuriken drew his attention up seconds after his Byakugan detected their movement.

"Fire Style! Fire ignition jutsu!"

Flames burst to life, streaking trails in the wake of the spinning stars, like giant fireflies heading for detonation.

They never hit him.

But something else did – hard enough to knock him sideways across the clearing in a tumble. He managed to kick a leg out, his knee dragging to break his roll, raking up dust as he skidded to a halt.

He barely had time to lift his head before the scent of dog-breath fired into his face and Akamaru's tongue dragged rough and wet across his cheek.

_Backup…_

Not the most graceful rescue, but at least he wasn't sliced to ribbons.

"Tunnelling Fang!"

Neji pushed to his feet, his hand gripping a branch for support as he watched Kiba's jutsu force the enemy back and out of range. It would buy them some time at least. Gritting his teeth against the pain, Neji forced his body to cooperate, moving his hand away from the concerned nuzzle of the dog. His fingers brushed Akamaru's head gently.

"Thank you," he murmured to the canine before he straightened up and met Kiba half-way. "Gai and Kurenai?"

"Good to see you too! Did your mic die or somethin'?" Kiba grinned, his feral eyes darting around. "No worries, they're taking care of the spiders and cleanin' up the trash. Kurenai-sensei sent me after you guys."

Neji felt his pulse skip. "_Guys_?"

Kiba frowned, but Neji could tell from the slow twist of concern on the dog-nin's face, that something was horribly wrong.

"You mean Hinata didn't beat me here?"

"What?" Neji's eyes widened, his gut knotting into a fist._ "_Hinata_…_?"

"Yeah." Kiba frowned, petting a whining Akamaru. "Shit…Shikamaru should have been with her."

Neji's breath locked.

_Shikamaru…?_

_

* * *

_

_I swear this ironic crap might just be funny if it wasn't happening to me…_

Shikamaru scowled, his brows drawn low over his dark eyes as they scanned the forest, constantly analysing even as he searched; making a note of layout, location, leverage and – most importantly for his jutsu – light. The denser the canopy the higher the need for flash bombs. He'd already used one as a diversion.

_Shit…am I even going the right way?_

Shikamaru channelled a surge of chakra to his feet, perching on a bough to gauge his position as he adjusted his radio transmitter. Without warning, the shrill scream of the mic pierced his eardrum like a kunai.

"_Fuck_!" He smacked his hand to his temple. "_Sonofabi—"_

"_Shikamaru!_ _Is that you_?"

"Kiba? Wait a sec…" he adjusted the volume on the transmitter and tried again. "Right."

"Where the hell are you?" Kiba's voice carried the echo of Akamaru's barks.

"I'd ask my radar but I'm still chasing her." Shikamaru hooked three kunai between his fingers; with one he scraped a shallow gouge in the tree. "Where the hell are _you_?"

"Following Neji..."

_He's alive..._

"– he took off."

_I'm gonna kill him._

Shikamaru almost bashed his head into the tree from frustration.

"Shikamaru? Hey! You hear me?"

"Dammit. Took off _where_?"

"Man, if I knew _that_, I wouldn't be wasting time talkin' to you!"

Shikamaru allowed himself a moment to bury his face into his palm and cursed a virulent blue-streak that had Kiba chuckling nervously. After he was done seething into his hand he straightened up with a sigh, his fingers snapping into fists around the kunai as he ground out his next words.

"That stupid, stubborn, troublesome _bastard_."

"I can hear you, you know." Neji's voice crackled back down the line.

"Neji!" Shikamaru and Kiba barked in tandem.

Relief flooded through Shikamaru like a drug, leaving him giddy for a moment before he remembered how pissed off he was. He shook his head and felt the steel of the kunai hilts cutting off his circulation - he was gripping them that damned hard. He forced his words out around clenched teeth, sounding deceptively calm.

"Where the hell are you, Hyūga?"

"Right behind you, Nara."

Shikamaru made a face before he turned, his deadpan gaze landing on Neji as the Hyūga touched down on the tree behind him. His dark eyes immediately scanned over the Jōnin, taking in the spatter of blood and grime. Oddly enough, it didn't take away from that ridiculous composure the Hyūga never seemed without.

Shikamaru snorted, shaking his head.

"You look like shit," he drawled, but that giddying relief was running fresh laps in his system. It was as if two months hadn't passed since the last time he'd seen him, despite the circumstances.

Neji scowled, his Byakugan fading. "And you're going the wrong way."

That would have been embarrassing, had Shikamaru not thought the same thing a few moments ago. His attention however, was fixed on the way Neji was favouring his right side. Instead of responding, he jumped over to the bough the Hyūga was standing on, slipping the kunai away. He noted the tension drawn across Neji's face.

"You're hurt pretty bad, aren't you?"

"We need to find Hinata," Neji replied, activating his dōjutsu. "_Now_."

There was no room for argument in that too-calm tone. Shikamaru sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before slipping his fingers to the mic.

"Kiba?"

"Yeah! I'm on it. Akamaru's got her scent. We're closing fast."

"What are we looking at, Kiba?"

"Looks like its four guys left, including the sword guy and his buddy with the fire. Akamaru's scenting some pretty intense chakra. Hinata must have been tryin' to lead two others away from Neji before I arrived. Better move fast, yeah?"

"We'll be right there," Shikamaru dropped his hand, pausing as something occurred to him. He glanced across at Neji. "These bastards are after dōjutsu…"

"I know that," Neji snapped, turning his back.

Shikamaru watched him in confusion. "Then you'll know Hinata is a hell of a bigger target than I am right now. If you knew I was going in the wrong direction, why didn't you go straight to her instead of coming for me?"

Neji glanced over his shoulder, frowning. "What?"

"I said why the hell didn't you go straight to Hinata?"

Neji froze, hesitating a moment. "Stop wasting time, Shikamaru."

Then he was gone, taking the lead to turn them back around in the right direction. Shikamaru shook his head before picking up the pace, his feet glancing off branches as they moved through the canopies.

He kept his gaze on Neji's movements, looking for any sign of collapse. If the Hyūga was in pain, he was hiding it well. Not surprising. But if his chakra was running on empty, which Shikamaru assumed to be the case, they couldn't risk close-range.

_Which means I'm gonna have to nail the head-honcho with a damned shadow possession…great…_

The strategy took form in his mind, mapping itself out as if drawn by invisible fingers. Confident in the plan he touched his mic to communicate with Neji.

"When we converge with Kiba, I'm gonna need you guys to keep three of them occupied while I go for the ring-leader."

"Occupied?" Neji responded – then halted abruptly on the next tree.

Shikamaru cursed and skidded to a stop beside him. "Dammit, Neji. Warn me before you do that!"

"There's one thing we must be clear on, Shikamaru." Neji pressed a palm to the tree, his pale eyes fixed ahead. "The priority is to get Hinata out."

"The priority is to get _everyone_ out," Shikamaru returned smoothly, also keeping his gaze fixed ahead.

He didn't like the edge of finality lacing Neji's words.

"I'm at my limit," Neji admitted, his voice quiet. "And this enemy _has _no limit provided they continue to take those pills. Kiba and Akamaru will be needed to draw the fire wielder's attention long enough for you or Hinata to distract the other two, which leaves Fukurō an opening that I need to cover."

Shikamaru frowned. Now he _really_ didn't like where this was going.

"Look, how about you leave the strategy to me?"

Neji turned an irritated look on him. Shikamaru would have returned it but he was too busy thinking how to avoid or counter what he sensed was coming next.

"Because I outrank you, Nara and I have more experience with this enemy." Neji's expression shifted again, turning almost pensive. "If necessary I'll give Fukurō what he thinks he wants."

Shikamaru laughed. A short, hoarse rattle that sounded like a scoff because that was all he could possibly offer in response to something so stupid. Neji didn't share his amusement.

"And this is why you need to let me make the plans, Hyūga."

"Even the best laid plans can fail, Shikamaru."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," he smirked, trying desperately to keep things light.

"This isn't about you, Nara. I will distract Fukurō long enough for you to remove Hinata and get the others out," Neji continued, his calm words curdling an unexplainable nausea in the pit of Shikamaru's stomach.

_Just what the hell is he saying…?_

Shikamaru really hadn't expected this. He'd had every confidence that they would come out of this alive - without even considering something as last-resort based as what Neji was suggesting. Wasn't that the damned point of sending in backup? So this shit didn't happen?

"_Look_," Shikamaru growled. "Between you, Kiba and Akamaru, we can divide their attention long enough for me to get a shadow-possession in on this Fukurō guy. Hinata will catch on."

Neji shook his head. "While she may detect our formation she can't assume our game plan, Shikamaru. She has drawn them away from us, but by now Fukurō is right behind her. He will go straight for her, as he did with Kurenai. He is arrogant, but currently possesses the strength to back it up – with three other players."

"Strength can be thwarted by strategy. We can work this, Neji."

"There's no _time_. You've done what you came to do. Gai and Kurenai are safe and I would have been dead had Kiba not arrived earlier. But now, we have a new objective. Getting Hinata and the rest of you away from here, that is our objective now." Neji paused a moment. "At best, we all get away; at worst, the Byakugan's secret will die with me. The curse seal will ensure it."

Shikamaru stood up from his crouch, anger biting into his voice to cover up that horrible feeling gnawing in his gut. "Shut up, Neji. No one's gonna die."

He could feel the Hyūga watching him. "It is a variable we can't rule out. We've already underestimated the Tsubasa twice."

"I really don't care." Shikamaru shook his head. "Dying is not an outcome."

"Don't be stupid, Nara. If Hinata is compromised, then so is my entire clan. It is my duty to protect the heir to the Main Hou—"

"It's your damned duty to stay alive, Hyūga!" Shikamaru shot Neji a dark look, surprised at his own vehemence. "I already told you. Dying is not an outcome. Now be quiet and let me think."

To his surprise, Neji didn't snap back, or attempt to press his point; which was probably worse than if he had. It meant the Hyūga didn't see the worth in trying to convince someone of something that he was already set on. Shikamaru grit his teeth, his next words firing out before he could stop them.

"When did you start giving up so damn easy, anyway? What the hell's wrong with you? I thought you didn't accept losing."

Neji didn't offer a reply. Instead, the Hyūga skimmed his fingertips across his chest a few times as if tracing something unseen. Then he turned his head minutely, detecting something beyond range.

"Kiba is here."

Shikamaru nodded, turning just as Akamaru silently padded along the adjacent bough. The shadow-nin crouched down and crabbed his hands, his eyes drifting shut. He felt Neji shift beside him.

"They're almost here. You have three minutes, Shikamaru."

He only needed two.

* * *

**TBC**…

**A/N: **My massive thanks to you kind reviewers!

[chapter edited]


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Eight**

"_Protective eight trigrams, sixty-four palms!"_

Hinata slammed her protective shield outwards to counter a swarm of flaming projectiles. The chakra-blades of her unique jutsu shot from her hands like lasers, swinging to-and-fro to deflect the spinning stars and sending them on a sharp rebound back towards the enemies.

The flat of Fukurō's blade sent them bouncing straight back. "Bitch!"

Rather than duck, Hinata faced the attack, fending off the flak with chakra needles, firing them out in rapid processions that forced Fukurō to retreat for a moment.

Shikamaru's voice burst from somewhere above her.

"Hinata, get _back_!"

The Hyūga heiress spun around, her long raven-blue hair swinging. Kunai flew overhead, bomb-tags flapping from the hilts. The knives struck the ground ahead, forcing two of the four Tsubasa to leap away from the apparent explosives. But the detonating never came.

"It's a diversion!" One of the men roared, and as predicted, leapt forward after Hinata.

The idiot sprang straight into the path of a rigged shuriken that came whirring from the right, thin wires slicing through the air in a hiss and scatter, lacing him up to a tree like a fly caught in a cobweb.

"The first move is always a feint," Shikamaru mock-admonished from above, moving away as Hinata wasted no time in jumping forward to swiftly close off the enemies chakra points with the Gentle Fist.

"Neji! Now!" Shikamaru shouted.

The Hyūga burst from the cover of the canopies and hit the ground running, zigzagging a path across the clearing. The fire-wielding Tsubasa twisted around, like a heat-seeker following its meandering target. The enemy smirked and formed a hand sign.

"Fire Style! Fire ignition jutsu!"

A mass of flaming shuriken erupted in a heat-wave, searing across the clearing towards Neji. The Hyūga jumped and twisted, a small terracotta orb clutched in his palm – he smashed it just as a hail of flaming weapons slammed into him.

"Gotcha!" the enemy laughed, a shrill manic-pitched giggle, that cut off when the Hyūga's body hit the ground in a puff of smoke, revealing a ruined log before the oil-covered wood detonated.

"A substitution!"

The force of the explosion blew a small crater in the ground, slamming up dirt and splashing oil-fed fire in all directions. Fukurō snarled and slammed his sword into the earth, hiding behind the massive blade as fire licked and chased along the steel.

The enemy ninja still pinned to the tree went up in flames, screaming gory curses as he died. The fire-wielder looked stunned, but he strode confidently through the flames, snarling derisively.

"Idiots! You can't come at me with fire! It's my element after—!" he paused mid-step, frozen in the flames. "W-what?"

"Shadow possession, success." Shikamaru smirked from the cover of the trees, the flames in the clearing having granted a currently unlimited source of shadows to work with. "Nice work, Neji. Kiba! _Now_!"

"Fang over fang!"

A ferocious rumble shook the glade as the piercing whirl of Kiba's jutsu carved through the earth, creating an escape tunnel in its wake. The vicious drill slammed into the fire-wielder, cleaving him clean in two whilst simultaneously whipping away some of the fire. Neji came running through the tunnel created by Kiba's attack, protected from the flames by the makeshift passageway.

"Hinata-sama!"

The younger Hyūga responded immediately, darting out from the cover she'd taken, leaping around flaming foliage to meet her cousin at the mouth of the tunnel. She jerked to a halt, her Byakugan eyes dropping to Neji's chest.

"But…w…why?" She cupped a palm to her mouth, her eerie eyes tracing over his torso, seeing beneath the robes and skin. "Neji-niisan …what have you done to yourself?"

Neji bristled at her words, knowing she could see what no one else could. The sudden transparency of what he'd worked so hard to conceal pushed a confused bitterness into his expression that he couldn't disguise. But then Fukurō's snarl redirected his focus.

_Move!_

"Come!" Neji gripped Hinata's wrist, tugging her hand away from her mouth before turning on his heel to run back down the makeshift escape route, pulling her with him.

"Neji-niisan! Wait!" Hinata called from behind him.

"Keep running!" he growled, his own eyes squinting against the darkness and heat pressing in either side of the tunnel. "_Byakugan_!"

The moment he activated the dōjutsu he cursed, then twisted, gripping Hinata around the waist as he spun and dropped to one knee. He tucked her against his chest as he slammed them both to the ground, shielding her smaller frame when Fukurō's blade sliced above them, slashing through the crust of earth forming the tunnel. The severed top of the passageway collapsed onto Neji's back in a belch of dust and ash.

The blow flattened out the ground, exposing them to the flames.

Neji felt fire lick along his skin, eating into the sleeve of his robe. He grated his arm against the dirt to put out the flames and jutted his shoulder-blades to dislodge the crust of earth and rock from his back.

"Hinata…"

"Neji!" Hinata squeaked from beneath him. "Are you…?"

He pushed onto his hands and knees with a gasp, holding himself up on locked elbows as he stared down into her wide lavender eyes.

"Get up…get up and _run_…find Gai…find Kurenai_…_"

Her lips tightened defiantly. "Not without you!"

"GO!" Neji pressed off his palm, allowing her enough room to scramble to her feet before he smacked his hand into the small of her back to shove her away. "Run!"

Hinata stumbled at his shove, only to wheel back. "I won't run away!"

He knew those words.

_Damn Naruto and his suicidal Nindo!_

"Please! Go!" Neji barked, cutting off as he sensed the whistle of a hit he knew he couldn't avoid.

Hinata moved faster.

She threw her weight forward, hands gripped around a kunai that she scraped along the diagonal slash of Fukurō's blade, throwing it off kilter in a shower of sparks. The hit lodged into the ground a scant inch from Neji's face. If he turned his head, his breath could mist the steel of the blade.

"Hn. How sweet." Fukurō sneered, backhanding Hinata with a reverse swing.

Neji's eyes flashed.

The Tsubasa's strike exposed his chest, allowing for Neji to roll onto his back, draw his knees to his chest and slam his feet into the bastard's ribs. Fukurō was pitched away, but never lost his grip on his blade. Neji rocked onto his feet, glaring at Hinata; frustration and concern tearing across his eyes.

"Damn you, just _go_!"

"I won't!" She snapped back, with surprising aggression.

"Don't be a hero!" Neji hissed, gripping his chest. "You _owe_ it to our clan to _live_!"

"Our _clan_ owe it to your _father_, not to make you a Hyūga sacrifice too!" Hinata cried back, scrambling over to him.

Neji choked on his reply. He felt a different kind of pain stirring in his core, like the subtle stirrings of a dormant hurricane, scraping up broken feelings inside of him that threatened to erupt into something he wouldn't allow himself to face.

_No…no…_

He clenched his teeth, shoving down the confusing, dangerous feelings. Now was not the time. As if to illustrate his thoughts, Fukurō charged like a rabid animal, the tip of his blade slashing viciously.

"It ends here!" he screamed, spit flying from his lips.

Neji turned, slamming his arm out to push Hinata behind him, but she lunged to his defence, chakra needles flying from her hand. They skittered off the careening blade, one piercing Fukurō's neck and striking a nerve that caused his arm to violently spasm.

Fukurō lost his grip on the sword and the blade went spinning like a deadly boomerang with the momentum of his jolted arm. The hilt caught Neji in the hip with a sharp crack, knocking the lethal edge in a veer – straight into Hinata.

"NO!"

Blood sluiced across the ground in a sickening splatter.

The blade barely made a sound when it hit the earth.

Then it was quiet.

* * *

_It's way too quiet…not good…dammit…_

"Kiba!" Shikamaru shouted, hoping his voice would carry, considering he couldn't currently move. "Answer me, dammit! Where are you?"

Shikamaru jerked his head at the sound of a distant roar, his focus wavering as if someone had struck him.

_What the hell…?_

The choked gurgle of the fourth Tsubasa caused him to turn his gaze back to the man struggling against his jutsu. Shikamaru's eyes narrowed and a final pulse of his chakra closed the shadow hand around the man's throat. The enemy's eyes bulged, pleading for mercy Shikamaru wouldn't give. The shadow-strangle jutsu crushed the man's windpipe. Shikamaru dropped the corpse and turned, reaching for his transmitter.

"Kiba, where the hell are you!"

Nothing.

_Dammit!_

Shikamaru scanned the forest while praying to Gods he never normally thought about. Kiba's jutsu had obliterated the fire-wielder, but it had rebounded off the chakra pulse from Fukurō's blasted sword, sending both dog and owner flying in opposite directions.

It had been a calculated risk they'd had to take. Kiba said he'd be prepared.

_Just be alive, dammit._

Opting for vantage of height, Shikamaru scaled the trees and followed the trail of the tunnel Neji and Hinata had taken, anxiety clawing at his nerves.

_Be alive. Be alive. Be alive._

A shrill noise burst in his ear.

"_Shikamaru!"_Kurenai's voice filtered through the screeching mic.

"Kurenai-sensei! You mobile?" His fingers flew to his transmitter.

"I'm with Kiba and Akamaru."

Shikamaru's breath fled his lips in relief. _"_Are they okay?"

"Yes, they're alive. Their wounds aren't serious but Gai has medic-nin meeting us half-way from the village. Where are Hinata and Neji?"

"I'm on it."

Shikamaru swung down a level, gaining speed now that he knew Kiba was alright. The shadow-nin ran along the lower boughs as he tracked the tunnel to its rupture point.

_Shit!_

He paused, scanned the area, then dropped down, looping a kunai into the crook of his finger as he inched forward, his eyes still tracking the perimeter. The crackle of dying flames filled the otherwise quiet forest, fanning black smoke skyward. Shikamaru used it for cover, slipping quietly between the wafting plumes, cinders spitting beneath his feet as he weaved through.

_What a mess…_

He raised his arm, burying his nose and mouth into the crook of his arm to keep from coughing. He had to narrow his eyes against the sting of the smoke, searching for some movement through the fog.

His foot scuffed metal.

Shikamaru glanced down through his lashes, his pinched eyes widening at the sight of Fukurō's mammoth blade; the edge sticky with blood.

"No_…"_

He didn't realise he'd said it out loud.

"_Shika…maru_…"

He snapped his head up at the sound of his name; then realised that it had crackled through his transmitter. He swallowed the tension in his throat before responding.

"Where are you?" Shikamaru spoke quietly, waving his free arm to dispel some of the smoke as he emerged from the heated smog.

He almost jerked in shock when fingers brushed his leg, his attention having been directed up. He dropped his eyes down and his heart slammed into his throat.

"Hinata_…_"

* * *

Fukurō half-collapsed against a tree, dragging his weight up with a growl. One half of his body felt paralysed and no amount of chakra seemed able to fix whatever that bitch had done to his system. It simply wouldn't respond. Not only that, but he'd had to forfeit his blade as well.

"Bastards…" The Tsubasa leader smacked his fist into the tree with a snarl before making to shuffle forward.

He never got the chance.

A kunai lodged into the crook of his knee, causing his leg to buckle. He went down hard, howling a curse and rolling to try and dislodge the weapon. He froze with his hand on the hilt, his lip pulled back in a sneer before a weak chuckle shook his body.

"Well would you look at that…"

Neji didn't offer a response.

The Jōnin strode forward with a fluidity that defied the agony flaring in his hip; his white-clad frame streaked with blood and ash, long hair swaying with his smooth strides.

He looked like some fallen angel cast out from hell.

Without pause, he kicked aside Fukurō's hand, wrenched the kunai free and plunged it in a violent stab straight into the Tsubasa leader's gut, hacking across in a vicious belly-cut.

No delay, no smart words.

Just execution.

A parody of an honourable death.

The Tsubasa's eyes swelled, his mouth gaping in a silent scream. Neji kept his gaze locked on Fukurō. His eyes were what the bastard had wanted – and they would be the last things the Tsubasa would ever see.

* * *

The trees fled past in a rustle, leaves whispering around the running Chūnin as Shikamaru leapt from bough to bough.

"I'm sorry_…"_

He blinked, almost missing the softly whispered words against his chest. He dropped his gaze down to the cargo cradled securely in his arms.

"Hmn?"

"I'm sorry…" Hinata murmured again, her half-lidded gaze straying from the tourniquet bound around her thigh, to Shikamaru's face.

"What the hell are you apologising for?" Shikamaru shook his head.

"I broke team…"

Shikamaru's eyes widened before he smiled dryly, his voice rolling out on a droll note. "A Hyūga is givin' me an apology, huh? It's been a crazy day…"

Understatement_._

It had been a fucking terrible day.

Shikamaru's stomach had done more flips than a damned wind-up toy and he was pretty sure that Neji harboured some premeditated plan to give him a heart-attack.

_He'd better be alive…_

While Hinata's bleeding had been staunched, the blade had almost severed an artery. By some God's grace or blinding stroke of luck, she had been radiating enough chakra from her hands to wobble the trajectory in the split second it had taken the weapon to spin.

She said Neji had secured her leg and then taken off after Fukurō. Shikamaru wasn't surprised, but he'd hoped the Jōnin might have valued a little self-preservation. Hinata had come to her cousin's defence, supporting his actions. The fact was, while Fukurō breathed, they were still at risk.

"Just hold tight, we're almost there," Shikamaru announced, carefully hefting her in his grip. "Gai-sensei will take you the rest if the way, okay? He's faster than I am."

"Neji…" Hinata craned her neck, glancing back the way they'd come. "He's…"

"I'll find him." Shikamaru managed a weak smile. "If he doesn't find me first, the sneaky bastard."

"Shikamaru-kun?" He watched her eyes shutter, her small voice carrying even softer.

Shikamaru hummed, glancing down. Hinata didn't answer immediately, taking her time to pinch the blood from her bottom lip as she worried it between her teeth. She struggled with her next words.

"You need to keep Neji away from my father…"

Shikamaru's footing almost wavered, but he pushed off the next bough without pause. His sense told him that her words rated high in his category of 'not my problem' but at the same time, he found that his mouth did a 'Naruto' and bypassed his brain.

"Why's that?" he tried to pitch the question without sounding suspicious; not that he didn't have cause to be.

"Because…it'll make things worse…"

Shikamaru sighed, shaking his head. "You know, I'm not exactly in the Hyūga loop of family secrets…if you want me to help you out here, you're gonna have to make this a little clearer for me."

He felt the drape of Hinata's arm tighten around his shoulders. "I think I finally understand…why Neji has been staying away from home…"

Shikamaru didn't prompt her, letting her speak in her own time, while attempting to let the pause translate how much he really didn't want to be involved in all this. Before he could glance down at her, she spoke again.

"If he comes home…and if…if he trains with my father…then he'll see what I saw...anyone with the Byakugan can see it…"

Shikamaru waited for an elaboration that didn't come.

_Man, what a pain…am I supposed to be psychic or something?_

"Don't hold out on me here," Shikamaru drawled, causing her to duck her head apologetically. "Are you talking about those bruises on his chest?"

Hinata's eyes snapped wide and she stared up at him. "You know?"

_Shit…I thought she knew that I knew…_

Wasn't that the reason she'd been looking at him so expectantly before? Shikamaru shook his head, frowning.

_Ugh…this is ridiculous…_

"Know _what_ exactly?" Shikamaru countered. "I just know that two months ago he had some marks there."

Not a complete lie. But if Hinata wasn't laying all the cards on the table, he had no intention of showing his hand either. He knew his expression wasn't giving that much away, but he wouldn't underestimate how perceptive she was.

"I don't know why…but…" Hinata shook her head. "He's blocked vital tenketsu…the pathways…linked to his lungs...and his heart…"

_He did WHAT?_

Shikamaru felt his own heart do something curiously uncomfortable. He'd known two months ago that Neji had done something rash in that stupid, drunken moment. But hadn't it ended there?

_Shit…he actually 'blocked' the pathways?_

Shikamaru was no medic-nin, but it didn't take much to do the math. He'd seen the damage the Gentle Fist could do when altering tenketsu; the pathways were vital for functioning.

He forced himself to take a breath and planted his feet, swaying to a stop as he stared down at Hinata. She wouldn't look at him, her eyes cast down and her brow furrowed in concern.

"I wish I knew why…" She whispered, shaking her head, distress causing her words to come in halting breaths. "It just…doesn't make sense at all…to do something like that…I…"

"Hey, take it easy…" Shikamaru said softly, commanding a lazy ease he really didn't feel in that moment, but knew he had to fake. "I'll think of something, okay? It'll be alright."

For one brain-freezing moment, he thought she was going to cry. But she didn't and he felt a little guilty at how relieved he was. However, she finally lifted her eyes and settled that same deeply concerned, trustingly expectant look on him.

_Crap…women and their puppy eyes…_

He smiled faintly despite his reluctance, walking carefully along the bough to set her down against the trunk of the tree. He crouched at eye-level, meeting her gaze.

"Listen, it's best if we don't tell anyone about this, okay?" Shikamaru snorted, rubbing at his eyes with a mutter. "Less people involved, the less likely I'll end up hospitalised with your cousin's hands around my throat."

Hinata blinked, then realised that it was supposed to be a joke. She tried to smile and looped her hair behind her ear, humming uncertainly as her gaze slid away. "Okay."

"Hey…" Shikamaru waited until she glanced up. "It'll be alright, okay?"

She smiled, effectively sealing the deal. There was no way out of it now. He'd just jumped into the deep end of problems that weren't his and there was nothing to do but tread the damn waters.

_Crap…_

"Alright then." Shikamaru smiled crookedly, reaching for his transmitter just as Gai came into sight, bouncing toward them like a demented green frog on crack, all vital and ready to roll.

_I just wanna sleep…for a week…_

"Shikamaru-kun?" Hinata gripped his wrist before he could rise.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you…" Accompanying those words was that damning, trusting, way-too-troublesome smile.

Despite his mental grumbling, the weight of her expectation felt lightened by something Shikamaru couldn't identify. It felt like some strange sense of acceptance in his gut. As if he'd have ended up doing this anyway, even if she hadn't asked.

_I'm on my way to signing off on my sanity…_

Hinata smiled again and Shikamaru rolled his eyes with a long-suffering, self-depreciating sigh.

"Troublesome."

* * *

Their paths crossed before sunset.

Shikamaru had expected some kind of effort-riddled chase that would involve a lot of swearing and thinking on his part and a lot of silence and avoidance on Neji's.

It didn't happen.

To his relief and surprise, the Hyūga didn't run or fight and Shikamaru found he had no need to push or wise-crack his way through anything. Like a shit load of defences. That wasn't to say that Neji was approachable. The moment Shikamaru crossed the short distance towards him, the Hyūga squared his shoulders and that too-calm mask settled across his face.

_So stubborn._

But Neji's eyes gave him away and when he spoke, Shikamaru noticed that the Jōnin's voice carried the same hairline fractures as his opalescent orbs.

"Hinata?"

"She's safe. Gai's taking her back to the village, a medic-team will meet them halfway." Shikamaru tilted his head before adding, "She's going to be fine. The others too."

A barely perceivable ripple chased across Neji's face – relief, probably. Shikamaru couldn't really tell. He offered a grim quirk of his lips, but his dark eyes were tracking over Neji carefully. He was a mess. There was a lot of blood. He hoped not all of it was the Hyūga's.

"Fukurō?"

"Dead."

Shikamaru hummed, his eyes briefly casting over Neji's shoulder, looking for a ghost that didn't come. Overriding everything else in that moment was the acute sense of relief. They'd all survived. They'd pulled through, hedging some of their bets on luck and the rest on a quick, two-minute strategy.

For now, the enemy had been suppressed. Whatever repercussions may or may not result from the remainder of the Tsubasa clan was a fight left for another day. Shikamaru sure as hell wanted no part in _that_. He turned his attention back to Neji, frowning at the blossom of red spreading from the Jōnin's right hip.

"Can you walk?"

"Yes." Neji nodded, reluctantly adding, "…slowly."

Shikamaru smiled a little, knowing what it probably did to the Hyūga's pride to admit that. He shrugged as he lazily rolled on his heel and fell into step beside Neji.

"Works for me, Hyūga, I like to take things slowly."

"Mn." Neji hobbled beside him, still struggling to muster some amount of grace.

Shikamaru almost reached out to touch Neji's back and steer him, much as he had when the Hyūga had been drunk. Instead he folded his hands behind his head and pretended to stretch as they walked.

"You know, I didn't think I was petty enough to ever say this, but on this occasion I'm going to…" Shikamaru glanced sidelong at Neji. "I told you so."

Neji stared at the ground for a moment, frowning in confusion before he returned the glance through his lashes. "Oh?"

Shikamaru smiled; a wry, subtle curve of his lips before he looked away, declaring quietly, "You're alive, aren't you?"

* * *

The sky was scarred a deep, bruised purple by the time they made it back to the village, the last traces of sunset sinking away into folds of dusk. Shikamaru had predicted that a medic-nin would be waiting to greet them as they passed through the gates.

He hadn't expected Sakura – or Naruto, for that matter.

_Crap._

The Uzumaki bounded ahead of the pink-haired kunoichi, breaking Shikamaru and Neji's advance with a look of indignation and concern; a combination only Naruto could pull off while simultaneously letting everyone beyond earshot know about it.

"What the hell happened, Shikamaru? What took you guys so long!"

Shikamaru waved the energetic ninja off. "Man, such a kid."

Naruto scowled, turning his attention onto Neji. "What happened? Man, you look like an avalanche hit you!"

Shikamaru didn't have time to tell the loudmouth to shut up before Sakura's fist smacked into the back of Naruto's head. "Quit it!"

"Thanks." Shikamaru smirked at her, ignoring Naruto's wounded glare.

Satisfied, Sakura stepped over to Neji, her expression turning grave as her green eyes scanned over his blood-stained robes. "Let me see."

"It's just my hip, the rest I can deal with." Neji shifted his weight onto his uninjured side as Sakura cupped her hands over the fractured area, channelling restorative chakra to heal the damage.

"You should really get yourself checked up, Neji," she suggested softly.

"It's alright." The Hyūga shook his head.

"Hey! What the hell happened with Hinata?" Naruto piped up, still rubbing the raw spot on the back of his head.

"Shut up," Shikamaru snapped.

"I _won't_ shut up!" Naruto growled, his good-intentions once again making themselves known at the most inappropriate time.

Shikamaru didn't have the patience for it, especially when Naruto turned toward Neji. He didn't even know how, but his body moved in an instant, standing between Naruto and the Hyūga like a cold, ominous shadow.

"_Back off_." Shikamaru dropped the words in a tone he didn't know he possessed; low and threatening, made all the more disturbing by the fact that he didn't sound angry, just deadly serious.

For a moment no one spoke.

Naruto simply stared, his expressive eyes swimming with a look of hurt and shocked confusion that robbed him of an angry retort. Shikamaru stared back, containing his own surprise at his actions a lot better.

_What the hell is wrong with me?_

Sakura dropped her hands from Neji's hip and straightened up from her crouch. She made a quick move to diffuse the tension by punching Naruto on the arm lightly.

"Unless _you_ want to end up the hospital, just give it a rest, okay?"

Naruto didn't take his eyes of Shikamaru, his brow furrowing a little. "Yeah…" he murmured huskily, sounding a little shaken. "Sure."

Shikamaru blinked, immediately slipping back into his lazy, familiar skin of nonchalance as if he'd never shed it. He cupped a hand over his mouth and yawned, rolling his shoulders against the tension.

"Well I've had enough excitement for one damned day. Later." He waved over his shoulder to Sakura and Naruto, idly strolling away. "Neji, got a minute?"

The Hyūga dipped his head to Sakura, thanking her before accepting the offered chance for escape. He caught up with Shikamaru when the shadow-nin slowed his steps.

"What is it, Nara?"

"You're not going home are you?" Shikamaru continued to stroll, appearing totally disinterested. He could sense Neji tense up beside him. "Relax, Neji…"

This word only served to have the Hyūga tensing up further before he released a slow breath, shocking Shikamaru with his lack of irritation.

"No," Neji murmured. "I'm not."

"Figures." Shikamaru shot him a sidelong glance. "I'm guessing you're not gonna go get yourself checked up by a medic either, right?"

"I'm fine."

Shikamaru already knew the hospital wasn't an option. Hiashi Hyūga would be there with Hinata, or if not him, another from the clan. It was too risky; especially if Hinata's warning was anything to go by.

"Need a place to crash?" he blurted out, managing to make it seem casual.

Neji hesitated, his lips thinning as he frowned. "Why would you—?"

"Take it or leave it." Shikamaru rolled his shoulders lazily. "Offer stands. Just don't expect me to play host."

Neji didn't say anything, but he didn't walk away either. In fact, he kept pace with Shikamaru, not falling back or moving forward – just coasting silently beside the Chūnin. Shikamaru supposed it was Neji's way of keeping his dignity.

It's not like the Hyūga had much choice of anywhere else to stay.

Anyone else would insist he get medical attention, which Shikamaru supposed _he_ would somehow have to provide without insulting the Hyūga's troublesome pride. The option of Neji checking into an inn simply _wasn't_ an option. It would only raise eyebrows in the village. The Hyūga were much like the Uchiha had been, keeping to their residences – and when the Hyūga valued their prestige and privacy, there was no need to downgrade.

"I do not want to impose…" Neji managed after a tense silence, sounding rigid and uncomfortable.

Shikamaru chuckled, unable to stop himself. "Man, you're somethin' else. Relax, it's not a problem."

Which was a lie.

It was a _big_ fucking problem as far as Shikamaru was privately concerned. The shadow-nin intrinsically _knew_ this, but apparently some stupid, complicated, bothersome part of him instinctively _knew_ something _else_.

The same foolish part of him that had chased Neji down two months ago and had silenced the opal-eyed ninja's fury with a crash of tongue and teeth…the same stupid part that had invited Neji into a slice of his world that he liked to keep uncomplicated…the very same insane and _distracting_ part of his brain that couldn't shake the image of the normally stoic-faced Jōnin laughing and meandering in tipsy lines…

Add to all that the most damning, _dangerous_ part. The part which had watched over Neji's troubled sleep and had harassed Shikamaru with a clawing concern he couldn't understand…the same kind that had just caused him to come between Neji and Naruto with an uncharacteristic but automatic aggression that deeply disconcerted him…

Oh yes.

It was a _big_ _fucking_ _problem_…

And for all his genius, he had no clue how the hell to solve it…or if he even wanted to.

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N:**Ta da! And there we have it – Hinata lives to fight another day. As for Shikamaru and Neji, things are about to get interesting. **Reviewers**, my most sincere thanks again – I _keep_ saying it and will continue to do so because it's true; it means so much to get your feedback, so THANK YOU.

[chapter edited]


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Nine**

The Nara forest lay carpeted by the thinnest veil of mist, filled with the nocturnal symphony of chirping cicadas from below and the rustling of maple leaves from above. In the darkness, fireflies skittered or drifted, fading in and out of the mists like fallen stars.

Neji watched their dance through tired, shuttered eyes, his fingertips smoothing a healing salve over the faint burns along his arm.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd been this exhausted.

But it felt different from the usual fatigue of chakra expenditure. He hadn't been lying earlier when he said he'd reached his limit. His chakra was so low it felt as if someone had torn the blood and mobility out of his body, sapping vital strength that he normally commanded with the arrogant assurance that it would always be there.

But this tiredness was something different.

It was an ache that went deep, deep into his bones, tightening his ribs and leaving him feeling hints of that dangerous breathlessness he'd been fighting back for two months.

_Not now…not tonight…I don't think I can fight it tonight…_

His fingers stilled against his arm then tugged the yukata sleeve back down. The Hyūga sat outside on the low veranda, bathed in a soft puddle of light that filtered dimly from the very same guest quarters he'd slipped out of and away from two months ago.

_I shouldn't be here…_

He shouldn't have accepted Shikamaru's offer at all; but there was no safer alternative. Either way, his mental discomfort had paled against the pain slowly seeping through his muscles. The moment he'd crossed the threshold into the Nara residence, his body had finally begun to give out. His fingers had started that offensive shaking; small, barely perceivable tremors. Shikamaru must have noticed, because the shadow-wielder had quietly – and thankfully without a fuss – set about getting medicinal supplies; all the while appearing casual and unbothered.

_He shouldn't be bothering at all…_

But he was. Neji didn't want to think about why.

Instead, the Hyūga dropped his shoulder and peeled the yukata down, applying some salve to his back as best he could. It was no small blessing that the Nara clan held a wealth of therapeutic liniments.

Neji couldn't help but be a little surprised.

What with the lackadaisical attitude that a lot of the Nara men possessed, it made it impossible to believe they had the focus required to commit to such dedicated healing research.

Perhaps he should have been thanking Shikamaru's mother – it was _her_ stash of carefully kept medicine that Shikamaru had pilfered through with a muttered commentary about her troublesome habit not to label things. Neji quickly checked the salve, just to make sure he wasn't rubbing something questionable into his shoulder.

A thud sounded from somewhere inside.

"Crap…"

Neji turned his head at the quiet curse. The shoji door slid open a little more and Shikamaru slipped out sideways, a tray precariously balanced on one palm.

"You made tea," Neji observed before turning his gaze to the garden, then back to the forest beyond. "I thought you weren't going to play host."

"Don't expect a three-course meal," Shikamaru drawled, setting the tray down on the swept wood of the veranda. "Tea is about as hospitable as it's gonna get."

Neji quirked his lip weakly, placing the salve aside. "I appreciate the obvious effort."

"You should." Shikamaru lazily sank down to sit, one leg hanging over the porch, the other propped up to support his arm. "My mom would be so proud…"

While it wasn't necessary, Neji somewhat appreciated the humour. It was difficult enough to be in such a position – again. It irked the Hyūga like nothing else to know that Shikamaru had been privy to these dangerous slips in his stoic mien. Had he possessed the energy, Neji might have attempted to remove himself from the veranda, but to his private irritation he valued the lack of pain over his pride at the moment.

His thoughts must have been playing across his face, because Shikamaru chuckled quietly. "Relax, Neji."

Again that word.

Neji let his eyes shift down from the play of fireflies, to trace the wide stones leading up to the still waters of the garden pond.

_Relax._

He couldn't afford to, even if he'd wanted to. He told himself he didn't. He couldn't relax, not for a second. Every time he tried to loosen the tension in his core, a rattling syncopation began to affect his breathing. Like to let go would unleash something he didn't have the energy to face.

_Not tonight…just not tonight…_

Relaxation fell low on his list of objectives. Recuperation and scraping together some measure of dignity was what mattered now.

Neji released a quiet breath and reached for the tea, his pale fingers weaving through the steam of the drink before he lifted the small cup, taking a sip of the soothing brew. A wince drew his attention to Shikamaru. The Chūnin had craned his neck slightly, his dark eyes settled on Neji's exposed shoulder blade.

"That looks pretty bad."

"It doesn't feel too great either." Neji quirked his lip, trying to downplay the wound he couldn't see but could most definitely feel. The collapsing roof of the tunnel hadn't done his back any favours. "But it will heal."

"Hn. You really should get yourself checked up."

"If I were on a mission, I wouldn't have that luxury."

"Well, you're not on a mission," Shikamaru supplied lightly, reaching for his teacup, tipping his chin toward the wound. "That could get infected."

"I trust the ointment you gave me will prevent infection."

"Let's just hope I've given you the right stuff and not weapon oil or something."

Neji paused, his lips hovering above the thin rim of the teacup. He shot Shikamaru a sideways glance. "That's not funny…"

Shikamaru pursed his lips in a way that indicated he was trying not to smile. "Guess not."

Neji wasn't taking any chances. He glanced down at the salve he'd set to the side, resisting the urge to activate his Byakugan to see through the container. He heard Shikamaru chuckle and snapped his gaze back up, covering his embarrassment with a scowl.

"It won't be funny when I use it to oil the weapon I'm going to stab you with should this turn out to be—"

"Careful Hyūga, that sounds inappropriately suggestive…" Shikamaru hid his smile behind a waft of steam from the tea.

"Shikamaru," Neji warned.

"Hell, how do you even have the energy to be making threats?" Shikamaru smirked, a chuckle softening any bite in his sarcasm. "Aren't you tired?"

_Yes._

Neji felt his irritation deflate and he managed a quiet hum in response. Tired was an understatement. He twisted at the waist, only to stop mid-way between reaching for the salve when pain shot like a lance through his hip.

Tired, pissed off and in pain – that was closer to the mark.

He bit back his frustration and set about attempting to tend to the wounds he could reach, all the while keeping his eyes pointedly _away_ from the other ninja.

"We've got some sedatives somewhere," Shikamaru said. "Should help you sleep through the pain."

"You mean you aren't going to knock me unconscious like last time?" Neji snorted, but his eyes carried a veiled amusement. "How thoughtful of you."

"Come to think of it, that would be less troublesome." Shikamaru smirked, sitting up a little straighter until his profile became embossed by moonlight.

The eerie glow hollowed his features, making the Nara's brown eyes seem as black as onyx, the light of closely hovering fireflies sparking in the dark depths. Neji quickly flicked his gaze away, frowning. Shikamaru mistook his expression for pain.

"To the left."

Neji blinked at the odd words, but didn't look up; he was too busy concentrating on hooking his arm back and smoothing his fingers along the gash in his shoulder-blade.

"Excuse me?"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and set his cup down with a light chink against the tray.

"Ugh, what a drag…" the shadow-nin grumbled, shifting over to kneel behind Neji.

Neji's fingertips froze; his entire body tensing up like he'd just caught a chill. "What are you doing?"

"Relax, I'm not gonna braid your hair or anything…unless you start acting like a girl by making this difficult."

Neji bristled at the insult, casting a sharp glance over his shoulder. Shikamaru smirked and reached across to tug the salve from Neji's fingers. Apparently asking permission didn't mean anything to the Chūnin, which shouldn't have surprised Neji really. The Hyūga distracted himself with the tea, taking a sip as he listened to Shikamaru twist the cap off the salve.

For a horrible moment, it was like the world held its breath.

An awkward kind of tension clung to Neji's body as if he were preparing himself to be stabbed. Shikamaru's breathy chuckle fanned across his shoulder, causing his brows to furrow sharply. Why was he laughing?

"You're holding your breath again." The Nara's voice carried his smile. "Quit doing that."

"I'm _not_," Neji bit back, knowing it was a complete lie but unable to keep from reacting.

_Why do I always take the bait with this bastard?_

To Neji's horror, his skin prickled beneath the sweeping touch of Shikamaru's fingertips as they glided gently across his shoulder-blade, brushing his hair aside. Thankfully, he preserved enough self-control not to fidget.

"Would you stop tensing up and try to breathe like a normal person?"

"Oh shut up, Nara."

Shikamaru's harassed breath chased across his shoulder again. "You're such a damn pain."

"Then don't bother."

"How the hell does your hair not get in the way of everything you do?"

"I'm used to it." Neji took a sip of his tea, not daring to turn and glare as Shikamaru ended up dumping said hair over his shoulder to stream down his chest.

"So you don't wanna haircut while I'm back here then?"

"Shikamaru…"

"Settle down, Hyūga."

Neji smiled slightly, shaking his head. Thankfully Shikamaru couldn't see his expression – which abruptly shifted when a cool, slick touch smoothed along the raw edges of the gouge in his shoulder. Neji drew a short, sharp breath, holding it tight as he felt the faintly calloused pads of Shikamaru's fingers skim gently across his skin.

A parade of tingles exploded along his spine.

_It's the balm._

At least, that's what he logically told himself it was. There was no reason it should be anything else. He blinked when the flat of Shikamaru's palm pressed gently between his shoulder blades, forcing his shoulders to drop back a little and his chest to protract.

"Breathe," Shikamaru instructed softly.

Neji released the tense lock at his jaw, silently letting the air seep from his lips. It almost snagged in his throat again when he felt the heel of Shikamaru's hand drag along the length of his spine, as if rolling out the tension and forcing him to expel another breath.

"Not too difficult, right?" Shikamaru teased.

_I wish that were true._

Neji didn't offer a response and instead just closed his eyes, setting down his teacup to brace his hand against the porch floor. The warmth from Shikamaru's palm narrowed to the light skim of fingertips, which moved carefully over the sore skin, applying a generous sheet of the salve.

"Hopefully it won't scar too bad," Shikamaru said.

Neji hummed, trying not to focus on the odd sensations fluttering through him. He pinned it down to being exhausted, because he couldn't identify any other reason as to why it felt so calming to be touched like this. The gentle glide of Shikamaru's fingers continued like the sweep of a brush, lulling Neji into a stillness he'd not been able to attain despite his routine habits of meditation.

He could feel his mind drifting and his breathing lulling.

Shikamaru's thumb grazed his spine softly. "Hey, you falling asleep there?"

Neji's lashes fluttered open, his voice quiet. "Don't be ridiculous…"

"No bad thing, just not the best place to take a nap."

"I'm not falling asleep. As if I could, while sitting up like this."

"Hey, it's possible. I've done it before."

"I'd believe it," Neji muttered, sounding more amused than he'd intended. "I wouldn't put it past you to fall asleep while standing."

"Hey, nothing wrong with catchin' a nap when an opportunity presents itself." Shikamaru stretched across for the salve again.

Neji let his eyes shutter, trying to ignore the chill that danced along his skin until the stroke of Shikamaru's fingers chased it away again. He cleared his throat, trying not to react to the odd sensation. It was ridiculous to be giving it his attention at all.

"Why do you sleep so much anyway?" Neji asked, needing a distraction. "It's not as if you exert the kind of effort that warrants it."

Rather than offer an expected retort, Shikamaru fell quiet, as if considering the question. Neji almost thought he wasn't going to bother to respond. Of course, Shikamaru surprised him.

"Asuma-sensei has a theory that it's because my mind doesn't switch off…hence the need to just blackout whenever I can to get it to shut up."

Neji blinked, arching a brow as he turned his head minutely, the sharp line of his jaw visible as he stole a glance at the shadow-nin. "Oh?"

"Yeah…" Shikamaru slanted out of sight, his attention shifting to Neji's opposite shoulder blade. "But it's just a theory. Sounds like a load of crap to me."

Neji considered this for a moment. It actually made perfect sense. Mental fatigue impacted the body in a way physical exertion didn't. If the rate at which Shikamaru's brain operated had anything to do with it, it was little surprise that the shadow-nin snatched naps whenever he could.

Neji hummed. "Well, if your mind is the problem, you could always ask someone to render you unconscious as you so politely did to me."

"Ugh, you're not gonna let that go are you?" Shikamaru chuckled, the sound rolling across Neji's skin.

"I can't believe you did that." _Amongst other things…_His mind silently added.

"Yeah well, don't make me do it again." Shikamaru's palm pressed firmly against his spine, forcing him to arch and release another slow breath. "_Breathe_."

Pain tightened in Neji's chest. "Please stop doing that."

Shikamaru ignored him and went back to checking the damage to his shoulders, occasionally slanting from one side to the other in a comical sway which Neji assumed was to let the light from the guest room illuminate his back.

The Nara took another few minutes to check over the gouges before taking up the gauze to patch up the area. "It may be uncomfortable to sleep on your back."

"Mmn." Neji let his eyes drift shut again, listening to the shuffle of movement as Shikamaru carefully smoothed medical tape down to secure the dressing. "I didn't thank you…for taking Hinata to Gai-senpai…"

"Not a problem."

Neji hesitated before asking his next question. "Was she in much pain?"

He felt Shikamaru's hand waver for a moment before settling on his shoulder. "She was more concerned about you."

Neji felt as if a screw tightened in his chest. "She shouldn't have been."

"Yeah well, that tends to happen when you care."

"Caring almost got her _killed_." Neji's throat locked straight after the words slipped out. He hadn't meant to say that out loud; or his next statement. "She could have died."

"Yeah, so could _you_."

"That's not the point, Shikamaru." Neji tried to tug his shoulder away from Shikamaru's hand, but the Nara's fingers tightened.

"I told you dying wasn't an option. Now let it go."

_I can't. I'm supposed to protect her._

Neji grit his teeth, more against that damned pain tightening his chest. He tilted slightly; the pathetic slant was the only energy he could summon to put some distance between himself and Shikamaru.

"How can you take it so lightly, Nara?"

"Look, just because I'm not gonna waste effort worrying over something that _could_ have happened but _didn't_, doesn't mean I'm 'taking it lightly'."

He sensed Shikamaru's gaze boring into the back of his head but then the Nara's thumb smoothed against his skin in a slow press, somehow managing to calm him as quickly as the words had riled him. Such a simple touch and it had Neji's insides twisting with some indescribable contradiction of feeling. Before he could try to understand it, the touch dropped away, like the warmth of the sun passing behind a cloud.

Shikamaru shifted to sit across from Neji, taking up his teacup again. Neji took the opportunity to tug his yukata back up, folding it neatly into place as he kept his eyes averted. His gaze followed the evanescent shimmer of light rippling across the surface of the pond.

"Besides," Shikamaru shrugged. "Feeling guilty doesn't change anything."

Neji tensed. "I didn't say I felt guilty."

"You don't have to say you look like hell either, but you do. Some things don't need to be spelled out, Hyūga."

Neji had no response to Shikamaru's words, as honestly, he had no idea what he currently looked like. Had he bothered to wipe the condensation from the mirror in the bathroom and face himself, he'd have found shadows of exhaustion clinging to the hollows of his cheeks and pooling beneath his eyes. He'd have discovered the sharp, elegant angles of his face had turned gaunt and haunted.

Silence slipped between him and Shikamaru, filled only by an occasional exhale as he heard the Chūnin's breath waft across the surface of his teacup to scatter the fading steam. Neji fought to keep his eyes on the pond, trying to slip into that safe zone of meditative quiet that Shikamaru had somehow managed to grant him with a simple touch.

It was ridiculous.

_Why is it so difficult? It never used to be this difficult…_

The Hyūga closed his eyes, trying to reassemble what felt horribly scattered, drifting further out of the boundaries of his control with every heartbeat. He had _never_ been uncomfortable with silence before. It had always been a refuge. But now it only drew attention to the noise pounding at his temples, to the hitch in his chest and to that dull ache he couldn't seem to control.

_Control…_

He slipped his eyes open a little, painfully aware of how infuriatingly in control Shikamaru appeared to be, without even trying.

_Damn him._

Envy exploded hot and horrid in Neji's chest, crawling up his throat like bile before expelling itself in an acerbic snort.

"It must be so easy for you…" Neji heard himself saying aloud, while part of his mind, mortified, scrambled wildly to silence his tongue.

Shikamaru paused with his tea half-way to his lips. "What?"

"Nothing."

Shikamaru arched a brow as he slid his gaze across. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"Forget it. I apologise." Neji shook his head, angry at his immature slip and angrier at Shikamaru for being the one to provoke and witness it.

In contrast to the Jōnin's erratic mood, Shikamaru just released a quiet sigh, tipped his head back and closed his eyes for a moment.

And in that moment Neji hated him…

Hated his blasé composure, his absolute nonchalance and his indolent ability to keep himself together without having to _try_ – without having to contort his insides until they ached or steel his surface until it cracked.

Once, Neji had never had to try either.

"Well come on, Hyūga," Shikamaru prodded with a faint edge to his deceptively lazy drawl. "What the hell is so damned easy for me?"

"Nothing. I told you to forget it." Neji glared, concentrating as much venom into it as he could summon before shifting painfully to his feet and turning towards the guest room.

He vaguely heard the shuffle of moment behind him, assuming that Shikamaru was clearing the neglected tea. Then fingers brushed his wrist. Neji jerked away from the touch, turning with a scowl, armed with a scathing remark to cut the shadow-nin down.

The acerbic comment died on his tongue.

Shikamaru was standing very close – too close – his dark eyes shifting with nameless shadows, as unreadable as his voice, which rolled out like smoke.

"I can't forget it."

Neji's anger thinned, his expression rippling with confusion as he tried to understand the strange inflection touching Shikamaru's normally deadpan tones.

Kami, he was too tired to think, let alone construct a way to counter this game.

He didn't have the energy or the desire to get angry, just the desperate need to make everything _stop_; mostly that dangerous look in Shikamaru's eyes…it was pulling up pain from cavities in Neji's chest too raw to take the abuse right now.

"You want me to apologise again, Nara?" Neji tried to force a sliver of irritation into his formal tone, but it was weak, tired.

Shikamaru shook his head. "No. "

Neji stared back, trying to glare, trying to communicate a silent request for Shikamaru to just make this easier and say something to piss him off. To give him a reason to push anger into his voice instead of confused weariness. To give him an excuse to pull up another defence with energy he didn't have.

_Give me a reason to hate you, Nara…just one…that's all I need right now._

Neji flicked his gaze across Shikamaru's face, trying to decipher what was hiding in the shadows of those eyes, searching desperately for something to justify that the other ninja was trying to rile him.

But he wasn't.

Those dark eyes watched him with an unnerving stillness and intense engagement that he was certain Shikamaru had only ever shown to a Shogi board. But he didn't look like he was playing games. Neji had no idea what was going on behind those eyes – and this lack of understanding unnerved him.

"Don't look at me that way," Neji let a layer of ice sheet his words. "If you have something to say, then say it."

"Funny, I could say the same damn thing to you."

Neji took a step back without appearing to retreat – his chin raised a notch. "Are you really looking to push me, Shikamaru?"

_Say yes._

"No."

_Bastard._

"Then what the hell are you doing?"

"I'm waiting for you to move your ass so I can get inside. It may have escaped your notice, but it's getting cold."

The blasé comment blindsided Neji completely, leaving him speechless.

_What?_

Shikamaru continued to watch him. "Besides, I need to find you those sedatives…"

Neji blinked, still trying to adjust to the abrupt shift in topic and mood. "What?"

"Unless you'd prefer a pressure-point knock out? We both know how much you appreciated that last time." Shikamaru smirked slightly, letting that shadowed look slip from his face, but not quite from his eyes. "Or there's always saké."

Neji lowered his lashes with a tired sigh, his voice falling softly. "You're an idiot, Shikamaru."

"Thanks," was Shikamaru's equally quiet reply. But his voice held a strange gravity.

Neji didn't need to open his eyes to know that Shikamaru was watching him with a frown; the same way he knew that if he'd not been clinging to the last slivers of his control, he'd have been staring straight back – just as confused.

* * *

The smouldering end of the cigarette flared amber in the darkness. Coils of smoke drifted up to hang in a haze above Shikamaru's head, almost milky in the dim light filtering through his room.

He cocked his head against his pillow, finding patterns in the smoke much as he did when he cloud-gazed. Sleep wouldn't come and he couldn't be bothered to read or focus on anything that required him to move from his futon. So he'd lit a cigarette from the packet he hadn't gotten round to handing over to Asuma.

Just to create some makeshift clouds.

That's how the conspiracy crap with the cigarettes had started really.

If he couldn't find clouds, he'd make them.

Occasionally he'd bring the cigarette to his lips and take a drag; only to expel the toxin in gentle rings to form more patterns to gaze at, rather than to get a kick from the nicotine; unless he needed the distraction.

He'd known it was a stupid thing to start, just to watch smoke, but considering how smart he was expected to be most of the time, it could only be healthy and human to have a detrimental habit.

_That Hyūga's becoming a detrimental habit…_

He smirked at the thought, shaking his head as a thin stream of smoke wafted from his lips. Neji had declined the sedatives earlier, opting for a bit of mediation before sleep. Shikamaru hadn't pushed the matter, choosing a mutual ceasefire in their normally strategic banter. As much as he shirked confrontation, it was hard to resist the intelligent repartee with the Hyūga. Neji could hold his intellectual ground and while Shikamaru had no real motivation or fondness for physical combat unless pushed, cerebral challenges were his forte.

_Not an excuse to get tangled up this shit…_

'This shit' currently lacked definition. He had no intention of naming it.

Shikamaru sighed as he twisted his wrist to stare at the cigarette slotted between his fingers. The glowing ember reflected in the depths of his irises as he studied the shrivelling ash, eventually tracking his gaze back up to the soupy swirl of smoke.

Pale and enigmatic.

Neji's eyes came to mind, rather abruptly.

_Troublesome._

Those damned eyes; so hard to read yet so impossible to _not_ want to figure out. Just like clouds, stormy one minute, serene the next - gossamer emotion barely skimming the surface before it was whipped away on a gale of pride or decorum.

Shikamaru had to smile self-depreciatingly, because the amount of adjectives running through his head suggested that he might be getting quixotic – which was the most inappropriate adjective in relation to his own personality.

_When the hell did I start thinking like a fucking girl?_

He brushed his finger across the burning end of the cigarette, almost searing his skin. Good. It was a brief, stupid distraction from a lasting, even more stupid thought.

_Neji. Dammit_.

He didn't know what was worse, the fact that he could still feel Neji's skin beneath his fingertips, or the fact that this probably meant something. Both were equally troublesome thoughts; the denominator of all his problems being Neji's ability to kick-start a reaction where he wanted nothing but idle, lazy, familiar stillness.

_Not this hassle..._

He'd have blamed Hinata, but knew that was just pathetic. He had no one and nothing to blame but that masochistic little part of his brain that kept prompting him to do what he hated doing under any other circumstances – sticking his neck out when it was avoidable.

_Yep. I've officially lost my sanity. Too bad…could have smart-assed my way to Jōnin and got everyone off my damn back…what a drag…_

He didn't have time to finish the idle train of thought before an odd feeling tightened in the pit of his stomach. He caught his breath at the odd sensation. He couldn't explain it, which was probably the only reason he bothered to pay it attention.

Ash dropped from the end of his cigarette onto his chest.

The fuzzy glow of his alarm clock drew his gaze just as the numbers changed.

4:00 AM

Then he heard it.

* * *

Pain tore him from his sleep like fangs ripping out his lungs.

Neji's eyes flew open as he choked on a gasp.

_No! Not again…_

He rammed his elbows into the mattress, pushing his chest away from the futon as he hacked out a cough that splattered red onto the pillow.

_No…_

He shoved himself up to kneel, the yukata falling open as his hand slammed to his chest, fingers digging against his pale skin, almost clawing at himself in a desperate attempt to stop the stabs of agony ripping through his system like lightning.

_Stop. Stop. Stop._

He could taste the tang of copper on his tongue, the spatter of blood on the pillow plunged panic into his heart. A wild attempt to channel chakra he didn't have into his fingertips almost ripped out a cry of agony from his throat, but it was drowned out by the loud crack of the fusuma door being wrenched open.

He didn't hear it.

His vision tunnelled to spots of red and bursts of white flaring in and out of darkness. He could feel unconsciousness trying to pull him in one direction and pain in the other.

_Stop…_

Then there was another sensation; right on the periphery of this terrifying chaos.

It felt like hands on his shoulders…tugging him back against the support of a body…

Fingers carving through his hair…the scent of nicotine…and words fanning out in a soft mantra against his ear…

"Breathe, Neji…breathe…breathe…"

**

* * *

**

**TBC.**

**A/N: **Thank you reviewers for your kind feedback! ^_^

[chapter edited]


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Ten**

Shikamaru had been seven years old when he'd watched his father soothe the panicked struggles of a wounded deer. The animal had been dying; its throat gouged by the antlers of a rivalling male. Despite the deer's instinctive struggle, it was death that the doomed creature had kicked and fought against, not the shinobi attempting to ease its pain.

Which is why when Neji jerked and twisted in Shikamaru's grip, just as fiercely as that suffering deer, the Chūnin knew it was the snare of fear and suffocation that Neji was fighting, not him.

"Neji…listen to me…_Ne_—_!_" he cut off with a grunt as the Hyūga's elbow cracked into his rib almost hard enough to snap it.

_Fucking OW…_

Shikamaru grit his teeth, momentarily losing his grip on the other ninja. Neji bowed forward, fisting his hands in the sheets as he hacked out another cough. Ignoring the knife-like twinge in his ribs, Shikamaru regained his balance and knelt behind the gasping Jōnin.

"Don't," he commanded, his voice surprisingly calm as he hooked his arm around Neji to tug the other ninja back against his chest. "It'll make it worse. You need to stay upright."

He winced as Neji's fingers latched onto his forearm, the slender digits grasping with strength lent from panic. Bruising, desperate. Shikamaru kept the band of his arm firm, but not crushing, which earned him another nasty jab to the ribs.

He didn't let go this time.

"Breathe…slowly, Neji…take it easy, you need to calm down…"

Neji hissed, his body arching like a branch about to snap. Cold beads of sweat glistened on the pale contours of his heaving chest, sending a shiver through the already struggling body. The grip at Shikamaru's arm tightened, turning the Hyūga's knuckles bone-white.

"S...stop…" he choked out.

Shikamaru felt a horrible pang in his own chest at sound. He raised his other hand to press his palm to Neji's brow, feeling the cold steel of the hitae-ate as he guided the Hyūga's head back against his shoulder.

"It'll stop…" Shikamaru kept his voice low and soft. "Come on…breathe through it …"

Neji clenched his eyes shut, trying to find the air to pull into his starved lungs. Shikamaru watched the Jōnin out the corner of his eye, his fingers carding back through the strands of mocha framing Neji's face, fluttering from his torn breaths.

_Think, dammit. _

Without instruction, Shikamaru's mind immediately recited Hinata's words.

"_He's blocked vital tenketsu…the pathways linked to his lungs...and his heart…"_

Resisting the urge to curse, the Nara continued to rake his fingers back through Neji's hair, trying to keep the motions smooth and calming whilst simultaneously thinking and calculating.

_If he's blocked tenketsu…then there must be plugs of chakra in his chest…_

Neji tried to jerk his arm free but he held fast. "Ssh."

_His reserves are dry…could that be what's triggered this? His body is trying to remove those blocks to replenish chakra?_

Neji shuddered violently, trying to curl over Shikamaru's arm to cough.

_That strain, in this condition, could rupture his vitals…_

"Easy…easy…" Shikamaru murmured, keeping the Jōnin held back against him.

_Think fast._

After a moment Shikamaru began to alter his own breaths noticeably, aiming to synchronise their breathing and give the struggling Jōnin a baseline to link his fractured respiration to.

Steady, deep breaths.

_Please work…_

Shikamaru let his exhales fan audibly against Neji's throat, trying to coax the other ninja into a mimic.

_Come on, Hyūga…come on…_

He wasn't sure how much time passed, or how much harder Neji's fingers dug into his skin, but slowly, very slowly, he began to feel the lean expanse of the Jōnin's chest rise steadier against the band of his arm.

_Come on…please…_

Without thinking, Shikamaru pressed his lips lightly to the pulse-point just beneath the edge of Neji's jaw, feeling the erratic hammer of his heartbeat begin to slow. Neji swallowed thickly, the vice-like grip of his fingers loosening.

"Breathe…" Shikamaru slackened the tense of his arm, granting Neji more leeway and lessening what may have felt like a claustrophobic grip.

But he didn't let go.

Instead, he slid his arm back so he could press his hand to Neji's skin, right above the pounding heart steadily finding its rhythm again. He slid his mouth to Neji's temple, his voice still soft and low.

"Easy…you've got this…you're almost there…"

The strain of Neji's breaths scraped low in his pale throat but the wet, bloody rattle eased into a slower, softer rasp before finally levelling to a deeper, less sporadic sound.

"You've got it…" Shikamaru sighed in relief. "You've got it, Neji…just keep breathing…"

To his greater relief, the other ninja complied with the faintest nod that Shikamaru wouldn't have felt had Neji's head not been resting against his shoulder. The rigidity ebbed away from the Hyūga's tense muscles, subsiding into a shudder as Neji sank back against the support of Shikamaru's body, long lashes falling shut over his moon-like eyes.

"There you go…" Shikamaru soothed, his thumb tapping above Neji's chest in time to the heartbeat, encouraging the steady rhythm.

Time tunnelled to just the sound of their breathing in sync.

Shikamaru didn't seem to notice that he'd kept his mouth settled at Neji's temple, his attention fixed on the soft whisper of respiration from the Jōnin. Neji's fingers had relaxed their tourniquet-like grip on his arm, allowing for the blood to rush back in a tingle. But the Hyūga didn't drop his hand away.

"You smell…like smoke…" Neji rasped.

Shikamaru blinked, turning his head a little more to glance down at the sliver of milky iris observing him out the corner of the Hyūga's eye. A quiet laugh, breathy and relived, skittered out of Shikamaru before he could stop it.

"Man, you really are something else…"

"…You shouldn't…start…that habit…" Neji swallowed, clearing his throat.

"You're seriously lecturing me about _my_ health after what's just happened?" Shikamaru kept his voice light, his thumb continuing to tap as he spoke his next words into the dark mane of hair. "Look, don't talk, okay? Just breathe…_Relax_."

Neji scoffed weakly, but it sounded more amused than belligerent. Shikamaru continued to count the Hyūga's breaths and monitor his heartbeat, until he felt the prickle of numbness setting into his legs.

_Crap. _

"I need to scoot us back, okay? Just keep breathing."

Thankfully, Neji offered no resistance when Shikamaru carefully shifted them so he could lean his back to the shoji wall, allowing for both of them to stretch their legs. Once settled, he readjusted the band of his arm around Neji's torso, draping it lightly.

"Alright?" Shikamaru asked, glancing down at the head tipped back against his left shoulder. Neji's eyes fluttered open, a dark brow arching. "Yeah, okay, stupid question."

Unfortunately, Shikamaru had a lot of questions; but he decided against asking them. At some point it would be necessary, but right now, what mattered was keeping Neji calm. It almost seemed paradoxical. Neji _had_ once been the calmest out of the Konoha Eleven – at least in his ability to centre and compose himself. He used to be unmatched on that front.

_Yeah, and I used to mind my own business…_

The thought caused an uncomfortable turn in Shikamaru's stomach. To avoid thinking about it, he settled on the sane course of action. He'd find Hinata and let her carry out the solution for this problem. He'd help solve it from the sidelines, but he had no intention of taking on anything more than that. He'd offered his help, but not his direct participation in the process, just in forming the plan.

_Not that anything's gone to plan so far…_

Shikamaru sighed quietly, the darkness swallowing up the sound. He felt Neji go rigid and flexed his arm in response, a brief, gentle tense meant to offer some kind of reassurance. The head on his shoulder turned slightly.

"Relax…" Shikamaru whispered, his thumb tapping again; but Neji's stomach tightened beneath his hand.

_Ah._

"You know," Shikamaru weighed his next words carefully, "I'm not gonna use this against you…or give you shit about it."

He knew he'd guessed accurately when he felt some of the tension ease out of the body resting against him. It wasn't difficult to assume that the Hyūga's pride was hurting. The Chūnin already knew he'd probably get a cold shoulder in the morning, or a complete absence of Neji's presence altogether.

Not for the first time, Shikamaru told himself it was a good thing.

He knew that this too, like the last time, would be added to that list of things they wouldn't talk about. Just as he knew that he'd probably wake up to find Neji gone, the grey yukata folded neatly to one side of the futon, and the shoji door left open for the light and breeze to wake him.

But when Shikamaru's eyes fluttered open early-afternoon the next day…it wasn't the light that woke him, or the breeze from a door that should have been open.

It was the unexpected quiet of a room still resting…

…and the warmth of Neji's breath against his neck.

* * *

Time could only be marked by the play of light beyond the shoji doors and the twitter of birdsong; with the sporadic whistle of deer calls filtering through.

Despite this, the two ninja didn't stir.

Ensconced in the easy quiet, Shikamaru drifted in and out of sleep, hovering in a light doze so that he could monitor the Jōnin resting against him. Occasionally he'd raise the back of his hand to Neji's mouth to feel the steady breath against his knuckles; on two of these occasions - that he'd later force himself to forget - he smoothed the crook of a finger along Neji's throat slowly, following the bared stretch of skin to the pulse-point.

There was no reason to have done it so slowly; or to have even bothered double-checking the Hyūga's heartbeat.

Which didn't explain why he did it twice.

Shikamaru closed his eyes and tried not to think about it.

An hour later, it was time to move.

After deliberating how the hell he was going to extract himself, Shikamaru somehow managed to edge his way out from beneath Neji without stirring the Jōnin. He attributed it more to the Hyūga's comatose state of exhaustion, rather than to any stealth on his part.

In fact, at one point he was pretty sure he'd tangled them up into a state of impossible separation, half caught in the sheets and half-caught in Neji's hair. This had resulted in a freeze-frame moment. One where the sole thought running through Shikamaru's head had been '_he's-going-to-wake-up-and-kill-me-before-I-can-run-like-a-girl'_.

So he'd held the awkward position until cramp had set in, forcing him to twist his body at an angle he was certain shouldn't have been physically possible. Neji had barely moved throughout this, the only stir being the faint flex of his fingers.

Shikamaru snorted half-heartedly.

_That's right, Hyūga, you sleep on…I'll just cease to have blood circulation…_

Escaping with a few grunts of "troublesome" beneath his breath, Shikamaru managed to untangle the strands of long mocha hair twined into the sheets, which were in turn twined around _him_ and crawled out the rest of the way.

By the time he'd got Neji laying on his back and finally pushed himself to his knees beside the futon, he decided the whole effort hadn't been worth it and almost went back to sleep.

Almost.

A rap sounded from the door down the hallway.

_Ugh…go away…_

It came again, slightly louder. Shikamaru scrunched up his face and waited for it to stop.

It didn't.

"What a drag_…" _he groaned.

Blinking his drowsy eyes, he reached across to drape the tangle of sheets back over the Neji without any thought to what he was doing. It was too soon for his tired mind to wrap itself around anything taxing; so it didn't strike him as strange or unnecessary when he bothered to brush his fingers along Neji's arm before rocking onto the balls of his feet.

_Door. Get the door._

He stood up with a scowl, rubbing at his ribs as he slipped from the room and ambled lazily down the hallway. The rapping came again, not ceasing until he slid the door back a little, his dark eyes squinting against the warm, amber glow of late afternoon sunlight that silhouetted the smaller frames of none other than Hinata and…

"Shikamaru, you've _got_ to be kidding me!"

"Ino…" Shikamaru groaned, slanting against door frame and rubbing at his eyes.

"How the hell can you still be _sleeping_ at this hour?"

"Well excuse me for catching a nap in my own home, on my own time." He raised a hand to cup his mouth as he yawned. "What's up?"

"Not _you_ obviously…" The blonde raked her eyes over him critically, cradling a delicate bouquet of flowers to her chest. "Seriously, did you _just_ wake up?"

Shikamaru let his half-lidded gaze supply the answer before he flicked his attention to Hinata, immediately straightening up against the doorframe.

"Hey, how's your leg?"

The dark-haired kunoichi offered a timid smile. "Oh…better, thank you…I…I've come to drop off something."

Shikamaru couldn't resist glancing at Ino. "Not the blonde, right?"

"Hey!" Ino flicked him hard on the forehead. "You're lucky I even came here to check up on you, Shikamaru!"

"Thanks for the concern," Shikamaru swatted at her hand and arched a brow. "Though I don't know about the flowers. That's kinda girly."

"Idiot! They're for your _mom_. To thank her for all her help."

"Right…"

"Is she home by any chance?" Ino arched onto tiptoes, peering over his shoulder.

"Nah, just me. Dad decided to do something to celebrate their anniversary. A month later, but hey…gets them out the house. They'll be gone for a while."

"Aww." Ino hugged the flowers to her chest. "That's so sweet! Now why can't you be more like your dad?"

Shikamaru snorted and stifled another yawn. "He's only doing it so she quits nagging him."

"Pfft!" Ino made an elaborate hand gesture Shikamaru couldn't interpret. "Honestly, Shikamaru, you wouldn't know what romance was if it bit you in the ass."

"Yeah, probably not."

"Anyway!" Ino shoved the mix of drooping blue and elegant white flowers at him. "I gotta run and meet Shizune. There's no _way_ Sakura is gonna beat me at medic training! So keep these watered and don't you _dare_ neglect them."

"Sounds like a drag…" Shikamaru grumbled, holding the flowers awkwardly and slightly away from his body.

"Shikamaru!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

"At'a boy! Hinata will help you with them! Look, I gotta go! If they die, then you're dead too, got it?" Ino grinned warmly despite her threat and then spun, nearly smacking Shikamaru in the face with her ponytail as she dashed off.

"Crazy girl," Shikamaru muttered, shaking his head before glancing at Hinata. "Shouldn't you be resting?"

"I suppose…but I wanted to…um…here…" Hinata held her hands out, handing over a travel bag she'd been carrying. "For Neji-niisan."

Shikamaru kept his expression in check as he took the offered bag in his free hand, hefting the weight and determining it was probably clothes. It didn't surprise him that she'd guessed Neji's location.

Hinata watched him nervously.

"Is he ok?" she asked when he met her gaze again.

Shikamaru couldn't withhold a grim chuckle, shaking his head as he stepped back and turned his body, gesturing for her to come inside. Hinata hesitated before accepting.

"Right." Shikamaru handed her the flowers as she toed off her shoes. "You deal with the damn flowers, I'll deal with tea or something and then we'll have this talk sitting down, yeah?"

Hinata smiled faintly, her eyes almost sad. "Yes."

* * *

The tea sat cold and untouched, the steam having wafted away an hour ago.

Hinata sat quietly, her hands folded neatly in her lap as she gazed across the low table at Shikamaru. In contrary to her formal poise, the shadow-nin sat with one leg propped up, his arm draped lazily across his knee. But his head was bowed, dark eyes intensely fixed on the tea.

Despite their different postures, their shared sense of tension was palpable.

Hinata blinked slowly and lowered her eyes to her hands, lacing her pale fingers with a small frown.

"I'm sorry, Shikamaru-kun."

Shikamaru quirked his lip, but the expression didn't hold. "It's not your fault."

"I just…he won't talk to me. Which I understand but…he won't talk to anyone."

"Yeah well, what makes you think you're gonna get breakthrough with me?" the shadow-nin muttered, his eyes still on the tea. "The Hokage should know about this, or Gai…someone…"

"_You_ are someone," Hinata whispered.

"That's not what I mean," he growled, his voice coming out a little harsher than he'd intended. He softened his next words. "It's not the same thing…"

Hinata kept her eyes down. "I understand."

"No you don't…or you wouldn't be here." Shikamaru sighed, blinking tiredly. "I could end up making this worse, even if I wanted to help."

"You don't want to help?" Hinata glanced up, her voice soft, lacking accusation; almost too understanding.

_Dammit._

"I don't want to make things _worse_," Shikamaru corrected, finally lifting his eyes from the teacup. "He's put these walls up in his system, for whatever reasons and you're basically asking me to knock them down…you know how badly that could end?"

"I know how badly it could end if he keeps them there." To his surprise and respect, Hinata held his gaze. "I think that…you know that too…"

Shikamaru pursed his lips, the vision of Neji's blood splattered across white sheets and the enamel of the sink causing him to hesitate in his response.

"Look, I'm not a medical expert, Hinata…"

"But your clan—"

"No, I don't have the knowledge needed to deal with this. He needs medical assistance…probably some kind of mentor or veteran 'know-it-all' to set him straight…I don't know…"

"You're wrong." Hinata frowned, her lips tightening a little with conviction that carried in her voice. "He doesn't…more than he needs medical assistance or a mentor…he needs…someone to…"

"To _what_?" Shikamaru snapped.

Hinata flinched before clasping her fingers tightly. "To be there…"

Shikamaru turned his head away, but kept himself from apologising. He wasn't angry with _her, _but this conversation was turning down a path he had no intention of heading. He'd got tangled up enough in this crap. Now was the time to cut and run before he got in too deep. Mulling this over, he stared out the open door toward the low veranda and watched long shadows stretch across the golden-hued wood.

He didn't expect her next words.

"He needs someone…to stop him from…slipping back…"

_What?_

Shikamaru arched a brow, flicking his gaze across without turning his head, his dark eyes brandy-coloured in the golden light.

"Slipping back?"

Hinata nodded, her lavender hues touched by the flame-tinged light. "To that place he was in when he was younger…that place I was so sure that…that Naruto saved him from."

_Saved him from…?_

Shikamaru didn't think of himself as overly philosophical, at least not in a dreamy, abstract kind of way. He could be introspective, contemplative and even somewhat meditative when he could be bothered. His cloud-gazing was testament to that side of his personality.

But ideas like doom and darkness never sat right with his logic, or maybe he didn't have the energy to entertain something that depressing and insubstantial. There was strategy and choices. That's the clear-cut way he liked to look at it. It saved him the emotional turnabouts that came with making things too figurative.

Despite this assessment, he drew a slow breath and forced himself to toe around the edges of Hinata's words, posing his next question somewhat reluctantly.

"What place?"

He kept his eyes away from her, but he could sense her relief at his participation. Her docile tones filtered softly across the table, carrying like the specks of dust glittering softly in the air.

"The place he was in three years ago…when he was so far away from everyone…"

Shikamaru frowned. "He's always been pretty detached."

"No…" Hinata's voice softened to a whisper. "I mean the place he was in…when he almost killed me…"

Shikamaru snapped his gaze across; any illusion of peace or pretence was shattered by those words. Suddenly the shadows from the soft light seemed darker, more ominous as they fell across the tatami flooring. He studied Hinata for a moment, as if hoping that he'd somehow misheard.

_She's being dramatic…_

"He's not that messed up kid anymore. Neji wouldn't hurt you, Hinata." Shikamaru didn't know why, but he was absolutely certain of that. "Let alone kill you."

"I know." Hinata smiled, but it was a miserable twist of her lips. For the first time, her voice didn't shake and she didn't stutter. "I know he wouldn't…"

"Then what are you saying?"

"That he'd kill himself first, Shikamaru-kun…"

A horrible silence underscored her words. Hinata met his gaze, her lavender eyes carrying the faintest sheen. Shikamaru stared at her as if she'd just told a really bad joke. She stared straight back, as serious as he had ever seen her.

The shadow-nin snorted, blinking slowly. "_What_?"

"He's doing it already…"

"Bullshit." Shikamaru shook his head sharply, a weak, wavering laugh tumbling from his lips. "You can't seriously believe that."

Her silence was her answer; sadness misting her eyes. Shikamaru abruptly looked away, trying to make the gesture look dismissive rather than pained or confused.

"Hinata…that's ridiculous. Neji isn't the kind to bow out. You know how he is with his 'I won't lose' crap. There's just no way…there's no way he'd set out to kill himself."

"I didn't say that he's _aware_ of it." Hinata shook her head. "I don't…I don't think that he is…or if he is…he thinks he can control it."

Shikamaru stood up sharply, feeling a sudden, atypical need to _move_ rather than sit paralyzed by these words; locked in cold dread by all the dangerous sense they were beginning to make.

"I can't believe that…it's crazy…"

He could feel Hinata's eyes following him as he paced. The movement didn't shift anything. He could still feel the chill of the realisation setting in.

"I just can't believe that he'd be that stupid…" Shikamaru whispered, drawing to a stop by the open shoji door. "Troublesome bastard…"

Neither he nor Hinata spoke for a long moment. There wasn't anything to say that would soften the blow of the ugly truth in Hinata's words.

_Dammit Neji…what the hell have you done to yourself…?_

"Shikamaru-kun…" Hinata's voice was so quiet he almost missed it.

"Shouldn't you be getting home?" Shikamaru turned his head slightly, offering her a shadow of a smile. "Wouldn't want any more Hyūga's going AWOL, yeah?"

Hinata remained kneeling by the table, her wide eyes imploring him, the moon-like irises so similar to the ones that had been wide with panic and pain only hours before.

_Dammit…_

Shikamaru closed his eyes. "I'll think of something to tell the Hokage. I might need you to corroborate it at some point."

Hinata straightened up with hope in her eyes. "I will."

"If it comes to that, I'll let you know my story so we don't get caught out on anything."

"Of course."

Shikamaru raised a hand to rub his thumb between his brows, sucking in a slow breath as he solidified a fractured plan.

"It's gonna take a little longer than normal for Neji's chakra levels to replenish with those blocks, right?"

"Yes."

"Alright, that gives me some time at least…for now just…just take care of the Hyūga side of things, yeah? Don't let this leak back to your family."

"I won't."

"And for the sake of everyone's sanity, _don't_ say a god damned thing to Naruto or Kiba…hell, don't say anything to _anyone_…we don't want this in any kind of circulation…not even rumours."

"I understand."

"Good, at least one of us does…'cause I sure as hell don't…" Shikamaru muttered; his tired eyes slipping open again to trace the shadows creeping across the garden as the sun began to set.

"Shikamaru-kun, I'm s—"

"It's not your fault," he cut her off, his voice carrying in a bored, apathetic tenor that was more than a little forced. "No point in feeling guilty anyway, it doesn't change anything…"

"But I…thank you," Hinata said.

"Don't thank me yet, yeah?" he turned his head, offering a faint smile. "You'd better get going."

"Okay."

Hinata left quietly, taking any semblance of peace with her and leaving behind a heavy mood to fill the void. Her gentle presence had kept the brooding atmosphere somewhat at bay and Shikamaru had hoped the grim cloud would leave with her, but it didn't.

He tried to distract himself by making food, but paused half-way through the task, abandoning it to pace across the porch a few times. But no matter what he did, the feeling remained.

It hovered and followed him around like his shadow.

And it turned colder every time Hinata's words looped through his mind.

"_He'd kill himself first, Shikamaru-kun…"_

Shikamaru slid the door to the guestroom open, slipping inside silently. The room was lit by a gentle hue, almost sandy as the sunset filtered through the fusuma panels. Shikamaru's gaze tracked down to the futon.

Neji hadn't moved.

The Jōnin's arm lay draped across his stomach, his head tipped back and turned slightly to the side. His bare chest, revealed by the loose fold of the yukata, rose and fell softly.

Shikamaru stared for a long moment, his dark eyes tracing over the marble-cut figure before he approached. Stopping close to the futon, he flopped down to sit beside the sleeping Hyūga.

"You're a troublesome bastard, Hyūga," he growled into the silence, but there was no real heat in his voice.

Neji slept on, wrapped in the ignorant bliss of recuperation.

Oblivious to the eyes that traced his profile and the fingers that checked his pulse; oblivious to everything but the deep, dark shadows his mind was lost in.

Shadows that right now, not even Shikamaru could reach.

* * *

**TCB.**

**A/N: **Ta da! **Things will start getting clearer, bear with me and the muses ^_^ ^_^** Thanks for the awesome comments,** Reviewers**! Big fat cookies along with my appreciation! It gets me writing faster with the extra motivation from your feedback, _so MANY thanks again, please keep sharing your thoughts_!

[chapter edited]


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Eleven**

_"I chose death…and I chose my freedom…"_

The voice fell in a soft, melodic baritone Neji remembered from years ago, even though the words had never been spoken directly to him.

_I'm dreaming again…aren't I?_

But this time, there was a different pain. Spreading from his chest, blossoming like a bloody rose. He felt a phantom caress to his head and sensed a familiar, sorrowful smile.

_"Neji…you must live…"_

Confusion cast across his mind. Why those words? Of all the words; it made no sense.

_Father…?_

He heard the flutter of birds' wings. Then the apparition of that familiar face faded and with it, all lingering traces of the dream – but not the pain.

_Why wouldn't I want to live…?_

Neji's lashes fluttered open, a shaky breath whispering from his lips as his mind crawled back up to the surface of awareness. When his vision adjusted he realised he was staring at a ceiling, painted beige; not the familiar stark white of his own room.

Then he remembered where he was.

_Nara._

Neji blinked slowly, taking his time to let his senses settle back into some semblance of order. He flexed his fingers, the tips resting against his stomach before he slid the pads to his chest, tracing the chakra points by memory.

_It shouldn't still be hurting like this…I pushed too hard, too soon, with the Tsubasa…_

Pulling a deep breath into his lungs, he held it for a count of five and exhaled slowly, tensing up against the urge to cough. There was no mistaking it; repeated use of the Palm Rotation had caused most of the damage. Expelling such concentrated chakra from all the chakra points, especially the ones he'd altered and blocked, had created this backfire.

_I need to devise an alternative form of defence…at least until I can find a way to fix this…_

Neji let his hand fall back down to his side, his gaze dropping away from the ceiling to scan along the elegant brushwork hand-painted across the fusuma panels; an aesthetic chronicle of the herds of deer that the Nara tended.

Abruptly, the memory of last night came back to him; or was it the night before?

_How long have I been unconscious?_

The soft twitter of birdsong drew his gaze to the shoji door, slotted open enough to let a cool breeze into the room. Judging by the light, it was early morning.

_How many days have I lost?_

Neji slid his elbows beneath him, propping himself up carefully. He scanned the room, his attention falling to the familiar looking travel bag he often took on missions further afield.

_How…?_

There was no way Shikamaru would have gone to the Hyūga residence; which suggested that someone had brought it here. An uneasy feeling roiled low in Neji's gut, but he ignored it in favour of appreciating the fact that he at least had a change of clothes.

And a note.

A folded slip of paper lay atop the bag. Quirking a brow, Neji stretched across for the message, sliding his thumb into the fold to flip the sheet open.

_Food in fridge (takeaway). Painkillers in kitchen. Your stuff's in your bag and your ass is covered. Don't bother looking for what's missing - you won't find it. I'll be back soon. Don't be a pain. Try to __relax__ – Shikamaru_

Neji stared at the lazy scrawl, his eyes retracing the script.

_Missing? What the hell is missing?_

Neji glanced around the room, his drowsy mind simultaneously scanning over what might be absent. The only thing missing, to his knowledge, was Shikamaru.

_Is he mocking me?_

A frown tugged Neji's brow as he dropped his eyes back to the note. If his 'ass was covered' that at least implied he'd have a little time to try and find a solution to this situation.

As for the underscored 'relax'…

"Idiot," Neji snorted, despite the faint twitch at his lips.

With his mind still slightly sleep-addled, it wasn't until Neji had set the note down, folded up the futon, checked his travel bag, moved into the bathroom, glanced in the mirror and stared in indignation at his forehead that he realised what was missing.

_That bastard._

* * *

The pig was suspicious.

There was no doubt about it.

Shikamaru could tell from the way it was looking at him as he approached the Hokage's mansion, its beady eyes narrowed in a decidedly critical way.

_It's a damned pig…get a grip…_

Tonton must have read his mind in some kind of weird precognitive way, because the swine issued a long drawn-out grunt that sounded like she was growling.

_Akamaru I can take…but this pig is just weird._

"Hey," he drawled, strolling on past the pink animal. "You sold me out to the dog…that's not cool."

Tonton perked her ears and swivelled her tubby little body, trotting along after him. Shikamaru glanced down with irritation at the Hokage's red-clad and pearl-wearing pet.

_Seriously, why the hell would the Hokage accessorise her pig? Women…_

"Shikamaru!"

_Crap._

The shadow-nin turned his next step into a lazy turnabout, folding one arm back to rub the tension from his nape as Asuma approached, a thin stream of smoke trailing up from the cigarette dangling from his lips.

_Ah, his cigarettes._

"Don't be mad, I didn't forget. I just got kidnapped half-way…" Shikamaru explained, reaching into his flak jacket to extract the fresh packet of cigarettes he'd bought to replace the one he'd opened.

He tossed it over to Asuma, who caught the packet with one hand, his deep bronze eyes flicking over the brand automatically.

"Kidnapped, huh?" Asuma smirked and saluted Shikamaru with the packet before slipping the cigarettes away. "Not why I called you, but it saves me asking you later."

"What's up?" Shikamaru let his eyes shutter to a half-interested expression, trying to ignore the pig glaring up at him.

Asuma arched a brow, a wry smile curving his lips in a way that would have made Shikamaru nervous if he wasn't used to it.

"Ino said you slept through most of yesterday," Asuma said, plucking the cigarette from his lips so he could exhale a thin plume. "That true?"

Shikamaru watched the smoke-cloud waft. "I had the day off."

"You also had unfinished analysis reports on the defence system for the village."

_Craaaaap…_

Shikamaru winced. "Yeah…"

Asuma's eyes narrowed, but not unkindly, in fact, he almost looked concerned – which may have been worse. Shikamaru tried not to look guarded and suffered for a harassed sigh, scratching at the back of his head.

"How dead am I for that?"

"It's okay," Asuma smiled. "I told the Hokage to cut you some slack considering you got called up on that mission."

"Right, that would be the kidnapping."

"You're not a kid anymore, Shikamaru. As for the 'napping' part…well…" Asuma's voice trailed off as lightly as the smoke from his lips.

Shikamaru groaned, slouching against the ramparts. "Man its way too early for a lecture…"

Asuma's lips curved. "Not gonna lecture you, just giving you a head's up."

"Ah crap…why?" Shikamaru suddenly had a good idea as to why the pig was glaring at him.

"The Hokage wants those reports done. Fast."

"Figures…what a drag…"

"You've got something else you need to be doing?" Asuma asked nonchalantly, but Shikamaru could easily detect that the Jōnin was fishing.

He wasn't about to take the bait.

"Yeah, I need to go tell Ino to stop playing mom."

Asuma laughed, scratching at the scruff on his jaw before rolling a shoulder. "Ah, Shikamaru. There's nothing wrong with letting a woman worry about you."

"I really don't think that Kurenai gives you the same violent treatment that Ino gives me." Shikamaru smirked, resisting the urge to snicker at the flustered cough that Asuma spluttered out. "Though I could be wrong…"

Turning beat-red was an interesting look on the Jōnin and Shikamaru watched with dry amusement and obvious satisfaction as Asuma pounded a fist to his chest to keep from choking. Shikamaru knew when to exploit a situation and right now he saw no reason to let the chance slip.

Plus, this was just too amusing.

"Take it easy, Asuma-sensei. Wouldn't wanna damage those pipes…don't women like to be serenaded and all that crap?"

"Serenaded?" Asuma looked mortified at the suggestion. "I don't sing."

"Oh so you're not denying it?" Shikamaru smirked lazily, folding his arms.

Asuma's eyes widened comically. "Denying what?"

"Hey it's okay, I won't _say_ anything."

"There's nothing to say," Asuma countered too quickly, still an interesting shade of crimson.

"Yeah, I'll bet," Shikamaru managed to tease despite appearing jaded.

"Don't you have those reports to do?" Asuma grumbled, trying to cover up his embarrassment and failing miserably.

Shikamaru smirked, swaying from his lean to continue his traipse up to the Hokage residence. He held up a hand in a backward wave. "Later."

_Interrogation avoided. Great._

The soft clop of Tsunade's pig trotting beside him drew his focus down to the troublesome animal as he slipped into the mansion.

"Quit stalking me."

This garnered him another flat look from Tonton, until the pig's attention shifted, causing Shikamaru to turn his head just as a frazzled-looking Shizune rounded the corner ahead.

"Tonton! There you are!" the medic-Jōnin puffed, crouching to scoop the pig into the crook of her arm. "And you found Shikamaru too!"

"Found me?" Shikamaru darted his gaze between the animal and Shizune. "_You_ sent the pi—"

The pig squealed.

"Tonton," Shikamaru corrected flatly, "to stalk me?"

Shizune released a flustered sigh. "Tsunade-sama wants those reports."

"Yeah, about that…"

Shizune's dark look cut him off.

"No excuses, Shikamaru! She's got a meeting coming up with the Council elders next week and she needs those plans drawn up, which means your reports need to be ready by tomorrow latest."

Shikamaru sloughed out a sigh, ignoring the vexed glare Shizune shot him. This isn't exactly how he'd hoped the morning would pan-out. If Shizune was in a bad mood, he didn't want to know which vein Tsunade was bursting. Or who's head.

_As long as it's not mine._

"Nara Shikamaru!"

As if on cue, the Godaime's voice boomed down the hallway with enough force to knock the fear of God into her victim.

_Shit…that would be me._

Shikamaru had a nanosecond to wonder, and not for the first time, whether running like a girl would be less humiliating than screaming like one.

"Where the _hell_ have you been?" Tsunade demanded, her grass-green robe fanning out behind her, lending unnecessary drama to her fury. "You and Hyūga Neji have some explaining to do!"

Shikamaru blanched, barely recovering in time to manufacture what he hoped was a convincing look of confusion.

"Something wrong?" was the unintelligent, unplanned, automatic thing out of his mouth.

Tsunade jolted to a sharp halt near Shizune, who visibly flinched beside the fuming blonde. However, Tsunade's glare was levelled on Shikamaru.

"Don't get smart with me by playing dumb!" The paradox of the statement caused an awkward pause before Tsunade continued. "Why didn't you report in after the mission? It's _mandatory_, you know that, and from what I understand, you were the only uninjured shinobi."

_Wouldn't be the first time that's happened…_

Shikamaru cringed inwardly but managed to hold a commendably calm expression.

"That's right."

"You were also _heading_ the backup squad, so it was your role to attend the debriefing."

"I know."

"You _know_?" Tsunade's voice leapt up several decibels. "So you have _no_ legitimate excuse as to why you failed to report the completion of an 'A' to S-ranked mission to a superior?"

"That's right."

Tsunade's eyes flared with a mix of anger and confusion, as if she'd expected at least an attempt at defence. "Even for a lazy kid like you, I'd have thought you had pride enough to defend yourself."

_That would be Neji._

Shikamaru shrugged. "No point in denying it. Too much hassle to lie about something I came here to talk to you about anyway. Also, I didn't say I didn't have a _reason_...just not an excuse."

A finely winged brow arched upward as Tsunade jammed one hand at her hip, adopting a pose that Shikamaru was familiar with. He'd seen enough women do this to realise what it meant; he was up shit creek and needed to find a paddle fast.

Then Shizune threw him an unexpected lifeline.

"Hey…" She frowned, hefting Tonton in her arms. "Why do you have two headbands?"

Shizune's question jarred Tsunade from her glare and caused Shikamaru to blink in confusion before he followed the women's joint gaze to the hitai-ate tied around his arm, secured beneath the fix of the metal-plate he normally wore.

"It's Neji's."

"Neji's?" the women echoed in tandem.

"Well it's not like I'm feeling extra patriotic today." Shikamaru watched the light bounce off the leaf-emblazoned steel before glancing up at Tsunade, all touches of sarcasm falling away from his face. "That's why I'm here, Tsunade-sama. I need to talk to you about Neji."

The irritation burning in Tsunade's amber-brown eyes cooled into a simmer, leaving her more disconcerted than angry. Her hand dropped away from her hip as she traced her gaze across Shikamaru's face.

"This is your reason over your excuse, I take it." Tsunade sighed. "Sakura told me he refused medical attention."

"Not completely true." Shikamaru inclined his head. "He just didn't want to go to the hospital."

"Are you going to tell me why that is?" Tsunade asked.

"I wouldn't be here if I wasn't prepared to do that."

Tsunade frowned and Shikamaru could only assume that she'd expected him to make this difficult. He blew out another sigh before glancing around the hallway, indicating that he wasn't about to discuss it outside of her office.

An uncertain silence held before Tsunade scoffed, shaking her head.

"You're damned lucky I respect honesty and that mind of yours so much, Nara." Her voice eased off its sharp edge. "Or you'd be in the hot seat right now."

Shikamaru kept his gaze away from her. "Yeah, I know."

He heard her sigh; a soft, lenient sound. She turned towards her office and gestured for Shikamaru to follow. Shizune trailed behind at a respectable distance, joining them only when Shikamaru made no move to indicate her presence wasn't welcome. The fact was he could probably use the additional medical insight.

Shizune closed the doors behind them.

The resounding thud sealed the finality of this decision.

_No backing out._

Tsunade moved ahead, leaving Shikamaru to stand a short distance away from her desk, recently replaced after her fist had gone through it. Shikamaru could only hope he wouldn't witness a repeat performance.

"Alright, Shikamaru," Tsunade said. "You've got my attention and my time."

He watched the Hokage prop her hip against the wood, her arms folded as she settled her gaze back on him, amber eyes steady.

He had her absolute attention.

Good. He didn't think he could do this twice.

* * *

Brushstrokes of cloud swept gossamer-like in the afternoon sky by the time Shikamaru made it to the Nara woods. The sun filtered through, but the breeze remained crisp and cold, weaving between the trees and rustling the report papers the shadow-nin idly flicked through as he strolled through the familiar grounds.

_That woman drives a steep bargain…_

He scowled as he skim-read an espionage report that might as well have been a damned thesis. Whoever had written it had purely missed their literary calling, they'd gone so far as to detail 'the rusty, ruddy armour of the village's iron-fitted ramparts, which have weathered the burn of sun, the brunt of blade and the beating of an enemy's kunai rain'…

_Sounds like the beating my brain is gonna take reading this…_

The instant karma on that thought was an equally detailed report straight after the first.

_Ugh…just my damn luck…_

Shikamaru never got the chance to finishing his mental abusing of defence strategies before he was forced to employ one.

A kunai shot from the left.

It whistled past his ear, forcing him to spin and duck another.

_What the hell!_

A third kunai drew sparks off the edge of the Konoha plate-protector he wore on his arm, snagging in the lose knot of Neji's hitai-ate, tearing it free and pinning it with a thud and clank into the closest tree.

Shikamaru remained crouched in the grass; the reports tucked under one arm and a kunai in his free hand as his gaze followed the path the last knife had flown from.

His dark eyes narrowed, then widened.

"Neji?"

The long-haired Jōnin came scything through the blades of grass like a panther, his Byakugan eyes fierce. Shikamaru had to wonder if he shouldn't have expected as much. He'd already told himself he'd probably end up hospitalised at some point with Neji's hands latched around his throat.

_Guess the bright side is I won't have to do the stupid reports…that could work…_

Even if he'd seriously considered this option of last-resort shirking, the Hyūga's hands didn't wrap around his throat. Instead, Neji brushed straight past, snapped his grip around the kunai lodged into the tree and tugged the headband free.

Shikamaru blinked, staring in shock for a moment before he recovered.

"That was dramatic," he deadpanned.

Neji didn't offer a response and instead secured his 'missing' hitai-ate in fuming silence before turning, snatching up his kunai and cutting back through the grass towards the Nara residence.

Shikamaru stared after the retreating Jōnin.

Then he flopped back onto the grass with a weathered sigh, closing his eyes.

He snapped them open again when something struck him on the forehead, pinging off into the grass. With a puzzled scowl he stretched out his hand and pawed around for the small item, his fingers finally curling around it.

He held it up.

A Shogi piece.

A shadow fell across his prone body.

"If you want to play games, Shikamaru, stick to the Shogi board."

Shikamaru cocked his head against the ground, glancing past the playing piece held between his forefinger and thumb. Neji's silhouette was cast against a backdrop of cloud-streaked blue.

"I already beat you twice," Shikamaru shrugged. "So where's the fun in that?"

"You beat me while I was intoxicated," Neji pointed out, his expression frustratingly unreadable.

Shikamaru turned the Shogi piece over in his fingers. "Sounds like a lame excuse from a sore loser."

Neji bit back a growl. "Get up."

"Thanks, but I'd rather not get pin-cushioned by kunai."

"Then never do that again." Neji's jaw tightened, the edges of his expression cutting sharper.

Shikamaru flicked his dark eyes to the gleam of steel across Neji's brow. "It kept you here, didn't it?"

He watched the Hyūga's face betray a hint of emotion before the defences slammed into place. Like a wall dropping down. Even Neji's voice dropped a notch.

"In this state, where did you honestly think I would go?"

"You tell me, Hyūga." Shikamaru arched a brow, closing his fingers around the Shogi piece hard enough to feel it dig into his palm.

"It's not as if I have a great many options at present," Neji bit back.

"Tell me something I _don't_ know." Shikamaru propped himself up on his elbows, suddenly uncomfortable with the advantage of height that Neji had standing up. "You're not the only one who doesn't have a lot of options, so excuse me for taking your crappy health and your stupid pride into consideration."

They remained in a glaring deadlock for a moment.

Nothing moved but the stir of Neji's hair and the run of the Shogi piece as Shikamaru turned it over along his knuckles.

Neji stared coolly before eventually saying, "I know my own weaknesses better than anyone else ever could, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru frowned, puzzled.

It was a neat evasion, but one that came at a price. Neji left himself open with those words and Shikamaru had to wonder whether it was a test to see whether he'd take the hit.

He didn't.

He fucking _wanted_ to; he had an arsenal of retorts lined up along his tongue. He could have fired them out as quick and cutting as the kunai Neji had let fly.

But he didn't.

For a moment he let the silence hold the weight of what he wouldn't say before he closed his eyes and let the air whistle past his lips.

_Dammit._

A rustle of grass alerted him to Neji's movement. Light danced against Shikamaru's closed eyelids, but then a shadow blotted out the play of sun on his face.

"Despite what you believe..." Neji paused, his voice falling quieter. "I appreciate what you did for me."

"You have a funny way of showing your appreciation, Hyūga."

"And you have a manipulative way of showing your concern."

Anger and a _very_ unexpected twinge of hurt exploded violently in Shikamaru's chest - he just about controlled it. Had Neji said those words to him a few hours ago, he'd have smashed his fist into the Hyūga's jaw. A few hours ago, to hear those words would have _severely_ pissed him off. There had been no manipulation in what Neji was referring to.

_Man, he's got some fucking nerve..._

Shikamaru felt the Shogi piece slicing into his palm.

He forced himself to loosen his fist.

He hadn't premeditated _anything_ about his actions when Neji had suffered those blood-coughing attacks. His reactions had been automatic and instinctive.

Not manipulative.

But given where Shikamaru had _just_ been and what he'd _just_ done, manipulation might not be too far off the mark. But that wasn't completely true either.

Shikamaru slipped his eyes open a little, his dark orbs settling on the opalescent irises gazing down at him.

_You're really not the only one with crappy options, Neji…_

Shikamaru snorted, brushing his thumb over the Shogi piece. "Troublesome."

To his surprise, he noticed an odd shift in Neji's eyes before the Jōnin looked away. He didn't have time to interpret what it was before the Hyūga spoke again.

"Get up."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and made a show of folding an arm behind his head. "I told you. Don't feel like avoiding sharp objects."

Neji scoffed. "Just your paperwork, it would seem."

Shikamaru groaned at the reminder, his brows furrowing sharply. "Such a pain."

"You know what they say about two minds being better than one."

"Depends on the other mind," Shikamaru muttered dryly, his face still pinched with annoyance before arching with surprise when Neji crouched and tugged the wad of reports away from him. "Hey!"

Neji straightened up, thumbing through the reports. "A good thing then, that it's _my_ mind I'm lending you. Now get up so we can finish these reports and you can get some sleep…I'm not the only one who looks like hell, apparently."

"You're _serious_?" Shikamaru's mouth pulled into a smirk meant to conceal his surprise.

"Don't sound so surprised."

"I'm gonna sound amused in a minute." Shikamaru levered himself to sit, draping his arms across his raised knees as he looked up, trying to read what was going on behind Neji's eyes. "Why would you bother, anyway?"

Neji frowned and glanced up, as if the answer were obvious; which it probably was, if keeping score had anything to do with it. Shikamaru knew the Hyūga wouldn't want to feel indebted any more than he had to. Once again it seemed like some strange game going on between them, pitting pride against whatever it was that kept pushing Shikamaru into helping this troublesome Hyūga.

_Why the hell 'am' I bothering?_

Neji looked like he was just about to throw the mental question back in Shikamaru's face - which the Nara hoped he wouldn't. He really didn't think he could answer it.

_Crap…_

He was the one left open this time.

The question was whether Neji would take the hit.

_Why wouldn't he? Here it comes…_

It never came.

"One good turn deserves another, Shikamaru."

The shadow-nin's eyes widened a fraction at those words.

Neji's unexpected reply knocked them onto even ground; not completely steady, but not rigged with disaster. It took a moment for Shikamaru to be sure he hadn't imagined it. Neji had forfeited an opportunity to defend his pride. An opportunity that Shikamaru had been pretty sure he'd take.

"If that's how you wanna play it," Shikamaru eventually said. "Fine, I'm not gonna turn down the offer."

Neji hummed in response, his eyes on the reports as he turned to make his way back towards the Nara residence, not offering anything more.

Shikamaru didn't follow right away.

He remained sitting for a moment longer, the seldom seen intensity of his dark eyes shifting with the conflict of a single, troublesome thought.

One that confused and intrigued him…

A stupid, random and wholly unpredictable realisation…which was that not once throughout their tumultuous exchange had Neji called him by his last name.

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **Tune in next chapter and all that jazz! **Reviewers**, its thanks to you guys that I'm updating at a speed I didn't think was possible for me. ^_^

[chapter edited]


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Twelve**

[Dedicated to Cupcake]

A comfortable quiet rested between the two ninja, each focused on a separate pile of paperwork. A pot of _kabusecha_ tea sat steaming to Neji's side of the table and the strong aroma of coffee drifted from Shikamaru's end; but a loud yawn from the shadow-nin indicated the caffeine wasn't having its intended affect.

Neji glanced up at the Nara.

Shikamaru's chin remained propped on his fist, his dark, half-closed eyes scanning the report in front of him. He looked two winks away from falling asleep, but then, one could never really tell with him.

_Either way, he could probably use the rest._

They'd spent over three hours ploughing through the workload.

Complete re-evaluation of the village's defence system was a gruelling business. After the Akatsuki's attack on Sunagakure, it was inevitable that preparations would be made to prevent Konoha from suffering similar assault or infiltration.

Neji frowned slightly.

The Akatsuki were swiftly taking precedence over Orochimaru.

_I need to get my strength back…fast…_

Neji brushed his fingertips across his chest, subtly rubbing at the ache. The pain had lessened but it was taking time for his chakra reserve to restore itself. The frustration outweighed any discomfort.

_Focus on what you're doing._

He shook his head against his own distraction and spent the next few minutes scanning the neat, sharp script of a two page report. The details were concise and relevant, unlike the waffle of some of the other accounts.

_Defence is pivotal but so is the need to find our enemies weaknesses, instead of completely focusing our attention on concealing our own…_

Neji made a few annotations on the sheet, the fingers of his free hand drifting toward his teacup. He brought it to his lips without removing his eyes from the page and took a small sip of the tepid drink before realising that it was suddenly too quiet. He flicked his gaze across the table.

Shikamaru's eyes were closed.

Neji set his teacup down, arching a brow. "Shikamaru?"

The shadow-nin didn't respond. Neji stared blankly for a moment, fully expecting the other ninja's eyes to slip open with a lazy, half-assed glower.

"Nara," he tried again.

Nothing.

Neji turned the page of his report, rustling the paper a little louder than necessary in an attempt to stir the Chūnin. It was about as effective as his voice had been. Neji took a moment to deliberate, his pale eyes drifting between the paperwork and Shikamaru.

_There's no point in waking him if he's that tired…he'll only make mistakes and foil the effort he's already putting in…_

This left one workable option, which would also lift the weight of feeling indebted to the shadow-nin. Neji set his pen down quietly and reached across the table, taking hold of the reports stacked by Shikamaru's elbow. He could get through them quickly enough; his body may have been tired, but his mind was alert.

Neji began to slide the reports across to his side, but paused half-way. His gaze fell to a white booklet lodged into the stack of red-marked papers. Assuming the file to be misplaced, Neji made to remove it, gripping the slim spine of the booklet to inch it free. He managed to dislodge it quietly, albeit upside-down.

He tilted his head, easily reading the inverted text.

'RECORD OF PAST BATTLES: Classified Data, VOL. 1'

Neji arched a brow, planting his fingers on the cover and twisting his wrist to spin the booklet around. He didn't get time to open it. Movement out the corner of his eye drew his focus sharply up.

Shikamaru was watching him through shuttered eyes.

"Sneaky." The Nara drawled that familiar word with amusement, but his expression was tight; his face at odds with the lightness in his voice.

"You were sleeping," Neji said, not liking how defensive he sounded. It was stupid, but he felt oddly embarrassed at being caught out.

_Ridiculous._

Shikamaru blinked slowly and turned his head, resting his temple against his fist. His dark gaze strayed across to the slim volume Neji hadn't opened. The Hyūga never got the chance either. The shadow-nin reached across and lazily apprehended the stolen booklet like a captured Shogi piece.

Neji sat back a little, steeling his expression into its normal, calm mien.

"Past battles?" he prompted, keeping his tone neutral despite his suspicion. "What are you doing with that?"

Shikamaru yawned dismissively, shrugging. Neji watched him slide the file out of reach before he swallowed the dregs of his cold coffee with a shudder.

_Why would he have a classified volume?_

Neji kept his eyes patiently on the other ninja, a silent way of showing that he wasn't willing to let the topic slide. He waited for Shikamaru to meet his gaze again – which didn't happen. The Nara switched his attention to the paperwork that had moved half-way across the table.

"Stealing my reports? You're pretty enthusiastic, Hyūga…"

Neji offered a flat look, not amused. "At the rate you work – or _sleep_ – I'm surprised anything gets done by the deadline. Is battle tactics part of the defence analysis?"

"How many have we got left?" Shikamaru yawned again, pulling back the pile of papers Neji had shifted.

Avoiding the topic only confirmed Neji's sense of unease surrounding it, but he opted to cease his line of questioning – for now.

"I'm just about done with mine," Neji said.

"Good. I call a break."

Neji scoffed. "You just had one."

"Yeah and you interrupted it." Shikamaru rolled his shoulders, cracking muscle with a scowl. "Ugh…what time is it?"

Neji glanced toward the windows. "Around five, I imagine."

He heard Shikamaru groan and looked back to watch the Nara drop his head into the crook of his folded arm.

"Three hours…what a drag…" came the muffled complaint.

"Look." Neji reached for the paperwork. "You're obviously not going to focus on this, so let me finish it."

Shikamaru snorted into the crook of his arm. "Way too enthusiastic…"

"I don't think that's the word. At any rate, it's necessary, if you want this done on time."

"_She_ wants it done on time…I don't want to do it at all…"

Neji felt the stoic set of his face twist slightly with confusion. "How do you aim to advance if you never put the work in?"

Shikamaru groaned again, lifting his head from his arm only to prop his chin in his hand, yawning loudly behind his fingers.

"I never said I wanted to advance…people just keep expecting me to."

Neji cocked his head. "Expect you to?"

"Yeah." Shikamaru's lidded gaze flicked up. "Unlike you and Naruto, I don't have a crazy 'go-for-the-gold' Nindo, just troublesome people pushing their standards onto me."

Neji studied the shadow-nin's jaded expression, trying to find some tiny spark of aspiration. Shikamaru's yawn cut his search short and he shook his head in disbelief at the Chūnin's manner.

"I don't understand you. You have a lot to offer." Neji frowned. "You could easily make Jōnin and head higher missions. These are things worth striving for."

"Maybe they are, but that doesn't mean I _want_ them." Shikamaru shrugged and try as he might, the Hyūga couldn't read anything off those words other than their bluntness.

_Why wouldn't he want them?_

Neji digested Shikamaru's words in confused silence. He didn't see the sense in _not_ wanting to achieve these things. He'd been driven for so long by the sole focus of his own advancement that it hadn't really occurred to him that one as brilliant as Shikamaru might not want to attain or strive, albeit far more leisurely, for the same thing.

_Rather than to…just settle…_

He could understand that Shikamaru didn't have any sense of rivalry or competition driving him. But surely there must have been some inkling toward progress? Achieving his potential and even surpassing it. Wasn't that the whole point? Especially being so intellectually gifted – wasn't it only natural to want to reach the height of that potential and achieve the desired end. To be all that you could be, possibly more.

_He doesn't want that…how could he not want that?_

"Well what _do_ you want?" Neji asked, almost sounding frustrated.

Shikamaru looked briefly amused, which only confused Neji further. But then the Nara let his gaze drift and Neji could read from the direction his eyes shifted, that he was picturing the future. Then to Neji's surprise, Shikamaru's gaze dropped down and to the right, which indicated introspection, the kind he didn't think he'd ever see the Nara openly display.

It didn't surprise him when Shikamaru closed his eyes.

"To sleep," Shikamaru joked weakly, his sigh whistling through his fingers.

Neji took the opportunity to relax his guard a little, trying to puzzle out the other ninja. He must have looked far less controlled that he thought, because when Shikamaru's eyes slipped open again, the shadow-nin looked at him with a touch of irritation.

"What's _that_ look for?"

Neji blinked, pulling up his guard. "Nothing. I just don't understand why you wouldn't want to use your intelligence to attain something of worth."

Shikamaru arched a brow. "I've already have a lot of things of worth and oddly enough, I didn't use my 'intelligence' or a 'strategy' to get them."

"Such as?"

Neji didn't expect the next look Shikamaru shot him. It was a mix between honest surprise and confusion. Immediately, Neji regretted asking.

"Are you serious?" Shikamaru said.

_No, Nara, I'm trying to be funny…idiot…_

Neji cleared his throat, hoping he didn't look as awkward as he felt. Unfortunately, Shikamaru didn't spare him the discomfort.

"Not to sound corny, but my friends and family for starters." Shikamaru hummed, drumming his fingers against his lips. "Look, it's not about personal ambition for me. That doesn't interest me."

Neji frowned, staring at the middle of the table. For some reason, these words rattled the bars of that phantom cage he'd always felt trapped in…despite having come so far, despite having channelled everything into advancing and surpassing those limitations and that sense of inescapable fate. Yes, he'd come so far, but suddenly, out of no where, came the feeling that he'd left something behind.

_But I've forged my own path…that's what…I have always wanted…_

Tightness began to pull across his chest, a horrible, dull ache.

Neji straightened away from the table slightly, unaware that Shikamaru's eyes were tracking him. He made an effort not to give the pain his attention, returning his focus to the Nara when he spoke again.

"But that's just me," Shikamaru said, shrugging. "Like I said, people and their standards…hell, I forfeited my Chūnin match and somehow still qualified."

"You were able to predict two hundred moves ahead, Shikamaru." Neji swallowed, making an effort to breathe calmly and continue the conversation. "Your mind is your forte, even if your attitude is your pitfall."

"Thanks _Asuma_," Shikamaru grumbled, rolling his eyes. "Ugh…I really don't have the energy to go a verbal round on this one."

Neji was almost grateful for that.

"I'll save you the trouble. Now give me the reports and I'll finish them." He reached for them before Shikamaru could protest, not that he suspected the Chūnin would.

The only thing Shikamaru seemed unwilling to surrender was that booklet, which the shadow-nin slotted under his arm as he dragged himself to his feet.

"Fine, works for me. I'm gonna catch a nap…"

Neji shook his head, plucking the first report off Shikamaru's pile. "Of course."

"Wake me in about an hour, yeah?"

"Tch. How do you propose I do that?" Neji called after the Nara's retreating back. "With a foghorn?"

"Whatever works." Shikamaru drifted from the room, his words carrying over his shoulder and drifting into a yawn. "Just don't wake me before that. I won't move."

_I'd believe it._

Neji felt his lip curving slightly, but smothered the expression by taking a sip of the cold tea. He waited until Shikamaru passed out of sight before he set the cup down and touched his fingers to his chest, closing his eyes against the twinges of pain.

_I will control this. _

Neji released the tense breath trapped in his throat, blinked a few times and reached for the pen. He ignored the fact that his fingers were shaking.

* * *

An hour later, Neji set the pen down.

In some small way, it felt as if he'd paid his dues. The currency for staying at the Nara residence sat on the table in a neat, completed pile. The paperwork was done. The annotations made and the skeleton of the defence strategy in place. All that was left to do was get Shikamaru to flesh out the details, ensure the structure and deliver the plan.

Which meant it was time to wake him up.

_Kami…why didn't he just set his alarm?_

Neji slid away from the table, stretching his neck with a sigh as he navigated his way to Shikamaru's room. Pausing outside, he rapped his knuckles against the frame of the door.

"Get up, Nara."

As predicted, no response came from inside, not even the sound of the lazy Chūnin rolling over. Neji braced his shoulder against the door and sighed.

"Shikamaru…"

He shouldn't have been surprised at the silence. Curling his fingers, Neji raised his hand rigidly and thudded the side of his fist into the door with a loud bang that rattled the frame.

Nothing.

So he repeated the motion only to garner the same silence. For a fleeting moment, Neji had to wonder if the shadow-nin wasn't doing it on purpose.

"Shikamaru, get up!"

He really didn't want to have to go into Shikamaru's room.

_That is 'not' going to happen._

The temptation to activate his Byakugan and glare daggers through the wall was tempting. He could actually picture Shikamaru smirking from the other side of the door. If he was even awake.

"Get up, Nara!"

Neji smacked the side of his fist into the door again.

_I'll smack it into his head if he doesn't respond soon…_

Soon turned into five minutes later and his patience, which he liked to think he had in abundance, wore thin. With every intention of carrying through with his mental threat, Neji grabbed the door handle and twisted sharply, thrusting the door open at exactly the same time as Shikamaru opened it.

_Fuck._

Unable to halt his momentum, the tug from the other side had him tripping and pitching straight into the other ninja. Shikamaru, still half-asleep, made a delayed attempt to sway out of the way. Unfortunately, Neji made to sway in exactly the same direction.

They crashed, cursed, tangled and went down in an ungraceful heap.

The shock of the collision held a brief, awkward silence…during which Neji's mind could only process the horrific denial of '_that-did-not-just-happen'_ before he registered the groan against his ear.

"Ugh…fucking _hell_, Neji." Shikamaru coughed, winded. "Why do you always go for my ribs?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Neji snarled, planting his hands either side of Shikamaru's head as he tried to push himself off the other ninja only to wince at the sharp yank on his hair. "_Get off_."

Shikamaru scowled, rubbing at his forehead where Neji's headband had cracked him dead on centre. "You're on top of me, _genius_!"

Neji grit his teeth, hissing his words out. "You're laying on my hair…idiot…"

Shikamaru dropped his head back and gaped. "_I'm _an idiot? Aren't _you_ supposed to see through walls?"

Neji glared, the full venom of his '_I-am-going-to-murder-you' _gaze having absolutely no affect on the sprawled Chūnin beneath him. Shikamaru continued to rub at his brow and Neji couldn't help but see some kind of poetic justice in the inadvertent head-butt, considering his previously stolen hitai-ate.

"I think you gave me concussion…" Shikamaru grumbled, feeling around his brow as if expecting to find the Leaf symbol stamped there.

"Good," Neji growled, his breath mingling with Shikamaru's as he glared down. "How the hell you've lasted this long on missions with your inability to wake up is beyond me."

Shikamaru snorted. "Didn't think I needed to worry about being attacked in my own home…"

Neji felt his pride backed into a corner and like a bristling animal he immediately went on the defensive.

"_You're_ the one who lays childish traps around the place," he growled back. "I'm half-convinced you actually planned this."

"Yeah, 'cause getting knocked on my ass, concussed and half-straddled is my idea of intelligent strategy…"

Neji opened his mouth to offer a smart retort only to snap his jaw shut.

_Half-straddled?_

He dropped his gaze down and with a mortified flare of heat realised how closely locked together they were. He'd barely caught himself on one knee, the other leg having failed in the attempt to disentangle itself from Shikamaru's, resulting in a tilted, but flat press of their hips and stomachs. He could feel every shift of the tense abdominals against his own and for some reason it had his breath shifting.

It shouldn't have felt intimate in the slightest.

It shouldn't have felt any different from pinning someone in a fight.

But then Shikamaru tried to move – and the friction of their grinding hips sent a bolt of heat straight to Neji's groin. Like lightning ripping down his spine; he drew a sharp breath.

The faint sound caused Shikamaru to freeze beneath him.

Their gazes locked and Neji caught the barest dilation in Shikamaru's pupils before they both jerked away from each other as if burned.

Confusion hit Neji with twice the force of the flush that scraped across his cheekbones. He stood sharply, turned and exited the room, chills dancing along his skin in wake of the heat that had exploded through him just seconds ago.

_What the hell is wrong with me...?_

* * *

The early evening bustle came as a welcome distraction.

Children sparred with bamboo canes, cracking the weapons like makeshift katana as they darted nosily between the loose pockets of people.

Neji swayed easily to avoid collision with a group of duelling boys. To his irritation, Shikamaru displayed commendable speed in avoiding the same impact.

_Why the hell couldn't he have done that earlier?_

Neji shook his head sharply to shake the thought away.

He'd spent enough time trying _not_ to think about what had happened earlier. However, it was one of those things that the more he avoided it, the more apparent it was, sitting the back of his mind, waiting for the opportune moment to strike.

"Troublesome kids," Shikamaru muttered, sidestepping a charging child.

Neji hummed in response. He'd avoided looking at or speaking to the Nara for the most part. He envied the shadow-nin's ability to sweep things under the rug with that infuriating nonchalance.

Shikamaru had ambled on as if nothing had happened; which should have been a good thing, but for some reason it made Neji feel even more out of control. He was confused enough as it was, adding irritation to the mix wasn't a good combination.

"Head's up," Shikamaru suddenly drawled.

_What?_

"Neji, my youthful rival!"

_Oh God no…_

Despite the 'head's-up', Neji made the vital error of freezing on the spot, his mind too distracted to sense which direction Lee's voice had come from. Then an energetic clap on the back had him bolting rigid from the pain as Lee's camaraderie hit struck him right on his healing wound.

"Hey, take it easy." Shikamaru frowned, glancing at Lee.

Neji ignored the concerned look Shikamaru shot him and instead turned a completely composed expression on the green-clad ninja.

"You need to stop doing that, Lee. Especially in public."

"Forgive me, Neji-kun!" Lee smiled brightly, his teeth catching a spark that was disturbingly bright. "But you are not up to your usual standards, my friend!"

Neji opted for a stern glance.

_He's not wrong...I should have sensed that hit coming long before it landed._

Lee appeared immune to the glare and smiled, saluting. "I have a message from Gai-sensei!"

Neji tried to hide the unease crawling into his eyes. "What is it?"

"He wished to speak with you about a mission to a shinobi monastery. I believe it is known as the Fire Temple. Hokage-sama has requested a team to survey the area."

A mission meant a distraction. A useful, productive distraction.

"I am on my way to the Hokage residence right now, after I am done there, I will speak with Gai-senpai."

Lee offered a 'roger-that' salute before turning to Shikamaru. "And will you be interested in joining us, Shikamaru-kun?"

Neji watched the shadow-nin shutter his gaze in that familiar harassed look before cocking his head toward the stack of papers held under one arm. Lee caught on with a smile, nodding before making to clap Neji on the back again. The Hyūga deflected the touch with the sharp edge of his palm.

"Give it a rest." Neji frowned.

To his surprise Lee just laughed and gave the thumbs up. "That is more like it, Neji-kun! The reflexes of a cat."

"A cat, huh?" Shikamaru arched a brow.

Neji dragged his mind back from the embarrassing incident earlier and cleared his throat. "Where might I find Gai-senpai?"

"The training grounds!" Lee announced to the entire street. "He is challenging Kakashi-sensei to a most exuberant contest!"

_I don't want to know…_

Thankfully he didn't have to hear the details of said 'exuberant contest', which must have been commencing shortly given the speed at which Lee shot off after mentioning it. Neji watched the bushy-browed ninja leap-frog over rooftops and only turned his head when he heard Shikamaru snort.

"Exuberant contest? Man, that's gonna be you two in a few years time," the Nara said.

"I can't keep up with the idiocy of it," Neji shook his head, moving to follow Shikamaru towards the Hokage residence. "The Fire Temple? Did Hokage-sama mention this mission when you spoke with her earlier?"

"No."

"So it is completely unrelated to the classified booklet you have?"

He watched Shikamaru out the corner of his eye. The shadow-nin blinked slowly, his lip quirking.

"You want to do all my homework for me, Hyūga?"

"You're not funny, Shikamaru."

"Tch. Relax."

Neji felt his eye twitch. If he heard that word one more time the only thing he'd relax would be his restraint. Shikamaru picked up the pace a little, forcing him to keep stride with a frown. As they approached the mansion, they were met half-way by the Hokage's pig.

"Seriously...why..." Shikamaru muttered.

Neji watched as Tonton retaliated with a snort. He didn't understand the other ninja's problem with the Hokage's pet. She actually proved quite useful at times; at least when it came to relaying messages and tracking. Shikamaru obviously didn't share his judgement on the matter, because the shadow-nin looked ready to drop the paperwork on the small animal.

Neji shook his head, reluctantly amused. As they entered the residence, the pig dashed off with a squeal. Neji glanced at Shikamaru.

The shadow-nin shrugged. "Hey, don't look at me..."

Neji glanced up when Shizune rounded the corner, her long sleeves flapping as she rushed over, out of breath.

"Shikamaru! Are those the reports for Tsunade-sama?" she puffed.

"Yeah," Shikamaru tipped his chin to the top file as he handed the pile over. "The proposal is on the top, I still recommend asking Temari or Kankurō for their input."

"I'll put the suggestion forward at the meeting nex—oh, Neji…" Shizune cut off, hefting the pile of papers and offering a smile. "What are you doing here?"

Neji inclined his head. "I came to speak with Tsunade-sama. Do you know if she's available?"

For some odd reason, Shizune glanced at Shikamaru before responding.

"She's just finished speaking with Asuma so I assume she will be."

"Asuma?" Shikamaru echoed, suddenly alert as he glanced down the hallway.

"That's right." Shizune gestured for Neji to follow her. "Did you want to speak with him, Shikamaru?"

"Nah, I'm gonna take a walk," Shikamaru turned lazily, stepped over Tonton and made his way out. "Later."

Neji arched a brow and fell into step beside Shizune, his gaze straying to the paperwork in the woman's arms. His mind flicked back to the classified booklet Shikamaru hadn't returned with the workload. He couldn't shake the odd feeling he had surrounding that, which was probably unfounded.

They turned the corner just as Asuma rounded it.

The Sarutobi was frowning, his dark brows drawn low over his eyes, though the intense look softened into its normally relaxed expression when he glanced up.

"Evening." He smiled, an unlit cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth. "Seen Shikamaru around?"

Neji glanced over his shoulder. "You just missed him, Asuma-senpai."

"Right, you mean he high-tailed it." Asuma chuckled, but Neji noted that his eyes didn't quite match his smile. "No problem. Thanks."

The Jōnin slid his hands into his pockets and strolled on past. Neji turned his head, frowning as his pale eyes followed the retreating figure.

_Something's wrong…_

The door opened before Shizune could reach for the handle.

Neji turned his head, his silvery eyes landing on the amber-brown orbs of the Hokage. Tsunade raised her chin as she stepped back into the room.

"Neji. Just who I wanted to see."

* * *

**TBC. **

**A/N:** Crazy weekend delayed this update, but** a MASSIVE thanks to** **Reviewers**. You guys were the silver lining, so thanks so much again. You guys are great! _I hope you enjoyed this chapter, more on the way! As always, love to hear your thoughts._

[chapter edited]


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

**Rating: M / R**

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Thirteen**

The sharp whistle of deer calls jarred Shikamaru's attention away from the booklet propped on his hip. He paused with his fingers at the edge of the page, his half-lidded gaze sliding across the lamp-lit room to the shoji door he'd left ajar.

The evening breeze seeped through, carrying the nipping sting of autumn's chill and a hint of dampness from the mists shrouding the forests beyond the garden.

Another deer call sounded.

_What time is it?_

He'd lost track of the hour somewhere during his attempt and failure to avoid Asuma. As predicted, his sensei had cut off his path to dodge an inevitable conversation; one that had been layered with undercurrents.

Shikamaru's mind flicked back to the exchange.

At the time, Asuma had sucked in a lungful of smoke, holding it low and deep in his chest in a way that Shikamaru knew meant he'd been carefully weighing up his next words.

"I would never put it past you to help out a friend, Shikamaru," Asuma had said, "So your concern for Naruto and your interest in neutralising the Akatsuki threat doesn't surprise me."

"But…?" Shikamaru had prodded.

"But you put yourself forward for something large-scale, without talking to me."

Shikamaru had shrugged, his eyes tracing the lanterns along the sidewalk. "Everyone nags me about taking the initiative. So I did."

"I'm wondering if there's not something more to this."

"Like what?"

Asuma had smiled wryly, shaking his head. "Wouldn't really be _wondering_ about it if I _knew_, would I?"

"Hey, don't get all concerned on me." Shikamaru had looked for a quick exit without appearing to. "Anyway, like you said earlier, I'm not a kid anymore."

"I know that."

"Then shouldn't you just be proud or something?"

"You know it's important for you, more than anyone, to keep your head clear for these upcoming missions."

"I've never had a problem with it before."

"Yeah…and I've never had to wonder what was going on with you before either."

"You're not my dad, Asuma."

Shikamaru had regretted those last words. Mostly because he'd spat the words out with an edge of irritated spite, rather than blunt sarcasm. But Asuma had simply hummed, exhaling a cloud of smoke that Shikamaru had wanted to quietly waft away on.

Thankfully, Chōji had interrupted them.

His friend had proceeded to hand over about a week's supply of food, all cooked and packaged by the Akimichi's mother. Apparently, she didn't trust him not to get lazy and survive off takeaway.

Asuma hadn't pushed any further and had wandered off without a parting glance – though he'd called back over his shoulder. "By the way, I never said I wasn't proud…'or something'."

Shikamaru brought himself back from his thoughts, a faint smile warming the otherwise troubled expression on his face. But the frown returned when his gaze dropped back to the classified volume he'd been scanning.

_At least this one's down._

His dark eyes traced the crossed-out face of the deceased Akatsuki member, Sasori. He flipped to another page, the image of a blue-skinned, shark-faced shinobi staring back at him.

_Great…_

There were still so many blanks.

It was going to be one hell of a solo mission trying to fill them in.

Shikamaru shook his head, snapping the booklet shut. He smothered a yawn as he set the slim volume to one side, levering himself off the low couch and onto his feet with a groan. His mind felt as if it were breeding thoughts, cramming the pressure in an irritating throb at his temples.

_Dammit._

He swayed over to the shoji door, propping a shoulder against the frame as he rubbed at the tension in his brow, somewhat tempted to blame Neji for the headache.

The earlier head-butt probably hadn't helped.

_I wish that was it…_

A soft segment of light from inside cast the shadow-nin's silhouette against the leaf-strewn porch. Shikamaru watched the leaves scrape across the wood, tracking their movement. He felt caught on a similar current, only pulled in one direction while looking in another. He'd hedged his bets on being out of the village by the time Asuma got round to figuring out that things weren't quite as clear-cut as 'taking the initiative'.

_I think I'm digging myself one hell of a hole, sensei._

His gaze flicked skyward to the moon. The large opal hung against an inky backdrop, the pale surface reflecting his thoughts back at him. He just couldn't shake the image of what had pushed into Neji's eyes back at their ungraceful collision. But what unnerved him more was the thought that something might have been playing in his own gaze.

_Damn…_

It wasn't the crack of Neji's skull against his that had knocked this tumult of feeling and heat into him. He'd been ignoring it for a while now and had instantly shoved it aside the moment he'd felt it flare up at the grind of their hips.

It was dangerous, potentially disastrous territory.

But for one moment…one brief, crazy second when their eyes had locked, he hadn't cared whether he got burned in the process of exploring it.

_Not good…_

Shikamaru tried to shift his focus, but the frustrated feeling kept gnawing away at him, rousing up a troublesome burn in his core. He couldn't pass it off as saké or anger this time. He couldn't even fall back on unease or nervousness…those kinds of feelings didn't burn like this…

Shikamaru sighed and turned his head, thudding his brow against the frame of the sliding door with a hiss as he closed his eyes.

"Dammit."

He'd barely muttered the curse before a chorus of sharp, panicked deer cries burst from the Nara forest. The shadow-nin's eyes snapped open, his focus sliding toward the borders of the woodland.

_What the hell?_

He hovered a moment, waiting for clarity that wasn't going to come. With a disgruntled sigh he shoved away from the door, took up a couple of kunai and tugged on his sandals. Pretending not to welcome the distraction, he trudged across the dew-laced garden, frowning as another round of sharp calls directed his steps towards the herd's commotion.

He followed the misty trails with an ease that came from having walked the routes countless times before. He knew these paths as well as the generations of deer that had stamped them out.

He jerked to a halt as two doe darted past, the white flags of their tails flashing as they vanished into the darkness. Whatever had spooked them lay just beyond the next incline; one which sloped down into the same glade where he'd seen his father with the dying deer, all those years ago.

He really hoped he wasn't about to witness something similar.

_That's the last thing I need…_

He looped the kunai in his fingers and ignoring the faint apprehension curdling in his gut, he quietly ascended the slope, keeping his head low, already prepared. He paused at the top of the incline, his dark eyes dropping to survey the glade, which suddenly flared with the soft blue of chakra, forcing him to squint against the sudden burst of illumination.

When his vision adjusted, his face arched in surprise, then twisted with frustration.

"Stubborn bastard._"_

* * *

_Hold it…_

Neji could feel his arms juddering under the strain, but he kept them snapped outward, held taut and rigid with control. He panted raggedly, his jaw tight, pale eyes fierce and frustrated.

_I will do this…_

He could feel the stream of chakra narrow from its flood along his arms into the sharp blade-like structure he'd seen Hinata use. Forcing the stream of chakra into a steady emission, Neji began to sway, his body moving with a fluid, graceful flexibility as he began to stretch the beams from his palms into an arc-shaped shield.

"Protective eight trigrams, sixty-four palms!"

He launched into the defensive jutsu, seamlessly able to replicate the movements Hinata had taken double the time and double the effort to master. He kept the structure moving, constantly streaming the laser-like beams of chakra as he sped his movements to form a dome.

His chest began to tighten.

_No._

The pain began to spread.

_I won't lose…_

He drilled the words into his mind, fighting against the strain eating into his chakra network. If he couldn't use the Palm Rotation, then there was no choice but to master this as the temporary alternative.

_Hold it. Hold it. Hold it._

"Neji!"

He lost it.

Shikamaru's voice shattered his focus.

The chakra flow wobbled, flared and backfired against the blocks in Neji's system. A lacerating pain pierced his lungs and heart, forcing him to drop to a crouch as he hacked out a wet, red-stained cough.

_NO! I 'had' it!_

Neji fisted his fingers into his robe, swallowing down the coppery tang of blood with a growl. He felt a hand on his shoulder and angrily jerked away from it, throwing his arm out to shove Shikamaru away.

"Don't touch me."

"Neji, what the _hell _are you doing?"

"Compensating," Neji snarled, pushing to his feet and wishing he hadn't, it took him a moment to blink the black spots from his vision.

"You're not well enough to be doing this." Shikamaru kept his voice low, calm.

Unfortunately, this attempt at calm and reason had the reverse effect. Neji turned a glare on the other ninja and in that moment it was like they had jumped back two months to that rainy, angry night.

"Do not lecture me on my limits, Nara."

Shikamaru's jaw twitched, but the anger eased to a simmer in his eyes. "I'm not gonna do this crap with you again."

Neji hadn't expected that.

Venomous words burned like bile in the back of his throat. But he couldn't spit them out. Because Shikamaru had suddenly levelled him with a look that he wasn't certain how to interpret or defend himself against.

The Nara's bistre eyes had softened with a kind of frustrated, confused concern that chilled the anger in Neji's blood. The Hyūga frowned slightly, not knowing how to react to the look he was receiving.

It was dangerously similar to the look the shadow-nin had given him that night on the porch after patching up the gashes on his back. Neji tilted his head, his heaving breaths stirring the long mocha bangs framing his face.

He felt his own expression shifting to mirror the same confusion.

Then Shikamaru blinked slowly, breaking the stare.

"Whatever," he growled. "When you're done 'compensating', there's food back at the house."

The Nara turned without another word and made his way back up the incline, his black-clad form vanishing like the shadows he commanded as he passed between the wafting mists.

Neji stared at the swirl of vapours…then closed his eyes.

_Damn it._

* * *

They ate in silence.

The distance between them yawned wider than the span of the table and the quiet that filled the void was confused and heavy. The only break in the silence was the rustle of paper as Neji turned the page of the mission outline Tsunade had given him.

To complicate matters, he'd been teamed with Shikamaru.

_Focus._

He scanned the additional map for the fifth time, not having taken in anything the first four times. Wondering if Shikamaru was doing any better, he glanced up. The Nara seemed more interested in examining the contents of the meal he'd barely touched.

_Focus._

It was impossible.

Neji's pale orbs remained fixed on Shikamaru's face. The Nara's jaw kept tightening at the hinges, his lashes remaining at a semi-hover as if ready to close over his dark eyes.

Dark eyes which suddenly flicked up.

Neji didn't have time to avoid the eye contact; so he returned the look and scrambled for something to explain why he'd been staring.

"Did you know about this mission in Hanegakure before Tsunade-sama summoned me?"

Shikamaru didn't miss a beat. "She had me mobilize teams, but she didn't clarify where we'd be sent."

This safe, work-related ground gave Neji a foothold.

"Our team will be predominantly reconnaissance." He dropped his gaze back down to the mission brief. "We should leave early."

"Yeah, I think I can manage that."

Neji slid the mission papers to one side, placing his palms to the table as he made to stand. "Good."

"If you can manage a rematch," Shikamaru added unexpectedly.

Neji paused. "What?"

The shadow-nin shrugged lazily and slanted his gaze toward the Shogi board across the room.

Neji followed his gaze. "What time is it?"

"No idea."

Neji pursed his lips, considering. It would take the edge off the tension, if anything - and given the mission tomorrow, the less conflict and confusion between them, the better.

He cleared his throat. "One game."

Shikamaru slouched back with a faint, lazy smile. "Afraid to lose twice?"

Neji scoffed but the taunt had hooked him before he knew he'd reacted.

"You're on, Nara."

* * *

The soft clap of the Shogi pieces stopped mid-game, a brief impasse holding the two players in a rapt quiet as each strategized their next move.

Shikamaru smiled.

_Haven't been challenged like this in a while._

He swept his gaze across the layout, re-evaluating the flow of the game before he closed his eyes and crabbed his hands, drawing a slow breath. The meditative moment lasted no more than a minute before he slipped his eyes open and immediately made his move.

He sensed Neji tense as he clapped a piece down and skimmed his fingers across to capture one of the Hyūga's. He heard Neji chuckle quietly and glanced up at the unexpected sound. The Jōnin was studying the board, shaking his head.

"As expected of you, Shikamaru."

"You were close."

"Not close enough." Neji hummed. "I should have seen that coming."

"Game's not over yet."

"I know when I'm beaten," Neji tilted his head, searching the board for a solution. "I should probably bow out gracefully."

"_Probably_," Shikamaru echoed, but he let the word roll lightly.

"If that's the case …" Neji shrugged, reaching to slide a piece in an unexpected slant along the board.

Shikamaru's eyes widened, his chin lifting from its prop against his fist. "That's suicide."

"_Probably_." Neji offered a faint smile. "I suppose it doesn't matter now."

Shikamaru scanned the board. "You could have threatened my defence for a little longer."

"That would have been of little value considering the attack would fail."

"Hey, take a chance and I might go easy on you."

Neji snorted, but Shikamaru thought he saw a smile threatening to tug the corners of his mouth. "Thank you for being so condescending, Shikamaru."

"It's only fair," Shikamaru said, clapping another piece down. "I doubt anyone else gets the chance where you're concerned."

Neji's fingers twitched against the board.

He shook his head. "That's not true."

Shikamaru blinked, but kept his gaze down so as not to appear surprised. So long as the Shogi game continued to play out, the Hyūga seemed less focused on being defensive.

"Oh yeah?" Shikamaru prompted, letting his tone drop to the side of disinterest, just to be safe. "I don't see Gai-sensei pulling that off."

"No." Neji tilted his head, his eyes on the board. "But I've never considered him as being in the position to have that kind of control over me."

Shikamaru arched a brow, resisting the urge to smile. "You realise how arrogant that sounds, right?"

"I didn't mean it like that." Neji frowned slightly. "I respect Gai-sensei, despite his ridiculous antics…" The Hyūga's lashes fluttered in a controlled shudder. "And that unforgiveable jumpsuit…"

Shikamaru smirked, shaking his head. "But it's so _youthful_…"

Neji tried not to laugh – and Shikamaru wanted to shake him.

_Hell, let yourself feel something._

"So you consider someone else as being in the position to control you?" Shikamaru asked nonchalantly, scanning the available manoeuvres he'd planned out ten moves back.

Neji pursed his lips, tension creeping into his posture. "Never mind, it's your move."

"I doubt it's a matter of someone being intellectually superior to you," Shikamaru said, keeping his gaze on the board. "And you're pretty adept at handing people their asses in a fight, so I'd say it's not about a physical challenge either."

Neji kept silent.

Instead of pausing, Shikamaru let himself roll with the leeway the Hyūga was granting him. He touched a finger to a playing piece on the board, sliding the wedge across slowly.

"Which means," he paused to pick up and smack the piece down. "It's something, or someone, a little closer to home."

"Stop it."

Shikamaru lifted his eyes to find that Neji's were closed.

"Why did you let me start it?" he returned softly, trying to read beneath the steel in the Hyūga's face.

"Don't." The tendons in Neji's throat tightened. "I can't do this tonight."

"Do what?" Shikamaru pressed, his eyes tracking everything, every subtle shift.

"_This_…" Neji gestured between them with an angry flick of his wrist, but he kept his eyes closed.

Shikamaru frowned, an odd twinge pinching in his gut. He knew exactly what 'this' was; although, ironically it had no name and no definition. 'This' was that inescapable and troublesome knot of contradictions grinding between them and generating enough heat to thaw out Neji's normal air of aloofness.

Just a little more heat, a tad more pressure.

"It's your move," Shikamaru murmured, his words deliberate.

Neji snapped his eyes open, but the anger wasn't pushing into them. "Stop playing games."

The air charged between them, thickening by degrees, tightening skin and picking up pulses. Shikamaru held the Hyūga's gaze in that familiar deadlock.

"Isn't that what we're doing here?"

The proud line of Neji's jaw tightened as he slid a piece across the board in a sharp slash – like drawing a line between them. "Don't push it, Nara."

"Hey, I can be just as evasive and troublesome as you…" Shikamaru illustrated the point by dropping a pawn across the board, cutting off Neji's tactical retreat by crossing that unseen line. "Doesn't really resolve anything does it?"

"Don't start this again."

"You can only avoid it for so long before I'm forced to keep starting it."

Neji's eyes narrowed, but again, the anger didn't reach them. Shikamaru wasn't sure what the hell it was that flashed in Neji's eyes, but the ghostly pale irises remained locked on him.

"You asked who was in the position to control me." Neji leaned across, his voice dropping low. "Let me make it very clear that that person will never be _you_."

Shikamaru didn't back down. He met the aggressive tilt directly, straightening up from his slouch to lean forward and glare straight back.

"A good thing I'm not trying to control you."

"No, you're just trying to figure me out," Neji seethed, the elegant cut of his features tightening with the pressure of maintaining his mask. "Give it up."

Shikamaru smirked, but it was hollow, forced. "I really wish I could."

"You won't win this one, Shikamaru."

"Now who's making it a game?"

"Tch." Neji's face hardened further. "If you want to play with semantics, be my guest. It makes absolutely no difference to me."

Shikamaru frowned, watching an icy hostility struggling to steal across Neji's face. Like frost between the creases of his expression, trying to harden it, but only catching the edges. The shadow-nin shook his head as he stared into the silver-hued eyes, his voice falling quietly.

"I'm not trying to control you, Neji."

The cold mask of composure hardening across Neji's face cracked a little –a flash of angry pain in his pale eyes. Shikamaru watched him cover it with a sneer.

"As if you could," Neji growled and pulled back quickly, standing in a fluid but sharp snap.

Against his better judgement, Shikamaru moved to stand. He moved slowly, as if physically pulled in by the magnetic tension pulsing between them. Neji glared in confusion then turned to brush past him. And for a reason Shikamaru couldn't have named or denied, he stepped abruptly into Neji's path, cutting the Hyūga off.

"Move," Neji hissed, his pale eyes casting sharply over Shikamaru's shoulder.

"Look at me."

"Move, Nara."

Shikamaru noticed that although Neji kept his eyes averted, he did not lower them; but the muscles in his pale face tensed and flexed as if not knowing what expression to settle with.

"What's it going to take before you get it?" Shikamaru shook his head, frustration starting to fester in his voice. "You don't have to do this here."

"Move."

"You don't have to stand on your stupid blue-blooded ceremony with me."

Neji's lip curled in a sour smirk. "You know nothing about Hyūga blood."

"Only that it's as red as anyone else's when you're coughing it up."

Shikamaru watched those eyes snap open, as pale as the robes that rippled like living ice as Neji leaned in very slowly. "Unless _you're_ itching to bleed, Nara, I suggest you get out of my way."

Shikamaru frowned, feeling the heat of Neji's breath against his face, at odds with the chill in his voice. "You don't need to mess yourself up like this, Neji."

Neji snapped his fingers into fists, his voice strained. "Don't tell me what I need…you have no idea what I need."

Shikamaru was pretty sure he had no idea about a lot of things in that moment.

His brain was picking up on things in irrational pieces.

For starters, Neji was standing way too close.

And it was doing something to his skin and _beneath_ his skin that felt like static crackling in his blood. It stupefied him for a moment and his brain froze completely.

With his greatest weapon out of commission, fear slammed into his gut.

And he reacted on instinct.

Or at least he told himself he did, because if he'd been coasting along the lines of safe, rational thought, there would have been no way in hell he'd have done what he did next.

Which was to slam the heel of his hand straight into Neji's chest.

The Hyūga staggered back with a wince at the impact, shock delaying his reaction. Shikamaru knew that logically, this was the best time to back off. This was the moment, the _opportune_ moment.

And it passed him by in a rush of heat.

He told himself it was anger.

_That's all this is…_

And to prove it, he drove forward again.

Neji knocked aside his next hit, but didn't attack him back.

"Hit back, Hyūga," Shikamaru pushed. "You want to cough up blood so damn bad? Fine, how about I help you out this time?"

Neji's eyes flashed. "Back off."

Shikamaru switched tactic. "Only a messed up person or a masochist would do what you're doing to yourself. So, which are you?"

That seemed to do it.

Neji went for his throat, quite literally. The pale fingers snapped out like a vice, latching at Shikamaru's neck before he could jerk away. It forced him to stand rigid, but the grip stopped just short of cutting off his breath; yet pressed hard enough that Shikamaru knew it would leave bruises.

"Grip harder," Shikamaru choked out.

Neji's face contorted into a savage twist of rage and confusion, his arm shaking with restraint. "Why?"

The question clutched the shadow-nin harder than Neji's fingers.

_Why?_

Shikamaru swallowed around the grip at his throat and stared back with an equal mix of frustration and struggle. The coil of churning, electrifying tension tightened and thickened the air simmering in the short distance between them, forcing their breaths to deepen and their chests to heave.

Shikamaru felt Neji's fingers loosen at his throat and he watched through dark, dilated eyes as the Hyūga's gaze dropped to his mouth.

_Why…?_

Shikamaru tugged Neji's grip away, just as Neji stepped forward.

They crashed together in a mesh of raw heat.

Mouths met in a hungry, angry clash, sharing and stealing breath.

Shikamaru felt a voltage smash through his system, short-circuiting his mind and waking up a primal, primitive hunger from deep inside. It pushed into the scrape of teeth and thrust of tongue, seeking submission that neither would give.

He pushed forward.

Neji pushed back.

With a growl, Shikamaru snapped a hand up to fist his fingers in the long, dark hair. He jerked hard - breaking the kiss and bearing the sharp, proud edge of Neji's jaw. His teeth scraped along the pale slant, tearing a short, fractured gasp from the Jōnin.

"Bastard…" Neji hissed. "I'm going to…kill you…"

"Shut up," Shikamaru growled back. "Don't think."

"No..." Neji twisted to plant a solid slam of his palm into Shikamaru's chest.

The shove pushed them apart, tearing sparks of heat and arousal into the air like two blades glancing off each other. But the static drew them together again in an audible smack – which Shikamaru registered was his back against the wall.

_Dammit._

He barely had time to glare before Neji attacked his mouth again; a punishing kiss, demanding submission. It wouldn't happen. There would be no yielding on either side and even in the haze of insane need blistering hot and hard between them, Shikamaru could instinctively sense it.

"Neji…"

"No."

The biting sting of teeth against his lips snapped Shikamaru's hips into a roll, his shoulders pressing back as he turned and reversed them, slamming Neji into the fusuma panel without breaking the thrust and tangle of tongues.

Neji's lips parted around a wince at the impact, allowing for Shikamaru to seize control of the kiss with a vicious grip at Neji's jaw. The Hyūga responded with a crushing latch at his nape, but rocked back against him when he pressed forward, rolling into the grind of their hips.

The breath-shattering pleasure forced them to break the fusion of their mouths and search for air.

"_F...fuck_…" Neji rasped.

The sound of that word whispering from Neji's lips in those low, cultured tones drew lava into Shikamaru's blood. He snapped a hand to Neji's hip, tugging the Jōnin into the rhythm of their gyration, the rough friction dragging a groan from him.

He'd never been so hard, so hungry and so fiercely aroused in his life.

It was powerful, consuming and dangerous.

He wasn't sure he could stop it.

But Neji's ragged breaths had halted.

"Breathe…" Shikamaru murmured against Neji's ear, pressing a thigh between the other ninja's legs, locking them together.

"…_Damn…you_…" Neji seethed out, his head tipping back down to smack his brow against Shikamaru's, tangling their breaths. "This is…insane…"

"I know..."

But it didn't stop the slow, firm grind of their hips or the hard, thick heat Shikamaru could feel pressing back against his own arousal, stoking that inferno in his core.

"Why_?_" Neji rasped against Shikamaru's mouth, his blunt nails digging into the Nara's nape as if wanting to go beneath the surface. "Gods…what the hell…is wrong with me…?"

The words slid a splinter of ice into Shikamaru's veins.

_Wrong…stop…I can't…_

"Don't…" he dropped the word sharply, but slid his tongue across Neji's bruised lips in a slow, erotic caress, drawing back to brush their mouths. "Don't think."

Neji shook his head, his eyes screwed shut against the pleasure Shikamaru knew he was fighting. He loosened the vicious grip in Neji's hair, carving his fingers back through the mocha mane before skimming down across the white fabric rustling with every shift of their bodies.

"I don't know…what the hell this is…" Shikamaru dropped the words at Neji's mouth, bumping their lips.

_But I want it…_

"It's wrong…" Neji scowled, his eyes still closed, desperately fighting off the attraction and bone-juddering need with every scrap of remaining sense.

Sense that was starting to peel away under the heat of what continued to build with every roll and grind of their hips.

Shikamaru shuddered. "Then tell me…it doesn't feel good…"

"_Bastard_…" Neji's breath tapered into a shiver.

A shiver that Shikamaru wanted to drink down until he was drunk on the taste of that deep, steady voice feeding words and wordless sounds between his lips.

_Shit…stop…_

Shikamaru slammed his palm to the wall, fingers gnarling hard as he tried to control the maddening urge cramping inside him. Neji must have tapped into his thoughts by touch alone because they moved at the same time to set a hand to each other's hips, thumbs digging in against sharp hipbones, holding each other in check.

Panting softly, Shikamaru touched their foreheads.

"Look at me…"

Neji lifted his lashes, the silvery pools of his eyes seeming grey and stormy, like clouds churning. Unsteady, unpredictable, almost uncontrolled.

Suddenly, Shikamaru didn't care if that storm tore him up.

He gazed back, his eyes as black as consuming shadows.

Neji didn't look away.

In the intimacy of that look, with all its wretched mess of charged emotion, Shikamaru couldn't understand how Neji could ever think of himself as anything less than human.

They searched each other's eyes for a moment.

Then Shikamaru leaned in by degrees. He brushed their lips in a slow, tentative sweep that had Neji tensing up. The shadow-nin felt his chest tighten as he prepared for a violent rejection.

_Do it…god just push me back…_

But Neji didn't push him back.

He pulled him in with a look.

A single look that flashed hotter and brighter than lightning in those stormy eyes.

Reaching up his free hand, Shikamaru slid his fingers around to Neji's nape and repeated the slow brush of their mouths, drawing a little more friction into the sweep before feathering his tongue along Neji's lips.

He felt the grip at his hip flex and loosen repeatedly.

Then all Shikamaru felt was the slow, sensual glide of Neji's tongue against his, warm and wet like liquid fire. The stroke of slick muscle slid from a battle into a dance and it drove fresh stabs of desire into every part of him, arousing him to the point of pain.

_Fuck…_

When they drew apart for air, it was like tearing apart something fused; the raw tension hummed between them. It was indescribable.

And it was just a kiss.

_This needs to stop…_

Shikamaru skimmed his mouth across one high, flushed cheekbone, further along to Neji's ear, his voice a hoarse but sultry murmur.

"You need to stop this...because I can't."

* * *

**TBC. **

**A/N: **Oh yes, I'm a wicked creature to cut this chapter there. I once again and with no less enthusiasm, must say a massive **Thank You **to **Reviewers!**

[chapter edited]


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

**Rating: M / R**

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there.

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Fourteen  
**

"You need to stop this…because I can't."

Shikamaru's murmur rolled like smoke against Neji's ear, rich and intoxicating.

_Dangerous. Wrong._

It took the Hyūga a moment to actually register what the shadow-nin had said.

_Stop this._

Turning his head, he made the mistake of meeting Shikamaru's gaze.

It was like staring into shifting shadows.

The hair-raising heat playing behind the Nara's dark eyes only confirmed what Neji had once suspected. That beneath the surface of Shikamaru's lackadaisical nature lay a dormant force difficult to rouse or reach. But once riled, it ignited.

Shadows always needed a flame.

He was already burning in it.

_Stop._

Neji swallowed, trying to dislodge the lock at his jaw and steady his voice back to its cool, serene tenor.

"Did you honestly think that I…" the words died on a hiss as teeth grazed along the chords in his throat.

Neji felt a flush scatter across the surface of his skin; but the ghost of Shikamaru's breath seeped deeper, diffusing its smoky, hoarse shiver into the Jōnin's blood like a drug.

_How is he doing this to me…?_

Neji smacked his head back against the panel with a curse, trying to focus on the dull throb in his skull rather than this treacherous pleasure unfolding in parts of him he'd closed up and closed off.

It was like being caught in some chillingly erotic genjutsu.

But the only illusion seemed to be control – because he could feel it slipping.

"No_._"

He didn't realise he'd spoken the word out loud until Shikamaru's lips brushed his ear again.

"I know…" the shadow-nin breathed.

They both knew.

This was wrong – disastrous.

Neji knew it with every fibre of his being, but those fibres were coming undone beneath the art of breath and touch, like chakra strings being pulled apart and played by a force he couldn't understand, only feel.

_Feel…_

Like the tips of faintly calloused fingers which skimmed his jaw line, caressed his nape and then lost themselves in the thick mocha of his hair, carving up higher to press along his scalp. Static danced through him, buzzed in his veins, hummed low and deep in his core.

Such simple touches, reaching into starved parts of him.

_Insane…this is…insane…_

Neji ground his teeth, trying to clamp down the sounds threatening to spill forth. His eyes flickered shut.

"Let it out…" Shikamaru lips skimmed across the taut column of his throat again, teeth pinching at the tight chords as if to loosen them. "Neji."

"Shut up…" Neji tightened his grip at Shikamaru's hip, hard enough to bruise.

But Shikamaru ignored it, even leaned closer. A tongue slid along his bottom lip.

"Just let it out."

"No_._"

"If you won't let it out…" Shikamaru's mouth moved sinuously above his own, feeding the next words into the kiss. "Then let me in…"

The ripple of innuendo in those words spread to every nerve-ending in Neji's body, firing off too many reactions to consciously process. The default defence kicked in, his breath halting low in his throat.

"I swear to God, Nara…If you even try..."

"You'll kill me," Shikamaru finished, speaking those hoarse words directly against Neji's mouth. "Or at least you'll try to."

"I would break you apart…" Neji hissed back, but the intimate twine of their breaths kept him rooted, somehow unable to push the other ninja away.

"Like what you're doing to yourself?"

Neji's chest tightened. "God I hate you…"

Shikamaru tilted his head, parting his lips to reply. Neji took the opportunity to silence his smart mouth, jabbing his tongue into the wet cavern to battle the other slick muscle into submission. His free hand coasted up along Shikamaru's side, the heel of his hand dragging dark material in a rustle.

'_Like what you're doing to yourself'_

_No…I know what I'm doing…I know 'exactly' what I'm doing…_

But an icy sliver of doubt pierced his chest.

_Damn him._

Neji's brow furrowed sharply.

His anger bled into the kiss, forcing Shikamaru to shift his weight forward to keep their positions from reversing. Neji dug his heels in, ready to twist and shove. But his angry expression broke the moment Shikamaru's fingers brushed down from his nape, following the seam of his clothing to part the white fold of his robes.

_I need to stop this._

The intensity raging between them and through them fired a signal of panic in the small part of his mind that hadn't completely collapsed under the shock. It felt like every inch of his skin was reacting to Shikamaru.

_How? It shouldn't feel like this…_

The shadow-nin had evoked more with his lips, words and subtly erotic touches than any of Neji's past couple of lovers had ever managed to do with the entirety of their bodies and experience.

_It can't feel like this._

The moment Shikamaru's palm touched his skin, he felt like the bastard had jump-started his heart. A drug-like fever broke out beneath the surface and another wave of undeniable chemistry burned through him.

Neji pulled back from the kiss to snatch air, to snatch sanity.

"Damnit_…" _he gasped.

Shikamaru must have seen beneath the surface to the blood he was scorching, because his mouth tracked a moist path across Neji's throat to the pulse point, his tongue pressing against the throb as if to monitor the music of the heartbeat.

"Let me in, Neji…"

"Not…on your…life…"

Neji's hips started to move, first lifting to buck Shikamaru away, but slowly, as if controlled by some innate, primal urge, he began to grind. Shikamaru met the rhythm instantly, rocking into the motions and picking up where they'd stopped earlier.

It was seamless.

Like a song their muscles knew, familiar with the melody but unable to understand the language of the words commanding every grind and grip. Right now they didn't need to understand it.

Neji didn't even want to know.

A hard rock of the Nara's hips thrust the heavy lengths of their clothed arousals together, forcing Neji to clench his jaw to keep from emitting a low sound he absolutely refused to release.

_God…it shouldn't feel this good…_

He closed his eyes.

"Don't close your eyes…" Shikamaru panted.

"Stop…talking…"

"Stop hiding…"

Neji's chin came up, his glazed eyes slipping open defiantly to lock on Shikamaru's. The familiar deadlock. A stubborn fusion of gazes as Shikamaru's palm smoothed down along the marble contours of Neji's stomach, marking out the lean dips and hollows, feeling the faintest slivers of scars.

And then the shadow-nin's hand snaked between their grinding hips.

Pleasure whip-lashed through Neji fierce enough to jolt him; his eyes flared as he sucked in a sharp breath. But something snapped in the back of his mind, like the link in a shackle. The chain-reaction was instant.

_Control._

He threw his weight forward to smack their lips with a growl, plundering the recesses of Shikamaru's mouth as the other ninja went down under the force of his shove. He vaguely registered that they'd landed in a similar position to the day before, only this time he firmly straddled the shadow-nin beneath him.

Shikamaru clearly hadn't anticipated this, but the look of momentary shock on his face gave way to a tight smirk. "I don't think so, Hyūga."

"Bastard," Neji snapped, breathless. "If you think I'm going to give you that control, you can go to hell."

Shikamaru's eyes darkened; a shadow of fleeting anger in the lust. "It's not about control."

"The hell it isn't." Neji leaned down, his fingers latching at Shikamaru's jaw to pin the shadow-nin's head back against the floor, baring the length of throat semi-obscured by the black turtleneck.

He felt Shikamaru's hands fly to his hips, gripping and shoving, but this only served to grind them together as Neji worked against the grain of movement. The chafing roll of their bodies heightened the electric desire, crackling and fuelling the battle of pleasure and power playing out between them.

_That's all this is…that's all this is…_

If the friction working into a frenzy wasn't enough to have Neji feeling more turned on and carnal than he'd thought humanly possible, he suddenly caught the expression on Shikamaru's face.

It knocked his understanding of uncomplicated lust to hell.

The normally jaded and disinterested set of Shikamaru's features had crumbled, baring the most striking display of raw, sensual hunger. Neji felt the air torn from his lungs at the vision of it. To think _this_ existed inside of someone so laid-back and unaffected. The contradiction was alluring. Neji fingers suddenly slacked at Shikamaru's jaw, his thumb smoothing gently along the angular, tense slant.

He'd never been captivated by anything quite like this.

Shikamaru's gaze flicked up, his black eyes glittering like polished obsidian. He frowned, not understanding the shift in Neji's gaze. Neji couldn't have named it even if he'd tried, so he just stared back wordlessly, panting out a hoarse shiver of breaths.

But his eyes gave away what he wouldn't say.

_I can't stop this either…_

He didn't protest when Shikamaru propped himself up on his elbows. Nor did he pull back when the shadow-nin reached up to grip his nape and tug him firmly into a kiss.

"Damn you, Shikamaru," he managed to whisper again before their mouths slid together.

"Way too late," Shikamaru murmured against his lips.

Neji leaned into the deep probe and stroke of tongues. He rocked back onto his knees when Shikamaru surged up, both seeking dominance until both of them were kneeling, pressed close enough that Neji could feel the hard flesh of Shikamaru's arousal jabbing his stomach. The evidence of his own pulsing length tented the pale fabric of his pants, but he was denied the friction he craved.

Shikamaru must have read his body if not his mind, because the Nara's fingers slid south, gripping him roughly through the fabric.

Neji broke the kiss on a ragged gasp, jerking. "Fuck…"

"_This_," Shikamaru dragged the heel of his palm along the straining erection, "isn't about control."

Neji seethed a breath through his teeth, clenching his jaw until his ears rang, but it was nothing compared to the ache between his legs. He felt that dizzying rush spiral into a knot at the base of his spine, building a delicious pressure with every rough drag of Shikamaru's hand.

"Kami…"

Neji smacked their brows together, anything to keep from tipping his head back. He stiffened in shock when Shikamaru's nimble fingers worked the fixtures of his pants, skimmed beneath the surface and wrapped their talented touch around the thick base of his rigid flesh.

"Damn," Shikamaru groaned, finding Neji's lips with a low, purring murmur. "Matches your ego – and I thought you might be compensating."

"Ngh…fuck…you…" Neji panted, despite the backhanded compliment, too drunk on pleasure to offer a smart retort.

Shikamaru dragged his fist from root to leaking tip, causing Neji's hips to rise and his lips to part. But he made no sound, holding it back and holding it down, low in his throat.

"Move with me…" Shikamaru husked, but despite the steady stroke of his hand, his humid breath fell ragged and shaky against Neji's mouth. "Move."

The word fed that ravenous need burning in the pit of Neji's stomach. He reached down to cup Shikamaru's crotch through the black pants, caressing hard enough to pull a guttural groan from the other ninja.

"_You _move," he hissed before slanting their mouths in a kiss.

The tremor of Shikamaru's growl reverberated along Neji's tongue as he dipped it into the inviting mouth. It was nothing compared to the husky moan he swallowed down when he tugged the throbbing length free. He felt the Nara shudder as he wrapped his long fingers around the impressive girth, his thumb teasing the underside of the swollen head.

He'd never touched another man like this. He'd never felt the urge or desire to, but right now, he wanted nothing more than to wring more of this deeply buried lust from the hoarse and humid heat building between them.

Instinct took care of the rest.

The kiss deepened, gaining an edge of ferocity that matched the rough drag of their fists as they both rolled into each other's touches, like waves undulating, both unwilling to break on that rock of pleasure grinding their breaths into rough, broken pants.

Neji could feel the pleasure rising inside him like a tsunami, climbing higher with every torturous glide and twist of Shikamaru's hand. A shake started to build in his limbs, rippling along the lock of his torso and thighs.

He felt a fresh sweat break out across his skin.

Felt the sticky cling of his robes.

Felt the stifling heat melting his resolve as he fought to hold on.

"Let go," Shikamaru's rough voice licked like fire along his nerves.

Neji shook his head, only to have his hand knocked aside and replaced by Shikamaru's solid grip stroking them both together.

_Holy Gods._

Neji could have blacked out from the intensity of the pleasure; he was certain that part of him was already gone, lost on a current of lust he knew was going to capsize him.

_No…_

"No…"

"You're so close…God…stop fighting…"

Neji snapped his fingers to Shikamaru's nape, digging his grip brutally, seeking an anchor to keep him from coming apart.

His pride and his need battled out their chaos inside him.

But even that struggle couldn't stop the erotic force coiling tighter, pushing harder.

He felt Shikamaru's forehead tap against his hitai-ite. Their brows touched in a strangely tender way, at odds with the rhythm of the tight hand working them closer to that blistering edge.

"Neji…Just let go…"

Neji couldn't have held on even if he'd tried.

Those soft words, coupled with a rough stroke of Shikamaru's hand, pushed him over the edge. The coil inside him exploded, sending a shockwave in all directions. It slammed through him in a judder, tearing him up with pleasure.

He arched sharply, a shattered gasp breaking from his lips.

He was vaguely aware of the splash of wet heat between their bodies and a low, soft moan against his throat as Shikamaru fell into the same ecstasy. It rolled through them in waves, crashed, crushed and cast them out on a mind-numbing tide of release until there was nothing but the sensation of floating…

Neji knew his heart was racing, his lungs aching with breathless pants…

But he felt disconnected from his body…wanting to drift on this steady ebb of pleasure…

The roaring heat simmered, slowed and soothed to hazy warmth…

A steady throb beat inside of him…an easy, sated pulse...

_God…when was the last time I felt something like this?_

He never had time to recall.

Too soon he felt his senses dragging him back, leeching away the warmth by degrees…

The pulsing white that had flashed behind his eyes faded to black.

After a while he became aware of his heartbeat again, of his chest rising and falling against a body also struggling to steady its breaths.

Neji eyes slipped open just as Shikamaru's lashes lifted.

Their gazes locked, bodies tensing up as the cold, harsh reality gripped them.

_Fuck._

_

* * *

_

**TBC.**

**A/N: **And now it starts ^_^

**Reviewers**: Thank you so much for the amazing feedback for the last chapter! I really hope you enjoyed this one. ^_^ Onto the next!

[chapter edited]


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there.

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Fifteen**

Shikamaru loved clouds. But damn, he hated the rain.

Especially at five in the morning.

He listened to it hammering away against the awning above his head, incessant and loud…as brutal as the headache setting in at his temples. The shadow-nin sat sheltered from the downpour, slouched on a bench that lined the wall of one of the village's tea houses.

It was too early for customers.

_Too early for anything…_

Beating back the urge to close his eyes, Shikamaru watched from beneath heavy lashes as water sloughed down, pummelling any earlier-risers. Across the street, a woman's cheap, hastily purchased parasol collapsed under the weight of the rain. Shikamaru watched her dump it into a trash can, giving it the same violent treatment the shadow-nin recalled giving the parasol he'd snapped two months ago the night Neji had been drunk.

_Neji._

Shikamaru closed his eyes, running a hand across his face.

_Stop. Don't think about it._

All night, he'd done nothing _but_ think about it. Over and over until he'd dragged himself out an hour early just to get the hell away only to find that Neji had already gone. Shikamaru sighed, certain that the need for a distraction or a ceasefire of the thoughts in his head was going to drive him over a precarious edge.

_As if I haven't lost my mind already…_

"Shit," he growled, leaning forward to drape his arms across his thighs, letting his hands hang between his knees. Sadistically, his mind chucked up Asuma's voice in a foreshadowed warning.

'_You know it's important for you, more than anyone, to keep your mind clear for these upcoming missions.'_

Shikamaru frowned, staring at the rain-dotted ground beneath his feet. He glared at the spatter, all the while working on summoning whatever mental barricade was necessary to get his head straight.

_Mission. Focus on the damn mission._

He let his mind spin out the catalogued information.

Two teams; recon and backup. They were to be treated as separate missions. Both mobilised for Hanegakure, the Land of Feathers, home to the Tsubasa clan. After the incident with Fukurō and his ruined attempt to harvest dōjutsu, it was necessary to assess the level of hostility between the remaining Tsubasa clan and Konoha. With the Akatsuki threat dominating the list of priorities, this situation had to be dealt with quickly; which meant one team to assess the level of the threat and one team as back-up in case both teams needed to engage with the enemy.

Neji's words came back to him.

"_Did you know about these missions before?"_

Know? He'd been the direct hand moving all the pieces into place. All he needed now was for the rest to go to plan.

_Not that anything has so far…what the hell is wrong with me…_

He could feel his mind slipping back into that cordoned off area…of straining breaths, shifting muscle, fierce opalescent eyes shuttering at the brink of pleasure…

_Stop…_

"Shikamaru!" Naruto's husky, abrasive voice tore across the street.

The shadow-nin blinked from his stare and straightened up from what would have appeared to be a slouch. He played into the lazy façade with a sigh, which actually morphed into a genuine yawn. Oddly enough, sleep was probably the only solution at this point; a blissful lack of thinking.

_Yeah…not thinking…I'm getting real good at that…_

He blinked again when he realised a hand was waving in front of his face, fanning around warm ramen-stained breath.

"Earth to Shikamaru!" Naruto chuckled into his face, raindrops streaking his whiskered cheeks. "What's up with you?"

"It's early...you're loud...go figure."

"Heh..Still not a mornin' person, huh?"

Shikamaru stared blankly. "It's _really_ early and you're _really_ loud."

Naruto laughed - loudly. "Once you're up and goin' it's not so bad!"

"It's a god-damned drag."

"I'd agree if I wasn't totally psyched about getting a decent mission! Man, I can't wait to finally get serious."

Shikamaru fluttered his eyes with a sigh. "Too much energy."

"It's the ramen." Naruto grinned and fanned his fingers through the limp spikes of his sopping wet hair. "You should probably eat somethin' before—wait a sec...what the heck are you doing _here_?"

Shikamaru arched a brow, slumping back against the wall. "I should probably be asking you the same thing…"

"Uh, we're supposed to meet by the gate at six, aren't we?"

_We?_

Shikamaru blinked. "Huh?"

"Hell yeah, I'm ready for a _real_ mission!" Naruto growled with gusto, his blue eyes flashing. He thumped a fist to his chest and began to shadow box. "Bring it on. I'm not about to run away from anything!"

Shikamaru frowned, making no attempt to hide his confusion, which doubled his sense of unease. "What do you mean _we_? What the hell are _you_ doing here?"

"Man, what do you think?" Naruto snickered. "Aren't you supposed to be a genius?"

"Aren't _you_ supposed to be going to the Fire Temple with Lee and Gai-senpai?"

"Nope! Which is cool by me."

Shikamaru scanned the sidewalk automatically, searching for any of the others. "Why?"

"'Cause after two months I finally get a _real_ mission!"

"Ugh…" Shikamaru rubbed at his eyes. "No, I meant why aren't you _going_ to the Fire Temple?"

"Well the whole thing was based on some creepy, religious vision about red clouds approachin' or something. Kinda airy fairy, you know?"

"Red clouds?" Shikamaru frowned, his gaze falling to the side in thought. "The Akatsuki…"

"Yeah, but apparently an old monk's vision isn't proof of anything. I mean, it'd be cool to see the place again, even if Sora won't be there," Naruto hummed, scratching at his damp hair. "But then Asuma-sensei steps in and is all—"

"Asuma?" Shikamaru snapped his gaze back to Naruto.

_What the hell?_

"Yeah, he said to scrap the Temple mission." Naruto shrugged, not noticing the sharp furrow at Shikamaru's brow. "So Lee and me got signed up for your mission in Hanegakure."

"You're kidding," Shikamaru said, his mind divided between Asuma and this troublesome shift in his plans.

"Nope!" Naruto bared his teeth in a feral grin and tugged out a folded, grease-spotted piece of paper which he smacked onto the bench beside Shikamaru. "You think I'm just gonna sit around while you guys have all the fun?"

_Dammit. I suppose I could tag them onto Shino's team…move Chōji onto mine…that could work…it's a pain, but I could work it…_

Shikamaru frowned as he took up the ruined sheet, flipping it open. He scanned the team lists, lidded brown eyes widening by degrees. The entire listing had been re-written.

_You're shitting me._

Suddenly, the crappy weather mirrored the forecast of the situation he was in. To make it worse, any chance of finding a silver-lining plummeted the moment he took note of the re-arranged teams.

"When the hell did this happen?" he frowned, scanning the names.

Naruto didn't catch on to the drop in his tone. "Uh, like a half hour ago?"

"What?" Shikamaru scowled at the page.

"Yeah, kinda last minute." Naruto grinned, the flash of his sunny hair and cheery disposition not helping in the slightest. "We're all meeting at the gate, like I said."

_Did Asuma meddle in this?_

"Who decided this?" Shikamaru held up the page without taking his eyes off it.

"Eh?"

Shikamaru rubbed at his temple, grinding his jaw. "Who _decided_ this?"

"Well, the Hokage and Asuma-sensei, I guess." Naruto frowned, slowly taking note of Shikamaru's tone. "Jeez, Shikamaru, what's up with you?"

Shikamaru stared at the stamp of approval from Tsunade, ignoring Naruto's nonplussed expression. "They've switched leaders, mixed teams and pulled two people out."

"Yeah but you got me and Lee standin' in."

_Ugh. That's not the point._

"It means re-evaluating the entire strategy I'd planned out." Shikamaru shook his head, a muscle ticking in his jaw. "Tsunade-sama wrote this up herself?"

"Well, yeah. She even ran it by Neji."

Shikamaru's eyes hardened.

His fingers twitched around the sheet, almost crushing it.

"She ran it by Neji?" he managed in a loose, offhand query, at odds with how tight his jaw was.

"Yeah." Naruto tipped his head up, adopting a thoughtful pose. "Neji was already talkin' to the Hokage when I barged in, which was _after_ Asuma barged in, which was _before_ I knew we were being reassigned to _your_ mission…" He grinned awkwardly. "Uh, that made sense right?"

Shikamaru dragged his tongue along the clenched row of his teeth, a muscle ticking in his jaw. "Yeah…perfect sense…"

* * *

The rain had eased to a miserable drizzle. It trickled down Shikamaru's neck in irritating, icy rivulets. He tried to ignore it as he pressed on up towards the Hokage residence, taking the stairs two at a time, punctuating each step with a mental curse.

_Troublesome. Goddamn. Pain. In. The. Ass. Stupid. Pig. Better. Not. Be. There._

He paused at the top of the stairs, wiping rain from his eyelashes before shoving open the doors and moving into the shelter of the building. He smacked water from his flak jacket and scanned the hallway, channelling his anger into two concentrated knots at his temples.

_Dammit._

With a headache taking up residence in his skull, he turned to direct his steps towards the Hokage's room, a distracted frown stamped between his brows.

A voice halted him mid-step.

"I see you're taking the initiative again."

Shikamaru blinked, swinging back as Asuma's words drifted lazily around the bend in the corridor. A plume of smoke announced the Jōnin's presence before he stepped into view.

"Up before ten?" Asuma chuckled. "I'm impressed."

Shikamaru took the opportunity to look very _unimpressed_ as his sensei wandered over. The smile fell from Asuma's face when Shikamaru failed to return the banter, but the shadow-nin made no attempt to alleviate the tension.

"Something wrong?" the Jōnin asked a little too innocently.

Shikamaru's voice fell flat as his expression. "Got a reason you don't want Naruto and Lee to check out the Fire Temple?"

The barest tension touched Asuma's eyes, before the words rolled off him like the smoke from his cigarette. "Other than the fact that it's a waste of time?"

"You're a crap liar."

Asuma smirked, cupping his cigarette to his lips. "Well, I suppose that's not a bad thing."

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed. "It is when you accuse _me_ of acting weird and then go messing up missions that I spent time strategising, because of _your_ issues surrounding that temple."

Asuma cocked his head, a jet of smoke streaming from his lips. His expression took on a veiled look that Shikamaru had learned to decipher as unease, hidden behind smoke and lazy smiles.

"I don't have issues with the Fire Temple." Asuma shrugged again. "Only with wasting resources."

"Wasting resources?" Shikamaru echoed, irritation prickling his tone. "Thanks to you, the Hokage cut Ino and Shino from the list and replaced them with Naruto and Lee."

"So?"

"So that's one stalling-nin and one tracker-nin _gone_, leaving me with some impressive but unnecessary taijutsu and a loose-cannon knucklehead."

"I'm sure you can re-work your strategy."

"That's not the _point_." Shikamaru tugged out the crumpled sheet Naruto had given him, holding it up between two fingers. "This strategy was fine just as it _was_."

His voice must have come out harsher than intended, because Asuma paused with his cigarette half-way to his lips, almost frowning.

"Well sometimes things happen that force us to revise the situation, Shikamaru," he said slowly, in a carefully neutral tone. "You know that."

"So what, you're _testing_ me on snap decisions now?" Shikamaru snapped.

"Maybe I need to."

_God dammit…I really 'don't' need this right now…_

Shikamaru drew a slow breath, trying to smooth out his voice into something that didn't sound as pissed off as he probably looked.

"I don't need anyone breathing down my neck and making things more troublesome." He stuffed the team list back into his flak jacket. "And I don't need to be put through the mill like a damn kid…"

Asuma was frowning now. "What's wrong with you?"

"Why the hell is everyone asking me that?" Shikamaru's eyes flashed. "It's early, it's raining and I've just had my strategy shot down by the Hokage _and_ my sensei an hour before the damn mission starts. Sorry if I'm a little less laid-back than usual."

The angry snap of his words thrummed in the air.

Shikamaru had time to wish he'd just kept his mouth shut; or at least lied, or diverted attention, or used some other offhand avoidance tactic. Instead, he'd stepped right into a mine field, strung with mental trip-wires he'd foolishly rigged in his irritation.

_Again. Real fucking smart…_

Asuma's reaction was to purse his lips around his cigarette, a pinched look of scrutiny tightening his face. Shikamaru looked away, knowing it was too late to fall back on humour. It was like being under a damned spotlight; all that was needed was for Ibiki to mosey into the mess and initiate an interrogation.

_Shit._

Shikamaru almost jolted when Asuma's hand clasped his shoulder. He didn't meet his sensei's eyes, knowing they would mirror the concern weighing in Asuma's voice.

"What's going on with you?"

Shikamaru shook his head. "It's early…and you screwed up my strategy."

The Jōnin frowned and took a drag on his cigarette, whistling out a pale cloud of smoke on a sigh. "Yeah, I guess I did." Asuma's hand dropped from his shoulder. "But I'm not testing you, Shikamaru. I'm pushing you."

Shikamaru snorted, rolling his shoulders. "Same difference."

"It's not. I wouldn't push you if I didn't trust you to handle it…and if I didn't think it was necessary."

Shikamaru kept his head turned somewhat to the side, but he shot his sensei a glance through narrowed eyes. "How is it _necessary_?"

"I told you before. You signed up for something large-scale, which will be coming into play soon after you finish up in Hanegakure." Asuma took another pull on his cigarette. "I need to know you can handle me questioning your strategies, maybe even scrapping them and having you work with split-second revisions."

Shikamaru tried not to look betrayed, his jaw tightening. "Why _now_?"

"Because you're going to be assigned to my squad when you get back."

The shadow-nin searched Asuma's face for ill-timed humour before realising he was serious. "Your squad? So the Hokage has _already_ assigned leaders to the Nijū Shōtai?"

Asuma laughed, the husky sound swathed in smoke. "Well I guess it would take more than a _push_ to get you enthusiastic about that."

Shikamaru blinked a few times as if to clear the fog from his mind, pretending it was the smoke that was bothering him. "I didn't realise she'd _already_ formed the teams."

_Man, that steep bargain just got steeper…_

"It's necessary. The Nijū Shōtai is a top priority when you get back. That's why I'm giving you a little push."

Shikamaru sighed. "Yeah, push me over the edge much…you're still a god-damn slave driver."

Asuma smiled, his eyes crinkling warmly. "Just because you, Chōji and Ino are Chūnin now, doesn't mean I stop keeping an eye on you three, or throwing you through a few loops I know you'll have no trouble with."

_You don't know that._

Shikamaru clenched a fist inside his pocket. He understood what Asuma was doing – he could even see the necessity of it – but the Sarutobi couldn't have picked a worse time to 'throw him through a loop'.

_Why do you have so much damn faith in me…?_

Shikamaru dropped his gaze to the side, guilt souring the frustration in his gut. He shifted his weight between each foot as if to shake the uncomfortable feeling. He knew Asuma was monitoring him, so he wasn't surprised when the Jōnin set a hand on his shoulder again, squeezing lightly.

"Besides, look on the bright side. You and Neji will be heading these missions right?"

"So says the re-write." Shikamaru shrugged, dislodging the grip at his shoulder. "And that's not exactly a silver lining."

Asuma hummed. "Well, I know that wasn't your game-plan. You two were supposed to be on the same recon team right?"

Panic fluttered across Shikamaru's eyes, but thankfully they were averted. "Uh, yeah."

"Well, considering you're pretty much at Jōnin level, despite a lack of official rank." He paused here and angled Shikamaru with a mock-admonishing glance. "You're more than capable of heading the back-up team while Neji heads recon."

_Not. The. Point._

"If you say so," Shikamaru muttered.

"I do. And you'll do fine." Asuma rubbed at his bearded jaw. "All things considered, it's pretty balanced. Maybe Hyūga was right to suggest the team shift."

The bombshell hit Shikamaru like an explosive kick in the gut.

He slid his eyes sharply to Asuma. "_Neji_ suggested the team shift?"

Asuma looked confused. "Yes."

"I thought _you_ suggested it and Tsunade-sama ran it by him."

_Instead of giving me a damned head's up…_

"No." Asuma shook his head, lighting up another cigarette. "I disputed the assignment at the Temple and suggested that Naruto and Lee be reassigned to your mission. That's me pushing you and challenging your strategy. Then Neji suggested the swap with Ino and Shino."

_Which would have automatically put him in Shino's place as leader on the other team…sneaky bastard…I'm probably gonna kill him before he ends up killing himself…shit…_

Shikamaru blinked back from his thoughts when he realised Asuma was still talking.

"Which is good," the Jōnin added. "Because Ino needs to focus on her medic-training for the Nijū Shōtai and Kurenai could use Shino for a side-op she had to pull out of."

"And the Hokage just…went ahead and approved all this…" Shikamaru muttered, more to himself.

_So much for keeping her end of the bargain…_

"Why wouldn't she? You and Neji are the best choice leaders. It makes sense that you two should head separate teams."

"Yeah…" Shikamaru drawled, blistering inside. "Perfect sense…"

* * *

It made absolutely no sense.

Not at the time, not even in hindsight.

There was no clarity, no comfortable explanation and no excuse. There was nothing but contradiction and compulsion, grating and grinding as intense and raw as their bodies had.

_Kami, give me just a second of peace._

Neji slipped his eyes open to stare at the steam rising from the surface of his teacup. The condensation rolled like gossamer, reminding Neji of the smoky tones that had chased along his skin.

'_Just let go…'_

He almost cracked the teacup in his grip.

"Neji, you okay?"

"Yes," he lied, flicking his eyes up to the green orbs watching him. "We should get going soon."

"Right." Sakura nodded and set down the skewer of dumplings she'd been eating. "Kiba and Chōji know about the team swap, right?"

Neji hummed, recalling a rather overenthusiastic Uzumaki in the Hokage's room. "I'll be surprised if Naruto hasn't made it public knowledge already."

"Good point."

As Sakura multi-tasked by finishing off her dumplings and double-checking her supplies, Neji let his gaze stray back to his teacup. He raised it to take a sip – then paused with the hot ceramic resting against his lips, his moonstone eyes flicking up a moment before a phlegmatic voice carried from behind him.

"Hyūga, I need to speak with you."

Neji turned his head marginally. He caught a glint of light reflecting off dark lenses; a familiar face obscured by a high collar and low hood.

"Shino," Neji acknowledged, tipping his head toward the bench opposite.

Accepting the invitation, the Aburame moved around in that eerie way that often disturbed some of the other Chūnin. Neji never really had a problem with it. Shino was quiet, unobtrusive and intelligent. He had no problem with any of those qualities; although that didn't explain why an odd feeling of unease crawled along his spine like one of the Aburame's beetles.

_Something's wrong._

"Hey, Shino." Sakura offered a smile to the insect-handler and slipped her bag over her shoulder, sliding away from the bench. "I gotta check in with Yamato and Kakashi-sensei real quick. I'll meet you by the gate with the others."

Neji nodded, but kept his attention on Shino as Sakura wove her way between tables towards the front of the teahouse. The Aburame took her vacated seat.

"So," Neji began, setting his teacup down. "What is it you wish to speak to me about?"

"There are two things I wish to discuss. Neither are about me." Shino's voice filtered over the high collar of his jacket, clear but quiet. "The first thing is Hinata, because she takes precedence."

Neji schooled his face into its placid mask, stroking his thumb across the rim of his cup. "And the second thing?"

"First, Hinata." Shino's voice retained its low cadence and Neji sensed he wasn't willing to compromise.

"Very well."

"Before the team switch she was assigned to your group. The group headed by Shikamaru."

Neji blinked slowly. "That's correct."

Shino was quiet for a moment. "While it's convenient that Naruto and Lee are able to make up numbers, it's also convenient for you to be reassigned as head of the team I was intended to lead."

Taken aback, Neji tilted his head a fraction. He tried to gauge something from Shino's tone, considering that reading a facial expression was impossible. It seemed a little childish to be getting territorial over leadership.

"You have a problem with this?" Neji kept his tone calm.

"What did I tell you?" Those shielded eyes regarded him coolly. "This isn't about me."

"I don't see how this relates to Hinata either," Neji returned, just as neutrally.

"Really? Hinata is no longer on the recon team. You switched her to back-up offensive."

_Where the hell is this going?_

"A good observation," Neji couldn't resist a touch of sarcasm; it was better than giving into the fist of tension curdling inside him. "What is your point?"

"Observation also tells me that after the Chūnin exams three years ago you stepped up your role as Hinata's protector. A subtle change in attitude on your part, but still an apparent one. Perhaps you did this to compensate for what you did to her. Or perhaps to alleviate your own guilt."

Neji's face smoothed to the stillness of frost. "What is your point?" he repeated.

"That you have begun to demonstrate the same signs of disdain towards her that you did prior to your change of heart. This team switch is telling. You are avoiding her."

"That's a rather subjective observation." Neji slid his cold tea away, feeling some of his patience slide with it. "It's also completely unfounded."

"In that case, it lends weight to the alternative observation, Hyūga," Shino returned. "You've been avoiding your clan."

Neji's eyes were ice – but his blood was fire, the thinly veiled anger simmering in his deep tones. "Be careful, Shino."

The bug-handler didn't move, probably didn't even blink behind those irritatingly unreadable glasses that made Neji feel that bit more transparent.

"It's not unfounded, is it?"

"I don't see how it's any of your business."

"Hinata is on my squad," Shino stated bluntly. "She is my business. And she is concerned for you."

"She told you this?"

"No. She didn't have to."

Neji slid his hand off the table, resting it atop his thigh. His fingers gnarled into a bone-white fist. "Where and how I spend my time and dictate my life outside of my obligations to my clan has nothing to do with you or with her."

"The Tsubasa were collecting dōjutsu. Considering you are going to be entering their territory with Hinata one might think you'd be less hasty to work separately. Shikamaru's strategy accounted for that."

Neji arched a brow, trying not to react. "Shikamaru placed two Byakugan users on the same team. It was a flawed strategy that wasted our abilities."

"Even if that could be considered a flaw in Shikamaru's strategy, which is doubtful, at least his reasons weren't underhanded or self-serving."

_Bastard._

An indignant anger raised its hackles inside of Neji, slashing a brief stroke of rage across the surface of his eyes before he contained it.

"Just what are you implying, Aburame?"

"I don't like repeating myself." Shino shook his head. "Hinata is worried for you. That puts her at risk. As a Hyūga, doesn't that concern you?"

_As a Hyūga…_

Neji felt as if someone had jerked a long forgotten chain around his neck and an unexpected bitterness erupted inside him, liming his voice with an acidic edge.

"Because the Branch family lives to protect the Main House …" he ground out.

Shino kept a brief silence. "Because she's your cousin, Neji."

_Blood is water in our clan..._

On the knife's edge of that thought was the guilt and the anger that always accompanied it; sharp, bitter emotions that stabbed repeatedly in the back of his mind…and a place far more vulnerable. Neji fought the urge to grip the table. Instead, he unfurled his fist and calmly placed his palm to the tabletop, rising from his seat.

"Perhaps you should have a little more faith in the team Hinata _is_ grouped with, rather than come bleating to me about how defenceless she is."

"I never said she was defenceless," Shino said. "And from what I understand, it was Hinata who came to _your _defence the last time."

Muscles bunched in Neji's jaw. "And look how well that ended for her."

"Exactly," Shino said, a hint of threat working its way into his voice. "With those eyes, one would think you'd be a little less blind, Hyūga."

Neji had to draw every tendon in his body taut to keep from lashing out. He dug deep to find a sense of diplomacy untouched by his frustration. Drawing a breath, he pressed into the brace of his palm, leaning to stare directly into the reflective polish of the Aburame's sunglasses.

"Let me make the lines between my cousin and me very clear, Shino. I am not responsible for her emotional immaturity and lack of impartial judgement."

Shino remained inanimate, but even in his silence Neji could almost feel the Aburame's displeasure. Like a dormant buzz in his aura, crawling disapproval across masked eyes that Neji couldn't see. He didn't need to see it. He could read _that_ much off the enigmatic ninja at least.

Neji shook his head. "I understand your concern for her, Shino, but to be blunt…it's not my problem."

"You're stealing my lines, Hyūga," drawled a deceptively lazy voice from just behind him.

Neji had to dig the tips of his fingers into the table to keep from jolting.

_How the 'hell' did he get that close to me?_

He hadn't even sensed it.

Neji flicked his gaze a fraction and focused on Shino's glasses, catching Shikamaru's reflection in the lenses. The Nara's hip was cocked against the side of a bench and he slouched in a lazy way that displayed a mood far more casual than the one Neji instantly felt crackling between them.

_Damn it._

Straightening away from Shino with a calm, controlled expression, he turned his head a notch without facing the shadow-nin. "We're supposed to meet at the gate, Nara."

"Yeah, _that_ much hasn't changed at least," Shikamaru returned, making no effort to disguise the barb in his idle tones.

Refusing to react, Neji veered his attention back to Shino, his words clipped. "What was the other thing you wanted to talk to me about?"

Shino studied him for a moment, with contempt rather than contemplation. Neji prepared for an awkward silence but thankfully the Aburame forfeited the standoff. Instead, Shino reached into his hooded coat, tugged out a small jar and set it down on the table.

"Kikaichū bugs," he stated. "For tracking, should you need them. Hinata or Kiba will be able to discern the females from the males."

Neji took the jar. "Appreciated."

Offering a cursory nod to Shino and nothing more, Neji opted for a swift exit, sliding into the adjacent aisle to avoid Shikamaru. He made a swift beeline to the doors, slipping slipped the jar into the drawstring bag at his left shoulder, focusing on moving forward and not looking back.

_Just keep walking._

He stepped out onto the street, the damp air heavy in his lungs. The drizzle was lighter now, the rain more of a gentle patter – unlike the fierce steps he sensed closing in behind him.

Neji turned, his pale eyes flashing a warning. "Save your breath, Nara."

Shikamaru glared, shrugged and snapped a fist towards Neji's face, pushing his weight into the swing. Neji cocked his head a nanosecond before impact, feeling knuckles brush past the sharp slant of his jaw. He almost forgot to anticipate the backlash of the shadow-nin's elbow and avoided it just in time.

They both fell back a step, giving Neji a moment to measure the violent ripples coasting between them. They pulled up everything he'd been shoving down into those cavities he was so certain he could control.

_I will control this._

"What the hell are you doing?" Neji hissed, his eyes casting around in a quick sweep to indicate the open display.

"Saving my breath, apparently," Shikamaru shot back, his smirk mirthless. "Using Asuma as a pawn? You're pretty shrewd Hyūga, I'll give you that."

There was no escaping the inevitably that Shikamaru would have put the pieces together that fast. Neji couldn't help but hate the Nara's intelligence a little more than he admired it in that moment.

_Damn it._

Neji kept his impenetrable distance, not braving an expression in case it caused a chink in his defences. Shikamaru had already slipped like a shadow between one layer, he was not about to indicate there were any more weaknesses to be exploited.

_We have no time for this._

Neji turned in a sharp pivot and slid out of the main street for some meagre amount of privacy. Shikamaru followed with less haste, but no less irritation.

"I did what was necessary," Neji informed, keeping a good few paces of distance between them when he finally turned to glare at the other ninja. "Right now, what's necessary is the mission."

Shikamaru snorted, leaning into the wall. "I'm getting bored of people telling me what's necessary, so why don't you pull a better card."

"This isn't a game, Nara."

"No, looks like it's only a 'game' when I'm controlling it, right? But not when _you're_ moving around all the fucking pieces."

Neji's eyes tapered into a narrow glare. "It's necessary."

"Troublesome bastard. You didn't run it by me."

"I didn't have to. Your strategy was flawed."

"Why? Because it left you a little too open? You afraid to be on a team with two people who might see through your bullshit? Or are you really that much of a control freak that you can't take being delegated as a second in command?"

Neji's lips almost twisted into a sneer before he caught himself. Reacting to those words was exactly what Shikamaru wanted. Well to hell with that.

"Figure it out on your own time, Nara," Neji snapped back, unable to even process the possibility that he'd have to spell it all out. "We don't have time for this now."

"Didn't anticipate Shino getting protective over Hinata, did you?"

Neji tried to dispel a hot rush of anger, loathed to admit that of all the things he had anticipated, this, right now, wasn't one of them. "What I anticipated was a sufferable risk."

"For your own selfish benefit, strategy be damned," Shikamaru growled. "You wanna call the shots at least give a fucking head's up to those who have to take the flak. Didn't you stop to think about that?"

'_Don't think…'_

Neji snapped back from the memory of those hoarse words, shaking his head against their grip on him.

"_Now_ you want me to think? Some things 'aren't thinking things', are they?" Neji seethed in a scathing blow that bruised the air between them.

Shikamaru drew his head back sharply. "That's low, Hyūga."

Neji snapped his fingers into fists, flexing them out again as he fought to wrestle his anger into submission. His chest tightened around the swell of fury; agitated, bitter rage at the thought that once again, Shikamaru had that blasted control that he'd once possessed.

He felt cheated, as if a lifeline had been ripped away.

_No._

"I'll make it _very_ simple for you, Nara, seeing as we're on low levels here." Neji leaned in, his eyes hard. "I outrank you. Is that simple enough?"

"I'd say yes," Shikamaru murmured, arching a brow. "That is, if I didn't think you were referring to something else."

Neji took a step closer until they were toe-to-toe, his quiet purr only adding to the threat in his words. "Then say no and I'll make it even simpler for you."

"Get real," Shikamaru breathed back, shaking his head. "You had your chance to snap my neck and you didn't take it."

Neji dropped his eyes to Shikamaru's throat. Despite the black fabric, he could picture the bruises he knew would be mottling the Nara's skin. Neji smirked bitterly and his voice fell deeper into that lethal murmur.

"How fortunate for you, that I don't intend to spend my life in a prison just because I ended yours."

"Too bad," Shikamaru replied, his breath stirring Neji's hair. "Isn't that what you're doing already?"

Neji arched a brow, though he suddenly didn't want clarity on those words. Unfortunately, Shikamaru read the question in his face and answered in a murmur.

"As you've always been, right?" the shadow-nin whispered. "In a cage, just like you said."

Pain opened up so deep inside Neji's chest that in his shock, he almost didn't recognise that he was hurting until his ribs began to tighten, that shortness of breath closing its fist around him.

_When did I say that?_

Neji frowned. "That was years ago…"

"Two months, actually," Shikamaru corrected, but there was no hint of sarcasm or spite in his voice.

The shadow-nin almost sounded too quiet; the perilous kind of quiet that Neji didn't want to ever have directed at him. It scraped around those same sharp pieces inside him that Hinata had touched with her words back at the clearing; when she'd mentioned his father.

_Sacrifice…cage…two months ago..._

"I never said that," Neji snarled, his voice a hot rush of denial.

"Yeah you did. You were drunk."

The frown froze on Neji's face, his eyes flicking rapidly back and forth as he searched his mind for the drunken slip. He could barely recall much of that night. He'd walked briskly away from it the next morning, when he'd got his senses back – and a violent headache to-boot.

_There is no way I would ever have said such a thing…why would I? That cannot possibly be true..._

Then why did it feel like he'd just been gutted?

Rejection was the quickest way to anesthetize the pain. So he pulled up that barrier of conviction which had once protected his fatalistic philosophy about destiny and fate.

"I would never have said that," Neji uttered. "_Never_."

Shikamaru blinked slowly, drawing his head back a little, gazing at Neji through his lashes. The Hyūga expected sarcasm or anger, almost anticipated it so he could use it as a justified reason to crush whatever it was that stirred restlessly inside him whenever Shikamaru got _this_ damned close.

"Guess one of us is lying then," Shikamaru said at last.

It wasn't the response Neji wanted. Pulling in a quick breath through his nose, he took a step back before their breaths could tangle in that way that would make him lose his ability to breathe altogether.

"As if it would even matter," Neji bit out. "What matters is this _mission_ and as far as changing your strategy is concerned, Shikamaru, your wounded pride doesn't interest me."

"_Pride_?" Shikamaru spat the word, a flash of incredulous frustration burning in his eyes before the heat abruptly died, leaving a hollowed glare in its wake. "You think _pride_ is what's pissed me off?"

Silence.

Nothing was going to give in that moment. They'd locked horns, both digging their heels in. At least, that's how Neji convinced himself it was between them…and the illusion was perfect, logical, believable and absolutely credible. At least up until Shikamaru did the most complicated thing.

The bastard smiled.

His mouth cut upward in a small curve.

And that small curve lanced straight through Neji's defence – a sharp, brutal stab.

'_Let me in…'_

That stab left a wound of emptiness inside him. He barely had time to cover up the damage before Shikamaru shook his head, muttering a wry, familiar warning.

"Head's up, Hyūga."

Neji knew what that meant, but it took him a moment to recover and respond. And then a flash of yellow caught in his peripheral before a husky voice bellowed out.

"Hey! _Finally_ found you guys!"

Neji blinked and turned a calm and slightly stony look on Naruto as the Uzumaki bounded over. "Naruto."

"What the hell's always taking you guys so long?" The Jinchūriki roared, shaking water from his hair before looking across at Shikamaru. "And hey, what's _that_ look for? You're always givin' me the evil eye when I butt in on you and Neji! What? Are you two plotting world domination or something?"

Neji arched a brow, but otherwise didn't react. Shikamaru opted for that flat, harassed look as natural as breathing.

"You're still loud…" The Nara drawled. "And it's still early."

"Well wake up already, slacker." Naruto screwed up his face, leaning in way too close to stare suspiciously into Shikamaru's hooded eyes. "You sick?"

"Not even close," Shikamaru rocked back on his heels. "Lay off."

"Seriously, you look kinda—"

"Naruto, are the others set to go?" Neji cut the energetic ninja short.

"Yeah, we're just waitin' on _you_ guys," Naruto groused, rolling his eyes before turning to head back. "Pfft! Some team leaders you are."

Neji exchanged a glance with Shikamaru.

The Nara shrugged, already turning to fall into step beside Naruto, ensconced in the comfort of his laid-back skin…at odds with the fire and the shadows that had been in his eyes a moment ago.

This chameleon act didn't fool Neji.

But then, Neji knew he wasn't fooling Shikamaru either.

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: REVIEWERS, YOU GUYS ROCK! **Seriously, I'm so _deeply appreciative_ for the incredible response the last chapter got. I was rather uncertain about that scene, so to get the amazing response from each and every one of you, meant so much to me. **THANK YOU REVIEWERS! 3 Hope you enjoyed this chapter? Love to hear from you guys!**

[chapter edited]


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Sixteen**

_Ten hours…_

Shikamaru sighed.

It seemed like they'd been walking longer. Well, at least he and Hinata had been walking. Naruto and Lee had flipped between sprinting and jogging, bouncing and bounding. Lee had even resorted to walking on his hands after losing out on some stupid bet to Naruto, fully intent on modelling his jumpsuit-wearing sensei by going the final miles on his palms.

Shikamaru glanced over his shoulder at the green-clad ninja.

Lee looked ridiculous; like some odd contortionist attempting to mimic a scorpion as he walked along on his hands, knees bent to balance out his weight. Naruto was staring in fascination, torn between admiration and amusement at the insane display.

Neji's words came back to Shikamaru in a brief skitter across his mind.

"_I can't keep up with the idiocy of it." _

_Yeah, which is why you assigned them both to me, you sneaky bastard…_

He was drawn from his internal seethe by Hinata's soft voice at his shoulder.

"Shouldn't you…um, say something, Shikamaru-kun?" Hinata said, observing the handstand-walking with concern.

"Probably." Shikamaru shrugged, continuing on at a leisurely pace.

He'd calculated distance and time already; also accounting for delays. They'd make good time, provided Lee could keep up, but judging by the ridiculous willpower the bushy-browed ninja possessed, that didn't seem to be a problem. In fact, it didn't even qualify as a problem compared to the massive, troublesome mess Shikamaru's head was in.

_Dammit._

Re-working a strategy in this mind state was problematic. Re-working _two_ strategies and weaving them together seamlessly was almost _impossible_. Not only because he was still too pissed off to think straight, but also because he actually needed to discuss the first game-plan with Neji. Another inevitable confrontation; one that he guessed might possibly lead to one of them dead by the other's hands, if he couldn't curb his anger by then.

_Troublesome…_

His attention was briefly sidetracked by Naruto's squawk of surprise as Lee expertly manoeuvred himself up the pebble-strewn incline.

"Man, bushy-brow, doesn't that kill your hands?" Naruto grimaced, walking alongside the upturned ninja.

Lee shook his head, almost costing him his balance. "If I cannot go the next mile on my hands, then I will go the next two on my knees alone!"

"Wouldn't that be easier?" Naruto grinned.

Lee looked mortified, turning his red-face up towards Naruto. "You are right. Then it will be the next four miles on—"

"Your ass, if you don't settle down," Shikamaru muttered, glancing over his shoulder at the two of them. "And that won't be easier by a long shot."

"Whoa, is that even possible?" Naruto paused to glance down at his posterior, jutting his butt out while attempting to configure a method.

"Idiot." Shikamaru sighed.

Hinata blushed beside him, averting her lavender eyes from Naruto. She looped her hair back behind her ear in that nervous way that made Shikamaru consider accidently nudging her into the loudmouth Uzumaki, just to shake things up a bit. A good thing he couldn't be bothered.

"Hey, Shikamaru! How far to go?" Naruto called from behind.

_Too far, probably…_

Shikamaru tugged out a map from his flak jacket, unfurling the scrolled paper to glance over the plan without pausing. He estimated a half hour or so, given no complications.

"Not far. We'll converge with Neji's team soon."

He heard Naruto kick up dust behind them with a sigh.

"Why do they get to go on ahead anyway?" Naruto grumbled.

"I told you before. They're recon and we're backup." Shikamaru slipped the map away with a sigh. "Which means no crazy, troublesome crap, got it?"

"Yeah, yeah."

Shikamaru placed little confidence in that response, knowing full well that keeping a leash on Naruto was like trying to pin down a damn cyclone. Uzumaki was a whirlwind, even when he occasionally slowed down, he never stopped spinning. Shikamaru just wanted to coast along at an easy, predictable pace.

No hassle, no trouble.

_Dammit, Hyūga…_

Trust Neji to have ensured Naruto was on the backup team; a smart move on the Hyūga's part. He'd slid the loud, unpredictable and uncontrollable piece neatly over to Shikamaru's side while apprehending the vital player Shikamaru had needed.

_Sakura_.

The Nara grit his teeth, his mind playing over the ruined plan. He'd had everything in place, _everyone_ in place. Sakura, Hinata, himself and Neji; that had been the plan and he knew he could have worked it. There had been no real choice _but_ to work it.

_That was the deal, after all._

Despite Tsunade playing into Neji's damn strategy. As much as Shikamaru tried to convince himself that she'd had her hands tied in the matter, it didn't do anything to alleviate the frustration in his system. It pushed into his steps and he only noticed he'd accelerated their leisurely pace when someone touched his elbow.

"Hmn?" Shikamaru turned his head, glancing across at a pair of soft lavender eyes. "You okay?"

"I was, um, going to ask you that, Shikamaru-kun," Hinata said.

_Crap._

"Yeah, I'm just calculating." Shikamaru quirked his lip and let his feet fall into a steadier step, walking on at a less agitated pace.

"Shikamaru-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"I…" Hinata hesitated, her eyes darting over her shoulder briefly.

Shikamaru frowned, following her gaze towards Naruto and Lee before looking back to her. She cast him a conflicted look, almost apologetic. Oddly enough, this presented an opportunity he knew he'd have to take sooner or later.

_No time like the crappy present._

"Naruto, Lee." Shikamaru stopped walking. "Hinata's picking up some activity ahead."

He ignored Hinata's wide-eyed blink, trusting that she'd hide her surprise better than her blushes. The other two had stopped chatting; Lee comically frozen in a handstand while Naruto seemed to be fighting back his eagerness at the prospect of something exciting.

"I need you guys to check it out," Shikamaru said, turning around in a lazy pivot.

Naruto's eyes lit-up, anticipation pulling his previously downturned mouth into a grin.

"You got it!" Uzumaki gave the famous thumbs up as Lee flipped onto his feet again.

"Leave it to us, Shikamaru-kun," the green-clad ninja saluted.

"Just keep to the trees and report back what you find," Shikamaru said. "Don't go far. Hinata and I will take the ground."

"On it!" Naruto brushed his thumb under his chin with another wild grin.

Shikamaru smiled a little, watching Naruto spring up to the autumn-stained canopies, Lee hot on his heels and gaining speed. Given their enthusiasm, the Nara knew it wouldn't take them long, which meant he had just about enough time to pose that troublesome question.

"So," he turned to Hinata. "What's wrong?"

Hinata lowered her eyes from the trees. "You never told me…what you decided."

"What I decided..." Shikamaru echoed, not posing it as a question though he could tell from the concern in her voice that she was going to elaborate.

He already knew her answer.

"Neji," Hinata said.

Shikamaru snorted, cocking a hip as he rubbed at the knot in his brow. "Your cousin is more of a troublesome pain in the ass than I anticipated."

Hinata lifted her lashes, pinning him with that soft, sad look.

_Ah shit…Why does she always do that thing with her eyes…_

Try as he might, he couldn't get angry about it; because Hinata's gaze carried an apology she shouldn't have been offering, considering her motives. She cared, despite all the danger it invited. She placed her heart in her actions so unguardedly. She'd also placed her hope in him. And as much as it troubled Shikamaru, he couldn't take offense at it. He'd have felt guilty if hadn't still wanted to strangle Neji.

The Nara sighed softly. "I never told you, because at the time the less you knew the better. In fact, that kinda still applies."

Hinata frowned, her timid nature not allowing for a scowl; though the gentle tremble in her voice smoothed out into that same rare but confident tone she'd taken with him before.

"I'm not defenceless." She squared her shoulders. "I want to help."

Shikamaru nodded. "I know that. But I cut a deal…and it's not the kind of bargain you want Neji to know you were willingly a part of, okay?"

Hinata tilted her head, but Shikamaru didn't give anything away to her perceptive eyes. He knew she was searching his face, so he kept it blank and tired, punching the rest of his thoughts and troubles into a corner of his mind that he'd deal with later.

"Willingly a part of?" Hinata took a step forward, the softness in her face hardening a little. "But I am. I want to help, Shikamaru-kun."

Shikamaru took a step back, shaking his head. "I know. I planned on taking you up on that, but indirectly."

"Then at least tell me…about this agreement," Hinata's pale fingers curled into small fists. "I don't need to be protected."

Shikamaru almost smiled at those words.

_Here comes the Hyūga pride._

"I know you want to help, but it has to be in a roundabout way. Which means you can't know as much as I know." Shikamaru dropped his gaze to her shoulder. "That's how it's got to be."

"But _why_?" Hinata's voice shook with frustration on the last word.

Shikamaru parted his lips to respond – but didn't. Because suddenly the realisation of just _why_ pierced him like a stab in the gut. To make it worse, the discomfort twisted deeper with the knowledge that suddenly, this understanding bothered him. It hadn't at the time he'd made the deal.

_Get a grip. _

It hadn't mattered then, it shouldn't matter now.

_Impartial judgement…that's what I need here…_

Shikamaru offered no response to the hurt in Hinata's eyes or the crumple of concern on her face. Instead he turned on his heel and began walking again. He needed to keep moving forward. Standing still would only get him to start picking apart his own plans…and worse…it would cause him to question his motives.

Up until this moment he hadn't even thought to do that.

_There's no way I can start now._

"Shikamaru-kun!" Hinata caught up to him, grabbing his elbow lightly. "Please…don't just shut me out…"

Shikamaru shook his head. "Hinata…"

"You don't trust me?"

_Just stop._

Shikamaru sighed, his jaw twitching. "That's not it."

Hinata kept pushing. "Then…then tell me why you _won't_ tell me."

"The less you know the better." He lengthened his strides, but she kept up.

"Why?" she insisted, her fingers reaching for his arm again. "Tell me _why_ y—"

"Dammit!" Shikamaru snapped, twisting around sharply enough that Hinata flinched back a step. "Fine, I'll tell you why."

"Shik—" Hinata cut off as he drew close.

His words ground out fierce and low. "If Neji thought for one moment that you had a direct hand in what I'd planned then you can take the progress you've made with him over the last three years and flush it down the goddamn drain!"

Shikamaru held her gaze, his eyes uncharacteristically fierce.

Hinata stared back at him, her lips parted but no sound coming out.

He curbed his angry tone as he shook his head, his voice dropping to a murmur.

"'Cause there's no way in hell he'd _ever_ trust you again – that's _why_."

The minute the words were out, Shikamaru felt that sharp knife-like twinge twist deeper. He immediately ignored it, setting his focus on the look of shock and uncertainty on Hinata's face. But too soon her expression gave way to something softer.

"Shikamaru…"

"It's not worth that risk, Hinata," he reasoned. "You've come way too far with Neji after all that trouble with your clan. We've got crap options in how to deal with this…but that's just how it is. You don't deserve to lose his trust over it."

"Neither do you," Hinata said, the lilac hue of her eyes shimmering with sadness, a knowing kind of sadness.

_Shit._

Shikamaru had to take another step away from her, needing distance from what those eyes threatened to provoke. He couldn't afford to think like that. He scanned the area around them, shaking his head as he rubbed at the tension in his nape before dropping his hand.

"Look, I'm just doing what I have to do, okay? I made a deal." Shikamaru shrugged, not meeting her gaze. "That's all that matters. It's not personal for me like it is for you. It doesn't affect me either way."

He sensed that Hinata was shaking her head, catching her movements out the corner of his eye as she took a step closer.

"Shikamaru-kun…"

Shikamaru smoothly stepped away from her, making it look like he was lapsing back into a stroll, letting his words roll over his shoulder.

"I'll need to rework my strategy, but I also need to know that you won't question it. Just trust me and do what I say when the time comes to deal with Neji. Can you do that?"

"Yes." No hesitation – and thankfully, no questions.

Shikamaru kept walking, not looking back or across when Hinata caught up with him, quietly falling into step. They moved on in silence, their shadows melting away as the forest grew dimmer around them, early evening swallowing up the light. Good. Shikamaru had no problem with the dark; it would help disguise the twist of confusion fighting for control of his face.

_Hell…just let me sleep this off…_

He allowed himself to indulge that thought before a beacon flashed ahead in the form of a familiar grin and yellow hair.

"Coast's clear!" Naruto yelled, cupping a hand to his mouth so his voice carried. It was completely unnecessary.

Shikamaru didn't have the energy to even respond. Then, without warning, Lee took a swan-dive from the canopies, touching down in a neat roll that pushed him back into his handstand, poised for his ridiculous walk.

"No enemies in sight!" Lee confirmed, managing an impressive one-armed handstand to salute with his free palm.

"Good to know." Shikamaru shook his head, strolling on past and grabbing the opportunity for humour. "If you injure yourself, Naruto is carrying you."

"Yeah right!" Naruto scowled, folding his arms behind his head with a snort before narrowing his eyes. "I'll bet I get your expired ramen coupons too, huh? You know that was real cheap, Shikamaru!"

"I know." Shikamaru rolled his shoulder, shrugging his ninja bag into the crook of his arm before crouching down, sifting through the contents with one hand while tugging the map free from his flak jacket with the other.

"Hinata?" he called, turning his head when the kunoichi stepped over. "Think you can get a range on the others? They should be at the assembly point by now."

The Hyūga nodded, activating her Byakugan as Shikamaru pulled out a water canteen, taking a sip while Naruto grumbled something about ramen and Lee flipped back onto his feet. The Nara splashed his face with some of the water in a vain attempt to wash away the tiredness creeping in around his eyes.

_Damn. I need to sleep…_

He could barely contain his relief when Hinata turned to him with a faint smile.

"They're setting up camp. Akamaru and Kiba are already coming this way."

Shikamaru twisted the cap onto his water canteen, slipping it back into his pack before shouldering the bag as he stood. "Okay, let's meet them half-way. Take the lead."

Slotting the map away, Shikamaru followed after Hinata, briefly checking that Naruto and Lee were filing along behind him before flicking his gaze back to the kunoichi. Hinata wove her way gracefully, leading them away from the path they'd been following and into the denser mesh of the forest. Sure enough, there came a rustle of white between the trees further along the trail; a bounding Akamaru.

"Akamaru." Hinata held out her hand as the dog went straight to her, nuzzling her palm and wagging his tail in a gentle swish.

Shikamaru arched a brow at the affectionate canine before Akamaru turned toward him, butted his flak jacket with a wet nose and nipped his thumb sharply.

"Hey!" Shikamaru scowled, wondering why he was always on the receiving end of a pig's glare and a dog's bite. "Seriously, what the hell was that for?"

"He's just messin' with you," Kiba laughed, dropping down from the trees in an animal-like crouch before grinning. "Unless you've been sneakin' a smoke again."

"Gonna spot check me, Inuzuka?" Shikamaru deadpanned, rolling his eyes before flexing his nipped thumb.

Kiba laughed, watching with pride as Akamaru greeted Naruto and Lee with more enthusiasm, his great white tail smacking both of them as he sniffed at their palms. Then Kiba flicked his animal-like eyes to Hinata and made a quick, barely noticeable sweep of his gaze, assessing her for injury. Shikamaru didn't miss it; he made a mental note to keep in mind Shino and Kiba's protectiveness of the Hyūga.

"You guys made good time." Kiba jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "Neji's got us setting up camp. Hope you brought an appetite."

As if on cue, Naruto's stomach orchestrated a rather colourful rumble. Shikamaru smiled, glancing over his shoulder.

"How fast can you run, Naruto?" The Nara smirked.

"Huh?" Naruto blinked. "Why?"

"Just wondering if it's as fast as Chōji eats."

Naruto's eyes widened, almost watered, before he bolted like a shot, a flash of orange shouting something unintelligible that dragged out like a howl as he catapulted along the tree boughs.

For a moment no one spoke.

"That is admirable speed," Lee eventually breathed out.

"Way to his heart is through his stomach, huh?" Kiba grinned savagely, nudging Hinata with his elbow. "Remember that, huh?"

"Kiba!" Hinata blushed furiously, hiding her face behind her hair as Kiba laughed.

Shikamaru smiled, but saved her further embarrassment. "Did Neji say how long he wanted to break for, Kiba?"

The Inuzuka shook his head. "He said to ask you."

"Real thoughtful," Shikamaru muttered.

Kiba cocked his head in tandem with Akamaru. "What's that?"

"Nothing. Let's go."

* * *

_Eat. Sleep. Strategise._

This was the plan. Shikamaru kept his eyes on Akamaru as the dog padded ahead of the group, leading them to the assembly point. They'd selected a small clearing on the map, well located and close enough to a water source without being an obvious spot to set up camp. Shikamaru hoped Naruto knew which way he was going when he'd sprung off.

"We're here," Kiba called over his shoulder.

Shikamaru glanced up, noting the firelight flickering through the dense foliage ahead.

_If Neji thought it was safe enough to light a fire, then we should be clear for the night. Two lookouts at a time should do it…just in case._

The arriving team stepped into the clearing and Shikamaru did a quick sweep. Four tents had been pitched, the canvas flaps swaying in the evening breeze. Sure enough, a small fire crackled in the centre of the camp, a halo of light pulsing out to illuminate the figures sat around it.

_Eat. Sleep._

"Oh come on!" a coarse voice barked.

Shikamaru arched a brow. Naruto sat, gesticulating wildly, his chopsticks clacking and smacking against Chōji's in a miniature sword fight as they battled for a strip of rationed meat. Sakura was patiently laying out the pieces to roast on a makeshift rack she'd put together.

"Quit it!" she shouted, aiming a swipe at Naruto that missed, but cost him the fight - and the food.

"Dammit!" Naruto scowled.

Shikamaru shook his head, gravitating towards the warmth of the fire as Hinata and Lee rounded the other side. He did a quick headcount. Everyone present, except Neji.

_Figures._

Chōji continued to laugh at Naruto, before looking up as the Nara approached. Shikamaru met his friend's gaze and smiled, nodding as he sat down across from the Akimichi.

"You okay?" Chōji asked.

"I need to sleep." Shikamaru shrugged his pack from his shoulder. "Where's Neji?"

"He's just making sure we're clear," Sakura said, leaning over to hand Shikamaru a portion of food. "We should be there by tomorrow evening, right?"

"That's the plan. We'll need two people on lookout. We'll swap shifts accordingly." Shikamaru paused to chew before flicking his gaze around the circle. "Who wants first watch?"

Naruto blinked owlishly, then slanted in an attempt to hide himself behind Hinata's back. The kunoichi froze with her food halfway to her mouth, eyes wide as a blush crested up her throat to her face. Kiba puffed out his cheeks in an attempt not to laugh, smacking a fist to his lips.

"Hinata and Naruto," he coughed into his hand.

"Kiba!" Naruto and Hinata yelped at the same time, for entirely different reasons.

"Seeing as you spoke up first, maybe you should take first watch," Shikamaru drawled, smirking at the Inuzuka's groan.

"What do you think, Akamaru?" Kiba ruffled the dog's fur affectionately before shrugging. "Yeah okay, whatever."

"Alright, Kiba and Lee take first watch."

Lee gave the thumbs up. "Right!"

"Naruto and Chōji second and Sakura and Hinata third." Shikamaru held up a palm to cut Naruto off as the Uzumaki eyed him suspiciously. "Neji and I need to confirm the game plan, which means I'm gonna get less sleep than you, okay? We'll probably head out before dawn."

At the approving nods, Shikamaru returned his attention to his food, content to just listen to the banter shooting around the circle without getting caught in the crossfire. The friendly buzz eased some of his tension, so he sat quietly, watching the flames as the others talked. It wasn't long before the food was finished and the chopstick battle for the last morsel finally over. Confirming the watch rota, Kiba and Lee began to make their way to their separate posts.

Shikamaru stayed by the fire as the girls headed to one of the tents. Naruto had already dozed off on the spot while Chōji polished off his victory strip of meat. For a moment, it was pleasantly quiet. Shikamaru continued to watch the dance of the flames as the fire split and popped the kindling. He barely noticed that Chōji had moved until his friend sat down next to him.

"Ino wasn't happy about the team swap," the Akimichi said after a moment of silence.

Shikamaru blinked slowly, his chin propped in his palm. "I'll bet. Sakura one-upping her again, hmn?"

"Yeah," Chōji chuckled, shaking his head "She's too feisty about it. Hey, did Asuma-sensei tell you about the Nijū Shōtai?"

Shikamaru slid his gaze across without turning his head. "You and Ino got roped into it too, hmn?"

"Well, Asuma-sensei recommended us. He was going to do the same for you…" Chōji pursed his lips, frowning a little. "But you'd already signed up."

_Shit…_

Shikamaru straightened up a little, sensing the shift in Chōji's tone. "I know I didn't tell you. I'd been meaning to…I've just been busy lately."

"Ino was angry you didn't say anything." Chōji shook his head. "But I'm not."

Shikamaru blinked, looking across questioningly. He hadn't expected that.

Chōji simply smiled, shaking his head. "I know you've got your reasons, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru turned his head away and closed his eyes, an immense wave of relief washing away the tightness in his face. He'd never been more grateful for the fact that Chōji knew him so well. He wasn't sure he could take another session of tip-toeing around someone; especially his closest friend.

_You're a good guy, Chōji. _

"Yeah, something like that." Shikamaru smiled, clapping his friend on the shoulder before pushing to his feet. "Get some rest, yeah?"

Chōji nodded. "You too."

"Bet on it." Shikamaru bit back a yawn, stepping over a dozing Naruto before nudging the Uzumaki with his heel. "Hey, don't fall asleep by the fire."

"Eh?" Naruto mumbled sleepily.

"I said your hair's on fire."

"WHAT!" Naruto bolted upright, ruffling his fingers through his yellow spikes manically.

Chōji laughed, helping the Uzumaki to his feet as Shikamaru made his way towards one of the tents.

_Finally. Sleep._

A hand smacked onto his shoulder.

_Oh give me a break…_

"Shikamaru, got a minute?" Naruto stepped back, his usually sunny features a little overcast. "I kinda wanted to talk to you."

_And I kinda wanted to sleep._

"Man you pick your moments." Shikamaru sighed loudly, reaching up to rub at his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Okay, what's up?"

He heard Naruto shuffle awkwardly for a moment. "I never really thanked you, you know."

_What?_

Shikamaru dropped his hand, frowning. "What?"

Naruto offered a faint smile, his blue eyes settling from their energetic sparkle to a calmer gaze. Shikamaru couldn't help but be a little nervous about that.

"Thanked me for what?" he prompted, his mind searching for what Naruto could be referring to.

"Well…your support I guess," Naruto's brow furrowed and a seldom seen seriousness etched into his normally laughing face. "With Sasuke."

_Ah._

Shikamaru shook his head. "No need to thank me for that."

"No." Naruto's fingers tightened into loose fists. "I do…I don't really have a lot of direct support…apart from Sakura. And it's not easy getting those looks from Kakashi-sensei and Jiraiya-sama…"

Shikamaru nodded gravely. If Naruto's expression and voice hadn't been enough to translate his sincerity, the use of Jiraiya's name instead of the usual 'Pervy Sage' was enough to convince anyone he was serious. Not that it was necessary. Shikamaru could tell just from looking at him.

"You've always had my back, Shikamaru…you and the others. No matter what the cost. You guys have risked your lives." Naruto smiled weakly. "I know _you_ don't even like Sasuke."

"You're right, I don't," Shikamaru said flatly. "Never did."

"Yeah, but you're always helping me out." Naruto glanced down at his fists, drawing a shaky breath. "Do you think I'm kiddin' myself?"

Shikamaru's eyes widened before his features smoothed out again, keeping his expression blank as he considered his next words.

"I think you're doing what you have to do, Naruto."

"Yeah? Well I can't give up." Naruto swallowed, shaking his head. "If I do, then it's like…spittin' in the face of those who helped me when I was a kid. When I could have slipped into the same place that Sasuke's in…I can't just…leave him there."

Shikamaru watched him quietly for a moment. "I know."

And he did know. Somewhat wishing he didn't. Because as he watched Naruto wrestle with that conflict, he suddenly saw the clear parallel between what Naruto was saying and what Hinata had said to him days before about Neji.

"_He needs someone…to stop him from…slipping back…"_

Suddenly he knew what to say to Naruto, because he was saying it to himself at the same time.

"You're doing what any friend would do, Naruto." The Nara traced his gaze across to the campfire. "You're doing what you believe is right and that's reason enough…no matter what."

Naruto didn't respond immediately, he seemed to be pulling some kind of strength from the words before finally nodding.

"Thanks, Shikamaru." Naruto smiled, his expression brightening again. "You're right."

_Yeah?_

Shikamaru glanced back and just about managed to return the smile.

…_I sure as hell hope so._

* * *

The cold woke him.

A chilly breeze that rustled the canvas flap as it was drawn back and left to flutter shut again. Shikamaru tried to ignore it, but the scent of wood-smoke from the smothered campfire stirred him further, destroying any attempt to let his mind lull back into a dreamless sleep. His dark eyes flicked open half-way, adjusting to the gloom enough to vaguely discern a figure in darkness before he closed them again, shaking his head.

"Not happening." He rolled onto his side with a groan.

"Get up."

"Get lost."

"Nara."

"If I don't catch a nap, I'm gonna develop narcolepsy on this mission."

"You mean you don't suffer from it already?" Neji uttered dryly.

Shikamaru snorted, not moving. "Funny."

"We need to discuss our strategy for when we enter Hanegakure."

"Oh, so _now_ you wanna collaborate?" Shikamaru ground out, gripping the sheets to tug them up over his head. "Wake me in an hour, 'cause I'm not moving."

Shikamaru was moving before he knew what hit him.

A split second later he realised it was ice cold water.

"What the fuck?" he yelped, twisting around to squint and glare unsuccessfully in the darkness, his eyes seeking movement.

"Whatever works," Neji said, and Shikamaru heard the thud of his water canteen as the Hyūga dropped it back onto the ground. "Now get up."

Shikamaru gauged the direction of Neji's voice and reacted on tired anger. He swung his leg out, knowing the Hyūga had no hope of leaping high enough without smacking into the roof of the low tent. The hit brushed the Jōnin but didn't connect. However, it was enough to give Shikamaru an indication of where Neji would be forced to retreat, so the Nara took a literal swing in the dark.

His fist smacked into the cage of Neji's palm.

_Got you._

"Not even close," Neji's breath touched his cheek.

"Close enough," Shikamaru returned, hooking his leg around Neji's knee and tugging sharply.

He smirked at the sound of Neji's sharp inhale, then twisted as they toppled, coming up on top as Neji went down beneath him. In the darkness it was impossible to gauge the look on the Hyūga's face, but Shikamaru could just about picture it. Lip curled back in a snarl and opal eyes flashing.

"Know the layout before you act, Hyūga."

Shikamaru didn't even have time to gloat before a sharp, ear-ringing crack struck his brow, slamming pain across his skull. He didn't realise he was on his back until Neji's voice sounded from above him.

"Know your opponent's disposition before you piss him off, Nara."

Shikamaru couldn't even respond. White spots were bursting before his eyes, a high-pitched ring trilling in his head and he knew he was probably seeing double. A good thing it was dark. Seeing _two_ Hyūga's would have had him seeing _red_.

He raised the heel of his hand to his temple, clenching his eyes shut with a pained groan.

He felt Neji tense above him.

"Nara?"

Shikamaru ignored the impatient snap of his name in favour of sliding his fingertips to his throbbing forehead, gingerly tapping the area. His fingers came away wet and sticky with blood.

_Fuck._

"Shikamaru?" Neji's tone had changed completely.

The shadow-nin tried to blink the dancing spots away. He felt Neji's fingers touching his elbow and following his arm down along to his wrist, tugging his hand away from his head. He'd have frowned if it didn't hurt like hell.

Neji was still sitting rigid atop him. "Say something, damn you."

"Fuck you," Shikamaru managed, tugging his hand back towards his brow to feel for the gash.

Neji reached it first, his touch drawing a sharp wince from Shikamaru.

"You're bleeding…"

"No shit."

"Stay still." Neji cupped the back of his head gently, slanting to fumble for something in the dark.

Shikamaru attempted to get his elbow beneath him, but the dizzy throb in his head had him reconsidering the wisdom in moving. He felt Neji's fingers flex at the back of his head.

"I told you to stay still."

Shikamaru parted his lips to offer a sarcastic response. Then the flare of dim light caused him to cut off and snap his eyes shut against the faint illumination, which seemed much brighter than it probably should have been. A shuffle of movement told him Neji was configuring something; he didn't bother to open his eyes to see. He caught the dim shift in light behind his closed eyelids.

"Nice shot…" he muttered dryly.

"Shut up," Neji snapped, but his touch was gentle as he examined the gash. "This is why you should wear your headband where it's meant to be worn."

Shikamaru cracked his eyes open, disbelief robbing him of his anger. "Tell me I'm hallucinating…'cause there's no way in hell you just made this my fault."

"Just be quiet." Neji frowned, his face finally clearer to Shikamaru in the dim illumination from the tiny chakra orb set to the side of the tent.

Thankfully, he wasn't seeing double. That's not to say things weren't a little fuzzy, but even that wasn't enough to disguise the crease of concern on Neji's face, cast in sharp relief against the gentle pulse from the orb. Shikamaru watched him quietly through half-lidded eyes, scowling when the Hyūga touched something cool and damp to his forehead.

"Stop frowning," Neji admonished. "You're making it worse."

"Little late to be concerned, don't you think?"

Neji levelled him with a hard, stony look. Shikamaru stared back dazedly through his lashes. He didn't expect Neji to be the first to look away.

"It wasn't my intention to hurt you."

For some absurd reason, which he blamed solely on concussion, Shikamaru chuckled hoarsely. "You mean you have a different intention when you head-butt someone?"

Neji sighed, turning away to rummage through the tan and black bag he was usually never without. "Can you sit up?"

"You're on top of me."

Neji scooted back a little. "Sit up slowly."

Shikamaru dragged his elbows beneath him at last, levering himself up slowly. The tent did an interesting spin and dip, causing him to close his eyes against a touch of nausea.

_Ugh…he's fucking done it this time…_

A cool touch swept across the gash on his forehead, prompting him to slip his eyes open. Neji's face was very close to his, the Hyūga's fingertips smoothing salve onto the cut. Logically, he should have been processing homicidal rage in that moment, or at least plotting how to get a decent hit in with Neji this close to him…but instead, he found himself watching Neji...his blood humming at the proximity.

_Dammit._

Neji was focused on the wound, his pale eyes following the movement of his fingers as he applied the ointment. "It should heal up by morning. Hinata's salve is very effective. Are you feeling nauseous?"

"More like…murderous …" Shikamaru closed his eyes, too tired to offer anything more sarcastic.

"I'm serious, are you feeling sick?"

Shikamaru tried not to frown as he reached up to grip Neji's wrist, tugging the Hyūga's hand away. "Just go. I need to sleep."

Neji shook his head. "You can't sleep."

"Oh don't even try it." Shikamaru made to lay down slowly.

Neji grabbed his arms gently. "I'm serious."

"So am I. There's no way in hell I can think strategically like this…there's no way I can think, period."

"No, that's not what I meant. You might have concussion."

Shikamaru felt his eye twitch before he cracked it open. "What?"

"You can't sleep if you have concussion," Neji enunciated, as if talking to a dim-witted child.

Shikamaru stared blankly. He imagined if he was more of a dramatic personality he might have catapulted into an apoplectic fit.

_Eat. Sleep. Strategise._

That had been the plan.

A simple, flawless, uncomplicated, fool-proof plan…totally turned on its head.

Shikamaru continued to stare at Neji.

Then, to the Hyūga's wide-eyed surprise, he started to laugh.

* * *

**TBC. **

**A/N: **That was a fun one to write and all the more enjoyable to know that people are sticking with this story. **REVIEWERS**, once again my heartfelt thanks to each one of you – every review I get is like a thumbs up to my inspiration and a friendly kick to my writer's arse. **So thank you so much. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, your thoughts are always welcome and **_**greatly appreciated**_**.**

[chapter edited]


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Seventeen  
**

[Dedicated to Amatullah83]

There was absolutely nothing amusing about the situation.

So when Shikamaru started to laugh, Neji found himself at a loss at how to respond; which is why the first thing out of his mouth was nothing short of stating the obvious.

"It's not funny, Nara."

Shikamaru chuckled low in his throat, his half-lidded eyes slipping shut. "I know."

Neji frowned, opting for irritation over awkwardness. "Then why are you laughing?"

"Numbs the urge… to wanna kill you…" Shikamaru's voice sobered into a pained groan as he bracketed his brow between thumb and forefinger. "…Ah…shit..."

Neji tightened his grip on Shikamaru's arms, trying to ignore the crawl of unease working its way past his stoic defences. He ducked his head to glance up under the Nara's hand at the gash in the Chūnin's forehead. It was a clean split. Had Neji hit any harder it could have caused a nasty whiplash; if it hadn't already.

_Damn._

He'd reacted on hot, angry impulse.

_Uncontrolled. Weak._

Neji shook his head sharply, clearing his throat. "You seem relatively in control of your senses. I suggest you keep it that way. Focus on staying awake."

Shikamaru took a moment to respond, his face scrunched up in pain behind his hand.

"Did you just…ask me to _focus_?" Shikamaru muttered, growling as his attempt to lie down was thwarted again.

"Sit up, Nara."

"Which way is up?"

"For Gods' sake..." Neji sighed, shifting to get a better grip on the shadow-nin without jolting him too much.

It was imperative to avoid unnecessary movement. Taking a moment to assess his options, Neji shifted from his kneel into a crouch. He then slid a leg behind Shikamaru, allowing his body to slant and follow the movement until he was behind the shadow-nin, propping him up against his body, similar to how Shikamaru had steadied him when he'd…

_Lost control._

Shikamaru snorted, dropping his hand from his head. "Karma…"

"What?" Neji blinked, his spine rigid as he assumed the awkward position of support, keeping Shikamaru upright.

"…Karma…"

"Hn. For knocking me unconscious two months ago?" Neji rolled his pale eyes, trying to decide what the hell to do with his hands before setting them close to Shikamaru's shoulders without touching.

He felt Shikamaru tilt his head slightly with a weak chuckle. "That too…"

Neji knew what he'd really been referring to.

But there was no way in hell he was going to allow his mind to entertain the memory of coughing up blood…his weakest moments…which included the memory of the last time they were this close to each other.

He felt his pulse skitter.

_Stop…_

Neji released a slow, controlled breath, trying not to disturb the air between them; not that he thought it would stir. It was thick enough to threaten suffocation – rife with all kinds of tension and as taut as a trip wire.

Yet despite that, Shikamaru wasn't struggling or seething.

_He should be…_

"Why aren't you angry?" Neji asked quietly, trying to keep his tone neutral.

"Oh I'm pissed," Shikamaru replied drowsily, though he didn't sound it. "But can't really…do anything about it…right now…so yelling…is troublesome…"

Neji dropped his gaze to the top of Shikamaru's head, frowning before he had to crane his neck to avoid the brush of the Nara's spiky ponytail.

"Besides…" Shikamaru drawled, "I know how awkward this is…so making you suffer…is kinda working out for me...ugh…despite the head trauma…"

Neji didn't think it was possible in that moment to feel more responsively jumbled. Despite this, he felt a thin sliver of relief cut loose a thread of tension pulling tightly across in his chest. Shikamaru's morbid humour at least indicated that his brain wasn't addled by the impact. Neji traced his gaze down to his hands, still held at a hover beside Shikamaru's shoulders.

"Just stay awake, Nara."

"…You know me…not likely…"

Neji shook his head, slanting his chin away from the sharp ponytail again. "Stop making jokes."

"I'm serious…"

"You need to stay awake for at least another hour."

Shikamaru made some unintelligible sound that Neji thought would have been an insult had the Nara bothered to articulate it. The Hyūga shifted his focus. He surmised that Shikamaru's concussion was probably mild and nothing too serious. But the risk of letting it slide so lightly was dangerous; especially when it was Shikamaru's brain at stake. Any swelling would mean bringing Sakura in...something Neji wanted to avoid if possible.

_Damn it._

He hadn't meant to react so violently; part of him still couldn't process the fact that he had. Even more disturbing to Neji was the fact that this wasn't the first time he'd lashed out. While he could steel and distance himself some anyone else, Shikamaru continued to remain immune to his efforts. Either that or the Nara really had got under his skin, spreading these absurd 'reactions' through him like an infection.

_How…?_

Neji tensed the muscles in his back, fighting not to roll the tension from his shoulders.

_How the hell does he provoke me like this…?_

Try as he might – and _Kami_ had he tried – Neji just couldn't make _sense_ of it.

He only knew that all of 'it' had resulted from that careless lack of control two months ago; the night Shikamaru had decided to be a foolish, interfering bastard and chase him down.

Then in the crossfire of that angry, confusing confrontation…and that stupid, rash smash of lips…some catalyst had exploded between them. Out of nowhere, in an instant; like the kind of freak atomic bang that created universes.

As far as Neji was concerned, it had created chaos.

Complicated, inescapable, blood-stirring chaos.

_What the hell did he do to me…?_

The feel of Shikamaru's weight shifting drew him back from his thoughts. The Nara's shoulders had lowered, his body too relaxed. Not a good sign.

"Nara?"

Neji finally touched his hands to the shadow-nin's arms, squeezing lightly. The lack of response caused him to tighten his grip, the balls of his thumbs rolling over the dark fabric.

He raised his voice a little. "Shikamaru?"

"Yeah, yeah, still here…" the Nara muttered, his voice hoarse with pending sleep.

Neji loosened his grip, but didn't let go. "Are you feeling sick?"

"Probably, if I move."

Neji glanced around the tent. "Just hold on a little longer…then you can sleep…"

Shikamaru shook his head with a wince. "…Shirking…"

"Hmn?" Neji stroked his hands down to Shikamaru's elbows. "What?"

"Ugh…Strategy…"

"We'll discuss it tomorrow," Neji said, before realising how gentle his tone was. He immediately sought to harden it by adding, "Considering you're too addled to make sense of anything."

"Whose fault is that again?" Shikamaru muttered before his slouch turned rigid.

Neji didn't miss it.

Both of them froze, hearing the rustle of a tent flap outside, followed by the scuff of footsteps. A muffled snicker carried within earshot.

_Now what?_

Neji blinked, activating his Byakugan to scan the periphery without moving. He sensed Shikamaru turn his head, a query hanging in the subtle movement.

"Naruto," Neji supplied.

Shikamaru tried to move, but stopped when Neji added. "And Chōji."

Somehow, this eased the Nara's tension, but did nothing to alleviate Neji's growing sense of discomfort as he watched Naruto turn towards their tent, gesturing in mime for Chōji to keep quiet.

_We need to move._

"Relax…" Shikamaru murmured, taking his own advice.

Neji ignored him, already plotting how fast he could separate himself from Shikamaru without jolting the other ninja. His plotting turned desperate when Naruto began to creep towards their tent in exaggerated slow motion.

_Oh for God's sake…_

Neji's Byakugan eyes narrowed.

"Imbecile," he hissed.

"_Relax_, Hyūga."

Shikamaru's blasé tone only served to irritate Neji further, but his caustic tongue never got a chance to lash. Chōji intercepted Naruto mid-sneak, coming between the tent and the creeping Uzumaki.

Neji's keen eyes followed the interaction as Chōji jostled Naruto away, obstructing the Genin's childish antics. Neji continued to watch them, only deactivating his dōjutsu when the two of them had passed beyond the tree-line.

He jolted when Shikamaru's elbow nudged him.

"Breathe, Neji."

The Hyūga frowned, holding a defiant pause before he eventually released the breath locked in his throat. Relief chased away his irritation, leaving him quiet rather than relaxed. With this quiet came a lessening of the tension between them, lilted with the soft sound of breathing.

Neji stared at the dim chakra orb he'd activated, the light of the makeshift lamp softening by degrees. Despite the halo of illumination, he'd never felt more in the dark. For all his insight, Byakugan included, there were some things he just didn't see.

_"With those eyes, one would think you'd be a little less blind, Hyūga."_

Shino's earlier words suddenly adopted a different context in Neji's mind and the Hyūga found his gaze straying to the tickle of Shikamaru's ponytail against his cheekbone. Even without possessing an ocular dōjutsu, the Nara had predicted Chōji's interference as if he'd witnessed it. Something occurred to Neji then. The familiar, uncomfortable thought that despite his unrivalled progress amongst the Konoha Eleven, he'd somehow missed out on something.

_Ridiculous…and yet…_

"You knew Chōji would step in," Neji said, his voice quiet, somewhat reluctant to break the silence.

He told himself he was only talking to ensure Shikamaru stayed awake, not because the strange feeling chasing around inside him needed some kind of clarity.

Shikamaru hummed drowsily, the soft vibration rattling in his throat before he cleared it to respond. "I hoped he would…"

Neji knew the Nara was downplaying his accuracy. "You knew he would."

Shikamaru shrugged, his voice straining around a yawn. "Helps to have people who know you, right?"

Neji took that as a rhetorical question, because he had no response for it. It also prompted a line of questioning in his mind that he immediately tried to veer away from.

He watched Shikamaru drag his heel against the thin futon, probably working numbness from his leg. Neji felt his own muscles protesting his rigid posture. Add to that the fact that Shikamaru seemed likely to take his eye out with the occasional shift of that sharp ponytail; as if on cue, the Nara tilted his head, glancing up and across through dark crescents.

The bastard was smirking.

"You comfortable?"

Neji gave him a flat look. "No."

"Good." The Nara's lip curved a little more before he shrugged and looked away. "Was the trouble worth it…to become Jōnin…?"

_What?_

Neji blinked at the random question, keeping the suspicion from his voice. "Of course."

Shikamaru stayed quiet for a moment. "…Guess Gai didn't need to push you into it…"

Neji arched a brow, slightly amused. "No."

"Or your uncle…"

Any flutter of amusement was immediately shot down. Neji's jaw tightened, but he kept his voice calm. "No."

"Gotta be a…" Shikamaru paused to yawn, "…pretty intense exam, right?"

"Yes...among other things."

"…Sounds like a drag…"

"Given your attitude, it probably would be." Neji muttered, avoiding another brush of Shikamaru's ponytail. "I assume you're mentioning this for a reason, Nara."

"You must've spent a lot of time alone, pushing yourself like that…"

A brittle flicker touched Neji's expression but even had Shikamaru been able to see his face, the look passed before it could settle. It had never before struck him as a negative thing, those years of isolated progress. Neji moved his hands away from Shikamaru's arms, setting his palms on the ground, the tips of his fingers pressing small craters into the futon.

"I suppose. It was necessary."

Shikamaru chuckled wryly. "Man, I really hate that word…"

"Alright, it was inevitable."

"Careful, Hyūga…you're sounding a little fatalistic."

"Hmn." Neji smiled slightly, glancing at Shikamaru's shoulder. "And you're sounding a little too coherent to have concussion."

"Guess so," Shikamaru drew his leg up and began to lean forwards and away. "I'm catchin' that nap now."

Neji gripped his arm, frowning. "Shikamaru."

"…Such a drag…"Shikamaru turned his head. "Then you better say something interesting to keep me awake."

Neji arched a brow, trying to fight the natural instinct to look for some kind of manipulation in how this was playing out. But he couldn't glean anything off Shikamaru's face other than exhaustion.

_Is he playing games again?_

Opting to literally skirt around the edges of the territory Shikamaru may or may not have been stepping onto, Neji shifted around until he was facing the shadow-nin. He didn't say anything as he went about checking the gash on Shikamaru's forehead, well aware that those tired eyes remained fixed on him; a familiar, brazen observance that the Nara never bothered to hide. Neji wished he would.

"Stop looking at me like that," he said firmly.

Shikamaru smirked lazily. "You're pretty paranoid, you know that?"

Neji scoffed but kept his eyes on the gash, searching for swelling with a light touch of his thumb. "I don't appreciate being stared at."

Shikamaru continued to watch him, not even flinching. "Thought you'd be used to it by now, considering people stare at you all the time, Hyūga."

Neji smirked bitterly. "Is that supposed to flatter me?"

"Not interested in boosting your ego, Neji." Shikamaru rolled a shoulder as he braced an arm across his raised knee. "Besides, I don't think people see past the shit load of defences you've got."

That got Neji's attention.

The Jōnin paused as he reached for the chakra orb, which still struggled to pulse its meagre illumination. It almost mirrored Neji's glowing eyes when they flicked back to Shikamaru.

His words gained a derisive edge. "And you think that you do, Nara?"

Shikamaru cocked his head and returned the look coolly.

"I think you're afraid that I _could_."

Neji tensed before he leaned back, immediately securing an armour of cool poise around himself. But once again, Shikamaru settled that 'I-can-see-through-bullshit' gaze on him, causing the Hyūga to bristle. Those dark eyes dented a defence which normally kept Neji beyond the reach of anyone who ever dared to try and get past it.

His mind battled with the implications of the Nara's words from two months back.

_"You can lie to yourself, but I can see through it…"_

Despite the faint panic Neji's heartbeat staggered into, he kept his outward mien stoic and guarded, convincing himself his chest wasn't tightening by focusing on the task at hand.

_Check his eyes and go…_

Shaking his head, Neji gripped Shikamaru's jaw with one hand, not even realising how subconsciously controlling the gesture was.

"Stay still," he instructed.

Then he lifted the chakra orb towards Shikamaru's face and studied the Nara's eyes with analytical objectivity, searching for any abnormality in the pupils. They contracted normally, and as soon as he lowered the orb, they dilated. He repeated the test a couple of times with the same result.

"No damage," Neji said quietly.

"Not so sure about that…" Shikamaru's voice fell hoarse; rough with fatigue and layered with a meaning that Neji didn't want to figure out.

Their gazes held and even in the gloom of the tent, Neji knew those dark eyes weren't searching for light when they dilated beyond their normal spheres.

The magnetic pull was instant.

_God damn you Nara…_

His fingers fell away from the chakra orb – but not Shikamaru's jaw.

Acting on confused anger, the Hyūga tightened his grip a little, feeling the muscles at the hinge of Shikamaru's jaw flex under the pressure. But other than that, Shikamaru didn't retaliate; he just continued to observe.

So Neji dug his grip in a little harder.

_Fight me, you bastard. _

No reaction.

Their gazes remained fused as Neji's fingers slid down from Shikamaru's jaw to the Chūnin's throat and closed gently around the vital column without squeezing. He knew the position of his fingers were exactly where the bruises would be from the last time he'd gripped the Nara's neck.

Shikamaru watched him calmly; a display of trust Neji hadn't earned…and didn't want.

"Don't," Neji warned.

Shikamaru blinked slowly. "You're the one doing it."

"So _stop_ me."

"You're not gripping hard enough to convince me, Neji."

Neji's gaze tracked down to his fingers. "Is that what it would take?"

"I don't know," Shikamaru murmured, the timbre of his voice chasing tingles along Neji's arm, prickling his skin, stirring his blood. "…Why don't you find out...?"

Neji drew a short, sharp breath, his eyes narrowing.

He could feel Shikamaru's pulse throbbing beneath the press of his fingertips…

…and the chords in the Nara's throat flexing as he swallowed…

…right down to the sweep of Shikamaru's breath against his skin…

Everything about it clarified just how open the other ninja was leaving himself.

_Why?_

Neji avoided Shikamaru's eyes, keeping his focus on his fingers as they flexed around the unprotected neck, not tightening from their loose grip, but not letting go either.

All the while he knew those dark eyes were on his face.

"Do you like what you see, Shikamaru?" Neji ground out; his jaw tight but his voice even tighter as it seethed between his teeth. "Is _this_ what you want me to _let out_?"

Shikamaru's breath tickled his arm as the shadow-nin exhaled slowly. "Go ahead."

It was a push, a reckless, dangerous push.

The sinews in Neji's hand tightened, a rigid paralysis of anger keeping his fingers gnarled but not pressing – and still the bastard didn't flinch.

"_Now_ who's a masochist?" Neji hissed, glaring.

Shikamaru raised his chin, pressing his throat into the grip. "Grip harder Hyūga and we'll see what this makes _you_."

_No._

Neji's arm started to tremble with the strain of holding back – a barely noticeable tremor. But beneath the surface, he could feel it; that dormant rage stirring up closed off parts of himself…

_No._

He'd let it loose before, years ago…three years ago…only then, the eyes looking back at him hadn't been dark…they'd been pale…as pale as his own…

_Hyūga eyes…_

Hinata's gentle, wounded eyes…then there had been many eyes…stern, superior eyes…all pale, all white…

_All Hyūga…_

Neji's arm shook. But the judder went deeper, way down deep to his bones…shaking foundations he'd spent three years securing…spreading cracks of icy pain across his chest…

_No…_

"Neji…"

He barely heard Shikamaru's voice, like smoke on a horizon he couldn't see…because all he could see now were those countless eyes…

"Neji."

_...Those controlling, condescending eyes..._telling him to obey.

"Neji…look at me."

_...Those bitter, hopeless eyes..._telling him to live.

Then sharp, obsidian eyes…so close and dark they swallowed up the countless Hyūga pools of white.

_Shikamaru's eyes_…telling him to…

"Breathe."

The word struck his brain like a kunai.

_Breathe._

Neji snapped back to his senses with a jolt.

He drew a sharp, sudden breath, resurfacing from his haunted mind as if torn from a genjutsu. His pulse catapulted and awareness came back to him, causing his face to ripple with confusion as he struggled to steady his breathing.

"Neji…" Shikamaru's brow was a scant inch away from touching his, forcing their eyes to align in a steady gaze.

_He…moved…?_

Neji felt the idle press of Shikamaru's fingers at his nape, a thumb kneading lightly.

…_When the 'hell' did he move?_

He hadn't registered Shikamaru move at all. His own fingers were still wrapped lightly around the Nara's throat, his wrist bent to accommodate the proximity and position.

…_I'm…losing my mind…_

Neji stared at his fingers, but flicked his gaze back up when he felt Shikamaru swallow against the light grip before speaking.

"Word of advice, Hyūga? When you grab someone by the throat, _you're_ not the one who's supposed to stop breathing," Shikamaru said quietly, his deadpan tones softened by the gentle press of his fingers at Neji's nape. "Could be troublesome…"

Neji blinked then closed his eyes, blocking out the calm, hypnotic gaze of those dark orbs. He slowly drew his hand away from Shikamaru's throat, lowering it to settle on his thigh, fisting in the black apron of his robes.

_What the hell just happened?_

Fighting back the warning pain in his chest, he drew a short breath, then a slower one, sieving it through the knot in his throat.

For a long moment neither of them spoke.

Then Shikamaru's touch slipped to his shoulder, squeezing lightly. Neji tugged his shoulder back.

"Just say it…" Neji whispered bitterly.

"Say what?"

"Tch," Neji clenched his jaw. "Damn you…go ahead and make your fucking point…"

Shikamaru's breath stirred his bangs. "And tell you what?"

_That I'm losing it..._

"What this makes me…" Neji forced the words out as if it spitting up poison from low in his throat, as acidic as bile but as vital as blood.

He didn't expect Shikamaru's reply to make him feel like he was already bleeding.

"Human."

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **One step forward or two steps back for these two? Tune in next week and all that jazz! I know this chapter was shorter than the last few instalments, I apologise but it was "necessary" for this scene given its nature. ^_^ **REVIEWERS**, _**you gems! Once again, I tip my proverbial hat to each of you with a hulk-hug THANKS! **__I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Thoughts always welcome, always appreciated and happily devoured as writer fodder. Thank you!_

**Reviewers without Accounts: **Thank you guys! **Rakija **(^_^)**, Luna, ****mandapanda123, Homemade_idiot **(keep wiggling those eyebrows! lol!),** Lady Mortis **(I know you have an account, luv, but ffnet won't let me PM you a thank you, so here's my thanks! ^_^).


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Eighteen  
**

A low drawn-out hoot carried across the campsite. In the stillness, the pre-dawn mist wove low between the tents, coating a thin film of moisture to the canvas. A scops-owl, perched low in the trees, swivelled its head once. It was quiet for a moment, almost serene…before another forlorn whoop sounded.

Shikamaru's eyes fluttered open half-way.

Hovering between sleep and awareness, he gazed drowsily at the threadbare mesh of the blankets drawn up over his head. Cocooned in the shell of thin sheets, he felt his breath gently puff the fabric, causing him to duck his head away from the irritating sensation.

Three troublesome things registered as he blinked slowly, closing his eyes again. First, it was god damned freezing. Second, a weird inkling had pulled him from sleep. Third, he had no idea what said inkling was.

_Ugh…I don't care…I'm not moving…_

Sloughing out a slow, tired sigh, he hunched his shoulders against the chill, remaining burrowed in the meagre warmth of his own body heat while his mind chugged its way back up from fatigue to awareness. Other things began to register then, like the fact that when he slipped his eyes open again it was darker than he expected. Even with the blankets drawn up, the tent should have brightened a little since the time he'd managed to fall asleep.

_What time is it?_

The steady and uninterrupted loop of an owl's hooting slowly prompted him to move. He craned his neck back slowly, like a submerged diver coming up for air. His ponytail broke the surface of the blankets, forehead, nose and chin following suit.

Chilly air slapped him in the face.

_Crap._

He grimaced at the sensation, only to regret the new one that ached across his brow. Untangling his arm from the sheets, he slipped his fingers up to skim the pads along the hurting area. Hinata's salve must have worked its wonders, as he felt no trace of a scar from the gash. Relief eased his frown, but it had nothing to do with vanity. No scar meant no troublesome questions about how he got it.

_Good…_

Shikamaru closed his eyes, fully intent on burrowing back into his makeshift nest before the scuff of footsteps outside had him turning a little, glancing over his shoulder and squinting.

_Why the hell is it so dark?_

He heard the whisper-soft tones of Hinata and Sakura, straining to catch dialogue but only picking up their hushed intonations, muffled by the tent canvas.

…_Switching shifts?_

No wonder he was tired. He hadn't been sleeping too long if the girls were just heading out. Sighing, Shikamaru dug his elbow in and slowly twisted around to prop himself up, knotting the sheets around his body. He paused mid-tangle when something caught his attention.

He squinted a little more against the gloom…then widened his eyes.

_When the hell did he sneak back in…_?

Shikamaru could just about discern the figure across the other side of the small tent, settled as far away as he could place himself. The sleeping ninja lay on his side, his back facing Shikamaru.

The gap between their bodies was defined and telling…

…which is why Shikamaru's eyebrow quirked when he noted the long, thick mass of mocha hair meandering across the ground, the tied ends brushing his bedroll, closing the distance between them.

_This is way too metaphoric for me…_

Shikamaru's amusement softened into a faint smile as he followed the river of hair back up to Neji's head, then repeated the stroke of his gaze back down to the hair-tie securing the ends of the dark steam.

He'd expected Neji to be gone for longer, if not for the rest of the night.

Shikamaru tilted his head slowly, watching the other ninja in unblinking silence.

Then a grumble sounded outside, breaking his stare.

He flicked his eyes away from the sleeping Jōnin and scanned around for the direction of the voice. Judging by the semi-whine of complaint that it tapered into, he guessed it was Naruto.

_So he and Chōji just got back? Ugh. Why the hell am I awake?_

Shikamaru sighed, levering off his elbow to detangle the sheets from around his waist. The cold pricked his skin, seeping through the mesh in his clothes as he crawled his way to the entrance of the tent, unzipping the canvas as slowly and quietly as he could.

Neji didn't stir.

Listening out for any movement or lowered voices, Shikamaru tugged on his sandals, parted the tent flap with the back of his hand and slipped outside. A thin swirl of vapours shifted around him as he stood, pressing lightly at his forehead.

_Hmn. Temperature sure took a nose-dive…_

He scanned the clearing, turning at the loud, rattling snore that came from one of the tents. At least someone was as deep in sleep as Shikamaru wanted to be. Pushing out a wafting sigh, he took an idle stroll through the fog. The navy gloom hanging around the clearing indicated that dawn was still about a couple of hours or so away; which brought back the frustrating question of why the hell he was awake in the first place.

_Dammit…_

A soft rumble sounded.

He caught movement out the corner of his eye, pausing by one of the tents as a large white muzzle nudged its way past the canvas flap. The soft, sleepy growl of the dog caused Shikamaru's lips to curve.

"You too, huh?"

Akamaru sniffed, nuzzling his head further out, followed by a large paw, which he propped his muzzle atop, observing Shikamaru through sleepy eyes. The shadow-nin hummed, slipping his hands into his pockets as he turned to continue his stroll. A rustle sounded behind him, but he didn't look back. A wet nose prodded at the mesh cloth of his forearm, drawing his gaze down to the large canine.

Akamaru cocked his head up.

Shikamaru arched a brow. "If you bite me, I'm gonna flip."

He couldn't have flipped if he tried. He was way too tired. But Akamaru appeared content to sniff around him, lazily flanking the shadow-nin and following at a heel.

_Weird._

Shikamaru glanced down at the white mutt again. "Troublesome."

Akamaru snorted, shaking out his fur and upturning an ear in a flop. Not bothering to question what the dog wanted, Shikamaru continued to stroll around the periphery of the campsite. Akamaru remained beside him, occasionally sniffing at the air as mists stirred in lazy pools around them; like grounded clouds. Shikamaru let his mind churn as he watched the vapours, walking off the drowsiness in his limbs.

_Better get a strategy together…_

A low-pitched whine drew his focus down, then over his shoulder. Akamaru had stopped a few paces back, white head cocked and floppy ears arched attentively. Shikamaru raised a brow in query, his dark eyes taking in the alert posture of the canine. Then Akamaru grew completely still and the soft swish of his large, white tail stopped altogether. Shikamaru frowned before he followed the dog's gaze across to the tree line.

_Shit…_

The shadow-nin kept his hands in his pockets, slowly turning on his heel. He let his gaze shift between the dog and the trees, strolling over at a leisurely drift toward the vigilant animal. Despite his easy pace, his mind raced, already calculating. If a threat was within range, it had somehow bypassed Sakura and Hinata.

_Not good._

To infiltrate the camp and avoid the Byakugan's detection suggested a dangerously high level of stealth. It was doubtful anyone had chanced a direct attack on the girls, not with six other ninja in range.

_Unless they've incapacitated Hinata and Sakura somehow…_

That being the case, it was safe to assume that anyone cunning enough to get this close was an enemy who'd known what they were taking on beforehand.

_And will know how to act accordingly…dammit…_

Shikamaru crouched down beside Akamaru, pretending to reassure the dog with a pat while playing into the guise of appearing distracted. Just as he formulated a tactic, the white-furred canine surprised him by relaxing its stance and swishing its tail again.

Shikamaru frowned.

_False alarm?_

Akamaru turned his head sharply, but yipped softly. Shikamaru froze as he detected the movement out the corner of his eye, but relaxed when the figure came into view, making no attempt to disguise itself.

"Bondin' with my buddy there, Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru glanced over his shoulder at Kiba. "I don't speak dog."

Kiba snorted, yawning loudly. "Hell, you're up real early."

"So are you."

Kiba cocked his head toward Akamaru by way of explanation.

Shikamaru turned back to the dog, only to get a curious poke in the forehead as Akamaru's wet nose sniffed him. He barely had time to jerk back before the mutt slapped a rough drag of its tongue across his brow.

"Dammit!" Shikamaru shoved to his feet, dragging a forearm across his brow to wipe away the saliva. "Ugh…just bite me next time…"

Suddenly, the sloppy lick didn't disturb him as much as the fact that Kiba wasn't laughing at his expense. Shikamaru continued to rub the back of his wrist across his brow, slanting a glance at the Inuzuka as Akamaru sidled up to his master, a string of low whines and growls telegraphing a signal Shikamaru couldn't hope to read.

Whatever the dog 'said', it etched a frown into Kiba's face.

"Do I taste _that_ bad…?" Shikamaru asked dryly, deceptively bored.

Kiba arched a brow, a look of aggressive scrutiny narrowing his animal-slit eyes. "You smell like Hinata."

_What?_

Shikamaru's eyebrows rose to his hairline, a burst of inappropriate amusement bubbling up before he pushed it back down, clearing his throat. He blinked slowly as if pretending he'd misheard.

"What?"

Kiba's stare turned a little feral and he shook his head as he stalked over. Shikamaru held his ground, outwardly unfazed by the other ninja's expression. The Inuzuka stabbed a finger at his forehead.

"You smell like Hinata's salve. Why?"

"Maybe 'cause I used it?"

"She doesn't just hand that stuff out to _anyone_."

Shikamaru tried not to snort.

_Alpha male protective mode…give me a damn break…_

Not liking the accusation in Kiba's voice, but having clocked the Inuzuka's protectiveness of Hinata earlier, Shikamaru found himself prepared. He fell back on the quickest way to diffuse the situation, retaining a calm, bored expression without giving away his thoughts.

"Neji," Shikamaru said.

Kiba blinked. "Eh?"

"Neji lent me the salve." Shikamaru shrugged, dropping a proverbial hook with his next words. "He said it would help with my headache."

When Kiba snorted, Shikamaru knew he'd taken the bait.

"You don't use salve for headaches," Kiba growled.

"Who the hell told you that?" Shikamaru arched a brow, using his greatest weapon, his intelligence, to combat the troublesome confrontation. "The ointment is similar to the one she gave Naruto at the Chūnin exams."

Kiba's nose wrinkled like an animal preparing to snarl. "What's your point?"

Shikamaru heaved a sigh while simultaneously drawing on the stash of medicinal information filled away in his mind. He could almost hear his mother's voice droning in his ear as he repeated the words by rote.

"That type of salve uses botanical extracts and menthol crystals to relieve pain, especially inflammation." Shikamaru watched the expression on Kiba's face loosen from its angry pinch. "So the stuff doesn't go wrong with headaches either, when you use it on the temples and forehead. The menthol is cooling and kind of relaxing…when it's not being licked off by dogs."

Sensing the subtle reprimand, Akamaru ducked his head, peering up and swishing his tail slowly in a display that could only be described as sheepish. Shikamaru played it in his favour and shot the canine a half-hearted glare while Kiba scratched at his head, looking equally shamefaced.

"Ah…right," the Inuzuka mumbled, looking anywhere but at Shikamaru.

Mission accomplished, Shikamaru smirked. "You should use it…might cool you down before you go for someone's throat."

"Heh," Kiba grinned slightly, embarrassed. "Sorry about that."

Shikamaru shrugged, slotting his hands back into his pockets. "Forget about it."

Obviously eager to change the topic, Kiba pitched a question that almost had Shikamaru cringing at a reminder he really didn't want or need.

"So you and Neji get that plan all worked out?"

"Yeah," Shikamaru glanced toward the tree line.

"Cool, so what the hell are you doin' up at like three in the morning?"

_I have no idea…_

He didn't have time to think of a lie.

Akamaru issued a low growl, drawing attention to the tree line his golden eyes had been previously fixed on. Kiba reacted by sniffing the cool air, turning his head just as Akamaru's muzzle twitched and the dog took off in a light bound towards the misted woods.

Kiba frowned, breaking into a jog. "Akamaru!"

"Problem?" Shikamaru called, falling into Kiba's footsteps at a slower pace as the Inuzuka trotted after the canine.

"Not sure, he doesn't seem anxious, just curious!" Kiba called back, hopping over gnarled tree roots before planting his feet abruptly.

Shikamaru stepped up beside him, his dark eyes swinging down to follow Kiba's gaze. Of all the things that could have roused suspicion, he didn't expect to find Akamaru nuzzling a small log of wood.

_I swear…why am I not sleeping right now…_

Shikamaru shook his head. He couldn't help but wonder whether this was some troublesome prelude to a game of 'fetch'. But a low, raspy whine from the mutt prompted him to take a step closer. The darkness didn't aid his attempt to discern what the problem was, but a closer peek at the log had the Nara's eyes widening.

It wasn't a chunk of wood that the dog was pawing at.

"The hell…?" Shikamaru frowned. "Is that an _owl_?"

Kiba cocked his head and crouched down to scratch at Akamaru's scruff, reaching out with his free hand to roll the bird over. "Yeah…It's dead."

Shikamaru immediately cast his gaze skyward, scouring the soupy gloom of the canopies, obscured by darkness, a mesh of leaves and crossing boughs.

"Impact killed it?" Shikamaru asked, dropping his gaze back down as Kiba examined the owl.

"Nah. No sign of anything broken or damaged from a fall…" Kiba let the bird's wing drop back down. "It died on the ground."

Shikamaru hummed, sparing another cursory glance to the boughs above. He heard Kiba straighten up beside him.

"No wounds. So musta been sick or something …" Kiba shrugged, gently toeing the bird's wing back into place. "I mean, birds don't just stop breathing and drop out the air."

Shikamaru blanched.

_Shit..._

He stiffened as if ice had slipped down his spine. "What time is it?"

"Huh?"

"You said it was around three?" Shikamaru turned on his heel, his face a picture of lazy calm, completely devoid of the urgency that began to quicken his steps.

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

He forced himself not to bolt, stepping swiftly over tree roots and almost snagging his ankle in the process. He didn't slow down, if anything, he moved faster. Kiba hopped into pace beside him, nodding.

"Well yeah, roughly give or take…what's wrong?"

"I need to sleep before we're up again," Shikamaru lied, not bothering to see whether he had Kiba convinced.

He hadn't known what had pulled him from sleep before.

But he knew now.

It was 4:00 AM.

* * *

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

Shikamaru slowed his pace, aiming to diverge from Kiba's path without appearing obvious. He pretended to stretch out a crick in his neck as he waited for Kiba to near the tent he was sharing with Lee.

"Catch ya later," Kiba grinned, tugging the tent flap back.

Trying to appear relaxed, Shikamaru offered a half-assed wave to the other Chūnin, waiting until Akamaru followed the Inuzuka. The moment the white tail vanished and the canvas flap rustled shut, Shikamaru turned sharply and ducked into the tent he was sharing with Neji.

He didn't need time to adjust to the dimmer light. Neji's wheezing breaths drew his gaze straight to the Hyūga. In the darkness he could just about make out the other ninja's form. Neji had pulled himself up to sit, doubled over slightly. Shikamaru frowned, raising his voice enough to carry over the increasingly agitated breaths.

"Neji," he said softly.

No reply.

Shikamaru searched the obscured form in the darkness. As his eyes adjusted, they softened from their squint the moment he took in the faint tremble along the Hyūga's rigid frame. Neji's fingers were gnarled into any anchor available; one hand gripped the sheets, twisting them like a white chain around his wrist while the other hand fisted the pale fold of his robe.

Shikamaru couldn't make out his face, curtained behind the fall of his hair, but the Nara could guess his expression...wrought with pain.

_Dammit, Neji…_

While Neji hadn't catapulted into panic, a wet, bloody rattle hacked up his breathing.

_This is only going to get worse…_

Shikamaru stood stiffly, shuttered eyes settled on the Hyūga, his own fingers curled into loose fists in his pockets as he shook his head once, fighting back the urge to move. This was always volatile territory. But each strained second tore a little more of his reluctance away, leaving a pit in his stomach that grew colder with concern after every hoarse rasp and shudder from the Jōnin.

Shikamaru drew a breath.

Then he moved.

He closed the distance in three quiet steps and crouched down beside the other ninja, his motions slow and as unobtrusive as he could manage given the situation. Neji didn't appear to register his presence, or if he had, the Hyūga chose to ignore him. Shikamaru assumed it to be the latter.

He pursed his lips, considering the wisdom in playing it safe.

_Hn…Why start now?_

So he acted, damn the consequences.

Draping one arm across his thigh, the shadow-nin reached out with his free hand, letting it hover in the briefest hesitation before he gently set it down upon a shaking shoulder.

Neji's fingers tightened in the sheets.

The rustle of fabric drew Shikamaru's gaze down before it swept back up along Neji's arm to where his hand rested on the Hyūga's shoulder. He squeezed lightly, brushing his thumb against a sharp collarbone. The bold touch caused Neji to straighten up; Shikamaru felt the tension tightening the muscle beneath his hand.

_Better take this slow._

He gently tapped his thumb against Neji's collarbone, mimicking a steady heartbeat. Neji remained tense, trying to still his breathing. But he didn't lash out. Shikamaru watched him closely, wondering if this tolerance communicated a tentative trust. Though less extreme than their last confrontation, it was just as precarious. The stability between them was as fragile as Neji's breath, likely to snap or cave under the slightest pressure.

Despite this, Shikamaru took a chance.

He slowly slipped his touch higher, sliding his fingers beneath the fall of the dark hair to gently knead Neji's nape. The Hyūga remained rigid, his body trembling with a combination of pain and tension, a dangerous mix likely to prove reactive.

_Come on, Hyūga…_

Shikamaru kept his focus honed on the Jōnin, searching for the slightest shift or response, despite the lazy half-mast of his gaze. He continued the easy press of his fingers, working them slowly and calmly along Neji's nape. He said nothing and offered only this light, soothing touch, which translated one word without a sound.

_Relax…_

Over and over he let the message play along his fingers, rubbing the Hyūga's nape, working against the tension that pressed back against his touch. He kept a small part of himself braced, ready for the jerk and snap of Neji's elbow, or the angry hiss and twist of the strained body.

Normally, that's how things would have played out.

So when Neji's ragged breaths pulled into a steadier rhythm, Shikamaru was fully prepared for a violent reaction. What he didn't expect was for Neji to bow his head slightly, releasing a slow, shaky breath as he relaxed a little. With the Hyūga's face still veiled behind the fall of his hair, it was impossible to gauge his expression, which might have helped indicate his mood.

After a painfully tense moment, he watched Neji raise a hand to his mouth, following the movements quietly.

The Hyūga stayed this way for a few seconds.

When he lowered his hand again, the back of his wrist was wet with blood.

Shikamaru's eyes pinched. "Neji…"

"How is…your head…?" Neji croaked out.

Shikamaru released a slow breath through his nose, trying not to push his luck.

"Functioning normally," Shikamaru said, shrugging. "That's what matters."

Neji turned his head a little, shifting the sharp shard of his bangs to expose a high ridge of cheekbone and the smooth slant of his jaw. Shikamaru caught a glimpse of pale iris observing him. He returned the gaze, stilling his fingers briefly before continuing the easy massage.

_Relax._

Neji's eyes fluttered shut, betraying his reaction to the touch before he seemed to catch himself, reaching his hand back under the fall of his hair to gently grasp Shikamaru's wrist, stopping the press of the shadow-nin's fingers.

"We need to…" Neji paused to ease his breathing. "We need to work on that strategy…"

"I know." Shikamaru relaxed his trapped hand, watching calmly.

Neji didn't release him.

For a moment they stayed this way; the Hyūga's fingers curled loosely around Shikamaru's wrist while the Nara's fingers rested lightly at the Jōnin's nape. Of all the things that _should_ have settled or sparked off between them in that moment, an easy silence wasn't one of them. So when they remained ensconced in this unexpected calm, Shikamaru briefly wondered whether his head _was_ functioning normally – or Neji's, for that matter.

_This is either good, or going to get seriously bad…_

Shikamaru kept quiet, not wanting to disrupt this safe ground they'd somehow strayed onto, devoid of the usual landmines they both rigged unconsciously when around each other.

It was steadier, calmer.

He wasn't sure how long they stayed that way, but it must have been a while, because he registered that his legs were tightening from holding his crouch. Despite this, he made no move to shift, not wanting to break the rare spell of calm.

Then it happened.

Neji's thumb brushed along the skin of his wrist, tracing a soft touch along the veins. It drew an instant tickle of warmth along Shikamaru's forearm, sparking off tiny bursts of static in his blood. His fingers curled instinctively, brushing Neji's nape.

He heard the Hyūga's breath fray slightly; so soft he almost missed it.

Almost.

Embers of heat stirred between them.

_Shit…and we're barely touching this time…_

As if sensing the fire they were playing with, Shikamaru straightened his fingers out just as Neji's grip squeezed lightly around his wrist, tugging his hand away. Their fingers grazed, then both of them leaned away from each other, Neji slanting one way as Shikamaru scooted back to sit in the crumpled nest of his own bedroll.

Silence stood thickly between them, cooling the air again.

Neither spoke as Shikamaru leaned back onto his palms and Neji combed his fingers back through the mocha strands framing his face. Thankfully, the easy quiet settled once more, like a thin veil of denial being pulled across the sparks that had almost flared.

_Dammit…_

Shikamaru closed his eyes, trying to chill the warmth still tingling along his arm. It was crazy, but undeniable. He could have convinced himself that he was a lot of things, but being ignorant to his own behaviour wasn't one of them.

His attraction to Neji was bypassing dangerous now.

Every time this heat gripped them the claws sank in a little deeper…ripped away a little more control. From just a brush against his wrist, he'd felt it flare up again, stronger this time. He knew, right then, that the last time they'd caved in to the unexplainable hunger, it had only been a _taste_ of something potentially consuming.

Shikamaru's eyes slipped open, settling on Neji again.

He knew – viscerally _knew _– that the heated night at his home was just a lick of desire compared to whatever the hell would sink its teeth into them if they ever touched like that again.

_Shit…that can't happen again…_

He snapped his eyes shut, rubbing at the closed lids as if to impress the vision of dancing spots rather than strobe-like flashes of _that night_…

He shook his head against the memories, trying to pull back his priority and objective from the murky depths it was slipping into.

_I made a deal, that's all that matters…this 'can't' get personal…_

Shikamaru dropped his hand sharply when he realised his name was being called. He shifted his gaze across to the moonstone eyes watching him and just about discerned Neji's expression in the gloom.

The Hyūga arched a brow, his lip quirking weakly. "When you're back from orbiting your planet, Shikamaru, we have a strategy to plan."

Shikamaru sensed the easy humour in Neji's normally serene but stoic tones and recognised what Neji was doing instantly; offering him a way out. He took it, immediately, using the opportunity to launch into a humorous but tactical repartee.

_Safer ground…_

He cocked his head and offered a lazy smirk. "It better involve a trade of players, Hyūga."

Neji's lips curved slowly. "Not likely, Nara."

"I'm serious. Naruto and Lee are gonna do some serious damage to the delicate state my head is in after your little…" Shikamaru jerked his head sharply to mimic a head-butt.

Neji passed a hand across his mouth to smooth out his smile, humming. "I suppose I could trade you Chōji for Lee."

"Sakura."

Neji shook his head. "I don't think so."

"She's better on backup offensive than recon, Neji."

"So is Lee."

"Yeah," Shikamaru snorted. "But Sakura's less likely to walk on her hands and drive me insane."

"That's weak, Nara." Neji was fighting a chuckle now.

Shikamaru shrugged, knowing that Neji wasn't about to compromise, though that didn't mean he wouldn't look for a way to sow the seed. Ultimately, he needed the pink-haired kunoichi. She was a necessity in his plan. Or at least she had been, before it had been turned on its head.

"Better to have a taijutsu fighter like Lee upfront and a medic-nin like Sakura stationed in backup."

Neji hummed. "A fair point under normal circumstances, but Sakura is more than an adequate fighter, with the benefit of ninjutsu. Not to mention Kiba and Chōji. I'm quite satisfied with the balance of teams."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, leaning back on his elbows. "_Balance_? Did I mention the handstand walking?"

"Just wait until he attempts to carry you, against your will, for 'training' purposes."

Shikamaru shook his head, smirking. "You're a troublesome bastard, Hyūga."

Neji arched a brow, amusement playing across his eyes. "So you keep saying."

Shikamaru pursed his lips, tipping his head back to stare at the roof of the tent as it began to lighten, corresponding to the lighter mood between them, despite the lack of compromise on Neji's part.

He knew there was no way in hell Neji would allow for a team switch now – the Hyūga had his pieces exactly where he wanted them and despite the disruption to Shikamaru's original plan, the shadow-nin had already begun to work with the new hand he'd been dealt.

_It's a drag…but it's the only damn option…_

Which meant that getting angry over the situation was a waste of precious energy, not to mention too troublesome when he was this tired. Besides, the banter playing out between him and Neji right now held a different purpose. A rare opportunity that Shikamaru wasn't willing to let slide, for a reason he didn't want to give his attention to.

He couldn't.

_It's not personal…_

Staring up at the tent, Shikamaru hummed. "You know, you could always use Naruto's shadow-clones for—"

"—You did _not_ just suggest Naruto for recon, Shikamaru."

"Gag him and you'll have no problem."

"Getting _one_ to be quiet is difficult enough, if not impossible…let alone clones."

Shikamaru dropped his gaze without lowering his head, glancing through his lashes at Neji with a wry smirk. "Is the formidable Hyūga scared of Konoha's knucklehead?"

"When said 'knucklehead' becomes plural, I have cause to be uneasy, not scared." Neji shook his head. "Besides, he never follows orders."

"Yeah, but he doesn't go down easy. I don't think anyone's more resilient."

Neji inclined his head. "I cannot deny his strength, which is all the more reason to keep him as backup."

"Sakura packs a punch. Backup could use her."

"No."

"You're a pain, Hyūga…" Shikamaru drawled, but his eyes flickered with laughter. "You know that Sakura snores?"

Neji smirked. "Even if I believed you, it would be all the more reason for me to keep her. We wouldn't want her to disturb your narcoleptic naps."

"And she hits like Ino…probably harder if Naruto's bruises are anything to go by."

Neji shook his head with an amused press of his lips.

Shikamaru arched a brow. "She's troublesome?"

"Sorry, Shikamaru, but I will give Sakura a chance to outshine Lee this time."

"Outshine? Not gonna happen. They're unevenly matched."

"Oh?" Neji blinked. "And why's that?"

Shikamaru's deadpan expression matched his voice.

"…She doesn't 'burn with the flame of eternal youth'."

It was worth uttering the ridiculous quote, just to hear Neji laugh.

* * *

Two hours later, the teams were set to part ways.

The fractured light of dawn slotted through the trees, illuminating the campsite in a misty beige. All traces of shinobi presence had been removed. As the teams finished mobilising, Shikamaru watched Naruto heft the ridiculously heavy backpack that Chōji had originally carried, muttering under his breath about pack-horses having it easier.

"Suck it up," Kiba teased, grinning.

"Why do we have'ta carry _your_ crap too?" Naruto scowled, shrugging against the weight of the added sleeping rolls and tent canvases with a growl.

"See it as an opportunity to train…" Shikamaru muttered, his sleepy eyes shifting over to Lee. "Right Lee?"

"Any challenge is an opportunity, Naruto!" Lee chimed, way too energetic given the hour. "It is invigorating!"

Shikamaru shook his head, watching as the bushy-browed ninja eagerly strapped twice the weight of equipment onto his back, adjusting the hip belt and offering a thumb's up. Naruto scowled, muttering incessantly as he shifted his weight between each foot, trying to compensate for the added cargo.

Hinata looked on with quiet concern, offering to carry what she could while trying to get Kiba to stop teasing the Uzumaki. Shikamaru yawned and shouldered his own pack, retaining his idle lean against a tree. He tracked his gaze across to Neji, watching him through shuttered eyes.

The Hyūga was crouched a short distance away, speaking with Chōji and Sakura, his head bowed and attention focused on the map spread out on the ground. Shikamaru watched the Jōnin trace a finger along the Byakugan-charted territory, circling at the point where he and Shikamaru had agreed the teams would touch base. They'd rendezvous after the recon team had assessed threat levels at a distance and scoured the periphery of the village for Tsubasa rebels.

Judging from Neji's mission with TenTen and Lee two months back, there was obvious division within the Tsubasa clan. Finding allies behind enemy lines was an advantage in this situation, where the relations between Hanegakure and Konoha had become so damned murky.

_And now, potentially hostile…_

Gauging the threat and gathering intelligence on allies; this was the entry phase. Next would come the objective and, if necessary, the need to either send in an envoy on behalf of the Hidden Leaf…or mount an offensive and eliminate the threat.

_Hopefully it won't come to that…_

"Man, hurry it up already! I'm gonna get cramp!" Naruto called over, earning himself a glare from Sakura.

Shikamaru shook his head. "Settle down."

It wasn't necessary; Neji was already rolling up the map, Chōji and Sakura both moving to retrieve their packs. Shikamaru made to shift away from the tree, but paused with a faint frown as he watched Neji straighten up with a wince. The Hyūga touched a hand to his chest, before slipping his fingers to the strap of his black-and-tan bag, making it appear as if he were adjusting the strap.

It was a subtle movement, but Shikamaru didn't miss it.

_Time's running out…_

Instantly, his mind played over his ulterior objective, Tsunade's words running a warning commentary above the churn of his own thoughts.

"_We have a deal. Make it happen, Nara…because time is going to force my hand. If you don't fix this, I have no choice but to bring in a Hyūga who can."_

Shikamaru released a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding.

He quickly resurrected his drowsy expression when Neji stepped towards him, handing over a radio transmitter.

"Tried and tested, so to speak," Neji said quietly. "We have a priority channel, should you need to contact me without interrupting the other feeds. I will give you a situation report as soon as we've completed the entry phase. Then we'll confirm our meeting point, just in case plans change."

"Got it," Shikamaru nodded, slipping the radio into a pocket of his flak jacket. "We'll be advancing at the rate we agreed. The added cargo should help keep Naruto from rushing ahead."

"As agreed," Neji said, lip curving faintly as he glanced across at the still grumbling Uzumaki.

Shikamaru didn't follow his gaze and instead dropped his eyes to Neji's chest. When he looked back up, Neji was watching him. They exchanged a quiet glance, a subtle tilt of the Nara's head prompting a slow blink from the other ninja.

A question posed and an answer given without a word.

_No, Neji, you're not fine…_

Shikamaru wanted to verbalise this reply, but he didn't. The Hyūga must have sensed his unease because Neji shook his head, looking away before glancing back.

_Time to go. _

Shikamaru held the pale gaze for beat longer then shifted away from the tree.

Their silent communication went unnoticed.

Even when the teams finally parted, no one but Hinata noticed the way that Neji glanced strangely at Shikamaru's forehead…

…Or the way that Shikamaru's brow furrowed a little as he watched Neji walk away.

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **And another chapter under the belt! Action on the way. Hope you guys enjoyed! **REVIEWERS**_**: **__Did I mention that you guys make my day? Because you do. I'll reiterate with a happy dance and insane grin. __**THANK YOU **__so much._ I'm continually chuffed and blown away by the positive response this story is getting. It makes it even more enjoyable to make the time to continue it, knowing that you're supporting it._** As always, feedback/thoughts = writer fodder. Thank you ^_^**_

**Reviewers without accounts: **Another big thanks to, **Rakija, Helena,** **Lady Mortis **(^_^ more than pizza? WHOA! ^_^!!!),  
**Homemade_idiot – **lol!! Aaw! Thank you for another smile-inducing review, luv!  
**Unchained Writer – **always a pleasure to hear from you, many thanks for your continued support! Hope this chapter was up to par! ^_~  
**D.Z.** – You have a lovely way with words yourself! Thank you so much for your review, D.Z…it did that warm fuzzy thing to my writer's heart! ^_^ Appreciated.  
**Pixie – **Thank you for taking the time to leave me your lovely review, Pixie! I hope the rest of the story continues to keep you under that spell, luv! I'm thrilled that you're enjoying it so much. _Thank you_! ^_^


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Nineteen**

[Dedicated to Dhampir Letalis]

A world without colour stretched out around Neji; an inverted blueprint that the Byakugan charted effortlessly, its telescopic range covering the team from all sides as they advanced. With saturation sucked away, Neji kept himself rooted in the clear-cut cocoon of his dōjutsu, constantly scanning.

_Ten hours. We should be infiltrating within the next thirty minutes._

Assessing time and distance, Neji kicked smoothly off a bough and flicked his eyes down to the running Chūnin. Kiba and Akamaru headed the group, with Chōji and Sakura in the centre of the formation. Neji brought up the end of the line from the trees. It was imperative to keep at least one ninja moving interchangeably at canopy level.

_The Tsubasa are a clan more dependent on the trees than any shinobi from the Hidden Leaf…_

Neji let the information slot into place, dividing his focus between scanning the area and reviewing the intelligence gathered from previous encounters and dealings with Hanegakure. The data had been sieved through the analytical and concise colander of Shikamaru's mind – breaking it into concise 'need-to-know' facts.

The Nara had kept the information laconically clear, like detailing a report.

_Hanegakure. The Land of Feathers. Home to the Tsubasa clan. Once allied to Konoha, but pulled out of the alliance during the Third Great Shinobi War. Relations between the two villages ended. Tsubasa rumoured to have suffered civil unrest; a rebel faction formed. As a result, they hired Konoha shinobi to retrieve stolen scrolls…_

_...and kill their Genin-level rebels…_

Neji's jaw tightened, his mind briefly veering from the stream of facts to the memory of that cruel fight in which he'd cut short the life of that young girl…

_Young mother…_

He shook his head, trying to redirect his focus back to the current of impartial information and away from the tide of dangerous thoughts that had no place in his mind, much less interfering with his judgement regarding the mission.

_Focus. _

_The Tsubasa hired Konoha shinobi to execute their rebels and retrieve those scrolls. These 'rebels' may now prove to be our allies. Furthermore, the Tsubasa are harvesting dōjutsu, or at least they were. _

Neji blinked, gauging direction as their course began to meander, the trail gaining some twists and turns below. He didn't need to stop to guide them; the group kept pace as Akamaru found the potholes in the undergrowth, navigating the team sure-footedly.

A screech exploded in front of him.

Neji blinked.

Out of nowhere, a bird swept past his field of vision, almost colliding with him.

He swayed aside easily, shifting his attention back to the plan of action.

_Current objective: entry phase. Identify Hanegakure's clan division, deduce both sides' intentions, gauge level of threat to Konoha and secure allies behind enemy lines._

Simple.

"Problem," Kiba's voice crackled through the radio transmitter.

Neji flicked his gaze down to the running Chūnin. "What is it?"

"Akamaru is picking up something weird."

Neji arched a brow, employing the telescopic sphere his Byakugan covered, scouring canopies and scanning undergrowth. "Explain."

"I can't. We're workin' on instinct here. He's agitated."

"Agitated?" Neji sprung from another bough, turning his head, his eyes constantly moving as he searched. "Give me clarity, Kiba. I'm afraid I need more than Akamaru's inkling."

"Gotta take it or leave it…it's not easy explaining animal instinct to a brainy human."

_Human…_

Shikamaru's voice trickled through the hairline cracks in his focus, as if playing through the radio transmitter.

"_We just act on instinct sometimes. But a different kind of instinct. One that doesn't come from using our heads__…'_

Neji frowned and reached up to touch a finger to his transmitter, opening up the channel feed. "Stop."

Instantly, the team slowed to a halt.

Neji drew a small surge of chakra to his feet, landing in a crouch on the next bough before dropping down to ground level. He straightened up as the others approached, turning toward Kiba.

"Agitated, you said?" Neji's pale eyes flicked to Akamaru.

Kiba crouched down next to the dog, slinging an arm over Akamaru's neck. "Yeah, something's not right."

Neji frowned, wanting a little more precision regarding the matter. Akamaru stood on his toes, sniffing the air, emitting a low rumbling whine as his head bobbed up, then down, as if uncertain where the source of his agitation was coming from.

_We had best take it very carefully from here._

Turning away from the group for a moment, Neji drew a breath and raised a hand. He formed the Snake seal by raising his right index, holding the hand sign to hone the focus of his dōjutsu. Then he began to search, scouring the cover of the trees and the density of the forest at ground level.

He detected nothing but birds and insects on the immediate periphery, though he had no doubt that if he stretched his sight further, he'd begin to pick up on enemy activity.

"From our current position, we appear to be clear," he said, dropping his hand.

"We'll keep advancing then?" Sakura said, hooking her thumbs under her backpack straps, adjusting them.

"Yes." Neji stepped back to the group. "We'll be breaching Hanegakure's borders within thirty minutes. It's safe to assume they'll have a patrolled perimeter, both at ground level and at canopy level."

"Right," Sakura and Chōji nodded.

Neji glanced at Kiba. The Inuzuka continued to watch Akamaru, his nose twitching to scent out what his canine could detect more keenly. Neji looked back to the other two Chūnin.

"Remember what we discussed. We are not here to engage with the enemy, but should we end up in an unavoidable confrontation, fall back to the formation we agreed." Neji paused for a moment, his mind playing over the last confrontation. "We cannot take chances with the Tsubasa, not when the level of their abilities is still indefinite. Be prepared for anything at this point."

Sakura exchanged a glance with Chōji, frowning. "Do you think we'll be looking at something similar to what you, Gai-sensei and Kurenai-sensei came up against?"

"It is likely…but Fukurō was not a source to be trusted."

"Sure 'bout that?" Kiba frowned, glancing up. "He was the guy in charge after all."

Neji shook his head.

"While he was the clan leader _then_, we have no idea who has taken his place _now_ or what their intentions are. We're not even certain that Fukurō's intentions _were_ representative of the village. The rebels clearly didn't agree with him."

Sakura nodded. "So basically, we better not assume anything."

"So basically, we don't know shit," Kiba translated, ruffling Akamaru's fur.

_Blunt, but true._

"Hence the need for this preliminary recon," Neji said. "At least we have some previous experience with this enemy."

"And we have Shikamaru's team for backup," Chōji added, smiling.

"Let's hope we don't need it."

Before Neji could set the group back on track, Akamaru's tail snapped rigid and his hackles raised, forcing Kiba to adjust the drape of his arm.

"Shit."

"What is it?" Neji frowned.

Kiba never got the chance to explain.

Akamaru twisted sharply, a snarling bark tearing from behind his bared fangs.

Before anyone could react, the large canine crouched and lunged…jaws snapping straight at Neji's feet.

* * *

_4AM…_

Shikamaru squeezed his eyes shut.

_Why is it always at 4AM…?_

There had to be a reason.

The clues were buried somewhere in his head, like scattered Shogi pieces that needed to be realigned.

_Think dammit._

"You got a headache?"

Naruto's voice drew Shikamaru out from the catacombs of his mind, where most of his focus was firmly ensconced, despite appearing as if he were dozing without a care. He sat, half-reclining, against a tree, one leg drawn up and the other draped over tree roots.

"Oi, genius," Naruto pressed.

Shikamaru glanced up from under the drape of his hand. "What?"

Naruto's sky-bright eyes narrowed into suspicious slits as he leaned forward, almost capsizing himself with the weight of the equipment strapped onto his back. He peered down at Shikamaru.

"You've been rubbing your head like that for like…ten minutes."

Shikamaru blinked slowly, lowering his hand from his brow as he adopted a safe non-expression. "Yeah, I'm just tired."

"You're_ always_ tired, lazy ass." Naruto leaned in closer, face scrunched up with scrutiny as he tried to decipher something from Shikamaru's bored expression. "You were all spaced out like this before we left."

"It's called _thinking_. Do you know what that is?"

Naruto grinned at the playful jibe, undeterred. Shikamaru sighed as the energetic teen only leaned closer, redoubling the efforts of his inspection.

"I still think you're sick or something." Naruto frowned, his amusement morphing into concern. "Kiba said you had a bad headache."

"No." Shikamaru arched a brow. "But I'm gonna get one in a minute."

"Seriously, Shikamaru, you okay?"

_Now 'Naruto' is getting perceptive? When did 'that' happen?_

Shikamaru sighed. He calmly raised his palm into the gap between their faces, stabbed a finger to Naruto's forehead and shoved hard enough to knock the other teen's balance.

The Uzumaki backpedalled in a stagger to keep from landing on his ass.

"Hey!" Naruto squawked, leaning backward and forward like a man teetering on the brink, trying to balance out the weight of the backpacks. "You trying to cripple me?"

"Would it shut you up?" Shikamaru rolled his eyes, propping his arm across his raised knee. "You can put some of that stuff down, Naruto. We're gonna be here for another half hour."

"Yeah, but it takes me about that long to strap all the crap back _on_ again."

"In that case, go lean on something."

"Jerk," Naruto snorted, but he was grinning again.

Shikamaru offered a smirk, folding an arm behind his head as he leaned back against the tree once more, tracking his gaze up to the late afternoon sky.

He couldn't see the clouds through the canopies.

_Too bad..._

They still had time before they'd need to make a move; keeping pace with Neji's team was important. Even the smallest slips could accumulate into half-hour lapses they couldn't afford in unfamiliar territory.

"Shikamaru-kun, are you still tired?" Lee chirped from above him, drawing Shikamaru's gaze directly up to the bough above his head.

Lee sat squatted upside-down, gripping the bough like a crouched frog, his eyes wide and unblinking. Shikamaru tried not to make a half-amused, half-disconcerted expression.

"Wouldn't mind catchin' a nap."

Lee frowned, digesting these words with obvious distaste – or concern – which was probably worse. "You are not feeling very energetic."

"I'm never feeling very energetic," Shikamaru pointed out.

"It is a matter of will, Shikamaru-kun!"

"I'm wilfully relaxed, thanks."

"The youthful spirit cannot burn when weighted by fatigue!"

_Here it comes._

Shikamaru pursed his lips, fully prepared to be on the receiving end of a 'youthful' lecture. Apparently unwilling to disappoint, Lee hopped down from his upside-down perch and landed in a crouch beside the lazing shadow-nin.

"You should train with me and Gai-sensei. It is invigorating and will cure you of your fatigue!"

"Will it involve being carried against my will?" Shikamaru muttered; Neji's smiling face immediately came to mind.

Lee cocked his head. "Do you mean strength training?"

"Yeah…sure…" Shikamaru closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the rough bark, trying to dislodge the Hyūga's face from his thoughts. "You, Tenten and Neji still train together?"

"Not as much as we used to, since Neji made Jōnin."

Shikamaru cracked an eye open, glancing across at the green-clad ninja as Lee tackled a round of push-ups, alternating between one hand and two.

"Yeah, he really went for the gold…" Shikamaru remarked quietly, idly counting the push ups.

"I'd expect no less from my rival!" Lee beamed, switching hands. "Neji is destined for greatness."

Shikamaru closed his eyes again, mulling over the various philosophical fractures in that statement. He wondered what Neji would think of it, given how volatile the issue of 'destiny' had once been for him.

"You don't think he'll stop at Jōnin?"

Lee shook his head. "It is not his final goal."

"Oh yeah?" Shikamaru asked before he could stop himself, lifting his lashes but appearing relaxed. "What's his final goal?"

Lee swivelled around into sit ups, not even breaking a sweat. "I do not know! But whatever it is, it is beyond Jōnin."

Shikamaru made no attempt to hide his nonplussed expression. "You really don't know?"

"I do not," Lee chuckled. "We can only guess when it comes to one like Neji."

_One like Neji…_

Shikamaru suddenly wondered just what kind of rival-stroke-icon spotlight Lee had shoved the Hyūga under. It would explain the speed at which Lee had forgiven Neji for laying him out flat those months ago. On the tail-end of that thought came one far more pressing. Why the Hyūga had done it in the first place.

_I'd written it off as cracking under emotional pressure…but that's not filling in my gaps here…there's gotta be a source…a reason…_

Shikamaru glanced sidelong at Lee, strongly considering his options.

_Might as well ask…not like this is gonna get clearer by itself...ugh...troublesome…_

He'd have to play this carefully.

"Jōnin is a first class rank, so how do you know he _has_ a final goal beyond that?"

"Because," Lee flashed a smile, "he once said that making Jōnin was _not _his final goal."

Shikamaru rested his head back again, trailing his gaze to the canopies. "Think he's aiming for ANBU?"

"I cannot say for sure, Shikamaru-kun. He does not divulge much."

"Keeps it close to his chest, huh?" Shikamaru asked around a yawn, slowly starting to nudge the conversation in a different direction. "But you still get to work as an old Team now and then, right?"

Lee nodded, hopping onto his feet to launch into a set of squats that would probably end up numbering in the hundreds. "Now and again, but Neji has taken up many solo missions lately."

Seeing an opening, Shikamaru went for it. "Why's that?"

Lee paused mid-squat, folding his hands behind his head before continuing. "I think he is trying to get stronger. I cannot say. Nothing Neji does is without cause."

_Yeah, like setting you on your ass when you did nothing wrong…_

Shikamaru pursed his lips, flipping between options on the best way to approach this matter. He had so many sides to cover. The last thing he wanted to do was sow any seeds in Lee's mind that something was wrong. He'd also explained away Neji's behaviour that night as being part of an impromptu diversionary tactic.

'_Something' started all this…that night…something set him off…Lee and Naruto were talking about sappy crap…shit…think, dammit…_

Shikamaru closed his eyes, trying to cast his mind back to the rainy night when this troublesome mess had all started.

Flashback facts flipped to the forefront of his mind.

Tenten, Lee, Naruto, Neji and himself…Neji had been distracted…distant…more so than usual…maybe even a little irritable, but it had been hard to tell behind all those damn defences...They'd been tracking the Akatsuki imposter…in the crappy rain…and Naruto and Lee had been talking about…

_Kakashi and Gai…_

Shikamaru hadn't really been listening at the time; he'd been more pissed off about the rain and the effect the fading light would have on his jutsu. But despite this, he recalled that Naruto and Lee had gone a verbal round of defending and promoting their respective sensei's…some crap about which mighty rival could piss the furthest.

But then their loyally battled dispute had turned into something more sentimental.

_That's right…Naruto mentioned Iruka…_

Then they'd started talking about mentors…their childhoods…and inspiring pep-talks from guardians that had set them straight when they'd wanted to give up.

Then Neji had flipped.

_Ok. So he reacted…thought comes before emotion…emotion is always triggered by something…even subconscious…_

Shikamaru reached up to rub his brow, not realising that Hinata was quietly approaching, too lost on the weaving trails his thoughts were taking him down.

_Which means…though he reacted, it wasn't just to the sappy crap…Naruto's always talking like that…so it was the topic…mentors…guardians…this has 'got' to be linked to his clan…_

"Shikamaru-kun?"

Shikamaru jolted, his heart lunging into his throat when he became aware of someone beside him that wasn't Lee.

Hinata looked mortified at having startled him.

Naruto burst out laughing. "Sweet! Do it again!"

Shikamaru recovered with a lazy roll of his eyes, clearing his throat as he waited for his pulse to settle. "Well, you're sneakier than your cousin, Hinata."

Hinata shook her head. "I'm sorry, I…I didn't mean to sneak up on you."

Shikamaru waved it off, closing his eyes again.

_Shit. Hyūga's are giving me heart attacks left, right and centre…_

He heard Naruto snicker as the Uzumaki turned a circle to shift the weight of the packs he still refused to offload. "Shouldn't we get goin' soon?"

"Yeah, in a bit." Shikamaru felt Hinata hovering; he knew what that meant. So he slipped his eyes open and turned his head. "Lee, if you take as long as Naruto to get ready, you might want to start gathering the stuff. We're gonna head out."

"Roger!" Lee nimbly flipped to his feet, springing toward the heap of backpacks with an eagerness that suggested he was after hot cakes rather than a weight load of cargo.

Shikamaru shook his head, yet couldn't help but be amused.

Despite the somewhat grating aura of enthusiasm surrounding Lee and Naruto, their hearts were never in the wrong place, which made it difficult to find any real irritation in their presence other than finding ways to put their abundant energy to use, or avoid it.

_Right._

Shikamaru looked back to Hinata, arching a brow in query. "What's on your mind?"

Hinata glanced away, looking a little guilty. Shikamaru didn't like the feeling of unease that left him with.

_Shit._

Before he could ask again, Hinata touched her fingers to her temples. "I heard Kiba telling Naruto you had…a headache."

"What?" Shikamaru tried not to smile, but the amusement touched his voice. "You think I'm sick too?"

Hinata looked confused, shaking her head. "No, I…I just wanted to apologise…"

"For my headache?" Shikamaru smiled.

"For pushing things…when I asked about how I could help."

Shikamaru stopped smiling, offering a hum before responding. "Forget about it. I understand where you're coming from. You're concerned. It's okay."

As if absolved, Hinata's face brightened a little, her lavender eyes lifting. "Thank you…for everything you're doing."

Shikamaru glanced away. Hinata's gratitude caused that niggling discomfort to crawl around in his stomach, forcing him to physically shift position, sitting up a little straighter from his slouch.

"Look, like I said before…don't thank me yet…"

Hinata accepted this quietly, nodding and folding her hands in her lap, fidgeting with her fingers as she glanced over toward Naruto and Lee. The two of them raced each other back and forth in some spur-of-the-moment competition, mountainous backpacks swaying precariously.

Shikamaru followed her gaze, hesitating a moment. "You said you wanted to help…"

Hinata instantly snapped her focus back, her hands stilling. "Yes."

"Then tell me a little more about the situation between the Branch House and the Main House."

Hinata blinked. "What do you want to know?"

"Is it still as extreme?"

Hinata lowered her eyes, a moment of conflicted reflection that made Shikamaru wish he'd rephrased his question. But when she answered she lifted her head, sounding more thoughtful than upset.

"Relationships have um…well they've become better…"

Shikamaru shot her a sidelong glance. "Wanna elaborate?"

"When father began to train Neji-niisan three years ago…things got better. It's always a little difficult…with the elders…but father…he tries."

Shikamaru brushed his fingers along his jaw, rubbing idly as he tried to think of a way to phrase his next question without sounding accusatory. Deciding it was better to keep things straightforward he shrugged off his hesitation and simply asked.

"Would your father have done anything recently, well, at least two to three months back to make Neji want to avoid him?"

Hinata stared quietly for a moment before she shook her head. "I don't know."

Shikamaru blinked slowly, looking across at her. He read a concerned sadness in her eyes, which didn't make him feel any better about asking his next question.

"Is there a chance your father would use that curse seal on him?"

"W-what?" Hinata's eyes widened and a wild flurry of emotion chased across the pale orbs, so expressive and open.

So unlike Neji's.

"Is there?" Shikamaru asked again, softer this time.

Hinata's lips thinned, a small frown tugging at her brows as her usually meek posture tightened. But as Shikamaru watched the shift, it wasn't insulted anger that he glimpsed. Not that it was any easier to be faced with the conflicted look she set on him, torn between loyalties and divisions she shouldn't have been stuck in the middle of.

"I…I don't know…" she finally whispered, her voice dropping so low Shikamaru had to tilt toward her to hear it. "I wish I could…I wish I could say no…I want to say no."

"So there's a possibility?"

"Father wouldn't…he wouldn't want to hurt Neji."

"Yeah well, we don't always act on good conscience."

Hinata shook her head, her eyes lowering to her lap. "He wouldn't do that to Neji. There's…there's no _reason_…"

_That we know of…_

Shikamaru flicked his eyes to Naruto and Lee, trying to estimate how many questions he could squeeze into this limited time.

_Talk fast._

"Remember when you first told me Neji had been avoiding you and his clan?"

Hinata nodded. "Yes."

"You said your father had been worried. You also said that it was 'different' this time to him just keeping to himself."

Hinata hummed. "Neji was taking on more missions…solitary missions…and avoiding home."

"And he started doing this before he blocked those chakra points, right?"

"Yes."

Shikamaru frowned, slotting the pieces together. The night Neji had 'flipped' he'd had that panic attack in the woods.

_Only it wasn't just a panic attack…_

Shikamaru frowned. At the time, he'd checked Neji's breathing while he'd been unconscious. He hadn't seen any bruises on the Hyūga's chest at that point.

_Which means that the coughing up blood started later because the effects hadn't taken root yet…_

Sloughing out a sigh, Shikamaru pinched the bridge of his nose, dragging his thumb along his eyebrow. "So I'm working on the assumption that something happened around three months back that set him off course from your family…which later caused him to think it was real smart to block his tenketsu, right?"

"I…I don't know…it just doesn't make sense."

_No kidding…_

Shikamaru dropped his hand, too tired to be frustrated, but his voice carried a touch of exasperation. "Hinata, you _need_ to think back, it's important."

"I'm trying…" She shook her head, her voice a little strained, her distress becoming clearer as she searched for answers. "But he's always kept so…detached…I'm sorry…I should have tried harder to make things change."

"Hinata…"

Her breath began to flutter softly before she sniffed, her fingers curling into small fists on her lap. "I should have…always tried harder."

Alarm bells blared in Shikamaru's head, the kind that sent a signal to quickly calm her down before she drew attention to them.

"Hinata, first off, quit apologising," he dropped his voice to a softer, calmer timbre, offering a weak quirk of his lips when she met his gaze. "If it wasn't for you, things would be a whole lot worse right now. Okay?"

Hinata looked away, nodding with a soft hum. "Okay…"

"Alright…I'm sorry this is so close to home for you, but I need to know how the hell this all _began_ before we can _end_ it."

"But I…I don't _know_ why he avoided home…or why he blocked the tenketsu…" she cut off, swallowing a knot of emotion that was beginning to push moisture into her eyes. "Do you...do you really think that my father used that seal...that he…?"

Her eyes widened, dark lashes blinking furiously.

_Shit._

More alarm bells rang in Shikamaru's head, his dark eyes widening as he watched her face begin to crumple.

_Oh shit. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry._

"Hinata," Shikamaru twisted around to face her, trying to catch her gaze. "I know this is hard. I'm sorry to put you in this crappy position, but if you and the Hokage want me to pull down the walls in his system…I need to know what the hell is on the other side of them when they crash, okay?"

Hinata closed her eyes, pressing her lips tightly as she pulled back her frustrated tears, her voice barely a whisper. "How are you…going to do that…?"

"Find out?" Shikamaru tried to smile. "By asking troublesome questions I guess."

"No, I…I mean how are you…going to p-pull the walls down?"

_You don't want to know…_

He didn't even want to think about that.

Or what it had started to do to his gut every time he _did_ think about it.

_Shit._

"I told you…" Shikamaru shrugged and trailed his gaze way. "There are some things you can't know beforehand."

Hinata didn't press him this time. She'd obviously made peace with that understanding, or more accurately, that arrangement. Shikamaru hoped she wouldn't have to _understand_ it, just accept it. It was personal enough for her as it was.

_It's not personal for me…_

Which didn't explain that knife-like twinge in his gut. Something he'd have to learn to ignore…repeatedly ignore...

_Starting now…right now._

Shikamaru closed his eyes, pushing out a short, tight breath before opening his eyes again. He watched Naruto and Lee for a moment.

"One more question."

Hinata hummed, lifting her head. "Yes?"

"Does 4AM mean anything to you?"

He honestly didn't expect her to have an answer, which made it easier to offer a weak smile when she shot him a quizzical look. He shook it off with a lazy wave.

"Yeah, me neither."

"Shikamaru! We movin' out or what?" Naruto barked from across the short distance, ceasing his horsing-around long enough to jam his hands at his hips, tilting forward and puffing as if winded. "This is gonna kill my back!"

"I will take the extra weight, Naruto-kun!" Lee stumbled over, jerking a thumb toward the packs strapped to his own back. "I will show Gai sensei that I too can carry a comrade in need!"

"Better get goin' before Naruto takes him up on the offer," Shikamaru muttered to Hinata, reaching for his backpack.

The kunoichi hummed softly, rising to her feet as Shikamaru straightened up with a yawn, curving an arm back behind his head to grip his nape, digging his fingers in a little harder than necessary to distract from the twinge in his gut.

He could feel Hinata's eyes on him, placid but perceptive.

_Throwing family accusations around…this can't be easier for her either…_

Without looking at her, Shikamaru touched his free hand to the Hyūga's shoulder, squeezing gently, at odds with the grip he had on his own nape. It was a meagre attempt to reassure her, but it was all he could really do at this point.

_Which isn't a whole damn lot…_

He pretended to use the touch to steer her away from the tree back towards the other two shinobi. He dropped his hand as they approached, shaking his head as his attention shifted to Naruto's current antic.

_Troublesome._

Shikamaru resisted the urge to plant his face in his palm.

He arched a brow. "Naruto. Not happening."

"Eh?" Naruto froze half-way in his attempt to scale the equipment strapped onto Lee's back, half hanging off as the weight of his own backpack began to tug in gravity's favour, threatening to topple them both.

"Seriously, don't even think about it," Shikamaru warned, his eyes narrowing to an exasperated and unimpressed look.

Lee tried to grin through grit teeth, clearly struggling. "But I—"

"Even if you _could_ carry Naruto, we don't have time to mess about."

"Yeah, whatever," Naruto muttered, trying to slide back down without injuring himself or Lee. "Why don't _you _carry some of this crap?"

"I'm sick, remember?" Shikamaru smirked. "I have a headache."

Instant karma struck him a second later.

The teeth-gnashing shriek of his transmitter exploded in his ear, stabbing his temples.

"Shit!" Shikamaru jerked as if stung, cupping his hand to his ear with a hiss.

Naruto snickered. "You totally deserved that."

"Ugh, I hate these things…" Shikamaru scowled, fiddling with the volume, pausing when a voice crackled through.

"_Shi…maru…"_

Shikamaru's eyes widened at the strain in that voice. "Chōji?"

The backup team froze in unison. Their focus zeroed in on the transmitter. A tense silence ripped the amusement from Naruto's face. Lee stood poised as if ready to run and Hinata shifted anxiously by his side, looking from Shikamaru's locked expression to the transmitter.

"Chōji?" Shikamaru touched two fingers to his mic. "You hear me?"

Nothing.

"Crap," he growled, glancing at Hinata. "Hinata."

The kunoichi nodded and made a quick hand sign, activating her Byakugan, closing the distance between the teams with her vision.

"What's goin' on?" Naruto breathed out, his voice rough. "Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru held up a hand sharply, cutting Naruto off. His attention narrowed to the crackle of static from the mic.

"Chōji? Neji? Someone talk to me dammit."

Hinata's sharp gasp was the answer he didn't want.

_Shit._

Shikamaru glanced at her, already turning on his heel. "How bad?"

"I..." Hinata squinted, still focused on her scanning.

"Explain as we move," Shikamaru said. "Naruto, Lee, drop the cargo. We don't have time."

_Calm down. It's gonna be fine._

"It's an ambush."

"What?" Shikamaru turned in a pivot, slamming the weight of his disbelief into his next words. "How the hell did _that_ happen? That's not possible. Neji would have seen that a mile off."

Hinata shook her head. "He didn't."

_There's just no way he'd miss that…how…?_

Shikamaru allowed himself five seconds to digest the shock.

Then he acted.

"Dammit." He rolled on his heel to break into a run, directing Hinata to lead with a swing of his arm. "Take the lead, keep me updated! Naruto, get those clones ready!"

"Got it!" Naruto growled, nodding as he flanked the shadow-nin.

Shikamaru turned his head. "Lee, take the trees! Defence before offence until we gauge the scale of this fight. Naruto's clones will back you up if you need it. These bastards use the trees."

"Leave it to me!" Lee sprang up, kicking off boughs to scale higher.

Shikamaru dropped his focus back to the length of swinging hair as Hinata dashed just ahead of them, weaving and cutting through the forest like a breeze, quiet and swift, unlike the blond-haired hurricane moving at his side.

"Naruto, don't use Rasengan."

"What! Why?"

"Not until we know _who_ we're fighting!"

"But—"

"I mean it!" Shikamaru growled, cutting Naruto off with his look as much as his words. "We can't afford to screw up here. _Don't_ use it. Hinata, how many are we looking at?"

"Over twenty!" the kunoichi called over her shoulder.

_How the HELL did Neji miss that? _

"How the _hell_ did Neji miss that!" Naruto snapped, voicing Shikamaru's growing sense of unease. "He's supposed t' see this crap!"

Shikamaru didn't have an answer; he was already calculating when a voice exploded through the mic, scraping across his nerve-endings in a rasp, leaving him cold.

"_ROTATION!_"

Shikamaru blanched, reaching for his mic. "Neji! _Don't_!"

Naruto turned his head sharply, eyes flashing. "What the hell, Shikamaru! Do you want us to fight these guys or let 'em kick our asses!"

Shikamaru cursed, trying to form a plan, follow Hinata, ignore Naruto's glare and adjust the transmitter signal all at the same time.

_He can't use the Palm Rotation…not in this state…! _

A flurry of panic played beneath the calculating calm he forced his head into.

"Neji!" he called again. "Damn you! _Answer_ me, Hyūga!"

"_Below…_"

Relief punched a gush of air from Shikamaru's lungs at the fractured response.

"Neji!"

"_The…ground_… "

Shikamaru cursed at the sound of the cough the Jōnin hacked out, bursting along the transmission in a rattle.

"Neji?"

"_The…ground_…"

"Neji, what the hell are you saying!"

"_They're coming…ugh…from the ground…_"

Before Shikamaru could process the situation, Hinata jerked to a halt with a startled gasp and looked to the sky, surprise brightening her Byakugan eyes. "W-what?"

Shikamaru and Naruto skidded to a stop and followed her gaze up.

Their eyes flew wide.

Naruto cocked his head. "W-what the hell is _that_?"

Shikamaru fell back a step, his jaw locking in a growl.

_Shit…_

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **The pieces will start falling into place for anyone thinking "what the HELL is going on?" lol. Catch y'all next chapter. Oh and yes, more Shikamaru and Neji 'moments' on the way. ^_^

**REVIEWERS**_**: **_I swear, you guys are awesome. Thank you so, so much. I'm so grateful you all take the time. It says a lot and it means a lot! You've made this fanfic writer very happy! **Hope you guys/gals enjoyed. Love to hear your thoughts**_**. Appreciated always. Thank you ^_^**_

[chapter edited]


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Twenty  
**

[Dedicated to K. Nefertiti]

They'd come from below.

Deep below.

The first hand had punched up through the ground in a shower of grit and dust. But Akamaru's jaws had seized the meaty wrist before the twitching fingers could lock around Neji's ankle.

The Hyūga had sprung back, but the minute his feet had touched down, the surface of the earth had broken up like a shell, hatching hands that snapped for legs. Bodies had followed, springing up like animated corpses.

Only these enemies were very much alive.

_And fast._

They'd kept the Konoha shinobi constantly moving. But the speed of the combat didn't disturb Neji as much as Shikamaru's failure to respond to his last transmission.

"Nara! Did you hear me? They're coming from the—"

Neji turned, sensing a dual-attack.

It wasn't fast enough.

The Hyūga jabbed his fingers into the throat of one of two charging shinobi, his movements a blur as he found their openings, a procession of sharp stabs rendering both ninja immobile as their internal organs ruptured from the impact of the Gentle Fist.

"Neji!" Sakura called a warning he didn't need.

He could already see it.

Unfortunately, there was only one way to avoid it. His body moved on pure instinct, falling for a second time into its natural defensive jutsu.

"_Eight trigrams Palm Rotation!"_

Neji whirled into the protective spin, the dome of his jutsu deflecting a hail of quill-shaped kunai. Stabs of muscle-jerking pain lanced straight through his chest, making him wonder if he hadn't failed to repel the attack. But then he felt it again – the blood welling in his throat.

_No…_

Swallowing down the sickly clog of iron, he sprung back just as Chōji's multi-sized fist arced to his defence, denting the head of another attacker springing up from the gouges in the ground.

Neji reached for his transmitter, using the back of his other wrist to quickly swipe away the blood leaking from his lips, fighting the urge to heave.

"Shikamaru!" he choked out. "What's your position?"

No response, just the crackle of static.

_Damn it!_

Neji looped three kunai into the crook of his fingers, springing into a run towards Sakura as Chōji's massive fist uprooted a tree, using the trunk as a makeshift weapon to batter aside charging enemies, clearing a path for him.

Movement flared on the radar of his dōjutsu.

He turned as talon-shaped scythes came whirring through the air, some cutting flat like frisbees, others whirling end-over-end in cartwheel spins. All spatial levels covered, it made ducking or darting impossible.

_I can't…use the Palm Rotation again…_

Neji barely had time to process this realisation before he fell back on the only alternative; Hinata's jutsu.

"_Protective eight trigrams sixty-four palms_!"

He felt the gush of chakra stream twin jets to his palms, the jutsu he'd tried to hold in the glade back at the Nara residence firing into blade-like beams. He managed to move his arms just in time, knocking the talon-like scythes off course before he spun a round-house kick into one, sending it curving back towards the ninja who had launched the attack.

Assault avoided, Neji turned back towards Sakura, making a beeline straight to her.

The pink-haired kunoichi held her ground; her chakra-packed punches beating back the ring of enemies tightening around her. Neji lodged a kunai in the back of one ninja's neck, stabbing his fingers into the vital kidney point of another before bringing himself between Sakura and the swing of a blade aimed for her nape. Sparks flew as the enemy's weapon jarred against the opposing smack of Neji's crossed kunai. The reverberation from the hit juddered up the Hyūga's arms.

"Sakura!" Neji hissed, glancing over his shoulder. "You need to take out the ground! They must have catacombs. Collapse them, _now_!"

Sakura blinked at the command, falling back a step as she began to channel chakra into her fist. "Got it! Get the others off the ground!"

"Just try it!" the blade-wielder snarled, jumping back to get a double-handed grip on his sword.

He left himself wide open.

Neji planted his left foot, spinning to hook his right knee around the throat of the swordsman. He tugged viciously, flooring the man and dropping to a kneel to pin the ninja, shutting off chakra points with a rapid stab of his fingers.

The Hyūga then reached for his transmitter, his voice reaching Chōji and Kiba.

"Elevate your positions immediately! Get into the canopies!"

Neji heard Sakura suck in a deep breath as she pulled up the chakra with a building roar, preparing for the earth-punch that would tear up the ground.

"Get ready!" Sakura called, hopping back out of range.

"Okay! We're clear!" Kiba's voice crackled through.

Neji's Byakugan eyes scanned the fight zone, picking up on Chōji and Kiba lunging for the trees, Akamaru springing behind them.

_Time to move._

"B…Byaku…gan…Hyūga…"

Neji frowned, dropping his eyes to the stuttering enemy at his feet. The man snarled up at him, unable to move, but able to raise his voice enough to scream.

"H…HYŪGA!"

Neji felt the immediate shift in the air as the focus of the enemy onslaught wobbled and redirected. Ten pairs of enemy eyes swung toward him; but one man's stare was more venomous than the rest, his chakra flaring. Neji snapped his gaze across, locking onto the glare of a red-haired male hefting a familiar looking sword.

_Just like Fukurō's…_

Neji frowned, but didn't have time to fully turn toward this Tsubasa aggressor.

"Neji!" Sakura roared, charging. "_Move_!"

Neji broke the stare, just as the red-haired ninja smirked.

Sakura brushed past, forcing the Hyūga to kick off a tree and shoot skyward just as the kunoichi's fist careened into the already cracked ground, punching a shockwave of chakra deep into the belly of the surrounding earth.

It rocked a pulsing quake straight into the tunnels the Tsubasa had sprung from.

For a moment everything was still.

Then the excess shock of the impact struck.

Neji picked up on a violent flare of chakra below, seconds before the ground blew apart, exploding chunks of earth and clouds of soil in all directions.

He was high enough in the air to avoid the fountain of rock and grit…

…but not the massive sword that came spinning hilt-over-tip from the haze.

Neji closed his eyes and grit his teeth against the pain he knew would follow.

"_ROTATION!"_

* * *

_This is bad…_

Shikamaru didn't know what was more unnerving, the swelling vision of black, or the horrific noise growing in proportion to it. Birds...hundreds of them...the gathering flocks streamed in from every corner of the forest, pooling their flapping hordes into a massive floating group.

_This is really bad…_

The noise level reached a crescendo. The macabre screech and scream of a thousand birds; it made Chidori sound like a kid's jingle in comparison.

_It's got to be a Summoning Jutsu…_

Shikamaru backed up another few steps, his eyes glued to the sky as the massive, screeching swarm of birds blotted out the remaining light, casting premature darkness over the clearing.

_No light. No shadows._

"Dammit," he hissed, feeling Naruto bump against his arm.

"What the hell's goin' on here!?" Naruto shouted above the screeching.

"It's a Scattering Swarm Jutsu!" Shikamaru shouted back, frowning up at the beating throng of wings. "Hinata! Get a pin on the caster! There might be more than one given the size of this thing!"

"I'm searching!" she called back.

Shikamaru frowned.

_How the hell did they get past the Byakugan? There's no way they'd be out of Hinata's range…they need to be in relatively close proximity to pull this off…_

"Shikamaru!" A voice yelled from the canopies.

_Lee._

Shikamaru reached for the transmitter, opening up the feed to the whole team to prevent yelling himself hoarse. "Get down to ground level, Lee."

"Understood!"

"Uh, Shikamaru…now would be a good time for a game plan…" Naruto's voice crackled through.

"Working on it," Shikamaru backed up a pace. "Hinata?"

"I'm still looking…!"

"They're coming from everywhere!" Lee shouted, his voice ringing loudly through the mic as he dropped down beside the team and straightened up, frowning. "All different kinds too…"

"Man," Naruto adopted a semi-crouch, as if preparing to spring. "What the hell are they doin'?"

"Stalling," Shikamaru muttered, tracking the flock's disturbing hover. "This kind of Jutsu is normally used to mask approaching allies…but it can also be used offensively…"

_Hinata should have found the casters by now…dammit…we can't wait on her…_

As if on cue, the flock began to pulse, the synchronised beat of their wings generating enough force to whip up a breeze, the ominous rustle building.

"Uh…Shikamaru…"

Shikamaru shook his head. "Use Rasengan…"

"But you said—"

"Just do it. Hit the centre of the formation, I'll hit the left with exploding tags."

"That'll do it?"

"The ones we hit will puff away like clones. We need an opening." Shikamaru slipped his fingers into his ninja pack, tugging out three rigged kunai. "A big enough break and we'll have some leeway. I need light, fast, to use my Shadow Stitch. Lee, defend Hinata in case some wheel around, be prepared for enemies from the ground. Hinata, find those casters."

A shrill chorus of squawks caused the formation to shift, a wave of screeching black descending in a flurry.

_Shit!_

Shikamaru twirled the kunai in his grip. "Naruto! Now!"

"Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu!" Shadow clones burst into form, two jumping up to distract from the ones that held and created the glowing sphere flaring in Naruto's palm. "Here we go!"

Shikamaru slid a leg back, bracing himself as Naruto kicked off with a roar, cradling the swirling orb in the snare of his hand. Tracking the Uzumaki's ascent, Shikamaru drew his arm across, preparing to let the tagged kunai fly.

Hinata's gasp stopped him short.

"There's…nothing …"

Shikamaru froze. "_What_?"

"T-There aren't any casters…"

_WHAT!?_

"Then they're…" Shikamaru's eyes widened, then his gaze flew to Naruto. "Nar—!"

"—_RASENGAN!_"

The hit struck the swarm of birds like thunder, flashing lightning-like beneath the black cloud of wings as it erupted, exploding a canon-fire of chakra…

The crash lit up the forest…

Then it rained crimson.

A shattered storm of blood, bones and broken feathers.

"Shit!" Shikamaru threw up an arm to shield his eyes from the gore as it splattered down, drenching them in red rain, the nauseating scent of blood and scorched carcasses clogging in his throat.

_If it's not a Swarm Jutsu…!?_

Shikamaru heard Naruto crash down beside him, coughing and shuddering out a string of curses. He felt the sticky trickle of blood against his skin and the hammer of bone fragments clattering like hail around them.

_And it's not an illusion…then…what the hell!?_

"They're _real_, dammit!" Naruto snarled, stating the obvious as he rocked back onto the balls of his feet, trying to swat away the shower of feathers and blood. "Ugh...god…and I just…just blew them apart…"

"Keep it together, Naruto!" Shikamaru tried to wipe the blood from his face, only serving to swipe more across it. "They're going to tear _us_ apart if we don't counter. You'll have to hit them again."

Naruto turned wide, sickened eyes on him. "W-what!?"

Shikamaru squinted up through the red haze at the screeching flocks as they swell and reformed, closing ranks with a blood-chilling round of screams.

"Great, now they're _pissed_," Naruto growled, but his voice was a little shaky.

"Shikamaru?" Lee pressed, keeping close to Hinata as she slid into a defensive stance.

…_What the hell is controlling this…there's just no way…_

"Shikamaru-kun?"

Shikamaru brushed splinters of bone from his flak-jacket, trusting the mic to carry his voice above the screeching. "Naruto, hit them again. Only this time, keep pushing and hold it until you hit the top of their formation. Then let it go."

"Dammit," Naruto shook his head, snapping his hands into fists as his voice hissed through the static. "_Fine_."

Shikamaru turned to Hinata. "As soon as Naruto clears a path, the flock is going to try and regroup. I'll hit the left side with tagged kunai. Lee will hit the right. That should blow apart the horde and keep them open long enough to scale through. We'll need your eyes…it's gonna get pretty messy…we'll be moving blind."

Hinata nodded, her blood streaked hair whipping on the breeze beating around them from the flock's wings. Shikamaru offered a grim nod, glancing upwards, squinting once more against the occasional slap of feathers as they swirled around.

"Lee, get ready." Shikamaru pulled out another three kunai, the hilts lodged between his knuckles. Lee followed his lead.

"Make it count, Naruto." Shikamaru spared a glance at the fidgeting Uzumaki.

Naruto nodded, scratching at the blood on his clothes. "Yeah…I got it."

"We'll be right behind you." Shikamaru turned to map out a path along the trees, already plotting the route they'd take, marking it out for Hinata with a sweep of his arm.

She caught on immediately, nodding.

_Ugh...This gonna be ugly…_

"Get ready."

They'd have to time it just right. The team moved into position, Naruto taking a step back as he made to form the hand sign for his clones.

Then suddenly the birds went quiet.

Shikamaru blinked and held up a hand quickly. "Hold it."

The Konoha ninja stilled as one, their joint gazes flicking up to the eerie flock that hovered in chilling silence. The only sound was the united flap of their wings; a steady, rhythmic beat, like the sinister pound of a war drum.

Shikamaru felt his pulse mirroring the hypnotic throb...

An unsettling, unnatural sensation crawled under his skin…

Time slowed...almost seemed to shrink and swell around the steady beat of hundreds of wings...

An endless swarm of eyes stared down...feathers fluttering and falling...

The thick, bloody mist around them swirled, the breeze picking up, rocking the carcasses of the dead birds on the ground...

Shikamaru felt his skin prickle....

Then as quickly as they'd massed, the birds dispersed.

They broke away in a mass of squawking chaos. Feathers fell in multicoloured flurries as the birds took off, fleeing back into the tangle of the woods or the safety of the skies…a flutter and sweep of plumes whirling in their wake.

For a long moment the world tunnelled into an eerie stasis of drifting feathers. The distant screeching of the birds fading into a silence more disturbing than the noise that had preceded it…

Shikamaru stood motionless…simply watching the delicate drift and soft spiral of feathers as they fell; an eerie paradox to the blood and gore that had rained down moments ago.

…_W…what the hell?_

He felt the soft bush of a quill against his cheek and blinked from his dazed stare, swallowing hard and tugging in the locked breath he'd been holding.

He heard Naruto slump to the ground.

"W…what just happened?" the Uzumaki rasped, swatting a feather from his hair, kneeling in a scatter of plumes.

Shikamaru shook his head wordlessly, scanning the area.

It had brightened a little, now that the massive flock had vanished. Shikamaru half wished it hadn't…the added light bore witness to a grim scene. He let his gaze travel over the dripping foliage. Blood trickled along leaves and branches, dribbling down to the ground, littered with bird corpses, bones and stained feathers.

_What the hell was that? It's as if they…_

"Shikamaru-kun?"

Hinata's tentative voice drew his gaze away from the mess. He cleared his throat, brushing blood soaked feathers off his clothes. "Everyone okay?"

Lee nodded, removing the tags from the kunai he hadn't used, using the flat of one of the blades to scrape off clots of blood from his uniform. "I think so. No one harmed."

Naruto snorted, pushing back up to his feet. "Yeah right, are you kiddin' me? What the heck just happened? That crap was even more messed up than a frickin' genjutsu."

Shikamaru frowned.

_Mass command like this...needs a caster…_

The shadow-nin crouched down, picking up one of the ruined feathers, his thumb running along the broken rachis. He ignored Naruto's shaken grumbling, focusing his attention on the feather in his palm.

_There's no way someone could pull this off underground…not at the speed at which the birds accumulated..._

He glanced up toward the trees, then back down again, vaguely aware that Naruto was still talking.

"—didn't say anything about blowing up birds!"

"It is as you say, Naruto," Lee said as he stepped over. "But Neji did warn us to be prepared for anything."

_Neji…_

Shikamaru blinked, jerking his head up. He dropped the broken feather and immediately reached for his mic, his voice pushing out hoarsely.

"Neji?"

The spit and crackle of a dead transmission was the only response. Shikamaru worked his jaw, trying to loosen the tension as he straightened up, casting Hinata a glance. She read the request instantly and activated her dōjutsu.

Shikamaru tried to lock back into his rational mode, ignoring the cold twist in his core. If Neji's team had been attacked from the ground and the backup unit from the air, then both groups had been targeted in carefully coordinated assaults; not only mixing up attack methods, but covering the invaders from above and below as opposed to flanking them.

_Thorough…way too thorough not to have been premeditated…but how did they know?_

Shikamaru shook his head, frowning. They'd had two Byakugan users charting activity; add to that Kiba and Akamaru. He scanned the trees again, his eyes tracing over the rough twist and turn of boughs and branches.

_Neji said they came from below…yet Hanegakure shinobi have an affinity for trees…their strength is above ground…but to use an underground network…and one that allowed them to chart movement from above…_

A buzz at his ear caused him to jerk his shoulder, swatting at the distracting sound before he realised it was the drone of his radio as it crackled to life.

"_Shikamaru_…"

Shikamaru reached up to adjust the channel feed. "Sakura?"

Naruto and Lee bounded over immediately. Shikamaru raised a palm to ward them off, still fiddling with the mic to get a better signal.

"Sakura?"

"_Yes…ar… okay? Ar...hurt?"_

"You're breaking up a bit. Yeah, we're okay. Are _you _guys?"

"……"

The hesitation caused his fingers to twitch against the transmitter.

_Shit…don't tell me…_

Shikamaru blinked slowly, fighting to keep his voice as steady as his face when he repeated his question. "Sakura…Are you guys okay?"

"…_Yeah._"

He didn't like her hesitation, but a quick glance at Naruto and Lee made him reconsider calling her up on it. He offered a more open question instead of the one poised at the tip of his tongue.

"Good. So no one's injured?" he asked, turning his head as Hinata walked over, her nod telling him she'd located the others. "Sakura? You hear me? Is anyone hurt?"

Sakura hesitated again. "_…Shikama—"_

Another voice cut across her. "_Everyone is fine, Nara._"

Shikamaru's eyes fluttered shut in the barest flicker of relief before he scoffed and adopted his usual drawl. "Nice of you to respond, Hyūga."

"_If you have time to be facetious, I assume you aren't in immediate danger."_

Shikamaru smiled slightly at the Jōnin's tone, glancing over his blood-spattered teammates, too relieved to get sarcastic. "Not immediate. Don't wanna hang around. They hit us with an aerial attack."

"…_Aerial?_"

"Yeah. Caught us from both ends. Don't know how the hell they managed that…"

"With a big ass flock of birds, that's how," Naruto piped up, fiddling with his own transmitter to tune into the channel.

"…_Birds?_" Neji said.

"The whole 'Land of Feathers' just got literal and crap," Naruto grumbled. "Frickin' bloodbath."

Neji went quiet for a moment. "_Shikamaru?"_

"Yeah, don't worry," Shikamaru glanced around with a frown. "I'll fill you in."

"_Yes. I think it best that we converge. We're…at a disadvantage divided. I'm sure Hinata has already located us. We'll stay put."_

Shikamaru let his gaze sweep across the clearing, feeling the eerie prickle at the back of his neck again. He gestured for Hinata to take the lead, falling into step behind Naruto and Lee as they began to move out, stepping over dead birds.

"Alright, we're on our way."

Neji hummed. "_Understood._"

Despite the cue for their exchange to end, Shikamaru spoke again, taking a chance to try and read anything off Neji's voice.

"We'll need to move fast once we—"

"_I've already selected a place to fall back on._"

"Already three steps ahead there, Hyūga?"

"…_Still one hundred and ninety seven behind you, Nara_."

"I'm flattered."

Neji scoffed softly, amused. "_Don't let it go to your head."_

"Not a chance," Shikamaru scrubbed a hand across his face. "I'm still recovering from the last parting gift you gave my head."

"…_Headband, Nara_."

Shikamaru smiled. "Cheap shot, Hyūga."

"Are you guys speakin' in code or something?" Naruto cut in, glancing over his shoulder at Shikamaru with a puzzled frown.

Shikamaru waved Naruto off with a lazy sway of his hand. "We'll be there soon, Neji. Oh yeah, we're short on tents."

"_That is the least of our problems._"

"You say that _now_," Shikamaru smirked, already watching Naruto pick up pace. "Make sure Chōji holds onto the cargo you guys have got."

"_I'll keep that in mind._"

"Hey! Is Sakura alright?" Naruto piped up again.

"_She's fine._"

"Are you?" Shikamaru added.

"_Of_ _course."_

Shikamaru hesitated, but let it slide. "Are you near a water source?"

"_One moment." _A brief paused lapsed. "_Yes."_

"Good," Shikamaru stepped over a gnarled web of tree roots, following the others down a steep incline. "We're going to need to clean up a bi—"

"—_You're hurt?_"

Shikamaru arched a brow. "No. Just messy."

"_What do you mean?_"

"I won't ruin the surprise for you, Hyūga," Shikamaru kept his tone light, his mood lifting further when they cleared the snare of the tangled incline and levelled out onto even ground again.

"_I think we've both had enough surprises for one day._"

Shikamaru snorted. That was a damned understatement.

A soft bark up ahead alerted them to a swiftly approaching Akamaru. The dog bounded over, going straight for Hinata, immediately scenting out the blood spattered across her clothes; after assuring that she was uninjured, the canine repeated the process with the rest of them, cocking his head up at Shikamaru.

The Nara arched a brow. "You really don't wanna bite or lick me right now…"

Akamaru cocked his head the other way, wagging his tail.

"Yeah he might catch something!" Kiba shouted across the short distance, waving an arm as he approached, looking to Hinata. "You okay?"

She kunoichi nodded, darting glances at Naruto, obviously concerned for the Uzumaki, who was scratching at the blood crusted on his clothes as if he had fleas. Kiba followed her gaze, glancing over everyone, shaking his head.

"Whoa, you guys look like hell warmed up." The Inuzuka frowned. "All that blood from _birds_, huh?"

"Yeah, probably the whole damn forest worth of birds." Naruto scowled. "What did you guys get? _Worms_?"

Kiba snorted. "Might as well have been, the bastards just popped up outta the ground, just as slimy and dirty to fight."

"Man, you're telling _me_ about a dirty fight?" Naruto gestured to his clothes.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes as the two of them launched into who had it worse off. He shifted around the talking teens in a lazy sway, making his way across the leafy clearing with Lee and Hinata. A rustle drew his attention as Sakura met him halfway, her steps quick and driven.

A woman on a mission.

_Either good or bad…_

Shikamaru offered an uneasy smile, not sure how to read the look in her eyes. She kept glancing over her shoulder. Sensing that she was heading directly to him, the shadow-nin paused, waiting for Hinata and Lee to move on ahead as he turned towards the pink-haired kunoichi.

"Sakura."

"Shikamaru, please tell me that's all enemy blood," Sakura said, drawing up short with a grimace.

Shikamaru followed her gaze over his gory appearance.

"And brains…maybe some guts too…" Shikamaru deadpanned, his eyes falling to a shutter before he quirked a lip. "You can quit staring."

"Sorry, it's just…" she shook her head with a sympathetic smile. "You're all okay. That's what matters."

Shikamaru nodded, searching her face. "What's wrong?"

Sakura drew a breath and averted her gaze for a moment, pressing her lips before she glanced back at him, as if struggling with the burden of some reservation he was certain Neji had shoved on her.

_Troublesome…_

Just knowing this caused his unease to double its weight in his chest. Even so, Shikamaru watched her patiently, tilting his head after a moment and arching his brows, waiting for her to speak first.

Sakura closed her eyes, but when they opened again, they were bright with an urgency that caused him to stiffen.

"I really need to talk to yo—" she cut off when Shikamaru's gaze strayed over her shoulder.

"I'm fine, Sakura," Shikamaru covered for her, tipping his head away. "You should check up on Naruto though. He got hit with most of this crap."

Sakura didn't need to turn around to sense the presence behind her.

She offered Shikamaru a grateful smile, mouthing "thank you" silently. He shrugged, sliding his hands into his pockets as he cocked a hip in a nonchalant manner, though the brief look he gave her indicated he'd understood what she hadn't had time to explain.

"I'll catch you later," he said, the underlying meaning in his words reassuring her.

She smiled, nodding. "Yeah."

Shikamaru watched her move across toward Naruto and Kiba, waiting a moment before he let his gaze stray back and across towards the pale-eyed ninja observing him.

Neji's eyes traced over him in a slow, calculating track…trailing up from his feet, following every crease in his clothing and flak-jacket…taking in the matt of blood, feathers, grit and gore…scanning higher until the opal-like irises settled on his face.

The shadow-nin blinked.

The Hyūga arched a brow.

Shrugging, Shikamaru offered a faint lop-sided smile. "Surprise."

* * *

**TBC. **

**A/N: **Forgive any typos...I blame the ungodly hour! But I just _had_ to get this chapter up quick – mostly to show my immense _appreciation_ for the awesome response the last chapter got. **REVIEWERS**_**: **_**You guys have made my week. ^_^ Thank you to EACH ONE of you!** I can't explain how heart-warming it is to get your responses and your support for this fic. I'd hesitated for ages about posting up fanfic and to get this type of wonderful reception from you kind people makes me regret not having dipped my toes into the fandom sooner. _**Love, love, love hearing from you guys. Hope you enjoyed this chapter! **_More on the way. Including those 'moments' I mentioned.

**REVIEWERS without accounts: **Warm thanks to;** Luna,** **Rakija**, **Pixie **(thanks luv! I'm honoured ^_^)**, *****Gia Anna***(ty! appreciated ^_^), **Lady Mortis **(LOL, cheers again, luv!), **Helena **(thanks, dear ^_^ Ah yes! Lee's words to Shikamaru about 'destiny' will be mentioned to Neji, the context will make sense then as to why he say that in the last chapter ^_^)  
**Homemade_idiot – **THANK YOU! I tend to freak out when it comes to writing battle scenes, so I just go with the randomness of the flow and hope for the best! lol hope these ones worked out okay! ^_^


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Twenty One**

The water felt like a splash of ice against his face – unlike the grim shower of blood that had struck him earlier.

_Ugh…great start to the entry phase…_

Shikamaru blinked beads of icy water from his lashes, feeling cool droplets tracing along his neck to pool in the hollow of his throat, spilling a thin rivulet down along the lean contours of his chest. He shivered with a scowl.

_Way too cold for this…_

Kneeling by the edge of the brook, he watched the water gush softly over the rocks. The pinkish tinge of blood had finally vanished and the water ran clear when he cupped it over his arms and face.

The blood hadn't been as bad as the rest of the crap he'd had to brush off his flak-jacket and tug out of his hair. Chunks of flesh and bone fragments, add to that all the other 'bird bits' that had seen Naruto flapping about dramatically further downstream.

_Dammit. What kind of messed up attack was that?_

Shikamaru shook his head, cupping his hand back into the ribbon of running water, watching the gentle current wash across his skin. He'd waited for Hinata to finish before taking his turn to clean up; by the time he'd completed the bothersome task of dealing with his flak-jacket and clothes, the stars were already winking through.

_Need to sleep..._

Shikamaru reached for his black top and whipped it against the air in a wet slap, dark eyes narrowing in irritation. He'd have to air it cold, as lighting a fire was out of the question. They didn't need any more reason to alert an enemy, although they'd doubled their watch.

_If that's even gonna be effective against this enemy…how the hell did they see us coming…?_

The shadow-nin glanced skyward briefly, frowning at the moon before he dropped his gaze back to the brook, focusing on washing out his hair again. He tried to ignore the trickle of water as it chased along his spine. It was reminiscent of that chilling feeling he'd had back when the birds had fallen silent.

_What the hell was_'_that' about…? _

It had played out like a group deliberation. Coordinated like an illusion, only it wasn't…

Suddenly, another feeling prickled his skin.

Shikamaru froze as he leaned towards the brook.

He whipped his head around just as Hinata stepped into view, jolting to a stop on the spot. What happened next would have been hilarious if Shikamaru wasn't the one who'd provoked the ridiculous fluster Hinata jittered into.

One of the kunoichi's hands flew to her mouth, the other to her eyes. "I-I I'm sorry!"

Despite the deceptive light and the shield of her hands, it didn't take a genius to guess she'd turned that unique shade of red, which was about as trademark as Shikamaru's own expression when he arched his brow.

"Uh…" the shadow-nin glanced around, uncomfortably shifting his crouch, teetering forwards and back as if not sure what to do.

_Awkward…_

It was only awkward because she was _making_ it awkward.

_It's not like I'm completely…ugh…whatever…_

Choosing to just ignore said awkwardness, Shikamaru sighed and snagged a hand back through the thick strands of his hair, tipping his head to squeeze out the excess water before securing it back into its spiky ponytail.

"Making a habit of sneaking up on me," he teased, trying to ease some of her embarrassment. "Troublesome."

"I-I'm-sou-shi-ru-I-I-alk-tu-ou…" she stuttered from behind the mask of her hands, fingertips sealed across her face.

Shikamaru stared blankly for a moment. "Yeah, I really didn't catch a word of that."

Hinata cupped her flaming cheeks, averting her eyes. "I'm sorry…I wanted to talk to you."

"Right." Shikamaru folded a leg beneath him, rummaging inside his backpack. "What's up?"

Hinata remained hovering a short distance away but inched forward towards the stream, her eyes on the water, still mortified at her intrusion. "I…I've been thinking about…what you asked me to c-consider …"

Shikamaru cocked his head, tugging out a ration bar from his pack with one hand, squeezing out the sharp end of his ponytail with the other. "Right…?"

"I just…" Hinata hesitated, watching the water. "You asked me to think about what may have happened, at least t-two to three months ago with Neji-niisan…"

Shikamaru took a bite of the cereal bar and chewed quietly, swallowing the tough grain with a grimace before he cleared his throat. "Yeah?"

"Well I think…I think I know when it was that he started t-taking on more missions and avoiding home." Hinata nodded. "It was after his birthday."

Shikamaru stopped chewing, the bar poised at his lips. "His birthday?"

Hinata hummed, about to turn her head before she remembered how embarrassed she was feeling. "Y-yes…he t-turned eighteen in July. Two months ago."

Shikamaru narrowed his eyes, a speculative flicker playing in their depths. "Okay. Do you remember anything else about that day?"

Hinata raised a knuckle to her lip, brow furrowed in thought. "Not much…the elders wanted to speak to father. I think Neji may have been with them but I can't be sure."

Shikamaru watched her, his appetite forgotten as he shoved the remains of the bar away, moving to reach for his turtleneck top. "So a Main and Branch House family consult or something?"

"Well, I thought so but…" Hinata paused. "An ANBU representative was there."

_What the hell?_

Shikamaru stopped dead in his tracks, his fingers curling just short of his clothing as he levelled his gaze on the kunoichi. "ANBU?"

"Yes, but…nothing seemed wrong…I mean, I didn't _sense_ anything was wrong…but it was after that, that Neji took up more solo missions…and s-stopped training with father as much. That's all I can think of."

Shikamaru slid his gaze away, his eyes darting with calculation.

_The timing fits…that would have been shortly before that mission where he flipped…but there's no way that Tsunade-sama wouldn't have mentioned something like that…if Neji had involvement with ANBU then—_

"Shikamaru-kun?"

"Mn?" the shadow-nin hummed, distracted by his thoughts.

"Why did you…" Hinata frowned. "Why did you ask me about 4 AM?"

Shikamaru blinked, wringing out his black top before rising to his feet.

"I'm just curious," he shrugged. "I noticed Neji was usually up around that time."

Hinata nodded. "Oh, yes."

Shikamaru paused and turn more fully toward her, his eyes betraying his surprise. "Wait, you _knew_ that?"

Sensing his tone, Hinata turned a little, her eyes darting to his face. "I…well, yes. I mean…that's normal for Neji."

Shikamaru's mouth fell open a little. "Wait, what? Normal how?"

Hinata blinked, looking a little confused and uneasy. "Well, maybe not normal, but I just…he's always done that…it's when he meditates."

Shikamaru couldn't have stopped his snort even if he'd tried. "At_four_ in the damn morning?"

"I…" Hinata flinched, looking sheepish. "I used to get up earlier than that to train…when everyone was sleeping…it's quiet…I just…like Naruto-kun, Neji inspired me to work harder…train harder…"

Shikamaru sighed, slinging his damp top over his shoulder, ignoring Hinata's embarrassed fidgeting. "So he'd get up at 4 AM?"

"I…I don't know. I'd see him sometimes, but I only asked once…we never used to speak back then. He said he was meditating…conditioning his mind."

_He's lying._

Shikamaru frowned.

_Neji does that meditation crap at around six in the morning, not four…it's kind of messed up that I know that…crazy Hyūgas and their crazy early-rising shit…_

"Shikamaru-kun?"

Shikamaru blinked, pulling himself from his mental cursing. "Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"I…I didn't think it was important…" Hinata looked ready to apologise. "I'm sor—"

"Don't. No need." Shikamaru shook his head, sighing. "I'm keeping you in the dark about a lot…sorry to be all cryptic. It's a drag…but it's gotta be that way."

"It's okay."

"No it's not, but at least you're not making things more troublesome for me." Shikamaru managed a smile. "I appreciate that."

"I know…" Hinata looped her fingers and smiled a little. "I need to get back on watch now."

"Yeah, I need to catch a nap."

Hinata made to walk away before she darted a glance at his face again. "Oh…Sakura-chan was asking where you were."

Shikamaru nodded, taking up his flak-jacket. "Thanks."

By the time he turned back, Hinata had already gone, leaving him with an uneasy feeling, but at least a few more pieces.

_Why the 'hell' did I ever make this my problem…?_

Shikamaru sighed, brushed off the clinging jewels of water from his skin and made his way carefully over the mossy rocks, sneaking back towards one of the pitched tents.

He had a new plan now.

_Sleep. Speak to Sakura. Strategise._

Neji had set up a perimeter and had located an area where catacombs would be impossible given the density of rock beneath the ground's surface. Kiba and Akamaru were patrolling the canopies, leaving the ground beyond and within to Hinata's Byakugan eyes. Naruto had added clones to the watch and Lee sat like a squatting sentinel a short distance away from the tents, guarding the remaining supplies. He assumed Sakura and Chōji were resting.

_We'll need to move again soon…_

Shikamaru draped his top and flak-jacket over a low-hanging bough. Turning toward the tent, he parted the canvas flap and slid inside, gritting his teeth against the chill.

"Crap_…"_ he muttered, crawling around until he located the bedroll, burrowing under the sheets with a hiss.

_Just give me fifteen minutes…_

The tent flap rustled open, an unwelcome breeze drifting through.

"Ugh. _Why…_" he groaned, tugging the sheets above his head.

"Sit up, Nara."

Shikamaru scowled beneath the sheets, his voice croaking out tiredly. "I swear, Hyūga…if you throw cold water on me again…I'm gonna murder you…"

He heard Neji snort, but the sound softened into what could have been a chuckle. This caused Shikamaru to pause. He felt his irritation ease a little and reluctantly lifted his head, the sharp end of his ponytail poking through the sheets before he craned his neck, just about cracking an eye open to glance over his shoulder at the Jōnin.

"Sit up," Neji said again.

Shikamaru had to squint to make out the other ninja, but when his eyes adjusted to the gloom he noticed Neji was holding something.

"Even if it's cold, please tell me that's coffee."

"Not quite."

"Not interested," Shikamaru muttered, burrowing back under the sheets. "Night."

He heard Neji set the cup down to the side. "How long do you need?"

"Longer than we've probably got," Shikamaru muttered, but he kept his tone lazy and light, rolling onto his back slowly.

He felt Neji's gaze tracking him.

"We'll need to move within the next hour or so…at a push, a half-hour to spare," Neji said. "We cannot remain stationary like this, even with our guard doubled."

"What a drag…" Shikamaru sighed, rubbing at his eyes. "Then give me fifteen crappy minutes."

"I'll give you twenty."

Shikamaru glanced up from under his hand, arching a brow as he traced his hooded gaze over Neji's face; the elegant contours looked shadowed, if not a little gaunt.

Shikamaru frowned, lowering his hand. "You slept at all?"

Neji offered a faint quirk at his lips, almost unperceivable, but Shikamaru knew what to look for without even realising it.

"You should. We need you alert, Hyūga."

"I'll be fine." Neji glanced towards the tent flap. "Besides, one of us needs to oversee things."

Shikamaru followed his gaze. "Wanna have a little more faith in the others? They don't need a babysitter."

He almost chuckled at the look Neji shot him, but he kept his own gaze shuttered and amused, inviting the Jōnin to share the humour rather than take offense. Neji must have been too tired to be troublesome, but still too proud to be compliant, because he settled half-way with an eye roll – not surrendering a laugh just yet.

Shikamaru convinced himself he wasn't disappointed.

Besides, there were more pressing things to be concerned about; not to mention figuring out a way to phrase a few choice questions. Questions that might just obliterate the Hyūga's sense of humour all together.

_Great…_

Yawning loudly, Shikamaru rolled onto his side, his half-lidded gaze tracing Neji as the Jōnin shifted away to lay on the opposite bedroll. The Hyūga settled rigidly atop the sheets, draping one arm across his stomach with fingers curled into a loose fist.

Try as he might, Shikamaru couldn't stop the words from slipping out. "Relax, Neji."

Neji glanced across without turning his head, humming. "If we survive the night, I'll be sure to attempt that."

Shikamaru arched a brow, his mouth hidden behind the sheets, face only visible from the bridge of his nose upwards. "No one's gonna die. Relax."

"Two Byakugan users were blindsided, Shikamaru. Do not ask me to relax."

"No one is going to die. Like I've told you before…that's not an option."

The lack of response drew a sharp edge of tension through the air. Shikamaru immediately moved to soften it, not wanting to put in twice the effort later to make things less turbulent, despite the fact that he'd soon be rocking the boat with all the questions swirling around in his head.

"Besides," Shikamaru let the word drag out on a yawn. "You don't lose, remember?"

Neji smirked. "I lost at Shogi."

Shikamaru's chuckle puffed against the sheets, forcing him to nudge them away from his mouth with his nose. "Yeah, several times…you're pretty crap."

To Shikamaru's surprise, the Hyūga's lips tightened, but not with irritation – judging by the lift at Neji's cheekbones, the stubborn bastard was fighting a smile.

"At some point, Shikamaru…" Neji turned his head, glancing across. "I will beat you."

Shikamaru arched both his brows, maintaining his drowsy gaze. "You sound pretty sure."

"I'm certain. As of this moment I'll make it a goal."

The minute the Hyūga dropped those words, Shikamaru saw an opening. He took it.

"Oh yeah? Looks like Lee was right when he said you were destined for greatness."

He watched Neji's expression shift, the amused glint in the Hyūga's eyes turning a little dimmer. "Lee said that?"

_Here we go…_

Shikamaru shrugged. "Yeah, I was surprised."

The shadow-nin expected Neji to fall into a tense, brooding silence, but it seemed the Hyūga was on a roll with surprising him.

"I suppose it's to be expected," Neji said quietly, his melodic tones falling to the side of contemplative. "He believes that whatever you work hard at determines the outcome…I suppose you could call that a self-defined destiny…"

"No one can deny that you work hard."

"I wish I could say the same for you," Neji returned with a snort.

"You're just full of cheap shots, aren't you?"

Neji closed his eyes. "Then stop talking about destiny…"

"Lee's words, not mine." Shikamaru rolled onto his back, tugging the sheets up over his mouth and nose again, keeping as much of his face as warm as possible without completely vanishing under the covers. "So does it stop at Jōnin for you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Your progress or whatever…apparently you've got some final goal."

He heard Neji shift and turned his head, watching the Hyūga prop himself up slightly, using his black-and-tan bag as a makeshift pillow.

"And I suppose Lee told you this." Neji's lips twitched, betraying a hint of a smile.

"He said Jōnin wasn't your final goal…had me wondering if you'd shoot for something crazy like ANBU." He drawled the words lazily, rolling them out like dice across a board, waiting for the outcome.

Playing this game with Neji, he stood to lose more than he could hope to gain if using the ANBU card turned out to be a disaster. Just when he thought Neji wasn't going to deign him with a response, the Hyūga cleared his throat, his voice falling quietly.

"Would it matter if I were to do that?"

Shikamaru tipped his head back, already planning the course he hoped the conversation would take. "Yeah, it's not exactly the best career route if you can avoid it."

"Too much effort for you, Nara?"

"I'd start losing more sleep than I'm comfortable with…and for reasons I don't really wanna think about."

"I thought you didn't waste your time with guilt," Neji said. "The zone that ANBU operate in is just a deeper level of the world any shinobi operates in."

"Yeah, but would you seriously wanna operate in _that_ zone?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Neji growled.

As the Hyūga's tone hardened, Shikamaru carefully manoeuvred his words into position, aiming to pursue the thread of insightful direction the conversation was heading in.

"There's a difference between killing in battle and killing in cold blood."

"Tch. Grow up, Nara."

"Wake up, Hyūga."

"I _have_ woken up," Neji snapped, an abrupt and sharp twist of his head causing Shikamaru to freeze. "I woke up to the reality a long time ago. I can entertain a far-fetched dream like Naruto, or I can get real and work with what I have. That is what I'm doing."

Shikamaru had a wealth of responses to _that_, mostly concerning what Neji was doing to his health, but he slammed a lid on any sarcasm and opted for the safer route. He propped himself up on an elbow, his dark eyes gaining an edge of intensity as they lifted from their lazy shutter, slicing across to meet with Neji's glare.

"By putting yourself into the damned Black Ops?"

"If that is what I have to do, then so be it."

"Why the hell would you _have_ to do that, Neji?"

Neji flicked his gaze away, a tired, irritated sigh rasping from between his teeth before he drew a slow, controlled breath, shaking his head. "Go to sleep, Nara."

_Screw playing this safe._

Shikamaru stepped over subtly with his next words.

"Unless ANBU have already recruited you…"

Neji stiffened at that, his pale eyes widening a little before his face calcified into a mask too stony to read and too hard to yield under the pressure of further probing. Shikamaru sensed he'd lost the opportunity to glean anything further off the other ninja.

_If ANBU recruited Neji...why the HELL didn't the Hokage mention that?_

Shikamaru let his elbow slide and flopped onto his back again, tugging the sheet back up to his throat with a yawn, pretending to slip into nonchalance again.

"Whatever…I guess if it's in the cards, it'll just happen, right?"

Neji eased off his glacial glare, frowning slightly instead. "Are you deliberately trying to irritate me by speaking like that?"

Sensing it was time to steer them onto safer ground again, Shikamaru let a hint of amusement play behind his words. "Hey, Lee's the one who mentioned destiny. I don't give a crap about stuff like that."

"Lee seems to feel the need to give that word a better meaning when he's around me." Neji frowned. "I don't know why he bothers."

"Makes sense." Shikamaru let his eyes flutter shut. "He's probably trying to ease the tension. And let's face it, you need to relax."

Neji barked a short, sharp laugh that came out too harsh to be amused. "Wonderful. He wants me to be his rival – and you want me to relax."

Shikamaru frowned at that, cracking an eye open. "You know, sometimes when people are around you, it's just for the sake of being around you…they don't _want_ anything from you."

"I don't completely understand the point of that."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and turned his head to respond.

He cut himself short when his gaze settled on Neji's face.

The Hyūga's brow had furrowed into a knot resembling an almost childlike confusion. He looked as if he were in the middle of solving an equation that had no place being in his mental catalogue. More than that, he looked troubled by it, and not in the way that was causing him frustration – in fact, those pale eyes seemed oddly lost, distant.

Like when his guard was down without him realising it.

Shikamaru's gaze softened a little, a twinge of something uneasy tightening in his chest. He steeled himself with a snort, shaking his head against his own reaction.

_It's not personal._

"So don't try to understand it. Just accept it." Shikamaru rolled over, needing to end the conversation. "Night."

"I don't think that I can accept it."

"Then tolerate it. Go to sleep."

"I don't know how," Neji's voice fell quietly.

"Close your eyes and shut up for starters."

"That isn't what I meant, idiot."

Again, a hint of something deeper played behind Neji's voice – that pained confusion. Shikamaru tensed up, wishing it was the cold. His unexplainable urge to reach out and respond to Neji fired off all sorts of panic in his system, leaving him scrambling for a way to avoid the situation.

_Shit…_

Too tired to think strategically, he fell back on the sure-fire method of provoking the other ninja onto standoffish territory. Shikamaru heaved a growling sigh.

"Are you getting stupider, Hyūga, or is it just me?"

Neji's tone hardened instantly. "Do you want another concussion?"

Shikamaru resisted the urge to smother himself, snorting at his own stupidity; maintaining equilibrium was impossible. He needed Neji to be guarded with him to create distance, yet also needed to bridge that distance if he was going to make breakthrough with the stubborn bastard.

_Shit. I'm fucking this up…I can't fuck this up…_

As if burying his head under the threadbare sheets would make the situation less troublesome or _real_, Shikamaru did just that, snorting beneath the cocoon of thin fabric.

"_Both_ of us being brain-dead won't help," he muttered, hearing Neji shift from across the tent.

"Abandoning your 'two geniuses being stupid together' strategy?" Neji uttered beneath his breath. "The smartest thing you've done yet, Nara."

Shikamaru snorted. "File a fucking complaint or shut up. I'm trying to sleep."

A solid crack of Neji's heel into the small of his back had him jerking around with a growl, his elbow jarring against the bedroll. "What the hell, Hyūga!"

Neji arched a brow, his lip curling in a smirk. "Consider my complaint formally filed, Nara. Your twenty minutes are up."

_Oh fuck that._

Shikamaru scowled, waiting until Neji had turned on his heel before he shifted his elbow and jabbed it hard into the crook of the Hyūga's knee, causing it to buckle.

"Watch your step," the Nara drawled.

Neji just about caught his balance, saving himself an ungraceful stagger out of the tent. He wheeled back around with a murderous flash in his pale eyes. Shikamaru simply shrugged, unable to keep his mouth from curving. However, he dropped his smug expression when a sly smirk slowly laced across Neji's lips.

_Shit._

Shikamaru's eyes widened as the Hyūga's fingers settled on the sheets.

"Oh don't you fucking dare, Hyūga."

In the split second it took for their eyes to meet again, both reacted at the same time. Two sets of fingers gnarled into the sheets, jerking in opposite directions until the angry rip of fabric tore through the air.

A beat of silence followed.

Shikamaru gaped at his end of the shredded sheet while Neji stared at the other half hanging from his slender fingers. To the Nara's utter shock, Neji choked back what sounded like a laugh.

Shikamaru glared.

He watched as the Hyūga's face tightened into the most sobered expression the Jōnin could command, his voice coming out strained in the effort to remain serious and not sound satisfied.

"When you're done behaving like a child, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru grit his teeth, grinding down against the chill prickling along his skin from the cold. Any chance of sleep, even forty-damn-winks, was shot to hell.

This was worse than a concussion.

"A child, huh?" Shikamaru flicked his gaze across to Neji's bedroll.

They shared another glance.

Neji's eyes widened. "Don't even think about it."

This time, Shikamaru smirked.

A heartbeat later they both bolted for the Hyūga's sheets.

They crashed into each other in the process, jarring shoulders and tangling legs. This launched them into a tussle as graceless as the first fight they'd had two months ago. Shikamaru attempted to get the upper-hand, using his elbow as the weapon of choice in retaliation to Neji's attempt to shove him.

He felt the hit brush along the Jōnin's jaw without impact. "Dammit."

"Hn." Neji taunted, almost smiling. "Still too slow."

Shikamaru smirked, arching a brow. "Oh yeah?"

Getting a grip on the sheets of Neji's bedroll, he feigned a kick towards Neji's stomach, forcing the Jōnin to curve to avoid it. The second Neji leaned forward he snapped his arm up and a sharp jerk of his wrist roped the sheet around the Hyūga's neck.

_Got you._

He tugged, only to curse as the leeway of the fabric snapped taut, caught under their bodies, foiling his attempt to jerk the Jōnin sideways.

Shikamaru blanched. "Ah, crap."

Neji snorted, easily slipping free from the noose to counter.

In the last ditch effort to defend himself, skill didn't enter into it – which is why five seconds later Shikamaru ended up on his back with Neji's fingers locked in a familiar grip around his throat.

"Serial strangler…" Shikamaru growled out, but before he could try to move, the Hyūga's thigh brushed across his hips as the Jōnin swayed to straddle him.

He felt his head smack back as Neji pinned him firmly by his throat.

_Dammit…_

Shikamaru attempted to buck the other ninja off him, but Neji's free hand latched at his hip, pressing him down hard enough to grind bone. He winced audibly. Neji's grip adjusted, pinning him with less force, but granting him no leeway to escape.

"Give it up, Nara. You lose."

Shikamaru cursed beneath his breath, the lean planes of his stomach tightening. He twisted around in an effort to dislodge the Hyūga. But the more he shifted, the tighter Neji held him down.

Too soon, he found that movement of any kind while pressed this close to Neji was working rapidly against him. Their bodies were grinding in a way that was maddening enough with his clothes _on_, let alone being half-naked.

_Fuck._

They were in a dangerous position here and it suddenly had nothing to do with Neji's hand around his throat.

He had to stop this now.

"Whatever," the shadow-nin muttered. "Get off me, Hyūga."

"I'll take that as your graceless surrender."

"Move already, I'm too tired for this crap…" Shikamaru swallowed thickly.

He blinked as he felt the ball of Neji's thumb drag along the edge of his jaw, hooking under his chin to force his head back a little further.

"What are you doing?" Shikamaru frowned, his dark eyes flicking up to the pale ones tracing over him.

"You're shaking…" Neji said quietly, his tone disturbingly unreadable.

"Because it's fucking cold…" Shikamaru growled, but he couldn't tell whether it was adrenalin playing through his system or something else, because he sure as hell wasn't cold right now.

Neji arched a brow, reading the lie.

The Jōnin's thumb dragged back down along his jaw and Shikamaru released a slow breath, tensing up to keep from reacting. It was total treachery on his body's part to respond this way. To be _moved_ this way by the heated hands of a troublesome, inextricable attraction.

_Get a grip…_

Apathy was one hell of a selective bitch. Of all the things _not_ to give a crap about, now would have been the moment to be unaffected. But for all his lackadaisical inclination, Shikamaru couldn't stop what Neji was stirring up inside him.

"You're normally better at lying, Shikamaru," Neji said, the drop in his tone feeding into the humidity building between them.

"Yeah? Well, you're normally backing off at this point."

"_You_ should have backed off a long time ago."

_I know…_

Shikamaru frowned, watching the moon-like irises trace their gaze along his neck. The grip at his throat loosened, then he felt the slow but deliberate drag of Neji's fingers over the bruises marking his skin from the last few times the Jōnin had gripped him.

"Does it hurt?" Neji murmured, his breath stirring the bangs framing his face.

Shikamaru felt his voice fray slightly, falling hoarse. "No."

He watched Neji through his lashes, trying his damnedest to gauge what the hell the Hyūga was doing. It didn't make sense. Part of him guessed it was payback for the last time anything this physical had played out between them.

_That can't happen again._

His breath snagged low in his throat as Neji's fingers slipped around to his nape. He could still feel a phantom grip at his throat, a lingering sensation that tickled his skin like the sweep of Neji's bangs when the Hyūga dipped his head.

_Shit…move…_

Shikamaru dug his elbows into the bedroll, preparing to shift his hips sharply to jolt Neji off him before that heat pooling in his groin could start to burn.

"I won't lose to you, Shikamaru…" Neji's voice caressed the shell of his ear, the words chilling in comparison to the heated breath that carried them. "…and I won't give it up…"

Shikamaru fisted his fingers in the sheets, his jaw tightening. "Give what up?"

"Whatever you're searching for…" Neji murmured, drawing back enough to slip his lips along the shadow-nin's throat. "Whatever you're trying to do…"

_...Shit._

The only thing Shikamaru was presently trying to do was _not_ _react_.

He could feel Neji's mouth tracing the fading bruises at his throat, the barest scrape of teeth pulling a hiss from him. He closed his eyes against the sensation. It was like being branded _beneath_ his skin.

_Fuck…_

The play of Neji's lips tugged his heartbeat into a rhythm that caused his head to spin.

…_Hell…Stop this before it goes too far._

"You know…" The Nara swallowed a growl, his voice grating out huskily. "You're still paranoid…"

The grip at his nape ceased.

Neji drew back enough that their noses brushed and their gazes levelled through the low sweep of their lashes. The shadow-nin could taste Neji's breath, drawing it in like a toxin – more addictive than he imagined smoking ever would be. And just as hazardous to his health if the Hyūga's next words were anything to go by.

"I mean it, Nara…if you push me…" Neji slipped his fingers back around to brush his thumb along Shikamaru's throat, dragging across the damp chords as if mimicking a blade. "…you'll regret it."

Shikamaru blinked slowly and shook his head; the motion caused their mouths to brush, their noses bumping. "Not trying to push you."

"Then what are you trying to do every time you blur the lines?"

_I'm trying to pull you back…_

Shikamaru clenched his jaw, not offering a response.

He watched Neji slant his head questioningly, the opal crescents of his eyes flickering, searching for an answer. Shikamaru had no intention of giving him one and instead relaxed a little, letting the tension bleed out from his muscles. But inside, he felt as tightly wound as a damn spring, a coil of arousal knotting up in the pit of his stomach...the pressure caused another telling judder to run along his spine.

_Dammit._

Neji didn't miss it.

Shikamaru jerked when he felt a cool palm sliding along his stomach, the lean ridges of his abdomen going rigid. His lips parted slightly beneath Neji's mouth, sucking in a breath against the hair-raising touch.

"Neji." Shikamaru snaked his hand between their bodies, catching Neji's wrist before that hand could slide south. "What…the hell are you doing…?"

The Hyūga's mouth brushed softly against his, speaking low, hypnotic words against his lips. "Giving you another reason to push me…"

Shikamaru blinked hard and snatched at the heated air rising by degrees with every shared breath. "Why?"

"Do it, Nara." Neji shook his head, the mocha strands of his hair framing both their faces. "Push me."

Shikamaru tilted his head, frowning now as he tried to scramble for sense; he wasn't the only one struggling. He could see it in the silvery eyes trying so hard to deaden the fire rising in them.

"Why, Neji?"

"Damn you…" Neji snarled, reaching up his free hand to dig his fingers into Shikamaru's nape – his voice rasping out. "_Do it_."

Shikamaru lifted his shoulders against the uncomfortable grip but he fought to keep his head as level as his voice. "_Why_?"

Neji stared down at him, warring for control. The shadow-nin offered no attack or defence in response, just remained very still and very quiet.

When Neji finally spoke, his voice was a tight whisper. "Because I need to push you _back_."

Shikamaru's eyes widened…then softened.

"Don't." Neji shook his head. "Don't look at me like that."

Shikamaru felt the tension crumble away from his face. He released his latch at Neji's wrist, but didn't give the Hyūga time to respond before he reached up to rake his fingers into the Jōnin's dark mane, kneading Neji's scalp lightly.

"Troublesome," he said softly.

He watched something tear across Neji's eyes before the Hyūga shuttered his gaze, trying to hide whatever it was that rippled across the pale orbs. Shikamaru once again allowed unspoken words to play into his touch, kneading his fingers down to Neji's nape until he felt the grip at the back of his own neck loosen.

The cold steel of Neji's hitai-ate settled at his brow.

They stayed this way for a moment, both shackled by silence.

Shikamaru's heartbeat had steadied, but that heat remained tightly fisted in his core, tendrils of it leaking into his blood every time Neji's breath ghosted across his lips.

The links of tension between them practically hummed.

Then it happened.

Shikamaru had no idea how, but they moved at exactly the same time.

A subtle tilt of their heads and their mouths slanted together, brushing softly. It was a fleeting sweep that led to a mutual parting of lips, but neither moved to deepen the kiss. They shared breath for a moment, mouths hovering close, tasting the intoxicating hint of a kiss without dipping into the tangle of tongues.

Once again they were barely touching, but just this was enough to strike a fever between them. Shikamaru could feel Neji's breath shaking against his lips, an erotic shiver of restrained desire. It almost snapped his sanity then and there. He'd never experienced this kind of captivated lust before; and all the complicated _wants_ that came with it.

Neji leaned in again, then froze.

Shikamaru heard it a second later.

The soft sound of voices carrying just beyond the tent.

It broke the spell cast over their senses, dousing some of the heat. Neji drew back and Shikamaru dropped his hand away, both of them dragging in air that didn't taste of each other. The Hyūga remained kneeling for a moment, allowing enough room for Shikamaru to sit up.

There was no way to tell what the last few minutes had done to the precarious ground they had managed to establish. Shikamaru couldn't tell whether a wedge had just slammed down between them, or something had just thrust them closer.

The silence offered no answers and Neji's eyes held nothing but questions when they flicked up again.

Shikamaru couldn't respond to them.

He didn't want to.

He didn't want to _want_ to.

Neji offered a final, conflicted glance before he turned in a fluid, graceful motion, his calm poise at total odds with the look in his eyes as he quietly swept out of the tent.

The minute the flap rustled shut Shikamaru clenched his eyes shut and flopped back onto the bedroll, rubbing his hands across his face and sighing into the cup of his palms.

_Fuck._

A shuddering sigh rattled out of him before he dragged his fingertips to his head, gripping his skull.

_What the hell am I doing…?_

The sound of footsteps caused him to drop his hands and glance toward the tent flap. He didn't have to wait long for the hovering person to speak.

"Shikamaru?"

_Sakura…_

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N:**The rate I'm drinking tea as I write this, I think I'm keeping Tetley's Tea in business ^_^. **REVIEWERS**: *BOWS DOWN* **THANK YOU.**_I don't think I've ever written this much on such a roll – each of you has a part in that, so thank you so much for taking the time to keep my motivation going.__**I hope you guys enjoyed this latest chapter! Always love to hear your thoughts.**_ Something's gotta give between those two, huh? Well it's on the way ^_^


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Twenty Two**

[Dedicated to TheBlackCloverleaf]

It wasn't coffee, but it was just as black…and bitter to the point of provoking his gag reflex. Shikamaru wondered if Neji hadn't been trying to poison him. The shadow-nin snorted as he eyed the contents of the drink suspiciously, grimacing at the taste from his first sip. He could feel Sakura's eyes on him and flicked his gaze up to meet her grimly set expression.

"You need to drink all of it, Shikamaru."

"Have you tasted this crap?"

"I made it."

_Fuck._

Shikamaru shifted awkwardly. "Right."

Sakura snorted, rolling her eyes. "Naruto, Lee and Hinata had to drink it too, so don't be such a baby."

"How the hell did you get Naruto to drink it?" Shikamaru muttered around the rim of the cup Neji had brought him, taking another tentative sip before just downing it like bad saké, smacking his lips with a shudder.

"You don't want to know," Sakura reached across to take the cup from him, as if not trusting him to have caught the last damn drop. She even checked.

"Ugh…" Shikamaru dragged his knuckles across his mouth, running his tongue along his teeth with a frown. "Okay, so the point of that was?"

"The last thing we need is any of you getting sick from something those birds were carrying," Sakura explained in a firm, almost maternal tone. "Kiba said you'd found a dead bird earlier that must have been sick."

"Yeah," Shikamaru reached for his water canteen, popping the cap off.

"Well considering you just had a load of bird entrails all over you, it's best not to take any chances."

_Thanks for the reminder._

Shikamaru sloshed water around his mouth, attempting to dilute the foul flavour of the concoction. However, it was nothing compared to the bitter taste of the words that he worked out after swallowing.

"No need to delay…wanna cut to the chase now?"

Sakura turned her face away, the pink shards of her hair shielding her profile for a moment. Shikamaru arched a brow and set the water canteen aside, wondering if she'd backed out of her decision to speak with him. A second later he realised she was listening out for voices beyond the tent.

"You're safe to talk. Neji's not coming back for a bit," Shikamaru answered her unspoken question, scooting back to tug Neji's stolen sheet up and over his shoulders in a makeshift cloak against the chill.

Judging by the look on Sakura's face when she met his gaze again, it was about to get colder. Her aqua-green eyes pinched with worry, a sharp contrast to the look of lazy ease Shikamaru knew he was projecting.

The kunoichi shook her head. "He's not well, Shikamaru."

For some reason, hearing her say it made it even more real.

Despite the twist in his chest, Shikamaru played the part of ignorant and arched his brows. "What do you mean?""

"I thought he got hurt during the fight. When I found him he was bleeding…but there were no external wounds." Sakura touched her lips. "He was coughing up blood…"

Shikamaru blinked slowly, releasing a slow breath through his nose.

This was it.

There was no way to avoid it now; he'd hoped for more time. Time to get a better plan in order...time to put the pieces where they needed to be...time to make sure all sides were covered, all possible outcomes accounted for and the failsafe options in place.

He'd needed time he'd clearly never had.

Sakura must have mistaken his silence for shock, because she looked at him sympathetically, sadly, and searchingly.

_Shit…time to come clean…_

Shikamaru licked his dry lips, taking a moment to mentally assess the safest course for the conversation. Sakura spoke before he could, shaking her head against the reality she thought she was alone in.

"It's bad, Shikamaru…the damage is all internal…mostly—"

"His lungs," Shikamaru cut in, dropping the bombshell of his awareness without looking at her.

He sensed the aftershock hit her with a jolt.

Her breath snagged sharply before she expelled it in a disbelieving whisper. "Y-you _know_?"

Shikamaru continued to dodge her gaze. "Do Chōji and Kiba know?"

"No. But how do yo—"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Neji had told us to go on ahead via a transmission…but I went back and found him coug—wait a second…" Sakura held up her hand as if to ward off his attempts to evade her. "Shikamaru, how do _you_ know?"

He ignored the question. "What did he say to you?"

"Not to say anything to _you_."

Shikamaru smiled slightly at that, a bleak, humourless curve of his lips.

_Stubborn bastard._

"Which seems pretty pointless," Sakura said quietly, sounding more disturbed than annoyed. "Because clearly you already know more about this than I do."

Shikamaru sighed, letting the tension roll through him once before shrugging his shoulders against it, focusing on the shift of the sheet against his back to distract from the churn of unease in his stomach. Sakura's relentless stare forced him to meet her gaze after a moment. A muscle ticked in his jaw before he spoke.

"There was a reason I originally assigned you to my team, Sakura. You and Hinata."

Sakura blinked, probably not having expected him to elucidate. She folded her legs beneath her, setting herself more comfortably on the opposite bedroll.

"Because of Neji," she surmised.

"Yeah…"

"You know what's wrong with him."

Shikamaru pursed his lips. She stared at him expectantly. Sighing, he planted a hand behind him, leaning back and away from her and her statements, both figuratively and literally; his eyes scanned her warily.

"Before I say anything more, Sakura, we need to be clear on a few things."

"Okay…"

"First. This doesn't go any further. No one finds out we had this talk. No one. Got it?"

Sakura nodded. "Yes."

"Second. There are some things I'll tell you and some things I can't and won't tell you."

He wasn't surprised when she frowned, cocking her head. "Why?"

"Let's call it plausible deniability. The less you know, the safer you are. That's how it goes."

"…Okay."

"Good." Shikamaru tipped his head toward the tent flap, indicating outside. "The same goes for Hinata. She knows the score. I need to know you're not gonna make this more troublesome for me."

Sakura arched a brow, somewhat offended. "Why would I do that?"

"Exactly," Shikamaru's eyes narrowed. "Why would you?"

"Okay. I get it."

"Good. This needs to be treated like a mission. Effectively, that's what it is."

"What do you mean?"

Shikamaru almost snorted. It was a complicated question, because suddenly the answer didn't seem so clear cut. The shadow-nin shook off his hesitation, shrugging as he leaned back a little further on his palm.

"I mean this situation with Neji is something I was assigned to take care of," he said.

"What?" Sakura looked as if he'd just switched languages on her. "Assigned…?"

"Yeah. Directly." He pushed off his palm, drawing a knee up. "It's a mission, and it needs to be treated like one. There's no room for screwing up. I need you and Hinata on side for it, but both of you are gonna be working on a need to know basis."

"And what do I need to know?" Sakura asked.

Shikamaru wished he didn't have to answer. It was one of those things high on his list of 'what I need to avoid'. This moment had been one of them. Along with a whole string of events that had led to this current conversation.

_No running away from it now._

Shikamaru kept his face blank, his voice rolling out with deceptive ease. "At some point you're going to play doctor. Hinata is going to be your eyes and you're going to have to carry out a procedure."

Sakura's eyes widened, her winged brows arching to her hairline. "What? On Neji?"

Shikamaru nodded and watched Sakura's brows drop back down into a frown, marring her expression with more doubt that Shikamaru cared to see on her face.

_Don't make this harder, dammit._

"Shikamaru…" She shook her head.

"This isn't personal, Sakura. These are the Hokage's orders."

Sakura bit down on whatever her automatic response was and Shikamaru watched her war with her own convictions. Eventually she settled for a tight huff, shaking her head again.

"Why didn't you mention this to me before? Why didn't Tsunade-sama say anything?"

"Well first off, Neji got to you before I could. He had the teams swapped, which screwed things up."

"Why didn't Tsunade-sama step in and stop him?"

"Because Asuma-sensei got involved and we didn't want him or Neji getting suspicious."

Sakura arched a brow. "Why would Neji change the teams in the first place if he wasn't already suspicious?"

_Because of what happened between us…_

Shikamaru clenched his fist in the bedroll then smoothed out his fingers, tapping his thumb impatiently.

"Look, all that is irrelevant. The truth is, you weren't supposed to know about this until I asked you to perform the procedure…it would have been safer that way."

"_Safer_?" Sakura frowned.

"Yeah, you'd have had no involvement other than just following orders. But apparently nothing wants to go to plan lately, so we work around it."

"Why all this secrecy?"

_Because the less people Neji hates by the end of this, the better…_

Shikamaru shrugged idly. "Hokage's orders."

Sakura's expression turned a little sour and Shikamaru could see he was losing her willingness to believe him, if not her support. He couldn't afford to let that happen.

"Look, if we don't sort this problem, it's going to get really ugly, really fast. We're running out of time. Can you do this or not?"

Sakura studied him quietly, taking her time before she replied. "What _exactly_ do you want me to do?"

"When the time comes, no matter how Neji reacts, you do what I tell you to. That's all I need you to do."

"Can you at least give me some idea of what I'm working with – medically speaking."

Shikamaru nodded, jutting his chin toward his backpack. Sakura caught on and reached for it, gripping the strap and lightly swinging it towards the shadow-nin. Shikamaru rummaged around inside it, extracting a slim scroll and rolling it out with a flick of his wrist. He handed it over to her.

"Shizune's labelling it severe pulmonary embolus."

Sakura took the scroll into her lap and brushed her fingers over Shizune's scrawl, studying the hastily sketched diagrams, following the annotations with a small frown.

"Oh God…how did this happen…?" Sakura whispered as if the scroll would talk back to her.

"I take it you're familiar with the medical side," Shikamaru said, trying to ignore the sickening knot in his stomach, which twisted tighter when he caught her expression.

"Yes." Sakura tapped a finger above an anatomical sketch on the scroll. "It's a condition of arterial blood clots in the lungs…which explains what I felt when I tried to heal him."

Shikamaru dropped his eyes to her tapping finger. "Did you get a feel for how serious it was?"

"It's bad."

Shikamaru curled his tongue behind his teeth, gritting down on his need to curse. "How bad?"

"Bad." Sakura hesitated. "And it's going to get worse…fast."

Shikamaru's eyes drifted shut for a moment.

_God…I thought I'd have more time…_

"But Shikamaru…how would Neji have got those clots?"

He slipped his eyes open, staring at the scroll as he recited Shizune's words. "Chakra blocks. Stagnant chakra blocking vital tenketsu solidified to create physical clots…at least that's what Shizune said."

"Chakra blocks…" Understanding smoothed the frown from Sakura's face, but it sucked away the colour from her skin, leaving her pale and concerned. "That explains why the Palm Rotation caused such damage."

Shikamaru didn't respond. It was a rhetorical statement. While only the Hyūga understood the true intricacy of the Chakra Pathway System, Shikamaru was well aware that the Palm Rotation jutsu required expelling chakra from all 361 chakra points. With Neji having blocked several key tenketsu, forcing chakra through those blocks in order to use his jutsu was like smashing a tidal wave against a dam.

That kind of pressure didn't threaten to bruise or batter.

It would eventually break or burst.

_God dammit, Neji…why the hell have you done this…?_

"Shikamaru?" Sakura's voice penetrated the thick fog of concern that had fallen over his mind, reminding him how unclearly he was thinking.

_Focus._

"Yeah…?" Shikamaru rubbed at his brow, as if doing this would physically shift the haze from his head.

"How did Neji get these blocks?"

"Need to know basis, Sakura. That's the deal."

"Shikamaru…"

"Don't make this difficult for me, okay?" the shadow-nin sighed, struggling to revive his much needed sense of detachment to the situation. "It's enough of a pain in the ass trying to keep things stable…I really can't take anyone else shaking things up."

Something must have carried in his voice, because it caused Sakura to draw back a little, as if she were reading something behind his words as opposed to what he was actually saying. He glanced up, catching the look of confusion in her eyes. Thankfully, she slid her gaze down to the scroll, nodding.

"Okay," she relented. "So I take it that Hinata knows then."

"She knows the same as you – what she needs to. That's it." Shikamaru leaned back on his palm again. "No one else suspects and it's gonna stay that way. We have two missions. Hanegakure and Neji. Sorry you had to even find out – I'd have kept it clean for you…but Neji screwed up my game plan."

Sakura glanced up, sadness mellowing the hint of frustration in her eyes. "You're my friend, Shikamaru. Neji too. You don't need to keep things clean for me."

Shikamaru shrugged, pretending not to be affected. "I appreciate that…but this isn't personal, Sakura. This is a mission right now. The fact that Neji is a comrade is just more incentive to do this right and not let things get complicated. The clearer your head, the better this will go for everyone."

Sakura looked away, her lips tightening as she frowned. "I understand."

Clearly she didn't. Or if she did, she didn't agree with him.

_That's not my problem._

He shook his head, redefining the boundaries in his mind. Things needed to stay clear-cut. Sakura and Naruto's inclination towards attachment wasn't something he could afford to let himself do. Not now, not when he needed it to be impersonal, clear and uncomplicated.

_Then why the hell is he under my damned skin…?_

Shikamaru watched Sakura roll up the scroll, wishing he could just as easily roll up and slot away all the troublesome thoughts and feelings roiling around inside him. He'd thrown every rational weapon at the problem that was his powerful and dangerous attraction to Neji.

_Attraction not attachment…_

The desperate snap of that thought alarmed him; because it felt like he was trying to convince himself.

_No. That's just how it is…_

He bluntly ignored that niggling twinge inside him and snapped his gaze back to Sakura's face, speaking before his brain could regurgitate more troublesome thoughts.

"Be prepared for me to call you up on this at any given time," he said, reaching out to nudge the scroll back into her hand when she made to pass it back. "No, keep Shizune's notes. Look over them and be ready."

"Okay. I will."

"It's not going to be easy. Hinata will be working with the chakra blocks…but you need to work with healing the damage to his lungs – and whatever else has been screwed up."

Sakura frowned at this unaffected tone, but softened her voice. "Shikamaru…Does Neji know?"

"Know what?"

"How severe his condition is?"

Shikamaru hummed. "Even if he did, he'd never ask for help."

"But…why…?"

_Because it would force him to face what's really wrong…what caused him to do this to himself …_

Shikamaru gave her a look that was flat and unreadable. "I'm not asking why."

Sakura frowned. "Maybe someone should."

"Yeah well, that someone isn't gonna be you or me. That's not in the mission statement. Right now it doesn't matter why."

He hoped she'd leave it at that, but her sigh of frustration was like a breeze threatening to pick up into a buffeting wind; she shook her head again, clearly confused at his lack of engagement and concern.

"But it _does_ matter, Shikamaru…I mean, besides Neji's reason for not asking for help, there _has_ to be a reason why he's sick. A reason why or how he got those chakra blocks."

Shikamaru arched a lazy brow. "Remember what I said about knowing what you need to? You don't need to worry about that."

"God, aren't _you_ worried about it?"

The accusation in her eyes struck a nerve buried deep beneath Shikamaru's false detachment. It wasn't enough to translate onto his face, but it touched his voice a little, the barest drop in his tone.

"I'm just doing what I have to do, Sakura."

"How can you say it like it's so impersonal?"

"Because it _is_."

"How can you say that?"

Shikamaru arched a brow. "My mouth is moving, isn't it?"

Sakura's eyes flashed at the inappropriate sarcasm. "You can't seriously be so flippant about this."

"I'm not going to be dramatic either."

"Neji's our _friend. _He's not a _mission_."

"He's not _Sasuke_ either."

A stunned silence followed his words.

Sakura jerked back as if he'd physically struck her.

It was a cruel thing to say. He knew that – but it had its intended effect. She backed off, like an animal retreating to nurse a bite. Shikamaru sighed. He didn't like pulling the Sasuke card. But she needed the reality check. At least he told himself that's why he had said it…not because her words were like salt into a wound he shouldn't have had.

"Look," Shikamaru broke the silence, his voice a tired sigh. "You tell yourself whatever you need to, okay? _I _need to think clearly. I'd be a crappy _friend_ if I didn't do this _right_."

Sakura wouldn't meet his eyes; she'd retreated into that shell of guilt and sadness that Shikamaru had seen Naruto clam up in at the mention of Sasuke. Their reactions to their lost teammate had always made him take stock in the necessity of remaining safely detached. They'd taught him that lesson without ever realising it. That kind of attachment led to clouded judgement, the kind that Asuma had warned him he could not afford.

_Another reason why this 'can't' get personal…I need to keep a clear head…_

"Let's just hope Naruto doesn't find out you ever said that…" Sakura murmured at last, emerging long enough from her shell of sadness to offer him a glance. "I'll do whatever I have to."

Shikamaru nodded, part of him wanting to apologise. "Thank you."

"It's what friends do, Shikamaru," Sakura said evenly, sniffing as she pulled her strength and composure together, slotting the scroll away before slipping out of the tent.

Shikamaru watched the canvas flap flutter shut behind her…then he closed his eyes.

* * *

The monochrome world stretched out in a distorted zoom, swelling and shrinking in proportion to Neji's focus. His Byakugan eyes scanned the canopies, watching the inverted play of shadows and moonlight.

_Focus._

He raised his right index finger, the Snake seal hand sign grounding him from the swirl of distracting thoughts whirling in the corners of his mind. He dragged in a sharp breath of cold, crisp air, using it to dispel the lingering taste of Shikamaru's breath.

The intimacy of that moment had completely floored him.

What was worse was the fact that he'd been the one to initiate it.

_What the hell was I thinking? No…I wasn't thinking at all…_

Neji shook his head, blinking rapidly, trying not to let colour bleed into the grey-tinged world of his dōjutsu. But he felt rattled in places he didn't think could be touched, let alone shaken up. He'd been stirred and provoked from behind his defences with just an exchange of breath.

_Damn that bastard._

He'd already damned himself.

Just acknowledging this festering need in his system was a tactical error, a vital slip in his normally flawless methods of staying cool-headed and untouchable.

_What did he do to me?_

For years people had tried to chip away at his defences, even Lee and Tenten, with their good intentions and shows of loyal concern. While he had always appreciated their comradeship, he returned the commitment to his team in his own ways and on his own terms.

Always in control.

Even when things had begun to spiral two months ago, he'd been able to keep it together around them, regardless of what it had cost him to do it…

_But then…_

Neji frowned.

But then _Shikamaru_ had swaggered onto the stage of Neji's crumbling world, unimpressed by Neji's role in the Konoha pantomime. He didn't care that Neji was a Jōnin, a Hyūga, a prodigy…nor did he appear affected by half of what the others seemed to think was worth attention or appraisal. Or even disdain, considering Neji's perceived arrogance.

No, Shikamaru wasn't a critic and he wasn't a fan.

What he was, was a lazy observer that saw far too much for one who didn't like to bother looking; even more infuriating was the fact that even with his half-cocked attitude, he still managed to see more than anyone else, bar perhaps Hinata.

_Damn his intelligence._

Neji could fool everyone with the efficiency of his performances; both in his missions, his manner and in his dedication - or obedience - to his clan, despite the scars of his past. When he was performing, his mask never slipped and he always swept the stage behind him with an air of progressive perfection, often earning him a rank, a round of applause or a rival.

But not with Shikamaru…

No…that bastard was able to see the mess behind the curtains while others either threw roses or thorns at his feet. Everyone else believed the act and either admired or hated him for it. Everyone else saw what Neji wanted them to see and reacted accordingly.

But not Shikamaru…

Neji clenched his jaw, grinding his teeth. It had been his critical slip of control two months ago that had fractured his precious act. Neji hadn't only lost his lines in that moment, he'd also lost the plot. He'd faltered, tripped, messed up.

No one had marked it but Shikamaru.

To make matters worse, the Nara had not only noticed the slip, but he'd almost seen what lurked in the wings of the controlled stage that Neji's life had become. Shikamaru had almost seen the phantoms, the ghosts, the inescapable hauntings.

Neji clenched his eyes shut.

_Damn him…_

Try as he might, there was no denying it. Shikamaru, while infuriatingly lazy, reluctantly responsible and completely unconcerned with the idea of boundaries and rank, had somehow, in some way, seen beyond the act…

_That is as far as he goes…no more…I can't…_

Neji tensed, his chest tightening.

The realisation of how exposed he was made his blood run cold and hot all at the same time. It was utter insanity and he hated it. But god, it would not bleed out of his system no matter how much he tried to counteract it. It was making it harder to contain what kept rising up.

_I will control this…I will make a way if I cannot find one…just like with everything else…_

The pain in his chest turned sharper.

Then a low, eerie hoot caused him to physically jerk from the thick swamp of his thoughts. He surfaced with a growl, not having realised how deeply entrenched he was.

_Focus!_

He snapped his hand seal tautly and zoned in on a scops-owl. He watched the bird swivel its small head, large eyes scanning the undergrowth. It spread and folded its wings, another haunting whoop answering it from further away.

_Focus…_

Neji locked back into the world of his dōjutsu, extending his vision beyond the periphery that Naruto's clones were patrolling to search higher up and lower down, covering all angles of the surrounding sphere.

Then he saw them.

Like blips on the radar.

His eyes hardened and narrowed.

_Finally found you._

* * *

The enemy came under the cover of mist and leaves.

Working as a tight-knit unit, they spread their formation to account for canopy and ground level. Five were heavily armed. Another five, making up the centre of the formation, were probably casters, carrying the unseen weapons of genjutsu and ninjutsu.

_That won't save you this time._

Neji tracked them effortlessly, crouched out of range in the trees.

He relayed information to Shikamaru using his hands. From below, the Nara read the silent communication, deciphering the signs calmly and rotating his position accordingly, using the radio transmission to reach the others via an agreed morse code.

Everyone would be in place.

Neji expanded the sphere of his vision to cover the 'kill zone' Shikamaru had set up. Naruto's clones had already begun to close in. Chōji was circling around to the back of the enemy formation, moving at a distance that he could cover quickly with his Expansion Jutsu, effectively sealing off the enemies escape route. The Akimichi and Naruto were the blocking force.

Sakura and Lee remained in the trees a short distance from the kill zone, just in case any enemies tried to slip from the noose. They were the cut-off backup and had tagged kunai at the ready with Shikamaru's traps rigged below. Kiba and Akamaru took up their position at the centre of the camp site, acting as a lure ready to spring into the offensive. Hinata was stationed to prevent crossfire and guide the team with her eyes, leaving Shikamaru and Neji to orchestrate the rest.

_Even if the enemy don't take the bait, they're already in the kill zone._

Neji did another quick scan of the Konoha team.

They had all-round, absolute defence, having mobilised immediately.

Neji shifted his position, inching silently along the bough until he could place his palm to the bark, calculating distance. The enemy were moving slowly, cautiously, their formation steady, but starting to shift to a spear-head as they approached the campsite.

Neji waited for the leading ninja, a woman, to pass below.

Then he gave the signal.

He tapped his mic twice, paused and then tapped again, the dull reverberations carrying through.

Kiba responded on cue. The Inuzuka, currently lazing outside one of the tents, stopped turning his kunai over in his hand, calmly stood up…then let the weapon fly.

It struck one of Shikamaru's flash bombs.

The burst of illumination flared with a boom that cast shadows in all directions.

The enemy froze on the spot, momentarily blinded.

"Fang over fang!" Kiba roared.

The Tsubasa shinobi didn't have time to react before the tunnelling jutsu tore forwards, distracting them from the snaking tendrils of Shikamaru's Shadow Stitch. The enemy shifted their formation, making to close ranks around their leader before Kiba's attack could scatter them.

But Shikamaru hit her first.

The black vines of his shadows wrapped around her legs and waist, tugging her viciously from the safety of her human shields. She landed with a shout, unable to move as the shadows dragged her back. Neji dropped down, immediately apprehending her before the light faded and the shadows with it.

He pressed the cold steel of a kunai against her throat. "Do not even think about moving."

The woman went rigid, her neck craned back as the edge of the blade nicked at her throat. The Tsubasa ninja turned towards them in a unified shift. The kunoichi leader held up her palm, halting them.

"Stop," she ordered.

Her ninja froze as ordered, an impressive display of obedience. Neji made note of it. He waited for Naruto's clones to approach with Kiba and Akamaru. They formed an immediate ring around the enemy. Knowing that Hinata would be monitoring their chakra, Neji deactivated his dōjutsu, his milky eyes shifting as he angled his head to glance across at the woman. She flicked her grey eyes to him, returning the glare.

"Hyūga," she said curtly.

Neji's eyes narrowed. "You're well informed."

"I should know those eyes, given how much trouble they've caused us."

Neji arched a brow. "I'm certain you have it backward, Tsubasa."

"I doubt it. You made us an enemy first."

"Wanna explain that?" a voice drawled from the darkness.

Neji turned his head as Shikamaru emerged from the shadows, detaching himself from the soupy black in a lazy sway. So relaxed. Neji almost smiled. Shikamaru slid his hands into his pockets, rolling his shoulders with a frown as he moved over.

"Kitori-sama," one of the enemy ninja called, glaring at Naruto.

"Be quiet," the kunoichi said calmly, too calmly.

"Kitori_, _huh?" Shikamaru arched a brow.

The addressed woman raised her chin. "I am Tsubasa Kitori. And you are from the Leaf."

Shikamaru shrugged his shoulder, the moonlight reflecting off the Konoha plate-protector on his arm. The Leaf symbol gleamed. "No kidding. How'd you find us?"

"By finding them," Kitori said.

"Them?" Neji pressed, keeping the flat of the blade slotted beneath her chin.

"The rebels. Fukurō's rebels."

Neji exchanged a look with Shikamaru. "Fukurō wasn't a rebel; he was head of your clan and leader of Hanegakure."

Kitori snorted, a condescending edge biting into in her voice. "I think I know my own husband's position better than you do."

"Then you'll know he's dead," Shikamaru said bluntly. "And that he hired Konoha shinobi to take care of the Tsubasa's rebel problem."

"He _was _the rebel problem," Kitori said, her fingers tensing into fists at her sides. "The power went to his head and he acted out against the village's best interests. He was exiled. He took a handful of followers with him, including our son."

Neji frowned, his mind conjuring the image of the smirking, red-haired shinobi who'd hurled the familiar-looking sword at him.

_That was Fukurō's son…?_

The face of the red-haired male vanished, replaced almost immediately by a vision of a dying girl, the life draining away from her grey eyes. Eyes just like the woman he currently held a blade to.

_Could this woman be…the mother of that girl?_

He shifted his attention back to Kitori. "And what about the small team of rebels that Fukurō hired our Konoha shinobi to wipe out?"

"They were a team sent by me to retrieve the forbidden scrolls Fukurō stole when he was exiled," the kunoichi explained, her voice still rough with bitterness. "My husband knew we'd try to stop him, so he took measures to prevent it."

Shikamaru tilted his head, eyes narrowing. "Why didn't you follow Fukurō? We're talking about your husband and your son here…didn't you feel any familial obligation to support them?"

Kitori's eyes flashed. "Why would I? When they experimented on my baby girl?"

Neji went cold and still. A dose of shock and regret briefly paralysed him. His grip on the kunai faltered; a minute slip. Shikamaru's eyes flicked to him. He recovered just in time and tightened his fingers back around the hilt of the weapon, his knuckles blanching bone-white.

The shadow-nin hesitated before prompting the woman. "What do you mean?"

"I mean exactly what I said," Kitori bit out, her teeth clenched as she ground her words out. "They experimented on my girl. My daughter, Toki. She died in Konoha trying to retrieve what her brother and father stole…she was killed by _your_ shinobi."

Neji kept his face blank, betraying none of what played beneath the surface of his expression. He eased his grip on the blade, about to speak before Shikamaru beat him to it.

"So you're here tonight for revenge?"

"No." Kitori shook her head as much as her position allowed. "We're after the rebels. Though I assume you are working with them. Why else would you be in Hanegakure?"

"We're not working with them," Neji said. "We're here to negotiate and establish peace between our villages."

Kitori narrowed her eyes, understandably mistrusting. "Why now?"

"Because your rebels have forced our hand by drawing us into your civil conflict," Shikamaru cocked his head toward the team of Tsubasa ninja that Kiba and Naruto were guarding. "The Hokage wants official peace with Hanegakure, to avoid a war between our villages."

Neji felt some of the tension fall away from the kunoichi and he cautiously lowered the blade, although he didn't relax his guard for a second.

Kitori reached for her throat, brushing her fingers against a pendant hanging there before she spoke. "It was always our intention to revive old ties with Konoha, but as you can tell, we've been rather preoccupied with our own people."

"So the little welcoming party that popped up outta the ground?" Kiba spoke up, glancing over the shoulders of the Tsubasa ninja.

"They are all that's left of my husband's rebellion," Kitori said, distaste colouring her voice once more. "We've been tracking them for a long time now. They emerged when you appeared. So you've done us a favour by sniffing them out. We had suspected they'd gone underground, but it was impossible to locate them as our strength has always been above the surface."

"They must be pretty deep underground," Shikamaru remarked, glancing at Neji. "We couldn't detect them either."

"Then I assume they're using some kind of barrier sealing jutsu."

Neji frowned at this, but his experience with barrier jutsu added weight to Kitori's educated guess. It wouldn't have been the first time his Byakugan had been unable to penetrate a barrier ninjutsu. When Orochimaru's Sound Shinobi had apprehended Sasuke, the Byakugan had proved ineffective against their Black Mist formation.

_It cannot be ruled out…and if its true…then that is a powerful advantage…_

Neji glanced at the kunoichi again. "The red-haired shinobi I encountered, he wielded the same sword as your husband."

"Tsubasa Hibari," Kitori uttered the name coldly and her eyes flickered shut for a moment, as if she were in pain. "My son. And every bit his father's boy. Cruel."

_He'd have to be to experiment on his sister…_

Neji studied her expression, reading the pain etched into her face as Shikamaru posed his next question.

"So if Fukurō was exiled, who replaced him as Hanegakure's leader?"

"His brother. Tsubasa Ozuku."

Shikamaru blew out his cheeks, eyebrows arching. "So Fukurō's brother took over from him as clan leader and his son took over from him as rebel leader? Quite a bit of family drama you've got going on here."

Kitori pushed out a bitter chuckle. "The family has always been divided. Ozuku-sama is a better man than Fukurō ever was. He was also a better father to my boy, but even that wasn't enough to change Hibari's heart."

"So he took up his old man's mantle with the rebels, right?" Shikamaru surmised.

Kitori nodded, then turned to Neji. "The sword you mentioned. He stole it. It belongs to Ozuku. Both Fukurō and Ozuku were given identical blades by their father. They've been in the family for generations."

"Okay, so the rebel freaks in the ground are the bad guys," Naruto interrupted, tired with the commentary. "And what about the frickin' bird attack?"

Kitori frowned. "Bird attack?"

"Yeah, it was kinda hard to miss," the Uzumaki growled.

Neji frowned. "_Impossible_ to miss if you were indeed tracking these rebels as you said you were."

"I assume that you're referring to the Summoning Swarm Jutsu?" Kitori said, glancing between Shikamaru and Neji, completely ignoring Naruto.

"It wasn't a Swarm Jutsu!" Naruto snapped. "Those birds didn't just go poof when we hit them!"

"Then it must have been Hibari's genjutsu."

Shikamaru shook his head. "It wasn't a genjutsu."

Kitori's eyes widened. "Then my son used our family's forbidden jutsu. It was in the scrolls that they stole."

_Wonderful…_

Neji sighed. "And how does this jutsu work exactly?"

"I'm not about to divulge that information to you," Kitori snorted, casting Neji a virulent glare.

Before Neji could counter her look with a granite expression, Shikamaru spoke, raising his voice enough to redirect the woman's attention.

"Look, we're here to resolve this conflict. But if we're going to do that, you need to be straight with us about what we're up against."

"And why should we trust the Leaf? You killed my child and her retrieval team. Konoha were duped by the rebels." Kitori flicked her wrist dismissively. "You'll only get in our way."

Neji bristled inwardly at her tone, his eyes going cold to counteract the angry simmer in his blood. "We were _duped _because Hanegakure didn't bother to inform neighbouring villages that it was suffering civil conflict, nor did you have sense enough to let us know that Fukurō had been replaced – or worse, exiled, by his own brother."

Shikamaru nodded."Every reason for him to want revenge and exploit any means of getting it. Including using _us _to do it."

"Exactly," Neji said coolly. "Your moral obligation should have kicked in if not your political one."

Kitori turned toward him sharply, her ponytail of thick, red braids swinging with the motion. "Do not lecture me on my moral obligations, Hyūga. By all rights, my moral obligation right now is telling me to kill you for taking the life of my girl."

Neji didn't even have time to counter the sting in her words. Shikamaru stepped forward, an ominous pulse emanating off him like a shockwave.

"Don't even _try_ it," the shadow-nin growled, his voice dropping dangerously low – reminiscent of the tone he'd taken with Naruto a while go when he'd told the Uzumaki to back off.

Kitori turned to face him, sensing the threat layering his words. Shikamaru met her gaze directly, his dark eyes fixed in a penetrating glare that only Neji and the kunoichi could see.

"You're in no position to try to guilt trip one of our shinobi because of _your_ lack of efficiency and miscalculated strategy," the Nara stated in that too-calm, too-cold voice. "Your daughter's death is on your head, not Neji's."

Kitori's eyes coated with a thin sheen of tears, but she did not cry. She raised her chin, glaring at Shikamaru in a way that made Neji move to redirect her anger back onto him.

"While we cannot undo the mistakes made on both our parts, we can assist you in resolving this civil conflict," the Hyūga said judiciously, his serene tones diluting some of the venom oozing off Shikamaru. "Consider it an act of good faith in regret for the lives already lost. In return, Hanegakure signs a peace treaty with Konoha. Assuming that is what we both want…an end to this conflict."

Kitori tore her gaze away from Shikamaru, levelling her stormy eyes on Neji.

She studied him for a moment, probably searching for deceit.

He made no attempt to get defensive and kept his face calm, his eyes steady on hers. Shikamaru's hooded glare didn't help, but thankfully the kunoichi seemed more engaged with the offer for peace rather than an excuse to vent her grief.

"Very well," Kitori relented with a sniff, turning her gaze away. "You will need to speak with Ozuku-sama."

Neji blinked slowly, relief easing the tightness in his face. "Understood."

"Fine." She nodded, sweeping her thumbs under her eyes. "We will take you to our village and provide you with the necessary protection and shelter."

"How do we know you're not walking us into a trap?" Shikamaru said, his voice back to its lazy drawl…as if the last few moments hadn't happened.

Neji cast him a subtle glance, veiled behind his lashes, trying to see beneath the skin of Shikamaru's chameleon act; but the shadow-nin remained frustratingly relaxed under his stare, not reacting or giving anything away.

_Why are you so difficult for me to read, Nara…?_

"Why on earth would we do that?" Kitori snapped, not appreciating Shikamaru's suspicion. "_We_ have more cause not to trust _you_. But we _both_ want this conflict resolved. Even if I wanted revenge, which is _pointless_, there is no way that we can afford a war with Konoha. It would _destroy_ us."

"Yeah, it would," Shikamaru said, not needing to change his tone to translate the threat.

Neji shot him a glare.

_What the hell are you doing?_

Shikamaru ignored him, his gaze fixed on Kitori; challenging and intense despite the lazy half-mast of his lashes. Neji frowned and moved to come between the shadow-nin and the Tsubasa woman, physically breaking the tense antagonism Shikamaru had created - for whatever reason.

"When do we leave?" Neji asked quietly, attempting to pacify what the Nara had provoked.

Kitori seemed to sense what he was doing and met his gaze, releasing her tension on a sigh. "You'd best mobilise the rest of your team. If we leave now, we'll be in the heart of our village by sun-up."

"Understood," Neji inclined his head and receive a reluctant nod from the kunoichi in return. "Naruto, Kiba, back off."

The Konoha ninja nodded, though Naruto hesitated, falling back only when Neji shot him a withering glance. Kitori moved over to her team, reassuring them with orders rather than an explanation. When Neji looked to Shikamaru, he noted that the shadow-nin was still watching the woman.

"Stop it," Neji said tightly.

"Relax," Shikamaru muttered, clearly not relaxed himself.

Neji frowned and reached for his mic, opening the feed to the entire team. "Dismantle the traps and regroup where we agreed."

"_We're moving_," Sakura's voice crackled back.

"_Me too_," Chōji confirmed.

"Alright. Don't let your guard down, but do not antagonise these people. They are currently our allies." Neji dropped his hand away from the mic, returning his attention to Shikamaru. "What the hell was that, Nara?"

Shikamaru pursed his lips, shrugging before he moved away. "Whatever."

Neji stared after him in confusion. He felt the give-away tightness of a frown cracking his mask before he ironed out his expression and lengthened his strides to catch up, closing the distance fluidly.

"Shikamaru."

"What?" the shadow-nin sighed, slipping into the tent to retrieve his backpack.

Neji swatted aside the canvas flap before it could slap him in the face. "What the hell is wrong with you, Nara? We cannot afford to jeopardise this opportunity."

He watched Shikamaru shift around on his knees, re-checking his supplies. "I know."

"Then what the hell is with the death glares?"

"Nothing, she just pissed me off."

"_She _is the one with greater cause to be angry, not _you_."

"Yeah." Shikamaru paused, glancing up. "I know. Are you done?"

Neji relaxed some of the tension in his voice, more curious now than confused. "Why are you so angry with her? You don't even know her."

"Yeah, but I know _you_," Shikamaru countered, shaking his head with curse before he held up his palms in exasperated surrender. "Look, just forget it Hyūga. I really don't have the energy for this."

For some reason, without his consent, Neji's angry confusion evaporated – completely abandoning him. He didn't know how or why, but it slipped away with an ease that it never had before. Watching Shikamaru jerkily fasten the zips on his pack, Neji's eyes softened a little, as did his voice.

"You? Without energy?" he teased. "I'd never believe it."

Shikamaru almost dropped his backpack. Open surprise washed away the shadows on his face as he glanced up, staring in disbelief.

Neji pressed his lips to keep from smiling, amused by the stunned look the Chūnin gave him; it wasn't often he got the opportunity to surprise Shikamaru. Not that he'd even been looking for a chance to do so. He hadn't intended to be humorous. It had just happened.

_This is hardly the time to make jokes…_

But that didn't stop him from smiling slightly.

Shikamaru stared at his mouth, his own slack with shock.

Neji smirked and looked away first, shaking his head. "When you're done picking your jaw up off the ground, it's time to move."

"You made a joke."

"Well done, Nara."

Shikamaru's lip quirked. "It wasn't even a cheap shot."

"I suppose not."

"How did it feel?"

Neji twisted his lips to keep from smiling. He rolled his eyes with feigned annoyance that he knew Shikamaru would see through. "Get moving, Shikamaru."

He ducked back out of the tent before the shadow-nin could respond, turning around to retrace his steps back towards the gathering party.

He barely made it half-way.

Razorblades of pain stabbed at his chest, lacerating his breath into a torn gasp as he jolted to a stop.

_No…_

It took every scrap of control to recover in time. Clenching his jaw, he ripped his composure back as harshly as the air that had been pulled away from him. He closed his eyes tightly before snapping them open again, shaking out a slow breath.

Thankfully, no one noticed the slip.

The Konoha Chūnin remained focused on their new allies, wary but amicable. Neji took the chance to subtly press a palm to his chest, his fingers digging in to crease the fabric of his robes.

_Not now…God not now…_

The sharp pain receded to a throb; aching, but tolerable. Neji drew a slow breath, releasing it by degrees through his nose.

_This will pass…_

He shifted his hand to the strap of his black-and-tan bag, pretending to shrug and adjust the weight of the pack. He didn't notice Hinata's eyes shifting toward him briefly. By the time he heard the approach of Shikamaru behind him, his mask was firmly back in place.

He turned his head when Shikamaru moved to walk beside him, yawning. "Ugh…such a drag…"

Neji arched a brow in query, then followed Shikamaru's gaze across to the flash of yellow bouncing around in the centre of the group. He made the fatal error of meeting Naruto's gaze. The second he did the Uzumaki took it as an invitation to announce his excitement in a shout, completely forgetting that he still had his mic on.

Shikamaru snapped a hand to his transmitter too late. "Oh shi—"

Naruto's roar exploded at ten times its thunderous volume, punching their eardrums just short of bursting them.

"_HEY GUYS! DID YOU KNOW HANEGAKURE IS 'IN' THE TREES_?"

Reeling, Neji and Shikamaru almost smacked heads.

For a second, both of them remained paralysed. Frozen in the deafening aftershock.

Shikamaru squinted, looking pained. "Fuck..."

Unable to respond, Neji open and closed his mouth, working his jaw against the ringing in his ears.

_Oh. My. God…_

They didn't have time to recover and rip off their mics before Kiba's voice exploded through a heartbeat later.

"'_IN' THE TREES? NO FRICKIN' WAY!"_

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N:**Ah, the drag that is editing! Mother of God…that was _**LONG**_. *sweatdrop* Hope I didn't make too many slips, please forgive any typos, for the hour is late and the tea is running out! ^_^ I don't think my kettle can take the abuse. **REVIEWERS: I might have to start serenading you guys just to shake things up. Thank you so, so, SOOO much again. ^_^ You lot are amazing. Truly. Your support means the world.**Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and that it started to fill in some of the blanks – more answers and oh yes, more ShikaNeji moments on the way. _**As always, love to know your thoughts! ^_^**_


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Twenty Three**

[Dedicated to Chromde]

The Tsubasa led them deeper into the tangled bowels of the forest, through pathways cramped with thick, bulbous roots. Massive vines gnarled up from the ground, pressing in around the moving shinobi like the intestines of some woodland monster that had swallowed them whole.

"Man, this is like being inside one of Pervy Sage's toads!" Naruto exclaimed, squeezing around tree roots.

"What the hell is a Pervy Sage?" a Tsubasa ninja queried, frowning.

Neji shook his head, but kept his gaze forward, walking along one of the higher boughs to survey the group. His Byakugan eyes tracked the Tsubasa party below, watching them navigate the complicated routes without pause.

No easy feat, unless one was a native to the land.

Hanegakure's borders were like a labyrinth.

_Without the Byakugan, or a guide, we would never have been able to traverse these walkways…_

It would have taken hours. They'd have sooner found a fight than a route. As if sensing his thoughts, Kitori glanced over her shoulder from below. Neji paused as the kunoichi angled her gaze up towards him and signalled a change in direction with a curve of her palm.

The Hyūga nodded and turned, gracefully launching over to the next tree as their course changed. He heard a yelp from below.

"Careful, Naruto!" Sakura chided.

"I meant to do that," the Uzumaki grumbled.

"Yeah right," Kiba's voice carried in a snicker. "Oh hey, Shikamaru, you got a plan in the works or whatever?"

"Give me a break, Inuzuka."

Neji dropped his gaze to the group, flicking across the inverted figures until he located Shikamaru. The Nara walked beside Chōji, his eyes on the undergrowth, obviously attempting to avoid the tripwires of roots and vines.

Even with the monochrome of his dōjutsu, Neji could detect the tiredness in the other ninja's face – the half-mast of Shikamaru's eyelids seemed tense, almost a squint, as if he were fighting not to close his eyes altogether.

_He needs to rest…_

With his gaze on Shikamaru, Neji missed what Akamaru picked up on.

The dog issued a soft, growling whine from below.

Then, like the eerie shift of an eclipse, the light changed…vanishing.

Neji glanced up before the others, his Byakugan eyes penetrating the darkness as it began to thicken around them. The forest itself seemed to swell, pulsing and teeming with activity beyond the canopies, higher up.

_Much higher…_

Neji stopped walking, raising his index in the Snake seal as he extended the scope of his vision, scaling higher, higher…

_There._

The Hyūga arched his brows, his moon-like eyes widening.

Naruto hadn't been exaggerating the Tsubasa's claim.

Hanegakure wasn't just _in_ the trees.

It was crafted _from_ them.

The village rested high above them, its entire framework constructed from massive boughs and gigantic branches. The Tsubasa's homes were nestled into and hollowed out from colossal trunks and timbers, mostly dome-shaped with larger edifices built like nests. Everything was interconnected by walkway systems set up via interlinking boughs and branches; these acted as bridges, connecting the village on all levels.

Neji skimmed the inverted blueprint in amazement.

It was an entire community built upon nature's foundations, but the Tsubasa had applied the ingenuity of grafting the environment without destroying it.

_Incredible…_

A soft crackle sounded at his ear.

Neji blinked from his engrossed surveillance, his fingers straying to his transmitter at the weak sputter of static. He readjusted the volume that he'd muted after the sonic blast of Naruto and Kiba's voices earlier.

"Yes?"

"_Neji…_" Shikamaru's tired voice filtered through. "_Kitori says we're moving up – do you see it?"_

"Yes."

"_How far?_"

"It's quite a scale."

"…_Ugh…troublesome…_"

"You could always ask Lee to carry you," Neji smirked, turning to walk back along the bough, picking a quick path back down to the hovering team.

"_I'll crawl, thanks…" _Shikamaru muttered.

Neji arched a brow, amusement lightening his eyes as he dropped down beside the lazy ninja. He schooled his expression back to its polished veneer as he straightened up, deactivating his dōjutsu to let Hinata take over.

"Crawl?" he echoed dryly, switching off his mic.

Shikamaru glanced across lazily, hooded eyes projecting boredom to cover-up the tiredness lingering there. The shadow-nin parted his lips to respond but stopped, then cleared his throat. Neji took the hint and turned just as Kitori stepped over.

"We will take a cage up," Kitori informed, signalling to one of her ninja. "Have them lower it."

"A _cage_?" Neji tried to keep the distaste from his voice, but it reached his eyes, the barest touch of flint in his opal orbs.

"Yes." Kitori turned and gestured to the large lift that descended from the canopies, very much shaped like a huge birdcage. "It's quicker than scaling the walkways by foot."

Neji eyed the 'lift' warily.

It made sense. But sense had nothing to do with the rattle of unease inside him, shaking up irritating things he didn't want to think about when he gazed at the cage-like lift.

_Ridiculous…_

Of course, it didn't help to have Shikamaru's steady gaze fastened on him. He felt that disturbing sense of exposure again. The Nara saw too much.

_He needs to stop doing that…_

Shaking his head, Neji watched Kitori approach the cage, opening it up and signalling for the teams to board it – a second cage was already descending.

Neji frowned.

"Scared of heights, Hyūga?" Shikamaru drawled, but his tone was softer, his words designed to lighten the tension Neji didn't realise he was emitting.

Neji turned his head a fraction, barely glancing over his shoulder. "Do you still want to crawl, Nara?"

Shikamaru snorted, swaying away from the tree he was leaning on. "At least I'll have an excuse not to move when I finally reach the top."

"This is true."

The Hyūga fell into step with the rest of the Konoha team as they filed into one of the cages with Kitori, a collective buzz of anticipation humming around them.

Neji didn't share it.

His attention became divided between the ache in his chest and the imminent conversation they would need to have with Ozuku Tsubasa. Completion of the mission within the next few days was imperative. He and Shikamaru would need to develop another strategy quickly, accounting for the new hand of players.

Neji slid his gaze across to the Nara.

Shikamaru had slouched against the cage, his back bowed into the natural curve of the bars, eyes closed and head tipped back, his hands slotted into his pockets. Chōji said something to him that Neji didn't pick up on, but the Nara didn't respond to whatever it was. Even when Chōji stepped away, Shikamaru didn't budge.

Neji watched him quietly as the other shinobi chattered animatedly, quizzing Kitori on the species of bird that occasionally fluttered past, stirring with the dawn. It then occurred to Neji just how sleep-deprived the team were.

This thought was made all the more apparent as he traced his eyes over Shikamaru's face, following the contours of the shadow-nin's profile. Rather than blatantly stare, he shifted his gaze down along the Nara's sharp jaw to the neckline of the Chūnin's black top. The memory of his fingers around Shikamaru's throat drew a sharp furrow between Neji's brows.

_And what if I had gripped harder…? Could he have stopped me?_

Neji's thoughts churned as the lift scaled higher through the canopies, but unlike the fog thickening in his mind, the darkness around the cage began to clear. Beams of milky light speared through the leaves, a dusty lance of it falling across Shikamaru's face.

The shadow-nin's eyes fluttered open slowly.

Neji instantly averted his gaze.

He transferred his focus to the outposts that became visible through the mesh of leaves. Tsubasa guards stood on crafted platforms as they patrolled the borders, birds perched on their shoulders.

"This is incredible," Sakura breathed out across the cage, her awe mirrored in her expression. "How did your people manage to create something this intricate?"

"You don't know?" Kitori blinked. "It was thanks to your First Hokage."

"Huh?" Naruto jerked from his gobsmacked stare. "What do you mean?"

Kitori smiled faintly, stepping over to Sakura and Naruto's side of the cage. "By the same means that Konoha was founded, Hanegakure was given life by the Shodai Hokage."

_It was?_

Neji arched a brow, glancing at Shikamaru. The Nara shrugged, displaying how much he really didn't care. Neji attempted not to smile and refocused on the conversation across the ascending cage.

"The Wood Release Jutsu?" Sakura queried.

"Yes." Kitori gestured around with a sweep of her palm. "We are grateful to him and honour his memory for the founding of our homeland. Without the First Hokage's unique kekkei genkai, we would not have been able to thrive."

Shikamaru snorted, muttering beneath his breath. "So they show their gratitude by severing their alliance to Konoha during the Third War. Nice."

Neji stepped over toward Shikamaru, making the movement seem subtle as he dropped his voice. "Remember what I said about antagonising these people?"

Shikamaru waved a hand, yawning. "Relax, Hyūga. I should tell her about your track-record for unprovoked abuse."

"You do realise that any injury you've garnered from me is _because_ you've provoked me." Neji muttered, but his initial habit to react indignantly was tempered by a desire to banter instead.

"That's your word against mine," Shikamaru slipped his eyes shut, tilting his head back again. "Better get your fangirls at the Shogi House to fight your corner, Hyūga."

Neji's lashes flickered as he suppressed an eye roll, but his voice carried his smile. "This is coming from the man whose blonde teammate behaves like a cheerleader from the sidelines. And I'm not talking about Naruto."

"Ino." Shikamaru shrugged. "She's trouble."

"You'd trade her for another player?"

"Never said that."

Neji hummed as the cage came to a stop. "At least she demonstrates her faith in you. That says something."

"I told you before," Shikamaru said, slipping his eyes open when Kitori moved to open the cage. "Some things you earn without needing a strategy."

Neji pursed his lips.

_Perhaps…_

He didn't have time to let the thought burrow any deeper before Kitori was directing them over a crafted walkway, pointing ahead to their destination. Neji traced his gaze over the structure of the building, activating his dōjutsu to zoom in on a hanging sign splintered with age.

_THE ROOKERY_

* * *

Birdsong filtered gently through the open window of the guest room; a soft, inoffensive melody of airy twitters and playful chirrups.

Peaceful and pleasant.

"Ugh…make it stop…" Shikamaru groaned, his hoarse voice breaking Neji's focus.

The Hyūga arched a brow without raising his eyes from the map spread across the low table. He adjusted his kneel and reached across for a cup of tea steaming to the side of a stack of scrolls.

"Go to sleep," he said unhelpfully, taking a sip of the brew.

Shikamaru was currently sprawled on one of the two beds. The moment they had taken their respective rooms, the Nara had made a beeline for the nearest flat surface that wasn't the floor. He'd then flopped down without a word, just about making the effort to kick off his sandals and rip off his flak-jacket.

Neji, however, had showered, eaten, arranged a time to speak with Ozuku, ascertained the rest of their team were settled and debriefed and had even taken the opportunity to familiarise himself with the layout of the village.

He'd achieved all of this in the span of an hour.

An hour in which Shikamaru hadn't moved – but _had_ managed to growl, curse and mutter bloody murder with regards to the harmless intervals of birdsong.

As if on cue, another flurry of twitters chorused.

Neji smiled. "Just ignore it."

"…Are you kidding me?"

"You can sleep through storms, but birdsong offends you?"

"I don't have an ear for music…" Shikamaru muttered dryly, another growl rolling around in his throat as a soft chirp whistled through the window.

The Hyūga sighed and set his cup of tea down, glancing across the guest room.

The shadow-nin lay with one long leg dangling off the edge of the bed, his other foot propped on the mattress. The Nara's elbow was visible just beyond the rise of his knee, indicating from Neji's viewpoint that Shikamaru was probably gripping his brow.

Neji's expression sobered.

_He really should have fallen asleep by now…birdsong or not…_

Releasing a slow breath, Neji rocked onto his feet and crossed the distance to the window. He drew the drapes sharply across the aperture, startling the birds into flight while simultaneously casting the room in a less abrasive light.

Turning on his heel he glanced across at Shikamaru. "Better?"

"Concussion might work," Shikamaru drawled, quirking his lip faintly, though his eyes were shielded by the drape of his hand.

Neji hiked a brow, noticing the bone-white knuckles of Shikamaru's fingers and the rigid press of the Chūnin's thumb as it dug into his temple. The fierce tension in Shikamaru's hand destroyed the impression set by the rest of the his body, which appeared completely relaxed.

_Hmn…_

"Do you have a headache?" Neji asked quietly, his brow tugging into a frown.

"Are you being funny, Hyūga?"

"No."

Shikamaru waved his other hand dismissively.

Neji didn't buy it for a second.

Shaking his head, the Hyūga rounded the bed and stepped over. "Sit up a moment."

"Hmn?" Shikamaru didn't move.

"Sit up."

Shikamaru lifted his wrist enough to glance up from under his hand, dark eyes shuttered and sleepy. "What?"

Neji dropped his tone. "Sit. Up."

"Why?" Shikamaru narrowed his eyes.

_Why..._

Neji hesitated.

The safest, quickest explanation was that Shikamaru had an unspoken advantage and Neji wanted to take it back. Just the thought of his breathing lapses caused Neji's jaw to tighten. Though Shikamaru had never said anything about those moments of weakness, it didn't make it any easier to stomach the fact that the shadow-nin had been privy to them. To assist Shikamaru with his headache might help even the score between them.

At least, this is what Neji told himself.

_Tch. As if it matters…he needs to sleep…we then need to strategise…_

Neji opted for a flat look in response. "You clearly have a headache and given that your head will be required within the next few hours, it would be helpful if it wasn't pounding – now sit up."

"Asking me to trust you with my head? After the abuse you've given it?"

Neji hesitated a moment, not entirely sure whether Shikamaru was being sarcastic or metaphorical. He guessed it was the former by the lazy smirk the ninja gave him and rolled his eyes in response.

"Idiot. Sit up."

Shikamaru sighed, dropping his hand away to prop himself up on an elbow. "I'm fine, alright? I'm just tired."

Neji tilted his head. "I can see that."

Shikamaru glanced away, which surprised the Hyūga.

Something was off.

It irked Neji that he couldn't place it. He was good at reading people, but Shikamaru had adopted a kind of personality hieroglyphic that he couldn't decipher or hope to interpret with his usual rationale. Rather than allow that frustration to irritate him, Neji knocked Shikamaru's planted foot off the bed, forcing the Nara to straighten up.

"Hey, watch it…" Shikamaru growled, but it was more tired than angry.

"Be quiet," Neji said softly, crouching down as Shikamaru slouched forward, propping his elbows on his knees.

Ignoring any awkwardness that might have threatened to sliver into the moment, Neji focused on the goal at hand.

_Alleviate headache. _

"Look up," he instructed.

Shikamaru raised his eyes rather than his head, offering a harassed look. Neji returned it, albeit with a little more poise. A fleeting battle of wills played out, in which Neji was the first to react to the unproductive impasse.

"Shikamaru…"

The Nara rolled his eyes, making to flop back. Neji caught him by the nape before he could, snapping his other hand up to lightly clasp the Chūnin's jaw, forcing it to close before the Nara could say anything.

"Be quiet and stay still."

Shikamaru scowled, swatting at Neji's hand. "Lay off, already."

"For God's sake," Neji snorted, sliding his palms to bracket the shadow-nin's face, which for some reason caused Shikamaru to go very still. "Don't move. That includes your mouth."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes beneath the heavy shutter of his lashes, but still wouldn't meet Neji's gaze. If this wasn't strange enough, the tension previously isolated to Shikamaru's hand and head, seemed to spread to a tense lock at his shoulders.

Neji frowned. "I hoped I would never have to use this irritating word of yours…but 'relax'…"

Shikamaru snorted softly, his half-mast gaze fluttering, but to Neji's surprise, the shadow-nin didn't offer a smart-alecky retort, which only added another question mark to Neji's mental archive.

_Wonderful._

Neji drew a slow breath and slid his palms to either side of Shikamaru's head, fingertips pressing against the tense scalp while he settled his thumbs gently at the Chūnin's temples.

"Is it sharp or dull?"

"My head?" Shikamaru quirked his lip, muttering. "Sharp apparently."

"The pain, you idiot."

"That was a joke, Neji…"

Neji sniffed, shaking his head. "I can detect your sarcasm perfectly, but right now, I'd rather have your cooperation."

"Concussion, go for it."

Neji had to press his lips to flatten his smile. "I just might."

He dropped a knee to kneel between the Chūnin's legs and slowly began to brush his thumbs across Shikamaru's temples; light, sweeping strokes that he drew into small circles.

"Tell me if this hurts."

"Whatever." Shikamaru's eyes drifted shut, his breath staggering out slowly.

Neji frowned but focused on the gentle massage, gradually working a gentle pressure into the rub at Shikamaru's temples. All the while he let his gaze monitor the shadow-nin's face, searching for pain.

Another playful flurry of birdsong carried outside, but this time Shikamaru didn't react.

Neji smiled a little, not realising his own expression as he continued to observe Shikamaru's. He shifted his touch to the Nara's forehead, using the balls of his thumbs to press along the brow bones, following the shape of the often sardonically arched eyebrows before circling the orbital region.

He wasn't sure how long he knelt there, pressing small circles around the Nara's closed eyes before smoothing his thumbs back up to the other ninja's temples, the heels of his hands brushing the Nara's cheekbones. Whatever rigidity had been in Shikamaru's shoulders had fallen away, the knots of tension in his brow loosened by the press of Neji's thumbs.

The soft lull of Shikamaru's breath drew his own into a steadier, peaceful rhythm, completely calm – completely synchronised.

Neji blinked slowly, realising how relaxed _he_ suddenly was.

He hadn't intended that.

However, Shikamaru almost looked as if he'd fallen asleep, which Neji suspected him to be completely capable of, even sitting up.

_It wouldn't be the first time…by his own admission…_

The Hyūga smiled, shaking his head. But then his smile smoothed away, leaving behind a residual sense of calm – the kind he hadn't felt in a long time.

Soon his pastel eyes traced over Shikamaru's face less intently, no longer searching for tension…just gazing.

Then something in his touch changed.

The press of his thumbs grew softer, sweeping in the lightest brush, no longer searching for pressure points…just contact.

_Kami…what am I doing?_

Neji swallowed thickly, frowning.

He almost jumped when Shikamaru's hands lifted to his arms, following them up until the Nara's long fingers closed lightly around his wrists.

"_Stop_…" Shikamaru whispered.

Neji stilled his thumbs, resting them at the Nara's temples.

Shikamaru released a slow breath. "Stop..."

"I have…"

The shadow-nin's eyes opened a little, crescents of deep-brown just visible beneath the dark sweep of his lashes. Their gazes met, but Shikamaru wouldn't hold the stare he normally had no trouble returning. Neji flexed his fingers gently, watching the movement draw a flicker to Shikamaru's eyelids.

But the Nara would not look up.

It wasn't submission, Neji knew that, but something undeniable pulled through his veins; a gentle simmer of heat. He tried to beat it back, but failed in the attempt when Shikamaru released a breathy sigh.

The warmth of it drew the Hyūga in.

He twisted his hands from Shikamaru's grip, curling his own fingers around the shadow-nin's wrists. Before Shikamaru could react, the Jōnin rose up slowly, sliding his knee onto the bed between Shikamaru's legs as he pushed forward, forcing the other ninja to tilt back.

Shikamaru shook his head. "Neji…"

Neji leaned down, his lips sweeping across the ones which parted around his name, the hoarse timbre of Shikamaru's voice pulling up more heat in his blood. He felt the shadow-nin go deadly still and took the opportunity to ease forward, pressing Shikamaru back against the sheets, pinning the Chūnin's wrists and taking possession of the lips that moved beneath his.

Their tongues brushed in a slick thrust.

That was all it took.

The second Neji caught a taste of Shikamaru, something woke up inside him.

_Hunger_.

Strong and instantaneous. It gnawed its way up from deep inside him; a starved, caged need. Rabid with the desire to consume…almost animalistic…almost impossible to control.

_Control._

Neji tightened his grip at Shikamaru's wrists.

He dug his knee into the mattress, one foot still planted to the floor – his last anchor to reason. But he felt himself drowning as he slanted his head, deepening the kiss, plunging deeper into the moist cavern of the Nara's mouth, carrying that unique taste, smoky and forbidden, which only built his hunger for it.

He drank down the reverberating moan that rolled up from low in Shikamaru's throat. He only realised it was a protesting sound when he felt Shikamaru twisting his wrists sharply to break the grip on them.

The Nara jerked his head back from the electrifying kiss with a breathless pant.

"_Shit_…Get off me, Neji…"

Neji growled as he drew his head back, staring down through fierce opal eyes. "You have the _audacity_ to come at me and dare get angry when I come at you?"

"That's not it…" Shikamaru gritted out, jerking a wrist free. "Get off."

Neji snared his wrist again, slamming it back down. "Afraid I might push you too far, Nara?"

Anger smashed through him like a torrent, anger that Shikamaru once _again_ had a control he needed, anger that he had _lost_ that control in the first place.

_Damn him…and what he's doing to me…_

Neji let the anger loop through him, hoping it would harden the lava of desire that had erupted between them. But he found a different kind of heat reflected back at him in the Nara's dark eyes – a similar anger, but from a different source.

Shikamaru's body tightened like a coil, any tiredness evaporating in the heat of the aggression that suddenly piqued between them.

"Get off me, _now_."

Neji glared back, arousal twisting into a knot of frustration low in his stomach.

Then he realised what he was doing.

_Gods…what the hell is wrong with me?_

Neji released Shikamaru's wrists, straightening up onto his knee, closing his eyes with a rattled sigh. That hunger prowled around inside him, circuiting his blood. He tried to tame it with some semblance of reason, clenching down on the urge to curse _it_, _himself_ and _everything_ else.

He felt a shift of movement as Shikamaru's legs tensed and the shadow-nin sat up.

"That's not it..." Shikamaru repeated, his words breathed softly against Neji's jaw. "I'm not afraid of you, Neji. You should know that by now."

The memory of his hand around Shikamaru's throat flashed forth as if summoned.

_And you should know better than to trust me…_

Neji scoffed, pulling a defence of arrogance across his face as he slipped his eyes open. But the look fell away when he caught the pinched, uncertain expression on Shikamaru's face.

Not for the first time, Neji felt his anger coast away on a ripple of something he couldn't wrap his head around. So quickly his frustration was pulled apart, as if by unseen fingers, leaving him struggling for a reaction, a response – anything.

Before he could lock their gazes, Shikamaru looked away, confusing the Jōnin again.

"Then why can't you look at me, Shikamaru?" Neji challenged, but his voice came out softer than he wanted it to.

Shikamaru shook his head. "Because it'll start…"

Neji tilted his head. "What will start?"

"What I can't stop…"

Neji's lips parted, but no sound came out.

Shikamaru's words stunned him into silence.

He stared intently at the averted eyes and, for the first time since this insane mess had started, he wanted Shikamaru to look at him.

The shadow-nin didn't. Wouldn't.

A strange feeling pulled across Neji's chest, it wasn't pain, but it was an ache. A different kind of ache; one that he didn't want to think about any more than the sharper, crueller stabs of pain that had begun to get worse.

"Look at me, Nara."

The shadow-nin didn't respond.

Neji gazed quietly at Shikamaru, tilting his head before reaching up to slide his fingers along the Nara's jaw, coaxing Shikamaru's face towards him.

"Look at me…"

Shikamaru craned his neck to escape the touch, but it only opened up his throat.

Neji acted before his brain could process his movement. He tilted his head and set his lips lightly to the pulse-point just beneath Shikamaru's jaw, raising his hand to cup the back of the shadow-nin's head to hold him still.

There was no demand in the contact; no aggression, no heat and no nudge toward something more than what it was – which may have been an apology.

Neji would never say it, after all.

He held the tender contact for a few heartbeats, feeling the soft throb of Shikamaru's pulse beneath his lips. He only questioned what the hell he was doing when he repeated the kiss to the other side of Shikamaru's throat, brushing his lips softly against the sensitive area.

_Stop…_

He drew back slowly, resting his hand at Shikamaru's nape as he tapped their foreheads with a sigh, his eyes drifting shut. They stayed this way long enough for Neji to realise that they were breathing in tandem again.

He felt Shikamaru's sigh against his lips. "Troublesome…"

Neji smiled slightly, sadly. "I know."

* * *

When Shikamaru woke, it wasn't to the sound of birdsong…but barking…

_What…the hell…?_

The shadow-nin slipped his eyes open with a scowl, his vision hazy with fatigue as he pulled his mind from the deep, drowsy fog of a dreamless sleep. For a moment he wondered if his mind had abandoned ship, leaving him drifting idly between sleep and awareness.

Another round of barks exploded from behind the door, followed by Kiba's voice.

"Shikamaru!"

_Go away…_

Shikamaru squinted, glancing across the dim room. The curtains had been left closed and the scent of something like sandalwood drifted in the cool air.

"Yo! Shikamaru!"

The Nara scowled, his heavy-lidded eyes tracing down to the crack beneath the door, the slot of light breaking up with movement from the other side. He watched the shift of shadows and heard the soft scratch of Akamaru's paws before the dog barked sharply.

"Hey, Shikamaru!" Kiba called. "Get up already!"

_Not a chance._

Shikamaru snorted, rolled over and landed on the floor – hard.

_Fuck…_

The ungraceful thud caused Akamaru to stop barking, leaving Shikamaru to growl instead as he elbowed the flutter of sheets away from his face, glaring up at the bed as if it had somehow tilted and deposited him by itself.

"Hey!" Kiba shouted through the door. "You okay in there?"

Shikamaru dragged a hand across his face, flopping onto his back with a sigh as he stared up at the ceiling, noticing for the first time that it was a mesh of tightly-knitted vines, glossed over with some kind of sealant to prevent rot.

_Guest room…Hanegakure…game plan…Neji…_

Shikamaru tilted his head, frowning before he glanced up and across at the adjacent bed. Despite knowing what he'd find, he propped himself up on his elbows, lifting his head to scan the empty mattress. The sheets were untouched.

_Figures he'd be up already…why didn't he wake me?_

"Shikamaru!" Kiba called again, sounding a little concerned.

The Nara sighed, his shoulders sagging as he crawled back onto the bed, rolling off the other side and onto his feet. He traversed the short distance to the door in a few sleepy strides. Twisting the handle, he cracked the door open, planting his foot to prevent Akamaru from nudging his way inside.

Kiba flashed a feral grin. "Well look at you, you look like crap."

"Thanks," Shikamaru arched a brow, not bothering to open the door. "What is it?"

Kiba cocked his head in tandem with his mutt. "What do you mean 'what is it'? Time to get up and go."

"Go where?" Shikamaru blinked slowly, considering closing the door and crawling back into bed. The thought passed, however, when Naruto popped his head over Kiba's shoulder, grinning.

"To the aviary!" the Uzumaki announced – loudly.

"We're _in_ a god damned aviary," Shikamaru growled, his attention drawn to the birdsong he'd been ignoring.

"Wait til' you see this one," Kiba grinned.

_I don't give a crap…_

Shikamaru allowed the sentiment to stamp itself onto his face. It didn't appear to have the intended effect of dousing Naruto's enthusiasm, or Kiba's persistence, so with a drawn-out sigh he fell back a step from the door, an unspoken invitation as he moved to get his sandals and flak-jacket.

"Why the hell are we going to an aviary?"

"Sakura's there," Naruto explained, strolling into the room with his hands folded behind his head. "Said it was worth seein' while Neji sorted out our guides with Kitori."

"Guides?" Shikamaru queried, glancing over his shoulder as he sat to tug on his sandals.

"Yeah, to show us around," Kiba nodded, bracing a shoulder against the doorframe. "Turns out this Ozuku guy is hosting some ceremony at their Temple, so Neji arranged for us to see him tomorrow."

_One step ahead…_

Shikamaru quirked a brow. "Ceremony?"

"Somethin' to do with birds," Naruto shrugged. "It's cool. Gives us some time to chill before we get serious."

Shikamaru tugged on his flak jacket, scowling. "So I _could_ have still been sleeping right now?"

"Huh?" Naruto blinked, glancing at the bed. "You've been asleep for like, six hours."

"You say that like that's all I need," Shikamaru muttered, following the Uzumaki out of the guest room, trailing along behind Kiba and Akamaru.

_This had better be good…_

* * *

It was as remarkable as the rest of Hanegakure's construction.

Neji stared up into the autumn-blushed canopies, his eyes fastened on the towering green dome of the Temple, its huge sphere almost brushing the rustling leaves. Atop the massive sphere, carved from an enormous block of amber, sat the impressive sculpture of a bird set to take flight. It was a testament to the affinity the Tsubasa seemed to have with their winged companions; namely the master of the Fire Country's skies.

The Eagle.

"Kin-Washi," Kitori explained, following Neji's gaze up to the huge statue. "The Golden Eagle. Our clan's pride."

Neji hummed, his pale Byakugan orbs tracing the intricate carving of the wings, scanning the impressive mould of the beak and detail of the feathers.

A masterpiece, without a doubt.

"You have very talented people among your clan," Neji remarked, scanning down from the Eagle to the base of the Temple's dome.

The stone doors leading into the sanctuary were closed, two shinobi stationed outside, large birds perched on their shoulders. From within, Neji could detect only silence. He deactivated his dōjutsu, unwillingly to intrude on the ceremony beyond the doors.

Kitori moved to stand beside him, her long auburn hair braided into a plait that swayed in the breeze. "So do you, Hyūga."

"What does this ceremony involve?" Neji changed the subject, unwilling to dedicate his clan as a topic of conversation.

"Prayer, mostly." Kitori shrugged, her grey eyes tracing over the dome. "Our Priestesses sing…sometimes you can hear them in the mornings. My daughter had a lovely voice."

Neji tensed visibly, then glanced across at her. "If I had known…"

"But you didn't," Kitori shook her head. "You didn't know. It's not your fault. Even I know this…"

Neji couldn't help but wonder whether Kitori knew her daughter had been pregnant. The thought caused a tear in his mask, driving a furrow between his brows. He turned towards her.

"We will stop these rebels, Kitori. I cannot return your daughter to you, but I will do whatever is necessary to stop your son and end this rebellion."

"We appreciate that," Kitori nodded, her eyes still on the Temple. "I will pray for you."

Neji arched a brow. "Pray for me?"

Kitori smiled weakly, glancing across. "Why, did you think I would curse you instead?"

Neji shook off the immediate thought of the mark branded into his forehead.

_What's one more curse?_

He watched Kitori curl her fingers around a winged pendant settled at her throat, similar to the ones that Neji had glimpsed most Tsubasa shinobi wearing; an emblem of their clan.

"We are what we are. That doesn't change, Hyūga," she said. "My daughter's path was decided. I can only let Kin-Washi carry my prayers and hope she finds freedom in death."

Those words struck Neji like a dirge, tugging on chords deep in his chest. He ignored the immediate effect, shaking off the ghosts it stirred up.

_Not now…_

"Freedom?" Neji pressed.

Kitori's lips curved, a bitter twist that seemed to age her face. "What else do caged birds pray for?"

Neji's eyes narrowed as he scanned her profile, confused by the incongruence of this woman. She spoke of prayer and decided fates with a religious-sounding verbatim, then seemed to mock it with a thinly veiled bitterness. What disturbed him more was the fact that he recognised the look on her face and the acid in her words; as if they mirrored something back to him that he had no desire to be reminded of.

Kitori brushed her thumb over the feathered pendant, chuckling quietly. "I think I'm being a poor host. Come, I'll take you back."

She bowed her head to the Temple and turned sharply, striding back along the walkway they had crossed. Neji slanted his gaze back toward the large doors to the shrine, ignoring the stares of the shinobi guards, which were directed toward his forehead protector.

The Hyūga tracked his gaze back up to the massive eagle, a parting glance that suddenly froze. He cocked his head, his attention settling on an obsidian plaque just beneath the monument.

_What is that?_

Neji tilted his head back, the veins in his temples twitching before his Byakugan flared, vision tunnelling into a zoom as he focused in on the text carved into the tablet.

His eyes widened.

He knew those words.

* * *

"Whoa!" Naruto exclaimed, bouncing around inside the room like a demented kid in a candy store. "That's amazing!"

"It's a bird."

"It's frickin' awesome!"

"It's a big, pink, bird."

"Jeeze, Shikamaru, you could at least show a little more interest," Sakura chided from across the veterinary room.

Shikamaru shot the kunoichi a bored glance. "It's a massive, magenta, raptor?"

Sakura rolled her eyes, stroking a knuckle along the exotic-looking bird's feathers, smoothing down the plumage that seemed to ruffle in irritation whenever Shikamaru settled his gaze on the creature.

_Yeah, that's right…I don't like you either…_

The memory of scrubbing bird parts out of his clothes wasn't alleviated by the colourful array of plumage. No amount of fancy feathers was going to erase _that_ memory any time soon.

Shikamaru cocked a hip against a crate, folding his arms loosely as he slouched, wondering why the hell it was necessary for him to be in a veterinary room when he could have been in bed.

_Ugh, this is such a damn drag…_

Their trip to the aviary had been cut short when a Tsubasa guide had informed them that the area had been cordoned off; something about the birds being agitated. Shikamaru hadn't really bought the story, but he didn't particularly care what the reason was, having been too relieved by the prospect of catching a nap instead.

Which also _didn't_ happen.

The guide had led them over to a medical annex stationed a short walk from the aviary. Sakura had agreed to help examine some of the sick birds. The kunoichi seemed in her element and had befriended one of the vets, a skinny, aquiline-looking woman who currently held a clipboard in one hand and a feeding stick in the other, sliding medicine grains between the bars of the large birdcages lined up across the room.

Shikamaru yawned.

_I really don't need to be here…_

A loud squawk sounded, drawing the Nara's attention to the source of the sound.

Naruto.

The Uzumaki was flapping on the spot, scowling at a white bird perched on his head, pecking at his hair and tugging sharply on the sunny spikes.

"Made a friend?" Kiba grinned from the floor, sorting eggs into a small incubator.

"Get it off!" Naruto yelped.

"Quit yelling," Shikamaru grumbled.

"I tried to help it and it just attacked me!"

"They pretend to have broken wings to lure predators away from the nest," the vet, Isuka, explained, turning towards Naruto and gently offering her fingers as a perch for the bird. "He won't hurt you. Maybe peck you bald."

Naruto scowled, stepping away to fan his fingers through his hair. "Creepy."

_Why. Am. I. Here…_

Shikamaru sighed, about to close his eyes before Akamaru's tail smacked him on the leg, forcing his eyes to flicker open. He watched the dog brush past and lope towards one of the cages, whining and sniffing.

_What's his problem?_

Shikamaru arched a brow, shifting away from his slouch against the crate to step over to one of the large cages, his attention drawn to two sickly looking birds. Shikamaru's eyes widened. Most of their feathers had been plucked out, ugly sores marring their prickled skin.

"What the hell?" he murmured.

"Birds in cages can sometimes attack themselves like this," Isuka said, stepping over to tap her clipboard against the bars. "In fact, most caged birds seem prone to feather picking."

Naruto stepped over, peering over Shikamaru's shoulder. "Why?"

"Hard to say," Isuka sighed. "This kind of self-destructive disorder ranks as one of the most difficult and challenging conditions to diagnose and treat in avian veterinary practice."

"Well bein' cooped up has gotta do somethin' to your head," Naruto muttered, surprising Shikamaru with the possible accuracy of his statement.

"That's pretty accurate," Isuka confirmed aloud, drawing more of Shikamaru's reluctant attention. "The popular theory is that the root of it is usually stress, associated with captivity."

Shikamaru frowned. "Being trapped in a cage..."

Uncomfortable parallels began to form in Shikamaru's mind as he gazed at the caged animals, his eyes focused on the self-inflicted wounds.

_Great, now I'm seeing you in birds, Hyūga…hell, I've lost my mind…_

"Yes." Isuka nodded. "The frustration of not being free turns into this kind of behaviour."

"So why the heck do you keep them caged up?" Naruto said.

"Unfortunately, given what we're trying to achieve with this particular breed, they need to be kept in a controlled environment. It's necessary."

"Necessary_, _huh?" Shikamaru muttered, frowning.

"Of course," Isuka glanced at him. "Otherwise we wouldn't do it. Birds aren't meant to be in cages after all."

Shikamaru's eyes softened a little at that, his gaze on the birds yet his mind on something else. "No…they're not."

"Isuka-san?" Sakura called, breaking Shikamaru's stare. "There's something wrong with this one, I think it might be in the chest cavity."

Isuka smiled kindly, stepping over. "Let me see it."

Shikamaru took the opportunity to move away from the birdcage and the miserable looking creatures bound within its captivity. He tried to pull his focus away from the confusing swirl shifting around in his head, namely the memory of those bruises on Neji's chest.

_Dammit._

Latching onto anything else to focus on, he dropped his gaze to the bird Sakura held gently on the examining table. Isuka was tapping on its chest in a methodical pattern that caused the Nara's brow to arch.

"What are you doing?"

"EFT," Sakura explained, holding the bird steady.

Naruto piped up before Shikamaru could ask. "What the heck is that?"

"Emotional freedom technique," Isuka clarified, glancing at Sakura. "You know it?"

"I know _about_ it," the kunoichi said. "Not how to perform it."

"Er…so what is it again?" Naruto rounded the table, staring down at the bird.

Shikamaru frowned. "EFT…why does that sound familiar?"

_I've heard that mentioned before…crap…when was it…_

"Well, I'm surprised Ino didn't mention it to you," Sakura snorted, rolling her eyes. "She was bugging Neji to teach her for medic training before Tsunade could teach me."

Shikamaru glanced up sharply. "Neji?"

"Yes, the Hyūga are the ones who developed it," Sakura informed, smoothing out one of the bird's wings. "While _your_ clan provide most of the medical ingredients and remedies, the Hyūga sometimes contribute regarding the things we _can't_ see."

Shikamaru glanced at the bird, then back up. "Wanna elaborate?"

"Tsunade-sama said that EFT addresses emotional causes or energy disruptions in the body." Sakura shrugged. "Traditional medicine doesn't really focus on this aspect, which is why Hyūga insight helps."

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed in consideration, watching the steady taps of Isuka's fingertips on the bird's sternum. Something odd began to crawl around inside him, an uneasy inkling.

_Gonna need more than that…_

It wasn't often he let instinct override his logic, but right now, there was something about this technique that Isuka was using, that was bringing back the vision of those bruises dotted across Neji's chest.

_Am I reading too much into this?_

"So you use this to work out emotional problems?" he queried, sounding a little sceptical.

"Yes," Isuka nodded. "Just like people, animals can have emotional problems that are expressed through disruptive behaviours or health issues, especially those that have been through a traumatic experience."

_Traumatic experience…_

Shikamaru frowned, falling quiet and allowing for Kiba to speak up from across the room.

"It's true," the Inuzuka said, scratching at Akamaru's head. "I've seen some pretty bad stuff with our clan's dogs. So you give the birds _acupuncture _for that?"

Isuka laughed. "That's actually a really good comparison. I guess you could call what I'm tapping here 'acupressure points', where certain points are stimulated on the body."

Shikamaru felt a horrible, icy knot in his stomach, making it difficult to think clearly for a moment. "I'm guessing you could also call them tenketsu or chakra points too, right?"

Sakura looked up, frowning.

Shikamaru avoided her eyes.

"Chakra points? Absolutely." Isuka nodded. "I can see why the Hyūga would be so good at this. By using the Gentle Fist and Byakugan, they can easily locate and tap on chakra points with their fingers to alleviate emotional or psychological strains."

"And could it be used to stop or shut down emotions?" Shikamaru asked.

Isuka glanced at him strangely, as if he'd just suggested something remarkably stupid – or dangerous.

"Well…in theory yes, if you went so far as to _block_ those points," the woman paused, frowning. "But that would be harmful. This technique is supposed to locate pressure or pain to _release_ it, let it go, rather than block it up."

"And if you _did_ block those points up?" Shikamaru pressed, feeling that icy knot twisting tighter inside him.

"That can bring up a load of other health issues."

"Like blood clots," Shikamaru murmured, not realising he'd said it aloud, immediately recovering with a lazy arch of his brow as he looked up. "In theory…"

"Yes," Isuka nodded. "In extreme cases."

"Extreme?" Sakura echoed, glancing at Shikamaru.

"Well, the extremity being death." Isuka shrugged, continuing to tap along the bird's chakra points, completely oblivious to Shikamaru's glazed stare. "But that would never happen. No one in their right mind willingly blocks tenketsu."

Shikamaru lowered his gaze to the bird, staring for a moment before he cleared his throat. "Right."

"Shikamaru…" Sakura said softly, her voice layered with questions she couldn't ask in front of Naruto and Kiba.

Shikamaru glanced up at her, shaking his head subtly. But she wouldn't back down, staring back stubbornly. Shikamaru's eyes tensed with a warning that became more pronounced with every passing second ticking tensely between them.

_Dammit, don't make this harder for me._

Before the tension could become obvious to anyone else, Sakura relented, lowering her gaze to the bird with a nod. It was way too close a call, but Shikamaru found that he couldn't blame her. However, he wasn't about to indulge her either, not that he probably needed to. She already knew too much.

_Shit._

Shikamaru looked away, slid his hands into his pockets and turned in a lazy sway towards the door. "I'm gonna take a walk."

Naruto blinked. "Oi! But—"

"Leave it alone, Naruto," Sakura said quietly, but firmly.

Shikamaru didn't wait to see what the Uzumaki's response was.

He let the door clatter shut behind him.

* * *

He had no idea how long he wandered the interwoven pathways.

It could have been hours.

He crossed bridges of hollowed boughs in a directionless stroll that to any observer would have seemed relaxed and leisurely.

Inside, he felt like he was running, racing…but he couldn't get far enough away.

Shikamaru sighed, drawing his amble to a stop as his feet scuffed a familiar threshold. He glanced up, settling his gaze on the chipped sign hanging from the guest house.

_THE ROOKERY_

Somehow, some subconscious compass had led him back.

_Great…_

The place he'd aimed to avoid, his feet had taken him back to.

Figuring it was inevitable the Nara pushed down the urge to bolt in the opposite direction and slipped into the building. He passed through the large atrium of the guest house, a foyer dominated by a large tree that grew up through the floor and continued up into the ceiling. Small candles were set into grooves in the trunk, creating an atmosphere of peace that failed to make Shikamaru feel any less tense as he ascended the spiral of stairs.

He kept his eyes on the ground as he strolled along the level of the rooms, locating the one he was sharing with Neji. Not bothering to announce his presence, he turned the handle and shouldered open the door, freezing half-way into the room.

Pale eyes flicked across, locking on his wide, dark orbs.

Shikamaru hovered in a comical mid-step, gaze transfixed on Neji.

"Neji…what the hell are you doing?"

The Hyūga stood on the edge of a desk, balanced on the ball of his right foot, his left leg extended at an angle designed to steady his equilibrium – which was precariously tilting in favour of the floor. Perched on the end of his leg was a large bird, its gnarled talons hooked securely around his ankle.

"It flew in…" Neji explained, his voice tight with indignant embarrassment.

Shikamaru felt a bubbling sensation fluttering around in his chest, his expression starting to twist with the effort to contain his laughter. "Right."

"I was trying to get it out…"

"Right."

Neji glanced at his leg. "It won't get off."

"So wave your leg around."

"I can't."

"'Cause you'll land on your ass," Shikamaru smirked, carefully closing the door behind him so as not to disturb the bird pecking at Neji's sandal.

Despite knowing Neji would argue the opposite, Shikamaru assumed it had less to do with losing balance and more to do with the Hyūga's reluctance to startle the bird.

_Soft spot for birds…figures…_

"You got beat by a bird...that's kinda tragic, Hyūga."

Neji scowled. "Shut up. There's another one."

Shikamaru paused, arching a brow. "Where?"

As if on cue, a raspy squawk sounded from behind Neji's head. Shikamaru took a broad step to his right, catching the flash of large tail feathers that briefly fanned above Neji's head like a crown.

_No way…_

"It's in your hair…"

"Well done, Nara," the Hyūga growled. "Get. It. Out."

Shikamaru folded his arms and slanted against the wall, pressing a fist to his lips.

Neji shot him a feral glare. "It's not funny."

"I'm not laughing."

"You're a lying bastard, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru pressed his lips tightly, thumping his fist against them before he pushed away from the wall, strolling over. "Don't really wanna make this my problem."

"I don't care, just get it out."

"Seriously Hyūga, just shake them off."

"I _can't_."

Shikamaru stopped by the desk, glancing up at Neji. "What the hell do you mean, you _can't_?"

Neji's eyes flashed. "What the hell do you think they're holding onto me with? Adhesive tape?"

Shikamaru tried very hard not to smile, his voice drawling out. "Did they draw blood?"

"I'll draw your blood in a minute."

"Settle down," Shikamaru smirked, stepping up onto the chair beside the desk.

Neji wobbled again, scowling. Shikamaru tilted, locating the bird that had somehow buried itself into the dark mane of Neji's hair. Oddly enough, it completely ignored him.

_Weird…_

Slipping his fingers into the mocha stream, Shikamaru swayed the thick mass of hair aside, eyes widening a little.

"Shit."

"Exactly." Neji scowled. "Get it off."

"Hold still." Shikamaru frowned, his amusement falling away as he glimpsed the lock of the bird's talons at Neji's nape, the unusually large claws digging deep.

_What the hell?_

"Today would be nice, Shikamaru."

"Shut up a minute," the shadow-nin growled, reaching for the bird.

Sensing the cage of his fingers, the bird flapped its wings viciously, but it wouldn't release Neji, its claws tearing a little deeper. As thin ribbons of blood began to trickle along the Hyūga's nape, Shikamaru quickly closed his grip around the fluttering wings, forcing the bird to twist around and peck violently at his thumb.

_Shit, it's not letting go…!_

Neji hissed, abandoning his concern for the bird perched on his leg in favour of reacting to the one tearing into his neck. The Hyūga planted his foot back on the desk, forcing the bird at his ankle to take flight in a startled squawk. The minute it did, the one at Neji's nape released him, struggling fiercely in Shikamaru's hand until the Nara released it.

"What the hell!" Shikamaru growled, watching as the two birds circled wildly in the room before making a coordinated dash for the window, flapping out with high-pitched screeches.

_What the hell was that?_

Shikamaru snapped his gaze back to Neji when the Hyūga hopped down off the desk, slipping his fingers to his nape. "That was unpleasant."

"Unpleasant? More like unnatural."

Shikamaru stepped down off the chair, planting a hand on Neji's shoulder as he tugged the thick mane of hair aside once more, his eyes scanning the slashes on the back of Neji's neck.

"What the _hell_ is up with the birds here?" the Nara frowned, brushing away the blood with his thumb, too concerned to realise the fact that Neji wasn't shoving him away as the Hyūga normally would have done.

"I'm not sure I want to know," Neji muttered, shaking his head before turning around, forcing Shikamaru to take a step back and release him. "You were supposed to be sleeping."

Shikamaru arched a brow, uncertain how to respond to the sudden shift of attention away from Neji and onto himself. "Yeah well, catchin' a nap is hard work."

"You'll have to work harder then." Neji smiled slightly, the look so foreign to his face that it took Shikamaru a moment to realise that he might have been staring. "You need to rest, Nara."

Shikamaru flicked his eyes away and around the room. "So do you. When was the last time you slept?"

"I needed to make arrangements."

"That's not an answer," Shikamaru said, glancing back.

Neji shrugged. "I'll sleep when I'm dead."

Shikamaru's face turned to stone at those words; that chill lodging in his gut again.

Neji cocked his head, lip still curved. "That was supposed to be a joke."

"I know."

"This is why I don't make them."

Shikamaru blinked, shaking his head. "No it's not that…"

The barely-there smile dropped from Neji's face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just—"

"Tired."

Shikamaru swallowed. "Yeah…"

He watched Neji scan his face, those pale eyes searching for cracks in his expression. He hoped he'd managed to catch himself in time, but just in case, he shuttered his gaze to a sleepy half-mast once more.

"Done giving me the troublesome onceover, Hyūga?"

Neji cocked his head the other way and did something more damaging than offer a retort or a glare…he smiled.

The knot in Shikamaru's gut turned colder.

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **Another LONG chapter done and dusted! More answers on the way. Forgive typos. The next instalments will probably be shorter. Oh and of course, more Shika/Neji moments imminent ^_^ **REVIEWERS: **_I seriously adore you guys! I appreciate your awesome support and feedback. Thank you again for all the lovely reviewing. I cherish each and every one! Always, always appreciated. _Hope y'all enjoyed this chapter ^_^

[chapter edited]


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Twenty Four**

[Dedicated to Lady Mortis]

Early evening stole the fire from the leaves, turning the autumn tinge of the village to a soft, milky blue. As the light began to change, Hanegakure's song changed. Birds settled in to roost, their melodies fading away to allow for the whisper of the canopies; an endless rustle.

Neji closed his eyes, feeling the cool sweep of the breeze against his face, stirring his bangs. He stood on the small balcony that curved out from the guest room, his palms resting on the balustrade, fashioned from a curved bough.

_Breathe…_

He drew a slow, steady breath through his nose, holding it for a count of five before exhaling, letting the stale air waft away. The pain in his chest eased a little.

_This will pass._

A soft tickle brushed his cheek, causing his eyes to slip open.

His gaze settled on the airy drift of feathers, a gentle dance of plumes that swirled and seesawed on the current. Neji watched the twirl of a white quill, tracing its descent until it settled on the balcony, quivering on the edge.

He stared at it for moment…

Then he reached for it…

It slipped away before he could grasp it – taken by the breeze.

Neji watched it sail away, frowning.

"God dammit…" Shikamaru's voice grumbled from inside the guest room.

Neji blinked, staring at his fingers, though he raised his voice to carry back into the room. "What is it?"

"Eggs…"

Neji blinked, glancing over his shoulder. "_What_?"

"They're boiled…that's even worse…"

"What are you talking about?"

Neji slipped back into the guestroom, glancing across the candlelit space to where Shikamaru sat on the floor by the low table, staring with an utterly unimpressed look at the food that had been brought to the room.

"Eggs," Shikamaru repeated, his voice flat.

Neji thought better about advertising his amusement and instead stepped over, folding his legs into a neat kneel as he seated himself opposite the shadow-nin.

"An odd thing to have on the menu," the Hyūga said. "Considering their affinity for birds…"

"Screw the birds…did I mention I hate eggs?"

"As if you needed to."

Shikamaru stared blankly at the boiled eggs, prodding one of them with his chopsticks, watching it roll across the lacquered plate. "Ugh…"

Neji shook his head, smiling faintly. "Well, that's not all there is."

Shikamaru glanced up, retaining his deadpan expression as he speared his chopsticks into a grainy looking substance. "And what the hell is this? Bird food?"

"Either you offended someone, or this is their diet."

"No wonder the women look like they need to eat," Shikamaru drawled, setting the chopsticks down. "Ino would love it here. Don't wanna know how Chōji's coping."

Neji quirked his lip and reached for one of the two tea cups. "Everyone ate earlier while you were asleep. It was a five-course meal, a shame you missed it."

Shikamaru's stopped prodding the grains, a single eyebrow sketching upwards. "What?"

"I did try to wake you," Neji took a sip of the tea, watching Shikamaru through the steam. "I gave up after the third attempt."

"You're joking…"

"Not this time."

He watched Shikamaru stab the chopsticks back into the cereal grains. "Think they'd notice if one of their birds went missing?"

Neji let a breathy chuckle slip, the sound escaping before he could contain it. "I wouldn't risk it."

"Don't plan to, just a thought," Shikamaru shrugged, watching him through half-lidded eyes. "Probably get salmonella."

"Are there any animals that don't offend you, Nara?"

"Ones that don't attack me, crap on me or wake me up."

"Such as?"

"Deer."

Neji smirked. "Of course."

He watched Shikamaru cover up the food and reach for the other teacup, pouring himself some of the smoky brew. As the steam wafted up, Neji took a moment to observe the Nara by candlelight, swathed in the shadows that the Chūnin was so comfortable with.

The shadows clung to him, as if they knew their master, swelling and shrinking with each flicker of the flames, drawing sharp definition to the Nara's jaw and the sculpture of his face. The barest glisten of light drew Neji's gaze up to the sharp ponytail, where droplets still clung from the shower the shadow-nin had taken.

"What?" Shikamaru suddenly said, causing Neji to jerk his gaze back down.

The Nara was lazily observing him from over the rim of the cup poised at his mouth, the play of steam swirling like smoke – bringing to mind that taste he'd gleaned off Shikamaru earlier.

_Stop it…_

Attempting to cover his irritation at getting caught, Neji shook his head, glancing away.

"Nothing, I was just thinking about the meeting tomorrow," Neji lied, knowing Shikamaru would see through it, but also knowing the shadow-nin wouldn't call him up on it.

"Yeah…what a drag."

"How enthusiastic of you," Neji snorted, smoothing his thumb along the hot ceramic of the cup, looking for a distraction.

Shikamaru shrugged, staring at the tea. "Just want this over with…sooner we clean up their mess, sooner we get back home."

Neji inclined his head; those words seemed overshadowed by something else in the Nara's voice, barely discernable. Like the faintest scratch on a Richter scale before it steadied itself back to the same monotonous tone.

"Eager for the next assignment, Nara?" Neji teased, setting his cup down with a clink.

"Sure…" Shikamaru snorted, bracing an arm across his raised knee. "Like she's gonna let me catch a damn break, right?"

"Tsunade-sama?"

"Take your pick. Her, mom, Ino. Women are always breathing down my damned nec—_crap…_" Shikamaru cut off, eyes widening before he slouched forward and planted his face into his palm, groaning.

"What's wrong?" Neji wasn't sure whether to be amused or concerned.

"Ino…"

"Ino?"

"Her birthday…shit…"

Neji stared blankly. "What about it?"

"It's coming up soon." Shikamaru blew out a harassed breath that whistled between his fingers. "She's gonna want something."

"Why would she want something from you?"

Shikamaru paused, then parted his fingers enough to peer through the cracks, arching a brow. "Are you kidding me?"

Neji shook his head. "I didn't realise it was compulsory."

"You don't get crap for Tenten?"

"No, Lee gets something _pleasant_ and I sign the card."

"Real nice, Hyūga."

"And then contribute towards whatever he purchases," Neji added with a smile, shaking his head. "I'm no fool. I wouldn't know where to start."

"Yeah well, I don't have that kind of backup. Chōji will probably just suggest a meal…and Ino's a little more materialistic than that."

"I see…" Neji tried not to see the amusement in Shikamaru's dilemma. "Flowers are out then…"

"She works in a damned flower shop, Hyūga." Shikamaru rubbed at the bridge of his nose. "Ugh…she's probably got it all worked out…she's gonna drag me into some troublesome joint-thing again…I'm screwed…"

"Troublesome joint-thing?" Neji echoed, realising how odd those words sounded coming out of his mouth. However, they seemed to amuse the shadow-nin, if the Nara's weak chuckle was anything to go by.

"Yeah…" Shikamaru held up his index with a kind of wry resignation. "One-day difference makes a _world_ of damned difference."

_What?_

"Shikamaru…" Neji squinted, tilting his head. "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about…"

"Probably for the best." Shikamaru smirked lazily. "Don't really give much of a crap about birthdays myself."

Neji frowned, thoroughly lost for a moment before the pieces slid into place.

_Joint-thing…one day difference…_

The Hyūga's eyes brightened with clarity. "_Your_ birthday…?"

Shikamaru made a show of clapping his hands, the mock applause causing Neji to roll his eyes. "Well done, Hyūga. That was fast."

Ignoring the glint of mischief in Shikamaru's eyes – which could have been the candlelight – Neji shifted from his kneel, moving to sit somewhat less formally; he wouldn't allow himself to consider it 'relaxing'.

"So, would it be such a terrible thing to indulge her?" Neji asked.

Shikamaru shot him a weary glance. "You weren't there the last time."

"No. What happened?"

"I don't know, I think I slept through most of it."

Neji smiled, unable to clamp down on a chuckle. "How predictable."

"Those things usually are...so I check out early…oh yeah, by the way…" Shikamaru reached for his tea cup, dangling it from the tips of his fingers as he raised it in what appeared to be a toast. "Happy belated birthday."

Neji stopped smiling.

_How did he know?_

The Hyūga instantly pulled a neutral mask across his face.

Shikamaru hummed questioningly, glancing over his raised hand. "Two months back, yeah?"

Neji stared quietly for a moment before he let his hand stray toward his tea cup, keeping his voice pleasantly calm. "How did you know?"

"Quit being paranoid," Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "Relax and make the damned toast."

"I'm not paranoid. It's just not information in general circulation."

Shikamaru arched a brow and it was only then that Neji realised how ridiculous he must have sounded. The Hyūga knew it was the social norm for birthdays to be acknowledged amongst friends or comrades; he also knew that by default, the occasions were usually marked by celebration and gift-giving. But Neji's idea of marked birthdays had always carried a layer of literal meaning that left him with a bitter aftertaste no amount of cake or good wishes could cure.

_Don't think about it now…_

Neji closed his eyes, shaking off his thoughts with a faint smile designed to distract Shikamaru from the tension in his voice. "I appreciate the sentiment."

He tried his best to ignore the veiled glance Shikamaru cast him – made all the more intense by the play of shadows in his eyes. Just when he thought the Nara was going to force him to raise a defence, Shikamaru smirked, letting it go.

"This _should_ be saké," the shadow-nin shrugged, leaning forward to tilt his wrist. "Good thing for you it's not."

"Oh?" Neji arched a brow, raising his cup in a similar fashion to clink their drinks, feeling their fingers brush inadvertently – he ignored the lingering sensation.

"We both know how well you handle your drink, Hyūga," Shikamaru smirked, saluting the air with the cup for good measure. "So here's to your crap level of tolerance – may it improve."

Neji rolled his eyes. "Because I'm certain that it will prove useful in the future."

"No kidding. I might not be there the next time you need to walk a straight line."

"I am excellent at walking lines, Shikamaru." Neji returned smoothly. "I toe them every day."

_Fuck…_

The words were out before he could stop them.

Shikamaru paused with his drink half-way to his lips, raising his eyes.

Neji instantly took a sip of his tea, swallowing the scalding brew as if to burn away the taste of those words in his mouth, hoping Shikamaru would just let the dangerous comment slide. But the shadow-nin's gaze was as potent as a spotlight, making Neji feel twice as exposed.

"Got a reason you keep toeing those lines?" Shikamaru asked; his voice completely relaxed and unaffected.

Neji's felt his defences rise, completely tense and way _too_ affected.

The Hyūga steeled his face with an icy glare. "I suppose I could always follow _your_ lead and _cross_ lines instead."

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed, his head instantly drawing back at the bite in those words, as if they'd gone for his throat.

_Good. Back off._

Neji held his shuttered gaze, daring the Nara to push him.

He felt that familiar hostile ground inching back under their feet and waited for Shikamaru to cut him back with a caustic retort.

But the shadow-nin did something completely unexpected.

Shikamaru calmly set his cup down, lazily shifted onto his knees and leaned forward across the table, completely ignoring the wall of tension Neji tried to pull up between them – in fact, the bastard passed right through it, levelling their gazes so close that Neji had to physically lock every muscle against the instinct to tilt back.

His personal space completely invaded, Neji's eyes flared with a warning…which seemed to have no effect on Shikamaru whatsoever. If anything, it caused the Nara to lean in until their noses were almost touching.

Neji sat rigid, glaring.

Shikamaru blinked slowly, appearing far too relaxed for someone invading the personal space of a ninja who would fight tooth and nail to defend it. But other than hover critically close, the Chūnin made no other move.

Seconds ticked by.

Confusion replaced Neji's irritation and he frowned slightly.

It must have been the cue that the Nara was waiting for.

"Now that I've got your attention…" Shikamaru's breath stirred his hair, the easy tones rolling as rich as wood smoke, his next words just as opaque in their meaning. "I'm not trying to attack you, Neji."

Neji's brain halted, caught in the cross-fire of all his possible reactions to that statement, not knowing whether to prepare for a hit or whether he'd already taken one.

He felt raw again, exposed.

"Go ahead and try," Neji bit out. "Make this easier for both of us."

"Easier?" One corner of Shikamaru's mouth curved. "You'd think I would. Normally I run away from troublesome crap…bodily harm, for instance."

Neji raised his chin a notch, the defiant angle allowing him to glance down a fraction into those dark eyes.

"If avoiding bodily harm is your objective, you've made a tactical error by placing yourself this close to me, Nara."

"Quit being a pain in the ass Hyūga, you're actually worth a bit of damn effort when you're not being defensive."

Neji opened his mouth, shut it, repeated the process – then frowned, taken aback for a moment.

"What?"

"You want me to dumb it down? Fine." Shikamaru shrugged, bracing the heels of his palms on the table, not backing off, but not moving forward. "I'm not trying to attack you. You're worthwhile company when you're not being uptight, so _relax_. That's as '_stupid_ simple' as I'm gonna make it."

'_Stupid' simple?_

Neji arched a brow. "I think you're attacking my intelligence now."

Shikamaru smirked. "I'd beat you every time if I was."

Neji found his lips lifting at the corners as if by their own will; as if some other part of his psyche had taken control of his face. "And you call _me_ arrogant."

"Not arrogant if you can back it up, apparently."

"I think _you_ need to back up," Neji muttered, his voice softer now, almost reluctantly amused – his anger all but obliterated.

_How the hell does he do that?_

Shikamaru cocked his head, pinning Neji with an indecipherable look before he slowly leaned back. Neji waited until the shadow-nin had reversed completely from his personal space, before relaxing his guard a little.

It was ridiculous how quickly the ripples of tension smoothed out, leaving a kind of electric hum that was more stirring than uncomfortable.

_This attraction…is illogical…and dangerous…_

But he couldn't deny it.

He watched Shikamaru reclaim an easy slouch against the table, propping his elbow as he sipped at his cooling tea, watching Neji through his lashes; observing with deceptive lethargy.

Neji knew better than to underestimate him.

Normally, being on the receiving end of the Nara's stares would have irked the Hyūga, but it somehow managed to intrigue him.

"Why do you bother, Shikamaru?"

"Good question," Shikamaru tilted his head in consideration. "I don't go verbal rounds with a lot of people, you know. It's a drag."

"So why do you bother?" he repeated, not falling for the evasive tactic.

"Maybe because you don't bore me," the Nara shrugged. "You're a pain in the ass, but you're not brainless."

Neji let a smile slip, shaking his head. "Another one of your backhanded compliments, Nara?"

Shikamaru snorted wryly. "You want flattery? Go speak to your fangirls back at the Shogi House – hell, most of the population of Konoha will be happy to oblige. But you're not gonna get that from me."

Neji dropped his eyes with a smile, not expecting a strong thread of respect to worm its way past one of his defences, lacing into his words.

"I would be disappointed if I did, Shikamaru," the Hyūga admitted.

Neji glanced up from his tea cup and immediately indulged in the rare and profound sense of satisfaction that came from having surprised the other ninja. Shikamaru was staring at him with open disbelief.

Neji chuckled. "Do you think I'm a slave to my ego? Now I _am_ disappointed."

"No, I just didn't think you'd say something like that out loud," Shikamaru recovered his smirk. "You're making jokes and bypassing bullshit…what the hell happened, Hyūga?"

_I don't know…_

Neji rolled his eyes, smothering his smile behind the ceramic of the cup as he took a sip of the brew.

"You know how I feel about progress."

"And the bullshit is back," Shikamaru laughed, drawing Neji's attention to the easy resonance of the sound.

He found himself relaxing a little more, completely unaware of the physical rapport he was slipping into by mirroring Shikamaru's slant; drawn in by the banter bouncing back and forth between them.

"Do you want me to say that I don't know?" Neji asked with phony exasperation.

"That's a risky move," Shikamaru shrugged, dangling the teacup precariously from his fingertips. "Better ask your ego's permission."

Neji smirked. "I can do arrogant if you'd prefer."

"No thanks, I got my fill of observing _that_ bullshit from Sasuke."

Neji's curiosity piqued. "Aside from the obvious – what _is_ your problem with Uchiha, Shikamaru?"

"Problem?" Shikamaru drawled, but an odd edge cut across his voice. "You mean I have to pick just one?"

Neji set his cup down at exactly the same time as Shikamaru, his eyes fixed on the shadow-nin, trying to read something from his face that wasn't lost in the play of candlelight.

"It can't just be his betrayal of Konoha, surely."

Shikamaru's smile was a little too sharp to be amused. "You'd think that would be enough, right?"

"So what is it?"

Shikamaru shrugged. "He's an asshole. My brain isn't even required for that one."

"Yet I recall you saying he had a justified reason to act like an 'asshole'."

"You remember that?" Shikamaru tilted his head, almost sounding impressed.

Neji snorted. "Possibly because you were comparing me to him at the time."

"You're not an asshole," Shikamaru smirked, shaking his head. "You just behave like one sometimes."

Neji flattened his smile. "Oh, how tactfully put, Nara. And I suppose my reasons are as justified as Uchiha's in your Bingo Book of Bastards."

"Are they?" Shikamaru asked, gliding his thumb in slow circles around the rim of his teacup.

"What?"

"Justified?"

Neji hesitated, scrambling for a way to respond to that. "I do what is necessary, given what I want, Shikamaru."

"Yeah? Which is what, exactly?"

Neji glanced away, his throat tightening around a bitter laugh. "The last time I asked you what _you_ wanted, you didn't bother to deign me with a response. I'll return the courtesy."

Shikamaru raised a hand in mock surrender, conceding the point. "Fair enough. But I answered your other question, so answer this one…did you mean what you said about Sasuke being weak?"

Neji glanced back, jolted by the question. "What?"

Shikamaru watched him with an unerring stillness, the Nara's only movement being the easy roll of his thumb against the ceramic of his teacup.

"You said you thought he was weak because he couldn't control his emotions."

Neji frowned, trying to place those words in his well-stacked library of 'moments he wished he could return' without charge. Unfortunately, every delayed second was costing him. He bypassed the uncomfortable shelf where the memory of that rainy night was stored; almost able to taste the bitterness of the words he'd let fly when he'd slipped up.

_Lost control…That won't happen again…_

"I don't remember saying that," he lied, shaking his head as he slid his fingers to the teapot, pretending to check the warmth.

"You were pretty worked up at the time."

"I told you," Neji dropped his hand away from the teapot, forcing calm into his voice. "I don't remember saying that."

"Guess that means you don't remember saying that you thought he was so consumed by his emotions that they corrupted him."

Neji veered his focus back to Shikamaru, colliding with the weight of the Nara's gaze.

Shikamaru didn't flinch, but his thumb stopped circling the cup.

Neji drew a slow, measured breath. "I wouldn't have been wrong, if that's what I said."

"So you think he's weak, because he acts on what he's feeling?"

Neji leaned back a little.

_What game are you playing, Nara?_

He could tell that Sasuke was having less and less to do with the conversation – Uchiha was just a vehicle Shikamaru was using to drive it. Neji had no intention of being pulled along for the ride. He knew where this road would lead.

_No. This is as far as he goes._

Searching for the quickest way to knock Shikamaru off course, Neji opted for a less defensive tactic, hoping it would surprise the Nara enough to redirect the conversation away from disastrous territory.

"If I didn't know any better, I would think you're defending him, Shikamaru." Neji smirked, tilting his head.

"Not likely," the Nara said, his gaze fixed, unwavering.

Neji took the opportunity to steer the dialogue further off track. "Yet you led that Retrieval Team when he defected years ago."

"Hokage's orders."

Neji shook his head. "You also never dissuade Naruto's attempts to bring him home, despite the fact that they seem to be futile efforts. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be helped."

He expected an immediate counter – which didn't come.

To the Hyūga's surprise, Shikamaru seemed to suddenly give up the chase. Just as quickly as he'd pushed, the Nara pulled back. Not in that blasé, easy sway that Neji was used to, but a clear, sharp retreat.

_Strange._

Neji watched Shikamaru glance off towards the corner of the room, noticing immediately that a pulse of tension had suddenly picked up.

_Why?_

He almost jolted when Shikamaru eventually spoke. "Naruto's doing what he has to do…"

"Has to?"

"Yeah, he believes it's the right thing, so he's doing it. I'm not gonna make trouble for him. Why would I?"

"Because your judgement isn't clouded and you know better?"

Shikamaru hesitated then shrugged, not bothering to respond – or return his gaze…which was more confusing to Neji than a lack of response. The Hyūga frowned slightly, mentally retracing his words to search for something he might have said to have provoked this unforeseen reaction. Or lack of reaction.

"Are you alright?"

Shikamaru smiled slightly, his eyes still fixed across the room, watching the shadows in the furthest corner, even though he was swathed in them. "You're paranoid."

Neji didn't take the bait. "You're not the only one who sees through bullshit, Nara."

"Guess not." Shikamaru closed his eyes, his smile tightening. "Score to Hyūga."

Neji hummed softly. "Back to playing games?"

"Probably be easier, right?" Shikamaru slipped his eyes open, still not looking across.

Though the Nara didn't telegraph his tension in the way others did, Neji knew where to look. His pale eyes scanned along Shikamaru's temples and face, reading the tightness beneath the surface.

_What are you hiding?_

The shadow-nin eventually slid his gaze across, offering a sidelong glance rather than a direct look.

Neji stared back calmly.

"Giving me the once-over again?" Shikamaru's droll words mirrored his expression, which seemed to revert back to its relaxed smirk before Neji could gauge what had caused the shift.

_Damn you, Nara…you're like chasing a shadow in the dark…_

He just couldn't pin Shikamaru down.

The Nara slipped out of reach just like that feather had earlier.

Shikamaru was safe behind defences that constantly morphed and swayed, flexibly adapting to the circumstance and allowing him to stay out of range. Far more effective in these situations than the rigid defences Neji employed.

Oddly enough, their defences mirrored their jutsu. Neji's being close-quarter and damaging. Shikamaru's remaining long-range and subtly evasive. It made for an interesting battle…but for once, Neji didn't want to fight…

_I should…_

It was what he was good at after all.

_I know how to fight…I don't know…how to do 'this'…why do I even want to?_

As abruptly as he'd sought the Nara's eyes, Neji broke the lock of their gazes, moving to his feet sharply, trying not to appear as disoriented as he suddenly felt.

Shikamaru watched him from the floor, frowning slightly.

"Neji…" the shadow-nin said cautiously.

Neji ignored him and turned to slide beyond the reach of those eyes that saw too damned much without giving half as much away. Opting for the closest exit, he slipped outside onto the balcony, snatching a breath of cold air with a growl.

_Ridiculous…this is absolutely absurd…_

And exhausting…draining in a way that made the whole situation paradoxical. He felt stirred and steeled, angry and calm, attracted and repelled, fired up and shot down all at the same time…

_Stop…_

Neji shook his head sharply; digging his fingers like claws into the balustrade of the balcony, gripping so tight the skin across his knuckles looked like it would split.

_What the hell is wrong with me?_

"Neji…"

He barely heard Shikamaru until the shadow-nin's voice was practically at his ear, the warmth of it drawing a prickle along the back of his neck.

"Why?" Neji seethed out, shaking his head. "It makes no sense."

"I know…"

Neji snorted bitterly. "No, you _don't_ know."

"Well yeah, that's kind of the problem. Neither do you."

Neji clenched his eyes shut, tension stabbing pain across his chest. "Please stop talking, Shikamaru."

Quiet settled between them, disturbed only by the stir of the leaves and the hoarse sound of his own breathing. Neji held his breath against the sharp twinges in his chest, tightening his fingers against the varnished wood of the balustrade.

_Not now…_

He didn't sense the shift of movement beside him, keeping his eyes closed until he felt the hint of a touch skim across his shoulder, under the fall of his hair, to his nape. He slipped his eyes open, staring down at his bone-white knuckles as Shikamaru's thumb grazed his neck.

Not a word passed between them as the shadow-nin's thumb tapped lightly against his skin, in tandem with an unheard beat, the rhythmic touch coaxing Neji to loosen his grip on the railing – and the tight breath he was holding.

The moment he exhaled Shikamaru stopped tapping, his thumb brushing lightly instead.

_Breathe._

Neji glanced across through the fall of his bangs; but Shikamaru wasn't looking at him. The shadow-nin had cocked his hip against the bough-crafted railing, his gaze on the milky light filtering through the canopies.

He tensed in discomfort when Shikamaru's thumb grazed one of the gashes in his neck, drawing his attention to the itching sting. He'd almost forgotten about them.

"Did you put something on it?" Shikamaru asked, as casually as if he wasn't touching the source of his query.

Neji shook his head. "Not yet."

"You're troublesome, Hyūga."

"I don't disappoint, do I?" Neji murmured, not sure whether he was trying to make a joke or whether he was trying to sound bitter.

He'd never been more confused.

Shikamaru hummed, dropping his hand away to move back into the guestroom. Neji turned to stand at the threshold, bracing his shoulder against the frame of the shoji door without stepping back inside. It was a kind of half-way point, which was as far as the Hyūga was willing to place himself at the moment.

He watched Shikamaru in silence as the shadow-nin crouched down beside his dropped set of belongings, all shoved into a corner. The Nara checked inside a flap on his flak-jacket, tugging out a small container.

Neji cocked his head, folding his arms across his chest. "What is that?"

"Salve," Shikamaru said as he pushed to his feet in a sway, moving over. "Not like Hinata's, but it'll do the trick."

Neji lifted a brow, elegant features adopting mock-suspicion. "Not weapon oil then?"

Shikamaru smirked. "She labelled this one."

"She?" Neji dropped his eyes to the container Shikamaru waved around, catching the neat script scratched onto a peeling label. "You should show a little more respect, shouldn't you?"

"My personal tyrant," Shikamaru clarified.

"You stole from your own mother…" Neji muttered quietly, managing a tired smile. "How deplorable."

Shikamaru's eyebrows shot up. "You kidding? She practically shoved this into my flak-jacket. I find things in there that aren't supposed to be there."

"You mean _she_ finds things in there that aren't supposed to be there," Neji smirked, dropping his arms to take the salve.

Shikamaru snorted. "Laugh it up all you want, but it's got me in a lot of shit."

"At least she cares."

Shikamaru turned away, muttering what sounded like 'troublesome woman' beneath his breath, but there was something begrudgingly warm about it. Neji smiled, stepping back into the room. He made his way to the bed which wasn't crumpled and perched on the edge, twisting the cap off the salve.

Pain began to pulse in chest.

Pretending to tug his hair over his shoulder, he watched Shikamaru stroll into the bathroom, yawning. It was only when the Nara knocked the door shut with his heel that Neji stood up, set the salve down and stepped away from the bed, placing his back to the bathroom. He reached for the fastening of his robe, tugging the fold of white away from his chest. The play of candlelight fell behind him, but he didn't need the illumination to find the marks dotted around the lean planes of his chest.

_Focus…_

He skimmed the tips of his fingers to the bruised skin, pressing down on the deep, angry splashes of purple. Pain knifed through him, causing his jaw to clamp shut around a hiss. He closed his eyes.

_Damn it…_

He didn't hear the bathroom door open.

Or sense the falter in the steps of the approaching shadow.

His focus was directed solely on controlling the pain, forcing it down as it pushed up.

It was only the soft exhale behind him that caused his eyes to snap open and the world to come slamming back.

Neji froze, his fingertips still pressed against his chest.

He stared straight ahead.

Shikamaru's shadow merged with his own on the wall, a set of flickering silhouettes shivering in the candlelight; at odds with how rigidly Neji held himself, utterly unmoving.

He didn't dare look over his shoulder, not wanting to see what would be standing in the Nara's eyes.

_I can't take that right now…_

So he kept his gaze on Shikamaru's shadow, as if he could stare it down.

He waited for the question…the comment…the push…the moment that would drive them into another confrontation.

It never came…

Seconds passed into a small eternity if moments…his hoarse breaths pulling tighter as each one slipped by.

Then Shikamaru's shadow moved, sliding away off the wall as if it were melting.

Neji held his breath, low and tight in his throat, staring at the lone figure of his own shadow as Shikamaru's disappeared.

Then he felt it.

Tendrils snaking up along his legs, like shadow-cobras, following the creases of his clothes, coiling higher until they spiralled slowly along his arms in gentle, phantom caresses.

Neji remained paralyzed, as if held in a jutsu, but he wasn't.

He felt the opaque vines of Shikamaru's shadow coil gently around his wrist, very slowly drawing his hand away from his chest…away from the bruises…away from the pain…

Another shadow stroked across the sharp jut of his collarbone, brushing his robe aside, causing the fabric to drop away like a collapsed defence. The tendril then spread into the form of a shadow-hand, which skimmed ghost-like fingers along his throat, sliding around to his nape, kneading softly.

Neji shook once, his breath shuddering out of him.

He felt the shadows meander across the contours of his chest, following the taut planes like black rivers seeking to erode the tension. The control.

_Stop…_

The Hyūga tensed up, trying to keep together what Shikamaru's shadows were starting to pull apart. He felt the black threads around his wrist unfurl, winding along his forearm slowly, scaling higher to trace across his shoulders, caressing his shoulder blades, slipping down along his spine …

It was unabashedly sensual…yet soothing…coaxing him to…

_Let go…_

Neji swallowed, managing to whisper a ragged word. "No…"

The snaking tendrils stopped.

They hovered for a moment, before they redirected their path at the base of his spine, sliding around to his hips, merging into a shadow-arm that banded higher around his waist and tugged him back against the body that stepped forward.

He felt Shikamaru's chest against his back…the unexpected warmth of skin-on-skin and the undeniable burn that flushed beneath the surface of it.

Shikamaru's breath fanned lightly across his shoulder.

The shadows retreated, stroking soothingly along his torso before vanishing altogether, leaving only the barest pressure of Shikamaru's hands at his hips, holding him steady. Neji took a moment to drag his senses back from the trance they'd drifted into, vaguely aware that Shikamaru's thumbs were tapping lightly against his hipbones.

Neji blinked slowly, his heavy-lidded gaze straying back to the wall...back to Shikamaru's shadow, addressing _it_ rather than turning his head to speak directly to the Chūnin standing so close that their skin brushed with the slightest movement.

"It seems you _can_ stop…what you start…" he said quietly, wondering if the words even worked their way out this throat, which felt oddly parched.

"Who said I started?" Shikamaru murmured in reply, his voice muffled against Neji's hair, lips stroking along the mocha strands. "I'm barely touching you."

_And even that's enough to do this to me…_

Neji sighed, shaking his head. "I'm close to hating you sometimes."

Shikamaru stopped tapping his thumbs, but he didn't drop his touch away.

The Nara hummed quietly. "Would be easier if you did…"

Neji frowned, turning his head slightly, just about glimpsing Shikamaru, whose chin was almost resting on his shoulder, but not quite. He felt the Chūnin's lips brush the edge of his jaw.

"Don't ask me troublesome things." Shikamaru sighed, his voice falling into that strange timbre Neji barely recognised.

It was _this_, and this alone, that stopped the Hyūga's initial flicker of anger in response to such an arrogant request – given that Shikamaru had initiated this. He'd have turned around, but that was dangerous for more reasons than his brain could process whilst in such close proximity to the shadow-nin.

_Damn him…_

Shikamaru did insanely incapacitating things to his logic, his defences, his control, his stability.

_A reason to hate him, right there…_

Neji shook his head, raising his hands to settle at Shikamaru's wrists, he gripped them firmly, fully intent on prying the Nara's hands off him. But he paused, his fingers wrapped so firmly around Shikamaru's wrists that he could feel the shadow-nin's pulse.

A life-affirming beat beneath his fingertips.

Not slipping away or fading; strong, steady.

_Alive._

Neji loosened his grip.

He leaned back at exactly the same moment Shikamaru leaned forward, bowing his head with a rattled sigh as the Nara's brow settled against his shoulder. At the press of their skin, that familiar static crackled between them, easing into a steady, charged thrum.

The familiar paradox of how Shikamaru managed to stir and steady him all at the same time had never felt so complicated …or so simple...

"I'll hate you tomorrow, Nara," Neji said softly, his fingers brushing the veins in Shikamaru's wrists. "I'm too tired right now."

Shikamaru's reply went unspoken...but Neji felt it in the lingering sweep of the Nara's thumbs against his hipbones…before the shadow-nin began to tap once more.

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **Little by little. A Shikamaru/Neji centred chapter with another in tow. Go team yaoi. ^_^ **REVIEWERS: **I glomp you, each and every one! Run for the hills screaming, because my epic shout of "THANK YOU" is likely to cause a natural disaster. I appreciate you guys **immensely**; y'all make me grin freakishly wide. Hope this chapter returned the favour. ^_^

**Reviewers without accounts: **My thanks to; **Rakija **(TY! ^_^), **Pixie **(arigato!), ***Gia Anna***(wow! thank you, luv! I have a magpie to thank for inspiration with the village lol!)  
**Lady Mortis – **This one goes out to you, luv. Thank you for your heart-warming and encouraging reviews, they're a figurative clap on the back and I truly appreciate it a lot! ^_^ Thank you!  
**Homemade_idiot** **– **L.O.L I hope this chapter whetted your appetite a bit, fellow minx-in-arms! Thanks for making me giggle. Appreciate hearing from you, always!  
**Fan**! – LOL! Daaw! Thanks for another grin-inducing review, luv! Hope you enjoyed this chapter ;)


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Twenty Five**

[Dedicated to Cassandra Aegis]

_Neji._

As ironically predictable as clockwork, Shikamaru woke just moments before it started; pulled from sleep by a firm, subconscious tug.

_4 AM…_

His eyes slipped open seconds before he heard Neji's breathing begin to shiver; and he reached the Jōnin seconds before it shattered. The moment it did, Neji bolted upright with a jolt so fierce it rocked the small bed and clattered the headboard.

_Shit!_

Shikamaru was almost knocked from his perch on the bed, but steadied himself with a gentle grip to Neji's shoulder. "Easy…"

The Hyūga's eyes flared and he twisted like a viper, his hand lashing out.

Shikamaru jerked his head back before those fingers could close around his throat, grabbing the Hyūga's wrist. "Neji!"

A tearing cough hacked out of the Hyūga, ripping away whatever attack the Jōnin had launched as the fight turned inward. Shikamaru took the chance to rock forward and slide his leg around, slipping behind Neji to band an arm around the Hyūga's torso, gripping a shaking shoulder as he tugged the Jōnin back and upright against the support of his chest.

"_Easy_…" he murmured. "Breathe…"

Against the warmth of his own skin, Neji's felt cool and damp, a cold sweat having broken out across the pale surface.

_Shit…_

Neji jerked sharply. "Let go!"

"It's _me_, dammit…come on…" Shikamaru said softly, ignoring the bruising dig of Neji's fingers into his forearm. "_Breathe_…come on…"

Neji juddered in his grip, hissing. "…Let me…go_…"_

Shikamaru frowned, an unexplainable twinge pulling in his own chest at the shake in those words. Despite the angry hiss, he could detect the buried desperation.

_What the hell happened to you, Neji?_

Angling his head, he glanced across at the dark bangs framing Neji's face, the chocolate coloured strands quivering with each rattling breath.

"_Hey_…" he whispered, sliding his palm to Neji's chest, brushing his thumb against the cold skin as he settled his lips at Neji's ear. "_I'm not trying to attack you, remember?_"

He heard Neji's breath shift and felt the tension ripple through the Hyūga's torso, tightening the lean muscles of his abdomen. Shikamaru hummed softly, slipping his other hand around, his thumb dragging along the heaving rungs of Neji's ribs.

"So damned stubborn_…_" he murmured. "Take it easy…You've got this…come on_…"_

Neji tried to hunch free from the loose embrace, his shoulder blades jutting against Shikamaru's chest. The Nara ignored it, adjusting his grip to accommodate, keeping the easy hold, an offer of calm support to avoid the risk of Neji feeling suffocated or caged.

_Controlled._

With a patience he didn't know he possessed, Shikamaru weathered the storm of Neji's attempts to shake him off. Every shudder he met with a sweep of his lips against Neji's temple and every bruising clench of those pale fingers against his arm he returned with a gentle tap of his thumb. Finally, exhaustion won out, taming the Hyūga's frustration into a fight for his breath, which began to steady slowly.

_Alright, we're outta the red zone._

Neji swallowed thickly, the sound audible as the Hyūga slumped back, a sigh seeping between his lips. Shikamaru felt the relief wash through him and he slackened his grip a little, his hand dropping from Neji's ribs to settle on the Hyūga's stomach, resting just above the Jōnin's navel.

They stayed resting in this exhausted silence for a moment, allowing for Shikamaru to monitor the Hyūga's breaths while Neji reached up to drag his wrist across his lips, brushing away the blood that had dripped from the corner of his mouth.

Shikamaru didn't need to drop his gaze to the sheets to know they were dotted with red. It wasn't necessary to state the obvious, so he bit his tongue and tilted his jaw as Neji's head tipped back, resting against his shoulder. He watched the Jōnin from the corner of his eye.

Neji's lashes hovered low, shuttering his eyes and leaving only milky crescents that stared unseeingly across the room. Dazed, drained.

_Defences down …_

Shikamaru weighed his options, which were stretched about as thin as Neji's breaths. Before he could let the opportunity slide, Shikamaru forced his gaze to settle on the blood smeared across the back of Neji's wrist.

_We're running out of time…_

Closing his eyes, Shikamaru drew a slow breath, dropping his words softly as he began to nudge his way onto that dangerous territory.

"What happened at this time, Neji?"

Neji's lashes fluttered weakly. "…Hnm?"

Shikamaru set his mouth close to the Hyūga's ear. "4 AM…"

"What do you mean?" Neji croaked, turning his head slowly.

"…That's when this gets worse…"

Shikamaru was met with a tense pause before he felt Neji's fingers brush across his arm in a caress that felt, strangely, like a warning.

"It happens when I exert myself, Shikamaru," Neji sighed. "My chakra is still down…just leave it alone."

_Yeah, I wish I could…_

Unfortunately, he didn't have the luxury of minding his own business. He shook his head, knowing he'd have to start picking at scabs to get to the wound.

_Shit._

"It's not exertion that sets it off at this crazy time, Neji. It's something else." He shot the Hyūga a sidelong glance, his voice soft. "And it's always at four in the morning…"

Neji snorted, closing his eyes. "As if you'd keep tabs on the hour, Nara. How are you even functioning at this time?"

Shikamaru smiled weakly, amazed at how cruel badly-timed progress was; just the fact that Neji had come up with a sense of humour at a time when he couldn't meet the Hyūga halfway. If fate had a sense of irony, let alone humour, it was pretty twisted. Shikamaru took a moment to hate the situation before he confronted it again, bluntly.

"What happened at 4 AM, Neji?"

Neji slipped his eyes open, glancing up and across. "You're being ridiculous."

"What happened?" Shikamaru pressed, his voice level, unyielding without having to raise or drop a notch.

Neji frowned, the look of exhaustion on the Hyūga's face driving an uncomfortable feeling straight into Shikamaru's gut. He shoved aside the guilt by repeating the question.

"What happened?"

"Apparently something I'm supposed to know," the Hyūga said warily.

"Just give me a straight answer," Shikamaru pushed, feeling Neji begin to tense up, the Jōnin's shoulder blades shifting like hackles.

"I don't know. There's your straight answer."

Shikamaru arched a brow, the dry expression carrying into his voice. "You sure you wanna play the bullshit card with me?"

The change began to creep into Neji instantly, the pale, cloud-like eyes starting to grow overcast as they turned up toward him again. "I'm not playing games."

Shikamaru ignored the look in those eyes, focusing on reading beneath the surface, his thumbs ceasing their tap against previously cold skin that had warmed beneath his touch without either of them realising it.

"Something is triggering you to wake up at this time."

"I've always been a light sleeper, unlike you."

"Why can't you face it?"

Neji's eyes flashed and he pulled away sharply, breaking the easy drape of Shikamaru's arms. "Drop it, Nara."

Shikamaru settled his palms onto the sheets, watching Neji through sharp eyes, the dark orbs narrowed in calculation as he tried to put the pieces together.

"Did something happen with your clan?"

"_Drop_ it, Shikamaru."

"I can't…"

Neji turned his head, casting a feral glare over his shoulder. "You said you would not use this against me, so don't."

_That was before I knew it was killing you…_

The words were on the tip of the Nara's tongue, but he bit them back, opting for a pointed glance towards the sheets. Neji followed his gaze down to the spatter of blood. It was an ugly, red truth.

"That's why I can't…" Shikamaru said, raising his eyes. "You've blocked your damn chakra points and screwed up your lungs."

Neji kept his eyes fixed on the sheets. "Hn. How perceptive of you."

"Why did you do it, Neji?"

Neji flicked his gaze up, a storm of grey playing in the milky hues of his eyes before he looked away, moving to peel the sheets from his waist. Shikamaru followed his movements without making a move to stop him.

"Why are you _still_ doing it?" the Nara frowned.

"Shikamaru…" Neji twisted at the edge of the bed and set his feet on the ground, gripping his thighs with a tired sigh. "You need to stop asking me these things."

"Whatever it is…you don't have to do _this_," Shikamaru said, tipping his head to the blood on the sheets.

"No…I don't _have_ to…" Neji glanced across. "But I _can_."

_What?_

Shikamaru's face twisted in confusion, his sharp eyes narrowing further as he shook his head. "So this is all about proving some stupid _point_?"

"Of course not," Neji snapped, dragging the rest of the covers away as he rose to his feet, stepping away from the bed. "If that was the case, I'd have done it years ago."

"So why didn't you do it years ago?"

Neji hesitated, then took another step away, rubbing at his chest. Shikamaru's eyes traced over the elegant groove of Neji's spine as the Hyūga dropped his shoulders back, rolling them against the tension. The shift of muscle beneath the surface was hypnotic. He dropped his eyes to the ends of the Jōnin's hair, about to repeat the question.

He didn't have to.

"Because someone told me that I must live …" Neji murmured, his eyes on the window.

Shikamaru arched a brow. "That someone is gonna be disappointed if you keep on with this shit."

Neji snorted. "Don't be dramatic, Nara. It doesn't suit you."

"Don't be a moron, Neji. You're not this stupid."

"Enough!" Neji whipped around so suddenly it would have startled anyone else.

Shikamaru only leaned back on his palms, one leg dangling off the edge of the bed, at complete physical odds with Neji's aggression. "What happened with your clan two months ago?"

"Nothing," the Hyūga growled.

"Bullshit. Two months ago is when this started."

"You're keeping a chronology of my affairs now?"

"Does this have something to do with ANBU recruiting you?"

"_Back_ off, Shikamaru."

The Nara pursed his lips, a dark brow still quirked in that disbelieving arch that he knew would be pissing Neji off to no end. Letting the Hyūga stew, however, might only begin to work against him, so he dragged in a slow breath, preparing for the rephrase of his earlier question.

_Shit._

"Fine," Shikamaru sighed, pausing before he let the query fly like a flash bomb. "Then what the hell happened at 4 AM when you were a kid?"

Neji's face turned to stone. "…What?"

"You've always woken up at this crazy hour, right?" Shikamaru cocked his head, watching, searching. "Even before you started doing this crap…you woke up at this time when you were a child too."

Neji glanced away, his eyes searching the darkness.

Then a flicker of angry realisation struck his face.

His lip curled in a snarl. "…Hinata."

_Crap._

Shikamaru lifted off one palm, leaning forward slightly as he met Neji's gaze. "_I_ asked her, alright? I had to nag the hell out of her and despite what she says, I know it's not to meditate or train. My guess? Something bad happened to you when you were a kid."

Neji's jaw twitched, his pale eyes narrowing.

Not taking his gaze off the Hyūga, Shikamaru pushed off his other palm, sitting on the edge of the bed now.

"Bad enough to make you wake up on the hour like this from the trauma or the memory," he added softly.

Neji closed his eyes.

For a moment, Shikamaru couldn't read him, couldn't gauge what the hell was going on behind the mask the Hyūga had pulled across his face. So he skimmed his eyes over the rest of the Jōnin, trying to read something off his body. But it was held rigid, unmoving. He scanned the bruise-dotted chest, the veins in Neji's unclenched hands, even the set of the white-clad legs.

Nothing.

_Dammit._

Then Neji spoke.

"Understand this, Shikamaru," the Hyūga began with disturbing composure, slipping his lashes open as he stepped back towards the bed, his knees brushing the mattress as he stared down into the Nara's dark eyes. "Whatever lines have blurred between us, you don't get to cross _that_ line with me…"

Shikamaru tilted his head back to stare up, straight into the pale eyes trying to chill him and warn him off. Shikamaru's response was a sad smile.

"Then push me back like you said you needed to," he shook his head. "Because what you're doing is crazy."

Neji's voice dropped. "…I _know_ what I'm doing."

For the first time, Shikamaru felt the angry concern threatening to leak too strongly into his voice. He hesitated before speaking, making sure to keep his tones easy and calm.

"No you don't." He traced his eyes over Neji's chest. "You're losing it Neji."

"I will _not_ lose."

Shikamaru shook his head again, concern twisting tighter inside him as he stared at the bruises rather than up into those eyes.

"Whatever you're trying to block, it's not going to go away."

"You're wrong."

"Whatever the hell it is…you need to let it out…"

Neji turned to walk away. "Stop saying that…"

Shikamaru gripped his elbow, without raising his eyes. "You can't hold this in."

"_Watch_ me," Neji spat.

Shikamaru flicked his eyes up at those words, glaring hard into the opal irises pinned on him. They stared at each other, caught in a strained, complicated tension that caused Shikamaru's stomach to churn with nausea. Neji stood unmoving, a vision cut from moonlight and shadows, all sharp angles and smooth planes.

Yet as unreachable as a ghost…

Shikamaru frowned, his dark eyes shifting down to slowly trace across the bruises on Neji's chest. He shook his head slowly, his voice hoarse and quiet.

"I can't watch you do _this_._"_

Neji drew a slow breath.

Then, unexpectedly, the Hyūga raised his hand.

Shikamaru blinked when he felt the tips of Neji's fingers skim across his brow and softly drag down to ghost over his lashes, forcing him to close his eyes.

"Then don't," Neji whispered.

* * *

The Konoha shinobi were summoned to Hanegakure's great hall at noon. The massive assembly room was built upon the higher levels of the canopies, crafted from thick, sturdy timbers in a dome-like structure, granting it impressive acoustics designed to carry the voice of the man centred at the head of the huge circular table.

Ozuku Tsubasa.

"Man, he got hit with the ugly stick," Naruto snickered.

"Stick? Maybe the whole tree, huh?" Kiba murmured beneath his breath, jabbing Shikamaru in the ribs with his elbow.

Shikamaru shrugged, slanting away from the Inuzuka. "Whatever."

"Be quiet," Neji said firmly, his eyes set ahead.

Shikamaru arched a brow, letting his drowsy gaze scan across the large table towards the Tsubasa leader. He studied Ozuku's freakishly hawk-like features in lazy calculation.

There was no mistaking this man was Fukurō's brother.

The Tsubasa brothers shared the same rusty hair and aquiline nose, their jaws hard and strong. However, Ozuku seemed to have decorated himself with an array of tattoos across his face, which gave the impression of oddly distorted features. He was also smaller in stature than Fukurō had been despite his voluminous robes. He looked more like a Priest than a warrior; despite his ceremonial looking garb, his disposition seemed far more understated than his brother's had been.

_He's calmer…__probably smarter too…_

Shikamaru watched the Tsubasa leader converse quietly with Kitori, nodding to whatever information she was relaying. As they talked, the Nara took the opportunity to scan the rest of the room. Ten Tsubasa shinobi guards were stationed around the hall with a gaggle of trusted advisers standing to one side of Ozuku.

The Konoha shinobi were gathered around Neji and Shikamaru, who sat at their centre across the table. Other than that, the hall was empty, its domed roof ringing hollow but for the twitter of birdsong – and Naruto's sporadic titters or running commentary.

"When are we gonna start already – OW!"

"Shut _up_," Sakura hissed.

Before the Uzumaki could pipe up with another inappropriate comment, movement drew Shikamaru's eye back to the Tsubasa leader. Kitori stepped aside as Ozuku turned, placing his palms on the table before spreading them in a gesture of welcome.

"Shinobi of the Leaf," Ozuku began, his deep voice resonating to fill the hall. "While it is a pleasure to be in the company of old allies once more, it is regrettable that we align under such poor circumstances."

Neji inclined his head. "Ozuku-sama."

"Kitori has informed me that you've offered your assistance with regards to our rebel problem," Ozuku smiled slightly, the tattoos of feathers around his eyes drawing Shikamaru's gaze to the calm dark orbs.

"That's correct," Neji said. "In negotiation for an official peace alliance between our villages."

"I understand. I can only apologise for the trouble my brother and his rebel faction have caused Konoha." Ozuku's mouth pulled down in a regretful frown. "I had hoped this civil strife would not spread beyond our borders."

Shikamaru glanced between Kitori and the leader before speaking. "If you knew there was a risk that it might, why didn't you inform neighbouring villages?"

Ozuku sighed, shaking his head. "To be honest, I was ashamed to turn to Konoha for help. Given that it was my own _brother_ who betrayed Hanegakure. I also wanted to try to find a peaceful resolution. There was a time when Fukurō and I led the people together, in peace."

"So what changed?" Shikamaru asked.

"As I'm sure Kitori told you, the power went to his head."

Neji nodded slowly. "He wanted to harvest dōjutsu."

"Not just dōjutsu. But any form of kekkei genkai," Ozuku set his gaze on Neji as if to illustrate his point. "Dōjutsu just so happens to be strong in Konoha, what with the Sharingan and Byakugan…which reminds me, I was sorry to hear about the Uchiha tragedy. We prayed for them."

Shikamaru glanced across at Naruto. The Uzumaki's eyes glittered with unchecked emotion, a flicker of pain and burning resolve. Shikamaru blinked slowly, then glanced back at Ozuku.

"Religion is a big thing here, huh?" he asked.

"_Faith_ is," Ozuku corrected. "Right now, I want to put my faith in your shinobi. Fukurō took most of our military strength when he was exiled."

"And now Hibari leads them," Kitori added quietly.

"Yes." Ozuku cast the kunoichi a sympathetic glance. "And he is in possession of our clan's scrolls. They need to be retrieved and returned back to the Temple. The jutsu those scrolls contain is forbidden and must be sealed away."

"So we sniff em' out and shut 'em down," Naruto grinned.

"To put it simply," Neji said quietly, reaching up a hand to subtly press his fingers to his chest.

Shikamaru didn't miss it and cast the Hyūga a glance. Neji ignored him.

"Hey," Kiba interrupted. "Let's not forget that these rebels are under the damned ground."

"Yes, we had suspected they'd gone underground," Ozuku nodded. "Kitori and her trackers will assist in locating them."

"We can pick up their trail from where they attacked us," Neji said, lowering his hand.

"Before we do that, we need to know what we're up against with regards to this forbidden jutsu," Shikamaru cut in, his eyes on Neji before flicking to Ozuku. "We got hit with it before. Don't really want a repeat performance."

Ozuku's advisers stirred beside him as if the words had ruffled their feathers. The Tsubasa leader hummed, shaking his head with a regretful expression.

"You must understand the necessary confidentiality of that information," Ozuku said.

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed. "What I understand is that we're here to solve _your_ problem, because it's been made _our_ problem."

Neji glanced across sharply, but Shikamaru ignored him, staring squarely at Ozuku. The Tsubasa leader leaned back in his holstered chair, his tattooed face arching slightly in surprise at being so openly challenged. Or insulted.

_Like I give a crap._

Silenced dragged uncomfortably for a moment.

A moment in which Ozuku returned Shikamaru's steady stare, the flap of the advisers not breaking the deadlock. The Nara arched a brow, earning him a faint frown in return.

"While we appreciate your position, Ozuku-sama," Neji eventually said, moving to mitigate the tension. "You must also appreciate ours. We cannot fight blind."

Ozuku slid his gaze to the Hyūga, humming before he blinked slowly. "I understand…"

"Ozuku-sama," one of the advisers protested, though a flick of Ozuku's wrist silenced him.

"It is a matter of stopping the casters to disable the jutsu," Ozuku said. "The jutsu is difficult to counter precisely because the casters are kept out of range."

"How far out of range?" Shikamaru asked.

"Far enough that with a protective barrier jutsu, they can never be detected." Ozuku shook his head. "Furthermore, if they have enough chakra, they can maintain it for a substantially long period."

"But who has such an immense level of chakra?" Lee spoke up, his bushy brows furrowing.

"Someone who can replenish their reserves," Shikamaru answered, glancing across at Neji. "Right?"

Neji hummed. "Fukurō and his rebels took pills when we fought them."

"Yes," Ozuku nodded. "This is why Fukurō started chakra enhancement experimentations. To improve chakra reserves so shinobi could cast the jutsu and maintain it for prolonged periods."

_Great…using his own daughter as the lab rat…_

Shikamaru sighed. "And your nephew, Hibari, has a stash of these pills, I take it?"

"You would be correct," Ozuku said. "The jutsu, in effect, is similar to a swarm jutsu."

Naruto snorted. "Only the birds don't go poof."

"They are a formidable force when they work in tandem," Kitori elaborated, her arms folded loosely. "They are trained to go for the neck, eyes and other such vital points."

"That's one messed up jutsu," the Uzumaki shuddered, scratching at his hair.

_No kidding._

Shikamaru shared his discomfort, though he didn't show it, his attention directed on cataloguing all the information, his mind already assimilating the pieces into a loose strategy, accounting for the possibilities with precautions already sliding into place. He only shifted his focus when Neji spoke up.

"At any rate," the Hyūga said, pausing to touch his hand to his chest again. "We will need to isolate one of the rebels and interrogate them, or alternatively infiltrate their ranks to locate the jutsu casters. Shikamaru?"

"Yeah, I'm on it." Shikamaru nodded, his attention on Neji's hand.

"Very well. Kitori is entrusted with our military matters, so whatever reinforcements you require, you have but to ask her," Ozuku said, smoothing his palms along the table as if to settle and conclude the matter. "Now if you will excuse me, I must attend to the Temple."

"The Temple?" Sakura asked as Ozuku rose from his chair.

"Yes. We are a people of faith," Ozuku smiled, speaking with quiet reverence. "It's all the Tsubasa have right now. So until we have peace, we pray. The Temple is our stronghold."

Shikamaru turned his head, watching the advisers begin to gravitate towards the entrance of the hall, no doubt on their way to said Temple. He flicked his gaze back to Neji as the Hyūga made to stand, nodding towards Ozuku.

"We will outline our objectives and confirm them with your shinobi," Neji said, his voice tapering off at the end as if he were swallowing a cough.

Shikamaru felt that cold knot forming in the pit of his stomach and tried to ignore it as he lazily scraped his chair back, moving to his feet along with the others. Before the Konoha team turned to leave, Ozuku touched a hand above his heart, his deep voice carrying like a blessing Shikamaru hoped they wouldn't need.

"I will pray for you."

* * *

"Pray for us?" Naruto muttered, strolling along beside Shikamaru with a frown. "What's _that_ all about?"

Shikamaru kept his gaze on the floor, his hands buried in his pockets as he walked. He shrugged in response to the Uzumaki.

"Whatever," he drawled. "Let them pray while we do their fighting for them."

He felt Kitori's glare before the sharp snap of her words rapped out.

"Ozuku-sama is not a military man," the kunoichi defended. "Fukurō was."

"Yeah," the Nara lifted a brow. "And you're the stand-in, right?"

"Shikamaru," Neji warned, his voice drifting over his shoulder as he walked ahead.

"I told you before that I knew my husband's position," Kitori said. "Which means I am fully aware of the procedures and responsibilities that come with leading a military faction."

"Right," Shikamaru yawned, tugging a hand from his pocket to rub at his eyes.

Kitori sniffed disdainfully and stepped ahead towards Neji. "Let me know what you need when you have planned your strategy, Hyūga. I will have a team mobilised to assist you."

"Leaving it all up to us?" Kiba grinned, lazily riding on Akamaru's back as the team moved towards The Rookery guesthouse. "You changed your tune pretty fast."

"Ozuku-sama has faith in you," Kitori nodded. "I have faith in him."

Neji stopped outside the guesthouse, turning towards Kitori as the rest of the team filed inside. "We will do what is necessary to resolve this."

"Thank you," Kitori smiled faintly, nodding before she moved to walk back the way she'd come, casting Shikamaru a withering glance.

Shikamaru shot her a bored look, utterly unconcerned with her irritation at him. He turned when Neji stepped up to him, sensing the Hyūga's exasperation.

"Are you done antagonising her?" Neji asked, his eyes on the retreating kunoichi.

"Maybe I just like to see the look on _your_ face, Hyūga," Shikamaru teased, rolling into the guesthouse like a lazy breeze, sensing Neji falling into step behind him as they ascended the stairs.

Chōji met him on the level above. "Shikamaru, what do you need us to do?"

The Nara smiled, ever grateful for the uncomplicated understanding that Chōji had of him, which saved him having to waste his breath and energy. "Check that all our supplies are in order. If you and Sakura can speak to Kitori about the weaponry we're likely to come up against, that'll help. When you're briefed, let me know and I'll fit it into the strategy."

Chōji nodded, smiling. "Leave it to me."

Shikamaru clapped him on the shoulder. "When this crap is over and none of us end up dead, I'm gonna need your help with Ino's present."

Chōji laughed. "What about your birthday?"

"I'm easy. Ino's a god-damned mission to plan for." Shikamaru sighed. "If you see anything shiny and girly while we're here, point it out. Anyway, Neji and I need to form a strategy. Catch you guys later."

They parted ways with a nod, Shikamaru turning to move in the opposite direction with Neji a step behind. They were stopped by a soft voice.

"Neji-niisan…"

_Damn she's sneaky. _Shikamaru thought, moving on ahead towards their room as Neji turned back towards the kunoichi. The shadow-nin pretended to focus on opening the door, unable to glimpse whatever it was that Hinata tried to hand over to her cousin.

"I don't understand," Neji said; yet his voice fell flat enough to indicate to Shikamaru that he _did_ understand but didn't want to discuss whatever it was.

"I-I think it will help with—"

"I don't need that," Neji cut across her sharply.

Shikamaru turned the door handle slowly, glancing over; he just about caught Hinata's distraught expression, able to hear it in her voice as she stammered.

"But I-I, it's—"

"Hinata, I don't need it."

Shikamaru shouldered open the door, slanting enough that he caught Hinata's gaze over Neji's shoulder. He shook his head, a silent instruction that she thankfully responded to. The kunoichi backed off, casting her cousin a final glance before reluctantly walking back along the corridor.

Shikamaru slipped into the room just as Neji turned around; he'd barely made it half-way before the door slammed shut, causing him to flinch inwardly.

_Crap._

"What did you say to her?" Neji demanded, his voice layered with accusation.

"Nothing she doesn't already know," Shikamaru returned calmly, strolling over to one of the beds. "She's pretty perceptive. Kinda troublesome for you, right?"

Neji snorted. "You're more 'troublesome' than she is, Nara."

"Yeah, imagine what the hell that makes a stubborn bastard like you."

Neji fell silent at that, prompting Shikamaru to glance over as he sat at the edge of the bed. He didn't react to the glare he received and instead cocked an eyebrow, daring the Hyūga to go a verbal round on that one.

He didn't.

Neji closed his eyes and sighed, rubbing at the bridge of his nose.

He looked exhausted.

_He is...._

Shikamaru resisted the urge to get up and move over, opting for the safer, saner choice – distance. He kept his gaze on Neji, resting his forearms across his knees as he surveyed the Hyūga quietly.

Neji must have sensed his gaze, because the pale eyes fluttered open, staring at him tiredly. "Don't look at me like that."

Shikamaru forced a weak smirk despite the concern wanting to break into his expression. Despite his effort to conceal it, Neji must have read it in his face, because the Hyūga shook his head, stepped forward and brushed his fingertips softly across Shikamaru's eyelashes, forcing the dark eyes to close once again.

"Don't," the Hyūga said quietly.

Shikamaru reached up to grip his wrist, tugging Neji's hand away from his face so he could level their gazes. "Way too late, don't you think?"

Neji smiled slightly, his tired eyes ringed by shadow. "Now would be the moment where I allow myself to hate you."

"Sounds like a good idea," Shikamaru agreed softly, releasing Neji's wrist, though for some reason the Hyūga didn't lower his hand.

Shikamaru almost started when Neji's fingers traced along the lean slant of his jaw. The shadow-nin frowned slightly then offered an uncertain smile to cover up the jumble of reactions firing off inside him.

"This is your idea of hating me, Hyūga?" Shikamaru murmured, trying to push humour into his voice. "Kinda counterintuitive."

"Hmn." Neji shook his head. "I don't know what this is…"

The conflict in Neji's voice, coupled with the exhaustion in the Hyūga's eyes drew a sharp pang across Shikamaru's chest. He ignored it, attempting to pass off another lazy smirk.

"How about troublesome?" Shikamaru offered, not fighting Neji's touch and trying his damnedest not to respond to it either.

"Very," Neji agreed, frowning as he grazed a knuckle back down Shikamaru's jaw.

Shikamaru blinked slowly at the touch. "You look like shit, Neji."

The Hyūga smiled wryly. "Thank you."

"You really need to sleep."

"We really need to strategise."

Shikamaru swayed to his feet, placing them precariously close to each other when Neji didn't step back as he straightened up. "I've got a good strategy, wanna hear it?"

Neji dropped his hand, shaking his head. "I don't think so."

Shikamaru touched their foreheads, raising his hand to tap Neji's temple. "Doesn't require any thinking on your part."

"Are you insulting my intelligence again?" Neji muttered softly, his breath playing across Shikamaru's lips.

It took an incredible amount of restraint for Shikamaru not to close his eyes, so he shuttered them instead, watching through his lashes. "Suggesting that you take a damn nap isn't an insult."

"Why offer me a choice? Two months ago you simply knocked me unconscious," Neji said, making an effort not to smile.

"_Again_ with that crap?" Shikamaru drew his head back, staring in open amusement at the Jōnin. "You're really never gonna let that go are you?"

Neji arched a brow. "Not a chance."

"You've almost split my head open twice."

"But I haven't knocked you unconscious yet," the Hyūga pointed out, pausing in mock consideration. "Not that I need to at the rate you sleep."

Shikamaru laughed, enjoying the lighter feeling in his chest. He sobered however, when he belatedly realised that his fingers had slipped around to Neji's nape, taking up that familiar knead to break up the knots of tension he found there. What was even more surprising was the fact that Neji was allowing it without even the barest trace of disapproval.

_What the hell am I doing…again…_

Shikamaru stopped his gentle massage, offering a faint smile as he tried to distract them both from his actions. He gripped Neji's nape in feigned menace, subtly indicating the pressure point at the base of the Jōnin's skull with his next words.

"I could always do it again."

Neji rolled his eyes, smiling. "You'd probably be doing both of us a favour."

"Careful, Hyūga. That almost sounds like permission."

"It might just be a request," Neji joked weakly, shaking his head against the words a moment later.

Shikamaru frowned, letting his gaze drift over Neji's face, lingering on the dark rings under the Jōnin's eyes. "It's alright to catch a breather you know."

Neji snorted with the barest curve at his lips. "Very witty, Nara."

_I'm serious…_

Shikamaru lowered his gaze to the Hyūga's mouth, recalling the trickle of blood that had leaked from between those faintly smiling lips. He frowned, sliding his hand around to cup Neji's jaw, his thumb brushing the corner of the Jōnin's mouth, tracing an imaginary trail of blood.

Neji watched him calmly, but the pale eyes flickered slightly in confusion.

Shikamaru avoided those cloud-like orbs and swept his thumb across Neji's mouth slowly, shaking his head. "You're a pain, Hyūga…"

He didn't realise how literal his words were until he felt that concern weighing heavily inside him again. Like a dull ache that wouldn't go away.

_I need it to._

Neji damaged his thought process a second later when he smiled, and Shikamaru felt it beneath his touch, causing him to trace out the curve of Neji's lips with a light drag of his thumb before he dropped his hand to the Hyūga's shoulder.

_Shit…shit…shit…_

"Better put our heads together, right?" Shikamaru frowned, staring at his hand to avoid Neji's eyes. "Start looking through their maps…"

"Shikamaru…"

"Let's just get this troublesome crap over with…" The Nara said hoarsely, not daring to meld their gazes.

_God dammit...I can't let this keep starting…over and over....._

It was becoming harder to stop.

This time when Neji's fingertips stroked across his lashes, he'd already closed his eyes.

* * *

**TBC. **

**A/N: **The plot bunny shall have its wicked way with me. Speaking of which, I know a lot of people are waiting for some wicked-way-taking to take place – it's on the way! ;) Wow, try saying that last line three times really fast. ^_^ **REVIEWERS: **You all continue to blow me away with your amazing responses, both in quality, quantity and interesting questions. _As always, it is appreciated beyond my ability to express it. Thank you for letting me know you're enjoying the ride – road bumps ahead! ^_^_

**A/N(2): **Just a side-note! A dedicated ShikaNeji fan (Maya-Nara) has started up a fanclub for the two geniuses on dA. There is some truly gorgeous artwork to ogle and a wealth of talent from all ends of the globe dedicated to this pairing. I've added the link to my profile page, so feel free to check it out. Many thanks to those _amazing_ artists.

**Reviewers without accounts: **Huge thanks to; ***Gia Anna* **(ty, dear!)**, Pixie **(Cheers luv ^_^), **Unchained Writer** (howdie you! thanks so much ^_^), **Rakija** (more to come! ^_^), **Savannah, Luna**, **MandaPanda123, Oppa** (thank you!!!)  
**Branwen – **Whoa! THANK YOU! I'm chuffed. ^_^ So happy you're enjoying it!**  
Kathrine kagra** – OMG, your review had me smiling! I don't think I've ever received a poetically creative one quite like that lol!!! Arigato, Kathrine!!!  
**Fan**! – Fan!!! lol! thanks for a gorgeous review! happy to have ya hooked, luv!  
**Homemade_idiot** - heya you! thanks for another fab review! Glad you're enjoying their interaction. The kind you're hoping for is on the way ^_^.


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Twenty Six**

[Dedicated to Hanai-kun]

The next few hours bled into a stream of endless tasks, a meandering current of objectives that Neji directed and divided between the Konoha shinobi. Guides were sorted, supplies checked, the village network outlined and teams organised and sent out to retrieve the weapons that had been used by the Tsubasa rebels.

_Good…just the final stages now…_

By the time Neji crossed the bough-carved bridge, it was already sunset, the season-tinged leaves casting a world of autumnal fire around him. But the cold crept in on the breeze. Neji released a slow breath, ignoring the stabs of pain in his chest as he approached The Rookery with sure, quick strides, convinced that if he slowed down, he'd lose his momentum.

_That can't happen._

Efficiency was his ally right now and exhaustion was the enemy.

_Keep moving forward._

The Hyūga slipped into the guesthouse, passing swiftly up the stairs and along the level of the rooms towards the one Shikamaru was holed up in, strategising. Not slowing his pace, Neji twisted the handle sharply and shoved the door at the same moment it was tugged open from the other side.

_Not again!_

Neji's eyes flew wide.

The Hyūga froze, jerking to a halt without releasing the door. Unfortunately, Shikamaru did exactly the same thing, which caused the door to jolt sharply in one direction then abruptly in the other.

A loud crack was followed by a dull clang against Neji's headband.

Then silence.

For an awkward moment, the door hovered ajar between them.

Neither made a sound.

Neji stared at the grain of the wood, as if trying to see Shikamaru through it.

Further silence…

"Lets pretend…" Neji eventually said, "…that this didn't just happen."

Another awkward pause held before Shikamaru's voice drifted through.

"Did you hear that crack? Yeah? That was my fucking head."

Neji felt a sudden upsurge of laughter fluttering around in his chest, desperate to rise up and tumble from his lips in a husky flurry. He swallowed it down by clearing his throat.

"If it makes you feel any better, I got the rebound."

"On your god damned headband."

Neji bit back a chuckle. "I have warned you about this."

"You better stay that side of the door, Hyūga."

Neji smiled, but remained unmoving – yet he couldn't resist the opportunity to drop his next words. "You got beat by a door, Shikamaru? Did it draw blood?"

Very slowly, Shikamaru's fingers slipped around the crack in the door, drawing it back to reveal the Nara's deadpan face, his eyes lazily narrowed as he rubbed at his brow.

"You plan this shit, don't you?" he said.

Neji held a deceptively calm expression, but his eyes danced with the laughter he was barely holding in. "If it makes you feel better."

Shikamaru stared at him for a moment and then the Nara's lips laced that cunning smirk which was more than a little unnerving when one could read the scheming behind it. Neji arched a brow, uncertain how to respond but prepared for anything.

"You look nervous," Shikamaru chuckled, dropping his hand as he stepped forward, forcing Neji to move back a pace into the hallway.

"All these knocks to your head have damaged your brain if you think that," Neji returned, genuine amusement ruining his attempt to be arrogant.

Shikamaru released a low, throaty chuckle that was almost a purr. Neji found himself distracted by the strangely seductive sound. It shouldn't have sounded that way.

_Has he always laughed like that?_

His attention was redirected to the click of the door as the shadow-nin shut it behind him. The amusement slid from Neji's face, replaced by a questioning glance at the door.

"You're done?" the Hyūga asked.

"Yeah," Shikamaru nodded, leaning back against the wood with a sigh. "Just need to talk through some crap with you and Kitori …then fill the others in."

"They have retrieved the weapons as well," Neji nodded, his gaze straying from the door back to Shikamaru. "Hopefully that will give you a better indication of what we're up against."

"Can't be worse than bird parts exploding all over me, right? I'll account for the weapons, though I kind of pre-empted some of it, I got the rest covered."

Neji smiled faintly. It never ceased to amaze him how Shikamaru could skim through maps and annotations with an almost irritated lack of interest, then crab his hands, sit back and orchestrate the kind of martial masterpieces that put military commanders to shame – and in so short a span of time.

"So, you gonna play mediator?" Shikamaru tilted his head towards the stairs.

"Mediator?" Neji echoed, turning automatically to step alongside the shadow-nin as they moved down the corridor.

"Yeah. Wouldn't want me to 'antagonise' her, right?"

Neji glanced sidelong at the Nara. "I don't understand your problem with her."

Shikamaru shrugged, not offering a response as he slipped down the stairs before Neji could ask again. The Hyūga let it go, following two steps behind as he turned his thoughts towards other matters, gauging the time it would take to brief the team and the Tsubasa shinobi Kitori had delegated to assist them.

_That should allow enough time to—!_

A violent pain speared through his chest, lancing straight to his shoulder.

Neji gasped sharply, snapping a hand out to grip the banister.

He'd have pitched forward if Shikamaru hadn't swayed around and stepped up in a smooth, subtle movement that caused their shoulders to lock, acting as a crutch without appearing to. The stairway was narrow enough that it would appear to anyone else as if they'd brushed shoulders while crossing paths.

_Kami…not now…_

Neji didn't even hear the soft chatter of voices below, his focus locked on breathing through the pain. It felt like he'd been skewered by a hot poker straight through the ribs. He tried to suck in air against the sharp stabs.

_I…can't breathe…_

"Easy…" Shikamaru murmured calmly against Neji's ear. "Back up a few steps."

"I'm fine…" Neji hissed, his fingers tightening against the banister, a humiliated rage crawling through him.

"Unless you want the damned twenty questions drill from Naruto, you'll back up, _now_." Shikamaru's hand slid to his hip, gripping firmly. "I've got you, just move."

Neji closed his eyes, not sure whether the loss of control over his body was worse than the pain it was in. Keeping his rigid hold on the banister, he did as instructed, if only to avoid the Uzumaki's interference. He backed up a few steps, feeling Shikamaru moving concurrently. The moment they reached a floor level, he felt the Nara press forward and shift them away from the stairs, the meagre privacy of a hallway serving as the only option.

_Stop…_

He leaned back against the wall, dragging in shallow breaths as he reached for his chest, feeling Shikamaru grip his wrist.

"Don't," the Nara frowned.

Neji scowled, bringing up his other hand to shove Shikamaru back a step, allowing him to double over with a ragged gasp, shuddering against the urge to cough.

_Stop. Stop. Stop…_

He felt hands sliding up his arms to his shoulders, straightening him up and thudding him back against the wall.

"Easy, take it slow…" Shikamaru's palms came to rest either side of him, the Nara's arms bracketing him against the support of the wall.

_Weak…I am not weak…_

Neji was about to growl the words out, but lost them in the effort to simply breathe instead. The sharp stabs receded to that dull pain, the barest trace of a dizzy spell fading away before it could grip him.

"Neji…" Shikamaru's voice caused his eyes to flicker open.

He caught the steady gaze of the shadow-nin with a frown before glancing down, raising his hand between their bodies towards his chest. He found his voice as Shikamaru made to stop him again.

"Don't…don't interfere, Nara."

Shikamaru's jaw tightened. "That's a temporary fix."

"That's…all I need…right now…" Neji breathed out raggedly. "Don't…interfere…"

"Neji…"

"I know what I'm doing…"

Shikamaru shook his head, the muscles of his jaw flexing stubbornly.

_Don't do this…not now…_

Neji forced whatever frustration he felt into his eyes, skewering the shadow-nin with a pained glare. They didn't have time for a deadlock and they both knew it. Another muscle twitched in Shikamaru's jaw before his dark eyes screwed shut. It was a look Neji had never seen before – one of some private torment – and it took his breath faster than the twinges in his chest.

_Why…?_

He shook his head. "Shikamaru …"

The shadow-nin's fingers gnarled against the wall before the Chūnin viciously shoved himself away.

He said nothing.

He didn't have to.

Instead, Shikamaru simply turned his back and braced a shoulder to the wall, acting as a screen between Neji and the entrance to the hallway.

Eliminating the risk of anyone witnessing what happened next.

Neji located the bruised points on his chest...charged the tips of his fingers with a dangerous surge of chakra…tilted his head back against the wall…closed his eyes…and thanked whatever Gods existed for his high threshold for pain...

* * *

"Man, that's gotta hurt when it hits you," Naruto muttered, shaking his head.

"You're probably dead before it gets the chance to hurt, Naruto," Sakura said, staring at the weapons laid out.

They were designed to destroy through swift and silent dismemberment, curving in and cutting through like mobile talons, covering all angles and levels; an impressive, if not macabre set of weapons.

_Crafted for an almost inescapable kill._

Neji traced his tired eyes over the talon-shaped designs, recalling the attack of these scythes as they'd come whirring through the air. Co-ordinated to be used in an all-in-one attack, almost like a flock of blades; the irony wasn't lost on the Hyūga, but it didn't make the situation any less morbid.

Neji blinked slowly, drawing a quiet breath that he let seep softly between his lips. He felt Shikamaru's eyes turn briefly towards him, but didn't return the glance. He felt open enough as it was, without those sharp eyes reading more than he had the strength to give away at the moment.

_God don't look at me that way._

Especially with the others present; they were all seated on the ground, ringed around the low table where the Tsubasa weapons were laid out. Neji scanned the group as all eyes turned toward Shikamaru – except for Akamaru – for some odd reason the canine was staring at him.

"So are we gonna pick up their trail from where they popped up?" Naruto asked, lifting his eyes from the weapons.

"No," Shikamaru replied. "A direct search and destroy isn't gonna work with these guys."

"Why not?" Kiba frowned, jerking his thumb towards Akamaru as the dog gazed quietly at Neji. "Akamaru here can scent them out no problem."

Shikamaru glanced over without bothering to shift any other muscle. "Use your head. They have the advantage of stealth, superior knowledge of the terrain and a complex, deep-ground tunnel system."

"A system they probably have well-defended and excellently concealed," Neji added, his gaze back on the weapons.

"They'll run circles around us," Shikamaru finished.

"Okay," Kiba sighed, picking up a quill-shaped kunai to examine it. "So just how badly are we screwed?"

Shikamaru shifted, raising a knee as a prop for his arm. "Despite their advantages, their deep-ground system and the way they operate has its flaws."

Naruto prodded at a scythe. "Man, tell me you've worked those out."

"What the hell do you think I've been doing for the past three hours?"

Naruto grinned. "Heh…okay, so if we're not gonna 'directly' search and destroy, or whatever, then what the hell are we gonna do?"

"Find their supply route," Shikamaru said. "There's no way they can be maintaining their underground system without support from above. They need a source for food and ammunition."

Sakura's eyes brightened across the table. "Benefactors?"

Neji nodded, finally glancing up from the weapons towards the kunoichi. "While it's no stretch of the imagination to assume they've been able to cultivate food beneath the surface, there is no way they can grow weapons."

"Especially fancy aerodynamic scythes." Shikamaru swept a hand idly above the table, indicating the weapons. "These talon-shaped shuriken don't come cheap. According to Kitori, there is only one major supplier in Hanegakure."

Neji heard Sakura hum, drawing his attention across to the pink-haired Chūnin and away from Kiba's dog as Akamaru stared at him. He didn't even want to know why the animal was doing that – and had been since they'd started.

"I find it hard to believe that Kitori and Ozuku-sama haven't already interrogated the supplier," Sakura said, redirecting Naruto's hand when the Uzumaki made to reach for a shuriken.

"They have," Neji said. "He is under constant surveillance, as is his shop. But there is no evidence to suggest he has any involvement with the smuggling of these weapons."

"But if he does," Shikamaru looked up. "He's doing it in a pretty underhanded way."

"So then where does that leave us?" Chōji asked.

Shikamaru snorted. "It leaves us doing their investigative crap for them. One way or another, supplies _are_ leaving that shop. The guy who makes the weaponry is always watched, so it's pretty easy to assume that the rebels have people on the inside that purchase from him regularly."

"But would that not show up on their sales records?" Lee pitched in. "Surely they would know if someone was buying such a large amount of weaponry."

"Not if they had several different people acting as smugglers at different intervals. But, what's both a drag _and_ an advantage is that these weapons are only sold in big batches."

"Oh yeah?" Kiba frowned, watching Akamaru shift over towards Neji. "So _where_ does this leave us again?"

"Planting bugs," Neji said, glancing down as Akamaru settled beside him.

"Kikaichū bugs," Shikamaru clarified, smirking at Naruto's face. "Shino gave Neji a stash of them. We'll plant them on the weaponry batches and whoever our mule is this time, they'll lead us straight to the supply route, or at least to one of the rebel's hidey-holes."

Naruto blinked. "Hidey-holes?"

"Ugh…" Shikamaru smacked his face into his hand. "And that was stupid simple…"

The words had Neji's lips curving.

"Oi!" Naruto scowled.

Neji shook his head but glanced down when Akamaru's chin nudged into the crook of his elbow, the large white muzzle resting there calmly.

_Strange…_

He moved to distract himself from the odd behaviour of the dog, seeking Naruto's gaze across the table to direct the Uzumaki's glower away from Shikamaru.

"Look, the rebels must have stash points spread throughout their field of operation. It's the only way they can coordinate their attacks without compromising their headquarters," Neji paused, watching Naruto process with a nod. "It's how guerrilla warfare works. They can't risk having all their supplies in one place."

"So we need to locate one of these stash points," Shikamaru tagged on, shrugging as if it was obvious. "That'll give us the access we need to infiltrate their system or isolate one of their people. That's all we need at this stage."

Naruto grinned. "Nice work, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru arched a brow. "It's a drag, but it's the least troublesome way to do it. The worst case scenario results in a lot of explosive crap that I'd rather avoid."

"Like what?"

"Like a lot of explosive crap that I'd rather avoid."

Before Naruto could roll his eyes at the deadpan response, Neji spoke up. "Such as turning their tunnel system into a colossal pipe bomb."

"Whoa," Naruto blinked.

"That sounds better," Kiba smirked.

"Yeah and faster," Naruto snickered.

Shikamaru stared lazily. "Lucky for you guys I like to take things slow and not _die _in the process."

"Shikamaru," Sakura frowned. "Not to sound pessimistic, but what if the supply-route plan doesn't work?"

"Already covered. I've got another three game plans that involve locating their vents and water sources. Let's just stick with the first strategy, alright?"

Naruto whistled. "Four strategies already?"

"Not counting blowing stuff up," Kiba grinned.

"Nice Shikamaru, how long did that take you again?"

"Not as long as it's gonna take me to crawl into bed. I'm wiped."

It was probably an understatement, given the tightness Neji could detect around the Nara's eyes. For all the times he'd disrupted Shikamaru's attempts to sleep, it was another unforeseen irony that he'd suddenly feel the urge to ensure the shadow-nin rested.

As if sensing his subtle gaze, Shikamaru glanced up and across.

Their eyes met and something instantly changed in the depths of the Nara's dormant, drowsy irises. They gained a strange edge of intensity, as if bevelled to a sharpness that threatened to probe too deep.

It was just a fleeting look.

It lasted no more than a few seconds.

But even when Shikamaru blinked and immediately reassumed a familiar half-assed look of boredom, Neji was left feeling as if the Nara had just grazed the surface of a wound.

_Ridiculous…_

The prod of Akamaru's muzzle against his side drew his focus down to the dog. He gently touched his fingertips to the canine's nose, guiding it away from his ribs with a hum before flicking his gaze to Kiba and Hinata.

"Hinata, Kiba, I trust you two will know how to handle Shino's insects."

Hinata snapped her eyes up from Akamaru, nodded sharply. "Yes."

"Good to know." Shikamaru pressed a palm to the table, rising onto his feet in a listless sway. "We're done here, everyone rest up. Got another crappy, early start."

Neji scanned the circle of shinobi a final time, searching for confusion or questions before rising from his kneel. The team began to file out the door one by one. Neji turned to follow, frowning when his movement was cut short by Akamaru nuzzling at his arm, circling around him with a whine.

_What on earth are you doing?_

Neji glanced down at the canine, not sure what to do other than brush his fingertips against the dog's head in confused acknowledgement before he attempted to step away. Akamaru caught his sleeve with a growl, tugging firmly and not letting go.

_Not now…_

"Kiba," Neji said tightly, glancing up toward the Inuzuka.

Kiba set down the weapon he'd been examining and propped his hands on his hips, arching a brow at his canine. "Akamaru, what's up buddy?"

The dog cocked his head up at Neji, not releasing the Hyūga's sleeve. The Jōnin frowned slightly, suddenly less confused and more uncomfortable with the precognitive glean in Akamaru's gaze. The soft whine caused him to glance sharply at Kiba, dropping his tone.

"_Kiba_."

"Hey, don't give me that crap – he's not my _pet_ you know," Kiba frowned, though he looked just as confused as Neji had a moment ago.

"I don't care what you rank him as. Call him off," Neji said coolly, not wanting to give the Inuzuka a chance to figure out what Akamaru may have been picking up on. "Do it _now_."

"Yeesh, calm down," Kiba stepped over, his eyes fixed on Akamaru. "You should work on your attitude, Hyūga."

"You should work on your dog-handling capabilities, Inuzuka, or lack thereof."

"What the fuck is your problem?" Kiba snarled, his eyes flashing as they snapped back up.

Neji's eyes hardened in response. "Your inability to control your canine is presently my problem."

"Wanna have a bigger problem in your face, Hyūga?" Kiba growled, taking a feral stance as he leaned forward.

"Hey, hey," Chōji frowned, stepping over to placate the ripples of aggression. "No need to fight."

"Tell it to Mr. Stick-Up-His-Ass," Kiba growled.

Neji arched a brow dryly. "If said stick is a reference to having control, I assume yours is what you play 'fetch' with?"

Kiba snarled and lunged, or at least he tried to, but found he couldn't. Neji dropped his gaze to the Inuzuka's elongated shadow, following the stretch of black across to where Shikamaru lazed against the doorframe, holding the jutsu with a bored, somewhat irritated expression.

Neji could read something else in his eyes – a simmer just beneath the surface.

"You both need to shut up and settle down," the Nara said, his gaze shifting between the two of them. "We don't have time for this petty playground crap."

Neji grit his teeth, his anger at being reproached pulsing a fresh wave of tension into the room, only he turned the tide toward Shikamaru by glaring across at the shadow-nin.

The bastard didn't flinch.

Shikamaru just let the tension roll off him like water, completely unaffected.

_Tch._

Neji snorted, falling back a step from Kiba when Akamaru moved over to the Inuzuka with a whine. Neji ignored the look that Kiba shot him and turned towards the door; he brushed past Shikamaru without a backward glance, moving out the room to drive his steps back towards The Rookery, anger at losing his composure giving way to a crippling exhaustion with every stride.

_I will not lose._

* * *

The night air was as sharp and cold as Neji's face, frosting before his eyes as he seethed his breaths out.

_I am not weak. _

Neji cut like an icy draught through The Rookery, taking a quick, angry path straight to the guestroom. He smacked the door open with a violent shove, hearing it swing back on its hinges without slamming shut.

It thudded in a dull clap.

Neji turned. He watched Shikamaru calmly ease the door off his palm, calmly step into the dim room and _calmly _shut the door behind him.

_Calm. Composed. Controlled._

Everything the Hyūga needed but kept having ripped away.

_No…_

Neji immediately reached for his anger…

Immediately searched for something to drive Shikamaru back…

Immediately moved to pull up a brutal defence…

The second he did, the Nara locked their eyes.

And just like a kunai, Shikamaru cut straight through the tension, straight through the bullshit, straight through the defence Neji tried to slam up...and pierced the Hyūga with a look of merciless intelligence and angry concern that caused Neji to snag a breath as if he'd been stabbed. The look in those dark eyes sliced away his defence like a layer of skin, leaving him raw and open.

The Hyūga turned away, his voice as hoarse as he felt. "I told you not to look at me that way…"

Shikamaru closed the distance between them slowly, like a shadow stealing across the dark room, the only illumination being the soft streams of moonlight filtering through the windows and balcony. Falling like silver bars across the room.

Like cage bars.

_Stop it._

For every step the Nara took forward, Neji took another away, until they were circling, almost like predators in a face-off. All the while Neji felt those damned eyes on him, calling him without words to return the gaze, to step onto the territory where lines didn't exist, just imitations of control.

"Stop it," Neji growled.

"I'm not trying to attack you," Shikamaru said evenly, still moving, tightening the circle they created as they looped around the room. "Stop running from me."

Neji halted abruptly, planting his feet as pride pushed fire into his eyes.

Shikamaru stopped at the same moment, a few paces away.

Close enough that he could reach out.

_Don't…_

"You can't keep doing this, Neji. Kiba couldn't read it, but Akamaru could. A few more minutes in there and he'd have caught on. You can't keep holding it in."

Neji scowled, denial drawing his words into a whisper. "Don't ask me to let it out…"

"Why?"

"Because the last time I let something like this out…someone almost died for it…"

Shikamaru paused, humming knowingly. "Hinata…"

Neji fell back a pace, drawing them back into that predatory orbit of each other as they began to move once more, dragging up volatile territory with every word and step.

"How _human_ was I then, Nara?" Neji seethed. "I'd have killed her if they hadn't stopped me…"

"That was three years ago…unless you haven't let that anger go."

Neji hesitated, his blood curdling. "Regardless of what I feel or think…that does not extend to her…"

"So who does it extend to? The rest of your clan?"

Neji's step faltered, giving Shikamaru an opening to tighten the noose, but Neji slipped from it like a ghost between worlds, shifting in and out of the arena that their walking circle created.

"Don't make me extend it to you, Shikamaru."

He watched a faint smile lace across the Nara's lips. "I've already given you the chance to do that, more than once…and despite coming close, you haven't choked me yet."

"Is that what you really want?"

"Want?" Shikamaru parroted.

Neji snorted bitterly. "You want me to hurt people who don't deserve it…because I can't control myself…"

"That's what this is all about, huh? Control?" Shikamaru stopped and turned, forcing them to move the other way around.

"I _am_ controlling it," Neji growled, voice as hard as the sharp cut of his features.

"Controlling _what_?"

"…What I need to..."

_What I must move beyond._

"Your emotions."

Neji stopped walking, standing utterly still.

His pause left him half cast in shadow and half bathed in a wash of eerie light. Like a phantom being drawn from the darkness by the very shadows it had lost itself in – as paradoxical and ironic as everything else that existed between him and the shadow-nin facing him now.

"Don't you dare try to analyse me like some cheap board game, Shikamaru."

"No comparison, Hyūga. I enjoy Shogi. I don't enjoy doing this."

"Then stop."

"I can't stop." The Nara tilted his head, taking a single step forward. "I was wrong when I said you once hid behind a logical anger against the split in your clan…truth is…you never buried the hatchet with them, did you?"

Neji backed up a pace, moving out of the evanescent caress of light.

_Stop it…_

Shikamaru paused and rolled his step, causing their circling movement to pick up again as they passed in and out of shadow and moonlight, the slats of milky illumination feeling more and more like cage bars in the shadow-swathed room.

"Two months ago something happened," Shikamaru said softly. "Was it to do with Hiashi Hyūga?"

"What the hell would you know about my motives for anything…"

"So tell me I'm wrong."

Neji continued to move back for every advancing step. Then he realised that he was retreating and angrily twisted with a sway at his hips to swerve their path. Shikamaru cut him off, moving with a shift as fluid as his shadows.

"Tell me I'm wrong, Neji," he pressed, his voice a little harder. "But fucking tell me _something!"_

Neji snarled at the push and reacted, his lip curling back as he took a dangerous step forward. "Don't try to get inside my head, Shikamaru!"

Shikamaru's voice raised in a shout, "Tell me I'm wrong then, dammit!"

"Fuck you!" Neji snapped, driving forward to force Shikamaru back a step. "You have no idea!"

"No shit, but I'm trying to!"

_Why!?_

"You can't ever understand!"

"So _make_ me!"

They drew toe-to-toe, almost crashing, hovering close enough to strike, but neither moving to attack beyond words.

"God damn you, Nara!"

"Just _say_ it, Neji!"

"Why!?" Neji felt a cold, wretched kind of anger twisting the chords in his throat. "I don't _want_ you to fucking understand!"

Shikamaru's eyes flared. "Maybe I don't need to understand! Maybe I just need to know!"

"Know _what_!" Neji roared straight into his face. "That I train with Hiashi every day and see my _father_ looking back at me!?"

Shikamaru's eyes widened.

Neji froze, staring unseeingly.

In the wake of those slipped words, his entire body crystallized in a rigid lock that not even Shikamaru's gaze could shake him from.

"Neji…"

Neji tensed up, as if ice were frosting into his blood. "Every day…he never stops haunting me…"

"Neji..."

He felt the sweep of fingers along his jaw and angrily slanted his head away from the touch. "Don't you _dare_…I don't want your pathetic pity."

"So what do you want?"

Neji shook his head, trying to shake off the chill that had gripped him. "Like that matters. I'm working with what I _have_. I accept it."

He heard Shikamaru snort. "What a load of crap. If you accepted it, you wouldn't be doing this to yourself."

"Fine," Neji seethed as he slowly tracked his gaze back up to the Nara's eyes. "So I grit my teeth and bear it. What difference does it make?"

"_Every_ bit of damn difference," Shikamaru growled. "Unless your final goal is to be _dead_."

"I have no intention of dying, Nara."

"Oh, really?" Shikamaru challenged, eyebrow arching in that infuriating way. "I'll remember that the next time you're coughing up blood."

"Go to hell, Shikamaru!" Neji hissed, trying to spit venom into his words, but they came out bitter rather than poisonous. "I never asked for your intrusive interference."

"Yeah, you didn't have to _ask._" Shikamaru met his look evenly, but his voice fell quieter, shadowed by something indecipherable. "Doesn't that tell you something?"

_God…Stop…_

"Yes," Neji leaned in. "It tells me you're an intrusive, interfering bastard."

Shikamaru reacted as if stung. "And you're a fucking troublesome pain in the ass!"

"Then back off!" Neji snarled, searching for the quickest way to batter the shadow-nin back with his words. "You used to claim to be a lazy coward. So do what you're _good_ at and keep your head out of my business before I make you regret ever interfering!"

Neji almost started in disbelief when Shikamaru leaned in, putting himself in lethal range of a severely pissed off aggressor barely in control. The shadow-nin stood right in the line of fire that Neji was struggling to hold back. The Hyūga's expression shimmered with confusion, like a mirage caught between reflecting his pain and his anger.

"What the hell are you doing!?" he snarled.

"Go ahead and make me regret it," Shikamaru said quietly, his voice raw but no longer angry.

Neji stared in horror.

Shikamaru gazed back. "Do it."

Neji swallowed, torn down by confusion at this horrible display of trust.

He shook his head against it, needing Shikamaru's anger, not…whatever this was…

"Go ahead," Shikamaru repeated, his voice even softer now. "I won't stop you."

"Gods, you fool…do you even think that you could?"

"I already told you I'm not afraid of you, Neji."

Neji stepped back, his throat working against the tightness gripping it. "Just walk away and don't give me a reason to change your mind."

Shikamaru's lips curved faintly, but there was no mockery in it, not even the barest trace of something condescending. Neji had never wanted to be attacked more in his life…he didn't know how to defend himself against this…

He dragged in a painful breath, exhaling his words on a hoarse whisper. "God just go…"

Shikamaru didn't go.

He took a step closer, forcing Neji to skewer him with a glare.

A glare that had no effect other than to cause Shikamaru's eyes to soften into a look that threatened Neji more than any lethal glare ever could.

"Don't," Neji whispered, drawing every muscle into a rigid tense against the look in those eyes. "Damn you, don't look at me that way. Just go."

"Yeah…" Shikamaru closed the remaining distance between them; the forced hint of a smile not distracting from the conflict in his eyes. "I really should."

Neji felt that aching wound, deep down inside, rip a little more at the frayed seams.

"You bastard…" Neji's voice dropped into the same exhausted surrender as his face, tired of the anger and everything else. "Why the hell won't you just _go_?"

He sensed Shikamaru's hand move, then felt the slow trace of the Nara's fingertips sliding along his shoulder to the back of his neck, that easy, familiar caress that had become so natural to them. Shikamaru cinched their foreheads with a gentle tap, causing Neji's eyes to drift shut.

"Why the hell do you think?" He felt Shikamaru's breath against his lips, carrying the words in a murmur. "Because I'm your friend."

Neji felt a bitter ache in his throat. "I don't need you to be my friend, Shikamaru."

"Then tell me what the hell you need."

Neji made the mistake of opening his eyes before he could reach up to close Shikamaru's. Their gazes met and the raw connection that fused between them sucked the air from his lungs, snatching it away with a sharpness that came from a different kind of pain – and a different kind of need…one knotted deep down inside him…trapped under the weight of endless chains locked around parts of himself that Shikamaru kept getting closer to…

"_Let me in…"_

Neji pulled his head back a little.

The moonlight gleamed off his headband.

The soft flash reflected in the depths of Shikamaru's eyes, cutting a slash of silver across the dark orbs. Like a warning line…a final boundary…a point of no return…

They crossed it at the same moment.

Their mouths brushed with a whisper of shaking breath…lips rubbed and stroked… pressed and finally parted beneath the slick dip of tongues...which caressed in a slow, sultry roll that turned their heartbeats to thunder.

And in the core of his stirring need, Neji felt the rising of a storm…

* * *

**TBC. **

**A/N: ***drinks a gallon of tea* Oh yes. I'm sure everyone knows what's coming next. Sorry to cut it, but it would have been toooo long. *hides* Don't hate the writer, hate the plot bunny. *offers it up for slaughter* ^_^ Hokay! This chapter drained my emotional quota so I am going to murder some chocolate now!

**REVIEWERS: **_Thank you, you wonderful, wonderful people!! ^_^ I __**hope**__ the chapters express my __**thanks**__, seeing as there are only so many ways I can let you guys know just how much it means to me, to get your reviews. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, luvs. Love your thoughts._

**Reviewers without accounts: **My warm thanks to; **oppa**,** Luna**, **Lady** **Mortis **(thanks again, dear ^_^), **pixie**, ***Gia Anna*** (aaw, thank you!), **Rakija**, **Savannah**, **Miin** (thanks, Miin! welcome aboard!)  
**Chibi-chan88 – **Thank you, Chibi-chan!! ^_^ I love that you love it, bless!  
**Kathrine kagra – **LOL Of course I mentioned you, luv, I appreciate that you took the time to leave me a review. ^_^ Thank you for another wonderfully creative one! lol ^_^**  
Homemade_Idiot – **Oh! Be careful what you wish for! XD. Ooh! Think he's gonna stop this time? lol! Should I torture you? hehe, just kidding. Thanks again, you!**  
**


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Twenty Seven**

[Dedicated to A Joke]

_Slow down…_

The warning swirled in the back of Shikamaru's mind; frail and fleeting, like a leaf of reason caught in the current of the heat stirring between them. It flickered in and out of the intensity of the kiss, slowly causing the shadow-nin's tongue to retreat.

_Slow. Down._

Before he could break the fusion of their mouths, Neji's fingers slid to the back of his head, cutting off his attempt to break the kiss. He parted his lips to speak but only invited the warm, slick thrust of Neji's tongue, which marked out his mouth as if it were claiming it. Shikamaru had to crane his neck to accommodate the force of the onslaught, kissed breathless by the talent of the invading muscle.

He could feel his pulse racing, running laps of arousal through his system faster than his brain could process a way to stop it. That is until his thumb grazed beneath Neji's jaw, catching the rapid throb of the Hyūga's heartbeat.

_Shit…Slow it down._

Shikamaru twisted his head sharply, breaking the kiss with a staggered pant. He felt Neji's breath against the corner of his mouth and tilted his head to catch the Hyūga's moonstone eyes, lit with white fire.

The opal glow burned right through him, scorching his nerve endings with just a look.

_Fuck._

He knew, in that moment, what he'd known the first time he'd smashed their lips and what he'd known all the times after when he'd let a touch or look pass between them.

_I've lost my damned mind._

Problem was, he'd found something in place of it. Something he didn't think he'd ever want. Something Temari had wagered he'd never know. Something he'd told her that he'd never need.

_Impulse…_

Neji had knocked it into him; almost as literally as the damned knocks to his head. It had rattled his brain, fired up his blood. And no amount of rational intelligence could shake it loose. The Hyūga had turned the inert breeze of his lazy nature into something inflammable; something impulsive, intense and impassioned.

_Something fucking insane…_

Shikamaru blinked away the thought, his dark eyes smouldering in the darkness. Neji returned the gaze, but a shimmer of conflict played across his face. It was fleeting, but Shikamaru caught it, his brow furrowing slightly. This time when the Jōnin nudged their mouths, Shikamaru's voice fed into the exchange of breath.

"Neji."

The Hyūga paused, causing their open mouths to hover close. Shikamaru met his gaze and held it as he stroked their lips slowly.

"Slow it down," he murmured, the fire in his eyes banking to a steadier burn.

Neji's eyes flickered. "No."

Shikamaru shook his head, his fingers gliding along the Hyūga's proud jaw. "We'll tear each other up with this."

"Good," Neji growled, his fingers latching at Shikamaru's hip to jerk their bodies together in a vicious, controlling tug.

_Fuck…_

Shikamaru shuttered his eyes in pleasure at the fierce grind of their bodies. He drew a sharp breath against the blistering urge to grind back. God damn but he wanted to. The compulsion to let this heat rip through him was almost overwhelming. He drew another sharp breath and the second the cool air hit his throat, the reminder of why he had to slow it down came back to him.

_Shit._

He tugged his control back from the brink.

Planting one hand at Neji's hip to stop the head-spinning friction, he slid his free fingers into the thick mane of Neji's hair, wrapping the mocha silk around his wrist in a lazy twine. Before Neji could react, he dragged the heat of his breath to the Jōnin's ear and let words fall as rough as the scrape of his teeth against the outer shell.

"Scared of a slow burn, Hyūga?"

Neji turned his head, and Shikamaru felt the returning purr of breath against his ear, rolling out a low response. "Scared I'll tear you up, Nara?"

Shikamaru arched a brow, a slow sway of his hips nudging Neji back a step, though he followed the movement seamlessly, keeping their bodies pressed close as he backed them up.

"Stubborn," he muttered against Neji's throat, trailing hot, open-mouthed kisses along the taut column that refused to arch back for him.

_Too stubborn._

Tension tightened the chords of Neji's throat. A sure sign that the Hyūga was holding back whatever sounds or words might have slipped out against his will.

_Way too stubborn._

But the challenge made Shikamaru burn anew.

He could feel that heat building in his groin. He was already pulsing, already hard. What made it more maddening was the rigid heat he could feel grinding back against him as Neji rolled his hips and turned their bodies, shifting the path of their orbit around the room.

They passed in and out of the same slots of shadow and moonlight that they'd paced through before. Only this time the primal orbit wasn't a stalk. He had no idea whether it would lead to surrender. It didn't matter. The struggle was part of the storm they spiralled in, slowly pushing each other back and forth like opposing elements.

The desire simmered between them, sensual, seductive.

_Slow…_

Shikamaru let his lips maraud the length of Neji's neck, dragging colour to the ivory surface, working the skin into a damp tingle and burn beneath his mouth. He felt the barest shudder along Neji's spine, which caused the Hyūga's step to falter, allowing the shadow-nin to take control of their circling once more.

He'd barely begun to turn them in a different direction before he felt Neji's hand snaking in a salacious glide up and under his black turtleneck, the Hyūga's cold fingertips following the lean ridges of his stomach.

That familiar static tingled along his skin.

Shikamaru's breath halted against the Jōnin's throat.

Neji must have felt it, because the Hyūga's mouth was as his ear a second later, tongue tracing the stud imbedded in the soft lobe.

"You're under my skin," the Jōnin murmured, those cultured tones dragging like raw silk against Shikamaru's already frazzled senses. "God, I need to tear you out."

The shadow-nin drew his head back, making a point of scraping his teeth along Neji's jaw before his lips skimmed gently back down it. "I know."

Damn, but he knew too well.

He felt the cool tips of Neji's fingers glide higher, tracing out the rungs of his ribs in a tantalising touch, barely there, ghost-like.

Ghost.

A whisper skittered across his mind.

"_He never stops haunting me…_"

Shikamaru's eyes flickered open from their glazed half-mast, the echo of Neji's words causing a shift in his touch and his step. He planted his feet firmly, ceasing their backward pace.

"Neji."

"You're thinking too much," the Jōnin murmured, tilting his head to sweep a kiss across Shikamaru's mouth. "Don't."

"Thinking?" Shikamaru arched a brow. "Blood isn't exactly rushing to my _brain_ at the moment."

He felt Neji smile against his mouth, a soft, provocative curve of those lips against his – and it caused a different kind of warmth to chase through him.

"How subtle," Neji pressed their hips in a _non_-too-subtle grind, illustrating Shikamaru's point with a firm nudge of blatant, bulging arousals.

_Fuck…_

The catch of his breath didn't stop Neji's hand from coasting across his chest, the Hyūga's thumb arcing out to drag across a dusky nipple.

The feeling was electric.

He was surprise his clothing didn't crackle and hiss from the static when Neji peeled his black top off him with a patience the Hyūga seemed to lack a second before. Shikamaru caught Neji's wrists when those palms returned to stroke up along his sides. He tried to catch Neji's gaze too, but the Jōnin wouldn't allow it.

"Look at me," Shikamaru said quietly.

"Tch," Neji twisted his wrists free and Shikamaru watched those long fingers curl into loose fists. "Haven't you seen enough, Shikamaru?"

The weak trace of bitterness in those words didn't go undetected. Shikamaru frowned, raising one of his hands to slip his fingers beneath Neji's jaw. The Hyūga angled his chin away defiantly, pride hardening his jaw.

Shikamaru smiled faintly, tracing a knuckle down the Jōnin's throat instead, a dangerously tender thing to do. "Troublesome."

Neji blinked slowly at the soft catchphrase, flicking his gaze across. Shikamaru caught that shimmer of conflict in the pale eyes once again. He could easily read the signs, the subtle warnings of a tide about to turn. He grazed his knuckle back up and slipped his fingers around, kneading the Hyūga's tense nape.

"Hey," he murmured. "Don't make this about fighting."

"We're not fighting," Neji frowned.

"Not yet."

Neji's eyes reluctantly softened and the rigid clench at his jaw began to ease. Shikamaru saw it as an opening and took a lazy sway forward until their mouths were brushing again.

"Tonight, stop fighting."

Neji closed his eyes, his voice a rough whisper. "I can't."

Shikamaru drew back at the ragged pain pulling just beneath the surface of those words. He stared quietly at Neji for a moment, letting his eyes trace over the elegantly sculptured features, sharpened by shadow in the hollows of high, flushed cheeks. There was no mistaking the regal sensuality in Neji's face. But dark rings curved under those opalescent eyes and pain was etched into the smooth marble of his face.

There was no hiding the gaunt strain of exhaustion.

Shikamaru frowned. An uncomfortable feeling churned in his core, twisting the roaring flare of his arousal into something more controlled, but no less potent. The shadow-nin raised his fingers to trace out the shadows on Neji's face, following them down to the hollow of the Jōnin's throat, then down to the fold of the white robe.

"Neji," he said softly. "Stop fighting."

He kept his eyes on Neji's face, searching for a shift in the Hyūga's expression as he let his nimble fingers trace along the white seam. His thumb popped the button easily and he brushed aside the pale fabric to expose the leanly chiselled frame, marred with bruises.

Neji's eyes flickered open, but settled their glazed stare at Shikamaru's mouth rather than the dark eyes observing him.

_Don't fight me…_

Shikamaru worked the words into his touch, raising his other hand to stroke up Neji's back, occasionally feeling the sliver of scars beneath his palm.

"Relax…" he said quietly.

Neji's breath shivered out on a sigh, causing Shikamaru's eyes to drop to the parted lips. He gazed through his lashes at the Hyūga's mouth, letting the callused pads of his fingers press gently along Neji's spine, following the curve of his left shoulder blade until he grazed a rough patch of scar tissue.

Shikamaru frowned.

Neji's eyes drifted shut.

The Nara traced out the ragged sphere of the scar with his fingertips, his gaze straying to the matching mark on Neji's chest, just to the left of his heart, where that ugly projectile had cut straight through him years before.

_So close…_

"I had no intention of dying that day," Neji murmured, slipping his eyes open slowly with a weak smile.

_Yeah, but you almost did…_

Shikamaru swallowed down the words, his thumb tracing circles around the scar on Neji's back. The guilt of what had happened to Chōji and Neji during his first Chūnin mission had been another regret cast to the back of his mind, locked away in a chamber of things he didn't let himself think about.

_Guilt doesn't change anything…_

He felt Neji's lips smoothing across the frown he didn't realise was stamped into his brow, then felt that sultry voice at his ear. "I didn't lose then and I won't lose now."

_You're wrong._

Shikamaru bowed his head before he could let the words slip. He set his lips to the marked skin, hearing the sharp intake of Neji's breath as his tongue traced the scar.

_God you're wrong…_

The Hyūga's fingertips came to settle at his nape, kneading lightly.

"Shikamaru…"

Shikamaru didn't reply.

Instead, he slowly sank to his knees, stroking his hands up along Neji's sides, letting his fingertips drag heat to the skin, rekindling the simmer between them. His lips were gentle as they began to map out the firm planes of Neji's chest, his tongue drawing invisible lines between the dark bruises, stopping above each one to press an open-mouthed kiss to the abused skin.

Neji's fingers dug into his nape.

He ignored it. They'd already crossed too many lines for him to stop now. He was too far gone to find the will to pull back. So he pushed that complicated want into his kisses, leaking it into each caress of his lips and tongue.

_Slow…_

Shikamaru trailed his mouth to each bruised point again, his hands sliding around to Neji's back, up along flushed skin pulled taut over lean muscles. Muscles that flexed and shifted like marble coming alive beneath his touch.

_Yes…_

A possessive kind of need seared through him, causing an accidental scrape of his teeth against Neji's ribs. The Jōnin arched with a breathy sigh, but the pleasure in the sound was undeniable. The response it evoked went straight to Shikamaru's groin.

_Fuck…_

The shadow-nin drew a slow breath against his raging arousal, taking his time to trace his tongue along the dips of lean muscle which corrugated Neji's stomach. He barely felt the drag of Neji's fingers until a tug at is scalp caused him to pause. A second later he felt his hair fall free from its bind, then the dip of long fingers threading into the black strands.

Shikamaru froze for a moment.

He'd never let his hair down during sex before.

He'd joked about it being troublesome. He didn't expect it to make him feel exposed.

_Stupid._

It was more than stupid to feel exposed by something like that. Yet despite this, he still felt it. He didn't have time to consider why it bothered him before the discomfort was pulled away by the press of the Hyūga's fingers along his scalp, the tangle of those slender digits drawing his head back.

Neji's mouth swooped down across his. Shikamaru arched his neck, but the kiss wasn't the violent clash that he expected. Neji's tongue parted his lips in a slow, sensual slide, opening him up to the erotically deep, but painfully slow probe of the Hyūga's tongue.

_So damned slow…_

Shikamaru hummed.

A taste of his own medicine; only he wasn't complaining. The taste was by no means something he didn't want to swallow, consume and completely possess.

_Whoa. Careful._

The word of caution blared in the back of his head. But Neji's mouthed moved above his in a way that short-circuited his brain. It stupefied him long enough for the Jōnin to kneel down without him realising Neji had moved. He only registered how close they were when the Hyūga's legs slid either side of his, bracketing him between the cloth-covered thighs.

A slow roll of Neji hips thrust their swollen lengths together, the feel of fabric dragging teasingly.

Shikamaru hissed against Neji's mouth, closing his eyes.

"So responsive," Neji said, speaking the words in a tone so low it was more a vibration that tingled along Shikamaru's nerves, rattling them up even more.

"Shit…" was his intelligent response.

Neji smiled against his lips. "Your body, at least."

"Shut up…" Shikamaru growled, but it was more playful than angry, his eyes narrowed in pleasure. "Blood not in brain."

"No need to convince me," Neji smiled, his lips framing an errant smirk.

_Shit._

Shikamaru cleared his throat, but his smartass retort was silenced by Neji's mouth.

_Effective tactic._

He should know, having used it before. Both of them smiled into the kiss, a slow and languid roll of tongues. Shikamaru bit down on the Hyūga's bottom lip as Neji drew back, the sharp nip eliciting a reflex tug on his hair.

"Ow?" Shikamaru joked. "That's a lame counter, Hyūga."

Neji's breathy chuckle fanned along his throat, but strangled into a gasp when Shikamaru rolled his hips, the friction so good it should have been wrong.

_It is…_

Distraction came in the tickle of Neji's bangs as they stroked across his collarbone. Then the unmistakeable pinch of teeth worked along the strong curve of Shikamaru's shoulder, biting down at the nerve-filled junction.

_Fuck!_

Shikamaru's eyes flew wide and he bucked with a growl, his shoulders lifting at the pressure. It wasn't hard enough to break the skin, and the lick of pain amidst the pleasure was chillingly arousing. Neji's tongue laved over the bite, a soft suction pulling hard enough to bruise before he kissed the marked spot.

Shikamaru tipped his head, breathing out a shaky curse. "Fuck…good counter…"

Neji hummed deeply, the sound resonating along Shikamaru's neck in a primal purr as rich and intoxicating as the next kiss they dipped into. Just as slow as the others, but twice as molten; their lust like lava and every bit a slow burn.

_I want you…_

Shikamaru dragged his hands to the backs of Neji's thighs, tugging the Hyūga firmly onto his lap before dropping his grip to the firm glutes, kneading in time to the roll of their hips. Neji kept a hand fisted in his hair, the other wandering the burning planes of his back.

With every achingly slow grind of their hips, Shikamaru felt Neji's breaths drag into a deeper, heavier pant against his mouth. He knew he was breathing just as heavily, both of them saturated in the taste of each other.

_It's not enough…_

Shikamaru slid his hands to the Hyūga's hips, stilling the delirious torture of their movement. "Neji…"

Neji frowned, slipping his lashes open to gaze down questioningly through clouded eyes. Shikamaru's breath caught as he lost himself in that glazed stare for a moment. Neji swallowed thickly, tilting his head like a confused animal.

"What?" he panted hoarsely.

Shikamaru blinked slowly, raising his hand to trace his thumb across the kiss-swollen mouth. He was amazed at his own control given that the pressure building in his groin was almost painful he was so damned hard. He didn't think it was possible to be any more aroused by a ninja that before two months ago hadn't had this kind of effect on him.

_What changed?_

He watched Neji struggle for a moment, clearly grappling for the same kind of control over the raging need to grind, grip, ravish and release. He felt the Hyūga's fingers card back through his hair, kneading his scalp.

"If you ask me to stop, I might have to kill you," the Hyūga teased.

Shikamaru knew it was a joke, in fact, he willed what was left of his brainpower to send the signal to his face to smile, smirk or snicker.

_Dammit. Smile._

He couldn't.

His eyes traced the path of his thumb as it drew across Neji's lips, following the Hyūga's weak smile instead.

_Why can't you see what you're doing to yourself?_

"Shikamaru?"

The Nara glanced up through his lashes with a faint smirk. It was a pathetic imitation of his normal smile and he knew it. Unfortunately, Neji knew it too. The Hyūga cocked his head the other way, humming as he leaned down. Shikamaru tilted his head up to accept the kiss, returning it with a little more force than he intended. He felt Neji's hesitation, probably confused at how uncharacteristically volatile he was being.

_Calm down…_

Shikamaru relaxed into the kiss, lifting up slowly to press forward. Neji, his balance compromised, tilted back at an incline without submitting to lay down.

_So damned stubborn._

Shikamaru had to smile at that, drawing back a little to settle their gazes. "You're not gonna make this easy, are you?"

Neji arched a brow. "Don't get overconfident."

Shikamaru shook his head. "I'm not asking for that."

"Then what are you asking for?" Neji asked, caution leaking into his voice.

"Nothing," Shikamaru tilted his head, pressing his lips to Neji's throat. "Nothing you won't let me take."

"I will not give you that control," Neji said, an unmistakeable edge to his tone.

Shikamaru's eyes flashed.

For some reason, these words struck a raw nerve in him.

He didn't expect it to sting so damned bad.

He growled and snapped his hands to Neji's hips, tugging the Hyūga against him in an ardent if not aggressive crush of their groins, making no attempt to play it subtle as the thick heat of his erection ground against Neji's answering arousal.

"Control? I want you. You want me." Shikamaru said lowly, his tone calmer than the fire in his eyes. "Don't make this about control."

Neji's eyes narrowed and Shikamaru found them scrutinising him mercilessly.

The shadow-nin stared back, the anger easing off slowly. "Dammit, Neji. I'm not trying to take anything away from you."

Neji's lips tightened before the Hyūga shut his eyes. Shikamaru didn't know what to expect after that, but it sure as hell wasn't a tired sigh shadowed with pain.

"Don't you see?" Neji shook his head. "You already have."

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed in confusion, then gentled into a softer gaze. He stroked his hands up from Neji's hips to the Hyūga's shoulder blades, then back down, repeating the motion in slow, easy sweeps. The storm that had stirred up between them settled for a moment, leaving them in the eye of it.

They hovered in an easy calm that took the edge off Shikamaru's arousal and allowed him to think clearly enough to stay still – so long as they didn't _move_, he could attempt to pull back the magma flaring in his blood.

He'd almost convinced himself that he could stop.

Until Neji began to move.

Shikamaru's hands paused as he felt the muscles in Neji's back shift beneath his palms; fluid and smooth as the Hyūga raised his kneel slightly. The pale slabs of Neji's stomach rippled with tension against his, tightening as the Jōnin shifted his hips, grinding down slowly.

_Holy fuck…he's trying to kill me…_

Shikamaru squeezed his eyes shut, a throaty groan catching behind the clench of his teeth. "Neji…I can't stop this time if you start."

"Why stop?" Neji breathed, his voice as smooth as black satin and twice as dark as it caressed the shell of Shikamaru's ear in a sultry murmur. "When I haven't torn you up yet, Nara?"

Shikamaru's resolve shattered.

Denied arousal hit him like a drug-rush the second Neji's teeth sank lightly into the curve of his shoulder. His neglected length thickened and stiffened to a granite proportion he didn't think should have been possible.

Any chance of stopping was obliterated.

They'd not only crossed the line now, they'd scrubbed it out and shot to hell any chance of redefining it.

_I don't care…_

Shikamaru didn't give Neji a chance to grind down before he rocked forward, toppling the Hyūga onto his back and coming up on top like a thing possessed. He smashed their lips with a growl, earning him a responding buck of Neji's hips.

_Not enough…it's not enough…_

The chafing confines of their pants caused them to break apart long enough to tear the remaining clothes off each other. The cold air dragged across their bodies, but the second sweat-slick skin connected they rubbed each other warm with every glide and grasp.

_More…_

Shikamaru's fingers locked around Neji's wrists like manacles, slamming them down as he plundered the hot, moist mouth that opened up for him but didn't submit. Their tongues warred and danced, sliding as fiercely as their skin. With every roll of their hips, leaking shafts wept between the rigid planes of their stomachs.

_So good…too good…_

He felt the bones in Neji's wrists grind just as the Jōnin tore his lips away, his voice rasping through the balmy air. "Let me go…"

Shikamaru flexed his fingers – then released the Hyūga's wrists.

He used his free hands to brace himself instead, turning to let his tongue trace along Neji's throat, catching trails of salt with a growl. The musky scent of sex blistered between them, raw and carnal.

It was ripping him up.

He heard Neji's breath fire out in staggered pants, drawing his mouth back to the Hyūga's lips. The kiss was hungry, almost starved. Neji's fingers carved through his hair, down along his nape, pulling him closer, anchoring them into the kiss.

_God I want you…_

If bodies could speak, they were saying the same thing. Over and over with every grind of their hips until Shikamaru felt that rapture beginning to tingle at the base of his spine, spiralling through him and pushing him higher.

"Fuck…Neji…" he hissed, his fingers gnarling against the floor either side of Neji's shoulders.

"Come," the slick dip of Neji's tongue traced his lips. "Let me see this…tear you up…"

Shikamaru clenched his jaw around a groan. How the _hell_ could Neji manage a coherent sentence? He was having trouble forming a coherent thought. The shadow-nin slipped his eyes open to a vision of struggling control. The strain was pulled across Neji's face in an erotic sheen, flushed and glistening.

Neji was teetering on the same brink, just holding on tighter.

_God…so...fucking…stubborn…_

Shikamaru growled, reaching between their bodies to take the Hyūga's swollen length in hand. Neji jolted up, sliding his elbows beneath him, trying to control the pace only to freeze halfway into the effort with a ragged gasp as Shikamaru twisted his wrist in a slow squeeze.

"Don't fight this," Shikamaru panted, dragging the tight tunnel of his fist along the slick column, tracing the pulsing vein with his thumb. "Let go…"

"No…"

Shikamaru shuddered, fighting back his release. "Yes."

"Fuck…" Neji tensed up, a judder running along his spine. "Ngh…"

"Neji…"

Neji's eyes rolled back, his hips rising in a jerk. "_Gods_…"

_Yes…_

Shikamaru leaned in just as Neji's head tipped back. He caught the Hyūga's mouth with his own the second the Jōnin's lips parted in a silent scream. Just the feel of Neji's body arching beneath him was enough to trigger his own release.

It ripped through him with the force of a cyclone.

They crashed into their climaxes in a wash of wet heat, gripping each other to keep from coming apart completely. The world came apart instead, torn into ribbons of pleasure that swirled between them and _through_ them in a dizzying spiral, uncoiling the tension and leaving utter weightlessness behind.

_Holy…shit…_

Shikamaru groaned, lost in the hum of the warmth buzzing through him. It was even more dizzying than the first time they'd lost themselves in this.

He felt numb and tender all at the same time, almost inebriated.

_God…so good…_

He drifted in the sated haze, heart attempting to right its rhythm. He was barely cognizant of the stroke of fingers along his spine and the pant of breath against his ear; warm against the cool seeping in around them.

_Dammit…why are we always on the floor?_

Slowly, he slipped his eyes open. It took him a moment to realise he was gazing at the slant of Neji's jaw, bathed in a segment of moonlight. A few mocha strands were plastered to the sharp edge and along Neji's neck. The Hyūga's throat rippled slightly with every pant.

"Neji…" Shikamaru croaked out.

No response.

_Shit._

A trickle of tension leaked into Shikamaru's body. He attempted to coordinate his limbs, dragging his hand free from between their bodies before planting his elbows beneath him. He propped himself up above the quiet Jōnin, casting Neji in his shadow.

"Neji…"

Shikamaru frowned at the tickle against his face, then realised it was his hair. He flicked it back only to have it fall forward again.

_Troublesome…_

He blinked when he felt Neji's fingers drag back through the dark strands, pulling them away from his face. He gazed down at the pale eyes watching him through heavy lids.

"Thanks," Shikamaru rasped dryly, offering an uncertain smile. "You just saved me whiplash."

Neji blinked slowly, his lips curving a little.

In the darkness his features were slightly obscured, but Shikamaru could detect the guarded expression on the Hyūga's face. It surprised him. But he didn't expect it to cause a sharp pull across his chest.

_Damn…_

Shikamaru hovered uncertainly for a moment, not sure whether to pull away or lean forward. So he remained still, trying not to let a chill of regret creep in around the warmth that had just ensconced them. He felt Neji's fingertips pressing along his scalp lightly, moving down to his nape by degrees.

_Say something…_

Neji said nothing, just observed him through those opal slivers.

Their panting had eased into a slow lull of breath now, passing back and forth between them, carrying unspoken words. Shikamaru parted his lips to speak but was cut off when Neji shook his head. The moonlight gleamed off the Hyūga's headband again, flashing like a warning between them. Shikamaru frowned and made to draw back, but Neji's grip at his nape stopped him, pulling him down instead.

Their mouths settled in an uncertain nudge.

_What's wrong?_

Shikamaru wanted to ask. But he wasn't so sure he wanted the answer. So he let the question slip away and parted his lips for Neji's tongue, shuttering his gaze as the Jōnin's slick muscle snaked alongside his.

What was previously a hungry thrust was now a slick, steady roll. Something else leaked into the sensuality of the kiss. Shikamaru couldn't define it, it was like catching the taste of something foreign and knowing it would linger afterwards to irritate him as he tried to figure out what it was.

The lingering kiss deepened between them and Shikamaru couldn't help but feel that Neji was searching for something.

_What's wrong…?_

He slipped his hand to Neji's jaw, his thumb massaging the hinge gently. The Hyūga's tongue slowly withdrew from his mouth, leaving their lips to hover close.

"You okay?" Shikamaru whispered, arching a brow unintentionally.

Neji smiled, amusement lightening the odd shadow in his eyes. "Do you want a report on your performance, Nara?"

_That was a damn prelude, not a performance._

Shikamaru let that playful response slide and instead arched his other brow, completely intentional now. "Results speak for themselves."

Neji released a throaty chuckle. "How humble of you."

Shikamaru smiled slightly at the relaxed expression on Neji's face, the odd look that had haunted it moments before no longer detectable. He leaned down to nip at Neji's collarbone, eliciting an approving sigh. The sound caused his skin to prickle. And when he dragged his tongue across the salty ridge of Neji's throat, the taste provoked a deeper hunger_._

The desire for something else dancing on his tongue.

A resurgent heat pooled inside him, stirring him into a state of half-hard arousal. Neji must have felt it prodding his hip, because the Hyūga went very still.

"Shikamaru…"

A sudden, inexplicable desire pushed Shikamaru to move in ways he didn't think he'd want to move, pushed him to take things he never thought he'd want to take.

_I want you…_

Neji tilted his head down. "What are you doing?"

"This," Shikamaru returned, trailing his mouth lower as he began to shift down the Hyūga's body, his tongue dragging through the sticky cream splashed across Neji's abdomen.

He felt Neji arch with a hiss, no longer still beneath his questing mouth; coming to life again as if being breathed into. Shikamaru let the foreign taste dance on his tongue, never having thought he'd ever be in the position to want something like this.

_Dammit, I want him so bad I can't think straight…_

Thinking had nothing to do with it. It was instinct. Raw and primal, and it sank its claws into him, gripping as firmly as he gripped Neji's hips, holding the Hyūga down as he marked out a hot, wet path of kisses along the sensitive dip where groin met thigh.

Neji's fingers raked into his hair, tightening. "Gods, stop…"

Shikamaru arched a brow, glancing up through his lashes and past the proud, hot flesh jutting from Neji's groin. "You sure about that?"

"Fuck," Neji panted, trying to glare down. "Bastard…"

"You want this."

"Shikamaru…"

Shikamaru smiled, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles at the sharp hipbones. "Not convinced."

"You've proved your point…" Neji growled shakily, levering himself onto his elbows.

Shikamaru raised his head, his mouth placed precariously close to the moist crown of the Jōnin's thick arousal. It was all the _point_ either of them needed.

Shikamaru arched a brow.

Neji glared and an icy warning flickered just beneath his lust.

_Alright…time to back off…_

Shikamaru hummed, kissing his way back up along the tense body, feeling Neji relax a little beneath him when he settled his lips at the Hyūga's ear.

"You want me," Shikamaru bit down lightly at the fleshy lobe. "I want you. Stupid simple."

Neji snorted, but Shikamaru could detect the amusement in the sound. "How seductive."

"Yeah well," Shikamaru's laugh rattled hoarsely and he tilted his head to catch Neji's lips. "Blood not in brain."

Neji rolled his eyes and smiled, muttering something that Shikamaru muffled with his mouth then silenced with his tongue. He drank down the offered groan with a deep hum, easing into a slow kiss. Their tongues slid together lazily, sharing the lingering taste of each other until they broke apart for air.

"You're a pain," Shikamaru muttered, dropping his brow to Neji's shoulder as he tried to will his arousal away.

_Fuuuck._

"You started it," Neji muttered back, attempting to nudge Shikamaru off him.

_Shit._

Shikamaru groaned. "Fuck, Neji, don't move."

Neji snorted, stroking a hand down his back. "We can't stay like this, Shikamaru."

_No shit. I'm so hard I could cut fucking glass…_

"Dammit." The shadow-nin scowled against Neji's shoulder, his voice strained. "You might have some kind of Hyūga tantric control but I _don't_, alright? Give me a minute…"

Shikamaru dragged in a slow breath, only to expel it in a shudder when Neji's mouth smoothed along his shoulder straight to his ear, murmuring softly. "I'll give you something else. But it will take more than a minute."

_Fuck…_

Shikamaru clenched his fingers at Neji's hips with a hiss. "Ugh…are you trying to kill me?"

The husky chuckle at his ear almost undid him right then and there. "If this kills you, Shikamaru, it'll be the best way to go…"

Shikamaru was certain his brain shut down at the same moment his eyes drifted shut. He'd later have the vague recollection of being rolled onto his back, his mouth plundered by a tongue that was way too talented at working him into a fever and the feel of a lean, sculpted frame dragging across his in a way that felt so damned right, he forgot all the reasons it should have been wrong.

* * *

**TBC. **

**A/N: **Time for an ice-tea I think. ^_^ Forgive any typos!

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	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Twenty Eight**

_Damn it's cold…_

Shikamaru frowned, tensing up against the chill that pressed in around what was almost an airtight cocoon of sheets. He could hear the muffled rustle of leaves outside and the occasional hoot of a scops-owl.

None of this had woken him.

_4 AM…_

The shadow-nin let his lashes flicker open, squinting against the darkness as he attempted to roll over. He caught himself from falling this time, his fingers latching around the edge of the mattress as he dragged his elbows beneath him, glancing across at the opposite bed.

It was empty.

The sheets had been pulled aside, crumpled in the centre of the mattress. A thin slot of light drew Shikamaru's gaze to the foot of the bathroom door. The bright line occasionally broke into shadow, indicating movement from the other side.

_Damn…_

Shikamaru sat up, rolling his shoulder against the faint ache at the junction curving toward his neck. He tugged an arm free from the sheets, rubbing his fingers firmly along the mark. It wasn't the only brand that Neji's mouth had made. The memory of what had passed between them hours before sent an immediate signal south of his brain.

_Ah shit._

Shikamaru shook his head sharply.

_Change the thought._

A muffled cough filtered through the bathroom door.

Shikamaru dropped his hand away from his shoulder. For whatever reason, Neji hadn't woken up in a panic, which he supposed was somewhat of a silver lining given how dark the situation was going to get.

The shadow-nin continued to monitor the slot of light under the door, using the cold as an excuse to stay rooted in the tangle of sheets, rather than make a move to interfere. It didn't take a ten-steps-ahead prediction or an idea of two hundred different ways that he could end up on his ass, to know that Neji would knock him down faster than he could make a move to stop the Hyūga. Add to that the fact that there was only so much he could take of respecting boundaries that weren't so clear anymore.

_Shit._

Shikamaru shifted back to recline against the headboard, half-wrapped in sheets and the rest in shadow. He continued to stare at that slot of light…and the more he stared at it, the more he realised how clear a line it was. So defined that it mocked what existed between him and Neji now; or what didn't exist.

This hadn't been part of his plan.

Shikamaru frowned, then clenched his eyes shut when he heard Neji's strangled cough choke off into a curse. He heard water swirling down the plughole.

_All of this…because of how he feels about Hiashi's resemblance to his father? _

Shikamaru rubbed at his closed eyes.

_No. There are still pieces missing…What the hell is ANBU's involvement?_

He heard the water cut off.

_And what the hell happened to him at this hour years ago? _

Shikamaru kept his eyes shut, his mind dredging through the mess of all the information gleaned and all the moves made up until this moment – and then, the most important things which had been blown apart last night.

His motives.

Tsunade had asked him at the start, but the answer wasn't so simple anymore.

Shikamaru felt his thoughts turning back to the conversation he'd had with the Hokage, back to the moment when he'd signed off on any chance of not getting involved.

The morning he'd made that bargain.

The morning when his motives hadn't mattered like they did now.

* * *

- _**FLASHBACK**_ -

_Shit. I've officially made this my problem._

Shikamaru resisted the urge to shift on the spot. Tsunade was either going to smash her fist through her desk, or through his head. He wouldn't put it past her to do both if the intensity of her gaze was any indication.

_Hospitalisation or headache from lecture._

Shikamaru couldn't decide which was worse.

Tsunade's amber eyes remained fixed on him, boring a mental hole in his forehead. To his credit, he disguised his unease at her silence by standing calmly, hands slotted into his pockets. He felt like she'd laid siege to his resolve, waiting for him to cave under the pressure of her stare and spill more of the truth than he'd already spit out.

_Not gonna happen._

The Godaime's silence pressed in around his eardrums, making the quietest sound seem offensively loud. Like Tonton. The pig had a quiet commentary going on with Shizune; intervals of disapproving oinks, which Shizune answered by hefting or rocking the pig like a baby.

_Thanks for the support._

Just when Shikamaru thought he was going to have to risk head trauma by opening his mouth, Tsunade unfolded her arms with a sigh and moved to round her desk, assuming her seat slowly.

"Fine," she said.

"Fine?" Shikamaru blinked, suspicion crawling into his face. "You're going to agree?"

For an awkward moment Tsunade held her silence again, propping her elbows on her desk before folding one hand atop the other. All calm and composed. Way too composed given the bombshell Shikamaru had just dropped on her. He was expecting an explosion and the resulting flak any minute now.

_Hn. Wait for it…_

Time dragged out a little longer before the Hokage set her chin atop her wrist, staring at him with a scheming stillness. Shikamaru could read the look in her eyes, ruining her attempt at a poker face. They were both familiar with playing games and although Shikamaru wagered his luck was a hell of a lot better than Tsunade's at the best and worst of times, he had a nauseating feeling that he stood to lose more than he hoped to gain.

"I'll agree," Tsunade eventually said. "But this isn't going to be an act of charity on my part, Nara. If you can commit to your conscience as a comrade, then you'll damn well commit to your duty as a shinobi."

No angry explosion, but he didn't relax for a second.

_Here comes the flak._

Shikamaru blinked slowly. "You want an exchange."

"Damn straight I do," Tsunade arched a brow. "I won't take a gamble on you for nothing."

Shikamaru's lip quirked; he'd expected no less. She was a gambler after all. A failed one, granted, but he wasn't going to underestimate the powerful cards she was holding. He had a feeling he was about to get dealt a really crappy hand. Fortunately, he'd prepared for this.

"Alright, so what's the currency we're working with here?" he asked.

_My blood, sweat and tears._

"Show me how serious you are," she challenged.

"How?"

"You're asking me to take a massive risk here by leaving Neji in your hands."

"Yeah, I know."

"No, Nara, you really _don't_ know." Tsunade's eyes hardened, her fingers curling into fists as she dropped her hands to the desk. "I risk upsetting one of the most powerful clans in Konoha. Hiashi Hyūga is not a man I want to keep in the dark. So If I allow this, then you're going to give me something in return."

Tonton seconded her master with an oink that had Shikamaru sliding the pig a flat glare. In the fleeting seconds it took to return his gaze to Tsunade, he pulled out a folded sheet of paper from his flak jacket and set it on the desk.

"I intended to offer this, Tsunade-sama," Shikamaru said, sliding the document towards her. "All planned, just needs approval."

"Hanegakure?" Tsunade queried, eyes widening.

"I'll head two teams to identify and resolve the situation with the Tsubasa," Shikamaru clarified. "I've already planned out the recon and backup missions. This is the list of the teams and our objectives."

He watched Tsunade lean back in her chair, appraising the document with a steady track of her gaze. She motioned Shizune over with a dip of her wrist. The medic-Jōnin stepped up behind the Godaime and both women examined the document in silence.

As they read over the details, Shikamaru studied the grain of the Hokage's desk, his gaze straying over the stains of coffee rings and tannin before Tsunade's hum drew his gaze up.

"While I'm impressed," she said, handing the document to Shizune. "That's not enough blood from you, Nara."

_You're kidding…_

Shikamaru blinked. He stared at Tsunade in open disbelief, struck mute for a moment. He watched her smile slightly, as if amused by his reaction, though it didn't make her next words any less grim.

"Hanegakure is inevitable, Shikamaru. We'd have to deal with them sooner or later anyway."

"I'm offering to make it sooner before it gets worse," he reasoned.

"Perhaps, and I suppose you've saved us a lot of trouble by outlining our objectives and devising a mission strategy." Tsunade paused, exchanging a glance with Shizune that Shikamaru didn't find flattering despite their impressed expressions. "You've really done your homework, Shikamaru. Wanna know that that tells me?"

"That I'm screwed…" he muttered.

Tsunade chuckled, every bit the conniving vixen. "It tells me that you're completely capable of giving me more than your usual reluctant compliance."

"Crap." Shikamaru sighed, rolling his shoulders uncomfortably while under the weight of her stare and smile.

_All this for a troublesome bastard…_

"You have so much potential, Nara, but you won't use it," Tsunade sighed, her smile giving way to a frown. "You'll apply yourself when _you_ feel like it. Like with Naruto and your friends. You put in the effort to protect your comrades, but try to slack-off elsewhere. I want more than that from you."

Shikamaru averted his gaze, cocking a hip to appear more casual than he felt as he searched his mind for the kind of blood she probably wanted from him.

"You want me to accept that offer from the Feudal Lord?" he ventured, his voice even less enthusiastic than his expression.

"No. That is up to _you_. While it would put you on an honourable Guard Division,_ I_ want you here in Konoha."

"So you want me to 'take the initiative' more over here."

Tsunade snorted. "No. _Asuma_ wants you to take the initiative more. _I_ want the complete assurance that you _will_ take it. Not more, but permanently, automatically. Without being asked or nagged."

Shikamaru blinked slowly, grinding his jaw.

_I'm gonna kill Neji…_

Tsunade leaned forward again, as if to impress the importance of her next words. "You will not only use that potential, you will _reach_ it and _exceed_ it."

_I'm gonna kill Neji very slowly…_

Shikamaru dragged his gaze from one end of Tsunade's desk to the other before meeting her gaze. "And how do you want me to do that?"

"I think you can hazard an intelligent guess," Tsunade prompted. "You were at the last defence meeting."

_Ah shit._

Shikamaru's eyes widened, his slouch turning rigid. "You want me to join the Nijū Shōtai."

"That's right."

"As a sub-captain," Shizune added.

Even the pig nodded.

"Sub-captain?" Shikamaru parroted, his gaze shifting between the two women who'd clearly been conspiring against him for a while now. "You already planned on shoving that onto me, right?"

"No," Tsunade shook her head. "This is going to involve more than a nagging order and your usual half-cocked attitude."

"So just what kind of involvement are you talking about?"

"_Complete_ commitment to the Squad of Twenty. No shirking. No messing about. No excuses." Tsunade swivelled slightly in her chair, tugging open one of the desk drawers before extracting a key which she handed to Shizune.

Shikamaru watched the medic-Jōnin set Tonton down and move across the room to retrieve something from a locked cabinet. He could feel Tsunade's gaze on him, testing him, daring him to back out. He lazily slid his focus back to her, resisting the urge to frown. He held her gaze as Shizune set something down on the desk. He only glanced towards it when Tsunade reached for it.

A white booklet.

"You'll be operating at Jōnin level, Shikamaru and I will expect _absolute_ dedication and efficiency from you. Not just in your ability to plan and premeditate, but also your ability to function as part of an elite." She thumbed through the booklet before smacking it down and twisting it sharply to face him. "It will start with this."

Shikamaru made no move to take the booklet.

He just cocked his head, staring down at it, flicking his gaze across the title.

"Past Battle Records?" he frowned.

"Say hello to your rehabilitation program," Tsunade announced as if introducing him to a team mate. "Laziness just checked out, Nara. This won't leave you until you know it inside-out and back-to-front. That includes what it _doesn't_ contain."

_Doesn't contain?_

The last words prompted Shikamaru to reach for the booklet, taking it up to scan through the contents. The faces of Akatsuki members flicked past as he skimmed it. It contained skeleton outlines of S-rank criminal activity and profiling, but lacked flesh regarding the vital information needed to take them down.

_No way._

He shook his head against what she was asking of him with a disbelieving frown.

"You want me to pre-empt S-rank enemies we haven't even come up against?" Shikamaru set the booklet down, taking a step away from the desk – and the damned deal. "I'm smart, I'm not _omniscient_."

Tsunade smiled grimly. "Too steep a bargain for you, Nara?"

"Steep?" Shikamaru arched his brows at the understatement. "You're setting standards off the chart."

"Because I _know_ you can do this."

Shikamaru glanced away. Not for the first time, he wished Asuma had never made him take that damned IQ test, which had turned his childhood dream of coasting idly through ninja life into a wishful-thinking fantasy.

"You should have just asked for my head on a platter," he sighed, frowning at the booklet and the weight of what it contained.

"It's your very _head_ that is your most vital contribution, Shikamaru," Tsunade half-praised, half-admonished. "But I want it constantly in the zone."

Shikamaru worked his jaw, frowning. "It's troublesome."

"It's the offer," Tsunade said, her voice gaining an edge of finality and impatience. "I won't make another. If you take it, then I'll give you a chance to fix Neji Hyūga before I'm forced to step in. Leave it and I'll take him off your hands right now."

_No._

Shikamaru glanced up sharply. "That'll make it worse."

"Given what you're describing about his condition, I will have no choice." Tsunade sat back, setting her hands to the arms of her chair, watching him with fraying patience. "I'll _have_ to step in."

"You'll involve his clan," Shikamaru guessed aloud, searching her face for some kind of leniency or bluff. He found none.

"I'll have _no_ _choice_. You do." She gestured to the booklet. "So choose."

"That's not much of a choice."

"That's all you've got."

Shikamaru dropped his gaze to the stark white bargain laid out on her desk, the sharp corners of the booklet as clear-cut as the deal. He traced his gaze over the angular cover of the file. He'd considered the Nijū Shōtai to be a card she'd pull later down the line. He wasn't completely surprised she'd played it in her favour now. But he hadn't expected her to pit his conscience against his character.

_Dammit._

As his intellect battled it out with an odd kind of impulse, he found himself caught in an inescapable loop, endlessly playing back Hinata's words, Neji's face and that sense of loyalty to help out a comrade...despite the Hyūga being one of the Konoha Eleven he'd never really had any close comradeship with.

_But he's put his life on the line for me and the others…I guess the least I can do is return the favour…also helping out with the Akatsuki threat…win-win for Konoha, even if it is a drag for me…_

This was the safest and most sensible conclusion.

_It's not personal._

The speed at which he processed this must have been shorter than he thought, because Tsunade looked surprised when he glanced up and nodded.

"I'm in," he said.

Tsunade regarded him quietly for a moment before smiling. "Alright then, we have a deal. I'll have Shizune provide you with the necessary medical details for Neji. You'd best ensure Sakura and Hinata are on your team."

"Already accounted for," Shikamaru nodded. "I just need your approval."

He reached for the booklet as Tsunade lifted it towards him. He frowned when she didn't release it, causing him to pause and meet her gaze. The gravity in her eyes felt like a lead weight crashing onto his shoulders.

"Make it happen, Nara," she warned. "Because time is going to force my hand. If you don't fix this, I have no choice but to bring in a Hyūga who can."

"I hear you, Tsunade-sama." Shikamaru sighed, dislodging the booklet from her grip with a tug as he stepped back from the desk. "But I ask for the right to have one condition."

"Condition?" Tsunade frowned.

"Yeah."

True to a non-supporter, Tonton squealed and sprung up onto Tsunade's lap, shaking her head. Shikamaru didn't react and instead watched the Godaime regard him with the same suspicion as her pig, tilting her head.

"And what condition would that be?"

Shikamaru hummed, slotting the booklet under his arm. "No one finds out why I did it."

Tsunade frowned. "Why you joined the Nijū Shōtai?"

Shikamaru nodded, his voice falling quiet. "Not Asuma, not Neji. No one."

"Why?"

He didn't even want to consider answering that. Instead, he shrugged, playing down his request without lessening its importance to him.

"That's all I'm asking."

Tsunade hooked an arm around Tonton, the frown not sliding from her face. "Asuma will want to know _why_ you did it."

_Tell him I've lost my mind._

"Tell him I put myself forward for it."

"It's not like you to willingly put yourself forward for anything, let alone something this large scale."

Shikamaru sighed, trying to work against the frustration grinding at his nerves, just about managing to shrug it off with a convincing lack of concern.

"Say I got sick of the nagging and caved. Say you ordered it or someone pulled rank, say whatever you need to. It's a mission, right? You _ordered_ it."

"Very well. If that's how you want to play it." Tsunade's voice softened then, which surprised him. "It seems your motivation really does come down to your friends."

"One of the few things I didn't have to sweat blood for," Shikamaru managed a smirk.

"Smart-alecky sarcasm aside, Nara," Tsunade paused, glancing at the booklet under his arm. "I'll approve the teams and do my part. But as Hokage, I'd like to know your motives regarding Neji."

Shikamaru almost hesitated, but his brain was his saving grace, swooping in to regurgitate the words he'd been drilling into it for the past few hours.

"He's my comrade, Tsunade-sama. That's motive enough."

_It's not personal._

* * *

_So what the hell is it then?_

Shikamaru blinked slowly, drawing his mind back from the memory of that morning. He let his glazed eyes refocus on the slot of light under the bathroom door.

_It's not personal…_

That had been the rule. The 'do not pass go' line that didn't even exist anymore. He had no idea how to draw the line now, or if he even could.

Shikamaru swallowed, running his tongue along his teeth.

He could still taste Neji.

It was insane. But despite his confusion and despite his conflict – he couldn't find or force a feeling of regret. The more he tried to force the guilt, the more his mind seemed to steer away from it.

_Or run away from it._

Which might have been closer to the truth.

Shikamaru closed his eyes, smacking his head back against the headboard. His ponytail cushioned the impact, causing him to reach up and sweep his fingers through the sharp strands, secured with Neji's hair tie. He had no idea where the hell his own tie had disappeared too.

_Probably wherever the hell my sanity went…_

The soft creak of the bathroom door sounded. Shikamaru slipped his eyes open, gazing across the dark room. Neji paused half-way into closing the door behind him, his moonstone eyes flicking across.

Their gazes held as steady as the silence.

Shikamaru knew the Jōnin was waiting for him to say something. He guessed Neji was also ready to ward him off with a cold, clipped word about interfering. Shikamaru figured it was cold enough in the room without adding the chill of an unwanted confrontation between them. So he blinked slowly, tilting his head against the headboard without a word. As predicted, Neji visibly relaxed, glancing away toward the slots of moonlight before passing through them, back towards the adjacent bed.

Shikamaru watched him through a half-lidded gaze, his focus straying to the Hyūga's bruises before flicking back up when the long-haired Jōnin diverted his path. Instead of moving to the bed, Neji turned to sit down on the floor and pressed his back to the wall.

Those pale eyes drifted shut.

Shikamaru arched a brow, watching the silent Hyūga quietly.

"You should sleep while you can," Neji said, either assuming or sensing his gaze. "We'll be up in two hours."

"I'm starting to think a lot of explosive crap might be easier," Shikamaru croaked, his voice still hoarse with sleep.

Neji hummed, not opening his eyes. "Go to sleep, Shikamaru."

_Yeah, I wish._

The Nara sighed, shifting around until he'd disentangled himself from the sheets. He swung his feet to the ground, scowling at the chill of the tatami flooring. He could only imagine how cold it got in the winter. Stretching across the bed, he reached for his black Chūnin pants and whipped them out from their crumple before he tugged them on slowly. His mind revved into tactical mode, moving faster than his body had the energy to keep up.

_Such a drag…_

Sighing, he swayed off the creaking bed. He briefly wondered if it wasn't his own limbs creaking and groaning after God knew how many hours in a position of torture which Neji had been reluctant to release him from.

_Sadist…_

Shikamaru made a mental note to employ the 'look-before-you-leap-to-your-slow-death-by-prolonged-pleasure' strategy. The Hyūga had responded to the 'tantric control' comment a little too literally. Shikamaru had been kept right on the damn edge of release long enough that it had shocked the hell out of him when it finally hit.

_Shit, keep blood in brain._

He shook off the blood-stirring thoughts and stretched lazily, crunching lean muscle with a sigh before scratching at the flat plane of his stomach.

He made to turn on his heel, then paused mid-pivot.

Neji was watching him with an unreadable expression.

Shikamaru glanced down at the Hyūga and settled for quirking his brow. "What?"

Neji shook his head, drawing Shikamaru's gaze to the ever-present headband as it flashed with the movement.

"You _ever_ take that off?" Shikamaru tipped his chin toward the forehead protector.

"Yes. When I'm alone." Neji said, his voice sounding oddly stilted.

"Right," the Nara replied, trying to hide his confusion at the off-key quality to the Hyūga's tone.

Neji arched a brow. "Unless of course an audacious fool removes it when I'm unconscious."

"Was that fool polite enough to leave a note?" Shikamaru drawled, looking for a shift in Neji's eyes, relieved to find a glitter of faint amusement in the pale orbs.

"Yes," Neji snorted. "How considerate of him."

Shikamaru smirked, stepping over in a sway. Neji's lip curved slightly at his approach and just this small response was enough. Shikamaru crouched down, levelling their gazes more comfortably until Neji closed his eyes.

_Hiding again…_

Shikamaru frowned, lowering his gaze to the Hyūga's chest before flicking his gaze up to the headband; he grazed his thumb against the cool steel before tapping it with a finger. His next words tumbled out before he could stop them, completely unplanned.

"They've used this seal on you."

Neji's jaw tensed. But he kept his eyes closed. "I have never said that."

"You said it only hurt when they used it…" Shikamaru clarified, tapping once more before he dropped his hand away. "You said that you hated it."

"I have never said that, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru tilted his head, releasing a slow breath. "Yeah you did."

"Let me guess…" Neji slipped his eyes open a little. "I was drunk."

"On-the-floor-drunk," Shikamaru smiled weakly. "Doesn't mean it wasn't true."

Neji stared at him quietly, that haunted look pulling across his face. It wasn't a defence. It was more obscure than that. And it bothered Shikamaru more than the cold glares or angry glowers.

"One doesn't need their chain pulled to confirm it's there," Neji said, drawing a knee up between them.

Shikamaru ignored the defensive movement, his gaze fastened on Neji's face.

"Only I'm betting someone did more than just 'pull' your chain, didn't they?"

"What do you want, Shikamaru?" Neji said, his voice flat and apathetic. "A sob story?"

Shikamaru's face tightened at the implication. "Was it Hiashi Hyūga?"

Neji's eyes hardened, then drifted shut. "No."

"But he didn't step in to stop it. Did he?"

For some chilling reason, Neji's lip curved. "No."

"He's the damn head of the family." Shikamaru's brow furrowed sharply. "And he didn't stop it?"

"And just what do you think the elders do?" Neji crooned icily but calmly, as if talking to an ignorant child. "Bow out quietly to the next generation?"

Shikamaru would have reacted to the condescending tone, but he was too thrown by the veer away from Hiashi to retort. "The Hyūga _elders_ used it against you?"

"As I once told Naruto," Neji let his eyes drift open slowly, his opal orbs like stone. "It isn't for _decoration_…"

Shikamaru drew his head back a little, but he didn't retreat. "Is that what happened two months ago?"

"No."

"But it happened."

As quickly as Neji's eyes gained an ominous ice, they thawed to a clouded grey, obscured and unreadable once more. When he spoke, his voice was tired, mirroring his exhausted tilt against the wall.

"You already know that it did. So stop asking me questions you already know the answers to."

Shikamaru shook his head, holding Neji's gaze. "When the hell did this happen, Neji?"

Neji frowned. "What are you trying to do, Shikamaru?"

"I'm not the first to give a damn, right?" Shikamaru said, avoiding the question.

"Not everyone is as irritatingly intelligent as you."

"I can't be all that smart if I'm still so damned clueless."

"You and I both know that's a lie."

_Don't bet on it._

Shikamaru sighed, his gaze straying away for a moment. "Like I've said before, I'm not omniscient."

"You've never said that before."

_Shit._

"Yeah well," Shikamaru shrugged, covering his slip with a lazy smile. "Doesn't mean it isn't true."

A heavy silence fell between them.

Shikamaru knew it was time to cease his line of questioning, even though the questions didn't seem to be provoking the kind of emotional response he assumed they would.

_Strange._

As the silence stretched on he didn't expect it to be broken by the subtlest shift of Neji's foot against the floor. The Jōnin's heel dragged forward as he stretched out his leg, lowering his knee until Shikamaru felt it brush against his outer thigh, rustling black and white fabric quietly.

The contact was small, but it was something.

Shikamaru glanced back at Neji, only to find that the Hyūga was staring past his shoulder, his moon-like eyes oddly distant.

"Stop thinking so much, Nara."

Shikamaru frowned, watching a strange shadow eclipse Neji's expression. The Hyūga's detached gaze was more telling than his words.

"You're stealing my lines again, Hyūga." Shikamaru said quietly.

Neji hummed, his gaze still cast across the room. "Then steal mine."

Shikamaru stared at him for a long moment before speaking. "I won't lose."

Neji smiled faintly at that, showing he had heard. But that faraway look didn't pass from his eyes...eyes which gazed on past Shikamaru as if he wasn't there.

* * *

"Why won't it go away?" Naruto whined.

_Why won't you be quiet? _

Neji tried not to voice the thought, keeping his focus away from the source of Naruto's distress. It was small and it was orange. Neji imagined the colour might have won it some favours with Naruto, but the Uzumaki wasn't impressed – and he was making no effort to disguise his outrage.

"You better stop doing that," Kiba snickered. "You're just gonna piss it off."

"Why the hell is it only goin' after me!?" Naruto screeched, waving his hands around above his head to ward off his orange attacker.

Neji sighed.

_Probably because you are incessantly loud..._

Resisting the urge to rub at the bridge of his nose, Neji glanced over his shoulder, simply shaking his head. A small, harmless bird haloed around the Uzumaki's hair like a mosquito, weaving in and out of the yellow spikes playfully.

It had dive-bombed Naruto the second he'd stepped onto the bridge.

"One bird-brain recognised another?" Kiba laughed, scratching at Akamaru's ear as the bug-planting team walked along the walkways, moving deeper into the village.

Neji distracted himself from the round of abuse that fired off between Kiba and Naruto by shifting his focus towards Shikamaru. The Nara was strolling ahead, speaking with Kitori. The two of them walked only as close as was necessary to hear each other speak above Naruto's shouting. The gap between them was wide enough that one would think they weren't even talking if they hadn't occasionally glanced at each other for confirmation.

_Why on earth does she bother him so much?_

Neji didn't have time to consider it further. He turned his head as Naruto sprung over, running circles and ducking wildly as the small bird matched his movements with lightning speed.

"It's like it's possessed!" Naruto yelled.

"Shut up already," Shikamaru sighed over his shoulder, keeping pace with Kitori.

"You try havin' it in your hair!"

"Could be worse," Shikamaru shrugged, and Neji could just picture the shadow-nin's smirk. "Kiba got crapped on."

"Shut up!" Kiba growled.

"That's supposed to be good luck," Chōji said.

"Bullshit," Kiba snorted.

"Birdshit," Naruto snickered before jerking around spasmodically as the bird attempted to nest in his hair. "Dammit!"

"Naruto," Neji warned, shaking his head.

"Ha! Bird's gonna take aim." Kiba grinned with feral amusement. "You're about to get lucky next, Naruto."

"Get lucky? With a frickin' _bird_?"

Neji closed his eyes against the mental imagery he really didn't need.

_For the love of God…_

"Naruto you freak!" Kiba laughed. "That's just _wrong_."

"Blame Pervy Sage! Grah!" Naruto wailed. "Hey, Shikamaru!"

"Not a chance," the shadow-nin growled, not even glancing back. "I'm not coming between you and the damn bird."

Kiba barked out a laugh. "Man, Shikamaru! That sounds even _worse_!"

"Yeah, thanks for not letting that slide," Shikamaru said dryly.

Neji attempted to ignore the immature exchange that flittered around him as idiotically as that daft orange bird flittering around Naruto's head, though he eyed the small animal with a frown.

"It won't hurt you," Kitori assured, glancing over at Naruto.

_Not until it sinks its talons in…_

Neji sighed, finally turning towards Naruto. "Just stay still."

Before the Hyūga could lengthen his stride toward the Uzumaki, Chōji stepped over, gently cupping his large hands around the whizzing bird as Naruto ducked into a crouch, assuming a crash position with arms cradling his head.

"Nice," Kiba laughed again. "Shame the girls and Lee missed this."

Neji ignored Naruto's growl and kept his eyes on the cage of the Akimichi's hands, which gently opened like the wings of a large butterfly, allowing the bird to zip off into the freedom of the canopies. He stared after the small creature, frowning slightly.

"Creepy little bird," Naruto grumbled, pushing to his feet with a scowl that morphed into a grin as he turned to Chōji. "Hey, thanks."

"Wanna keep it down now?" Shikamaru turned slightly. "We're almost there."

Neji took the opportunity to take stock of their surroundings. They'd descended to a level just below the one which housed the guest quarters. This thicker network of crossing boughs and structured platforms allowed for a series of stores and shops.

As they continued to move along the walkway, the hum of activity picked up around them, most of it from birds. The villagers moved in an organised fashion, all dressed in simple dark clothing as they traversed the timber trails, taking cage-lifts between levels. Occasionally Neji glimpsed children, but they seemed to stay close to their parents, never straying far from any accompanying adults. The people seemed to move with a purpose, as if taking a stroll wasn't commonplace.

_They're cooperatively disciplined, even the children._

Shikamaru seemed to share his thoughts, glancing across and arching a brow in silent question. Neji inclined his head, humming.

"There," Kitori interrupted their wordless exchange, pointing towards a shop perched on two thick boughs that acted as stilts. "That is the supplier's shop."

Neji tracked his gaze up, activating his Byakugan to scan the hanging sign of the weapons shop.

_TRADING TALONS_

How appropriate.

He sensed Shikamaru move before he heard the Nara's voice at his shoulder. "Can you locate where the scythes are stored in that place from down here?"

Neji scanned the weapons shop, humming. "Yes."

"Good. Ready for the game plan?"

_Damn he's fast._

Neji blinked, deactivating his dōjutsu before glancing across. "Game plan?"

"Yeah," Shikamaru tipped his head back, gazing up at the shop with a faint smirk before turning towards the rest of the team. "Naruto's gonna love this one."

The Uzumaki's eyes widened. "Eh?"

* * *

The shop was more of a trading post than a common weapons store. Having pre-charted the layout with his Byakugan, Neji guessed that surveillance worked both ways. There were three men running it, the owner and according to Kitori, his two sons. Hopefully, this strategy would play out effectively.

"Dammit, Shikamaru, you're such a jerk," Naruto muttered.

"I try," the Nara drawled, taking a small container from Kiba. "Look on the bright side, you get to let loose."

Naruto scowled, scratching at his hair. "Yeah but aren't we supposed to be sneaky?"

"Not gonna work in this instance, they're used to sneaky and subtle," Shikamaru smirked. "Hence you."

"Real funny," Naruto frowned.

"Deal with it!" Kiba grinned, hoping onto Akamaru's back. "_Lovebird_."

"Shut up crap-magnet!"

Neji sighed. "Just hurry it up, you two."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Naruto muttered.

With Naruto and Kiba springing off in one direction, back along the walkway, Neji, Chōji and Shikamaru made their way towards the entrance to Trading Talons. The owner in charge was a tall, weathered looking man, his skin creased with age and slightly pock-marked. But his ice-blue eyes were sharp and shrewd, immediately flicking over the three foreign shinobi as they entered.

Neji turned to the man, inclining his head. "Good morning."

"Good morning," the owner returned civilly, raising a pipe to his thin lips.

Neji noticed the man's gaze straying up to his headband.

"You're from the Leaf."

"That's right," Shikamaru answered, offering a polite nod.

"Looking for something in particular?"

"Weapon upgrades," Neji said.

"Yeah," Shikamaru cast his gaze around. "We were told this was the place to come."

"Oh really?" The owner snorted streams of smoke as he rounded his desk, a hazy cloud wafting after him. "A little bird told you to hop in, huh?"

Neji exchanged a glance with Shikamaru, following the Nara's gaze across to the supply room at the back of the shop, past numerous shelves and cabinets. He nodded subtly as Shikamaru moved towards a random cabinet, propping his hip and pretending to examine the blades. One of the owner's sons, stacking a cabinet, was already watching the shadow-nin and the other teen, who was sweeping the floors nearer the back of the shop, kept his gaze on Chōji.

Neji took the chance to snare the owner's attention.

"Perhaps you'd be able to recommend something appropriate for aerial combat," the Hyūga asked.

"Aerial combat, eh?" the owner echoed, one hand supporting his back, the other cradling his pipe as he walked along the creaking floorboards. "Got all sorts for that. I sure hope you Leaf shinobi aren't planning on target practicing while you're here."

"Target practicing?" Neji frowned.

"We don't take kindly to people harming our birds," the man said, tapping his pipe against a glass cabinet where various sets of shuriken and quill-shaped kunai were spread out on purple velvet.

Seeing the opening, Neji glanced at Shikamaru in the reflection of the cabinet's glass. The Nara met his gaze, nodded, then glanced across at Chōji, snorting.

"Told you we shouldn't have brought along a damned ornithophobiac," Shikamaru muttered.

"It's not his fault," Chōji reasoned. "He'll calm down eventually."

"What's this?" the old man frowned, looking to Neji for clarity.

_Bait taken._

Neji feigned a scowl toward Shikamaru before glancing at the man. "They're exaggerating."

"You got a problem with birds?" the owner asked, flicking his eyes over Neji.

"No, a comrade does. And it isn't a problem. He's just a little uneasy around them."

Shikamaru snorted, playing into the drama. "Yeah right, just wait for the screaming."

The old man frowned, his sharp eyes flicking to the door then back.

_Good. Seed sown._

Neji offered a faint smile, shaking his head. "Back to the matter at hand, the Tsubasa shinobi recommended your aerodynamic scythes."

"We only sell them in batches and not to ninja outside of Hanegakure," the owner said, gesturing to the array of weapons tacked to the walls. "Try these instead."

No sooner had Neji turned to glance at the indicated weapons, then a loud roar exploded outside, tapering off into a screech. The owner swung towards the door, his sons freezing mid-sweep and stack.

"What by Gods was that?"

"Told you to wait for it," Shikamaru muttered, shaking his head.

"Not again," Neji scowled, glancing at Chōji. "Please shut him up before he offends someone."

Chōji made to turn towards the door. He barely took a step before the door flew open with such force it tore off the little bell posed above the frame, sending it rolling across the floorboards. A brief silence, before all eyes lifted from the brass item to the frazzled Uzumaki twisting on the balls of his feet.

"Naruto…" Neji began.

A bird cheeped, poking its head out of Naruto's hair.

The Uzumaki flipped.

"GET THEM OFF!" Naruto screeched, tearing into the shop like a hurricane – with a familiar orange-winged bird spinning after him, several other birds streaming in with it.

"Naruto!" Neji shouted, feigning outrage. "What the hell are you doing!"

"They're trying to kill me!"

"Calm down you stupid boy!" the owner shouted, waving his pipe around with a glower before turning towards Neji. "Control your damned shinobi!"

Neji shot the man an indignant glare. "Easier said than done."

"He's panicking!" Chōji added unhelpfully, frustrating the old man further.

_Good._

As Naruto bounced around from one end of the shop to the other, upturning a few tables and shelves in the process, Neji made a show of attempting to restrain him before the Uzumaki leapt out of range up onto the paying counter and crossed his fingers in a familiar hand sign.

"Multi Shadow Clone Jutsu!"

Shikamaru winced for effect. "Ah shit."

The owner didn't have time to enquire before flickers of orange and clouds of chakra burst around the store, shadow clones shimmering into existence only to run rampant, swatting at each other's heads in an attempt to capture the birds.

"I'll get them!" the clones chorused.

Chaos erupted, inevitably drawing the old man and his sons into the fray. It was more than an adequate distraction, allowing for Shikamaru to slip unnoticed into the supply room as Neji held up his end of the ruse.

"Naruto! Calm down!"

"No way! They're gonna peck me alive!"

"You idiot!" the owner roared. "They're harmless! Get _out_!"

An attempt to capture birds and the bouncing Uzumaki ensued. Neji ducked the swing of a broom that one of the man's sons attempted to veer towards Naruto, completely missing as the Uzumaki bounded down and lost himself in the crowd of his clones, dragging out the chase. Neji turned mid-chaos, glancing over the sea of moving bodies and commotion towards the supply room.

_Hurry up, Nara._

He didn't have to wait long.

Just as the owner turned a mottled shade of fuming red, Shikamaru ducked under the arm of one of Naruto's clones, placing a placating hand on the old man's shoulder. Neji didn't miss the subtle tuck of the Nara's fingers under the neck of the man's shirt, though he couldn't see the insect the shadow-nin planted.

"We'll get him out," Shikamaru said calmly.

"You had better do it _right_ now!" the man snarled, shrugging off Shikamaru's hand with a glare.

Neji took the opportunity, moving towards the entrance of the shop. The minute he did, Naruto whipped out from the tangle of his clones, arms thrown ahead of him like a blind man scrambling in the dark as he yelled.

"Get them off!"

He hurtled straight past Neji out of the shop, the string of chirping birds streaming after him like the tail end of a kite. The clones stampeded in his wake, some puffing away as they smacked into the frame of the door.

As the sound of charging feet receded, Neji surveyed the damage. The owner stared in shock, his eyes casting over the mess before swinging towards the Hyūga. Neji stood to the side, offering an apologetic glance as Chōji and Shikamaru made an attempt to right some of the collapsed shelves.

Neji took a step forwards. "I apolo—"

"Just _get out_," the man growled, stabbing his pipe toward the door. "All of you!"

Shikamaru set down the shelf he was holding and raised his hands in a gesture of peace, moving over with Chōji towards the door.

Neji cast the owner another glance riddled with apology. "We'll reimburse any dama-"

"Out!" the man snapped.

Neji did just that, stepping behind Shikamaru and closing the door behind him. He winced at the loud crash of the collapsing shelves from within the store and the flurry of curses that followed it.

"I think he overdid it," Neji said, frowning.

"Whatever works, right?" Shikamaru shrugged, tucking the slim container Kiba had given him into his flak jacket.

"I don't think he was acting," Chōji chuckled, pointing across to where Naruto was tearing up and down the bridge like a maniac.

A few Tsubasa shinobi had paused to watch. Even timid children had crept over to titter at the idiocy of the display before being tugged away by perplexed parents. Neji frowned, scanning for Kiba – who he located at the foot of the bridge, keeled over on the ground, laughing himself into a fit.

Neji sighed. "Idiot."

He heard Shikamaru chuckle, that raw, throaty sound that had Neji straightening up to fight back the warmth it drew through him. He distracted himself from the shadow-nin by focusing on Kiba as they approached.

"Get up, Inuzuka."

Kiba had slung his arm over his canine, using Akamaru for support as he clutched at his stomach, laughing so hard he was crying.

"It…hurts…" Kiba wheezed out between gulping for air and hissing with hysterics.

Neji shook his head and looked to Shikamaru for assistance. The Nara shrugged, cocked his hip against the bridge and raised a hand to his mouth, smoothing out his smile with his fingers. Neji watched him for a long moment, unable to get annoyed, before following the shadow-nin's gaze over to Chōji.

The Akimichi stood waving his arms, attempting to stop Naruto carving a groove into the walkway with the speed at which he was tearing up and down it, his orange-feathered harassers keeping up with commendable speed.

"Gotta give those birds some credit," Shikamaru said, cocking his head.

"Don't you start," Neji warned, but his lips were threatening to curve.

Kiba dragged himself to his feet, gasping for air. "Arrgh."

"Feel better?" Shikamaru deadpanned, plucking the container from his flak jacket to hand it back to Kiba.

"Oh man," Kiba wiped the tears from his eyes, taking the bug-container. "That was fucking priceless. The bird brought back-up. Best game plan yet."

"Got the job done," Shikamaru shrugged. "Guess we just wait until the mules pick up the cargo. Let loose the other bugs and take it from there."

"As agreed," Neji said.

"You got it," Kiba grinned, watching Naruto's ridiculous gesticulations as the Uzumaki berated the ring-leading bird cupped in Chōji's hands.

The Inuzuka started to laugh again, wandering over to trigger off another round of verbal abuse. Akamaru remained by Shikamaru, sitting quietly, his head cocked up towards Neji. The Hyūga missed the dog's stare, focused instead on the rowdy insults flying back and forth between the two energetic teens, drawing hushed giggles from Tsubasa children and stern glances from unimpressed parents.

_There goes Konoha's respectability…_

"Guess we'll make a lasting impression," Shikamaru drawled, as if sensing his thoughts.

Neji shook his head, preparing to tune-out the noise before a wet prod against his hand drew his gaze down. "Hmn?"

Akamaru stared up at him and whined loudly.

Neji frowned and made to step back. The second he did, sound warped into an odd garble and the dog's face blurred into a wash of white. Neji felt a nauseating drop pull through him. He'd have pitched forward if Shikamaru's hand hadn't gripped his shoulder.

"Neji…"

The Hyūga heard the weight of concern in that voice and felt it tenfold in the grip keeping him from an embarrassing collapse. He shifted his weight a little, gingerly testing his equilibrium. A wave of dizziness rocked through him. Akamaru moved to sit beside him, leaning into him like a great white support he didn't want but clearly needed as the world swam before his eyes and blurred like a watercolour painting.

"I'm fine," he said, automatically.

His focus shifted between clear and cloudy, allowing him just enough perception to realise that Shikamaru had moved to stand in front of him.

"Shit," Shikamaru said.

"What?" Neji squinted, placing a hand reluctantly on Akamaru's head to ascertain spatial awareness.

"You're blue," the Nara repeated, gripping his shoulder again.

_What?_

"Blue?" Neji blinked, not grasping the sense in the words as his vision finally settled and the vertigo passed. "Depression is the least of my irritations."

"No," Shikamaru shook his head. "Neji, your skin."

Neji blinked, then noticed that the Nara's dark eyes were locked on his mouth. A sharp furrow cut into Neji's brow as he frowned, raising a hand to his lips only to pause, his gaze fixed on the tips of his fingers. They were cyanosed, the colour leeched away to a greyish blue.

_Damn._

Akamaru whined again.

Then Neji felt Shikamaru's thumb brush his collarbone. "Talk to me, Neji."

_He needs to go…now…_

Neji pulled up a mask as hard as his voice. "Let me go and distract the others."

"Not happening."

"I will meet you back at The Rookery. Turn around and start walking," Neji said very calmly, though his gut turned as cold as his fingers felt. "Do it now."

"Dammit, Neji," Shikamaru growled, and Neji felt those fingers dig in almost painfully hard at his shoulder. "Your pride is gonna kill you."

"It will kill _you_ first if you don't start walking." Neji didn't wait to see the impact those cold words had, jerking his shoulder out of Shikamaru's grasp. "_Go_."

The shadow-nin didn't move.

Neji snapped his eyes up with a growl and made the familiar mistake of meeting the Nara's gaze. As razor sharp as a blade, those dark eyes threatened to cut away the strings of resolve holding his mask in place. But what struck Neji more was that odd furrow at Shikamaru's brow, too soft to be angry.

_Go…_

_"_Turn around and walk," he said, calmer this time despite the growing sense of urgency. "Go."

That troubled expression left before Shikamaru did, falling from the shadow-nin's face to leave it blank and unreadable; a look Neji had no hope of deciphering. Before he could even try, Shikamaru turned his back.

"Don't make me chase you down, Hyūga," he said quietly, the words floating over his shoulder. "It's a drag."

Neji felt his mask slipping, his voice threatening to thaw. "You won't have to. Now go."

_Please go._

Shikamaru turned his head slightly without fully glancing over his shoulder.

He stayed this way long enough for Neji to fear that the shadow-nin wouldn't do what he did next.

He walked away.

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **Eep! Long'un! *passes out* More answers, 'moments' and madness on the way. A cocktail of crazy. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! **REVIEWERS: **I think my cave-woman bellow of _**THANK YOU **__**SO**__** DAMN MUCH**_would send more than birds into flight. You guys are incredible. The feedback for the last chapter was gobbled up with _absolute_ **appreciation** – it's got me raring to go for the next chapter like it. Thank you! Hope you enjoyed this update. ^_^

**Reviewers without accounts:** grin-splitting thanks to; **loyal servant **(^_^), ***Gia Anna*** (THANK YOU, luv! ^_^), **Rakija** (LMAO cheers!), **Savannah **(LMAO Supernova! Wey! Cheers!), **Miin** (Arigato, Miin!!!) **Luna** (aaw, Luna, thank you!!) **pixie **(LOL! yay for team drool! XD thanks, luv. There will be more moments like this to come!) **Aya-chan** (thank you, Aya-chan! More like it on the way!) **zoomzoom **(LMAO! sorry for the wait, luv!) and thank you to the **anonymous **reviewer who left the second to last one!  
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	29. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Twenty Nine**

[Dedicated to Homemade_idiot]

The scratch of talons etched into the quiet, slowly and incessantly. Every clawing sound felt like a rusty blade across Shikamaru's nerves. He'd been trying to ignore it for the past few minutes, hoping that at some point the bird would just give up.

It didn't.

The metallic hiss and scrape continued.

Shikamaru glanced over.

The bird clung dejectedly as it dragged its gnarled claws along one of the bars of the cage, its beak cracked and scarred from ceaseless pecking at its prison and at itself. The ugly sores on its body were leaking puss, raw and red with infection.

The shadow-nin closed his eyes.

He drew a slow breath through his nose and released it by degrees, trying not to give the bird – and the others like it – his attention. He stood across the room from the large cages, his arms loosely folded and body slouched back against one of the poster-covered walls of the veterinary annexe.

The room was small, stuffy and stank of bird crap, bird crackers and a bunch of clinical remedies that smelt more toxic than curative. None of this disguised the underlining odour of decay. It brought back the memory of bird bits splattered all over him.

The soft creak of the door caused his eyes to slip open.

Sakura stepped into the room, a clipboard in one hand with a pen slotted behind her ear. She wore a medic's apron and her hair was fastened with her headband, keeping it out of her face. She met his gaze with a grim expression that immediately set his mind racing despite his lack of outward reaction.

"I had to double-check, just to make sure," Sakura said, nudging the door shut with her hip. "But it's what I thought."

"Which is what?" Shikamaru prompted, watching her through his lashes.

"It was an anoxia attack," Sakura tapped the clipboard with her finger, moving towards the small examining table. "Well more like hypoxia."

Shikamaru arched a brow. "Hypoxia?"

"Basically a lack of oxygen in the blood," Sakura clarified, her brow knitting at the diagnosis.

"His lungs," Shikamaru muttered, staring at old blood stains on the floor.

"Yes, from those arterial blood clots," she said softly. "And the discoloration that you mentioned? It was—"

"Cyanosis," he said quietly, frowning. "I know."

"How did you—?"

"My jutsu," Shikamaru said, glancing up with a weak twitch at his lips. "Strangling the life from people and watching them turn blue? Yeah, I know what a lack of oxygen looks like when I see it."

"Oh, right," Sakura frowned, looking a little perturbed at his bluntness. "Then why did you ask me to check what it was if you already knew?"

"Because this is one of the 'need-to-know' things that _you_ need to know," he said, edging onto the other reason. "And _I_ need to know this – can he fix it himself?"

Sakura sighed, setting the clipboard down on the table. Shikamaru watched her stare at her notes for a moment before she looked up to meet his gaze. Her green eyes softened with something he couldn't pin, causing his own to sharpen with suspicion.

"Shikamaru…" Sakura hesitated, tugging the pen from behind her ear to set it down above her notes. "How long has he been doing this again?"

"Two months. Since July." He ignored her wince. "Can he fix it himself? The cyanosis, that is."

"Temporarily, maybe. But it's not going to last."

"Right…" Shikamaru murmured, tipping his head back against the wall.

'_He's' not going to last…_

The thought caused his eyes to pinch, so he shuttered them, making it appear like a tired drop of his lashes.

Sakura watched him, waiting.

He didn't respond.

A loud scrape tore at the tension, drawing his gaze across to the broken bird still clinging to its cage bars, gnawing the steel with its cracked beak. A horrible ache pulled through Shikamaru as he watched it, but not a sliver of the emotion touched his face.

_It's got no chance…_

He stared at the miserable animal, listening to the grate of its talons and gnawing beak.

_Why is it even trying?_

He swallowed the tension in his throat.

_Get a grip. It's a bird._

"Shikamaru," Sakura whispered.

The hesitancy in her voice, coupled with its concern, had him tensing up inside. He swayed away from the wall and strolled over to the cages to stare through the bars. His gaze dropped to the floor of the large pen, trailing over shredded feathers and a few dead birds brushed into the corners.

He could sense Sakura watching him. He could almost feel the weight of her confusion, sitting on his shoulders as leaden as his own conscience and conflict.

_I can't think clearly like this._

Desperate for a distraction, Shikamaru tipped his chin towards the dead birds and toed a stray feather back between the bars.

"What happened to these birds?" he asked, his voice rough before he cleared his throat.

Her silence held uncomfortably.

"They poison the birds to kill them before the sickness spreads," she eventually said, her voice quiet. "Or before they tear themselves apart."

Shikamaru screwed his eyes shut. He was glad she couldn't see his face. Tightened and twisted with a conflict he didn't want to feel. He heard Sakura move and immediately ironed out his expression. She came to stand beside him, stroking her knuckle along one of the bars of the cage, smiling sadly at the birds.

"It seems cruel but…it's not like I can say anything."

"They do what they have to do, I guess," he said, shrugging.

Sakura hummed softly, observing him out the corner of her eye. Shikamaru ignored her by shifting his attention to the mutilated bird; still putting up a futile fight for its freedom. His eyes traced over the remaining feathers that hadn't been torn out. Soft mocha brown, tipped with white. He kept his focus on the dejected creature, breaking the silence by launching back on course.

"You ready for that procedure?"

"As ready as I can be, given the hasty information." Sakura nodded, tilting her head to try and catch his gaze. "You should try to talk Neji into letting us help rather than doing this without his permission."

Shikamaru smirked humourlessly. "Not gonna work. He'll never give his permission."

"How do you know?"

"The fact that he's out playing doctor by himself should answer that for you."

Sakura shook her head, the sharp movement finally drawing his eye. "But we're his _friends_."

Her words irked him in a way they shouldn't have; mostly because up until last night, he'd have easily used that word too. That clear-cut word which was a little more complicated than comrade but way less confusing than whatever the hell Neji was to him now.

_Dammit, focus._

"You expect him to let friendship be the deciding factor?" The Nara sighed, his flat look driving a furrow between Sakura's brows. "Don't be naïve here."

"Since when was it naïve to hope your friends _trust_ you?" Sakura growled, her fingers slipping around one of the bars in an angry clutch.

Shikamaru didn't miss the accusation in her voice or in her eyes, the green orbs darkened by her frustration with him. He watched her coolly for a long moment before eventually turning his gaze back to the bird. Sakura's fingers tightened around the bar, threatening to rend it with her strength.

"Why wouldn't Neji trust us enough to know that we're trying to help him?"

Shikamaru felt his jaw twitch. "Wanna look at his family portrait for starters? He wasn't exactly born into a circle of trust."

Sakura conceded the point with a sigh. "But you don't know that he won't change his mind when you confront him with this."

Shikamaru shook his head. "I know he won't."

"Shikamaru—"

"Tch," Shikamaru cut her off by turning away from the cage, the muscles of his lean face drawing as tight as his words. "You think I _wanna_ do things this way?"

His abrupt turn surprised her enough to buy him a few moments. He took the chance to force his features to relax, trying not to react to the turbulence pulling through him in waves just beneath the surface.

He heard Sakura sigh softly.

"I don't really know, Shikamaru. You won't tell me what you're doing."

The Nara quirked his lip and shook his head as he moved towards the medical table, bracing a palm to the cold, sterile steel.

"Only so many people's asses I can cover here, you know," he drawled weakly, glancing over her notes on the clipboard.

"You don't need to protect me."

"Yeah," Shikamaru lifted one of the pages with a knuckle, skimming over the sheet beneath it. "Remind me you said that when you get hit with the Gentle Fist a couple of times."

"Neji wouldn't do that," the kunoichi said with way too much confidence.

Shikamaru glanced up without raising his head, a dark brow arching. "Not in his right mind, no. But he's not gonna be thinking clearly. Don't assume anything. He did it three years ago with Hinata."

"That was totally different. _He _was totally different."

"I'm not gonna take that risk, even if things _are_ totally different." Shikamaru let the page fall back into place. "He'll see anyone as a threat at that point."

"Well, he's going to know _you_ planned this."

A screw of pain twisted inside him, never once showing on his face as he hummed, shrugging. "Yeah, probably."

Sakura gaped at him as if he'd not only missed the severity of her words, but also the entire point of the conversation up until now. She shook her head as she released the cage and stepped over, placing both her palms on the table before levelling him with a look that freakishly resembled one of Tsunade's matriarchal glowers. Shikamaru almost smiled at the irony, but settled for a safer expression; he quirked a brow instead.

"Shikamaru," Sakura frowned. "At that point _you're_ the one who's going to need protection if he's as unstable as you're making him sound."

"I'll be fine. I'm good at running away."

Sakura's frown darkened. "Shikamaru, I'm serious."

"Ugh, give me a break," the shadow-nin held up his palms in lazy surrender, slipping into the familiar skin of apathy to ward off the situation. "Don't go Ino on me. I'm fine. I've got my ass covered too."

"How?"

"Strategically," he deadpanned, taking up the pen by the clipboard, spinning it in his slender fingers. "Don't worry about it."

Sakura planted one hand on her hip, the other pressed flat against the table as she glared. Then she narrowed her eyes.

"I don't get you, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru cringed at the speed at which his brain supplied two hundred reasons why that statement was more explosive than toad oil. His silence caused Sakura's palm to dent the steel of the medical table.

"Why are you keeping this so ambiguous for me and Hinata?" she pressed, frowning in her effort to try and understand.

Shikamaru stopped spinning the pen. "I already told you why, several times."

"I don't believe your reasons. This just doesn't make _sense_, Shikamaru."

"It doesn't need to make _sense_ at this point. It just needs to _work_, alright?"

"No. It's _not_ alright. Hinata is worried sick!" She snapped up the clipboard angrily, waving it once for emphasis. "I'm stuck looking at the medical details without knowing the ramifications _or_ the reasons why this happened!"

"The ramifications and reasons aren't your problem," Shikamaru said, his voice flat and uncompromising. "That's not your role in this, Sakura."

He swayed aside just in time.

The clipboard struck the wall behind him in a violent crack.

The birds startled in alarm, breaking into a cacophony of caged chaos, squawking, scratching and flapping.

Shikamaru didn't move.

He merely glanced up from the clipboard by his foot and settled his gaze on Sakura's face. In response to her vicious look, he kept his eyes calm, his face annoyingly void of emotion. It was his best defence in this situation, despite the strain it took not to react.

"Not. My. _Role_?" Sakura ground out, each word enunciated in a rising octave before her voice dropped low. "This isn't a _game_, Shikamaru."

Her chakra-packed punch would have hurt less than that.

The words left him tense and silent and hit in a place too deep to dare look. Some hint of anger must have touched his eyes, but before he could respond, one of the backdoors leading into an incubating room eased open.

Shikamaru froze, his dark gaze flicking over Sakura's shoulder.

He was met with a pair of sky-bright eyes. Fierce and fixed – straight on him.

_Shit._

"Naruto," Sakura jolted, turning slightly.

Shikamaru didn't have time to wipe the conflicted look from his eyes before Naruto saw it. The Uzumaki paused in the doorway, the small frown slipping from his face, leaving him oddly calm. Almost a little too calm.

_Not good._

A horrible pause held between the three of them.

The tension practically hummed.

The birds began to settle again. Then Naruto moved forward. The normal bounce was gone from his step and his eyes lacked that spirited lustre they often radiated as brightly as his hair. He looked alarmingly grave. Shikamaru felt every muscle go rigid, but before he could shoot Sakura a glare he realised she was just as stunned as he was.

_Really not good._

Sakura parted her lips to speak, but Naruto shook his head, his eyes still fixed on Shikamaru. The Nara stared back, waiting for an inevitable demand to know what the hell was going on. However, an outcome he hadn't even considered as worth processing played out.

Naruto didn't react.

He should have. By the laws of the Uzumaki's disposition, it should have been his damned default _to_ react. Shikamaru didn't think he could take anything outside of the 'predictable' right now. He had lies lining up at the tip of his tongue, ready to lay it thick and bullshit his way through whatever was necessary.

That is until Naruto cocked his head towards the door.

"Sakura," Naruto's voice fell quietly, a hoarse rumble in his throat. "Shikamaru and I are gonna take a walk."

* * *

It felt like walking a plank, rather than a bridge.

Destination confrontation.

Shikamaru was prepared for the worst; every step he took was already preceded by ten mental steps – his mind racing ahead. He kept his gaze forward as Naruto strolled beside him, quieter than Shikamaru had thought him capable of being.

_Not good._

Dappled patches of sunlight shimmered along the walkway, dancing with every shift of the leaves. Despite the rustle of the canopies and the litany of birdsong, these gentle sounds did nothing to permeate the stillness holding between Shikamaru and the Uzumaki.

Naruto's silence was more than a little disconcerting.

Shikamaru couldn't help but see the grim irony in the situation, given that for the most part he'd been telling Naruto to shut up for half the mission.

_Be careful what you stupidly wish for._

Their pace suddenly slowed and Shikamaru fell back a step. Naruto turned then, moving to drape his arms over the thick wooden railing, hooking one foot in a groove of the bridge. Shikamaru just slanted, bracing a shoulder against the timber, following Naruto's gaze across the autumn hued village.

"Pretty awesome, huh?" Naruto said, tipping his head towards the intricate community.

_God just knock me out already. _

Shikamaru might have even thanked the Uzumaki when he woke up. Realising that he hadn't responded, he settled for inclining his head, his focus fixed on his peripheral vision as he watched Naruto, tense as hell inside.

Naruto, however, didn't seem tense at all. "We've come pretty far, right?"

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed at the ambiguity of those words. He made a noncommittal sound in the back of throat, which was enough to prompt Naruto to continue.

"You remember that first Chūnin mission?" the Uzumaki asked.

As if he could forget. He forced himself to shrug, trying to gauge what the hell Naruto's words had to do with what the Uzumaki had possibly overheard.

"Hard to forget," Shikamaru said neutrally. "What about it?"

"You were first out of all of us to make Chūnin..." Naruto murmured. "First to head a mission."

_Which failed…_

Shikamaru glanced away, watching Tsubasa shinobi crawl like black ants along the lower levels of the village. He wouldn't have minded crawling under a rock right now.

"Yeah," he said, not knowing what Naruto expected him to say in response.

"You had a lot to deal with," Naruto continued, glancing up towards the sunlight streaming through the leaves. "The rest of us knew we'd be fighting, but we had to leave you to do the hard part."

Shikamaru worked his jaw. "Don't kid yourself. We all came up against more than we could handle. I had it a hell of a lot easier than you and the others."

"You think so, huh?"

Shikamaru caught himself before he could frown.

"I was the only shinobi not in critical condition and three of you almost died. If Temari and her brothers hadn't dropped in we'd have had three dead for sure," he stated bluntly. "So yeah, I do 'think so'."

Naruto smiled, but his eyes pinched with concern, shaking his head. "We all knew we were gonna have it rough, Shikamaru."

"Understatement."

"Maybe, but you had to take charge and work it out. A lot of the crap was on you. Being alone in that, you took responsibility."

_And failed._

Shikamaru sighed and folded his arms, not seeing the necessity of bringing up crap he didn't want to think about. Besides, Naruto being unconditionally understanding meant the shadow-nin might have to actually dig a little deeper and think about how he felt about all this; which wasn't an option at this point – or any point in the near future, as far as he was concerned.

Shikamaru frowned. "Is this gonna be a guilt trip?"

"What?" Naruto frowned before he smiled a little. "No."

"Then what's your point in bringing all this up?" Shikamaru said tersely, wanting to cut to the chase and get the confrontation over with, instead of having it drawn out – painfully.

"My point, huh?" Naruto turned then, one arm still hooked over the railing. He stared hard at Shikamaru, his blue eyes warmed by the strength of his next words.

"That you're not alone this time, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru closed his eyes against that statement as if it pained him. He tried to pull off a tired expression to cover his slip, lifting his lashes to stare out at the village instead of meeting Naruto's gaze. He knew the conviction in those words would be filling the Uzumaki's eyes with that indomitable light. The light that had pulled so many people back from the edges of their own darkness that Shikamaru felt ridiculous for even thinking he could manage to do the same thing for Neji.

_I don't do hero. I do sidekick from the sidelines._

Not that it had ever been about heroism. That word was so far down the list of what Shikamaru considered his strengths that it didn't even warrant recognition. He didn't even know whether it was his strength driving him now…or his weakness.

_None of that matters. I just need to make this work._

"Shikamaru?"

The shadow-nin glanced across, meeting Naruto's gaze at last, his own eyes guarded by a half-lidded shield. "I hear you."

"Good," Naruto smiled. "I don't know what's goin' on here with Neji, but whatever it is…I've got your back."

Shikamaru couldn't control his reaction to that. His eyes widened and his face arched with surprise.

"You know," Naruto laughed, "seein' you look shocked makes _me_ look really smart."

Shikamaru blinked, shaking his head. "I didn't exactly think I'd get your support. Your fist maybe."

The Uzumaki sobered, his laughter softening into a faint smile. But the light in Naruto's eyes banked to something serious again.

"I'm not completely clueless, ya know. Though I bet you think it, right?"

Shikamaru arched a brow, but resisted the urge to be sarcastic. "No. Not always."

Naruto grinned a little. "Jerk, don't lie. Anyway, I've got your back."

Shikamaru studied the other ninja, his sharp gaze narrowed as he tried to discern why he wasn't presently caught in a temper tempest and a crazy tornado of questions.

"Why?" Shikamaru eventually said, attempting to pre-empt.

Naruto looked insulted. "You're my friend."

"True, but that's not your only reason. You know something's up but you're not nagging me about it. Why?"

Shikamaru expected the pause that followed, so when Naruto glanced away, he took the opportunity to try to supply the answer to his own question before the other teen could. The Uzumaki beat him to it though – which was good, because the words were not along the lines of what he'd been thinking at all.

"I guess I wasn't surprised," Naruto said, shrugging. "I mean, I knew something was up before."

Shikamaru frowned. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, that night you went all weird."

"That night I went all weird…" Shikamaru echoed, his voice flat as it trailed off, hinting that he didn't know what the hell Naruto was talking about.

"Yeah, you know, after that mission?" Naruto frowned at the blank stare he received. "When Hinata got hurt and Neji refused to go to the hospital. You went all weird and told me to 'back off'."

In a flash, Shikamaru's brain projected the memory of that evening.

It came back to him with a surround-sound, zoom-in, 'I-wish-I-could-erase-it' kind of clarity that made him wince inside. He remembered all too clearly. He also remembered the resulting look of shock that had struck Naruto silent.

He hadn't counted on those words having such an impact.

_Shit._

"What does that have to do with anything?" Shikamaru said, trying to pull off a bored expression.

Naruto cocked his head. "It was the first time I've seen you being as crazy protective as I am over people. Like, outwardly. It wasn't like you."

Shikamaru snorted. "Crazy protective? That's a lot of crap to assume from what I said."

"It's not even what you said. It was how you said it."

Alarm bells blared in every corner of Shikamaru's mind.

A wild panic halted his brain, making it difficult to grasp the best way to respond. He snatched the easiest and most natural reaction.

Denial_._

"I think you're reading too much into that," Shikamaru dismissed, shaking his head. "It was a crappy mission. I was tired enough for anything to set me off."

Naruto snorted, a hint of anger flickering in his eyes. "I hate people who lie to themselves and then straight to my face."

_Crap._

"Alright, whatever," Shikamaru sighed, rolling a shoulder. "So I was helping out a friend, that's not a lie."

Naruto nodded, filled with conviction.

"And I _get_ that, and that's the other reason I'm not gonna fight you on this. You've always had my back with Sasuke. So if you're trying to…" Naruto trailed off. He clenched a fist against the bridge, thudding it as he gathered his thoughts.

Shikamaru kept quiet, not willing to give Naruto an excuse to change his mind and start firing off questions he'd have to deflect like a hail of kunai.

_Now would be the time to disappear._

While the idea of escape appealed to him enormously, the idea of walking away without knowing for certain that Naruto wasn't going to make things harder for him didn't appeal at all. So he waited out the Uzumaki's silence. Eventually, Naruto stopped thumping his fist, frowning as he looked up, warring with divided loyalties.

"I don't know what the hell is goin' on with Neji, Shikamaru…I don't like it either…but if you're acting all weird and lying to us to _protect_ him…?" Naruto paused, waiting for clarity.

Shikamaru said nothing, but he inclined his head a little.

It was enough for Naruto.

"If that's true, then I'll back off like you wanted me to…" Naruto paused, his husky voice gaining a certain edge of threat. "But _don't_ expect me to sit it out if someone gets hurt. 'Cause I won't. I'll fight you on that every time."

Shikamaru arched a brow; the only fracture in his expression. "Alright."

"Believe it." Naruto's eyes flashed. "I _won't_ let Sakura or anyone else get hurt."

"Relax, I hear you," Shikamaru waved him off. "Sticking to the plan, no one will get hurt."

The words felt like another nail driving into his proverbial coffin. But the bitter humour turned to acid in his gut when the thought of coffins turned his mind to Neji.

_No. That's not an option._

"Good," Naruto chirped suddenly, making the shadow-nin wonder whether he hadn't spoken his thoughts aloud.

"Huh?" Shikamaru blinked.

Naruto resurrected his brilliant smile so quickly it took Shikamaru a moment to realise that the Uzumaki had shoved his hand out. A 'thumbs up' sign stood like an exclamation mark to Naruto's next words.

"I'm counting on you, Shikamaru!"

_Great. You too, huh?_

Shikamaru sighed and glanced away, not sure whether to feel thankful for the lack of a confrontation or troubled by the abundance of confidence that one more person was putting in him.

He forced a weak smile. "What a drag."

* * *

The leaves lay furled like cicada shells and they crackled noisily beneath Neji's sandals when he finally stepped down onto the balcony. He let the surge of chakra fade from his feet as he straightened up, casting a glance over his shoulder towards the tree he'd scaled to access the guestroom.

Childish, but necessary.

It had either been that, or a few more rounds of Akamaru's nose jabbing into his ribs. Neji had no desire to entertain a canine's sixth sense right now. He just wanted a moment's peace.

_Don't be weak. Focus._

The Hyūga drew a slow breath, holding the stale air until it hurt. Then he released a sigh into the breeze, feeling the wind tug at his bangs and robes. He watched stray feathers float around; they were like ever-present confetti in Hanegakure. The thought of being lost on the current with one of the plumes was tempting.

_Foolish._

Neji shook his head, glancing up.

The sun was at its zenith, spearing Hanegakure with lances of light. But the wind was cold and the air sharp. Craving a warmer haven, Neji turned towards the door leading into the guestroom, quietly drawing it back before slipping inside.

The room was surprisingly dim, but not completely dark. The curtains had been drawn, but the light seeped in through the fabric. Neji toed his sandals off automatically, a habit long-instilled. His gaze strayed across from the windows to the beds.

His eyes widened then softened.

_I should have guessed._

He smiled slightly.

Shikamaru lay atop one of the mattresses, his legs dangling off the edge of the bed, leading Neji to assume that the Chūnin hadn't intended to fall asleep. The Nara's exhaustion didn't bother him as much as the realisation that he may have been the cause of it.

Neji's smile slipped away.

He took a slow turn around the room, stepping over Shikamaru's flak-jacket as he approached, shaking his head at the uncomfortable position the shadow-nin had dozed off in. He paused at the foot of the bed and gazed down at the sleeping figure.

A conflicted look pulled across Neji's face as he studied Shikamaru's.

The shadow-nin's features were cut sharply, just like the Nara's hair – and something about the defined etch of his face made him even more paradoxical to Neji. Most of the time, Shikamaru appeared to hide behind a lazy lack of definition, yet there was nothing undefined about his face. Even his eyes, usually guarded by a half-mast, carried the razor glint of his intelligence, which was only blunted by his lack of engagement with life.

_His mask is not as strong as he thinks it is._

Neji had seen beneath it. Fleetingly, but undeniably. He'd caught a glimpse, a taste, a touch of what lay dormant in Shikamaru; the fire that cast the shadows he cloaked himself in…most of the time existing as a 'shadow' of who he could be.

_Why? What do you want, Nara? _

Shikamaru never answered this question, no matter how subtly or directly phrased.

He slipped from Neji's grasp every time.

The thought caused Neji to glance down at his own hands. The dangerous tint of blue was gone from his fingertips as if he'd simply washed it off. If only it had been that simple. He chose to ignore the thought of what he'd been contending with for the past two hours and returned his focus to Shikamaru.

Instantly, he was drawn back in.

And the bastard wasn't even _doing_ anything.

_God damn you, Nara. _

Neji shook his head and closed the distance by bracing a knee on the bed, carefully testing the mattress. He shifted his weight, listening out for a creak. The bedding yielded to him without a sound, allowing him to perch at the edge of the bed, staring down at Shikamaru like a puzzled child.

_Why do you affect me like this?_

As if he could search for the answer in skin, the Hyūga's hand lifted and strayed to hover above the shadow-nin's face; he felt warm breath ghost against his fingertips. Then slowly, like a brush on canvas, Neji began to trace out Shikamaru's features without touching him – a meditative, steady movement that followed every line and slant.

_Gods…why 'you'…of all the people to infuriate my senses…to even bother to try…and then to do it without having to try at all…_

The Hyūga frowned, looking lost even as he searched.

But as his fingers traced out the air a scant inch from Shikamaru's skin, he sensed the answer lay _beneath_ the shadow-nin's flesh.

_What is it?_

Last night he'd almost drawn blood from Shikamaru in an effort to find it, biting down on the Nara's skin hard enough to bruise and mark him the same way Shikamaru had bruised and marked him.

Only on the inside.

_How? What did you do to me? _

Neji swallowed thickly.

_How did you even manage to do it?_

Last night these questions had cut away at him as he'd gripped and kissed and bit so hard he'd almost made good on his promise to tear Shikamaru apart. At some point he'd settled for holding the shadow-nin at the precipice of release, waiting for a submission that had never come even when Shikamaru's body had. The memory stirred embers in his blood.

_How can you mark me without even touching me?_

Neji's fingertips paused above the Nara's brow. He glanced towards the junction of Shikamaru's neck, realising that despite the marks he'd left on the Chūnin's body, Shikamaru hadn't been angry. He'd shrugged it off in a way that Neji couldn't understand, given how _he'd_ react if someone ever dared to brand him in such a way.

"Gonna smother me, Hyūga?"

Neji jolted so violently he almost lost his perch on the bed. In his jerk for balance, his palm accidently smacked Shikamaru's face, causing the shadow-nin to wrinkle his nose in reflex.

"Slapping now?" Shikamaru drawled. "Not as bad as a head butt, but kind of girly."

Neji snorted and dropped his hand to the side, attempting to recover from his embarrassment. "I can oblige you with that head butt if you'd prefer."

Shikamaru tilted his head against the mattress, arching a brow. "It'll go on your track record, Hyūga."

Neji smiled slightly, twisting his lips in an attempt to squash it. He failed however when Shikamaru smirked, dragging a weak chuckle from him.

"You weren't sleeping at all, were you?"

Neji didn't get a response, just a drop of the Nara's eyes as they settled on his mouth. Then, without warning, Shikamaru's fingers strayed across to his wrist, gripping it to tug his hand up. Neji allowed it. He watched as Shikamaru examined his fingers.

"I'm fine," he said quietly.

Shikamaru glanced up, frowning. The intensity in the Nara's eyes bore straight through him. Neji twisted his wrist free, skimming his fingers down to settle at the crook of Shikamaru's arm, rubbing his thumb over the dark fabric creased there. They stayed this way a little while, until Shikamaru attempted to move, dragging his elbows to lever himself up. Neji watched him pause halfway with a wince.

"Ugh, troublesome…"

The Hyūga shook his head. "Next time you decide to lie down for a nap, don't do it dangling off the edge like this."

Shikamaru snorted, scooting back on the mattress. "This is coming from the sadist who kept me 'dangling off the edge' all damn night."

A breathy laugh rolled from Neji's lips. "You provoked me."

"You're still a sadist," Shikamaru lounged back against the headboard, managing a salaciously arousing smile with just one corner of his lip curved upwards.

_Bastard._

Neji had to glance away, smiling. "That would make you a masochist then."

Shikamaru shrugged, his lip still curved. "Hey, I run away from bodily harm remember?"

"Apparently that depends on the context."

"Guess I wasn't exactly in the position to move, never mind run."

Neji smiled wryly. "How inconsiderate of me."

"Good thing it was worth the look on your face, Hyūga."

"You should have seen the look on yours," Neji returned smoothly, drawn into the addictive banter.

"You should know, given what you were just doing."

The words caused Neji's tongue to stick to the roof of his mouth.

He found himself unable to look across or supply a smart retort.

Just like most of the verbal matches that played out between them, a subtle move from Shikamaru tended to turn the situation on its head, forcing Neji into a position where he'd almost always go on the defensive. Which begged the question, why on earth wasn't he doing that right now, automatically?

He should have said something in his defence, if only to protect his pride.

"_Your pride is gonna kill you"_

Neji frowned, his opal eyes tracing the neat lines of the tatami flooring. He felt the mattress dip and rock, tensing up to keep his balance. Then he felt a familiar touch at his nape. His frown dissolved, crumbling into a tired fall of his lashes as Shikamaru's fingers rubbed lightly.

Neji tipped his head down a little, humming as he shifted his mind to the mission. "When do we move?"

"Around five," Shikamaru's voice drifted from behind him, low and quiet. "That's when Kitori said the batches get sent out."

"Good." Neji turned his head slightly "I didn't see Sakura in the building, where is she?"

"She's playing vet."

Neji arched a brow, his eyes still closed. "With those dying birds?"

The shadow-nin's fingers faltered, settling just beneath the base of his skull. Neji slipped his eyes open, waiting for a response that didn't come. Instead, he felt a gentle pressure at his shoulder blade. He realised a second later that it was Shikamaru's brow settled against his back.

"Do not fall asleep on me, Nara," he warned mildly, smiling as he attempted to glance over his shoulder.

The shift caused Shikamaru to raise his head just as Neji twisted around. Their forehead's brushed lightly, drawing a faint smile from both ninja.

"Almost," Neji teased.

"Close enough," Shikamaru muttered, glancing away. "I still think you plan this shit."

Neji chuckled low in his throat, leaning in to mockingly tap their brows. Shikamaru's smile softened and it did something to Neji's chest as surely as if that mouth had swept across the bruises there. It was a strange feeling. It wasn't painful, but there was a twinge of something raw.

Like an ache.

Like a sadness.

_Stop…_

Shikamaru must have sensed something, because the Nara's fingers were back at his nape in an instant, kneading gently. The touch eased him a little, trigging that warm that both soothed and stirred. Then those fingers paused, pressed, then passed under the seam of his robe, sweeping across the bare skin of his shoulder, pressing firmly along the strong curve.

"You're cold," Shikamaru murmured.

"Hmn?" Neji glanced up, faced with the sharp furrow between Shikamaru's brows.

"You're cold," the Nara repeated, and Neji felt those fingers digging in as if to press heat into his skin.

Neji lifted his shoulder a little, not sure whether he was pushing the touch away or pressing into it. He settled for a quiet hum to avoid responding, tapping the cool steel of his headband to Shikamaru's shoulder with a sigh. If he'd stopped long enough to consider what he was doing, it might have occurred to him that he'd never leaned on anyone this way before.

_Why would I? I've never needed this…I still don't…_

Which didn't explain why he didn't pull away.

He felt Shikamaru's hands skim down his arms, long fingers kneading through the white of his robe, pressing through tension and pulling up warmth from places kept cold.

_How?_

As Neji searched for the answer, he felt the contact between them pulling up more than warmth. It pulled up the ache from his bones…the tiredness…the pain…

_Stop…_

"Breathe," Shikamaru's murmur stroked across his ear.

Neji pulled in a sharp breath through his nose, but released it quietly against Shikamaru's shoulder. He felt the shadow-nin's palms coast up along his shoulder blades, easy, calming sweeps, occasionally marked by the press of fingertips.

"Breathe…"

The ache receded a little, the pain dulling as his body started to relax. He felt the world dimming around the edges of his senses, the lull of sleep pulling at him.

_Stay awake._

Neji sighed, his voice muffled against Shikamaru's shoulder. "Don't allow me to fall asleep like this."

Shikamaru hummed, the sound resonating deep in his throat. "I might beat you to it."

Neji chuckled quietly and without thinking he turned his head, pressing a kiss just beneath Shikamaru's jaw. The hands skimming his back paused briefly before resuming their easy strokes.

"Relax…" Shikamaru's breath warmed his temple.

Neji raised his head. The second he did, the Nara's fingers slipped around to trace along his jaw, a thumb rolling at the hinge, rubbing small circles.

"Relax," Shikamaru murmured again.

Neji arched a brow, nudging Shikamaru's hand with the edge of his jaw. "You're tenser right now than I am, Nara."

Shikamaru cocked his head quizzically. "Oh yeah?"

Neji smiled faintly and raised a pale hand. He tapped his fingers to Shikamaru's temple, then slid his thumb to the tender area, rubbing small circles in time with the shadow-nin's touch at his jaw.

"Yes," Neji said quietly. "Are you in pain?"

Shikamaru frowned and reached up to grip his wrist, tugging it away.

The action was sharp and sudden.

It surprised Neji. He set his hand at Shikamaru's shoulder instead, squeezing gently. True to his words, he could feel the tension knotted there, following it with the pads of his fingers.

"Two hours," Shikamaru said quietly, his own hand falling away from Neji's jaw. "You know how much shit can happen in two hours?"

Neji frowned. "Shikamaru…"

Shikamaru's gaze drifted to his chest.

Neji hooked a knuckle under the shadow-nin's locked jaw, tilting the Nara's head up to redirect his attention from that dangerous zone.

Their mouths brushed.

Breaths tangled.

Then something changed.

Shikamaru shoved forward, forcing Neji to dig his knee into the mattress to keep from toppling back. He'd barely caught his balance before the Nara knocked it, tugging him forward and rolling them sharply.

Shikamaru came up on top, his eyes darker than Neji remembered them appearing just seconds before. The Hyūga only managed to get one elbow beneath him before the force of Shikamaru's mouth crashing above his capsized his spatial awareness, tunnelling his focus purely into the clash of teeth and war of tongues.

Fierce and frustrated.

_Angry._

Neji could taste it in the kiss, feel it in the hands that gripped his shoulders, fingertips digging in hard enough to bruise. The Jōnin twisted his hips sharply, aiming to throw Shikamaru sideways only to end up crashing their hips together as the Nara predicted the movement, slamming the opposite way.

The bed rocked.

The headboard cracked loudly against the wall.

Teeth grazed Neji's throat, dragging along until Shikamaru's mouth settled at the junction of his shoulder, firing moist heat as fingers tugged aside the neck of his robe in a jerk. Neji tensed up, his eyes flaring as he prepared to pitch Shikamaru across the room with the flat of his palm.

He didn't have to.

Those teeth didn't move to mark him.

No bite came to brand him.

Just the gentle press of lips; a sudden, sweeping touch as fleeting and soft as if the Nara had simply breathed across his skin.

Neji went very still.

He felt the stroke of Shikamaru's lips settle into a lingering press. Then the shadow-nin's brow dropped to his shoulder, leaving them both tense and silent.

A bird chirped somewhere outside.

Leaves rustled against the window.

Neji frowned up at the ceiling, paralyzed and panting as he tried to make sense of what the hell had just happened. It took a long moment of futile searching before he calmly raised a hand, let it hover above Shikamaru's back and then raised it higher. He settled his fingers at Shikamaru's nape, rubbing the base of the Nara's head. No sooner had he done this then the hands gripping his shoulders loosened, one sliding higher to caress his nape in return – a thumb tapping softly.

Their breathing evened into a lull as synchronised as their touches.

And the apologies passed between them without words.

* * *

The scratch of leaves across the balcony woke him, stirring his mind from the heavy fog he'd drifted into. Sleep. He'd fallen asleep. That was not supposed to happen.

Neji frowned, his eyes still closed.

Fingers brushed across the bridge of his nose.

The Hyūga's eyes flicked open, his lashes tickling the pads of Shikamaru's fingers as they tapped lightly at the furrow between his eyebrows. The tapping stopped however, when he glanced across, catching the shadow-nin's profile. At some point Neji had rolled onto his side and Shikamaru onto his back. The shadow-nin lay flat, staring up at the ceiling through lidded eyes. His arm was crooked awkwardly above Neji's head so the heel of his hand rested against the hitai-ate and his slender fingers at the bridge of the Hyūga's nose.

Neji sensed something else in the touch.

The hesitancy in it.

The questions.

And just as he'd mapped Shikamaru's face searching for answers, he sensed the Nara was now doing the same thing. His suspicion was confirmed when Shikamaru's fingers curled away to smooth across the steel of his headband, that thumb tapping lightly.

"It happened at 4am, didn't it?" Shikamaru murmured, his voice a little raspy, whether from tiredness or restraint, Neji couldn't tell.

The Hyūga closed his eyes, exhaustion tearing at his defences as he struggled to pull them up; but his response slipped out before he could catch it.

"Yes."

Shikamaru's fingers smoothed through his bangs. "Why did they use it?"

Neji kept his eyes closed; the blackness making it easier to believe that this was a dream. That he hadn't woken. That the words burning like bile in the back of his throat weren't leaking like blood between his lips.

"Because I fought them...when they came for him…"

Those fingers in his hair paused, redirected and caressed his head instead. "Him?"

"His body."

Shikamaru's touch stilled on his head. "Your father…"

Neji's throat locked. The pain would have come, if he'd let it. He felt the ghost of it deep down in his chest; a fathomless ache of everything repressed, threatening the blocks damming it up and holding it in.

"Shit," Shikamaru breathed out. "You were just a kid."

Neji smirked bitterly. "A naive, pathetic child. Yes."

Shikamaru drew a sharp breath through his nose. "Don't say that."

The blindness of Neji's closed eyes wasn't enough of a guard against that tone. He slipped his eyes open, staring coldly at Shikamaru's jaw as it flexed.

"Why?" he snorted. "It's true…"

Shikamaru turned his head and frowned, his dark eyes torn with the same confusion as his voice. "How the hell can you think that?"

Neji arched a brow, his next words falling without emotion. "What else do you call a foolish child protecting a corpse?"

Shikamaru's eyes widened.

The horrified look was enough to dent the apathy that armoured Neji's chest. He felt a crumple in his expression, but pulled it taut as he turned away from Shikamaru, moving to swing his legs from the bed, placing his back to the sudden threat the shadow-nin's eyes had become.

"I don't need you to look at me that way," Neji said quietly, his unseeing stare fixed across the room, staring through the wall, through the moment, through time and space and broken memories. "It doesn't matter anymore, Shikamaru."

He felt the mattress dip behind him.

"Yet it's been years and it's never gone away."

"Time erases at its own pace, apparently."

"Wake up, Neji," Shikamaru's voice carried in a tense growl. "It's still affecting you subconsciously and always at the hour it happened. How the hell can you say that doesn't _matter_?"

_Because it can't matter…_

Neji felt the chords in his throat pulling tight.

He found his voice with effort, flattening his tone into the same cold expression as his face. "So I have a recurring memory of a bad experience. Who doesn't?"

"_Bad experience?_"

The incredulous rasp of Shikamaru's words had Neji glancing over his shoulder. "Why are _you_ getting so bothered by this, Nara?"

Shikamaru stared at him in shock, then with a very real, very raw kind of anger. "Those bastards activated a curse jutsu on a traumatised four-year-old kid."

Neji felt a numbness setting in, like a chill he couldn't feel.

He glanced away.

His lack of reaction provoked one.

Shikamaru's next words cut into the silence and straight into his chest. If it hadn't struck him where he was just too numb to feel the pain, he'd have flinched.

"That could have fucking _killed_ you, Neji."

"Almost."

"_What_?"

"I'm stubborn." Neji hummed, not realising his eyes had frosted over. "You said it yourself. That much hasn't changed at least, in all these years."

Shikamaru's silence was long and heavy.

Neji heard him swallow.

"_God dammit, Neji_…" the brittle whisper might as well have been a scream; it's impact was twice as devastating.

Neji closed his eyes and steeled himself against it.

_Stop…_

A sharp rap at the door broke the tension before it could set or shatter between them.

Neither moved.

"Yo, Shikamaru, move your lazy ass!" Kiba's voice muffled through the wood.

"Let's go!" Naruto.

Another knock, softer. "Shikamaru?"

Chōji. It was only the Akimichi's voice that prompted Shikamaru to move. Neji felt the mattress dip and the sheets rustle as the Nara swung his legs from the bed, releasing a quiet sigh as he strolled over to answer.

_Move…_

Neji took the opportunity to move in the other direction and quickly slipped out onto the balcony, drawing the shoji door shut behind him. Cold air whipped at his face, lashing at his bangs. The sun was gone, lost behind clouds that rolled grey and heavy above the canopies. Even the birds had hushed and the ever-present melody of Hanegakure's song was muted to an occasional twitter or caw.

The door slid open behind him. Then slid shut.

Neji didn't turn, his pale eyes fixed on the canopies.

Minutes dragged by so slowly that he almost doubted the presence behind him was there at all. Just another ghost. That is until he heard the crackle of leaves underfoot, followed by a gentle brush at his arm as Shikamaru came to stand beside him.

The wind played between them, softer than the silence.

When Neji glanced across, the Nara's dark eyes turned towards the sky.

"We'd better get moving," Shikamaru said quietly, studying the clouds.

Neji didn't have to ask to know.

A storm was coming.

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **Holy Halo, another _long_ chapter here. Damn, where's that cuppa chai?! I hunted for typos, please excuse any that escaped! More in store for these two! Action of various kinds on the horizon. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**REVIEWERS: **I've officially stolen Hinata's blush. It now belongs to me. _**Thank you all for all the lovely reviews and all the amazing support! **_The fact that I'm churning this out without month-long pauses is down to the incredible encouragement and enjoyment you guys have shown for this fic. Thank You.

**Reviewers without accounts: **another huge thanks to the following – cheers guys!; **Oppa**, **Savannah**, **Miin**, **Luna**, **loyal servant **(ty!)**, mandapanda123** (LOL! consider the medic-ninja on the way! ty!;)), ***Gia Anna* **(glad you enjoyed the craziness of the last chapter, luv! XD), **Samantha **(another awesomely kind review, thank you!), **zoomzoom**, **pixie **(LOL evil pork chops! that's it, Tonton is being served up at some point bwhahaha!) **Rakija **(LOL yay for the little dance! thanks for the support, luv!)  
**  
Lady Mortis** – Aaw sweetie, thanks again, luv! I have to say, I loved this "I love you loving them loving one another." – That made me go all fangirl XD. Wonderfully put!  
**Homemade_idiot – **LMAO. "darn stubborn git" indeed!!! Thank you again, my dear, for your continued support and lovely words. The evil plot bunny and I appreciate it!!**  
Fan – **Hello my dear! bwahaha! Sorry for the semi-cliffy for the last chapter. Hope this one made up for it a little XD. Thanks so much for your reviews!!!

_Hope I got you all! Big thanks!_


	30. Chapter 30

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Thirty**

_God damned rain._

This thought struck Shikamaru a second before a branch nearly struck him square across the forehead. Recovering from the near-hit, he veered left with the rest of the team, remembering anew just why he hated scaling trees in the rain.

"I saw that," Naruto snickered from behind him.

Shikamaru snorted. "Wanna take the lead?"

"Nah, I'm good!"

The Nara smirked, sandals twisting sharply on the wet bark as he launched to the next tree. The rainstorm had hosed Hanegakure down to a treacherously slippery jungle-gym. Water pelted down in heavy sheets, sluicing off the khaki-green cloaks Kitori had lent the team. Funny enough, he was still soaked through.

_Great..._

Shikamaru kept his gaze flicking between his footing and who he was following. Presently Kiba, who was following Akamaru, who was following their swarm of bug barometers. The kikaichū insects leading them were almost impossible to track without Shino present, let alone in the damned rain. This had resulted in Shikamaru devising a way for Akamaru and Kiba to track them through smell. With Sakura's assistance, and after losing one or two bugs to the cause, he'd swabbed each bug with concentrated nectar, allowing for Akamaru and the Inuzuka to follow the sticky, sugary scent.

"You had best hope the rain doesn't work against us here, Nara," Neji said from somewhere higher up, his voice crackling through Shikamaru's transmitter.

"It won't," Shikamaru replied. "We tested it."

"Yeah, we made bug candy," Kiba added. "These guys reek of it."

"The nectar crystallises," Shikamaru explained. "It should stick despite the rain."

"Oh boy," Kiba's chuckle rumbled through. "You're goin' straight to hell, Shikamaru."

"Thanks."

"Kiba," Hinata admonished softly, her voice lost in the shatter of rain.

"Hey, he turned Shino's little buddies into bird candy."

"Sweet way to go," the Nara deadpanned.

"No mercy."

"Yeah, but those bugs took a hit for the team!" Naruto chuckled.

"Nooo mercy," Kiba drawled again, snickering.

"What the hell did you want me to do, give them CPR?" Shikamaru muttered, squinting against the irritating flap of his hood as the cloak fluttered around him.

"Don't they die anyway after prolonged absence from their host?" Sakura asked.

"Yeah, exactly."

Kiba snickered. "Man, way to ruin my fear-of-Shino moment."

"Fear-of-Ino takes the cake," Naruto laughed.

"Sakura hits you more than Ino hits Shikamaru," Chōji defended.

"Thanks for that," Shikamaru smirked.

"Let's try to stay focused here," Neji's voice smoothed over the friendly banter, stilling the ripple of chuckles as the team pressed forward.

Humour had lightened the heavy air weighing around them, but Shikamaru found that the pound of the rain was nothing compared to the pulsing at his temples, making it difficult to think clearly.

_Get a grip._

"Keep together," Neji's voice trickled through the mic. "The path is tangled up ahead."

True to the Hyūga's warning, finding direction became tricky. The team remained close as Neji and Hinata guided them through the labyrinth, redirecting anyone who strayed or got turned around. It was hell to navigate, especially in diminished light and heavy rain, but Kiba and Akamaru cut through it, not needing to see through the slash of rain and leaves to know exactly where the swarm of bugs moved.

_Keep moving._

Shikamaru had just ducked another branch when Kiba's voice stopped him short on the next bough.

"Shit!" the Inuzuka growled.

"Hold it," Neji said.

The team stopped as one, chakra surging to the soles of their feet as they stilled, coming to stand or crouch on a bridge of boughs. Shikamaru wiped water from his eyes, scowling as his ponytail knocked the hood from his head. The rain was like ice.

"Kiba?" Shikamaru pressed.

"Bugs have gone!" the Inuzuka said, sniffing the air. "Scent's faint. They went down and just dropped off the radar."

Shikamaru sighed. "Then let's use a different one. Neji, Hinata?"

"Looking," Neji said.

Shikamaru blinked more rain from his lashes, bracing an arm against the trunk of the tree as he waited for feedback from the Byakugan duo.

"Neji-niisan…"

Neji hummed. "I see it too. The insects have gone down what looks like a ventilation shaft."

Shikamaru arched his brows, squinting as he glanced up in the general direction he assumed Neji to be, higher up in the canopies. "Ventilation shaft, huh? Guess that means we've hit a hidey-hole."

"So it would seem," the Hyūga responded, dropping down beside him in a flurry of cloak and white robes. "An ammunition stash, as we assumed."

Shikamaru turned his head as Neji straightened up beside him, tracing his dark eyes over the Hyūga's dripping bangs. "Ventilation shaft suggests they've got people guarding it. Traps?"

Neji cocked his head, Byakugan eyes scanning. "Yes. Stake pits either side of the stash point. The ventilation shaft leads to a lower ground sentry post, but it's empty."

_So where the hell are their guards? Not good._

Shikamaru frowned. "Hinata, you got anything a little deeper underground?"

"No," the kunoichi answered. "Just darkness."

"They must be employing the barrier sealing jutsu," Neji explained, blinking slowly. "But obviously they cannot cover everything. These stash points we can see, but that's as far as we can reach."

Shikamaru frowned, processing quickly. "Alright, we better fall back."

"Huh?" Kiba turned, standing on the opposite bough. "What the hell? That's it? We just got here."

"We've located one of their stash points. That's what we needed." Shikamaru straightened away from the tree, rubbing his temple.

"Then why not continue on, Shikamaru-kun?" Lee asked.

Shikamaru shook his head. "If they've got a sealing jutsu holding, then we're _not_ sticking around to fight blind, especially in a damn storm. We'll mark the spot, come back when it's light, set a trap of our own and take it from—!" he cut off in a grunt as he was pitched sideways.

Neji slammed into him, flattening him against the trunk of the tree as a scythe came whirring through the downpour. It cut straight past them, close enough that the rain flying from its edges sprayed over the Hyūga's shoulder and struck Shikamaru's face like icy needles.

_Shit!_

"Shit!" Naruto yelped, cart-wheeling out of the way of a second scythe.

"Stay in the trees!" Neji shouted over his shoulder, his arms bracketing Shikamaru against the rough bark, shielding him.

The downpour made it impossible to hear, but a sparkle of shuriken exploded like a flash bomb from below, spraying spinning razors in all directions. Shikamaru reached for his tantō, trying to shove Neji off him with his other arm. The Hyūga wouldn't move.

"Neji! Move!"

Before the volley of projectiles could strike the Jōnin, Chōji's multi-sized fist battered through the lethal spray, slamming the spinning stars away. Some skittered off the Akimichi's armour, lodging into the wood above Shikamaru's head in violent thuds. He heard Neji wince and immediately dropped his gaze. Those Byakugan orbs stared straight through him, indicating that the Hyūga's vision stretched beyond their range.

"Five," Neji said.

"Where?"

"Emerging from the black. They've come from beyond the barrier seal."

_Shit. Wouldn't have thought they'd waste five shinobi on a damned stash point._

"Dammit," Shikamaru growled. "Plan B."

Neji smiled grimly. "Ready?"

"When you are."

"Now."

Neji drew back sharply and turned, allowing for Shikamaru to press off his heel and launch into a run along the bough, trusting Neji implicitly to pick out their path.

_Here we go._

Shikamaru reached for his transmitter. "Plan B! Naruto, Kiba, get ready! The rest of you, set up that kill zone! Hinata, it's on you to lead!"

"I will!" the kunoichi responded.

"Keep elevated!" Neji instructed.

Shikamaru skidded along a bough, ducking low in tandem with Neji, reading the Hyūga's movements and using them as his eyes and currently as his only defence. Kunai flew above their heads, lodging into trees and whispering into canopies.

"Naruto! Kiba!"

"You got it!" Kiba shouted back. "Let's go Akamaru!"

The loud bark of the canine punched through the mic, followed by Naruto's shout as the Uzumaki summoned his clones. Shikamaru kept a pace behind Neji, reaching into his ninja pouch to tug out a red-coloured seal tag. In tune with the Hyūga's movement, he ducked as Neji spun, allowing for the Jōnin's round-house kick to knock a scythe off its trajectory before it could touch him.

"Thanks," Shikamaru nodded, glancing over his shoulder as three of Naruto's clones sprung up behind him. "Neji, you ready?"

"Trust me, Nara." Neji nodded, spinning a tagged kunai over his knuckles. "Thirty seconds from when I mark it. Do not step either side of it or you'll hit the stake pits."

Shikamaru held his gaze a moment. Then he sprung back, letting Naruto's clones surround him. The second he pressed into the ring of shadow clones, he felt their arms lock around him.

Then he was falling.

As predicted, kunai flew from all directions, smacking into the clones, pin-cushioning them right until they struck the ground. Shikamaru landed in a crouch and rolled, the clones that had protected him from impact and injury puffing away. He came up on the balls of his feet, springing immediately in the direction that Neji's kunai flew, bearing the flapping sign of The Leaf symbol.

Shikamaru kept exactly in line with its path.

It struck the ground.

_Bingo._

The shadow-nin crouched, jerked the kunai free and smacked down the red seal tag right above the marked stash point. He then spun and let Neji's rigged kunai fly, lunging out of range as it exploded thirty seconds later, casting out a boom of illumination.

It lit up the forest enough for him to detect movement in the murky area.

A running silhouette flashed before his eyes a few paces away.

The attacker never touched him.

Neji came between them.

The heel of the Hyūga's palm slammed into the chin of the running rebel, causing the enemy's head to snap back from the hit, though his legs carried on forward a pace before he landed hard on his back.

Neji floored another running shinobi with a low sweep of his leg, allowing Shikamaru to tug out a bug-container and flip the lid with his thumb. He tucked a kikaichū bug behind the rebel's jaw, trusting the insect to burrow wherever was necessary. He didn't have time to plant one on the other man before Neji straightened up sharply.

Shikamaru felt it before he could ask.

The dangerous throb of a chakra pulse.

It ripped through the wood like one of Temari's wind attacks, building like a tsunami. Neji spun towards him at the same moment he moved to defend the Hyūga.

Neither of them made it in time.

The massive shockwave pitched them apart.

The solid smash of Shikamaru's back into a tree sent a rocket of pain from his skull to the base of his spine. He dropped with a grunt, scowling against the dizziness, the pain somewhat dulled by building adrenalin.

"Shikamaru!_"_

_Neji._

Shikamaru recovered in time to realise that something was advancing on him. A second later he registered it was a running figure, then a mammoth sword spinning hilt over tip.

He rolled right on reflex.

The ground gave way beneath him, opening up into the hidden stake pit.

"Shit!"

As the trap caved inwards he tore his tantō from its sheath and swung his arm, stabbing the small katana into the lip of the pit before he toppled over the edge. The blade lodged, causing his arm to jerk as he held on, daggling above a trench filled with spikes.

_Shit!_

The rain hosed down, battering him and weakening the earth his blade was lodged in. He felt it slipping, the sodden ground starting to squelch and slide. Shikamaru scrambled to get a foothold but his feet couldn't find purchase. Every attempt only caused more soil to clump and crumble away.

He struggled with his free hand to reach for his ninja pouch, feeling his tantō blade starting to slip with the mud. He tugged out a wire-rigged kunai but froze when the rain cut off from above him. He glanced up, straight into the face of a smirking red-haired ninja – with grey eyes just like Kitori's.

"Lucky save," the young man sneered, planting a foot atop the hilt of Shikamaru's tantō with a snort. "Your luck's up though."

The rebel twisted his sandal in a slow grind against the shadow-nin's fingers, pushing the blade closer to the edge. Shikamaru grit his teeth, looping the rigged kunai into the fingers of his free hand. There was no need.

"Eight trigrams! Air palm!"

"Shit," the redhead growled, kicking back to avoid the ripple of Neji's chakra.

Unfortunately, the bastard used Shikamaru's hand for purchase. The slam of the rebel's foot tore his blade free. Shikamaru's heart lunged into his throat as he tipped back.

But he didn't fall.

A sharp jerk on his flak-jacket held him suspended.

He turned his gaze up sharply, catching the flash of opal eyes.

"Nice timing," Shikamaru coughed, trying not to swallow rainwater.

Neji frowned, his eyes tense and fierce. Shikamaru felt that dangerously volatile gaze sweep over him in a quick once-over. Then Neji hauled. The shadow-nin felt ground beneath his feet an instant later, barely taking a moment to recover before he let his rigged kunai sail through the air, hissing and whistling as the wires pulled free.

The Tsubasa rebel's blade cut straight through them.

"Well shit," the Nara growled, skipping back a pace. "Time to fall back."

Neji scowled as he twisted around, levelling his gaze on the redhead before his eyes cooled to ice. "I'm not done here."

"Yeah you are," Shikamaru frowned sharply. "Neji, we're moving, _now_. This isn't the strategy."

"_You_ run, Nara, it's what you're good at," Neji uttered coldly, his focus not deviating from the redhead already regrouping his scattered comrades.

Shikamaru steeled his jaw against the stupid twinge those words caused in a troublesome, dangerous, 'not-thinking-clearly' part of him.

_Get a grip!_

He moved to intercept Neji only to jolt back a step when Akamaru and Kiba came spinning through the air in a howling helix. The duo ripped up the ground with their Tunnelling Fang jutsu, throwing the enemy back out of range long enough for Shikamaru to let two smoke bombs fly.

The detonation forced him and Neji to take to the trees, springing high and touching down in a flutter of khaki-cloaks. Shikamaru sensed Neji shove to his feet in an angry bolt. He also noticed that the Hyūga's left arm was shaking, juddering as if a voltage were running through it.

_The Air Palm…dammit…_

Neji surveyed the scene and cursed beneath his breath. "Bastards."

Shikamaru glared, anger and confusion slamming into a tense knot at his brow. He jerked to his feet and gripped Neji's shoulder, fingers digging in hard as he whirled the Jōnin to face him.

"Get it together, dammit! We're moving, _now_!"

The side of Neji's palm cut upward sharply, dislodging his grip. "Don't touch me."

"You can't fight like this," Shikamaru flicked his eyes to Neji's arm.

Neji curled his shaking fingers into a fist. "Watch me."

Shikamaru blinked twice before shaking his head. "This isn't the plan! We gauge and fall back, dammit!"

Neji's nostrils flared, his breath firing out in a mist. Those Byakugan eyes flashed like the lightning as it ripped above them, tearing through the belly of the clouds, gutting the dark skies and spilling fresh torrents as hard as hail.

Shikamaru shielded his eyes against the downpour. "What the hell is wrong with you!"

"Nothing!" Neji snapped back, twisting angrily before jutting his chin ahead. "Get going, I'll guide us."

Shikamaru didn't have time to react or respond.

Naruto's voice blasted through the mic. "Shikamaru! Where the hell are you? Where's Neji!"

Neji beat him to the response. "We're _fine_."

"Yeah, we're right behind you," Shikamaru added, glaring pointedly at Neji.

The Hyūga relented with a scowl, taking off a pace ahead. Shikamaru sprung into a run behind him, staring in confusion at Neji's back before touching two fingers to his mic again.

"Kiba? You okay? Did Akamaru hit any of them?"

"Hell yeah!" the Inuzuka confirmed. "He marked two! Got that guy with the sword too!"

"Nice one, crap-magnet!"

"Shut up, lovebird!"

"Shikamaru!" Chōji's voice crackled through in a flurry. "We're good here too!"

"Everyone get back to base," Shikamaru said, his voice low as he cut the transmission short, his eyes fixed on the drenched form ahead of him. "Neji? You see everyone?"

"They're fine," the Hyūga called back, his tone flat. "Moving on ahead. We'd best pick up the pace."

Shikamaru frowned, channelling chakra to his feet to help gain some grip on the wet branches. "Tell me we've lost them."

"They're not pursuing us."

Shikamaru almost wondered if the Hyūga was disappointed.

_What the hell is wrong with you?_

The Nara upped his pace, nimbly weaving his way in the wake of Neji's robes, adrenalin driving him as he used the flash of white and khaki-cloak to direct him through the rain. He calculated as they moved, his mind running faster than his feet as he processed what had just played out.

_He lost it._

Trying to wrap his head around whatever the hell Neji had been thinking was a headache best suffered out of the rain – so he veered his attention quickly to the fight.

_What are they guarding back there?_

"They're obviously protecting something more than their scythes," Neji's voice drifted through the mic, calmer now as the Hyūga hijacked his train of thought.

Shikamaru snorted, adjusting his transmitter. "Yeah. Whatever it is, they won't be able to get at it with that tag seal in place. We've marked them. We'll regroup and then track them down, that barrier jutsu can't throw their scent."

"I understand."

_You didn't a damn second ago._

Shikamaru clenched his jaw. "What the hell was that back there, Hyūga?"

"Hibari Tsubasa," the Jōnin responded flatly. "Kitori's son."

Shikamaru scowled, feeling rain slot like ice in the furrow at his brow. "I didn't say _who_ I said _what_. What the _hell_ were you thinking breaking team?"

"I don't recall dangling over a pit being part of the game plan either."

Shikamaru jerked to a halt on the next bough.

Neji stopped on the tree ahead automatically.

The rain fell in sheets between them, crashing loudly, tearing leaves from branches.

They remained locked in this indirect standoff long enough that Shikamaru was numb from the beating rain. He glared hard at Neji's back, but the Hyūga didn't turn. He stood as rigid as a rock against the elements.

Not willing to cave or crumble even for a second.

But when Shikamaru's eyes trailed down from the Jōnin's locked shoulders, his anger slipped away. Neji's fingers remained as tightly coiled and controlled as the rest of him…and for one damn moment Shikamaru might have pretended to believe the lie…if Neji's arm hadn't still been shaking.

* * *

The storm made Hanegakure its anvil, slamming down a mallet of elemental fury. Rain slashed like glass, breaking against the crafted village in a never-ending shatter.

It was hellacious and it showed no sign of relent.

The Rookery had been reinforced, doors boarded up and shutters tacked down. In light of strict rules not to leave the guesthouse for exaggerated fear of being washed away, the innkeeper had insisted that the Konoha team relax in the guesthouse onsen. The baths had been run and the old man had gone so far as to ensure Sakura and Hinata had their own facility, much to Naruto and Kiba's chagrin.

Neji avoided it without having to state his case, unlike Shikamaru, who'd had a harder time trying not to offend the old man's wife, who insisted that the mineral composition of the water would do wonders for his muscles.

Shikamaru was tempted to ask whether she had anything for the damn muscle in his jaw, which did about three hundred twitches by the time he'd wheedled his way out from under her insistence.

_Troublesome woman._

He'd showered in Naruto and Chōji's room, granting Neji some space before returning. He'd expected the Hyūga to be finished by the time he slipped back into the guestroom, but the bathroom door remained closed. Despite the temptation to crawl into bed, Shikamaru's mind had refused to bow out to his tiredness. So he'd put his brain to work, spinning out strategies until concern had wormed its way into his focus.

The Nara looked up from the map on the table, candlelight playing across his face. He flexed out his bruised fingers, courtesy of Hibari using them as launch pad, and stared at the door to the bathroom. Seconds ticked by before he eventually swayed to his feet, securing the obi sash of his borrowed yukata before stepping over to the door. The sound of running water and the shuffle of movement eased his concern.

At least a little.

The windows rattled loudly, drawing his gaze and his steps across to the glass. The shutters had been snapped loose, causing an endless flow of rain to wash down the panes. Ribbons and rivulets.

It was oddly hypnotic.

Shikamaru tapped his brow against the cold glass, closing his eyes as he felt the condensation of his breath steam against the cool panes. He lost himself in the sound of the rain, so much so that he didn't register the sound of the bathroom door creaking.

It was only when he slipped his eyes open moments later, that he caught Neji's reflection in the glass. The Hyūga stood a few paces behind him; those ghostly eyes gazing over his shoulder in that uncanny, faraway stare.

Shikamaru turned, leaning against the frame of the window. He gazed quietly at Neji, tilting his head to elicit a look, a word…

_Something._

Neji blinked very slowly, but made no other movement.

Shikamaru sighed softly through his nose, tracing his dark eyes over the Jōnin. Neji wore the same grey yukata, but the fabric was dark and creased from the dampness of his hair, unbound from its tie. Lightning flashed outside, casting a sharp glow to the Hyūga's ever-present headband.

As if knowing Shikamaru's eyes would be drawn there, Neji shook his head once, redirecting the shadow-nin's gaze. The trickle of rain on the windows was reflected on the high slant of Neji's cheeks, streaking down the proud planes in a cruel parody of tears. Tears Shikamaru imagined he'd never let himself shed.

"Neji..."

"Don't." Neji's voice barely carried above the rattle of the glass, sounding twice as brittle in its whisper. "I don't need you to remind me…of what I keep trying to forget."

"Dammit, Neji..." Shikamaru shook his head sadly, his mahogany eyes softer than the rock of emotion in his chest, grinding against his ribs. "You don't have to do this with me..."

"The mission…" Neji murmured, as if he wasn't listening. "The mission is what I'll always need. I need nothing else."

Shikamaru's throat tightened a little. "Neji."

Those moonstone eyes tightened at the corners, but Neji continued to stare past him. Gazing unseeingly at the window, maybe at the ghosts reflected in his face, maybe looking past them into the haunting of memories never made but yearned for.

"Nothing else…" the Hyūga whispered.

Shikamaru remained as still as the air between them, transfixed as he watched the shadow of the raindrops trace down Neji's face, trickling along his throat. An endless stream of ghost tears. He didn't know what tore him up more, the cruel parody of a body weeping, or the realisation that Neji would rather break apart than allow it.

_Walk away…be smart and walk away before this breaks you too…_

Shikamaru blinked, drew a breath…and walked three steps.

Three steps was all it took.

Three steps for his mind to walk in one direction and his body in another.

Three fatal steps for him to touch what he should have run the hell away from.

The shadow-nin raised his fingers to Neji's face, tracing out the ghost tears with his fingers until he hooked his knuckle beneath Neji's jaw. Those pale orbs didn't shift from the window, but the dark lashes flickered.

Shikamaru smiled sadly. "Don't make me chase you down."

Neji swallowed thickly, the audible sound twisting a barb in Shikamaru's chest. "I don't need you to."

"Then look at me and show me _you're_ not the one running this time," the Nara murmured, tilting his head.

Neji's eyes drifted shut, sadness creasing his brow. "Stop."

Shikamaru shook his head, grazing his knuckles along the Hyūga's jaw before sliding his fingers into damp mocha strands, feeling them slip through his fingers like his shredded sanity. He clenched a fist in the thick mane before it could slip completely from his grip.

"I lost the will to stop this three steps ago..." Shikamaru said hoarsely. "So either push me away, or let me pull you back...'cause I'm not walking this time."

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **Dun, dun, dun! Slightly shorter chapter this time. Had to cut this scene here, but it carries on in the next ShikaNeji centred chapter, folks! *offers up plot bunny for slaughter* ^_^

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_Big thanks to each and all! _


	31. Chapter 31

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

**Rating:**** M / R**

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Thirty One**

[Dedicated to Ciiah]

Neji heard the words as if from far away. As far away as he could place himself while trying to slip from one defence behind another. Somehow, Shikamaru's voice reached him just before he could pass beyond reach.

"I lost the will to stop this three steps ago...So either push me away, or let me pull you back...'cause I'm not walking this time."

The low timbre of these words rolled through Neji's mind like distant thunder, churning up something inside him. Something he tried to make as cold and veiled as his eyes when they finally slipped open. He set his focus on the window, watching the wash of rain and scrape of leaves rather than whatever was playing across Shikamaru's face.

"_I'm not walking this time."_

_I need you to._

Shikamaru stood close enough that he could feel the shadow-nin's breath. Breathing had never ached so much as it did in that moment. Because even though he could find the air this time…the air tasted like Shikamaru. And Shikamaru's taste now pulled up a different kind of hunger. A hunger that threatened to turn a want into a need.

_No. _

Neji swallowed, watching the rain hammer against the glass. He avoided those dark eyes watching him, possibly 'seeing' him when all he wanted right then was to fall behind the safety of another mask.

"I _need_ this mission," Neji said tonelessly. "That is something you could never understand."

"I don't need to understand _that_ to know that _this_," the Nara tapped a knuckle to Neji's chest twice, "isn't gonna end how you think it will."

"One of your two hundred possibilities, Nara?" Neji forced the words out, hardening them like his face. "Spare me."

Shikamaru's jaw twitched. "You have no idea how much I'm trying to spare you. Every time I walk away I _spare_ you. And every damn time I do, it's one step closer to a possibility you won't accept because of your fucking need to stay in control."

Neji's eyes flared, but he kept them locked on the glass, glaring over Shikamaru's shoulder, wrestling with the venom inside him. He struggled to find that mask, the one that had been effortlessly in place since he was a child. As if sensing what he was doing, Shikamaru's fingers came to slash across his headband, a firm press along the hitai-ate.

"Wearing this to deny what you feel about what those bastards did to you doesn't change a damn thing." Shikamaru's voice softened a little. "And even ANBU's mask isn't gonna be enough for you to hide behind."

Neji almost jolted at those words. Surprise caught his breath and he jerked his head back, shocked at the impact of Shikamaru's unwanted accuracy.

"Don't," Neji ordered coldly, his gaze flicking up. "You have no idea what making ANBU does or doesn't mean for me."

"Then _tell_ me what the hell it means for you." Shikamaru's eyes were fierce but lacking the edge of an attack. "Tell me this crap that you're doing to yourself is worth some 'leap of progress' into the Black Ops. Tell me denying the pain your clan and uncle put you through is worth suffering _this_."

Neji glared as Shikamaru's gaze pierced his chest. He reigned in the urge to lash out. Both at Shikamaru and against these words; against their truths and half-truths and bitter lies falling just to the side of the truth.

"I've told you enough," Neji uttered, shaking his head. "And every time I make that mistake, you seek to manipulate me with it."

"I'm not trying to manipulate you, Neji."

"Then what are you trying to do, Nara?" Neji's lip curled condescendingly, his voice dropping to a cold, condescending croon. "Are you trying to _save_ me?"

He expected an angry retort.

Not the pinch of pain around Shikamaru's eyes.

It was more effective than any words the Chūnin could have snapped in his defence. The worst part was that Neji sensed it wasn't even intentional. He doubted that the shadow-nin was even aware of the look in his dark eyes.

_God don't look at me like that…just walk away._

He didn't.

Shikamaru's fingers smoothed through Neji's bangs, pulling them away from his face with an ease of affection that should have belonged to someone who'd done it with permission countless times before. Only Shikamaru hadn't. Yet here he was, doing it as if it were natural and familiar.

_Damn you._

Neji felt the numbness inside him beginning to throb with feeling, sparking off twinges of pain he didn't want to face – because it meant the walls were shaking, the blocks coming undone.

"When did it become so hard to hate you?" Neji whispered bitterly, his voice rattling in his throat. "To want to hate you…like I need to hate you…"

"I can't answer that," Shikamaru said quietly. "And I'm not sorry."

Neji felt a slow caress along his jaw; the drag of Shikamaru's knuckles. Knuckles he'd rather have had strike him…hard enough to pull up a pain he _understood_, not this ache he couldn't stop.

"These aren't lines I'll let you cross, Shikamaru."

"Better push me back then."

Neji felt the control that had once protected him now twisting inside him like barbed wire, lacerating parts he'd been anesthetising for two months. He sucked a sharp breath against it and clenched his eyes shut before twisting his jaw away from the Nara's touch, making to step back before Shikamaru's voice cut him short.

"You want me gone, Hyūga? Then _push_ me back."

Shikamaru stepped forward and Neji felt those long fingers rake through his hair and slip to his nape, caressing with a tenderness that bruised him inside.

"Push me away," Shikamaru challenged softly.

"Be careful," Neji snorted, snapping his eyes open to glare at the hollow of Shikamaru's throat. "I don't have to hate you, to hurt you."

"Yeah? So go ahead," Shikamaru tilted his head back a little, baring his throat to more than just Neji's eyes, inviting whatever hurt the Jōnin threatened. "I won't stop you."

This familiar and brutal display of trust, with its total lack of defence, struck Neji harder than Shikamaru's fist ever could have. He jerked back as if burned, but Shikamaru's fingers tightened at his nape, drawing him forward again, kneading gently.

"Let it go, Neji."

_I can't._

Neji shook his head, his fingers gnarling as they snapped to Shikamaru's hips. "Don't touch me like this."

Unthreatened, Shikamaru leaned in until Neji felt that low, smoky voice roll against his ear. "Then tell me how the hell I have to touch you, to reach you."

Fingers hooked into the obi belt at his waist and a subtle twist of Shikamaru's wrist had the knot unravelling.

The yukata fell open, parting with a soft rustle of fabric.

Shikamaru's palm skimmed across his aching chest, trailing down along the sculpted muscles of his torso, causing him to freeze to keep from thawing under the caress.

"How damn deep under your skin do I have to get," Shikamaru breathed, "before _you_ get that you don't have to do this to yourself?"

Neji's skin prickled, both at the words and the current fraying his nerves wherever those fingers skimmed. The charge Shikamaru pulled through him was more elemental than the lightning ripping up the skies outside.

Neji hissed. "Stop."

"Let it go, Neji…" Shikamaru murmured, framing the words against Neji's ear like a mantra, raising his hands to thread his fingers into the mocha strands. "Just let this go. Let it out…"

_No. Never. I can never let it out…I can never forget…_

His grip at Shikamaru's hips was his answer, demonstrating that he wasn't about to release anything. Certainly not two months worth of control that had sapped more strength from him than he thought it required. That effort would not be wasted on weakness.

_I am not weak._

He dug his fingers in tighter at Shikamaru's hips, as if wanting to crack and splinter the bones in the same way Shikamaru's words had cracked and splintered his defences. But to the Hyūga's frustration, Shikamaru didn't move to defend himself, didn't even move to deflect or divert what must have been causing him significant discomfort if not pain.

"You'd think I'd take this chance and walk away," Shikamaru murmured against his throat, a weak, breathy chuckle falling bitterly from him. "You make it so damn easy…and I still can't do it…"

Neji felt himself tearing, the grip on his control slipping.

Shikamaru's hands slid around to his back, fingertips tracing scars, actively seeking them out. "And I'm still not sorry."

Neji swallowed thickly, trying to breathe through the tightness in his chest. "Stop saying these things…"

Shikamaru shook his head, stroking the callused tips of his fingers in an easy sweep along Neji's spine. "Push me away."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"If I _push_ you, I will _kill_ you."

Those hands stroking along his back stopped.

Just when he thought that Shikamaru might step back, a knuckle hooked under his chin, forcing him to raise his head a notch; asking him to meet the dark gaze searching his face.

"This isn't three years back, Neji," Shikamaru said. "And you've passed up every chance I've given you to kill me."

_Because one chance is all it will take…one slip…one mistake…one moment's loss of control…_

Neji didn't expect the thought of hurting Shikamaru to stab ice into a part of him he thought was already too cold to care. But then, he hadn't expected that seeing the shadow-nin dangling above a pit of stakes would make him feel as if one of those stakes had driven straight through him. And he sure as hell didn't expect to be hurting when Shikamaru's voice whispered out into the air.

"God, just let this go before it fucking kills you."

Neji frowned, more jolted by Shikamaru's tone than his words. Because he couldn't defend himself against that tone like he could defend himself against those words, utterly unwilling to process them as a possibility. They weren't a possibility. Not when he was the one responsible. The one in control. Death was a risk he would overcome, had overcome and would never fail to find a way to overcome.

_I always prevail. I will not lose._

He let his fingers twitch from their violent grip at Shikamaru's hips, stroking his touch up to the jut of the Nara's shoulder blades, digging his fingers into the sharp grooves before dragging his hands back down.

"I would never allow _this_ to kill me, Shikamaru. I'm not that weak."

He almost jolted when Shikamaru's hands flew to his head. For the briefest moment those fingers fisted in his hair so tightly he suspected Shikamaru was going to tear it out. But the clutch softened almost immediately into a slow stroke through the long, damp strands, dragging along his scalp.

Controlled, quiet…yet capricious.

There was something different about this touch – but Neji couldn't define it.

_Like so much else between us..._

He closed his eyes, bowing his head with a ragged sigh, trying to find the will to pull back from the strange but soothing thread through his hair.

_I don't need this…_

He told himself this repeatedly as silence settled, scarred only by the sound of the storm; an endless shatter of rain and wind.

Then a guttural roll of thunder shook the windows, rattling the glass.

Shikamaru's lips moved against his throat.

At first he thought it was a kiss, but belatedly realised that the shadow-nin had spoken something against his skin, mouthed words he hadn't voiced.

"Shikamaru…?"

Neji tilted his head down in an attempt to finally catch the dark gaze, only to have Shikamaru's fingers slip along his jaw and turn his head away. It bared his neck to the press of the Nara's lips. The kisses came in slow, open-mouthed caresses, the kind that caused Neji's lashes to fall to a half-shutter.

The kind that woke up a burn inside him but held it at a simmer.

Then fingers charted his chest, drawing those unseen lines between the dark bruises. Every place his own fingers had stabbed to shut-down, Shikamaru's swept to stir-up. Neji tensed up against it, but Shikamaru read him like brail, through touch alone.

…And Shikamaru began to touch every scar, every bruise, every flaw and every imperfection. He touched them with a gentleness that caused unseen wounds deep beneath the surface to open up inside Neji, begging to bleed out the poison still festering there.

_I can't let this go. I can't let this out._

Neji's fingers clamped back at Shikamaru's hips, digging in hard enough this time to draw discomfort to the shadow-nin's eyes. But Neji wasn't looking; all he could sense was the air being torn out of him with every passing second.

"Stop," he said automatically, his left arm starting up its treacherous shake, every muscle tensing in rejection of what Shikamaru was suggesting he be.

_Weak. I will not be weak._

Shikamaru's hand squeezed his nape gently. "Let it go before you push yourself so far away that I can't pull you back."

Neji felt his ribs twinge, stabs of pain crippling his breath.

_STOP!_

The air was wrenched from him.

Neji's breath shattered, paralyzing his chest.

But before the panic could fire off, Shikamaru slanted his head and sealed their lips firmly, cupping the back of Neji's head. He drew a deep, slow breath through his nose…then he fed the soft exhale into Neji's mouth, returning the air that had been ripped away.

Shikamaru breathed into him.

Breathed for him…

And the second he did something inside of Neji, buried deep down where he was still too numb to feel it…something cased in thirteen years worth of armour…cracked.

* * *

Lightning broke up the skies, tearing and illuminating the chaos raining down, battering the earth into a pulp.

The world was raging.

But its fury was lost on the two Konoha ninja.

Two shinobi standing still and silent. Held in a moment that had narrowed down to the space between their mouths. The space where one's breath was passed to the other, back and forth in a cadence as soft as a whisper. Sharing something more vital than blood. Breath. Life.

And Neji soaked it in, drawing it deep and passing it back until the ebb and flow between them was as natural as a heartbeat. Steady, slow and completely in synch with each other. Neither led nor dominated. They lulled in perfect cadence until breath was joined by taste; the slow, sultry dip and dance of tongues.

A pulsing had replaced the pain, pounding slow and steady in Neji's chest. He raised his hand to Shikamaru's jaw just as Shikamaru's hands reached for him. The callused pads of the Nara's fingers drew around to this back, following his spine upwards until the tips touched something that caused Neji to break the kiss with a sharp inhale.

Shikamaru hummed questioningly, his fingers pausing above the area. "This hurt?"

"No," Neji sighed, blinking almost dizzily.

"Your blind spot," Shikamaru said, smiling a little at the look he received. "Yeah, I know."

Neji tilted his head. It shouldn't have surprised him really, that Shikamaru had clocked such a thing. It was one more flaw in an image of perfectionism the Hyūga clan projected.

Perfectionism and pride, progress and prestige, power and prominence.

_Prison. Punishment. Pain._

Shikamaru's fingers rubbed the blind spot lightly.

Pleasure stole across the pain. It blossomed across Neji's back, tingled along his spine and his eyes flickered shut at the sensation. Years of concentrating chakra to the area to accommodate for the Byakugan's weakness during combat had caused that region of his spine to become extremely sensitive.

In battle it was a defence that could save his life in an instant.

In the bedroom however, it was an inadvertent erogenous zone.

One that he'd allowed no lover to exploit.

_Trust it to be him…_

Shikamaru pressed the area again, his thumb rolling small circles over the sensitive vertebrae. Arousal flared hot and low in Neji's abdomen, tightening the muscles in a ripple as Shikamaru's free hand coasted along his stomach.

Neji swallowed thickly, gripping Shikamaru's shoulder.

Shikamaru paused. "Neji?"

Neji squeezed gently, the only response he could muster given the dizzying pleasure racing up and down his spine. Like so much else with Shikamaru, the Nara saw what was supposed to be undetectable, unreachable or otherwise off limits to any person in possession of their common sense. Not that sense had anything to do with what tended to take hold of them when they were together like this.

Neji's common sense and his intelligence should have been speaking the same language. The kind Shikamaru had labelled "stupid simple". Right now the logic was blaringly simple. Warning. Danger. Eliminate the threat. Shikamaru was on territory Neji should never have let him past the frontier of. Because it was too close to the raw places that not even _he_ stepped onto.

_Gods what am I doing…_

"Where are you?" Shikamaru spoke the words directly against his mouth, drawing Neji's focus to the dark orbs watching him.

"I don't know anymore…" Neji felt the words ache out of his throat before he could choke them back down.

A faint smile touched Shikamaru's mouth, not quite completing its way across his lips. It was as gentle as the track of his thumb as it traced out Neji's eyebrow, following it along to the Hyūga's temple.

This touch caused a crackling fission in the Jōnin's limbs, breaking up the ice in his blood faster than he could frost it over.

"Neji…"

Neji turned his face into the touch, closing his eyes.

"I don't know anymore…" he repeated, hoarse and tired.

He felt lips sweep across his own, parting to exhale a soft breath against his mouth. The tickle of Shikamaru's breath caused his lips to part, but the kiss he expected didn't come. Instead, he felt Shikamaru slide behind him, prompting his body to turn automatically. He was stopped however, when Shikamaru's hands came to rest at his hips, turning him back to face the window.

Neji frowned slightly. "Shikamaru…"

"Relax," came the deep murmur at his ear. "Time I showed you where you are…"

The ambiguity of that statement shouldn't have been seductive.

If anything, it should have been registered as a threat.

But Shikamaru's voice drifted through his tension like smoke, casting his senses in a haze. He turned his head only to have the shadow-nin's fingers grasp his jaw, turning his face back towards the window until he was staring at their reflections.

The rain dragged watery ribbons across the glass, which mirrored onto his body, pale and leanly carved as if from marble. But scarred, bruised. He watched Shikamaru's fingers tug away his half-hanging yukata until it crumpled at his feet. The Nara's clothing follow suit behind him, then Neji felt the warm, firm press of the shadow-nin's body against his back and the distinct arc of hot, hard flesh jutting against him.

It was erotically forward; not that Neji expected any less at this point.

Their mutual desire for dominance should have pushed them away from each other. But it had turned into a magnetism Neji couldn't escape. A match he couldn't deny. A match struck two months back which had caught a flame. For all his icy defences, he couldn't smother it.

He watched Shikamaru's hands glide over his ribs in the glass, watched the rain's reflection trickle along the shadow-nin's arms.

Then Neji's gaze drifted up.

Shikamaru's eyes met his in the glass.

Simmering, mahogany eyes, which despite their half-mast gaze, glittered with a very non-drowsy intensity. They watched him from beneath the rim of dark lashes. But Neji caught something more in the heat, something more in the look he was receiving.

_Don't think that way._

Shikamaru pressed a kiss to his shoulder, never breaking eye contact as one hand swept aside the long stream of mocha hair until it hung over his shoulder, the other hand smoothing down his chest to his hip.

Neji watched, transfixed, tense.

Then Shikamaru slanted his head.

An instant later Neji felt the wet drag of a tongue - right against that sensitive spot on his spine. His muscles rippled in a shudder. A cool sweep of Shikamaru's breath followed across the wet patch, exploding tingles along his skin.

_Gods…_

Shikamaru hummed, an open-mouthed kiss and suction to the spot sending a bolt of heat straight to Neji's groin. The Hyūga hissed, snapping a hand back to dig his fingers into Shikamaru's thigh. He bowed his head with a gasp.

"No." Fingers carved through his hair, coaxing his head back up until he felt Shikamaru's mouth at his ear. "Watch."

Neji's eyes slipped open, catching their reflections in the glass again.

He didn't know what was more arousing; watching Shikamaru's hands or feeling them as they dropped to his hips, each palm sliding outwards to caress the sculpted muscles of his thighs. Neji held his breath, only to expel it in a shiver as Shikamaru's mouth returned to that treacherous spot on his spine. The scrape of teeth almost had him arching, but he found an anchor by reaching back again, gripping Shikamaru's hip, panting.

"Easy," Shikamaru murmured against his skin, chasing fresh tingles along his back.

_It shouldn't feel this good…_

Neji drew a sharp breath, feeling the nimble skim of Shikamaru's fingers tracing up from his thigh, teasing trails across from one hipbone to the other, avoiding the hard pillar of his erection.

"Watch," Shikamaru purred against his nape, biting down lightly. "And tell me where you are."

Neji bit back a groan, his clouded eyes shuttering heavily as he watched the erotic movement in the glass. Shikamaru's words swirled around in his head, the answer stirring up in every fibre of his body as it hummed with arousal, want, yearning…

_Need._

"Tell me," the Nara said, kissing a path across Neji's shoulder, lips fastening at that pulse point beneath the Hyūga's jaw.

Neji tilted his head back, sucking air through the clench of his teeth. His lips parted around a sigh as Shikamaru's fingers curled around the thick base of his heavy shaft, the pressure enough to cause the swollen length to throb harder, hotter.

_Kami…yes…_

Shikamaru's lips stroked his temple. "Tell me where you are, Neji."

"Here…" Neji answered at last, the word falling on a hoarse pant. "Here…"

"Exactly," Shikamaru whispered, almost sadly.

The tone caused Neji's eyes to seek contact.

Their gazes met and held in the glass.

Opal on obsidian.

Neji squeezed Shikamaru's hip gently, prompting the shadow-nin's lips to skim down from his temple until Shikamaru angled his head around. Neji met him half-way, turning his head to seek Shikamaru's kiss, finding it with a slick dip of his tongue into the Nara's mouth. At the same moment he used his grip at the Chūnin's hip to tug them closer together.

The rigid press of Shikamaru's arousal nudged against his backside.

The friction caused a hitch in the shadow-nin's breath.

But the heated, rushed need to jump headlong into the fire didn't come. Instead, they eased into a kiss as slow and languid as the stroke of Shikamaru's fist along his pulsing length. Drawing the torturous motion out with a patience that suggested Shikamaru had picked up more than a near-death experience from Neji's round of tantric torture.

_A fast learner…_

Neji drew back from the kiss, arching with a sigh. "Gods…"

"If I do this right, maybe," Shikamaru said softly, biting down lightly at Neji's throat without drawing a mark.

Neji hummed deeply.

Shikamaru's other hand settled at his hip, gripping firmly as the Chūnin sank to his knees, dragging a hot trail of tongue and teeth down along Neji's spine to the small of his back. That fist continued its slow, steady strokes, forcing Neji's breath into a shallower pant as the pleasure drew out into a lapping burn.

His throat locked around a groan that the skies spoke for him.

Thunder growled low and long outside.

Lightning flashed, casting a flicker of illumination in the room.

Another boom resounded, rolling into a judder that mirrored Neji's breath as it shivered out.

The hand at his hip pulled gently, turning him around in a slow sway that did nothing to break the rhythm of Shikamaru's stroking hand, which dragged back down to the base of his shaft, tightening in a pulse before releasing it to slide to his hip.

_Not enough…_

Neji dragged in a breath as he dropped his gaze down, staring through his lashes at the dark eyes gazing up. The easy warmth in Shikamaru's eyes disarmed him, as did the flicker of conflict lingering there, drawing a furrow between the Nara's brows.

"Shikamaru…"

Neji tilted his head and reached up a hand, his fingers tracing out the frown before trying to smooth it away. This attempt ended up with his palm cupping the shadow-nin's jaw, his thumb tracing the Nara's lips.

_I can't need this…_

He shook his head as he slipped his fingers around to the back of the Chūnin's head, tugging gently to urge the shadow-nin to his feet before pulling Shikamaru into a kiss he intended to be fiercer than it was.

It gentled into something slow and tender almost immediately.

Hands moved to cup faces, stroke shoulders and caress napes.

Hips pressed and rolled together, finding direction as Shikamaru moved forward, navigating Neji back until the Hyūga felt a nudge at the back of his knees. Then the world dipped, depositing him on cool, crumpled fabric before burning hot skin blanketed across his body.

Shikamaru pulled across him like a sheet, slick and smooth and shaking until their mouths settled, hovering close as lips touched but didn't meld. Their eyes met, gazes holding in a dangerously intimate way.

Something pulled tightly in Neji's chest, causing his throat to tighten.

Shikamaru hummed softly, his voice as faint and sad as his smile. "Yeah, I don't need this either."

Neji blinked and swallowed thickly, his breath seeping out into Shikamaru's mouth. At the same moment, Shikamaru's knuckles grazed his jaw, tilting his head back before the Nara returned the breath, feeding it slowly back between Neji's parted lips.

They continued this way for a few moments until a lift of Shikamaru's hips allowed for the shadow-nin to reach between their bodies, seeking the root of Neji's arousal, stroking the shaft back to its marble stiffness, all the while watching Neji's face.

"Ngh…" Neji arched into the grip, lifting his hips slowly, parting his lips beneath Shikamaru's to accept the sigh the Nara breathed into him.

He raised his hands, stroked them down the strong curve of Shikamaru's back, feeling the muscles shift. He kept his touch firm but slow, kneading his way up to the Nara's shoulder blades. He felt Shikamaru shudder, felt the mouth gently moving above his own slip away to his throat, kissing the salty skin before moving down to his collarbone, tracing out the sharp clavicle with his tongue, dipping into the hollow of his throat.

The hand gently stroking him shifted to his hip, holding him steady as Shikamaru began to move down, chasing the mirrored raindrops cast across Neji's skin. The Hyūga tilted his head down, watching the sharp sway of Shikamaru's ponytail before reaching out to pass his fingers through the spiked strands.

Shikamaru paused, glancing up.

Half of his face was cast in shadow, the rest in raindrops.

He'd never looked so striking to the Jōnin as he did in that moment; half in the mask of his shadows, the rest of him exposed.

_I see you too…_

Neji blinked slowly, returning the steady gaze as he traced his fingers down across Shikamaru's brow to the Nara's temple, rubbing gently.

Shikamaru hummed and pressed a kiss above Neji's navel, never breaking the lock of their gazes as he lifted then bowed his head a little, his breath chasing over Neji's neglected length.

Neji sucked in a breath, watching.

Shikamaru tilted his head very slowly, feathering a stream of air along the hot shaft to the swollen head, the tip of his tongue barely grazing the leaking slit. Neji had to force his shudder into a shiver, breathing deep through his nose to keep from arching his hips in silent request for something he didn't think he'd ever allow between them.

But those dark eyes held him captivated, pulling him in with every heartbeat until he felt Shikamaru's thumbs stroking slow circles around his hipbones. When he didn't look away, the shadow-nin leaned in again. Shikamaru traced the tip of his tongue along the underside of the dripping, swollen head, rubbing small circles at the sensitive frenulum, in perfect sync to the roll of his thumbs.

Neji's eyes flew wide.

_Holy..._

"Gods!" Neji gasped for the second time, his voice shaking from the pleasure tearing up his nerves as his heels dragged against the mattress.

Shikamaru's lip quirked slightly, his eyes glittering with gentle amusement before deepening to that obsidian burn. Neji fisted his fingers in the sheets to keep from ripping the Nara's hair tie out, surging up, smashing their lips and reversing their positions. This flood of instinctive, dominant need eased a little when Shikamaru drew back, stroking his lips down the underside of the slick column instead, catching the pearly fluid with a slow drag of his tongue before kissing his way back to the engorged head.

_Kami burning…fuck…_

Neji felt his pulse jackhammer at his throat, which ached with heavy, shattered pants.

"Sshh," Shikamaru hushed, making the mistake of keeping his lips close enough to Neji's erection that the Hyūga felt the reverberation chase through his rock-hard flesh like an earth tremor.

He jerked with a hiss, causing Shikamaru's fingers to tighten at his hips to hold him down. The Nara hummed, shifting his attention to the dip of Neji's groin, sucking the sensitive skin close to his hip, drawing out the wait, the tension, the tide that was ebbing through Neji in waves.

He was burning, every cell on fire.

He was convinced he was throwing off enough warmth from his body to emit a heat wave.

Yet despite the dizzying state of fever, he couldn't help but keep his eyes open and force the stubborn lids from slipping shut. Because once again he wasn't sure what was burning him up more; feeling the touch or watching the one touching him.

As if sensing the intensity of his stare, Shikamaru's eyes flicked up. Neji's throat closed up again, his muscles tensing from the sheer penetration of Shikamaru's gaze. It pierced straight through him.

The sharp, seductive cut of the Nara's eyes softened a little. "You're shaking."

Neji frowned, not even aware of this fact until the soothing stroke of the Nara's hands eased the tension from his locked body, coiled so tight with arousal and restraint it was indeed shaking. He'd have snapped an indignant response if Shikamaru hadn't smiled a little.

The shadow-nin kissed his hip. "Relax…"

Neji glanced up, watching Shikamaru watching him.

_Gods he could finish me off with those damn eyes…let alone touching me…_

Neji swallowed, attempting to get his raging arousal under control.

Until the engorged head of his shaft was plunged into magma.

Without warning, Shikamaru's lips wrapped around him, that vicious tongue curling until the back of the slick muscle rubbed against the sensitive delta it had tortured earlier.

"Fuck!" Neji gasped out and had the shadow-nin not been holding him down he'd have lifted off the bed.

Seeking some kind of anchor, his fingers dropped to Shikamaru's nape, digging in as one heel drew up against the mattress, wedging into the yielding futon to keep from bucking. He locked his throat against the moans building there, holding them in until it ached as badly as the throbbing flesh Shikamaru lavished with a tongue-wrapping talent that Neji would have interrogated if he hadn't been somewhat incoherent.

_Gods…yes…yes…yes…_

"Yes…" he hissed, the word slipping unbidden from his lips.

He was rewarded however, with a deep hum that rattled him like the glass in the panes as thunder groaned outside. Neji felt an entirely different kind of thunder rumbling through him, building, tightening, rolling, climbing…

_Fuck…more…_

Shikamaru stopped just short of the explosion, cutting off the brain-halting ministrations to grab Neji's hips, slamming them down until the Hyūga felt the rush in his blood surge back on itself.

_No…so close…_

"Not yet," Shikamaru whispered, dropping a kiss at Neji's inner thigh, sucking the sensitive skin with a hum.

Neji arched, hissing out his breath, trying to scrape together enough sentience to remember to tread carefully when challenging someone who could apparently give as good as they got. No one before Shikamaru had had the patience, ability or understanding to work him into this state.

_Gods…why you…why does it feel this way…?_

Before he could attempt to get his mind to compute this question, his focus was dragged away by Shikamaru's tongue tracing the vein in his protruding length. Add to that the feathering touch of the Nara's fingers against the velvet sac just south of his arousal.

Neji's lips parted around a low, throaty moan, deep and drenched in desire.

He didn't hear Shikamaru inhale sharply at the sound, nor did he register the effect such a simple slip had until he was being taken in deeper, inch-by-inch, into that wet cavern. All the while that tantalising tongue pressed and rubbed along the underside of this aching girth, winding him tighter and tighter inside.

Neji's eyes fluttered shut.

_Fuck…more…_

"Shikamaru…" he hissed, gnarling his fingers at the Nara's nape.

He didn't realise those dark eyes were watching him, tracking every shift across his normally controlled face. When he began to tense with the onset of release, Shikamaru drew back to the leaking tip, his teeth grazing a careful, gentle friction along the heavy shaft until he removed his mouth altogether.

_Damn it…!_

A hand encircled the base of his arousal in a grip hard enough to slow the rush once more, causing Neji's eyes to flicker open, his voice a shaking growl. "Gods, Nara…you bastard…"

Shikamaru's lip curved in a lopsided smile, but his eyes were intense, almost searching as he slid his way back up Neji's body.

"All's fair, sadist…" the shadow-nin murmured, his voice thick with repressed need.

Neji gazed up, his eyes glowing beneath the rim of his lashes. "Shikam—"

The Nara's lips settled above his softly and that tongue dipped deep to silence him. Neji caught the musky scent and taste of his own arousal, mixed with that hint of smoke. The kiss deepened and he heard Shikamaru breathing heavily, adjusting his breaths to the rhythm Neji had used to control the pace of his own climax when he'd held Shikamaru teetering on the edge.

_Gods, he does learn fast…_

That kind of control wasn't something easily achieved unless, ironically, one knew which key muscles to relax. It took time to master. Perhaps Shikamaru's talent of 'relaxing' made him a natural. Neji would have been amused, but he was too far gone to hold the thought any longer. It was chased away by the roll of their tongues, the shift of their bodies, the stroke of Shikamaru's hand gripping them together…and then the feel of seed-slick fingers sliding down to that sensitive patch of skin just above uncharted territory.

Neji stiffened, breaking the kiss sharply.

Shikamaru's fingers stopped on cue.

Their eyes met, mouths poised a scant inch apart.

The moment held tensely between them, just like their breaths.

But neither looked away.

Shikamaru was the first to move, dropping his shoulder and curling his finger slowly until Neji felt the slick pad of the slender digit grazing his perineum, pressing lightly.

His blunt nails cut crescents into Shikamaru's back.

The Nara paused, waited, then pressed again, rubbing lightly.

Neji's eyes flickered shut, his fingers digging in deep at Shikamaru's shoulder blades as he tensed in a mix of pleasure and rejection.

"Tell me," Shikamaru ordered softly. "Look at me and tell me."

"Fuck you," Neji spat, bitter, confused, aroused. Too many things to process.

Shikamaru's lips nudged his. "Neji…"

Had his tongue wrapped itself around Neji's name in any other way, Shikamaru would have found himself flat on his back across the room, possibly with a few cracked ribs. As it happened, something in the Nara's voice caused Neji's eyes to slip open.

His breath snagged in his throat.

Despite raindrops and shadows obscuring the stern lines of Shikamaru's face, no amount of darkness or light could manipulate or hide what stood in his eyes. Neji was met with a concentrated stare so conflicted and alien to Shikamaru's jaded orbs that the look gutted the Hyūga completely.

"Shikamaru…"

"Let it go," was the husky murmur against his mouth.

The unwanted sound of those words stung less than the look in Shikamaru's eyes.

Neji felt his breath shaking out a response.

"Don't ask m—" he cut off in a tight gasp as Shikamaru's fingers began to move, stroking that spot that had his back arching from the burst of pleasure that flashed through him. "Fuck...stop..."

"Let it go," Shikamaru echoed, uttering the words in a chant against his lips with every rub of his fingers. "Let it out."

"Ngh...no...no..." Neji panted, but his body responded, pulled in by those unseen strings Shikamaru seemed to have attached to his every nerve-ending.

Then fingers were curling around them both, stroking in perfect rhythm with the touch further south, dragging Neji's resistance even further out of reach. He was panting, shaking, straining as he fought to hold on…but he could feel himself climbing, levitating with the pressure, the pleasure, the pulsing need to just...

"Let it go…" Shikamaru whispered.

Neji gasped, his body rippling in a parade of shivers before he arched sharply, muscles drawing rigid beneath glistening, ivory skin. A wordless and breathless cry tore from his lips as he came apart, scattered into a senseless abandon where the rapture held him shaking even as he soared…

_Free…free…_

Sadness washed through him even as he sailed on the release.

He instinctively sought Shikamaru's mouth when he felt the Chūnin shudder above him, pulling them into a kiss as breath-shattering as the pleasure flooding between them. They rode it out in tandem, moving even when the waves pulled back.

_More…again…_

Neji swept his shaking hands down Shikamaru's skin, gripping the Nara's firm backside with a growl, grinding up as Shikamaru ground down. Both of them rolling and rocking hard enough to grind each other into dust with their desire.

The sharp crack of the headboard went unheeded.

The creak of the bed drowned out by the rustle of sheets and shaking breaths.

They moved this way until they felt it again...the waves building back up.

The fever was raging in their system and they passed it back and forth with every shared pant, tangled up in the taste of each other. Contaminated by whatever the hell this thing was they couldn't pull or push away from.

"Shikamaru…"

"I know…"

Neji felt Shikamaru's hand slide beneath his shoulder, skimming across until those fingers found his blind spot. The reaction was as instant as a chemical one. It fired off a thrill that dragged a quiet, throaty moan from him.

Shikamaru's mouth settled above his. "You're close…"

"So…are you…" Neji panted back, dragging one hand up to Shikamaru's nape, squeezing gently even as their hips rolled hard, stomachs creating a channel of sticky, grinding heat for their rigid shafts.

_More…more…_

They were swapping breath when it hit them, just seconds apart.

Shikamaru fell first this time, riding it out in an erotic undulation that Neji met seamlessly, both lost to the feeling, cast out together into suffusing bliss.

A cocoon of musk and warmth and balmy air settled around them…

The raw dance of their bodies slowed into a gentle rock…and then a soft sweep of hands over shaking limbs, kneading each other in silence as their breaths shattered out.

The wind wailed outside, shrill and aggressive…

Their hands roamed each other soothingly…

Rain mirrored tears across their glistening skin…

And their mouths continued to meet long after their bodies stilled against the sheets.

Outside, the storm rolled on…

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **OMG. I actually switched to coffee while writing this one. I might even have got jealous of these two while doing it. Another LOOONG chapter – but hopefully it goes a LOOONG way in building a new level between these two. Good, bad? More to lose? The plot bunny will answer all…provided I don't shoot it! ^_^ Forgive typos!

**REVIEWERS: **_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey! _That's right, I'm serenading you people. You deserve it. My thanks are rolling out in karmic waves that should be attacking at any moment. THANK YOU SO MUCH. ^_^ As always, love your thoughts, appreciate your time. Hope you all enjoyed!

**Reviewers without accounts: **Always my thanks to; **Luna** (Shikamaru made good on that move I hope LOL. TY, luv!!), **Savannah **(I'll give you the plot bunny to torture as you brainstorm, luv! Thanks again ^_^), **Samantha **(aaaw! thank you again, Samantha! lol) **oppa **(TY!! I hope you enjoyed this Shika/Neji moment lol!) **zoomzoom **(always a joy to hear from you, luv. Thank you!) **mandapanda123 **(medic ninja on standby, my dear! ^_^) **loyal servant **(THANK YOU!), **Miin** (aaw bless you, thank you!)

**Lady Mortis** – heya you! ^_^ Thank you again for never failing to encourage and support this fic. Glad you enjoyed the last chapter! Hope you enjoyed this one too ^_^  
**Fan – **Here is MOAR my lovely! Hope you enjoyed it :D THANK YOU for your increasingly encouraging feedback! APPRECIATED!  
***Gia Anna* **- LOL! thank you, luv! hug me til I turn blue? that could be an interesting look! hehe. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
**Rakija **- hi you! Thank you for your fab review(s)!!! I'm a lucky bunny. Thank you! Hope you enjoyed this chapter and the development with these two boys.  
**Homemade_idiot **– LMAO. Do I take souls? Only when I'm the Devil goin' down to Georgia, darlin'! hehe. Hell, I'll take those cookies! *munch*. Thank you for another lovely review, sweetie. Always, always a pleasure.**  
pixie **– Hiya pixie, sweetie! I'm more than happy that you're enjoying the pace of this fic. I hadn't intended on it stretching out into around 40+ chapters and it's great to know you're enjoying its unfolding. The pace is going to pick up shortly, so I hope you'll stick with me and the crazy kids. My massive thanks again for your reviews. ^_^  
**Ayachan **– Hiya Ayachan! Thank you for your review! Love than you're enjoying the fic! Ah yes, the impending moments you mentioned are on the way. Pace is going to start picking up! ^_^ Hope you stay tuned! :D

_My massive thanks to all again!_


	32. Chapter 32

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Thirty Two**

[Dedicated to Pixie]

_This had better clear by the time we get moving…_

It wasn't the thunder that woke Shikamaru, but it rumbled loud enough to draw his gaze to the window. The panes shivered and a fresh wash of rain shattered against the glass.

The shadow-nin leaned back against the headboard.

Another boom resounded, tapering into a growl.

Lightning lit the room in a flicker.

Neji stirred.

Shikamaru glanced down and across at the ninja laying beside him, facing away. A tumult of troublesome feelings tangled up inside the shadow-nin, forming a knot he couldn't logically pull apart.

_I think I'm losing myself trying to find you…_

The faint shift of Neji's shoulder blade caused the muscles in the Hyūga's back to tighten. Shikamaru lifted his hand and swept his fingers along the Jōnin's spine, humming quietly as he tapped his thumb.

Neji stilled again.

Shikamaru frowned, raising his touch to caress the back of the Hyūga's head, watching his fingertips dip into the mocha strands as he rubbed Neji's scalp. They'd passed the 4AM mark twenty minutes ago, if the Nara's internal clock was any measure. Neji hadn't woken. In fact, his breathing had remained steady for the whole time Shikamaru had monitored him.

_That doesn't mean we're out of the red zone…_

He honestly had no idea what it meant; only that to let it lull him into a false sense of security was not only dangerous, but stupid. But then, he wasn't so sure anything he'd done in the past few hours rated anywhere near safe or smart.

But he wasn't sorry.

_Not yet._

He frowned again, stilling his hand on Neji's head. The Hyūga hummed softly. Shikamaru didn't say anything, just watched as Neji rolled his left shoulder a little.

"You should be sleeping…" the Hyūga murmured, his voice deep and drowsy.

Shikamaru responded by letting his fingers return to a lazy rub at Neji's head. It was the only point of contact, bar the warmth of their bodies filling the tiny slot of space between them. The bed was small enough that it was impossible to move any further apart. Shikamaru wasn't sure whether they would have, though he'd suspected that Neji might move during the night.

The fact that he hadn't spoke volumes.

Shikamaru just hoped they were on the same page.

His silence caused Neji to shift slightly, glancing over his shoulder. The movement turned his head a little more into the touch of Shikamaru's hand. The Nara stilled his fingers, his half-lidded eyes lowering to the pale sliver of iris watching him.

_Tell me I reached you, Hyūga…_

Neji turned, the thick mane of his hair slipping across the sheets as he braced himself on his elbow, pausing sharply before rising up more carefully. Shikamaru didn't miss the briefest flash of pain in his eyes. He dropped his hand away.

_Definitely not out of the red zone…_

"You okay?" Shikamaru asked cautiously, a little guarded.

Neji raked his fingers back through his hair, pulling it away from his face before ensuring his headband was still secure. Shikamaru watched him quietly.

_Still wearing that damned thing…_

As if sensing his thoughts, Neji glanced over his shoulder again. Whatever awkward moment might have resulted didn't happen. Shikamaru sure as hell didn't expect the Jōnin to twist around, plant a hand on the headboard, level him with an almost predatory smirk, then lean in and brush their lips.

The Nara's eyes widened a little.

Surprise rendered him motionless.

Then he relaxed, watching as Neji leaned in again.

The bed creaked loudly.

Shikamaru smirked, mumbling against Neji's mouth. "Troublesome."

Neji smiled, nodding slowly. "Very."

The sultry drop of the Hyūga's voice caused Shikamaru to attempt the impossible task of redirecting his blood flow. He swallowed to clear his throat, tapping a thumb at Neji's hip.

"You alright?"

Neji hesitated, drawing back enough to settle their gazes.

Shikamaru returned the stare, his brow arched.

He found himself pinned with an odd look before the Hyūga bumped their mouths and then pushed off his palm, smacking the headboard lightly as he slid off the bed.

"Considering we are both awake, discussing our next strategy might be a good idea."

_You're kidding me…_

Shikamaru frowned. "Yeah."

He didn't miss the slow roll of the Hyūga's left shoulder, which Neji repeated a few times before he passed into the bathroom and beyond sight, closing the door behind him.

_Shit…_

Shikamaru closed his eyes, scrubbing a hand over his face and shaking his head as if to rattle his thoughts into alignment. He felt scattered, lost, like all the pieces he'd had in place had come apart all over again.

_Focus…_

A violent crash against the window caused him to jump.

He turned his head sharply.

A red spatter streaked across the glass before the rain washed it away.

_What the hell?_

Shikamaru fisted the sheets, holding them at his hips as he swung off the bed. He closed the distance to the window in a few long strides, smoothing away the condensation with a swipe of his free palm.

The glass wasn't cracked and any hint of red was gone.

The shadow-nin frowned, squinting as he tried to search beyond the sheets of rain. Nothing. Just opaque darkness, occasionally broken up by lightning. Some leaves scratched the glass, causing him to draw his head back.

_Weird._

He almost jumped again when Neji's reflection suddenly flashed in the glass, lightning causing the headband to gleam somewhat ominously.

"What's wrong?" Neji asked.

Shikamaru shook his head. "I think a bird just flew into the window."

"A bird? It's not yet dawn."

Shikamaru shrugged, still searching the glass for traces of blood he knew wouldn't be there. He hadn't imagined it; that much was certain. Completing his scan, he transferred his attention to Neji's reflection, watching the Hyūga move across to the bed, fingers sweeping over his chest.

_Damn._

Shikamaru sighed, his breath misting the glass.

_If I can't convince him before our next fight…_

He closed his eyes, trying to clear his head enough to think rationally. He almost started when a cool palm slid from the base of his spine, up to his nape. He just about managed not to react.

"Sneaky," he muttered.

"You're bruised," Neji said, his breath playing across Shikamaru's shoulder.

"You grip hard," the Nara said, shrugging.

"It doesn't seem to bother you."

"It doesn't."

He felt Neji's hand slip to the bite mark at his shoulder, fingers tracing the bruise.

Shikamaru hummed, turning slowly to lean against the window frame. "It's only troublesome when people ask questions."

Neji gazed past him, out at the rain. "That's why you avoided the onsen."

"Look who's talking," Shikamaru traced his eyes over the Hyūga's face, then tracked his focus down to the bruises on Neji's chest, keeping his voice calm. "You know you can't fight like this."

Neji didn't miss a beat. "I can accommodate for my weaknesses, Shikamaru. Provided I avoid certain levels of chakra expenditure, I will be fine."

_Bullshit._

"It's not that simple, Neji. What you've done isn't just gonna clear up by itself."

"Don't forget why we're here," the Hyūga responded, finally meeting his gaze.

Shikamaru resisted the urge to scowl. "You're a dōjutsu target for those bastards. If we fight, they're gonna go straight for you."

Neji's face remained frustratingly calm. "Hinata will also be at risk."

"Hinata isn't at risk of not being able to fight," Shikamaru snapped, losing his calm to his growing concern, the words flooding out before he could stop them. "Or of dropping _dead_ from embolism-related heart failure."

Neji's jaw tightened.

_Fuck._

Shikamaru swallowed, but he couldn't take it back.

The words were out.

Cold and clinical.

Whatever he'd expected in response, it wasn't Neji's calm, steady gaze, monitoring him as if they were discussing something unrelated to the Hyūga altogether.

"I have no intention of failing on any level," the Jōnin said at length. "This mission is imperative. I will not allow _anything_ to interfere."

Shikamaru didn't miss the subtle thread of warning in that deep, steady tone. He dropped his eyes to Neji's chest.

"Anything?" he said, then raised his eyes. "Or _anyone_?"

Neji pursed his lips. "I can fix my own malfunctions, Nara."

"Malfunctions?" Shikamaru echoed, a dark brow hiking upward. "You're not a damn robot."

The Hyūga's eyes hardened. "Keep your head on the _mission_. That is what matters here, Shikamaru. That is our priority and it always will be."

The words struck like a blow to the gut.

Shikamaru stared in shock for a moment, a gnawing sadness eating behind his ribs.

He searched Neji's face, but found hard, controlled lines.

He shook his head slowly. "You didn't hear a damn thing I said last night did you?"

Neji's eyes softened. "Yes, I did."

This quiet response dropped a heavy silence between them.

Shikamaru could have read several different things into that simple reply. But in the moment it took him to turn his mind to each possibility, he found himself met with the same outcome every time.

_You heard me…but it's not enough to convince you…because I'm still missing something…_

The shadow-nin frowned sharply at the realisation.

_Shit._

Neji tilted his head. "Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru closed his eyes, his fingers clenching against the cracked sill of the window until he felt splinters driving into his palms.

_What the hell am I not seeing? _

He didn't hear Neji step forward, his mind churning with internal dialogue.

_You'd think…that with everything you've said…everything you've done…I'd be able to know what the hell it is by now…_

The Jōnin's arms bracketed him against the window.

_And I can't keep sparing you until I find it…_

"Shikamaru…"

_Fuck…let me find it…_

He felt the soft skim of Neji's lips warm his brow…seconds before the cold steel of the Hyūga's headband settled there.

The chill went straight to his bones.

* * *

"It's cold as hell," Kiba growled.

"That doesn't make sense, you know," Naruto said, walking along the slippery beam of the bridge rail, finding toeholds in the wood.

"Then it's as cold as hell frozen over," Kiba scowled, ruffling a hand through Akamaru's fur when the dog leaned against him, sharing warmth. "Neji and Lee better hurry up."

"At least it's stopped raining," Chōji said, glancing across at Shikamaru.

The Nara shrugged, gazing out at the village. It still glistened and dripped from the aftermath of the storm. It actually looked like it was still raining, given how much excess water had gathered in the canopies. The skies remained thick and overcast, but the storm had rolled on to the north, leaving Hanegakure grey and gloomy.

The air was heavy to breathe, damp and clogging.

_Crappy…_

"Shikamaru?" Naruto's hoarse voice sounded above him.

The shadow-nin glanced up; he kept his arms loosely folded as he leaned against the bridge beam that the Uzumaki wobbled up and down like a bird on a wire.

"You see those birds this morning?" Naruto asked.

"Hard to miss them," Shikamaru sighed, shaking his head.

"Creepy, huh?"

"Loud," the Nara grumbled.

_Unnatural._

The birds had been an entirely different kind of thunder.

It had happened shortly after dawn. Shikamaru and Neji had just finished putting a plan together by the time the storm settled; only to have the sky darken and fill with hundreds of cawing birds. Shikamaru had assumed it to be an attack, only to realise that the flocks were streaming in from all ends of the forest under the guidance of Tsubasa shinobi and their winged companions.

Trained birds rounding up wild birds.

It had been disturbing and eerie; reminiscent of the swarm-like jutsu they'd been hit with close to the borders. Neji and Lee were currently getting answers from Kitori, which left the rest of the team waiting, some more patiently than others.

Shikamaru hadn't joined in with the banter flitting about, too absorbed in the catacombs of his mind, searching for missing pieces to both missions. Although, he'd given up believing he could convince himself to think of Neji as a mission.

_I've fucked up already, right there._

What was even more catastrophic to his clear-cut thinking was his growing reliance on hope rather than logic.

_I can't hedge my bets on him having an epiphany……but I…_

He shook his head, glazed eyes staring ahead. He was losing his objectivity way too fast to recover it at this stage; which didn't sit well with those parts of him still struggling to hold on to some sense of detachment.

Only problem was, he knew he was kidding himself.

That line just didn't exist anymore.

"What're they doing with the birds anyway?" Kiba asked, breaking into Shikamaru's thoughts.

Sakura saved him the trouble of bothering to consider the question or respond to it.

"Hinata said it looked like they were herding them towards the aviary," Sakura informed, gesturing over to the dark-haired kunoichi, who stood further along the bridge, Byakugan eyes scanning the sky.

"Must be one hell of an aviary," Shikamaru muttered, tilting aside so Naruto could step past him and continue walking along the beam.

"It's bigger than the village," Sakura nodded, moving over. "It's a shame you guys didn't get to see it."

Shikamaru shot her a sidelong glance. "They'd cordoned it off."

"To visitors, but not medics," Sakura said. "The vets say it's because many of the birds are sick."

Shikamaru frowned. "Disease is spreading, huh?"

"No actually. Well, as weird as it seems, some vets are saying it's purely psychological."

"Psychological?" the Nara echoed, mulling it over.

"I'm tellin' you, their birds are weird," Naruto said, stepping over Shikamaru again with a wobble before continuing to walk the beam. "Creepy, messed up, possessed kinda weird."

Kiba snickered. "I think you're missin' your little orange buddy."

Naruto snorted, jumping down beside the Inuzuka. "At least it didn't crap on me."

"Hey that was just the one time!"

"Yeah right, that was a lot of crap for one bird."

"That bird was huge!"

"Keep it down," Shikamaru cut in, frowning as he turned over the new information in his mind, peripherally aware that Sakura was watching him.

_Naruto's not wrong…as far as birds go, these ones are pretty abnormal...but to have a psychological disorder spreading…how the hell would that work? Gotta be linked to that forbidden jutsu._

"Shikamaru," Chōji nudged him. "Neji and Lee are back."

Shikamaru turned with the rest of the group, stepping ahead as the approaching party met them half-way across the bridge. Kitori walked beside Neji, her expression grim, lips thinned to a tight, uncompromising line.

_Shit._

Shikamaru glanced at the Hyūga, searching for answers. Neji returned his gaze but inclined his head towards Kitori, forcing the Nara to address her. She was already looking at him anyway.

Shikamaru settled for the obvious question. "What's wrong?"

"Intel suggests we might have rebels close to our aviary," Kitori frowned. "Which means I must withdraw my backup team from your operation and secure our perimeter."

_Not happening._

Shikamaru arched a brow, unimpressed with the alteration and the possible shit it landed him in. "What Intel are you working with here?"

"Me," Neji spoke up.

Shikamaru blinked. "What?"

"I scanned it myself, Shikamaru. There are a few barrier jutsu holding beneath the surface of their aviary, which might indicate enemies are lurking there."

"_Might_ indicate…" Shikamaru echoed. "How many barriers?"

"Four. Each covering a compass point."

"A clear formation," Kitori concluded.

Shikamaru cocked his head. "Or a ploy to wheedle our number down. They know we've got Byakugan users. Setting up a few barrier jutsu to throw us off target is a perfect 'divide and conquer' tactic."

The kunoichi shook her head. "Either way, we cannot afford to take any chances."

_Neither can I…_

"We need your backup," Shikamaru argued. "If you let them stretch us too thin, we're playing into their hands."

"Especially if the rebels have taken most of your military strength," Sakura added, lending weight to Shikamaru's words.

"At the time Fukurō led them, that was true. But since our run-ins with them, their numbers will have depleted." Kitori frowned. "The best way for them to strike a blow is to hit our aviary."

"Which they may well do considering how close we are to finding them," Neji elaborated, drawing Shikamaru's gaze. "I don't like it anymore than you do, Shikamaru, but at this point, we can't rule out the possibility that they might attack the aviary in force."

Shikamaru felt that muscle in his jaw twitching. "The only possibility I'm ruling out at this point is the one where we end up _dead_."

Sakura flinched beside him.

Neji pinned him with a too-calm stare.

Shikamaru returned it, unblinking.

Kitori interrupted their deadlock. "Look, this isn't a debate. This is the situation."

"And this is the reality," Shikamaru returned coolly, tearing his gaze away from Neji. "We need backup. Our last fight showed us that the kill zone just around that _one_ stash point was bigger than we anticipated."

"Yet you survived and met your outlined objective," Kitori pointed out.

Shikamaru had to crush the painful realisation that his 'outlined objective', or at least the way he wanted to achieve it, had radically changed in the span of a few stolen hours…

Hours still burning in his blood and in his brain.

He resisted the urge to look at Neji and recovered with a lazy quirk of his brow, as if his next words should have been obvious to Kitori, despite the fact that he was thinking on-the-spot, seeking a way to keep the pieces she was moving about.

_I need that backup._

"We've got a lot more ground to cover," Shikamaru reasoned. "And our team has been cut down to a size that might not be strong enough."

"I said the rebels were strong, I didn't say they were _stronger_," Kitori shook her head, adamant. "Either way, we need to protect those birds. We've been gathering them precisely so the rebels cannot use them for the forbidden jutsu. It will afford you that much protection at least."

That was an advantage. But Shikamaru wasn't so sure it balanced the scales.

The Nara's eyes narrowed, his dark orbs intensified by his frustration. "So you're telling me I'm now down from twenty shinobi to eight?"

"Ten," Kitori corrected. "I will come with you, as will one of my best ninja."

Shikamaru managed not to shoot her a dry look and instead released a slow breath through his nose. The recurring theme of his plans being turned on their head was starting to grate. Sure, he could rework a strategy in time, but the risk-factor for close-quarter combat had just gone up.

He glanced at Neji.

_Dammit._

Without warning Naruto clapped him on the back and flashed a grin – one that beamed with unshakeable confidence. "We've got this, Shikamaru!"

Shikamaru didn't have time to disagree before Lee pitched in.

"We shall show these rebels that we Konoha ninja are no pushovers!" the bushy-browed ninja declared, shoving his "thumb's up" over Shikamaru's shoulder. "We will burn with the flame of youth!"

_Or in hell…dammit, someone back me up…_

He turned his gaze toward Sakura.

The kunoichi tilted her head in consideration. "Come to think of it, Shikamaru, can't Naruto make up numbers with clones?"

Shikamaru stared for moment in disbelief, having hoped she'd remain on _his_ side of the damn fence. Scanning for support, he looked to Hinata, who seemed unwilling to offer a vote for either party.

_Great._

He glanced at Chōji, arching a brow.

_Back me up, buddy._

Chōji jumped on Naruto's bandwagon. "We can do this, Shikamaru!"

_Oh come on…_

Shikamaru scowled, not even bothering to look in Kiba's direction; though the Inuzuka added his two cents worth with a grin, mutt included.

"Let's get wild!" the dog-nin roared.

Akamaru barked his support.

_Ugh. What a drag._

Shikamaru released another sigh, feeling all eyes settle on him, waiting for the verdict they'd already decided on. He slotted his hands into his pockets and turned his gaze back to Neji, adopting a flat expression that could only translate as 'you're-all-a-pain-in-the-ass-and-so-is-this-mission-and-I-might-just-hate-you-a-little-right-now'.

Neji smiled.

Shikamaru snorted without menace.

_Troublesome bastard._

* * *

The tag seal remained in place.

The stash point untouched.

No sign of disturbance other than the storm.

Neji made this mental annotation in silence. He scanned the skies, the canopies and the undergrowth, zooming in and phasing out with every shift of his Byakugan eyes. The area around the team appeared abandoned and quiet, save for the soft tap of raindrops on leaves as the forest continued to drip itself dry. Neji tilted his head, avoiding a droplet that plummeted a scant inch away from his face.

"Neji, check left," Shikamaru's voice filtered through his transmitter.

"Clear," Neji confirmed. "No barriers holding. The catacombs this side are empty."

"Hinata, check right."

"Clear," the kunoichi said. "Empty."

"Kiba?"

"Nah, they're long gone. Bug candy at the ready though."

"First things first, Inuzuka," Neji said. "Let's descend carefully. Stay sharp."

Neji blinked slowly, keeping his dōjutsu activated as he surveyed the area again, his eyes momentarily drawn to the stake pit Shikamaru had almost tumbled into. It was half-filled with water from the storm, black and muddy. A swampy grave.

_Which could have been his…_

An instinctual, protective aggression stirred inside the Hyūga at the thought.

"Neji?" Shikamaru's voice was at his ear, crackling through. "Waiting on you, Hyūga."

"One moment," Neji said, gathering his focus with a slow inhale before dropping down beside Shikamaru gracefully.

The Nara glanced across at him. "Ready?"

Neji scanned the stash point a final time. "There are no explosive tags or seals other than ours. We're clear."

Shikamaru sighed, nodding. "Here we go."

Neji followed a pace behind as the shadow-nin approached the seal tag, forming the relevant hand signs to deactivate the holding jutsu.

"If you blow us up, Shikamaru…" Kiba half-joked, half-warned.

The Nara snorted, crouching down to pocket the disabled tag, searching for the hatch to the hidey-hole. "Guess it'll save us the trouble of getting blown up later."

Neji heard Kitori sniff disdainfully.

"You're supposed to motivate your shinobi, not make cheap jokes about grim possibilities," Kitori admonished, standing across from Shikamaru with a tall, honey-skinned, bandana-wearing shinobi at her side.

"Shikamaru? Motivate?" Naruto snickered. "Like right."

"You see," Kitori said, tipping her head toward the Uzumaki. "You don't even have their respect."

Shikamaru shot her a bored glance, which caused the Tsubasa man beside her to bristle like a guard dog.

Fortunately, Neji didn't have to come between them.

Shikamaru located the hatch, brushing aside weeds and undergrowth. He dropped to one knee, got a solid grip on the vault-like wheel, braced a foot and turned his body sharply as he pulled.

A few seconds ticked by.

Then a few more…

The Konoha team exchanged glances.

"Uh, Shikamaru?" Naruto queried.

Shikamaru blinked, frozen mid-twist. "Yeah…I think it's stuck."

Neji frowned. "Pull it."

"No shit, Hyūga," Shikamaru muttered.

"I think he pulled a muscle," Kiba grinned.

"Eh?" Naruto leaned over to look. "Man, Shikamaru, just pull it really hard."

"What the hell do you think I'm doing?" the Nara ground out.

"Not a lot," Kiba laughed.

"It's all yours," Shikamaru muttered, pushing to his feet to clap the mud from his hands, flexing out his fingers.

Lee, Naruto and Kiba bolted for the wheel at the same time, clambering over each other in attempt to open it. Neji moved across to Shikamaru, smiling slightly at the troubled expression on the shadow-nin's face. He couldn't resist leaning in with a smirk.

"Beat by a door again, Nara?" the Hyūga murmured, low enough that the others couldn't hear. "That's bordering on more than tragic now."

Shikamaru arched a brow. "Oh yeah? Maybe if you use your Ninja Art "Hyūga head-butt", it'll open."

Neji smiled at the glittering amusement in the Nara's eyes, but broke their gaze and banter before it could draw attention to them. He glanced over towards Sakura, who was watching the display of the three energetic teens with a thoroughly unimpressed expression.

Neji shook his head. "Sakura, do you think you can cave it?"

The kunoichi rolled her eyes. "If I can get near it."

As if on cue, Naruto nudged Lee out the way, two of his clones already twisting and heaving the stubborn wheel. With no success. Neji looked to Shikamaru, who levelled him with an 'I-told-you-so-now-give-me-a-break' expression.

Kitori interrupted them.

"It's probably protected by one of their seals. Allow my shinobi to release it." The kunoichi made a sharp hand gesture, speaking one word which Neji assumed to be 'her shinobi's' name. "Hato!"

The bandana-wearing man stepped forward, his tall, wiry frame stern and obedient. Neji couldn't help but exchange a glance with Shikamaru before both of them stepped aside.

"Naruto, back off a moment," Neji instructed.

"What? It's got a magic word or something?" Naruto frowned, hopping back as his clones puffed away.

Hato turned towards the hatch, knelt down, held his palm to hover above it and then formed a few quick hand seals, muttering beneath his breath. The hatch made a curious groan, like metal rending. Then Hato stood, stepped aside, rubbed at his brow with a grunt and gestured for Naruto to continue. After Hinata assured nothing had been rigged in the process, Naruto gripped and tugged.

The wheel gave way with a spin, allowing the hatch to be heaved open.

"Nice!" Naruto grinned.

The Tsubasa man obediently turned back to Kitori when she gestured sharply.

Neji inclined his head. "Thank you."

Hato looked confused at the gratitude, walking on past without a word.

Shikamaru snorted. "Maybe if you give him a biscuit, he'll get the point."

"For God's sake, Nara," Neji sighed. "What is it with you and these people?"

"Whatever, lets just get this crap over with," Shikamaru replied quietly, moving over to the hatch.

Neji watched the shadow-nin and a flicker of confusion chased across his otherwise calm expression. It wasn't like Shikamaru to be unnecessarily belligerent or consistently snarky with people who hadn't really done anything to provoke him. He was usually level-headed about missions and people, even if they were a bother or a threat. But for some reason, he'd picked up on little irritations with these people, snapping at Kitori from behind a façade of lazy sarcasm. But Neji could detect the bite in his words and in his eyes.

_He's lashing out…in his own way…_

It didn't take much to guess why. Neji's expression softened a little, betraying a hint of what lay beneath the surface of the mask he pulled back up.

_I cannot entertain your concerns, Nara…I will complete this mission…and you will not stop me._

Nothing would, he silently vowed. Not Shikamaru and not the health complication he would rectify once they were back home. He'd fought on the precipice of death before with Kidōmaru – and he'd won. He needed this mission. For more reasons than he cared to admit. So he fell back on the uncomplicated motive.

_Hokage's orders._

"Chakra pills," Shikamaru said.

Neji blinked, glancing across. "What?"

Shikamaru tossed a bag up and caught it with the same hand, waving it once for emphasis. "They were protecting their chakra pills."

"In force too," Neji remarked, his mind sliding back into detached analysis. "They must be getting desperate."

"It was only a matter of time before their reserves ran low," Kitori spoke up, stroking her finger along the wing of a small bird that had perched on her shoulder.

Naruto made a face as Kiba elbowed him, snickering. Sakura silenced them with a glare before Neji could, her green eyes turning to Kitori, then to Shikamaru.

"So if they're not taking these pills, they won't be able to hold up those barrier castings for long, or perform the forbidden jutsu either, right?" Sakura asked.

"It will certainly put pressure on them," Kitori nodded.

"If we're lucky," Shikamaru said, handing the pills over to Chōji for safekeeping. "We don't know how many other stash points they have."

"If Hibari was protecting this place himself, it suggests urgency," Kitori frowned. "If they are mobilising already, they'll either attack our aviary or they'll seek to get out of Hanegakure."

"Hibari doesn't strike me as someone who's just gonna bow out," Shikamaru frowned.

Kitori looked pained, but she nodded. "True. However, at this point, without those pills, they'll be desperate."

"Basically its fight or flight," Kiba snorted.

Neji hummed, processing quickly as he unconsciously rolled his left shoulder to combat the irritating ache that side of his chest. "I suggest we give them no say in the matter. It's time to bring the fight to them."

"Hence the need for _backup_," Shikamaru frowned and Neji sensed the shadow-nin's eyes straying to his left shoulder.

The Hyūga immediately turned to walk away. "We work with what we have, Nara. Kiba, get those insects ready. Let's go."

* * *

One hour into the search and the skies had cleared, sunlight taking the edge off the cold.

Two hours into the search, the trail diverged, abruptly and without warning.

They'd followed in a swift pursuit, heading north before circling around to the east side of the forest, Byakugan radars in constant surveillance. They'd moved as a unit used to the formation Shikamaru expected of them. Except for Kitori and Hato who had moved a pace behind, following without a word except to clarify how far they were from landmarks.

Kiba had stopped the team near a stream, which had swollen to twice its size in the storm, bubbling along in a rush that dragged leaves and mud to the surface.

"Which way?" Kiba asked, facing one direction while Akamaru faced another, both of them picking up on different scents. "Sword-guy went right. Whoever Shikamaru tagged with the bugs went left and down the stream."

Neji's eyes narrowed slightly. An inevitable team split would be required at this point – though it wasn't without advantage.

_Perhaps…_

Kitori stepped up beside him. "If Hibari has turned right, then he is doubling back towards the village."

Neji glanced at her, then at Shikamaru. The Nara was speaking with Sakura. Hesitation held Neji for no more than a few seconds. He stepped away from the team, gesturing for Kitori to do the same. The woman followed him a little further downstream.

"What is it, Hyūga?"

"Can Hibari be intercepted before he reaches the village?" Neji asked, darting a glance at Shikamaru to ensure the shadow-nin wasn't watching them.

Kitori nodded. "Yes."

"How long will it take to cut him off?"

Kitori tucked her chin back, eyeing him with obvious suspicion, though she answered either way. "If we take a diagonal path within the next five minutes then we can cut across him within thirty minutes, provided he stays above the surface, which he'll have to do if he's moving so quickly."

_Thirty minutes…_

Neji looked away, scanning the water as it gushed by, his thoughts moving just as fast; and just as clouded as the muddy stream. He shook his head, blinking against the vision of dark eyes cutting through his mind, forcing him to address what he didn't want to think about.

"_Let it go"_

_No._

So he forced himself to look at Kitori, to look into eyes that weren't brown and burning and brimming with something that rattled him to his bones.

These eyes were grey and cool and bitter…tired and world-weary.

Haunted.

Something pulled across his chest.

_I will make things right._

Neji offered a faint curve of his lip. "It is time I made good on my promise to you, Kitori."

The Tsubasa woman blinked slowly, shaking her head. "You owe me nothing. I am tired of being angry for something neither of us could have controlled or prevented."

"I will still hold to my word."

Kitori smiled weakly, glancing in the direction Hibari had taken. "I wonder whether I could have changed him. Perhaps not. Who would have thought that fate could be so cruel?"

Neji shook his head, possessing an understanding he wished he didn't have. "I will stop him. And I will let you know when it is done."

Kitori closed her eyes, clutching at the winged pendant around her throat as she nodded, pressing her lips tightly. A single tear escaped past her lashes but she hastily brushed it away.

"Thank you," she said tightly, as if the words were foreign to her.

Neji couldn't really blame her, given what she'd had to become to survive. He could relate to that on a very fundamental level; one that allowed him to stop himself from looking at Shikamaru in that moment…just in case that need to survive gave way to his need for something else.

"We will part ways here, Kitori," Neji informed. "I only ask that you cooperate with Shikamaru."

The kunoichi glanced at him, her tone lightening. "Oh I'm sure he'll tolerate me…for _you_, anyway."

Neji blinked. "Excuse me?"

The Tsubasa woman smiled faintly; a small, knowing smile that set Neji on edge.

"I may not possess a dōjutsu, Hyūga," she said lightly, almost amused. "But certain things are crystal clear to me when I see them."

Neji's shoulders squared a little defensively, though he kept his tone as neutral as his face. "I'm not sure I understand what you're suggesting."

"Oh, I think you understand perfectly," Kitori countered, smiling a little more now.

Neji regarded her quietly, not sure whether he felt a grudging respect for her perceptiveness or a growing dread at his transparency – and what it meant.

"I think you're mistaken," was his eventual response, because nothing else would compute at that point other than to walk away – very fast.

Kitori quirked her lips again, a rare touch of light in her grey eyes before she shrugged, adopting her former expression. Neji had never been so grateful for a topic to be dropped so quickly.

"Hato will guide you along the quickest route," Kitori said, gesturing to her silent and stoic shinobi. "He will do as you say. Just tell him who you want him to protect."

Neji nodded, flicking his gaze to Hato. He could suddenly see the grim sense in Shikamaru's guard dog analogy. But then, it wasn't like that was something he didn't understand himself, having once been defined as a Main House protector…prisoner…

_Focus._

Neji blinked, shifting his attention.

A new problem presented itself.

_Time to part ways._

He glanced over Kitori's shoulder toward Shikamaru, watching the shadow-nin crouch by the stream, crabbing his hands as his eyes drifted shut.

Shikamaru was already in strategy mode.

Neji grimaced inwardly.

Manipulating the Nara on this one was not going to be easy.

And he had less than five minutes to do it.

* * *

Two minutes later, the slow, fractional rise of Shikamaru's eyebrow had Neji's jaw tightening.

It wasn't a look to be underestimated, especially when those dark eyes had sharpened around the edges. The deep brown orbs burning like cinders. To the untrained eye, Shikamaru might have a looked a little tense.

But Neji could read him.

He was more than a little pissed off.

The Nara's brow remained arched, his jaw twitching.

The rest of the Konoha team hovered close, not paying as much attention to them as they were to Kitori as she briefed them on rebel combat methods. Only Akamaru appeared nervous, his head cocked to one side as he whined, picking up on the standoffish tension crackling between the two co-leaders.

Neji was undeterred.

Any hope of manipulating Shikamaru had passed in favour of using the shadow-nin's character, not his mind, against him. It was apparently working. If they'd had more time, Neji doubted it would have. But Shikamaru's concern for his health seemed matched by the shadow-nin's decision not to let anyone else know about it.

_If you want to defend my dignity, then I will let you._

After all, Shikamaru had stepped in before to cover his slips. But this time, instead of seeing it as humiliating or interfering, Neji saw it as the quickest route to achieving what was necessary.

_Let me go._

Shikamaru was frowning now, clearly warring with the risk of letting this moment leak outwards and contaminate the team, which left the shadow-nin with about five seconds before Kiba got involved. Akamaru whined.

"You take them with you," Shikamaru said.

Neji raised his chin, but kept the relief from his face. "Who?"

Shikamaru didn't blink. "You take Sakura, Naruto and Hinata with you."

Neji glanced at the mentioned shinobi, then met Shikamaru's razor gaze. "Hinata should stay with you."

Shikamaru didn't even deign him with a response, just stared, cutting away at him with the hard edge of his gaze. It was ridiculous what those eyes could do; which was all the more ironic given how much credit his own Byakugan orbs were given.

Neji stared back, his face calm and set. "Very well, you will be able to reach me via radio."

"Reach you?" Shikamaru echoed and his entire expression flattened out. "Sure you'll hear me?"

Neji didn't miss the meaning in those words, or the tone in which they were delivered. He released a slow breath, trying to dispel the tension between them.

"The mission, Nara," was all he offered in response.

Shikamaru blinked slowly and glanced away. "You take them with you."

Neji's lips thinned. It was the only compromise he was going to get. Which at this point, was far more than he expected; he would not have settled for Shikamaru stopping him, but he would not forgo a chance to negotiate rather than argue.

_It will have to suffice. I will not lose this opportunity, despite the interference._

Neji may have got what he wanted, but Shikamaru had won again in a roundabout way.

_Naruto, Sakura and Hinata._

The Hyūga knew he'd been protectively pinned with a somewhat hyperactive but powerful weapon, a standby medic and an additional chakra radar and close-quarter fighter.

_If this is how you wish to play it._

"Alright."

"I mean it."

"I heard you." Neji tilted his head, suddenly wanting to draw those eyes back to him.

Shikamaru avoided his eyes, dark gaze set to the side. This refusal to look up shouldn't have stung in any way, but Neji had given up attempting to equate logic with whatever it was he wanted to get from Shikamaru before they had to part ways.

"I _still_ hear you, Shikamaru."

"No, you don't," the shadow-nin muttered, his eyes narrowing as he looked up. "Not yet."

Neji was surprised to find that those eyes were no longer angry. He didn't have time to try to figure out what they were as they gazed back at him, because the team were starting to mobilize. He hadn't even realised that Shikamaru had gestured for them to do so without a word. The Hyūga was too focused on the silent communication going on between them. He let some of the steel slide from his expression, his eyes softening again without his awareness.

Shikamaru must have seen it, because the shadow-nin swallowed, looked away and shook his head. "Don't make me chase you down."

The familiar words were no blessing, but there was an understanding in their repetition.

_You won't have to._

This time, it was Neji who walked away.

_I will not lose._

* * *

The water sped by in thick, muddy torrents, gushing over branches and debris that had been tossed in by the storm. What started out as a stream had swollen into a river and the team followed it as if caught on the current, moving swiftly behind Kiba along the bank.

_We've been at this for too long._

Shikamaru sighed, not sparing a glance at Kitori as she turned her head questioningly. She kept pace with him, her auburn plait slashing the air as they ran. He wondered if she wasn't trying to take his eye out with it, though given how many close calls he'd had with Ino in the past, his duck reflex was first-rate.

"What?" he eventually asked, sensing her grey orbs scanning him.

"You think I have pushed your Hyūga into pursuing my son."

_No. Neji's pushed himself…because he cares about your shit more than I do…_

Shikamaru smirked bitterly and maybe if he'd been less tired he might have actually punched out a snort. "You telling me or asking me?"

"He did it of his own volition."

Shikamaru shrugged, angling her with an unreadable look. "It's our mission."

"It was mine as well," Kitori said, her brows furrowing before she looked away. "But some things will always be personal."

Shikamaru hesitated at that, but Kiba spared him the awkwardness of hanging on those words without a response.

"Hey, Shikamaru! Kinda wondering if these guys didn't hop on a raft or something!" Kiba called back over his shoulder, sniffing the air. "Bugs just seem to wanna follow the water! Right buddy?"

Akamaru barked.

Shikamaru switched mental gears, veering his attention down to Akamaru as the mutt bounded along the choppy waterside, barking.

_No way in hell they'd use a raft. Leaves them too open._

Shikamaru frowned, watching the canine.

_The forest stream initially covered their tracks…so it makes sense that they'd use it…but why continue to use the water once it opened out into a damn river? It leaves them way too open…_

"Shikamaru?" Chōji asked, running alongside Lee a few paces behind.

Shikamaru wasn't listening, his eyes shifting from the dog to the river, following the currents. And the more he watched the muddy churn of the water, the more his mind began to spew, sort and select possibilities.

_The bugs are still tracking…which means they're still on the river…_

Shikamaru's eyes scanned the meandering and undulating current.

_They're not using a raft…_

The water stirred and sloshed, waves folding over and around debris.

_And they're not treading water in this mess…they wouldn't have made so far so fast if that's what they were doing…so how are they…?_

A huge log floated by, dragged by the force of the current.

_Fuck…_

Shikamaru jerked to a halt so quickly Lee almost crashed into him.

"Shit…" he breathed out, his eyes widening as his heart lurched.

The rest of the team stopped on cue.

He felt Chōji's hand on his shoulder. "Shikamaru?"

The Akimichi didn't have time to ask what was wrong before Shikamaru was spinning on his heel and tearing back in the other direction, his fingertips flying to his transmitter to save him calling over his shoulder.

"Kiba! Pick up Neji's trail and do it now!"

The Nara didn't need to turn his head to know Kitori was running beside him again, Lee and Chōji automatically following his lead.

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

"What's wrong?" Kitori called.

"We're turning back," Chōji said, not questioning Shikamaru for a second.

The Nara would have been grateful if he wasn't already racing miles ahead in his thinking, his feet barely able to keep up.

_Shit. So stupid…how could I miss it…_

"I don't have time to turn back!" the kunoichi frowned. "I have orders to meet Hato at the aviary after this stage is completed, with proof of the rebel's elimination!"

"Proof?" Lee asked, leaping behind them.

"Dead or alive," Kitori clarified. "Preferably the former."

"Then keep following the damn river!" Shikamaru snapped, adrenalin pulsing through him waves. "Because for the last thirty minutes, we've been following their corpses."

* * *

The pain pulled in waves. Dull, irritating waves that lapped up and down Neji's left arm, occasionally pulsing strongly enough to cause him to flex his fingers against it. Fresh twinges tightened in his chest.

_Focus._

He sucked in steady breaths, focusing on keeping pace with Hato and the rest of the group. Provided he did not expend chakra beyond the Gentle Fist, he would be fine.

_Fine. I'm fine._

With this certainty lodged in his mind, Neji returned to his task.

And he was scanning the ground when it happened.

A branch snapped above him a pace ahead of Sakura.

"Sakura!" the Hyūga called.

Before she could turn, Hato came hurtling down in a rain of leaves and splintered wood. The Tsubasa shinobi almost knocked her as he plummeted, but Neji's arm was around her waist in a second, tugging her back from the limp body as it dropped past and hit the ground in a sickening thud.

"Hato!" Naruto yelled, blue eyes flying wide as he sprung down after the man.

"Naruto, wait!" Neji ordered, but to no avail. "Damn it."

He did a quick scan of the area, trusting the rest to Hinata as he leapt down with Sakura to ground level, touching down in a flutter of white and black. His pale orbs swept across to the limp body. A crumpled heap. Naruto was rolling the man onto his back, trying to shake him awake.

_Too late._

"Naruto," Neji said quietly, stepping over to crouch down, scanning the man's chakra network.

_Dead. _

The Hyūga's brow creased, a shade of regret touching his eyes as they flicked over the dead man in confusion. He'd just dropped out of the air.

"Sakura!" the Uzumaki snapped, glaring up. "Can you…?"

The kunoichi shook her head sadly.

"He's gone, Naruto," Neji murmured, sweeping his fingers over Hato's lifeless eyes to close them. "There's no point."

He heard Naruto growl.

Neji's hand shot up.

His fingers locked around the Uzumaki's wrist as the blond made to grab him.

He squeezed once, warningly.

"Tch!" Naruto scowled and then jerked his hand back, fisting it tightly at his side, his voice a growl. "What the hell happened, Neji?"

Already searching for the answer, Neji scanned the man again before he shifted his gaze to the bandana wrapped around Hato's head. By some odd inkling, he recalled the Tsubasa man having rubbed his head back at the hatch. Frowning, Neji reached up to tug back the grey cloth.

A seal mark was emblazoned to the right side of the man's brow. Raw and red.

_Recent._

A timed backfire seal; something he'd seen before. Something he'd hoped never to see again due to the complete lack of warning such a thing carried.

"W-what is that?" Hinata asked softly, stepping up behind Naruto.

"It activates when a shinobi releases a locking seal," Neji explained, tracing out the marking with his finger, not touching the skin despite the fact that Hato was beyond feeling the pain. "It is very rarely used."

"Locking seal? Like the lock back at the hatch?" Naruto's eyes widened, his husky voice hitching in a growl. "Why?"

Neji sighed. "Locking seals sometimes have a defence mechanism, so if they are broken by someone who wasn't the one who originally sealed it, a backfire happens to kill the thief or imposter. This backfire just happens to be a timed seal. At any given point, it actives."

"No way…" Naruto breathed out, his voice ragged. "That…could have been any one of us."

Neji blinked, pinning his Byakugan eyes on Hato's head. He grimaced inwardly. The man's brain looked like pulp inside his skull.

Sakura voice carried softly. "Hato gave his life."

"Dammit!" Naruto snarled, smacking his fist into the ground. "Why the hell didn't Kitori say something?!"

"Perhaps she didn't know…" Sakura guessed.

_Or perhaps she thought Hato was doing his duty…_

Neji frowned, but rose sharply to his feet. "We cannot stay here."

"I'm not just gonna leave this guy here to rot!" Naruto snarled, blue eyes flashing.

Neji turned back, his pale orbs catching a chill that carried in his voice. "We can do no more for him. Now get up, Naruto."

Naruto did get up – in a surge as fierce and feral as his flaring chakra. Neji was faster, turning aside in a graceful pivot as Naruto charged him. The Uzumaki's chakra crackled and seared the air, tendrils of it lashing out as Neji put himself between the angry teen and the body.

"Naruto-kun!" Hinata whispered, her eyes wide and pleading.

Naruto snarled. "This guy gave his life and you're just gonna leave his body here like some piece of dropped trash!"

Neji's eyes pinched, the veins at his temples throbbing.

"Unless you intend to bury more bodies amassing with every second we waste, you'll do exactly as I say," Neji returned. "We don't have time for thi—!" he cut off with a jolt.

_Oh no…_

Naruto stalked forward, armed with an insult that left him in a whoosh of air as Neji rammed into him, shoving him out the way. They fell out of lethal range by a hairsbreadth, just as the huge, jagged blade of Hibari's sword carved up from the ground like a shark's fin, sawing through the ground after them.

The chakra-laced edge nicked along Neji's leg, jarring him.

His knee would have buckled if Naruto hadn't caught him. "Neji!"

"CHAAA!" Sakura's roar tore up the air, the only warning she gave before her fist smashed through the ground.

The hit shook the earth in a tremor before it cracked and exploded, spraying dust and rock in all directions. Neji and Naruto leapt apart, avoiding the wash of grit as they lunged for the trees. Neji barely touched down, forced to spring away again as a stream of kunai sailed after him.

He deflected them quickly, the firm edge of his palm knocking the hilts off kilter in rapid snaps. He heard Naruto's clones stampeding below as he scaled higher, scanning through the dust. His famed eyes saved him, granting him time enough to track the movement of shuriken as they shredded past, thudding into the tree he kicked off from.

It was the next volley that had him cursing.

Tsubasa scythes.

The aerial attack sliced through the dust in a whirr, allowing no space to dodge.

The urge to spin into his defensive jutsu was almost too instinctive to fight.

_No…_

Neji spun a kunai over his knuckles, tracking the flash of the scythes.

_Think!_

Naruto came between him and the weapons. "Neji!"

They cut straight into the Uzumaki.

The shadow clone burst away in a puff.

The seconds it bought him allowed for Neji to grip the branch above and swing himself up and over, landing in a crouch on the bough as the scythes sawed into the trunk below, tearing through it. Neji felt his stomach lurch as the severed tree groaned and tilted, falling fast. He ran along the wall of wood as it dropped, using the reverberating crash to propel himself away.

_Damn it! _

Neji reached for his transmitter but didn't have time to impart his order for the team to regroup. A familiar pulse of chakra exploded. The shockwave punched through the dust still hanging in the air, taking on the illusion of a cloudy tsunami heading straight for him.

Neji's eyes narrowed, a deadly calm gripping his instincts.

_Found you._

He twisted mid-air, lodged his kunai into a tree, planted his feet on the hilt and launched into an aerial back-flip, soaring over the lip of the chakra wave as it crashed into the tree, shattering bark and branches. He let his feet follow the momentum of his backward dive, swinging his legs around until he righted himself, coming up directly behind his attacker.

"Hibari."

The red-haired man didn't have time to turn before Neji's foot slammed into the small of his back, sending him plummeting down into the ruins of the collapsed tree. He struck the ground in a crash and a plume of wood and leaves exploded from the impact.

Neji landed in a neat crouch a few paces away, surging up and striding over without pause for breath despite the faint ache in his chest. Letting adrenalin take over, he drove forward – then paused as he caught the jagged gleam of Hibari's blade beneath the rubble. He darted left as the weapon cut outwards, hacking away the wreckage.

"Tch!" Hibari hissed, emerging from the mess in a sway, a shower of dust and splinters rinsing down him as he turned, swinging his blade out again. "You're mine, Hyūga!"

Neji leapt over the horizontal cut, ramming his knee into the redhead's jaw. Hibari spun with the momentum, tearing around to slash upward, forcing Neji to backpedal.

They came to a standstill a few paces apart.

Neji slid his palm upward and out, assuming his battle stance automatically.

Hibari dragged the back of his wrist across his mouth, spitting blood and hacking out a cough to clear his lungs from the dust.

As they faced-off, Neji heard the battle beyond the haze; the sound of shuriken whispering and wailing and the roar of Naruto's voice. The blinding flash of Rasengan lit up the forest. Neji spared a moment to delve into the orbit of his Byakugan vision, a quick sweep assuring the others were safe, even as they fought.

"You think you can see it all, with those eyes," Hibari said, his voice low and poisoned with the same venom as his grey irises. "Yet you're just like the rest of them. Blind."

Neji tucked his thumb against his palm, the heel of his hand pushing outward as he inched further into his combatant stance. "Your ambition to harvest dōjutsu will end where your father's did."

Hibari's face grew cold, freezing over for a brief moment before it exploded into a flush of uncontrollable rage.

The tremble along the man's arm was the only warning.

The force of Hibari's scream was more savage than his blade when he swung it. "Don't compare me to that _bastard_!"

As the weapon boomeranged towards him, Neji prepared to twist and catch the hilt, but a spray of chakra needles flew over his shoulder, slamming into the blade, causing the trajectory of the sword to wobble and spin off course.

_Hinata._

"Neji-niisan!" the kunoichi called, springing up behind Hibari.

"_Brother_?_" _Hibari snarled, ducking away from her smoothly as she jabbed a hit towards his temple. "Is this your sister, Hyūga?"

The Tsubasa made a swift hand seal, muttering beneath his breath before swinging his arm towards Hinata. A spray of feathers flew from his fingertips, hardening into kunai that Hinata dodged easily – but she backed up onto unstable rubble, almost losing her balance.

It was a fatal error.

Hibari smirked.

Neji's eyes widened. "Hinata!"

But the attack didn't come.

Hibari completely ignored her, passing up the opportunity to disable her as he swung back towards Neji, screaming. "Answer me, Hyūga! Is she your sister!?"

The waver in Hibari's voice was even more disturbing than the way he charged, blindly and savagely, an animal hatred in his eyes as he launched into an offensive that lacked his former grace. Neji parried every movement, his speed cancelling out Hibari's monstrous strength. But Neji could read from the Tsubasa's tenketsu that it wasn't enhanced chakra lending this man power.

It was emotion.

Uncontrolled and overwhelmed emotion.

_Why?_

Neji ducked a swing and cracked his foot into Hibari's ribs, pitching the man sideways only to arch away from the Tsubasa's returning kick. He caught the redhead's ankle in the snare of his hand, jerking to floor Hibari in a crash.

_Something's wrong here…_

Opting for a quick way to provoke answers, he assumed arrogance.

"You haven't the eyes to read my movements," Neji taunted, standing above the man as he stared down. "And you will never possess them."

Hibari sneered, his lip pulling back in a snarl as he lashed out with his free leg, forcing Neji to hop back. "I'm not interested in your fucking dōjutsu!"

Neji turned his body sideways, arm held out, palm facing outwards once more. "Then what the hell do you want?"

"Justice," Hibari hissed, rolling across to retrieve his blade, wrist dipping to accommodate the weight as he speared the tip into the ground, using this anchor to pull himself to his feet. "And your head."

Neji's eyes narrowed, but not at the threat. It was the intention that confused him.

_Justice?_

"Neji!" Hinata called, mirroring her cousin's stance behind Hibari, both Hyūga caging the man in.

"Or perhaps I should take _her_ head." The Tsubasa snorted, jerking his chin towards Hinata without taking his eyes off Neji. "That's justice, right?"

The slate of Neji's face wiped clean of its confusion, turning to ice. "You won't touch her."

"Then I'll settle with you!" Hibari spat, his fingers tightening around the hilt of his blade, his arm tensing as he made to tear the weapon free from the ground.

But he didn't. Neji frowned, watching Hibari's grey eyes widen, his teeth grit in a hiss as he tried to move. But he couldn't.

"How about you settle down instead?"

_Shikamaru…_

The shadow-nin's lazy drawl drew Neji's gaze up to the tree line. Shikamaru detached himself from the shadows of the trees, cocking his hip against the trunk as he stood half in light, half in shade.

"Getting tired of chasing you down," Shikamaru smirked. "I almost broke a leg this time."

Neji felt a flutter of relief in his chest. "What are you doing here, Nara?"

Hibari snarled, his eyes still pinned on Neji. "You're a dead man."

Shikamaru snorted from above. "You're not exactly in the position to be making threats."

Hibari ignored him, the full weight of his attention boring into Neji. "I promise you that."

Neji regarded the redhead calmly, about to respond, only to have Naruto fly past him in a roar, careening his fist straight into Hibari's jaw.

The loud crack echoed sharply.

A second later Hibari dropped in a heap.

"Right." Shikamaru released his jutsu. "Thanks for that."

Naruto panted, gulping down air as he straightened up, trembling with adrenalin. "Man, he's got some nerve."

_And now he's unconscious…marvellous…_

"Naruto," Neji scowled, striding over to knock aside Hibari's sword, his pale eyes flickering with irritation. "Gods, do you ever _think_ before you act?"

Naruto frowned, whirling around. "You think I'm just gonna stand back while he yaps crap about taking you out?"

Neji resisted the urge to smack his face into his palm.

Trust Naruto to be incapable of keeping his heart out of a fight. It tumbled into the fray with every other part of him, brimming with conviction and protectiveness and a tumult of irrational feeling that reminded Neji just _why_ a level-head was imperative. Yet gazing down at the unconscious Hibari, he was also reminded of the strength such emotion could lend a warrior.

Naruto's emotion was his strength.

_But mine is my weakness…_

Neji's irritation evaporated and the tension in his face slackened. "Are the others alright?"

"Just about," Naruto rubbed at a gash on his jaw, already healing. "If the others hadn't got here, we'd have been kinda screwed."

Neji drew a slow breath through his nose, exhaling it calmly as he reached for his transmitter. "Everyone regroup. Hinata, guide them?"

"I will," the kunoichi affirmed, a flurry of her midnight hair vanishing into the still-settling dust.

Neji expelled a quiet sigh, deactivating his dōjutsu. He didn't have to scan for Shikamaru, the Nara was already at ground level, strolling over with more ease than Neji sensed in his eyes. The dark orbs were held steady on him.

"Where is Kitori? And what are you doing here?" Neji asked again, his voice carrying an edge this time.

If Shikamaru picked up on his displeasure, he ignored it. "Kitori had her own orders to meet back at the aviary. The team we were tracking were just bodies on the water. Divide and conquer? Not so damn unlikely after all."

Neji winced inwardly, glancing down at Hibari again.

_Be that as it may, this was my fight._

But things weren't quite that simple, given what had just happened.

The shuffle of feet and soft murmur of voices announced the presence of the rest of the team. Neji didn't look up, his focus still centred on Hibari.

"We gonna take this guy back to Kitori and Ozuku?" Naruto growled, staring down.

Neji flexed out his fingers, rolling his shoulder as he shook his head. "No."

"What?" Kiba snapped. "Why?"

"I want to question him," Neji said, crouching down to roll Hibari onto his back.

Shikamaru shifted beside him. "Fill me in, Hyūga."

"I don't think this man's intentions are as clear-cut as Kitori said," Neji explained searching Hibari for the Tsubasa pendant he'd seen around Kitori's throat.

He found it, tucked into the man's mesh shirt – along with another one.

_Why would he still wear these?_

"Hey, the guy wanted to kill you and Hinata," Naruto growled, stabbing a finger towards the kunoichi, who blushed furiously. "I don't need it more clear-cut than that."

"Use your head, Naruto," Neji frowned, brushing his thumb across Hibari's pendants before letting them drop. "This man acted recklessly, dangerously so – you don't do that unless you are emotional or an idiot. The fact that he coordinates a deep-ground rebel faction suggests that he is clearly not an idiot."

Sakura frowned, her healing-hands cupped over a gash in her thigh. "What're you saying?"

Neji stood, having to pause a little as a touch of vertigo wobbled through him. "He came at me for revenge for his sister, not for the Byakugan. He said he wanted justice."

"I'll give him some justice," Naruto growled.

"Kitori said that Hibari wanted his sister _dead_," Kiba added, his feral eyes flickering in distaste. "And that he and his father _experimented_ on her. This creep could be lying."

Shikamaru spoke before Neji could. "Or Kitori is lying."

Neji felt the words drop to his gut, knotting his suspicions a little more uncomfortably.

"What?" Sakura snorted, as if it was laughable. "But Neji…even back when Hibari's team first attacked us…the minute one of their ninja pointed out that you were a Hyūga, all eyes turned to you. They must have been after your dōjutsu."

"I assumed the same thing," Neji replied, gesturing to Hibari. "But look at what just happened. He completely ignored Hinata when he had the chance to disable her. He was only interested in the fact that we might be brother and sister. He was after revenge."

"But dōjutsu and kekei genkai are what the rebels _want_," Lee emphasised, his thick brows furrowed in a sharp "V". "Power is their motive."

"According to Ozuku and Kitori," Neji murmured, growing increasingly unsettled though to look at him one would never tell.

"But Fukurō said it himself," Sakura argued. "And he was the rebel _leader_."

"According to Ozuku and Kitori," Shikamaru echoed.

Neji met the Nara's dark gaze. "Shikamaru."

"Ah crap," the Nara sighed.

"Exactly."

"_Shit_."

"I know."

"Know what?" Naruto squinted, looking between them. "Is anyone else confused?"

Kiba folded his arms, scowling. "Just a little."

Chōji added his voice to the confused party. "Uh, Shikamaru?"

"Kitori and Ozuku may have sold us a load of crap about her son and these rebels and we bought it," Shikamaru sighed, rubbing at the knot in his brow.

Neji felt his insides crawling at the implications. He tightened his jaw until the hinges ached with the strain.

_Gods…don't tell me that all this time…_

He heard Sakura gasp softly, as if she'd lost her denial to the horrible reality.

"But why?" she whispered. "Why would Kitori do that to her son? Make him out to be the enemy..."

"The same reason that Fukurō did it regarding their daughter," Neji bit out, shaking his head against the words even as he spoke them.

Shikamaru, true to his forward thinking, rounded it off to its bitter conclusion. "To take attention away from herself and probably Ozuku too."

Naruto scowled, but his eyes glistened with barely contained emotion. "You tellin' me that Kitori and Fukurō sold out their _kids_ to protect themselves?"

Neji inclined his head. "And to protect Ozuku."

Kiba blew out a low whistle. "Man, that's pretty sick."

"If that is true," Lee murmured sadly, "then we fell for the same trick twice."

_If it's true…_

Neji's expression tightened, a hint of a frown marring his face for a split second before he controlled himself. "I'm not going to hand this man over until I get some answers from him. I was unable to afford his sister the same chance…"

Naruto dropped his shoulders, looking every bit as confused and exhausted as Neji suddenly felt. "I'm still confused by this crap."

Sakura smiled weakly, but her eyes were grim. "Basically, _again_, we don't know who our enemy is."

Kiba snorted. "She means, basically _again_ we don't know _shit_."

This blunt but accurate conclusion was like a slap in the face.

_Damn it!_

Neji drew his spine taut and rigid, every corded muscle tightening beneath his unchanged surface. He almost cracked a molar given how hard he clamped his jaw – pain flared in his chest, but he felt it less than the anger burning through him.

_I am done playing games._

He sensed Shikamaru shift beside him; the subtlest of movements as the Nara cocked his hip so that he was leaning a little closer. It was a small closing of distance that went a long way in easing some of Neji's tension without him realising it.

"When Hibari wakes up," Neji eventually said, his voice dropping so low and smooth it belied the barest shake of his left arm, "we'll be sure to find out who our enemy is once and for all."

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **Holy! I swear that's the longest chapter yet. *dies a little - or a lot* lol. Well, the ball's rolling and now an answers avalanche is on the way. Next chapter will be packed with them. All the "wtf?" questions shall be answered! By the end of this fic, tea will be my God.

**REVIEWERS: **You wonderful, amazing, kind, constructive and continually appreciated people. Still hanging in there with me and the craziness and I love you guys for it. Thanks for reminding me why I enjoy entertaining these plot bunnies rather than shooting them. **I salute you! Hope you enjoyed this monster chapter. As always, thoughts appreciated and welcomed. Thanks, luvs!**

**Reviewers without accounts: **Thank you; **Rakija **(LOL revive, revive! ^_^ Thanks for the giggles, sweetie), **Miin **(thanks, Miin! And here's 32 lol! I know O.O I'd never have thought the fic would be this long), **Aya-chan **(Yay! I'm happy you're enjoying this, Aya-chan! Appreciated. Thank you!), **loyal servant **(Thank you!!!), **Shinejshi **(thank YOU for reading and reviewing, luv! ^_^) **mandapanda123 **(LOL medic ninja on the way, flying through trees all subtle and sneaky! ^_^ TY!), **Luna **(LOL thank you sweetie!), **Ari** (hiya and BIG thank you!!)**  
**  
**oppa – **LOL loved your review! Made me giggle. I look pretty scary myself when I finish a chapter, mostly because at that stage I'm ready to murder anyone who stands between me and my tea LOL Aaw. Thanks again for your review, Oppa! ^_^  
**Fan – **Hey you! LMAO Yes! PROGRESS! So to speak! Glad you enjoyed the last chappy. Yes indeed! Shikamaru's more than drawn to Neji letting a sound slip, considering how much in control he tries to be even when enjoying himself lol. Thank you for another kind review! ^_^!  
***Gia Anna* - **Thank you again, Gia Anna, luv! I'm glad you can feel Shikamaru's conflict too. Poor bugger is in for a hell of a spin. Your review was gobbled up. ^_^ Cheers again! ^_^  
**Savannah – **Thank you for another lovely review, Savannah! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. From storms to Brainstorming, hope you hang in for the insanity to come. ^_^!**  
Lady Mortis **– LOL sweetie I wish I WAS a genius, give me Shikamaru's brain and it'll be chuckles from there! ^_^ Thank you so much  
**pixie – **Thank you Pixie for the amazing support and love for this fic. Right you are about those two. They 'fit'. Perfectly put ^_^! Aaw yes, fic will be nearing completion, BUT there are a few more long chapters yet to go. ^_^ Plus, need to kick their butts back to Konoha! lol  
**Samantha – **LOL you stole Shikamaru's cloud! ;) Good woman. ;) Goodness, I know. The word count for this story is beyond the realms of what I thought I would produce for it. However, I'm a slave to the story at this point LOL I swear it's writing itself and I'm struggling to keep up lol Thank you for your fab support. ^_^  
**Homemade_idiot – **LOL!!! Oh there's more to come, my dear! Thanks for your last review!! I still see your username and LOVE IT. LOL! Always a pleasure to hear from you. As for what Shikamaru said against Neji's neck – my lips are zipped. bwahaha!  
**Just a Fan – **Hiya! Thank you so much for your review. ^_^ Glad you enjoy the erotic scenes, I always drink coffee for those ones. LOL. Your questions! What exactly made me think of having shinobi having their base underground? It's related to the forbidden jutsu, so this will be answered in the upcoming chapter ^_^. Inspiration was drawn from the tunnels in Vietnam. As for a huge water jutsu flooding the tunnels – you're ten steps ahead with Shikamaru, aren't you? ;) He's already considered that, which will also be answered in upcoming chapter! Cheers, luv. :D Hope you enjoy it!


	33. Chapter 33

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Thirty Three**

A shared sense of frustration and confusion hung around the Konoha Team as they wove their way through the lower mesh of the forest. Neji charted the route quickly, leading the group away from the village and further south of the trees towards the rockier territory of the borders. Seeking cover was imperative. They needed distance and time to interrogate Hibari.

_Provided we aren't found first._

Neji frowned, leaping up a level to tree height; he scanned back and forth, ensuring they hadn't been followed before reassessing their path.

_Just a little further._

He gestured with a sharp tilt of his palm to Hinata. The kunoichi nodded, taking the lead. Neji watched her for a moment, his mind running over Hibari's words before a grumble from below redirected his attention. He dropped his eyes to the team as they trailed past, following Hinata.

"Why am _I_ carrying this jerk?" Naruto growled, hefting the unconscious Hibari, slung over his shoulder.

Shikamaru shrugged, taking a sip of water from his canteen. "Could be because you introduced your fist to his face."

"Yeah," Kiba snickered. "You didn't even introduce your foot to his ass first."

"I think Neji did," Chōji chuckled.

"Figures. Hyūga's got better manners than you, lovebird."

"Man, shut up," Naruto growled, jostling Hibari again.

Neji arched a brow, following the banter in silence. It proved a welcome break in the dismal mood. After Naruto's insistence on providing Hato with a modest grave, the team had held a solemn silence, speaking only to confirm direction and objectives.

Even so, Neji had no problem avoiding conversation at this point, so he remained elevated, keeping pace from above. It also afforded him the opportunity to quietly observe Shikamaru.

The Nara walked beside Chōji, his brow knitted in calculation. Neji watched him turn to Lee, who carried Hibari's sword. Shikamaru took the weapon, changing sword hands as he tested the weight before handing it back, shrugging to whatever Lee said.

A moment later, the shadow-nin's voice sounded at his ear, crackling through the transmitter. "Neji, we got far to go?"

"No, just a little further. There is an abandoned excavation site ahead. The mines will provide the shelter we need. The only exposure we risk until then is to the elements."

"Got it," Shikamaru said, glancing up sharply. Neji hadn't expected that.

Their gazes met and held for a beat. A beat was all it took for Neji's step to falter, for a hint of warmth to chase the chill from his expression. Despite this waver, he recovered his pace smoothly, breaking the fusion of their eyes to move on ahead. He leapt across to the next tree, fighting the sensation of being dragged back, as if by shadow hands.

_Stay focused._

* * *

The mining tunnels ate deep into the rock; large passageways lined with tracks and abandoned carts. Cobwebs hung like gossamer drapes, spiders scuttling back and forth across planks and rubble. Despite the state of disrepair old lanterns still hung from the walls, cracked and rusty, but allowing for some meagre light.

The team set up base in the largest cavity, following Neji's orders as duties were delegated. Hinata, Kiba and Lee took up watch outside, leaving an unconscious Hibari in Sakura, Naruto and Chōji's charge.

Under the pretext of strategising, Shikamaru and Neji retreated to a workers' room, carved crudely into one of the tunnels, but large enough that it wasn't half as damned claustrophobic as the rest of the place.

"Better than nothing," Shikamaru muttered, watching one of the lanterns sputter to life, pulsing dimly.

He flicked the matchstick into an abandoned cart, stepping over towards Neji. The Hyūga had seated himself on a pile of sandbags, one leg drawn up as he leaned back, staring across at the lantern with a familiar faraway expression. It was the last look the Nara wanted to see right now.

Shikamaru snapped his fingers in front of Neji's face.

Neji caught his wrist with a scowl. "Don't."

"Then don't stare off into the middle distance. I need you _here_."

Neji arched a brow at his tone, glancing up.

The shadows swathed around them, dancing and shifting constantly. It made it harder to read Neji's expression, which passed in and out of light and darkness. At this stage, it was about as clear-cut as anything else between them.

_Dammit._

Shikamaru sighed and made to step back, but a firm tug on his wrist held him in place. He frowned, looking down. Neji's eyes had returned to the lantern, but the Hyūga tugged his wrist again, extending a silent invitation when he cocked his head. Though surprised, Shikamaru took it in an instant, twisting his body in a lazy sway as he slouched down beside Neji, resting his back against the curve of the wall.

Silence stationed itself between them.

Fortunately, it wasn't one riddled with tension.

Shikamaru felt Neji's shoulder brush against his as the Hyūga leaned back, his rigid prop against the wall sliding a little. They sat in comfortable quiet, feeling the dust from the chaos of the past hour settle around them. It provided the Nara with a moment of detached analysis. A moment in which one thought dominated all others.

_How much more screwed up could this mission possibly get?_

Shikamaru felt an inappropriate bubble of amusement lighten the heavy feeling in his gut. He could only imagine it was an unconscious defensive tactic to keep from cracking his head into the wall. The laughter floated from his lips in a weak, tired chuckle.

Neji turned his head questioningly.

Shikamaru tapped his own back against the rough stone, shaking it once as he stared up at the shadows on the roof of the cave. "What a damn drag…"

Neji's snort tapered into a chuckle.

They shared a smile, angling each other with sidelong glances.

"Did you honestly almost break a leg?" Neji asked.

Shikamaru quirked his lips in response.

Neji smiled, shaking his head as he reached out, fingers tapping Shikamaru's temple lightly. "Still racing a mile a minute, Nara?"

"Yeah and it's still not fast enough," Shikamaru snorted, tilting into the touch with a push to nudge Neji's hand away.

He ended up bumping their shoulders instead. Rather than move away, Neji leaned in to balance them out. It happened so naturally that Shikamaru drew his knee up without thinking, mirroring Neji's stance as their thighs touched, pressing close like their shoulders. They leaned against each other, sharing the load of their joint exhaustion, though the sources of their stress remained divided.

"Can you imagine what the mission report will involve when we get back?" Neji muttered quietly.

Shikamaru smiled at the weak thread of humour, returning it with a lazy knock of his knee against Neji's. "I can think of a few possibilities."

He watched Neji thud his head back. "To have been so blind…"

Shikamaru hummed, shrugging. "We won't know for sure until Hibari wakes up."

Neji shook his head, the wan light gleaming off his headband. "I should have sensed it earlier. I should have _known_ that something was wrong."

Shikamaru arched a brow, his gaze drawn to Neji's hitai-ate. "To be fair, there's way too much wrong with Hanegakure on the whole to measure it by normal standards of what's 'right', so don't beat yourself up."

"It's not that simple."

"It's stupid simple, Neji."

Shikamaru caught the barest curve of the Jōnin's lip. A fleeting smile that smoothed out into a firm line as the Hyūga shook his head again. "I should have known."

_So stubborn._

Shikamaru reached up a hand, managing to tuck his fingers behind the fall of Neji's hair, rubbing the Hyūga's nape. Neji bowed his head, leaning forward a little. He accepted the touch without hesitation or reserve.

With trust.

A bitter tightness knotted inside Shikamaru. He was glad for the shadows; they were the best mask right now against the familiar struggle wanting to etch into his face.

"Either way," Neji said quietly. "We'll fix the situation."

_It's not the situation I'm trying to fix…_

Shikamaru's fingers stilled.

Reading his tension, Neji turned his head, the sharp fall of his bangs shifting with the movement. Shikamaru brushed them back automatically, caressing the Hyūga's head as he had earlier that morning. If he'd stopped long enough to consider how artless these actions had become, it might have occurred to him how increasingly dangerous they were, given the calculated action he might be forced to take later on.

_Don't make me do that to you…_

Suddenly reading more than just his tension, Neji frowned, reaching up to catch his wrist, squeezing lightly. "Shikamaru…"

The shadow-nin made no move to defend himself against that tone; it wasn't so much a warning than it was a question. He dislodged his wrist and looked away, closing his eyes.

What the hell could he possibly say in response?

Despite the murky waters between them, one thing had been made clear. The mission was Neji's priority. And the missing pieces were his. They were caught in a game that had become a gamble, a mission that no longer held the same motives…and an inescapable pull towards each other that became more painful every time they pulled apart.

Shikamaru frowned.

_I never saw this coming…not like this…_

He braced himself against a barrage of self-derisive thoughts; countless ways and steps he could have taken to avoid this. But then, he'd passed up that chance last night. In three steps, everything had changed.

His mind fired out reason after reason of how disastrous his actions had been. But once again, none of these thoughts could knock enough regret into him. None of them could strike hard enough to bring on the guilt or the desire to take it all back.

_Not yet…dammit…just let me find what I'm missing so I can find you…_

"Shikamaru?"

_Let me work this out in time…_

He heard Neji move, sensed the grind of sand as the canvas bags shifted beneath them. Then he felt the Hyūga's fingers at his temples, rubbing soothingly as thumbs traced his eyebrows and lips followed his hairline.

"It will be fine," Neji said quietly.

Shikamaru tensed up.

_If I can't reach you in time…it's gonna be anything but 'fine'…_

Warm breath fanned against the furrow in his brow, melting his frown away. Shikamaru slipped his eyes open, catching slivers of opal watching him from beneath the sweep of the Hyūga's lashes. The magnetism was instant. It pulled him in, those eyes like the moon to the hopeless tide of his blood, drawing him up as Neji leaned down.

Their mouths met slowly, lips rubbing and brushing until Neji's tongue stroked along the smooth barrier of his teeth. Shikamaru denied entry, teeth clenched. Possibly reading it as a challenge, Neji responded like a predator and moved to straddle him, caging him in against the wall. Teeth nipped sharply at his bottom lip; a demand.

Shikamaru kept his jaw set, not opening up for the tongue that teased along the seal of his lips. It wasn't the kiss he was denying, it was what it would do to what remained of his senses.

Neji smiled against his mouth. "Hmn. Now who is stubborn?"

Shikamaru would have responded, but that would have required him to open his mouth. He answered with touch instead, sliding his hands to Neji's hips, squeezing lightly as he tilted his head, pressing an open-mouthed kiss just beneath Neji's jaw.

Apparently this wasn't enough for the Hyūga.

He felt Neji's pulse shift as rapidly as Neji's hand moved, getting a solid grip on his ponytail to tug his head back. Contrary to the sharp yank, Neji's mouth settled gently against his, hovering in a barely-there touch.

The air around them hummed.

Shikamaru frowned and glanced up, wanting to scrutinize those pale eyes. Wanting to know he wasn't the only one being torn up by this thing cutting into them at the same time as it wove them together.

He tried to catch the Hyūga's gaze.

Neji caught his jaw instead, fingers digging in a little.

Control. Frustration.

Shikamaru arched a brow, not willing to humour either. His own struggle to keep a cool head was about as much as he could take right now. Just when he thought he'd need to fight, Neji surrendered the grip to stroke a knuckle along his throat, hooking under his chin, tilting his head back further. Then the Hyūga's palm pressed against the wall beside his head.

"Shikamaru…" Neji spoke his name against his mouth in a tone that must have been designed for mental torture because it collapsed Shikamaru's resolve in an instant.

The rich and resonant tumble of four syllables that turned his name into a sound he didn't recognise. A sound he wanted to hear Neji keep speaking until he lost any chance of understanding this insane language their bodies communicated in when around each other.

_Let this be the one damn thing I don't have to figure out…just this once…_

Slowly, Shikamaru's lips gave way beneath Neji's, the tight lock at his jaw loosening by degrees as that slick tongue grazed its way inside, followed by a quiet sigh which he drank down and returned, reaching up to thread his fingers into the soft strands hanging by Neji's face.

_Just this once…before I have to—_

Shikamaru frowned and broke the kiss, shaking his head. Neji cupped his jaw and drew him back into it, soft and smooth, pulling silk and seduction across his mind, drawing a veil over all the warnings.

The kiss was slow, searching – and it shook.

With every slant of their heads their breaths shivered out, shaken up by restraint. Holding back had never hurt so damn much. Shikamaru's fingers fisted in the mocha strands, just as Neji's fingers gnarled against the cave wall beside his head. Their free hands sought anchors, gripping each other hard enough to bruise, only to stroke away the ache seconds apart.

It was insane, like a poison and a cure all wrapped up in one kiss.

Shikamaru lost sense of time and place, knowing only the scant space that existed between their lips every time their heads tilted and their mouths met again. Over and over until kisses strayed elsewhere and lips swept across the angles of high cheekbones and sharp jaw lines, chasing the shadows flickering across each other's faces.

_Just this once…_

But the cool steel of Neji's headband bit into the moment.

The second the hitai-ate touched his brow, reality slammed back into Shikamaru and his eyes flickered open.

He found Neji's closed.

A pained look had etched itself between the Hyūga's brows.

Shikamaru frowned, concern eclipsing his face. He moved to graze his thumb along Neji's jaw. "Neji."

"You once said emotion makes what we do bearable," Neji whispered tightly, his jaw tensing though he didn't fight the touch. "God but you're wrong…"

"Neji…"

"It makes it insufferable."

Shikamaru blinked slowly, setting his hand at the junction of Neji's neck and shoulder, squeezing. "So you'd rather stop it altogether?"

_At the risk of your damn life…_

Neji slipped his eyes open, staring hard at Shikamaru's throat to avoid his eyes.

"It may make you and the others strong…but it makes me weak," Neji swallowed, shaking his head, his voice a bitter whisper. "And I am of no use to anyone that way."

Shikamaru frowned sharply, kneading Neji's shoulder. "Of _use_? You think I care about that?"

"It's irrelevant." Neji closed his eyes. "I don't care what you care about."

The words struck a raw spot Shikamaru didn't realise he should have been defending.

His hand froze on the Hyūga's shoulder before it tightened again, barely resisting the urge to shake the Jōnin. "You care what I _don't_ care about though, don't you?"

"What?" Neji muttered and he would have sounded annoyed if he hadn't sounded completely exhausted, shaking his head. "Stop talking nonsense."

Shikamaru gripped his chin, jerking hard enough to force those pale eyes to snap open and meet his gaze.

"Things you think I _should_ care about, like advancing, making Jōnin, _progressing_, ANBU. That's safe ground for you isn't it?" Shikamaru shook his head. "_You _care about that crap. I _don't_."

Neji grit his teeth, but the anger didn't reach his eyes. "What is your point?"

_Shit._

Shikamaru had no answer that didn't make things more complicated, so he opted for the unplanned response, pushing it out before he could bite it back.

"Probably that I'm not in this for anything other than just being in it," he murmured, frowning.

"What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?"

_I don't know…I don't want to know…I can't…_

"Good question. When you figure it out, let me know," Shikamaru sighed, dropping his hand away from Neji's chin. "Trying to get through to you is giving me a god damned migraine."

Neji snorted, pushing off his palm to pull away. "It's entirely mutual."

The abrupt distance that opened up between them felt cold.

"Mutual?" Shikamaru echoed, his voice dry and brittle. "Well look at that, we're making some _progress_…"

Neji was back in an instant. His palm slammed into the rock beside Shikamaru's head, smacking loud enough to echo. Shikamaru didn't flinch.

"Stop making jokes!" The Hyūga hissed.

"This whole thing is a fucking joke," Shikamaru seethed back, his face marginally more controlled than his voice. "This _wasn't_ supposed to happen."

"At least we agree on _that_," Neji growled, shoving away violently enough that if he hadn't been so damned agile he'd have toppled.

The Jōnin passed out of reach, moving far enough away that Shikamaru felt more than the cold settling between them now. So swiftly the tide that had pulled them together had turned, ripped them apart and cast them away from each other.

_Dammit…_

Shikamaru sighed and rocked forward to brace his elbows on his knees, passing his hands across his face before cradling his head in a white-knuckle grip.

_Fuck._

He heard Neji pacing, back and forth like something caged. Angry, confused, probably about as tangled up inside as Shikamaru felt. The shadow-nin wanted to slip away like a shadow, slide from sight and fall into black. Uncomplicated, simple black. Not this grey area they'd created. He wanted to cut and run. He was supposed to be good at that.

Neji continued to pace, his strides drawing out irately.

_Good. You fucking walk away this time…_

He heard Neji's footsteps slow as the Hyūga's pace changed – along with his direction.

But it wasn't towards the door.

_Shit._

Shikamaru didn't need to look up to know that Neji was watching him. Just knowing this was enough to cause his chest to constrict. He'd thought the Hyūga's pride would take the reins at this point and drive the Jōnin away. Shikamaru had been counting on it; because it was the one thing he couldn't bring himself to do, for all the trouble it brought him.

_Dammit…walk away._

Neji didn't.

In fact, the Hyūga might have taken a step forward, but it was impossible to know for sure because the scuff of approaching footfalls sounded beyond the door. Neji stopped moving. A few seconds later Shikamaru heard the heavy wood groan open with a light shower of grit and dust.

He dropped his hands and looked up just as Sakura popped her head around.

"Hibari is awake."

* * *

The redhead worked his jaw in silence, gingerly testing the hinge that Naruto's fist had cracked into. Discolouration had set in and the bruised skin looked more than just a little painful.

Shikamaru couldn't care less.

The shadow-nin stood opposite the Tsubasa, slouched against one of the mine carts, arms folded loosely with an expression that rivalled the stone; his face remained hard and unreadable. Hibari however, might have foamed at the mouth and gone rabid if he'd had more leeway to move. Shikamaru watched the redhead test the wires binding his wrists and feet, scowling.

"Yeah, that's not coming off any time soon," Shikamaru warned, his voice flat.

Hibari spat, eyes narrowed to grey slits. "Go to hell."

_I'll even save you a seat…_

Shikamaru arched a brow.

Hibari gave up the attempt to test the wire any further, only serving to cut himself in the process of attempting an escape that Shikamaru was tempted to let him have, if only to watch Naruto knock the guy flat out again. He waited for the redhead to glance up at him. When the man did, Hibari's eyes tracked over him, measuring him up before the Tsubasa snorted.

"You should've been skewered," Hibari muttered, swinging his hair from his face.

Shikamaru shrugged. "Lucky save, right?"

"Tch. Guess so."

"You've got a pretty impressive system working for you."

"Impressive enough that they needed _you_ to find us."

"How many is "us"?" Shikamaru asked, eyes narrowing.

Hibari scoffed, his grey eyes flicking over Shikamaru's shoulder towards the shadows at the back of the cave. "Hn. Like I'll tell you people anything."

_Such a drag…_

Shikamaru rolled his shoulders with a sigh, preparing for the inevitable game this forced them into. He shook his head, closed his eyes and began.

"Apparently you took a good chunk of the military faction with you when you defected."

"Is that what they told you?" Hibari queried, almost condescending.

"Yeah, though I'm not so sure I buy that part." Shikamaru opened his eyes, setting them on Hibari's jagged sword across the cave. "If your military strength was so great, you wouldn't have waited for them to get backup. You'd have made a move before Konoha shinobi came to sniff you out."

"Which you did a little too well," the redhead muttered, following Shikamaru's gaze to the blade.

"Well enough," Shikamaru said, glancing back. "Judging from reports and past efforts, your rebels aren't easy to pin down or flush out."

Hibari studied him for a moment. "I'm surprised you didn't try to flood or gas our tunnels like they did."

Shikamaru shrugged again. "Why hit you with what you're already prepared for? I figured if you're smart enough to have evaded them for this long, you're smart enough to have accounted for those major weaknesses in your system. Then there's the fact that you've had a barrier jutsu going on and have probably made changes to your network since you were able to cover your movements."

Shikamaru paused for effect, letting his words sink in as Hibari eyed him with cold, hard suspicion, his bruised jaw clenching. He was calculating, clearly. But given Hibari's lack of options and current position, Shikamaru made no extra effort to read anything deeper into the man's face. He knew that Neji was watching from the shadows, studying every nuance of the Tsubasa's expressions and movements.

"Let me guess," Shikamaru continued. "You've got blast screens and mass drainage? Wouldn't be surprised if you used different rock sediment to your advantage too. Then there's fallback ventilation and a high probability of some contingency route that gets you outta Hanegakure." Shikamaru sighed, sounding bored. "Yeah, I could go on, but you already know this, so lets cut to the chase."

Hibari smirked; a reluctant flicker of what could have been respect touching his eyes as he leaned back. "Excellently deduced, I'm impressed. That would make you the brains of the operation, hmn?"

Shikamaru offered no response to the praise other than to turn the words around. "Was gonna ask you the same thing. Given what I've just said, you're not stupid. But considering you just launched a gung-ho attack without any thought to strategy, I'm starting to think you're not as smart as I've given you credit for."

To Shikamaru's interest, the man didn't react explosively. In fact, the Tsubasa watched him with growing calm.

"Yet I'm still alive, which means you need answers," Hibari returned, his voice steadier now, bringing himself onto the same level. "You're smart but you're not all that informed are you?"

"Still rather be me than you right now," Shikamaru smirked, testing the waters.

Hibari actually looked amused. "All sorts of lucky then, aren't you?"

_Alright, I can reason with him like this._

"Must be," Shikamaru nodded. "Like I said, your network underground is pretty impressive."

"Desperation makes us creative."

"Desperation, huh?"

Hibari glanced around the cave for emphasis. "We're forced to crawl under the earth like worms, if that's not desperate then what the hell is? You think this is how we _want_ to live?"

"Like we give a crap," Kiba muttered from the shadows.

Shikamaru bristled inwardly at the stupid comment, not wanting the Tsubasa pissed off now that he'd calmed down. Hibari however, merely snorted, turning his grey gaze in the general direction of Kiba's voice.

"Hn. I doubt you Konoha ninja give two shits," the Tsubasa uttered.

Shikamaru didn't have a chance to redirect Hibari's attention.

"We would not be here if we didn't want to resolve this," Neji said, taking a step forward until the firelight caressed along one-half of his body, pitching the rest of him in black.

The eerie vision was enough to cause an abrupt twist in Hibari's face. "You."

Shikamaru frowned.

Kiba snorted. "Whoa Hyūga, this guy really doesn't like you."

"I noticed, thank you."

"No like, _really_."

Shikamaru slid Kiba a subtle glare. Akamaru caught on first. The dog yipped quietly and Kiba fell silent. A good thing Hinata wasn't present or the Inuzuka's Alpha male mode might have caused more of a damn headache than Shikamaru was willing to tolerate. The Nara returned his focus to their captive.

Hibari kept his gaze fastened on Neji and sparks of his earlier rage lit the flecks in his eyes. "You want to resolve this for your own benefit."

"Peace benefits everyone," Neji reasoned.

"I'll bet they made you believe that's what they want too, right?" Hibari snorted, the sound distinctly acidic. "My mother's a good manipulator. Of course you believed her."

Shikamaru hiked a brow. "So does that suggest your rebels are fighting for peace? Unless you really are the power-hungry traitors Kitori says you are."

Hibari tore his eyes away from Neji long enough to shoot Shikamaru a glare that had absolutely no effect on the Nara.

Hibari looked away. "I'm sure you believed her."

"You're not exactly doing yourself any favours in proving her wrong."

Hibari jerked his chin toward his bound feet and hands. "You're holding me captive and you expect me to stand on civil ground? You think I'm going to negotiate with you people?"

"Negotiate?" Shikamaru's lips curved faintly at one corner, but his eyes were dead to the humour. "No, I think you're going to answer our questions if you value your life more than your mother seems to."

Hibari smirked at that. "How true."

"What do you and your rebels want_, _Tsubasa?" Neji asked, moving more into the light.

Shikamaru watched the instant change in the redhead.

"Your head for a start," Hibari hissed.

"That's it!" Naruto snapped, pitching himself from the darkness to stalk forward.

Shikamaru didn't even turn. "Naruto, back off."

"No way," the Uzumaki growled, stopping beside Shikamaru all the same. "I'm not gonna listen to his jerk threaten one of us again when _he's_ the one _we_ should be putting down!"

Shikamaru tuned out the angry rant, his gaze trained on Hibari as the Tsubasa glared hard at Neji, concentrating every ounce of venom into his next words.

"An eye for an eye, Hyūga. And I'm not talking about your dōjutsu."

Neji's response fell quietly. "Your sister…"

"You murdered her."

"And you experimented on her!" Naruto barked, stabbing a finger towards Hibari.

The Tsubasa's eyes widened and swung up, flaring at the accusation. "_What_?"

"Kitori said you and your father used her for chakra enhancement procedures," Sakura said firmly, her voice drifting from somewhere to the left of the cave.

"And you believed her," Hibari snarled to the shadows.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "Instead of sounding all broken record with the "and you believed her" crap, why don't you fight your damned case. Got any evidence why we _shouldn't_ believe her?"

"My sister _was_ that evidence." Hibari's voice dropped, his eyes targeting Neji. "Toki came to you people for _help_ and you _killed_ her."

Shikamaru cocked his head. "And the weird thing is? She supposedly came to us to stop _you_."

The transformation in Hibari would have been apoplectic if the redhead hadn't been tied down. "No! That's what they _want _you to believe! My sister and I were part of the rebellion _against_ our parents and Ozuku!"

Sakura stepped forward. "But Kitori is your mot—"

"My _mother_ came to hunt me down and kill me," Hibari hissed, teeth bared. "My _mother_ let my father pass my sister over to Ozuku for experimentation."

"For chakra enhancement procedures, right?" Shikamaru clarified. "To develop those pills?"

Hibari squeezed his eyes shut. "Yes. Toki, despite being Genin level, had advanced chakra control."

The side of Naruto's fist slammed into the cave wall. "So they thought that made it okay to just experiment on her!?"

Hibari's eyes drifted open, his anger caving beneath his grief. "They didn't _care_ – they needed to develop those chakra pills."

Shikamaru glanced at Neji. The Hyūga was frowning, his pale eyes tracing Hibari's face for deception. Shikamaru returned to his agenda.

"They needed these chakra pills for your clan's forbidden jutsu, right?"

"Yeah," Hibari croaked, swallowing as he blinked the sheen from his eyes. "Ozuku told you that much I guess. Bet he didn't tell you that _he's_ the one casting it and not _us_."

"And Kitori?" Neji pressed.

"Supports him."

"Why!" Naruto shook his head. "Why would she support those creeps?"

The question served their cause, so Shikamaru let Naruto take the proverbial floor. All the while the Nara watched Hibari's face, noting the bitterness and pain taking root in every crease.

"Because it's her duty to be _obedient_ and act accordingly," the redhead muttered, shaking his head. "That's what Tsubasa shinobi do. We act like a _flock_ and fall into formation, without question – it's the way laid out for us."

"Laid out for you?" Shikamaru asked.

Hibari nodded. "Yeah. By _your_ First Hokage."

"WHAT!?"

Shikamaru jerked his shoulder to his ear as Naruto's voice blasted like canon fire, reverberating off the walls of the mines and echoing down the tunnels. He reached out a hand to grip the Uzumaki's shoulder, tugging him back a pace to calm him down.

"Naruto, take it easy."

"Why the hell are you so surprised?" Hibari frowned at the dramatic reaction. "It is engraved in our Temple. The words of your First Hokage."

Shikamaru didn't get the chance to ask. Neji beat him to it, quoting quietly.

"'Those who stray from the path of justice have no courage, but under the wing of a strong leader cowardice cannot survive'. It is on a plaque below their monument of Kin-Washi," Neji said, glancing at Shikamaru before elaborating. "The Golden Eagle. Kitori showed me their Temple. I knew I recognised those words."

"Yeah, I'm sure she took you on the abridged village tour," Hibari scowled, glaring before he controlled himself. "Anyway, those words are the founding principle of our clan name and way. Wing, strength and power."

Shikamaru felt Naruto radiating enough indignant 'power' to shake the foundations of the cave. He glanced across at the Uzumaki, prepared to step in.

Naruto's scowl outdid Hibari's. "But Hanegakure have totally twisted up the meaning of our Hokage's words!"

"Totally and completely twisted it," Hibari agreed. "Over the generations, leaders took what they wanted from the meaning, forgetting _justice_ altogether…which basically comes down to having a strong leader who doesn't tolerate cowardice."

"Tyranny," Sakura supplied, stepping up beside Neji.

Hibari nodded. "Only way they can maintain this rule is to get stronger."

"Which is why your uncle and father were after kekei genkai from Konoha," Neji surmised.

"Yes. So my sister and I formed the resistance group deep underground." Hibari paused there, taking a breath before continuing. "Our Tsubasa rebels are trying to bring peace and freedom back to Hanegakure, not destroy it."

_Well, shit…_

Shikamaru sighed, bracing his palms against the mine cart. The information fell into place quickly, but it still wasn't enough. He glanced across the cave. Neji's look suggested he was thinking along the same lines, or at least Shikamaru assumed so until he caught a better glimpse of the Hyūga's face in the lantern light.

If he hadn't learned to read the subtle shifts in Neji's expression, he'd have missed it. But there was no mistaking the pinch of pain around his eyes and the hint of hurt confusion pushing through the Jōnin's cold mask.

It surprised Shikamaru, in a distinctly foolish and oddly protective way.

Neji blinked, shaking his head. "But Kitori…"

Hibari cut the Hyūga off with a snort. "Kitori just sold us out. So they took my sister when I wasn't there to protect her and they experimented on her."

Neji shook his head again, no longer looking at Hibari, or anyone. "But she was pregnant…"

_What_?!

Shikamaru's eyes flew wide, the air leaving him in a whoosh. He ignored the other sharp intakes of breath and stared hard at Neji, trying to draw the pale eyes toward him. His brain automatically raced along the timeline of events, flipping forward a memory in an instant. A memory of a very drunk Neji, sprawled on the grass, staring up at the night sky, lips moving in a slur to shape the words…

"_She was pregnant…and it died…"_

Shikamaru's eyes widened further.

He'd thought no more about those words after Neji had spoken them. He knew his brain had catalogued them, but he hadn't seen the sense in examining something that at the time had no context and wasn't his problem. But now, understanding came like an electric shock rather than a light bulb. It had Shikamaru wincing inwardly. The realisation of just why Neji had been in such a strange state after that mission.

_Shit…dammit, Neji…that wasn't your fault._

Hibari was speaking again, forcing Shikamaru to rip his gaze away from the Hyūga.

"I could never get to my sister because she was so well protected. The only way she could get out of experimentation was if she were pregnant."

"Of course," Sakura said sadly "Foetuses interfere with chakra levels."

"Exactly. But before they could abort the child she stole our clan's forbidden scrolls and fled."

Neji stared at the shadows on the wall. "And Kitori _knew_ that her daughter was pregnant…"

"Yeah, my mother didn't just betray _her_ children," Hibari seethed.

"But…" Sakura started, stopped and then shook her head, looking to Shikamaru.

The Nara caught her gaze and shrugged, not knowing what she expected him to say in Kitori's defence. He harboured no intention to give a shit about the woman's excuses or motives – at this stage, they were irrelevant.

Sakura frowned, looking to Hibari. "But when Kitori speaks about this, about you and her daughter, it clearly upsets her."

Hibari's brows arched upward. "So what? She sheds a few crocodile tears. Like that makes a difference. She abandoned the nest or whatever."

"That's bullshit," Kiba snarled, Akamaru backing him up with a growl. "Even animals don't normally abandon their young like that."

Shikamaru shook his head. "Some do."

"Too true," Hibari frowned. "Anyway, that's Hanegakure's nindo."

"To abandon your kids?" Naruto choked out roughly.

"To put the flock – not the fledglings – first."

"It's a load of crap!" Naruto exploded, directly into Shikamaru's ear. "What the hell kind of village way is _that_?"

"Why the hell do you think we formed a rebellion?" Hibari sighed. "I was too late to save my sister, but I won't let anyone else in our village suffer."

Shikamaru rubbed at his temple, wondering if he had a perforated eardrum before sighing, his dark gaze sharpening. "Why was your sister bringing those scrolls to Konoha? Why not just destroy them when she got hold of them?"

"Because we needed _proof_ of our clan's forbidden jutsu to gain your support. We aimed to come directly to your Hokage for help and warn you about my father and uncle's intentions to harvest kekei genkai from the Leaf, using the forbidden jutsu."

Shikamaru hummed. "But your old man beat you to it."

Hibari nodded. "By stealing the scrolls we gave Fukurō an opportunity to approach you too."

"And he got to us before your sister could," Neji said quietly.

"And made us believe that _you_ were the enemy," Shikamaru added, cocking his head toward Hibari. "Great."

Hibari's jaw twitched, his eyes burning with controlled anger. "He hired you to wipe us out, before we could tell you the truth. By the time Toki reached you, you were already our enemy. All they could try to do was protect those scrolls."

Shikamaru's gaze strayed to Neji as the Hyūga shook his head.

"She never had a chance…" Neji murmured.

"No thanks to _you_," Hibari snapped.

Shikamaru's head turned sharply at that, but Naruto's voice bowled over whatever he might have said.

"Hey!" Naruto growled, lunging forward to grip Hibari by his mesh vest, jerking the man up until they were nose to nose. "Say that again and I'll pulverize you!"

Neji blinked slowly, his voice detached, faraway. "Naruto…"

"No! It's not your fault that she didn't get there first!" Naruto leaned in, his blue eyes flashing. "I don't care if we're on the same side, you open your mouth about that again and I'll break your jaw this time."

Hibari cocked his head, sobering a little. "Hn. Loyal. I can respect _that_ at least."

Shikamaru made no move to step in this time, his gaze fixed back on Neji. That distant look in the Jōnin's eyes was more disturbing to him than Naruto's anger.

Naruto snorted, shoving Hibari back as he stepped away. "I mean it."

"Hibari," Shikamaru said, reluctantly shifting his attention back to the Tsubasa. "If what you're saying is true, then why the hell did Fukurō attack our village two months later? If he and Ozuku wanted us to believe they were the good party then that kinda blew his cover, didn't it?"

Hibari chuckled wryly. "Never said my old man was smart. Ozuku is the brains, my father was the brawn. Fukurō just wanted power. Apparently your Hyūga over here," he jerked his chin towards Neji, "offended him, so he singled him out. Said he'd collect the dōjutsu himself."

"And got his ass kicked," Naruto snickered.

Hibari smirked slightly. "Good."

"So Ozuku and Kitori covered up Fukurō's slip by selling him out as a rebel," Shikamaru thought aloud, his eyes straying up. "To keep them looking like the innocent party, huh?"

"Exactly," Hibari frowned. "Besides, they needed your help _again_ to wipe us out. So they're selling you the same story Fukurō did, making it seem like _we're_ the enemy."

Kiba sighed from the shadows. "And we bought it."

Hibari didn't even look in his direction. "Yeah, you did. Real smart."

Akamaru growled lowly, his feral eyes catching the light as Kiba stepped forward. "Screw you."

"Hn. You're one to talk, Hibari," Shikamaru drawled, relaxing back against the cart as he reached into his flak jacket to extract the two winged pendants he'd taken off the Tsubasa earlier.

"What?" the redhead frowned, his eyes flicking up. They widened the instant his gaze fell on the glinting pendants. "What the hell are you doing with those?"

Shikamaru smirked, wrapping the chains around his wrist with a swing of the links. He turned one of the silver pendants over in his fingers like a magician preparing for a sleight of hand trick.

Hibari watched him, transfixed, angry.

It didn't take much to assume one of the wings had belonged to the Tsubasa's sister.

"We weren't the only ones who played into their hands," Shikamaru said. "Just like they played us, they played you. By having Leaf shinobi kill your sister…" he held up one of the winged pendants for emphasis, "it gave you enough hatred towards us to make it look like you really _were_ our enemy when you went all avenger and attacked us."

"Yeah," Kiba snapped. "Popping up outta the ground like that? That wasn't too fucking smart either."

Hibari kept his eyes on the pendants. "Fine. So I acted hot-bloodedly and I don't have any warm feelings towards your Hyūga right now…" he shot Neji a glare. "That doesn't mean I don't want to stop this."

Shikamaru pursed his lips, shifting his hips in a sway that rocked him away from the cart. He stepped over to Hibari, letting the chain slide from his wrist as he set the pendants into the Tsubasa's tied hands.

"Then we've got the same objective," he said quietly. "We want this over with too."

Sakura spoke up, hugging her arms with a frown. "I just can't believe that Kitori wouldn't want to stop this too."

"In the Tsubasa clan, you don't question tradition," Hibari explained, his face calmer as he closed his fingers around the pendants. "And you don't question what they do at the Temple."

Shikamaru frowned, straightening up. "Which is what?"

"Betcha it's not praying, that's for sure," Kiba muttered.

Hibari hummed, nodding. "Far from it. They do all the dirty work there. Experiments, jutsu development and they have a chamber for our clan's scrolls."

Shikamaru sighed. "Like the forbidden ones your sister tried to get to us."

"Yeah," Hibari sighed, closing his fist around the pendants. "Ozuku has them back in the Temple under Kitori's strongest guard."

"So she's willingly a part of this," Neji said, drawing a collective gaze before the group looked back to Hibari.

Hibari frowned, glaring at Neji in confusion. "I've already _told_ you she is. She does what she's told. She's too scared to change despite her bitterness. She'd sooner see us dead. Same goes for Ozuku. He wanted me dead the second I questioned his rule, just like my sister."

"Man," Naruto sighed, looking sympathetically at the man he'd almost pummelled a few minutes ago. "All of your family just sell each other out, huh?"

Hibari shrugged, a weak, bitter laugh tumbling from him. "They've sold out more than just family. Even the land itself. The birds, everything."

"The birds?" Naruto frowned. "How?"

Shikamaru was already the necessary steps ahead. "Your clan's forbidden jutsu, right? Well I'm done respecting clan secrets. You gonna talk?"

Hibari looked insulted at the suggestion that he wouldn't.

Shikamaru wasn't taking any chances. "Well?"

"Considering I want to _destroy_ this clan secret, I've got no problem sharing the information," the Tsubasa said at length. "Our forbidden jutsu involves mass mind control. We can infiltrate group consciousness."

Naruto blinked. "You can do what now?"

Hibari smiled, but his amusement was short lived as he looked back to Shikamaru, frowning. "Hanegakure's birds share a group consciousness. Our forbidden jutsu taps into that group consciousness and allows for mass mind control of the entire bird population of our forest."

Shikamaru's brows arched, an impressed sound catching in the back of his throat as he shook his head. That sure as hell explained a lot.

_Of course..._

"Whoa," Kiba whistled. "That's a lot of birds…"

Naruto shuddered. "Yeah, try havin' them blow up all over you."

"Uh, didn't _you_ do that?"

Naruto held up a fist in warning. "I didn't know they were _real_!"

"Shut up," Shikamaru snapped, refocusing. "Ozuku said it was like a Swarm Jutsu."

Hibari chuckled grimly. "I'll bet he did. It's a little more intense than that. He played it down. It involves _way _more chakra than that to cast and maintain."

"No kidding," Shikamaru brushed his thumb along his jaw, thinking. "He said the casters are kept out of range."

"Yeah, way out of range."

"Where?"

Neji answered. "Inside the Temple…"

Shikamaru glanced across. Neji wouldn't look at him. Shikamaru had to tighten every damn muscle against the urge to move over. He leaned back firmly until the edge of the cart bit into the small of his back.

"Your Hyūga's right," Hibari confirmed. "One of the dirty works going on in there. They constantly have people maintaining the forbidden jutsu in a chamber."

Shikamaru sighed. "So, a constant mind transference jutsu."

Sakura turned her head. "Like what Ino does, right?"

Shikamaru rubbed at his nape, suddenly wishing the blonde Yamanaka was at hand for insight – if not for some kind of Team Ten support. Stupid, but he might have taken some odd sense of reassurance from one of her normally troublesome bolsters right now. Asuma's words about keeping a clear head came back to him.

Shikamaru drew a slow breath.

He offered Sakura a weak nod. "Yeah, like what Ino does, only on a mass scale with birds…and with a load of casters safely out of range in a well-protected dome."

"And with the casters taking those chakra pills," Hibari added, glancing up. "They can keep it going constantly. My rebels only have a small stash of pills to keep our protective barrier jutsu going on underground. It's the only way they can't find us."

Sakura hummed, moving over towards Hibari with a canteen of water. "That's why you were protecting that stash point so heavily."

"Yeah. Aside from my chakra-enhanced blade," Hibari nodded to his weapon, "the pills are the only defence we have right now."

As Sakura offered the Tsubasa water, Shikamaru pursed his lips, his mind taking every frame of the past few minutes and adding them to the insane reel that this mission was turning out to be.

"Right," he sighed. "So these casters in the Temple, I'm guessing it's risky to constantly keep up that kind of forbidden jutsu."

"Yeah," Hibari nodded, gripping the water canteen in his bound hands. "If the casters don't end up dead from chakra overdose or expenditure, they stay so long in the birds' group consciousness that they have trouble coming back."

Naruto cocked his head. "So what the hell happens to them?"

Shikamaru read the blunt answer in Hibari's face.

The Nara sighed. "They die, right?"

Hibari confirmed it with a nod. "Yeah. And their minds get stuck inside the birds."

"Guess that explains the weird behaviour of your birds."

"That's right," Hibari looked disgusted, clearly bothered by the treatment of the animals his clan supposedly revered. "It's why so many of them are aggressive, psychotic or sick."

"I see." Sakura's eyes softened. "That's why so many are poisoned and killed."

Hibari frowned, handing back the water canteen with a nod. "Yeah. Two minds in one body permanently like that? One animal and one human? Enough to drive the host crazy, both bird and human."

"Ha!" Naruto barked, snapping his fingers and stabbing his index towards Kiba. "_Told_ you they were possessed!"

Everyone stared.

Shikamaru shook his head at the highly inappropriate outburst. However, he let it slide, warning Kiba to do the same with a sideways glance. Kiba held up his hands innocently.

The brief lapse was cut short when Neji spoke up, his pale eyes turning to Hibari. "So with human consciousness inside the birds via mind-transference, you can monitor across the whole of Hanegakure."

_It'll bet it stretches further than that._

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed as he followed up the Hyūga's words. "I'm guessing you could even monitor across nations."

Hibari smiled bleakly, making no excuses for the powerful jutsu. "That's right. That was the initial purpose of our forbidden jutsu, to use it for surveillance. Ozuku made sure it was constantly perfected and constantly cast. Hundreds of Tsubasa shinobi have died, serving as casters, sacrificed to perfect it."

Neji folded his arms, rolling his left shoulder. "And just how perfected is it?"

Hibari shrugged. "It's gotten to the stage where Ozuku's casters can observe through any of our birds over an ever-increasing distance."

"Subtle and flawless espionage," Neji clarified, finally looking over to Shikamaru. "Which is how they knew we'd entered their borders without a single man or woman present…and how we didn't see their attacks."

Shikamaru nodded. "Using the birds to watch us the entire time. Sneaky."

"That's right," Hibari said. "They have eyes everywhere. This is why we had to go underground. The forest never sleeps above the surface, even at night."

"Scops-owls, huh?" Kiba muttered, yet his eyes widened. "Hey, can this mind-transference crap cause birds to drop dead?"

Shikamaru smiled slightly, already knowing what Kiba was referring to. To be honest, it had entered his thoughts more than a couple of times since that night.

Hibari frowned at the odd question, but answered either way. "If a shinobi withdraws his or her mind too quickly from a bird, then yeah. They'd only do that if they risked getting caught."

_Figures. _

"Thinking of that dead owl Akamaru found, Kiba?" Shikamaru glanced over.

Kiba nodded, scratching Akamaru's ear. "Yeah, he sensed we were bein' watched. He hasn't been able to relax since we got here."

Hibari snorted. "You think _that's_ bad? Hanegakure has been spying on Konoha remotely through the birds for a very long time, waiting to isolate kekei genkai."

Shikamaru had no doubt about that. It made complete sense, as well as explained how Ozuku could afford to let ties between the villages go. He'd always been a step ahead; omniscient in a way that Shikamaru couldn't have predicted without understanding the level of this jutsu. Suddenly, what Tsunade wanted him to do with the Akatsuki took on a whole new definition of insanity and impossibility.

_Great…_

He shook the thought away, refocusing with a sigh. "Dammit."

Hibari smiled weakly. "Ozuku is about power _and_ politics. He's not stupid."

"Clearly not," Neji said. "Considering he almost killed two birds with one stone."

Kiba growled. "Yeah, we almost wiped each other out."

"So what now?" Sakura asked, looking between Neji and Shikamaru.

Naruto answered with a shout, shadow-boxing his enthusiasm. "I say we pick up a few stones and chuck 'em back!"

Shikamaru smirked and his dark eyes took on a sharpness that made the Uzumaki settle down a little and scratch at his head, grinning nervously. The Nara smiled then and his eyes cut across to Hibari, meeting the grey orbs steadily.

"Hibari? I think it's time you had a family reunion."

* * *

The vote carried.

All in favour for the shared objective; peace.

It was with this objective in mind, that the next two hours unfolded smoothly.

Hibari surrendered his sword into the Konoha team's possession, a gesture of trust on his part that didn't entirely surprise Shikamaru. Given the Tsubasa's earlier venom towards Neji, it was only natural that some suspicion remained between them. That kind of peace making would either come later, or not at all. Either way, it wasn't to affect the mission. The same mission the Tsubasa's sister had lived and died for. Hibari had seen the sense in this and Shikamaru had worked on his core belief of justice, using it as a means to reason.

It laid the foundations of a tentative understanding – and alliance.

It turned out that Hibari was relatively bi-polar in his nature. When angry, he was a force to be reckoned with, but when calm, he was as level-headed and reasonable as any tactician the Nara had dealt with. Consequently, Shikamaru had taken measures to keep Naruto and Neji away from him, just in case.

Oddly enough, it wasn't Hibari that Shikamaru doubted; he could read the man. He'd clocked the level at which he operated and could work with him. It was Neji that worried him now.

_Dammit._

Shikamaru glanced across at the Hyūga, running beside him a few paces across.

Neji's eyes remained fixed ahead, the Byakugan veins tightening around his pale orbs as he scanned. Shikamaru wondered if the limit of the Byakugan's range had anything on the limit of how far Neji could withdraw when he wanted to.

_I doubt it…_

Shikamaru frowned, tearing his concern back behind his ribs before it could spill into his blood and poison his focus.

_Focus. _

The Konoha team banded closer together as Hibari led them north, along a steep ravine towards one of the hidden entrances to their tunnel system. They were met half-way by a hawk, one which perched on Hibari's shoulder with a familiarity that suggested it was friend not foe.

Naruto eyed the bird warily.

Kiba prepared for a round of abuse.

Shikamaru cut him short. "Later."

They followed Hibari into the tunnel system, stepping through an entrance that shimmered into view after the barrier jutsu was released. Shikamaru hadn't expected them to be met by children.

Hibari firmly turned the youngsters around, but not without care in his eyes. "You're not supposed to be here. It's not safe."

A young girl looked up at Shikamaru, squinting in the dim light of the tunnel. "Your hair is funny."

Shikamaru smirked, shrugging. "Thanks."

The girl looked him over. "I like it."

Shikamaru blinked, not knowing how to respond to that. "Thanks," he parroted.

The girl smiled brightly, looked him over again and then dashed off down the tunnels after the other laughing kids.

Shikamaru frowned, looking to Hibari. "Where are their parents?"

"These are the children of the shinobi who died casting that jutsu. We save who we can," Hibari explained as he hefted one of the kids onto his hip, a child no more than three who attempted to get a grip on Neji's hair.

The Hyūga swayed out of the way, but offered her his finger in compensation. She examined it, but lost interest, clinging to Hibari's red mane instead as the man led the team deeper into the tunnel complex. It was more than impressive, hollowed out into inhabitable areas and rigged with the very measures Shikamaru had predicted they'd take for ventilation, protection and necessary storage. Lanterns and torches burned everywhere.

Hibari navigated the group without pause.

Shikamaru kept pace at his shoulder. "Those birds they're gathering at the aviary. I take it they're planning on a massive hit with that forbidden jutsu, right?"

"That's right. They're going to wipe us out once and for all, provided we don't get there first." Hibari nodded, turning suddenly to pass the child into Hinata's arms so his hands were free to work a few seals to different doors.

Shikamaru smirked at the terrified expression on Hinata's face as she held the girl awkwardly, staring at the small fingers curling into her hair. Neji watched out the corner of his eye, keeping out of range as the girl eyed him over Hinata's shoulder. Naruto distracted the child with funny faces.

Kiba snickered, elbowing Hinata. "You make such a cute family."

"Kiba!" she blushed.

"Give her a break," Shikamaru drawled, only to add. "Hinata? Just don't drop her on her head. You see what that did to Naruto as a kid."

"Oi!" Naruto attempted to slug Shikamaru, missed when the Nara ducked and cracked Hibari across the face instead.

_Fuck._

Kiba smacked a hand over his mouth, cheeks puffed and eyes flying wide in the attempt to hold in his hysterics. Shikamaru froze, not sure whether he wanted to burst into laughter or bolt. Neji just shook his head. The rest of the team stared in shock.

Hibari turned, very slowly, towards the Uzumaki.

_Ah crap._

Just as Shikamaru entertained several awkward ways he could get Naruto out of this shit, the little girl came to the Uzumaki's rescue, bursting into giggles that alleviated the tension immediately.

Hibari scowled, but there was no threat in it as he reached over to take the girl back, snorting at Naruto. "You hit me again and we're going to have a problem."

Naruto grinned disarmingly, waiting until Hibari turned his back before he glared at Shikamaru, mouthing 'you jerk'. The Nara arched a brow dryly.

"Yeah, I'll just stand still next time," he deadpanned, following Hibari down the tunnel.

The Tsubasa lead them into a large room, which opened out into several smaller dens, all equipped with futons. Children had painted the walls, judging by the stick figure artwork and colourful splashes of pictures quite unlike the grim reality they were living in.

Hibari gestured to the different rooms. "I can only give you a couple of hours before we need to strategise and make a move. I'll have them bring you whatever food we have to spare. I need a little time to make the others understand that you're not our enemy."

Shikamaru nodded, glancing at Hibari's bruised jaw with a weak smile. "That should help, right?"

The Tsubasa shrugged, smirking. "I've had worse."

Shikamaru didn't doubt it. He glanced around again, scanning the rooms and assessing the momentary reprieve they offered. He cocked his head to the team, nodding. On cue the Konoha shinobi disbanded, each heading into respective rooms either in pairs or alone.

Neji, however, remained by Shikamaru's side, pale eyes watching the girl in Hibari's arms as she peeked at him between her fingers. He didn't smile, but his eyes softened.

Shikamaru looked to the kid, then back to Hibari. "Can't be good to keep them down here like this."

Hibari sighed, shaking his head. "No. It's driving us crazy to live this way. Not to mention the fact that despite our rebellion we're not generating enough support above the ground. We've been hiding for so long because of those birds that the people think we've abandoned them and the forest to Ozuku's rule. We need to take control back."

"You will," Neji said. "We will see to it."

Hibari studied the Hyūga a moment and Shikamaru watched behind deceptive disinterest. When Hibari held out his free hand, the Nara almost moved on instinct to come between the two of them. It was ridiculous, considering the gesture was one of peace.

Neji glanced at the extended palm, sealing the handshake cautiously.

Hibari nodded. "I can't forgive you for what you did. Not in my heart. But my mind is clear on our shared objective here. And peace is more important to me than anything else at this point."

"I understand," Neji said.

Hibari hummed. "We are no longer enemies, Hyūga. But I'm afraid we can never be friends."

Shikamaru's jaw tightened at that, but apparently his thoughts on the matter of misplaced blame didn't even enter into Neji's thinking. The Jōnin accepted Hibari's words without hesitation.

Neji inclined his head. "I understand that as well."

Hibari nodded again, shifting the girl carefully in his arms. He took his leave then, not needing to say anything more. Shikamaru watched him go, waiting until his footsteps receded, though Neji had already turned towards one of the den rooms.

Shikamaru watched him, marking the uncomfortable roll of the Jōnin's left shoulder. The grim reminder turned Shikamaru's steps toward the opposite den where he'd seen Hinata drift over to. It was as close to a damned x-ray as he'd ever get. Smacking his knuckles in a lazy knock against the sliding panel he waited for the paint-splattered wood to draw back.

"Shikamaru-kun…" Hinata said softly.

Shikamaru braced his shoulder against the frame, dark eyes cast to the side. "Did you manage to get a look?"

He heard the kunoichi's soft inhale before she sighed. "Yes."

"And?"

"The blocks won't hold if he uses his jutsu."

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed. "You mean the Palm Rotation?"

"No. I…" Hinata glanced over his shoulder. "Anything that requires chakra."

Shikamaru snapped his gaze up. "_What_?"

Hinata looked down. "He's blocked too much. It's holding. But it won't if he…" She looked back up. "When we fought, he only used taijutsu."

_Shit…_

Shikamaru stared at her for a moment as his mind filed the information into its critical category. "So he can't even use the Gentle Fist?"

Hinata shook her head. "I doubt it, but I…I don't know for sure."

Shikamaru swallowed uncomfortably, glancing away. "How much time do I have?"

Hinata frowned and he felt her gentle gaze, but also the weight of her questions. "As long as he can control it for."

Shikamaru clenched his jaw. "How much time, Hinata?"

"Shikamaru-kun…"

He met her gaze reluctantly, finding a softness there that made it all the more difficult to pretend to be detached. "Tell me I have more time."

_Dammit…just a little longer…_

"You don't have long," was her sad reply.

_Then I'll work with whatever I have…for as long as I can spare…_

Shikamaru nodded. "Alright."

Hinata watched him, but she didn't push him. Which made Shikamaru all the more grateful that Sakura wasn't present. He was pretty sure she'd have taken a swing at him that would have put Naruto to shame. Worst part was that he might have let her.

Without offering another word, Shikamaru moved back towards the opposite den, hearing Hinata slide the panel shut. He paused outside the room Neji had taken, tapping his brow against the closed door, gritting his teeth. It took him a few moments to smooth out his expression.

Then he slid the door open and braced a shoulder against the frame.

Neji didn't look up.

The Hyūga remained seated on the futon, lowering his hand from his chest, breathing deeply.

Shikamaru shook his head, clearing his throat. "Why is this mission so damned important to you?"

Neji blinked slowly, settling his palms on his thighs as he released his breath, staring ahead. "I will not allow these people to live this way. In a cage."

Shikamaru frowned at those words. "Don't make this personal."

"Don't be ridiculous," Neji said, completely calm. "It's not personal."

"Is it because you feel guilty about Hibari's sister?"

"No," Neji shook his head, rolling his shoulder before drawing another slow breath. "It's the Hokage's orders. To secure peace. We finally know who our enemies are and now we will put an end to this. This mission remains imperative, Shikamaru."

"And what about the rest?" Shikamaru tried to force some bite into his words, but they fell blunt. "What about everything you _said_ you heard me say to you?"

"I did hear you. _You_ aren't hearing _me_."

Shikamaru snorted, not buying it for a second. "You're right. I tend to tune out bullshit."

"The mission is what matters. Everything else at this point is inconsequential."

Shikamaru moved into the room in a sharp, sudden movement, slotting the door closed in an angry yank.

He tried to lower his voice, but it hissed out all the same. "Dammit. You can't _fight_. You can't use your jutsu and you're going to end up in a deep end you can't pull yourself out of."

Neji blinked calmly, unaffected.

Shikamaru wanted to throttle him.

"Do not underestimate me, Shikamaru. I know my limits and I can accommodate for whatever I need to."

"Yeah, until you're _dead_."

He stared hard at Neji, even though the Hyūga wouldn't look at him. Neji gazed off into that distance he seemed to keep retreating to, his face closed and remote. It was a distinct kind of apathy that left the Nara with a chill.

Shikamaru clenched his fist and had to fight hard to push down the hot rush of anger with cold logic.

_What the hell is worth killing yourself over? It can't just be ANBU. Blocking off your emotions for a fucking ticket into the Black Ops…you're smarter than that… _

"ANBU isn't worth this," Shikamaru ground out with fragile calm. "Neither is denying whatever you feel about what those elders did to you. So what the hell is it, Neji?"

_Tell me what I'm missing._

Neji didn't reply.

No rebuff, no response, no resolution.

Nothing.

And no matter how hard Shikamaru tried to tie this back to Neji's trauma as a child, it just didn't make sense on its own. It should probably have been enough, given what kind of damage that would have done to him on a psychological level, never mind the fact that those bastards had almost killed him.

The thought drew the sharp angles of Shikamaru's face into rigid flint.

_You were just a kid…_

A kid who'd been punished for protecting something it had already lost. Shikamaru frowned.

_Shit…did they take something else away from you too? Is that what I'm missing?_

Despite his efforts, the shadow-nin felt that pain tugging behind his ribs again, betraying itself in his eyes as he cast his gaze over Neji's face.

"Gods, stop looking at me like that," Neji whispered suddenly, his voice hoarse, rough with the emotion that wouldn't break into his face. "Stop making it harder."

Shikamaru shook his head sadly, his anger dissolving into a horrible ache. "Why the hell can't you understand that you don't need to do this with me?"

Neji clenched his eyes shut. "Why can't _you_ understand that it is _you_ more than anyone else that I _need_ to do this with?"

The pain those words pulled up felt like Neji had uprooted something vital in his chest and squeezed mercilessly. Shikamaru didn't know how to process the feeling. He'd never felt it before. It took him a moment to realise that his ribs hadn't folded inward and crushed him.

He drew a tight breath against the ache and shook it off sharply. But whatever words he might have worked out in response stuck like rocks in the back of his throat.

_Shit._

The smarter part of him, which wasn't lacking, would have taken this bizarre pain as the reason to cut and run. To take back those three steps he'd crossed last night. The smarter part of him would have and _did_ tell him to run so damned far and fast that he could forget that he ever chased Neji down that night and all those times after.

Unfortunately, he'd stopped listening to that smarter part…which left him with a part he didn't know what to do with other than to let the impulse take over. So not for the first time, he didn't question his body's instinct to move.

He stepped over to invade personal space he expected Neji to evict him from.

It didn't stop him.

Neither did Neji.

Without pause, he crouched down directly in front of the Hyūga and dropped one knee to a half-kneel, his dark eyes shuttered but not guarded. Neji's eyes slipped open at the proximity.

Shikamaru reached up, expecting to be shoved back. He wasn't.

He settled his hand at Neji's shoulder, waiting to be shrugged off. It didn't happen.

So he touched their foreheads, ignoring the hitai-ate's bitter steel. Neji allowed the contact, only to reject it a few seconds later, pushing his head forward to force Shikamaru's back.

Shikamaru made to move away…but stilled in shock when Neji leaned into him without a word, rigid and cold…

But not out of reach.

Shikamaru's throat locked.

_I can't keep waiting for you to let me help you…God…I'm running out of time…_

Swallowing against the tightness closing around him, Shikamaru lifted his hand and calmly rubbed the mocha head as Neji's brow came to rest against his shoulder. He turned his head enough to stroke his lips against Neji's hair.

_I won't let you die…and even if you hate me by the end of this…that's fine._

It felt like a lie. But he could believe it.

_I can live with that…if that means you live._

* * *

**TBC. **

**A/N:** Ah! Another LONG one. There we have it folks, big questions around Hanegakure and the Tsubasa answered. Cookies for those of you who were already well aware that "Tsubasa" meant Wing ^_^. Now it's just the big WTF question mark over Neji's head that needs answering. Oh yes. That's a'coming too!

**A/N (2): Important note**; I made a **CRITICAL** amendment to Chapter 21 which is important and I almost _brained_ myself for having realised I missed it in the edit. Neji turned **eighteen** in July, not seventeen. So if anyone hops back, they'll see that error has been fixed when Hinata mentions his birthday. *Salutes*

**REVIEWERS: **I've serenaded you people a chapter back or so, but at this stage I might kit myself out in a costume, film it and put it on YouTube. ^_^ Seriously though, you guys inspire me, motivate me and make this ten times more the joy to write. My continued thanks. **Hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**Reviewers without accounts: **Cheshire-cat grinning thanks to; **Shinejshi **(TY!!! Ninja Art Hyuga head-butt might be required at some stage lol!), **zoomzoom **(LOL I wish! Bless you, thanks. ^_^)**, oppa** (wow, thank you! hope you enjoy the rest of the plot insanity!)** *Gia Anna* **(aaw, TY! Poor Shikamaru isn't out of the woods yet, I'm afraid)**,** **Luna **(lol! your review made me smile, thank you, luv), **Pixie **(oooh, the time is nigh *cue evil laughter* lol! thank you again, Pixie!!!)** Miin**, **mandapanda123, loyal servant, Rakija, Ayachan! **^_^

**Samantha – **Hiya Samantha! You've no idea how great it is to hear that the plot running alongside the ShikaNeji thread is keeping your interest too. That's wonderful. Phew! ^_^ So glad you're enjoying it – thank you for sharing your thoughts, it continues to mean a heck of a lot. ^_^  
**Savannah - ***laughs* Thanks for your review, sweetie. I appreciate it BIG TIME! I hope some of those questions got answered. More drama and insanity on the way to make the brainstorm more cell-destructive lol. I'm going to convert to coffee, yes I am lol. Thanks again, luv!!**  
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**Homemade_idiot **– LOL! Absolutely your username was a moment of brilliance. Love it. XD Hope you enjoyed this chapter, luv!

_My warmest thanks to you lovelies, I hope I got you all!_


	34. Chapter 34

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Thirty Four**

Cold permeated the air like tiny needles, prickling along Neji's skin and sinking into the fabric of his robes. It didn't settle there. He felt the chill go deeper, piercing way down into the tight, locked cavities in his chest.

A sharp twinge ran along his left arm, right up to his shoulder.

The Hyūga frowned.

He ceased the slow stroke of his fingers along Shikamaru's brow long enough to flex the pale digits, clenching them into a fist before snapping them out again. The pain along his arm eased to a dull throb. Rolling his shoulder, Neji returned to smoothing his fingers across Shikamaru's forehead.

Shikamaru didn't stir.

His lips remained faintly parted, his breathing deep and slow.

Neji watched the sleeping Chūnin quietly, calm and almost meditative, his half-lowered lashes casting shadows under his pale eyes. Getting Shikamaru into this state had required some coercion on the Hyūga's part; namely pressure points and a subtle use of the Gentle Fist. Had the situation been less grave, Neji might have seen the humour in it. Enforced rest wasn't something he thought Shikamaru would ever require.

_You left me little choice, Nara._

Shikamaru had gone under almost instantly and now Neji sat with his back to the wall, the Nara's head resting on the solid muscle of his thigh. The rest of the shadow-nin's lean frame stretched out across the futon, one leg drawn up a little, his heel wedged against his discarded flak jacket.

Neji had intended to leave.

He still did.

However, the instruction from his brain to 'move now' would not translate to his body. So he sat, bathed in the dim lantern light, fractured from cracks in the glass. It cast Shikamaru's face in sharp angles which Neji traced out meditatively, following the ridges and dips, rolling the ball of thumb along the pressure points. He ignored the twinges in his arm, penalty for having concentrated his chakra to his fingertips.

_"Dammit. You can't __fight__. You can't use your jutsu and you're going to end up in a deep end you can't pull yourself out of."_

Shikamaru's words drilled away in the back of his mind, driving a little deeper every time he allowed himself to consider them. His fingers slipped down to Shikamaru's mouth, tracing the parted lips, feeling the soft exhale against his fingertips. His own chest tightened, the air hurting his lungs.

_"ANBU isn't worth this…"_

Neji released a slow breath.

_No. It isn't. No means to an end usually is…when it costs this much…_

Not that the cost would stop him. He would not allow anything or anyone to sabotage what he had worked two months for – what he would continue to work for, against all odds.

_I cannot be weak. Not now._

Neji grazed his knuckle down Shikamaru's forehead, following the smooth space between the Nara's eyebrows, which had been scored with a deep furrow half an hour before.

_"Why is this mission so damned important to you?"_

Neji frowned. One question out of countless others; all of them hammering into his skull, splintering his control…striking nerves that should have been numb. Shikamaru's kunai-like sharpness rarely failed to strike true and every time it did Neji felt less in control…less in command of what he needed to keep together so he didn't come apart completely.

_I cannot afford to lose…_

The scuff of shuffling feet drew Neji's gaze to the den door and he heard the light clatter of a tray being placed down. The Hyūga considered activating his Byakugan, but decided against it. It was probably just someone leaving food.

But then the door slid open a little.

Neji immediately straightened up against the wall. He stilled his hand, draping his fingers over Shikamaru's closed eyes to shield them from the slot of light that bit into the dim room.

Preparing to lacerate the unannounced person with his eyes alone, Neji turned his gaze sharply toward the opening – and lost his anger to surprise. A child peeked in through the slot, sliding the door open few more inches to stick her head in. Her bright green eyes shone and a tumble of sloppily tied locks framed her cherub face in blonde ringlets.

Neji stared, not sure how to proceed. He tensed up enough that the tightening of his thigh raised Shikamaru's head a little, drawing the child's focus onto the sleeping ninja. Reminding himself that this was a child, hardly a threat, Neji forced himself to relax. The small girl remained crouched by the sliding door, staring at Shikamaru.

"Is he sick?" she whispered.

Neji shook his head, more at the awkward situation rather than in answer to the innocent question. "No. He's sleeping."

The child bobbed her head, shuffling forward on her knees as she crawled into the room uninvited. Neji watched her uncertainly. No amount of ninja instinct or intelligence provided him with an instant idea of how to handle this situation. He could contend with children inside the controlled context of a Genin class, but even at the best of times avoided such situations at the Academy.

This child and this situation were far from the bank of his experience.

She looked no older than five.

He watched her swivel around on her knees, ruining her already paint-stained dress as she dragged a tray in after her, nudging it over with the heels of her hands as she shuffled across. Neji observed her in silence, surprised that his eerie gaze hadn't intimidated or spooked her into running off. It normally served as his best weapon and defence against persistent children.

Apparently not in this instance.

No, this child simply shoved the tray at him, sat back on her heels, clapped her hands on her little knees and leaned forward, staring at him intently.

Neji stared back.

The girl cocked her head. "Your eyes are weird."

One corner of Neji's lips twitched. "So I've been told."

"They're pretty."

He hadn't been told that before; certainly not by a child. The Hyūga hesitated a moment, trying to decide how to respond until he remembered Shikamaru's reaction to another Tsubasa child earlier.

"Thank you…" he said, quietly.

The girl grinned toothily, revealing small gaps in her smile. "Like angel eyes."

"I'm not an angel," Neji said.

_Far from it._

"Are you a shinobi?" she chirped.

"Yes."

The girl looked to Shikamaru. "Is he a shinobi?"

Neji nodded, watching the girl stare at his hand. He hadn't removed it from its gentle rest above the Nara's closed eyes. Realising this, he abruptly dropped his hand away. The girl giggled. Neji glanced towards the door awkwardly.

Absolutely oblivious to his discomfort, the child shuffled closer, peering at Shikamaru suspiciously. "Is he your friend?"

Neji looked back to her. "Yes."

"Friends are precious," the girl said, adopting a serious expression that indicated someone important had told her this.

Neji smiled a little, relaxing by degrees. "Yes, they are."

"You should look after friends," she instructed with uncomplicated innocence. "Are you looking after your friend?"

The question fell heavy in Neji's mind, the weight of it drawing his gaze down to Shikamaru. His milky eyes pinched in at the corners.

"I think that he is looking after me," Neji murmured.

"That's good." The girl grinned, shoving the tray closer. "Here is food. I made the cookie."

Neji tilted his head, noting the small and vaguely heart-shaped cookie set atop two ration packs, similar to the ones used on field operations. The girl took up the cookie, waving it at him.

"I made it," she repeated.

Neji accepted it, taking it between his long fingers carefully. "Thank you. It looks very good."

"You can share it with your friend," the girl said, pointing to Shikamaru before she leaned over the sleeping ninja, cupping a hand to her mouth as she whispered. "Ssh! You have to break it. Don't tell anyone. It's bad luck. You can say I did it."

She drew back, nodding with a solemn expression, a finger pressed to her lips to seal the secret. Neji nodded, bemused by the cookie conspiracy. Almost to the point of amusement, until his gaze landed on the child's arm. A mark had been branded into her pale skin.

_Is that…juinjutsu?_

Neji frowned, keeping his voice soft. "What happened to your arm?"

The girl held out said arm with pride, waving it to display the seal mark, whispering excitedly. "We all have it. It's special. They do it at the Temple."

Neji set the cookie down on Shikamaru's chest, holding out his hand, palm facing upwards. "May I see it?"

The girl nodded, shuffling over until her knees almost bumped Shikamaru's shoulder. Neji glanced down quickly. The shadow-nin slept on, too deep in the slumber Neji had pushed him into to be pulled out so easily. Either way, Neji leaned forward carefully, locking his thigh to keep from shifting too much.

The girl set her elbow in his palm. "It's pretty!" she whispered.

Neji studied the mark at the crook of her arm. It was elegant and simple, but far from pretty given its ugly purpose. The Hyūga's lips tightened. He'd have activated his Byakugan but he didn't want to frighten her.

He tilted his wrist, turning the girl's arm more towards the light as he examined the brand. Its exact workings were obviously unique to the Tsubasa's juinjutsu, but Neji recognized a curse seal when he saw one.

The little girl bounced on her knees, grinning proudly. "We get it so when we grow up we can fly."

"Fly?" Neji glanced up at her, understanding touching his eyes.

"Yup! Like the birdies."

_So it's for the mind-transference. Gods…they're just children…_

He dropped his gaze back down to the mark, an uncomfortable feeling roiling inside him. A dormant churn of emotion he'd plugged up and choked down. He stroked his thumb over the mark, shaking his head.

_Bastards…_

"It hurts when they do it," the girl said cheerily. "But it's okay."

_No. It's not._

Neji released her gently, swallowing down the unspoken words as he stared at her arm, watching her rub the mark – as if it would shine. The irony was cold. As cold as the shining steel covering his own curse mark.

"_Don't make this personal."_

Staring at the child's arm, he knew it was much too late for that.

Oblivious to his stare, the girl played with Shikamaru's hair, bumping her palm lightly against the spiky ends of his ponytail. "It hurt, but mom said it's trasision."

"Tradition…" Neji corrected softly, staring off to the side of the room.

"Yup! Mom said it's trasison." She stopped bumping her palm. "Mom flew away."

Neji closed his eyes, his jaw tightening until he felt the pull all the way along the chords in his throat. He heard the child shuffle and slipped his eyes open. Green eyes stared at him curiously.

"Are you sad?" she asked, pouting.

Neji swallowed. "No…"

"You look sad."

He shook his head, drawing her eyes to his headband. She stared at the hitai-ate, looked down at Shikamaru's brow, then looked back up at him. Neji could read her question.

"I have a mark too," he said softly.

Her face brightened. "Then you can fly too?"

Neji stared at her, the innocent words cutting so deep it took him a long moment to respond.

"One day," he answered, glancing away.

"Hibari-niisan says you want to help us fly free again."

"That's right."

The child wagged a finger. "You promise?"

Neji smiled weakly, barely able to pull it off; but he nodded as he looked back to her, ignoring the gravity of his next sentence.

"I give you my word."

Taking confidence from his promise, the girl tottered onto her feet, dusting off her palms on her dress. Then she grinned and planted her hands on her hips to strike a buoyant pose that reminded Neji of Naruto.

"Then I'm gonna fly higher than everyone," she promised in return, nodding until her ringlets bounced and she staggered under the force of her own enthusiasm.

Neji cleared his throat, his voice hoarse. "Make sure that you do."

The child grinned, pointed at the cookie resting on Shikamaru's chest and skipped towards the exit, her attention on some new mission. She practically bounced out the den, sliding the door after her.

She left a suffocating silence behind.

* * *

The dusty walls of the tunnels looked like a children's canvas. Murals of happily-ever-afters, magical woods and out-of-proportion animals; creature caricatures that clustered around smiling stick-figure humans holding huge hands attached to bodies with equally huge heads. Flowers, clouds and heart-shaped trees dominated the dreamscape.

Innocent, idealistic and imaginary worlds.

_Impossible worlds._

Neji frowned, following the path of one of the winding passageways, tracing out the paintings with his gaze and occasionally his fingers.

The children had made the most of their prison.

They'd gilded their cage.

Neji paused as the sound of voices echoed further down the tunnels, loud and animated, then stern and low. Activating his Byakugan, he located the source and gravitated in that direction, relieved that he wouldn't have to search any further. He caught the tail end of the conversation, or a telling-off, judging by the snippets of dialogue.

"—so don't let me catch you two wandering above the surface again, got it? It's not safe." Hibari's voice filtered through. "Don't roll your eyes. Make sure you put salve on that."

The sliding door slotted back and Neji stood aside as two young boys, both shamefaced, shuffled past. One held a cloth to his nape. Neji frowned, but smoothed out his expression as he glanced toward the redhead who'd sent them on their way.

Grey eyes met opal.

Hibari blinked, drawing the door further back. "Hyūga. I was going to head over in about an hour."

"Thought I'd save you the trouble." Neji's gaze dropped to the blood smeared across the Tsubasa's fingers. "What happened?"

"Boy got injured," Hibari said as he stepped back into the room, dragging a cloth over his hands. The blood came away easily. "The kids caught one of Ozuku's birds hovering around. One of them got attacked."

Neji hummed, frowning. "Kitori said the birds were trained to target vital points."

"One thing she wasn't lying about then," Hibari snorted, moving towards a basin as Neji stepped into the room.

The Hyūga glanced around. The chamber had been hollowed out into a medical area judging by the cavities carved into the walls, stocked with salves, medicine bottles, gauze and other supplies. Futons lay to one side of the room, all marked with tattered labels reading "MED 04".

"That reminds me," Hibari said, washing off his hands. "I think one of your people have been tagged."

"Tagged?" Neji echoed, moving to stand beside a table scattered with bandages and balms.

"Yeah, the bird the kids caught was a tracker. Which means it was linked in with a target." Hibari turned towards him, grey eyes scanning him calmly. "Were any of your shinobi attacked by the birds?"

Neji nodded. "Several of us."

Hibari frowned, taking up a shallow box that he brought to the table, setting it down to begin placing the balm pots and bandages away. "Did any of the birds get their claws in?"

Neji's lip would have curved grimly at the memory but he controlled himself. "Yes."

"To who?"

"Me."

Hibari stopped stacking. He levelled Neji with a serious expression, sliding the box aside as he rounded the table, flicking his wrist. "Turn around."

Neji arched a brow, muscles drawing taut. "Excuse me?"

Hibari shook his head, stopping a few paces away. "On your nape right?"

Neji's eyes narrowed a little, but he nodded.

"That's where they tag," Hibari said, sighing as he strode past to sift through another box stashed in the corner of the room. "You've got a tracker on you."

Neji watched the Tsubasa warily. "Which is what exactly?"

"Chakra-laced bug almost like a parasite," Hibari explained, retrieving a scalpel. "They transfer from the bird's talons. Kind of like a bee's sting. Unless you want it to burrow into your spinal chord, you'll let me take it out."

_Wonderful._

Instinctively, Neji felt his body turning at an angle. A few degrees more would have put him into a stance bordering on defensive. The motion was ingrained. But his intuition told him a threat wasn't present in Hibari's voice or the man's expression.

Not that it made him feel any less guarded.

The Hyūga erred on the side of caution, his gaze straying to the scalpel in Hibari's hand as the Tsubasa stepped over. He followed Neji's gaze to the thin blade.

"It'll be quick, but I can't promise it'll be painless."

Neji smirked humourlessly, making no move to cooperate. "I can assure you that it's not the pain that concerns me."

Hibari smiled at that and flipped the scalpel over in his hand so the blade faced away. He set it down on the table beside him. "I understand. I'll have someone else do it."

Neji watched the Tsubasa stride over to an adjoining room, sliding a panel back to speak to someone on the other side. "Please get Isuka."

The name sounded familiar. Neji frowned, recalling that Sakura had mentioned it once or twice to Shikamaru. The Nara had responded with something about malnourished women eating birdfeed for breakfast.

"I've heard that name," Neji said as Hibari turned back towards him.

"Yeah? She's one of our people on the inside," the redhead explained, moving to take a seat at the medical table, kicking up his feet onto one of the opposite stools. "She's a vet, but don't worry, she knows her way around humans too."

If that was meant to be reassuring, it wasn't.

Neji offered no response. He remained standing, taking a moment to flick his gaze over the supplies in the room. He could sense Hibari watching him, but allowed the man his inspection without challenging it. He only turned his gaze when Hibari reached for the discarded scalpel. The Tsubasa simply set it further away from both of them, draping his arm along the edge of the table as he continued to observe Neji.

"So, did my mother get her claws into you too, Hyūga?"

Neji arched a brow, angling Hibari with a sidelong glance; a silent cue for elaboration.

Hibari took it with a bleak smile, shrugging. "You wouldn't be the first if she had."

"What makes you think she's had any such influence?"

"You seemed very reluctant to believe that she'd sell me and my sister out," Hibari cocked his head, curious. "Why is that?"

Despite the defensive bristle along Neji's spine, he kept his expression unreadable and utterly stoic. He didn't want to turn his thoughts towards Kitori and her callous intentions. Her betrayal hadn't been personal, yet it felt as though he'd been stabbed in the back by a hot poker.

It incensed him dangerously.

It shouldn't have.

But then, he'd seen something in that woman that had resurrected ghosts. Old phantom pains that still lingered. She reminded him of two months of a bitter haunting he didn't want to be plagued by but couldn't escape.

_Stop. Focus._

Neji drew a slow breath, grateful that Hibari took his silence as an opportunity to continue speaking, drawing Neji's thoughts back to the present.

"She's probably had her eye on you for a while," the Tsubasa remarked, sounding contemplative.

Neji looked across again. "What do you mean?"

Hibari didn't respond right away, considering his own thoughts. "You said she showed you the Temple right? Weird that she'd do that. Ozuku probably flayed her for it. She must like you, in her own twisted way."

Neji didn't even want to consider that. So he abruptly veered the direction of the conversation. "Hibari, can your mother also use this forbidden mind-transference jutsu?"

"Hn. Every chance she probably gets," Hibari muttered, a bitter smile curving one corner of his mouth. "One thing I remember from being a kid? She used to love using the mind-transference. She'd rather spend her time doing that than protecting her children."

Neji frowned sharply. "Why?"

"For escape I guess," Hibari sighed, rocking his stool onto its back legs as he glanced towards the ceiling. "Up in the skies as a bird? Probably the closest she could get to freedom." Hibari shrugged. "Must have screwed up her head…she'd get Toki to sing with her every time she came back to her body. Kind of like a bird."

"Sing with her…?" Neji looked away, staring off into the corner of the room. He recalled Kitori mentioning her daughter's talent for singing.

The memory of the girl's lifeless eyes came back to him; as did the memory of that fading pulse of life, struggling for a chance he'd taken away in a heartbeat.

_Gods…I should have known…_

"Yeah," Hibari continued, tapping his head. "But then, Kitori's not right in her head." Hibari paused, his voice sobering into something softer. "At least that's what I tell myself when I hate her a little less. Doesn't happen often."

Neji watched the redhead wrestle with a private conflict, wishing for a moment that he didn't understand Hibari as well as he did in that moment. The Tsubasa sighed, switching topic.

"That sharp one of yours," Hibari commented, looking up. "He's extraordinarily intelligent for his age."

Neji smiled slightly without realising it. "Shikamaru."

Hibari nodded. "That's right."

"Yes, he is."

Hibari pursed his lips, looking a little uneasy. "Does Ozuku know he's that smart?"

Neji studied Hibari out the corner of his eye. An immediate and lethal protectiveness for the Nara prowled through his blood. It settled inside him like a crouched predator, claws flexing. He tried to ignore the feeling, not liking how irrational and uncontrollable it felt.

"Ozuku entrusted the entirety of the operation to Shikamaru and Kitori. I imagine he's aware of Shikamaru's intelligence." Neji's voice dropped. "Why?"

"Then Shikamaru may be targeted," Hibari explained. "Ozuku sees intelligence as more of a threat than raw power. Better keep him out of range."

_And to think I put him in direct range when I sent him off with Kitori…_

Neji clenched his jaw, his fingers almost gnarling into a fist as dangerous as that protective thing clawing around inside him. Thankfully, the sound of the door sliding open redirected his attention. A waif-like woman slipped into the room. She was kitted in a medic's apron, her hair scrunched up in a bun. Her sharp aquiline features softened with concern when she looked to Hibari.

"Another kid's been tagged?"

Hibari shook his head, jerking his chin towards Neji. "Leaf shinobi."

Isuka's eyes slid across and the minute Neji met her gaze her lips parted in surprise. She stared for a moment. "You're a Hyūga."

"I hope that isn't a problem," he replied, softening his words with a weak smile.

"Oh! No, not at all." Isuka shook her head, stepping across the room to retrieve a small medical kit. "It's just that I was speaking with your ninja about the talents of your clan not so long ago."

Something about that statement caused Neji's brow to furrow, but he recovered quickly. He had no desire to entertain a discussion about his clan's talents on the best of days, let alone in the company of a man who still harboured grief over the outcome of these 'talents'.

Isuka must have realised her mistake, because she slid Hibari an apologetic glance. The redhead waved it off, but looked away, frowning. Neji glanced at the pendants hanging from the chain around Hibari's neck. He quickly set his attention on the bony Isuka, watching her extract a fresh scalpel from the medical kit.

She gestured for him to sit. "Did Hibari explain to you that I'll need to cut it out?"

Neji slid onto the stool, placing his palms atop his thighs calmly. "I believe it's necessary."

"I'm afraid so."

He felt her slip a hand under the thick fall of his hair, which she appeared to admire for a moment until he reached back to hold it away from his nape for her, not wanting to remain any longer than was necessary in this somewhat vulnerable position.

Isuka patted his shoulder gently. "I'm sorry but it will hurt."

"It's fine." Neji blinked slowly, activating his Byakugan, which had Hibari glancing across curiously, if not a little uncomfortably.

Neji made no apologies, his focus on the actions of the woman behind him as she went about performing the small incision, carefully and quietly. He watched her reach for a crude looking implement that vaguely resembled tweezers. The cold steel bit into the wound. He felt blood tracing down his skin. Isuka tilted her head a little as if to catch his gaze, unaware that he could see her just fine with his dōjutsu, given the angle at which she stood.

"I'm sorry," she winced, digging around. "They burrow deep."

"It doesn't hurt," Neji said.

Hibari arched a brow, drumming his fingers against the table. "It should."

Neji smiled a little, his ghostly eyes staring across at Hibari though his vision wasn't centred on the man. "Sorry to disappoint you. I have a high threshold for pain."

Hibari hummed, chuckling quietly. "Clearly. Those parasites have claws too."

"You speak from experience?" Neji guessed, feeling the cool press of a sterile pad against his nape as Isuka dabbed away the blood.

Hibari nodded. "That's right. My mother sent some after me. Isn't she a peach?"

Neji let his lashes flicker as he deactivated his dōjutsu, setting his gaze on Hibari as Isuka taped a slim gauze to his nape. "To be honest, Shikamaru harboured suspicions about your mother from the start."

"Oh yeah?" Hibari frowned. "And you didn't think to take his suspicions onboard?"

Neji's jaw twitched. "No."

"Because she pulled the wool over your eyes," Hibari assessed grimly.

_No. Because I understood the look in 'her' eyes…her pain…her…bitterness…_

Neji looked away, pretending to glance over his shoulder towards Isuka. "I suppose I needed more than his dislike of her."

"What?" Hibari snorted. "You need to hear the ugly truth straight from her mouth?"

_Yes…_

Neji didn't reply, forcing his attention onto the vet, who he thanked with a faint smile and nod. When he looked back to Hibari, the redhead was watching him with significant scrutiny. Neji returned the stare calmly, unaffected – outwardly, at least.

"Hn," Hibari tilted his head, curiosity replacing his suspicion. "She really _did_ sink her claws in. What did she do? Play off the fact that you killed my sister?"

Neji shook his head. "No, actually."

"So she didn't guilt trip you? That would have played in her favour." Hibari frowned, tilting his head the other way. "Guess she likes you more than I thought, Hyūga."

_Why_?

It was a disturbing thought. One that Neji didn't want to consider as anything other than a bit of hyperbole on Hibari's part. Unfortunately, the man looked as serious and disconcerted as Neji felt.

_Either way, it makes no difference to what is necessary now._

"If that is true, it may prove useful after we apprehend her." The Hyūga kept his voice flat, his statement practical.

Hibari's eyebrows shot upward. "Apprehend? You think I'm going to spare her? Where's the justice in that?"

Neji sat back, weighing diplomacy against bluntness and opting for the former.

"She will have vital information, Hibari. Especially with regards to infiltrating the Temple," Neji reasoned. "I may be able to use whatever leverage I have regarding her apparent 'like' of me to get the relevant information. That failing, a standard interrogation will be necessary before any pound of flesh is taken."

"Hmn." Hibari rubbed his chin and thudded his stool forward onto its four legs. "I see the sense in that. Better not have me around at the time."

Neji blinked, not having expected that. Mostly because it put the Konoha ninja in a position of power and trust he didn't think the Tsubasa would grant them.

Hibari caught on with a smile, shaking his head. "As if you haven't noticed, my temperament isn't as coolheaded as yours when I'm pissed off."

Neji tried not to smile bleakly.

_You haven't seen me 'pissed off', Tsubasa…_

Hibari continued, oblivious. "If I see her, it'll get ugly. Best if you interrogate her and then let me deal with the justice part afterwards."

Neji regarded him in a measured silenced, waiting for the man to reconsider. He didn't.

"Very well," Neji slid off the seat, rising to his full height. "How soon can we move on this?"

Hibari stood on cue. "I was going to give your shinobi a little more time, but if you're ready to move now then we'll collaborate with a strategy."

Neji nodded.

It was time to wake Shikamaru.

* * *

The pain blindsided him.

It struck with an aggression it hadn't possessed before.

It happened so suddenly that Neji didn't realise he'd lost his balance until his shoulder struck the side of the tunnel, his body jolting from the impact. A sharp breath tore from his lips, followed by a hacking cough that rattled his ribs.

The copper tang of blood stained his lips.

Raising the back of his wrist quickly he rubbed away the offensive crimson, staring at the glistening smear against his pale skin. As he stared, the skin around his eyes and temples tensed, pulling into the familiar veins of the Byakugan. He assessed his chakra flow, searching for loose blocks in his tenketsu, damming them up with sharp prods of his fingers.

_Not now. I have no time for this._

The pain lanced through him with every touch of the Gentle Fist, quick taps feeling like the stab of a blunt knife grinding into his chest. He tidied up the mess quickly and efficiently, sucking in cold air that snagged in his lungs as if laced with razorblades.

_Breathe…_

It took a while to draw air through the initial surge of panic and a few minutes more to ascertain he had his system under control. Sagging against the tunnel wall, he allowed himself to lean into the solid support, keeping still and silent as he breathed. But he only allowed this for a moment.

_Move. _

Releasing a sharp breath, he straightened up.

_Move now._

Not allowing the pain to sink in, he pushed through it and continued his path along the tunnels, heading towards the main room branching off into the dens the Konoha Team currently occupied. As he drew nearer, he began to suspect that waking Shikamaru wouldn't be necessary, especially considering the volume of the voices echoing down the passageways.

The noise upped a notch with every step the Hyūga took.

"What the hell is _that_ crap-magnet?"

"Hey shut up, your sheep looks like a cow!"

"I don't think that's a sheep or a cow, Kiba," Sakura pointed out.

"Yeah, it's Akamaru!" Naruto corrected, sounding way too proud for someone who had obviously failed.

Akamaru yapped out what could only be an offended bark.

Naruto yelped. "Oi!"

Neji heaved a sigh and pushed aside his reluctance to step into the room at the same moment he slid the door open. The Hyūga paused mid-step past the threshold, his pale gaze straying to Kiba and Naruto, who had equipped themselves with crayons, currently adding their lack of artistic ability to the children's murals.

Akamaru had his jaws locked harmlessly around Naruto's wrist, attempting to control the movement of the crouched Uzumaki's hand as he drew.

"What do you two think you're doing?" Neji admonished mildly, shaking his head.

"Vandalising." Sakura shook her head, sitting cross-legged on the ground, watching them as she sipped at a cup of tea.

"Contributing!" Naruto grinned, using his other hand in an awkward attempt to draw a somewhat retarded looking stick-figure next to the sheep-like Akamaru.

"That better not be me," Kiba growled.

Naruto snickered. "Heck yeah, and _this,_" Naruto drew a winged blob, "is the bird crapping on you."

"Dumbass. You're gonna scare the kids with that shit," Kiba muttered.

"If your language doesn't corrupt them first," Neji warned, shaking his head.

Kiba shot him a snappy look that instantly transformed into a smirk. The dog-nin took up a fresh crayon and quickly sketched out a figure with long hair, robes and a headband.

Neji could see where this was going.

"Inuzuka…"

Kiba grinned, unthreatened. Naruto even stopped to watch.

"Hey that's Neji!"

Neji shot the Uzumaki a withering 'you-don't-say' glare as Kiba proceeded to draw a crude looking line, circling it pointedly.

"And _this_ is the stick up his ass!"

"Kiba!" Hinata squeaked from across the room.

Naruto burst out laughing while Sakura almost sprayed tea from her nose.

Neji's lashes flickered shut halfway, a feeble attempt to stop his eyes from rolling. He looked over towards Chōji, who watched with amusement as he munched on a packet of potato chips, choking on one of them when he sensed Neji's gaze, attempting to sober up his expression – unsuccessfully. Lee clapped him on the back, making him choke even more.

Neji shook his head. "Is Shikamaru awake?"

"If he is, he's being smart and hiding," Sakura said, throwing a crayon that bounced off Naruto's head.

Neji turned on his heel, quitting the absurd scene as he moved over to the only den with the door drawn shut. He slid it back, stepped inside and closed it behind him. Releasing a soft sigh, he glanced up to find a profile cast in shifting shadows.

Shikamaru made no move to acknowledge him.

The shadow-nin sat with his back to the wall, his heavy-lidded gaze fixed on the heart-shaped cookie the child had left. The Nara turned it over in his hands repeatedly, the lazy motions at odds with the hard set of his jaw. The furrow had returned to his brow, etched into his face as sharply as the tension.

Neji stood stiffly, watching him from behind the defence of cool, calm eyes – as if staring long enough might blur the edges around Shikamaru's form and have those shadows swallow him up altogether.

_Disappear…slip away…do not make me drive you out…_

It should have been easy to do this. Once, it would have been utterly effortless. But to push Shikamaru away now would require a force he didn't dare release, for fear of what would follow behind it…

"_If I push you, I will kill you…"_

His own words came back to him in a chilling reminder, along with the memory of that feeling he'd had at the Chūnin exams those three years ago. That nefarious, uncontrollable urge to bruise, batter and break the source of what kept causing him this inescapable pain.

It would be so easy for him to make Shikamaru that source – that excuse, that undeserving target.

He'd done it with Hinata.

_I will not allow myself to do that to you. Or to anyone else…ever again._

Knowing this, Neji could not drive forward, he could only draw back.

The silence in the room grew thick, uncomfortable…churning with undercurrents that failed to stir up any response from the Nara or any words from Neji.

Outside, Naruto laughed at something Sakura said.

Kiba retorted with something that was muffled by a crash.

Akamaru barked loudly.

Shikamaru didn't blink. He just kept turning that heart over and over in his fingers.

Over and over and over and over and a sharp crack sounded as the cookie broke.

It happened so suddenly that Neji's breath halted.

Split down the middle in a neat, clean snap.

Shikamaru blinked; a slow, hypnotic droop of his lashes. Neji watched him study the two halves with disinterest before the Chūnin vaguely swayed his wrist in the direction of the door, offering one half to Neji without a word. Neji stared at the broken piece, tracing out its edge with a small frown. Despite his hesitation, Shikamaru didn't even look over, just kept his wrist tipped out, elbow braced on his raised knee.

"Better take it. Wouldn't wanna break the kid's heart too," the shadow-nin drawled, low and quiet and lacking the humour the words intended.

Neji's eyes flicked up to Shikamaru's face. Shikamaru didn't move, but sensing the opal gaze, he arched a brow in response. Neji found no ease in that familiar expression and his own remained stoic and stern.

"Hibari is ready to discuss a strategy," the Hyūga said, the words bypassing anything else he might have thought to say.

Shikamaru let his wrist flop back, the cookie pieces cradled loosely in his fingers. "Give me a minute."

Neji nodded and his brain gave the instruction to his body to leave the room.

But he didn't.

Couldn't.

Against all sense, he stood rooted in the proverbial moment of one step forward and two steps back. Paralysed by ultimatums he didn't understand or even realise had been created. But he felt them resting heavy on the air. He glanced down, just to check that he wasn't held in a jutsu. He wasn't. His shadow remained separate from Shikamaru's, stretched out in a dark wobble, free from the paralysis his body felt locked in.

_Move…_

He couldn't. He felt torn in two directions; which meant that the only way to stay whole was to not move at all. This left him standing frozen for long enough that Shikamaru finally deigned him with the slightest turn of his head, letting his hooded gaze stray across. Those dark eyes narrowed - but not a moment later they softened around the edges, thawing into dark pools warmed by the lantern light.

Neji felt his throat tighten.

He drew a slow breath…feeling that fraying pain he'd felt last night…a sensation of small, hairline cracks…breaking up something crusted around parts of himself held in suffocation. Parts that Shikamaru's breath had seeped into…animating what he couldn't allow to be revived, for the risk of everything else it would resurrect.

_Gods…I can't…_

He felt the pressure pressing into those closed-off areas, threatening to turn something numb into something infected, raw and rancid with feeling.

_I won't…_

Neji shook his head, not realising that he almost took a step away. He would have, if the door hadn't been at his back. And if his body hadn't been betraying him with its utter refusal to move or function in accordance to instruction.

He didn't move. But Shikamaru did.

The Nara set down the cookie pieces calmly and rocked up in that enviably easy sway, rising onto his feet and carrying forward with the same languorous movement. Neji watched him, wanting to lash out, lean in and leap away all at the same time. He did none of these things and just released a slow, controlled exhale when Shikamaru came to stand directly in front of him; so close that the Nara's breath caressed his mouth.

"You're a pain..." Shikamaru muttered; an apathetic drawl that was almost convincing.

Neji might have bought it, had it not been for the barest fracture in that voice; the smoky timbre faltered faintly at the end. Neji almost missed it. But he knew. He could taste the shadow of hurt in those words, despite the bored tone meant to disguise it. Neji could understand the meaning on a level he wished he didn't – and even wishing this didn't stop him from responding before he could draw back and detach.

He lifted his hand, ghosting his fingers along Shikamaru's arm, across the Nara's shoulder and up to the back of the shadow-nin's head.

Shikamaru reached up, plucking his touch away sharply.

Neji accepted this with the same calm he forced into his eyes.

"I know," was his quiet response. "That won't change, Nara. So be smart."

"Hn. Stupid is as stupid does," Shikamaru murmured, not releasing Neji's wrist.

"A good thing then, that you're not stupid," Neji said, raising his other hand instead to cup Shikamaru's head, rubbing softly. "No matter what you do."

Shikamaru snorted, his fingers slipping down from Neji's wrist to his elbow. "You think, hmn?"

"No. _You_ think," Neji corrected. "I _do_. I do what is necessary."

"Yeah, you do what's necessarily _stupid_," Shikamaru remarked, but his words lacked bite. He shook his head. "Guess we keep coming full circle, don't we?"

Neji drew his head back, but found himself unable to take offense. Maybe he was too tired, or maybe he'd rather have traded his pride in a brief exchange for this connection that he didn't want but couldn't let go of.

_It changes nothing_.

He told himself this repeatedly as he leaned in, sweeping his lips across Shikamaru's – the only warning he gave before crushing their mouths until the clash of teeth jarred the shadow-nin's jaw into loosening. Neji took the opening, driving forward in the only way he could, plunging into the hot, moist recesses to mark out territory with his tongue.

_You will not deny me this._

Powerful, possessive, with just a touch of punishment.

Shikamaru's head bowed back under the onslaught of the kiss, but he snapped forward with returning force. Tongues wrestled for dominance, demanded surrender from each other as they laid equal siege to each other's mouths, both trying to steal back the breath they kept sharing.

Laughter carried beyond the door. Soft and relaxed.

Shikamaru bit down on Neji's lip.

Neji bit back – harder.

They hissed into each other's mouths, carving each other up with their fingers; dragging over fabric, through hair and across flesh…almost under skin.

"_How damn deep under your skin do I have to get…?"_

_I don't know…I don't care…but you won't deny me this…_

The kiss was angry and aching and countless other wretched emotions all communicated through tongues not speaking a word. But every slick caress and every scrape of teeth screamed one undeniable thing…

_I need this…_

Neji's eyes snapped open at the treacherous thought…the shocking slip.

_I need this..._

He tensed up in rejection.

Shikamaru hands cupped his face - he didn't feel it.

Dread had closed around him like a fist, crushing his breath.

But it was fed back to him, breathed through his parted lips like smoke. Warm, steady air, rolling soft and smooth and saturated with the same taste that snaked in with Shikamaru's tongue. It slid alongside his, caressing as gently as the hands that suddenly drew up his back, stroking, soothing. He wanted to lean forward.

_No._

He jutted his shoulder blades against the touch.

Shikamaru's hands stilled.

Their tongues brushed and withdrew, but their bruised lips hovered close.

"Neji..."

Neji swallowed thickly, parting his lips to respond.

A light smack against the door had them both jolting.

Akamaru whined restlessly outside, prompting a shout that muffled through the door.

"Neji! Did Shikamaru die in his sleep or what?" Naruto called.

"Hit him really hard and he'll move!" came Kiba's sage advice.

_Gods…what the hell are we doing…they're right outside._

Something else bounced off the closed door, probably a crayon.

Shikamaru's breath puffed softly against his mouth. "Troublesome."

Neji's frown fell away and a shadow of a smile touched his lips. Lips that he set against Shikamaru's brow with a tenderness that bruised him more than Shikamaru's sigh, but less than the aching kiss they stole before the moment slipped away and time – with all its pending urgency – came rushing back.

Time wouldn't wait.

Especially when it was running out…

**

* * *

**

**TBC. **

**A/N: **Hope y'all enjoyed this one! ^_^ I think Neji deserved some insight – his answers are a'coming. Things are going to get…bat-shit crazy? Time for me to dose up on tea for the next chapter.

**REVIEWERS: **It wouldn't be possible to have this kind of update motivation without you guys. **Thank you** for giving me more incentive than I thought I'd need to stay consistent and more encouragement than I adequately know how to thank you guys for. I am honoured to have you guys reading and taking the time out to kindly share your thoughts. After each chapter, it's a blessing. **Appreciated**. Deeply. **Always**!

**Reviewers without accounts/disabled message feature: **My continued _thanks _to: **zoomzoom **(that moment commeth, luv!), **Pixie **(lol! lips on lips works, no? ^_^ TY!) **bookwormV2.0** (TY!), **oppa **(LOL. ShikaNeji moment is pending on the horizon with that dark cloud! ^_^), ***Gia Anna*** (correct you be, luv! definitely progress, but as for what it's progressing towards, I hope you stay tuned! ^_^), **Luna **(LOL! TY!), **Rakija** (^_^), **ferris ulf **(get ready to squeeze that Hyūga, luv XD!)  
**  
Homemade_idiot – **My dear! Hold onto your heartstrings! lol. Bless you, your reviews are a treat. Thank you!  
**loyal servant **– aaw! I feel for Shikamaru too as I write this. It's like type, "ouch", type "ouch", type "OUCH"…lol a vicious cycle! I must be sadistic. Hope you enjoy the next chapter, luv.  
**Lady Mortis - **right you are! neither of them can walk away now, which bodes for something interesting! Massive thanks for your continued reviews, Lady Mortis. *salutes you*  
**Samantha – **aaaw! What a lovely review – thanks, sweetie. I'm a very happy writer right now. Thanks so much. ^_^ Some ass-handing to come!  
**Savannah – **Hi you! Glad that the plot is still keeping you interested, sweetie. ^_^ I won't have to kill that plot bunny any time soon then. It lives to fight another chapter. Thanks for the thumb's up with Hibari. ^_^**  
mandapanda123 **– LOL! BLESS YOU. Your review made me turn an interesting shade of red. Thank you so much, sweetie. I'm so chuffed I choked – tea burns! ^_^ Thank _you _for reading this monster fic lol. ^_^

_To all I got and any I missed – thank you!_


	35. Chapter 35

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Thirty Five**

"Shikamaru, are you _serious_?"

"Yeah."

No one spoke.

A long, awkward pause held around the circle of seated shinobi, exaggerated by various stares and expressions of disbelief.

All directed at him.

_How troublesome…_

Shikamaru said nothing. He retained a half-hooded gaze, his elbow set on the table as he braced his jaw on his thumb, rubbing his temple with two fingers. Only Neji and Hibari regarded him without doubt; doubt that Naruto expressed with a snort, blue eyes crinkling as he grimaced in an uncertain kind of amusement.

"You're _seriously_ serious?" the Uzumaki said.

Shikamaru slid him a sidelong glance, rubbing oh-so-slowly at his temple. His flat expression was his answer. Apparently, this still wasn't enough to deter the others from sharing and amplifying Naruto's doubt.

Sakura looked at him as if he'd slipped a mental disk

_I probably have._

"Shikamaru," Sakura drew out his name uncertainly. "So you want us to just—"

"—roll over and do nothing," Kiba finished, his nose wrinkled against the idea.

Shikamaru blinked slowly. "Prevention beats damage control."

"Yeah, and not getting our asses handed to us beats _that_," Kiba returned, snorting as he looked around the table for support.

The dog-nin got the majority vote, all exchanged in wary glances. Except Neji, who remained staring at the centre of the table, eyes calm but glazed. Shikamaru forced himself to stay focused. He released a slow breath through his nose and leaned further into the press of his fingers – as if he could impale his temple on them.

"Look, armed with their shinobi _and_ that jutsu, the odds are in their favour," he said, screening the team's faces. "But they're operating from a fearful mindset."

"Which is a major disadvantage to them," Neji added tonelessly and quietly. "They're unstable."

Sakura frowned. "But they seem well disciplined as a military force."

Hibari glanced across. "They _are_ well disciplined, but that discipline comes from fear, rather than earned respect or comradeship. They do as they're told to protect the community, but they don't think for themselves."

Shikamaru hummed. "From what Hibari tells me, they're gonna operate in their 'flock' mentality. That jutsu is their trump card. So the aim is to stop it before they can use it."

"Hence the 'prevention' part," Hibari pointed out.

"That leaves us dealing with their ninja." Shikamaru nodded to Hibari, watching the Tsubasa man roll out a map of Hanegakure across the wide circular table. "The key is to divide and—"

"Conquer!" Naruto grinned.

"Stall," Shikamaru corrected. "Or distract. It's about causing enough disruption without engaging with them directly. Their weapon is outright violence. Something we wanna avoid if we can."

"You want us to go easy on them when we already know they're not gonna return the favour?" Naruto cocked his head. "How the heck does that get us anywhere but dead?"

"This isn't a normal fight," Shikamaru sighed, as if he'd explained it before. "We're not in a win or lose situation with these people. We need to be in a win-win situation."

"Win-win?"

Shikamaru nodded, his dark gaze straying over the map Hibari had spread out. "Our objective is to secure _peace_. These are the Hokage's orders. We're not gonna be able to do that by getting into an outright battle. That will only make them see us as a threat."

"But we _are_ a threat," Sakura said. "They know we're their enemy, Shikamaru."

"That's exactly my point. We need to make the village people, not Ozuku's ninja, understand that we're _not _a threat."

Kiba snorted, shaking his head. "Yeah and how likely is that? With this Ozuku guy in charge, they're not gonna sit us down for tea and hold a peace conference."

Shikamaru arched a brow. "I didn't say we're not going to be _prepared_ for a fight. Knowing we can handle the violence _gives_ us the power to negotiate."

"Not with that Ozuku freak," Naruto growled.

"No, but with the village people afterwards," Neji explained before Shikamaru could, his eyes still fixed on the centre of the table. "They must not be harmed."

"That's right." Shikamaru glanced across, but couldn't draw the pale gaze. "Ozuku's manipulating them through fear. He's a megalomaniac – but he's a smart megalomaniac."

Neji hummed and slid his left palm across the tabletop, as if to wipe away something that wasn't there. "He's used twisted ideas of faith and fate as a means to secure himself as a figurehead. Even the children believe that what he does is special rather than immoral."

Hibari nodded gravely. "That's the grim truth. Ozuku has convinced the people that their sacrifices to maintain the forbidden jutsu are for the protection and greater good of all." He paused here, breathing a quiet sigh. "Ozuku makes it seem like those who oppose _him_ also oppose the _people_."

"Yeah, but they don't realise that their 'greater good' is being dictated by a freak with a God-complex," Kiba muttered, rubbing Akamaru's head when the dog set his muzzle on the tabletop, golden eyes watching Neji as the Hyūga sat back a little and rolled his left shoulder.

Shikamaru didn't miss the small movement.

Neji leaned back a little, his voice falling quietly. "Either way, they truly believe that obeying this man is the only way to stay safe. They want to protect the village and each other."

Hibari hummed, a sad smile twisting his lips. "This used to be our greatest strength, but now he's turned it into a weakness by redefining what protecting each other means."

"Yeah, _sacrificing_ each other to protect each other," Naruto stated gruffly, a growl rolling low in his throat. "Man, that's so wrong. And with kids too?" Naruto's fist came down in a dull thud. "How the hell could they just _accept_ living that way, Hibari!"

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed at the snarled words.

He braced himself for the inevitable backlash as anger exploded in Hibari's grey orbs. But it was nothing compared to the icy look that Neji shot the Uzumaki. It frosted straight over anything Hibari might have said and it was twice as effective.

The Uzumaki frowned, drawing back with a scowl.

"They _accepted_ it because no one ever offered them a _choice_, Naruto," the Hyūga defended, his eyes narrowing a fraction. "When the rebels tried to afford them that choice, they were sold out as traitors. The people don't believe they _have_ any other choice but to follow this bastard. Lucky for you that freedom doesn't warrant the same penalty these people suffer just for considering it."

A glacial silence slammed across the table.

Akamaru ducked his head, setting it on Kiba's lap with a whine.

_Great._

Shikamaru worked his jaw, seeking a quick way to thaw the tension. Without removing his left hand from his face, he swayed his right in a lazy wave across the map, drawing Naruto's scowl and everyone else's shocked stares onto him and away from Neji's tight-lipped glare.

"And _that's_ all the more reason to play this non-violently," the Nara said. "Right?" he directed the question to Hibari, drawing the Tsubasa out from the brooding silence Naruto's words had dropped him into.

Hibari nodded, frowning. "Right. The people might react like caged animals suddenly given freedom. When they're taken out of a life of captivity, they don't always know what to do with that freedom or how to survive, so they'll need someone they trust to step in."

"And that someone's you, huh?" Kiba asked, only half-sarcastic.

Shikamaru's eye twitched at the barb.

_Ugh. Is everyone deliberately trying to piss this guy off?_

Hibari's frown indicated that he didn't appreciate Kiba's insinuation, but to Shikamaru's immense relief, he let it slide. "That someone is whoever they _choose_," the Tsubasa corrected. "I'll offer them a choice to take up responsibility for restoring Hanegakure – with or without me and my rebels. I don't care what happens to _me_, I care about the _people_ and the kids. I refuse to see more children grow up to be caster fodder. This village is more precious to me than any position of power in it or over it."

"Precious to you, huh?" Naruto murmured, mulling over the words. Shikamaru didn't miss the pained look in the downcast blue eyes. "That's worth fightin' for."

"Yes," Hibari said calmly. "I want to give the people a chance to do things differently."

"And you will," Neji assured, his eyes back on the centre of the table. "But once we remove Ozuku it leaves the people leaderless and afraid. Before anyone can step in to give them these choices, they need to know that they're safe."

"How?" Sakura's expression wavered with the same doubt as her voice. "I find it hard to see them just accepting you Hibari."

"You'll be surprised what happens when you take away people's fear and let them have the right to choose for themselves." Hibari smiled slightly and Shikamaru detected warmth in the grey eyes – it carried in the Tsubasa's voice. "I know these people, I know how they think and I know how they've suffered. It's time for that suffering to end."

"So let's get to makin' it happen already!" Naruto roared, his fist coming down with conviction this time. He swung his bright gaze onto Shikamaru like a spotlight. "Lay it on us, Shikamaru!"

The Nara hesitated as all eyes turned to him. But the pause this time wasn't one of disbelief. It was one of expectancy and anticipation. Everyone lining up like Shogi pawns waiting to be used for the probable outcome; funny how Asuma had made this comparison not long ago. For Shikamaru, it was almost an automatic process when he strategised. To reduce people to playing pieces. It had bothered him ever since his first Chūnin mission, how quickly his thoughts assimilated themselves into this detached assessment.

_Keeps my head clear…_

Shikamaru felt a self-derisive stab in the back of his mind.

_Hn. Let the games begin…win-win…_

Thrust back under the limelight, he drew a slow breath and blinked from his shuttered gaze as if surfacing from a trance. Eyeing the plan, he tilted his head away from his hand and set the tips of his fingers to the map, tapping lightly.

_Here we go._

His eyes sharpened as he scanned the village atlas.

"First step is to disarm Ozuku and delay his shinobi. As discussed, we need to do this without threatening the people." He paused, glancing up. "Strategically, there are three things Ozuku and his supporters need to succeed."

He held up a hand, straightening out three fingers as he relayed each point. "Means. Intent. And opportunity. These are the three things they need. That's the structure for their rule of violence. Take any one of these away and they won't have a leg to stand on."

"Nice," Naruto said, frowning straight after. "Uh, so how are we gonna do it?"

Shikamaru smirked and reached across for a set of discarded crayons placed to his side of the table. Without expending more energy than was necessary, he flicked out a finger to roll one crayon across the table towards Naruto and another towards Lee, seated opposite the blond. In response to their quizzical glances, Shikamaru looked pointedly at the waxy markers.

Naruto blinked owlishly as he took up the crayon. "Uh, ooo-kay?"

Shikamaru sensed Neji glance in his direction. Judging by the faint raise of the Hyūga's eyebrow, he was vaguely amused by the classroom tactic. Shikamaru looked over and shrugged, wordlessly reasoning that it saved him having to reach across the damned table himself.

Neji looked away, but his lips curved a little.

The faint smile drew Shikamaru's gaze to the Hyūga's mouth.

_Focus._

"Right," Shikamaru nodded to Naruto. "Circle the Temple on the map." He waited until Naruto did so. "That's their _means_ of attacking us. That's their weapon, the casters and scrolls."

The Nara turned his gaze to Lee. "Circle the aviary." Lee did so, and it was one hell of a big circle, taking up most of that side of the map. "That is their _opportunity. _They know we're going to go for the aviary. The birds are the only shot they have of hitting us hard."

Shikamaru spun another crayon in his fingers and tapped the table, making no move to circle anything as he glanced over the map. "Lastly is their _intent_, or the mentality they are using, which we've already discussed. Fear."

"Okay, so which one of these three things are we gonna disable?" Naruto asked as he doodled in the corner of the map something that looked suspiciously like a sheep or cow.

Akamaru grumbled across the table, prompting Kiba to scowl at the scribble.

"Changing their mentality or intent is going to be difficult with Ozuku still alive," Neji reasoned. "They still perceive us as a threat, which means we need to remove their means and their opportunity."

Shikamaru nodded, gesturing to each circle with a tip of his head. "That comes down to the Temple and the aviary. These are our targets. The two vital components for their attack."

"So we have to get rid of a shit load of birds?" Kiba posed grimly as he snatched the crayon away from Naruto before the Uzumaki could offend his mutt any further.

Hibari frowned. "We need to destroy the aviary without harming the birds. It's when the birds enter that aviary that they become like one mind, or one mass consciousness. We need to get them _out_ the aviary and then—"

"Blow it up?" Naruto muttered, scowling at Kiba as the Inuzuka rolled the crayon back towards Shikamaru.

"Blow. It. Up?" Sakura enunciated in disbelief, before she whacked Naruto solidly upside the back of the head. "How's that _not_ violent? The aviary is larger than the village!"

"Yeesh! It was just a suggestion," Naruto pouted, dodging her glare.

Shikamaru sighed, setting his chin in his palm. "Blowing it up is _way_ down the list of options and we're gonna avoid it as best we can, got it?" Shikamaru dropped his gaze to the circled Temple. "The idea is to hit the Temple first and disable the jutsu. After we destroy those scrolls and the casting chamber, then the mind-transference jutsu holding in the aviary will be ineffective. The birds will go back to being—"

"Not possessed," Naruto muttered, rubbing at the back of his head and wincing at Sakura's warning glare. "Heh…"

"Yeah," Hibari said. "They'll be free. And maybe one day they'll trust us enough to allow us to commune with them as we did years ago. One bird to a human." He looked to Kiba. "Kind of like you with your mutt here."

Kiba bristled, scratching behind Akamaru's ear. "Who the hell are you calling a mutt?"

Shikamaru groaned into his palm. "Settle down. Listen, we need to move fast. We don't have much time. Right now we need to infiltrate that Temple so we can shut down that aviary."

"I can get you whatever information you need on the aviary," Hibari assured, looking across. "Isuka has direct and unlimited access to it as a vet."

Shikamaru nodded his thanks. "So we've got a way in there. Which means we just need to know more about that Temple and how the hell to infiltrate it."

"We need someone on the inside again," Lee guessed.

Before Shikamaru could address the statement, Neji's voice cut across the table, plunging them back into the disbelieving silence they'd started with.

"We need Kitori."

* * *

Beneath his fingertips it felt like a lie; mostly because he couldn't trace it by touch.

There was no scar tissue, no furrows following the design and no shift in skin texture.

Beneath his fingers, the curse mark didn't exist.

But in the mirror and in his memory and in every waking moment since two months ago, it was a phantom pain he couldn't escape. For all it meant and all it could never have meant.

_It never had to be this way…_

It haunted him beneath the headband like a wound unable to heal, festering raw and open. But he wasn't bleeding on the outside.

_Is this the price of Hyūga pride?_

Neji studied the curse seal, his pale eyes tracing its crude reflection in the cracked mirror nailed into the wall. The team were mobilising, the strategy in place; plans solidifying to secure and fix the broken fate of a broken people.

Neji stared at the fractures in the smeared mirror.

_I will not lose._

He raised his hands, lifting the hitai-ate to his brow to cover the branded mark.

_And I will never forget why…_

The soft scrape of the door drew his gaze to the left side of the mirror, untouched by cracks. It reflected the figure that came to stand in the doorway. Shikamaru braced his shoulder against the frame.

Dark eyes met moonstone in the glass.

They stared at each other for a moment as Neji secured the headband and lowered his hands, his bangs falling back into place. He turned slowly, offering a weak twist at his lips that felt so forced it must have looked pathetic.

Shikamaru cocked his head, frowned and swayed over.

Neji met him half-way.

The Nara cupped the back of his head, cinching their brows.

Neji hummed, dragging his hands up along Shikamaru's sides. He rolled his thumbs across the black material, following the contours of the Nara's body beneath the fabric. He felt the flex of lean muscles reacting to his touch.

Shikamaru sighed. "Better get going…"

Neji grazed their mouths, dropping his hands to the Nara's hips. "Do not fall into any stake pits."

Shikamaru shrugged. "I'll make an effort not to die."

Neji didn't miss the cutting edge in that drawl.

He squeezed Shikamaru's hips; harder than he meant to. "I mean it, Nara."

"Yeah, I'll bet you do."

Neji's eyes narrowed. He made to snap back coldly, but Shikamaru drew his tongue to a different war. The Nara's mouth swooped down across his, seizing dominance without the usual duel that battled out between them.

There was no negotiation in this kiss.

Neji prepared to rip back control. But then that indefinable hint of smoke danced on his tongue. Shikamaru's taste. Diffusing into his blood and his breath and every fibre of his being. His body shuddered once as if hit with a dose of some vein-scorching drug.

_Need_…

Ravenous, destructive, impulsive need.

It had never felt like this before.

This…unstable.

Neji's breath rattled in his throat, rolling out in a growl that Shikamaru swallowed down and breathed back in a reverberating purr. It shook through Neji like a seismic wave, dislodging something deep in his core.

It might have hurt, but he couldn't feel it.

Instead, he felt the shadow-nin shift and shove, driving him up against the wall until the curved surface smacked hard and rough against his back. Shikamaru's palms slammed into the stone beside his head, caging him in. Their lips crashed again, hips locking together, skin breaking into a fever.

Neji pushed forward.

Shikamaru slammed him back hard enough to knock the air from his lungs.

The mirror dislodged, fell and shattered.

The loud crash and spray of glass startled them from the kiss.

It left Neji burning and breathing hard.

Shikamaru shook; a fierce shiver that wracked his body once before he controlled it.

Lantern light glinted off the shards on the floor. They shimmered in slivers on the walls, a reflective glow like scattered mosaic pieces.

It made the murky room look like it was breaking.

Neji released a shaking breath, thudding his head back against the stone. A whisper of cold air seeped into the scant space between their lips, moist and bruised from the savage kiss.

_Gods…what was that…?_

It wasn't the same kind of heat they'd felt before.

Neji felt cool fingers frame his jaw, tracing the firm edge up to the hinge, skimming across and over the bridge of his nose. Soothing, slow – trying to tame the fire. He felt Shikamaru's mouth settle at his throat, softly kissing the pulse point. Neji tilted his head down, breathing raggedly against the crown of Shikamaru's head.

His chest ached as if he'd fractured his ribs.

On the floor, the broken glass shimmered.

* * *

Their formation had changed.

Neji read it effortlessly, tracking the movement of Kitori's shinobi from behind the safety of the barrier jutsu Hibari's people held up. Kitori had the ranks less compact and spread wide and sharp enough to avoid the ambush the Konoha ninja had caged them in with the last time.

The Hyūga's eyes narrowed, Byakugan veins tightening.

Neji expected no less from Kitori, but reserved no praise for her efforts. Just like the last time, her tactics wouldn't save her or her shinobi. There existed only one difference this time. If he pressed a blade to her throat, there would be no mistaking that they were enemies.

And yet, that need to know and understand her deception remained.

He watched Kitori hold out her arm, allowing a large grey bird to take its perch.

_You will give me the truth, Tsubasa._

He felt Shikamaru's fingers brush his shoulder, squeezing lightly. "How close?"

"Closing within the next five minutes," Neji murmured, not addressing Shikamaru directly, though he leaned back a little.

Shikamaru's thumb arced to brush his nape, tracing the edge of the slim gauze taped there. The movement was hidden beneath the fall of his hair. No one noticed.

Neji adjusted his radio transmitter. "Hibari? How are your shinobi?"

Hibari's voice crackled through. "We can't keep this up for long."

Neji hummed. "Understood. I'll move within the next minute. Are Kiba and Akamaru alright?"

"We'd know if they weren't," Shikamaru assured.

"Hey, thanks for the concern, Shikamaru," the dog-nin's grumble carried through the transmitter. "I need to get new friends…"

Akamaru's bark followed straight after, loud enough to cause anyone tuned-in to wince.

"Chill, crap-magnet. Your part's done!"

"Tell that to the fat-ass nosebleed I've got goin' on, lovebird."

"Naruto," Neji straightened up from his crouch, feeling Shikamaru move in sync. "Are you ready?"

"Heck yeah."

"On Shikamaru's count, be prepared to follow us."

"Got it!"

Neji turned to Sakura. The kunoichi nodded, tugging the ends of her glove and flexing out her fingers with a smile.

"Ready," she said.

Neji flicked his gaze back to the surface, scanning quickly. The bird at Kitori's arm stretched it wings, head turning sharply this way and that. Watching the animal, Neji adjusted the cinch of a carrier-cuff closed around his wrist, similar to the kind they used on messenger birds; only this one was used for shinobi envoys between outposts.

He looked at last to the Nara, fastening his gaze on the shadow-nin.

"Run fast, Hyūga."

"Make sure you keep up, Nara."

The corner of Shikamaru's mouth curled up in a weak, sardonic smile. "Kinda used to chasing you down."

Neji hesitated at those words; but only for a moment.

A heartbeat later the barrier jutsu shimmered away into nothingness.

Shikamaru drew back, slipping away into the shadows as Sakura's fist careened skyward, smashing up through the roof of the tunnel.

"Go!" she shouted.

Neji sprung, surfacing in a plume of grit. He hit the ground running with the pink-haired kunoichi hot on his heels, both of them sluicing through the dust in sharp, scything angles.

Across the short distance, the bird perched on Kitori's arm screeched.

Neji's eyes narrowed.

_Let's see how fast you fly._

_

* * *

_

_Faster!_

Shikamaru ran, speeding along the tunnels in line with Neji's path above the surface. Having mapped the route in his mind, he knew exactly when to veer right, tearing down another passageway.

He passed a point in the channel he'd marked earlier and ripped the kunai from the wall, reaching for his transmitter. "Naruto, go!"

"_RASENGAN!_"

Somewhere above, Shikamaru felt the tremors of an explosion as the Uzumaki broke to the surface, followed by the stampede of his clones. Shikamaru searched along the dimly lit walls, looking for the next marked spot.

_There._

He ripped another kunai free, running on and veering left. Up ahead he saw Kiba slouched on the ground, a concerned Akamaru nuzzling at his neck. Sensing his approach, the Inuzuka slipped open his eyes and raised a hand in exhausted greeting, his nose bloody.

"Right on time."

* * *

Kitori flew past her shinobi, springing above them to take the trees, her pace swift and sure, following the path of the bird as her ninja hacked through the sea of Naruto's clones below.

Neji's Byakugan vision tracked her movements effortlessly.

She kept routed to her tracker-bird's path, trusting the animal explicitly to lead her to the tagged prey. Behind and below, Sakura's fist broke up the ground in a mighty crash. The earth caved beneath Kitori's shinobi, dropping them into a dead-end tunnel hollowed out by Kiba's jutsu. Naruto's clones dropped down behind them, herding them into the cylindrical prison and plugging up the exit.

"Sakura, now!" they chorused.

"CHAAAA!" Sakura spun on her heel, twirling in a discus-throwing motion that ended with her fist in the earth.

The ground collapsed beneath the hit, blocking up the exit as Naruto's clones puffed away beneath the rubble. Kitori glanced over her shoulder, frowning. But not once did she stray from her path, following the bird – straight past Neji.

The Hyūga watched her retreating back.

He reached into his ninja pouch, extracting an explosive-tagged kunai and a flash bomb.

Then he followed behind.

* * *

"Didn't break a leg then, Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru arched a brow. "Have you seen your face?"

Kiba chuckled, then winced. "Ow…"

Akamaru whined in concern, dragging his tongue across Kiba's face, his great white tail whacking across Shikamaru's legs repeatedly.

The Nara frowned, swaying out the way.

"Don't bite me," Shikamaru warned, crouching down beside Kiba. "You gonna be okay?"

Kiba nodded, slinging his arm over his dog in an affectionate squeeze. "Yeah, just got a headache…that's a lot of rock to get through."

Shikamaru quirked his lip grimly, nodding. "Can you walk?"

Kiba grinned lopsidedly, crawling onto Akamaru's back.

Shikamaru snorted and pushed to his feet with an amused shake of his head. "Letting the dog take you for a walk? Guess it's only fair."

Akamaru nipped his thumb – hard. Shikamaru yelped. Kiba laughed. Further along the tunnel, an explosion shook the ground. Both ninja looked down the passageway as the blast reverberated along the walls in a judder, causing a fine film of dust to float in the air.

"That's our cue."

Shikamaru turned, jogging along beside Akamaru. Kiba held onto the dog with practiced ease. They closed distance fast, moving down another tunnel the Inuzuka had hollowed out. It brought them to the entrance of a caved pit. Naruto was crouched in the centre, two of his clones puffing away. He straightened up, shaking dirt from his hair and dusting himself off as a baffled Kitori dropped down beside him. The woman rolled, came to her feet and wheeled in a small circle, confused.

"You're not Hyūga," she accused, glaring at Naruto. "How?"

The Uzumaki grinned, complimenting the cocky glint in his eyes. He raised his wrist, showing off the cuff that Neji had been wearing. He tapped the small carrier slot containing the parasitic tag that Isuka had removed from Neji's nape.

Naruto bobbed his eyebrows. "Gotcha."

Not a second later a flash bomb struck. Kitori's look of disgusted fury washed out into a blinding sea of light, shadows and white thrown in all directions.

Kitori gasped, hissed and made to reach for her weapon.

Her limbs wouldn't obey her.

"Not happening, Kitori," Shikamaru's voice carried from the adjacent tunnel, his fingers locked in a familiar hand sign.

The woman blinked and flicked her eyes across, the only part of her body she could move. But it wasn't Shikamaru's dark orbs she looked into when her vision cleared. The white flare from the flash bomb receded, melting into eyes of glowing opal; far more consuming in their impact than the illumination had been.

"Hyūga…"

* * *

"Seriously, what's her creepy obsession with Neji?"

"Maybe she likes his hair," Kiba teased, holding a cloth to his nose, head tipped back.

"Eh? Hinata's is nicer," Naruto said as he ambled over.

Hinata flushed to the roots of her 'nicer' hair with a stutter, fidgeting awkwardly in her seat, much to Kiba's amusement. Naruto sprawled into one of the rickety chairs pulled up to an equally rickety table. Five of the Konoha ninja circled it, balancing out the see-sawing surface with their elbows or palms. The table dominated the room, which branched out beside the rebels' interrogation den. It felt more like a dungeon, the lantern light struggling against the soupy black.

"Shikamaru, you gonna sit?"

_Rather sleep…_

Shikamaru leaned casually against the solid curve of the wall, arms folded and dark eyes on the ground. He hid his agitation well, simply shaking his head. Every minute crammed his skull with a fresh flood of data. Priorities, precautions and possibilities. His conscious mind processed this surplus spew by design; something that most people had the luxury of allowing their subconscious to handle.

But it wasn't the mental overload that taxed his nerves; he was able to compartmentalize and cope with the influx of information. What he _wasn't_ able to do, however, was use that rational ability to diagnose treatment for the concern eating away inside him.

_Dammit._

The game plan for Hanegakure he could handle. The only commitment it required was his logic and intelligence. But every step towards the mission's completion pushed his luck with Neji one step closer to the edge. He couldn't shake the feeling that Neji was already teetering – and not just his body.

_I need to figure this out. Fast._

He could feel the hole in his understanding like an abyss in his mind; the vital pieces he was missing all cast somewhere out of reach. Lost in the void or locked behind walls he couldn't push through without Neji cutting off and shutting down.

_I can't lose here…I can't lose when I'm so damn close to finding you…_

The sharp slide of the door drew his gaze up.

Isuka stepped out of the interrogation den, setting down a small jar on the table.

"Is that another tag?" Sakura asked the vet, leaning forward in her chair when the woman nodded.

Shikamaru cocked his head, watching the tiny parasite scuttle in the glass container.

_So Ozuku tags his own people too…nice…_

The soft fall of footsteps drew the team's gaze across to the entrance. Neji walked in with Hibari, both of their faces grave and set in hard lines. Shikamaru watched the Tsubasa turn to Neji, nod to whatever the Hyūga said and then gesture to the interrogation den.

Neji simply looked across to Shikamaru.

_Here we go._

The Nara nodded, rolled away from the wall and gave Chōji a weary smile as he moved over, following Neji towards the den Kitori had been detained in. He patted the Akimichi's shoulder as he passed.

"Hold the fort, yeah?"

Chōji chuckled, nodding. "Will do."

"Sakura," Shikamaru said, gesturing her over with a tip of his head. He heard her scrape her chair back, following behind. No harm to have another woman present.

Neji slid the door shut behind them, a fatal thud that drew Kitori's gaze away from the lantern she'd been staring at. The Tsubasa woman sat in the centre of the cold, dank room; her arms fastened behind her back and her ankles bound to the legs of her chair. She kept her spine taut, her chin raised. Defiant and determined.

_Troublesome._

Shikamaru returned her piercing gaze with an utterly unaffected expression. The same couldn't be said for Sakura, who regarded Kitori with a twisting around her lips that suggested she was struggling to know how to feel about the situation. Neji, however, had settled for that cold, cut-off mask that almost looked serene; if it wasn't for the hardness around his eyes.

The air seemed to chill as the Jōnin passed through it, moving across towards Kitori, stopping just out of reach. Not that she was free enough to make any move towards him. Even if she had been, Shikamaru doubted she'd have got close before Neji cut her down.

To her credit though, Kitori had the gall to hold the Hyūga's gaze.

Shikamaru opted for shadow over spotlight. He slid along the wall to brace his shoulder against the darkest corner, removing himself from the arena Neji set up. Sakura hovered half-way, quiet and tense as she waited. They'd agreed on a structure for the interrogation, but apparently Neji had some kind of leverage. It didn't take a genius to know it had nothing to do with his hair.

Kitori raised her chin as Neji took a step closer, tracing her eyes over him in a way that prompted Shikamaru's brow to sketch upward.

"You must be disappointed," Kitori said softly. "I can see it in your eyes."

Shikamaru severely doubted that. If anything, Neji's eyes had become about as transparent as the stone beneath his feet. The Nara kept his silence, observing the woman watching Neji. She'd narrowed in solely on the Hyūga, ignoring Shikamaru and Sakura altogether.

She stared at Neji with an intriguing and intimate intensity.

Shikamaru frowned, more disturbed by it than Neji seemed to be.

"You wanted two problems taken care of through simultaneous annihilation," Neji began; his voice held nothing but calm, cold fact. "You had no intention of securing peace and no intention of allowing us to leave Hanegakure."

"That's true."

"Not only that, but you also managed to gain a powerful opportunity earlier that you didn't exploit. You had half our team with you, ignorant to your intentions."

Kitori blinked slowly. "I did."

"Which begs the question, why did you allow Shikamaru and the others to live?"

Kitori inclined her head towards Shikamaru without looking at him. "Because he's important to you."

_Fuck._

Shikamaru's jaw twitched. He glimpsed Sakura's reaction out the corner of his eye. The kunoichi looked more confused than surprised, not picking up on a context that was probably about as far from her mind as Shikamaru wanted to be from this situation.

Neji offered no reaction at all. "Why should it matter to you, what is important to me?"

Kitori tilted her head, as if trying to peek up under the cold mask Neji had pulled across his face. Her eyes softened. "Are you going to kill me as well, Hyūga? I'd understand if you need to. I think you should."

Neji stared down at her and Shikamaru watched the Hyūga's eyes pinch in conflict for a split second before he controlled himself. It was a slip that threatened to begin a digression they couldn't afford. Shikamaru took advantage of Neji's silence.

"The Temple," the shadow-nin interrupted. "You know how to access it." It wasn't a question.

Kitori kept her eyes on Neji, ducking her head a little more to hold his attention and his gaze, though she answered Shikamaru. "Yes. I know how to access it. You cannot stop the jutsu, if that's what you're planning."

"Why's that?" Shikamaru prompted, searching her face for any information.

Unfortunately, she seemed completely fixated on Neji. Gone was the militant kunoichi he'd exchanged clipped and strategic words with hours before. In her place sat a woman who looked smaller, frailer and lacking the condescending air she'd commanded before.

Here sat a woman who looked troublesomely unhinged.

_Great…_

To his surprise, she responded to his question again.

"Because it is our calling. Therefore it is inevitable," Kitori intoned, flat and faithless, but firmly resigned. "It is our way."

"A way you could have changed," Neji said, pulling back from his silence with a chill in his eyes. "You could have stopped this. You had the chance."

Kitori bluffed a bitter smile. "No. We don't have chances, Hyūga. We Tsubasa have consequences. Consequences for even _thinking_ that way. Not that your shinobi could understand that about our people."

Shikamaru resisted the urge to announce his disinterest through a yawn. At this stage, her excuses didn't interest him. But they seemed to impact on Neji; because the armour holding hard and hostile around Neji's face took a nasty fracture.

It happened so fast it surprised Shikamaru.

Neji's brow furrowed, his voice dropping low. "But unlike the people of this village, _you_ had a choice. You had the opportunity to support a cause greater than the twisted beliefs of your husband and his brother. You had the _chance_ to make things _right_."

Kitori recoiled at his words, as if having expected support and sympathy. Her lips tightened. "You don't understand."

"I understand that your children gave you the very chance you _say_ you never had." Neji leaned in, pale eyes flashing. "I understand that you did _nothing_ when you could have done _something_."

"We have a system and a foundation that we uphold," Kitori argued, falling back on verbatim she'd probably been force-fed all her life. "This _is_ and always _has_ been the way of our people."

"And the children of those people?" Sakura asked, her fingers curling tightly into the fabric of her pink elbow-protectors. "What about them?"

"It is our way," Kitori answered, her eyes locked on Neji, searching his face for something Shikamaru sensed the Hyūga wasn't going to give.

_Why the hell does she need his approval so much?_

Neji's eyes narrowed. "And your way is to have children _branded_ and kept in cages of ignorance until they are old enough to be used and controlled; all under the guise of 'protecting' the flock," the Hyūga bit out.

Shikamaru frowned and his eyes flicked to Neji's headband.

_Like what Hiashi-sama and the Hyūga elders did to you…_

So much for not making things personal.

Shikamaru frowned, taking a silent inventory of all the ways this conversation was starting to head in the wrong direction. He should have stepped in. He should have steered things back on track. But he found his jaw clamping instead, his attention riveted on the hairline cracks breaking up Neji's controlled walls.

Maybe, just maybe, some missing pieces might slip through.

"It is our way, Hyūga," Kitori repeated, tonelessly.

"What about your daughter? What about your son?"

Kitori's chin shook. She looked stung for a moment. "They defied the people."

"No," Neji uttered. "They defied the men who have _enslaved_ your people."

Kitori clenched her eyes shut, her fingers curling into fists. "It was not their _place_."

"It has to start somewhere, Kitori," Sakura said, her voice softer than Neji's; more likely to offer support.

From the reaction it provoked, Shikamaru guessed the only support Kitori wanted was from Neji. The Tsubasa woman turned on Sakura with a wildcat hiss.

"If that was true it would have started generations ago!" Kitori spat, spearing Sakura with a venomous look. "It can't be true! It's a lie!"

Unaffected by her outburst, Neji shook his head, staring down through his lashes. "So you just toe the line and allow this cycle of destruction to continue?"

"It is our _way_," she insisted, looking back to Neji. "Don't you see? It's our _way_."

"Your _tradition,_" Neji corrected.

In an instant, his tone and his stance changed.

The visible shift raised the hair at back of Shikamaru's nape.

Shikamaru sensed the change not because he knew what to look for rationally but because he _felt_ it instinctively. The air around Neji charged. It felt way too volatile to allow it to build. Especially here, in front of Sakura and in front of the woman who was having too much of an affect on Neji for anything good to come of it.

_Better redirect this fast…_

Shikamaru raised his voice. "Neji, stick to the interrogation or le—"

"—they were your _children,_" Neji overruled, the mallet of his accusation crushing Shikamaru's voice.

"Gods, why can't you see?" Kitori whispered fiercely, her grey eyes starting to redden and water. "Do you think I _wanted_ to abandon them!"

Neji snorted heartlessly, unmoved by her pain. "What does it matter what you _wanted_? It comes down to what you _did_. Or in your case, what you _didn't_ do."

"Neji, hold on a moment," Sakura said firmly, stepping forward.

Neji shot her a dagger glare that stopped her on the spot. He looked back to Kitori, immune to her shaking. Shikamaru, however, could read the signs of an impending break down. The rapid shifting of Kitori's eyes, looking for an exit she didn't have. Her shallow breathing, her temples beaded with sweat.

Neji ignored the signs completely. "You would rather escape like a coward through those birds, than remain to support your children, your people and everything that this village once stood for."

Kitori's face crumpled, too many emotions to quantify flooding into her eyes, spilling past her lashes. She shook her head violently, beseeching him, needing his understanding for her actions in a way Shikamaru couldn't quite grasp.

"You don't understand!" she shouted, her voice shaking. "You don't _understand_!"

_Dammit. She's no use to us like this._

"Neji," Shikamaru warned, shifting away from the wall.

"You could never understand what it's like to live in fear!" Kitori wailed suddenly, throwing down her defences at Neji's feet. "You are _free_ in Konoha! But here we have always been slaves to a destiny that we cannot escape!"

_Fuck._

Shikamaru froze.

His eyes widened as Neji's narrowed to dangerous slivers.

_Ah shit…_

Of all the troublesome and disastrous things she could have possibly said.

And she didn't stop there.

"You could _never_ understand what that's like!" Kitori yelled through the clog of bitter tears, staring into the ghost-white glare of Neji's eyes. "To be bound to a tradition that forms a fate you can never change! And must therefore accept! You cannot understand that!"

The walls echoed with the scream of her words, bouncing the bitterness around and throwing it back until the tension thickened to the point where Shikamaru wondered if time had stopped altogether.

Outside, he heard chairs scraping back from the table.

Inside, the silence held – painfully long.

Then Neji's voice drifted out in a tone so serene and controlled it was far more disturbing than Kitori's screaming had been.

"You're wrong," the Hyūga murmured, so soft it scarcely carried. "And even if I didn't understand as well as I do, it would _never_ make you right."

"Then kill me…" Kitori whispered, swallowing a sob, straining in her chair as if she could touch him with her words. "Kill me too…"

Neji looked away slowly. Something changed in his eyes.

"Clearly your daughter and her unborn child weren't enough," he said flatly, without emotion or inflection.

Sakura's eyes widened at the callousness. "Neji…"

Shikamaru studied the Hyūga critically, growing increasingly uneasy, but fighting the feeling as he searched for something more. Some sign, some missing piece that went beyond Neji just reacting to Kitori's sense of fatalism and clan struggle that he'd once shared.

_It's here. I know it's here. What the hell am I not seeing?_

"The _kindest_ thing you did for my daughter was to kill her," Kitori whispered, looking up at Neji like a sinner beseeching the statue of a carved saint. "You are the _mercy_ I've prayed for. You set her _free_. You came to set us _free_."

Neji drew his head back and Shikamaru didn't miss the twist of gutted pain his face.

_There._

It was gone in an instant, the proud jaw tightening. "Death isn't freedom."

"It's not slavery either. I _see_ you, Hyūga."

Neji stared at her. "You are blind. Blind and weak."

"You were brought to me," Kitori whispered, the almost sing-song quality to her voice telling Shikamaru she'd slipped back into her bubble of delusion. "You were sent to my girl. You were chosen by fate to be the one to set them _free_."

"So you lied about your son so I could extend the same 'freedom' to him?" Neji murmured, gazing just to the side of Kitori now. "Hn. What a unique case of monster you are."

"But _you're_ not a monster, are you, Hyūga?" Kitori wheedled, desperate. "You gave me your _word_. I saw it in your eyes. And I _know_ that you see it in mine. Look at me!"

Neji's lashes flickered shut. Kitori frowned and craned her neck, trying to catch his gaze even though he'd closed his eyes and probably his ears to her broken pleas.

"You know what our escape is, don't you, Hyūga? Look at me. Look into my eyes and tell me you don't see it! Open your eyes and look at me! Tell me what you see!"

Shikamaru made to step in, but paused when Neji opened his eyes.

Only he wasn't looking at Kitori, or anyone.

His eyes had glazed over into that faraway stare.

Shikamaru's throat tightened.

_No…_

"What I see," Neji uttered, low and even, "is a creature not worth my pity, much less my mercy."

The words were like a death knell.

Shikamaru saw the panic push fresh tears into Kitori's eyes.

"No…don't you dare…you _look_ at me!" she gasped, struggling against her bonds. "I chose you for your mercy! I _chose_ you!"

"And may you rot for it," Neji uttered, his face set with chilling indifference.

Sakura's eyes widened. "Neji…"

Neji turned calmly on his heel. "I'm done here."

Kitori let out a long, keening scream.

Shikamaru was deaf to it, his eyes on Neji.

Outside, Akamaru started barking.

Kitori shook her head, tears dripping from her chin as she rocked in her chair. "Don't walk away from me, Hyūga!"

Shikamaru watched Neji do just that. And a slow sense of dread turned the Nara's blood colder with every step the Hyūga took. Kitori wailed, curling up on herself.

_Shit._

Shikamaru stabbed a finger toward the weeping woman. "Sakura, stay with her."

Sakura's eyes rounded. "But—!"

"Do it!" Shikamaru was already moving, lengthening his strides as Neji passed from the room; a ghost slipping between the cracks.

_Not this time. I won't lose you._

Kitori's scream shook the tunnels. "I chose you for your mercy!"

* * *

The door slid shut behind Shikamaru in a bang. But it proved a weak barrier against Kitori's wailing. It filtered through in a horrible keen. It tugged at Shikamaru's conscience like desperate fingers, filling his ears with her tormented cries.

_Dammit!_

Shaking off the horrible sounds, he turned sharply, almost tripping over Akamaru in the process. The dog barked, sniffing at the door and scratching. Shikamaru stepped past the canine and watched Neji stride across the room, completely ignoring Kiba and Hinata's startled looks.

Shikamaru scowled, moving after him.

He did a quick scan, assuming Chōji, Naruto and Lee were with Hibari.

Hinata pushed her chair back, nervously glancing between them. "Neji-niisan?"

Neji paid her no heed, reaching over Kiba's propped-up feet to snatch the jar Isuka had set down. Shikamaru paused at the other end of the table, slamming his palms onto the unstable surface.

Hinata flinched.

Kiba stopped rocking his chair.

Neji didn't even look up.

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed. "Neji, what the hell was that? That _wasn't_ an interrogation and it sure as hell wasn't the plan."

The Hyūga checked the jar in his hand, shaking it once until the parasite moved.

"She knowingly sold out her children," was his clipped response.

"Hibari _told_ you she did," Shikamaru growled, leaning into the press of his hands. "What the _hell_ were you expecting? Some _noble_ excuse as to why she did it?"

Neji levelled him with a long, hard stare.

Shikamaru drew his head back, surprise arching his brows.

_Shit…you were…_

Kiba leaned back in his teetering chair, jerking his thumb towards the door. "What the hell's going on? Why's she screaming like that?"

Shikamaru and Neji ignored him, locked solely onto each other.

Neji leaned across the other end of the table, glaring. "And now she _allows_ it to continue."

"Yeah," Shikamaru frowned. "Fear makes people do crazy, stupid shit."

"Tch," Neji scoffed, his eyes flickering, his fingers flexing; subtle movements sending dangerous signals. "Crazy or not, it's no mitigation of her crime."

"Well she sure _sounds_ crazy!" Naruto piped up, happening into the room as if someone had given him an ill-timed cue-card.

Shikamaru's fingertips dug into the table and he shot a glare over his shoulder.

_Not now, dammit!_

"Why's she freaked out like that?" Naruto paused, staring at the door in concern and confusion.

Shikamaru opened his mouth to respond but snapped it shut when the door drew back behind him.

"She's terrified," Sakura answered, slipping out of the interrogation den just as Shikamaru turned his head. "That's why."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, jerking his hands away from the table fiercely enough to rock it. The sudden movement knocked Kiba's feet and the Inuzuka's chair almost crashed back. Hinata caught it.

"Dammit! Is _anyone_ gonna follow orders here?" the Nara ground out, rounding on Sakura. "I told you to stay with Kitori."

Sakura's sea-green eyes turned stormy. "She's in _no_ condition to cooperate, Shikamaru. She's close to a panic attack. Isuka will probably have to sedate her."

Shikamaru passed a hand across his face, cursing. That would drop them into a delay they couldn't afford.

"No," Shikamaru shook his head. "Don't sedate her. Hinata? See if you can calm her down."

Neji snorted, turning away from the table and the conversation. "Let her suffer for it."

"Neji!" Naruto frowned, his brows drawing into a fierce V. "What the hell?"

"She's still _human_, Neji," Sakura snapped, holding the door aside for Hinata to slip into the den. "And right now, she's terrified."

"Pathetic," Neji spat out. "She's _weak_."

"She isn't in her right mind," Shikamaru reminded, hating that he even needed to defend this woman. Hating more that he didn't understand what the hell was happening here.

Neji kept drawing up his callous shield and then dropping it. Repeating the process hard enough to crush anything or anyone trying to appeal to his reason; what was worse was that Shikamaru could see it happening in a way the others couldn't.

Neji's defence wasn't thawing, it was corroding.

It wasn't just anger burning behind the ice in his face; it was something far more acidic, far more poisonous. Dangerously bubbling up beneath the surface – not quite strong enough to show in his eyes, but it was eating into his voice.

_Shit…_

Shikamaru darted a glance towards the exit.

_I need to get him away from here._

Sakura was suddenly standing beside him, her disapproving glower directed firmly at Neji. "The brainwashing fear that Fukurō and Ozuku cast over these people is unbelievably strong."

"Yet believably stronger than whatever that woman feels for her children," Neji bit back derisively.

"Yeah but she's pretty brainwashed, right?" Naruto frowned, piecing together what he could from the exchanges. "You're thinkin' like a rational person compared to her."

Neji turned on Naruto. "What the hell do you want me to think like? An _emotional_ one?"

Kiba whistled lowly. "Kinda looks like you've got that covered."

"Shut up, Inuzuka."

"Man, what's your problem?" Kiba snapped. "You should be happy we're finally sorting this shit out."

"_Happy_?" Neji echoed, incredulous.

"Cool your jets, Hyūga," Kiba scowled, bristling. "What the fuck's your problem _this_ time?"

"_This_ time?" Neji posed with a condescending snort. "Your stupidity."

"Bastard." Kiba surged to his feet, sending his chair crashing back. "I've _had_ it with your high-handed shit!"

Shikamaru knifed out his hand, the edge of his palm smacking Kiba's chest to knock the dog-nin back a step. "Back off, Kiba. We _still_ don't have time for this."

Kiba shoved his arm aside, taking an aggressive step around the table, jutting his chin towards Neji. "Tell it to this jerk!"

Shikamaru clenched his jaw, pleading for patience. Some God must have had his back because Chōji appeared, obviously alerted by the raised voices.

"Hey, hey. Come on guys, calm down."

"I'm not the one acting like an asshole!" Kiba roared, his feral gaze pinned on Neji's granite expression.

Akamaru barked, cocking his head and turning an anxious circle on the ground, whining at the mounting aggression.

"Why the hell are we fightin' each other? This isn't helping!" Naruto shouted, looking this way and that as if unsure who to direct the words to.

They obviously passed straight over Kiba's head.

"What's your malfunction, Hyūga?" Kiba goaded, every bit like a dog sinking its teeth in, gnashing hotly. "Did makin' Jōnin go to your head or what?"

Shikamaru came between them again, ominously calm. "Kiba. Use _your_ head."

Kiba looked ready to use his fist.

Akamaru bounded over, barking loudly enough to distract the Inuzuka.

It bought Shikamaru enough time to shoot Neji a glare.

Neji's lip curled in a scathing twist that could have been a sneer. But not a second later his expression fell flat and cold and he turned sharply, cutting past Lee as the green-clad ninja paused at the threshold to the room.

"Neji-kun?" Lee turned to watch the Hyūga vanish down the tunnel.

"Shit," Shikamaru hissed beneath his breath. "Sakura, stay here and keep things on track with Hibari – get whatever information you can from Kitori."

"But—"

Shikamaru shot her an uncompromising glare; the kind reserved for situations he made an effort to avoid, simply to avoid the effort of getting _out_ of said situation.

"Do _whatever_ is necessary." He turned to his best ally, his eyes soliciting support as much as his voice. "Chōji…?"

"I've got it." Chōji nodded, patting Kiba's shoulder even when the dog-nin shrugged him off, grumbling.

Shikamaru offered his friend a strained smile, then turned, almost bumping shoulders with Naruto as the Uzumaki swayed aside just in time, spinning with the movement to shout after Shikamaru's retreating back.

"Shikamaru! Where the heck are _you_ goin'?"

_To find Neji before he loses himself…_

* * *

The labyrinth of the tunnels left him like a rat in a maze.

_Shit!_

Shikamaru jerked to a halt, slamming the side of his fist into the wall, letting the judder carry up his arm to rattle some focus into him. He hissed a breath through his teeth.

_Breathe. Calm down. Think._

Drawing a deep, slow breath through his nose, he nodded a mental countdown then slipped open his eyes. Slowly, direction came back to him, his mind projecting the underground layout on a mental screen. He'd studied the tunnel plans. He knew where to go. He picked up speed, his feet following the instructions drilling out in sharp, short bursts of 'left', 'right', 'next', 'right'.

He jerked to a halt. "Neji!"

The Hyūga didn't stop, slow down or speed up. He ignored Shikamaru and the echo of the Nara's voice completely.

_Great._

"Ugh. Troublesome bastard," Shikamaru muttered, pushing off his palm to catch up as Neji cut a path straight to the room the team had been allocated earlier.

Shikamaru came up behind him just as the Hyūga passed through the door. His fingers brushed Neji's arm. He had no chance to get a grip. His back hit the wall so hard and fast it took him a moment to realise he'd been pitched sideways and slammed.

Neji's breath fired hotly against his ear.

"Do not _touch_ me, Nara."

The threat in that too-calm tone alarmed Shikamaru less that the complete calm in those opal eyes. Shikamaru drew his head back, raising his palms outward in what he hoped was a white-flag gesture.

"I hear you," he said quietly. "Take it easy."

Neji's eyes pinched, hardening. He drew back sharply, twisting away to stalk across the room. Shikamaru remained against the wall, assessing damage control, his eyes darting to the door then back to Neji.

He felt like he'd just walked into the lion's den.

At the forefront of his mind was the absolute priority that no matter what happened, he had to keep Neji contained until he could calm him down. He tracked the Hyūga's movements, watching Neji pass in and out of one of the rooms, stalking back and forth like a predator pacing out their frustration; or premeditating how they were going to vent it.

_Shit._

Shikamaru eased away from the wall. "What's this about, Neji?"

"Don't ask stupid questions…" Neji uttered, shoving the small jar he'd taken into his ninja bag, drawing the strings taut in a jerk.

"You need to calm down," the shadow-nin advised, closing distance in a slow, steady orbit. "You need to stop and think."

Neji paused, looking across at Shikamaru like an animal scenting a trap. "And you need to get away from me."

Shikamaru dropped his eyes to the Jōnin's black-and-tan bag. "Goin' somewhere?"

"I am going to end this."

Neji shouldered the bag and turned towards the exit. Shikamaru changed course, side-stepping broadly until he'd put himself between Neji and the door, shaking his head.

"Not gonna happen."

"Get out of my way."

"Not a chance. You're not thinking clearly."

"I'm perfectly clear on what I'm going to _do_."

"What the hell happened in there with Kitori?"

Neji pressed his lips together and said nothing.

The silence pulled so tight it was painful.

Shikamaru was under no delusions as to how seriously screwed he might be. However, he removed himself from the thought of Neji's threat by operating solely on objective, rather than outcome.

_I'm not backing down._

His confidence was in no way amplified by the various scenarios playing out in his brain; most of them ending with him on the floor. But he'd overridden self-preservation mode. He had no idea what mode he was operating in now, much less what red zone Neji was edging into.

He just knew one thing.

The missing pieces were here and he wasn't about to back off until he found them.

_So I can find you…_

Shikamaru dragged in a slow breath. "Tell me what's wrong."

The softness in his voice eased the lock at Neji's jaw, but the Hyūga's eyes remained crystallised and cold. "Get out of my way before I remove you."

Shikamaru didn't flinch.

"Are you deaf, Nara?"

"Tone deaf, yeah. Not blind though, so cut the bullshit. You know I'm seeing through it."

One dark brow arched as Neji pinned him with a glare. "Why the hell didn't you see through Kitori then?"

"Kinda did. You told me to quit sending her death glares so I backed off."

Shikamaru regretted the ill-placed sarcasm the second Neji took a step forward; the sheer vibration of his anger filled the space seconds before the Hyūga's body did.

"Don't you _dare_ get humorous about this," the Jōnin warned, his mouth twisted in a snarl.

It was a reaction, but it wasn't enough. Neji's eyes were still closed off, still shut down. The truth and reason locked behind that hard, bitter casing.

_You're not gonna hide from me this time…_

Shikamaru shook his head, struggling to divorce his emotions from his thinking. "I never liked her – guess I've got an _acceptable_ reason now. Why is her betrayal affecting _you_ so much?"

Neji dismissed the question, but his answer was the tightening of the chords in his throat. Shikamaru searched the straining tendons as if he'd find those missing pieces.

_Why the hell are you hurting so badly that you'd hurt everyone else to deny it?_

"Move, Shikamaru."

"Neji," Shikamaru shook his head, swallowing, struggling not to just grab the Hyūga and shake him.

Neji drew a tight breath.

"Gods just move before I hurt you," he whispered. But the threat was crushed to dust by the pain in his voice.

Shikamaru, unable to remove that pain, reacted to it – wanting to tear it out.

Control slipped and impulse drove him.

He closed the distance and grabbed Neji's shoulders. "_Talk _to me, dammit!"

The tactical error turned out to be the best mistake he could have possibly made. Neji hadn't expected it. It corralled the Hyūga out of hiding and into conflict.

He reacted with a snarl.

"Kitori just handed that girl over!" Neji shouted straight into Shikamaru's face, dropping his black-and-tan bag in a thud as sudden as the rage in his voice. "Her daughter and her daughter's child!"

"I know that!" Shikamaru shouted back, tightening his grip until Neji jerked away from him so fiercely that they both stumbled. "Why is this ma—"

Neji cut him off by shoving him back. "And then she allowed us to go to _execute_ her son!"

Shikamaru staggered back a pace and straightened up, forcing himself to calm down, to remain level-headed now that Neji was responding to him. "That's right. She did."

"No. She did _nothing_," Neji ground the words out sourly, veering away. "_Nothing_."

Shikamaru frowned, slipping into tactical mode, watching Neji turn away with a growing sense of suspicion. "Because she was scared."

Neji swung back, shaking with a sort of animal intensity. "Because she was _weak_!"

Shikamaru sucked a breath against the powerful anger. He could almost feel Neji's chakra glowing with it. But the answers were there, somewhere right in front of him. The pieces scattered on the floor like those shards of glass earlier.

_Think. Think. Think._

Shikamaru's mind scoured through the mess, pulling together the pieces with mental fingers. Sliding them into alignment. Trying to find the design.

"Neji…"

"She just stood by—"

_God this isn't about what someone 'did'…_

Shikamaru frowned. "Neji."

"—and let it happen!"

_No...That can't be it…_

Slowly it began to take form, shocking Shikamaru because he'd never thought to even consider it. It made no sense.

_No…it does…_

And slowly, Shikamaru's blood began to chill, his heartbeat slowing as his suspicion threatened to solidify into the bitter truth.

…_and he's so deep in denial he doesn't even realise it himself…_

"Neji," he whispered, staring at Neji and seeing none of the rage tearing along the Jōnin's regal frame.

He was seeing through the anger; seeing through to what that anger was protecting. He was seeing through to what was locked behind those guarded eyes; hard and glazed and reflecting a lie that Neji had probably told himself over and over for the past two months.

_Maybe even years…ever since he was a kid…_

Over and over until he'd actually believed it…

_He still believes it…_

Shikamaru's eyes softened, sadness aching through his gaze as he looked on, making no move to step away as Neji drew so close that those white eyes eclipsed Shikamaru's vision completely.

"Just like those birds!" Neji roared. "Kitori put her own flesh and blood into a cage!"

And with those words, Shikamaru no longer suspected – he knew. He had it.

And the knowing hit him so hard it knocked his breath out in a shake against Neji's lips.

"Neji," he whispered, "this isn't about Kitori and her kids…"

Neji scowled. "_What_?"

Shikamaru shook his head, his voice soft and low. "And for the past two months…it's never been about your clan either."

Neji shoved him back a step, but his eyes flickered warily. "What the hell are you talking about, Shikamaru!"

Shikamaru took a step forward, swallowing hard.

"It's not Hiashi-sama or the Hyūga elders that you can't forgive."

"What are yo–!"

"It's your father."

Silence...

A silence in which one shinobi gained his greatest weapon, while the other lost his greatest defence.

Truth. Denial.

Shikamaru worked his throat, forcing himself to go on. "Hizashi was the one who just _'stood by'._ That's what this is all about. God...that's what it's always been about."

Like a fracture, a sudden, stricken look seized Neji's face, paralysing his breath.

Shikamaru watched, left numb by his own accuracy and the impact of its truth.

Neji said nothing. The colour had drained from his skin. He was as still and frozen as the moist sheen in his eyes; the pale irises staring at Shikamaru, sheeted with shock. But his gaze was no longer faraway – it was haunted and heartbreaking...but it was _here_.

Those moonstone orbs widened...translucent with tears that wouldn't fall.

Couldn't fall.

Shikamaru felt an ache he'd never felt before, swallowing up the air in his chest.

"Neji..."

The second he spoke, the ice in Neji's eyes didn't just crack.

It shattered like broken glass.

And those broken eyes were the last thing Shikamaru saw, before pain slammed into his jaw and the world crashed into black.

* * *

**TBC. **…

**A/N:** *is now _made_ of tea* Ouch. This chapter was a _demon_ to write. The toughest by far. Hence the longer update time. But it just wanted to be written this way. Like a build up I couldn't cut short. ^_^ Worked hard on it and hope that you guys enjoyed it – as sadistic as that sounds. I think I need some chocolate pronto.

_**I'd **__**DEEPLY**__** appreciate any feedback on this one. **_

**REVIEWERS: **Bless you all. It's the support you guys give me that helps me spew out something as _long_ as this chapter, (and this fic!) without resorting to popping happy pills LOL. You people are my chakra pills lol. You keep me going! **Thank you. **As always, **so** happy and excited to hear your thoughts ^_^

**Reviewers without accounts: **My _heartfelt_ thanks to; **Rakija**, **zoomzoom, ****oppa, ****Miin, ****Luna **(LOL surprise!), **Savannah **(^_^), **Samantha**, (RED ALERT, RED ALERT! Danger is imminent indeed, luv.) **ayachan **(spot on with the two "caged birds" there, luv! ^_^ TY!),  
**Shinejshi – **Thank you so much, sweetie. ^_^ Ouch. Hope you can forgive the major angst pending! lol!  
**Homemade_idiot** – LOL! Still making me smile, luv – THANK YOU!  
**Gia Anna **– LOL. not quite a spank for Neji, but a point-blank punch for Shikamaru! *hides* Thanks again, poppet.  
**mandapanda123 **– Thank you sweetie! LOL genius? no. My brain is in meltdown lol!  
**pixie - ***laughs* Lets all be insane together! I certainly will be shortly. If I'm not already. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, luv. ^_^  
**Lady Mortis – **Let the battles begin! lol. I aged writing this chapter, so no worries LOL!  
**storylover – **Thank you for your review and feedback! ^_^ Appreciated. No worries, I know where this story is going, sometimes I wish I didn't though LOL. ^_^

_Thank you also to those adding this fic to their alert lists/favourites. I'm chuffed!_


	36. Chapter 36

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Thirty Six**

"_Shikamaru, don't run. If you run, it will charge."_

"_I can run faster than a deer with a broken leg."_

"_It's not broken, kid."_

_Broken…_

The memory broke up in his mind…fragmenting into disjointed thoughts...all of them swirling around fractured dialogue…words that stabbed into his brain like glass.

_Glass…_

"_It's made of glass, do you like it?"_

"_You woke me up for this?"_

"_Shikamaru…"_

"_Fine. It's nice."_

"_Nice? That's it?"_

"_It's nice and heavy?"_

"_Shikamaru! Ugh! Give it to me before you break it."_

_Break…it…?_

"_You broke it."_

"_Yeah I noticed."_

"_I think you cheated."_

_Neji…_

Darkness swamped in, pulsing starbursts of colour behind his eyes.

_Eyes…broken eyes… Neji…_

He scrambled for some mental cohesion, trying to drag his scattered thoughts together.

_Fuck …move…_

Pain sawed through his synapses, cutting off signals to his limbs. He felt completely disconnected from his body, yet at the same time he couldn't detach from the nauseating pain throbbing in his head.

_Ugh…_

Blackness ebbed in, heavy and dark and promising relief…a sweet panacea to the pain…a quick slip through the cracks…

"Shikamaru!"

The call of his name exploded in his mind, punching him into consciousness. He jerked his head up, grunting hard at the pain. Sudden movement of any kind just wasn't going to happen.

_What…the…?_

Dazed and drifting, he struggled to process what the hell was happening. He heard the dull reverberation of running footsteps, amplified in his head like small explosions.

_Ugh…why is it so hard to move…? Did I hit…something on the way down? Wait…where…?_

He struggled to complete the thought, but failed in the attempt the second he felt a rough, wet slap dragging across his cheek. It stank like dog. Shikamaru groaned, cracking an eye open only to squeeze it shut when Akamaru's breath panted out against his face. The second swipe of slathering tongue convinced him he'd have preferred a bite.

"Shikamaru!"

_Loud…_

It was nothing compared to the bark Akamaru let off. The stray thought of a brain haemorrhage came to mind; if he didn't have one already.

"Shikamaru," gasped a softer voice, less abrasive and distinctly female.

He felt fingertips grazing the side of his head and cupping his jaw. The pain was instant and he frowned, but not a moment later came the warmth and tingle of curative chakra. The gentle illumination played across his closed eyelids, swallowing up the black.

"Shikamaru don't move." Sakura's voice_. "_You might be concussed."

_Concussed?_

The word trickled through and he felt the hinge of his jaw loosen. A weak, raspy chuckle filtered through his lips.

"Why's he laughing?" Naruto.

"Whoa, he got hit _hard_." Kiba.

Shikamaru's lashes flickered open, the hoarse chuckle scraping in the back of his throat as he swallowed. "Ow…"

Aqua-tinged eyes, rounded with concern, fixed on his face. "Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru carefully worked his jaw, feeling the world spin in a dizzying dip as something nudged under his head like a cushion. Judging by the upside down angle it was probably Sakura's thighs.

Fighting the fleeting embarrassment, Shikamaru cleared his throat. "Where's…Neji…?"

"Neji's lost the fucking plot."

"Kiba!" Sakura scolded, lifting her head sharply. Shikamaru attempted to get his eyes to follow the direction her jaw slanted. Bad idea. Dots danced in front of his eyes.

"What?" Kiba snapped. "It's _true_. He just KO'd Shikamaru into a fucking wall."

_That would be the head trauma…doesn't explain why I'm 'this' incapacitated…_

Shikamaru tried to dredge up what had happened seconds before he'd hit the floor. However, his brain failed to supply a flashback to fill in the big fat blank Neji had punched into his head.

_Great…_

He felt Sakura's hands cup the sides of his skull, the healing glow of green pulsing through the pain.

"Where is he?" Shikamaru muttered, hoping that sound _was_ actually coming out his mouth and he wasn't just sprawled, making faces like some beached fish.

Sakura hummed. "Shikamaru, try not to talk for a moment until I get rid of the swelling, okay?"

Shikamaru squinted, glimpsing the smear of red against the heels of Sakura's palms as she bracketed his jaw. Was he bleeding? He must have hit the ground harder than he thought. He heard Naruto crouch down beside him and angled his blurry gaze towards the Uzumaki's face. Wide blue orbs stared down, swimming with concern, turbulent with confusion.

"Why the hell did Neji do this?" Naruto whispered to no one in particular.

Shikamaru closed his eyes, frowning. "He was…protecting me…"

"From what?" Kiba snorted. "His _other_ Gentle Fist?"

"Interfering…" Shikamaru muttered lamely, gingerly testing the hinge of his jaw when Sakura cupped his head again.

"That's bullshit, Shikamaru!" Naruto yelled.

"Man…you're fucking loud…"

"Stop shouting, Naruto," Sakura said firmly and Shikamaru felt her set her hands at his shoulders. "Go and get me some ice."

Naruto blinked. "You're kiddin' me! From _where_?"

"Let's go chip it off Neji's ass," Kiba muttered beneath his breath.

"Will you guys stop it," Sakura whispered, hissing the words out in a tone that immediately silenced both of them. "Naruto go and find Isuka, she'll know where they keep an icepack or something. Kiba, can you find Hinata?"

Shikamaru heard a mutter of reluctant compliance. He blinked his eyes open to a half-shutter, watching the dog-nin and Uzumaki pass out of his line of sight. He heard Sakura sigh softly above him.

"What happened?"

_I fucked up…that's what happened…_

The memory of Neji's eyes came back to him. Shikamaru swallowed down the bile that crept up his throat. He brought his head up an inch at a time, wincing at the discomfort, but grateful that the violent hammer of pain had dulled. He raised his fingertips to his jaw, rubbing at crusted flecks of blood. It had been a clean split.

"I need to find him…"

Sakura's hands pressed gently on his shoulders, trying to ease him back. "You need to stay _still_."

"Tempting," he drawled, dragging his elbows beneath him to lever his head off the kunoichi's lap. "Shit…"

"Shikamaru."

He ignored the caution in her voice, edging up a little more and twisting around to drop his shoulder in a slouch against the doorframe. "No time for a nap…"

Sakura shook her head. "You shouldn't be moving around. I've stopped any swelling, but I really need Hinata to look at you."

"Hinata?" Shikamaru frowned, rubbing at his jaw, blinking his eyes slowly as the world began to align itself.

"Yes." Sakura shuffled over, raising her hands again to frame his head and channel another blanket of chakra across his skull. "Neji used chakra, Shikamaru. With the impact your head took against that wall, plus the chakra, it might have unsettled or clogged something and I just need to be sure."

Shikamaru arched a brow. Neji channelled chakra into the hit? Little wonder the punch had rattled more than just his jaw on its hinges. At least it explained the slow revving of his motor functions. Targeting his motor cortex was a sure way to keep him down – though he sensed Neji hadn't been consciously directing his attack.

He'd just lashed out.

"_Do you like what you see, Shikamaru? Is '__this'__ what you want me to '__let out'__?"_

Shikamaru frowned at the memory of those words, which suddenly took on a new meaning. They drove like splinters into his mind. It's not like Neji hadn't warned him before. Not that it changed what he had to do now.

_I need to move._

What concerned him more than what the chakra surge may have short-circuited in his head, was the detrimental affect it might have had on Neji. Expending a reflex burst of chakra from his fist like that wouldn't have done his blocked tenketsu any favours.

"How long have I been out?" Shikamaru asked, frowning.

Sakura sighed. "We waited about twenty minutes before coming after you. The others are with Hibari."

_Shit…twenty minutes…I'm wasting time here…_

Shikamaru brushed Sakura's palms away from his head. "I'm fine."

"I'm serious, you have to stay still."

"I'm serious, I need to find him."

Sakura smacked her hands to her thighs gripping firmly as she frowned. "Why did he do this, Shikamaru?"

He dodged the question by reaching for the doorframe, getting a solid grip as he tugged himself to his feet. "Listen…you need to—" he swayed dangerously and smacked his palms out to brace himself. "Ugh…keep the mission on track."

Sakura rocked back onto the balls of her feet, rising in a sharp jolt. "What? _Me_?"

"This mission can't fail." Shikamaru locked his shoulder against the doorframe, his mind already jump-starting into immediate acceleration.

_If this mission fails…my deal with Tsunade forfeits_…

Sakura moved to stand directly in front of him. "And what about Neji? Isn't he a _mission_ too?"

Shikamaru closed his eyes, swallowing hard but pretending that he was battling nausea or dizziness. "Yeah…"

"He's lying."

Shikamaru slipped his eyes open at the soft words, his gaze slicing over Sakura's shoulder to lock on a pair of pastel irises. The Hyūga kunoichi gazed back with surprising resolve.

Sakura frowned, turning a fraction to look across at Hinata. "What?"

"He's lying," she repeated, her voice firm, but her eyes gentle with compassion.

It was the last thing Shikamaru wanted to see. It was like trying to pull a punch to soften the blow. He'd taken one crappy hit already; he didn't think he could take one in a place where lies were his only defence.

_Shit._

Shikamaru shook his head. "Hinata. Don't."

"No, Shikamaru-kun. You're already risking Neji-niisan's trust." Hinata fixed her lilac eyes on him, unwavering. "I won't just…stand by and let you lose anyone else's."

"What are you saying?" Sakura queried, a deep furrow scored between her brows as she glanced between them. "Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru rolled away from the doorframe, using the momentum to carry him back into the room with a wince. "Nothing. Drop it."

"No, I won't," Hinata insisted, coming to stand in the doorway as Sakura stepped in after him. "I was the one who came to you, Shikamaru-kun. I…I asked for your help. You didn't have to, b-but you chose to help Neji."

Shikamaru flinched at Sakura's abrupt stop behind him.

He turned.

Her eyebrows had shot to her hairline, maybe above and beyond. A second later they dropped in a frown. "_Chose _to help?"

Shikamaru's lips twisted into an irritated knot, his dark eyes narrowing in place of any words. What the hell could he say? Silence was his best tactic right now. He could lay thick some more bullshit but right now he was more concerned with finding Neji.

"Sakura-chan, please," Hinata spoke again, drawing Sakura's glare away from him. "Don't be angry with Shikamaru. He's been trying t-to protect Neji."

Shikamaru smacked his hand to his face, muffling a curse into his palm.

_Well, shit…_

"Wait…" Sakura's voice dropped then raised several decibels. "_What_?"

…_and there's the fan…_

"Ugh…don't have time for this," Shikamaru growled, dropping his hand and launching into practical mode. He needed to find Neji and formulate a pretext for both the Hyūga's absence and his own.

"_Protect_ him?" Sakura echoed, biting out the first word.

Shikamaru ignored her, which was easy to do with the massive headache that had set in. It dominated one side of his head like a times ten hangover. He attempted to chisel his focus sharply onto strategy, cutting out a quick plan in his mind.

_That crisis stash-point at the borders…that could work…if I could get him there…_

He turned towards the table still laden with layout plans and maps.

"Shikamaru, what does she mean _protect,_ Neji?"

Shikamaru wasn't listening. He clutched the ends of the low table in a white-knuckle grip, crouching down unsteadily to flick through the scattered documents, searching for a map that Hibari had marked out.

_Dammit, where is it?_

"Shikamaru…"

He shoved to his feet with a scowl, swaying precariously but ignoring the pulse in his temples as he scanned the room, rubbing the knot at his brow.

_Think!_

He paused, dropped his hand and moved across towards the den he and Neji had been in. On the periphery, he sensed Sakura's eyes stalk him across the room.

"This is about more than Neji being sick," she pressed, moving after him as he slipped into the den. "All that 'need to know basis' rubbish can't cover up the fact that something else is seriously wrong."

Shikamaru upturned the futon in an angry jerk, searching beneath the mattress and covers. He eyed his Chūnin jacket, moving over to it as Sakura came to stand, hands on hips, in the doorway.

As he rummaged, she exuded her mounting frustration without a word.

"Dammit!" Shikamaru stood, bracing his shoulder against the wall, dropping the flak jacket with a rough growl as he rubbed at his eyes, frustration grinding the gears in his mind.

He needed that map.

"Is it true?" Sakura said, her voice less angry than her stance. "Are you protecting him from something?"

Shikamaru shook his head sharply, pinching the bridge of his nose. "No."

"Yes!" Hinata exclaimed, coming to stand just behind Sakura.

Her voice was so sudden and the volume so alien to her tones that Shikamaru might have looked surprised if his face wasn't scrunched up in pain. The pressure building in his head was making it increasingly difficult to think.

"I don't know why," Hinata continued, quieter now. "But I know it's to do with my clan…was it my father? Please…j-just tell me that it wasn't my—"

"No," Shikamaru said tightly. "It wasn't. It's not about your father…"

_It never was…_

Or at least it hadn't been for two months – whatever _that_ meant.

Pain spread behind Shikamaru's eyes, throbbing. Sucking a breath through clenched teeth, he screwed his eyes shut tightly and tipped his head back, trying to ignore the shrill ringing in his ears. It wouldn't stop. He raised his hands to dig his thumbs into the hinges of his jaw, fingertips pressing around his ears.

_Not good…_

Sakura was at his throat a second later. "Shikamaru, you better tell me what's going on!"

"My brain is leaking out my fucking ear, that's what's goin' on!" he snapped, dropping his hands and rolling his shoulders. He pushed away from the wall in a stagger and brushed past her out the room. "Where the hell is that map…"

Sakura grabbed his wrist. "Sit down."

Shikamaru tugged his hand back and almost landed on his ass. Sakura scowled and ushered him firmly back to the futon, gripping his shoulders and shoving hard until his knees buckled and he dropped with an embarrassing lack of resistance.

_Dammit…_

Hinata came to his side, Byakugan activated as she scanned his head. He wondered if his brain was about as bruised as his ego; he made a mental note to work out how the hell unfavourable outcomes normally resulted in women manhandling him one way or another. He felt Hinata's fingertips tapping along his brow.

Sakura crouched down, her expression thunderous. "Before you go charging off and getting creative with the truth, you can wait until Hinata fixes whatever Neji did."

Shikamaru arched a brow, settling a non-expression on her. "Almost glad Ino isn't on this firing-squad."

"Oh stop it," Sakura muttered, frowning. "He can't have gone far either way."

_Don't bet on it._

He jerked his shoulders when Hinata's chakra-laced touch did something that felt like an air-rupture in his skull. But the pop of chakra resulted in an immediate deflation of the pressure in his head. The ringing in his ears stopped.

"Sakura-chan?"

Sakura knelt forward, cupping his head again, her hands gentler than her voice. "I don't know what you said to Naruto to get _him_ to back off, but I'm tired of being kept in the dark, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru held back his angry response to that, waiting until she dropped her hands away. The second she did he moved to his feet, looking to put as much distance between himself and her questions as possible.

"Thanks," he said, moving out the door.

She grabbed his forearm. "You told me you were directly _assigned_ to this, Shikamaru. But it turns out you _chose_ to do this? You said it wasn't personal."

Shikamaru tugged his arm back. "It's not…" he continued on towards the table in the centre of the room.

"Stop lying to me!" Sakura cut him off, overtaking in quick strides that put her between him and his destination. "You told me you were _ordered_ to take this mission with Neji. You _told_ me these were the Hokage's _orders_!"

Shikamaru planted his feet, trying to get his brain to screech to a halt as it raced on ahead. He closed eyes and clenched his jaw, bunching the muscles there repeatedly while he fought to preserve energy and patience. He needed it. Yelling was troublesome. Sakura wasn't going to let this go. The recommended action at this point was to skirt the borders of inevitable territory. Either that or walk it blind and hope he didn't have to dodge her fists when he hit a landmine.

_God dammit._

Shikamaru drew a quiet breath, filtering it out through his nose like smoke. "It doesn't _matter_ how this mission came about. The fact is, mission or not, we can't fail…on both accounts."

"On both accounts?" Sakura echoed, incredulous at his blank expression. "Well what's more important to you? Helping Neji or completing this mission?"

Shikamaru sighed, shuttering his eyes. "Ugh, you don't _get_ it."

"Get _what_?"

"They're _connected_, dammit," he growled, reigning himself in. "If one fails, the other fails…I've only got this _one_ shot to help him. This mission is it. Game's over after this. I have to make it happen."

Sakura's fists loosened, along with her expression, the anger draining away. "So this mission…Hanegakure…"

Shikamaru waved a hand, turning to step past her. "Means to an end, just happens to be a win-win if it doesn't screw up."

Sakura kept her back to him as he crouched down beside the table, methodically searching through the maps and plans. He twisted sheets and charts around, the crackle and swish of paper the only sound to fill the heavy silence.

Hinata edged closer, her fist curled loosely to her chest as if holding her heart. He could feel her concern pressing in on all sides. Then Sakura's voice carried over, soft and subdued from her earlier anger.

"Then Neji was the priority…all this time…"

Shikamaru sighed, thumping his elbows onto the table and rubbing his hands across his face. "I needed him _out_ of Konoha to do this, alright? And I needed you and Hinata onboard. Only way to do it was a _viable_ mission. You wouldn't ask too many questions—" he snorted, dropping his hands in a conclusive thud, "guess _that_ part didn't pan out…but I knew Neji wouldn't turn this mission down."

Shikamaru heard the soft scuff of Sakura's footsteps rounding the table. "Because he killed Kitori's daughter?"

The shadow-nin kept his gaze on the maps, searching the layouts. "Yeah. I knew he'd take this mission even without Tsunade-sama's order. No disrespect to Kitori's kid…but her death presented an opportunity to save his life."

Sakura knelt down opposite him, smoothing her palms across the maps to straighten them out. "He really wants to make it right with these people."

Shikamaru nodded, tugging free a map that Naruto had doodled on, relief casting over his eyes as he picked out Hibari's annotations and circles.

_Found it._

"Why was he so cold to Kitori?" Sakura asked softly, edging carefully into territory Shikamaru had expected her to charge through. "I mean, to be so heartless like that…"

The Nara quirked his lip grimly, his eyes on the map, imprinting the information in his mind. "Because he's made it personal. He understands what's going on here with the Tsubasa. He understands what they're going through and he needs to see things put right."

"Is that why you've been delaying this medical procedure?"

_One of the reasons…_

Shikamaru kept his eyes on the map, pretending to be distracted. "Right now he needs this. He needs to do this."

Sakura's palm settled at the edges of the sheet he was scanning. "He needs medical attention, Shikamaru, _that's_ what he needs."

Shikamaru paused, glancing up from under his lashes to level her with a calm but pointed look as steady as his voice. "He needs to do this too. More than anything else right now."

Sakura frowned. "Why?"

_Because no one did it for him…_

That sad swell of pain ached in his chest and he pulled in a rough breath against it, shaking his head. "For his sanity. One thing to save his life, but what's the point if he loses his damned mind?"

Sakura tugged her hand back as if the words had burned her. She gripped the edge of the table instead. "Shikamaru…"

"You can't just rip away someone's mental foundation," he muttered, wondering if he hadn't done that already. "It will collapse more than his damn body. He needs to believe he's got things under control."

"But he _doesn't_."

Shikamaru sighed, folding up the map quickly. "I know that. You know that. He can't even process that." He planted his hands on the tabletop, pushing to his feet. "I'm gonna be taking enough away…I can't risk pushing him off the deep end before I pull him back."

Hinata stepped up to him as he walked past. "Shikamaru-kun…"

"Which is why this mission can't fail," he went on, continuing his path into the den to retrieve his flak jacket. "If it fails, I lose my leverage and the Hyūga clan step in."

He heard Sakura huff in confusion. "Well isn't that _good_?"

"No," Hinata said, shaking her head. "They…they can't know Neji's done this to himself."

Shikamaru shrugged on the Chūnin vest, securing it with a sharp pull. He slotted the folded map away. "That's right."

"Is it?" Sakura threw up her hands, underscoring her frustration with a sigh as she shoved to her feet. "_Why_? And why _has_ he done this?"

Shikamaru shot her a warning look. "I've already told you more than you need to know. I'm not gonna tell you his reasons."

"But—"

"That will _never_ happen," he uttered, his eyes sharp enough to scratch the statement in stone.

Sakura returned his level stare, sucking hard on the inside of her bottom lip. "Fine," she relented, dropping her shoulders stiffly.

Shikamaru took the chance to move on. "Good. Look, no matter what happens from this point, he needs to know that you guys were just following orders."

"Orders…" Sakura repeatedly flatly, folding her arms as she circled around the table.

Shikamaru nodded, securing his tantō and checking his supplies quickly. "My orders, the Hokage's orders. He needs to believe you and Hinata did this because you didn't have a choice."

Sakura stopped a few paces away, watching his movements with an unfocused stare that indicated she was trying to piece it all together. "Why?"

"Because he can understand that. Direct orders are absolute. He'll understand why you did what you did."

Sakura snorted, but there was nothing belligerent about it. "You mean he'll _forgive_ what we did. But where does that leave _you_, Shikamaru?"

"Running away really fast."

The humour fell as flat as Sakura's face. "Gods don't even joke…" she whispered, shaking her head with a very grim look creeping in around her eyes. "You can't let him believe that you just manipulated him. You need to tell him the truth."

Shikamaru hesitated, taking a broad step away from her, as if this might eradicate any chance of those words contaminating his clear thinking.

"No. I need to do this _right_." He paused to flick his gaze across the room, scanning without searching as he carefully catalogued his thoughts. "He's not gonna care about my motives."

Sakura grabbed his arm the moment he turned towards the door. "You don't know that!"

"It doesn't matter." Shikamaru glanced down the length of his arm to her fingers, not meeting her eyes. "He was always gonna hate someone for stepping in."

"So why does that person have to be _you_?"

He watched her grip tighten, anchoring him in place, begging him to consider an alternative that he didn't have…even if he wanted it.

"Because it does," Shikamaru said firmly, the cool voice of logic speaking for him now, overriding that other voice caged in his chest, rattling his ribs like bars.

"Why?"

"Hokage's orders."

"Liar. You _chose_ this, remember?" Sakura's fingers twitched, then gripped harder. "Let it be someone else."

"No." Shikamaru pulled his arm free, turning his back to her, almost out the door until her next words stopped him short.

"You're his _friend_! What, do you _want _him to hate you?"

Shikamaru closed his eyes. That wasn't it at all. It couldn't have been further from the truth. In order to avoid a silence that might result in her drawing her own conclusions, Shikamaru passed a calm, unaffected glance over his shoulder.

"I'm not Naruto. This isn't personal."

Sakura drew her chin back at the flatly delivered words, but he already knew she didn't buy them. "Shikamaru…let it be the family he already doesn't trust that he ends up hating for stepping in. Not you!"

Hinata shifted on the spot, drawing both their gazes – but before Sakura could offer any words of apology the Hyūga kunoichi spoke first. "She's right, Shikamaru-kun."

The Nara blinked, casting Hinata a narrow look. "What?"

"I…I said he needed someone to help pull him back, but…" Hinata trailed off, recovering with a frown. "But I didn't think it would cost this much."

"There's always a price." Shikamaru shrugged, the nonchalance so forced it felt like hefting rocks on his shoulders. "I knew that when I got into this."

"But it's not the same…" Hinata said, her eyes blinking doe-like. "It's different now."

Shikamaru arched a brow. "Nothing's changed."

No sooner had he said it than Hinata's gaze took on a quality of calm understanding that struck him numb quicker than any lick of chakra to his nerves ever could.

"Yes it has…" she whispered.

_Fuck…_

"Don't do it this way, Shikamaru." Sakura took a step forward, her green eyes pinched, almost sad. "You'll regret it."

_I don't 'want' to do it this way…_

"It's a small price to pay for his life. Look, right now I need to find him. Fast." Shikamaru turned without a backward glance, his voice clipped and rational as he moved down the tunnel, strides growing in proportion to the speed his mind formulated a strategy. "Hinata, I might need you with me on this."

He heard the quick steps of the two kunoichi behind him.

"I understand," she said quietly.

"What do you need me to do?" Sakura asked, her voice just as clipped, but at least she was operating on the same level. Priority.

Shikamaru tugged out his radio transmitter, waving it for emphasis without glancing back. "I've got my radio on me. Keep yours at hand. I'll only contact you if that procedure is looking imminent." He secured the radio, tucking the transmitter in at his ear, looping the small wire to secure it. "In the meantime, continue the strategy with Hibari. You're standing in for me and Neji."

"What do I tell the others?"

Shikamaru sighed, rounding a broad bend in the tunnel, opening his mouth to respond only to snap his jaw shut. He almost crashed into Naruto, swerving just in time to avoid a disastrous collision, but their shoulders bumped, jolting them both into facing each other.

"Shikamaru! You're okay?" Naruto exclaimed in relief, smiling as he waved around two icepacks. "Didn't think you'd be…" he trailed off, his eyes trailing from Shikamaru's flak-jacket, to the transmitter in his ear.

Shikamaru cursed inwardly, glancing along the tunnel to indicate a lack of patience and time. "I'm fine. Need to get mo—"

"If you're goin' after Neji…" Naruto's fingers crushed the ice in the packs. "Then I'm comin' with you."

"No. You're staying here."

"Yeah, like right." Naruto snorted and dropped the icepacks so he could clap feeling back into his numbed hands.

Shikamaru kept his face as unsmiling as his tone. "I mean it."

Sakura came to his support, shifting around into view. "Naruto, I need you here."

"Are you crazy, Shikamaru?" Naruto frowned, bristling.

Shikamaru pursed his lips, considering the evidence weighing in favour of that accusation; he opted for avoidance over argument.

He turned to walk away. "We don't have time for this."

He barely took three steps before his exit was barred. Naruto dug his heels in, glaring through blue orbs alight with that troublesome, fervent determination. Shikamaru hardened his eyes and his heart to the good intentions.

"Back off, Naruto."

"Not this time," Naruto growled, that rare seriousness darkening his eyes to a fierce, sapphire polish. "I did that before."

"Yeah, and you said you'd do it again, remember?" Shikamaru reminded, making to step past him only to have his route blocked again when Naruto sidestepped.

"Yeah, do _you_ remember what I said about sittin' it out?"

Shikamaru's lip curled in frustration. "No one got hurt, dammit."

"You dumbass! Don't you get that that included _you_!"

"I'm _fine_."

Naruto gaped, glaring as his words tumbled out in a gush. "Neji punched your frickin' lights out!"

"Yeah well now they're back on," Shikamaru muttered, growing increasingly frustrated and concerned with the time he was wasting. "Now take a hint and lay off."

Apparently, brushing Naruto aside in words wasn't quite the same as following through in action. Because the second Shikamaru made to shove past, he found his back flat against a wall – again. His track record wasn't looking good, especially with Naruto's fingers curling into his turtleneck for a grip.

"Naruto!" Sakura shouted, starting forward. "Stop it!"

Naruto shook him once. "I'm _not_ gonna let you walk out of here and get your ass handed to you!"

Shikamaru scowled, glaring down his nose at the Uzumaki as he drew his head back. Naruto didn't leave him a chance to speak.

"I told you I'd fight you on this, Shikamaru. You didn't believe me? That's too bad."

Shikamaru tensed his jaw, glaring daggers. Unfortunately, it wasn't half as cutting as the words rising up the back of his throat, lacing his tongue like razors. He'd used this weapon before on Sakura. He hated doing it, but backed into a corner like this, his options were about as shitty as Naruto's obstinacy.

"Get off," Shikamaru ground out, offering a last chance for Naruto to let go. "I'm fine, alright?"

Naruto shook his head, "Yeah, until you're on the floor again! Neji could have done some _serious_ damage. I'm _not_ gonna let that happen!"

"Why?" Shikamaru snapped. "We let that happen with you every time you chase after Sasuke!"

The words struck sharp and true.

Naruto stiffened as they cut deep, a wounded look tearing across his eyes. His face slackened in a mix of regret and hurt before his lips tightened into a thin, hard line. He squeezed his eyes shut, snapping them open again with a growl.

He shook Shikamaru once, fisting the black fabric tightly as he hissed through clenched teeth. "That's _different_…"

"How the hell is it different?"

No response.

Naruto's mouth twisted with emotion, nostrils flaring. It wasn't different at all, which in effect, might have made it all the more vital for the Uzumaki to want to keep anyone else from the same stupid danger.

_Great, that one backfired…_

Thankfully, it had distracted Naruto from the approaching figure edging up behind him.

"Shikamaru," Naruto warned, his voice a guttural tremble. "I'm not lettin' you walk out of here."

Shikamaru sighed and a weak, almost regretful smile twisted his lips. "Yeah, you are."

Naruto frowned, but his confusion didn't hit as fast as Hibari's pressure-point strike. The vice-like grip and dig of the redhead's fingers shut off Naruto's brain before he could process the Tsubasa had snuck up on him.

"Naruto-kun!" Hinata squeaked.

He never heard her. The Uzumaki slumped forward weightlessly as his eyes rolled back. Shikamaru caught him under the arms, lowering him the rest of the way.

"Sorry," he said quietly, letting Sakura and Hinata take over as he straightened up.

He met Hibari's gaze evenly. "Thanks, I think."

Hibari arched a brow. "You have a pretty dysfunctional work ethic with your shinobi, you know that?"

"That's no excuse for you to do this!" Sakura scowled, cradling Naruto's head in her lap.

Hibari glanced down at her curiously, taking no offence. "He'll be fine. Good to see you're still loyal to each other, even when one of you behaves recklessly."

Shikamaru forced a weak smirk. "Not like you'd know anything about being reckless, right?" he posed with complete sarcasm.

"Me? Never." Hibari smiled, but sobered quickly. "What was that about?"

_Shit. Think fast._

Shikamaru shook his head. "I didn't pick him for the team."

Hibari made a face. "What team?"

"You said you needed chakra pills from your emergency stash to hold up the large scale barrier jutsu tomorrow," Shikamaru said, tugging out the map he'd slotted into his flak jacket, unfolding it to tap his finger above one of the circled points on the borders of Hanegakure. "From this cabin, right?"

Hibari nodded cautiously. "That's right. There's no way we can cover the kind of ground you need us to conceal without chakra replenishment."

"I know. I have a team heading over now to collect those pills," Shikamaru explained, formulating his on-the-spot strategy fluidly enough to convince anyone he'd pre-planned it. "Sakura will stand in until I get back. She'll keep me briefed via radio."

Hibari shrugged. "Alright, you'll save me a trip. As soon as you get back, come find me. We'll be ready to roll with the plan. Provided you still want to hit the Temple at noon tomorrow?"

Shikamaru nodded, pulling on every reserve he had to keep his expression and patience under control. "Gives us time to set up the barriers and have everyone positioned across the village. Hopefully by then we'll get those answers from Kitori."

Hibari looked at him askance, arching a brow. The expression made Shikamaru's heart stop. It was a look that said the redhead knew something the shadow-nin didn't – but should have.

"What?"

"I just came from interrogation," Hibari said. "Isuka said my mother's already given up the information on how to access the Temple."

Shikamaru's body went cold and still.

"She has?"

"Yeah, to your Hyūga about twenty minutes ago."

* * *

The door slid open in a sharp scrape, a block of light lancing into the dim interrogation room. Shikamaru's shadow fell across the rough stone of the ground as he moved to stand in the entryway.

Kitori didn't look up, but her eyes traced his shadow.

"Shikamaru," she murmured, ashen lips moving slowly to frame his name. "He's gone, you know. I was waiting for you to come."

Shikamaru's jaw tightened. He turned his head a fraction, enough for his voice to carry over his shoulder. "Stay here."

He didn't need to turn to address Isuka. The skinny woman had agreed to let him have his five minutes before she needed to follow through with orders to sedate Kitori. Shikamaru took a step forward and slotted the door shut behind him, plunging the room back into its sickly, sulphuric shades, broken up by shadows.

A moth battered itself against one of the cracked lanterns.

Kitori watched it absently, her profile obscured by the fall of her hair.

"_Shika. _Deer…_Maru_…" she paused, sampling the taste of the word. "_Maru_ is an interesting suffix. Do you know what it means?"

"Circle," Shikamaru said flatly.

Kitori's lip curved behind the fall of her hair, the shadow-play on her face making it barely discernable. "That's too literal…it means something of perfection or completeness. Something that is beloved."

Shikamaru arched a brow, his sharp eyes narrowing further as the Tsubasa woman tilted her head towards him. Any psychological sketch of Kitori would have underscored the word 'psychotic', but the slim, cunning smile she cast his way made him wonder if she didn't qualify as a clinical case of dissociative identity disorder.

This was not the same woman who had bared her figurative throat to Neji.

This was the calmer, colder creature he'd dealt with when they'd discussed strategy and exchanged verbal blows. The grey eyes traced over him calmly, assessing.

_Great._

Shikamaru closed the distance half-way, his strides slow but sure. If this was the face she was choosing to wear, then he'd speak the same candid language they'd communicated in before.

He cut straight to the point. "Where is Neji?"

Kitori sat back, humming. "You're worried about him, aren't you? You should be."

"I'm not here to play this game."

"Are we playing, _Shi-ka_-_ma-ru_?" she drew the syllables of his name out in a slow, enunciated purr. "I don't think he wants you in the game anymore."

Shikamaru watched her calmly. He could see what she was trying to do. It was so obvious it was painful. Unfortunately, it was irking that irrational thing he'd been trying to ignore way down in his chest. He slipped his hands into his pockets, cocking a hip in a relaxed stance that gave away none of the tension holding him rigid inside.

She may have got her claws into Neji, but there was no way in hell he was going to fall victim to her little mind games. Especially when her mind was about as stable as a landslide; it just needed the right pressure to cave. He'd have used Hibari as the sledgehammer if he'd been able to involve anyone else – but he couldn't risk exposing Neji's instability to any Tsubasa, friend or foe.

_Great. Just me and the crazy woman._

"You told him how to access the Temple," Shikamaru arched a brow. "Wonder if he believed you."

Kitori's eyes narrowed, the tip of her tongue slicing across her lips like a viper's.

"He must have done, mustn't he?" She paused, a slow smile twisting her lips. "Else he'd be here with _you_, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru ignored the taunt. "Good chance for you to exploit that opportunity you didn't take earlier, right? Dangle him a bit of false information and hope he'll bite."

"You care about him," Kitori said. "How much, I wonder?"

Shikamaru blinked slowly and dodged the words. "Or maybe you're hoping he'll do what you can't."

"Is it really that hard for you to admit it, Shikamaru? I'm surprised your shinobi haven't figured it out. But then, maybe they don't know you, or him, as well as they think they do."

"And you're itching for him to 'know' _you,_ aren't you?"

Kitori's eyes flickered as he turned the words on her, a brief flash of vulnerability before she covered it up with a forced smile. "Clever boy."

"So did you point him in the direction of the Temple so he could go "free" some more people?" Shikamaru drawled, rolling out words designed to knock her off her evasive perch. "Or maybe you're too much of a coward to face Ozuku yourself. Need someone else to do your dirty work for you."

Kitori looked away from him, setting her gaze back on the masochistic moth smacking into the lantern. "Do you know what I've learned, Shikamaru?"

_Obviously not a lot…and I really don't care._

Shikamaru humoured her with his silence, his mind already counting down the time he had left and the tactics he'd used if she didn't cooperate within the next three minutes.

"I've learned that we can stand in the light as much as we want…hoping that it will purify and burn away the mistakes we've made…" Kitori sniffed, bitterness colouring her voice like an age-old like a stain. "But the truth is, it's only when we stand in the light that we cast our darkest shadow. We are forced to face it…and that darkness is as inescapable as the truth of _who_ and _what_ we are."

Shikamaru shuttered his gaze to a lazy half-mast; it was all he could do to keep from rolling his eyes. He'd heard this fatalistic crap before; just the thought of this woman drawing Neji back into a psychological prison he'd escaped from three years ago was incentive enough to knock her cold before the sedative could .

"Our fate is as fixed as our shadow," Kitori droned, her lips thinning angrily. "It cannot be removed from us, no matter what shade of light we place ourselves under. The shadow remains."

Shikamaru watched her sour layers peeling back with every word, revealing the rotten core of her beliefs. He glimpsed a woman decayed by fear, eaten up with despair. Little wonder she wanted someone to connect to, someone who could relate to her pain – or end it.

_So she thinks Neji's that person, huh?_

"I know your Hyūga understands this," Kitori whispered, clearly desperate to believe it herself. "Even if he has no mercy for me now, soon he will. Do you know why, Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru frowned as Kitori turned her eyes up toward him. The bitter seed of her obsession buried itself in the tense air between them. But then she made the mistake of watering it with her next words.

"Because he _sees_ me. You _cannot_ know this pain. He knows. I saw it in his eyes just now."

Instantaneously, the thorns of a lethal protectiveness cut up through Shikamaru, twisting in vines around his heart to lacerate any scrap of pity for this woman. Shikamaru's eyes sharpened like volcanic glass; black and cutting. His gaze pierced straight through Kitori, causing her to jolt under the unnerving stare as if he'd stabbed her.

"Not interested in your pain, Kitori. I honestly couldn't care less about _you_ or your tragedy," Shikamaru drawled; his low, bored tones at odd with the dangerous glint in his eyes as he slowly raised his hands. "You're gonna tell me where Neji's going."

Kitori watched his fingers, her grey orbs flickering uncertainly in the lantern light.

"Because if your fate is as fixed as your shadow," he slowly folded his fingers into a familiar seal, "you'd better hope to hell I'm more merciful than he is."

* * *

The second he disengaged, direction came instantly.

It came because it didn't require anything other than his body; and all his body required were instructions. Neji ran them on a mental loop, an endless stream of orders directing blood, breath and bone. He navigated his path seamlessly along the boughs, following logical signals, functioning on autopilot and the monochrome of his dōjutsu.

The cold detachment of an objective; the safe zone of a mission.

Adrenalin circuited his system like a drug, carrying the orders faster and his body further. He moved with robotic obedience, limbs operating on clipped command prompts.

_Focus. Further. Forward. Faster._

He couldn't slow down. Not for a second.

The shrill cry of a bird pierced the dome of his senses, drawing his gaze up to the darkening skies. Kitori's bird hovered on an air current, high above the trees, watching, waiting. He ignored it. He drove onwards, dropping down to ground level, running fast, cutting sharply. Slicing in a zigzag between the trees as he raced a wind he couldn't feel because the numbness deadened everything but the voice of priority.

_The mission. The mission. The mission. There._

He stopped abruptly, turned in a smooth, sudden step and reached into his ninja bag, his fingers shaking.

_It's adrenalin. Adrenalin. Adrenalin._

He tugged out the jar he'd taken earlier, his grip almost cracking the glass. Rather than reach for the lid, he let it drop from his hand. He watched it shatter and brought the heel of his foot down on the parasitic chakra tag that scrambled out, crushing it in a sickening crunch of glass and shell.

Kitori's bird screamed; the high screech like nails across a chalk board.

Neji reached for the scythes strapped to his back, let his shaking fingers hook into the loops securing the aerodynamic weapons.

He turned a degree to his left, braced his foot and waited.

He could already see them.

When Ozuku's shinobi burst from the trees, the scythes were flying faster.

_

* * *

_

_Move, move, MOVE!_

Shikamaru felt the burn catch and tear along the leanly roped muscles of his legs. Blood roared in his ears, boiled in his veins, flooding fire inside him only to run cold with dread.

_No. I'll make it. I have to make it._

This inner, climatic chaos surged through him in waves, fuelling the speed at which he tore through Hanegakure's forest, surprisingly fleet-footed now that effort wasn't an option; it was an absolute.

He ran faster than he knew he could.

_Please…_

* * *

Blood sprayed from the wound in an ugly, arterial spurt.

It slashed red across the white of Neji's robes.

Droplets hit his skin, gathered and dripped along the slant of his jaw.

A choked gurgle sounded.

The Hyūga stared blankly into the bulging, shocked eyes of the Tsubasa ninja, the man's mouth moving wordlessly, his life spurting out of him like a crimson geyser.

Neji didn't blink.

He planted his foot against the enemy's hip and shoved, dislodging the scythe in a squelch. The man dropped at his feet, a bloody hand clawing down his leg. Neji tugged free and stepped over the twitching body, not sparing it a glance as he dipped his wrist, spinning the crimson-laced scythe over in his grip.

A pink mist hung in the air, thick with death, saturated with sweat and blood.

"Brutal," a deep voice murmured from the shadows.

Neji let the scythe fly.

The vicious blade sailed through the air, scraping sparks off a returning blade. The weapons clashed and flew, cancelling each other out as they spun off their trajectories, whirring away into the forest.

Neji straightened up and a regal calm bred from birth settled across his shoulders as he turned toward his target. Blood dripped down the side of the Hyūga's face, along the chords in his neck. It saturated his robes, clung to his skin. Warm and wet.

He couldn't feel it.

His Byakugan flared, pupils gaining eerie definition as his gaze swung even on the figure that stepped forward. The man was heavily shrouded, cloaked in robes as blue-black as the feathers of the large bird perched at his shoulder. Neji could already see his face, even as sinewy hands lifted to draw back the velvet cowl, exposing the heavily tattooed features.

"Hyūga." Ozuku stepped closer, his stride long and steady, carrying the grace and poise of a man comfortable with power. "Impressive, but not what I was expecting. Far too messy. No ninjutsu? I'm disappointed."

Neji ignored the words, his eyes tracing over the tattooed face without appearing to, reading the design in the ink, memorising the imprint of the feathered patterns.

"The first time I saw you, I could see why she liked you," Ozuku remarked, brushing a palm across the navy-shot velvet of his cloak. "Even without your eyes, you'd still be pleasing to mine." The man tracked his gaze over Neji's scarlet splashed skin and robes. "Red becomes you, Hyūga."

Neji blinked slowly, deactivating his dōjutsu once he'd ingrained the imprint of the markings. Ozuku's stare didn't touch him; it hit the wall of apathy Neji kept standing between them, his expression as flawless and smooth as marble.

But just as lifeless.

There would be no seizing up. No gauging of strengths or weaknesses.

Ozuku cocked his head, his thin lips curving in a practiced smile. "The arrogance of Konoha is astounding. Offer _me_ peace? I dislike negotiation as a rule."

"There will be no negotiation," Neji informed with ominous calm.

Ozuku arched his brows, thickened by the markings around his eyes. "You wish to kill me as you killed my brother? How poetic."

Neji turned more fully towards the man, his face stoic, ghost-like eyes empty. "That is not how it will end for you."

"But I know how it will end for you; you _and_ your little shinobi fledglings." Ozuku raised his hands, a reverent gesture directed towards his own sense of supremacy. "You're in my skies now. If you defy me, it's a long way to fall."

Neji tilted his head cat-like at those words, the fractional slant displaying deceptive interest. But it wasn't Ozuku he was looking at; his eyes were tracing the tattoos on the man's wrists and forearms.

Assuming that Neji's attention was focused on his self-inflated moment, Ozuku smiled indulgently. He extended his hand like a God deigning a mere mortal with his grace.

"Come to me, Hyūga. The Priest in me is praying. But the Lord is simply waiting. I'm a patient man."

Neji stared impassively, streaked in blood and grime.

He watched as Ozuku spread his arms in an embracing gesture, the velvet of his shrouded form rippling. "You're going to bring me my greatest wings."

Neji hummed softly.

"Yes," he promised, his breath misting into the cold air.

The vapour didn't have a chance to drift.

Neji cut through it.

He moved in a strobe-like blur; a flash of white and red that startled Ozuku's bird into flight.

Ozuku had no time to pull away.

Neji gripped the auburn head, sliding his other palm along Ozuku's jaw like the flat of a blade, turning the man's face sharply to the side as he set his lips to the pierced and tattooed ear.

"I'll bring you your wings, Priest_,_" Neji purred, a chilling parody of his most sensual tones. "And when I do, you're going to _pray_ that you could fly away from what I'm going to do to you."

On the beat of those words was the crack of bone and cartilage.

With a sharp spin of Neji's wrists, Ozuku's neck snapped like a twig.

The Tsubasa's body dropped, bursting into feathers as the clone puffed away.

Neji stared down at the fluttering plumes, watching them twist and twirl on the breeze.

His hands began to shake, even though the rest of him stood cold and unmoved.

Disconnected, his gaze followed the whispering float of a wayward feather. He watched it drifting above the bloody earth, dusting across and over bodies and severed limbs. Its red-stained tumble stopped just shy of the tree line, losing itself in the evening mists, still pink with gore. Mists that swirled and swayed until, like phantom curtains, the vapours parted as a figure emerged, as silent as the shadows he'd been standing in.

Neji's breath died in his throat.

His ribs tightened.

The numbness cast over his senses began to tingle…treacherous with feeling. Feeling that began to override the instructions running on rote in his brain. The indifferent and robotic processes he'd been operating on began shutting down with every approaching step.

Those feet cut a smooth, slow path straight towards him.

The shake in his fingers reached his arms, an imperceptible shudder taking root.

Neji's eyes widened, that bitter sting blurring his vision.

"Get away from me…"

The figure stopped right in front of him.

Close enough that breath played across his blood-smeared face, warm and smoky. He could feel it in a way he couldn't feel the blood painting his skin.

Time hung like a blade, the cutting edge biting deeper with every spared second.

Neji felt fingertips skim the backs of his shaking hands, tracing along his knuckles and grazing his wrists, trailing up his arms, reaching higher to his shoulders and around to the back of his neck.

The touch settled at his nape, fingers kneading gently.

When Shikamaru's brow tapped his hitai-ate, Neji felt more than his breath breaking.

* * *

The moon was riding high by the time they crossed the border out of Hanegakure. The tree line began to thin and the soil turned harder, grittier. Earth gave way to rock and the land began to undulate in gentle slopes. Shikamaru traipsed an incline in Neji's footsteps, following the Hyūga up the winding, mossy trail, pebbles rolling and grinding beneath their feet.

He kept his eyes fixed on Neji, not trusting for a second that the Hyūga wouldn't bolt or charge like a skittish stag. The Jōnin hadn't said a word. Nor had he looked Shikamaru in the eye since he'd found him, blood streaked and semi-catatonic after he'd hacked up Ozuku's shinobi and snapped the clone's neck.

At the time, the profound sense of relief at finding Neji alive had washed away Shikamaru's initial dread, but now he could feel it creeping back in again. Chasing Neji down hadn't included any pre-thought action on how to proceed once he'd found him. Shikamaru knew he should have automatically processed every possible way to tackle the situation.

But he found that the answers wouldn't come.

A strange sense of stasis held between them; keeping Shikamaru's mind in a state of limbo. This resulted in him reacting to Neji on instinct alone. Not a smart mode to operate in, but rather than flounder in a state of complete confusion, he chose to just follow the lead of this odd impulse.

So far, it hadn't got him attacked.

Neji hadn't flipped into fight or flight; which meant Shikamaru wasn't posing as a threat. He had absolutely no idea what the hell Neji considered him as at the moment, let alone if Neji was considering him at all. The Hyūga seemed detached, but not in the way he had been before.

Denial was gone, which left dormant disaster or damage control. Yet if that's what Neji was attempting to do, it was hard to tell. It was even harder when Shikamaru couldn't get a look at those eyes. And with the Byakugan active, they were less likely to reveal anything.

_Don't tell me I lost you back there, Hyūga._

Neji led them along a tree-lined plateau, then across another apron of rock which sloped up towards the beginnings of a new forest; one that formed the frontier of neighbouring lands. They passed through some small clearings, all carpeted in mist.

Then Neji stopped walking.

Shikamaru paused beside him.

"Here?" Shikamaru asked, his voice sounding rough in his throat.

Neji nodded once, brushing his palm in an arc across the air.

Shikamaru couldn't see it, but he knew it was there. Right where Neji's palm smoothed outwards, brushing flat against an unseen wall as if wiping dust from midair.

The barrier jutsu.

Shikamaru turned his head. "I'm safe to go?"

Neji nodded without a word.

Shikamaru's eyes traced over his profile, laced silver in moonlight.

It didn't distract from the blood – there was a lot of it.

The Nara felt that painful twisting in his chest.

Blinking from his stare, he returned his focus to the unseen barrier that the Byakugan would probably detect as a wall of black. Assessing distance, Shikamaru took a step back and flipped out the map he'd taken from the tunnels. He glanced at Hibari's annotations, hummed and slotted the paper away.

"Right," he sighed, raising his hands to form the appropriate hand seals. "Release."

A second later the air rippled.

A small log cabin shimmered into existence.

It was a humble structure, fashioned into a habitable outpost. It sat nestled amongst overgrown foliage and two small trees. The timbres were worn and flaked, moss-caked around the sawed edges and the guttering had collapsed a little to one side of the roof, with rot setting in around the window frames. A small plaque hung, nailed into the wood, bearing the stone head of an eagle. Erosion had worn away the proud beak, leaving a distorted stump instead.

Neji moved first, gravitating towards the door in a kind of aimless drift.

Shikamaru watched him for a moment and then followed close behind, pausing only to restore the barrier jutsu with the appropriate hand seals and spoken command. He crossed the threshold of the cabin at Neji's heels, ducking his head to avoid the swing of a few talismans that hung from the doorframe. They dangled from thread-like strings, giving the illusion of small, floating spheres.

Shikamaru frowned, reaching up to grip one of the spinning coins.

Each one held an etching of a different bird. Suspended and spinning, moonlight danced off the charms, bouncing segments of light around the room until the door thudded shut.

Shikamaru surveyed the dark cabin.

The creak and groan of timbres was the only sound, save for the soft whistle of the wind through the rafters. The draught left a chill in the air. It appeared to be the one large room, bar a heavily carved door that he assumed led to the bathroom. This stash point must have seen regular use if the Tsubasa rebels had bothered to adorn it with talismans, threadbare rugs and a large bed draped with sheets and furs.

Arching a brow, Shikamaru took a quick inventory of the other details, which included a fire place, several trunks lined along the walls, a few chairs and boxes and what looked like a Shogi table. The rest was no doubt in storage, as Hibari had said.

The squeak of the floorboards drew Shikamaru's focus back from its orbit.

He turned his gaze to Neji, watching the Hyūga as he paced slowly to the centre of the room, standing here in silence, facing the window overlooking the forest beyond. Rather than let that cold sense of dread sink in, Shikamaru rolled his steps into a slow walk around the room, searching for a source of light in some of the large trunks that posed as makeshift tables. He located the firm stumps of warped candles and retrieved a half-used box of matches. He set about lighting the waxy blocks, all in varying states of melt-down.

Soon, soft pools of candlelight brought an illusion of warmth to the cabin, chasing back the dark. Unfortunately, it bore fresh witness to Neji's gory state. The play of orange and yellow across the blood stains looked like fire on the ice of the Jōnin's body.

He'd really done some damage.

And that was just taijutsu.

Shikamaru released a soft breath through his nose, letting the air seep away as his gaze drifted over the Hyūga. Neji ignored him, gazing in silence at the hazy glass of the windows. He stood unmoving, except for the tremble in his slender hands, the veins and sinew straining in a futile attempt to stop it.

God, it hurt to look at him.

Shikamaru shook his head sadly and began to tug off his flak jacket and remove his ninja gear, setting the tantō down first. He kept his movements slow and deliberate, executed with the kind of calm designed to keep Neji both from gauging his intentions and from feeling threatened.

Not that Shikamaru knew what the hell his own intentions were.

Add to that the fact that Neji was more of a threat to him.

None of this mattered though, because as experience dictated, something else tended to take over when his brain stopped functioning in a rational and self-defending state of sanity. Knowing this, he let that 'something else' guide his steps now, approaching Neji with the same measured pace; slow and easy, exuding nothing but calm. He'd done this countless times before with his clan's deer and he hadn't been gouged yet.

_Always a first time…_

He needed no reminder of just how fast Neji could lash out. A repeat performance might have been pending, but Shikamaru continued on. He came to stand just to the side of Neji, very slowly inching around until he stood between the Hyūga and the window. Neji blinked, not moving his head, though he turned his gaze from one of Shikamaru's shoulders to the other, tracing along the dark fabric of his turtleneck.

Shikamaru waited, observing from beneath his lashes.

He watched the chords in Neji's throat tighten and flex, drawing attention to the blood smeared either side of the elegant but strong neck. Shikamaru couldn't see any wounds beneath the ruined white of his robes. Neji hadn't carried himself in a way that suggested he'd taken an injury.

It was all enemy blood.

Carefully, Shikamaru lifted his hand, fingers held outward, exposing his palm as he raised his touch to Neji's face.

No reaction.

A full minute must have passed by the time his thumb brushed the slant of Neji's jaw, following the firm line until his fingertips touched the Hyūga's neck and traced down along the stained column of throat.

Neji swallowed hard, the sound audible in the quiet holding between them.

Shikamaru shook his head slowly. "Dammit, please look at me."

Neji closed his eyes, a deep line cutting between his brows as they drew together.

The pained expression gouged Shikamaru's chest and guilt rubbed like salt into the wound. He stung in places he'd never felt hurt before. Not like this. He set his other hand on Neji's shoulder, not hard enough to restrict movement, but firm enough that he could feel the vibration of restrained power, buried deep in the quivering muscle.

"Alright," he whispered hoarsely. "Alright."

Neji kept his eyes closed, drawing a short, sharp breath through his nose, shaking his head. Whatever battle was going on inside him, Shikamaru couldn't step in. With all the answers he had, he could conjure no solution to this. No way to make it better.

Even now, with the answers he had, he was hard pressed not to think he'd have given those answers back, just to keep this look from Neji's face. Just knowing he'd shoved the Hyūga into this arena of ghosts and memories.

_God…tell me how to bring you back…_

Shikamaru frowned, raking his fingers through long blood-streaked strands, smoothing through the mass of mocha hair to caress the back of Neji's head.

"Neji…" he called softly.

The response was a ragged shiver of the Hyūga's breath and the violent shake of his head as he tried to pull back. Shikamaru felt torn down the centre; one part willing him to step forward, the other part warning him to step back. Caught between these two motions he struggled to find a foothold.

"Neji…" he whispered, raising both hands to the Hyūga's shaking head, slipping his fingers through the swaying bangs to rake them away from Neji's face. "Don't do this."

Neji grabbed his wrists roughly.

Shikamaru could still feel those fingers shaking.

He ignored the bruising clutch and planted his grip at the back of Neji's head, tipping forward to tap their brows. "Neji…God, stop fighting…"

"Get…away from me…" Neji's voice was like crushed rock, hoarse and broken.

Shikamaru pushed down the painful swell in his chest, shaking his head. "Stop fighting me."

Neji's fingers dug in, hard enough that Shikamaru felt the blunt nails cut into the tender flesh of his wrists with every shake of Neji's hands and head.

But he didn't let go.

"Neji…"

"_Why_…_?_" Neji whispered against his lips, eyes clenched shut, his voice so raw Shikamaru could barely make out the words, but he could taste the pain in them. "He just…let it go…"

Shikamaru frowned, flexing his fingers as they began to go numb; he used the touch to rub Neji's head. "He let what go?"

"_Weak_…" Neji whispered, baring his teeth. "He was…_weak_…"

"Neji…"

Neji hissed, his jaw clenched against a curse, a shout, a scream, Shikamaru couldn't tell.

However, he could tell from the tight silence that Neji had stopped breathing.

_Shit…breathe…_

With a fair amount of struggle, Shikamaru managed to twist one of his wrists free.

The hot tingle of blood flooded back to his fingers.

Immediately, Neji released his other wrist in a jerk.

"Neji." Shikamaru turned his head to murmur softly against the Hyūga's ear. "Neji, breathe."

Neji shook him off, taking a step back like a confused animal, raising his hands to grip his skull, fingers gnarling against his scalp. Shikamaru looked on, unaware of the emotion betraying itself in his own eyes. He watched Neji shudder, fighting an internal onslaught, his shoulders braced against it.

Swallowing down the ache in his throat, Shikamaru stepped forward and closed his hands over Neji's pale fists, dragging his fingertips through the valley of the bone-white knuckles.

"Breathe," he whispered again, softly stroking the backs of the Hyūga's hands, trying to pull them away from Neji's head. "Neji..."

Neji's shoulder blades jutted like hackles and a low, guttural growl, like a howl denied, rode up his throat. Shikamaru expected to be shoved away, but then that angry sound rattled into something hoarse and tortured, breaking in Neji's throat until he choked on it. The strangled sound cut straight through Shikamaru; straight through the aching bone and muscle of his chest to stab him in a place he knew Neji was already bleeding.

_God…tell me what to do…_

Shikamaru shook his head helplessly.

_Fuck…just tell me what to do to make it stop…_

He kept his fingers rubbing along the Hyūga's hands, trying to ease the brutal grip Neji had on his skull; wanting to reach in deeper to rip the Jōnin's pain out by the roots.

He'd never felt this utterly useless.

The ache in the back of his throat was making it hard to speak or breathe.

_Tell me how to fix it…please…_

Neji's fingers flexed beneath his, forcing Shikamaru to lift his hands away. Before the sadness could grip him by the throat, Neji caught his wrists so suddenly, so unexpectedly, that Shikamaru braced himself for violence.

It never came.

Those slender fingers, still shaking, simply remained cuffed around his wrists.

Shikamaru stood frozen, the sting of salt burning the corners of his eyes as he looked on in silence, trying to understand the significance of this moment. He couldn't explain why he felt it, but he knew it.

Neji still wouldn't look at him; those opal eyes remained screwed shut. Shadows and candlelight united to turn the Hyūga's tormented expression that bit sharper, that bit more defined. And it etched itself into Shikamaru's heart as if a hot knife were carving out the image.

_Let me fix it…_

He almost said the words aloud, but his throat had closed up.

Then he realised that Neji wasn't gripping him as hard as he should have been.

In fact, he wasn't gripping hard at all.

He just held on.

_Holding on…_

Understanding clicked in Shikamaru's head, dawning on his face with the barest rounding of his eyes. Without thinking he stepped closer, letting Neji keep the lock on his wrists as he bowed his head to set their temples together, rather than their brows. The position aligned the length of their torsos, setting them shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip. Their left sides pressed close enough together that the bone-deep shudder Neji held in, even as he was breaking, carried through to the shadow-nin.

Every faint shake and shudder Shikamaru felt running through him too.

Every flex of Neji's jaw he felt against his face.

Even the high ridge of Neji's cheek bone, pressing against his own so hard it was as if Neji was trying to push him away. But the Jōnin's fingers remained fixed. And Shikamaru made no attempt to pull his wrists free, giving Neji that control without protest.

He could feel the Jōnin fighting tooth and nail for control.

The Hyūga's body was the damned battlefield, communicating the war waging on inside him. Wasn't that why he'd blocked up his tenketsu in the first place? To stop whatever he was trying to control now.

_Let it out…god stop fighting…_

Shikamaru felt like some useless spectator on the horizon, able to see the smoke and flames but unable to stop the carnage; despite the fact that at any second he might be a victim to it.

Even knowing this, he still made no move to walk away.

At some point, whatever was tearing Neji up must have waved a white flag, or called a momentary ceasefire long enough for him to catch his breath…because slowly, Shikamaru felt Neji's weight shift.

Slowly, the Hyūga leaned into him.

Just a little.

Shikamaru didn't move, knowing it risked making this moment even more excruciating for Neji. Plus, he could still read the signs – and the lock of Neji's fingers was as clear as crystal.

It was only when Neji released his wrists that Shikamaru very slowly lifted his hands. When Neji didn't tense up, he proceeded to rub lightly at the back of the mocha head set against his shoulder, his other hand smoothing down Neji's spine.

Shikamaru wasn't sure what this was.

It wasn't a hug.

Not quite an embrace.

It was more than either of those things – infinitely more.

And this infinite moment stretched and slowed. The time that had been rushing ahead for the past few hours, driven by panic, pain and probable disaster slowly began to lull its pace.

Time slowed – and although Shikamaru knew it wouldn't last, he slowed with it.

_Slow down…_

Shikamaru drew a slow breath, holding it deep in his lungs. He let it drift out slowly against Neji's hair, turning his lips against the dark strands. Kneading through the thick mane, he could feel where it was matted with blood.

_Need to get this off him…_

Shikamaru tipped his chin down, feeling the ragged puff of Neji's breath warm the fabric of his turtleneck. He set his lips at Neji's ear.

"Trust me for a moment?"

Neji said nothing, but he didn't pull back.

Shikamaru took this as unspoken assent and just as slow as he'd kept all his motions up until now, he turned them around and began to back Neji up step by step towards the bed. When the Hyūga's knees touched the mattress, Neji automatically sat, like a marionette whose strings had been cut. Shikamaru crouched down between his legs, setting his palms atop the firm thighs, tapping his thumbs lightly.

He gazed at Neji's face, gaunt with an exhaustion leaking from the inside out.

Shikamaru frowned, reaching up to run an affectionate sweep of his fingers through the dark strands. Neji blinked slowly at the touch. His dark lashes had fallen low, almost completely shielding his eyes.

Their gazes still hadn't met.

Shikamaru ached to replace the memory of the last look he'd seen in those eyes.

_Look at me._

He wanted to draw Neji's focus toward him, but didn't dare push it. Right now, the important thing was keeping the Jōnin calm and getting the blood off him. How easy or difficult that proved to be was another question.

_Don't kill me yet, Hyūga…_

Shikamaru let the grim thought slide, not wanting to turn his mind in that direction. He knew that Sakura's words would ram him in an instant if he did. The impact of her questions and accusations had already left a crater-sized dent in a vital part of him. A part that had filled up with a gutting kind of sadness he didn't want to carry. Yet he'd have carried Neji's in an instant, to fix what he'd fractured.

_Stop it…just do what you have to do…right now, you have to get this blood off him._

Shikamaru hummed quietly, drumming his fingers against Neji's legs, concluding his thoughts as he made to rise.

He didn't get very far.

Neji's palms settled on his shoulders, drawing him back down until he was forced to drop to one knee to keep his balance.

Shikamaru cocked his head questioningly.

He glimpsed the tightening veins of the Byakugan around Neji's eyes.

Then he felt Neji's hands frame his head.

"I'm alright," Shikamaru murmured, knowing what Neji was checking over. "Nothing damaged, but I think we're even now as far as Knock Outs go."

He reached up to gently brush his fingertips along Neji's wrists, coaxing the Hyūga's hands away from his head. Hands capable of more damage than anyone else he'd ever let this close. Hands which had brought him more pleasure than he'd ever experienced and more pain than he'd ever willingly accept as part of a price.

_If it means you live…_

Shikamaru traced his eyes over Neji.

He looked like he'd been dipped in death.

The blood like war paint, staining skin pulled tight with pain.

Shikamaru grazed his knuckle along Neji's jaw, then across a proud cheekbone, following the unseen fractures in a broken mask. The raw human pain was slipping through the cracks.

"Neji," Shikamaru murmured, his tones as soft as his touch. "Stop fighting it."

Neji's eyes flickered shut. "Don't ask me to be weak…"

"I'm not asking you to be weak." Shikamaru shook his head sadly. "I'm asking you, for once, to be a little less strong."

Neji's breath rattled out and he turned his jaw into the caress of Shikamaru's hand, half-concealing the expression of grief that shadowed his face. "Damn you, why did you come…?"

Shikamaru felt that wet burn at the back of his eyes. "Why the hell do you think?"

He brushed his thumb across Neji's lips, feeling them tighten into a controlled line fighting back the emotion just shy of betraying itself.

"_You_ think," Neji said, the rough whisper muffled against Shikamaru's palm. "I _do_…"

The desperate, exhausted humour was so completely unexpected that Shikamaru was momentarily stumped. He stared in wide-eyed shock, feeling a fresh wave of pain pulling at his chest, knowing it must have taken more than just strength for Neji to lower a defence when he was wounded so deeply behind it.

Shikamaru blinked back that bitter sting to clear his vision. "Neji…"

"He did _nothing_…that is why I…I will always _do_…whatever is necessary…" Neji whispered, closing eyes that still wouldn't turn toward Shikamaru. "Gods…I'm so tired…"

"I know," Shikamaru whispered back. "I know you are."

He watched Neji clench his shaking fingers in the furs at the edge of the bed. The shudder that ran through the Hyūga was abruptly cut short by a stubborn tightening of his muscles.

_Still fighting…tell me how to make you stop fighting…_

The shadow-nin set his other hand on Neji's thigh, kneading the rigid muscle, tracing his stinging eyes over all the dried blood. Neji had cut those shinobi down without mercy, some into literal pieces. It didn't take much to guess Neji had been lost in a red mist worse than the one he'd created after that fight.

"Stop fighting," Shikamaru murmured again, concern drawing his brows into a knot.

He kept his palm against the side of the Jōnin's face, his thumb tracing Neji's lips. They drew tighter, along with every muscle trying to ice over and iron out any evidence of the pain Shikamaru could already read in his face.

No play of candlelight or shadow could hide it.

God, he wanted to wash that grief away.

Shikamaru frowned, twisting his wrist to stroke the backs of his fingers down the chiselled hollow of Neji's cheek, following the bitter stains of blood.

Here was one thing at least, that he could wash away.

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: ***gulps tea* OMFG. EDIT BLEED. I think I now have the brain damage Shikamaru avoided. Next chapter purely Shikamaru and Neji centred. ^_^ Take that any which way you want, my lovelies! Late update due to _insanity_ of life and LONG chapter. _Thank you_ to you lovely reviewers, who motivate me to strategise ways of making and finding the free time where I can!

**REVIEWERS: **The amount of love you wonderful people continue to show this fiction makes my writer's heart do all sorts of acrobatic flips. _Thank you so much_ each and every one of you. My thanks can seem so monotonous 36 chapters down the line, but I trust you guys know it's only _**ever-increasing**_ in its sentiment even though my ways to express it in words might become limited. _**I am continually thankful to you**_. That said, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and I thank you for the amazing response to the last one! _**Love to know yours thoughts, as always**_.

**Reviewers without accounts: **_Thank you so much_**: Ayachan, mandapanda123, Oppa Lady Mortis, Luna, Samantha, Savannah, Rakija, Miin, kichou, zoomzoom, loyal servant **(TY!),

**Fan – **Heya sweetie! THANK YOU for your review! ^_^ Aaaw! Bless, no worries! I'm happy to hear you're still enjoying the fic. Hope you continue to do so, dear! ^_^  
**Pixie** – LOL. Let's be insane together! Maybe we'll cancel each other out and find some sanity. ^_^ Thank for your fab review for 35, luv. So, so happy you're still enjoying this fic. ^_^  
**Gia Anna** – LMAO exactly, "why always the head" indeed with poor Shikamaru. Thank you for a lovely review. I'm so grateful that you take the time, Gia Anna! Cheers, luv.  
**Manga-Brina – **Hey hun! THANK YOU for taking the time out here too on FFNET to leave me such wonderful feedback! LOL! Good on you for beating Shikamaru to it! Give yourself a cookie!  
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_Thanks to ALL of you. Always._


	37. Chapter 37

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

**Rating:**** M / R**

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

_**Warning**__: Long chapter, have a cuppa tea & please donate brain cells and blood to me lol Any feedback for this chapter will be very much appreciated._

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Thirty Seven**

[Dedicated to Shinejshi]

The hitai-ate was a defence.

Never stated, but implicitly implied.

It guarded more than Neji's forehead and represented more than his allegiance to his village. It was armour across a wound neither his village nor his clan had prevented. It was a lie and a denial; two things that provided a deeply buried part of him with protection it had always needed but never had.

This is why it was a defence.

So when Shikamaru reached to remove this defence, Neji's instinctive reaction was to snap the shadow-nin's wrists. Fortunately, Shikamaru was a fast learner. Even more fortunately, Shikamaru could move as fast as his mind when he needed to.

Neji's hands grabbed air.

Shikamaru held his palms up calmly. "Alright…take it easy…"

Neji stared at Shikamaru's hands for a long moment. Then he reached up himself to remove the hitai-ate, pulling down the thin fabric beneath it to band securely across the curse mark.

Defences weren't always made of steel.

He set the forehead protector down on the bed, sensing that Shikamaru was watching his movements. It was only when Neji released the hitai-ate that the Nara crouched down in front of him and moved to pop the button on his robe.

Like peeling back skin, the white layer came away red.

Shikamaru's wince didn't reach Neji. Maybe the look in the dark eyes might have, but the Hyūga kept his gaze fixed on Shikamaru's chest, staring at the creases in the turtleneck as the shadow-nin checked him over with methodical patience. If he sensed anything at all beyond the numb fog, then it was the sensation of being rigid; frozen. Like the stone he'd been likened to three years ago.

"_You're a stone cold bastard, Hyūga."_

Kiba had said this.

Hinata had denied it – an irregular heartbeat later.

She'd been twelve at the time, her breathing laboured with pain and her gentle, knowing eyes softened with sympathy. Neji had never understood how her hurting heart could embrace forgiveness after the damage it had taken.

He'd targeted that organ.

He'd targeted her.

Like a predator, he'd sniffed out psychological weakness, used it to cripple her confidence and had gone straight for the kill the second she'd fought back and hit his heart without touching him. She'd cut him with words. Just like Shikamaru.

Neji frowned and his shaking hands flinched.

He didn't realise Shikamaru was watching him.

"Does this hurt?" Shikamaru's fingertips stopped skimming his bruised ribs.

The words took a moment to sink in. There were so many different layers to that question. Neji opted for the mundane interpretation and shook his head. He felt a soft pull against his hair, the sensation of Shikamaru's fingers dragging back through the mocha strands.

It pulled Neji away from his memories and back to the present.

_Here…_

He heard the drip of water and the squelch of soaked fabric. Shikamaru's fingers slid beneath his jaw, tilting his head up as the Nara dabbed a wet cloth along his throat, wiping away the blood he couldn't see.

He hadn't even seen it at the time he'd made the kills.

This quiet cleansing continued for a few minutes; a patient and careful swipe of cloth. Unwarranted gentleness. Shikamaru should have been rubbing his skin raw in irritation or anger, but the Chūnin displayed neither emotion in his touch.

Neji flicked a glance toward the Nara's face.

Shikamaru was frowning. But Neji detected no anger. A look of quiet concentration – or concern – had cut deep into his face. He smoothed the cloth gently along Neji's collar bones. The Jōnin closed his eyes miserably.

He didn't deserve this. He shouldn't have allowed it.

It's not like he needed it either – did he?

Even the terror and pain he'd felt as a child had never warranted him this. After the curse seal branding, he'd been met with stiff upper lips and stern, quiet words from other Branch members.

"_Stop crying, Neji."_

He'd learned that to cry in pain wasn't acceptable.

"_No tears. Be strong for your father._"

He'd learned to be stronger than pain.

"_When your father comes, you will smile. Do you understand?_"

No. He hadn't understood. But he'd obeyed.

His father had come later, after the women had dabbed away the evidence of his tears. Hizashi had never had to comfort him. The Hyūga twin had returned to find his son's brow bandaged and his face smiling. A gentle pat to the head had sufficed; no words, no warm embraces or explanations for why he'd been punished this way.

Hizashi had read him a story and had allowed his son to sleep beside him.

At the time, in his innocence, Neji had believed it was enough.

His pain had been crushed and caged and controlled.

He'd said nothing about the headaches; or the ache in his chest. He'd learned quickly how to suffer in silence by watching other Branch members. While observing them he'd also learned, without instruction, which pressure points to touch to alleviate pain.

Shikamaru dabbed the cloth against his temple.

The memory slipped away as Neji slipped his eyes open.

Shikamaru's gaze hit his squarely for no less than a second.

A second in which the concern in Shikamaru's eyes reached that ache he thought had been crushed and caged…and controlled. A crippling sadness twisted within; perhaps the child he'd never been curling in on itself.

_Gods…stop it…weak..._

Neji fought to keep himself inert and impassive. Fought to keep his mind from straying beyond the border of apathy he'd constructed the second it had collapsed back in the tunnels. If he crossed that border now, he wasn't sure what would follow behind him; maybe that beast-like anger crawling around in his blood, looking for something to punish for its pain.

Again…

That anger would tug Neji across the numb border and back into that raw red mist. And the pain would drag him even further…right through the mist…and into feeling.

He sucked in a sharp breath.

The splash of cloth hitting water sounded as Shikamaru's hands, damp but still warm, came to rest at his arms.

"Neji," Shikamaru murmured, low and soothing. "Look at me."

A violent pang twisted in Neji's chest and he withdrew, seeking an exit in his mind.

"Neji…"

Neji shook his head, spearing his fingers into his hair to grip his skull.

"Troublesome, Hyūga," Shikamaru muttered sadly, pulling the Jōnin's hands away. "Quit making this about your head."

Neji didn't have time to process a reaction. In the next instant, Shikamaru was standing to the side of him and the Nara's arm was hooked gently around his neck, drawing him into a slant against the shadow-nin's body.

Long fingers threaded into his hair, rubbing gently.

Neji fought to find resistance.

Then he heard Shikamaru's heart beating.

Suddenly, he had no strength to even try.

* * *

"_I chose you for your mercy…_"

Red ran down his body in ribbons, dripping over the sculpted muscles of his legs to pool at his feet. The drizzle of the shower pattered down, dragging away the remaining grime and gore.

_Mercy…?_

Neji felt the soft sprinkle against his back, warmth chasing down the groove of his spine. A cleansing that washed away what Shikamaru hadn't already dabbed off his skin. He turned his face up into the spray and let the droplets hit his brow, gather on his lashes and streak down his high cheeks like tears.

"_Don't cry, Neji."_

Neji bowed his head, carving one shaking hand back through his hair, fingers dragging out the blood from the wet mass. His body went through these motions as robotically as he'd fought the Tsubasa shinobi. But his mind churned with memories as bitter as bile.

"_Why are you bleeding, Neji?"_

"_I tried to get it off."_

"_It doesn't come off, child. Never do that again."_

When the water finally ran clear beneath his feet, he shut off the gentle spray, watching the water swirl down the drain. The pipes groaned, protesting the warmth in their cold channels.

"_I forgive you, Neji-niisan._"

Water continued to drip; trickling down Neji's body, following etched contours of muscle or leaking down along the dark sheet of his hair. He stood for a long moment, letting the cold air raise a prickle along his skin. He could have convinced himself it was the chill making him shake. He was operating on enough lies to keep functioning – so what was one more? It changed nothing.

_Nothing…everything…_

Neji stared down at his left arm, at the protruding veins along the strained tendons of his hand. He flexed out his fingers, curling the slender digits into a fist to stop the shaking.

A familiar stab of pain shot up his arm like a senbon.

He rolled his left shoulder, drawing a slow breath that rattled.

But it wasn't the physical pain that swallowed the air in his lungs; it was that cavity which yawned wide and deep inside him, like a black hole opening up a little more with every heartbeat.

And every remembered word from two months ago.

"_It was never a matter of destiny, Neji. It was a matter of decision."_

Neji squeezed his eyes shut.

"_Hizashi made that decision for you years ago."_

He pressed his forehead to the cold, hard tiles, twisting his brow against the surface.

"_Call it his weakness, but it secured the clan with invaluable strength. You_."

He pressed his brow harder, shaking his head, gritting his teeth, fingers digging against the tiles.

"_You belong to the Hyūga clan."_

His breath shattered back against his face.

"_Your rage was always misplaced as a child. Do not make us punish you for it again."_

He clawed his fingers up and down the unyielding wall.

"_Your father chose this path for you. Accept it. It's over._"

A violent crack rent the air; splitting skin and ceramic.

"_It is decided. It is done."_

The echo of those voices receded…swallowed up by that unseen hole in his chest.

Neji ignored the blood leaking from his knuckles, his fists embedded in the cracked tiles which were suddenly as broken as his apathy.

Feeling leaking through.

His lips parted around a roar that wouldn't come. It belonged to that ravenous pain prowling deep inside him. Its howls catching low in his throat, building with all the unspoken words. For days, weeks, months…years…he'd controlled it.

He'd sworn never to allow that pain to harm anyone else ever again.

But as he'd learned with Hinata, one slip was always all it ever took.

And if his tenketsu hadn't been blocked, his last slip would have killed Shikamaru.

* * *

The nail drove straight through his palm.

"_Sonofa_—!" Shikamaru growled. "Dammit."

Abandoning his war with the plank of wood, Shikamaru sank back on his knees, glaring at the heel of his hand as the floorboard wedged awkwardly into place. He scowled at the metal imbedded in his skin and tilted his body toward the nearest source of candlelight. The waxy glow played across his palm as he went about pinching the nail free.

_Nice. Avoid a bomb and get god damned tetanus…_

Holding the nail up to the light, he glared at the inanimate offender and flicked it off into the corner of the room, returning to his task of securing the floorboards. He'd found the chakra pills right where Hibari had promised; beneath rotten wood, cobwebs and the protection of an explosive seal. Shikamaru had disabled it with the appropriate signs.

Hefting the pouch of pills, the shadow-nin tested the weight in his palm, rising from his kneel to drop the bag by his flak-jacket near the bed. Distracted by the stupid puncture in his hand, he turned in a lazy circle and almost smacked into Neji.

"Shit!" Shikamaru jolted as his heart lunged into his throat, the shock giving way to a nervous flutter of his pulse.

He closed his eyes, attempting to force his breathing back to normalcy.

"Shit, Neji…" he said shakily. "Creak a damn floorboard or something..."

How the hell hadn't he noticed the Hyūga standing there? He was like a ghost. Shikamaru rolled his shoulders, shrugging off the shock and the grim comparison. He opened his eyes to refocus on the cause of his miniature heart attack. Instantly, his heart did a different kind of jolt and hammer when he registered the fact that Neji was clad in nothing more than a towel knotted securely at his hips.

Embers stirred deep in Shikamaru's stomach.

His eyes traced upwards along grooved abominals, carved deeper by candlelight, higher to the discoloured planes of Neji's chest. His wandering gaze stopped here. The marks dotted about the pale skin were almost black, thin blood vessels leaking out in purple threads from the bruises. Shikamaru's eyes pinched. But any words he might have spoken died on his tongue as Neji's hands settled either side of his head.

The Hyūga's palms were like ice.

Shikamaru flinched at the chill then went completely still.

He kept his gaze cast down, the crease at his brow communicating his confusion. No answer came, but he felt the Jōnin's cold fingertips pressing gently at his temples. Seeking Neji's face, Shikamaru raised his eyes, which rounded the second his focus landed on the Hyūga's forehead.

It took a wide-eyed moment for the shock to drop away.

The second it did, Shikamaru barely gave the curse mark his attention.

He sought Neji's eyes instead.

_God dammit, look at me…_

Neji wouldn't.

Instead, the Hyūga's thumbs traced the arch of Shikamaru's brows, following down to the bridge of his nose, parting ways to orbit his eyes. Every press and pause carried a delicate deliberation. Shikamaru kept his eyes open, breathing softly as he gazed at the lashes framing those moonstone orbs. They continued to avoid his gaze completely.

"Neji," Shikamaru breathed out. "Why the hell won't you look at me?"

Neji shook his head, his thumbs dragging along Shikamaru's cheekbones, lodging into the hinge of his jaw to roll slow circles.

"Are you in pain?" Neji asked, his voice so hoarse that Shikamaru barely recognised it.

"I got the once-over already."

"Answer my question."

Shikamaru reached up, closing his fingers around Neji's wrists. "I told you, I'm fine."

Neji didn't respond to that. He didn't look convinced either.

"I mean it." Shikamaru tilted his head, managing a weak smirk. "All those head butts prepared me."

Neji's thumbs stopped rolling. His pale eyes narrowed, averting somewhere to the side of the shadow-nin. Shikamaru instantly regretted the attempt at humour. He squeezed Neji's wrists apologetically. The Hyūga made no comment and instead dislodged his wrists and continued to trace out Shikamaru's face with his fingertips, pausing at pressure points.

Deciding that silence better served the moment, Shikamaru stood quietly, cocking a hip as he shifted his weight. He watched Neji through his lashes, concern playing behind the deceptive calm of his dark eyes.

_God how badly did I mess up…if you can't even look me in the eye…?_

Neji's cool fingertips traced his jaw, following the sharp slant from chin back to hinge several times. When satisfied, Neji retraced his cheekbone, brow and down under his eye.

Eventually the touch cupped the back of his head.

To Shikamaru's surprise, he was drawn forward.

Neji's lips settled at his brow, pressing a kiss that crumbled into a shattered breath.

The broken sound sliced through Shikamaru like glass between his ribs.

He drew back instantly and speared his fingers into Neji's thick, wet mane, fisting the dark strands as he ducked his head, seeking cloud-like eyes.

"Dammit Neji, _look_ at me…"

Neji closed his eyes. His hands, as ice-cold as the rest of his skin, settled at Shikamaru's wrists, long fingers still shaking even as they gripped.

"Release me, Nara." The command was barely a whisper.

Shikamaru swallowed as that glass-like pain cut deeper.

"Not until you look at me."

"Why? I didn't spare _you_ a backward glance…" Neji frowned, squeezing Shikamaru's wrists. "I walked away…"

"I've walked away too." He traced his lips across Neji's closed eyelids, then across the pale brow, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to the curse mark, sealing it with a chaste sweep of his lips. "Not keeping score here."

"Don't…" Neji's breath shuddered out against his throat. "I don't want your forgiveness."

Ignoring the tightening grip on his wrists, Shikamaru drew the Jōnin's head back up with a flex of his fingers through the damp hair. "Guess you're outta luck. I'm not taking it back."

"I need you to…"

Shikamaru shook his head. "Then need something else."

"There's nothing…"

"There's _this_…" Shikamaru growled, capturing Neji's mouth beneath his, plunging past the barrier of teeth.

Neji didn't react.

Shikamaru's frustration collapsed under his concern.

He softened the kiss, intimately tracing out familiar crevasses until Neji's tongue stirred and drew him deeper, pulling him into a slick roll and caress.

The kiss deepened, laced with sadness Shikamaru could taste.

Neji's breath shivered into his mouth, raw with sorrow he kept trying to suffocate. The strings of Shikamaru's heart pulled sharply, as if trying to reach his throat, tightening the chords there. Neji's grip at his wrists loosened and he tugged his hands free to slide them up the Jōnin's sides, trying to warm the alarmingly cold skin.

_Shit…why is he so cold?_

Shikamaru could feel the chill through the fabric of his turtleneck, not just beneath his palms. He broke the kiss to tilt his head, panting a hot breath against Neji's neck, kissing a slow path up to the proud edge of jaw.

Neji squeezed his nape. "I left you on the ground…"

_Yeah, and I ripped the ground out from under you…guess we're even._

"I don't care about that," Shikamaru murmured roughly, fanning another humid breath across Neji's collar bone, feeling Neji's skin prickle beneath the stroke of his palms as he pressed them flush together.

But Neji wouldn't warm beneath his hands.

Panic slivered through him.

"You should…" Neji whispered. "You should care…"

"Yeah, probably." Shikamaru frowned, dragging the heels of his palms across the pale back, feeling the long, wet silk of Neji's hair against his knuckles. "But I don't."

"I do…"

Neji's voice fell so quietly Shikamaru almost missed it. Almost. He heard both syllables, hoarse and quiet – but clear. Like soft droplets into the turbulent waters of his mind, they rippled undercurrents across the surface.

Shikamaru drew his head back slowly, stilling his hands at Neji's shoulder blades.

Neji didn't give him time to try and lock their gazes.

The Jōnin's mouth settled above his softly, caressing until Shikamaru's lips burned and tingled beneath the gentle friction. Such a simple kiss, yet his blood warmed, stirred and flooded feelings through him that were equal parts pain and pleasure. Searing and soothing and too much to contain…but these feelings filled holes he didn't think existed in parts of himself…and suddenly the cruel, crazy thing was…he had missing pieces too.

_God what the hell have we done to each other?_

Shikamaru raised his head an inch, but Neji's lips were already trailing his jaw, laying lingering kisses along the slant that had been bruised and split hours before. Those cold palms came to frame his head again and long, slender fingers held him still as Neji's lips began the journey his fingertips had taken, skimming over Shikamaru's face slowly.

"Neji, stop…" Shikamaru murmured, closing his eyes. "It doesn't hurt…"

"No…" Neji dropped the word at his temple, then again at his brow, breathing it against his hairline and between his lips when their mouths met again.

The Hyūga's hands dropped down to his hips, tugging him forward. Shikamaru swayed with the motion, knocking Neji back a step as he returned to kneading the Hyūga's skin firmly, trying to break up the cold. He exhaled warm streams of air along Neji's neck until his lungs ached.

_Is this even close to what you feel? When you can't breathe?_

A weak comparison, but it hurt all the same just to imagine it. It left him cold, as cold as the skin he kept caressing but which wouldn't warm.

"Dammit Neji, why won't you get warm?"

_Shit…is it his circulation again?_

Concern pushed into his touch and he dragged his fingertips across Neji's back harder, as if to shred the shawl of ice that had wrapped itself around the long-haired ninja.

Neji's hands slipped beneath his turtleneck. "It's not in my blood…"

Shikamaru frowned at the strange words, then gasped as frozen fingertips traced out the warm planes of his torso, leeching heat but pulling up more. Cold thumbs arched and skimmed over the lean slabs of his chest, rolling across dusky nipples to drag higher.

The two ninja drew apart long enough for Shikamaru's turtleneck to be hauled off and cast aside. They came together again, drawn back instantly; Shikamaru's skin like fire, hot and flushed against the cold and damp marble of Neji's body. He pulled the Jōnin against him roughly, sharing warmth, trying to impress it, suffuse it.

"Need to get you warm," Shikamaru murmured against the base of Neji's throat, his lips marauding along the ivory column. "Move with me…"

And Neji did.

Shikamaru pressed forward in slow steps, moving them across the threadbare rug, through the flicker of shadows and candlelight to the edge of the bed. His hands never left Neji's body and the Hyūga's lips continued to trace every angle of his face, returning to his jaw and temples repeatedly.

Words weren't necessary to coordinate their movements.

Shikamaru nudged Neji back onto the bed, stepping out of his Chūnin pants before following him down slowly.

"Relax…" Shikamaru whispered, holding himself up on his elbows as he settled between Neji's legs, drawing his warmth like a mantle across the powerful form held rigid beneath him. "Relax…"

Neji's shaking hand swept up his spine to his nape, massaging gently.

Shikamaru shivered at the cold. "What the hell did you do? Stand under the cold spray?"

"No…" Neji shook his head, pale eyes shuttered to avoid eye contact. "But it's fitting…"

Shikamaru arched a brow, cocking his head. "Fitting?"

"Cold…" Neji said quietly, toneless and tired. "I've never truly been anything else…"

Shikamaru frowned, tapping their foreheads softly. "If you're gonna talk crap, at least look me in the eye and pretend you believe it."

Neji's brow furrowed beneath his. "I left you to _bleed_."

"That's not why you can't look at me…" Shikamaru swallowed thickly. "It's not because of what you did…it's because of what I said that made you do it."

"Gods just stop, Shikamaru."

_I can't…_

A dull ache smothered Shikamaru's words for a moment, holding his throat tight.

He shook his head, somehow managing to work out a murmur. "I can't stop…I never could…I don't even know how I started…"

And he didn't.

It had started in his blood, not his brain.

It had bypassed every logical process, because it wasn't something that he could contain, catalogue, control or cure with common sense or careful consideration. It wasn't cerebral. It had been carnal. And now it was something else. There were several points along the way he'd tried to turn tail and run from it. But every time he tried he just came full circle, rounding back on himself to chase down the source of what was stirring it up inside him.

"Whatever the hell that makes me…" he whispered.

He blinked in surprise when Neji's knuckles drew along his jaw. He caught a splash of discolouration out the corner of his eye and he turned his head to brush his lips across the torn knuckles.

"It makes you an idiot…" Neji said softly, but there was no bitterness in it.

"Yeah? I can live with that," Shikamaru murmured, his lips twisting in a half-smirk. "Not like anyone would believe it anyway."

Neji's knuckles slipped away. Shikamaru leaned down to nuzzle the Jōnin's neck, feeling the strain in the tight chords as Neji swallowed hard.

The shadow-nin kissed the tense column up to the jaw line.

Even animals didn't suffer in silence like this.

_God, let it out…_

He kissed Neji's shoulder, resting his head there as a cold hand came to settle at his back, fingertips trailing up the valley of his spine. The touch continued in a hypnotic stroke, lulling them both as Shikamaru fought to stay aware of the time slipping by. It was marked by the shift in Neji's breathing as it deepened and slowed, giving way to the weight of exhaustion.

Shikamaru shifted his weight carefully, enough to bracket his arms closer to Neji's body, trapping warmth and keeping skin-to-skin contact at as many points possible without tugging Neji's towel away.

That would pull up a different kind of heat in his blood.

But right now, his blood seemed to be flooding to a point in his chest that hurt a little more with every tremor he could feel running through Neji as the Hyūga gave in to sleep. Adrenalin, tension, cold and god knows what else all bleeding into his body.

Shikamaru felt the stroke along his spine slow and finally cease.

Allowing another few minutes to pass, he drew back by degrees, enough to gaze down at the sleeping face. Even in the butter-soft glow of candlelight, there was no mistaking the tension etched into Neji's expression.

The crafted features remained pinched…pained…

Shikamaru leaned down, settling his mouth above the curse mark. The fundamental barrier of the hitai-ate was gone. But rather than relief, guilt sawed through him; jagged and cruel. Despite this, he held to the hope that with this ambiguous display of trust and the last few pieces in place, he still had a chance to reach and reason with Neji before time forced his hand.

The throaty rattle of Neji's breath caused him to tense.

The Hyūga stirred beneath him.

_Shit…_

Shikamaru lifted away carefully, allowing for Neji to roll onto his side exhaustedly, long dark hair dragging against the sheets. Careful not to tangle his fingers in the damp silk, Shikamaru reached for the furs at the end of the bed. He tugged them up, dropping the heavy pelts to cocoon them, trapping the heat of his body close to Neji's.

The Jōnin didn't stir.

Shikamaru turned on his side, elbow propped as he set his face in his palm. He let his free hand settle at Neji's head, combing his fingers through the inky mass of hair. He kept his shuttered gaze fixed on the sleeping ninja and continued stroking his fingers through the mocha strands well after the last candle guttered and died.

* * *

The dream had become a haunting; which made it more than a nightmare.

It was made of memories, grotesquely exaggerated, morbidly psychedelic and twisted with flash-backs he spent his waking hours trying to forget.

Neji knew the only way to exorcise this haunting was to wake up.

_Let me go…_

They wouldn't let him go.

Hands settled at his shoulders…more hands moved in front of his face, forming signs…signs that seared something beneath his skin…his brow was burning…while spider's fangs began sinking deep into his shoulder, venom spreading through his veins, concentrating poison in his head...Kidōmaru was laughing...women were crying...but when he turned towards them, his movements were sluggish...he could see a shroud pulled over a corpse…

_Father…_

Hands came again...stern faces washed out by darkness...he was trying not to cry but there was no one to force a smile for...white eyes were boring into him...countless white through cage bars...and lips were shaping words he couldn't understand...the crying women were louder...but the roaring inside him was louder than those women ever could be...

_Stop..._

They didn't stop. Those white eyes looked past him to the corpse...but it wasn't dead...it was moving beneath that sheet, pale hands gnarled against the shroud...pulling at the death veil...and Neji was reaching between bars and pulling at it too...red blossomed beneath the sheet like a bloody rose...and Hizashi was screaming...

_No!…Please!…_

But Neji couldn't pull the shroud away fast enough...the sheet kept growing, no matter how much he pulled it doubled in length…doubled and flowed like white water until he was drowning in it...unable to draw air through the fibres of the cloth...and it clung to him, wet and saturated...he couldn't breathe...suffocated by Hyūga robes drenched in blood...the corpse's hand was on his skull, caressing then crushing until he felt that burning at his brow and the breaking of bone...it had never felt this real before...the pressure in his head…the pain in his lungs…the panic clawing up the back of his throat…contorting into a scream as tortured as his tears…

_LET ME GO!_

Neji jerked awake, a hoarse gasp tearing from his throat as he tried to twist out from the heavy furs wrapped around him, shaking, sweating and torn between reality and nightmare.

Something curled around him. Something warm. "Neji…breathe…"

The air wouldn't come and he tried to drag it past the rock of iron lodged in his throat. He swallowed the sticky copper of blood and hacked out a bone rattling cough, curling over and shuddering.

_Stop…stop...stop..._

The warmth enfolded him tighter, dragging him back. "Neji…"

"Let me go…" Neji choked out, gritting his teeth against the pain swelling inside his chest, pressing outward against his ribs until he was certain they were cracking…cracking like his voice… "God…let me go…"

"I can't let you go…not if you're goin' there…come back…" a smoky voice drifted along the terror-torn edges of his mind. "It's not real …"

_It's never been more real…_

"Neji…come here…" Shikamaru's voice.

Neji shuddered as he was pulled back against skin that felt warm and firm against the cold sweat filming his body.

_Weak…weak…weak…_

The nightmares had never felt so real before. And it had never been his father crushing his skull. Imprinting that pain and punishing him for something he couldn't understand.

"Fuck…" Neji curled forward, trying to grab his head, as if he could reach in and tear out the visions.

An arm draped around him and drew him back again, back into an embrace he didn't fight.

Couldn't fight…

_Just this once…gods…I'm so tired…_

"Breathe slowly…" Shikamaru murmured at his ear, the soft, low tones as soothing as the press of lips against his shoulder and the tap of fingers against his stomach.

As natural as muscle memory, Neji responded to the steady tap and sought a baseline of breathing from the rise and fall of Shikamaru's chest against his back. The panic clawing through him loosened its grip, relaxing the muscles of his throat enough for him to drag cold air down the parched airway.

His heartbeat began to slow, finding its rhythm in tandem with the steady beat of Shikamaru's fingers.

"Just breathe…" Shikamaru murmured into his hair. "You've got this, remember?"

_Remember…_

It took a long moment for reality to completely centre itself in Neji's mind. But the second it did, knowing that Shikamaru had witnessed another atrocious onslaught of weakness made the shame blister and burn more bitterly inside him. He had precious little but his pride to cling to in these moments, a dignity stripped away like his breath.

Shikamaru's arm lifted from its drape and the stroke of fingers ran through Neji's hair, rubbing his head gently.

"It's okay…"

Neji frowned. Vulnerability left him torn and open – too open. He immediately scrambled for a defence.

"It's weak," he spat, but the bitterness was brittle in his voice.

"It's not weak," Shikamaru murmured, hooking his chin over Neji's shoulder and draping his arm over Neji's waist. "It's human."

Neji frowned, wondering at the oxymoronic quality those words always seemed to take when Shikamaru used them. "You say this…every time I am at my least human…"

Shikamaru hummed drowsily, his sleep-hoarse voice rolling at Neji's ear. "Gotta remind you to remember when you forget that you are…"

Neji paused at the jumbled words, glancing over his shoulder. The gesture was signal enough. Shikamaru sloughed a sigh through his nose, his lips moving softly against Neji's jaw.

"Yeah…that was stupid simple in my _head_…"

The Nara's arm tightened around him briefly, then relaxed.

The easy embrace prompted Neji to turn slowly. Shikamaru's arm lifted long enough to allow him the movement before the long limb draped over him again.

Simple contact.

One of uncomplicated acceptance, which Neji couldn't understand.

Shikamaru displayed a senseless, dangerous trust that went against the grain of reason and recent injury. Neji had done nothing to earn this trust and enough to destroy it twice over. But Shikamaru offered it again…and again…without hesitation or fear that it would be thrown in his face.

_Gods don't give me this…I'll crush it…and kill it…I can't…_

Neji's pale eyes picked out Shikamaru's face like chalk on a blackboard, features etched into darkness by strokes of moonlight highlighting his sharp jaw and cheekbone.

The dark eyes were closed.

God, they'd seen so much…seen through to what Neji was so tired of fighting…

Fighting was all he knew how to do…

But his weapons were gone…his defences crumbling…

He gazed at Shikamaru in confusion, a steady burn stinging like acid in his eyes.

How the shadow-nin could remain so steady and trusting after the amount of times Neji had crashed against him in violence and bitterness no longer disturbed or angered the Hyūga…it did something far worse. It frightened him…because no matter how hard he smashed the tide of his rage and pain against Shikamaru…he only found himself breaking…and the cruel thing was…

_I need this…_

Neji almost choked on his ragged whisper. "You bastard…"

Shikamaru's eyes slipped open a little…then widened.

* * *

For a long moment Shikamaru just stared.

His lips parted, but words withered in his throat as it tightened.

He hadn't known what the hell he'd find standing in Neji's eyes. Rage or untrusting emptiness. But instead of the hollow gaze of a ninja pushed too far…he found what he'd been searching for staring back at him…

_Neji…_

Like moonlight off the water, Neji's eyes were shimmering. Liquid orbs vulnerable and glistening with emotion so raw and achingly human it crushed Shikamaru's breath.

But those tears wouldn't fall.

Even without their glassy armour, they held in Neji's eyes as stubbornly as everything else the Hyūga was holding in and holding back.

Shikamaru swallowed hard, lifting his hand to stroke his knuckles along Neji's jaw.

"Neji…"

A gossamer sadness rippled across Neji's face – tired and forlorn.

Old, familiar pain…

Shikamaru shook his head, rising up on his elbow to hover over the Jōnin. He settled his lips at Neji's brow, tracing down to his temple, along his high cheek and down to the Hyūga's mouth.

"If you need to hate me…" he whispered. "Then hate me."

Damp crescents of moonstone gazed up, pulling him in. Shikamaru tilted his head like a captivated animal, gazing quietly until Neji's fingertips traced over his mouth. The shadow-nin turned his head, pressing a kiss to the pulse-point at Neji's wrist.

"I don't hate you…" Neji said, the words almost chafing in his throat. "I can't…"

_You could…_

Shikamaru knew that. He knew it even more keenly in every waking moment as time pushed them closer to a procedure that would fix one thing and inevitably break another – unless Neji let go of the pain he was trying to control.

_There's always a cost…I knew that…_

Shikamaru closed his eyes, reiterating the feeble logic over and over in his mind.

_If it saves your life…I can take you hating me…I can still do it…_

He dropped his head to Neji's shoulder, muscles rigid in rejection of his own reasoning.

_And I can keep on lying like it doesn't mean a thing...I'm good at that…_

He was good at running away too. Running from the truth would be easy. The truth was something chased after. The truth didn't chase you back down.

Regret did that instead.

Shikamaru clenched his jaw against the onslaught of sadness, of a reluctance and guilt he'd been neutralising with logic and detachment that just didn't exist anymore.

"Wanting to hate you isn't enough," Neji murmured against his temple. "I should _need_ to..."

Shikamaru caught the distinction. "Why?"

"Because by not hating you…it makes hurting you insufferable…" He heard Neji swallow thickly. "And I can't protect you from myself…feeling the way I do…the way I didn't think I could."

Shikamaru's jaw tightened, his breath breaking low in his throat as he pressed his mouth to the Hyūga's shoulder, to his throat, his jaw, and above the lips that parted beneath his.

_Fuck…tell me how to stop wanting you…_

The guilt twisted deeper and crueller inside him.

_Tell me how to stop needing this…_

Shikamaru swayed his hips to place himself between Neji's carved thighs, dragging a hand down along the delineated muscle to grasp a sharp hip. He deepened the kiss, searching for breath to steal and surrender.

_Tell me how to stop…_

Neji arched beneath him, a slow but powerful movement that rocked Shikamaru just short of throwing him off. He pressed back harder, grinding down. He felt the hot, hard jut of Neji's arousal straining through the fabric of the towel twisted between them.

"Shikamaru…"

The purr of his name undid something in his head and unbidden, words slipped from the shadow-nin's tongue, bypassing his brain completely.

"I want you…" Shikamaru breathed the words against Neji's mouth, sealing them with a glide of his tongue across the kiss swollen lips. "Fuck, Neji…I need you."

He ripped away the crumpled towel until their skin came together with a glide of sensual static. It crackled along nerve endings and fired up blood, dancing along ridges and planes of muscle.

Neji's lips trailed to his ear, teeth scraping along the sensitive shell. "Show me."

A new thunder, tender and stirring, began to roll between them.

* * *

Neji had never been so strongly aroused by simply watching another body move.

Carving Shikamaru into a fever with his hands, pulled more power to his fingers than chakra ever could.

Beneath his fingers Shikamaru came alive.

"_Shikamaru_…" his voice melted away into air left smoky with the sound of Shikamaru's breathing.

Neji kept one hand between their bodies, stroking Shikamaru's rigid flesh and ignoring his own as he controlled the pace.

Shikamaru's fingers dug into his thigh.

Neji watched him, gazing with intensity more potent than his Byakugan vision.

Shikamaru was a silver-laced silhouette; lean and shifting muscle cut in erotic definition.

It enflamed Neji to the point of fighting back the primal urge to possess. But more powerful than that carnal need, was a desire to emblazon every moment in his mind; every sound, every scent, every shift of muscle beneath skin.

"Neji…" a breathy rasp.

Neji smiled and breathed in every soft, husky pant the shadow-nin fed into his mouth, asking for more with the feathering of his tongue along Shikamaru's lips. The Nara obliged, tilting his head as their mouths opened together, tongues rolling over teeth to tangle in a slow, sultry dance.

He thumbed Shikamaru's dripping slit slowly.

The kiss broke on a gasp. Shikamaru's teeth clenched as he tilted his head back, unable to roll his hips or seek more contact due to Neji's granite thighs locked around him like a vice from below.

"Fuck…Neji…"

"Slowly," Neji murmured, kneading his other hand along Shikamaru's back. "You learn fast. Breathe."

_I need to see you feeling this…_

The drowsy, jaded skin that Shikamaru wore, almost chameleon in its ability to shift like his shadows, completely shredded beneath Neji's hands, torn away by a heat that passed from the Nara's burning skin straight through to Neji's blood.

"You're burning, Shikamaru…" Neji purred softly against his lips, kissing his jaw, sucking the salty skin of the Nara's throat. "Like fire on my tongue."

Shikamaru shuddered above him, lean muscles rippling. "How…the hell…can you be poetic…when…fuck…"

"Breathe, Nara. Control it."

"Not…a Hyūga…"

"You're doing very well." Neji smiled faintly, not even realising the affection warming his eyes as his gaze stroked over Shikamaru's face. "Who else has seen you like this?"

Shikamaru's eyes widened at the question before he looked away. A score of heat scraped across his cheekbones. "Tch…"

Neji's lips curved and he propped himself up further on his elbows to set their faces closer together. "Tell me."

Shikamaru shook his head. "No."

Neji cocked his head, bumping their lips. "How many others have touched you like I have, Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru scowled, but the expression was destroyed by the flush across his cheeks. It pulled more warmth into Neji's eyes and he kissed the shadow-nin slowly, steadily releasing the clamp of his thighs to let Shikamaru's hips sink down against him. He swept his hands back up the fever-hot skin, bowing his head to the crook of Shikamaru's shoulder as their bodies locked.

Instantly the thick, solid heat of Shikamaru's arousal rode hard and proud against his own erection, the velvet tips brushing in a slick kiss. The pleasure shivered between them and both ninja shuddered.

"Neji…" Shikamaru panted, sliding one hand up the Hyūga's back, the other hooking behind Neji's knee. "Move…"

Neji rocked forward as Shikamaru sat back on folded legs, tugging the long-haired Jōnin into his lap. Neji straddled the Nara's hips and they locked together again, his long mane swaying with the movement. He cupped the back of Shikamaru's head to draw him into another blistering kiss.

He barely registered Shikamaru's hand sliding up along his spine, fingers grazing higher…higher until…

"Ngh!" Neji jerked, breaking the kiss on a gasp.

Pleasure flooded along his spine, blossomed outward and fanned along his shoulders like unseen wings spreading at his back. The sensation shivered south, swelling him harder and hotter until he dripped with need against the slick glide of Shikamaru's answering arousal.

"Your turn to burn…" Shikamaru slanted his head, feeding the low, sultry purr of his words between Neji's lips as he rolled the pads of his fingers around the sensitized vertebrae.

"Fuck…" Neji hissed, dark lashes flickering shut as he shuddered, his head tipping back.

It opened up his throat.

Shikamaru's tongue rasped along the tight chords. "Poetic," the shadow-nin teased.

Neji squeezed Shikamaru's nape in mock punishment, dropping his brow back at the strong curve of shoulder, hissing at the pleasure blazing along his nerves. But it wasn't enough…he wanted it to sear a path…sear through the numbness…the dull, endless ache…

"Tear me up…" he breathed, tightening his grip at Shikamaru's nape.

Shikamaru's fingers stopped rubbing. "What?"

"Tear me up…"

Shikamaru's palm came to cradle the back of Neji's head, fingers sliding into the thick mane to get a gentle grip. "Look at me…"

Neji felt those soft words lacerate his pride.

He tensed up, exposed and torn between the war of need and control. A tug on his hair drew his head back. He allowed it, raising his jaw to an angle of defiance as he gazed at Shikamaru's mouth, opal eyes heavily shuttered.

"Neji…"

"Tear me up…" he gritted the words out, delivering them as a challenge. "Do it."

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed at the command, only to soften moments later. Neji hesitated at this look, not sure how to receive it. He swallowed thickly, drawing back as the vulnerability festered like an open wound inside him. But before he could attempt to fight for a defence, Shikamaru's arm came to vine around him in an easy embrace, drawing him closer until the shadow-nin's lips settled against his, brushing softly, slowly.

Neji frowned, not knowing what this meant.

He cautiously parted his lips, only to feel the husky seep of Shikamaru's breath, rather than his tongue. "No one."

"What?"

"No one's seen me or touched me like you have."

Neji blinked at the sudden, unexpected confession, eyes narrowing as he drew back, brow furrowed in silent question and doubt.

Shikamaru shook his head, looking uneasy and uncomfortable, but there was no lie in his eyes. "Not like you have."

And there it was; the flicker of vulnerability beneath the unease. Neji saw it skitter across the surface of Shikamaru's face like a shadow. With those words, Shikamaru had stepped onto the same raw, open territory – and once again, Neji was floored by the shadow-nin's lack of guard. Shikamaru was baring his throat. Again. He'd done it before both literally and figuratively.

Neji's expression softened.

Shikamaru averted his gaze.

The display of self-consciousness laced a faint smile at Neji's lips. He tilted his head, kissing the shadow-nin's temple softly, sliding his mouth to the Nara's ear, his voice a deep, melodious rumble.

"Do you want a slow burn, Shikamaru…?"

* * *

Darkness wrapped around the cabin like a sheet.

With the sway of leaves beyond the window, the moonlight seemed to undulate in the room. It cast an illusion of milky waves across bodies that moved as slow and sensual as a tide.

Shikamaru's breath rolled over Neji's skin like water over rocks.

Lingering kisses cleansed the blemishes on the Hyūga's body, turning scars and bruises into something different beneath Shikamaru's mouth.

"Shikamaru…"

The Nara's hands gripped tighter at the sound of his name. He never failed to respond to the way Neji's voice caressed it. It should have alarmed him. But it only aroused him. He rewarded the Jōnin with a hot breath across the wet tip of Neji's erection, placing his lips close enough that his words reverberated along the jutting length.

"Open your eyes. Watch…"

Neji slid his elbows beneath him, sweat-slick skin tightening as Shikamaru parted his sculpted thighs. Kneading the strong legs, Shikamaru listened to the soft, shallow pants, his dark eyes transfixed on Neji's face as the Hyūga's eyes fluttered open, gazing down at him.

Opal on onyx.

Shikamaru held the eye-contact, his lips grazing the velvety tip of the thick head poised at his mouth, dipping his tongue into the slit to catch the pearly droplets leaking like tears. Neji shuddered, a ragged sound catching in his throat, but he didn't close his eyes.

Shikamaru blinked slowly, communicating without words.

Neji blinked back, schooling his breathing.

The shadow-nin waited, gauging everything by Neji's eyes before he slowly drew the thick head into his mouth, tongue curling to tease and torture the sensitive underside. It pulled a deep, throaty moan from so low in Neji's throat it was almost a growl.

It tore tongues of flame through Shikamaru.

He took Neji deeper, one hand clamped at the Hyūga's hip to control any movement, the other snaking across the furs to the salve pot he'd pulled from his flak-jacket. Neji's eyes didn't follow these movements and the gentlest graze of Shikamaru's teeth kept those cloudy hues focused solely on him.

Sucking softly, he wrenched another quiet, breathy groan from the Jōnin's lips.

The intimacy of their stare burned hotter.

"Gods, come here, Nara…" Neji panted.

Shikamaru arched a brow, placed a parting press of his lips to the weeping slit and then worked his mouth back up along the firm slabs of Neji's stomach, visiting each bruise on the Hyūga's chest until a drag of his tongue ended beneath Neji's jaw.

He sucked the skin until the pulse throbbed.

It was life-affirming…

_Alive…breathing...god don't make me hurt you…_

Shikamaru cursed the damning, sudden thought, because it shot ice through the fire inside him. He shuddered, leaning into Neji when the Hyūga's palm stroked along his spine up to his nape and higher yet to grip his hair-tie.

Shikamaru stiffened.

Neji hummed questioningly against his ear. "Why?"

Shikamaru shrugged, kissing along Neji's throat softly. "It's troublesome."

"How can anyone get a grip on you, Shikamaru?" Neji asked, his low, sensual tones carrying an undercurrent that prompted Shikamaru to turn his head.

"Anyone doesn't," the Nara murmured, stealing a kiss.

_Just you…somehow…fuck…_

And damn if that didn't scare the hell out of him.

Shikamaru tried to push the thought away as he felt the pull at his scalp and the firm thread of Neji's fingers through the shards of his loose hair. He tipped his head back into the caress, hissing as teeth sank against his throat, branding salty skin.

"You still taste like fire," Neji murmured.

_Then let me burn…in hell or here…I need this…_

Shikamaru sucked in a breath. He rolled his hips hard, rocking forward to press Neji down beneath him, sliding their straining arousals together. He caught Neji's mouth slowly, seduction flickering across his dark eyes just like a flame.

"Tell me what you want," he whispered.

Neji sighed, closing his eyes.

The pained look softened the heat in Shikamaru's eyes. "Neji…"

The Jōnin reached up to draw him down. "I'm tired of this cold…"

Neji pulled Shikamaru into the kiss…and the kiss pulled them into the fire.

* * *

From the moment they'd first touched, it had been elemental.

Neji had known it instinctively.

And he'd wondered at it, wrestled with it, warred with it and tried to walk away from it until the static of attraction and need had ripped his control down the centre like lightning. Which is why when they fought, whether with words or respective weapons, they always caught a spark. When they let it take a hold, that spark spread like wildfire.

But now, Shikamaru held it at a smoulder, drawing it out into a pleasure that ebbed rather than crashed, that spread rather than swept away.

It turned every nerve ending into an ember.

And every touch made it flare.

The rhythm was slow, like their breathing.

The deep, languid kiss matched the steady roll of Shikamaru's hips, a grind that was beginning to break Neji down, eroding the rock of his remaining control. It was a strange feeling. He'd only known surrender and submission from lovers. They yielded to him every time, regardless of any initial attempt at a challenge. He'd dominated every one. Every bit the consummate and carnal male. He'd never harboured or even entertained the desire to yield to anyone. It went against his pride, preference and principles as one who valued control and refused to be owned.

He was owned by enough people.

Neji broke the kiss slowly, resting his head back as Shikamaru reached between their bodies, stroking them both together in tandem with the deep slough of their breaths. The slick, slippery sensation was heightened by the mysterious salve Shikamaru had somehow manifested. Though given the rate at which they were both leaking pleasure, he didn't think it was necessary.

But it added oil to fire.

The slick sensation slid lower until Shikamaru's fingers cupped and caressed his velvet sac, causing the embers in his blood to glow.

"Yes…" Neji hissed, arching as Shikamaru's mouth drank down his breathy groan.

But when those fingers slipped lower, grazing that smooth patch of skin just above his entrance, Neji tensed up, withdrawing his tongue from Shikamaru's mouth sharply. The shadow-nin stopped, tilting his head as he gazed down.

"Neji…"

Neji glanced up warily.

There was no certainty in the shared gaze. No knowing. No logic.

No sense of what came before or what would come after.

Just a raw sensation of the burn building between them…

Neji would never ask, but it didn't need to be said. Shikamaru read it in his eyes the second he arched his hips and lifted his head. The kiss was slow, as slow as the rub of Shikamaru's fingers as they began to move.

Neji choked down a groan.

"Don't hold back, Neji…" Shikamaru whispered, voice husky, his throat sounding parched. "Let me hear you…"

"No…" Neji gasped, a lick of defiance pushing through.

Shikamaru watched him, panting against his mouth. "Don't fight me…not with this…not this time."

_Easier said…_

Neji clenched his jaw, teeth grit stubbornly behind the swollen press of his lips, not offering a sound even as his body shook, his arousal dripping heavily between them.

_Gods…_

Shikamaru called his name quietly, drawing his gaze to the Nara's mouth, which curved slowly in a smile that could have finished Neji then and there for all the salacious seduction it held, but the warmth in Shikamaru's voice was tender, stirring.

"Neji…let me in…"

No sooner had he said it than Neji felt the slow circling of a slick finger at his portal. The sensation caused him to go rigid immediately.

"Let me in…"

The slide of Shikamaru's tongue along the seal of his lips was mimicked in the slow press of Shikamaru's finger against the tight ring of muscle. Neji inhaled sharply, tensing against the intrusion. Shikamaru's tongue parted his lips, stroking along his teeth as that finger probed deeper…like a hot knife through his pride.

_Weak…_

Neji hissed and thrust his tongue into Shikamaru's mouth before the Nara's tongue could invade his own, staking a claim at the same time that probing finger slid deeper inside him.

Conflict, challenge and control stirred inside him – automatic defences.

He breathed heavily through his nose and slid one hand around to Shikamaru's nape to get a solid grip in the dark hair, fisting his fingers as he arched his hips roughly, grinding down, forcing that invading digit deeper, harder.

"Careful," Shikamaru panted, frowning as he drew back. "Slow down."

"No_…_" Neji growled, slanting his head to draw Shikamaru into another fierce kiss.

The instinctive need to dominate his own yielding pulled up aggression that Shikamaru moved to tame with his eyes alone. He hovered out of reach of the kiss until Neji was forced to look him in the eye.

"Slow down," the shadow-nin said, his voice thick and rough.

"No."

"This isn't about tearing you up."

"Isn't it?" Neji bit back, but his eyes lacked the bitterness of his words. "Maybe that's what I want."

Shikamaru hiked a brow at that.

"No. You want to _fight_ because you can't accept me doing _this_..." the Nara thrust his finger right to the knuckle, causing Neji to hiss and flinch, "without your pride telling you I'm trying to control you or get you to submit."

"Fuck you…" Neji spat, the accuracy of Shikamaru's words once again striking a raw nerve. Unfortunately his nerves were like embers and his body burned rather than bristled.

_Fuck…_

Shikamaru's lips were at his ear a second later. "You could kill me easily, you know that? You could knock me back and take control at any damn second…you know that and so do I…so tell me…" Shikamaru twisted his wrist a little and Neji felt that finger crooking painfully inside him until it hit something that sent fire to every cell.

_Kami!_

Neji arched, muscles snapping taut as pleasure flashed through him.

"Tell me…" Shikamaru watched him intently. "How the hell is _this _about me controlling you?"

Neji's gasped raggedly, shuddering as he fisted his fingers in Shikamaru's hair, his arm shaking. "F-Fuck…"

"I've told you before that _this_…" Shikamaru continued, gently grazing that deeply buried spot, "isn't about submission…or control…"

Neji hissed again, delirious with a riot of sensation he'd heard about but never experienced. It took him a moment to process Shikamaru's words through the mixed fever of desire and discomfort.

"Then what…ngh…" Neji clenched his eyes shut, head tipping back as he felt the barest pain of another finger slowly inching its way inside him.

"I don't want submission…" Shikamaru whispered, fingers gentling as he worked the tight channel. "I don't want control…"

Neji frowned at those words, forcing his body into a restrained shake as he slipped his lashes open half-way. "Then what…do you want, Nara?"

"Troublesome, Hyūga," Shikamaru murmured, his lips caressing Neji's as he spoke the words into the Jōnin's panting mouth. "You. I just want you."

The second those words pierced the fog of his conflict, it happened.

Yearning opened up inside Neji.

A yearning to feel something more than the frozen air suffocated in his chest. Something more than the sensation of being cold and growing colder…something more than the mask Shikamaru had seen through…something more than all of this because…

_I still can't breathe…_

"Neji…"

Neji's eyes lifted from Shikamaru's mouth.

They locked onto the burn of coal-black orbs.

The tenderness in those eyes seared straight through him, stripping him raw right to the marrow of his bones.

The sadness pulled up through his blood, heavy and hurting and hoarse in his throat.

It tugged at him now, so strong it ached.

"_I'm asking you, for once, to be a little less strong."_

Their brows tapped and he stared into the dark, deep pools of Shikamaru's eyes.

It was the kind of black water he could lose himself in.

_I already have…_

And just as he knew this…some part of him knew that in these black waters, Shikamaru would be the rock he'd break himself against…before the scars closed up around his heart completely.

_Just this once…_

* * *

"Then come here, Shikamaru…" Neji whispered thickly.

When fingers cupped the back of Shikamaru's head, he was already slanting their mouths together. Lips parted at the same time and tongues sought equal possession of the kiss.

Hunger drove it, desperation anchored it and sadness softened it.

They pressed closer to each other, drawn by a sensation of unseen threads weaving between them. Threads that had been cut and hacked through hours before, now roping back together; but the design was different.

It wasn't some fairytale tapestry lacing out a fragile promise.

It wasn't perfect, beautiful or happily-ever-after.

The threads were heartstrings, sinew, veins and nerves.

It was red and raw and rough around the edges.

It was real…

The connection pulled tighter, knotted hard like scar tissue, hurt like hell…but it was strong…

_Too strong…I can't fight this…_

He felt conflict sting at the corners of his eyes, the moist sheen reflective in the darkness as he gazed into slivers of liquid white. Neji kissed his brow. Then their lips brushed softly, mouths parting to hover close without tongues touching. Breath passed back and forth between them in an intimacy neither had known existed before each other.

Shikamaru sank into it like a man pulled under.

Dropping his shoulder, he kept his eyes on Neji's face as he pressed one wet finger back into the gripping heat. Neji's lips parted, his breath halving raggedly. Shikamaru paused, waited and then probed deeper, crooking inside the tight channel, angling his touch, searching for…

Neji's breath caught, hips lifting slowly. "_Fuck_…"

"Here?"

"Yes…"

Shikamaru catalogued the angle, massaging slow circles as he carefully worked another digit into the tight channel, his lips skimming a high-boned cheek as he mapped out Neji's expression with his mouth. It pinched in pain beneath his lips. He kissed away the tension as he stretched the Jōnin slowly, deeply, urged on by the hoarse, breathy noises catching in the back of Neji's throat.

"Shikamaru…" Neji hissed, twisting. "Enough…"

Shikamaru stilled, heavy-lidded eyes tracing over Neji's face searchingly. "You want me to stop?"

"No…" Neji shook his head, gripping Shikamaru's backside in a non-too-subtle clutch. "I need you to start…"

Need roared inside Shikamaru like an inferno, licking at his blood, smouldering in his eyes. He could feel himself pulsing, so hard and aroused he was shaking with the force of trying to contain it. He carefully tugged his fingers free from the stretched channel, watching Neji's eyes flash beneath the shutter of dark lashes, muscles coiled beneath glistening skin.

Still predatory…still lethal…

The urge to plunge into the powerful, satin magma of the Hyūga's body was maddening.

Shikamaru felt caught in the grip of a need he couldn't name. A need that laced his tongue and slid into the kiss Neji lured him into; slow and sensual with a hint of salt. The wet caress deepened, forcing them to breathe through their noses to keep from drowning.

But it was pulling Shikamaru under; faster, deeper.

_Slow down…shit…slow down…_

He broke the kiss on a soft pant, cinching their foreheads as he smoothed damp and clinging strands away from Neji's face with one hand, brushing his thumb across the Hyūga's temple. He braced himself on an elbow, reaching his salve-slicked hand between their bodies, coating the rock-hard pillar of his arousal, already slippery from the fluids dripping thickly between them.

"Relax…"

"Impossible…" Neji snorted. "Idiot," he added softly.

Shikamaru winced and a breathy chuckle rattled out of him, wry and a little shaky due to the painful, throbbing ache between his legs. "Yeah, okay…fuck…"

He didn't see Neji smile slightly, but he felt it against his lips as the Jōnin stole a kiss, gliding his tongue into Shikamaru's mouth. Shikamaru hummed and a sinuous shift of his hips, aided by a returning lift of Neji's, aligned him with the Hyūga's slick portal. He felt Neji's hands grip his flexing glutes as he nudged forward slowly. The barest pressure of a barely-there penetration drew a hiss from both of them.

_Fuck…yes…_

He pulled in a steady breath to control himself, concentrating every ounce of effort into relaxing the muscles needed to reign in some of the ecstasy smouldering through him. Their tongues thrust together slowly as Neji's fingers dug in again, urging him forward into a slow breaching that forced the thick head past the initial ring of resistance.

_Holy...God…damn…_

Neji clenched around him.

_FUCK!_

Shikamaru could have sworn his brain short circuited for a moment and he blacked out.

But the pained shatter of Neji's breath against his lips caused his eyes to snap open and his body to freeze. He tugged his head back, muscles locked and trembling with restraint as he gazed down in concern.

"Neji?"

Pale eyes blinked slowly, narrowing in a wince that Neji wouldn't voice. Pride held his body tighter than a fist around the pulsing head of Shikamaru's shaft.

_Shit…_

The shadow-nin frowned, concern rough in his voice. "Are you—" he cut off as Neji's fingers traced out his strained expression.

"You should…ngh…see the look…on your face…" Neji panted out tightly, crystalline eyes flickering with too many emotions for Shikamaru to decipher.

The shadow-nin blinked at the unexpected words; a stab at humour to slacken the pain and tension…something to distract from the vulnerability. Shikamaru tilted his head into the shaky stroke of Neji's fingers through his hair. He made no show to hide his concern, frowning as held himself rigid above Neji, panting harshly.

"Stop…frowning…" Neji ordered softly, clenching around Shikamaru until the expression melted and the Nara fought to keep his eyes from rolling back. "Your move…Shikamaru…so...move…"

Shikamaru shivered, bowing his head as he regained a little control. He pushed forward slowly, inch by inch, the hot, pulsing steel of his flesh sinking deeper, deeper…

"Ahn…" Neji's head dropped back, his heel dragging up slowly.

Shikamaru watched him, barely able to breathe due to the heat, the pressure and the sense of sinking into a depth of gripping ecstasy he didn't know existed. It felt like penetrating the very core of pleasure. He fought the instinct to bury himself in a single, sharp thrust and controlled the primal urge by watching Neji's face.

And it was in watching Neji that he truly felt himself sinking…or was it falling?

_Fuck…no…dangerous…_

Fear spiked through him, but it was obliterated by the twist of pain on Neji's face, immediately drawing him to brace his elbows either side of the tense body still fighting its intrusion.

"Neji…" he whispered, brushing his lips tenderly across the regal face beaded with sweat.

Neji shuddered, moving rigidly to take the final inches, trying to accommodate the thick girth. "If you…tell me…to relax…I'll…kill you…"

Shikamaru smiled and might have believed it if not for the faintly teasing look Neji shot him as the Hyūga slipped his eyes open, only to flutter them half-shut again when Shikamaru settled flush against him, sheathed to the hilt.

_I think…I already died…god…so…fuck…_

His brain was beyond processing an adjective to describe it…

He was pretty sure his brain had shut down completely.

He dropped his head to Neji's shoulder and groaned.

They remained fused for a moment, both shuddering from the intensity of being locked together. He heard Neji's breathing at his ear, fast and harsh, his grip almost painful, bruising. Shikamaru pressed down experimentally and gave a slow roll of his hips.

The friction was fire.

Neji arched slowly, rigid muscles rending like metal as the tension in his body began to creak and groan at the hinges. "Shikamaru…"

"God…you feel so damn good…" Shikamaru gasped at his ear, grinding without withdrawing, searching for that angle he'd hit with his fingers. "Too good…"

The sharp buck of Neji's hips was the signal. "Gods…there...harder…"

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

Shikamaru panted, struggling to curb that ravenous hunger eating into his restraint. Neji was still clenching around him, making it increasingly difficult to think or breathe. The force of his own need was beginning to alarm him…

"Now you're…the one…who's fighting…don't…" Neji's fingers tangled in his hair, raking it back from his face to level their gazes. "Don't…"

Shikamaru swallowed thickly.

_Fuck…I'm not fighting you…I'm fighting me…_

"Shikamaru..."

Shikamaru leaned down at the call of his name, claiming the mouth that opened for him, thrusting into the wet heat in time with the shallow thrust of his hips. Neji lifted into the slow grind, meeting Shikamaru with a powerful roll that rocked pleasure from one body into the other – back and forth, slow and deep.

The embers began to flare again.

Shikamaru hissed. The trapped, swollen length of Neji's arousal pulsed against his stomach. He pressed down harder, grinding against that cluster of buried nerves. A breathy groan rattled up Neji's throat, reverberating along Shikamaru's tongue. He swallowed it down, the sound feeding into the pit of fire searing and roaring inside him.

_God…yes…_

Shaking, he braced himself on one arm, kneading his free hand along Neji's thigh, admiring the power in the trembling muscle before he dipped his arm and hooked Neji's knee into the crook of his elbow, lifting as he drew back slowly, only to drive forward in a thrust that tore the air from Neji's lungs in a strangled moan.

"Fuck...more..."

Shikamaru obliged, drawing back and driving deep in a jolt that lifted Neji off the bed, holding him taut and shaking before he dropped, gasping, before Shikamaru drove again, lifting him higher.

Shikamaru kept the pace languid, but the pressure fierce.

They rocked in a seamless rhythm, slaves to the music of moans so deep and stirring the cadence carved itself into Shikamaru's mind like a mantra.

They lost themselves to each other.

"God…how can you…think that you're cold…" Shikamaru rumbled the words against Neji's throat, biting down as the rippling walls tightened around him. "Fuck…you're _burning_…"

Neji thawed beneath Shikamaru, melting into a lithe dance led purely by the beat of that erotic language their bodies had created. It was native to them now and they spoke it seamlessly. Synchronising effortlessly, waking up life in Shikamaru that tore away the bored, jaded veil from his senses.

He was alive, enflamed.

Blood turned to lava. And that lava flowed through them, building and brimming in cores that trembled. The intensity blistered the air around them and licked along their skin like uncontrolled chakra. He could feel Neji leaking hot and wet between them, dripping warm cream. The musky scent intoxicated Shikamaru like a hallucinogen. He drove harder, not knowing where he began and Neji ended as the heat began to suffuse, began to spread.

He felt the Hyūga's fingers dig into his shoulder blades. "Ngh…f…fuck…"

Roused by Neji's voice, Shikamaru leaned down, thrusting harder, striking that buried spot with the force of a mallet, pulling increasingly shattered pants from Neji's throat. He watched the Hyūga through heavy-lidded eyes, spellbound, transfixed, lost in glazed pools of white.

_God…just watching you…_

Shikamaru committed every motion to memory, watching as those clouded eyes drifted shut, as the Jōnin's lips parted around silent cries, no sound issuing forth. He didn't have to voice it for Shikamaru to hear it. Neji's body was screaming for him, every muscle tightening and straining, searching for that edge every solid thrust drove him towards.

But as Shikamaru watched him, he saw the struggle playing just beneath the surface of a beautiful surrender, a release so close. "Neji…it's all right…"

"I can't…"

Shikamaru slowed his thrusts, gentling the pace as he settled their lips. "Can't?"

Neji shuddered, gripping him harder. "I can't…breathe…fuck…I can't breathe…"

Shikamaru stilled almost instantly, panting harshly as he used his grip on Neji's knee to hoist the Hyūga's leg over his hip, folding the sculpted leg to lock around him as he pressed closer.

"Yes you can…"

Neji's fingers dug so deep Shikamaru knew he was already bruised, bleeding beneath the skin…he knew Neji was too...in a different place…a place he could feel beating fiercely against his chest…

_Let me fix it…god…please…_

"Fuck…I can't…" Neji clenched his jaw, and Shikamaru's lips skimmed along the tight slant.

"Because you're holding your breath…" Shikamaru whispered, his words shaking with more than just restraint. "Stop holding it…let it go…let it out…let go with me…"

And he began to move again, slowly, with building force, until Neji was sharing his breath in ragged pants and arching beneath him like a bow-string set to snap.

"Shikamaru…"

"I'm with you…let go..."

Shikamaru felt himself teetering just heartbeats behind, his entire body aching with pleasure except for the organ in his chest, which ached with something else as the world began to fill with fire.

Moonlight caught Neji's eyes.

Shikamaru fused their gazes.

Without words they read each other as they neared the edge; the desire, the surprise and the bitter desperation that came from knowing, again, that this need would only happen with each other. And Shikamaru felt that need in the stiffening limbs locked around him and in the hot sanctum gripping him tighter…pulling him in deeper…harder…closer…

And then Neji broke…

He came apart beneath Shikamaru with a strangled, guttural cry…a sound of raw and aching ecstasy...shot through with pain…and it tore up from so deep inside him that it gripped Shikamaru by the heart…sank into him like fangs…and ripped him off the edge of release…casting him into the same breathless oblivion...

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: ***is dead* Tea is redundant. Give me jet fuel. I apologise for the delay in this update. Real life got _ridiculously_ demanding and sadly it comes first. However, I intend to keep updates regular. This chapter was incredibly hard to write for many different reasons, but sweating blood pays off! At least I hope the length of the bloody thing made up for the delay. ^_^ Had to do these two ninja boys justice with the word count lol. The next chapter is going to be…revealing…

Your thoughts are _always_ appreciated after these slave-driving, blood-letting chapters lol. And I would _**deeply appreciate**_ any response to this one in particular.

**REVIEWERS: **You lovelies! The reviews have helped motivate me _**immensely**_ this past week and it's been a _**joy**_ to read your thoughts. **Thank you** guys. Your reviews make the _difference_ between keeping this solely on a pendrive and actually putting in the time to share it with people who have kindly in turn, shared their thoughts and/or enjoyment of it thus far. This insane woman appreciates each of you_**. Thank you so much. As always, I appreciate hearing from you. ^_^**_

**Reviewers without Accounts: **My huge thanks to; **Luna, ****kikioo****, ang, ****Lady Mortis** (Oooh! Lots of questions in that last review, my dear! They shall have answers! ^_^) **Miin** (TY! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Ah yes, Shikaku and Hiashi will feature – cheers for checking out the artwork!)** mandapanda123** (Thank you, sweetheart for your last review! Always appreciated. I hope you enjoyed this one! No head butts or knock outs!), **zoomzoom** (LOL! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, luv!)

**Homemadeidiot – **You are SPOT on with the irony that plays out between these two, luv. Especially with the forehead pressing. And the reference to the storm – I salute you! You're right on target. ^_^ Hope you enjoyed this chapter, luv!  
**Shinejshi** - What an awesome review. This chapter goes out to you, luv. I appreciate the acknowledgement, support, personal thoughts and insight you shared. It makes me feel like I'm communicating what I want to come through with this story and I appreciate that immensely. I was floored by a lot of what you wrote – so THANK YOU. LOL No, no. No majoring in psychology but I did study literature. But what is literature without the human condition? ^_^ It's an honour to put in the time to write this, to get this kind of feedback. Thank you so much.  
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**Savannah** – ^_^ Thanks for your wonderful review, Savannah! I salute you for your time, appreciated always. Yes, Shikamaru was talking to his father about that deer. Shikaku is definitely going to show up in this fic when they get back. ^_^ My thanks again, luv. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
**Samantha** – Very right you were in your review, luv. Neji is carrying that anger/darkness inside. Hope you bear with me and the plot bunny through the next chapters! Thank you so much for your reviews – it really does mean so much!  
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_I appreciate the love you people continue to show this fic. Makes it worth writing and updating here. Thank you. _


	38. Chapter 38

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

**Rating:**** M / R**

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Thirty Eight**

[Dedicated to Shadowed Night Sky]

Release ripped the cry out of him.

Something hoarse and shaking and too much to hold…

He arched, crashed into Shikamaru's thrust and broke.

The cage of suffocation ruptured in his chest…and something flew out of him – maybe his soul. Whatever it was, for a moment he was beyond his body…beyond flesh and bone and breath...he didn't need to find the air...he was already drifting on it...like coasting on a warm wind...lifting higher...free...

It had never felt this incredible…this intense...

But the ecstasy was ephemeral…

Neji felt the tug and whoosh of air slamming back into his lungs.

The fall back to reality left his head spinning, his body shaking.

He dropped back onto the furs, the arch of his spine collapsing along with something else inside him. The pleasure washed away and the pain came fast, a torrent of sadness; pressing up against the blocks walling it in, seeping through the cracks.

It was followed by warmth pressing down on him, a hand dragging along his thigh and another under his back, higher along his spine.

He felt a wet burn deep inside him.

Breath rolled across his throat, then slowly fed between his lips, smoky and stirring.

_Shikamaru…_

Neji slanted his mouth against the shadow-nin's, pulling in Shikamaru's breath like a familiar drug, holding it deep in his lungs before exhaling in a shiver. He felt scattered, pulled open and naked in more ways than he thought he ever could be.

It was a feeling of exposure he had no idea what to do with…and the emotion crawling around beneath the surface, leaking out of the breaks inside him was more terrifying and threatening than anything he'd ever had to fight against.

_Stop…_

He gripped Shikamaru's arms, impressing marks on the skin.

It was instinctive to fight…to keep fighting…he'd never known how to stay down...not when he was a four year old child screaming in pain…not when he was a Genin on the brink of death…not even as a Jōnin so close to his limit it was easier to crawl…he'd gotten back up every time…but this time, if he stayed down, he wasn't sure he'd want to get back up again. And that would leave him defenceless and pathless with only these…feelings…

_I can't…Gods…this will cost me everything…_

The brush of lips against his brow caused his eyes to slip open half-way.

From beneath the fringe of dark, heavy lashes he caught the deep, burnished glow of Shikamaru's irises. The intensity in them was unmatched by any look he'd ever received from the Nara. Not even the cool slash of moonlight across the shadow-nin's face could steal the warmth from his eyes.

It was a look that wiped away all pretences.

It scared the hell out of Neji.

And for a ninja that seldom felt fear, it held him stunned.

He swallowed hard, shielding his gaze as he tried to scrape back some control over everything running rampant inside him. His pulse was no exception and it fluttered wildly at his throat, drawing Shikamaru's mouth there.

Neji felt the light graze of teeth and the soft pull of suction.

He tightened his grip at Shikamaru's arms, hard enough to cause the biceps to flex against the discomfort.

Those teeth bit down a little harder at his throat.

For a moment, Neji almost tilted his head back to bear his throat completely.

_No…_

He raised a shaking hand, gripped Shikamaru's nape and dug his fingers in hard.

The flash of pain caused Shikamaru to jerk his shoulders, drawing back sharply to shake off the grip. His dark eyes flickered in confusion, head cocked to one side.

It was all the distraction Neji needed.

With his leg still locked around Shikamaru, he planted his other foot and tugged hard, rolling them over until he loomed above the Nara. He ignored the awkward fact that they were still fused intimately and pinned Shikamaru by the throat.

Shikamaru tensed up, going still instantly.

Neji panted, his long mane falling either side of them, curtaining them from the slots of moonlight as he glared down through fierce eyes.

Shikamaru stared back, lips parted around the pants shaking out of him.

Neji paused, held captivated, taking in the vision of the Nara beneath him.

Gods burning but Shikamaru was the raw definition of carnal enticement. His lean muscles, contracted in tension, carved out every masculine contour of his body, made all the more arousing by the sheen glistening across his skin.

Who else had seen him this way?

Alive and enflamed and intense.

Neji wanted to erase previous lover's touches…he wanted to mark, master and maraud every part of Shikamaru.

_God what am I thinking?_

It was insane; it could even be dangerous if he let that dominance take over.

He'd never been driven to claim anything or anyone in such an intense way; it was a consuming kind of heat. Maybe it was about taking back what he'd given up. What the hell _had_ he given up? He didn't know anymore. He felt like he was in pieces. Shikamaru was breaking him down without a weapon…and if Neji wasn't fighting back…wasn't attacking…he didn't know what the hell to do instead…

_What have you done to me…?_

Neji frowned, shaking as he stared down into the deep, infinite burn of Shikamaru's eyes.

_Gods…why do I need you to keep doing it?_

The need was breaking him, but the sadness would surely drown him. He could take being torn up, but right now he couldn't let himself bleed for it. He tightened his grip marginally around Shikamaru's throat, just enough to feel the pulse press against his fingertips as he stroked his other hand across the Nara's chest, above the pounding heart.

His thumb grazed across a nipple and he watched the shadow-nin shiver.

He felt Shikamaru twitch inside him. That wet burn began to throb now that the flesh which had pierced him was filling him again. He clenched around the hardening arousal, feeling it swell stiffly inside him.

"Shit…" Shikamaru hissed, his hands sliding to Neji's hips. "Stop…"

Neji reached for Shikamaru's hands, gripping his wrists. However, the muscles in the shadow-nin's stomach tightened and flexed as Shikamaru levered himself up without using his hands.

"Neji…wait…"

Ignoring the words, Neji shoved forward, knocking Shikamaru onto his back to pin one wrist above the Chūnin's head, the other at shoulder height. The incarceration provoked a reflexive buck of Shikamaru's hips, but it only served to thrust him deeper into Neji.

Both ninja gasped raggedly.

Shikamaru jerked a wrist free, catching Neji off guard.

That hand snapped to Neji's hip, gripping hard as Shikamaru arched, driving deep. It knocked the breath from Neji's lungs, the angle striking that place that turned his blood to white fire.

_Yes...tear me up..._

Resurgent need pooled inside of the Hyūga, filling him as powerfully as Shikamaru's hard flesh. He locked his thighs, ignoring the shake in his limbs, the lack of control crawling through him, reckless and hot and...

_Not enough…_

Neji ground down, stiffening as his expression contorted with pain and pleasure.

_This_ he could understand. This kind of pain and pleasure he could take. It was physical, not like the breath-crushing feelings rattling around inside him like broken glass, cutting him up. He tried to distract himself from the emotions, but in the struggle to divorce his body from his thinking he lost his snare on Shikamaru's other wrist.

Hands latched at his hips, stilling his movements.

"Neji…" Shikamaru ground out. "Stop…"

Neji slipped his eyes open slowly, anger flashing across the opalescent surface.

Shikamaru's eyes were pinched with struggle; clearly it was taking a lot to rein himself in. If the rock hard erection buried to the hilt inside Neji was any indication, the effort must have been immense.

Neji clenched around him, pushing…provoking…

Shikamaru pulsed inside him and he watched those dark eyes flutter to a half-mast before they narrowed sharply.

"Fuck…_stop _dammit…"

Neji smirked. "Your body belies you, Nara."

Shikamaru frowned, swallowing as he shook his head, his words broken up by heavy pants. "I know…what you're trying…to do…"

Neji blinked, fighting for control of his expression. "Do you, now?"

The Nara's eyes flickered and he made to dig his heels in and roll them. Neji predicted the movement and locked his body rigidly, gripping Shikamaru's forearms hard enough to bruise.

Shikamaru's fingers dug into his hips.

"Neji…" he growled.

Neji leaned down slowly, setting their faces close. "If you wanted a passive partner, you chose the wrong person to fuck, Nara."

Shikamaru's eyes cut sharper than the angry line between his brows. "I'm not…into punishing people…for power..." he growled, his voice distorted by his panting. "I'm not…one of your fucking clan…Hyūga…"

Neji's eyes widened, guilt and pain slashing across his face before the anger hardened it, trembling in his voice volcanically. He leaned in closer.

"Then I'm better qualified, aren't I?" he spat bitterly. "Perhaps I should tear _you_ up instead, _Nara_."

Shikamaru froze, his breath halting against Neji's lips. A shadow of something unnameable chased across his dark eyes, eclipsing their warmth, stealing their glow.

Neji hadn't expected that reaction.

Or his own reaction to it.

Whatever bitter and irrational emotion had driven his words immediately gave way to a deep concern. It washed over him like ice. He drew back a little, searching the Nara's face.

Shikamaru's eyes were unreadable, lost behind a closed-off look.

Neji frowned, his voice dropping a notch. "Did something happen to you, Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru's jaw twitched. "No."

Neji's gaze held fast on those dark eyes and he cocked his head, searching for a lie. "Shikamaru..."

Shikamaru scowled, his lips tightening as he breathed heavily through his nose. But then the anger slipped from his face. No attack came. Nothing for Neji to defend against. Even if there had been, the desire to fight had abandoned him. He continued to search Shikamaru's expression, which softened after a moment, the strange look passing away.

"Hn." Shikamaru's hand cupped the back of Neji's head, drawing him down until their lips settled close. "You're such a god damn pain, you know that?"

"I've always known that," Neji breathed back, his anger gone, concern still festering in the back of his mind. "I told you, that won't change."

"How troublesome." Shikamaru's lips curved a little. "And you're not sorry."

"Not for that," Neji said, his eyes still tracing over Shikamaru's face. "There are worse things to be damned for."

Shikamaru hummed and Neji felt warm hands brush down his sides and settle at his hips, holding him steady. He could feel the tremble in Shikamaru's body, the effort of restraint the Nara was clinging to.

"Guess we're both gonna burn," the shadow-nin murmured.

Neji arched a brow, a sad smile curving his lips. "I thought you weren't into punishment."

Shikamaru shrugged and his hips shifted, the angle urging a shallow thrust. Neji's breath scraped into a hiss, pale eyes clenching shut. When he opened them, he found his lips a hairsbreadth away from Shikamaru's.

The heat had returned to the Nara's bistre orbs, molten and deep.

"Don't need hell to burn, Neji…"

_No. I just need you for that._

Their noses nudged and their mouths opened together, tongues tracing the swell of swollen lips before delving deeper. Rich and arousing, Neji could taste the promised fire on Shikamaru's tongue. It chased away the chill in his blood, holding the sadness at bay.

When Shikamaru rocked forward, Neji followed the movement, rising onto his knees. He hissed when the slick length pulled out of him, but barely had time to register the ache before Shikamaru knelt behind him. Hands locked at Neji's hips, one sliding downward along the solid muscle of his thigh, pulling to spread his legs.

He felt Shikamaru's chest press against his back. "Now's the time to push me away."

Neji understood the words for what they implied. "No."

A question asked without a query and consent given with denial instead; it preserved a balance of pride and power…as well as that sense of irony that always seemed to play out between them.

A dangerous game.

Neji felt the hot, wet drip of the Nara's erection kiss the small of his back, trailing lower as he arched into the hand that curled around the pillar of his arousal, stroking from thick root to dewy tip.

"Shikamaru…" he purred the name with a deep roll of the syllables, feeling the shadow-nin shudder behind him.

A firm nudge against his entrance had him reaching around to grip Shikamaru's hip, predicting a slow slide of that engorged steel when the shadow-nin eased forward.

Then without warning, Shikamaru snapped his hips.

He cleaved into Neji's seed-slick heat in one solid plunge.

Neji had no time to choke back the shaking curse that tore out of him.

"Fuck!" he gasped, jerking away from the intrusion instinctively.

Shikamaru tugged him back into the impalement, fusing their bodies with a raw break of his breath against the Hyūga's nape. "Wait."

Shaking, they stayed this way for a moment, the intensity crackling between them. Neji struggled to regulate his breathing, torn between two extremes of feeling, which married into a dizzying burn inside him.

Shikamaru rolled his hips.

A low groan pooled deep in Neji's throat, so soft it barely carried.

Shikamaru must have heard it, because his lips skimmed the shell of Neji's ear, voice as rough as gravel. "Your move."

Neji's move was to taste that voice.

He leaned back and slanted his head, wordlessly drawing Shikamaru's mouth to his. Lips slid and slanted softly, enjoying gentle friction until a warm hand squeezed around Neji twitching shaft. It tore another barely-there moan from his lips. Shikamaru plundered his mouth and that slick tongue curled around his own as if to suck sounds off the tip.

They rocked together for a moment, stretching out the tight clamp of Neji's muscles until he was deliberately pushing Shikamaru with every clench. Shuddering, Shikamaru broke the kiss, trailing wet kisses along Neji's throat as he drew back and slammed hard, running a slow stroke of his fist along Neji's proud length, rubbing circles around the wet crown.

_More…_

Neji swallowed down his moan, reaching back to drag a hand up Shikamaru's thigh to the firm backside, gripping hard. "Don't…"

"Don't _what_?" Shikamaru nipped his throat and that invading shaft drew back a little, tapping forward, just shy of nudging Neji where the Hyūga wanted him to strike.

Neji sucked in a sharp breath, grinding back hard. "Fuck…don't…play games…"

Shikamaru stopped moving altogether.

"_Games_?" Shikamaru's voice dropped into a low, too-calm timbre.

Neji didn't have time to respond to the odd tone before teeth scraped across his shoulder, biting down lightly. He bucked into the firm stroke of the Nara's hand, torn between two torturous pleasures as Shikamaru simultaneously tugged him back into a powerful stab.

It had his spine arching.

_Yes_...

He was pulled back into another thrust, then another…each harder than its preceding slam. "Is _this_ what you want?"

"_Yes_…" Neji growled, panting.

He felt a muffled hiss at his shoulder, hot breath spreading across his nape as Shikamaru's free fingers raked his hair aside. Neji swayed his head to swing the dark mane over his shoulder, only to reconsider the wisdom in having done so the second Shikamaru thrust brutally, at the same time he dragged his tongue across Neji's blind spot, sucking hard.

_Holy fucking GODS!_

The strangled sound that wrenched out of Neji's throat surprised him less than the voltage that ripped through every nerve-ending. It shredded him up so intensely he wasn't sure whether it was pain or pleasure that raged through him as he came in a hard and hot torrent that didn't seem to end.

Time disappeared in a flash.

Maybe it froze or maybe it rewound but Neji couldn't distinguish the point at which his body stopped riding out the bliss. Even when his senses weakly fired up again, he was shaking fiercely. And Shikamaru was still moving powerfully within him…deep, grinding thrusts that rocked him in a rhythm he had no hope of controlling. Every plunge struck nerves still tender and tingling and...

_Too much…_

"This…isn't…a lie…" Shikamaru's voice growled low at his ear, his sultry breaths shattering out. "This…isn't…a _game_…"

Neji wasn't coherent enough to process whether there was anger in that voice, or something else, because Shikamaru's hand gripped his spent length and with knowing strokes, began to caress his sensitive flesh back into a burn.

Pale eyes flew wide.

_Fuck…no…Gods…yes…_

Neji's throaty groan dragged on the air, drowned out by the sound of Shikamaru's harsh, ragged pants. The sounds were just as arousing as the touches and they bled into Neji's senses on a loop that caused more than his head to spin. The room seemed to spin with it. It wouldn't stop and he was thrust painfully back into arousal with every second burning hotter.

_Fuck, too much…too much…_

Apparently, it wasn't close to what Shikamaru had in mind.

Which might have been to kill him mid-coitus given the Nara's next move.

A move that had every cell in Neji's body screaming even as his vocal chords locked and his eyes clenched shut. The thrust against his prostate became a hammering pound, the pull along his length drew harder and faster…and the third torment sealed his fate when Shikamaru's lips closed around the sensitive vertebra of his blind spot.

A trinity of ecstasy.

Neji stood no chance against it.

A slam, stroke and suck later, the sensory overload blew his control to hell.

His mind flew into orbit - leaving his body to burn as pain and pleasure crashed into each other.

The climax exploded through him in a shockwave more concentrated than chakra.

The intensity stripped him of even his voice.

His lips parted but the cry that ached out of him was silent.

His head dropped back against a firm shoulder, body arched as if he'd break in two.

_Let me..._

Something scalding and wet trickled across his temples and into his hair.

He felt Shikamaru's release gush deep inside him…and sensed the shadow-nin's lips moving against his temple, mouthing phantom words against his skin…then a shaking arm gripped him tight…

_Gods...just let me go…_

Shikamaru pulled him back…when all he wanted to do was fall.

* * *

He didn't wake, because he never fell asleep.

Though darkness had teased his mind, it hadn't pulled him under.

This had left Shikamaru in the same state he was now…wishing he could stop the clock.

As he lay, he watched the gentle spin of talismans hanging by the window. Like the charms by the door, the small coins twirled like floating orbs on their strings, reflecting the soft, grainy light of a coming dawn. He'd spent the last hour wishing the damn sun would never rise.

He could still taste salt on his lips.

He lay sprawled on his stomach, an arm draped lazily over Neji's back, one of his legs bent at the knee and crossing the Hyūga's somewhere under the furs. Neji, also resting on his front, had his face buried in the crook of his arm, which stretched up and vanished under one of the frayed pillows.

The Hyūga's pale back was a sculpture of lean, rippling muscle, slashed in places with scars. Shikamaru's fingers had traced out each one, trying to identify the weapon and how deep the wound had been.

The shadow-nin had traced his thumb over them repeatedly.

Neji hadn't stirred.

Shikamaru, however, hadn't stopped stirring, at least in his head. His mind had churned non-stop for the past three hours, processing all those missing pieces, perusing the ones he had yet to fully understand…and preserving some of them as stolen moments he'd place in the back of his mind.

_Like I could forget..._

Fear curdled inside him, knotting hard and low in his gut, weighing down heavy enough to have him holding his breath.

_God this is my last chance…_

The final outcome – hell, _everything_ – would depend on the imminent conversation. Every second pushed Shikamaru closer to it…and every minute had that damned dread knotting harder and heavier. He swallowed thickly, staggering out a sigh. The quiet breath ghosted against Neji's elbow.

It was this soft tickle that woke the Hyūga.

_Fuck._

Shikamaru heard him inhale deeply. He watched the slow tightening of Neji's body, like a predator roused as the powerful frame rippled into a stretch, then settled again. Shikamaru said nothing, just watched through lidded eyes as Neji lowered his arm and carved his fingers back through the mocha strands framing his face.

Dark lashes lifted and slivers of opal settled on Shikamaru, drowsy and glazed.

The knot in Shikamaru's stomach pulled horribly.

He quirked his lip in a weak smile, tapping his thumb against Neji's spine.

Neji blinked slowly in response and hummed as he closed his eyes, his deep tones rasping out tiredly. "Gods, why are you awake?"

Shikamaru arched a brow, grazing his fingers higher to press Neji's nape. "Good question."

Neji smiled a little, slipping his eyes open. "Unsatisfactory answer."

"It beats the truth…" Shikamaru said cautiously, watching Neji's expression shift as the Jōnin's smile slipped away.

For a painfully long moment, Neji just stared at him.

"The truth…" he eventually echoed, lowering his gaze to Shikamaru's throat.

The shadow-nin resisted the urge to swallow.

Neji continued to gaze silently. Before Shikamaru could grow uneasy, the Hyūga drew his elbows beneath him, carefully lifting onto his hands and knees. Shikamaru didn't move, his breath locked low in his throat despite his drowsy expression.

He watched out the corner of his eye as Neji shifted over, grace and power in even the most relaxed of the Hyūga's movements. The Jōnin slid a leg over him, placing his hands and knees either side of Shikamaru's body as he bracketed the shadow-nin beneath him. The ends of his hair caressed like silk across Shikamaru's back, subtle and seductive.

Shikamaru tensed, turning his head enough to direct a peripheral glance up at the Hyūga.

Neji cocked his head, leaned down and pressed an open-mouthed kiss between Shikamaru's shoulder blades, resting his brow there for a moment.

"The truth…" the Hyūga murmured, rolling the words down Shikamaru's spine on a rumble.

Shikamaru closed his eyes. "Guess that's still too much to ask…"

Another moment of quiet lapsed between them, broken only by the soft rush of Neji's breath across his skin.

* * *

By the time the warm water cut out, Shikamaru had still been standing numbly under the spray, slouched against the tiles. Needless to say, he moved pretty damn fast the second the icy droplets hit his skin.

But as he sat tugging on his Chūnin pants in the bathroom, he couldn't help but feel that the cold spray didn't have shit on the glacial knot lodged in his stomach. Heaving a tired sigh, he ruffled the ends of the towel through his hair, squeezing out the excess water before pulling the hair tie free from his wrist.

_Can't beat the clock…_

Securing his hair in its usual fashion, he slapped his hands to his thighs, closed his eyes and gave a mental countdown. He was close to splitting seconds into fractions, but forced himself to stand. He smacked the towel over his shoulder and drew the door open, stepping back into the main room.

A floorboard announced him.

Neji didn't turn at the creak.

The Hyūga stood by the window, clad in his white pants, a wet towel crumpled on the floor beside him. The long chocolate mane had been pulled over his shoulder so as not to drip down his back. Judging by the angle of his jaw, the shadow-nin could tell that Neji was watching the talismans spin, rather than observing the world outside, which was still cast in sleepy hues.

Shikamaru wandered over at an idle, easy pace – at total odds with every nerve inside him. He didn't say a word as he moved up behind the Jōnin, waiting until Neji leaned back before he stepped forward to set his hands at the Hyūga's hips, drumming his fingers against the hipbones. Not a word passed between them and Shikamaru resorted to the window as his only means of gauging how to proceed.

Neji's eyes met his in the glass.

_Crap._

The Hyūga held his gaze.

Then before Shikamaru could attempt to couch the awkward moment in threads of humour, Neji abruptly and unexpectedly pulled the opportunity apart by dropping them into that arena he'd been dreading.

"ANBU recruited me two months ago…"

A truth. One Shikamaru had already suspected, but its significance still remained ambiguous, given all the other factors involved.

Shikamaru pursed his lips. "On your birthday, right?"

Neji inclined his head.

"And you're going to take it," Shikamaru said, making no effort to deliver it as a question.

Neji didn't answer straight away. But when he did, his voice fell quietly, as if he were murmuring a prayer rather than a response.

"I need to take it…"

"Why?"

"Because he didn't."

Shikamaru's brows pulled together in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"When ANBU recruited me, I discovered they had done the same thing for my father years ago."

_Well, shit. _

If it hadn't been for the fact that Neji's gaze had strayed to the corner of the window, the Hyūga might have caught the look of uneasy understanding dawning in Shikamaru's mahogany eyes.

"How many years ago?" the Nara pressed gently.

"Shortly after I was born," Neji answered, his voice so calm and quiet it was a little unnerving. "I suppose it was the Hokage's way of trying to change things in the clan…it was the only way to offer talented Branch members an alternative life without outwardly challenging Hyūga tradition."

Shikamaru mulled this over, setting his chin on Neji's shoulder. "So the Sandaime Hokage offered ANBU positions, huh? Not much of an alternative life."

He watched Neji's lips twist grimly in the glass. "It's a choice, isn't it? Something Branch members never have."

"But if they don't have a choice, then how are they allowed to accept the offer?"

"Because the only thing higher than the Main House's control over the Branch House is the Hokage," Neji explained, fleshing out the truth in a low, passionless drone – as if he'd told the tale to death. "The Hokage has the right to recruit whoever he or she wishes for ANBU. And whoever is recruited has the 'right' to accept."

"So your father could have taken this opportunity?"

"Yes."

And there it was; the tarnished, bitter piece slotting under his mental fingers. Shikamaru slid it into place with all the others that marked out this cruel game that force, figureheads and a father had made of Neji's life.

"So that's what you meant…" Shikamaru murmured, trying to find Neji's gaze in the window, "…when you said he just let it go."

Neji's eyes pinched, a small furrow driving between his brows. "The chance to be free. He just…gave it up…"

It took a lot for Shikamaru not to arch a brow at the comparison Neji had drawn between ANBU and freedom. The Black Ops wasn't exactly something the Nara would have labelled as a route out of any kind of bondage by birth and blood. But then, he wasn't a Hyūga, much less a ninja living in a state of repression like Neji.

Tentatively considering how far to edge into this territory, he turned his lips against Neji's ear, keeping his tone easy and calm. "Why didn't he take it?"

"Because he would have been cast out from the clan," Neji said, his voice taking on an edge. "Both of us would have been."

"But you'd have been free."

"Yes. But no longer Hyūga."

Shikamaru's mouth turned down in a frown, his dark eyes narrowing as he watched Neji's expression in the glass. "So he chose some twisted idea of birthright over freedom?"

"The elders said it was his bitterness…and his desire for the clan to acknowledge me, a Branch member, as having stronger Hyūga blood than Hinata." Neji shook his head a little, almost imperceptibly. "He always used to say…that he should have been born first…"

Shikamaru slid one of his arms around Neji loosely; a meagre comfort that did absolutely nothing to smooth out the small etches that were beginning to crack into the Hyūga's controlled expression.

It drew Shikamaru's eyes to the curse mark. "So in effect, if he'd joined ANBU… it would have prevented them ever putting that mark on you…and using it."

Neji closed his eyes. "I'd have been free, yes…"

Shikamaru took advantage of the silence to study Neji for a moment, watching the muscles bunch and flex in the lean jaw. It was surreal and somewhat unsettling, how simply this conversation was bleeding out of Neji. Like the Hyūga had decided to open a vein and was just letting the bitter poison flow. The words trickled out of him with an eerie serenity…with a lack of struggle. And that disturbed Shikamaru more than an angry outburst. This calm was almost morbid. Chilling and sad and laced with a kind of horrible resignation just beneath the surface.

_Shit…_

"Neji…"

"I will pursue ANBU. It could have been his freedom…but it _will_ be mine."

Searching for a toehold, Shikamaru tried to steer Neji back a little. "Won't you be exiled from the clan?"

Neji snorted, his lip curving in a mirthless twist. "If the elders have anything to say about it. Being under the direct control of the Hokage rather than them?" His pale eyes slipped open, carrying the same flint as his voice. "Well, imagine what that will do to their 'Hyūga' pride…losing their best Branch pet."

_Okay, bad move._

Not that he'd expected any less. It wasn't as if Neji's clan would carry any weight as far as avoiding ANBU was concerned. No leverage there. Shikamaru opted for the next tactic, which was closer to his own concerns, given that he couldn't care less about the Hyūga elders or their expectations for Neji.

"And what about you?" Shikamaru said softly, tapping his thumb at Neji's hip. "You think ANBU is any easier?"

Neji's eyes met his in the glass and for a moment, they narrowed suspiciously. Shikamaru's nerves tightened, but he kept his face relaxed, his jaw set calmly on Neji's shoulder.

The Jōnin looked away. "It doesn't matter. At least I will no longer live in fear of experiencing what _they_ did to me ever again. I can deal with anything else. But not being controlled like this…not living this way…" Neji's eyes strayed to the curse mark in the glass. "Knowing that they could take my life without giving me a chance to defend myself should I cross a line rather than toe it."

Shikamaru frowned. "Hiashi-sama wouldn't do that to you, or allow _them_ to either."

Neji tugged away sharply, dislodging Shikamaru's grip and forcing him to step back. He watched the Jōnin grip the windowsill in a vice-like snare, angry breath drifting out to mist the glass.

"Because he's such a marvellous protector?" Neji spat, lip curling bitterly before he schooled his expression. "Tch. I discovered how much of a lie that was when I was a child. I don't want or need his protection. I never did."

_No. You needed your father's._

"Neji…"

"I don't need _anyone_ to protect me," Neji muttered beneath his breath, straightening up with more calm than he'd shot forward. "The most crucial lesson my father ever taught me."

"No, it wasn't." Shikamaru's eyes narrowed, his easy drawl gaining a touch of frustration. "It was his _mistake_, not a lesson. He should have protected you."

Neji's shoulders stiffened, the muscles shifting like stone. He shook his head, not turning to face Shikamaru. "It doesn't matter. It made me strong. It taught me to spend my life ensuring I never lose. This will be no different."

"Don't do this, Neji."

"Why?" Neji turned his head, but his gaze drifted up to the spinning talismans. "I may be trading cages, but at least I get to _choose_ this one…"

Shikamaru had to brace himself against the barrage of feelings those words brought on. He clamped it down as tight as his jaw, shaking his head.

"Neji..."

"All these years I've strived to achieve more," the Jōnin continued, raising a hand to catch a shining sphere between finger and thumb, twisting it until the light hit the weathered surface. "I thought the natural thing to do was to get stronger…no matter what I left behind." He let the sphere go carefully, watching it spin.

Shikamaru wanted to reach out and stop it.

But it kept on spinning, slow and steady.

Neji hummed quietly, watching it as his voice dropped lower, almost inaudible as he spoke. "Strange…as a child, I would have taken freedom over Hyūga 'pride' and 'progress' any day…" he turned then, slowly as that sphere, his eyes just as dull as the tarnished silver when they settled on Shikamaru. "…and I would have given my life for my father to have had that freedom too."

The sadness in Neji's face was as gutting as his words.

But here was the truth.

And there was nothing to be said to dilute it into something more palatable. It was every bit the bitter pill. Shikamaru swallowed it down along with that tightness in his throat. Staring sadly at Neji, he tried to digest the words in calculated detachment…and failed.

He just couldn't stomach it.

And suddenly, his sadness began to turn sour at the thought of Hizashi.

"Yeah…" Shikamaru said quietly, anger crawling into his eyes. "And he couldn't even do that for you…and it wouldn't have even cost him his damned life. Just a crappy family name he hated anyway."

Neji looked away, shaking his head. "You don't understand…"

"No. I think I finally do. And it's fucking messed up."

The harsh words added weight to the truth, to the bitterness of it. Neji stepped out of the painful territory by physically removing himself, brushing past Shikamaru quietly.

"It was not an easy choice, Shikamaru…"

One dark brow curving, Shikamaru turned and pinned Neji's back with a look. "So what? He still _had_ a choice. Just like Kitori. Isn't that why you're so pissed at her and Ozuku? Because of what they did to those kids? It's just like what he did to you."

Neji stopped walking across the room. "No it's not."

"Close enough though, isn't it?" Shikamaru pushed, his own anger doing something it seldom did, overriding the command prompts from his brain. "He had the chance to stop it. Instead, he let it slide. And later, he handed you over to his brother."

"By then he had no choice."

"And now you know that he did before."

Neji said nothing.

Shikamaru glared at the back of his head, confusion tearing across his eyes. Why the hell was Neji suddenly defending Hizashi? The Nara snorted, scowling. If the Jōnin was suddenly unwilling to point fingers, Shikamaru sure as hell had no problem picking up where Neji left off.

"He could have stopped it," Shikamaru stated bluntly. "He didn't."

"Stop it, Shikamaru," Neji whispered, the words hoarse with pain.

"No way, if it pisses _me_ off to hear this, what the hell is it doing to you?" he growled and no sooner had he snapped out the question than his voice softened. "God, what the hell _has_ it been doing to you to carry that crap for the last two months and pretend like it doesn't matter?"

"I'm not going to behave like a child about it," Neji uttered, stepping further away. "I've already done that once and look what it aptly resulted in."

Shikamaru's jaw almost dropped. Frustration slammed into him with the force of a freight train, derailing his calm. He almost raised his hands to strangle the air, but caught himself just in time. He jammed his hands at the waist of his Chūnin pants, cocking a slanted and angry stance, his eyes sharp and hot beneath the dark sweep of his lashes – every bit the tousled, pissed off male.

"What it _aptly_ resulted in?" He ground his jaw, his brow arching. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Neji turned calmly, infuriatingly composed. "It's true. I was naive to have thought it would garner me anything else."

"How the hell can you say that?" Shikamaru scowled, dropping his hands to pace forward. "You were just a kid. A kid protecting a father that should have protected _you_!"

Neji's polished veneer slipped, his brows furrowing as he turned away. "And by then, 'I' was too late."

Shikamaru grabbed his bare shoulder, wheeling him around in a jerk. "You were fucking four years old! That wasn't your fault it was _theirs_, dammit!"

The side of Neji's palm struck like a blunt knife, knocking Shikamaru's touch away as the Hyūga fell back a step, glaring. "_Fault_? And what I did to Hinata in the Chūnin exams?"

"That's _different,_" Shikamaru growled, not appreciating how much he sounded like Naruto with such a lame response.

Neji shook his head, the halo of ice around his eyes softening with regret. "And what I did to you?"

"That's different too," was all Shikamaru could stupidly parrot, robbed of his sharp responses – like his brain wasn't able to penetrate the fog of feeling clouding his judgement.

Neji must have sensed it too, because the Hyūga settled a look so close to regret and fondness on him that Shikamaru found it hard to draw air for a moment.

"No," Neji said softly. "It's not different at all. That kind of emotion, with me at least, is like oil on fire."

Shikamaru stared, hating the ring of inevitability in Neji's clear, deep tones. The Hyūga stepped forward and lifted his hand. Bruised knuckles grazed along Shikamaru's clenched jaw.

"Either I hurt someone else…" Neji drew his thumb across his own brow like a blade, slashing through the curse mark, "or I am controlled with _this_. I'd rather avoid both circumstances."

"So you're just gonna keep blocking your tenketsu like it's just gonna stop…" Shikamaru surmised bitterly, shaking his head as he traced his eyes over Neji's chest, over the black bruises laced with dark blood vessels. "Whatever the hell you're feeling about all this."

Neji hooked a knuckle under his jaw, drawing his chin up. "I cannot achieve ANBU with irrational emotion in my way."

"Emotion isn't supposed to be _rational_, dammit," Shikamaru growled, jerking away from the touch, very much illustrating his words. "And it's not irrational considering what the hell you've been through!"

"The _cause_ of my emotional instability is irrelevant," Neji stated, almost robotically. "I will remove the instability, Nara, or it will destroy my ability to pass the psychological evaluation."

Stunned, Shikamaru stared in cold, hard shock for a long moment.

He was barely able to compute the two hundred reasons why this self-diagnosed destiny was a disaster not waiting to happen, but absolutely _bound_ to happen.

He shook his head slowly.

"Do you even hear what you're saying?" he breathed out.

"Yes. I am going to become ANBU and secure my freedom."

"You mean secure control."

Neji shook his head dismissively. "It's the same thing."

"Shit," Shikamaru whispered and fell back a step, gazing at Neji incredulously. "You really believe that don't you?"

"Having control over my fate _is_ freedom," Neji declared quietly. "I will be free, Shikamaru. ANBU will be my freedom."

"Yeah?" Shikamaru challenged, jutting his jaw toward Neji's chest. "And what about the cost?"

"There's always a price."

The horrible irony of those words struck Shikamaru momentarily speechless.

_Shit…_

Suddenly, the urgency of time slammed into him and the words flooded out unplanned, shaking loose from in his throat in a rattling gush. "Dammit, Neji…I can't spare you anymore."

Neji cocked his head. "What?"

"I can't let you go into this fight…" Shikamaru said hoarsely, though his face hardened with a growing resolve. "You need to let a medic remove those blocks and fix the damage you've done before it kills you. Which it's going to."

Silence.

Neji stared at him blankly – as if he'd just spoken in tongues.

Not that Shikamaru would have minded some divine intervention, because given the look of non-comprehension on Neji's face, maybe a miracle would be needed to get through to him.

_Say something, dammit._

Shikamaru stared back, looking for any kind of sign on Neji's face that suggested he _did_ just speak and the words hadn't caught in his throat or just run through his head rather than out his mouth.

Neji said nothing.

This passive standoff stretched uncomfortably between them, pulling so taut Shikamaru predicted something explosive about to erupt from the fragile sense of calm.

He wasn't sure whether to be relieved or alarmed when this didn't happen.

"You've said this before, Shikamaru," Neji reminded. "And I heard you the first time."

"So that's your excuse not to hear me now?"

Neji's serene expression tightened into a frown, his deep voice cutting off anything Shikamaru might have added. "I could say the same to you, Nara. My first answer will always be my last as far as this situation is concerned."

"As far as this situation is concerned your first answer won't have shit on what your last regret will be if you _don't_ let me get you medical attention."

"Don't play with semantics, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru's expression chiselled darkly.

His voice dropped low, the smoky tones barbed with steel. "I'm not playing."

"Neither am I," Neji returned with equal grit, not giving up an inch of stubborn ground. "Whatever I need from you, Nara, it will never be your interference. I will fix whatever I break. I have done this since I was a child."

Like cold wind, the mention of Neji's childhood whipped away Shikamaru's words for a moment. It left him feeling as utterly useless as he had hours ago when he'd looked on at damage he was unable to prevent.

_Focus…this is your last damned chance…_

Forcing his chest to loosen, he released a slow, controlled breath through his nose, struggling to stay calm.

"Even if you could heal the embolisms yourself – which you _can't_ – it's _not_ gonna take away the emotion that made you create them."

Neji's lips thinned angrily, but his eyes looked torn.

"That emotion is irrelevant." He turned away and moved back towards the bed, reaching across for his hitai-ate, gleaming coldly against the furs. "I've had Jōnin psychological training. When I enter ANBU's conditioning, I will treat it no differently in dealing with this problem."

"Only it's not about your fucking _head_…"

"It might as well be."

Shikamaru reached out to grab the Hyūga's other wrist, forcing him to turn. "Who the hell are you kidding, Neji?"

Neji glanced down at the fingers curled loosely around his wrist, then tracked his gaze back up to meet Shikamaru's eyes. "It doesn't matter. If the price is my feeling, then I've already paid."

Shikamaru couldn't keep the hurt from his eyes.

Another blow to the head would have wounded him less than that.

His voice croaked out raw. "No you haven't."

Neji met his pain with a look of struggle; one that revealed the Hyūga's words for the lie that they were. But even then, Neji shook his head and it was an action too subtle given the horrible meaning it held.

_God…don't do this…_

Neji dislodged his wrist and raised his hand to Shikamaru's head, drawing the Nara's brow to his with a tenderness that made his next words chilling.

"Whatever I am when I'm with you, Shikamaru…that doesn't change anything."

Shikamaru clenched his eyes shut against the knifing pain that cut through him.

_It's fucking changed everything…_

For all the poisonous truth he'd been trying to draw out of Neji…the venom of his own denial had been crippling him. Perfect lies and practiced evasions. Everything he'd been writing off as too troublesome or dangerous to consider.

_Get a grip…you can still do this…_

He shuddered once, drawing his head back slowly.

"It's not about that, Neji," he squeezed the words past the tightness in his throat.

"Shikamaru…"

"The fact that you're doing _this_," he touched a knuckle to Neji's bruised chest, "to try to stop what you feel about what your _father_ and your _clan_ did…is proof enough that you haven't paid that price."

He dragged his knuckle up the marked chest, along the constricting chords of Neji's throat, across a tense jaw to hook under Neji's chin.

"You haven't paid yet," he breathed across Neji's mouth. "So don't."

Neji's voice thickened and shook. "It doesn't matter."

"It's always mattered, that's the point." Shikamaru brushed his thumb across the Jōnin's mouth. "The second you realised how much it mattered you tried to make it _stop_."

"Because I need it to…I can't afford to be this way…" Neji closed his eyes. "I gave you that weakness last night."

"That wasn't weakness."

The crease of pain between Neji's brows pulled a rock to Shikamaru's throat.

Unbidden, the taste of Neji's tears came back to him as if it were still on his tongue.

The warm sting of salt that had held fourteen years worth of crushed sorrow.

It had leaked out in a stolen moment…and the saddest, cruellest part was that Neji hadn't even realised he'd shed them. Maybe he didn't think he could. And maybe he'd never know. Shikamaru would never use that moment against him, even if he had to employ every other weapon at his disposal.

"Just let yourself feel angry," Shikamaru urged, carding his fingers through the thick mane of hair, dragging it back from Neji's face. "Just let yourself feel sad."

Neji shook his head, frowning through his pain as he made to pull back.

Shikamaru only gripped him tighter, ducking his head to try and fuse their gazes, to try and find that vital contact that might move Neji more than his words.

_God please…_

"I can't…" Neji reached up, grabbing his wrists. "Gods, after what I did to you…you know why I can't."

"You're not gonna hurt anyone and no one is gonna hurt you."

"Shikamaru, stop…"

He couldn't stop, not when the fear inside his gut had turned so hard it hurt. The only way to break it up was to unleash a desperate anger – to make himself heard. His words flew like weapons, his calculated tongue cutting into the verbal fray.

"He had a chance to protect you years ago and he didn't take it!"

"Shut up!" Neji tore his hands away, rearing back as a wild sheen of pain filmed across his wounded, opal eyes. "Stop it, Shikamaru!"

And in that strangled roar, Shikamaru couldn't help but see the bitter image of a child protecting his dead father all over again. The roots of the Nara's heart twisted painfully, wringing emotion from him until the orders from his brain vanished altogether.

"Why are you protecting him, Neji!" Shikamaru snarled, choked with anger so rare to his voice he scarcely recognised it. "Why? He's _dead_ and you're _still_ protecting him!"

"Because he is _still_ my father!" Neji roared back, slashing his hand through the air, drawing an invisible line. "Enough!"

It wasn't enough. No where close to enough when it came to the injustice of Hizashi being defended even in death when Neji was left suffering to the point where his life was at risk because of it. Shikamaru was beyond his intellect's ability to rein in his reactions. The impulse Neji had woken up in him two months ago drove him forward until they were toe to toe.

"Your father took _his_ pain and bitterness over _you_!" Shikamaru yelled. "It's _okay_ for you to be pissed off about that! He didn't protect you. _He_ failed _you_."

Like a reverse explosion, the anger sucked out of Neji's eyes, leaving them wide and shocked. Confused, lost. He stepped back and wheeled in a circle, pale eyes searching about wildly as if scrambling for slipping ground. Shikamaru grabbed his shoulder and gripped his head, tugging him forward, forcing their brows to lock like proverbial horns as he glared hard into those lost eyes.

_Let me find you…one last time…let me find you…_

"You're not gonna be punished for getting angry like you were when you were a kid," Shikamaru growled, tangling his fingers in the mocha silk, trying to get a grip on Neji as well as himself, feeling as if he was losing both. "You can finally let it out and not have to _suffer_ for it."

Neji's fingers dug into his nape so hard Shikamaru winced at the pain, but the sound was muffled beneath the crash of Neji's mouth. A brutal, punishing kiss that drew blood as teeth clashed and tongues warred. Fingers left bruises as they gripped each other, pulled at each other and physically tried to impress their pain – their need – on each other.

_Let this go…don't make me hurt you like they did…_

Shikamaru's touch softened and the second it did Neji pitched him away so suddenly, so unexpectedly, that he almost went down under the force of it. Fortunately, a fluid shift of his footing saved him and he staggered back without falling, gripping his chest with a cough and wince.

"Get…away from me…" Neji warned, uttering the words in a shudder as he held up a palm between them, warding Shikamaru off even as he backed away himself. "I will _not_ let you become the one who destroys my only chance for freedom. Gods…not _you_."

Shikamaru straightened up, cupping his side, but the ache in his ribs was nothing compared to the pain behind them. "If you don't let this out and unblock your tenketsu then your only chance for freedom is gonna be in a fucking coffin."

"Never."

Shikamaru coughed, tightening his grip on his ribs as he glared without anger, only mounting desperation. "It's _not_ a physical thing, but now you've _made_ it one."

"Then I will do whatever is necessary to stop _this_ as well."

"God, Neji…it's going to _kill_ you…" Shikamaru rasped, his voice tight and strained, his eyes struck with a burning sheen.

"Not before I make ANBU it won't." Neji's spine drew as rigid as his face and something set itself in his eyes, something that had the fight in Shikamaru deflating.

_God no…_

"You're not gonna last that long…"

"_Watch_ me last that long, Nara."

_No._

Shikamaru dropped his gaze to Neji's chest, shaking his head. "No. I'm _done_ watching."

"Good," Neji uttered coldly, raising his chin. "Now you can finally walk away."

Shikamaru didn't want to look into those eyes, but the vicious statement drew his gaze up anyway. And when he looked into those pale, icy orbs gazing back at him, he knew with perfect numbing clarity what he'd fought so hard to deny.

_There was never a chance in hell you were ever gonna let this go…_

It struck him cold, right to the core.

The reality…the inevitable, inescapable truth of it sank like a block of ice in his gut.

_I found you too late…_

Denial passed away, leaving his mind utterly. There was only the cruel, bitter reality of what he'd known he'd have to do all along.

He stared hard into Neji's haunted eyes.

Eyes like clouds.

Like those wisps of distant vapour Shikamaru had lost himself in countless times since his childhood…but just like those clouds, Neji was something he couldn't ever hope to hold. Not when he was determined to ride a cold wind that no warm words could pull him back from.

_I'm sorry…_

And like a cloud on a current, he watched the Hyūga pass beyond reach and return.

And just like his hope, Shikamaru crushed whatever emotion was breaking in his chest.

The burning sheen in his eyes turned hard.

_I'm done watching._

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **And a new storm's brewing. Chocolate needed. Commeth the next chapter, commeth the (insert word of choice here). Hope you stay tuned, ride's gonna get bumpy! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, despite the angst!

**REVIEWERS: **Short and sweet with _**tenfold**_ the sentiment. **THANK YOU** _so_ much for your response to the last chapter. ^_^ As always, thoughts welcomed and appreciated very much! ^_^

**Reviewers without accounts:** _My warm thanks to_;** Luna** (LOL bless you, luv. I'm chuffed!) **Lady Mortis **(Arigato, sweetie!), **Petrichor** (TY!), **Ari **(lol! Breathe! Aaw, thank you, dear), **Miin** (Thank you, Miin!), **Helena **(it's a pleasure luv, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts) **zoomzoom **(lol in the clouds? Shikamaru would envy you ^_^), **mandapanda123 **("ShikaNeji yum-yum"! LMAO. I LOVE IT! Thank you!)

**Shinejshi – **You continue to blow me away – please see your dArt account! I have left my reply to your review there ^_^ In fact, it might have posted twice *facepalm* But hey, consider it double the sentiment! ^_^ THANK YOU.  
**Ebony L** – Ebony! Thank you so much, sweetie. Your words have once again struck that chord and it's so deeply appreciated. ^_^ Knowing this fic is being enjoyed and 'felt' makes it worth every lost braincell lol! Thank you for the blood and fuel! ^_^ Aaw luv, be you and love whatcha do! ^_^

_Thanks so much, reviewers – good luck to any and all who still have exams/finals!_


	39. Chapter 39

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Thirty Nine  
**

They were greeted by children.

A troop of clambering kids that clustered around Neji and Shikamaru the second they stepped past the deactivated barrier to enter the rebels' tunnels. Neither shinobi were prepared for the enthusiastic welcome, although Neji bore the brunt of the onslaught, having stepped in first.

Shikamaru wisely fell back a pace, leaving Neji to attempt to clear a path. The Hyūga ended up standing stiffly on the spot, attempting to marshal his reactions. In some way, this was worse than an ambush by enemies.

One of the last things he wanted near him right now…children…

Buoyant, smiling faces of preserved innocence and hope.

Children completely oblivious to their state of captivity when the remembrance and reality of his own was still so raw inside him. It felt like Shikamaru had crashed him up against the bars of his cage and forced him to acknowledge the one who'd locked him in it and thrown away the key.

_Keep your focus._

He felt those innocent eyes imploring his attention, small hands tugging at the sleeves of his robes...tugging just as he did in his dreams…tugging at that white shroud…never able to pull it back…just watch it grow…and grow…

_Stop._

Neji curled his fingers into loose fists, the claustrophobic circle of children pressing closer and calling louder.

_Gods not now…_

He'd have activated his Byakugan to scare and scatter them back a few paces, but he had neither the energy nor the chakra to spare. It was becoming harder to channel it effectively and the pain it took to sustain it was growing.

_I need to reassess my tenketsu. Fast._

Distracted by the children's animated chatter and a steadily growing pressure in his head, Neji almost missed the bounding of a blond and orange figure nudging its way through the crowd.

"Hey!" a husky voice growled.

Neji turned just as Naruto's hand shot out past the upraised arms of one of the little girls, startling her into hiding behind the Hyūga as Naruto clamped his hand down on the Jōnin's shoulder.

The Uzumaki forced a tight smile, speaking through grit teeth. "You're real lucky there are kids here."

_So are you._

Neji arched a brow, calmly raising the back of his palm to Naruto's wrist to shove the grip off his shoulder. Naruto gripped harder.

"Let go of me," Neji warned, keeping his voice as level and stoic as his face. Inside, he was shaking.

Naruto's eyes narrowed, his face heating with suppressed anger. "Or what? You'll smash your fist into my face too?"

Neji's eyes flashed, but a sharp jolt of his hand knocked off Naruto's grip.

Naruto bunched a fist, but made no move to use it. If anything, those turbulent blue eyes almost softened in their confusion.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Neji?"

"Nothing's wrong anymore," Shikamaru spoke up. He slanted past the Hyūga in a lazy sway at total odds with Neji's rigid stance. "It's sorted and we're not gonna waste time talking it over. Got it?"

It took everything Neji had not to turn his head.

Shikamaru's voice carried more like a raincloud than its usual smoke; heavy and weighted, despite its unbothered tones. It was another chameleon act. An act that disguised the rough gravel his voice had been only an hour before. Now that voice was elusive and unreadable and it choked up something deep in Neji's chest that hadn't stopped hurting.

_Focus._

He kept his eyes on Naruto, watching as the Uzumaki furiously perused him and Shikamaru, trying to read something into silence hanging between them. The tension built, pulsing ominously despite the airy giggles of the children weaving between the three shinobi.

"Fine," Naruto eventually said, his brows drawn low over his eyes. "Hibari said you guys were gettin' chakra pills. Was that some lame cover story or what?"

Neji offered no reaction to the suspicious glare. Shikamaru, however, tugged something from his flak-jacket. The rattle of pills sounded as the Nara shook the pouch. One of the children reached for it, but Shikamaru feigned a magic trick by making it disappear with a subtle but quick dip and twist of his wrist.

The little girl stared in wonder, smiling. "Wow!"

Shikamaru didn't smile back.

Naruto grinned crookedly at her instead. "Alright, guess Hibari will be happy to get those, huh?"

"Hibari-niisan!" the girl chirped.

Shikamaru muttered something in response but Neji didn't hear it because sound suddenly warped under the pressure in his ears. The blood rush caused his vision to fizz into tiny dots and bursts of colour.

_Breathe._

He drew a slow breath, fighting against the urge to lean into the wall of the tunnel.

_Damn it. Is this the exertion of the Byakugan? _

Fortunately, he'd used his dōjutsu earlier to record the imprint of Ozuku's face. That had been pivotal. If he had to reserve its usage now, then he'd find a way to accommodate for it.

_Taijutsu will have to suffice for now, until I can locate a medic outside of Konoha. _

A soft peel of laughter drew his focus back as Naruto hefted a young boy onto his shoulders, ducking his head and swaying to keep his balance as the child waved his arms about.

Neji's gaze immediately locked onto the curse mark branded into the boy's arm.

He didn't sense Shikamaru following his gaze.

"So what's the game plan?" Naruto asked.

_Not to lose._

* * *

One foot in front of the other.

That's all that mattered at this point, because his mind was already the necessary steps ahead. All he had to do was make sure his feet kept up. Simple. Stupid simple.

The corners of Shikamaru's eyes pinched; the squint being the only indication on his face that his mind was processing faster than he could ever walk or run.

He could sense Neji at his back, paces behind, the regal gait driven and steady.

Shikamaru clenched his eyes shut, glad to be sandwiched between Naruto and the Hyūga so that neither could see his face. He gave himself a few seconds to steel his expression.

_This is it. It starts now._

He snapped his eyes open.

"Naruto."

The Uzumaki turned at the waist, wobbling a little as the kid on his shoulders wriggled around as well. Shikamaru slotted his hands into his pockets, shuttered his eyes to a familiar half-mast and stopped walking.

Neji strode straight past, continuing on after the children without a backward glance.

Shikamaru pulled every muscle taut against the urge to move after him. He was beyond that now. There would be no more chasing down. He'd lost – cruelly but inevitably. Neji was beyond reach and reason. He always had been. Shikamaru had been racing after a ghost.

_Stupid. To have thought it would turn out any other way…_

The logic dropped like a lead weight straight into his chest.

Damn if that didn't hurt.

He drew a slow breath and cleared his throat.

"Naruto…" Shikamaru said again, drawing the Uzumaki's confused glare away from Neji's back. "Put the kid down. We need to talk."

Naruto's face scrunched in a caricatured mask of confusion. "Where's Neji goin'?"

Shikamaru shrugged, pretending he wasn't asking himself the same thing. The immediate possibilities centred on the Hyūga either re-evaluating his tenketsu, or equipping himself with weaponry to accommodate for his ninjutsu.

Naruto scowled. "After what happened you're just gonna let him wander off?"

Shikamaru arched a brow, bit back his sarcastic retort and said nothing.

Naruto snorted, crouched down and gently dipped until the kid hopped off him. He offered a beaming grin as he watched the boy scamper off after the other children.

Shikamaru was prepared for the dark look Naruto levelled him with when the Uzumaki turned back. "What? You want me to just pretend he didn't hammer your head into a wall?"

Shikamaru didn't blink. "Yeah, that's about right."

"But—!"

"Drop it. We need to move," Shikamaru cut across him, underlining the words by rolling his step into a walk. "I don't give you trouble for doing what you have to do, so how about you return the favour."

Naruto fell into step with him and at an indication from Shikamaru they turned left into one of the adjacent tunnels. "Protecting my friends isn't somethin' I'll trade in as a favour, Shikamaru."

"It's handled," Shikamaru said, his voice flat with the fact. "Don't make trouble for me."

"Shikamaru…"

The shadow-nin didn't need to look across to sense that the whine of concern would be nothing compared to the look in Naruto's eyes.

"Don't give me the guilt-tripping puppy eyes. I told you I'd be alright. If you wanna help me out, then there's something I need."

"What's that?"

"Toad oil."

Naruto's step faltered in confusion, but he skipped forward to keep up. "Sure. Uh…why do you need it?"

"All part of the game plan," Shikamaru muttered, deliberately vague as he breezed into the warren-like room they'd been staying in.

"Shikamaru-kun!" Lee bounded out from one of the dens, a trail of bandage tape sailing through the air behind him. "You're alright?"

Shikamaru nodded curtly, his eyes shifting to Lee's hands as the bushy-browed ninja energetically wrapped his wrist and forearm in familiar strips of white. The shadow-nin's eyes narrowed calculatedly.

"Got any of that stuff to spare?" he asked, cocking his head toward the ribbon of tape trailing after Lee.

"Yes, I have reels of it. Preparation is a rule of thumb!"

"Mind if I take some?" Shikamaru queried, ignoring Naruto's suspicious glance.

Lee darted without question to retrieve said tape, leaving Shikamaru to orbit the table still littered with maps. He crouched down and tugged two of them free, scanning the layout of the village, his finger tapping above the Temple twice. He didn't look up as Naruto came to stand just to the side of him.

"Shikamaru…what happened with—"

"If you could give whatever toad oil you've got to Chōji and tell him to come find me, that'll save time," Shikamaru muttered, his focus cast down.

"I thought we weren't gonna blow stuff up," Naruto grumbled cautiously, folding his arms. "Looks like everyone's actin' weird, huh?"

Shikamaru glanced up from under his lashes, arching a brow.

"You might wanna move _now_, Naruto," the Nara ordered more than advised, taking up a red crayon and two maps, which he swiftly folded and slotted into his flak-jacket. "I'll be outside the interrogation room. Tell Chōji to move fast."

"Fine, whatever," Naruto turned slightly, frowning when Shikamaru just brushed past him without another word. "Shikamaru…"

The shadow-nin didn't halt his stride, catching the reel of tape that Lee chucked over with an appreciative tilt of his head. "Thanks. Lee, I'm gonna leave a strategy drawn up in interrogation. Send everyone over in an hour to look it over so they know their positions. I'll be back with Chōji in time to confirm it."

"Roger!"

"Shikamaru…" Naruto tried again, louder this time.

The shadow-nin kept walking. "What?"

"You sure you're okay?"

Shikamaru scowled, calling back over his shoulder. "What do you want, a brain scan? I'm fine. Start moving."

* * *

"Keep moving," Hibari ordered, grey eyes tracking over each child as the line of kids filed out in a chattering stream. "Keep to one side of the tunnel, don't obstruct the passageway."

Older children flanked the line, making sure the younger ones kept in a neat procession as they marched down the evacuation route. Shikamaru kept to the other side of the tunnel, striding along against the grain of movement.

Hibari greeted him with a lift of his chin.

Shikamaru tossed him the pouch of chakra pills, which the redhead caught one-handed.

"Thanks. I owe you one."

"Then I'm gonna cash in the favour now," Shikamaru informed, moving to stand the opposite side of the doorway as children filtered through between them.

Hibari kept his eyes on the kids, but raised his voice to carry across. "Should I be worried?"

"No. But I need one of your barrier jutsu scrolls."

Shikamaru was prepared for the confused glance Hibari shot his way and he parried it with a faint smirk. "Backup plan."

Hibari studied him for a moment, grey eyes sharp and speculative. Shikamaru waited and watched, his hip cocked against the frame of the doorway in a manner more relaxed than his gaze.

The unspoken deadlock didn't last long.

Hibari quirked his lip, extended his arm slowly, then dropped his hand on the head of one of the passing children, stopping a boy mid-pace.

"Owww!" the child exaggerated, teetering on one foot. "Not the hair!"

Hibari ruffled his hair. "Sho-kun, bring me a purple scroll. Mark it in the inventory."

The kid pouted and attempted to flatten his mussed strands, which spiked out again in a kind of hedgehog fuzz. "Aww man," the boy groused, shuffling back the way he'd come.

Shikamaru inclined his head, not thanking Hibari yet.

The redhead caught on, smiling grimly. "That's not all, is it?"

"No," Shikamaru admitted and seeing no way to edge around the truth, he spoke frankly. "I need Kitori too."

In an instant, Hibari's smile was gone; his lips thinned tightly. "Why?"

"When I spoke with her she mentioned an escape route from the Temple." Shikamaru rapped his knuckles against the wall of the tunnel. "A passageway that leads from the scroll chamber out into the forest. That true?"

"Yeah. It's how my sister escaped with the scrolls."

"I need to know exactly where it is so we don't have any of Ozuku's people slipping out," Shikamaru explained, impressing urgency as he leaned away from the wall, straightening up. "I need to find it now. There's not gonna be time later."

Hibari's eyes narrowed and drifted towards the children for a moment. Shikamaru could read the distracted flicker in the grey orbs. He didn't like the hesitation, but he wasn't in the position to push the redhead. It would give away too much and ultimately the less bullshit he had to hand out, the less chance of it hitting a fan and flying back in his face.

_Come on, Tsubasa…_

Hibari worked his jaw and rubbed a thumb along the firm edge, shaking his head slowly; a bad sign, but it wasn't conclusive yet. Fortunately, the hedgehog-haired kid came stampeding down the line, waving a purple scroll around.

"Yo! Hibari-niisan!"

Shikamaru watched the redhead's expression waver at the shout, knocking him out of his brooding. Hibari huffed out a forced, tension-relieving chuckle and reached across the heads of curious children to take the scroll from the kid. Then he smacked the boy upside the back of the head with it, before handing it across to Shikamaru.

"Oi!" the kid gaped. "Why!"

"Don't run in the tunnels," Hibari admonished with a smirk.

Some of the children giggled.

The hedgehog-haired kid scowled, then yelped as Hibari ruffled his hair.

"My hair's gonna end up like _that_!" the boy whined in dismay, stabbing a finger at Shikamaru's ponytail. "It's not fair!"

Shikamaru arched a brow, but took no offence.

Hibari cuffed the boy's head lightly. "Don't point. It's rude." At Shikamaru's vaguely amused look he added another cuff to the tally. "And don't insult allies."

"Nice 'work ethic' with the kids, I can see why you knocked Naruto out," Shikamaru drawled, but it sounded forced, the humour barely squeezing through the dam he'd walled up around everything but his cold, calculating logic.

He couldn't entertain anything else right now.

People were pieces and the game was in motion.

"Well, I've trusted you this far," Hibari sighed, ushering the pouting kid along with a pat to his head before angling Shikamaru with a look. "I don't like it, but alright. Kitori's with Isuka. Do what you need to do, but you'd better get back fast."

Shikamaru nodded, turning away. "Count on it. Make sure that vial is ready."

"Yeah," Hibari snorted, tapping his face with the back of his fingers. "If I'm a few shades paler you'll know why."

Shikamaru managed a weak twist of his lips, but the grim amusement never touched his eyes.

_Let's hope your blood is all it costs us._

* * *

He tasted the blood before he saw it.

It rode up his throat, hot and red.

_God not again._

The pain strangled it out of him and it tore from his lips in a choked cough, speckling the cement of the sink bowl. Neji shuddered as he gripped the basin, locking his elbows to keep himself upright, breathing hoarsely through his nose.

_Just a little longer…_

He slipped his eyes open half-way.

The blood was thicker than normal, the droplets clinging rather than dripping.

Scowling, Neji dragged his tongue across his teeth and spat, grimacing at the coppery tang and the scent of iron. It coated his mouth, prompting an angry grind of his jaw. He twisted the crude-looking faucet and cupped water to his lips, washing the red stain from his teeth.

He should have suspected as much. Shikamaru hadn't been wrong regarding his inability to heal the embolisms, but the Nara had underestimated his ability to deceive his body just a little longer.

_A little longer is all I need. After this mission, I will contend with this._

Neji splashed his face, blinking the water from his lashes as he straightened up, stepping back from the sink. He set his gaze on the wall, staring at the paler space where the mirror had been. He could still feel glass beneath his sandals, crunching with every movement. It was this sound that alerted him to the presence across the room.

He turned his head slightly. "You should not be here."

"Neji…please…"

The Jōnin turned at the soft words, coloured with the same concern as the lavender eyes that met his steely gaze. The two Hyūga shinobi regarded each other in silence for a moment. Hinata's focus drifted down a little, settling on his chest. Neji calmly tugged up the neck of his robe, covering the fresh marks just under his collarbone.

Hinata's eyes traced back up to his face. "Whatever it is…I…I'll change it…I promise I'll change it."

"Hinata-sama…"

"Please…"

Neji blinked slowly, a ruthless calm settling over his face as his cousin stepped forward, undeterred by the chill he exuded. He respected her for confronting him, but there were clear lines between them – the kind that could never blur or melt away into pretences of closeness. Not until the change she spoke of became a reality – but right now, it was a dream.

And he had no desire to hedge his destiny on another's dream, no matter how well-intentioned.

Hinata clearly read his lack of trust, because she implored him with a look of such selfless compassion and sadness that he couldn't help but look away from her.

"Hinata-sama, you are still too kind and too gentle," he spoke the words quietly, without the condescending pity he'd once used to deliver them. "I cannot wait for those virtues to replace the vices that forced my hand."

"Against yourself," Hinata whispered fiercely. "You force your hand against _yourself_…"

The memory of his chakra-laced fist slamming into Shikamaru's jaw hit his heart with the same impact, cracking one layer of freshly encased denial all over again.

"If only that were true," Neji uttered beneath his breath.

"Neji-niisan, please just wait a little longer. I promise, I…I will make things right."

They were bitter, brittle promises.

Neji's icy gaze softened as he glanced at her.

Her expression arched hopefully, her fingers curled above her heart as if holding these fragile promises. He knew Hinata would keep them, if only she had a chance of attaining them. But they were dreams that only the clan could grant her the power to manifest. The elders had branded Hinata as weak. And weakness wasn't just a rusty link in the chain of Hyūga control. It was a threat that could collapse the entire order.

Another bitter irony of the 'gentle fist' was the Hyūga code to rule with an iron one.

But Hinata would sooner extend an open palm than clench her hand.

Mercy above might.

And what had this mercy garnered her? Cutting words and condescending dismissal. Hiashi's eye had turned toward Hanabi as an heir and while Hinata's heart was stronger in its compassion, Hanabi's potential to surpass her sister in combat would only grow with Hiashi instructing her.

_To think that he even trained me, a Branch child…above his own daughter…_

Hinata's ability had never been encouraged to reach its potential. And it never would be. Unless of course, someone outside of the Main House's circle were to step in and train with her; teach her to perfect the discovery of her own techniques and strengths without the pressure of expectation or ridicule.

_Someone to train her without controlling or restricting her progress…_

Neji shook his head, feeling ridiculous for even considering the role.

It was a dangerous deviation from his goal.

"I will make things right for myself, Hinata-sama," he murmured, making to move past her. "I need no interference."

The second he turned, Hinata's left foot shifted back a pace, an automatic movement that would slide into a defensive stance in an instant. Neji expected no less. It's not as if he'd ever given her a solid reason to believe he was beyond lashing out. Even three years worth of tentatively mended trust had not obliterated that fear completely.

_If I could take it back…would it change anything?_

Hinata swallowed, her gentle face fracturing like a porcelain doll's.

So when she spoke with surprising strength, her words stopped him short.

"Neji-niisan, please don't do this…"

And like a knock-on effect from her words, Shino's voice flipped to the forefront of his mind; an echo of the Aburame's neutral timbre crawling beneath his indifference.

"_She is worried for you. That puts her at risk. As a Hyūga, doesn't that concern you?"_

Neji tilted his head down a fraction, glancing at Hinata.

She stared back up at him, her brow furrowed, one hand clenched to her chest.

No, her worry for him didn't concern him as a Hyūga.

As a Hyūga, it was his duty to be concerned for her, not the other way around.

_Perhaps they put us both in cages…even her gilded cage…is still a cage..._

In many ways, they'd damaged her as badly as they'd damaged him. Only they'd destroyed Hinata's confidence; they hadn't touched his. But then, they hadn't managed to crush Hinata's kindness or cripple her heart. Neji was certain that they'd ripped his heart out by the roots. Hinata's roots were not so easily reached. Even when Neji had attacked that vital organ in her chest, it had healed itself with the same compassion that had caused Neji to wound it in the first place.

For all his strength, the scars around his heart had only hardened – never healed.

Something changed in his eyes then, maybe one of the many ghosts of pain and rage found a kind of quiet acceptance inside of him. Whatever it was, it surprised Hinata enough to cause her to step back uncertainly.

"Neji…?" she called sadly.

Neji turned toward her, his pale eyes set in the same serene cast as his face. Hinata's swift intake of breath didn't go unnoticed as he reached out a hand, setting it calmly on her shoulder. Her eyes widened, almost comically. He might have tried to smile, but the twitch at his lips was so imperceptible that his expression never really changed.

"They broke whatever familial bond we might have had before we could create it," Neji said softly, regretfully. "And for years, I believed the lie that things could never have been different, even when I thought they should have been."

"Neji…"

"To _think_ things might have been different is nothing compared to _knowing_ now that they could have been."

Hinata said nothing.

Too stunned by her sadness to respond.

A lone tear glittered on the barrier of her lashes, then spilled over, tracing a single path down her cheek. Neji did smile then. A sorrowful curve of his lips that he could no more hold back than Hinata could her next tear, which streaked a mirrored path down her opposite cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Neji…" she whispered.

Neji shook his head, hesitating before awkwardly cupping her cheek. "So am I. Should the day come when you have the power to prevent Hyūga cousins and siblings from suffering what was done to us, I trust you will do whatever is necessary."

Hinata pressed her lips tightly, lavender eyes watery. "Yes."

Neji nodded, waiting until she did the same before he cautiously set his hand back to her shoulder. "One day, obligation and obedience will no longer be the recognised reasons as to why I protect you, Hinata-sama."

A fresh flood of tears shimmered across the kunoichi's eyes. Ashamed, she bowed her head, squeezing her lashes shut. Neji frowned, though not unkindly.

"Do not lower your head or your gaze, Hinata," he admonished quietly. "Not to me and never to them."

Hinata raised her gaze first, her chin lifting as she sniffed. She met his look squarely, with a quiet strength that came from the courage it took to hold emotion in her eyes despite the risk of being attacked for it.

_I would envy you this kind of strength, if I didn't think it would destroy me rather than save me._

Hinata parted her lips to speak, but no words came. Whatever it was, it was probably better left unsaid. So much of what mattered often was.

The memory of Shikamaru's lips moving wordlessly against his skin came back to him.

_No._

Forcibly ignoring the ache in his chest, Neji squeezed Hinata's shoulder gently, offering a fragile comfort he could not shape in words.

_Do not let them keep you in a cage too…_

He dropped his hand away after a moment and took a broad step back; back behind the line their clan had drawn between them years ago.

Then he walked away.

He didn't hear the soft whisper of her words.

"I'm so sorry…Shikamaru-kun…"

* * *

_This had better work._

Swamped in the dim throb of lantern light, Shikamaru surveyed his game plan. The village map, marked in places with red crayon, was spread atop the wobbly table outside the interrogation room.

He stared hard at the layout.

_It 'has' to work..._

Focusing on this urgency, he planted his left foot on one of the rickety chairs and leaned forward, bracing his elbow across his knee. His mind turned faster than the speed of the red crayon he spun over in his fingers. Gaze narrowed in calculation, he traced an uncharted path across the map. A path that didn't exist - _yet_.

_Kiba and Akamaru._

Nodding his head to his silent thoughts, Shikamaru flicked his gaze to the sketch of the aviary, tapping the crayon above the label 'TEAM A'.

_Naruto, Kiba, me._

He slid his gaze across to the other crayon-marked points scattered across the village atlas, imprinting the image in his mind, mapping out the strategy quickly.

_Rebels. Team R._

He stabbed the tip of the crayon above the Temple, scrawling 'TEAM T' only to pause.

_Neji…_

"Shikamaru."

Startled, Shikamaru's hand jolted a waxy line across the Temple. "Shit…"

"Skittish, much?" Chōji teased. "What's up with that?"

Shikamaru smirked weakly and folded his fingers, curling the crayon against his palm as he glanced over at his friend. "Hey, did Naruto get you that toad oil?"

"Yeah, a whole load of it," Chōji wandered over to the opposite side of the table. The lantern light reflected off his plate armour, throwing a warm, relaxed glow across his face. "What's up?"

Shikamaru met his friend's gaze across the short distance. "I need your help…"

Chōji's eyes creased cheerily. "Well sure, like you had to ask."

Shikamaru didn't return the smile.

Chōji sobered instantly, his brow knotting in concern. "Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru paused and lowered his eyes, dark lashes casting crescents of shadow over his cheekbones. He stared down at the table, tapping his thumb against the flat end of the crayon.

"You trust me, right?" he asked quietly.

"With my life." No hesitation.

Shikamaru's lips twitched, then turned down in a frown. "You've done that before, you know…"

"Shikamaru," Chōji said softly, but there was an edge of friendly warning in his voice that the Nara didn't miss. "What's wrong?"

"It's the no questions asked kind of help," Shikamaru explained, raising his eyes. "Can you do that?"

Chōji nodded. "Yeah, if you tell me one thing."

"What?"

"Is it true what Kiba said?" Chōji's eyes strayed to his head. "Did Neji attack you?"

_Fuck._

Shikamaru pursed his lips, remaining hunched over his propped arm and knee.

Chōji waited.

Seconds ticked by.

Shikamaru glanced away, knowing that Naruto's default protectiveness would pale in comparison to what Chōji would unleash. He'd have to tread carefully here.

_Shit…_

Shikamaru drew a slow breath, glancing back at his friend as he assessed the best way to prevent a human boulder from bulldozing Neji into the ground.

"Chōji, it's not as simple as that."

"Yes or no question really," Chōji replied, his large fist tapping onto one of the chairs.

Shikamaru glanced at the Akimichi's fingers. "And it's a 'yes _but'_ answer."

Chōji's fist tightened.

The second it did, Shikamaru dropped his foot and straightened up from the table, drawing Chōji's focus back onto him before the Akimichi could set it on a destination beyond the door. One Shikamaru couldn't let him head in.

"Yeah, he attacked me, _but_ I provoked him," the Nara added. "I just need you to trust me on this. Please."

Chōji's brows furrowed, his plate armour gleaming as he drew a loud, controlled breath, nostrils flaring with the effort. Shikamaru's eyes softened a little, asking now without words. Chōji caught the look, understood it and dropped his fist away from the chair.

"Are you okay?" the Akimichi asked quietly.

Shikamaru arched a brow, tapping his temple with two fingers. "Still works."

Chōji snorted but smiled, banishing the tension. "So what do you need me to do?"

_Thank you._

Shikamaru reached into his flak-jacket, plucked out the reel of tape Lee had given him and chucked it over. Chōji caught it with a puzzled expression, turning it over in his large fingers.

"Tape?"

"I need you to soak it in toad oil," Shikamaru said, smiling at the confused look on Chōji's face. "Method to the madness and all that crap."

Before Chōji could respond, the door to the interrogation room slid open, drawing their gazes across as Isuka slipped out. "She's awake now, Shikamaru-san."

An angry hiss beyond the door confirmed it.

Wasting no time, Shikamaru crossed the distance in a few long strides, moving to brace his shoulder against the doorframe as he gazed into the yellowy-hued room steeped in shadows.

Kitori stopped tugging at her bindings and looked up sharply.

Her blood-shot, puffy eyes widened.

Shikamaru met the panicked look with a menacing calm.

Kitori grew still, watching him like a cornered animal.

Slowly, Shikamaru stretched out his hand to hover in front of one of the cracked lanterns. It cast the shadow of his hand across the room in exaggerated proportions, shrinking and swelling across the floor in a phantom threat.

Kitori swallowed thickly, recoiling with a glare. "I already told you…" she croaked.

"You did." Shikamaru curled his fingers and the shadow-hand beckoned ominously. "And now you're gonna show me."

* * *

He could only see it when he closed his eyes.

When he did, the image came back to him as clear as an inverted snapshot.

Neji held it in his mind's eye, his fingers straying across until he felt the crayon roll. He gripped it and began to sketch out the image on the parchment, following the design seamlessly. He reproduced the image to a perfection that might have suggested the Sharingan rather than the Byakugan had captured the original.

_Done._

Neji slipped his eyes open and stared down at the design on the paper.

Ozuku's tattoos were no more for decoration than his own curse mark.

Neji set the crayon down and traced out the design with his fingertips. Kitori had said it was the key, now he understood why. The feather tattoos and markings, when pulled off the distortion of Ozuku's face and stamped onto a flat surface, all corresponded to a set of joined symbols. Symbols that formed a covert Tsubasa code; fortunately, Hibari would be able to decipher it.

He was the only Tsubasa other than Kitori, Ozuku and the council of advisers who could.

Little wonder they wanted him dead.

Neji frowned, catching movement out the corner of his eye. He glanced across to the door of the den and was unsurprised to hear the titter of children as he discerned two small figures crouched by the frame.

"You should be evacuating with the other children," the Hyūga admonished quietly.

The door slotted open a little more, revealing a familiar face framed by blonde curls.

Neji's eyes widened a little.

"Where's _your_ friend?" the green-eyed child asked. "I brought a friend too."

Sure enough, a dark-haired girl popped her head around the door, grinning toothily. Neji recognised the child from the tunnels. She'd been impressed with Shikamaru's 'magic trick'.

"He has angel eyes," the blonde child whispered to her friend.

"Maki-chan," the other girl chided. "Hibari-niisan's gonna be mad."

_Maki…?_

At least he knew what to call this child now. His task completed, Neji curled up the paper and slotted it away into his black-and-tan bag, rising in a fluid, graceful movement that betrayed none of the dizziness he felt. He shouldered his bag and stepped over to the door, sliding it open completely – which caused the giggling duo to tumble into the room with twin yelps.

The Hyūga cocked his head as he glanced down, crouching to assist the children to their feet. "Maki-chan, can you take me to Hibari?"

Maki, delighted by his attention, nodded firmly, sending her curls bouncing as she planted her hands at her hips, adopting that Naruto-like pose she'd struck before. "Yup!"

Neji allowed himself what he hoped was a friendly smile, barely registering the tug on his robe until he noticed that the other girl was attempting to look up his sleeve. He arched a brow in query. The ebony-haired child blushed and hid behind her friend.

"Maki said he hid it up his sleeve," the little girl whispered. "He's tricky!"

Understanding pulled a more genuine smile to Neji's lips, but it didn't hold for long.

"He's clever," the Hyūga corrected distractedly.

"Being tricky is clever," Maki said with absolute confidence in the fact. "Does your friend play tricks on you?"

Neji hesitated, drawing his head back as if the query were toxic. For all its innocence, it stirred up unwanted questions within him; none of them innocent and all of them likely to corrupt whatever semblance of control he'd scraped back together.

_Tricks…games…_

Like smoke across his mind, the ghost of Shikamaru's voice came back to him, opaque with meaning.

"_This…isn't…a game…_"

Neji exhaled raggedly, rising from his crouch. The significance of those words hadn't been lost on him, neither had the frustration with which they'd been delivered – much less drilled into him in a very _literal_ sense.

It wasn't a game. And it wasn't a trick. There were so many things that it _wasn't_.

As for whatever it _was_…

"It changes nothing…" he uttered to himself, not realising that Maki was watching him with disturbing perceptiveness.

"Don't be sad," she said brightly, grabbing his fingers.

Neji blinked from his glazed stare, setting his pale eyes on the child, then onto his fingers trapped in her grip. "What?"

"You said your friend's looking after you," Maki chirped, her small hand warm against his cold fingers. "That's what friends do!"

Neji stared at her, unable to work out a response. Maki must have taken this as agreement, because she offered a wide smile, took her friend's hand and then tugged Neji along behind them. He followed in silence, the soft giggles and spirited chatter drawing neither a smile nor a sound from him.

It wasn't their laughter pulling pain to his chest.

It wasn't their shrill voices causing the chill in his eyes to thaw.

It was the echo of a low, throaty chuckle wrapped in smoke and shadow in his mind, rolling through parts of him once kept as empty and as cold as the tunnels.

* * *

The forest felt hollow, haunted somehow now that the birds were gone. Like something had swept through and swallowed up Hanegakure's song and serenity, leaving emptiness behind.

The silence was eerie – unnatural – like the forest was holding its breath.

Shikamaru resisted the urge to do just that. He kept his gaze fixed ahead, centred on the hidden entrance Kitori had led them to. While he couldn't see it, he knew it was there, just as the cabin had been back at the borders of the forest. This was just one more illusion.

"Ladies first," Shikamaru uttered mirthlessly, dark eyes hard as he cocked his head toward the unseen entrance.

Kitori shot him a baleful glare, mirroring his stance until he released her shadow, allowing her to form the hand seals.

"Release," she whispered, deactivating the jutsu that masked the escape route.

It shimmered into existence.

Shikamaru examined the surrounding area with a quick sweep of his gaze, motioning Kitori forward with another tip of his head. The kunoichi sniffed disdainfully but obeyed, casting him a narrow glance. Her anger didn't touch him; it rolled off his defences harmlessly, leaving him every bit as unaffected as he looked.

"Move," he said, bored with the attempted defiance.

Kitori knotted her lips, a flicker touching her grey eyes that Shikamaru knew to be calculation. He was under no delusions as far as trusting this woman was concerned, but right now, rigging this tunnel and getting back to base was imperative.

"You cannot protect people from themselves, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru's jaw tightened at the calculated barb, his gaze flicking pointedly to the door, then back. "Move."

She wasn't in the position to do anything reckless; but he was prepared for it. He watched her closely as she pulled open the door, the hinges groaning against the movement. Tugging out a penlight he'd borrowed from Isuka, Shikamaru clicked the end and slanted the beam down along the tunnel.

He had Kitori walk it first, a few paces ahead of him and Chōji.

"We don't equip our escape routes with traps, Shikamaru," the kunoichi muttered with a condescending snort.

Shikamaru scowled, not at the words, but rather the fact that she'd decided to use his name – consistently – with a sense of perverse familiarity that made his skin crawl. He could only imagine what Neji must have felt, given her obsession with him.

"You're not very talkative this time, Shikamaru."

The shadow-nin arched a brow, paused, and indicated for Chōji to do the same. The beam of the penlight stopped swinging and dropped low. Kitori didn't have a chance to turn. Shadows laced around her, closing around her throat before binding her tightly on the spot like a mummified corpse.

"Chōji," Shikamaru said.

"Right." The Akimichi nodded grimly, tugging out a set of manacles and a length of chain.

Leaving Chōji to bind her securely, Shikamaru released his jutsu, not bothering to turn as Kitori slumped to her knees, coughing hoarsely as she rubbed at her throat, sucking in a shaky breath that hissed out on a curse.

"Yeah, start breathing through your nose," the Nara advised, taking up the penlight from the ground.

He cast the beam of light around the tunnel in quick flicks. Estimating the size of the passageway, he began again, rotating his wrist in a more calculated manner to slide the ray of illumination down along the wall until it hit a flight of stairs, which undoubtedly led up to the scroll chamber.

_There._

Shikamaru sighed, feeling his breath mist back against his face, damp and warm in the cold air of the tunnel.

_No turning back._

He crouched down and reached into his ninja pack to tug out an array of items; explosive tags, the purple barrier scroll Hibari had given him and the oil-soaked tape. He looked up as Chōji stepped over, leaving Kitori bound and gagged to one side of the tunnel.

"Ready?"

"Yeah." Shikamaru gripped the penlight and pulled free a kunai as he stood.

He swung the thin beam to one side of the tunnel. "Alright, I need you to make it lead out from here. Curve it up to the surface."

He swung the light down to the ground, scuffing his foot across the dusty surface as he tracked the beam back up along the passageway, closer to the end they'd entered from.

_That should do it._

He threw the kunai to mark the spot. "There."

When Chōji didn't respond, Shikamaru glanced over, frowning. His expression smoothed out at the look on his friend's face. Chōji ducked his head, shifting his weight between each foot in an unconscious gesture that Shikamaru recognised.

"Chōji, you can do this."

Chōji pursed his lips and bumped his fist in a tap against the wall of the tunnel, looking a little uncertain. "Kiba could have done this better, you know."

Shikamaru's lip curled up at one corner as he stepped over, clapping a hand to the Akimichi's shoulder. "I _know_ you can do this."

"It's gonna be pretty loud."

"Not a problem." Shikamaru fished around in his ninja pack, pulling out a slim scroll bound by a thin chain. A silver charm, designed as a music note, dangled from the end.

Chōji didn't look surprised – which surprised Shikamaru.

"Sound suppressing jutsu," the shadow-nin explained.

"That looks familiar."

"Yeah? Well it works like a charm," he uttered drolly, waving the scroll until the music note swayed on its chain.

Chōji's eyes narrowed and fixed on the music note. "Where'd you get that?"

"Asuma-sensei gave me a pack." Shikamaru shrugged, turning the scroll over his knuckles a quick flip. "Ino said it was a crappy present, but I'm not gonna complain."

"Present…?" For a moment Chōji looked strangely thoughtful, then his eyes widened with light-bulb flashing realisation. "So _that's_ how you slept through your joint party last year!"

Shikamaru's eyes rounded.

_Busted._

He hooked his arm behind his head with a sigh, looking off to the side somewhat shamefaced as he grumbled. "Hn. Troublesome."

"Ino screamed for like five minutes straight but you wouldn't budge," Chōji chuckled at the memory. "Kiba thought you were passed-out drunk. Maybe drugged."

Shikamaru's lips curved, his brow arching with amusement. "Yeah? He also thinks I took up smoking, so go figure."

"You know you're not gonna get away with it this year."

"What a drag. I might voluntarily blow myself up then."

The childhood friends traded a quiet chuckle and it eased some of the anxiety and conflict twisting inside the shadow-nin like thorns. It was a much needed breather he knew he wouldn't get for the next few hours. Either way, it was a brief timeout. Time sure as hell wouldn't put itself on hold for the past and its memories.

The gears in Shikamaru's mind shifted the second his smile passed away.

Focus sheeted across his eyes, turning them sharp and calculating once more.

"Let's get this over with."

* * *

"When this is over, I'm on a one-man mission to Ichiraku's."

"Nice plan, if you're not being served up to your little orange buddies, lovebird."

"Oh yeah? Well I hope they crap me out on you straight after."

"Will you two stop?" Sakura grumbled between her fingers, her face planted in her palm as she scowled. "Seriously, it's disgusting."

"Well I think it's karma." Naruto shrugged. "Kiba gets Akamaru to whiz on people all the time, so it's only fair he gets crapped on."

Kiba gaped. "Karma my ass."

Hibari paused with a glass of juice half-way to his lips. "So it was your dog that pissed on my sword."

"Hell yeah." Kiba grinned. "And you were swinging that thing like a bat. Good aim, right?"

"Man that just sounds wrong," Naruto snickered, then yelped as Sakura gave him a dead arm, her solid punch almost knocking him into Lee.

Lee steadied him with a firm hand. "There is nothing wrong with good aim, Naruto-kun."

Naruto and Kiba burst out laughing.

Hibari arched a brow at the interaction, glancing across at Neji.

The Hyūga shook his head in a silent entreaty that gracefully stated 'don't involve me in the depraved idiocy'.

While Neji had only been half-listening to the absurd chatter, he remained completely detached from it. It pattered on disjointedly around the table, with lapses of awkward silence. Silences in which he was certain most of the Konoha team's gazes strayed to him. He'd distracted himself by looking over the strategy Shikamaru had scrawled out across the map. While the team had looked it over and knew their positions and what was required, a few points needed to be fleshed out and confirmed.

_Where are you, Nara?_

"Hey Chōji, did Shikamaru get lost or what?" Kiba asked.

The question drew Neji's gaze across the broad table and away from the map spread out across it. Kiba's feet remained propped on the edge and the dog-nin sat at an angle, chair teetering back, hands folded behind his head in a blasé manner at odds with the fierce glint in his eyes.

The animal-like orbs narrowed marginally when they met Neji's gaze across the table.

Neji held the deadlock, his pride pushing him to stare Kiba down. However, given the energy it took to rise to the pointless challenge, it wasn't worth it. It was taking enough energy to fight the dizziness and ignore the pain in his chest. He ended the face-off without surrendering, adopting a 'rise-above-it' tactic that preserved his image of arrogance. At this point, it was best to appear predictable – especially given how volatile he felt beneath the surface.

Neji turned his focus onto Chōji when the Akimichi responded.

"He was just getting something from the medical room."

Neji's gut tightened.

"Is he alright?" the Hyūga asked in a neutral tone.

Kiba snorted. Sakura shot him a glare.

Chōji shifted uncomfortably under the weight of mounting tension between friends and comrades. "Yeah, I think he had a headache."

"No fucking shit," Kiba muttered, his eyes on Neji.

Hibari frowned quizzically, observing the interaction in silence as he sipped at his drink. Neji's face hardened like granite, but before he could attempt to confront and correct the situation, Naruto spoke up.

"Kiba, knock it off," the Uzumaki growled, surprising Neji completely with this unexpected defence. "It's not gonna help."

"Whatever," Kiba snapped but said no more, his sharp eyes still centred on Neji.

The Hyūga ignored the stare, less bothered by Kiba than he was by Akamaru. The dog's golden eyes were once again turned up toward him from where the canine's head rested on his large paws. To make it worse, Akamaru didn't even look aggressive; if anything, the fur above his muzzle was furrowed into what could only be described as an animal expression of concern.

The dog whined quietly, drawing Kiba's gaze. Hinata looked over too, almost catching Neji's eye.

Neji fought to keep his focus on Chōji. "Perhaps someone should go and find him."

"Nah," Kiba tilted his head back and sniffed the air. "No need."

"Should I be insulted?" Shikamaru's voice carried into the room moments before he did.

Kiba smirked. "You smell like toad oil."

"Worse things to smell like," the Nara shrugged, stepping over to the table to pull up a chair beside Chōji.

"Yeah, like cigarettes."

"Funny."

Neji glanced up without raising or turning his head, casting his eyes over Shikamaru in a critical sweep that searched for injury. The shadow-nin dropped an elbow onto the table and set his fingers to his temple, his eyes cast down.

"Alright, everyone pay attention."

Almost immediately, Naruto smacked the back of his hand across the map in a gesture of dismissal and displeasure. "Shikamaru, you gave our resistance group a crappy name."

Shikamaru blinked. "What?"

Naruto scowled and rapped his knuckles above the word crayoned to one side of the map. "What the hell is that? Armed, ready and terrifying?"

Neji closed his eyes in composed exasperation.

_Gods give me strength…_

"That's not a resistance group acronym, Naruto," Neji said quietly.

"Acro-what?"

"It's not a group name," Kiba clarified.

"Sure hope not 'cause _ART_ isn't exactly scary."

"They're the three Teams, dumbass," Sakura snorted, though she looked like she was trying not to laugh.

Naruto scowled and slid his hand away from the scrawled word on the map. "Eh? Then what the hell?"

Lee reached across to enthusiastically point out each letter. "Team Aviary, Team Rebel and Team Temple. ART."

"Oh, right."

"Genius at work." Kiba grinned.

"Shut up, crap-magnet. Numbers make more sense."

Shikamaru slid a finger along his eyebrow. "You'll remember this better, trust me."

"Remember this too," Hibari warned, "if you hurt one of those birds, I might remember how many times you've hit me."

"Hey we're even," Naruto growled. "Considering you frickin' knocked me out!"

Neji arched a brow.

_When did that happen?_

"Then we're _almost_ even," Hibari said.

"Yeah, if he hits you again that'll settle the score," Kiba added unhelpfully.

Hibari nodded. "Sounds like justice to me."

Naruto flushed, then exploded. "You took a cheap shot when my back was turned!"

"And you took a shot when I couldn't move."

"I wasn't even _aiming_ for you the second time!"

"Which tells me your friend's dog has better aim than you do," Hibari retorted hotly, although he looked reluctantly amused despite his anger. "Which begs the question, if your aim is _that_ mal-coordinated, then what the hell will you hit if I let you into that aviary?"

Naruto looked ready to combust on the spot.

Kiba snorted, winking across at the fuming Uzumaki. "Maybe you should aim for the birds and then you'll hit the enemy for sure."

Hibari's humour took a nosedive. "That's about as funny as your face will look if you joke about harming our birds again."

Kiba's eyes flashed.

Neji stared blankly at the surreal and ridiculous exchange firing off around the table. He looked across to Shikamaru. The shadow-nin simply kneaded his temples with thumb and forefinger, muttering under his breath.

Neji's concern almost betrayed itself, but opting for a more productive reaction, he moved to end the pointless round of abuse. He intercepted Kiba's response and pulled a calm but cold mask across his face.

"We understand and respect the importance of the birds, Hibari," Neji said, his deep tones pitched with an unerring stillness that spread to all ends of the table, immediately quietening Naruto and Kiba in their seats. "They will not be harmed."

Shikamaru's fingers flexed at his temple, a movement that drew Neji's gaze. The Nara was watching him with an unreadable look from between the slot of his fingers. The instant pull of those dark eyes caused Neji to look away first.

"Hibari," Sakura spoke up, looking a little nervous, "how exactly are Team A supposed to catch _your_ bird?"

Naruto snorted, scratching at the corner of his mouth to keep from smirking. "You mean how is Shikamaru gonna catch it."

Kiba chuckled. "Please say with a net. I'd kill to see that."

Shikamaru shot the Inuzuka a dry look. "With Hibari's blood."

"Looks like you need quite a bit of that, huh?" Hibari muttered, but a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

Shikamaru shook his head. "Can't be helped."

"What do you mean?" Sakura frowned, glancing between them.

"We need Hibari's blood to lure the bird to Shikamaru," Neji explained. "And to access the Temple."

The Nara nodded, looking distracted suddenly. "That's about it."

Neji had no time to try to decipher what was wrong. Hibari turned toward him.

"Provided we disable Ozuku," the Tsubasa said. "Hyūga, the second I'm locked in with that jutsu it's going to be up to you to get to the scroll chamber and prevent his advisers from escaping. Stopping them will be more important than stopping Ozuku."

Neji hummed, his gaze on Shikamaru. "Understood."

"Neji," Shikamaru said, not looking across, "don't forget that you'll need Ozuku's blood to access the scroll chamber."

"That certainly won't be a problem," Neji replied lowly, his tone leaving no doubt that he meant it.

Naruto grimaced. "What's with all the blood?"

Hibari walked his fingers along the map and tapped the sketch of the Temple. "Within the Temple, blood is used to seal and access rooms. It is also used when we bond with our birds. Like a blood pact."

"I get it," Naruto's eyes brightened. "Like with summoning jutsu, right?"

"Similar, bar the signature on a scroll. My bird knows my blood. They took her from me and have kept her in the aviary ever since I defected." Hibari sat back in his chair, the lantern light glinting off the winged pendants hanging around his neck. "No one has ever been able to use the mind-transference on her. She responds only to me."

"Pretty impressive," Kiba said.

"She is," Hibari murmured, his lips curving softly.

Neji looked over as Kiba cocked his head, looking askance at Hibari with what could have been respect, seeming to find a thread of understanding with the Tsubasa.

"What kinda breed is she?" the Inuzuka asked, unconsciously dropping a hand to scratch Akamaru's head.

"Golden Eagle," Hibari said, making no effort to disguise his pride. "Revered. Even by the other birds."

"Hence the game plan," Shikamaru reminded, straightening up to crab his fingers in front of him.

The gesture created an instant change around the table. The air sharpened with a collective shift in focus, all attention immediately directed onto the Nara.

Neji's lips twitched in the barest ghost of smile.

He wondered if it was a calculated movement on the shadow-nin's part, or an entirely unconscious one. It was always difficult to tell with someone who was so many steps ahead that just racing to keep up often meant playing into their hands.

_Here it comes._

Shikamaru didn't disappoint and began immediately. "Kiba, when you get started on your part remember to make it as broad as you can. It's a lot of ground to cover."

Kiba rubbed Akamaru's ear. "I love nosebleeds."

"You gonna be able to pull it off?"

"Hell yeah, I'm good."

Shikamaru took his word for it and flicked his gaze to Naruto. "Naruto? The rebels will do their part, but you're gonna have to hit the aviary hard with that open feint. Make it count."

"Get it, got it."

Shikamaru waited for any questions. There were none. Neji watched him turn his gaze to Hinata. Here the Nara's fingers – still crabbed and touching at the tips – began to flex slightly, his tactician mind processing at a speed Neji could only vaguely estimate.

"Hinata, you're our eyes and ears. Keep well out of range and make sure you've got a mic for each team." Shikamaru nodded towards the map. "I need to know we're operating in tandem at all times. When Neji gives the signal, my team needs to know."

Hinata nodded. "I understand."

"Good. Isuka will get us into the village through the veterinary." Shikamaru waited for Hibari's nod before continuing. "Make sure the rebels are all equipped with those portable water field scrolls."

"Already done," Hibari assured. "Team R are good to go."

"Alright. Team T. Lee, Chōji," he looked to them in turn. "The Temple shinobi are down to you two." Shikamaru waited for their nods, then drew a slow breath. "Sakura, while they draw attention, you need to make sure any casters or kids make it out safe. Provide backup for Neji and Hibari if it's needed."

The kunoichi nodded sharply. "Right."

Shikamaru paused here and dropped his eyes to the map, one look away from setting his gaze on Neji. Automatically, the Hyūga's nerves tightened and his muscles steeled…but his eyes failed to ice over.

He'd been following the orbit of Shikamaru's gaze around the group, feeling as though he were tracking a weapon; a weapon curving in a dangerous trajectory straight towards him. He knew not to underestimate the shrewd power of those eyes…but now, after everything that had happened within the span of a few stolen hours, those eyes held an entirely different kind of power. Because more devastating than their ability to decipher him, was their power to disarm him. The last time he'd looked into those dark eyes he'd known that any anger they might provoke in him would never be enough to distract from the ache they now created.

The ache was stronger than the anger, maybe even stronger than the fear.

Sadness lodged hard in Neji's chest, causing the pain in his lungs to swell.

_Fuck…_

His fingers tightened on his thighs and he almost leaned forward as if winded.

Akamaru and Hinata looked over as he silently straightened.

_God just focus…just a little longer._

Detachment and composure were pivotal. So when Shikamaru finally raised his chin, Neji's face was as guarded and closed as it had ever been.

However, while Shikamaru turned his head, he never raised his eyes.

"Neji," the shadow-nin eventually said, having passed off his hesitation as a pause for thought. "By the time you get Ozuku's blood, his advisers are gonna be mobilising to use that escape route. You'll need to get in fast."

Neji studied him closely before asking, "This escape route, did Kitori tell you where to find it?"

Shikamaru shook his head. "While she confirmed it exists, we couldn't locate it in time. You're just gonna have to get in there faster than they can get out."

Neji pursed his lips.

_Wonderful._

Pain speared along his left arm to his shoulder.

He made to raise a hand to his chest, but stopped himself, setting it on the table instead.

He nodded stiffly. "Very well."

Shikamaru kept his gaze averted, but his voice direct. "We need to move now, before they hit us with that jutsu. You've got the tattoo markings memorised?"

"Yes."

"Then there's nothing left to say."

"Well, alright!" Naruto lurched to his feet with a growl, brushing a thumb across his chin, blue orbs aglow with conviction. "Let's do this!"

Neji noted the rising spirits and lifting heads as all faces turned towards Naruto.

All but one.

Shikamaru never looked up.

The shadow-nin bowed his head into the brace of his hand…and closed his eyes.

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **And _now_ the crazy begins. All of this will make sense when the final showdown commences. This chapter was the ball. The next chapter is the ball _rolling_. Hold onto your ninja plushies. ^_^ Hope you enjoyed! As always, I welcome and very much appreciate your thoughts.

**REVIEWERS: **You guys continue to be my chakra pills. You keep me hanging in with the craziness that is gonna be the upcoming chapters and all the chapters I've written up until now. _Thank you so much_ for all of your support, encouragement and the time taken to share your thoughts. I love it, appreciate it and treasure it. _Thank you_.

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	40. Chapter 40

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

_Warning: LONG. Have your poison at hand. Tea. Coffee. Ciggies. Chocolate. etc. _

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Forty  
**

[Dedicated to Edwardmorte3]

"_Oh please. If you tell me you can't hide a knife behind a smile, Shikamaru, I'll call you a liar. So tell me you 'won't' do it and I'll call you a coward instead."_

Shikamaru tilted his wrist, watching Hibari's blood slosh back and forth in the thin vial he held between forefinger and thumb. Temari's words trickled through the cracks in his focus, darker than blood in their meaning.

He wouldn't have minded being called a coward over a liar. Not this time. But he didn't have the luxury of a choice. Not anymore. Shikamaru's brows tapered into a frown and the deep mahogany of his eyes softened into a brandy glow as they caught the lick of a flame dancing on its wick.

_This time around…I'm a liar either way…running or standing still…_

"Shikamaru."

His hand stilled its idle see-saw motion until the blood pooled at one end of the vial. The Nara glanced up as two shadows fell across the table, slotting into the dim candlelight that haloed his immediate space.

Aqua-tinged and lavender-hued eyes gazed back at him.

He tucked the vial into one of the pockets of his flak jacket. "You both know what this is about."

The two kunoichi exchanged glances, then settled a joint look of concern on him. He watched Sakura's lips part and press together a few times, barely holding back the urge to voice what he assumed would be a protest. Predicting the upcoming words, Shikamaru arched a brow, prompting her to speak. He was already armed with an answer.

"Shikamaru, I can only ask you one last time," she spoke firmly, but it did little to cushion the concern in her voice. "Please don't do it this way."

Shikamaru's answer wasn't in words. Actions spoke louder – considering they were the only thing keeping his head straight. He set his fingers atop two identical maps, both marked by a red crosses, and slid them over.

The paper whispered across the table.

Hinata took one map without a word, studying the marked zone closely. Sakura, however, simply stared down at the other sheet and her hesitance hung uncomfortably, tensely. Shikamaru flicked his eyes up and the look he levelled on her was so steeled it was disturbing. Pinned by the long, hard stare, she eventually relented, taking up the map to glance over it.

_Don't make this harder._

He watched them quietly for a moment. "The signal will be when I ask you to move to the red zone. It's marked on the map. That's where I need it to happen and that's where you'll both be."

Hinata said nothing, which said something.

Shikamaru glanced at her, searching her face for uncertainty or reluctance. He found only resignation and a thinly veiled sadness. Shikamaru quickly averted his gaze, turning his attention onto Sakura. The pink-haired kunoichi, more likely to dig her heels in, made no complaint other than a faint tightening of her brow.

"I understand," she said.

Hinata nodded.

Shikamaru looked to each in turn one final time.

"We'll be there, Shikamaru." Sakura offered a softer tone, which failed to scratch out the concern in her face. But her eyes held her promise. It was stronger than her reluctance.

Shikamaru looked away, stared at the floor for a long, hard moment and then waved the back of his hand across the candle on the table, extinguishing the flame.

The pieces would be in place.

That was all he needed to know.

* * *

The teams headed out an hour before noon.

Psyched mentally and physically for the upcoming fight, tension buzzed through veins and hummed around bodies in the cold air of the tunnels. A mix of anxiety and adrenalin; but nerves began to settle as shinobi exchanged banter and glances, offering reassurance and shared strength.

Soon, the teams would part ways.

Collaboration and trust were imperative.

Up ahead, Shikamaru and Hibari took the lead, speaking quietly as they confirmed details. Rather than be privy to the discussion, Neji kept pace with Lee, lengthening his strides accordingly when the other's enthusiasm pushed them to accelerate. Fortunately, no questions had been directed his way, only the occasional glance of concern.

Neji kept his focus channelled ahead.

He moved with purpose, his glazed stare the only indication that his mind was not wholly as present as his body. If Lee noticed he chose not to say anything about it, which Neji would have appreciated if he'd been aware of his own transparency. The only thing he was aware of was the necessity of completing the mission.

_This mission cannot fail._

Reiterating this command to every aching point in his chest, Neji pushed onward through the pain. Soon, the ninja procession slowed and the pace lulled to a stop as they neared a fork in the tunnel.

"Nice work," Shikamaru's voice carried from up ahead. "You okay?"

A muffled grunt was the reply.

Neji glanced at Lee and a subtle lift of his chin indicated that they move to the front. Both ninja stepped from the line and swept up to the head of the group where the Konoha team had clustered in a loose ring.

Neji's eye fell to Sakura, crouched by a slumped and grimy Kiba. The Inuzuka had his head tipped back, face smeared with grit and mud. He pinched the bridge of his nose to staunch a nosebleed.

Akamaru nuzzled his jaw.

"You gonna hold up?" Shikamaru stood to the side, hands in pockets, hip cocked and his sharp eyes narrowed as he flicked his gaze over the dog-nin.

Kiba nodded, his free hand patting Akamaru's flank as the dog hovered protectively over him, a growling whine tapering off when Kiba spoke. "Yeah. You guys are good to go."

Shikamaru looked to Sakura. The kunoichi nodded and cupped her hands, administering a surge of curative chakra to Kiba.

"Just hold still," she said.

"Pfft." Naruto planted his hands on his hips, grinning down at the Inuzuka. "What was Hibari sayin' about your face looking funny?"

Kiba extended his middle finger in response.

"Just the kind of camaraderie we need," Hibari muttered, nodding to Shikamaru. "I guess we'll part ways here. Remember, she'll look to attack once she realises it isn't me, so you'll need to move fast."

The shadow-nin nodded imperceptibly. "Yeah."

Neji glanced across at the same moment Shikamaru looked over. Their gazes hit squarely and the pull between them was tectonic. Neji felt it in his blood, in his bones. Like his ribs were shifting; grinding against the force of restraint as he held himself rigid.

Shikamaru's jaw tightened as if in pain. He closed his eyes and turned away first. "Let's get going. Team A and R with me. Everyone keep your radios tuned. Hinata's open to all feeds."

Neji's eyes lingered on him longer than was safe or sane to stare. His gaze was broken only by the shift of bodies as the teams mobilised, the line splitting into two streams of shinobi, each flowing down separate tunnels.

_Stay safe, Nara..._

He felt Hibari at his shoulder. "Ready, Hyūga?"

Neji's answer was to move.

He fell into step with Hibari, taking the lead of Team T as they headed down the tunnel Kiba had hollowed out. Neji reached into his black-and-tan bag, tugging out a flare that he struck to light their path. The other shinobi followed suit, bringing a sputtering, then blazing illumination to the tunnel.

Neji turned his head as the light bounced off Hibari's sword. The mammoth weapon had been handed back to him by Shikamaru, its jagged, lethal edge polished and glinting. Just the design was a bay for blood; like a living fang.

"You might want to test the weight," Hibari said, turning his head. "In case you have to use it."

Neji arched a brow. "Let's hope that I don't."

"Hope in one hand, keep a real big sword in the other," Hibari joked dryly, glancing back along the line before refocusing ahead. "I don't see why he needed Kitori with him."

Neji shook his head. "He'll have his reasons. Ultimately, if she is of any importance to Ozuku's shinobi then she might present valuable leverage."

"That's what it comes down to, right? Weighing lives against each other."

"It is an inevitable part of what we do," Neji reasoned, holding the flare up and out to the side, letting the abrasive light tear into the darkness, illuminating the path ahead. "Even so, Ozuku appears averse to negotiation."

"Negotiation risks benefitting his opponent, so yeah, that doesn't do his ego any favours," Hibari growled, shaking his head. "It should be me delivering his justice, not you Leaf shinobi."

Neji hesitated at that, sensing a potential problem as he glanced across. "You are, Hibari."

Hibari smiled weakly. "I'm not territorial on this kill, Hyūga, provided it gets done. Just make sure your shinobi keep in mind that he's not as reckless as my old man was. Ozuku is weak in taijutsu, competent in ninjutsu, but strong in genjutsu."

_Little surprise there._

"I will keep it in mind."

"Oh yeah, take this." Hibari plucked out a vial from his ninja pouch, handing it over. "My blood, should you need it. There are only so many places it can access, but it's worth a shot if anything else."

"I understand," Neji said, slipping the vial away as he cast a quick glance over his shoulder to ensure the others were keeping pace. "I intend to use whatever methods are necessary."

He sensed Hibari's gaze cut across, no where near as incisive or sharp as Shikamaru's eyes, but narrowed enough to indicate that he was trying to perceive something beneath the surface.

Neji met the look directly, his face like stone. "What?"

Hibari frowned. "You know that flying solo isn't safe or smart."

Neji praised the man's attention to detail with a wry smile. "Your flock mentality, Tsubasa? We operate differently."

"Yeah, I can see that."

"I am the only Jōnin among them," Neji said, lowering his voice, unwilling to argue tactics now that the strategy was in place. "I'm used to flying solo. I have every intention of playing it safe and smart."

"Think your team will agree?"

"They will have no objection."

Hibari snorted quietly. "Your hyperactive kid's tendency to manhandle his own people says otherwise."

Neji almost smiled at that. "How can Naruto possibly object when he didn't hear this conversation?"

Hibari was quiet for a long moment.

"Right. So it's like that."

"Yes," Neji murmured. "It is."

* * *

The rustle of food wrappers crackled in the tunnel, followed by a soft grumble about a lack of ramen and real food. "I'm tellin' you, the second we get back, I'm gonna stuff my face. Shikamaru? Want some crackers?"

"Save 'em for your little orange buddies."

"Man, would you shut up with that?"

"Not likely. It's been the highlight of this mission, lovebird."

Shikamaru didn't turn, too engrossed in his thoughts to register any chatter beyond the sphere of his own skull. A lack of sleep hadn't helped. Barely rested, he was functioning solely on intellectual focus. Maintaining it was critical so he'd tuned out most of the surrounding company, keeping his attention on Isuka as the vet led them along the tunnel. She'd confirmed that the passageway led into the basement of the veterinary building – which would grant them access elsewhere.

As Hibari's supplier for medical provisions, Isuka had been supporting the rebels for months, keeping up a steady trickle of equipment and medicine. Given her profession, she had more leeway and control than any doctor in the village, as vets were highly prized and praised individuals amongst the bird loving folk of Hanegakure.

"We're almost there," Isuka informed.

Sure enough, the tunnel began to tilt at an incline, hinting that they were close to approaching the surface. Isuka paused and touched a finger to her lips, denoting quiet.

Hush fell and the line of shinobi grew still.

Shikamaru gestured Hinata forward. "We need a surface check."

Hinata nodded, blinking once as the veins around her temples pulsed. The Byakugan flared and her eerie eyes turned to the roof of the tunnel, searching the basement above.

"There are six people. Their hitai-ate are around their arms and…" Hinata cocked her head, "they are wearing medic coats."

Isuka smiled, waving away Shikamaru's frown. "They're my people, Shikamaru-san. It's alright."

The shadow-nin nodded, touching Hinata's shoulder to draw her focus down. "Let's go."

Team A and R filed out behind Isuka, scaling a ladder that led to the surface. A hatch door was drawn back, pooling light down along the ladder. Shikamaru squinted, his eyes adjusting to the shift in brightness as he stepped up into the large room. The florescent flicker of cheap lighting cast a harsh, abrasive glow around the place, which was clearly used for storage.

He heard the hiss and struggle of movement behind him and turned in time to see Kitori slung unceremoniously over Naruto's shoulder as the Uzumaki climbed the ladder to the surface.

"Why am I always carrying people?" he muttered, narrowly avoiding her knee to his face. He dropped the gagged and bound Tsubasa woman on her ass atop a crate of birdfeed.

Kitori's eyes cut across to Shikamaru, narrowing dangerously.

He offered no response and waited until both teams were above the surface and the hatch to the tunnel closed. The dull thud of the door was like a judge's mallet calling for order. The group stilled, rebels standing to attention while Naruto lounged against a crate and Kiba draped himself on Akamaru's back.

The two teams were quite an antithesis.

Shikamaru looked from his relaxed comrades to the regimented stance of Hibari's people. Kitori caught his eye, a condescending edge to her glare as she observed Naruto and Kiba with distaste.

Shikamaru smirked then, a sharp quirk of his lip.

It was arrogant and belittling assumptions just like Kitori's that gave the Konoha shinobi an edge. A reluctant leader he may have been but Shikamaru knew his comrades strengths and weaknesses as individuals, regarding them not as a block of cloned fighters – but as unique players.

The one-flock formation and one-fighting-body mentality didn't apply to them.

Shikamaru knew this and used it to the advantage of his strategies. He'd sooner play people to their strengths, rather than force them into one category of attack, which would only limit possibilities and flexibility in battle. In some cases, one-formation worked, usually in defence. But he had powerful players and it was better to utilise their intrinsic natures rather than work against their grains. Acknowledging people for their strengths despite their weaknesses had earned him unshakeable respect and friendships.

_And now it might cost me both…and more…_

Knocking aside the distracting thought, Shikamaru moved to the centre of the group with Hinata, his gaze scanning the two teams. "Everyone knows their positions."

A collective nod interspersed with murmurs.

"Team R, keep the timing tight, but don't stick around to get caught. We need you moving at all times to keep them on their toes." Shikamaru paused, but was met with no questions. "When Hibari's part is done, you'll be given the signal to sweep and regroup."

He searched the rebel's faces and found only resolve and sobriety. They were ready.

He looked to his own team. "Naruto, Kiba. Isuka's people will get you two beneath the barrier jutsu. It will hold out for as long as you can now that Hibari's people have those pills. When you move make every distraction count."

Kiba propped his chin on Akamaru's head, scratching his dog's neck with a smile. "Oh we'll make it count alright. I'm not letting the pint of blood I just lost go to waste."

"Whiner," Naruto snickered then shot a grin that rivalled the watts of the florescent lighting. "No sweat, Shikamaru."

_Just blood and tears…_

Shikamaru glanced at Hinata next, frowning a little. "The rebels will make sure you've got a safe spot to observe from." He paused for a moment. "I'm counting on you, Hinata."

Hinata read his meaning and tipped her head. "I understand."

The ring of inevitability was clear to them both.

_One shot. That's all I've got._

Failing didn't enter into it. It couldn't. His nod was the unspoken cue. The two teams moved automatically, Naruto and Kiba following one set of Isuka's people while Hinata and Team R followed another. This left Shikamaru standing as alone in body as he'd been in mind for the past few hours. He stared at the floor as he turned over the last few details in his head.

"Shikamaru-san?" Isuka interrupted his thoughts, her skinny arms folded across her chest as she glanced at Kitori. "What do you want us to do with her?"

_I couldn't care less…_

The Nara slid his gaze across, studying the kunoichi out the corner of his eye. "For now, just put her somewhere she can't interfere."

Kitori lifted her head, muffling something into the cloth of her gag. Shikamaru arched a brow, deciding to humour her one last time. He moved over to hook a finger into the cloth, loosening it enough for her to speak.

Without warning, she rocked forward to the edge of the crate.

Shikamaru was faster, drawing his head back before her lips could smack his in a twisted parody of a kiss.

With their faces set close, the tension turned dangerous.

Kitori clucked her tongue, her earlier fear eradicated as she slipped into her viper's skin, venom in her crooning tones. "You poor boy, he has you all tied in knots."

Shikamaru stared back, his expression carefully blank. "Funny you should say that, considering you're the one who's gagged and bound."

"Oh but there are crueller things to be bound with and bound _to_, Shikamaru," she returned softly, the gentle tone mocked by the hard set of her face. "The bonds that bind us to others, for instance."

Shikamaru resisted the urge to draw back, not that he could put enough distance between himself and those words even if he tried. He grabbed his restraint with a mental fist, muscles drawn tight against the urge to react.

It was a calculated hit he knew she'd take. It shouldn't have riled him. But it did.

_Stupid. Don't fall for this mind game crap…_

His jaw tightened and the anger he emitted warned her off without a word.

Kitori leaned back and smiled thinly, her bloodshot eyes like rusted steel. "I'll pray for you, Shikamaru."

The shadow-nin turned away. If he'd thought a prayer from this woman would change anything, he might have told her she was already too late.

* * *

Two minutes to noon an eerie hush fell upon the birds of Hanegakure.

Their cacophony of song gave way to a deep and chilling silence; a shift that stopped the Hanegakure shinobi mid-march as they patrolled the parapets of the aviary.

This silence was the only warning they had.

Because two minutes later, the first explosion hit.

A plume tore up from the ground outside the aviary, showering rock and hurling grit onto the dome of the massive bird enclosure, clattering and rolling off the great sphere. The thunder of the blast was nothing compared to the chaos the birds flew into, their silence torn apart by a united scream of terror and the instinctive urge to escape the source of it.

The shinobi had barely deployed a response unit before the second explosion hit, smaller than the first, but no less disruptive as it struck a short distance from the first. And like a chain reaction, a series of bombs tore up the outskirts of the aviary, ripping up the ground in perfect coordination.

The haze of smoke and dust rode the breeze like a mantle. It fell over the aviary, dragging a veil of heat and obscurity across enemy eyes, dividing attention between scattered forces as they sought to respond both to their birds and to the threat they couldn't detect.

Reinforcements were called in, spreading commands across ranks like wildfire. The flames of the explosion spread faster, the ruined ground belching up smoke.

Shikamaru surveyed the damage from the narrow window of the veterinary, fingers resting at his mic. Right on time, the static crackled at his ear.

"_They're moving,"_ Hinata's voice broke through. _"Two minutes."_

"And counting," the Nara murmured.

_They'd better make it._

Two minutes later, a fresh ring of explosions struck the circumference of the village, the wide berth allowing for the fire to wash across uninhabited ground, eating up autumn-stained foliage. The plumes crested high, throwing smoke and flame across the canopies, choking the boughs and streaking a mist of black across the raised platforms where shinobi guards lost their advantage of viewpoint and security.

It raised a fresh alarm that Hinata relayed down the transmission.

"_Shikamaru-kun, their forces are dividing…they're moving to stop the flames…"_

As predicted – not that the enemy had a choice. With the number of trees, a forest conflagration would be imminent unless they intervened.

Shikamaru hummed with quiet respect, moving away from the window.

Team R didn't disappoint.

* * *

The explosions rolled like thunder above the surface, causing dust to fall like powder in the cramped passageway of the tunnel Kiba had hollowed out.

"Sounds like the ball is rolling," Hibari murmured, waving a hand in front of his face to dispel the dust.

_Not yet it isn't._

Neji felt the grit settle on his lashes and blinked it away, resisting the urge to activate his Byakugan. He already knew what lay above them. Even so, he couldn't ignore the fact that if Kitori hadn't already shown him the Temple, it would have been an entirely different situation.

He rolled his shoulders, feeling the weight of the scythes strapped to his back.

The second round of explosions was the signal.

Hibari stroked his palm across the flat of his jagged sword and the steel purred beneath his touch, a series of symbols emblazing across it at the sweep of his fingers. Chakra charged the weapon, casting a brilliant sheen across the blade.

"Wow," Sakura said quietly, squinting against the glow.

Hibari offered a weak smile. "Gets the job done."

Neji glanced at the roof of the tunnel. "Now would be the time to illustrate that."

The redhead smirked, backed up a pace, readjusted his grip on the sword and stabbed upward in jerk. The blade pierced the roof of the tunnel smoothly, like a knife through skin rather than stone. But it was the chakra pulse which burst from the charged steel that blew the ground apart, incinerating the flak.

"Go!" Hibari roared.

A moment later, Chōji was above the surface, a loud shout heralding his jutsu.

Neji's lip curved slightly.

_Now_ the ball was rolling.

_

* * *

_

_Ugh. Karma._

The smoke clogged Shikamaru lungs, causing his eyes to water and sting. Wearing Isuka's veterinary goggles would have been preferable, if his vision hadn't been twice as impaired by the prescription.

_And I give Asuma crap about cigarettes…_

Passive smoking and the random drags Shikamaru had taken to create his makeshift clouds paled in comparison to the massive smog he'd created this time.

_Sensei…you haven't got shit on this…_

Drawing some measure of strength from the thought of Asuma's unerring, if not troublesome, amount of faith in him, Shikamaru pushed forward and honed his focus.

_Just keep moving._

"Stay close!" Isuka shouted above the roar of birds and the shouts of shinobi struggling to maintain order.

Shikamaru followed at her heels, one arm raised against the waft of smoke, his eyes fixed on the flap of her white vet's coat. He wore a similar one, kitted in the same veterinary gear as Team R had been. They slipped between enemy ranks, Isuka flashing her authorised pass as Chief Vet as they made a beeline to the entrance of the aviary.

A line of shinobi guards barricaded it.

Isuka veered right, directing Shikamaru up along a fire-escape and into a cage lift. It scaled directly to the upper tier of the aviary and into an observation room. Once inside, she bolted the door behind them and immediately moved to access the entrance that led to an enclosed walkway. It was a path that ringed the entire dome of the aviary, stretching further than two walks around the village.

"Hold it," Shikamaru halted her, shedding the white medic coat as he stepped up to the observation glass, watching the tornado of feathers and wings orbit the aviary in vicious circles. "Wait for the signal."

He watched the mounting tension of the birds with growing unease that didn't register on his face. "You sure this bird is gonna scent blood with all this crap going on?"

"Oh she'll scent it alright." Isuka smiled, tapping her nose. "Like a shark."

Shikamaru tugged out the vial that made him the bait.

* * *

"Now!"

Neji hit the ground running, keeping directly behind Hibari as the Tsubasa swung his sword as if harvesting crop. Chakra pulses burst from it like unseen boomerangs, knocking aside the ring of enemy ninja, breaking up the line with a sickening crack of bone and armour. Three bodies plummeted to the lower level of the village.

"_Neji! Left!"_ Hinata's voice burst through his mic.

Neji ducked a stream of kunai and shuriken, the quill-shaped knives lodging into the ground as he swept by. He advanced toward the green dome of the Temple, fighting every instinct that pushed pressure into his head, urging him to use his dōjutsu.

_No._

He skidded smoothly onto the stone apron leading up to the doors, spun on his heel in a graceful pirouette and cracked a kick into the jaw of a running shinobi, flooring the man in a heartbeat. He spun another revolution, twisting into an aerial kick that knocked an enemy's head into the ground.

Neji landed in a crouch, raising up only to sway.

Dizziness swept it, taking him longer to regain his balance.

_Not now._

He blinked hard and turned right, flicking out three shuriken. He watched them whisper into the fray. One bit into an enemy's throat in a quick kill, the second skittered off the stone and the third struck a man in the forehead.

Neji's eyes narrowed, temples pounding, veins pulsing.

Denying his dōjutsu left him more open than he dared to be with this much smoke and chaos. He checked the periphery and hopped back beside Hibari.

"_Neji-niisan, above you!"_ Hinata warned.

He glanced up as a group of shinobi guards dropped down from the canopies, breaking into a dead run towards the stone platform.

The enemy were seconds too late.

Chōji bulldozed the ground between them and the apron.

Neji and Hibari leapt back a pace, watching as the Akimichi orbited the Temple like a red planet, smashing a trench into the surrounding area until he'd created a moat around the sacred site.

"CHAAA!"

Sakura flew in from the side, a violent swing of her fist sending three shinobi smashing into each other domino style. She waited for Chōji to roll past before leaping over the makeshift moat to join Neji and Hibari on the other side. She ran across the stone apron, tugging out kunai. Chōji continued to circle, keeping the enemy at bay as Lee backed him up, cutting down any that tried to jump over the trench.

Neji turned to Hibari, exchanging a sharp nod. "The decoded symbols, do you need to see them again?"

"I know them like the back of my hand, Hyūga." The Tsubasa smiled, turned, and slashed his palm across his blade without a flinch.

Across the stone apron the massive Akimichi boulder rolled out of the ditch, tearing on down the bridge leading up to the Temple, scattering enemy reinforcements.

Neji's fingers flew to his mic. "Lee! Now!"

On command, Lee sprung to the edge of the created moat and launched into a sprint, simultaneously reaching into a bulging artillery belt strapped around his waist.

Terracotta orbs flew from his hands as he ran.

They struck the moat and ignited.

The trench filled with a river of fire, sloshing flame like lava as the toad oil flared, creating a defensive, blazing ring around the Temple.

_That takes care of the enemy outside._

Which left six ceremonial guards penned in with them.

Neji turned to face them, watching ninja move to block entry to the Temple doors, their long spears tapping the apron in a calculated and menacing calm, sending a rough clang across the stone.

"Great." Hibari dripped blood, clenching his torn fist with a grunt. "Probably should have slashed my hand _after_ this part."

"There's no time to waste," Neji said, sliding his right foot back a pace as he raised his palm upward and out. "We'll break the line. Hit the centre with your sword and in the best way possible, don't stop bleeding yet."

Hibari snorted. "Not a problem."

"Sakura," Neji said.

Sakura stepped up beside him, aqua eyes flashing as she twirled two kunai in her fingers, already crouched to spring. "Right."

Neji gauged the faces of the enemy, glimpsing the barest hesitation in one of the guards who blinked a little too quickly. It was all he needed. Weakness found.

_Exploit it._

"Sakura. Crosscut and take right. Move now!"

The kunoichi dashed left the second Neji sprung right, both moving towards the centre of the line – a few yards from closing they cut across each other, briefly throwing the enemy into confusion as they switched paths and veered hard towards opposite ends of the line rather than the centre.

The nervous guard reacted first, prompting the line to respond the second he broke team. Spears scraped against stone as a trio of guards turned left and right to counter the attack to their flanks.

The line split, leaving the centre open.

One man tried to close it – too late.

Hibari hit it hard.

The shockwave of chakra lifted two men from their feet, slamming them into the doors. The ripple spread and smashed into the backs of the other four, throwing them into Neji and Sakura's attacks.

Neji jumped, kicked off the wobbly thrust of a spear and cracked his knee into the side of one guard's head, pitching the man into the Temple wall. Touching down into a duck and roll, Neji came up behind the other guard in an instant.

As he spun to face the enemy, his vision spun faster, ceasing to stop when his body did. The dizziness disoriented him, forcing him to fall back a pace. A pace was all it took for the guard to close distance.

The spear shot through the air, straight at Neji's head.

"_Neji!_" Hinata's voice screamed down the mic.

He didn't hear her.

A sharp screech of metal rent the air.

Sparks danced before his eyes.

The point of the spear glanced off Hibari's blade, which came between Neji and the strike seconds before impact. The pole of the spear snapped under the reverberation, leaving the guard to gape in shock. Before he could backpedal, Neji stepped up and smashed the heel of his palm into the enemy's nose. The man howled and dropped.

Sakura sent another sprawling across the stone. "We're clear!"

Neji stood rigidly to keep from swaying, blinking spots from his vision as the vertigo settled.

_Breathe._

He heard Hibari sheathe his blade with a scrape.

"You're not using your dōjutsu," the redhead said, his voice rising above the din of battle.

Neji froze at the tone and scowled, his shoulders squaring as he sucked in a sharp breath. When he turned back towards Hibari, his face was devoid of expression. He cocked his head towards the door, not deigning the Tsubasa with a response, just a redirection.

Hibari pursed his lips but held his tongue, moving after Neji towards a lacquered slab mounted beside the stone doors. It was protected by an intricate iron-like grille.

Neji frowned.

_Damn._

Sakura glanced at the casing as Hibari reached behind his back.

"We should be able to—!" Sakura cut off in a yelp as Neji jerked her back.

Hibari's sword swung down and split the grille in a violent crack.

The casing fell open in a clatter.

Neji arched his brows, releasing Sakura.

_Well, whatever works._

The kunoichi scowled, waving her hand towards the ruined lock. "That could have had a backfire seal, Hibari!"

Hibari sheathed his sword. "We're still alive. Guess it didn't."

Sakura scoffed, smacking a hand to her hip. "There was a way to do it without being reckless," she scolded.

Hibari looked at her askance and his grey eyes lightened.

"I've seen you give that blond kid some reckless treatment, so I'm just complimenting your style. Imitation is flattery, Sakura." He looked her over with a smile. "Besides, I don't think my words would do such a pretty face justice. And you know how I feel about justice."

Neji shot Hibari an incredulous look.

_You have got to be joking…_

Sakura's eyes widened and she flushed, folding her arms as she struggled between angry embarrassment and reluctant pleasure at the compliment. Hibari smiled, some of the hardness falling away from his eyes. Neji, utterly unimpressed with the brazen and inappropriate flirting, cleared his throat and rapped his knuckles against the stone door.

"Time and place, Tsubasa," the Hyūga said pointedly. "This is not it."

Hibari shrugged and smacked his palm onto the lacquered slab, drawing decoded symbols with his finger using the blood from his hand. He placed his palm flat, uttered a quiet incantation and on command the loud groan of the doors signalled their opening.

_Perfect._

Neji turned, stretching one arm behind his back to hook his fingers into the loops of the aerodynamic scythes. He paced to the right and Hibari and Sakura moved to flank him. The trio advanced carefully, the shadows of the doors sweeping over them like huge black wings. The noise beyond the Temple seemed to fade like distant thunder, leaving only the transcendent hum of power within the massive dome.

It practically radiated out onto the stone apron.

As they edged past the threshold, Neji felt the weight of chakra hanging heavy in the air, strong and pulsing – like a heartbeat. It was soothing and disturbing all at the same time. The raw potential for sublime or sinister intent – as was the case with most forbidden jutsu.

Hibari hesitated suddenly, almost dropping back a step.

Neji glanced over his shoulder, noting the flash of pain and anger tearing across the redhead's eyes. Given that his sister had been held prisoner here, Neji could hardly fault his conflict.

"Tsubasa?"

Hibari shook off the emotion that had gripped him. "I'm fine."

Neji nodded fractionally and raised a hand to his transmitter. "Hinata?"

"_I can see you. But I…it's murky…the chakra energy is intense…"_

"Can you clarify the direction of the scroll chamber and the experimentation rooms? Are they where Kitori said?"

"_I'm searching…_"

A pause held, during which Neji observed the surrounding shrine. The Temple floor was a shimmering mosaic, one which caused illumination to bounce off the ground and criss-cross the interior. These beams of falling light reflected back up to the domed ceiling in altering shades, adding an illusion of an underwater forest, rich with sea green hues shot through with emerald, jade and olive.

_Incredible._

The walls were intricate murals, paying homage to the feathered denizens of Hanegakure's sky. The designs swirled up to the roof of the dome, where the most praised bird of all marked the apex of the Temple.

Kin-Washi – the Golden Eagle.

Neji could not deny the Temple's beauty – or the exquisite complex of its design.

A sacred site turned into a sacrificial cage.

Neji frowned, his focus honing on the centre of the floor. A large space had been cleared for ritual purposes and six shinobi casters sat in a circle. Two were children. Their heads were bowed, hands clasped, lips moving in tandem to shape a mantra.

_The jutsu…_

Neji scanned the formation, looking to the centre of the chanting circle.

Ozuku was missing.

Static sputtered at his ear. _"Neji-niisan, it's like Kitori said…"_

"Understood," he replied, looking towards the back of the Temple, where a corridor led to further chambers on either side. "Sakura, cover Hibari. When I hand you that vial be ready to evacuate any children or casters."

Sakura tore her gaze away from the caster circle. "But Neji…where is Ozuku?"

Neji straightened at the question, but didn't answer, his eyes flicking around.

"He's hiding like the gutless bastard he is," Hibari growled, his eyes shifting to the Priest's pulpit, stationed to one side of the Temple. It was also empty.

Neji's jaw tightened, his arm still stretched back. The hook of his fingers gnarled into the loops of the scythes. He took a step forward as he raised his free hand, touching the mic at his throat to speak quietly.

"Hinata, how long?"

"_Team R…running low…you…ten minutes…" _came the fractured response.

One thing was loud and clear; time was slipping.

Neji closed his eyes, weighing options.

_We don't have time for this cat and mouse game…_

"Neji?" Sakura pressed, urgency cresting her tone.

_Gods forgive me if I'm wrong._

The Hyūga drew a long, measured breath through his nose, filtering calm into every muscle. When he released the soft stream of air, it was like he breathed out something else as well, because when his eyes slipped open, the opalescent orbs were disturbingly hard.

"Hinata, tell Shikamaru to move…"

Sakura jerked her head up in surprise, eyes wide. "But Neji we—"

"Do it now," Neji said.

"That's not your Nara's game plan, Hyūga," Hibari warned, matching Sakura's confused expression. "We haven't found Ozuku yet."

Neji angled a chillingly calm stare at the redhead.

The look had Hibari frowning. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Weighing lives, Tsubasa," Neji uttered, looking to the circle of casters. "Just like you said."

"What?"

Neji's fingers flexed sharply behind his back.

Hibari caught the movement too late to stop it. "No!"

By the time the redhead lunged, Neji's arm was already outstretched and the scythes were already flying – sailing in a lethal dance straight towards the ring of helpless casters.

Sakura's eyes flew wide.

"RUN!" she screamed, hand reaching towards them even as she bolted to intervene.

Neji caught her around the waist.

She spun to strike him but the punch never connected.

Neither did the scythes.

A shower of sparks exploded across the distance and the scythes came spinning back towards them. Neji caught Sakura's fist and pulled sharply, flooring her to safety behind him.

She rolled across the ground, coming up on her knees. "Neji!"

Neji had to no time to react.

Hibari reached him first.

The Tsubasa's blade punched forward and the chakra pulse knocked the weapons off course. They spun away to skitter across the mosaic floors, hitting the dome walls with a reverberating clang.

Then silence.

Neji straightened slowly and turned, glancing past Hibari, who stood with a look of unadulterated hate blazing in his grey eyes. But he wasn't looking at Neji. The ring of casters continued to chant and in their previously vacant centre stood a figure draped in velvet robes, arms outstretched, the cowl of his shroud tossed back.

A mockery of salvation…

Neji raised his jaw just as the Priest raised his head.

Opal eyes locked on orbs as cruel and black as the smile that accompanied the deep and sonorous baritone.

"Why Hyūga, it would appear you've brought me my wings."

* * *

"_Shikamaru-kun…Now!…_"

Shikamaru was out the door before Isuka could close it behind him.

He tore along the caged walkway of the aviary, keeping close to the wall of the dome and away from the steel mesh that separated him from the flocking chaos beyond.

Birds crashed into the caging, screaming and flapping.

The Nara pressed on, feeling every reverberation of the steel through his sandals even though he couldn't hear the clang of metal above the mayhem. Even the damn walkway was juddering, given the amount of birds ramming into it in their panic.

_Time to do this._

Shikamaru reached for his transmitter, screaming down the line. "NARUTO!"

He upped his pace and trusted Hinata to relay the message in case it didn't carry, keeping his eyes on the bedlam beyond the steel mesh. Then shadows broke up the light streaming in from the top of the aviary dome, creating a dappled effect like rainwater running upwards.

Shikamaru looked up.

Shadow Clones ran up along the aviary dome outside, like orange and black ants racing for the summit. He couldn't hear the panic outside, but he could imagine it. Somewhere in the distance, another round of bombs hit.

_Shinobi guards distracted. Now._

Shikamaru skidded to a halt, tearing out a strip of bandage. Inching closer to the steel mesh, he reached into his flak-jacket and tugged out the vial of Hibari's blood. Another bird smashed into the caging, talons fighting to get a grip before it was whipped away by the wind of wings and feathered bodies.

_Shit._

Shikamaru shook the vial, thumbed off the stopper and dribbled the blood onto the bandage, letting the fabric soak up the vital fluid. Taking up the bloody strip, he looped it into the steel mesh and tied it like a thin flag, jerking his wrists to tighten the knot.

The strip fluttered wildly, like a streamer in a storm.

Somewhere in the deafening din of squawks and shrieks and terrified song, came the sole and piercing cry of a winged majesty. Just the sound caused a stir in the pandemonium of birds, causing flock formations to shift.

_Here we go. _

Shikamaru stepped back, raised his hands to hover close – and waited.

_God, don't let me miss…_

* * *

"Those eyes miss nothing, do they?"

Neji kept his silence, allowing Ozuku's question to remain rhetorical, rather than to consider the honest answer.

_I'm fighting blind…_

"Neji…" Sakura said, coming to her feet to stand beside him.

Hibari moved to his other shoulder. "Want to warn me the next time you do something insane like that?" the redhead growled. "What just happened?"

"The casters are vital for his jutsu," Neji explained beneath his breath. "Targeting them forced his hand. It was only logical to assume he'd protect them."

"And if he hadn't?"

Neji didn't answer. He kept his focus ahead. He couldn't afford to take his gaze off Ozuku or his mind off the objective – not for a second.

"Sakura, get ready to cover Hibari. The second he's in position head for the end chamber on the left."

Sakura looked across, her fists raised, one hand clutching a kunai. "Alright."

Neji nodded and eased forward, indicating that Sakura move left as Hibari moved right. Working in tandem, the trio took slow, measured steps, forcing Ozuku to divide his attention between them.

Across the Temple, Ozuku lowered his hands, the thick folds of his robe falling like blue-black ink across his arms. His dark gaze slid across their line, alighting briefly on Hibari. A cunning edge came to the Priest's eyes and his voice dripped with the rich and practised tones of a politician courting power.

"Fraternizing with your sister's killer, Hibari?" Ozuku tipped his head in reproach. "Gods above, this is certainly a stain on your ideals of Justice."

Hibari's eyes narrowed and his knuckles blanched from the grip on his sword.

Neji caught the shudder that ran along the blade. "You know his words are designed to enrage you. Don't fall for it."

Ozuku chuckled then, the sound deep and indulgent, as if humouring children. "Because revenge is such a long way to fall, isn't it?" The Priest smiled thinly, his dark gaze directing itself onto Neji. "But you didn't come here to fall, did you, Hyūga?"

Something in Ozuku's tone stopped Neji short. The light around them had begun to change, the mosaic floors reflecting the eerie shifts of green like a kaleidoscope.

The whole Temple seemed to shimmer and shiver.

Illumination sparkled off the mosaics.

Neji felt the instinctive twinge of his dōjutsu, itching to read the change in the air.

_No._

"You came here to fly, didn't you? Let's see how well you fair." Ozuku raised a fist, touched two straightened fingers to his lips and smiled. "Ninja Art, Ghost Flock."

If the title of the jutsu didn't set Neji on edge, the sight of a flock of skeleton birds tearing into existence was enough to do it.

The Hyūga's eyes widened.

He danced back a pace, whipping out kunai with rapid snaps of his wrist to send them in a lethal stream toward the approaching flock. Some struck true, knocking the birds back in a rattle but not stopping them. One weapon sliced through the ribcage of a bird and flew out the other side harmlessly.

Neji hissed a breath.

There was no flesh to attack on these creatures, just bone and cartilage.

_He cannot control dead birds. This is genjutsu…_

Which meant a chakra pulse would shake it, if the stream was strong enough. Neji backpedalled with Sakura in toe, tracking the approaching flock through narrowed eyes.

"Hibari! Use your blade!"

Hibari nodded and arched his arm, sending a chakra pulse boomeranging towards the phantom flock. The wave of chakra flowed, wobbled and broke into nothingness as if shattering on the air.

"Shit!" the redhead roared.

Neji didn't have time to register what had happened.

The flock were on them.

_

* * *

_

_Where the hell is this god damn bird?_

Shikamaru's eyes flicked back and forth rapidly, searching the whirlwind of wings. The strip of bandage fluttered wildly, battered by the ever-growing current as the birds spun faster in their domed cage.

_This isn't working, dammit!_

Shikamaru stepped forward with a growl, scowling at the clawing noise and the lash of air that whipped and whistled through the mesh. He reached for the strip of cloth and made to pick loose the knot.

Something crashed against the steel mesh.

Pain split his skin, as sharp as the shrill cry at his ear.

"Shit!" Shikamaru jerked back in shock, his heart slamming into his throat.

Golden eyes stared back at him, a powerful head cocking as thick, hooked talons gnarled into the steel lattice of the fencing, almost crushing it. The bird flexed its wings, displaying rich, black-brown plumage – bar the golden nape and crown.

The eagle looked deep into Shikamaru's eyes and gave another piercing scream.

Shikamaru only took a moment to be impressed before he was pissed. He waved his hand to shake off the sting and blood, scowling at the deep gash carved into the back of his hand. He shook his head at the bird, straightening away from the wall.

"Thanks for that," he muttered, bringing his hands together in a familiar sign. "Sorry for this."

The eagle cocked her head the other way.

She spread her wings to fly, but the shadows were faster.

* * *

It was no illusion.

The birds – or at least their lifeless carcasses – were real.

_They cannot bleed, but they can break._

Neji planted his right foot and hooked his left in a kick that sent a skeleton bird crashing into the wall of the Temple. Its wing cracked in a dry snap, leaving it to turn useless circles on the ground.

Neji turned to strike again.

He tilted his head back just in time.

Bone-claws raked across his headband, drawing sparks.

The side of his palm smacked into the creature's ribs, knocking it away as he regained his balance and distance, moving swiftly to dodge and dance around the endless swoop of attacks. He hadn't stopped moving or calculating since they'd hit.

Never stopping, he dropped low, ducked another stream of birds and rose in an instant, sweeping his right foot high over Sakura's head, scattering the birds that dived for her. Bone fragments fell like hail, clattering noisily against the mosaic floors.

_Think!_

Ozuku was controlling them with chakra, that much was certain. But as to how he was able to coordinate this massive skeletal puppet show was impossible without some network of multiple chakra strings. But the rate at which the birds were moving and the varied directions made it impossible to orchestrate.

_If the chakra isn't being streamlined to each bird…then…it can't be the birds…_

A few paces away another group swooped in on Hibari. The redhead swung his sword out, smashing a chakra pulse from the blade. But once again, the wave of chakra only got so far before it broke and dissolved. Neji noticed it this time.

_Gods…it's not the birds he's controlling…it's the air they're flying in…_

But there was no hint of wind chakra.

_Think!_

Frustrated, Neji launched into an aerial kick and battered two birds aside - they hit the ground in a shatter of bones. He landed on his toes and sprung into a back flip, righting himself only to cartwheel left and roundhouse his foot into an oncoming attack. Four more birds went down. The fifth caught him in the chest and its beak pierced his shoulder.

_Damn it!_

Neji grabbed its neck and crushed the bones in his fingers. The rest of the body crumpled. Ignoring the wound, Neji checked left and right. Hibari and Sakura weren't fairing any better. They'd all taken hits but couldn't stop to survey the damage or even regroup.

There was no time.

The claws were going to carve them up if they didn't force a break.

To his left, Sakura punched and parried, moving in sharp jerks to avoid talons. A claw caught her across the jaw, forcing her to spin. She swung back stronger and her punch smashed the bird into pieces.

_We cannot keep this up._

But the birds wouldn't relent; they kept on coming, moving in morbid circles, dive-bombing endlessly from all sides. But it was the third attempt of Hibari's blade that caught Neji's eye. As the chakra pulse wobbled out from the jagged blade, Neji tracked it carefully this time, letting his guard down in order to focus.

Two birds crashed into him, pitching him sideways.

He kept his eyes on the chakra pulse even as he fell.

It sluiced outwards in its arc-shaped wave, rippled through the green beams of light in the Temple and shattered.

Neji's eyes widened.

_The light…Gods, that's the illusion..._

Rolling onto his back, Neji cracked his elbow into the skull of the bird attempting to peck at his throat. The second bird lost its head, which went rolling across the floor as Neji flipped back onto his feet, wobbling once as his head pulsed and his vision tunnelled. Growling, he shook it off, raising his voice in a roar.

"Sakura! Hibari! Destroy the mosaics!"

"The mosaics?" Sakura echoed, her knuckles caving a skeleton wing.

"They're reflecting chakra, not light!" Neji explained, running forward and ducking low to come up behind her, the heels of his hands whipping out to knock birds away. "The light is an illusion. We've been in the genjutsu the whole time. There is no light in this Temple, its all chakra."

To illustrate his point, Neji slammed the heel of his foot into the floor, smashing one of the mosaic pieces. The soft emerald beam that was reflecting immediately cut out and a skeleton bird that had been hovering in the slot of light immediately dropped to the ground in a clatter.

"He is using genjutsu to mask his chakra, not to attack with it!" Neji smashed another mosaic and another bird dropped. "The chakra is in the mosaics, disguised as light."

Across the Temple, Ozuku's nostrils flared, scenting power. "I want those eyes."

Neji didn't hear the words, but he felt the sickening power of Ozuku's gaze. He glanced up on instinct and the play of chakra-light chased across his eyes like lightning. Sakura's fist was the thunder and it struck the floor with Hibari's blade close behind.

The shatter of glass filled the Temple like a thousand symbols clashing.

Light exploded into darkness.

Skeleton birds dropped all around them, a hoarse clatter of bones that crunched beneath Neji's feet as he paced left. When the shatter of glass and skeletal fragments ceased, the only source of light was the glow of chakra around the casters.

Movement drew Neji's eye to the robed figure as Ozuku slipped from the ring.

In the green-shadowed glow, his gaze seemed to intensify, those soulless eyes set deeper into the tattooed face. He stared hard at Neji and then curled one corner of his mouth in a beckoning smile.

"Now you're worthy. Come bring me my wings."

He spread his arms and burst into feathers.

"Damn!" Neji snarled, starting forward at a run. "Sakura! Get into that experimentation chamber and evacuate casters! Hibari, the jutsu!"

The redhead moved toward the circle of casters, pausing only to heft his blade and throw it over. "Hyūga! Here!"

Neji halted long enough to catch the hilt and dip his wrist to take the weight, testing it all in the same movement as he got a grip on the foreign weapon. "Sakura will protect you while I deal with Ozuku and the scroll chamber."

Hibari cast the kunoichi a glance, almost playful. "No problem there."

Sakura flushed, rolled her eyes, stepped over to smack her hand onto a gash on Hibari's arm and smiled sweetly as he winced.

"Thanks for the blood!" she chirped, running off towards the chamber at the end of the hall to open the door.

Hibari watched her with a bemused expression, settling into the centre of the circle.

Neji shook his head and reached for his transmitter. "Hinata?"

Static crackled back.

_Damn._

He turned to speak to Hibari but the redhead was already chanting, his eyelids fluttering shut as he tapped into the mind-transference, fingers moving to form rapid signs. Neji scanned the Temple, his jaw tightening in frustration as his options narrowed down to the only available course of action.

_I have no choice if I'm going to find him now._

Letting his lashes drift shut, he turned his back to the circle of casters. He drew a deep breath to centre himself, exhaled slowly and then snapped open his eyes.

"Byakugan!"

_

* * *

_

_Stop…flapping…dammit…_

Shikamaru kept his jaw clenched, the tendrils of his shadows wrapped around the heaving body of Hibari's eagle, keeping her pinned to the steel mesh. She screeched violently; sharp, shrill cries that stabbed at the Nara's temples.

Other birds had responded to the commotion, some of them ramming mindlessly into the fencing, pecking and clawing at it in an attempt to get to the shinobi beyond and liberate their winged companion.

_Not good._

Shikamaru held his jutsu, his eyes narrowed as he focused on keeping the pressure firm enough to hold the eagle but not hard enough to harm her. It was not an easy balance to strike, especially when she was fighting the incarceration with every scant inch of space left available for her to flap or twist in.

Fortunately, Naruto's clones were distracting the aviary guards, drawing focus up to the roof as they did battle beyond the sphere.

_Still, they can't hold out for long._

A crash sounded to the right.

Shikamaru flicked his eyes to the side of the steel mesh, watching as the metal began to creak, struggling under the weight of repeated slams from the birds.

_Crap. Really not good._

And he couldn't reach for his transmitter.

_Fuck._

Closing his eyes, he drew a sharp breath and focused his chakra. One of the shadow tendrils began to stretch, pulling until it split into two threads. Slipping his eyes open, Shikamaru focused on the fresh thread, manipulating it into a slow twist until it snaked back towards him, coiling closer to tap his transmitter.

He turned his head a fraction, raising his voice. "Hinata?"

"_Shikamaru-kun_."

"Where's Neji?" the question was out his mouth before he could stop it.

"_I'm searching…_"

Another crash hit the steel mesh, talons slicing through, beaks hammering at the wiring.

"Shit. Hinata!"

"_He's on the Temple…"_

Shikamaru scowled, shifting his footing a little as he inched back. "What do you mean he's _on_ the Temple? He's supposed to be _in _it."

"_On the dome…he's chasing Ozuku…_"

"Is Sakura with him?"

"_No."_

A curse caught in Shikamaru's throat and he swallowed thickly. The distraction cost him and he almost lost his grip on his jutsu. Suddenly, the eagle stopped struggling and went limp, allowing the Nara to flex the hold of his shadows so she didn't slip from the makeshift net.

Shikamaru frowned, watching in confusion through narrowed eyes.

_God, tell me it worked…?_

He cautiously tilted his head, raising his voice in a hoarse call. "Hibari?"

The bird twitched, then raised its golden head slowly. The eagle stared across with a cognizant gleam in its eye; a look more human than animal. The Nara's lip quirked weakly and he slowly released his shadows.

"About time."

The bird cocked its head in what could only be described as a nod. Then she spread her wings in an impressive display, sternum quivering with the force of the cry that tore forth. The shrill sound was pitched to a volume that forced Shikamaru to cover his ears and drop to a crouch.

The call carried through the mass body of birds like a needle into the vein, catalysing an immediate response. The varied flocks and their deafening thunder slowed and stilled, rolling to a stop that held them hovering as one.

One wing beat – shared by thousands.

The strength of the tempo caused the aviary dome to rattle.

On the roof, the guards were redirecting their forces. A door to the aviary walkway burst open further along the dome. Shikamaru jerked his head up.

_Shit._

He looked to the golden eagle, shouting above the pulse of wings. "Ready!"

The bird watched him, another animal nod displaying its comprehension. Shikamaru tapped his transmitter.

"Naruto! Kiba! Go!"

The shadow-nin pushed to his feet and ran, bolting for the door to the observation room as the guards gave chase further along the walkway.

Way below, at the base of the aviary, the cement shook, cracked and exploded outwards.

"RASENGAN!"

The glowing orb lit the aviary like a beacon, flashing vibrant blue before it vanished as Naruto curbed its power, redirecting the surge of chakra back into the earth below seconds after Kiba and Akamaru lunged clear of it. It blew another hole into the ground, revealing a massive tunnel leading out of the aviary.

Naruto bounced on the spot, waving crackers around. "Hey birds!"

Shikamaru glanced down, then jerked his head up when Isuka came running towards him from the observation room, screaming a warning. The shadow-nin turned his head, throwing a glance over his shoulder. His eyes widened as flaming shuriken came wailing down the walkway, the spinning stars streaking fire at all levels.

There was nowhere to duck or dive.

Shikamaru reached for his tantō.

Kiba's tunnelling fang crashed into the side of the walkway, smashing the steel mesh between Shikamaru and the shuriken, battering the flaming crescents into the wall. The metal rafters holding the walkway groaned and buckled, threatening collapse.

_Shit! Move!_

Shikamaru scrambled to get a grip on the railing and pulled himself forward as the walkway began to dip and fall away from the wall. He gauged the distance. There was no way in hell he'd make it before the walkway collapsed.

Something hit him from behind, knocking his feet out from under him.

He fell back into arms that gripped solidly. "Nice footwork, genius."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

Kiba laughed.

Akamaru, with both ninja on his back, pushed off the collapsing metal and lunged for the observatory room. The dog touched down in a surprisingly graceful crouch, skidding a little before his paws found purchase. Shikamaru and Kiba tumbled with less grace off Akamaru's back and onto the ground.

Shikamaru took an elbow to his ribs, right where Neji's palm had struck him last. "Ow."

"Hey, _I _took the impact," Kiba snorted.

Shikamaru clambered off the Inuzuka and onto his feet, staggering over to the window to look out into the aviary. He was just in time to see the golden eagle round up the flocks of birds with a final call before plummeting toward the massive hole Naruto had blown into the ground. As one, the birds whirled in the wake of Hibari's eagle, following her down into the tunnel Kiba had created, soaring through and out into the freedom of the village skies beyond.

_Done. _

Shikamaru closed his eyes, swallowed hard and then snapped back into autopilot mode, turning around sharply. "Kiba, regroup with Naruto and Team R. Get those water scrolls ready."

Kiba saluted from his sprawled position on the ground. "Yeah, will do."

Shikamaru nodded to Isuka. "You good to go from here?"

"Yes."

"Good and thanks." He was out the door before Kiba could ask, moving into the cage lift to take him down to ground level.

Around him, the fire and smoke still raged.

The heat wafted on the air, scorched and hazy.

He barely noticed.

Dropping a shoulder against the bars of the cage, Shikamaru shuddered once and passed a hand across his eyes, burying his face into his palm. The tips of his fingers pressed against his brow hard enough to hurt and he clenched his teeth, his expression twisting with conflict.

He gave himself five seconds to pull it together.

Then very calmly, he reached for his transmitter and tuned to a private channel.

The static crackled softly.

He cleared his throat, but his voice fell hoarse.

"Hinata, Sakura, move to the red zone. Go now."

* * *

The game had commenced once more.

A tiring round of hide and seek in which Ozuku had kept out of range of the close-quarter attacks Neji kept trying to draw him into. The Priest had led him further away from the Temple and higher into the canopies.

_He's pulled me beyond the kill zone..._

Pain bit deep into the Hyūga's body, though not once did it slip into his motions or his mask of calm.

_Gods, I need to end this fast._

His most powerful advantages were gone, leaving him to fall back on speed and strategy alone to close distance. He had no other methods at his disposal. He was beyond the charted layout of the Temple and just the briefest use of his Byakugan had cost him.

He was tiring fast.

Too fast.

A spray of quill-shaped kunai burst from above him. He swung Hibari's blade above his head in two rotations, knocking the weapons away like hail off a parasol. Suddenly, painfully, his left arm jolted with a spasm that forced the limb to drop. The blade struck the tree bough, jarred from his grip and fell to the level below, lodging into an outpost. Neji caught himself against the trunk of the tree, dizziness spinning through him.

_Breathe…breathe…_

"Taijutsu again?" Ozuku sneered, stepped across an opposite bough in slow, steady steps that reeked of arrogance. "You disappoint me with this modest display. Where is the famed ninjutsu of your clan?"

Neji panted, sucking a sharp breath against the rattle in his lungs.

_Gods hold out just a little longer…_

"Or perhaps this lack of effort has less to do with modesty…" Ozuku cocked his head, dark eyes narrowing with a dawning look of pleasure. "And more to do with mortality."

Neji swallowed the blood cresting up his throat, struggling to keep Ozuku in his line of sight. The man was inching closer by degrees, drawn to the blood he could probably scent – like a vulture flapping closer. Preying on weakness.

_Weakness…_

Neji blinked, something occurring to him then as Ozuku hovered just beyond range.

_Pride before the fall…play on his weakness…pride…_

Neji let his knee buckle and sank with an exaggerated gasp, using the blood that dripped from the corner of his mouth to play into the drama. Perhaps if he'd stopped to register the degree of pain he was in, it might have occurred to him that it was less of an act than he wanted it to be.

In the distance, the roar of liberated birds grew louder, rising above the thunder of bombs.

_They did it…_

Which meant that his time had just been halved.

_Think fast…_

He flicked his gaze around the surrounding area. As he scanned quickly, words came back to him, shaped in the easy tones of Shikamaru's voice.

_"Know the layout before you act, Hyūga."_

As ridiculous as the context of those words had been back in the tent, Neji hadn't forgotten them. Indeed, as his eyes strayed higher, he realised just how pivotal those words would prove to be.

His eyes fixed on something in the trees above.

He clocked it and quickly lowered his gaze so as not to draw attention.

Ozuku remained just beyond reach, not foolish enough to swoop in just yet. Neji watched him from beneath his lashes, panting raggedly.

"My, Hyūga. This is just pathetic."

Neji spat blood to the side. "And yet you stay out of reach, passing up the chance to take from me something you could never hope to rightfully possess."

Ozuku smirked. "Ah, but those eyes are already mine. Why else are you still alive if not because I allowed it? You breathe now, because I deigned it so. I could have had you slaughtered in your sleep…" The smirk turned sour on Ozuku's twisting lips. "You and your irksome brat of a strategist."

Everything in Neji went still – he didn't miss the bitter shift in Ozuku's tone.

_Shikamaru._

He'd found a weapon.

"Intelligence is key, Hyūga," Ozuku continued, orating to the trees as he spread his arms in a familiar, theatrical gesture. "Brute strength is nothing if not guided by a higher mind. I am a higher mind. I have been a higher mind for years."

"And all your years would make no difference," Neji said, raising his eyes without raising his head. "Your higher mind wouldn't last one round on an intellectual battlefield with our strategist, Ozuku."

Something vicious flashed in Ozuku's eyes. Clearly he didn't enjoy having his pontificating lines cut short.

"Oh? Then pray tell, Hyūga. How is it that I slipped past him unnoticed? Past all of you? Hmn?" Ozuku drew closer, caressing the velvet of his cloak with one hand, the other stroking across the air to mimic a bird in flight. "How is it that I have coasted through your village on the wings of your native birds without so much as a chill running through the blood of your finest shinobi?"

"That power is loaned to you on the blood of your own people," Neji growled, breathing deeply against the pulsing in his chest – it was becoming less of an act with every slipping moment.

"Sacrifice is inevitable in the pursuit of a higher goal."

"Which is why you possess the mindset of a primitive barbarian, Ozuku, rather than the intellect required of a tactician and leader."

Ozuku's pride took the bait in an instant, even as his mind attempted to cover his slip with measured words. "Like your Nara, you mean? Do you honestly believe he hasn't sacrificed you for a cause? Or that he wouldn't if he thought it necessary?"

Neji averted his gaze in a hesitant flicker, pretending to contemplate the words or at least be affected by them. At the same moment he turned slightly, hacking out a cough that splattered blood across the rough bark. He moved to cradle a hand to his chest, slipping his fingers past the seam of his robe in a movement that went undetected.

"A little under the weather, Hyūga? This certainly isn't the kind of standard I'd expect of your breed," Ozuku purred with a condescending chuckle. "You're overrated. This is unimpressive, to say the least."

"If you wish to be impressed, just look around you," Neji uttered, glancing across the dome and through the curtain of smoke. "You don't need my eyes to see Shikamaru's intelligence has turned your ambition into an unattainable fantasy."

The Priest's smile dropped from his face.

"Then that brat shall be the first to wake up to the reality that no intelligence is greater than vision. I am the truth of absolute power, Hyūga." Ozuku's eyes flashed with the light of fanaticism artlessly combined with insatiability. "I am the wind of Hanegakure. I will have eyes on every wing. I will bring my people to destiny's door. And I will bring a fury such as Konoha and all villages beyond have never known and shall never know again!"

Neji watched the fever of ambition burning like a sickness in the darkened eyes. Every word had drawn the man one step closer, as if his presence would impress the promise in his conviction.

All it had impressed was his footsteps right on the spot Neji had intended.

Ozuku stopped right at the end of the opposite bough.

Neji's eyes lowered and a weak smile ghosted across his lips.

It stopped Ozuku in his tracks.

"I told you I'd bring you your wings," Neji said quietly. "I neglected to tell you I was going to break them."

Ozuku barked a short, deep laugh, a faint pitch of respect in his voice. "Such sadistic talk for a shinobi whelp on his knees."

"You have no idea how sadistic I can be," Neji returned with a chilling calm, slipping his hand out from the fold of his robe, fingers curled around something in his palm.

Ozuku arched a heavy brow, the tattooed distortion of his face growing sinister with a mix of suspicion and amusement. "As fascinating as that thought may be, I'm afraid I must close the curtain on this little attempt at an intrigue. You won't get close enough to break my wings, Hyūga."

Neji glanced across, watching out the corner of his eye as Ozuku reached for a ceremonial scythe belted beneath his robes. And in those fleeting seconds, Neji slipped his hand behind his back and crushed his palm around the vial of Hibari's blood.

The glass shattered.

Blood gushed between his clenched fingers.

"I'll pray for you, Hyūga." With a jolt, Ozuku detached the blade, twirling it once in his grip. He drew his arm back in a slow arc, the ceremonial weapon sparking with the same ominous glint as his eyes. "I did warn you. You're in my skies. Even a free bird must concede to his destiny."

Neji blinked slowly and a mirthless smile turned up one corner of his lips. "A good thing then, that I was never free."

Ozuku's expression froze at these words.

Neji tilted his head and glanced up.

The Priest followed his gaze.

In those last few seconds before impact, Ozuku might have looked surprised.

Hibari's eagle gouged its talons across his skull, knocking him from the bough in a flutter of blue-black robes and flailing limbs. Neji lunged forward, whipped out his hand and grabbed the Priest by the front of his cloak, planting his feet in a jolt.

Ozuku dangled from his grip.

Neji gazed down, his bangs streaking across his face as the breeze whipped between them. The eagle had carved deep grooves through the man's scalp, shearing hair and skin. Ozuku's bloody face was frozen into an expression of complete shock, his black eyes glazing with a kind of hysterical denial.

"Impossible."

"And this isn't even how it ends," Neji uttered coldly, reaching down with his free hand to tear the scythe from Ozuku's twitching fingers. "But it does end now. I have no time for you."

Without releasing his grip on the man, Neji twisted at the waist, angled his arm and let the scythe fly upwards. It sailed in an elegant arc, high into the canopies – and struck something. The crash and snap of wood sounded, a rain of leaves and splinters dusting down as one of the cage lifts came plummeting from above. It dropped down straight past them, crashing onto the roof of the Temple below.

Ozuku twisted his head, glancing over his shoulder at the cage below.

"I'm going to break your wings with that, _Priest_."

The twisted irony shook the man to the core.

Ozuku jerked his head around, looking up into icy Hyūga eyes. "No."

Neji smirked, a look made all the more harrowing by the streaks of blood across his lips and face as he leaned down. "Yes."

Without warning he lunged, leaping off the bough, pulling Ozuku with him. He planted his feet to Ozuku's chest in a drop-kick that slammed the man down onto the dome of the Temple in a sickening crunch.

Neji touched down in a crouch a few paces away.

He snagged a painful breath and straightened, lungs screaming and head spinning with a vertigo that almost cost him his balance when he turned and stalked over, his steps driven – aware of time and all its urgency.

Ozuku twisted brokenly on the ground, hissing. "Kill…you…"

"Your back is broken," Neji informed him with disturbing calm. "You will never fly or crawl away from this."

"No…" the man hissed, his eyes orbiting wildly in their sockets. "No."

"Yes." Neji gnarled a hand in the thick velvet robe and hauled Ozuku bodily into the collapsed cage, slamming the dented door shut. "This cage is now your destiny."

Ozuku wailed with impotent fury, spittle flying thick from his lips; his grace lost in his fall. "You…bastard…!"

"You can rot in here." Neji limped back a pace, favouring his right side as he tugged out a wire-rigged kunai, looping it through the cage's damaged lock before slapping a sealed tag onto the door. "Rot while looking out at a freedom you'll never have. The freedom you took away from these people, by controlling them with fear."

"No…"

"It's over," Neji uttered, but his voice was hollow with the finality.

He reached in to tear loose a strip of Ozuku's robe, saturated in the man's blood.

_And now to end this…once and for all…_

* * *

Access was granted without a struggle.

Ozuku's blood opened the chamber without the need of a hand-seal or an incantation. The wood leached the blood from the fabric and the door simply groaned open like a sated beast as it drew back on its hinges, dust and splinters powdering down.

Neji swept in like a ghost.

He passed through the chamber in silence.

He already knew it was empty and he wasted no time gazing over the tomes and scrolls. Some lay open, pages torn out in haste, ink pots upturned to blossom black stains across parchment. Some of the works had been incinerated, their smouldering heaps thrown to one side of the chamber. Secrets lost to ashes.

Neji passed through the intellectual ruins of scribes and lore masters and moved straight to the door leading out to the escape route, ignoring the flaring pain in his every step. He would sooner crawl than fail to complete the mission.

_I will not lose. Not now._

The hardest part was over.

Now it was just a matter of cleaning up the mess.

A simple search and destroy.

With the pain pulsing rampant inside him, Neji had already considered calling in for backup if required; he'd done enough solo-flying for one day.

_Just locate them first…_

He slipped down the escape route, narrowing his eyes against the darkness. Not completely black, but irritating enough to deceive his step if he wasn't careful. But as he began to dip into the murky passageway, it wasn't the lack of light that caused him to pause; it was the voices from further along the tunnel. A chorus of startled shouts.

Neji advanced cautiously, keeping to one side of the tunnel, leaning his left shoulder against the wall for support. He didn't suspect traps, given the purpose of the tunnel as an escape route, but he wasn't about to get complacent.

Closing distance, the voices grew in volume and number, their tones pitched in panic. But the echoes were distorted, reverberating loudly in overlapping bursts of dialogue.

"—die here like a rat in a trap and…"

"—never have allowed him to manipulate Konoha into a…"

"—can't move, you imbecile!"

Neji slowed and inched forward, his brows pulled into a sharp frown as he scanned the ground in the dim and treacherous light. Out of nowhere, the tunnel floor gave way to a sudden drop.

_A pit?_

The Hyūga toed along the circumference of the hole and angled a glance down into the crater. He could hear the voices below but it was too dark to see faces much less distinguish the source of each one. One thing however, was very clear.

_These are Ozuku's people…_

They'd been caught in a trap which, judging by the layer of dust still hanging in the air, had only been set within the past couple of hours.

_Did Hibari's people do this?_

Whoever had laid it, they'd saved him the hassle of having to hunt for the runaway council and forbidden scrolls. Now the only problem was apprehending the men from their present state.

_Now would be the time to call in back up._

Taking a moment to let the weight of tension roll off him, Neji leaned into the side of the tunnel and exhaled softly, about to close his eyes. But something caught his eye. It drew his gaze down to his feet, causing him to slide his heel back.

His eyes narrowed in on a thin line running across the ground.

Straightening up, he brushed his foot across the heavy layer of dust to reveal what looked like a dirtied strip of tape or bandage. Neji crouched down, getting a better look. The strip ran along one side of the tunnel, stretching back up to the scroll chamber and then right back down the passageway straight into the pit.

_Oh god…_

Neji straightened up in a bolt.

The second he did, a barrier jutsu that had been holding across the ground dissipated into nothingness.

His eyes rounded in horror.

The entire edge of the pit was tagged with explosives.

Neji had no time to react.

A tag erupted in a sharp, hot burst, startling shouts and cries from the men below. He tried to backpedal but was cut off by a rush of heat as a spark struck the strip of bandage.

Fire engulfed it in an instant.

A ribbon of flame rushed along the strip of tape right back to the scroll chamber.

Neji didn't have to guess it was set to detonate something a hell of a lot bigger.

_MOVE!_

There was no way he'd make it to the end of the escape route in time. The only exit was a smashed-in tunnel to his left – and by the time the explosion hit, he was already running up it.

The detonation struck with a judder that rocked the entire passageway.

Dust and rock showered down.

Neji kept running, his pulse roaring in his head, adrenalin fuelling each push of his limbs. His lungs sang out their agony in every breath. Panting, pushing and propelling himself faster.

_Move. Move. Move._

The rush of heat flooded behind him, searing the air.

He raised his head to look for his route, saw the pool of light at the end of the tunnel and drove on the final paces, breaking into an acceleration that launched him up and out, smoke gushing like a geyser in his wake.

He hit the ground hard but broke the impact on a roll, coming up into a jolting crouch. His hair fluttered over his shoulder, dropping in a heavy stream, his bangs shielding his face as he stared wide-eyed at the grass beneath his hands, the soft, green strands sticking between his bloody fingers.

Fresh, pure, alive…

For a surreal moment, time seemed to churn to a stop…

Sound disappeared…

Stillness fell.

He was vaguely aware that ash and dust were swirling around the clearing, but it seemed to move in slow motion. Every breath he dragged in felt like sucking tar through a straw. He was detached from the pain he should have been feeling, like he was one layer outside of his physical body, looking down into the cavity of his chest.

_Breathe._

And just as quickly as sound and time had disappeared, it slammed back into him and out again. Neji's breath gushed forth in a hoarse, red whoosh - a splatter of blood against the grass. He dragged the back of his wrist across his lips and slowly straightened up from his crouch. He was alive. The same couldn't be said for the council members.

_What happened back there?_

Feet beneath him, Neji staggered back a step, trying to regain a sense of balance and awareness as nausea crawled up the back of his throat. He felt like he'd been dragged into hell, chewed up and spat out again. Judging by the blood, bone fragments, gore, grime and whatever else he was streaked in, he imagined the hell-spewed visual fit him to a T.

_Alive. You're alive…_

It was over.

The second he registered this, the first thing into his mind was the last thing he'd allowed himself to think about while fighting…

_Shikamaru…_

Warmth eased through his veins, soothing some of the ache if not the pain. The urge to find the other ninja was stronger still than the urge to catch his breath. As much as his body screamed against further movement, he was compelled to do just that. Exhaling a ragged breath, Neji pressed a hand to his chest and moved to step away from the smoking hellhole.

A step was as far as he got.

He tried to make another but couldn't move…

Paralysis held him rigid…

Neji flicked his gaze up – and wished to God that he hadn't.

A horrible cold gripped his gut, the chill creeping higher with every heartbeat, frosting the glassy white of his eyes with the bitter ice of denial.

Shikamaru stared back – and the Nara's stance was as set as the look in his eyes.

Neji's denial all but shattered the moment that smoky voice rolled out…as calm and unaffected as the Jōnin had ever heard it.

"Hyūga Neji. By order of the Godaime Hokage, you will cooperate with this procedure…or I will be forced to make you."

**

* * *

**

**TBC.**

**A/N: **Oh yes. I cut it there. It's cruel, I know, but so was the head trauma that the plot bunny gave me with this HUGE chapter - hence increased update delay lol! Probably the longest instalment to date. Next chapters will be shorter! I truly hope you guys enjoyed it and that it was worth the wait, dears! **_I'd really appreciate any thoughts or feedback_**. Catch y'all next chapter for the awaited confrontation. (please forgive typos, this was a she-dog to edit!)

**REVIEWERS: **For your **incredible** support and your _amazing_ responses, you continue to make this _worth_ it. I **love** hearing from you guys – it's always a treat after these chapters and I continue to _deeply_ _appreciate_ it. **_Thanks so much_**, all of you. ^_^

**Reviewers without accounts:** –

**Ayachan**- Thank you sweetie! Hope you enjoyed Team ART in action lol! As for the sequel, I am still considering it. I might have to plan it very carefully so as not to take on too much LOL. Another 50-ish chaptered fic, good god…all my braincells will go on vacation. LOL! Thanks so much for the support though. I appreciate it!  
**Gia Anna – **My thanks always, luv! Hope Team ART kept you entertained! ^_^ I always appreciate hearing from you – thanks for taking the time. Hope you enjoyed this mother-of-god-chapter lol.  
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**Homemade idiot – **I still can't keep from grinning when I see your username – yep. Almost 41 chapters in and it gets me every time! LOVE IT. Thank you so much for three awesome reviews. What a treat to find those in my inbox! lmao! You didn't traumatise me at all, it was brilliant stuff. Thanks for making me smile, luv. Always, always appreciate your support. ^_^  
**Anon reviewer – **LOL Oh dear god. I think FFNET has jinxed you, luv. It signed you in as an anonymous reviewer again. Thank you so much though for taking that time to review once more. I always receive encouragement from it. Arigato! I hope you enjoyed this latest instalment. As for a happy ending or not – well, I won't spoil it, raise hopes or dash them. ^_^ Thanks again, luv!


	41. Chapter 41

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Forty One  
**

[Dedicated to Cuzosu]

"Hyūga Neji. By order of the Godaime Hokage, you will cooperate with this procedure…or I will be forced to make you."

The words skirted around the edges of Neji's mind, not quite breaching the shock even though the wall of denial had shattered. It felt like he was caught in another dream. A sequence of surreal events playing out which were beyond his control. How fitting then, that he couldn't move – just like a dream where the body refused to cooperate.

"_Cooperate with this procedure…"_

Neji drew a rough breath, his voice shuddering out hoarse. "Release me, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru's eyes shuttered. "If that's your answer, then you leave me no choice." The shadow-nin delivered the words without inflection, not even his expression modulated.

The only thing that moved was Shikamaru's hand as it reached for his transmitter; Neji's fingers mimicked the gesture.

"Hinata, Sakura."

Shock struck Neji like a sledgehammer, rounding his eyes and crushing the breath from him in a whoosh. He'd have swayed forward if he hadn't been held in the shadow possession.

_He accounted for this...right at the start...premeditated it..._

The nauseating reality flooded through him.

His eyes dropped to the ground, wide and unseeing.

Sakura's voice crackled through the static. "_I know. I'm almost there_."

He didn't even register his hand lowering when Shikamaru dropped his fingers away from his transmitter. "They're under my orders. For their safety and your own, I'm incapacitating you."

Neji wasn't listening.

He couldn't hear above the rush of blood and pressure in his head.

A pain like no other was clawing through his chest, like jagged, cold blades through the tender flesh of his heart. He didn't think it was a place that could ever be torn that way again, for all the armour he'd constructed around it.

All the armour he'd had broken and shattered…or had slowly let fall in moments of stolen weakness…just to leave him open enough to be manipulated…

The events came in starbursts of flashing clarity, so clear and undeniable.

_Gods..all this time..._

The ice that frosted Neji eyes this time wasn't denial. And the tearing pain inside him, the excruciating sense of betrayal, began to acidize. His expression took on a corrosive edge more dangerous than his voice as it seethed out between his teeth.

"God help you the second I'm free, Nara."

Shikamaru's face betrayed nothing, but Neji felt the tightening of the shadow possession instinctively; the barest pull of the Nara's chakra around his own, like a hand adjusting its grip. In five minutes Neji would break that grip. Perhaps less if the faint pinch around Shikamaru's eyes was any indication of his chakra limit.

_Three minutes._

Pushed by the threat, Shikamaru began to shift forward one step at a time. Neji, forced to mirror the movement, was pulled closer to the source of the pain he could no longer feel with the fury blistering inside him. His chakra crackled with it and the sheer force of his anger began to vibrate between them.

Shikamaru winced, a slight pull at his lips as he bit back the sound.

Neji felt the waver in the Chūnin's jutsu.

Either Shikamaru had been injured or he'd overexerted his chakra at the aviary. Neji crushed the instinctive urge to look him over for wounds rather than weaknesses. Scouting for the latter, he flicked his pale eyes over the approaching figure.

But the Hyūga's vision was tunnelling, the periphery of his senses dulling.

The injuries he couldn't see were taking their toll, straining against the anger feeding into his chakra. Every breath felt laboured, his lungs struggling to expand through the pain of drawing air.

They drew close, but the distance Shikamaru kept between them was nothing compared to the distance in the Nara's voice when he spoke. "Sakura, move it. Where is Hinata?"

"She's on her way," Sakura said quietly, her voice subdued, reluctant.

Neji's jaw steeled as he detected a vague splash of movement out the corner of his eye. He heard the pink-haired kunoichi approaching, her steps slow. A crunch of grit and swish of grass. The sounds amplified in his head with every heartbeat. It was taking a lot to keep his focus.

"Neji, this is just a sedative. I'm sorry." Sakura's words came through in waves, distorted and warped.

"Hokage's orders," Shikamaru said, clipped and unaffected.

_Orders…_

Neji couldn't turn his head to observe Sakura, but he thought he heard the flip of the catch on her ninja pouch. Every sinew in his hand tightened. The nausea in his gut combined with his anger, pushing bile and blood up his throat.

_Fuck…_

"Take it easy, Hyūga," Shikamaru said, his voice frustratingly calm. "We're not your enemy."

Neji's gaze swung back towards Shikamaru, his white eyes glazed and clouded like smoky quartz. He squinted sharply, just about able to discern the Nara's figure.

"Just you…Nara…" he growled out, not sure whether the words made it past the cough that ripped out of him.

Blood flew from his lips. And in that brief second of rib-rattling agony, his body jolted with a flash of sensory awareness. And he felt it. The weakening in Shikamaru's hold, like uncertainty…like concern…

_Lies…_

Neji's eyes flashed.

Whatever it was that caused the Nara's focus to break, it was all Neji needed to slip from the weakened shadow possession. His next movements were on instinct alone and summoning what remained of his strength, he reacted.

Sakura's needle never made it to his neck.

His hand shot up, the side of his palm catching her wrist to jolt the hypodermic away. It went spinning off into the grass. The knock left her wide open and Neji's hand came down hard at the junction of neck and shoulder, the pressure-hit calculated to stun. She dropped to her knees with a sharp cry.

Shikamaru also dropped to his knees, for an entirely different purpose.

Neji spun and met his gaze head-on.

Their glares crashed and locked.

Even through the blurring of his vision, there was no mistaking the look that held. It lasted for the briefest of seconds, but it felt like an eternity opened up between them – and inside of them. In that cold, hostile void, Shikamaru's lips framed words Neji didn't need to hear to know what was coming next. The Nara's hands had already shaped the sign.

The shadows burst forth like black vipers, slender threads closing distance fast.

Neji staggered, barely keeping his balance as he raised his palm and slid a foot back, forcing his body to respond to commands that just wouldn't translate to his limbs. His left side was in agony and he was shaking with the strain, roped muscles tightening to keep him from collapsing.

Then his vision washed out again.

His eyes lost focus completely and his chest seized.

He couldn't breathe.

Tentacles of black snaked around his wrist, jerking his hand down from its raised jut, pulling him forward as another coiled up along his arm, more dark vines twisting around his legs. He jerked in the hold, garnering more lashes of black around his other wrist, binding him, holding him…

Controlling him...

Neji's eyes widened and a slash of panic stole across his face.

_Let me go._

The helpless sensation of being overpowered and outmanoeuvred without a chance to even try to defend himself brought back memories and fears blacker than the shadows wrapping around him.

Chaining him...

_Let me go!_

He didn't hear Shikamaru shouting for Hinata.

The memories, the cruel and condescending words, the pain in his head, the echo of a hundred nightmares were closing around him too fast, faster than the restraints.

Caging him...

_LET ME GO!_

The fear and rage sparked, ignited and tore like a blue firestorm through every artery and vein. The force of his chakra exploded just seconds before Shikamaru could anchor him.

Hinata's scream rent the air. "Neji! NO!"

A flood of ice-blue light ripped out of him, every blocked tenketsu bursting.

"_ROTATION!_"

* * *

Shikamaru sensed the backfire coming seconds before it happened.

_Shit._

The hair on the back of his neck went electric. He felt the crackle of chakra, the volatile snap of it through the binds of his shadows after he lost his focus to his concern. A vital mistake that cost him everything.

_Oh God no…_

It happened so fast that it played out slowly. Like time wanted to sadistically drag out the seconds it took for him to watch it all go wrong. The look on Neji's face had his heart twisting so violently in his chest he could have sworn the Hyūga's jutsu had wrapped around it and torn it in two.

_NO!_

The shadows were repelled so fast they blew apart from the force of the palm rotation, taut black ropes snapping like elastic. Shikamaru fell forward, catching himself on his hands as he half-crawled, half-shoved himself up again.

"Sakura!" he roared.

The kunoichi was already staggering to her feet.

Shikamaru pushed into a run, watching as Neji's blinding revolution imploded in a violent flare, sucking all the chakra back out of the air in a vicious reversal. Neji's spin slowed to a grinding halt and he collapsed as he turned on his heel, dropping into the crater created by his jutsu.

Shikamaru's heart stopped dead in his chest.

He froze on the spot.

Hinata dashed past, screaming. "Neji-niisan!"

Her voice jolted him.

Panic slammed through, followed by the whiplash sensation of a hundred other emotions. They thrashed him numb. Numb enough to bypass emotion and grab onto his fraying focus.

_Move!_

He bolted forward and skidded down the shallow crater, crouching beside Neji, forcing his mind into autopilot as he rolled the Hyūga onto his back while Hinata straightened out his legs. Sakura rushed down, sliding her hands under the mass of mocha hair to support Neji's head on her lap as he was turned.

"Neji…"

Neji's skin was grey and taut against the high bones of his cheeks, his lips a shade of blue that had the colour draining from Shikamaru's face in an instant. The Nara stared, muscles petrified by panic. It didn't touch his face, but it was crushing the breath out of him.

_No…not like this…_

"He's breathing," Sakura said, her fingers sliding to check vital signs. "His heart rate is elevating, which means his oxygen saturation rate is dropping."

Shikamaru didn't respond, react, or understand – he just stared.

"Hinata, quickly," Sakura said, her voice firm, her medic's training kicking in as she popped the button on Neji's robe and parted the fabric. "I need to dissolve the embolisms fast, or he's going to go into cardiac arrest. Shikamaru move, we need some space."

Neji's eyes flickered open, paralysing Shikamaru completely.

White eyes, glassy and unseeing, turned up towards him.

Those dark lashes drooped heavily but didn't fall shut.

Shikamaru watched in numb shock as Neji fought the black of unconscious, stronger in its pull than his shadows had been. Stronger than the Hyūga had the energy to resist – but still he fought. Like that mocha bird Shikamaru had watched in its cage; broken but clawing against the inevitable.

Neji just wouldn't stop.

_Stop…please stop…stop fighting…_

A burn was pressing hard against the backs of Shikamaru's eyes.

_Stop…_

Blood leaked from Neji's lips, bringing a morbid colour back to the ashen mouth as it moved soundlessly. Shikamaru kept out of Hinata's way as she scanned Neji's chest, but leaned his head down enough to place his ear to the Hyūga's lips.

Neji's words choked out in a hoarse and broken rattle…

Words that had Shikamaru sinking back on his heels as if he'd been stabbed, his eyes blank and wide as he felt the gutting sensation of an unseen hole opening up deep in his chest.

Pale eyes dulled and rolled back as Neji arched in pain, choking out a cry.

Shikamaru's throat tightened.

"Shikamaru, _move_!" Sakura pressed a hand to his shoulder.

The Nara shoved to his feet and backpedalled out of the crater and out of the way.

Sakura took charge, the green glow of her hands drawing to a sharper, petal-shaped precision. Hinata's eyes directed her, the dark-haired kunoichi's hand moving to Neji's head. A touch of her Gentle Fist was all it took.

Neji's body jerked against the touch then went limp, his lashes falling shut.

Shikamaru stared down, stunned and unblinking.

Only his eyes made a mockery of his composure, glistening and shuttered.

He stood trapped in a state of utter uselessness as the two key players in his strategy took the reigns. They worked swiftly and spoke quickly. But it all moved so _slow_…and all he could do was watch, hovering on the edge of the small dip. A symbolic irony of the edge he'd tried to pull Neji back from. But when Sakura looked up, her aqua eyes fierce and luminous with fear, Shikamaru wondered if he hadn't pushed the Hyūga off it completely.

"Shikamaru," she said in a voice too shaky to be calm.

Hinata's eyes were wet and wide.

A nameless alarm took hold of Shikamaru's brain, shaking it from its lockdown even as his blood chilled. His hand moved automatically, something else taking over before the panic could. His fingers touched his mic and he cleared the rock from his throat, expression so still his lips barely moved.

"Chōji…" he croaked.

* * *

The whisper, deep and soothing, came again. Haunting and familiar.

"_Neji…you must live…"_

_Why? You didn't._

Something cold swept across the fever of his skin, a rush of air or breath. The scent of birds, sweat and smoke and a hint of…

"Shikamaru-kun!"

Sound exploded into the matte black but swirled out again like water down a plughole, spinning around dialogue, voices, breathing. He couldn't breathe…he felt oddly disembodied…like this arms and legs weren't attached to him…there was just his torso…and the intense sensation of his heart strings turning to barbed wire…wire wrapping around his lungs…squeezing…

_I can't breathe…_

"Shikamaru, you need to _listen."_

"No, _you_ need to find another way."

_Another way…?_

He was either being carried or floating…maybe both…or neither…he knew this feeling…the sensation of slipping…the voices pulled him back from the numbness…a badly tuned reception in his head…picking up on pieces…

"Shikamaru-san, it's worse than…"

"…asking me to let you poison…"

"…understand the number of blood clots then you'd…"

_Gods…where am I?_

Solid, something solid beneath him…cold…metallic…birds were screaming.

_Stop…_

"…she said you'd be able to handle this."

"…out of my league, Shikamaru…it's this level of damage…precision of…"

"…needs a medic, not a god damned _vet_…"

"I'm all you have…"

"…work with it, or Hibari and the others will know something's wrong…"

"…let us work. Please."

"…mission is over…Shikamaru and this…isn't that what you wanted?"

_Mission…it was a mission…all this time…_

Neji felt fire spreading down his left side, the pain so intense the black seemed welcoming…he let it take him…it was quiet…peaceful…

_All this time…_

* * *

"Hey, Shikamaru! Nice of you to show up!"

Kiba's voice rolled down the aviary dome.

The dog-nin sat on Akamaru's back, waving one hand, a pair or binoculars in the other as he surveyed the village from higher up.

Shikamaru ignored him, moving along the parapets of the aviary in quick, sharp strides. Chōji followed behind him; quiet and concerned but asking no questions. Shikamaru's eyes were like flint, dark lashes framing a set of mahogany orbs that stared just a little too intensely as they scanned the scorched ground below.

To anyone else he might have looked deep in tactical mode.

But the mode of analysis he was operating in now wasn't tactical. It was critical. Critical because it was the only thing keeping his head together and his body moving forwards instead of backwards. He felt like his stomach was turning in on itself.

_The mission._

His brain fired out commands, clipped and quick.

_Clean up. Calm village. Hold council._

He reached for his mic and tuned the feed. "Team R, the water scrolls took out the flames, but make sure we're completely clear closer to the village. We don't want any embers. Double-check the other spots we hit. Make it quick."

_I was too slow…too slow to react…one hesitation…that's all it took…_

Shikamaru shook his head sharply. He flicked his gaze upwards, watching the mass flock of birds orbiting the sky in a signal of peace and calm that every man, woman and child of the village would understand. The citizens of Hanegakure, including the shinobi, had stopped fighting.

_He never stopped_.

Shikamaru clenched his jaw, taking a moment to speak.

"Naruto," he said, adjusting his mic again.

"_Yeah?"_ came the husky response down the line.

"What's your status?"

"_Really hungry."_

Shikamaru gestured to Chōji, his palm curving in a sign toward the Temple. "Where's Hibari?"

"_In the Temple. Still doin' that mind transference._ _Er, Shikamaru…these guys are looking at me funny._"

"_That's the natural affect of your face_," Kiba laughed down the line.

"_Jerk. Seriously, Shikamaru…they're er…not looking friendly."_

"With the birds holding formation, they won't attack," Shikamaru said, his strides lengthening as he approached the bridge that Chōji had thundered down during the fight. "They're scared and leaderless. Don't piss them off. Their clan elders and rebel benefactors are who we need to talk to."

"_Yeah, alright. Hey, where's Neji?_"

Shikamaru blinked hard, picking up his pace.

"He was injured, but he's gonna be fine." The words rolled out with a kind of detached composure that seemed effortless. It wasn't.

"_Dammit," _Naruto growled. "_Was it that ugly Priest guy?"_

"Yeah…" Shikamaru leapt over the ditch surrounding the Temple, the flames having been doused. "Naruto, stay where you are. Kiba, make sure any injured Hanegakure shinobi are getting medical attention."

"_Right."_

"_On it."_

Shikamaru cut the feed, pacing across the stone apron towards the great stone doors. A shadow cut across his path, smooth and swift and circling. The Nara glanced up, watching the golden eagle turn graceful loops above him. She let out a soft, piercing cry.

"She likes you."

The shadow-nin dropped his gaze, slowing to a stop when Hibari met him at the threshold to the Temple.

Shikamaru arched a brow, his expression as flat as his voice. "I held her down and incapacitated her. Not much to like."

Hibari smiled, leaning against one of the massive doors for support. "Yeah, but she knows why you did it. Guess she forgives you."

Shikamaru stared blankly at Hibari, his throat starting to tighten despite the look of disinterest he kept pulled across his face. He cleared his throat quietly, glancing skyward as he flexed the fingers of his bandaged hand.

"The peace will hold with that bird formation?"

Hibari nodded, the light catching his hitai-ate as he tipped his head back to follow Shikamaru's gaze. "Yeah, the village know that's a sign of amity and peace." A faint smile tugged at his lips and the hard, jaded look fell away from his eyes. "Hasn't happened in a long time and even if the people aren't feeling secure, I know they're curious as to what this all means. We're safe for now."

"How do you know for sure?" Chōji asked, also watching the birds.

"Well," Hibari shrugged and hobbled forward. "We're not dead."

Shikamaru forced a weak smirk, the strain showing in his eyes. "Let's keep it that way. Where do we meet with the clan elders?"

Hibari tilted his chin towards the bridge, something like hope touching his eyes. "Our people on the inside are already making arrangements. Isuka radioed in a complication with some of the birds but said she'd be along shortly. It'll help to have her present. She holds a lot of sway with the people."

_Shit…_

Shikamaru shuttered his eyes, struggling to keep the façade in place. God, he was suddenly so damned tired. He would have closed his eyes if he didn't think the look would give him away or that he'd collapse on the spot. Something must have been leaking through because Hibari glanced back at him and paused for a moment.

All the shadow-nin could manage was to raise a brow in response.

The Tsubasa hummed and a grim twist touched his mouth. "Looking rough around the edges there, Nara."

Shikamaru shrugged wearily. "Yeah. It's been a rough day."

"How are your people doing?"

The question hit the bull's-eye on his guilt, striking a nerve dead-on-centre. It spread fresh tension to every part of him. The chords in Shikamaru's throat flexed uncomfortably beneath his turtleneck, but his face didn't change.

"We survived," he said.

Hibari cocked his head, confused at the bleak response. Shikamaru pretended to glance into the Temple. He had no energy to react to that look.

"Shikamaru!"

It took _every_ bit of energy not to react to that voice. Instead of whirling around, he tossed a casual glance over his shoulder, half-turning. Sakura jogged across the stone apron, her pink strands fastened up and out of her face with her headband. There was blood on her, but she didn't look panicked, just tired. Shikamaru searched her face, but she gave nothing away, aware of the company around them as she approached.

Hibari straightened up against the stone door. "Wondered where you ran off to."

The kunoichi stopped beside Shikamaru, her eyes straying briefly to Hibari as she looked the redhead over. One corner of the Tsubasa's lips quirked upwards, his eyes locked on her face in a blatant stare.

Shikamaru arched a brow.

Sakura blushed, attempted a scowl and raised her chin. "Well, you're not dead. So I guess you didn't do anything reckless."

Hibari smiled wryly, feigning a look of disappointment. "And here I was thinking it might get your attention."

Shikamaru looked askance at Hibari, wondering if he'd misheard.

_What?_

"Only my _medical_ attention, Tsubasa," Sakura warned, trying hard not to smile as she grabbed Shikamaru's wrist and tugged him away with a huff. "Excuse us."

Hibari's smile cracked into a chuckle and he limped across the apron, halting awkwardly when Lee bolted out of the Temple and offered to carry him – which didn't happen.

"Shikamaru?" Chōji called, looking to him for direction.

The Nara waved him on with his free hand. "Yeah, I'll catch up."

Dragged out of earshot, Shikamaru held his tongue. But his silence was based more on fear of knowing the answer rather than any pretence at patience. Inside, his nerves were tighter than trip wires.

Sakura released his wrist and turned to him. "He's stabilised."

The relief gushed through Shikamaru so fast and strong he almost swayed forward to grip his thighs. He blinked slowly and drew a quiet breath through his nose, visibly sagging as some of the tension bled out. Sakura watched him carefully, monitoring him like a heartbeat.

"But if Chōji hadn't cleared that path for us, then it would have been really…" she trailed off, sighing. "Shikamaru, will you _listen_ to me this time?"

He inclined his head, too relieved and drained to single out her words and pick them apart for possibilities. Not that it stopped his mind from pre-empting, or continuing on ahead of his exhaustion. The relief was short-lived, his eyes sharpening on hers.

"Yeah, I'm listening."

Sakura rubbed the back of her wrist across her cheek and blew an errant strand of pink from her face. "There was a lot of mess to clean up."

Shikamaru stared expressionlessly. "Explain."

"You already know that his stagnant chakra blocks created blood clots." She waited for his nod. "Well, when he used the palm rotation it blew open all the chakra blocks and at the same time it dislodged all the blood clots. There were too many of them for me to dissolve with chakra and they were moving too fast in his system. We needed something else."

Shikamaru would have felt that cold dread crawling through him at this point, but Sakura still looked too calm for alarm to be kicking in.

The Nara's eyes narrowed. "You needed the poison, is that what you're trying to say?"

Sakura nodded. "I understand why that freaked you out."

_No, you don't._

Shikamaru scowled. "Isuka suggested brodifacoum, Sakura. Do you know what the hell that is?"

Sakura drew her head back at his sharp tone. "Yes, it's what Ozuku had them killing the sick birds with. Like rat poison."

"Yeah, ever seen what that stuff can do to a human?"

"No, but—"

"Well I have," Shikamaru snapped, then pressed his lips as she looked at him in question.

_Dammit._

He glanced away from her, working his jaw as he stared hard at the ash-scarred stone of the apron, trying to clear his head and centre his thoughts from their wild spin into the past, present and possible future.

"_Still racing a mile a minute, Nara?"_

He closed his eyes in a kind of pain at the memory of Neji's words.

_And I still wasn't fast enough…I never was…every time…_

Sakura studied him in silence.

Leaves scraped across the ground between them, tumbling and turning on a cool breeze. Shikamaru felt her hand settle on his arm lightly, falling away when he glanced back at her out the corner of his eye.

"Shikamaru, you need to understand. We needed to thin Neji's blood fast to dissolve those embolisms." She held her palms apart to illustrate time. "Normally with his condition it's done over a period of time with an anticoagulant. But it can take up to a week for the blood to be thinned." She touched her palms together. "There was no time for that. We needed to use that poison. Isuka knows what she's doing."

Shikamaru's chin tipped down, not quite a nod. "Yeah, I hear you."

"Good," she murmured, some of her own tension dissolving. "Right now his blood is thinning. I healed all the external wounds he took, so he won't bleed out. We have to keep him wound-free. It will be a few days before his blood clots normally again, but the embolisms will be gone."

Shikamaru frowned, calculating time as he scanned the ground, pushing himself into a steady pace. Sakura followed him and they moved across the stone apron in a slow walk. He didn't sense her watching him with concern, his focus turned too far inward.

There was so much that he still had to cover.

The peace alliance, the team debrief, the mission reports – which he'd have to check and doctor accordingly – plus the assurance that all loose ends were tied and covered and double guarded against some disastrous backfire.

The memory of blue chakra tearing into the clearing tore a look of pain across his face. He raised a hand to his head, pinching the bridge of his nose as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the sound of Neji's voice and the image of his face.

_Forget this was anything else…don't fuck up…not again…not now…_

The thoughts churned so fast he didn't realise his pace had accelerated until Sakura jogged a little beside him, forcing his step to slow.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah…headache…"

"Shikamaru."

He stopped walking but didn't face her, forcing Sakura to step around him as they paused near the edge of the moat Chōji had carved. Her aqua-hued eyes softened with a gutting sympathy when he met her gaze through his lashes.

"He's going to be fine, Shikamaru," she encouraged, smiling.

The Nara's eyes strayed to the side. "Yeah."

"Shikamaru, call it a mission if that's what you want, but you saved his life."

_No…I didn't…_

He failed to hear the reassurances that followed. Her voice began to recede, as did the chatter of thoughts, the scrape of the leaves across the stone and the chorus of song in the skies. Sound vanished into that pit that had opened up deep in his gut and chest, leaving a horrible pressure in his ears and in his head and in the backs of his stinging eyes as he stared down at the sludge of ash and cinder lining the base of the moat.

All he could hear was the hoarse echo of Neji's voice against his ear.

Ghosting over and over in his mind…

"_You killed me…before this could…"_

* * *

A breeze through his hair...that's what it felt like...a delicate, dragging sensation...

But there was no wind.

Light played across Neji's eyelids, creating a dappled effect like a shimmer of distant sun above black water.

_Water_.

His throat felt raw, like it would tear and split if he tried to swallow…his muscles ached with a force that pulled nausea through his gut…grounding him back into his body…dragging him back towards awareness…blistering…shivering...awareness…

_Fever…?_

Poison. He could feel it, almost taste it coating his teeth. Chemical, bitter and burning through him in ribbons…veins on fire…lungs as heavy as lead in his chest…it was where the staccato bursts of pain struck like little razors…cutting…sharp…

_Sharp…_

Shikamaru's eyes came to mind…

_Mind…_

That mind was sharper than those eyes…both had united to cut Neji open…dissect him and…

_Break me down…_

Something burned inside him…it hurt worse than the pain…worse than the poison…because Shikamaru ran stronger than the chemicals in his veins…as treacherous and deceptive as smoke…smoke in his blood…

_I'm going to…tear you out of me…__Nara_...

That soft comb through his hair returned, then a pull that would have had him frowning if he could have shaped an expression.

"Maki-chan! Don't do that."

"But…I'm just brushing it…he's my friend."

"He needs to sleep, okay? Go run along now."

The scrape of chair legs screeched like nails against a chalkboard in his head; a good comparison, given how black his world had become. Everything was dark and dusted with motes of reality and delirium drifting across the screen. Sound swelled against his temples, the pressure throbbing and building.

A hand smoothed his hair back. "Maki-chan is quite taken with you. She really likes your eyes, bless her."

He knew that voice…a fuzzy image conjured in his head…clothed in white…frail looking…the feminine tones pitched like lilting birdsong…the vet…he remembered her voice…the name slipped in and out of his consciousness…

_Isuka…?_

The sensation of something cool dabbed across his brow…

_Wake up…_

Neji's eyelashes flickered against his cheekbones but his eyes wouldn't open.

He couldn't frame words, but he felt the gentle tap of water slipping between his chapped lips, cool and clear and sliding in thin rivulets down his throat. A welcome distraction as the pain pulsed, waves of nausea ploughing him back towards the black.

_No…get up…_

His fingers flexed weakly and a sharp beep sounded to his left.

Like a measured heartbeat…

_Is it even beating…? Am I…?_

"You've got an amazing constitution," the voice nattered softly above him, fading in and out as if a volume dial was turning in his head. "I've never seen anything like it. I wish I was strong, but my talent isn't in my body. I've got weak bones."

_Weak…?_

The word filtered through the thick fog in his head, permeating with a sense of utter disgust at his incapacitation.

_Move…God just…get up and…move…_

No command would compute, in fact, his consciousness struggled to even complete the instruction, deliriously mixing memories in his head…a psychedelic swirl as distorted as his dreams…

_Move…_

"_It's your move…"_

Move. A game…a lie…lies…

Shikamaru.

_Get out…of my blood…get out…of my head…_

The heart monitor beside the rickety medical bed beeped loudly, an erratic shift that caused the stroke against his hair to stop. He heard footsteps, the rustle of movement and a gentle pat to his forearm.

"I know, it must be horrible. It's okay, Hyūga. It will pass. I promise."

Neji felt her pat his arm again…then a different sensation followed it, further away, on the edge of his awareness…almost like a chakra signature…flaring and fading…

_Am I hallucinating?_

He tried to move. And couldn't. The beep to his left piqued and sped a little.

"Hush. You're as restless as our birds," Isuka murmured warmly. "But don't worry. Your friends will be bac—!"

Her voice cut off in a choked gasp and something smashed on the floor.

The sound struck Neji's mind like the clash of symbols, reverberating through him.

Birds screamed in their cages, rattling steel, upturning feeding trays.

A wet spray struck his fevered skin.

It was warm. Too warm.

_No… GET UP!_

The surface he lay on rocked under the weight of something collapsing against it, rolling it across a little way before the chord binding his arm to the drip pulled taut. The needle slid out. He didn't even feel it. The sensation of spinning didn't stop and his brain reeled, fighting to cope with the influx of nausea and distorted gravity.

He could no longer hear Isuka…just the shrill beep to his left and the panic of birds.

He struggled to stretch his senses, to search for the sound of her breathing.

Nothing.

Just the scrape of talons and thrash of wings.

But even through the addled mess of his perception…he knew he wasn't alone.

The tension drew his nerves into brittle strands, vibrating with a powerless anger as paralysis and pain held him captive, leaving him without any comprehension of what the hell had just happened.

Until something touched his wrist.

It trailed up his forearm in a gentle scrape, tickling his skin, brushing along the crook of his arm and following the strong curve of his bicep, scaling higher to skim his across his collar bone…then down along the hurting slabs of his chest, to the delineated plates of muscle that corrugated his stomach…

"Oh Hyūga," a deeper, feminine voice crooned in his ear. "What has that boy done to you?"

The fever suddenly felt cold on his skin.

* * *

"Oi Shikamaru, didn't think we'd be back here again, huh?"

"It was so empty the last time," Sakura said, shaking her head. "Look at it now."

The hum that filled the great hall was like a buzz of static against Shikamaru's skin. It seemed more a hive, rather than a hall, the activity and anticipation picking up as Hanegakure shinobi and clan elders filed in. The hushed anxiety had begun to slide in favour of mounting anticipation and curiosity. Faces that had held stern and suspicious expressions had softened or become animated.

"Flock mentality," Hibari chuckled, glancing at Shikamaru.

Shikamaru said nothing – he just scanned the crowd.

"As long as it doesn't go all mob mentality," Kiba muttered, crouched down with an arm slung around Akamaru.

"Won't happen," Hibari assured.

Shikamaru wanted to take this word for it, but his brain continued to predict any potential disaster and the ways to counter it. He stood with Hibari and the rest of the Konoha Team on a dais to one side of the hall. It gave them some vantage point before they'd have to step down and join the elders at the stone table. The same one they'd sat around when they'd held council with Ozuku days before.

The Nara's eyes strayed further along.

Across from the table, the great hall continued to fill with the relevant figureheads and clan representatives – it would be more of an open council, allowing citizens to take the floor and express their views. Shikamaru had seen Hibari do this with his rebels. The Nara had been impressed with the coordinated discipline of the rebels, but not entirely surprised by it. They obeyed Hibari unquestioningly, out of respect and devotion with no hint of fear or obligation.

Not like with Ozuku or Fukurō.

Hibari encouraged questions and welcomed suggestions, coming to collective verdicts with his trusted shinobi. But once the weighed decisions were voiced and the judgment carried, his final word was law. Discussion over; discipline and order maintained.

He'd make a good leader, if the people would accept him.

His clan name was heavily tainted – it would take time to be free of the stain.

"Giving the villagers their voices back…" Sakura was saying, her voice carrying across. "It's a good start."

Hibari hummed. "Not too reckless either. Does it win me any favours?"

"No." Sakura folded her arms, but Shikamaru knew she was smiling.

_Never saw that coming…like so much else…_

The Nara continued to scan the hall, searching for any ripples of aggression. There didn't seem to be any. The sudden smack of Akamaru's tail against his leg drew his focus down. The dog had his head cocked up, floppy ears arched and tongue lolling as he gazed at the shadow-nin with a troublesome intensity.

Shikamaru sighed, a dark brow rising in a weak imitation of its normal arch.

Akamaru whined and batted his leg with his tail again, back and forth like a friendly pat – the canine equivalent of one at a least. The odd, knowing comfort in the gesture caused Shikamaru's jaw to tighten, the rock of emotion rising up his throat again.

_Fuck…I can't do this shit right now…_

He resisted the urge to squeeze his eyes shut.

"Hey!" Kiba barked, pointing towards the dome of the hall. "No way! It's Naruto's lovebirds!"

Naruto moved so fast it was like a strobe flash of yellow, orange and black all at once. He dived behind Chōji, hands already waving through his hair in case he'd been dive-bombed unawares.

"Hide me!"

"You total wimp," Kiba laughed. "They're only after 'the one who got away'."

Shikamaru flicked his gaze upward, trailing the flock of small orange birds zipping around the timbers higher up. He focused on this distraction until his gaze alightened on a flex of powerful wings. Hibari's eagle sat in the rafters, gazing down at them.

"Lovebirds?" Hibari echoed, his brow knitting in confusion. "Those aren't—"

"Don't even bother, Hibari," Sakura sighed.

"They're _Naruto's _lovebirds." Kiba waggled his eyebrows. "Naruto's the one that got away."

"Shut up!" Naruto's fist ducked under Chōji's arm, shaking wildly.

Hibari smirked. "Those birds are good luck. You should take one with you back to Konoha."

"Hell no!" Naruto yelled.

"Hell _yes_." Kiba was on his feet in an instant, hand held out like a mechanic asking for a tool as he flexed his fingers. "Hinata, get me a net. Or some of Naruto's blood or whatever. You can bite him."

"What the hell, Kiba!"

"Kiba-kun!" Hinata said firmly, as close to admonishing him as she could get while blushing.

Shikamaru didn't react and simply stared at Akamaru's tail as it swished softly against his leg. "Hibari, are we waiting on Isuka here?"

"Well, a couple more elders. I'd appreciate if she was here though."

"She said she'd call me in to replace her," Sakura said, looking across as she tapped the mic she was still wearing. "I'll check in with Neji too."

Shikamaru took her meaning and nodded. "Yeah."

It went against every grain inside him not to have Sakura or Hinata with Neji. But it was imperative that the Konoha Team showed their faces. At this point, the trust was so damned tentative even the slightest suspicion of unaccounted for allies might provoke a knee-jerk reaction from suspicious elders. It was hard enough explaining Neji's absence.

_Isuka better hurry up…_

"So how's your Hyūga doing?" Hibari asked gravely, his eyes on the crowd. "Will he be alright?"

The answer to that should have been automatic, but Shikamaru found his tongue glued to the roof of his mouth.

"He'll be fine but he needs to rest," Sakura said, coming to Shikamaru's rescue before he could exhaustedly force an answer. "Chakra expenditure. His ninjutsu requires a lot of it."

Hibari hummed, grey eyes narrowing in consideration. "Yeah? I never saw him using any ninjutsu when we were fighting. Not even the Byakugan."

_Fuck._

Shikamaru recovered fast, his lazy tones rolling out unaffectedly. "Guess he saved it for Ozuku."

"Saved it? That doesn't seem odd to you?"

The Nara shrugged. "I'm not a Hyūga."

Hibari left it at that and Shikamaru couldn't help but feel that the Tsubasa sensed a raw nerve beneath the surface. Or perhaps he was just being paranoid; which might have been cruelly ironic given how many times he'd accused Neji of being mistrustful of others.

_And now you've given him every reason to be…_

Crueller still, was the fact that he could have stopped it. That he could have lessened the impact of his actions. That he could have walked away from the territory he'd lost himself on and in. Better to have kept distance and have lost nothing he couldn't suffer himself to walk away from at the start; detached and unaffected.

_It doesn't matter…you can't lose what you never found…_

Perhaps that was the cruellest lie of all.

And for all his intelligence, he knew he couldn't fool himself.

* * *

"You may have fooled them, Hyūga…but I could see it in your eyes."

All Neji could see was black.

His other senses weren't doing much better, though Kitori's voice was stabbing through, like honey-coated thorns, the sticky sweetness of her tones disguising the deluded bitterness he could detect.

_I need to move…_

But nothing would respond. That incorporeal feeling, like he was experiencing the pain outside of his body as well as inside of it, continued to disorient and confuse the signals firing off in his head; he wasn't even capable of commanding them.

_Move._

The sluggish pull of his breaths laboured a little more as he struggled to impose his will over his weakened state.

_MOVE!_

The heart monitor beeped out his efforts.

"Sssh," Kitori's breath played across his brow and that soft scrape he now knew to be her fingernails traced out his ribs, raising higher to drag through his hair. "I'm good at fooling people too. We're two of a kind, you and I."

_I am nothing like you…_

He fought again to open his eyes, but only his lashes flickered in response.

He heard Kitori move, noting that her pace halted and a single step fell heavier, as if she'd stepped over something.

_Isuka…_

Anger and guilt crawled under Neji's skin more potently than the heat from his fever. How the hell had Kitori gotten loose? Hadn't she been locked up? Had she fought? Who else had she harmed? The questions rolled around his head like sharp rocks, heavy and scraping against his skull.

"Foolish of them, really. I'm very good at escaping from cages…ever since I was a little girl…" Kitori trailed off, her fingertips skimming Neji's jaw. "This bird is not without her wiles. I grew wiser than they knew."

_Wiser…_

Unbidden, one more memory dislodged from his consciousness, the voice of Shiranui Genma swirling around with the rest of the debris in his head.

_"When captured birds grow wiser, they try to open the cage with their beaks. They don't give up, because they want to fly again."_

Neji's fingers twitched.

God, maybe it was all a sick hallucination.

But then hands cupped his face and the cool pads of Kitori's thumbs caressed his cheekbones, following the proud ridges. "Did he bring you peace? I saw how you touched him. Like this."

Her fingers traced out a path similar to the sweep his fingers had taken across the sharp angles of Shikamaru's face.

_How would she know that…?_

"I saw how he told you to stop." She paused with her fingertips at his temples. "And you did. It was hypnotic, the way you looked at him. The way he wouldn't look at you."

Neji's mind struggled to follow the words and link them back to a time and place that wasn't likely to be a fantasy in Kitori's head. But what she was describing seemed too familiar…her touch too intimately directed and precise…

"And do you know what you did next?"

He instinctively knew.

The puff of her breath fluttered against his lips. "You didn't want to stop, did you?"

Inside, he recoiled with disgust at the bold caress of this woman's mouth above his. Just the fact that she could get this close to him was enough to provoke a violent urge to make her regret it. But it was one thing to feel the urge, another thing entirely to be able to make good on the threat.

_FUCK. MOVE!_

He couldn't. He could only suffer the nauseating sensation of her tongue snaking out slowly, tracing along his bottom lip until her teeth bit down just shy of drawing his blood. Then she drew back, cupping his jaw as she set her face so close to his that he could feel the dangerous tremble in her voice.

"He chased you," she whispered bitterly. "Why did no one chase me? Why did no one come for me? They left me in that cage. Branded me, ensured that I birthed two beautiful babies. I tried to save them."

_Save them?_

Inside, some of Neji's anger tamed, banking to a simmer as he tried to make sense of the words pressing against his eardrums with the added pressure of blood roaring in his head.

"But you saved my Toki, didn't you? You showed mercy. You saved her."

_Saved her?_

He'd killed her. Cut her down. Under the illusion that she was a threat when in reality she had been a terrified, pregnant girl – no more than a child herself – hiding behind courage that might have crumbled long enough for him to realise the truth if he'd given her the chance.

Some of the fight left him then, the rage giving way to a horrible confusion and regret.

"I tried to get my Hibari to see," she whispered, her fingertips smoothing over Neji's face like a child might touch a treasured doll, the keeper of her secrets.

_I don't want your secrets…I don't want your pain…_

It was too close to his own…if he cut away the circumstances and tore away the contexts… the pain was the same…raw…bitter…strong enough to attack other people's hearts if only to protect what was left of his own…

Not that he'd managed to do it.

He forcibly tried to banish the image of those burning mahogany eyes, deepening to obsidian.

"I tried to tell him when he was a child," Kitori went on. "Tell him that I've seen things…up there in the sky, soaring like a bird. There's no restriction, no pain, no chains holding us down. There's just the wind."

Something wet hit Neji's cheek.

He belatedly realised it was Kitori's tears.

"Only the wind has chased me, Hyūga. No one else ever did." Her fingertips dragged the tears along the hollows of his cheeks, as if painting her grief onto him. "But I will give you the mercy you couldn't give me. Because I understand what freedom is…I understand that only one thing brings people like us that kind of peace. Do you know what that is?"

For a treacherous second, the image of Shikamaru's face flashed in Neji's mind – a haunting snapshot that his anger would have torn down the middle if the pain hadn't ripped him up first.

Something else touched his skin then - angled against the slant of his cheek.

Cold steel.

Kitori's lips touched his ear. "Death."

* * *

_This is taking too long…_

The nerves at the base of Shikamaru's nape tightened and tingled. He reached a hand back, rubbing at the tension, his eyes scanning the crowd. His temples felt as tight as the skin stretched across a drum; his brain had no trouble supplying one thought after another to beat his head into a pulp.

_Shit…I can't think like this…_

Under the excuse of catching some air and clearing his head before the last elders arrived, Shikamaru slipped out a backdoor, stepping onto a large veranda. It was decked with tables and chairs for open dining in the summer; an upper tier that overlooked the village.

Shikamaru strolled to the balcony and set his palms on the railing, gripping hard as he bowed his head and pulled a cool breath through his nose, holding it deep as he stared at the back of his bandaged hand.

_Get it together. You've got a role to play. Do it. Quit whining like a kid._

A soft giggle drew his gaze across.

Shikamaru raised his head a little, his shoulder blades shifting beneath his flak jacket as he straightened up. A blonde kid, crouched by one of the tables, waved at him. The shadow-nin stared at her quietly, then tipped his head in acknowledgement. He didn't mean for it to be an invitation, but the girl sprung up all the same and tottered over.

"You're tricky!" she announced, stabbing a finger up at him.

_Tricky?_

Shikamaru cringed inside. He felt awkward around kids at the best of times.

_Troublesome…this is the last thing I need right now…_

The green-eyed girl paused with her hands on her hips, looking up at him with a sincerely unimpressed expression that had him slouching away from her. He didn't want to be on the receiving end of a kid's tantrum – especially one that looked as troublesome as this one. He slid his gaze away, hoping that the break in eye contact might translate his disinterest.

"You're _clever_ tricky! Your friend said so!"

That got his attention.

He looked back at her, arching a brow. "My friend?"

"The sad one. He has angel eyes."

Shikamaru stared at her, his lips parting as the breath died in his throat, forcing him to swallow hard. "What?"

"He said you were looking after him." The girl cocked her head, blonde ringlets tumbling as she twisted her mouth into a small knot, clearly suspicious. "But now _she's_ looking after him," the child whined, drawing out the 'she' for all it was worth. "I don't like her!"

Shikamaru frowned, looking away as he rubbed at his brow. "Isuka-san is a good lady."

"Nuh-uh, not Isuka-san, silly! Isuka-san is sleeping."

Shikamaru went completely still. "What?"

"Yup!" the little girl nodded. "On the floor. It's dirty on the floor. But the braid lady is looking after your friend. I don't like her though. She's got scary eyes."

For a heart-stopping moment, Shikamaru just stared.

Then he ran.

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **The clock's ticking and the _final_ Hanegakure ball is rolling. Hope you guys enjoyed! Stay tuned. ^_^ Thoughts always appreciated!

**REVIEWERS**_**: **_Thank you **so** much for the great response to the last chapter. ^_^ You guys continue to keep me chugging on! Cheers, dears! ^_^

**Ayachan** – LOL. My thanks, dear! Hope you enjoyed this one too. ^_^


	42. Chapter 42

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Forty Two**

[Dedicated to Shinimegami7]

Smoke hung thick and heavy over Hanegakure, eddies of grey and black that the winds pushed out of the Aviary and into the village. A haze of ash and heat, dust and obscurity.

Shikamaru cut through the thick of it, his eyes narrowed against the sting.

Above the smoke, a shrill cry carried as sharp as a shuriken.

He didn't look up.

His expression was set, his mind fixed on one destination. And his feet moved with a fleet-footedness that might have shocked him if he'd known the distance he'd covered in only a few minutes. He ran without pacing himself, without consciously directing a step.

_Please…_

Adrenalin and fear pushed his lunge to a higher bridge and he found purchase without channelling chakra to his feet, darting along the next crossing in a dash, scaling Hanegakure's spiralling levels.

He moved like the deer his clan tended, with swiftness and agility that usually served him when his strength fell second to his speed. But now, he felt his speed falling short.

_Please…_

Before Neji the most instinctual of his runs had been about fleeing. _With_ Neji, that instinct had become something else entirely. This time, the urge to run wasn't driven by self-preservation or ordered pursuit of a target or goal.

It was an urge to protect...if he could make it in time.

He clenched his eyes shut then snapped them open.

They burned, wild with the fear inside him.

_God…please…!_

* * *

She was singing.

The sound lilted in and out of Neji's mind like ripples breaking against his eardrums. The fever had set in fully and it's irritating waves of delirium made it increasingly harder to determine what was real, imagined or remembered.

It was maddening…and he couldn't fight it or make a move to run away from it.

_Run away…?_

_"Hey, that's my role. Now look at me, being all responsible and crap, making sure you don't fall on your face."_

Shikamaru…

The words came through so clear, clearer than the oddly hoarse tones of Kitori's singing...tears were roughening her voice...giving it a smoky quality...

Smoke_…_

He was so sure he could smell it. Then the taste of smoke came back to him, not imagined, every bit a memory…feeding between his lips…

"_Neji…breathe…"_

The stroke of cold steel across his stomach snapped him into reality.

"I used to sing this to my girl," Kitori murmured. "She had such a beautiful voice…sometimes I can still hear her on the wind. She's free now."

Neji struggled to centre his focus. If he could just pull himself a little further out of the black, just enough to respond in some way, it might buy him time.

_WAKE UP!_

Lips settled at his brow and his brain fired off flashes of phantom pain, as if the curse mark were burning beneath her lips.

"When you see my girl, Hyūga, tell her that I'll see her soon…"

The memory of Fukurō's voice bowled over Kitori's in a sickening echo.

_"Remember my name, Hyūga. You can tell it to my daughter on the other side."_

Neji's fingers twitched, his eyelashes flickering.

_Not this way. Not like this._

The notion of ceasing to exist without putting up one hell of a fight just wasn't acceptable. The thought was impossible to grasp and his body, blood and brain rejected it with a violence that pushed a tremor along his muscles. They tightened in a ripple.

_I will not die here…_

Kitori's lips strayed to his ear again. "Now only the wind will chase you."

The first bite of the blade barely registered.

But the feel of blood spilling down along his chest did.

But there was too much of it – especially from such a shallow wound. And in his fevered mind, he couldn't make sense of it.

The beep of the heart monitor rocketed.

Kitori's fingers smoothed through his hair. "Hyūga, are you so eager to escape this world that you would bleed this way? Do you wish it was _him_ giving you this peace? Instead he gave you a prison where you cannot move."

Neji didn't feel the second slash of the blade, because sound exploded from across the room…or was it inside of his head? Like an aneurysm detonating in his brain. The pain slammed into his eardrums and reverberated along his skull.

Birds screamed and crashed in their cages.

Kitori's hair brushed his skin.

The throb of noise crammed in his skull.

And somewhere in the warped arena of his senses, he thought he heard voices as he faded in and out of black…in and out of reality…or was it in and out of existence?

* * *

The door flew back on its hinges so hard that the broken lock went flying into one of the bird cages, startling the screaming creatures into a fresh frenzy of panic.

Shikamaru heard none of it.

All he could hear was the shrill ringing in his head the moment his heart jack-hammered into his throat violently enough that he almost choked. For the second time in the span of a few torturous hours, time stretched out again, moving with its fickle elasticity, pulling every fleeting moment into a slow motion pace.

Kitori's head seemed to turn as if through water. So slowly that he had time enough to track the swish of her bangs and the turn of her bloodshot eyes as they swivelled in their sunken sockets. Those rusted orbs locked on him and her lips parted.

It struck him then, just how corpse-like she looked from the last time he'd seen her.

"You came for him…Shikamaru."

She spoke the words in a morbid drone and they were almost lost under the screeching racket of the birds. Shikamaru's eyes, wide in their horror, lowered to the blade she held in her hand, poised above Neji's neck. The edge was laced in blood and it beaded at the pointed tip of the dagger, dripping like teardrops into the hollow of Neji's throat.

_No…_

The Nara's eyes rounded further, watching small crimson streams trickle along the planes of Neji's torso, tracing their route through the territory of his skin, spilling between the ridges of his abdominals like a twisted irrigation system stealing life rather than supplying it.

Shikamaru's eyes snapped towards the source of the wound.

It was a crossing gash above Neji's right clavicle.

Close to the pressure point.

Streaming thinned blood in gushes.

_The brodifacoum…_

Shikamaru swallowed hard, his eyes on the razor edge of the blade. "Kitori…"

"You came for him..." she echoed, raising her voice only enough to be heard above the birds. "Why?"

"Why?" Shikamaru husked the word out, fighting the urge to lunge across the room and crushed her throat as the strain in his own pulled tight enough that he could barely breathe.

_God…think…THINK…_

Neji was bleeding out…Isuka lay on the ground, her face turned away from him…her vet's coat blooming red to one side…items were scattered on the floor around her…beyond the window something was circling and shrieking…

All of this Shikamaru took in through his peripheral vision and focus, the details automatically filing into his mind while his attention remained riveted on the dagger.

The dagger hovering above Neji's throat…

_Think! Use your fucking head!_

It was all he had – there was no way he could use his jutsu. He was fresh out of the kind of chakra needed to use it. Kitori was too close to the Jōnin for him to make a rash move.

"_Why_ did you come for him, Shikamaru…?" she bit out, stroking her fingers through Neji's blood like paint. "Why do you _always_ come for him?"

Shikamaru almost shook with the effort of control he barely had a grip on. Its grip on _him_ was slipping fast. The rage and fear flashed in his eyes and his voice cut out sharply and coldly in its rash logic.

"You think people didn't try to come for you, is that it?"

Kitori's lips twisted into a sour smile, but tears flooded her eyes. "Clever, clever boy. But this isn't revenge…this is mercy…"

"Mercy?" Shikamaru flicked a desperate glance at Neji, then locked his gaze back on her.

She tilted her head. "It hurts you to see him like this, doesn't it?"

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed, the muscles in his jaw flexing hard. The hollows of his cheeks grew more defined with every grind of his teeth and anger drew his gaze sharper than her blade.

The force of it struck her, but not in the way he intended.

Kitori actually looked disappointed.

She stroked the blade across Neji's mouth, pressing the tip down on his bottom lip just hard enough to draw a ruby pearl. "That's not what I want to see in your eyes, Shikamaru. Anger is a mask. Give me something real."

Shikamaru stared at her, his expression fierce.

On the ground, Isuka's fingers curled and flexed.

Fighting the urge to shoot the vet a glance, he kept his eyes on Kitori. "Something real?" he snapped, stalling.

Isuka's arm began to inch across the floor, moving by degrees. Shikamaru followed the movement out the corner of his eye, unable to direct his focus there while Kitori's attention was fixed on his face.

"Blood is real…" she pressed the blade down a little harder on Neji's lip, splitting the tender skin. It leaked red to the corner of Neji's mouth, spilling down to chase along his jaw line.

Shikamaru's eyes widened, while Kitori's glistened with tears.

"Tears are real…" she whispered.

"You want my blood, Kitori?" Shikamaru ground out, stepping forwards a few paces with his arms spread. "Take it."

Kitori cocked her head, eyes narrowing as she searched him, the expression on her face almost mercurial as it morphed between too many extremes of emotion for the Nara to follow.

"You'd bleed for him, Shikamaru," she muttered aloud, shaking her head. "But you can't cry for him, can you?"

Shikamaru stopped moving forward, pausing right beside Isuka.

The sound of Neji's heart rate fluctuated in jerky beeps.

Fear gripped Shikamaru by the throat, but his face remained impassive.

"Dear boy," Kitori twirled the dagger over in her hand, fingers shaking as she gripped the hilt. "You can't run from yourself and chase him at the same time, can you?"

Isuka's fingers brushed Shikamaru's ankle. She pushed something against his foot. He lowered his gaze, hooding his eyes to make it look as if he'd closed them. His vision locked onto the weapon Isuka had presented and the chill cascaded through him.

_Use it._

"Guess that works out," Shikamaru uttered hoarsely, fighting for a strategy. "He always said he didn't need me to…"

His blasé response earned him a dagger glare.

"Then why _do_ you!" Kitori's eyes flashed poisonously and she gripped the blade tighter in her fury. "Tell me _why_ you always do it!"

Shikamaru watched her movements, his whole body tensing for a burst of speed he could feel pooling in his muscles.

"Tell me!"

"No."

Kitori snarled her rage at this denial. "Tell me why!"

The moment she made to draw the dagger high, Shikamaru drove forward and down, slamming his shoulder hard into the side of Neji's medical bed, his fingers brushing low to pick up the syringe by his foot all in the same motion.

The bed swung in a veer.

It caught Kitori in the hip, knocking her off centre in a spin.

_Now!_

Shikamaru lunged between her and Neji, shoving the bed to roll further away while the arc of Kitori's blade reached its apex, the glint catching Shikamaru's eye.

She twirled around before he could.

The dagger screamed down in a white flash.

It buried into Shikamaru's flak jacket with enough force to knock him back against the wall. Kitori made to twist the blade just as he swung his arm and plunged the syringe into her neck.

For a second their eyes locked.

Then his thumb jerked down on the plunger.

Kitori jolted once and slowly her inflamed eyes widened, a choked sound spluttering out of her. Shikamaru panted through his nose, his teeth grit as Kitori twisted her fingers around the hilt of the dagger, driving it deeper. Lodged in his vest at an angle, it drew no blood. But he felt cut open all the same. She searched his face, her throat working convulsively as the poison flooded her system.

Shikamaru was shaking, his breaths shuddering out as the adrenalin turned cold.

He sure as hell didn't like the memory this situation provoked.

But more important than the past, was the present slipping away in seconds.

Slipping away…

_Neji…_

Immediately his gaze flicked across to the Hyūga and pain and panic tore through his eyes, betraying itself in the twist of his expression.

_God please…_

"Shikamaru…"

He looked back to Kitori when she whispered his name.

She cocked her head like a bird, gazing into his eyes.

The stare that held was deep and disturbing.

And of all the things that could have happened, he didn't expect her to smile. She slid her hand away from the protruding hilt of the dagger to brush across his flak jacket, settling above his heart. She tapped her fingers like a child, staring at him with those red-cracked eyes.

"So…that's why…" she said quietly.

Shikamaru's face contorted in confusion and he drew his head back until it hit the wall, putting distance between them as her nose began to bleed. He jerked his hand away from the syringe protruding from her neck, watching as Kitori staggered back in a drift – and as an afterthought, she tugged the syringe free.

It dropped to the floor in a clatter.

Shikamaru remained against the wall for a few heartbeats, his brain spinning, his lungs like two sacks of blood in his chest, turning to iron as he tried to breathe.

_Breathe. NEJI._

Then the world crashed back into perspective and he was at Neji's side in an instant, slamming his hand onto the pressure point at the Hyūga's clavicle to staunch the flow of blood. It oozed between his fingers and he adjusted the position of his grip and pressed down harder.

"Neji…Neji…" he choked out. "Shit…"

The birds screeched in their cages.

Shikamaru turned his head, just in time to see Kitori's braid whip the air as she staggered in a weaving veer from the room.

_Dammit!_

She wouldn't last long, but there was no telling what she'd do until the poison ran its course. It would work fast. That much of it, at that concentration of toxicity, wouldn't give her time to get far. He already knew how it would end for her.

Hibari's eagle screeched long and loud outside.

But the only shrill sound that caught Shikamaru's attention was the beep of Neji's heart rate.

_How…how the hell did I let this happen? God, I let this happen…_

Keeping one hand clamped to the bleeding gash Shikamaru turned towards Isuka as she propped herself against the wall. Her leg was twisted awkwardly to one side.

Shikamaru's eyes flicked to her face. "Isuka?"

"I'm okay…I'm okay…" She reached for the mic at her throat weakly as she radioed in for Sakura. "You need to stop her…Shikamaru…"

_No._

Shikamaru turned back to Neji, shaking his head, face pale and taut as he worked to bunch the blankets against the Hyūga's wound.

_Not this time. I can't… I can't walk away…not again…_

Isuka raised her voice. "Shikamaru-san…I can help him…you need to help me stand up…and you need to stop Kitori…"

She'd be dead soon. What the hell did it matter? He hated his mind for responding immediately, as if on a command prompt.

_Because she might take someone else with her…_

With Neji's blood gushing between his fingers, maybe she already had.

_No…NO…_

Shikamaru stared hard at the Hyūga's blood stained lips, his teeth grit against a sound he didn't think he could afford to let loose. He gave a mental countdown, pulling his mind from the edge of panic.

"Shikamaru…please…"

Shikamaru barely heard Isuka, fighting to keep from losing both his voice and his focus as he stared down at Neji. "Dammit, Neji…come on…"

Neji didn't respond.

Those opal eyes didn't flicker open.

The Jōnin remained limp and silent, ashen and barely breathing.

_Neji…_

"Troublesome, Hyūga…" Shikamaru growled, blinking rapidly, forcing the words around the hoarse knot in his throat, his arms shaking as he pressed the wound harder. "You don't get to take that nap…not today…"

The blood wouldn't stop.

"Shikamaru-san…please…"

Shikamaru clenched his eyes shut, feeling torn down the centre, the pressure of the conflict and struggle building inside him.

"Please…" Isuka pleaded. "She could hurt one of the children…"

_Shit…_

Shikamaru slipped his eyes open, dragging the torn parts of himself back together, forcing a needle of focus and a thread of control through them. He tightened the grip he managed to get on his mind – he couldn't do the same for his heart.

But he knew what he had to do.

Swallowing thickly, the shadow-nin stared a final time at Neji's face, at the sallow skin and the dark smudges beneath the Hyūga's eyes. Then the Nara drew a tight breath, his mind slipping into critical mode as his throat closed up around the words he husked out.

"You don't lose, remember? Don't start now…"

* * *

Shikamaru didn't run.

He walked, lengthening his strides only when he crossed the tree line.

His pace was the measured, steady advance of someone who knew exactly what they'd find – and the surety that they'd find it. Maybe that's why he'd run so damned fast with Neji. He'd never been sure. He'd just hedged his bets…and then he'd hedged something more. Attempting to outrun the cruel reality his brain kept trying to wrestle his impulse into understanding.

_It makes no difference how fast you moved…what you wanted to find was lost way before you thought you had it._

But he'd chased after it anyway.

Over and over.

Surely it took some kind of twisted, masochistic talent to be that stupid. His IQ wasn't offering up any answers on that front. Or if it was, the answers were unwanted, or uncertain or simply unacceptable.

He wasn't sure; maybe he didn't want to be sure.

There was safety in the 'not knowing' and 'not processing'. At least for now. The shock had hit home – hard – and he'd gone into shutdown. He'd had to in order to walk away from that room. And from Neji.

_Again…_

Shikamaru blinked slowly, following the shadow of Hibari's eagle. Kitori had made no attempt to cover her steps or keep out of sight, which made her easy enough to track. She'd cut a stumbling, weaving path, but she hadn't run; probably to slow the effects of the chemicals circuiting her system. Just as Shikamaru had thought, Isuka had doctored the poison. In measured amounts, the deadly effects wouldn't set in.

That wouldn't be the case with Kitori.

Hell, he'd shot her full of a toxic dose. She'd start to haemorrhage and bleed from the inside out. A gruesome, painful way to go and it didn't satisfy him to know that; but considering all she'd done, maybe it should have.

Above him, the eagle whirled and dived.

While the bird directed him, he didn't really need her. But she saved him time, because time had snapped back with a vengeance, making a mockery of its earlier pace. Kitori must have known she was on a quick route to death's door so it came as no surprise that she'd collapsed by the time Shikamaru found her.

What _did_ come as a surprise was the fact that someone else had found her first.

Hibari.

Opting to wait in the wings, Shikamaru took to the canopies, keeping to the shadowed tangle of branches and leaves. He crouched on a bough, his dark eyes monitoring the scene below.

Kitori had fallen against the support of a boulder and the massive chunk of stone looked as if it had once been a carving or a monument of some kind. It had eroded and crumbled. Whatever it had been was beyond recognition now.

Strangely, it seemed appropriate.

Hibari seemed to think so, if his wry glance at it was any indication. Shikamaru watched as he approached Kitori, his jaw raised to an angle of aggression, crimson strands lashing in the breeze as his eagle circled him once and then took off.

Shikamaru leaned back against the tree trunk, considering that maybe the bird had been leading Hibari, not him.

_It doesn't matter now…_

The shadow-nin watched with a jaded analysis, prepared to see this stage through to completion, if only to make sure that it would finally be over.

He needed it to be over.

As Shikamaru observed, he noticed that Hibari's aggression didn't quite translate into his step, which fell too heavy to be enraged. Kitori turned her gaze up towards her son, her skin mottling as vessels began to leak beneath the surface, blood dripping from her nose. Hibari stared down at her without compassion, but without cruelty. He looked like he'd come to the end of long road and was bitterly putout by what it had cost him to get there. Like he hadn't found what he was looking for either.

Kitori smiled shakily, her voice rattling out. "Have you come to kill me, Hibari?"

"Doesn't look like I need to, does it?" he returned flatly.

She tilted her head back against the rock, shivering. "Poison isn't faster than you…you can still end it…"

The redhead scowled, his grey eyes flickering before he crouched down, levelling his gaze on her. Shikamaru watched the interaction carefully, monitoring for a threat from the woman even though he knew it wouldn't come.

She was beyond her capacity to cause damage now.

But Hibari wasn't.

Bearing that in mind, Shikamaru knew this interaction would determine what kind of man Konoha would deal with if Hibari were to become a vital player in Hanegakure's future.

_No better time to gauge his mental disposition than now._

It didn't look too promising. The Tsubasa's eyes shifted between liquid pewter to something as hard as granite – dangerous, unpredictable, volatile.

Shikamaru was half-expecting an explosion of rage.

Kitori's expression, however, had drained of its sourness, leaving her gaunt and sickly as her gaze traced over her son's face. "Look at you…when did your eyes become so hard, my sweet skylark?"

Hibari hesitated at the petname but recovered with a snort, his lip curling in a venomous snarl. "Why don't you hazard a guess, _mother_."

The venom didn't touch Kitori; she was probably immune to it, given how much of it was inside her. "Your eyes…are not like your father's eyes. You look nothing like your father did…"

"I am _nothing_ like my father," he uttered. "Or Ozuku." His eyes hardened. "Or _you_."

Kitori coughed, licking blood from her lips. Hibari offered no reaction other than to twist away from her when she tried to reach for him, grabbing her wrist hard enough to snap the fine bones. He didn't. She looked stung at his rejection, which surprised Shikamaru.

_What the hell was she expecting?_

"I think…" Kitori croaked. "I think…you have your justice, my sweet…"

Hibari's brow arched incredulously and his laugh was hollow, pained.

"Justice?" he echoed, casting her hand aside like a rag. "Ozuku and Fukurō were killed by the same shinobi they manipulated into killing my sister." He looked away from her, scowling at the grass. "They fell on their own blade…and considering they made Hyūga a weapon against me I guess there's irony in that…but there's no justice in it. Justice would've been to have killed them myself."

Kitori reached for him again, brushing her fingertips against the back of his hand. "Why didn't you…?"

Hibari smacked her touch away in a motion too sharp to be unaffected. "Because I hated them so much I'd have probably enjoyed it." He glared hard at her hand, not looking her in the eye. "And _that_ would have turned me into something as poisonous as you. I refuse to go down your path."

The kunoichi hummed softly, beginning to slouch a little more, the wild, feverish light dimming in her eyes. "My path was decided…before I could change it…my brave skylark…that's why I had to save you…from the same fate…"

Hibari stared for a moment.

"Save me?" His breath shivered into a quiet laugh. "Save me…" he whispered again.

Then he exploded.

"_SAVE _me!" He wheeled on her in a jerk, slamming his fist into the stone beside her head, sending chips of flint flying. "How the hell did you plan to _save_ me! You tried to fucking _kill_ me! Your actions killed Toki and for that alone I wish to god I could kill you slower than this poison will!"

Even as he screamed the words directly into her face, he didn't raise a hand against her.

_Strange._

Shikamaru wouldn't have blamed him if he had.

"My sweet Hibari." Kitori was crying, but without drama, the tears just fell in stoic, quiet streams. "I was saving you…"

"No," he growled angrily, but it wasn't anger roughening the edges of his voice. "You forced me underground…you fucking _buried_ me…you failed to save me a long time ago."

Kitori shook her head, her tears falling red now, stained by blood. "I failed you by bringing you into this world…into this cage…the least I could do was love you enough to try to take you out of it…"

Hibari's disbelieving laugh was high and strained, the sound shaking as his voice broke a little more. "You think chasing me and trying to _kill_ me was an act of love?"

Kitori frowned and Shikamaru detected chilling sincerity on her face and in her shaking words. "How could it be anything else? I've always loved you, Hibari…that's why I had to set you free. That's why I chased you. No one chased me."

Hibari stared in shock and sank back, his rage deflating, his eyes wide. "God you're crazy…you always were…"

Kitori watched him. "No, Hibari…I had to set you free."

_Free…_

Shikamaru wasn't surprised.

It made sense, in a deluded and wholly twisted way. It was sick and wrong and a perversion of maternal instinct. But the logic, for all its warped reasoning, could be followed. And for all Hibari's rage, it seemed to the Nara that the redhead was following it too. Because the Tsubasa's eyes were glistening, even as he shook his head against the slow, horrible understanding that his mother's model of the world – in her mind – was merciful and true.

Kitori's red-crusted eyes widened at the sight of Hibari's grief, then softened with a dying glow of hope. "Are you crying for me, my sweet?"

Hibari stared at her, looking torn and wretched as the tears crowded his eyes. "Yeah… isn't that pathetic? Or maybe it's just tragic that I can't even hate you…what the hell does that leave me with…other than regret…?"

Kitori smiled and reached up weakly to cup his cheek with a thin, shaking hand.

He didn't knock the touch away this time, but he didn't lean into it either.

"Mercy…" she whispered, stroking away an errant tear that escaped his eye with her thumb. "Please, Hibari…"

"Mercy…" he echoed, his voice brittle, tired. "You don't deserve it."

"That is why…it's mercy..."

Hibari struggled for a moment, lips pressed into a tight line before he closed his eyes, removing her hand from his face with a gentle grip at her fingers. "I'll pray for you."

Shikamaru had a feeling he wouldn't.

Kitori smiled though. It was obviously enough for her to believe it.

When she pressed a kunai into her son's hand, Shikamaru had already turned away.

It was over by the time he dropped down to ground level.

Hibari met him halfway, looking haggard, but the Nara noticed something had shifted from his eyes, leaving them a little less bleak. It wasn't easy to tell, considering Shikamaru's brain had closed up shop on the emotional radar front. He was fresh out of energy, especially the kind required to deal with what he suspected was coming next.

The questions, the suspicion, the lies, the bullshit, the risks…

_I can't keep doing this…_

Hibari pinned an odd look on him and released a heavy sigh through his nose. A prelude to disaster. Despite this, Shikamaru arched a brow and tried to prepare himself with energy he didn't have but would have to find.

Hibari looked at him quietly for a long moment.

"Your Hyūga…" he began.

Shikamaru almost closed his eyes in exhaustion.

_Here we go…_

"He didn't return my sword."

_What…?_

Shikamaru blinked. "What?"

"My sword," the redhead reiterated, arching his brows at Shikamaru's lack of response. "Big jagged thing that tends to glow? Yeah, I'll be needing that back. Strictly for intimidation purposes," he joked weakly.

Shikamaru offered no smile, no smirk and no sarcastic reply. He just stared blankly, tense and confused, not about to believe that Hibari would let him off the hook. The safest response was to discern whether Hibari was playing a game here, or was genuinely letting unspoken truths slide.

"Your sword…" Shikamaru said, making no effort to disguise his unease.

Hibari's lips twitched and he shrugged. "It's not like I can just pull those things out of my ass, Nara. I shed a lot of blood getting that."

The breath-crushing tension inside of Shikamaru broke up into a flurry of nervous, disbelieving bubbles that juddered out in a short, shaky chuckle. He shook his head, trying to wrap his brain around the fact that he wasn't being interrogated and backed into a corner.

"If you're trying to soften the blow, Tsubasa…don't…"

"I'm not completely caveman, Nara. I'm good with negotiation, so how's that work for you?"

Shikamaru nodded, but his eyes were wary. "It works."

Hibari's features relaxed further. "Don't know about you, but I'd rather start with a fresh slate. Wipe this one clean." He cast a grave glance over his shoulder to where Kitori lay. "I think what you helped me do for my village cancels out whatever you've not been telling me."

_Shit. Is he serious?_

Not trusting that he wasn't just falling into wishful thinking, Shikamaru's eyes narrowed, scrutinising Hibari. He detected no lie or latent suspicion from the other ninja. The words were direct enough, his stance displaying no obvious signs of deception – no lines to read between. All the same, the shadow-nin's mouth turned down in an uncertain frown.

Hibari turned back, scowled at the look he was receiving and snorted. "No need to look so surprised. I'm reckless when I'm angry, remember?" He sobered, glancing away. "I've been pissed off all my life. Getting kind of tired of it now."

Shikamaru flicked his gaze over the Tsubasa's shoulder, glancing towards Kitori's body without directly looking at it.

_Guess he found some peace with that closure…_

"Clean slate, huh?" the shadow-nin murmured.

Hibari tipped his head. "I want a future for my village, not a bitter memory. Negotiation, peace and we'll take it from there. I don't need to know what's been, only what's going to be from this moment on."

"I can work with those terms."

"Glad to hear it." The redhead managed a weak smile. "Guess you'd better get your AWOL ass back to the council and we'll seal this peace treaty. It's not going to look good if you keep them waiting much longer."

_Shit. Mission. Complete the mission._

The Nara's eyes strayed to the sky, closed briefly then drifted back down. "Sounds like a plan."

_The final stage. You can do this._

It's not like he had a choice either way.

Shikamaru slid his hands into his pockets, turned on his heel and began to walk, calling back over his shoulder in a lazy drawl that was more forced than it had ever been.

"AWOL ass? How the hell are _you_ getting away with not being there?"

He heard Hibari snort amusedly. "Like you don't know. Nice try."

Shikamaru shrugged, but true to Hibari's assumption, he wasn't surprised when the Tsubasa's clone burst into white feathers behind him.

* * *

A cool wind carried through Hanegakure, a breath of crisp air that blew the last traces of smoke away, lifting the veil that had fallen on the village. There was a sense of closure that had come from the flames, hope for a kind of resurrection, which fit the image of the Phoenix monument the council had decided to create for the Temple; to commemorate a rise from the ashes of their past.

_It's finally over…_

Shikamaru felt the grainy, golden glow of a late afternoon sun dappling his face through the leaves. He stood alone on the tier outside the great hall, keeping aloft and out of the limelight. The lack of attention suited him just fine. To quietly slip into the shadows would have suited him even better. But he made no move to shift from his current spot on the balcony.

Besides, he knew where his steps would take him if he even tried.

A sharp pang pulled across his chest, tugging at the chords in his throat.

_Don't…not now…later…_

When he was alone, back home, he'd face that pain. But right now…

_Just do what you gotta do…_

Needing a distraction, Shikamaru dropped his gaze from the flame-hued leaves and watched the procession of elders and clan leaders streaming out from the great hall, many stopping on their path to speak with the Konoha shinobi, expressing gratitude and budding amity.

A bark of nervous laughter drew Shikamaru's focus to a loose pocket of villagers. Naruto was in their midst, accepting the somewhat reluctant thanks of the owner of Trading Talons. The man didn't look overly impressed, his mouth twisted to one side of his face, a pipe hooked on his bottom lip, looking down his nose at Naruto through shrewd ice-blue orbs.

Naruto flashed a teeth-baring grin, his own sky-bright eyes creasing nervously. The man snorted with awkward and grudging acceptance, twin jets of smoke streaming from his nostrils.

The smoke drew Shikamaru's mind to Asuma.

For a brief moment, he wondered what the hell his sensei would have thought about his recently developed talent for screwing up. Good thing he 'cleaned up' good enough to pass it off as all part of the strategy. But now, as the outcomes of his strategies unfolded around him – he felt detached from them. Like an observer rather someone who'd had a hand in making it happen.

_You wish._

Denial was a beautiful lie.

And until they were home, he'd keep pretending to believe it.

_You're not home yet. So be here. Keep it together._

Shikamaru's eyes held fast on the scene below, on the tentative beginnings of growing trust. Now, instead of stern, tight-lipped glances, villagers offered timid smiles and the children played rather than marched, mixing in with the orphaned rebel kids that wove between the shifting mass of clans.

They had the freedom Neji had wanted for them.

So Shikamaru shouldn't have felt hollow standing there.

They'd won, hadn't they?

Hadn't he?

For all the wrong turns taken, he'd accomplished both goals and completed both missions in the most fundamental sense. Yet here he was, keeping as far away as he could from it all. Well, as far away as he could without disappearing altogether…although he had a feeling even _that_ wouldn't have been far enough away.

"Shikamaru…"

The Nara lifted his head at Sakura's voice, but didn't glance over his shoulder. A few tense seconds passed before she finally stepped forward. Her hand came to rest on the railing, fingernails clicking against the metal.

"The others are wondering where you disappeared to."

_Yeah…me too…_

Shikamaru shrugged, a half-assed lift of one shoulder. "Figured I'd skip the mingling part."

Sakura's lips twisted. "Considering everything that's happened, that's probably a bad idea."

"Yeah, I've got quite a few of those."

The sarcasm was weak and Sakura made no attempt to buy it, but she didn't needle him about it either. She gripped the railing instead, drawing his eye. Blood still lined the creases of her nails. She must have sensed his gaze, because she tucked her fingers against her palm, setting her fist on the railing instead.

"Isuka said there's a guesthouse a few miles from the borders," Sakura informed, lifting her face into the gold hue of light filtering through the trees. "They have a healing lodge. Hinata and I will stay with him, until the treatment runs its course and his fever breaks."

Shikamaru hummed. It made sense. In his head at least.

"Yeah…"

"Shikamaru…" Sakura pressed, drawing his gaze askance. Brow knitted in concern, her voice hitched in a wince when she finally spoke. "Are you okay?"

Shikamaru stared at her impassively, almost incomprehensively.

Was he _okay_?

His lip quirked without a trace of humour.

In spite of everything, he thought he was doing a pretty good job of _okay_. If okay meant his insides wanted to be his outsides and his heartstrings had tied themselves into Gordian knots his brain had no hope of untangling.

Was he okay?

Sakura never got an answer, which was all the answer she really needed.

* * *

"Hold him still, Akamaru!"

"Kiba, you jerk! OW!"

Shikamaru paused halfway into the open courtyard, hands slotted into his pockets, one foot extended in a step that never touched down.

He suddenly reconsidered the wisdom in having vacated the balcony.

The screech of outrage which had drawn him down had sounded like a bird being killed. It turned out to be Naruto. And as Shikamaru's hooded gaze scanned the crowd of giggling kids and the targets of their hilarity, his overall impression was simple...

_Troublesome._

"Watch where you're swingin' that! You nearly hit me in the—!"

"Would you quit freaking out! Stay still! Then it'll land!"

"I don't _want_ it to land! And not _there, _you jackass!"

"You said ass!" one of the kids laughed at Naruto, pointing at his posterior rather shamelessly.

Shikamaru's brow flicked up.

The double act was drawing increasing amusement and attention – but the nature of the comedy had him considering the wisdom of stepping onto the stage to close the show.

Naruto, with one foot caught in Akamaru's mouth, was putting up a valiant effort to dodge the little orange bird that whipped between his blond spikes. Kiba, with a look of intense concentration, circled around him with a butterfly net grasped in one hand, making an effort to capture the little orange perpetrator.

Shikamaru blinked very slowly, muttering beneath his breath. "Who the hell gave him a net?"

"Ne, I'd be more bothered by the camera Lee's got," Chōji laughed, strolling up behind him with a yellow bird perched on his broad shoulder, its little head cocking every time the Akimichi spoke as if it were being personally addressed. "He's hiding around the place snapping shots."

"Great." Shikamaru set his still-hovering foot down, cocking a hip against the railing of the walkway as he sighed.

His eyes strayed to the little yellow bird, which took a few bitty steps across Chōji's shoulder as if ready to switch perches. Shikamaru leaned away, waving his hand in a lazy sway that prompted the bird to shuffle back again.

"How's Neji doing?" Chōji asked, stroking the bird's head gently with the pad of his finger.

"Sakura and Hinata will stay with him until he recovers, but the rest of us have gotta get back." Shikamaru slouched against the railing, his eyes on the crowd of kids, though he wasn't really paying attention to them. "We'll head out soon," he said.

Chōji watched him quietly, his large finger ceasing its gentle pat. Before the Akimichi could speak, Akamaru bounded across Shikamaru's field of vision, drawing his eye sharply to the large white dog as he wheeled in dizzy circles, chasing a tiny pink bird that had perched on his tail.

Shikamaru couldn't help but think the dog's dilemma was a reflection of his own. Running in circles as everyone looked on, expecting that it was all part of the plan. To make the picture even more ironic, Akamaru somehow succeeded in nipping his own tail. The dog yelped and turned another circle of miscalculation, accidently bowling a kid over in his haste.

_Shit._

Shikamaru tensed as the child sat up, stared at her hands for a long moment and decided it was time to let the world know how unjustly she'd been treated. Her delayed reaction exploded into a shrill bawl that cut above the giggles of the other children.

_Ugh…_

Shikamaru leaned forward, lifting away from the railing. Sakura beat him to it, which he was more than a little grateful for. She rushed over from the sidelines where she was speaking with an old woman, hefting the bundle of troublesome wails and hiccups onto her hip, stroking the red curls.

"You should keep a leash on that one," Hibari said, rounding one of the trees in the courtyard as he moved over to Shikamaru and Chōji.

Shikamaru's lips twitched upward at one corner. "Tell that to Kiba and see what it gets you."

Hibari arched a brow, following Shikamaru's gaze across towards said dog-nin. "I was talking about your Uzumaki."

"Right…"

Hibari's grey eyes strayed across to Sakura a second later, watching her bounce the kid on her hip. His naturally stern expression changed to something softer. Chōji chuckled good-naturedly, nudging Shikamaru with his elbow. Shikamaru shrugged, not possessing the energy to do much else.

Thankfully, an easy quiet fell.

It was broken only by the peals of laughter from the kids as they chased after Naruto, giving away his position to the flock of orange birds seeking him devotedly – or dementedly – possibly both.

The disposition of the birds varied.

After the smoke had cleared, flocks had come to settle back into their native sections of the forest and village. Some of the tamer, more trusting of the birds had no trouble striking up fresh bonds with any who would pay them attention. It added to that feeling of a new start – the clean slate Hibari had talked about.

The smoke had been like acurtain closing on the last act of Hanegakure's tragedy and now a new stage and a new beginning would mark the destiny of these people.

How their story played out was in the hands of the people.

Those hands had chosen Hibari as one to guide them – at least on their defence front.

As if sensing the Nara's thoughts, Hibari spoke. "Shikamaru."

The shadow-nin looked across from beneath his lashes.

Hibari was frowning, but he looked more thoughtful than troubled. "When your Hyūga wakes up, make sure he knows…he will always have friends in Hanegakure."

Shikamaru closed his eyes. "What about your 'we'll never be friends' justice?"

"I think I've still got a lot to learn about what that means…" Hibari murmured, his voice barely carrying his next words. "About a lot of things."

"You'll do fine." Shikamaru hummed, managing a shadow of a smile. "Besides, you've got a really big sword."

Hibari chuckled quietly, glancing over when Shikamaru straightened up against the railing. "Good point. Even so, it's going to take time to make things right, especially with my clan and getting the birds to trust our shinobi again. Not to mention educating the kids properly about mind transference."

"We'll bring a friend with us next time we visit," Chōji said, smiling as the bird at his shoulder serenaded him in soft coos. "She'll be able to help."

"And she'll love the diet you've got going on here," Shikamaru muttered dryly.

"Shikamaru," Chōji chided.

Hibari looked between the two friends questioningly.

The Nara shook his head. "Never mind." His eyes strayed skyward, clocking the deepening gold of the light filtering through the leaves. "We'll need to make a move soon, Hibari."

The Tsubasa nodded. "Whatever you need to take with you, it's yours. I've already got transportation organised."

"Thanks," Shikamaru said, straightening away from the railing. "We appreciate it."

Hibari followed suit, turning to face the Nara. "Right back at you. You Leaf shinobi, you're not all that bad."

"Dammit!" A yelp from Naruto signalled a badly-timed and badly-aimed swing of the net from Kiba.

"Aww man, _so_ close!"

"Maybe a little lacking in the discipline department," Hibari added, shaking his head.

"Stop scaring the kids!" Sakura growled, her fist raised in a threat that had Naruto using Kiba as a human shield, both against the kunoichi and the birds trying to settle on him.

Hibari pursed his lips to keep from smiling. "But she seems to have a handle on things."

Shikamaru watched Sakura smack her fists to her hips. "Yeah, our women hit a lot."

"Apart from Hinata," Chōji chuckled.

"A Hyūga being an exception to the rule, huh?" Hibari did smile then. "I'd believe it."

The pang was instant and Shikamaru closed his eyes against it. But he wasn't fast enough to stop his next words. They pushed out from behind the paper-thin wall still standing between his head and his heart, rolling off his tongue with deceptive ease, as if it didn't pain him to ask.

"Hibari, I think I'll cash in one last favour."

"Hn? What's that?"

Shikamaru slipped his eyes open, gazing at the sky. "Something I'd like to take back to Konoha."

* * *

The sun had begun its slow descent, a great fireball fading into a horizon far beyond the trees. The sky had stained with molten hues, a magnificent turn in colour that not even Shikamaru could have predicted.

Oddly, there was a little bit of comfort in that.

A soft, sharp cry drew his gaze to the silhouette against a flame-touched cloud. The golden eagle soared high, mastering the winds that carried the scent of wood-smoke and the heady aroma of baked goods being packaged for the journey.

Hanegakure kids were helping to load the wagons; two trading carts, to be exact. One had been fitted with a tent canvas, affording privacy to the shinobi that lay in a fevered, almost comatose sleep beneath its shelter.

Hinata had not left Neji's side.

Shikamaru was grateful for that, one of the only states he could afford to be other than focused or distant. Fortunately, he could pretend to blame the latter on fatigue – which wasn't stretching the truth too much. He couldn't remember the last time he'd properly slept.

"Hi, Tricky!"

Startled, the soft chirp had Shikamaru jolting against the wagon, his idle lean against the cart turned rigid as he glanced down at the little girl.

Maki tilted her head, squinting up at him disapprovingly, her tumble of blonde curls struck by a hint of fire in the dying light. "You should say hi," she scolded. "It's rude not to say hi."

Shikamaru gazed at her quietly. The child who had unknowingly saved Neji's life. His eyes gentled from their brooding stare.

"Hey," he said, his tone softer than it had ever been when addressing a kid.

She forgave him instantly, hopping closer to hold out her hands. "Here!"

Shikamaru looked down at them. They were empty. Confusion slotted a faint line between his brows. She lifted them higher, waiting until he unfolded his arms.

Then she threw herself against him.

Her little arms wrapped as far around him as they'd go, squeezing in a hug.

Shikamaru stared ahead in shock, his arms held out to the side awkwardly, shoulders hunched.

He sure as hell hadn't expected this and his stunned expression illustrated it.

She was completely oblivious to his discomfort and embarrassment, which troubled him less than the choked feeling low in his throat that pulled a pinch to his eyes. It didn't really make any sense to him and he made a pointed effort to ignore any possibility his brain rushed to supply. He just stood there and let the kid hug him, not that he thought he'd be able to pry her off either way.

Maki clung like a limpet.

A whole minute must have passed by the time she turned her cheek against his flak jacket and craned her neck to look up at him.

"You give bad hugs."

Shikamaru stared ahead, taking a moment to respond. "Sorry."

Maki giggled, turned her head – without letting go – and called out. "Yuko-chan! Come say bye to Tricky!"

_Ah shit._

Another little girl with long ebony hair, who obviously understood this stupid nickname Maki had dubbed him with, shyly shuffled over. A little butter-yellow bird haloed around her head playfully. Shikamaru glanced at her, still uncomfortably trapped in Maki's grip, hoping that his stiff expression would telegraph a signal along the lines of '_give-Tricky-a-break'_.

She gave him a hug instead – or at least angled herself enough to tentatively grip his left arm in a squeeze.

_Ugh. Troublesome._

Sandwiched awkwardly between the two kids, Shikamaru considered the best way to extricate himself without making them cry. To deal with crying women was one thing, but crying kids was another. Effectively these were _little_ women, which made the potential crying disaster even worse.

_Great._

A snicker drew his gaze up.

Naruto lay lounging in one of the trees, probably hiding from his orange-feathered fan club. He grinned down at Shikamaru, mouthing "Tricky".

Shikamaru was tempted to scowl.

Instead he was temporarily blinded as a flash went off a short distance away.

_What the hell?_

He dropped his arms from their rigid hangman position on reflex, moving to protect the children only to blink the dots from his vision to find Lee a few paces away, a clumpy-looking camera in hand.

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed witheringly.

The girls giggled.

Kiba's voice drifted from behind one of the trees. "Did you get the big softie?"

"A tender moment captured! Mission accomplished!" Lee affirmed, saluting with the camera.

Shikamaru wanted to smack Kiba around the head with it. "Too bad, as team leader I'm confiscating that."

"Pfft," Naruto dismissed from the canopies, dropping down in a rustle of leaves and twigs, plucking both from his hair. "Don't be a killjoy, _Tricky_."

Shikamaru's eye twitched.

Sakura popped her head out from the canvas flap of the wagon, scowling disapprovingly at the level of noise. Her sharp words died on her tongue when she spied the children – and the strained look on Shikamaru's face.

He looked to her for assistance.

The kunoichi slipped out of the wagon quietly, moving over quietly. That is until Hibari stepped suddenly and silently into view, having passed by from the other side of the cart. Sakura's hand flew to her throat as she shrieked a cry of surprise.

Hibari arched a brow, his lip curving slowly. "You know, that almost sounds like the mating cry of one of our birds."

Sakura shot him a flustered look, gaping for a moment.

"Then it's a pretty confused bird," she growled, trying to recover some decorum.

Hibari braced an arm against the wagon with an arrogance softened by humour, looking her over. "Not sure about the confused part," he hummed deep in his throat, "but it's definitely pretty."

Naruto's jaw dropped.

The kids burst into a fresh round of giggles.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, clearing his throat non-too-subtly.

"Maki-chan, Yuko-chan, that's enough," Hibari's voice smoothed over the girls' amusement. "Let Shikamaru-san go now."

Yuko obeyed in an instant, whereas Maki took full advantage of the opportunity to stick her lip out in a pout and milk her childish defiance for all it was worth. She gave Shikamaru a tight, lingering hug just to be troublesome before she let him go.

When she looked up, her green orbs shone like malachite. "I wanna say bye to your friend!"

Shikamaru swallowed hard, her words like a knife in his gut.

He kept a careful control of his expression. "I'll tell him for you."

"But I made cookies," Maki said, pointing at the wagon. "Birdies and hearts."

"Maki…" Hibari said, his tone firmer now. "Enough."

The child ducked her head, hiding behind her curls.

It didn't take a genius to predict the tears.

_Shit…think…_

Shikamaru hesitated, then flicked the catch on a slim compartment of his flak jacket. A sound suppressing jutsu scroll slipped out. He caught it nimbly and detached the chain and musical-note charm. He looped the links around his fingers and dangled it in front of her.

Maki's eyes caught the glint of silver and she looked up, her eyes luminous as she sniffed. She watched the music note charm sway back and forth like a hypnotist's pendulum, eyes wide and captivated.

"Take it," Shikamaru said. "My friend likes birdsong…he wanted me to give this to you…so you don't forget him."

Maki's eyes brightened instantly.

Shikamaru didn't see Sakura's expression crumple sadly.

The little girl bounced on the spot and took the offered gift into her hands as if it were as delicate and precious as spun glass. "Thank you!"

Shikamaru nodded, watching her bite her lip to hold in her glee. She spun in a whirlwind of curls and chased after her dark-haired friend, cradling the item to her heart. Shikamaru watched her for a long moment, a brooding look in his eyes.

"That was kind of you," Hibari said.

Shikamaru shrugged it off, rejecting the attention. "Come to say goodbye, Tsubasa?"

"I'm not giving you a hug, if that's what you're worried about."

Shikamaru snorted, struggling to find his humour. "Smart move."

Sakura looked between them and attempted to lighten Shikamaru's mood by flicking her hand in a feminine gesture of exasperation. "Pfft. Men and their fragile egos. Hugs from little kids can't injure you, you know."

Hibari turned his gaze towards her. "That's too bad. I was hoping to get some of that medical attention."

The pink-haired kunoichi scoffed and crossed her arms several times in front of her as if not knowing what to do with them while she tried not to smile. "Do you have _no_ shame?"

"Absolutely none," Hibari assured with a glint of amusement, looking to Shikamaru. "Stay safe. If you need any medical supplies you can't get there, send that carrier pigeon we gave you. I'll have whatever you need delivered."

"Thanks," the shadow-nin replied, clicking his fingers in front of Naruto's face to snap the Uzumaki out of the protective death-glare he was sending Hibari. "Knock it off."

Kiba strolled onto the scene, effectively diffusing the tension. "I got an owl."

Naruto, attention-span switching in an instant, looked over. "Eh?"

The Inuzuka tipped his chin toward the little brown owl perched on his shoulder. The bird swivelled its head around, blinking eyes that looked freakishly like Lee's.

Naruto squinted, leaning in. "Hey, why do you get an owl and I get creepy little mosquito-birds?"

"Because they want your blood?" Kiba grinned. "Notice how I get the smart bird."

The smart bird took that opportunity to crap on Kiba's shoulder.

A long, heavy pause held.

Kiba turned his head very slowly, staring at the brown offender in shock.

Naruto was the first to lose it and his laughter triggered a ripple of chuckles and hoots around the gathered shinobi, lightening the air almost immediately.

"Oh I'm gonna _screw_," Kiba growled, jerking his shoulder like he had a nervous twitch, trying to get the bird off.

"Why? You just got lucky already, crap-magnet," Naruto laughed.

"Freak!"

The round of abuse that fired off sent the owl into flight.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and then rolled his step, using the same motion to lean over and extend his hand to Hibari. The Tsubasa reached across, sealing the gesture in one solid shake. Both ninja drew back to nod.

"Don't be strangers. Stop by again," Hibari said. "As long as I sit with the council, this alliance is more than ink on parchment."

Shikamaru inclined his head. "Our Hokage will be glad to hear it. Take care, Hibari."

Hibari touched a hand to his heart and then curved his palm towards the sky in an age-old gesture of blessing that Hanegakure hadn't used in years.

"Fly free," he said.

* * *

Dusk stole the fire from the clouds, turning them to smudges of purple ash against a darkening sky. The stars were beginning to peak through by the time the Konoha team settled into their accommodation a few miles from the borders of Hanegakure.

It turned out to be a shukubo, rather than a guesthouse.

A Temple lodging which served as more of a spiritual retreat for weary, soul-sick travellers labouring on their journey or 'lost on the path of life' as Naruto paraphrased in an imitation of Kakashi that was so poor it was 'lost on' everyone but Sakura.

Shikamaru had wanted nothing more than to lose himself somewhere quiet.

Lose himself for just a moment – a moment where he didn't have to lie, didn't have to think, didn't have to pretend that the concern and fear inside him wasn't ripping him up. Stupid then, that straight after debriefing the team, he'd taken himself to the very place that forced him to suffer all three things. The place where Neji lay, deep in the grip of a blackness he still couldn't shake.

Shikamaru hadn't even stopped to remove his flak jacket, just his sandals. He'd spoken only to convince Hinata to go and get some sleep. Then he'd taken over vigil of Neji without looking at the Jōnin's face. And in silence he'd knelt, tending each of Neji's numerous, blue-black bruises with the salve Hinata had given him. Each time a fresh wave of fever had broken out, the Nara had dabbed the Hyūga clean and reapplied the salve.

Over and over...

And then, two hours later, the sliding door scraped open softly.

Shikamaru, his eyes half-lidded with exhaustion, paused with his fingers settled above Neji's chest and flicked his gaze up to the kunoichi that stood in the doorway. Sakura offered a fragile smile that pursed in a knot of disapproval when Akamaru nudged past her and into the room, batting her with his tail.

"He keeps coming in here," Sakura muttered.

The dog padded over, ears arched and muzzle twitching as the strong scent of Hinata's salve drew him over to Neji. Shikamaru frowned at the canine, but the scowl dissolved when Akamaru cocked his head down at the sick ninja, ears arched as he yipped softly then whined at the lack of response.

"Where's Kiba?" Shikamaru asked, his voice scraping out hoarse and tired.

"Sleeping, don't worry." Sakura folded her arms, her face a picture of tense concern as she leaned against the frame. "Shikamaru…you need to rest too."

"This isn't exactly taxing on my brain," he replied, a little caustically.

Sakura's shoulders stiffened. "It's not your brain I'm concerned about."

Shikamaru's jaw twitched, his eyes on Neji's chest as it rose and fell in shallow, sharp breaths, the skin raw beneath his fingers. "Give me a break, alright?"

"Why do you think I'm here?"

Shikamaru sank back a little on his knees, calmly setting the salve pot down with his free hand, his other still keeping contact with Neji's skin even though he'd finished covering the last contusion about ten minutes ago.

"That's not what I mean."

"I know what you mean." Sakura frowned, then sucked in a breath, controlling herself before she stepped over. "Let me take over."

Shikamaru waved her off. "I'm done."

"Then you can rest."

"Just back off, alright!" Shikamaru snarled, his eyes flashing like brandy set on fire.

Akamaru's ears flattened and his tail tucked.

Sakura went rigid against the door, drawing her head back at the cutting look in his eyes, her own widening at the rare display of disturbing aggression from the shadow-nin. But the concern held strong in her expression, her lush green eyes soft and sad.

_Shit._

The anger sucked out of Shikamaru's eyes as a cold gush rushed through him, settling at his temples in an ache. He sank back further onto the futon and his hand slipped off Neji's scorching skin.

He drew a leg up to prop his elbow, rubbing at his brow, his voice a ragged whisper. "Sorry."

Akamaru's ears lifted, nose twitching, scenting the tension. He whined consolingly and padded around to Shikamaru's futon, flopping down beside it with a bat of his tail against the Chūnin's leg.

Sakura took longer to respond.

She held a tense and pensive silence, eventually slotting the door shut behind her to walk over without a word. She checked Neji's pulse and the gauze taped neatly at his clavicle, moving to the low table where the medicinal supplies were laid out.

Shikamaru heard her grinding something with a pestle and mortar. He was almost in sympathy with whatever she was crushing, given that the two vital organs in his chest and head felt like they were being similarly ground into a pulp.

But as he listened, the scraping grind of the tools began to lull his mind into a trance. The monotonous, steady sound…slowly eroding the edges of his awareness…slowly making every blink a little bit heavier…his breathing deeper…

When he finally crumpled sideways, he didn't feel Akamaru cushion the fall.

* * *

Singing…they were singing…

Kitori had been singing…hadn't she?

_No…_

No, this was chanting…a mantra of deep, steady voices…prayer…like Temple song…

_Temple…?_

Neji's eyes flickered open, glazed opal orbs struggling to focus through splashes of black and bursts of fizzing colour…all warped and melting into the cauldron of his skull…feverish…blistering…

_Where…?_

He turned his head a little, pain stabbing behind his eyes at the small movement.

_Where am I…?_

He squinted, trying to clear his vision.

It sharpened just enough for him to discern features cut in familiar angles…angles his fingers, mouth and eyes had traced before…

In that weak flash of clarity, it was easy to forget that he'd been betrayed.

It was easy to believe…that it had all been an imagining…that even the lies had been lies...

"Shikamaru…"

Neji rasped the name as he slipped into black, just seconds before Shikamaru slipped back out of it.

* * *

"Shikamaru_…"_

Shikamaru stirred when warm breath feathered across his forehead.

His brows drew together in a drowsy frown.

_Hn?_

The Nara tilted his head back, his mouth brushing something that tickled his lips, causing his nose to wrinkle as he sniffed and slowly blinked his eyes open.

_The hell?_

Shikamaru blinked a little more, dragging his tired body into responding as his brain revved into gear almost instantly. When he finally blinked the fog from his eyes, the tickling sensation resolved itself into Neji's hair…which had fallen across his face…they were that close…close enough that Shikamaru could taste the Hyūga's shallow breaths…

_God…_

Shikamaru jerked up onto his elbow on reflex, wincing at the throb in his temples.

Akamaru's ears twitched and the dog's head raised, turning towards Shikamaru, tail wagging once. The Nara barely noticed, his attention riveted on the sleeping figure beside him. As a very belated afterthought, the shadow-nin took a quick glance around the room.

Other than Akamaru, he was alone.

Sheets had been draped over him, suggesting that either Sakura or Hinata had checked in.

_Shit…how long was I out?_

Looking across at Neji, he examined the Hyūga's wound. The gauze needed to be changed, which suggested he couldn't have been out for more than a half hour or so. Taking care to avoid looking at Neji's face, the Nara brushed the mocha strands away from Neji's throat and checked his pulse…then against his brain's order, he arched his thumb, stroking it along the underside of the Hyūga's jaw.

_Fuck…stop…_

Shikamaru squeezed his eyes shut and tore his hand away.

He quickly set his mind to the task at hand and went about cleaning up Neji's wound, dabbing away the mess and tapping Sakura's powder into the cut to help clot the blood. But even this simple, focused task was starting to pull Shikamaru's breath into something rough and tight in his throat. He swallowed and blinked, trying to keep his hand steady as he applied the gauze, taping it down carefully. Then suddenly, his breath caught so hard in his throat that he choked on it.

_Fuck…get out…get out…_

Shikamaru pulled himself away, almost tripping over the sheets in his haste to disentangle himself. Akamaru watched him with his head cocked, clearly not understanding the shadow-nin's panic, woofing softly.

_Get out..._

Shikamaru practically tore the door across, startling Hinata, who had made to slide it from the other side. Her wide eyes settled on his face. Wide, white, Hyūga eyes.

"Shikamaru-kun?"

Shikamaru blinked and brushed past her, moving fast in whatever direction seemed like the quickest exit.

_Walk it off…breathe…_

His strides grew with every pace, almost breaking into a run.

A monk passed down along the other end of the corridor.

Shikamaru cursed beneath his breath, veered his path and moved for a side door. It led him out into one of the Zen-like gardens. The minute the cold night air hit his face, he jolted to a stop and passed a hand across his face, running it around to the back of his neck, gripping hard as he squeezed his eyes shut.

A light flickered on in one of the rooms.

The illumination startled Shikamaru into movement.

He turned his step and began to walk.

_Just move..._

Without direction, he idled down a path formed by broad stepping stones.

It led him to a hot-spring.

It had been crafted into a simple onsen, the waters obscured by a fog of steam.

Shikamaru stood, gazing into the vapours while fireflies floated like lost spirits around him. A fragrant, smoky waft of incense carried heavy on the air, drifting with the evening song of monks in prayer.

Shikamaru inhaled deep, released a shaky sigh.

He stood there long enough for a firefly to land on his shoulder, twinkling gently. Sucking in another cold breath, he tucked his hands into the pockets of his Chūnin pants and composed his rattled emotions.

_Not here. Not now._

He turned to head back, only to freeze on the spot.

Further up the path, an elderly monk dressed in orange robes stood unmoving, watching him with a sage expression, his arthritic hands gnarled around a cane.

_Crap…_

Sensing that he might have trespassed unknowingly, Shikamaru bowed and quickly moved to exit the area. He didn't get very far. As he made to pass by the monk, the old man smacked out his cane, barring Shikamaru's path.

The Nara paused, brow creasing in confusion.

The monk's face, etched deep with stern lines, bore resemblance to weathered tree-bark and his oval eyes were whitened by cataracts. His blind orbs stared straight ahead, not looking at Shikamaru.

Shikamaru cleared his throat, about to offer a spoken apology.

His attempt at courtesy was cut short by the cane poking into his ribs, followed by a surprisingly strong shove in the direction of the hot spring. The shadow-nin backtracked, unable to do anything else with the cane held out like a sword as he was backed up towards the lip of the pool.

_What the hell?_

Suddenly, the monk dropped his makeshift blade, cracking the end of the cane back to the stone slabs. Shikamaru frowned, trying to understand why he'd been corralled with a damned stick like a misled deer. Before he could ask, the monk's cane swung up again, stopping a scant inch from his forehead.

"You," the old man croaked. "Stay."

Shikamaru blinked, not appreciating that he was being talked to like a dumb dog. However, he had the feeling that any attempt to go against the command might cost him his eye if the shake of the cane above his brow was any indication.

It's not like he could get aggressive with an old man - a monk, at that.

If he thought it would do any good, he might have considered getting the monk to knock him over the head with the damned stick, if only to do his brain a favour. Instead, he watched as the monk lowered his cane and shuffled his way around the edges of the pool, lighting a ring of small paper lanterns placed there. Any attempts Shikamaru made to assist the stooping man only garnered him another poke in the forehead or ribs. So the Nara stood to one side, watching exhaustedly through his lashes.

God dammit, he just wanted to be left alone. Not shepherded into another uncomfortable situation he had no escape from. His nerves were rubbed raw, coated in a pathetic layer of lies that were beginning to slip.

_God…I don't have the energy for this…_

He watched in silence as the monk reached a shaking hand into the sleeve of his orange robe, leaning on his cane as he sprinkled some salts into the steaming waters.

Shikamaru frowned.

Not a second later that cane was swinging back up, tapping the furrow in his forehead like a finger. This time, those blind eyes stared directly into Shikamaru's dark orbs with a deep, eerie kind of knowing.

"You," the monk said softly, nodding towards the pool. "Wash it away."

* * *

It washed over him in waves…waves of fire…god it burned…

The world was like black flames around the edges, his nerves shrivelling under the heat of it, his breaths thickening in the humidity of it.

Wet fire in his veins…

He could taste it…

"_Like fire on my tongue…_"

A jumble of sensations, pain and pleasure...one real and one remembered...

"_God…how can you think you're cold? Fuck…you're burning…"_

Shikamaru moving above him, inside him, beneath him...

This time he wasn't tasting Shikamaru...he was taking him...

_"I should tear you up instead..."_

Anger. Need.

"_If you need to hate me...then hate me..."_

Neji's lashes flickered, his lips shaking out a breath as he tried to escape the sheets draped over his fevered skin, raw and stinging like razors were scraping across it.

"He's still burning up…" a voice said from somewhere above him.

Or was it behind him? Was he even lying down?

"It should break by morning."

_Break…?_

Something wet nuzzled his temple. A whine sounded at his ear, low and raspy and tapering into a pitch that caused him to wince.

"Akamaru…" Hinata. Hinata's voice.

Then the scent of something like incense...he tried to follow it...hold onto it…

_Wake up…_

He felt the barest prick at the crook of his arm…and the black surged inside him again…spinning his world into a dark firestorm…

"_You don't lose, remember? Don't start now…"_

Neji's heart pulsed…and it began to beat stronger…

* * *

_Don't. Fall. Asleep._

Shikamaru lifted his heavy lashes.

He tilted his head back against the edge of the onsen pool, gazing up at the star-scattered sky through the heavy layer of steam and water wrapped around him like a sheet.

He was finally alone…

Fighting sleep…

Fighting thoughts…

Fighting himself…

Fighting the reality that dawn would come and he'd be gone, leaving behind what he'd left Konoha to fix in the first place. Maybe it was arrogant as well as stupid to assume it would turn out clean-cut…that they'd both escape unscathed…

_I can't be sorry…_

If he was, then what did that say? That he regretted it? He shook his head sharply, sending droplets scattering from his jaw.

He wasn't supposed to be thinking about this.

But he couldn't just wash it away…

_Sorry old man…wish I could…_

And when he looked back to the stars with tiredness eating into every fibre pulling tight inside him, he felt that hole in his chest yawn as wide as the endless sky.

"_You killed me…before this could…"_

The Nara's eyes burned wetly then drifted shut, the water rippling as he sank deeper, tempted to just sink to the bottom and let out a roar that wouldn't be heard. But when his jaw touched the steaming surface, he rose up again, thudding his head back.

The healing waters could steal the ache from his body.

Too bad they couldn't touch the place he needed it the most.

Shikamaru drew a slow breath.

He pushed down the sadness rising up.

_Not now…_

He was coming dangerously close to being just a little too tired to fight it anymore.

It was time to go.

A good thing that dawn would break before he did.

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **Ja ne, Hanegakure! Hope you guys enjoyed the stay ^_^ Chapter turned out much longer than intended (big surprise, huh? lol) but I wanted to bring closure and tie up those loose ends. Now it's homeward bound for our Konoha lot. But the ride's not over just yet – courtesy of a still-to-come Hyūga reaction. Hope you enjoyed! Commeth Chapter 43, commeth Nara Shikaku.

**REVIEWERS**_**: **_Thank you, my lovelies! Your responses continue to go _such a long way_, every time. Love hearing from you and deeply appreciate it, always. Hope you guys enjoyed this update. ^_^

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	43. Chapter 43

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Forty Three**

[Dedicated to RiverAcantha]

The shadows stretched as long as the journey. The sun, having ridden high throughout the day, was sliding low by the time the gates of Konoha loomed ahead. The leaves rustled warmly in the sunset glow, a welcoming and familiar song.

Shikamaru turned his face away from the breeze.

His hooded gaze strayed over the side of the wagon, his peripheral vision catching the idle flick of the horse's tail as the sturdy mare towed them through the gateway. He remained slouched against one side of the cart, staring ahead until the roll of the wagon drew to a slow.

"Alright!" Naruto leapfrogged off the horse's back before the poor animal could stop and sprung into a dead run the second his feet hit the floor. "Foooood!"

"He's got the right idea." Kiba inhaled deeply, scratching Akamaru's head. "Smell that, boy?"

The dog thumped his tail, scenting the air and probably dinner given his lolling tongue.

"Shikamaru?"

One arm curved securely around a carrier-crate, Shikamaru blinked from his glazed stare when a hand touched his shoulder. The Nara glanced up distractedly as a shadow fell across him. Chōji's eyes creased in a smile.

"Barbecue's on me, buddy," the Akimichi grinned. "Or maybe Asuma-sensei when he hears the good news."

The mention of Asuma had the gears in Shikamaru's head shifting and he veered down the safest and most important route. Avoidance.

"Yeah, maybe later." Shikamaru shrugged the hand off his shoulder subtly, using the movement to grip the side of the wagon and heave himself up. "I need to do the mission reports."

Chōji's expression clouded with confusion, then concern. "Shikamaru…"

"Well look what the horse dragged in!" a voice shouted across from the registry post by the gates. "Nara Shikamaru, what kinda death threat did the Hokage make for _you_ to sign up to the—_hey_!"

"That's _classified_, Kotetsu," Izumo scolded and jerked his elbow away from his friend's ribs, raising the same arm and hand to hail the team. "Hey!"

Shikamaru frowned and hopped off the wagon, strolling over to the table while Lee, Chōji and Kiba began to unload the cargo. He flicked his gaze between Kotetsu and Izumo, not liking the mischief in the former's gaze.

_Great._

Kotetsu cut a knowing, troublesome smile, one that dared Shikamaru to call his unspoken bluff. Playing the avoidance game with Asuma was one thing, but playing it with these two would have grated on the Nara's last nerve, if it hadn't been ground numb already.

Shikamaru smoothed out his frown and turned to Izumo. "Returning from an A-Rank," he said, clipped and quiet. "Successful."

"That's good news. Congratulations," Izumo said, shuffling through papers to search for the correct mission spec.

"Yeah, _congratulations_," Kotetsu drawled with a needling smirk, rubbing his sore ribs, feet propped up on the table.

Shikamaru sank his weight onto his left foot and shot the elder Chūnin a crafted look of boredom. He had absolutely no interest in finding out how the hell these two were privy to his involvement with the Nijū Shōtai. Provided they didn't know why, he had more pressing things to worry about.

As Izumo rummaged through a box under the table, Kotetsu's eyes remained fixed on the shadow-nin, glinting with a hint of conspiracy. "Did she punch you through a wall or something? Because that would motivate me. And that's hard to do."

Shikamaru didn't blink.

Kotetsu tilted his head, looking for a clue. "Or maybe Asuma-senpai gnawed on your ass a bit, right?"

"Ha! Here it is." Izumo swept his arm across the table, unrolling the scroll in a very deliberate and rather exaggerated move that knocked Kotetsu's feet, effectively forcing the other ninja to shut up and bicycle his arms to keep his chair balanced.

"Shit!"

"Leave the kid alone, Kotetsu," Izumo said, running the end of his pen along the lines of information scrawled out, skim-reading. "Hanegakure, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Hn…" Izumo paused, cocked his head and slanted a glance past Shikamaru, frowning as he stabbed his pen towards the wagon. "Uh Shikamaru, it says here it was a two squad mission of eight shinobi."

The shadow-nin shoved his hands into his pockets, nodding as the lie rolled off his tongue. "Neji's heading a side-op with Sakura and Hinata."

"Side-op?" Izumo checked the notes and scribbled in an annotation. "That wasn't part of the mission, right? Something go wrong?"

A strained look pulled hard at the corners of Shikamaru's eyes, but he covered the slip by turning his head to glance over his shoulder, feigning interest in the unloading of the wagon.

"Neji's the Jōnin," he said quietly, shrugging as he glanced back. "It's not my problem."

Izumo pressed his lips, humming. "Still, you'd best inform the Hoka—"

"Oh man, you're so by-the-book," Kotetsu yawned, regaining his balance as he edged his crossed heels onto a tiny spit of space at the very corner of the desk. "Give him a break, he just got back."

Izumo shot his friend an exasperated glare, but rolled up the scroll all the same. He handed it over to Shikamaru, tapping it into the Nara's open palm. "Yeah, guess Hyūga can fill in the blanks when he returns. Welcome back."

"Yeah, we'll be seein' ya." Kotetsu grinned with secret amusement.

Shikamaru arched a brow. "Okay…"

"Count on it." Kotetsu winked and hooked his thumb under the bandage striped across his nose, pointing his index at Shikamaru like a weapon. "Sooner than you think."

Izumo sighed. "Oh give it a rest, Kotetsu."

The shadow-nin glanced between them but didn't take the bait, much to Kotetsu's chagrin. He really didn't want to know. Turning, he slotted the scroll away and lengthened his strides back to the wagon, gaining speed to reach it before Kiba could peek inside the crate punched through with holes.

"I still don't get why you won't show us this thing," the dog-nin said, tapping his knuckles against the crate. "Why'd you even want it?"

The Nara hooked his foot into one of the toeholds and reached over the side of the cart, getting a grip on the crate to heft it carefully into his possession. "Wanna be useful, Inuzuka? Get someone to deal with the horse."

Kiba gave a long-suffering sigh, mock-saluting. "Still giving orders? Man, when did you become dedicated?" The Inuzuka chuckled. "You might make Jōnin yet, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru shot the Inuzuka a sharp look, but abruptly looked away. Getting uncharacteristically snappy wouldn't serve his cause – which was to draw as little attention as possible. He turned to Chōji as Lee swept up several backpacks and Kiba got a grip on the reins, leading the mare away.

"Want me to help you out?" Chōji offered, nodding to the crate.

Shikamaru adjusted his grip gingerly and shook his head. "Nah. Go relax. I'll catch you later."

He turned to walk away, but the Akimichi's voice stopped him short.

"It wasn't your fault, you know. What happened with Neji."

Strange, that didn't sound like such a lie coming from someone else.

Shikamaru's breath shivered from his lips. He squeezed his eyes shut then snapped them open to stare ahead. Tension held the moment captive, keeping him shackled to the spot as he tried to work out a response. He parted his lips to speak, but the rush of dialogue wanting to push up his throat felt too dangerous; maybe because it was the truth.

He struggled to find a lie.

He couldn't. Suddenly, the bullshit just wouldn't come.

"Funny," he said, not sounding amused at all and more like he needed to clear his throat. "You told me the same thing three years ago."

"Pay attention then, lazy ass," Chōji joked weakly, a heavy concern playing beneath his humour. "You can't predict everything, Shikamaru."

_Yeah, not when it matters the most anyway…_

The bitter irony kicked up one corner of Shikamaru's mouth and he shook his head, his arm tightening around the cargo he hadn't let anyone near. He swallowed roughly, forcing his voice into some semblance of its usual drawl.

"Go and relax, Chōji."

Chōji took a moment to reply. "Ino's gonna ask where you are. What do you want me to tell her?"

_I don't know…_

Fresh out of lies, Shikamaru gently hefted the crate, which suddenly felt a hell of a lot heavier than it had a few moments ago.

"Whatever works," he said.

When Chōji didn't reply, what worked right then was to walk away. So he did, moving down the amber-washed paths of Konoha's sidewalks, casting a shadow that threw itself so far ahead it might as well have slipped away.

* * *

The world returned in pieces; a memory at a time.

Fragments of voices, places, sounds and faces and then a name that made everything else fade to black.

_Shikamaru…_

Instantly, the memories turned sharp and cutting, slicing through delirium and dream. Reality tore down the wall between his will and his weakness, firing up sluggish nerve-endings with a different kind of heat, a fire more potent than the fever.

_You…bastard…_

Cracks formed in the darkness, lucidity trickling through as his mind fought the grip of black until his will to live was screaming stronger than the fleeting desire to let it all go.

_NO._

A rush that felt like adrenalin exploded through him.

Like a chakra-pulse deep in his core.

Rage.

The force of it slammed him through the fog, through the fever and into feeling.

Neji jack-knifed awake.

His eyes snapped open, flashing hotter and brighter than lightning.

He struck just as fast without realising it.

A soft gasp of pain sounded to his left.

Bursts of clarity and confusion rattled through him and sitting bolt-upright on the futon, he panted raggedly, trembling. The grind of bones drew his focus to the wrist caught in his shaking grip. It was delicate, pale and finely boned, the slim fingers tipped with the soft curve of unmistakeably feminine nails.

_Where…am I?_

He flicked fierce eyes up to the pale ones staring back at him and the rage sucked into a knot in his gut, coiling like a viper of blue-white chakra, hissing and winding tighter, weighing up whether or not to strike.

"Neji-niisan…?"

Neji blinked.

_Hinata…?_

The rage evaporated.

A backlash of confusion tumbled through Neji's head, dulling the edges of his mind and clouding his eyes a little.

_Hinata…_

His grip softened immediately and then fell away completely. Nausea churned inside him, rode up his throat then back down again.

"Neji…" The backs of Hinata's fingers touched his brow, cool and gentle.

Neji jerked his head on reflex and scanned the room through wide, unfocused eyes, his muscles pulled taut as he held himself upright. A horrible confusion rippled through him, threatening to pull him back into the void. He fought it with a scowl, shaking his head against the dizziness.

_No._

He didn't hear Hinata calling for Sakura. Even the door slotting back only registered in some distant, vacant part of his mind picking up on the peripheral activity. He didn't sense the pink-haired kunoichi beside him, checking his pulse and dabbing the cold sweat from his face and neck while Hinata's Byakugan eyes scanned his chest.

"The fever's breaking."

"Neji-niisan?"

He offered no response, his focus fixed ahead, tunnelling in a blinkered view to the only point of clarity his jumbled mind could process. And he could only process it because it sank like a blade of ice into his heart.

Betrayal.

Neji blinked, a fleeting look of pain passing across his eyes like smoke – only to lose itself to the simmer of a burning anger just heartbeats behind.

_Nara._

* * *

The foliage crunched like rust beneath Shikamaru's feet, a carpet of red and brown that blanketed the Nara forest. Wood smoke drifted on the breeze and wove between the trees, hanging in the slots of copper-coloured light spearing through the canopies.

_Not far._

Exhausted, Shikamaru trudged his steps along an overgrown path, the crate now held in both hands, his feet navigating a route that he'd idled down often enough as a kid, until making Genin had taken priority over tending sick fawns.

Shikaku had hacked out the path for him years ago, roping his five-year-old son into assisting with the 'mission'. Yoshino had given them both a good henpecking for it when Shikamaru had returned looking like he'd gone a few rounds with a nettle patch.

The nettle patch had won.

Shikaku hadn't gotten a scratch.

"_Now you'll remember to stay sharper than the thorns, kid."_

Shikaku had always found a uniquely troublesome way of making a point. Several of those points had been literal thorns that a five-year-old Shikamaru had spent the worst half of the night bawling about.

But he'd learned the lesson – and several others as Shikaku had cleaned him up and educated him in a lazy, roundabout way on the properties of the nettle, why this particular species stung like hell and why it was important to keep the plant in the forest.

_To torment your kids…_

Now, as Shikamaru raised his feet to step atop the heart-shaped and serrated leaves, he made a point to grind his feet. Not that he'd admit to holding a grudge against a stupid plant.

After some creative footwork over some mossy ground, the shadow-nin picked his way to the end of the trail, setting the crate down as he came to a corral that had once been used to nurse sick fawns. The pen had the advantage of a roof and was fenced in right to the top. More of a planked-up hut. It had held up surprisingly well, considering the negligence suffered.

_No choice but this._

Shikamaru slid aside the splintered bolt and eased open the fence, shuffling in sideways with the crate tucked against his body. A weak squawk filtered through the air holes, more of a croak. The shadow-nin set the crate down in the centre of the hut, turning a small circle as he glanced around, his feet scuffing straw and hay with the movement. He'd need to get some fresh bales up here to insulate and cushion the place out a bit.

_What the hell was I thinking…?_

Clearly, he hadn't been thinking at all when he'd considered giving himself just one more problem to deal with. Hibari had been surprised by the request, but thankfully hadn't questioned the shadow-nin as to his reasons. Shikamaru didn't even want to know why he'd 'cashed in a favour' that brought nothing but more effort and more trouble.

Maybe he'd developed a penchant for punishing himself.

As if eerily aware of his thoughts, another weak and disgruntled squawk sounded from the crate. Shikamaru stepped over and crouched down to work the lock on the lid. The second he slotted the wood back, a bald and wretched looking wing smacked out in a panic.

"Ssh. Take it easy," Shikamaru murmured, laying his palm atop the opening as the wing battered back and forth. "Easy…"

His words didn't have their intended effect, serving to agitate the sick bird as it struggled and scrambled. Shikamaru waited it out patiently, murmuring quiet words to soothe the frantic panic, hoping it would subside even if it didn't altogether stop.

"Easy…" he whispered. "Stop fighting…"

The bird didn't stop, it flapped its ruined mocha wings, putting up the same valiant fight it had against its captivity the first time Shikamaru had seen it. Desperate and clawing, the screech of its struggles grew louder. The sounds pulled a pinch to the Nara's eyes and a rock to his throat, forcing him to swallow hard.

"Stop…" he rasped, gritting his teeth. "Stop fighting…"

Ignoring his hoarse chant, the bird screeched shrilly, tearing at the blanket cushioning its prison, turning circles in a pointless rotation that only tangled it up.

Shikamaru's hands started to shake. "Stop…"

The bird swivelled a golden eye up towards him, flapping brokenly as it let out a sharp, piercing cry that knifed into a place where he had no more defences.

"Please…" Shikamaru's voice broke – along with something else inside him.

And the pain came so damn fast he couldn't stop it.

The bird screamed.

"STOP!" He slammed the lid across, thudded his elbows onto the edge of the crate and buried his head in his hands, a choked sound tearing out of his throat.

Another followed, louder, rattling his entire body with the force of holding it in.

His crouch folded and he sagged to his knees, fingers gnarled against his hairline, the hot scald of tears leaking from his eyes and burning along the lean angles of his face. His expression twisted against the onslaught of sadness. It was suffocating in its grip and it wrung his heart mercilessly, squeezing the tears from him like sour blood.

Torn wings continued to beat within the crate, talons scratching at the wood as weak squawks filtered miserably through the air holes.

_Please…_

Shikamaru dropped his head between his elbows and raked his fingers back until they laced behind his head, gripping until his knuckles blanched. He tightened his arms around his skull as if he could crack it open and unleash the thoughts, the memories and the words that wouldn't stop – over and over.

_Stop…_

The tears traced silently down his face, eyes squeezed shut against the aching pain that swelled in his chest until his ribs heaved with the strain of bearing it.

Outside, the deep bellow of a stag rolled long and low into the falling twilight.

* * *

Three hours later, Shikamaru let himself into his house, desperate to fall across his bed and into a dreamless sleep. With several mission reports lodged under one arm and a book on avian medicine in his hand, he toed off his sandals at the threshold, not bothering to switch on the lights.

Not that he had to.

They were already on in the kitchen and the second he shut the door an abrupt silence followed a pause in conversation – or more accurately, his mother's voice.

"Shikamaru?"

_Shit…_

The young Nara hesitated, closed his eyes and called over his shoulder, his voice croaking out. "You're back."

The scrape of chair legs was followed by the silhouette of his mother falling across the floor just seconds before she popped her head around the doorway, squinting in the dark.

"Perhaps we should have sent someone ahead in advance, young man, have you seen the state of this house?" Yoshino muttered, shaking her head before she ducked back into the kitchen then reappeared with the vase of Ino's withered flowers held out and away from her. "And what on earth happened to these? They haven't been watered in days."

Shikamaru remained at the threshold, looking over at the shrivelled stems and feeling twice as dried up inside. His expression remained masked by shadow, face barely caressed by the moonlight slotting in through the windows. He kept his distance from his mother; the prospect of an earful from her was in no way inviting.

"I was on a mission," he said quietly. "Just got back."

Yoshino's brows shot to her hairline, flowers forgotten. "Oh?" She cocked her hip against the doorframe, her tone shifting. "This late? Have you eaten?"

Shikamaru lowered his gaze and shrugged, the only response he could manage. He suddenly wasn't sure which would be harder or easier to take, her concern or her carping.

"Shikamaru?"

"Yeah, I ate…"

Yoshino frowned, an uncertain look coming to her dark eyes. "Well don't stand way over there, come in here and tell us about this mission."

"I'm beat," Shikamaru said so suddenly he almost cut her off. "I just wanna crash, alright?"

Yoshino perched the vase of dead flowers on her hip and tilted her head with a mild look of reproach, her dark brows curving upward again. Shikamaru didn't budge, remaining inscrutable in the shadows, countering his mother by not confronting her at all.

"Shikamaru…" Shikaku's voice rumbled softly from inside the kitchen, followed by the crackle of newspaper and the thud of a mug being set down. "Come here."

Shikamaru's stomach dropped.

He shuttered his eyes, trying to arrange his face into some semblance of a convincing mask even if he couldn't work out the words to back it up. He slotted the avian medicine book under his arm with the papers and tucked his hands into the pockets of his Chūnin pants, moving over with a sigh.

Avoiding his mother's gaze, he didn't notice her dark eyes flicking over him in an abrupt and automatic search for injury. Stepping the other side of her, Shikamaru braced his arm against the wall and lowered his shuttered eyes to the table.

"Yeah?"

Shikaku's thumb tapped against a black mug, steam wafting up in wreaths. The rich aroma of coffee saturated the air like the tension Shikamaru assumed only he was emitting. His father held off answering long enough to force the young Nara to raise his gaze. The second he did, Shikamaru expected to be met with the razor eyes he'd inherited.

To his immense relief – and belated suspicion –he found that his father's dark orbs were cast down, scanning the newspaper spread across the table. Shikamaru watched him carefully, monitoring his father's movements the way he expected Shikaku to be monitoring him at any given second without appearing to.

"So…" Shikaku's mouth curved at one corner, his whiskey-hoarse voice rolling steam across the rim of his mug as he raised it to his lips. "How'd it go?"

"Yeah, it went fine," Shikamaru cast a longing glance toward the direction of his bedroom, avoiding his mother's gaze. "Successful."

Shikaku hummed, nodding as he slowly turned a page, not looking up. "No complications?"

"No," Shikamaru sighed, his patience cut to the quick, his nerves still too raw to take the topic of the mission. He closed his eyes, trying to make it look tired rather than pained, muttering with minimal effort. "Can I catch that nap now?"

"Shikamaru," Yoshino scolded, brushing past to set the vase on the counter, making the mistake of opening the fridge. "Kami! You'd think we were cultivating fungus. Shikamaru did something _die_ in here?"

Shikamaru's jaw twitched, his eyes flicking rapidly between his parents, trying to decide which one he'd need to fend off first and how to go about doing it. His mind churned out possibilities but in his exhaustion they slipped like smoke through his mental fingers. He just couldn't get a grip.

His lack of response drew his father into the arena.

Shikaku flicked his eyes up.

Shikamaru tensed against the wall like he'd been physically shoved.

"This waste is atrocious…" Yoshino was saying, examining sell-by dates. "This will all need to go."

Shikamaru picked up three words from her last line, the only ones that didn't escape his brain as he struggled to hold his father's gaze.

_Need to go…?_

Hell, _he_ needed to go, somewhere, anywhere – fast. He pressed a little more into the wall, as if it might cave and bury him as he fought the urge not to turn tail and do the vanishing act.

_Calm down…_

He drew a quiet breath through his nose.

Across the table, Shikaku turned another page of his newspaper and lowered his mug a fraction, observing his son from beneath a deceptively relaxed sweep of his lashes. To the untrained eye, it would have looked casual. Shikamaru knew better. He controlled himself with a lazy shrug, but apparently Shikaku was too long in the tooth to be fooled by his chameleon act.

The elder Nara stopped mid-way into turning the next page, raising his head.

His eyes turned a little sharper around the edges.

_Fuck._

Shikamaru looked away, then back, then to Yoshino.

The weight of his father's shrewd gaze joined forces with his mother's running commentary on the contents of the fridge. Bombarded from both sides, the tension slammed a concentrated kind of pressure into his head, the strain cracking into his expression.

God he was so tired.

"Go catch that nap," Shikaku said, dropping his eyes back to his newspaper.

Yoshino, cut off mid-sentence, peered over the fridge door. "_What_?"

Shikamaru blinked nervously and shot his father a narrow glance out the corner of his eye, searching for a reason his old man would risk going against his mother when she was fully prepared to fight her corner; there was no mistaking her glare as a forecast of doom.

"Oh and I suppose all this will magically disappear then?" Yoshino posed with sing-song sarcasm, plucking out a container that looked like it was stuffed with cotton wool as the mould fuzzed against the plastic. She held it up to state her case.

Shikaku turned another page, not looking up. "Well done with the mission, kid."

Shikamaru's throat tightened.

Yoshino shot her husband a sidelong glare. "Does that suggest that _you're_ going to assist me with _this_ mission?" she stabbed a finger into the fridge, not appreciating the fact that she had to come home to a fungal infestation.

Shikaku cocked his head up towards his wife, held her gaze for an intense moment and smiled a slow, lazy smile that crept warmly into his eyes. Yoshino shot him a withering scowl, refusing to be drawn in.

"Shikaku," she warned, raising the container threateningly.

The elder Nara smirked, then shot his son a look. "Go make yourself scarce."

"Whatever," Shikamaru murmured, too tired to roll his eyes, forcing his voice with an effort that physically hurt. "Night."

He took the exit his father had given him, lengthening his strides in a smooth escape.

"Shikamaru!" Yoshino huffed and made to stalk after him, armed with the mouldy container and more than ready to hold him culpable for domestic crimes.

Shikaku reached out as she brushed past, his fingers stroking along his wife's wrist to capture her hand and tug her towards him as he rose up out of his seat in a sway, pulling her back against the wall of his chest almost playfully.

"Tomorrow, not tonight."

"Shikaku," she growled.

Shikaku draped an arm casually around her waist while simultaneously offering no escape as he set his chin on her shoulder. "Let the kid be."

Yoshino's frown tightened and she made to smack him with the container. "Have you seen the state of the—"

"Yoshino," he rolled her name out softly against the shell of her ear, with the barest thread of insistence weaving beneath his hoarse tones. "Let the kid be."

Something in his tone stilled her instantly. She turned her head, concern flickering across her forest brown eyes. Shikaku blinked slowly and brushed a kiss across her temple.

"Tomorrow," he murmured.

Yoshino turned her softening eyes toward their son's room.

Shikaku said nothing more. He didn't need to.

* * *

The breeze woke him; cold evening fingers stroking along his torso in a whisper.

_Fingers…?_

Neji snapped awake, gasping as his body tightened against the instinctive urge to lash out at the unseen threat; a threat that resolved itself into no more than the wind across his skin.

Cool and soothing.

Neji blinked, moonstone eyes clouded with confusion before they cleared a little. As foggy as his senses were, reality had gained some definition around its blurry edges. Over the past few hours the swimming faces and muffled voices had become clearer.

With this clarity had come the sharpening of other details.

He knew the embolisms were gone, the chakra plugs dissolved – his body was healing, yet he felt raw inside. The physical pain paled, as usual, in comparison to the discomfort tightening in his throat and behind his ribs. The same kind of grief he hadn't known what to do with two months ago other than stop it the only way he'd known how.

Not that it mattered now, because sitting deeper in his core, overshadowing the sadness, was the fury.

Coiled and dormant.

Waiting.

Neji drew a slow breath, feeling it stagger from his lips.

He turned his head against the pillow, scenting a subtle fragrance of herbs and the strong spice of ginger. Blinking against the urge to let his eyes slip shut, he let his gaze drift across to the open shoji door. Milky light filtered through, slotting into the dark room to fall across his chest. Craning his neck, he could catch a glimpse of the moon's pale disc hanging against a satin black sky.

The soft sound of footfalls redirected his attention.

His eyes shifted down from one pale orb to the two that watched him.

"Neji-niisan?"

Neji blinked heavily. "Hinata-sama," he acknowledged, frowning at the rasp in his normally melodic tones.

Hinata edged into the room, her pace drawn out as hesitantly as the look on her face; fragile and uncertain. It would be easy to use such things against her. For once, he could use his words to cause more damage to her heart than his Gentle Fist ever had. But watching her now, Neji possessed no desire to hurt her. Because she was still the open book she'd always been. No deception, no lines to read between. Just honest, open emotion.

There was no lie in her eyes.

_Unlike you, Nara._

Neji's jaw tightened, but his voice softened when he spoke.

"I cannot harm you," he murmured, working the chords in his throat with effort, "and I've no desire to…even if I could."

Hinata paused, her eyes on the floor. "But I—"

"I told you…not to lower your eyes..." Neji said, the corners of his mouth twitching weakly. "Although…I suppose I'm lacking...my usual advantage of height…"

His humour threw her, so unexpected and sudden that for a long moment she stared numbly at her hands. Then she raised her eyes with a jolt. "You…you aren't angry?"

Neji's expression smoothed to the likeness of stone and his gaze strayed away from her. He stared silently at some indistinguishable point in the darkest corner of the room.

Was he angry?

Anger seemed so simple. What lay dormant inside him did not feel the least bit simple. Whatever it was, it remained in direct proportion to his ability to act on it. At this moment, that wasn't an option. And the fever had sapped the energy required to be frustrated about it. Not that he thought he would be.

No. He felt dangerously, dangerously calm.

Maybe that calm came from a sense of understanding and certainty.

The understanding that something was biding its time inside of him…and the certainty of knowing that this time around, it was an emotion he had no intention of repressing.

* * *

"_If you ask me to stop, I might have to kill you…"_

Teeth scraped along his throat, bruising the tight chords which tensed and ached with the urge to swallow, speak, shout. He couldn't. He couldn't draw air and he couldn't release it.

He couldn't breathe.

A hand closed around his neck, pale fingers tightening as they closed, crushed, choked.

_"If this kills you, Shikamaru, it'll be the best way to go…"_

A ghostly pale face, lips stained blue, gauntly carved features dominated by opal eyes filled with cold, bitter torment.

"_You killed me…before this could…"_

Shikamaru pitched himself awake, his arm swinging out to ward off the grip of a phantom that wasn't there. His hand scythed through the air and he followed the movement, almost flipping himself over as he jolted upright.

"Shit…" he whispered, passing a hand across his face and around to the back of his neck to get a familiar grip on his nape.

The air tore in and out of his lungs in ragged gasps, his skin glistening with a fine sheen. He blinked his eyes wide, scanning the dark room, his brain firing up to catalogue every shadow until they resolved into familiar shapes.

_Dream…_

Swallowing, he sank back down on his bed, bracketing his brow between his thumb and fingers, pressing hard. It took his heart a moment to find its rhythm, his chest rising and falling in gentle heaves.

He ground his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut.

A shrill whistle of deer calls cut into the night, followed by the deeper bark of a stag.

_Home._

Shikamaru dropped his hand, lifted his lashes and stared hard at the slot of moonlight reflected across the ceiling, watching the play of blue-white hues as clouds wafted across the glowing sphere outside.

But it was the soft click beside the bed that drew his gaze.

The numbers on the clock winked.

4:00 AM

* * *

He witnessed the sunrise a shade at a time.

The room grew lighter by degrees, the milky hues surrendering to the soft caress of a red dawn, like blood across the sky.

Shikamaru rolled over, facing away from the window to settle his gaze on the stupid clock that mocked time and messed with his mind, giving an illusion of minutes pulled into hours.

He blinked slowly and settled onto his stomach, burying his face into the crook of his arm with a sigh that sloughed from deep in his lungs. He wasn't sure how long he lay there, his mind churning as he struggled to shut it down before it jump-started itself along a mental route he was too exhausted to follow.

At some point he managed to drift into a light doze.

Until the raucous sound of Asuma's laughter had his head jerking up in a start.

_Asuma…?_

Squinting, the young Nara twisted around, tangling himself in the sheets as he shot a narrow glance at the clock.

10:00 AM.

_Crap…_

Shikamaru kicked the sheets away, swung his feet to the floor and rose up in a sway that almost had him pitching into his Shogi table. Coordination was slower to kick-start than his brain. It took him a moment to orient himself with the forces of physics.

_Move…forward…_

His body obeyed after a moment, turning him in the direction of the door, which he gravitated towards very slowly. He cracked it open, cocking his head to catch the drift of voices carrying down the hallway.

Asuma's baritone rumbled along the walls, followed by the smoky drift of his father's voice.

He listened out for his mother but couldn't detect her.

Weighing the possibilities of how far he could inch along the hallway without getting caught, Shikamaru abandoned his room and slid along the corridor, plastered to the wall like a shadow.

"—haven't beat him once," Asuma was saying, the scent of smoke reaching Shikamaru at the same time as his sensei's words. "Good thing I didn't bet money on that either."

Shikaku's chuckle was muffled into ceramic. Then the sound of a mug hitting the counter had Shikamaru straightening against the wall.

"But the Nijū Shōtai wasn't a move I thought he'd take," Asuma said, pausing to suck in a breath of air - or ash.

"And that concerns you?"

Shikamaru slanted a little and watched a thin line of smoke drift from the dining area, counting the seconds until his sensei responded.

"I don't know. But you must be proud of him."

Shikaku hummed. "I am."

Shikamaru blinked at that, an odd feeling curdling in his gut – like guilt and gratitude twisting together into a complicated, troublesome knot. He shot a glance back down along the hallway, contemplating creeping back towards his room.

"I didn't even have to push him," Asuma said, sounding more disconcerted than relieved.

"Saves me a henpecking from Yoshino, either way."

"You know why he did it?"

"I don't need to know why." Shikaku's mug came down again. "Not the case for you, hnm?"

Asuma gave a short laugh too tight to be genuine. "Yeah, it's driving me nuts. I'm tempted to grill him."

Shikamaru thudded his head back against the wall, mouthing a curse.

_Shit…_

Asuma chewing his damned tail was the last thing he needed. It was hard enough evading his father, who could scent bullshit a mile off. With Asuma it was a hassle because Shikamaru felt a nauseating sense of guilt when it came to lying to his sensei. With his parents, being evasive and creative with the truth was part and parcel of family dynamics. But with Asuma, Shikamaru always felt like he was betraying him.

_It should be easy. You're good at betraying people._

Shikamaru clenched his jaw against the self-inflicted censure.

_Not like it isn't true._

Not wanting to deal with the direction his thoughts were heading, or eavesdrop on a conversation that would only push him further down that road, he immediately turned himself back towards his room, missing the tail-end of the conversation.

"I'm surprised you haven't grilled him already," Shikaku said, a wry smile tugging at his mouth. "Not like you."

Asuma ducked his head sheepishly and held up a hand to avoid an imagined toe-stepping. "Hey, I respect that I'm not his father."

Shikaku arched a brow at that, privately amused at Asuma's attempt to play down his obvious concern for the kid. "And I'm not his sensei. You're more important to him than you know, Sarutobi."

Asuma inclined his head and glanced at his cigarette, tapping ash into a tray. A soft plume streamed from his nose, fondness touching his expression in a crooked smile. He raised the cigarette back to his mouth and hooked his lip over in another moment's contemplation before taking a deep drag.

"He's a good kid," he murmured, a deep-seated pride rolling through his voice like the smoke from his lips.

"Yeah, I didn't do too bad, did I?"

"No. You didn't."

Shikaku smiled a little, his sage eyes turning towards the hallway. "I'll tell him you were here."

Asuma resisted the urge to glance over his shoulder. Instead, he crushed out his cigarette in a neat twist against the side of the tray, rising up out the chair. "Thanks. Give my regards to Yoshino."

Shikaku chuckled low in his throat, swirling the dregs of his coffee. "And have my woman lecture me about _your_ health, Sarutobi?"

With a mock expression of innocence, Asuma shook another cigarette free and dangled it from his lip without lighting it, saluting Shikaku with the packet as he turned a relaxed step toward the door, slotting one hand into his pocket.

_Back to the grindstone._

A mental checklist pulled itself up, mostly revolving around Kotetsu's bothersome questions regarding his student. What bothered him more was the fact that he couldn't supply an answer, not that he'd have disclosed the information even if he'd known.

Which he didn't.

_What's going on in that head of yours, Shikamaru?_

Asuma halted at the threshold, needing a kick of nicotine to tackle this mystery. He plucked out his lighter and flipped the lid in a click that caught a flame.

Then something caught his eye, stopping him short.

The flame paused just shy of his cigarette.

Shikamaru's flak-jacket hung from a peg by the door. The left side had a tear across the shoulder, like the scissoring stab of a blade. The tear indicated a bisecting slash towards the heart.

Asuma's eyes narrowed and his bistre orbs flickered bronze in the lick of flame.

He flipped the lighter shut with a snap.

Pocketing it, he slotted the cigarette away and tugged open the door with a frown.

He knew his next port of call.

_Chōji._

**

* * *

**

**TBC.**

**A/N: **43 done and dusted! I really hope Shikaku and Yoshino came across okay. I think I went through two cups of chai before tackling them. Though Shikaku might have got the lion's share of my tea-hit. Now, onward to Hyūga Hiashi and some confrontation!

**Reviewers: **Thank you so much those of you who've stuck with me and supported this fic and those who've recently hopped on board the crazy ride and taken the time to review. If the plot bunny was a boat, you reviewers would be the wind of motivation in its sails. I'm the poor bastard playing navigator LOL. Seriously though, **appreciated** from the heart, _always_. Hope you enjoyed this chapter! ^_^

**Reviewers without accounts; **Thank you;

**Ayachan** – Ayachan, sweetie. Thank you for the review for 42, luv! Always, _always_ appreciated.  
**InTheWake** – Such a pleasure to get your review, luv. Thanks so much for taking the time out. ^_^ I hope you enjoyed Shikaku in this chapter! Hiashi is a'coming.  
**Branwen** – Arigato, dear! So very much appreciated. ^_^ Glad you enjoyed 42!  
**Too lazy to sign in – **LOL love the anon-name! ^_^ And I love and appreciate the time you took out to leave such a lovely review. Thank you! A pleasure to know you're enjoying the fic and the characterisations! ^_^ Ah yes, I'm still considering that sequel – thank you for the interest, luv!  
**Greenstring bean – **Thanks for your review! ^_^ Neji as seme and Shikamaru's past is something I will definitely write, even if it doesn't feature in BtB. It will either feature in a long NejiShika one-shot or a possible sequel to this fic. ^_^  
**Nana** – I'm honoured, luv! Thank you for giving the fic a shot! ^_^ Thanks even more for letting me know you've been enjoying it!  
**Anonymous reviewer** – LOL Omg. This is insane. We should take up arms against the site for doing this to you! THANK YOU again dear, for another great response. Love, love, love that you're enjoying it. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
**Lostcause** – Hi there! Thanks for your review, dear – glad you're enjoying the fic! Aw, sorry luv, at some point Neji is going to be seme, even if it's not in this fic. I think the muses might murder the last of my braincells if I defy them LOL. ^_^


	44. Chapter 44

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Forty Four**

[Dedicated to Kuroda Miharu]

The sharp crack of antlers shattered the pre-dawn quiet.

Shikamaru froze, his body stilling in a single ripple.

The deep, warning barks of one of the stags pulled into a bellow; a sound that echoed hoarsely into the blue-white mists still hanging between the trees. The shadow-nin crouched low and waited for the answering bark. None came, just the rustle of ferns and foliage as deer dashed from the site of the skirmish.

Shikamaru listened a little longer, flipping a sickle over in his hands.

He turned his head as a young stag bolted from the mists, juddering to a proud halt at the bottom of the trail when it glimpsed the flick of the sickle. Shikamaru stopped spinning the blade. The stag quivered tensely on the spot, wreathes of vapour streaming from its flaring nostrils.

Shikamaru hummed quietly and turned the blade away.

The stag stamped once, swinging its head in an aggressive weave.

Shikamaru frowned at the display.

The young buck was still in velvet, its antlers not yet calcified beneath the soft tissue. The animal gave another belligerent stamp and ducked its head as if intending to charge. Unthreatened, Shikamaru whistled softly and watched the stag's ears twitch towards him as it halted its bold and defiant show, confused at the lack of fear it was provoking.

"Troublemaker," Shikamaru muttered, his lip quirking upwards at the soft snort this earned him. "Nice try."

The stag's nostrils twitched and it reluctantly nosed its way up along the path, sniffing and snorting at Shikamaru's ponytail. The young Nara remained perfectly still and perfectly calm, only tilting his head away when the buck threatened to nibble his spiky strands.

He waved a hand to ward off the animal, reaching out grudgingly to scratch it on the muzzle when it refused to be shooed. "Troublesome."

Indulging in the attention, the stag hovered a little longer and lipped the flap of Shikamaru's backpack, searching for _shika sembei_. The shadow-nin snorted and reached into his pack; the habit of carrying the rice crackers was second nature to any Nara walking the forests.

"Here, now go away," Shikamaru grumbled, affectionately scratching the deer's neck as it munched on the biscuit, turning itself about to graze back down along the slope.

Shikamaru continued up the trail instead, heading for the planked up hut, hacking at the nettles to clear some semblance of a path. In a few weeks, the sounds of crashing antlers would fill the Nara forest as the rutting season stirred blood and instinct in the stags. They were already growing restless, ready to battle it out for the rights to the finest harem.

It was instinct; an uncomplicated and natural design.

Funny how the single case of blood-stirring instinct in Shikamaru's life had turned out to be a natural _disaster_. For four days, he'd wrestled with the chaos that Neji had woken up inside him. He'd thrown logic at it from every angle but nothing would subdue it. It was exhausting trying to figure it out. He just ended up drawing more blood from a wound he kept trying to ignore.

His current attempt to ignore it was the task at hand.

_Yeah, stellar job, genius._

Reaching the enclosure, Shikamaru lodged the sickle into the ground and pulled back the bolt to the door. He eased it open a centimetre at a time, anticipating an attack.

He wasn't taking any chances.

He'd spoken with a vet, but relied on the avian medicine book for the most part.

After padding the place out with straw and hay bales, he'd managed to create a warmer and securer haven for the bird. He'd even constructed the illusion of trees by hauling driftwood and branches into the hut, creating a habitat to encourage activity as well as provide recuperation.

He stole a glance into the pen and scanned the upper levels he'd created, searching for the bird. A weak squawk drew his focus down. Down to the bundle of haggard looking feathers tucked into one corner of the dark enclosure. Shikamaru squinted, then his eyes softened a little.

"Still not off the ground, huh?" the shadow-nin murmured, closing the door behind him as he inched further into the pen.

The bird shuffled weakly, wings arching then folding uselessly at its sides. It didn't look like it had the energy to attack, but he'd made that mistake before.

"Gonna try and take my eyes out again?" he said quietly, keeping his tones soft and calm as he stepped towards the untouched food he'd laid out. "Damn."

Golden orbs surveyed him warily, wings twitching, a cracked beak emitting a soft screech. In such a sorry state, it was hard to determine what the hell kind of species of bird it was. Shikamaru had pinned it as a falcon or kestrel, hedging his bets on the former given the size.

"Whatever you are, you're a pain in the ass," Shikamaru grumbled, crouching down to carefully fill the water tray and set out a fresh container of minced meat saturated and softened with medicine. "I'm not gonna hand feed you."

Given the bird's attempts to claw his face off, it set the ground rules for their interaction. Distance. Treating the bird's sores had been hell. Shikamaru hadn't been able to follow through with the first attempt to hold the bird down with his jutsu. It had torn open the tender scab across his heart.

He'd given it a day. Then he'd tried again.

The second attempt had been successful and he'd steeled himself against the struggling and shrill sounds, focusing solely on what he'd had to do. A good two hours later, he'd tended to the wounds, force-fed the screeching animal and left it to recuperate.

The worst part was over.

The bird had stopped feather picking after he'd started to spray it with remedial water, forcing the animal to focus on cleansing its remaining plumes rather than tearing them out.

In four days he'd made a lot of progress, all things considered.

If he hadn't been doing this, he'd have been pacing the floors in his room until he'd torn the skin from his feet. No news from Sakura and Hinata had set him on an edge he couldn't walk without teetering into a realm of possibilities he didn't want to consider. Waking up at 4 AM didn't help and no matter how exhausted he felt, this insane pattern was literally like clockwork.

He couldn't escape it.

So he'd get up and tend to the bird, slip back into the house around 6 AM and sleep until something forced him to move; usually his mother on the warpath. He hadn't had to lie to anyone yet. He'd just got creative in avoiding questions – and certain individuals.

Asuma still hadn't managed to find him.

Chōji had given him a head's up on his sensei's mission to track him down. With this information at hand, Shikamaru had managed to coordinate his movements into a structured schedule that always put him a place where Asuma wasn't. Each time, it was crafted in such a subtle way that it always seemed coincidental. The Hokage was his contingency plan, but so far, all his moves could be verified, all his alibis legitimate and all his reasons sound.

It was an impressive avoidance plan.

It was perfectly executed.

It was believable.

It was flawless.

Shame then, that Asuma knew it was a load of shit.

* * *

_Peace_.

The sound of it resonated deep in the throats of the praying monks, an eerie chant that thrummed in the bones and caused the body to hum.

_Breathe_.

Neji closed his eyes and let the deep melody direct the pace of his movements. His palms sifted through the crisp morning air at graceful turns that the rest of his body followed effortlessly and smoothly, his entire frame shifting in perfect coordination. He moved like a single muscle, the ripple in one motion spreading outwards in perfect synch to reach every limb.

The coordination was flawless, with only the barest quiver along his left arm.

He felt the flow of energy through his tenketsu like a tingle of adrenaline.

No blocks tightened in his chakra network, no pain stabbed into his chest or lanced his lungs. There was only the soft sensation of a current, like a breeze through his veins, cool and gentle, eradicating the memory of the fever.

In four days, the peaceful aura of the shukubo had been more conducive to his body's healing than any medical facility. The Temple retreat had provided escape into a borrowed peace; not his own, but enough to deceive him into believing that the rage coiled dormant inside him wasn't there.

_For now._

He missed a beat in his movement, hesitating.

_Focus._

Re-centring himself in the gentle kata, Neji closed the slow dance of his movements in a sweeping dip that looked as if he'd shaped the forces of gravity to his will, given the angle at which he curved without losing his balance.

The barest ache still held in his ribs, but his strength was returning fast.

At least he told himself it was. It would be a week or so before he could channel chakra, add to that the time needed for the poison to fully exit his system and his blood to thicken and clot adequately again.

_Either way, I'm done waiting._

Straightening up, he rolled his left shoulder and planted his feet, gently running his fingertips beneath the seam of his robe to trace the healing bruises on his chest. Soon they would fade; perhaps the worst of them might leave a mark that would never really heal. But then, it wasn't like time had ever truly healed the worst of his injuries.

_Tch. Pathetic._

Neji steeled his jaw and closed his eyes, trying to tune back into the chanting and drown out the painful frequency his thoughts were drifting into. He'd barely calmed the disturbance in his mind before his body reacted to a threat he didn't realise was present until it almost struck him.

Neji ducked and spun just as a cane swept above his head.

He caught the reverse swing against the side of his palm, locking his wrist. The impact from the blow juddered along his arm. The force of the hit surprised him, but not as much as the wielder of the cane.

An old monk wrapped in saffron robes with skin as worn as age-old leather.

But it was the pale eyes which stared unseeingly over Neji's shoulder that caused the Jōnin's expression to arch in surprise. He didn't have time to assess the old man's blindness further, because the cane snapped back and across in a hit directed for his temple.

Neji's wrist came up again, deflecting the sharp crack of the stick.

He repeated the block to his other side a heartbeat later.

The old man's eyes crinkled in a smile.

Neji frowned.

The next strike had him leaping to avoid a sweep to his legs, the side of his foot hooking sharply to knock the cane aside. His kick never connected.

_What?_

Thrown by the speed, Neji jerked his head back as the cane thrust viper-like towards his brow, glancing off his hitai-ate. It rocked his equilibrium but his body followed the movement fluidly, allowing him to regain his balance in an instant.

"Good," the monk croaked.

Neji didn't have time to reply.

The monk launched into a seamless string of attacks all coordinated with a speed and efficiency that defied everything the old man physically projected. The strength and speed with which he moved was phenomenal.

_Impossible…_

Neji was kept on his toes the whole time, put through his paces by an arthritic monk that didn't even break a sweat. It would have been humiliating if Neji wasn't humbled.

_Gods, he's fast!_

The Hyūga swayed left and right with liquid fluidity, pale muscles tightening a little more with every avoided stab and swipe of the cane.

_Too fast._

A blow caught Neji on his left side, bouncing off his ribs in a sharp crack.

The shock struck him harder than the sting and he jolted sideways.

His eyes flashed hotly.

_That's enough._

He whipped the side of his palm into the cane hard enough to shatter it.

The wood didn't even splinter.

Neji frowned, sucking in a sharp breath. He glared hard at the point of contact between the side of his palm and the cane. A trickle of blood dribbled from a gash in his hand, running in a thin rivulet down his wrist.

The Hyūga's eyes widened.

_How?_

The force of his strike should have snapped the cane clean in half. Neji had punched through brick without a bruise or scrape to show for it. The wood should have yielded to his strike in an instant. Such a blunt weapon might have bruised him, but it certainly shouldn't have drawn his blood.

"You are strong," the monk said, his voice hoarse and cracked as if unused to vocalising words. "But you hold onto this strength like a weapon."

Neji hesitated, flexing his fingers against the pressure from the cane. "I am a shinobi. I see no weakness in holding a weapon."

"You are a man first," the monk countered with a stern furrow at his brow, pushing Neji's palm to an angle that allowed the wood to slide along the Hyūga's wrist, tracing the blood. "A weapon cannot heal a wound. It will only create another."

The words hit Neji square in the sternum.

He struggled to ice over his expression, sensing an uncanny power in the monk's white-eyed stare that encompassed too much given its blindness.

The cane dropped away. "The strength you need will not come from holding on."

Neji's jaw tightened, his gaze drawn to his clenched hand.

Even with the latent rage festering inside him…he suddenly felt so empty.

"Then what will it come from?" he murmured, his deep tones rolling like a lost wind in the cavern of his chest.

The blood beaded at his knuckles and clung in a wobble from the bone-white skin.

But it didn't fall.

It held as stubbornly as the monk's silence.

Only the sound of chanting carried, steady and meditative. Neji swallowed hard, waiting…hating the question…needing the answer…

None was offered.

When he flicked his eyes up, he was alone.

* * *

_Not happening._

Shikamaru watched the papers flap, debating whether it was worth the effort to move over and snatch them up before the breeze beat him to it.

_I'm not moving._

The young Nara remained sprawled on his bed, glaring upside-down at the mission reports as they waved tauntingly in the draught that whistled through the window. Rising and falling like flags of white surrender.

_Not. Moving._

The wind whipped in and a paper went sailing through the air, whispering across the floor. Shikamaru groaned and rolled over, glaring at the clock instead.

12:00

Two hours.

Once, it might have taken him two minutes to fall asleep.

He'd crept back into the house around 10 AM after having holed himself up in some dust-infested alcove of the Konoha library, tucked away from any chance of being blindsided by Asuma or anyone else after his blood or brain. He'd spent that time drawing up a rough outline of the fabricated side-op, calling on fresh reserves of bullshit that Neji would only have to corroborate with a nod and signature.

_Neji…_

Shikamaru rolled onto his back, stared up at the ceiling and raised a hand to knead his temples. The Hyūga's face floated before his mind's eye, pale and gaunt and touched by just a hint of death's shadow.

A door smacked shut down the hallway.

Shikamaru jolted from his thoughts.

He held himself rigid, listening out for footsteps. Muffled tones drifted through the walls, his mother's voice, followed by a shift in pitch that suggested concern. That got his attention. Shikamaru propped himself up on his elbows, cocking his head as he stared at the door.

Yoshino's words were swallowed up by the deep timbre of a voice that wasn't his father's. It was too smooth and steady, the modulated tones nothing like the elder Nara's smoky drawl.

_What the hell?_

Shikamaru's body moved of its own accord. He side-stepped the sheet of paper on the floor and drew close to the door, easing it open a little. The second he did, another door opened along the hallway and Shikaku stepped out.

_Shit._

Shikamaru twisted sharply, peering sidelong through the crack. He watched his father stroll down the shadowed hallway, passing out of sight to greet whomever his wife was speaking to.

Then he heard it clearer, a voice as deep and rich as cultured wine. "Nara-san."

Shikamaru's stomach knotted so hard he almost bowled over.

_FUCK._

"Hiashi," Shikaku greeted, informal and at ease. "May I get you a drink?"

A flicker of panic skittered across Shikamaru's face, his dark eyes rounding. It took him a moment to register that his mother was saying something, but whatever it was he missed it. The front door shut and for a moment there was silence, filled only by the sound of movement in the kitchen.

A tremor of nerves rattled through Shikamaru.

_Shit. Shit. Shit. _

For a moment he stood hovering in a state of limbo, trying to get his mind to stop spinning and start strategising. He gripped his jaw as he deliberated his next move, which his body made for him before his brain could. He slipped out of his room, not proud of the fact that eavesdropping had become a shameful tendency in the past four days.

_Information gathering…espionage practice…yeah, right…who the hell am I kidding?_

Obviously not Hyūga Hiashi.

_Calm down. Assess._

Jumping to conclusions wasn't going to help. Shikamaru kept to the shadows of the hallway, grateful for the cover. Slanting just so, he could make out the regal form of the Hyūga by way of the windows.

Hiashi had placed himself at a mid-way point between the kitchen and the threshold to the residence, a subtle move with a clear signal. He had no intention of being social and possessed no real desire to stay. If the stern set of his high brow was any indication, the Hyūga probably resented the fact he'd had to make the trip at all.

Shikamaru's brain did the translation: he's pissed.

He flicked his eyes across to his father.

Shikaku only had one drink in his hand.

Hiashi raised a palm to politely decline the proffered cup. "Nara, your hospitality, while appreciated, is wasted on this occasion. This is not a social call."

"I assumed as much." Shikaku's mouth tilted up in a wry smile and he brought the cup to his own lips. "But good saké never needs an occasion."

Hiashi turned his gaze elsewhere in a brief, cursory scan of the house. "I'm here to speak with your son."

Translation: I'm here to murder your firstborn and only child.

_Fuck._

Shikamaru's nerves crackled like livewires, his body going stock still against the wall like a deer set to bolt. There was no mistaking the undercurrents here. There was no negotiation in Hiashi's statement – only promise.

Shikaku, however, simply leaned back against the doorjamb, incongruously relaxed with a ghost of a smile still in place. "Ah, but judging by the shadows it's only noon."

Hiashi's gaze cut back to him. "I'm aware of the hour."

"My son is sleeping."

"Sleeping…" Hiashi's jaw tightened in disapproval.

"That's right."

Silence.

Shikamaru sensed the tension like a held breath; his own fisted like a knot in his throat. He remained against the wall, trying to gauge what game his old man was playing; this wasn't going to be a conversation more than a verbal Shogi match.

It was time to make a move and hopefully not get murdered.

Before Shikamaru could even attempt to interrupt, Hiashi spoke.

"Then you had best wake him."

Shikaku's chuckle was like smoke over rocks. "He won't move."

"It is an important matter, Nara, or I would not have come here personally," Hiashi said, his impatience held in check by well-bred civility.

Shikaku shrugged slightly, his half-smile not wavering for a moment. "I understand and I'll tell him you came to see him. I'm sure he'll drop by."

_Or drop dead. _

Judging by the look on the Hyūga's face, it wasn't an exaggeration. It took the barest shift in Hiashi's body, like a ripple beneath still water, for the tension to change from an undercurrent to a hair-raising tide.

"You allow this indolence, Shikaku?" the Hyūga challenged, pale eyes like ice.

Shikaku lowered his drink and looked up from under his brows, his gaze as dark as coal and steady as a rock. "This is the Nara residence, not the Hyūga. We do things differently."

"Yes. You do things from the shadows," Hiashi uttered, his gaze slicing down the hallway towards Shikamaru. "Beyond reach and reproach."

This time, when the air thickened, it wasn't with tension.

It was chakra.

Shikaku didn't move, but the air around him did. Like a bristling shiver, the shadows clinging to the corners of the room seemed to ripple and darken; subtle and understated, but not to be mistaken for anything less than a warning.

Hiashi clocked it instantly.

His white orbs narrowed as they swung back to the elder Nara.

Shikaku's mouth curved in a smile that held no humour, his pupils shrinking in the dark pools of his eyes.

"You don't want to insult me in my own home, Hyūga," he drawled with a razor-edge as sharp as his gaze. "Even indolent Nara men take exception to that."

Hiashi's proud features tightened. He raised his head, holding Shikaku's stare; fierce and unblinking as the broad stretch of his shoulders squared, pale robes shifting with the movement. The rigid stance was unmistakeably hostile but irrefutably controlled.

It reminded Shikamaru of Neji and a pang hit him hard behind his ribs.

_Shit._

He looked to his father. In contrast to Hiashi, Shikaku remained leaning casually against the doorframe, not needing to move to illustrate what was playing dangerously in his eyes. The silent communication between the two ninja was as unspoken as the laws of a predatory face-off. Signals were given without sounds, the challenge holding in a deadlock that indicated the war was going on in the space between them without either having to engage directly.

The battle of wills ended with a mutual raise of their heads.

Hiashi stepped back and turned toward the door.

Shikaku watched him, his gaze hooded and unreadable.

It was only when the door clicked shut that the elder Nara took a slow, deliberate sip of his saké, humming low in his throat. "I wondered if you'd stay hiding."

Shikamaru scowled, slipping out from the shadows. "Why did you do that?"

"Hn." Shikaku drained the saké, rolling his shoulder in a shrug as he moved back into the kitchen for a refill. "Too troublesome for you to get confrontational, right?"

The question was rhetorical and rigged to trigger a reaction. Even knowing this, Shikamaru took the bait with a snarl. Hell, he'd been dangling from the stupid hook for four days. Shikaku had reeled him in with patience rather than persistence.

"Tch!" Shikamaru moved to stand in the doorway, glaring across. "It's never too troublesome for you to tell me to grow up and fight my own battles, so why did you do that?"

Shikaku pursued his lips. He refilled his cup slowly and cocked a hip against the table, tilting his head as if considering the question. After a tense beat, his dark eyes glittered with a touch of amusement.

Shikamaru's scowl darkened.

Shikaku toasted the air with a lazy wave of his saké. "You're welcome."

"I'm not _thanking_ you."

"And you're still welcome."

"Dammit!" Shikamaru snapped, slamming the side of his fist into the doorjamb. "I don't need you to step in. Don't treat me like a kid!"

Shikaku paused with his drink half-way to his lips. He stared hard at Shikamaru, the humour gone from his eyes. Shikamaru couldn't tell what emotion stood in its place. The look was cryptic, but steady, unwavering.

"You _are_ a kid," Shikaku said quietly. "You're my kid."

Shikamaru blinked, dropping back a pace.

He hadn't predicted that response. And he had no idea how the hell to react to it.

Shikaku often downplayed parental protectiveness with a nonchalant 'man up and quit crying' attitude, usually throwing in a pearl of wisdom to roll around in his son's brain. This kind of reaction from his father was like a kick in the teeth and Shikamaru's jaw clamped shut on a reply.

The young Nara stared hard at the table.

Shikaku drained his saké like water and clacked the cup down on the counter. Then he brushed past his son, rolling a single word over his shoulder.

"Shogi?"

Shikamaru released a shaky breath, already turning to follow. "Yeah…"

* * *

The flutter of wings broke his trance.

Neji's eyes slipped open, heavy-lidded from the meditative state he'd drifted into. The mantra of the monks' chanting had pulled him close to the edge of sleep without pushing him into slumber.

He'd hovered in a drowsy state of 'in-between' and in this haze the memories had stirred and stilled, held static in the calm before the storm. He could feel the tension crackling deep inside him, buzzing at his nerve endings.

_Breathe._

He pulled in the smoky scent of incense and blinked his eyes slowly.

The haze passed away and his opal orbs cleared, brightened, then hardened in the candlelight. The afternoon glow filtered through the paper of the shoji doors but turned amber in the shrine-light of the candles.

Over a hundred of them burned.

Rising from his pensive kneel, Neji sliced his palm across the wick of the closest flame, extinguishing the gentle warmth.

It was time to leave.

Across the room, a carrier pigeon fluttered on its perch, waiting to deliver the news to Konoha that they'd be returning. Neji sensed it was more of a head's up for a certain shadow-nin.

His moonstone eyes narrowed_._

He fastened his hitai-ate, tying off the ends in a sharp tug. Releasing a slow breath, he stepped over to the pigeon's post and grazed a knuckle along the bird's sternum, humming quietly.

The bird stilled instantly, cooing.

Neji repeated the gentle stroke then reached for the slim cuff attached to the pigeon's leg. He removed the carrier and plucked out the note, his gaze straying over Sakura's neat script.

_FTAO: Nara Shikamaru. Mission successful. Home by sundown. Midnight latest. Haruno Sakura._

Neji curled the note into his palm and unhooked the tether from the bird's foot. Conditioned to respond, the pigeon hopped onto his forearm, wobbling on its new perch and flexing its wings to keep balanced as the Hyūga stepped over towards the shoji door. He drew it back with his free hand and raised his arm.

The bird took to the skies.

Neji watched it recede into the distance until it was no more than a speck of black against the clouds. He traced the idle sail of one of its feathers, not needing to turn to sense that someone had entered the room.

"Neji? We're ready when you are. We just need to send the…oh…" Sakura's voice trailed off and he heard her step over to the empty perch. "You already sent it?"

Neji crushed the note in his palm, his gaze on the clouds. "I'll be with you in a moment."

Sakura hesitated at his tone, but left him to the stillness of the room and the serenity he had created inside of it. The chanting still carried on the breeze, but the wind was cool and crisp, like a knife cutting through the illusion of peace.

On the outside he was calm, centred, composed.

Inside, something rattled and crackled as raw as the paper crushed in his hand.

_Soon…_

Neji released the air he'd been holding, turned to the nearest candle – and set the note aflame.

* * *

"Stop going easy on me."

"Why beat you sooner than I have to?"

"Whatever," Shikamaru snorted, assessing the Shogi board through narrowed eyes.

He slid his fingers across and made a move that would buy him time, but not a victory. His father cut off his next move with a lazy drop of a piece, capturing a pawn and effectively forcing him to re-strategise.

"Your mother has corralled me into a social dinner tonight," the elder Nara murmured, his gaze on the board. "Rikumaru gouged a young buck still in velvet. The wound will need tending. I trust you'll handle that for me."

Shikamaru shrugged, already guessing which stag had caused trouble. "Yeah."

He made a quick move on the board that caused Shikaku to chuckle quietly. "You're making this too easy, kid."

"So go ahead and win already, it's not like I'm gonna take it personally."

"No, it's not personal," Shikaku said, his thumb grazing a Shogi piece before he reconsidered and made a different move. "Not when it's just a game. Or a strategy."

Shikamaru frowned, taking up a piece and clapping it down. "I know that."

"Yeah, I know you know that." Shikaku straightened away from the board, reaching for his coffee. "Just like you know what I'm really talking about."

Shikamaru bit down hard, running his tongue along the inside of his clenched teeth, grinding his words out. "Let's just play the damn game."

"You've miscalculated."

"I know…"

"You're going to lose."

"I _know_," he snapped, his eyes flicking up hotly.

Their gazes held over the rim of Shikaku's mug, the steam from the coffee wafting between their deadlock as thinly as the veil between their words.

"If you know…" The elder Nara's lips twitched in a faint smile. "Then why are you still playing the game?"

Shikamaru barked a short, harsh laugh. "You're kidding me. Are you tryin' to be all metaphorical and crap?"

"Maybe." Shikaku shrugged, sipping the coffee. "But if I was, I think you'd be smart enough to figure this out."

"I _lost_. Maybe I'm not as smart as you think I am."

"Or maybe it doesn't require your head."

"_Troublesome Hyūga, quit making this about your head._"

The memory pulled across his mind, dragging a painful pressure across his chest.

Shikamaru's eyes glazed, a look of lost confusion tearing across his face as he stared hard at the board, sadness gripping him by the throat.

"That's all I've got," he whispered tightly.

Shikaku hummed softly, setting his mug down. "If that was true, then you'd never have lost."

Shikamaru squeezed his eyes shut for an instant, his chest tightening. "I don't wanna talk about this."

"I know," Shikaku murmured, reaching across to take up a piece. "So stop talking, get off your ass and go and _do_ something."

Shikaku made his move and the soft tap of the Shogi piece concluded more than just the game.

"Checkmate."

* * *

A storm was coming.

He could tell by the clouds.

They'd gathered like rumpled velvet shot-through with gold, hanging heavy over the outskirts of the village. Shikamaru moved under their shadows, sticking to the edges of the village as he took a roundabout path towards Konoha's bird enclosure and pigeon post.

Sakura must have sent word by now.

_Four days is way too long._

If the turn in weather wasn't enough to put a further dampener on his mood, there was always the other matter following him around like a rain cloud.

The pig was stalking him again.

Shikamaru could hear the clop of her hooves echoing off the sidewalks as he took a brisk walk down a quieter stretch leading him back towards the heart of the village. Aiming to lose the troublesome swine, he veered around the back of the Yamanaka flower shop.

_God dammit, what the hell is it gonna take to just be left alo—_

"Shikamaru!"

_Shit._

The Nara jolted to a stop, teeth grit as something smacked into the back of his head.

_Ow._

Whatever had cracked him in the skull hit the ground with a dull thud. The impact ended with a flat, hooded look from the shadow-nin as he turned on his heel and dropped his gaze from the huffing kunoichi to the packet by his feet.

He arched a brow.

"Did you just throw _compost_ at me?" The Nara blinked, toeing the bag around so he could read the label. "_Compact_ compost. Nice."

Ino gave a vicious snort.

"Shikamaru!" she hissed, closing distance in a stomp to wave a gloved fist under his nose, a bunch of weeds grasped in her fingers. "Where the hell have you been?"

Rubbing the back of his head, Shikamaru searched for a comment likely to distract her and set his gaze on her hair, cocking a brow for effect. "What's with the pin-cushion?"

"Oh don't even try that!" Ino scowled, self-consciously sweeping a wrist across the fair strands sticking out from her sloppy topknot, pinned with sticks used to support wilting plants. "You've got some explaining to do!"

"You know," Shikamaru crouched down, snatching up the bag with a frown, "I respond to my name, you don't have to throw a pack of crap at my head."

Ino snatched the bag back with a growl. "_Four_ days? I mean really! What's with you? First you kick me off the team—"

"Wait, I didn't kic—"

"And then you get back and don't even bother to—"

"I've been—"

"—show your face! And what's worse is that you get _Chōji_ to cover for you!"

Shikamaru rocked back on his heels as she stabbed a muddy finger at him, blue eyes flaring with accusation; but worse than that was the flicker of hurt beneath the heat.

_Ah shit._

"Ino..."

"That was _low_. And what's with you and Asuma-sensei? He practically held an interrogation!" she snapped, her words like shrapnel bouncing around in his skull. "He grilled Chōji like Korean barbecue!"

Shikamaru stared at the mutilated weeds in her hand, feeling like they were an apt representation of his nerves. "I know."

"You _know_? What? _That's_ your answer?"

"If I could get a word in edgeways, you might get a better one," Shikamaru muttered, shifting his weight from foot to foot restlessly.

Ino's mouth curved down in a frown, the slash of her brows darkening as she jammed her fists at her hips, waiting. Going against her stance completely, Shikamaru slid his hands into his pockets and leaned against the wall of the shop, averting his gaze in routine avoidance.

"The Godaime's been chewing my ass, alright? On top of that I've had mission reports, council crap and Neji's side-op with Hinata and Sakura to—"

"Sakura!" Ino snapped so suddenly that she puffed up like an offended pigeon on the spot, waving her weeds around. "I seriously don't get it! Chōji said Hanegakure's clans dealt with mind-transference, right?"

Shikamaru shifted his weight away from her, not sure whether to be irritated or relieved at her interruption. He said nothing, sensing her mood was explosive enough without giving her something more to beat him around the head with.

"Well?" Ino pressed, glaring at him. "Did they?"

"Yeah…"

Shikamaru almost jumped when she thrust her arms out as if to hug him. She didn't. He stared at her blankly.

"Ino, what the hell are you doing?"

"Uh, _hello_? Mind-transference!" Ino thrust her arms out again, re-striking her pose of self-promotion, shaking the weeds like pompoms. "That's _my _speciality! Why the heck did you pick billboard brow over _me_!"

Shikamaru winced inwardly, both at the volume of her voice and at the fresh hurt swimming in her turbulent glare, well aware that her anger was just a smokescreen for the dangerously sensitive issue of her self-esteem.

"Ino, it wasn—"

"You didn't think I could cut it, did you?"

The shadow-nin sighed, his eyes fluttering shut before drifting open again. "It's not like that…"

"Then what's it like, genius?" Ino dropped her hands but raised her chin a notch, lips tightening. "As far as I'm concerned, you _axed_ me."

"It's not—"

"And then you avoid me completely. And it's not even because you're feeling guilty!"

_Guilty…_

That word hit him wrong.

Very wrong.

He almost lost control of his expression, his jaw flexing. "Guilty?"

"Duh! I mean, it's not just _me_ you're avoiding, is it? So something else is up," she grumbled, shaking her head as she looked him over for some damning evidence. "What happened? Is this to do with the Nijū Shōtai?"

Shikamaru regarded her in silence, his mouth set in a grim line. If he said yes, it wouldn't be a complete lie; hell, he might have been able to look her in the eye while saying it too.

_Great, dig an even deeper hole._

Unsettled by his lack of response, Ino drew her head back, her face warring over which emotion to hold. But she didn't attack him further, which should have been a good thing – but suddenly, the silence felt way too incriminating. She'd end up drawing her own conclusions if he didn't give her something.

Sighing, Shikamaru flicked his gaze over her shoulder, staring back down the way he'd veered to escape the pig. There was no escaping this, so he sought a different tactic, drawing a slow breath through his nose.

"I didn't cut you from the team," he said quietly, shaking his head. "In fact, the whole damn mission would have gone a hell of a lot smoother if I'd had you there, so spare me the guilt-trip, alright? I really don't need it right now."

Without warning, the pendulum of Ino's mood swung and her scowl softened into a frown, before falling away completely. "Shikamaru, what's with you?"

He was almost tempted to tell her to hop into the mess that was his head to take a look around. She'd check out as fast as he felt like checking himself in at the damned psych ward if only to get something to help him sleep. Not that he'd have minded a bit of solitary confinement, just to get a bit of peace.

_That might actually be the best plan yet…_

"Shikamaru? Helloooo?"

He stared numbly over her shoulder, watching a stubby shadow stretch across the alleyway wall. "The pig."

"What?"

"She's stalking me…" he said bluntly.

Ino mistook his meaning with a gasp, crushing the weeds in outrage. "Did you just call me a—!"

Tonton's squeal cut her off and the clop of the pig's trotters echoed along the alleyway. Shikamaru sighed, leaning his head against the rough brick. There was no running away from her; she was more tenacious than a bloodhound.

_Hn. Asuma should grill the pig…_

Literally, that wouldn't have been such a bad idea.

Shikamaru gazed down through his lashes at the pearl-wearing pet as she skidded to a halt beside Ino, glaring up at him through those creepy, beady eyes. For a moment, he was convinced the animal kingdom at large wanted his blood more than the human percentage.

Shikamaru pinned the pig with a narrow look. "Stalker."

Tonton oinked in offence.

Ino crouched down and rubbed a knuckle between the pink ears. "Aw, he doesn't mean it."

"Yeah I do," Shikamaru countered beneath his breath, watching the animal warily.

"Why would Tonton be stalking _you?_" Ino said, reaching over to tug the backdoor to the shop open, watching the pig trot inside. "She's here to take me to medic training with Shizune."

Shikamaru blinked, looking caught out. He struggled to find something to latch onto and immediately reached for sarcasm. "You need an escort for that?"

"Hey!" Ino spun around, smacking him in the chest with the weeds rather than the usual length of her hair. "You're _not_ out of my bad books yet, Shikamaru."

"I'd say 'no shit', but considering you just threw a brick of it at my head..."

Ino scoffed, fluttering strands of blonde from her face. "It's compost."

"Compact crap," he corrected, scowling down at the gangly stems she slapped against his chest again. "Would you stop with the weeds?"

"_Weeds_? Oh, you mean these don't look _familiar _to you?" Ino growled, waving them around in earnest beneath his nose. "I _told_ you not to let those flowers _die_!"

Shikamaru tilted his jaw away from the shrivelled stems, digging deep for patience and scraping it together with an effort he hid behind a half-lidded gaze. "I was on a mission. I couldn't astrally project my ass back to Konoha to water them."

Ino tipped her chin up in challenge. "No, but you can project your ass all over the place to avoid Asuma, me and whoever else you need to, right?"

The barb hit home.

Shikamaru closed his eyes. "Thanks for that. Now are we even?"

Ino said nothing. She stared at him for a moment, thrown off her tirade by something in his voice. The dead flowers she'd thrust at his chest slipped away in a rustle as she folded her arms.

"Oh please, we're not even _close_ to even," she muttered, but her voice was softer, almost teasing. "But I know _exactly_ how you're gonna make it up to me."

Shikamaru frowned and slipped his eyes open, watching a sly look creep across her face.

_Shit._

Immediately, his brain supplied several answers to the big fat question mark hanging in his expression. He wished he didn't already know.

Ino smiled sweetly, an impish twinkle in her eye as she slugged him on the arm. "And you're _not_ sleeping through this one, lazybones."

Shikamaru grunted, but he noticed the subtle escape she was offering him.

He managed a weak smile in return. "Troublesome girl."

Ino waved him off, rolling her eyes. "So where are you running off to, shirker?"

"Pigeon post."

"Asuma's prowling the rooftops you know," Ino warned, only half-teasing. "Better watch out."

"Ugh. Thanks for the head's up." Shikamaru glanced up at the heavy clouds, sobering. "I didn't cut you from the mission, Ino."

"Yeah, yeah," Ino shrugged, looking away. "It's okay."

Shikamaru drew his chin back, arching a brow as he looked down at her. He knew it wasn't okay. But there was nothing he could do about it right now. Ino's issues surrounding her self-esteem were about as complicated as a Rubix Cube – which was probably a bad comparison given how easily Shikamaru could work those out.

_Later. Not now._

He was done solving puzzles for the moment and for all his attempts to avoid questions, he only had one in mind; one that the pigeon gliding into Konoha should have carried the answer to.

Little did he know that the answer was ashes.

* * *

Thunder growled in the dark belly of the sky.

A prelude to the coming rain.

A droplet struck Shikamaru's cheek, tracing along the lean slant like a tear as he drove the last tent peg into the ground. Straightening up, he looked over the canvas he'd draped over the hut sheltering the bird. He'd waterproofed it solidly, just in case.

Another droplet bounced off the shadow-nin's cheekbone.

Then the soft patter of rain began to shimmer off the canvas.

A soft squawk muffled through the wood beyond.

"Yeah, yeah," Shikamaru muttered. "It's alright."

He brushed his hand across the shelter and sighed. It would have to do. Running off a mental checklist, the shadow-nin drew a cloak hood up and over his head as he moved down along the path he'd hacked out.

The thickening twilight had turned heavy under the clouds. Shikamaru had used the dying light to tend to the young buck, which had earned itself a lasting scar. True to his assumption, it was the same deer that had confronted him earlier in the day.

_Troublesome._

The Nara wove his path through the herd, making a quick sweep to ensure the young stag wasn't agitating its wound. Fortunately the buck was grazing along a mossy incline, nosing through the undergrowth to root out dying stems.

Rikumaru, the herd's finest stag, looked on with huge, sage eyes. His head of ragged antlers rose up like great branches as he turned towards the approaching shadow-nin, snorting streams of vapour into the misty rain in greeting.

"Tyrant," Shikamaru teased, reaching out a flat palm for the stag to scent and nuzzle before he scratched the deer's chin. "You kicked his ass."

Rikumaru snorted, curling his lips around Shikamaru's hood to tug it over the Nara's face playfully. Then the stag flinched and his great head swung up, casting this way and that as he surveyed his domain.

Shikamaru frowned as he adjusted his hood.

There was something restless in the animal's manner, its nostrils flaring widely as if trying to scent something on the cold, wet air. The behaviour drew Shikamaru's focus to the rest of the herd. The deer seemed oddly skittish, their bodies flinching occasionally as if to ward off threats that weren't there.

_Wonder what's spooked them…_

The Nara glanced around in a quick scan, narrowing his eyes against the sluice of the rain as it began to hammer down, bouncing off the deer and trees in a fuzzy white aura.

_Ugh. I'm not hanging around to get soaked._

Patting the stag on his broad neck, Shikamaru took a short-cut back through the forest, heading home. He needed another distraction before he collapsed into bed. No word from Sakura had set his mind spinning off on a tangent he didn't want to entertain.

But he was sick of twiddling his thumbs, waiting on news.

" '_Do' something…"_

On the tail end of his father's words came a fresh mental list and it scrawled across Shikamaru's brain as he let himself into his empty home, not bothering with the lights.

He shrugged out of the wet cloak.

His first task tomorrow would be to confront the Hokage and request permission to send someone to the shukubo retreat. He'd have gone personally, but that would raise a whole new round of questions he'd spend another four days dodging like kunai.

_Like Hiashi…_

It did something damaging to his head to even think about what the hell the Hyūga Lord knew or didn't know or _wanted_ to know.

_Fuck._

Kicking off his sandals, Shikamaru hung his cloak and drifted idly around the dark house to air-lock windows and slide shut fusama panels, his brain still churning distractedly.

He still had Asuma to consider.

A little more guilt ripped into the wound still festering in his chest.

He shook it off with a growl, peeling off his turtleneck as he moved towards his bedroom, the sound of the rain as unrelenting as his thoughts.

_Shower. Sleep. Get up at Stupid O'clock._

Nudging open the bedroom door, he tossed the turtleneck onto the bed, scowling at the cold hanging in the room and the heavy pool of rain on the floor.

_Ugh, what a drag._

Shuddering against the cold, he reached over to tug the window shut, hissing as a spray of icy droplets hit him in the face and along his throat. Thunder bellowed in the heavens, so loud that he felt the reverberation in his bones.

_Let me sleep through this…_

Exhausted, Shikamaru stared up through the rain-washed glass, gazing high into the sky as lightning tore across the rolling black.

Strange, but he could almost feel it across his skin – an electric tension.

It tingled along his spine, raising the hair at the back of his neck.

An instant later, he realised it wasn't static.

It was instinct.

He didn't get a chance to react.

A hand latched around his throat from behind.

Icy fingers gripped like a vice, choking off his breath. He was tugged against a body drenched from the rain, the wet drag of fabric sliding across his back as he tried to break the hold on his throat. Pain registered in a strobe flash as he was slammed frontal into the wall, the skin at his cheekbone splitting from the impact.

_FUCK! _

Shikamaru grit his teeth, twisting to lash out, trying to draw air.

The soaked body pressed against his back, pinning him.

_MOVE!_

He tried to get purchase, slamming his palms against the wall to shove back. But then lips grazed his ear; a hot shiver of breath, followed by the deep, chilling tones of a voice that had him freezing against the wall.

"I don't need chakra to tear you up."

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **I'm horrid, I know. lol. I hope you enjoyed this chapter despite me being a Shameless Cliffy Slut as a fabulous reviewer pointed out. *salutes her* ^_^ As always, I welcome and appreciate any shared thoughts! Onwards to Chapter 45 and madness!

**A/N (2): **_Rikumaru_: is an official Nara stag, according to Naruwikia lol. Wey hey. _Shika sembei: _deer biscuits and _FTAO: "_for the attention of"

**REVIEWERS: **Daisuki! I love you guys. Thank you, _**always**_, for making this worth the long haul. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. ^_^

**Reviewers without accounts: **Thank you; **Tt**,** Nana** (ooh, lots of thoughts in there! it will all become clear, luv! lol ^_^ TY for your review!),

**The fan FF is plotting against** – LOL. Time to give ffnet a bloody great cyber whap! Kill Shikamaru off? Me? NEVER. *points to a Hyūga* Neji however…LOL. I hope you enjoy what's yet to come, Luv. Thank you for your latest review!  
**Ayachan – **Thank you for your last review, sweetie! Hope you enjoyed the madness of this chapter. ^_^  
**Votani - **Hi there! Thank you so much for your review! It's always reassuring and a pleasure to know that these two ninja boys are coming across in such a way that makes their interaction and their story in this fanfic worth reading. Thank you for every encouragement, both regarding my writing and the character portrayals. I'm honoured this fic has inspired you to want to write. I sure hope that you do, Luv! ^_^


	45. Chapter 45

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Forty Five**

[Dedicated to Saiyanprincekills]

"I don't need chakra to tear you up."

Shikamaru's muscles turned to stone.

If there had been any air in his lungs, he'd have lost it. The blow of those words, from _that _voice, slammed straight into his gut and tore upwards through the frantic organ in his chest like a jagged blade.

_Neji…_

Against all sanity and sense came the immediate reaction.

Relief.

A nanosecond later came the immediate reality.

Panic_._

Thunder exploded outside, as fierce as the adrenaline inside him.

He jutted his shoulder blades and pushed off his hands, trying to throw his weight back. It was ridiculous how easily Neji countered the movement. The Jōnin simply backpedalled without letting go, spun them once and slammed him back again.

The side of Shikamaru's face hit the wall with twice its prior impact.

Pain burst along his split cheek, into his ear and down along his jaw.

He made no sound. He couldn't. His lungs were already screaming.

But there was no air.

Those icy fingers flexed at his neck, tightening like steel around the chords in his throat, crushing any attempt to snatch a breath. With a choked hiss, he tried to snare the Hyūga's thumb to break the hold – but he couldn't get a grip.

_Fuck!_

"How does it feel, Nara…" those deep tones rolled low at his ear, perfectly calm, utterly disturbing. "To be caged in the grip of something you cannot escape."

There was no rise in intonation to suggest that was a question.

It was spoken like a detached observation and the hollow ring of the words left Shikamaru in no doubt about the possible outcome of this situation if he didn't react fast. But the pressure building in his head and behind his eyes was crippling his ability to think – or that was the complete lack of oxygen?

_THINK!_

In a desperate surge of panic, he rocked back again, kicking off the wall in a weak shove. Only this time he tucked his leg back and hooked a foot behind Neji's knee.

He pulled sharply.

Neji's leg buckled and the ground came rushing up.

Shikamaru twisted as they fell, landing hard on his side, lashing out with his elbow in a violent crack that struck bone. He heard Neji grunt. The grip at his throat dislodged, allowing him to roll away and onto his back, gasping like a resuscitated corpse, shuddering and coughing.

The air filled his lungs like acid, chest heaving, organs burning and set to burst like balloons.

But then the oxygen hit his system.

Adrenaline was a heartbeat behind.

Commands fired out from his brain like kunai.

_RUN. MOVE. GO. NOW._

He scrambled to his feet, the world zooming and shrinking like a warped kaleidoscope as he groped along the wall, trying to get a grip on something blunt that he could swing.

Lightning offered a warning flash.

Neji's shadow hit the wall in a strobe flicker.

Shikamaru ducked just in time.

The side of the Hyūga's palm sliced through the air, grazing his ponytail as it smashed into the wall, spraying plaster.

_FUCK!_

Shikamaru staggered back, gulping air through his bruised throat. He rolled onto the bed and off the other side in a swift movement that put some distance between them, struggling to calm the panic tearing through him.

Lightning forked through the skies.

And like a ghost finding form, Neji materialised in the bright flickers of illumination.

Shikamaru's expression pinched.

Emotion crashed and tumbled and rolled through him, louder and crueller than the thunder as it shook the world. But he didn't move, he couldn't, he stood numb and paralysed by the look in those eyes.

Eyes as white as snow and twice as cold.

Neji shifted forward, the lethal grace in his body as unmistakable as the deadly way in which his gaze remained locked and lifeless; dispassionate and alarmingly calm.

Like an executioner.

Shikamaru's skin prickled at the cool scrutiny and he quickly traced his focus over the rest of the Jōnin, over the robes still stained with blood and ash.

A bitter resurrection from the last time Shikamaru had seen him.

What was even more disturbing was the fact that he'd come straight to the Nara residence. He hadn't even changed his clothes.

Shikamaru swallowed around the brittle rock in his throat. "Neji…"

No reaction. No shift in those cold eyes. Neji simply turned and rounded the bed in smooth, driven steps, forcing Shikamaru to spring to the other side again. Without breaking stride or expression, Neji simply turned on his heel and made to round it the other way.

They moved back and forth.

One stalling as the other stalked.

_This is insane._

"Neji…" Shikamaru husked, holding up a palm. "Stop."

It was like waving a white flag into a cyclone. Neji clearly had no intention of stopping and he kept up the semi-circle of their movements near the bed, his sharp turns becoming more jerky and impatient with every orbit.

"Would you _stop_?" Shikamaru rasped, hopping backwards onto the mattress as Neji switched directions in a heartbeat.

"You walked me into a pipe-bomb."

The words were so unexpected that it took Shikamaru a moment to respond. He shook his head, blood trickling down from the gash across his cheek to run along the slant of his jaw. He shifted his weight between each foot on the bed, the springs creaking as his muscles tensed, body set to bolt at any moment.

"There was no way you wouldn't take that exit," Shikamaru explained, ignoring the pain it took to work his throat. "And I had a failsafe in that tunnel in case you didn't."

"How considerate of you," Neji uttered tonelessly. "However, you'll find your exits are barred, Nara…"

The Hyūga stopped abruptly at the end of the bed. Shikamaru tensed, watching as those crystal-cold eyes lifted. Their gazes locked; as fiercely as they had in the Hanegakure clearing.

Another brilliant flash lit the heavens, another roll of thunder rode the wind.

And then something so deadly calm it was twice as destructive as the elements.

Neji's voice.

"There is no exit from this."

Shikamaru bolted.

He moved so fast that the mattress didn't even spring.

Like lightning, the shadow-nin zigzagged, feinting right and dashing left, using a subtlety of movement his father had taught him; it had earned him more trial and error bruises than his body could catalogue.

Nara shinobi relied on it explicitly when pitting speed against superior strength.

Had Neji's Byakugan been active, it might never have worked. But the subtlest shift of Shikamaru's footing saved him a hairsbreadth from a crash. Neji swerved to avoid the doorframe and Shikamaru grazed the Jōnin like an arrow, shooting straight past into the black tunnel of the hallway.

He didn't get far.

Pain exploded in his shoulder blade.

The force of the blow pitched him sideways and he crashed into the wall, twisting and ducking as the heel of Neji's palm slammed into the brick.

_SHIT._

Shikamaru surged up, his fist careening towards Neji's jaw. The Jōnin easily swayed and turned, slamming his knee into the base of Shikamaru's spine. The knock bowled him forward and he followed the momentum into a neat roll, coming up on his feet to veer out of the hallway and into the black cavern of the living room.

Ducking behind the couch, the shadow-nin hooked his arm back, fingers grazing his shoulder blade. His touch came away sticky with blood.

_What the hell did he hit me with?_

Shikamaru scowled, gritting his teeth against a hiss.

Tension thickened the air, crackling with violence, pulsing like a heartbeat.

_Calm down. Breathe. Think._

Shikamaru remained crouched, drawing air inaudibly.

Even as he calculated, he was already assessing how many blunt objects he could use to his advantage. There was no way Neji's blood would be clotting normally yet. To come at him with the intent to draw it would be disastrous.

_So is getting fucking murdered, genius._

The thought left him cold. As cold as the intent to kill; which Neji seemed willing to entertain, if the promise in his words and actions was anything to go by.

_Speed. That's all you've got._

As far as brute force and raw power was concerned, Neji had the edge. Add the edge to his intention to use it and Shikamaru's options were rapidly narrowing down to possibilities that were dependent on how fast he could move or how the hell he could knock Neji's balance long enough to make a break for it.

He flicked a glance at the windows, trying to catch the Hyūga's reflection.

_Keep distance and get the hell out._

Listening out for movement, Shikamaru inched his way across the room, keeping low. He had no idea how long Neji had been in the house, let alone which room the Hyūga had entered from. Not that it mattered at this stage, any entrance was an exit and Shikamaru needed to take it fast. He calculated the quickest route with the most obstacles between them.

He braced himself in a crouch.

Then set his hand on the edge of the table.

The entire surface of it slammed up towards his face.

_FUCK._

Shikamaru jolted back, the wood almost grazing his jaw as Neji upturned the table in an angled kick. It flew sideways, crashing into the couch. The Nara scrambled back and gripped the base of the antler ornament that had tumbled across the ground. He flipped it over in his hand to strike with the blunt end and whipped to his feet, the flash of Neji's hitai-ate in the darkness giving away his position.

Shikamaru gauged distance and moved to strike on instinct.

Lightning arced outside.

Neji's eyes flashed like glowing opals.

Shikamaru's heart clenched and his aim changed.

The hit glanced off Neji's collar bone, avoiding the vagal nerve completely.

His hesitation cost him.

The flat of the Hyūga's palm slammed into his chest, throwing him across the room like a leaf hit by a gale. His spine struck the wall in a sharp crack and he dropped forward onto his forearm and knee, the air knocked out of him, winded and dazed.

"Pathetic," Neji stated, as harsh as his hit. "Aim for vitals, Nara, you ought to be good at that by now. I have no problem drawing your blood, so you'd best move to take mine."

Shikamaru scraped together a weak attempt at a breath and sucked it through his nose, shaking his head.

"I'm not gonna do that to you…" he wheezed.

_Not again._

"Of course, you need a direct order for that, don't you?" Neji cut back, the smooth apathy in his voice almost giving way to a tremble. "I, however, require no permission for what I'm going to do to you."

Shikamaru shook his head sharply, trying to hear past the pounding hammer of his pulse, which spiked wildly as he caught Neji moving across the room in a predatory shift that was almost seductive.

"Although I'll spare you the manipulation you dealt me," the Hyūga murmured, flowing around furniture like an icy breeze. "Even I'm not _that_ good an actor."

Shikamaru flinched at those words, anger warring with the pain pushing into his eyes.

"It wasn't an act," he growled, shoving to knees and onto his feet in a stagger, throwing his arm out against the wall to brace himself, flexing his fingers further along – searching for the light switch.

"No. It was just a game," Neji announced, rounding the other couch. "And now it's my move. I will not lose to you."

Shikamaru flipped the switch.

Nothing.

_Fuck._

"Your shadows won't save you this time."

A muscle ticked in Shikamaru's jaw, his eyes slicing back and forth, searching the darkness. The shatter of rain broke endlessly across the windows, catching sparks of light from the storm.

_Get outside._

He'd rather take his chances with the lightning than with Neji – as to which would strike faster, he could have hedged his bets either way. He edged along the wall, calculating distance and ways to keep it between them. But there was an unbearable ache building in his chest and it had nothing to do with the hit he'd taken.

"It wasn't a game," Shikamaru rasped.

"It was never anything else."

Another flicker of illumination and Shikamaru caught a flash of the face that had been haunting him for days. A brief glimpse of translucently pale and gaunt skin, pulled tight across the carved angles of a bone structure more pronounced than he'd ever seen it.

But that was nothing compared to Neji's eyes.

The opalescent glow was gone, leaving them hard and deadened.

Like lifeless stone.

"_You killed me before this could."_

Shikamaru stopped moving.

He pressed into the wall, suddenly unable to think or move even a step ahead; his eyes clenched shut against the sadness cascading through him, stronger than the panic in his blood, stronger than the pain in his body.

"You saw a weakness and you exploited it," Neji surmised in a toneless narration, closing distance at a slow, calculated pace. "Congratulations, Nara. I didn't see it coming."

"No…" Shikamaru shook his head against the brick, pain cramping along his spine and inside him. "That's not it."

"That's _exactly_ it," Neji countered viciously, lunging.

Shikamaru dropped and rolled with a hiss, ignoring the flare of pain in his shoulder as he came up onto the balls of his feet and dashed for the kitchen. Neji cut him off, powering into him with an impact that slammed him clean across the surface of the table. He hit the floor in a crash of limbs and lacquered plates.

Ceramic sliced into his side and bit into his arm as he twisted around, wincing.

He heard shards crunch beneath Neji's sandals.

The steady pace exuded control and destruction. "Fight back, Nara."

Dragging himself away on an elbow, Shikamaru kicked out sharply at one of the chairs, sending it flying across towards the approaching figure. Neji's fist smashed straight through it, shattering wood like glass.

Shikamaru's eyes widened.

He grabbed the first weapons at his disposal and sent a round of lacquered plates sailing Frisbee-style in the direction of the footfalls. Not waiting for the outcome, he hunched forward, pushed to his feet and ran, holding an arm up to protect his face from the plate fragments that exploded around him like shrapnel.

_Get out. Move. _

Bursting into the living room, he hurdled over the couch and fallen table, moving towards the porch door. His shoulder struck the shoji panel in a crack that sent a painful jolt along his spine.

A plate shattered beside his head.

_MOVE!_

He tore open the door to the porch.

Rain slashed into him in ferocious sheets and the world beyond the house shook with thunder, ripped up by the streaks of white lacerating the sky.

_Run._

The storm bellowed like a beast.

Shikamaru shielded his eyes, ducked his head and flung himself into its jaws.

* * *

The lighter snapped shut, flicked open, snapped shut, flicked open.

Over and over, a steady click in the unlit room, the darkness broken up by the lick of flame that disappeared and reappeared like a firefly sputtering in the black.

"Asuma…?"

The Jōnin paused with his thumb on the shiny case, his eyes drifting up from their blank stare at the rain streaking down the window. The lighter's flame wavered gently, turning the Sarutobi's eyes to bronze.

In the dim room, the woman who had spoken was cast mostly in shadow, giving Asuma a veiled impression of a tousled mane of dark hair, set off by the elegant drape of a pale silk robe belted loosely and flowing in a gossamer dance around long, shapely legs and bare feet.

_I must have done something right, at some point, to deserve this._

He smiled as she approached. "Not smoking, don't worry."

Crimson orbs gazed back at him softly. "When you quit, it's always a cause for worry. What's wrong?"

Asuma's smile wavered. He flicked the lighter shut and set it beside his untouched pack of cigarettes on the table. Four days without a drag should've been fraying his nerves; maybe it was a good thing they were knotted with concern instead. But that wasn't the only thing keeping them together.

Leaning back into the couch, he reached up a hand without a word.

Kurenai smiled and laced their fingers, lily white digits tangling with bronze.

"Shikamaru," she said.

Asuma sighed and tugged her towards him. "I might just murder that kid."

"If you can catch him," Kurenai teased gently, sliding onto his lap to stroke her free hand up along the broad, powerful contours of his chest, kneading a tense shoulder. "He'll tell you in his own time, Asuma."

"How he'll manage that with my hands around his throat will be a miracle," the Jōnin grumbled, his voice gruff and sleep-hoarse.

Kurenai chuckled softly, the sound instantly warming him. He watched the kunoichi raise their linked fingers to her lips, brushing a kiss across his knuckles.

"With you stalking him like a ninja hound, its little surprise."

Asuma's brow knitted, his gaze straying over her face for answers. "Four days, Kurenai."

"I know," she murmured, curling their hands towards her heart. "What more can you do? You'll just have to trust him."

"Yeah, trust him to hightail it. He's got sneakier too. Wish I could be happy about that."

Kurenai smiled, squeezing his fingers. "I know you're worried about him."

Asuma sighed, thudding his head back against the couch, watching the rain play across Kurenai's skin. If only he could shrug his shoulders on this one. But the curdling feeling inside him was strong enough to curb his urge to smoke – that hadn't happened since his old man had died. Of all the things he had a tendency to avoid bothering himself with, there were some key exceptions to his laid-back rule and only a select few of them were people.

_What's got you hiding, Shikamaru?_

He'd checked every avenue in his mind and found nothing but dead ends.

Asuma knew that whatever it was had been troubling Shikamaru before the mission in Hanegakure. The way the young Nara had reacted to the team swap had been telling, not to mention the whole Nijū Shōtai business.

"Asuma?"

The soft call of his name drew him back from this musing. He gazed up quietly at Kurenai, raising his free hand to stroke a few dark strands away from her face. She cocked her head into his touch like a cat, smiling sleepily. Asuma smirked, tilting his head the other way.

"Ninja hounds. Not a bad idea really."

"Asuma…"

He wrapped a bronze arm around her waist with a wolfish grin. "I like how you think."

Kurenai scoffed, but her eyes were warm. "Well I think you might be losing your edge, Sarutobi."

Asuma arched a brow, a hint of mischief dancing in his eyes as he narrowed them in playful warning. "You do, huh?"

Kurenai walked her fingers quickly along his bearded jaw, up to his temple and across his brow in an imitation of running feet. "I also think your favourite student might just be able to outrun an old wolf like you."

Asuma's lips curved. He knew she was trying to distract him without dismissing his concerns.

Tightening his arm around her he hummed deeply. "Can you?"

"Hmn?" She paused with her fingers above his mouth.

Asuma snapped his jaws with a grin. "Outrun me."

Their gazes held for a beat, both homing in on each other, drawn closer by tendrils of attraction and affection and then Kurenai was up and running so fast Asuma almost crashed into the table in an attempt to catch her around the waist.

Like adults reduced to kids, the sounds of their chase filled her apartment, peaking with shrieks of giggles from the running kunoichi and lilting with the low, deep rumble of Asuma's laughter as he pursued her.

They tumbled into the game with their hearts on fire.

Outside, the storm churned and crashed.

And across the village, two hearts beat hard in a different kind of chase.

* * *

The Nara forest.

It was an inevitable escape, maybe the only escape.

The only exit.

Which is why Neji took a path that would cut across the running Chūnin, aiming to intercept him. He would not lose to the security of the forest, nor harm the deer to catch the shadow-nin they would undoubtedly protect.

_Protect…_

Neji's lip curled in a snarl and that vicious rage inside him tore the word to shreds.

He had no use for hesitation.

It would cost him the speed and the strength he needed now.

Unleashed, that dormant thing inside him had exploded into his veins, a rush of pure, unadulterated fury. It fuelled him now, turning his body into one ripple of predatory muscle. Every limb worked in-sync to launch him like a weapon into the night, cutting through the thick of the downpour like a blade.

He was closing distance faster than Shikamaru was creating it.

The Nara was falling back precious inches, whether by injury or lack of footwear it made no difference. Shikamaru would learn what it was to lose. For Neji, it was an inevitable win and he would take it with the same cold, detached sense of objective that Shikamaru had used to rope him down and cage him in like some lost pet that needed to be vaccinated and returned to the Hyūga household.

_Bastard…_

He'd been tamed with tenderness, just to be led into another cage.

Like a wild animal.

How fitting then, that he was hunting now.

He could make out the shadow-nin at this distance; he could see the smooth, slick planes of his back as the rain washed down his torn skin. The air was like ice. Neji hoped it was leaving the Nara as bitter as this chase was leaving him.

_There is no room for feeling here…_

He growled, launching forward, upping his pace.

He let the hot flood of anger crash through him and decimate that treacherous stir of emotion; emotion which had been breathed into him only to corrupt him.

_Lies. A game. A mission. A means to an end._

And then the smallest whisper of a voice locked so far in the back of his mind that he barely registered it was there. A voice that wasn't angry, just achingly sad.

_Why, Shikamaru?_

The pain was explosive, but so was the rage that followed it and Neji devoured the final paces between them in a sudden burst of aggression that veered him straight into Shikamaru's side like a hammer to the anvil.

Something cracked.

Shikamaru choked out a cry that almost pierced the red mist in Neji's mind.

Almost, but not quite.

They struck the ground hard, crashing into the carpet of wet leaves and mud in a sickening squelch and slide. The rain-beaten earth churned beneath them as they struggled, the soil clinging like cloying fingers.

Another white rip scorched the sky.

Neji swung his leg across, straddling the body beneath him, jerking one of Shikamaru's arms and pinning the Nara's wrist above his head. The angle stretched the Chūnin's ribs and the strangled scream of pain that tore out of Shikamaru's throat was drowned out by the thunder.

Neji didn't hear it.

All he could hear was the roar of blood in his ears and the howl of the wind.

Lightning crackled and tore down in a jagged bolt a short distance away.

Neji's eyes narrowed and he rocked back onto his feet, jerking Shikamaru up with him.

He wasn't going to let a storm do the damage.

Dazed by the fall and whatever pain he was in, Shikamaru put up a weak attempt at resistance that Neji overpowered by herding him back towards the house. The same exit Shikamaru had taken became the entrance and Neji pitched the shadow-nin headlong into the room with a shove.

Shikamaru surprised him.

The Nara caught himself on one hand against the arm of the couch, pushing up and twisting round awkwardly. Neji caught the swing aimed towards his face and locked their wrists in a jolt before the blow could connect. The antler ornament gripped in Shikamaru's hand almost grazed the Hyūga's cheek.

"Hn." Neji glanced sidelong at the makeshift weapon. "Using the sharper end this time? It seems we're finally on the same page."

Shikamaru's face twisted with pain.

Neji told himself it was physical and that the look in those dark eyes was just a trick of the shadows and meagre light. He didn't dare focus too long on any aspect of the shadow-nin's features.

In the darkness, it was easy enough to do.

In the darkness, he didn't have to see Shikamaru's blood and bruises – they were as unseen as the raw pieces inside his own chest. Easy to deny and just focus on lashing out rather than face the pain it was causing and the blood it was drawing.

And then Shikamaru released the antler.

It clattered to the ground.

Disgusted, Neji shoved him back with a snarl. "Pick it up."

"No…"

Shikamaru banded an arm around his ribs and the bone-pierced skin, his body glistening with rain and sweat and something that would be red and rawer than both as he backed away, panting heavily.

"You made a fatal error if you assumed I'd let this slide, Nara."

"I never...assumed you would..." Shikamaru gasped out. "I never...expected you to..."

"Your words are ash on your lying tongue."

Shikamaru scowled, his voice strained. "I'll bet believing that makes you feel more in control."

Neji's lips cut upward mirthlessly. "Very clever, Nara. I'd expect no less from you. Using my values to manipulate me; it's not like it hasn't served you well."

"That's not true."

Neji hardened his expression and advanced. "No? Tell me again that you just followed orders. Suddenly a runaway coward like you decides to behave like a dutiful shinobi."

"No, that's not why I did it…"

Neji snorted, letting the anger snuff out the feeling; a dying flame in the cold chasm of his chest. He continued to advance, forcing Shikamaru down along the hallway back towards the Nara's room.

"Spare me your drivel, Nara," Neji spat, seething and bitter and something else beneath it all. "You knowingly jeopardized my chance to obtain what you knew I would give my life for."

"That's why I couldn't let you do it," Shikamaru rasped, stopping so suddenly that Neji halted in tandem, pre-empting a strike.

But the Nara made no move to attack.

He leaned into the doorframe with a gasp.

"Your life was more important than your final goal…" Shikamaru said, his voice thickening, roughening with emotion. "And more important than whatever I…" he cut off, shaking his head.

"Than whatever you _what_, Nara?"

Shikamaru closed his eyes, twisting his forehead against the frame as he struggled to work his throat. "I told you…if you need to hate me…then hate me..."

Neji's eyes narrowed. "How noble of you."

"There's nothing noble about it…" Shikamaru's lashes slipped open a little, revealing dark eyes that were oddly luminescent given the lack of light. "But I can still take you hating me…"

For a moment, the red mist swirling inside Neji's head seemed to thin and dilute into something less concentrated. Something less certain. Shikamaru met his gaze, the Nara's words dragging out on strained breaths.

"Because doing what I had to do…and thinking about what would've happened if I hadn't…both outcomes are the same…and that tears me up worse than you ever could."

Neji went rigid on the spot.

Unable to react, unable to think as those words cast around his mind.

_Lies..._

He grasped desperately for that reckless rage inside him, holding onto the need to punish and attack the one who had broken and betrayed him so deeply.

But the rage was slipping out of reach.

Slipping back between bars that didn't exist, because there was nothing to hold it now; no restraint, no control, no curse marks or chakra blocks. Gods, if the rage slipped away...then there would only be one thing left; the wounded thing in his chest that his anger was protecting.

The thing that should've been robotically beating, not breaking all over again.

_No…_

Neji's eyes widened.

Gods if he couldn't protect what was left of his heart, then what use had he for it?

He fell back a step, shaken up and torn down all at the same time.

"Neji…"

Shikamaru made the error of reaching for him.

And in a flash as sudden as the lightning, the rage was back, tearing to the forefront of Neji's mind to protect the part of him that might have responded to the touch, that might even have seen past the anger long enough to feel what was beneath it.

_NO._

Neji snarled, driving forward to knock Shikamaru's hand aside and shove him back so violently that the Nara flew across the room and struck the bed in a bounce that would have thrown him off it again if Neji hadn't bore down on top of him.

Shikamaru cried out in pain and tried to band an arm around his ribs.

Neji, deaf to his pain and blind to his panic, pinned him ruthlessly.

Opal eyes frosted over callously.

"You enjoy tearing open my wounds, don't you, Nara?" he seethed in a voice as cool as liquid nitrogen, turning the air arctic with every syllable. "I think it's time I tear open some of yours."

Shikamaru's eyes widened, their moist sheen struck with a ripple of fear that calcified into stone-cold obsidian. He went very still and very quiet beneath Neji, staring up through eyes that were suddenly unreadable.

"Get off me, Neji," he said, his voice low and hard.

There. A scar. A wound.

The reaction turned Neji's eyes fiercer and he gripped harder, one hand at Shikamaru's throat, the other pinning the shadow-nin's left wrist while the right remained trapped under his knee.

"You're not the only one who can rip into scars."

"Get off me."

Neji leaned down, rainwater dripping from his bangs, splashing across Shikamaru's face, trickling along the sharp features hardened by a mask that failed to hide the truth. Fear. Fear beneath the hard fury. Neji could almost scent it. He adjusted his grip on Shikamaru's throat, arching his thumb to stroke along the Nara's jaw in a parody of gentleness.

"You said no one's seen you or touched you like I have," he crooned, his lips hovering close enough to Shikamaru's to know the shadow-nin was holding his breath. "Was that another lie, Nara?"

"Get. Off. Me."

"Was it? I think someone else beat me to it."

Shikamaru closed his eyes. "I'm not going there with you."

"Who was it?" Neji grazed their lips, his breath caressing Shikamaru's mouth like death's kiss, wraith-like and icy. "Who did you give that control to, Shikamaru?"

"Control…" Shikamaru growled, jerking his head away, eyes still closed. "It always comes back to that with you, doesn't it?"

Neji arched a brow, turning his head to keep his lips aligned directly above Shikamaru's in a chilly intimacy. "You should know. But then you already did, didn't you?"

Shikamaru's eyes clenched tighter.

Neji's fingers snapped up, tugging the Nara's chin towards him. "You _knew_ and regardless of knowing, you ripped it away from me when I was at my weakest."

Shikamaru's eyes snapped open, flaring like hot coals. "That's not what happened!"

"Wasn't it?" Neji countered, his voice taking on an edge. "Tell me that being forced to 'cooperate' wasn't all that different from whatever happened to you."

The weapon of his words struck exactly on target.

Shikamaru bucked sharply, snarling against his mouth. "How the hell can you call that the same thing!"

"Is that what happened to you, Nara?"

As fast as Shikamaru's pained anger had exploded it shrank back to a controlled burn, blistering deep in those dark orbs. Neji felt the Nara's jaw clench in his grip and watched the chords of the shadow-nin's throat pull tight.

Only the thunder spoke, bellowing low as the rain shattered down.

Neji traced his eyes over the shadowed face beneath him, gazing intently. "What happened to you?"

Shikamaru swallowed thickly and choked out a bitter snort. "What, do you get off on the thought of it, Hyūga?"

"Answer my question."

"No."

"Who was it?"

"Go to hell, Neji."

"You sent me there already. Tell me…" Neji leaned down, almost touching their brows, feigning tenderness so bitter it tasted like bile. "Was it someone you trusted as much as I trusted you?"

Shikamaru's eyes clenched shut, his expression pinching sharply. "You want another reason to fight…I'll give you one…but not like this."

"You really don't need to give me another reason, Nara. Your betrayal has ticked all the boxes, I assure you."

"I didn't do it to betray you."

"Of course, because it wasn't personal, was it?" Neji drew his head back, tracing his lips along Shikamaru's torn cheek to settle his mouth at the shadow-nin's ear, the sultry murmur of his words as rich as spilt ink; tainted and black with threat. "However, I consider being fucked _highly_ personal."

Shikamaru stiffened.

Neji smirked bitterly at the reaction. "Tell me, did the Godaime explicitly state that you should screw me senseless so I'd be foolish enough to think I could trust you? Or should I credit that manoeuvre solely to your brain?"

Shikamaru's breath shook out, his voice a rough whisper. "Neji."

The sound of that voice breaking on his name cracked the ice in Neji's expression, but he immediately hardened it, his eyes clenching shut as he dragged back the fierce armour of his anger, wrapping it icily around his words and face.

He would not be drawn in by this ruse of emotion.

_Lies…_

Neji drew back and slipped his eyes open to gaze down impassively, but his voice betrayed him, a hairline fracture running through it.

"You are an excellent strategist and manipulator. You played me flawlessly." He paused here, shaking his head somewhat incredulously as his thumb dug into the hinge of Shikamaru's jaw. "I'd be impressed, it if it hadn't been at my expense."

Shikamaru twisted his chin free in a sharp tug. "Did you ever stop to think why the hell I did it in the first place?"

"You said it yourself," Neji reminded, leaning down again. "Hokage's orders, which translates to using whatever means necessary. Yours was to rip down my defences in a way no one else has ever dared to. A callous but effective tactic."

Shikamaru's eyes shot open, glaring up with another hot rush of emotion. "It was never a _tactic_."

"You don't get to defend your motives, Nara."

"Like you'll listen even if I try…"

"Save your breath," Neji snapped heatedly, slamming Shikamaru's wrist down when the shadow-nin almost ripped it free. "You were ruthlessly seeing things through to the end, no matter the means."

"That's not true!"

"No matter the cost. And what did it cost you, Nara? _Nothing_."

Shikamaru shook his head sharply. "God, you're wrong…"

"Liar_. _You had _nothing_ to lose. I had _everything_ to lose!"

"Including your fucking life!" Shikamaru yelled hoarsely, his neck arching as he roared his strangled words against Neji's mouth, eyes brimming with pain. "You want me to say I regret not letting you die? Well _fuck _you 'cause that's not gonna happen!"

Stung and looking to sting back, Neji gave an acerbic snort. "Fuck me? A poor choice of words, Nara." He slid his hand down between them to grip Shikamaru's hip brutally. "Especially now that I have you _beneath_ me."

A heartbeat after those words, it happened.

Shikamaru reared with a strength that took Neji by surprise.

It literally exploded.

The shadow-nin surged upward, throwing Neji's balance enough to free a hand, ball a fist and smash a punch so hard into Neji's jaw it drew blood and almost cracked bone, whipping the Jōnin's head back.

Snarling, Neji reacted instinctively to snare that hand and pin it high.

The angle pulled their torsos flush together and the Hyūga's thighs locked like granite around the Nara, as hard as his grip around those twisting wrists.

"Get the fuck off me!" Shikamaru yelled, thrashing so fiercely that the bed rocked and groaned.

Blood oozed from the wound at his ribs, cracked from Neji's earlier tackle. But the pain obviously didn't register, because he fought like a thing possessed. Like an animal caught in a snare, its life hanging by a thread.

Violent, desperate, crazed.

Neji stared down, completely shocked by the force of what was unleashing beneath him in blind panic and building rage. How the hell this kind of rabid fear and fury could exist inside someone like Shikamaru was beyond his capability to grasp.

_Gods, what happened to you?_

He could feel the chakra inside the shadow-nin blistering like hot oil, spitting and crackling and just needing the spark of light to ignite and release the shadows like a conflagration of black flame.

But Shikamaru was without his weapons, stripped raw with no defence.

Just like Neji had been.

The Hyūga should have felt vindicated.

But all Neji felt was a horrible agony spearing through his chest.

Like he'd rammed a blade through his own bleeding heart in order to rip into Shikamaru's; it was an excruciating kind of pain.

One he hadn't felt before.

The Hyūga held himself rigid, chorded muscles like marble beneath his skin. But watching Shikamaru thrash and fight, the anger in Neji was starting to crumble, breaking the ice in his eyes and the steel in his voice.

"Stop it!" he snapped, pressing himself firmly against the rabidly twisting body. "I'm not quite as callous as you in my methods."

Shikamaru continued to struggle, but the effort was drawing his breath thin and his blood thick. Neji continued to hold him down, waiting until the adrenaline bled out to the effort of sheer will. The strain of it pulled across the Nara's body, tearing some of his strength away – but to Neji's amazement he continued to fight, chest heaving, his skin slick from sweat, rain and blood.

"Sadistic bastard…" Shikamaru choked out against Neji's jaw. "If you're gonna kill me then get on with it!"

"What?" Neji sneered. "You want me to _thank_ you instead?"

Shikamaru dropped his head back onto the mattress, shaking it savagely as his lip curled back, baring his teeth in a snarl. "I never _wanted_ anything from you! That's the _point_!"

"You lying bastard. You wanted my guard down," Neji alleged flatly, trying to pull the plug on the horrible pressure and pain in his chest. "And you managed to do it. Commend yourself. You're the first to have achieved it…and God knows you will be the last. _Never_ again."

Shikamaru's struggles grew less vicious, his breath snagging in shallow gasps, a terrible hurt crawling into his eyes. "Neji…"

"Maybe I _should_ thank you," Neji seethed, desperately trying to reign in what Shikamaru's pain and panic had drawn out of him, the urge to protect what he was _supposed_ to be punishing. "You did what I have been attempting to do for two months. Finally, for the first time, I feel _nothing_. Psychologically, I'm already ANBU."

Shikamaru stopped moving altogether. "Don't…"

"Does that hurt you? I couldn't care less," he hissed through his teeth. "Were you always _that_ many moves ahead, Nara? Did you get so far as to predict this moment between us?"

"God," Shikamaru whispered shakily, his eyes filmed in a wet mist as the strain shook through him. "I never _predicted_ what would play out between us…and I didn't take the chance to stop it…even when I realised something was happening…"

Neji stilled, lifting his head enough to glare down into those glistening orbs, ignoring the twinge they caused inside him. "Why?"

"I _should_ have stopped it, every damn time…but I didn't…I couldn't."

"Why?"

Dark eyes squeezed shut again. "If you want revenge, you better hurry up."

"Answer my question!"

"Because I wanted you!" Shikamaru roared, his eyes flaring open, lashes wet but tears not falling. "I _wanted_ you so damned much!"

Neji froze, staring down.

A furrow drove between his brows like Shikamaru's words through his heart. "Why?"

Shikamaru shook his head, fingers snapping into fists. "I don't _know_ why! I don't _want_ to know why. You were the _one_ fucking thing I didn't wanna have to _figure_ out!"

And like strings snapping inside him, Neji felt his fury collapsing. He gripped Shikamaru's wrists tighter, but it was a futile attempt to hold on. He was staring into eyes so swamped with pain it was making him forget his own.

_No…_

"No…" he whispered, shaking his head.

Shikamaru stroked his gaze over Neji's face and the way he did it was more potent than a touch, more tender than a caress. "I wanted you. Maybe I needed you. Whatever the hell it was I took what you gave me like a selfish bastard when you let me in. Stupid simple, right there."

Neji bit down so hard he could have crushed stone with his jaws. He screwed his eyes shut as he dug deep, searching for that fury, calling out for it, desperately trying to drag it forth to protect him from these lying eyes and brutal words.

"Shut up…"

"Wouldn't be the first time I told you I didn't know what the hell I was doing when it comes to you."

"Shut up, Nara…"

He tightened his grip at Shikamaru's wrists, feeling that pressure building, swelling, growing in fierceness and in force, only it wasn't anger, it wasn't rage.

"I tend to stop thinking—"

"Enough!"

"—and then I fuck up. That's how it is Hyūga. _There's_ your answer! That's what you're not fucking hearing!"

"Because everything out of your mouth is calculated! A lie!" Neji bit back, his voice shaking.

The emotion inside him was at his throat, tearing into his voice.

Tearing into his heart.

But there was no more rage…no more anger…no more denial…

_God why…why…why you…?_

"_Look_ at me, dammit! It was _never_ a lie!" Shikamaru twisted his hips, trying to jolt Neji into opening his eyes. "It would be a hell of a lot easier if it was! A hell of lot easier if I was just like everyone else! Screwing you over and betraying you instead of giving a damn. I'm not your fucking clan!"

"_EXACTLY!"_ Neji screamed – and it exploded out of him in a ragged, animal howl.

Shikamaru froze at the sound of it, at the devastating emotion behind it.

The truth beneath any lie ever created to protect it.

Neji's eyes shot open, the opal hues awash with a grief that burned and blurred his vision, his voice guttural and deep and breaking all the same.

"Did you ever stop to think that your motives would mean absolutely _nothing _to me, Shikamaru! Actions are what matter – what you _do_, not what you _intend_!"

The torture in his eyes caused Shikamaru's voice to crack. "Neji…"

Neji released the Chūnin's wrists, tearing back onto his knees, slashing a hand through the air to cut the other ninja off. "Spare me your good intentions, Shikamaru! I've been force-fed other's intentions all my fucking life! How dare you rob me of my own!"

Shikamaru remained rigid against the sheets, expression stricken, staring up through wide, wounded eyes.

And like a wall shattering in his chest, Neji could no more contain his words than he could the pain that was driving them; they spilled out of him in a torrent that ripped along every chord in his throat, drawing his voice into a husky, shaking roar.

Like the animal rage inside him was bellowing out its dying breath.

"The _one_ time I decide to take my fate into my own hands, it's ripped away from me!" he shouted, grabbing the Nara's jaw to impress his next words with a broken snarl. "And it was _YOU, _Shikamaru! Not them, but _you_!"

"It was killing you!" Shikamaru yelled back, the tears turning his eyes to liquid black as he pushed himself up through the pain of his fractured ribs.

Neji rocked back, straddling Shikamaru's thighs, his body quivering with restrained power. "_You_ did what I trusted you _never_ to do."

"I _had_ to, dammit!" Shikamaru choked out, grabbing the back of Neji's neck, pulling their faces close. "It was _killing _you…"

"No..." Neji's fingers dug in at Shikamaru's nape, meaning to pull him back, but only anchoring them closer together. "Being where I am, _knowing_ it could be different. _That_ is killing me!"

And yet the only pain he felt now was the one building between them as their mouths brushed and grazed, both breathing brokenly, foreheads pressed together, shaking their heads in opposite directions even as they gripped each other's napes with the same desperation.

"It's not the same…" Shikamaru murmured against his lips, his free hand fisting into the thick, wet mane of Neji's hair, pressing and twisting their foreheads together. "You know it's not the same…"

"It's all the same…"

"No, it's not."

Neji's lips parted against Shikamaru's, his teeth clenched in a snarl, but his entire expression was breaking apart. "If it was killing me, Shikamaru, then you should have _let_ it…"

"No."

"It was _my _choice, damn you!"

Shikamaru yanked the mocha strands, drawing their faces a scant inch apart to level their gazes, glistening moonstone on shimmering black.

"Then _hate_ me for it, Neji."

"You don't think I _want_ to?"

"Then why can't you!"

"Because _you_ are closest thing to freedom that I've ever known, you bastard!" Neji roared, a sole tear streaking unseen and unfelt from the corner of his left eye. "Do you have _any_ idea what the hell you _do_ to me, Shikamaru!"

Silence.

A silence so thick with emotion that the air trembled with the weight of it.

Even the storm suddenly seemed so far away.

All that existed was the one rolling between them.

Shikamaru's frown crumbled and in the lightning glow, his tears gleamed like silver in the black pools of his eyes. "Yes…" he breathed.

It was no more a lie than the look on his face.

Just one look caused one fracture – and that was all it took.

The final wall inside Neji collapsed.

He shuddered once, as if feeling the crash of every lie dropping right through him, heavy and brutal and pounding in his pulse. He squeezed his eyes shut.

"Gods, you break me apart…" he whispered.

Lips brushed his softly. "Neji…"

Neji lifted his hands to frame Shikamaru's head, leaning in until his words shivered out against the Nara's mouth. "You break me apart…but you're all I can breathe…"

And the truth could come no rawer than that, dragging in and out of Neji's lungs, coursing through every vein and every fibre, drawing even stronger through the chords of this inescapable bond that had roped each shinobi to the other.

Neji had come here to break that bond.

To tear Shikamaru apart in order to find it, destroy it and cast it away.

_I can't…_

Neji drew back a little, gazing deep into the dark sienna of Shikamaru's eyes, where the ripple of damp emotion still glistened sadly.

_I never could._

The sound of frayed breathing drew his gaze to the Nara's mouth. The shadow-nin was breathing tightly through the loose clench of his teeth, the shallow, sharp inhales indicating the mounting pain he was in.

Shikamaru's voice scraped out raw, hoarse as gravel. "Did I find you…before I lost you…?"

The question would have brought Neji to his knees, if anything inside him had still been standing. He stared hard and long into Shikamaru's eyes. Then without a word, he leaned forwards. Shikamaru's lashes drifted down, thick and black as Neji brushed his lips across the closed lids and tasted the bitter sting of salt.

"God, did I _ever_ find you…?" Shikamaru whispered against his throat.

The Jōnin offered no reply. He merely reached around, rubbed Shikamaru's nape gently and then gripped with a calculated pressure that sent the shadow-nin falling into the painless folds of unconsciousness.

Shikamaru crumpled backwards.

Neji caught him and eased him down onto the sheets.

And then the Hyūga sat back and stared down, with only the single glide of a tear to scar the mask he pulled across his face.

"Every time…" he whispered.

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **Alright, my Emotional Quota requires a refill. lol. I had to walk away from the screen a few times as I wrote this chapter. That hasn't happened for a while. It was a Jekyll and Hyde experience of loving/hating the emotional beating of writing it. This is probably punishment for that evil cliff hanger! lol. Either way, I hope you enjoyed it (yes, that will always sound sadistic no matter how I phrase it) ^_^ and as always, I _very_ much appreciate your thoughts. ^_^ A couple more confrontations to come before the end draws nigh!

**REVIEWERS: **My super-nova thanks to you faithful followers still on the voyage of madness with me. I will share my medication by the end of it, rest assured. lol. Seriously though – thank you for reaching out and letting me know what you think, feel, enjoy about the chapters. *salutes you all* Cheers, dears.

**Reviewers without accounts: **_Arigatou_! **anonymouse **(LOL. Hope this made up for it.)  
**InTheWake – **Hey my dear! THANK YOU so much for the awesome responses and support you've given and are giving to this fic. Both here on ffnet and on dArt. I appreciate it from the heart, every time! Hope you enjoyed!  
**HappyReader** - Aww ^_^ Thank you for your sweet review! Hope this chapter made up for that last cliff hanger! Thanks so much for taking the time to leave feedback!  
**Ayachan – **Hey you! Glad you enjoyed Shikaku and Hiashi in the last chapter – hope you enjoyed this one! ^_^ Lovely to get such great and encouraging reviewing from you – I continue to appreciate it! Thanks, Luv.  
**Tt – **Arigatou! Thank you so much ^_^ Consider your awesome feedback eaten up by my muses and powering me onwards to the next chapter. Thank you, Luv.  
**ffnet plotted against fan – **LOL I apologise for being such a slave to the cliff hangers. They creep up on me all subtle like XD. Thanks so much for the encouragement, hope you enjoyed this chapter! ^_^  
**Amari Ray – **Thanks so much for your review! ^_^ I indeed have a dArt account, link is on my profile. Always a source of inspiration – there is some epic artwork on that site. ^_^


	46. Chapter 46

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Forty Six**

[Dedicated to I'll Be Your Lie]

"_What is "strong" Hyūga blood, father?"_

"_Blood is water in our clan."_

"_What does that mean?"_

"_Nothing. Hold still. Who did this to you?"_

"_Hitaro-sama said I must protect the Main House."_

"_Why did he strike you?"_

"_Because I said I would protect you first."_

"…_You must not say those things to the elders, Neji. Don't say them at all."_

"_But you said to tell the truth."_

"_Some truths you may feel, but you must never say."_

"_Can I think it?"_

"_It does not matter what we think. What matters is what we 'do'."_

Neji blinked, his mind slamming a door on the memory.

The world began drifting back, or maybe _he_ drifted back, back from the past as if waking from a dream. Reality made itself known in fleeting wisps. The growl of the storm…a strobe flash of lightning…the scent of wood and earth…a pained shiver of breathing…the watery fingers of rain reflecting and dragging against torn skin…

Slowly, through the sheen of his unfocused eyes, impressions began to gain definition.

In the darkness, Shikamaru's blood looked black.

Surreal, but it seeped like ink from the wound, almost as if the shadows were bleeding out of him instead. A trail of it glistened with every jerky rise and fall of his chest.

Neji stared, wide-eyed and unable to move.

He felt gripped by a chill that seemed to have cemented every muscle. The red mist had completely left his mind, leaving him with a sudden clarity of thought he didn't want to face. He'd responded by retreating to a memory, to a place and time removed from the present one that lay shattered by his own hands.

But there was no escaping it now.

His eyes traced Shikamaru's ribs.

_Fix it._

The command came from some part of his brain that hadn't been numbed by the shock that was swiftly wearing off.

_Fix what you have broken._

This, he understood. This, he knew.

This, he could _do_.

* * *

It was a long process, executed with a patience and tenderness of touch that made it difficult to believe that Neji had been the one to cause the damage in the first place.

He was meticulous.

No part of Shikamaru's skin was left untouched.

The Hyūga cleansed him with painstaking focus, like an archaeologist following every contour of what he was restoring with absolute attention to detail. But it was the unseen that concerned the Jōnin more than what was above the surface.

Setting aside the flannels, salves and medicinal ointments, the Hyūga sat back on his knees, closed his eyes and raised two shaking fingers in a seal, holding the digits a scant inch from his lips.

"Byakugan!"

The pain felt like a detonation in his skull, his depleted chakra screaming against the exertion. Neji pushed through it, his jaw tightening as he struggled to hold his focus.

_I 'will' hold it._

He snapped his eyes open, the eerily defined pupils shrinking and swelling as he struggled to maintain the dōjutsu. A quick flick of his gaze over Shikamaru's body determined the fractured ribs. Three. Another brief scan confirmed his lungs were not inflamed or pierced. The third sweep of his gaze encompassed all the vital organs. Clear, healthy, strong.

Neji lingered on the Nara's heart, watching the muscle beat.

Then the veins around his pale eyes shrank and smoothed out, the white orbs pinching in a flinch of pain. Ignoring it, Neji set about taping gauze across the gash on Shikamaru's ribs. To use a compression wrap on the broken bones would only heighten the risk of pneumonia. Ensuring that Shikamaru breathed properly was essential.

_Breathe…_

The irony was bitter.

By the time Neji finished with the other cuts and blackening bruises, the distant rumble of thunder had long given way to something low and soft, the lightning fading to gentle flickers beneath the surrendering sky.

The rain had stopped.

It left behind a charged, heavy silence, like time was holding its breath.

Neji leaned back, his gaze straying over the unconscious body beneath him, scanning for anything more to fix. He found himself looking in the most unlikely and insignificant of places, turning Shikamaru's hands over to check his palms, almost wanting to find something more just to keep from facing the situation in a new light.

All he found were the creases in the shadow-nin's skin.

_Destiny…_

Maybe if he looked close enough, he'd have found himself written in the lines of the Nara's hands. He had no fondness for palmistry, though Tenten had managed to commendably dupe him into getting his palms read once; the idea of a future encoded and determined in skin had only exacerbated his once fatalistic philosophy.

_Did fate play us for fools, Shikamaru? Maybe you were always under my skin._

Under his skin, in his veins, his in blood…it was madness.

But he couldn't deny it.

Neji brushed his thumbs across Shikamaru's lifelines, then turned the Nara's palms over and examined the scraped knuckles. Then he very calmly set the limp hands down and stared at the bruises ringing the wrists like purple cuffs.

He knew Shikamaru's throat was in a worse state.

So he didn't raise his eyes.

He closed them instead, bowing to press the cool steel of his hitai-ate against Shikamaru's stomach. For a long moment he remained tensed against the onslaught inside him, muscles clenched tight before the strained, polished veneer of his expression broke.

His lips parted.

_Don't say it…_

His throat clenched.

"_Some truths you may feel, but you must never say."_

Neji crushed his words and shuddered out a choked breath into the safety of the silence, stroking his palms along Shikamaru's skin; up and down in gentle sweeps that settled at the crooks of the Nara's arms. He gripped gently, holding on even as he began to pull himself away, blinking back the burn in his eyes.

He didn't have time to set his feet on the ground or even get a mental toehold.

A door smacked shut down the hallway.

Neji froze.

The tears clung to his lashes as if crystallised.

Voices carried from the threshold, a woman's lilting in indignant confusion before a male cut her off abruptly.

The stunned silence lasted no more than a heartbeat.

"Shikamaru?"

The instant the woman cried out, Neji bolted – but he wasn't the only one.

"Shikaku!"

By the time a shadow was racing down the hallway, Neji was already out the window.

* * *

There was no direction.

Neji could have been heading one way in his head and another in his body and it wouldn't have mattered. Anywhere was better than where he'd been, even though he had no idea where he was going. It didn't occur to him to consult an inner compass or even attempt to slow down.

He just ran.

_Don't stop._

He tore through the forest, moving like hell was at his heels.

Moonlight peeked through the heavy mantle of the clouds, but whatever illumination it provided was meagre and meaningless. Neji could barely see through the sheen in his eyes. But given that he had no destination, it didn't matter if he was moving blind.

The world was nothing but a watery wash of grey and shadow. And just like moving through water, he felt his steps dragging, barely getting grip on the treacherous carpet of wet leaves and gelatinous earth.

When he'd been chasing Shikamaru, it hadn't been this difficult to move.

But suddenly, it was like he was being pulled under.

_Don't stop._

The bark of deer calls pierced the cold, wet air like shuriken – sharp and shrill.

Neji swerved to avoid two dashing does and tore up along an incline, the roped muscles of his thighs working to push him faster, further.

A stag burst out of the black.

Neji skidded on the slick earth, veering hard to avoid the charging animal.

The mass of rippling muscle and scything antlers crashed to a halt and turned, haunches quivering with devastating power. Unlike Neji, the stag found traction on unstable ground and it reared, boxing the air, streams of vapour billowing from its nostrils like smoke.

Neji ducked under the thrashing hooves.

The young buck turned, almost fencing the Jōnin in with it's antlers as its legs crashed down, stamping violently. The huge, dark eyes rolled and a raucous bark exploded from its throat, head swaying, its bandaged neck rippling as it bellowed its fury.

_Don't stop._

Neji sprung, avoided a skewering and kicked off a tree, vaulting over the stag's back to lunge back up along the incline, barely escaping the natural traps of roots and fallen branches. Reaching high, he gripped a low hanging bough and swung himself up and over the other side of the slope to hit the ground running.

The twinge at his temples was so instinctive he didn't fight it.

"Byakugan!"

The pain flared then dulled to a throb.

He kept his feet moving, the icy air sloughing in and out of his lungs as he wove between the trees, propelled forwards when the world expanded in monochrome clarity. The forest grew rugged and wilder as he pressed deeper into its embrace.

_Don't stop._

In some isolated section of his mind, he knew he was going the wrong way.

_Did I lose my direction when you found me?_

A ludicrous thought.

But not a lie…

Neji tried to blink the sheen from his eyes, only to have them round in shock when his vision reached ahead of his running feet. His focus locked onto the figure standing further along the trail. His heart lurched and his feet staggered to a broken stop in the middle of a clearing, the leaves and foliage glistening around him like a mirage.

But it wasn't the water on the leaves that distorted his vision; it was the water in his eyes.

Like liquid moonstone, his tear-struck orbs stared ahead numbly.

The veins of the Byakugan faded and he stood motionless, panting raggedly.

Around him, the wood became a rustle of leaves in the wind, a swell and shrink of sound made chilling by the haunting cry of deer calls on the breeze. Surreal, poignant…like a dream…

"Hyūga Neji."

Neji started at the sound of his name.

The syllables rolled out in a smoky tone that was almost familiar; but the voice was hoarser around the edges, deeper with a hint of rust.

Older.

Neji focused on the echo of his name, staring unseeingly at the shape that resolved itself from the soupy black between the trees.

With an utter absence of movement, Shikaku appeared.

It was like the darkness shrank back to reveal him, he didn't even have to move. It would have been an eerie and disturbing thing to witness, but Neji could barely distinguish anything past the moist burn in his eyes.

He just couldn't blink it back.

Not even his pride came to his defence.

He swallowed hard, trying to push down the fist of crushed emotion in his throat, trying to clear it enough to respond, react – _something_. But his mental commands shortened out en route and then seemed to stop computing all together.

There was no thought, just feeling.

Feeing that ripped him up one side and down the other.

A choked sound hitched behind the clench of his teeth.

_I can't hold this…Gods please not here…not like this…_

He was oblivious to Shikaku's gaze, to the way the sharp, lethal cut of the Nara's eyes pinched then softened marginally. The edge never left the Jōnin Commander's expression, but it took on a different cast in the darkness.

"You attacked my son."

Neji clenched his eyes shut.

He didn't hear the distant calls in the forest, or sense the deer shifting uneasily around them; he was too busy trying to hold onto whatever dignity was being torn away from him. Trying desperately to conceal what he could no longer contain.

He knew if he opened his eyes, there would be no hiding what stood in them.

And if Shikamaru had read him so well when he was guarded, then what the hell would the shadow-nin's father be able to see when he was without any defence?

_God…not like this…_

The squelch of mud and leaves alerted him to movement.

Neji made to snap open his wet lashes, but Shikaku was faster.

Before Neji had a chance to open his eyes, the Nara's forearm pressed across his closed and stinging orbs.

With a sharp intake of breath, Neji went deadly still.

But Shikaku made no other move. He simply stood sideways, holding his arm like a makeshift blindfold across the young Jōnin's eyes, blocking the evidence of a wound Neji was trying so desperately to hide.

Without cause, Shikaku offered a defence.

Neji's brow furrowed in confusion, his throat tight and locked.

For a long moment, neither of them moved, even the deer haloing the clearing grew still and solemn. Then after a stretch of pained silence, Neji felt the salty, damp fabric of Shikaku's sleeve shift a little against his eyes as the Nara drew a deep breath, releasing it in a slow, soft sigh.

"You're going to turn around and you're going to follow the stag out of our forest," Shikaku said, the grit in his voice drawing like sandpaper across Neji's nerves. "And you won't ever set foot here or in my home again. Nod to tell me you understand."

Neji nodded fractionally.

He heard Shikaku hum. "Get going."

Then the pressure against his eyes was gone.

He didn't hear Shikaku leave, but he sensed it.

Stunned and shaken, Neji held himself rigid, as if locked in a shadow possession. He knew he wasn't; which didn't explain _why_ he wasn't. Shikaku should have ripped into him when his guard was down, not offered him an exit.

_Go. Take it and go._

The soft billow of breath against his head prompted him to turn.

When he lifted his lashes, he found the deep, soulful eyes of the Nara's finest stag gazing back at him. An impressive, handsome animal that stared with a kind of ageless knowing that rattled Neji as much as any stare he'd received from Shikamaru. But then the memory of what he'd seen in the Nara's face a few hours before came back to him.

Neji clamped his eyes shut.

The stag's ears pressed forward attentively, its large eyes soft and steady.

Neji felt a nudge to his brow.

Then Rikumaru snorted softly, misting the steel of the Hyūga's hitai-ate in a single breath. The gesture from this animal was so hauntingly familiar it pulled Neji from his paralysis.

His feet moved, slowly, but steadily.

And if his mind hadn't raced back to the place he'd run from, it might have occurred to him how strange it was that the stag leading him from the forest was walking beside him rather than ahead.

* * *

Darkness rippled and shifted against his eyelids, breaking up into patches.

His lashes flickered, catching a glimmer of light.

Light…green light…

_Green light? What the—FUCK!_

Shikamaru flinched with a hiss, consciousness gripping him like a fist as the pain of shifting bone and knitting skin briefly pulled him from the black. A palm pressed against his brow, setting his head back.

"Sssh. It's alright."

It really wasn't alright.

Shikamaru wanted to sarcastically announce the fact but his throat wouldn't cooperate. It hurt like hell. He fought for a stronger thread of consciousness, searching the void in his mind for that throb of green light. Unable to find it, he tried to work his throat. The pain immediately yanked his brain into awareness.

_Shit…_

He swallowed hard.

Hands cupped his neck gently.

On reflex, his jaw tugged up as he tried to jerk away from the touch. A weak groan rode up his bruised throat.

"Ssh."

"How bad?" His father's voice.

Panic slammed into his heart, knocking it off rhythm.

_Fuck…where's Neji…?_

"I've set his ribs…" He had no idea who the hell that was.

_Medic…?_

The heavy floating feeling of induced sleep dragged at his senses.

_Shit…stay awake…_

"…given him something to help…rest and deep breathing…the bruises on his throat should fade within the next…cleaned him up before I did…"

"…vanish into the night like…happen in our village?"

"…calm down, Yoshino…"

"…dare tell me to calm down, Shikaku!"

Shikamaru winced at the volume of his mother's voice, suddenly wondering if slipping into the black wasn't such a bad idea.

"…shinobi, you know that."

"…if he's on a mission, but _not_ in his own home!"

Then the rise and fall of voices started lilting in and out of his head. But stronger than the voices surrounding him was the one swirling in his mind, rising up even as he felt himself slipping under.

"_You break me apart…but you're all I can breathe…"_

He couldn't help but wonder whether that made them even. And if it did, then why the hell did it feel like neither of them had won? In the last moments before his mind shut down, he already knew the answer – and the fact that he was still breathing told him Neji knew it too.

_It was never a game…_

* * *

When Shikamaru woke hours later, the sandy glow across his eyelids told him the day had rolled in and rolled on into late afternoon. A groggy, disconnected kind of pain registered in his side, uncomfortable as hell but bearable enough to move.

He tried to sit up and reconsidered the wisdom in his assessment.

_Shit._

He took a moment to let his body catch up with his brain.

_Okay, time to move._

Wincing, he gingerly shifted his elbows beneath him and squirmed up a little, twisting his body by degrees to test the leeway he had. He felt like he'd been hit by a charging buck and his ribs had met with the business end of its antlers.

_Not a bad comparison…_

Although, getting gouged would probably be less painful than what he intended to do now; or at least as soon as he creatively wormed his way into his clothes and flak jacket while attempting to leave the house undetected.

_Troublesome._

Carefully lifting his feet from the bed, the shadow-nin cupped his injured side, swivelled, and perched on the edge of the mattress, staring through his lashes across his room. His eyes followed the cobweb cracks surrounding the narrow hole in the wall. The dent that Neji's knife-palm had created was slim but deep, flakes of chipped plaster still peppering the floor.

Shikamaru's skin prickled at the memory.

The Hyūga had come at him like a machine, cold-bloodedly intent on one outcome. An outcome Shikamaru hadn't ruled out despite everything inside him having focused on reaching past the Hyūga's rage to what was fuelling it.

_So close…_

He touched the gauze across his ribs, eyes pinching at the bite of pain.

Or maybe it was the pain behind his ribs.

God, they'd nearly been the death of each other in so many ways. And in such an insignificant amount of time so much had been dredged up from both their pasts, making for a future that was horribly unclear.

_Better start cleaning up…_

Drawing a slow breath, Shikamaru swallowed past the ache in his throat, set his focus on the door and finally got his feet beneath him.

* * *

"Send me."

"You just got back."

Neji kept his gaze a fraction away from direct eye contact, focusing on the centre of the Godaime's brow. He took her statement as the blunt observation that it was and offered no reply, waiting instead.

He'd resurrected his calm, controlled mien and while his clean Hyūga robes hung a little loosely over his carved frame and the shadows clung a little too sharply to his narrowed features, he projected the same strength and quiet power he always had.

It was only the bruising along his jaw that invited questions; questions that Tsunade wasn't asking.

For that at least, he was grateful.

"Even if you're recovered, it's a questionable request." Tsunade leaned forward in her high-backed chair and the small diamond marking her forehead shrank into the sharp furrow of her brow. "Why send a Jōnin to do an envoy's job?"

"Trust is still tentative, Hokage-sama. A familiar face will go a long way in helping to strengthen ties between the villages."

"I can't argue with that logic, but I could always send one of the Chūnin who accompanied you."

"That's why this is a request," Neji said quietly, his gaze briefly hitting on Tsunade's amber eyes, which scrutinised him calmly behind her laced fingers.

Tsunade hummed, narrowing her eyes in consideration. "Well, considering a tough request is always easier than giving a tough order."

Neji tensed inwardly, but merely cocked his head in a nonverbal sign of query.

"Don't play the dumb card with me," Tsunade's lip quirked behind her fingers, but there was no amusement in her eyes. "Shikamaru was following orders."

If Neji hadn't known that was a lie, he might have reacted. As it was, he simply stared at her quietly, without a word or outward sign to show he'd even registered what she'd said.

Tsunade arched a brow. "My orders. You want to question them, Hyūga?"

"No, Hokage-sama."

"Of course you do," Tsunade countered, raising her chin to rest atop her wrist. "But the question now is whether or not you're stable enough to be exempt from a psychological evaluation. What do you think?"

The question crashed into his pride, denting it hard enough to almost crack the steel in his expression. "If you order it, it does not matter what I think."

"You're an excellent shinobi, Hyūga. It's dangerous for Konoha to have excellent shinobi on the edge. Just look at what happened with Sasuke."

Neji's chin raised a notch, the line of his jaw hardening. "I'm not Uchiha."

"No, but you're just as lethal, aren't you?" Tsunade muttered, more to herself. "So that leaves me wondering whether I should take a gamble on you like Shikamaru did, or take the safest bet which is to get you checked out."

Or checked in.

Checked into another cage, with another group of people trying to pull his mind apart and find the design that had driven him to desperately chase a freedom he couldn't hope to hold. At the cost of his life. But then, it's not like the Black Ops was any saner a choice. Maybe living on the psychological edge only counted when they'd officially tattooed ANBU into your skin.

But walking a fine mental line wasn't Neji's objective, even if ANBU was.

Neji shook his head, the soft swish of his bangs brushing the purple bruising along his jaw. "If I was ever on the edge, I'm past the stage of being pushed off it."

Tsunade's frown turned her amber eyes a shade darker, but the suspicion in her eyes was tempered by a curiosity and softened by something Neji couldn't quite place.

"Are you?" she murmured. "How can you know for sure?"

Neji lowered his gaze, tension rippling through his upper torso as he considered how dangerous the honest response to that would be. But then, he'd stomached enough lies and choked back enough truths to leave him weary with the weight of carrying it around like rocks in his gut.

_Gods, I'm so tired…_

"_I know you are…" _

The memory of Shikamaru's quiet words tugged one of the rocks in his gut up into his throat, forcing him to draw a sharp breath through his nose.

Tsunade watched him quietly for a moment.

"How can_ I_ know for sure that you're past the stage of being pushed off that edge, Hyūga?"

Neji worked his throat, but rather than crush the truth, he spoke it. He raised his eyes, his voice hoarse and hushed in the quiet of the room.

"Because he pulled me back."

* * *

_Well, if that didn't kill me…this just might._

Shikamaru shook his head, tugging the fabric of his turtleneck as high as he could along the black and blue column of his throat. As he did this, he wondered if he hadn't been a little ambitious in thinking his luck would hold out. He was pretty sure the whole 'nine lives' thing Ino teased him about was exclusive to felines – and unless he was indulging the role of "scaredy cat" he had nothing in common with the animal other than the basic instinct not to _die_.

_Yeah, so why the hell am I here again?_

He traced his eyes over his destination.

The Hyūga residence had clearly been designed to emulate the cold elegance and power of the clan that inhabited it. The structure was just as prominent and proud as any member, the maintenance kept immaculate right down to the condition of its cool walls and swept threshold.

Shikamaru shifted his weight onto his left foot, trying to pull off his natural slouch without aggravating his ribs. "Shit…"

Hell, if he'd had a shred of sense, he'd have turned an awkward circle and walked his ass back in the other direction. But then, he wasn't so sure he was operating from his head. There were still some loose ends he needed to tie, if only to keep Neji covered from as many angles as he could. He'd torn down enough of the Hyūga's defences, hadn't he? There was no way in hell he was going to leave the Jōnin open for a hit from the Head of the Clan.

Now, as far as deflecting the blow, there was just no easy way to do it.

He'd have to take the damn bull by the horns.

Maybe with some careful mental footwork, he might be able to live through it.

"May I help you?"

Shikamaru blinked from his thoughts and flicked his gaze across to a young man sweeping leaves into a neat, smoking pile. The scent of wood smoke began to waft over, rich and calming; soothing his nerves in the same way he imagined cigarettes did for Asuma.

_Asuma_…

Another situation he'd have to confront; provided he lived through this one.

The man cocked his head and Shikamaru's attention was redirected by the late afternoon glow flashing off the man's hitai-ate, announcing his status as a Branch member just as keenly as the obedience with which he moved.

"May I help you?" he repeated.

Shikamaru opened his mouth, somewhat shocked by the thick rasp of his voice as the bruised chords in his throat strained to operate. "I'd appreciate if you could. I'm here to speak with Hiashi-sama."

"Were you summoned?" the man queried, straightening up, his white eyes straying to the healing gash on Shikamaru's cheek.

"Yeah, something like that."

"If you'll just wait a moment, he might be in council."

"Thanks," Shikamaru croaked, turning his focus towards the smouldering leaves as the man vanished inside.

Unsurprisingly, he wasn't kept waiting long.

"Nara Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru glanced toward the threshold as the man gestured him forward with a tilt of his wrist. "Hiashi-sama will speak with you."

Inclining his head, Shikamaru moved somewhat reluctantly, toeing off his sandals at the threshold. He followed the Branch member along the polished wood of the porch, across a courtyard dominated by a large, elegant tree, around to a side entrance that led into an empty room.

Shikamaru noted that Hiashi wasn't in it.

He only stepped in when the man gestured him forward, sliding the shoji door shut to leave him alone in the spacious room sizeable enough to hold counsel for several guests. However, the tatami flooring seemed worn and the fusuma panels were bare, without design, distraction or decoration. The layout and lack of grandeur suggested a training room, rather than a place reserved for consultation.

_Great. He's definitely going to kill me if we're talking in here._

Another door slid open across from him.

Shikamaru's nerves tightened.

Like royalty taking audience, Hiashi entered with regal poise, commanding grace, his patrician features held in the same calm, stoic demeanour as the rest of his body. He turned to slide the door shut with a very deliberate thud.

Shikamaru bowed his head a little. "Hiashi-sama."

Hiashi ignored his attempt at civility, or rather, the Hyūga made no effort to return it.

_Great…_

For a weighted moment, Hiashi simply stared at him, gaze as steady as a tractor beam. Then he turned to pace across a raised area of the room – a dais for observing combat. There was a calculated manner in his steps, as if he was deliberately dragging out the seconds to make an unnecessary impression. An impression of how Shikamaru was fenced into both a situation and a room with no exit - unless the Hyūga made it available to him.

At least that was something familiar, if nothing else.

"Nara Shikamaru," Hiashi said at last, his deep, unreadable voice matching the too-calm look in his pale, crystal eyes.

Shikamaru turned to face the elder, watching as Hiashi slid back a fusuma panel to reveal a storage section neatly stacked with wooden bokken. The shadow-nin's eyes fixed on the wooden blades used for training purposes. Judging by the look Hiashi shot him, he wondered if the suburitō weapon Hiashi selected wouldn't be purposefully trained on his head.

"You came by our home the other day," Shikamaru said, clearing his throat, his attention split between the Hyūga's face and his hands. "You wanted to speak with me."

Hiashi slid the panel back, turned calmly and folded his hands across the wooden sword like a makeshift cane, tapping the end down gently. "You were sleeping."

Shikamaru nodded, resisting the urge to shift awkwardly. "Yeah."

"Past noon."

"I tend to do that when I have the time."

Hiashi stared at him as if he'd slipped into a foreign tongue, then blinked slowly. "I assume you know what I wish to speak to you about?"

"I don't want to assume anything at this point."

"Then let me be clear. It's about my nephew."

He knew Hiashi was waiting for him to look away, so he kept the eye contact steady and unblinking, fighting against the curious sensation of his nerves being plucked like strings.

"Does that alarm you, Nara?"

"Why would it?"

Hiashi's brow hiked upward in an elegant arch. "Why indeed?"

Shikamaru frowned, playing the part of the confused party.

Hiashi refolded his hands atop the bokken. "You and Neji co-led this mission in Hanegakure."

"That's right."

"Was he injured?"

_Shit…_

Shikamaru mirrored the Hyūga's arched brow. "Injured?"

"Do not parrot me, Nara, answer my question."

"No, he wasn't," Shikamaru replied without hesitation. "He took a side-operation outside the borders with Hinata and Sakura."

"So my daughter tells me," Hiashi said, his chin slanting briefly towards the shoji door, though his eyes remained fixed on the shadow-nin. "I haven't spoken with my nephew as yet, but I imagine he'd corroborate this story."

_Story_?

Shikamaru's brain unhelpfully translated the one word into its most blatant meaning, which was that his attempts to bullshit Hiashi were hitting a massive fan that was going to throw a load of crap back in his direction if he didn't switch tactic.

"The mission reports state the details, Hiashi-sama."

"I am not interested in doctored reports." The Hyūga's fingers tightened around the bokken like a lion flexing its claws. "I'm sure you're aware that false reports stand to put you in a very disreputable position."

Translation: Your murder is still imminent and it might even be legal

_Shit._

Shikamaru met the Hyūga's steady gaze. "I don't know what you're referring to."

"Your deception is trying my patience. Consider this a warning."

"I don't know what you want me to say, Hiashi-sama. I can't tell you what I don't know."

And then, the most dangerous thing that Shikamaru could have seen in Hiashi's eyes made itself known. It carried in the barest flicker across the cool orbs before those quartz eyes positively glinted with it.

Amusement.

The indulgent, condescending kind, darkened with just a hint of scorn.

The kind of look a victor deigned their enemy with when they'd expected a better fight before pulling out their trump card to make a clean kill.

_Fuck._

"Then allow me to tell you what _I _know, Nara." Hiashi's voice dropped a dangerous notch. "I know my nephew's ability to mould chakra was severely hampered prior to this mission in Hanegakure. I also know that his attempts to hide from me can be attributed to his association with you."

Shikamaru would have looked shocked if his mind wasn't already operating ahead of his physical reactions. Immediately, it worked to calculate how the hell Hiashi was in possession of such specific information. More importantly though, was the information the Hyūga _wasn't _in possession of – it was _that_ information which was vital if he was going to survive this mess.

"That's inaccurate, Hiashi-sama," Shikamaru replied with commendable calm, stalling for time.

"It's remarkable how fluidly you lie, Shikamaru," Hiashi paused suddenly, almost unintentionally. "But as Shikaku's son, I suppose you've a talent for it."

Shikamaru frowned at that, but he lacked a context to cross-reference those words against other than the most recent faceoff between his father and the Hyūga.

_Great, did my old man do something else to piss you off?_

It wouldn't have surprised him really. His father had always had an odd way with Hiashi, which he'd attributed solely to a clash of family values.

"As far as this ability to lie goes, the same cannot be said for my daughter," Hiashi continued smoothly. "She hasn't the heart for deception and her attempts to try are incriminating to say the least."

Shikamaru blanched, his blood chilling at those words.

He hoped to God the exhaustion hanging in his expression was enough to cover the shift in his pallor.

Apparently it wasn't.

Hiashi's lip curved mirthlessly. "I'm no fool and I will not be played as one. Not by your father and not by you. I know that more than one of my nephew's unexplainable absences can be accounted for by time spent at your residence."

Shikamaru's mind instantly flipped forward the catalogued memories, running along the timeline in an instant to the day Hinata had brought Neji's clothing around.

_Shit, he had her followed…that's got to be it…_

It wasn't hard to imagine, considering Neji's disappearing acts during that time. Hinata had also mentioned Hiashi being disconcerted by Neji's excessive acceptance of missions away from home. Little wonder then, that the Hyūga Lord had taken measures to keep a closer eye on his daughter's movements too.

Shikamaru worked his jaw.

_God, I'm running out of ways to play this safe._

In the span of assessing all this, Hiashi hadn't left him room to respond, continuing on in that same deep, velvet tone; but just like the fabric, it could be interpreted two ways and there was a low edge working against the smoothness in his voice.

"While Neji's conduct is unacceptable, there are more pressing matters at hand. Was he injured in Hanegakure? Think twice before you lie to me."

Shikamaru lowered his gaze to Hiashi's hands, watching the slow and highly lethal way in which the sinews tightened. Playing it safe wasn't really an option. But then, it's not like this was any more a game than the rest of it had been.

_No more running from it…_

The shadow-nin's eyes shuttered, but his voice grew stronger. "What happened to Neji in Hanegakure happened because I miscalculated."

"He was injured." Not a question.

Shikamaru's eyes closed briefly. "Yes…"

He heard Hiashi's robes shift with a subtle movement that dragged the bokken a little closer to the Hyūga's body. "Dare I assume that this is the second time my nephew has almost lost his _life_ due to your miscalculations?"

The words plucked a nerve hard enough to snap it.

Shikamaru's expression tightened, his eyes swinging even with Hiashi's. "If you suspect me of something, Hiashi-sama, then your best bet is to approach the Hokage and make a formal complaint."

The silence that held could have been lethal; it was hard to tell, because when Hiashi responded his voice had shifted to a strange timbre slightly harder to interpret.

"I'm asking for the truth."

The shadow-nin shook his head weakly. "I can't answer your questions."

"Allow me to rephrase. I'm not _asking. _And whatever lies you and my daughter have created in attempts to deceive me—"

"Hinata had nothing to do with it," Shikamaru cut across, earning him an icy look that had chilled older men into silence and submission; but then, Shikamaru had seen Neji's eyes colder and harder than the one's staring back at him. "I hold myself accountable for what happened to Neji in Hanegakure and like you said, not for the first time. It had nothing to do with his ability to mould chakra. It was my fault. That's all I can tell you. That's the truth."

"I do not believe you for a second."

Not giving a chance for those words to settle, Shikamaru straightened, ignoring the twinge in his ribs. "In order to meet our objective, Neji took a hit I should've made sure he didn't have to take. He was treated outside of Konoha, under my orders because of his condition."

"I am not interested in what your objective was, Nara. We both know my nephew's _condition_ was down to more than this mission or your miscalculation."

"It was down to me."

Silence filled the room, like an abrupt intake of breath, pressing out against the walls and in against Shikamaru's eardrums. The pause felt heavy and dangerous, tense enough to raise shorthairs and prickle skin.

Hiashi's eyes held fast on him, speculating ruthlessly. "Are you protecting him, Shikamaru?"

The shadow-nin's lip cut upward in a weak, bitter smile. "I stall and strategise from the sidelines, Hiashi-sama. I don't do such a great job with protecting people. That would be another miscalculation...to assume that I could."

Hiashi dismissed his evasion as if it was too weak to be worth acknowledging. "What were you protecting him from?"

"If I was protecting anything, it was Neji's dignity. That's it."

Hiashi cocked his head, almost feline-like. "What are you _still_ protecting him from, given that you continue to insult my intelligence?"

Shikamaru hesitated, but managed to hold his expression steady. "I didn't come here to insult you, Hiashi-sama. But I can't answer your questions."

"So you would risk your reputation merely to preserve my nephew's dignity?"

Shikamaru almost smiled at that, but shook his head instead. "I don't care about my reputation."

"Clearly not, but my question still stands. Why are you doing it?"

It was a question that hooked his heart and yanked it hard, forcing him to swallow before he murmured his answer. "Because I'm his friend."

Hiashi's brows shot upward in uncharacteristic animation. "His _friend_? You expect me to accept this childish and somewhat pathetic attempt at an answer?"

"No," Shikamaru looked away, watching the amber light filter warmly through the shoji panels. "But whether you accept it or not doesn't make it any less true."

A quiet sound, which could have been a cross between intrigue and irritation caught low in Hiashi's throat, dislodging in a dismissive scoff. "You have your father's way with words, but being the Jōnin Commander's son does not exempt you from protocol if I decide to act on my suspicions."

Shikamaru acted before Hiashi had the chance.

He shot a sidelong look at the Hyūga. "Then do it now."

Hiashi blinked, tucking his chin back in surprise. "I beg your pardon?"

Shikamaru took the opening, not because he thought it was the tactically smart thing to do – hell, it wasn't – but because he was exhausted. He was so damned tired of the questions caging his conscience into corners. He'd do penance on his own time, in the privacy of his own space, not here with Hiashi giving him a cross-examination that made the bokken look friendly.

He'd taken enough of a beating on the inside.

But if he had to swallow his pride in order to protect Neji's, then he would.

_Small price to pay, after everything we've both lost..._

Shikamaru drew a sharp breath, averted his gaze to the ground and quietly lowered one knee to the floor, inwardly cringing at the twinge in his side.

"What are you doing?" Hiashi demanded, the stern look on his face tightening uncertainly.

Bowing, Shikamaru braced a forearm across his raised knee and kept his gaze cast down, his voice drifting out in quiet resignation. "If I've insulted you with my actions or words, then I apologise with both. But if you suspect me of something more than just insulting you, then I'll accept whatever measured steps you need to take."

With his eyes on the ground, he didn't see the look on Hiashi's face.

He probably wouldn't have known how to respond to it if he had.

The Hyūga's expression arched in open surprise and then his pale eyes narrowed into a fleeting look torn with a very human confusion, one which came from deep beneath the well-bred veneer.

"You'd destroy your dignity, just to protect his?" Hiashi murmured, the confusion still holding in his eyes and almost imperceptibly in his voice. "Unless it's more than just his dignity that you are protecting…?"

Shikamaru offered no response and let the half-mast of his lashes fall lower, not even trying to strategise a reply. There was none. This moment and his actions held more truth than his words ever could.

He felt the weight of the Hyūga's gaze like a blade above his head.

He even waited for the blow to land.

But then a soft sigh filtered into the quiet.

When Hiashi finally spoke, his voice sounded quieter, as if from faraway. "Stand up and go home, Nara. We are done here."

* * *

Sunset bled away into the bruised hues of twilight, a dusky canvas spattered with the dim flicker of the first stars. Neji's gaze settled on the brightest spark, set off against a patch of indigo darkening to black.

The serenity that came with falling night felt hollow somehow.

Out of reach...

As distant as those stars...

A soft flare of ice-blue light drew his gaze down to the young kunoichi turning fluid circles in the courtyard. She hadn't stopped since she'd started. Neji had watched her quietly from the sidelines, still and stoic as a sentinel.

_That is what I am…isn't it?_

Hinata pulled her fist in sharply, thrusting her other palm out with a wince.

Neji cocked his head and watched the chakra flare along her hand like a blue-white glove; it swelled, then fizzled away weakly.

_Close. _

He observed her repeat the process and the mistake. The frustration touched her eyes, but he imagined the disappointment struck her heart harder.

A shoji door slid shut across the porch.

Neji turned his head, then immediately pivoted and bowed.

Hiashi came to stand beside him, but the elder's eyes strayed to his daughter. Neji followed suit, turning his focus back to Hinata, if only to avoid directing his attention to Hiashi's profile, which remained set in its familiar set of stern, sombre lines. If he'd looked closer, he might have detected something else in his uncle's face.

The silence that held between them wasn't comfortable, but it wasn't strained.

Their mutual point of focus narrowed down to Hinata and it was only the soft sound of her breathing and focused shouts that filled the quiet courtyard. The scent of wood smoke and the occasional sputter of drifting cinders carried across the air, dying sparks on a cool and crisp breeze.

Hiashi raised his jaw, but did not turn his head. "Your defiance will not be tolerated, regardless of how you feel, you must understand that."

Neji blinked slowly, watching Hinata's movements. "I've always understood that, Hiashi-sama. What I do not understand is why you didn't encourage your brother to take what ANBU offered him."

Hinata stumbled back a pace, shook out her hands and launched straight back into her kata, turning graceful and controlled loops with her arms. Hiashi frowned, watching her footwork instead.

"Is that what this is about, Neji?" he queried. "Your father?"

Neji eyes followed Hinata's hands. "I have given eighteen years of obedience to the cage I was born into, Hiashi-sama...and I appreciate the leniency you have shown me as my uncle."

"Do you really?" Hiashi countered, frowning when Hinata stumbled again.

Neji turned his head a little, glancing through the fall of his bangs at the stern furrow marring Hiashi's brow. "I respect you, but I would be lying if I said I held anything other than contempt for the elders."

"Mind your tongue," Hiashi warned, not having to raise his voice or turn his head. "Even my leniency has its limits."

That was certainly no lie; Neji knew the limits of leniency extended about as far as the concept of mercy in the Hyūga clan. Given what the clan did to their own blood, mercy was not a virtue but a novelty – if someone was especially lucky, mercy was a blessing.

Neji turned his gaze back to Hinata. "Then I ask that your leniency allow me a question. The elders have already answered, despite the decision resting with you."

Hiashi's wry chuckle sounded more like a snort in his unpractised tones. "You have spent too much time with Shikaku's son, if you think you can play power games, Neji."

"I would not gamble my freedom on anything," Neji replied sharply, tempering his tone when he sensed Hiashi casting him a warning glance. "This is not a game to me, Hiashi-sama."

"Then ask your question."

"If I wish to pursue ANBU, will you stop me?"

The breeze seemed to die.

Neji felt his breath cease in tandem, holding in his throat.

Hinata turned two gentle revolutions by the time Hiashi answered, his words misting in the cool night air.

"No, I will not stop you," he said quietly before adding sternly, "but I will not support you either."

Neji shook his head, his lips tightening against a bitter smile. "Would it be easier for all concerned if I took my father's path? If I were to be weak…"

"Your father was _not_ weak." The speed of Hiashi's response was nothing compared to the stern way in which he said it, asserting his words with an edge that almost suggested he'd been offended.

Neji frowned, looking askance at his uncle. "No. He was just consumed by his bitterness…and he damned me to the same fate, hoping I'd be strong enough to escape my destiny in the way that he didn't…"

Hiashi's anger mellowed, his jaw easing from its rigid clench. "That is not true. Your father was a victim, not a villain."

"And what am I?" Neji whispered bitterly, his deep voice trembling with a sudden upsurge of emotion he didn't have the strength to rein in. "A testament to his tragedy?"

Hiashi turned, glancing across at his nephew through grave, steady eyes. "No, Neji. You are a testament to what can be born _from_ Hizashi's tragedy."

"And what is that?"

Hiashi looked away, his gaze straying skyward. "Hope."

Neji blinked, seriously wondering if he'd misheard.

He followed his uncle's gaze warily, then glanced back at the elder Hyūga.

Hiashi's eyes traced a distant constellation and something sad etched into the corners of his eyes, like a touch of long-denied emotion that shouldn't have been there.

"I still wear the chains of our clan's traditions. As did my brother…" Hiashi lowered his gaze, settling the same strangely pinched look on Hinata. "But with every generation those links weaken…you will break your chains, Neji. Do not hate your father, for being unable to break his."

Stunned, Neji could do no more than stare sidelong at his uncle, his own pale orbs narrowing against the stinging pain pushing into his eyes. Hiashi kept his focus on his daughter, blinking slowly.

"It was never a matter of encouraging Hizashi to take what ANBU offered. He stayed because he wanted things to change for the Branch House." Hiashi glanced across, forcing Neji to avert his gaze. "And for you, Neji. You were the reason he wanted our clan to change."

_I wish I could have been the reason he'd wanted to live._

Neji let his bangs hide the expression of grief etching into the proud mask of his face, closing his eyes slowly.

The wound deep inside him, the one torn open and cut into more times than he could stand to take, seemed to ache with a different emotion now; in that raw place that had never really healed, he felt sadness bleeding through the anger that had been infecting it for two months.

_One day, I promise I will forgive you…_

But not yet. He wasn't ready to let that go.

"I will not make my father's mistake," Neji said quietly, his eyes still closed, as if he was readdressing a part of himself that had briefly lost its way. "I will pursue ANBU."

"And as I said," Hiashi nodded, "I will not stop you."

_The very fact that you 'could' is why I am doing this…_

Neji bit back the urge to voice this thought and instead slipped his eyes open, staring ahead as Hinata attempted another jutsu. The chakra flared again across her fists, held in a blob-like glow, then faded in a sputter that left her panting and gritting her teeth, the determined set of her chin wobbling once.

She glanced up from her shaking fists and looked across at her father.

Hiashi simply turned his back and walked away.

Neji watched the kunoichi's eyes follow the elder, wide and luminous in the dark.

There was something distinctly childlike in the way she stared at the shoji door that Hiashi slid back, as if expecting her father to pause and turn.

He didn't.

The door clicked shut behind him.

Hinata dropped her eyes to her hands, her fists shaking as her breath hitched once. But without another sound, she pushed herself back into the kata, stabbing the air with the heels of her palms, turning circles that were a little too jerky to be focused.

Neji's eyes narrowed a little.

He stepped away from the porch, moving in a whisper of white across the courtyard to approach his cousin. Hinata didn't notice him, her focus channelled inward and only outward as far as her arms extended.

It was only when she caught the soft flow of robes on her immediate periphery that she slowed her movements enough to realise that Neji was moving beside her, mirroring the kata at a pace that forced her to slow down and focus on him.

Wide-eyed, she looked across, hesitating.

Neji shook his head, not looking at her. "Do not focus solely on your fists even if that is where you are concentrating your jutsu. The chakra doesn't begin in your hands, it _flows _there. Come, try again."

Hinata stopped moving, her jaw dropping open a little as she straightened up on the spot, blinking hard. "I…" she trailed off.

Neji kept his eyes ahead, sliding into the starting stance of the kata.

"Again," he said.

Hinata stared, smiled softly and immediately moved to mirror him. "Yes."

Neji nodded.

They began again and when Hinata faltered, Neji guided her with a patience he'd never shown before.

And for the first time since the divide in the clan, their Hyūga blood felt thicker than water.

* * *

Water, it reflected back the bright disc of the moon in a distorted shimmer.

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed, watching the fragmented play of light as he stood in the deep, encompassing embrace of shadows. They wrapped around him like a sheet, broken up by a dapple of moonlight through the branches of the tree he'd been slouched against for the past few hours, watching the last of the clouds turn from fire to ash.

He felt just as burnt out inside.

The tension he'd carried from his confrontation with Hiashi had finally slid from his shoulders, leaving him listless and dazed. Like he'd reserved a load of adrenaline to run like hell only to find he wasn't being chased.

Odd, but even the relief felt exhausting.

_I just need to sleep…_

No drugs, no concussion, no induced unconsciousness, just a natural, unaided, uninterrupted sleep. No sooner had his mind centred itself on this thought, than it drifted unwittingly onto Neji, steered by a flood of feeling he wasn't sure what to do with.

_Can't change it, just gotta accept it…maybe try to forget…_

Which wouldn't happen.

For everything bloody, bruised or broken between them, it didn't change what they'd created in the chaos. Somehow, it had withstood whatever the hell they'd thrown at it and at each other.

Shikamaru smiled weakly, a ghost of growing sadness in his eyes.

_Troublesome Hyūga…_

Staring out at the glassy water, he watched fireflies hover by the reeds. He must have watched them dance for a good half hour before he turned to make his way home, hands shoved deep into his pockets, his eyes cast down as he walked the ribbon of white the sidewalk had become under the moon's glow.

He took another roundabout route, idling along until a sharp bark drew his attention to a dog padding down along the sidewalk, nose to the ground. The white and brown canine paused a few paces away, head jerking up suddenly, the moonlight gleaming off the hitai-ate secured around its bandaged neck.

_A ninken?_

Upon spotting Shikamaru, the ninja hound scuttled back, head cocked in a quizzical expression before it woofed softly and dropped into a play-bow, wagging its chocolate wand of a tail.

Shikamaru frowned when he noticed the blue vest the animal sported.

There was no mistaking one of Kakashi's ninken.

_Ugh. Pigs, birds, dogs…seriously…why does this crap always happen to me…?_

Before Shikamaru could consider taking several steps back from what was likely to be a troublesome situation, a familiar silhouette threw itself across the sidewalk, cast from the building above.

"Want to know how to win a cat and mouse game?" a deep voice called.

Shikamaru's eyes widened.

He had no time to reply, even if he'd thought to.

The scuff of feet thudded as the figure dropped down in front of him, the broad-shouldered frame immediately eclipsing the moon to cast the young Nara in shadow.

"You bring in a dog," Asuma said.

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **Busted. And so the insane plot bunny whips me onward to 47 and its bundle of interactions ;) Hope you enjoyed this update! Nearing the end within the next few chapters! Land a'bloody'hoy! ^_^

**A/N (2): **I've received quite a few questions regarding what happened to Shikamaru / his past. This has been kept deliberately unanswered and ambiguous not only because the plot bunny demands it, but also because Shikamaru's story is another story. To delve fully into it here would take away from the focus of this fic and explore a realm that I want to keep open for other fics (a one-shot, multi-chap or a possible sequel). I'm undecided which way I'll work it in as yet, but I _will_ answer it one way or another, even if not in _this_ fic. ^_^

**REVIEWERS: **I toast you guys with my beloved cuppa chai. Thanks so much for all the amazing love and support. Hope you enjoyed. ^_^

**Reviewers without accounts:**

**Ayachan -** LMAO. Yoshino's reaction should have been – "NOOO! Never mind your broken bones, troublesome child, what the hell happened to my DISHES!" hehe. Thanks for another lovely review, Ayachan!  
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_Thanks always to all you lovely people._


	47. Chapter 47

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Forty Seven**

[Dedicated to AttentionDeficitDisorder]

"You bring in a dog."

Shikamaru didn't look up, his eyes fixed on the cracks in the pathway despite knowing the ground wasn't going to open up no matter how hard he stared.

"Works every time," Asuma added with a crooked smile that didn't quite hide the concern in his eyes. "According to Kakashi."

"Guess he wasn't wrong," Shikamaru croaked, his eyes still cast down.

"Yeah, wish I didn't have to tell him he was right either."

Shikamaru winced inwardly.

The ninja hound bayed, its toenails scratching on the brick as it scuttled backwards along the sidewalk, obviously pleased with itself. Shikamaru watched Asuma's shadow as the Jōnin raised his hand in a backward wave. Acknowledgement registered further along the street, where a silhouetted figure saluted with a slim book, then vanished into the stillness, the ninken padding off to follow at a lope.

Shikamaru counted the seconds until the click of the dog's nails receded.

Then the world plunged into a tense silence.

He assessed Asuma's shadow again, noting the distinct absence of the cigarette that normally dangled like a permanent fixture from his sensei's lips. If that wasn't telling enough, he could already sense the Jōnin's eyes burning into him like ember ends.

"Guess I can finally say I beat you," Asuma murmured, his deep baritone lightened by a trace of humour intended to draw Shikamaru's gaze. "But I'd take Shogi over hide and seek any day."

Shikamaru's gut twisted into a guilty knot; the kind that felt like barbed wire, which made the confrontation with Hiashi painless in comparison. This kind of guilt was the nauseating kind, the kind that was more complicated to absolve. He forced the wheels of his mind to slow from their immediate spin into a 'ten steps ahead' attempt to dodge the situation.

He couldn't.

And even if he'd wanted to, he just didn't have the energy or the heart.

Turning a little, the shadow-nin glanced further off to the side, staring at the pale scuff of the sidewalk, which looked about as worn out as any mental route he might have searched for an exit.

"I wasn't hiding…" he murmured.

He didn't see Asuma's eyes flicker and widen at the memory those words provoked.

* * *

_- __**FLASHBACK**__: 10 years ago –_

He wasn't hiding.

Not really.

He was scheming – shinobi style – subtle and smooth in the shadows.

_Yeah right…_

Asuma sighed, his lips framing a curse that swirled unspoken into a stream of cigarette smoke. Twenty years old and hiding from his dad like a kid risking a clip around the ear. He wouldn't have put that past his old man, but his father's silences were usually more painful on the ears than any reprimanding gestures or words.

Because the silences always seemed to ring with disappointment.

Asuma scowled, scratching at the stubble along his jaw.

_What the hell does he want from me? Why the hell is it never enough?_

He took another pull on his cigarette, holding his breath until the cloudy air burned in his lungs. He leaned back into the low wooden fencing and the planks creaked like stiff limbs. The rickety fencing cordoned off a playground in need of serious renovation.

_Like my attitude, apparently…_

He exhaled a cloud-like plume towards the 'no smoking' sign nailed into the wood beside his head. Not getting straight answers from his father always left him drawing his own conclusions about what the hell he'd done wrong – which was probably a deliberate move his old man kept making in an attempt to get Asuma to be more introspective.

_Screw that._

Leaning forward, the young Sarutobi unfurled the map on the ground in front of him, spreading it wide in a grand and resolute gesture, holding it open with his palms.

Freedom. Opportunity.

He traced his gaze over the vast atlas, dragging deep on the cigarette.

_I'm sick of being shot down…_

Snorting twin jets of smoke from his nose, he took another deep, meditative drag and slipped out his cigarette packet, nodding decidedly.

"I'm outta here…" he muttered around the smoking stick.

"They're gonna catch you."

Asuma jolted so hard the movement had the map rolling up and smoke rolling out in a startled wheeze. He threw his cigarette packet aside in guilty reflex, pounding a fist to his chest as he hacked out a cough. Eyes watering, he blinked repeatedly until his surroundings came back into focus.

His gaze hit on a pair of shuttered brown eyes staring up with jaded interest.

_No way. A kid managed to sneak up on me?_

The first thing that struck him was the fact that he should have seen the kid's hair sawing through the smoke on his peripheral long before the boy had got this close.

"You're not very good at hiding," the kid stated bluntly.

Asuma stared dumbly for a moment, his cigarette dangling from his lips. "What?"

The pineapple-haired boy pointed his chin toward the cigarette.

"Your smoke is drifting over the fence…and you left a trail…"

"Huh?"

Without freeing his hands from his pockets, the child tipped his head towards the numerous cigarette butts scattered back along the pathway.

Asuma slanted away from the fence to follow the kid's gaze.

_Shit._

The boy looked back, his hooded gaze narrowed speculatively. "So…you're not very good at hiding."

Asuma slouched back against the fencing with a snort, feeling more putout that his cigarette would probably have to be in a minute.

"I uh…wasn't hiding," came his gruff and incredibly lame reply.

"Yeah you were…" the kid insisted, watching the ribbon of smoke and wrinkling his nose against the offensive waft. "And smoking's stupid."

"So is sneaking up on dangerous shinobi."

"You're not a dangerous shinobi."

"How do you know?"

"If you were a dangerous shinobi you'd have seen me coming."

Asuma stared incredulously for a moment.

_Smartass._

How old was this kid anyway? Seven?

The Sarutobi pursed his lips around his cigarette, considering the idiocy of making a child an intellectual opponent. He smiled slightly, reluctantly amused. The kid, however, maintained a half-mast gaze as if to illustrate how supremely bored he was with the interaction. Asuma might have believed it, only the boy wasn't leaving. In fact, the kid moved closer in a lazy shuffle, nodding towards the fence.

"A dangerous shinobi would also be aware of trouble."

"You're not exactly putting the fear of god into me, kid."

"You're smoking under a '_no_ smoking' sign."

The Sarutobi grunted at this ingenuous observation, but figured that he might as well resurrect some scruples around a child. Shrugging, he plucked his cigarette from his lips and snubbed it out against the fencing.

"Happy?" he muttered, eyeing the symbol on the sleeve of the boy's t-shirt. "Nara, huh?"

The kid nodded. "I'm Nara Shikamaru and whoever you are, you're gonna be in trouble."

Asuma blinked, eyes crinkling in suspicion. "Oh yeah? Are you some little ninja-wannabe the Hokage's sent to watch me or something?"

Shikamaru arched a brow in an amusingly dry gesture for someone so young. "No, I came to watch the clouds."

"There aren't any…" Asuma pointed out, glancing skyward to a canvas of clear blue with barely a wisp of white.

"There were," Shikamaru said, nodding towards the abandoned cigarette packet.

Asuma glanced sidelong at his hastily abandoned smokes, but resisted the possessive urge to snatch them back. He'd rescue them later. He looked back to the Nara boy, arching his brows in query.

The lazy-lidded gaze flicked away as Shikamaru stared across at the uneven grain of the fence, frowning. "I know it's not real…but…the smoke looked like clouds…"

Asuma smiled a little, cocking his head to draw the kid's eye. "So you like clouds, huh?"

Shikamaru nodded, his small mouth tugging into a smile. "They're the _best_."

"Yeah, I guess they're pretty cool."

"Smoking's not cool," Shikamaru said, strolling past Asuma towards the abandoned cigarette packet. "It's troublesome."

Asuma threw his arm out, practically sprawling to apprehend the packet before it could come into the boy's possession or confiscation. Shikamaru paused and levelled him with the kind of wary look one might set on an unpredictable drunk. Asuma straightened up a little more presentably, not that he was trying to impress a kid; hell, with his cigarettes in hand and runaway plan in the works, he was a Class-A promoter for a bad role model campaign.

He turned the cigarette packet over in his hands.

Shikamaru's gaze followed the movement. "It hurts your lungs and stings your eyes."

"Yeah, but it's my _best_ bad habit."

Shikamaru stared at his face for a long, measured moment and frowned. "You're weird."

Asuma laughed, tapping the cigarette packet to his temple with a rogue grin. "And just for that, I'm gonna have another smoke right now."

"That's stupid."

"You bet. Go run off and save your little lungs."

Shikamaru arched a brow. "You're weird _and_ you're gonna get in trouble."

"I'm a Leaf shinobi," Asuma stated with way too much pride for one running away from his village, shooting the kid a feral grin. "I can get out of any trouble I get myself in. I'm not scared of trouble."

"Is that why you're hiding?"

"Smartass. I'm still having that smoke."

* * *

He wished Asuma would light a stupid cigarette.

Or say something.

Shikamaru shifted back a pace unconsciously, the shuffling movement completely unplanned. Like this entire situation. For all his ability to think ahead, he hadn't planned what the hell to _say _to Asuma if he'd got caught. He'd accounted for everything and everyone else, but not this.

And Asuma's silence was beginning to unnerve him in a way Hiashi's hadn't.

Because as much as Shikamaru didn't give a crap regarding what people thought about him, that rule of thumb didn't apply when it came to his sensei. It was a hairline fracture in his lackadaisical attitude, the proverbial chink in his armour.

But Asuma never exploited it.

Because despite being manipulative in order to motivate – and damn if Asuma didn't bribe Chōji with barbecue on more occasions than his wallet could afford – he never played those games with Shikamaru. He took it to the Shogi board to 'discuss' it on familiar territory in familiar terms; Asuma knew how to speak his language, because he'd taken the time to learn it.

Fifteen Shogi games after their first match, Asuma was relatively fluent.

On that day, Shikamaru had paused mid-game, got up, and walked away.

Unlike the shadow-nin's father, who'd have waited patiently for him to come back, Asuma had followed after him – at a distance and at a lazy pace – just to make sure he was alright. They'd never spoken about that day, but that was when things had changed.

And of all the people in his life, Shikamaru held his sensei in the highest regard.

Which is why this moment was hell turning hotter by degrees.

"What happened to your face?"

Shikamaru blinked, shrugging. "I got dive-bombed by a pissed off bird."

A lie that was close enough to a truth; considering the sick bird had almost taken his eyes out.

_Shit, I need to feed it…check up on it…make sure the canvas didn't—_

Shikamaru flinched, jerking from his thoughts when Asuma's hand reached for his shoulder. The bronze fingers froze, then turned upward a little in reassurance.

_Shit, get a grip._

Shikamaru forced himself to recover from the stupid, skittish reaction by staying still as the Jōnin hooked his thumb into the raised neck of his flak jacket, tugging the green padding aside.

Asuma stared at his throat.

Dark brows drew low over the hardening bronze of the Sarutobi's eyes.

Shikamaru swallowed on reflex and glanced off to the side.

When his sensei spoke, his voice was low and quiet. "Pretty big bird, huh?"

Shikamaru hesitated, looking torn.

The gently phrased words should have set him just a little at ease, but they only drew him further out of bullshitting territory and pushed him into the broken up place where all the pieces of the truth were still scattered like glass.

_I can't do this shit all over again…_

He physically inched back a pace as if to escape it and if Asuma's hand hadn't dropped to his shoulder he might have kept going.

Asuma let out a long breath. "I'm gonna need a smoke for this, aren't I?"

Shikamaru struggled to find a weak thread of humour in the massive knot of his raw nerves, looking askance at his sensei. "I should get into trouble more often. It's good for your health."

"It's really not. I came close to chewing senbons."

"Hn. Guess that's stupider than your cigarettes."

"I'll tell Genma you said that. And then get him to be the dog the next time you feel like playing hide and seek."

Shikamaru slid his gaze away and tried to scowl, but the expression crumbled, his vocal chords feeling as if they'd rusted in his throat. "I wasn't hiding…" he rasped again.

Asuma hummed, the sound like buried thunder in his chest. "Yeah…"

Shikamaru felt the large hand on his shoulder tighten gently, holding on until he glanced up and across at his sensei. He was disarmed by the concern in his teacher's expression, barely able to hold the stare for all the troublesome guilt it provoked inside him.

But then Asuma smiled a little, a shadow of his normal rogue grin.

"I'm still having that smoke."

"Hn." Shikamaru's lip twitched upward. "Troublesome."

* * *

Stillness, that's what he needed now.

Neji made the centre of his mind a surface without ripples, smooth and steady.

Serene enough to let scattered thoughts and shattered feelings wash away…

And then he made the mistake of following one…

Just one…one feeling…

And one feeling was all it took for the meditation to bleed into a memory…

"_Neji…"_

The clear stream of Neji's thoughts thickened and clouded into a stirring tingle that churned and pooled low in his core, swirling and spiralling.

"_Why can't I tear you out?"_

The stillness of Neji's breathing gave way to something deeper, something ragged…and then the image in his mind became sharper…stronger…and suddenly he wasn't the only one breathing…there was an arousing smoke-like sensation of breath between his lips.

"_I don't know…"_

"_Tell me…"_

"_I don't…know…fuck…"_

"_Tell me, Shikamaru…"_

"_God…don't…don't ask me…to think…"_

Neji felt the shift of muscle, lean and solid, moving beneath the glistening salt of skin as hot as fire…hotter than the flame of his tongue as it dragged along the stretch of marked throat, the tendons tight and flexing.

"_So don't think…just answer…"_

He bit down, pulled colour to the skin and pressed his lips to the pulse. The fire flared in a controlled knot, lashed a lick of heat along his spine. Shikamaru's breathing deepened, tore in two and pulled itself back together in a shiver.

"_…I don't know…I don't want to know…"_

"_Do you want 'this' instead?"_

Those dark, shuttered eyes rolled back briefly, flickering open again, burning stronger than their bodies.

Burning…burning…burning…

Flame filled Shikamaru's eyes and his body rose on the heat…without a sound…without a surrender…there was no submission…no yielding…so close to falling…

"_Give in to me, Shikamaru…_"

Neji's teeth scraped the shadow-nin's jaw and the sharp slant hardened, clenched, shook with the strain.

"_You…first…"_

"_No…_" he purred deeply into the studded ear. "_Not this time."_

Then he was branding skin beneath his mouth and with a whispering, barely-there touch Shikamaru's body hit the release so intensely that Neji felt the shadow-nin's heart stop for the briefest of seconds.

Neji stiffened.

The memory of this moment froze.

It amplified in Neji's mind and spread to every cell of his body as if he were reliving it.

Reliving the moment that Shikamaru tumbled off that blistering edge.

The exact instant the shadow-nin's pulse had wavered.

Because in that exact instant…seconds before Shikamaru snatched his breath, Neji caught his death…and he'd held it with a yearning that had his chest tightening at the memory of wanting to make that heart stop and start all over again.

"_Was it the best way to go, Shikamaru?_"

Shikamaru hadn't answered in words.

_ENOUGH!_

Neji tore his mind away from the memory, his glazed eyes snapping open.

He shuddered into awareness, his skin flushed and raw and cast in a sheen. Even the cool caress of the breeze felt seductive, as if the air had moulded around him like a lover, pulsing and whispering and clinging to him in the damp folds of his yukata.

_Gods, I still can't get you out…_

Neji dragged shaking fingers through his hair, fisting the dark strands as he struggled to steady his breathing and will away the honeyed sensation of thick arousal pooled low in his core and hard in his groin.

_Damn this._

He'd meditated to escape into stillness…not to pull his body into a fever intoxicated by the erotic drug of a memory…

_So real…_

But then, why wouldn't it have been? It was a memory, not an imagining.

Neji shuddered out a sigh, staring blankly into the austere darkness of his modest, traditional room. The black and milky hues of night played across the fusuma panels, slashed with a single blade of moonlight slanting through the window.

It struck the futon, the sheets creased and crumpled from his restlessness.

_Just like everything inside me…_

Losing himself to sleep and silence had never been more complicated since Shikamaru and he had collided. But the irony was that within the eye of chaos, he'd found an incredible, soul-stilling peace with the other ninja all the same.

_I have never rested that way before…I don't think I have 'ever' truly rested…_

Shikamaru had brought him that rest…the deep kind that sank into weary parts that felt older and colder than his eighteen years should have allowed…

Yes, Shikamaru had brought him rest.

And now he could not find it.

And in its absence, came the bitter retrospection.

Because for all the pain, Neji could not deny the peace.

And despite the blow to his pride, he could not deny the pleasure either.

Clenching his eyes shut, he thudded his head back against the wall hard enough to distract from the rigid throb between his legs and the cruel ache in his chest.

He could almost taste Shikamaru on his tongue and across his teeth.

The hot salt of his skin…

Or was it his tears?

Neji's eyes slipped open and the fire in his blood banked to a simmer upon remembering the last time he'd stared into those shadowed eyes. Eyes scarred like the clouded black of smoky quartz…shifting and struggling with the force of what they'd forged…a need that pulled up a pang so sharply in Neji's chest he glanced down as if expecting to find a blade lodged there.

Tearing into Shikamaru's heart to save his own had been a bitter backfire.

He'd never seen it coming.

Like so much else…

"_I never 'predicted' what would play out between us…__and I didn't take the chance to stop it…even when I realised something was happening_…_"_

And the insane thing was, neither had he.

No matter which way he turned it around in his mind, there was no escaping the truth that Shikamaru had given him more opportunities to stop it than the Nara had taken to start it.

_I need to know…what it was…_

Neji closed his eyes and pushed to his feet – although it felt like he was pulled.

* * *

Konoha twinkled with the late evening burn of hushed activity; a gentle spatter of lights that gave an impression of fallen stars glowing bright or growing cold as shop lights dimmed and lanterns or lampposts took over.

Familiar. Safe.

Shikamaru leaned into the rough bark of a tree and slouched into a gentle hollow at its base while Asuma perched beside him. The Jōnin's makeshift seat consisted of a cradle of gnarled roots that twisted up from the earth in a knotted, bowl-shaped lattice.

Nature's way of accommodating.

But right now, all Shikamaru wanted to accommodate was sleep.

_Not likely…_

Asuma had walked them to a spot they often frequented, a quiet, grassy slope leading down from the Hokage's mansion. The vista was impressive and peaceful and the scent of wet grass held heavy in the air, soon to be permeated by another waft of smoke.

He heard Asuma turning to crush out his first cigarette.

His sensei had spent the past few minutes relishing the smoke with the gratified expression of a man happy to be falling off the quitter's wagon straight back into the habit.

Shikamaru shifted uneasily.

His own irritating habit to pre-empt was pressing in on his skull.

But in a situation like this, his predictions were about as useful as pre-empting the shape a cloud would take. Sometimes he'd strike lucky by examining the sculpting hand of the wind – but clouds weren't clay. They were never fixed and ever-changing, their possibilities endless.

As endless as the current silence…stretching onwards…

Drawing taut with tension…

His nerves felt like elastic set to snap…

"You know, Chōji turned down barbecue for you," Asuma said, shaking his head. "I was impressed. Looks like when you get into trouble it isn't just good for my health, but his too."

Shikamaru glanced across, warily searching his sensei's profile; as far as he could tell, Asuma looked genuinely amused. He watched his sensei plant another cigarette in the corner of his mouth, lighting up behind the cup of his palm, the flame's glow catching in his eyes.

Shikamaru took a deep, shaky breath of tobacco-tinged air.

"Even Ino held up," Asuma added, slipping his lighter away. "She didn't cave."

"Yeah, she tried to cave my head instead."

"What?"

"She threw a brick of crap at me…"

Asuma choked around a lungful of smoke. "A brick of what?"

"Of crap."

"How'd she manage that?"

"She picked it up, threw it at my head and didn't miss."

Asuma brought the cigarette to his lips and grinned behind the cup of his hand. "What is it with you and violent women, Shikamaru?"

"Apparently I'm just all sorts of lucky."

"Well, luck's a lady, isn't she?

"That explains it." Shikamaru's shaky smile pulled into a wince as he shifted position, drawing both his legs up and banding his arm around his ribs. "Hn. Troublesome girl."

The soft rumble of Asuma's chuckle rolled into an easy quiet. And the quiet settled back into a pensive stillness between them. It felt close to the relaxed mood they usually held around each other.

Close, but not quite.

"Shikamaru," Asuma tumbled his name into the silence.

The young Nara blinked from his glazed stare, immediately alert. "Yeah?"

"Since we're on topic, what's your take on 'good luck'?"

"That I don't have it."

Asuma smirked, shaking his head. "And?"

"And it explains how stupid people get ahead."

The rumble of Asuma's laughter was accompanied by the gentle rustle of the leaves above them. The soft sound drew Shikamaru's gaze up from the village and higher towards the sky as he rested his head back.

"Come on, you've gotta have thought about this," Asuma pressed, smirking behind a pall of smoke.

Shikamaru grunted something noncommittal, resisting the urge to sigh. "Good luck doesn't mean anything. Cause and effect is what matters and luck is just some crappy grey area in-between. It's only called 'good luck' when it benefits you. There. Happy?"

The soft ember glow of Asuma's cigarette flared like a firefly in the darkness, ash flaking off the end. "Yeah, that makes sense, if you think about it like that."

"How else am I supposed to think about it?" he muttered, not wanting to think about it at all.

Asuma propped a foot on the edge of his perch, dangling an arm over his knee. "How about happy hindsight? Or being pleasantly surprised."

Shikamaru watched the smoke drift, staring from under sleepy lids as he considered the words. Then he frowned and cast his gaze across the village, watching the lights glitter, suddenly needing the distraction of a join-the-dots design rather than the obscurity of smoke.

"What's your point, Asuma-sensei?" he sighed.

Asuma paused here, taking a long, deep pull on his cigarette. When he exhaled, the smoke skimmed above Shikamaru's line of sight, which told the young Nara that his sensei was looking skyward.

"When we were assigned our Genin teams, I thought I was the Jōnin who got dealt the crappy hand," Asuma said. "I thought my old man planned it that way."

Shikamaru blinked as if jolted, shooting his sensei a confused glance that narrowed into a glare. The perceived insult might have rolled off him harmlessly on any other occasion – but right now, feeling so damned raw, to hear that from Asuma felt like a kick in the gut.

"Thanks for that," Shikamaru growled.

Asuma's lips curved fondly.

The smile surprised Shikamaru, knocking his anger until his frown crumbled from offence into confusion. Asuma continued to smile up at the stars, shaking his head against whatever memory was playing across his mind.

"Ino-Shika-Cho," the Jōnin breathed out, smirking around his smoke. "I got dealt a loudmouth, a slacker and a glutton. Naruto had more motivation than you three put together."

Shikamaru's lips quirked a little. "Ino was motivated."

"Competitively motivated," Asuma pointed out, punctuating the statement with a stab of his cigarette. "But towards the wrong goal and for the wrong reasons, which is why her confidence is shot now. As for Chōji…" The Jōnin shot him a playful glance. "Well, I'm guessing my wallet bled more than he sweated. And I'm pretty sure you were in a coma for most of it."

Admittedly, that might have been an accurate portrait of their early Genin days. Shikamaru conceded the truth with a shrug and a half smile that didn't quite make it across his lips. Asuma took a slow pull on his cigarette, humming as he mused.

"But all three of you had and still have something that the other teams don't."

"What? _You_?" Shikamaru muttered dryly.

Asuma flashed a feral smile. "You bet, but that's not it."

"Don't tell me "good luck" is the answer."

"For me, yeah. For you guys? No."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, but his lips tugged upward. "This is such a drag, why don't you just cut to the chase already."

"Sure. You had team cohesion."

"Team cohesion…" Shikamaru echoed.

"Yeah, a rare thing at Genin level, but you kids had it straight off the bat."

Shikamaru hesitated at that, still trying to gauge the point. "So what?"

"So as a _team_, you're uncomplicated. I can't complain there. I got dealt the best team out of all the Jōnin. A stroke of good luck. I didn't recognise it at the time…" he trailed off for a moment. "It seems I'm always late like that. But getting there eventually is better than not getting there at all. And there we have happy hindsight."

Shikamaru's eyes flicked to Asuma's cigarette, narrowing in a way that illustrated suspicion over just what the hell his sensei was smoking. Asuma caught the dubious look and chuckled out a plume as nebulous as the conversation.

"Great, I'm being sage and deep here."

Shikamaru made a face. "No, you're being weird."

"You know, you said that to me when you were a kid." Asuma snorted with mock offence, taking a leisurely drag on his cigarette. "You're supposed to see me as a cool adult now, guess I better work on that."

"Right. 'Good luck'."

"Smartass."

"I still don't get your point."

"My _point_ is that Team 10 is a solid unit," Asuma said. "Out of all the teams, to this day, it's got the best cohesion. No conflict. No competition. No teenage love triangles. It's strong."

Then just as unpredictably as clouds, Asuma's mood turned.

His expression shifted completely and it was like thunder stole across his face, darkening his brandy eyes and dropping his brow into a deep furrow. Even his cigarette slid – almost abandoned – to the corner of his mouth, dangling as he frowned.

"You work well together," he murmured.

Shikamaru raised a brow, watching his sensei out the corner of his eye, trying to gauge why Asuma looked troubled rather than happy about that assessment.

"Yeah?" Shikamaru pressed warily. "Shouldn't you be happy about that?"

Asuma smiled without humour, his cigarette bobbing with the bleak curl of his lip.

"You see, now that's where my good luck with you three is a blessing and a curse."

Shikamaru cocked his head. "How's it a bad thing? You said it yourself, we don't give you crap as a team."

"Yeah, you give me crap as individuals instead," Asuma grunted, holding his hands apart to demonstrate. "And then…" He smacked his fingertips together, bouncing them lightly. "You all come together and corroborate each other's crap in a big, cohesive team effort."

Shikamaru frowned, his eyes flashing. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"It means I know you," The Jōnin said sharply. "All three of you." He plucked his cigarette from his lips, but snubbed it out in a slow, calm grind. "Especially you, Shikamaru," he added quietly.

Shikamaru's eyes widened.

A pang of panic hit him hard in the chest.

It was nothing compared to the guilt, which hit him harder in the same place.

He stared at the end of his sensei's cigarette, crushed out against the damp ground. Asuma took his time drawing in some clean air for a moment, letting a pregnant pause settle as he sat up and lit another cigarette, taking a slow, savoury drag before exhaling a thin stream skyward.

When he spoke again, it was beneath his breath, in a rumble that Shikamaru had to strain to hear. "And I know that Chōji and Ino will pretty much go against anything, even me, to protect you."

"It's not like that." Shikamaru shook his head, casting off his wide-eyed stare, scrambling for a way to mend the situation. "They weren't going against you. They wouldn't have don—"

"Hey, settle down. It's alright," Asuma murmured gently. "As troublesome as it makes things for me, I'm glad they held out against my interrogation. It says something."

"Yeah, but you're not saying _anything_," Shikamaru pointed out, unease colouring his face and voice. "Why?"

Asuma bobbed his cigarette quietly.

He didn't even turn his head.

_Shit…say something…_

"Why aren't you saying anything?" Shikamaru pressed, forcing his voice to stay steady.

He watched his sensei like a hawk, trying to read between the lines of the Jōnin's sternly set expression, struggling with a forgotten sense of anxiety and desperation he hadn't experienced with Asuma since he was a Genin.

Shikamaru swallowed, his eyes widening.

It was the same sensation he'd had any time he'd walked away from something too painful or troublesome to face, all the while knowing that Asuma was following at a distance, watching over him.

"Why the hell aren't you grilling me?_"_

_Why aren't you following me? _

It was a stupid and childish thought, but that stupid, childish thought was louder than his logic; like that part of him needed to be assured that he wasn't completely alone, even if that's all he'd wanted to be since the second he'd got back.

Because even though he'd been avoiding Asuma, he'd still known that his sensei was chasing him around like a damned shadow.

But now?

Asuma kept his gaze set ahead, cigarette steadily smoking between his lips.

He said nothing, offered nothing.

Shikamaru's throat tightened, fear crawling cold across his chest. "Why don't you just make this easier and ask me, dammit!"

Asuma glanced across at the angry outburst, his brooding look eclipsed by something a tad sadder before he turned his troubled gaze back out towards the village.

"Yeah, I wish that would make it easier," Asuma sighed, the gravel in his voice thick with tobacco and tension. "But the last time you concerned me this badly, I never got an answer."

Shikamaru's anger died in an instant.

He stared for a long, tortured second, his eyes growing wider.

Asuma shook his head. "Before you left for Hanegakure, I said I'd never had to wonder what was going on with you before. You know that's a lie as much as I do."

Shikamaru wished he _hadn't_ known. There was a hell of a lot to be said for ignorance being bliss. But ignorance was something he'd never had the luxury of experiencing when he needed it the most.

Right now was no exception.

"You know the last time you did this, I couldn't track you down...and to this day, it still gets me." Asuma raised a hand, extending two bronze fingers. "Two weeks. For two weeks you were a different kid. No one suspected. But even on missions I knew it in my gut…and in the way you played Shogi. Like a stranger. You just weren't there."

Shikamaru's face was little more than a silhouette in the darkness. Only the flare of Asuma's cigarette caught the hurt, pinched angles of his expression as he struggled not to react to the words.

"You vanished. And then…" Asuma snapped his fingers. "Just like _that_ you were back again. You lazed on in like you'd never been gone." Asuma smiled sadly. "But I knew you had. And that's been the toughest test I've ever had as your sensei."

Nothing could have prepared Shikamaru for that.

He held himself rigid, braced against the buffeting memory of a time he'd beaten back and sworn off remembering. He had no response, afraid that if he responded at all it would be to bolt and run the hell away rather than reply.

_Fuck, please don't make me reply to that…_

Immediately, his mind threatened to spin into a wild orbit, ready for a desperate attempt to find an exit, but the steady glance Asuma cast him was calm and undemanding.

"So," Asuma took another lengthy drag on his cigarette, letting the smoke stream from his nose as his lips twitched weakly. "You better not be planning on doing that again. Because I don't think I can quit smoking for two weeks without some serious damage to my nervous system."

The humour blindsided Shikamaru.

It took a moment for him to absorb it.

When the words sank in, he realised they'd been couched in the easy but steady tone Asuma always took with him when treading volatile territory, offering an exit through humour while at the same time offering a safe haven if Shikamaru chose to stand his ground and actually confront the situation.

_Not run away like I always do…_

The thought left him torn and tired and unable to hide it.

He looked away, taking a moment to shove down the memory Asuma had pulled up. He'd sworn never to wrap himself in shadow that way again. But Asuma hadn't seen that wound when it was raw and ugly inside him.

Shikamaru had stitched it up within two weeks.

Two weeks worth of complete distraction and absolute denial, using the strictest of mental and emotional stitches that had the damage scabbed over by the time Asuma caught flashes of the scar.

And by then, it was easy to pretend it had never happened.

It was so deeply buried nothing could reach it.

Except Neji; who'd torn into it as if it had never really healed.

_Like it matters…_

He had a different wound now, but this one was open and hurting and there was no way in hell he could stitch it up now. He knew it. Asuma knew it. Shikamaru's eyes began to widen at the realisation that this was the end of the road.

There was nowhere left to run.

The air began to swell painfully in his lungs and clog hard in his throat.

He told himself it was Asuma's cigarette smoke and determinedly fixed his eyes on the evanescent stream, watching it waft on the night air…spiralling off onto a crisp wind of escape…

"I can't…" Shikamaru husked suddenly; the words tight and hard in his throat.

Asuma blinked very slowly, gazing out at the village. "Try."

Shikamaru worked his jaw, going rigid against the tree as if something had caught up with him and cornered him. "I can't…"

"It's alright. Just say it."

"I don't know how…"

"You keep moving your mouth and you don't stop."

"I need it to stop. Just long enough so I can get a grip…"

Asuma offered no reply and Shikamaru might have sensed those bronze eyes fixed on him, only his own eyes felt like acid was filling them.

Words crowded his throat, strangling his ability to breathe until they spilled out in a husky rush. "Everyone looks at me like I know what the hell I'm doing…they always do...they expect I'm all those steps ahead...at the start I think I am…but I…I can't always figure it out...and then sometimes I don't _want_ to…is that why I didn't fix it? Or maybe I was never supposed to."

"What were you trying to fix?"

_What I never found…but broke anyway…_

He shook his head with a bitter snort. "What the hell does it matter now?"

"It matters…"

Shikamaru swallowed, blinking hard before slashing his hand through the smoke.

"Your smoke is stinging my eyes…" he growled out in a rough, ragged voice.

Asuma frowned, reaching out to lay a hand hesitantly on Shikamaru's nape.

Shikamaru snarled and reached back with both hands to knock off the touch, lacing his fingers behind his neck in a grip as hard as gridiron, squeezing mercilessly.

_Stop…god I just need it to stop…I'm losing my grip…_

"Shikamaru, talk to me."

Shikamaru thudded his forehead to his knees, twisting his brow from side to side as he shook his head, ignoring the angry flare in his rib at the hunched over position.

"Shikamaru..."

The rugged concern in Asuma's voice hit him in the same place it had all the times he'd been a frightened kid. He couldn't even bolt, because he could feel his mental circuits overloading, threatening to blow as he clamped his skull between his arms again, much as he had back in the pen with the bird.

"I can't fix it…" he gritted the words out, not expecting his sensei to catch them.

He heard Asuma shift, the scrape of sandals on bark.

Then the Jōnin's hand settled on his shoulder firmly. "Fix what?"

"What I screwed up…"

"What did you screw up?"

Shikamaru's knuckles cracked, the skin turning bone-white as his fingers laced tighter at his nape. "Everything…"

"Not possible."

"How the hell would you know?" Shikamaru growled, teeth bared as he shrugged off the hand at his shoulder and shoved to his feet so fast he staggered.

His ribs cramped with pain and he hissed.

Asuma watched him from beneath the heavy "v" of his brows.

Shikamaru turned his back, taking a pace away as he carved the fingers of one hand against his scalp until they hit his hair tie. "You weren't _there_…and you're _not_ there when I start turning people into playing pieces…"

"That's not what you do, Shikamaru. That's not who you are."

"Isn't it!" Shikamaru snapped, wheeling around, a tide of words rising up inside him like black water. "What if that's _exactly _what I do, sensei? What if that's _exactly_ who I am? And you know what's worse? It comes _natural_ to me. What the hell does that say?"

"It doesn't say anything. It's what you do with it that matters."

Shikamaru gave a caustic snort. "Yeah, what you _do_, not what you intend, right?"

"Wrong," Asuma shot back. "Intention _always_ matters."

"Why?"

"Because it's why we even _do_ it in the first place, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru's eyes brightened like a drowning man finding a lifeline before they dimmed and he choked on a shaky laugh, his long fingers snapping into fists. "Yeah? Well maybe I don't need intentions, just direct orders."

Asuma's brow tightened. "You're not ANBU. Remember that."

"Yeah, ANBU don't get the standing ovation I do for screwing people over. But then I do it from the shadows so what's the difference?"

Asuma cocked his head back as if physically struck by those words. "Where the hell is this coming from, Shikamaru?"

"I'm a strategist…a manipulator…" Shikamaru spat the words between sharp snaps of his teeth, clenching his jaw. "That's what I am."

"That's what you do, but that's not who you are."

"What the hell determines that!" the shadow-nin snarled. "You?"

"This moment," Asuma said firmly. "The fact that it's bothering you this much and that it probably always will." His voice softened. "I wish I could say I'm sorry for that, but it's good that it bothers you."

"Good?" A sour scowl twisted Shikamaru's expression, but his throat tensed visibly, the bruised chords straining. "What happened to 'keeping my head clear' like you said I needed to?"

"That's true. But we're not talking about your head, are we?" Asuma returned quietly.

Shikamaru flinched, his own words coming back to haunt him.

"_Troublesome Hyūga, quit making this about your head…"_

His expression tore from a scowl into something stricken.

He stared unseeingly at his sensei for a moment.

_Fuck…what the hell am I now? A hypocrite too?_

Asuma calmly planted his feet, making to rise until Shikamaru backed away like a kid about to take a thrashing. The Jōnin paused and perched at the end of his seat instead, keeping distance.

"Shikamaru…what you do in your head and what you feel about it might not always add up, it's just one of the burdens of being a shinobi. That is why our intentions _always_ matter."

"What if I can't do it…?" Shikamaru said, his lips thinning into a tight line as pale and tense as the rest of his face. "What if I can't carry that burden?"

"You can. But you're forgetting to share the load."

_I can't..._

Shikamaru squeezed his eyes shut then snapped them open. "Easier said. It's too much to account for, too much could go wrong."

"You see..." Asuma sighed. "_This_ is what I mean about the individual crap. Trust the people around you to support you."

"Trust? You don't _get_ it, Asuma…"

"You're right," Asuma cut back. "I don't. But you're _going_ to explain it to me. And I don't care how stupid simple you need to make it because I'm _not_ letting you sink into another two week vanishing act that I'll be forced to drag you back from."

"So _don't_," Shikamaru snapped, but his eyes flickered with hurt. "That's not your role, Asuma, you're not my—"

"No, I'm _not_ your father," Asuma said, pinning him with a look. "I don't have his patience and I don't have his responsibilities and I'm not complaining for a second. I'm as enthusiastic about getting involved with personal trouble as you are. But in Team 10's case, I'll always make an exception. When the hell did you forget that?"

For just a second, Shikamaru's face grew slack, panicked. "It's not that simple."

"Yeah, it is."

"It's _not_. It's not about anyone _else_."

Asuma frowned, smoke misting from his lips. "Whoever wrapped their hands around your throat must have done a number on your brain for you to forget the people around you," he growled. "Your friends will always deliver, Shikamaru. They will always come through!"

"But what if _I_ can't!" Shikamaru shouted, slashing his arm out and backing away. "They put their lives in my hands while I put them in positions that might get them killed! They trust me to get it right, but what if I can't!"

"Then you can't. We don't always succeed. You learned that on your first Chūnin mission." He gentled his voice as Shikamaru's eyes pinched. "I know how hard that hit you. I know you hate having to learn from mistakes that might cost others their lives. But you've never tried to divorce your head from your heart. _Why_ are you trying to do that now?"

Shikamaru glared, his jaw juddering as he fought to snap it shut, his teeth set on edge against the urge to roar. "Because it's different this time…"

Seeing his struggle, the tension around Asuma's eyes softened. "How's it different? The conflict you feel is the moral compass you need as a shinobi. You're smart enough to know that. You've always known that."

_Then why did it screw me up so fucking badly? Why did I let it?_

Shikamaru took a step back, shaking his head. He could feel that tide swelling inside him…tremulous and unpredictable…polluted with panic…shaking with an unbridled anger and wild confusion…

_Why the hell did I let that happen between us…?_

"Shikamaru…" Asuma pressed, his gaze deep and searching. "Tell me why it's different."

_Why did I need it to? _

"Shikamaru."

_Why can't I make it STOP?_

The thunder of Asuma's voice exploded. "SHIKAMARU!"

"Because it _MESSED ME UP!_" Shikamaru roared, his words erupting in a hoarse shake, flooding over his brain's attempt to hold them back. "Maybe _he_ had it right and _I_ had it wrong all along! Emotions _screw_ with your head! And then your _head_ screws with _you _and it doesn't take a genius to know that _everything_ else is screwed after that! And you can't _afford_ to screw up when you do what I do!"

Silence dropped like a wall.

The blast of Shikamaru's words ricocheted off it and hung suspended and heavy.

Asuma didn't move.

Neither did Shikamaru.

Only the smoke moved, drifting towards the leaves that danced silver and black in the moonlight.

Shikamaru stared, his bistre orbs wild and dark with the force of his outburst.

Then his brain froze in panic and he didn't recall a word of it.

Not a word.

That is until Asuma very slowly plucked his cigarette from his lips, levelled Shikamaru with a grave, unnerving stare – and spoke one word that had the shadow-nin wishing he'd never said a thing.

"He?"

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **A cliffy, says you? A shameless cliffy, says I! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Forgive any typos, I'm knackered and need another serotonin hit. ^_^ More Shikamaru and Neji interaction coming up. So onwards to 48 and the finish line of 50!

**A/N (2): **Just to reiterate that I will tackle Shikamaru's past in another fic. Its mention was necessary in this gritty conversation between him and Asuma. Feel free to slap the plot rabbit.

**REVIEWERS: **_Thank You _in abundance, dears, for the awesome feedback on the last chapter. My appreciation for each of you comes in HUGE proportions once again. It's such a joy to hear from you. ^_^ Thank you for always making my day.

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**Miin – **Hiya Miin! Thanks so much for your latest review, Luv and for the encouragement you never fail to give me. ^_^ Appreciated!**  
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**Ayachan** – Hello, lovely! Thanks for your review, I always appreciate it so much. Ah yes, I hope you enjoy that upcoming Ino and Shikamaru joint story (might be a multi-chap considering the way it's panned out to accommodate the different characters and their interactions) ^_^  
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	48. Chapter 48

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Forty Eight**

[Dedicated to Ayachan]

"He?"

Funny, how one stupid pronoun could hit with the same bone-jarring force as the shinobi it pertained to. And just as violently as he'd been floored by Neji in the forest, suddenly Shikamaru felt like he'd lost his footing completely.

He fell back a step.

Instinctively, his gaze dropped to the ground. He stared at the grass, at the inverted trail his feet had made in the moonlit dew. The flattened blades plastered to the earth, crushed underfoot.

"Shikamaru…"

"Don't ask me that…" he rasped, squeezing the words around the hot ball lodged in his throat. "Don't."

A weighted pause pulled heavy on the air, in no way lightened by the fact that he could sense Asuma's eyes fixed on him, searching his expression. Shikamaru inched back a pace. God, what the hell had malfunctioned in his head? He'd just plunged into the deep end. _Head_ first.

"Why?" Asuma pressed gently, cautiously, like a medic prodding around an open wound.

"Not that."

"Shikamaru…"

"Not that…" the shadow-nin echoed, his stare about as vacuous as his reply.

He couldn't shake the panic locked around his brain. But maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. If he was on a mental ledge, at least the panic had a grip on him; a big, fat mental fist of self-preservation.

He didn't hear Asuma move.

He didn't even register the Jōnin had begun to close distance until the quiet rumble of his voice reached across first. "Just give me a name."

Shikamaru shook his head, his brows pulling together in a tight knit.

Asuma stopped a few paces away, cigarette held between thumb and forefinger, chin tucked down, watching from beneath the hood of a heavy frown. A deep concern etched itself into the corner of his eyes.

"Then tell me why you can't, Shikamaru."

The shadow-nin pressed his lips together and said nothing, but the truth was gnawing through him, in the grind of his jaw and the sheen in his eyes. These weren't reactions he'd have allowed to come through with his logic. But his logic was currently about as useful as his ability to turn tail and run.

There was nowhere left to go.

His eyes widened, his spine straightening as if he'd been shoved up against a wall.

The truth was like a blade, slitting the locked tendons in his throat.

"Shikamaru…"

"It's the one thing…" The words bled out of him before he could stop them.

Asuma cocked his head. "What?"

"The one thing I don't have to figure out…" Shikamaru swallowed tightly, but the words seeped out all the same. "Don't ask me to figure it out."

"You're not making sense."

"What if that's why I needed it? Because it _didn't_ make sense…"

"What didn't make sense…?" Asuma asked, cigarette forgotten, crushed beneath his foot as he stepped forward again. "Tell me what 'it' is."

It. Neji. What had happened between them. All of _it_. There was still no defining what it was. No lines. No categories. No explanation. It was indistinct. It defied logic, containment and definition.

_And that's why…_

"I wanted it…" Shikamaru said, the wide spheres of his eyes beginning to tighten at the corners. "I wanted it…separate…"

Because he could turn what had happened between him and Neji around in his mind as much as he wanted, but the pieces weren't in his head. They were somewhere in the vicinity of his chest and his gut, scattered apart, pulled roughly from a board that was never a game…just familiar territory he'd never been without until Neji had knocked him off it. He'd been turned upside down, pulled inside out and ripped every which way by this need between them.

He couldn't fix what Neji had done to him and he couldn't work it out.

_And I don't want to._

The thought didn't come from his brain.

It wasn't a thought. It wasn't even an excuse or an evasion. It was an impulse.

It was the truth.

A deeply buried truth he didn't know he harboured. A need he didn't know he had. And with his brain shut down, the impulse fired up along circuits that Neji had coursed through like static and fire and blood. It wasn't in his head and he didn't want to bring it there.

_I don't want to fix it. _

The truth shot up from Shikamaru's gut and cracked into his heart like a fist.

_I don't ever want to understand._

He flinched from the blow of his own need and a hoarse breath snagged in his throat.

"I needed it because I couldn't work it out…because I needed _not _to…"

"Work what out?"

"What I let happen…" Shikamaru muttered without thinking, his glazed eyes straying across the grass in a numb scan.

"Let happen…?" Asuma trailed off slowly, his eyes brightening with a dawning comprehension not yet confirmed. He hedged his next words carefully. "With him…?"

Shikamaru snapped back to himself and clamped his lashes shut with a growl. "Stop asking me…"

He didn't see his sensei's eyes widen, the dark motes in the bronze irises flashing with shock and surprise before softening. "Shikamaru."

Shikamaru's ponytail slashed the air in a sharp shake, fingers snapping into fists.

"Don't ask me," he ground out; and like dust on the air, his voice barely carried.

He had no idea whether or not Asuma had fully heard what was unspoken in the spaces between his broken words. He just hoped to hell that it was enough.

_God, let it be enough…I can't give anything more than that…_

He felt himself teetering, his mental ledge a small drop in comparison to the precarious edge he felt other parts of himself teetering on as the quiet pushed in around him.

A solid, suffocating, silence…

The soft click of Asuma's lighter broke the spell.

Shikamaru heard the quiet inhale and the drawn out breath that followed. Tobacco swirled like incense, rich and strong, comforting and familiar as it spiralled - but no words were wrapped in its smoke.

His sensei's silence was agony.

And for all the pain he'd taken up until now, this was about as much as he could take; or couldn't take anymore.

_I can't…_

Then Asuma's hand touched his head.

And the second it did, it collapsed the agony inside him. It collapsed it so suddenly and unexpectedly that Shikamaru shuddered as the weight of the impossible, pent-up pressure came crashing down.

The weight of everything he'd been holding in.

It flooded out between all the breaks, washed over his face in a ripple of pain and scalded thin trails along the ridge of his cheekbones as his head bowed under a pressure heavier than Asuma's gentle grip.

In just moments, _days_ worth of tension released its suffocating hold on him.

His breath broke low and ragged in his throat.

Asuma said nothing, just kept his hand steady.

Eventually, the shuddering beneath his palm settled into a tense tremble. It was only then that he flexed his fingers atop Shikamaru's head, pressing the weight of his next words into his gentle grip.

"I hear you, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru's eyes snapped open.

He stared blankly and for a fleeting second, he went completely still.

Then he made to shake his head and bolt.

He didn't get the chance.

Asuma's fingers tightened, holding him in place, impressing on his skull those three words he was trying to escape.

"Shikamaru…listen to me…"

"Let go, sensei."

"_Listen_ to me."

The shadow-nin stilled, knuckles chalk-white as his fists tightened.

When Asuma spoke again, his voice dropped deeper, his words strengthened by the gentle rock of his wrist that swayed Shikamaru on the spot.

"I hear you."

The _same_ three words delivered in _exactly_ the same tone Asuma had used three years ago during their fifteenth Shogi game. That day, those words had affected Shikamaru deeply enough to end the game and walk away rather than accept that someone had actually acknowledged him. Acknowledged those things he'd never said but needed to have heard.

That was the day that Asuma had understood him for who he was and had accepted him for what he wasn't.

He didn't expect that understanding or acceptance now.

But just like the first time, Asuma offered it unconditionally.

_I hear you._

Shikamaru's eyes screwed shut, then flickered open.

Slowly, his fists unfurled, colour rushing back to his white knuckles while the tense lock at his shoulders dropped away. He blinked back the sheen filming his eyes, his vision clearing as his breathing evened out.

Little by little, the ground inched back beneath his feet.

Asuma hummed in query.

Shikamaru drew a slow breath through his nose and nodded under the steady weight of his sensei's hand. It seemed that one slip and a landslide later, nothing more needed to be said. The fractional dip of his head and the light press of Asuma's hand said everything.

It was enough.

The grip of his sensei's hand dropped to his shoulder, squeezing once.

Shikamaru didn't shrug it off.

_I hear you._

Funny, how those words from Asuma would always be enough.

* * *

Dawn swept like sand across Konoha's sky, its grainy light dusting the clouds in desert hues and falling in beams of powdered gold.

Neji watched the transformation from beneath his lashes and cocked his head back against the tree he'd perched in. He hadn't intended to remain here, but the second he'd seen Gai and Lee handstand-walking their way through an ungodly hour of training, he'd taken to the trees to keep out of sight and out of mind.

Then the sky had begun to turn.

This day, Neji had allowed himself the time to greet the morning rather than focus on rising before it. Leaning back, he tracked the gentle play of colour and light as daybreak stole the last of the stars. It was only after the final diamond vanished that he found himself watching the clouds.

_What is it about them?_

He frowned, trying to decipher some design that Shikamaru must have found in the wisps and folds of vapour. But the clouds defied fixed interpretation and try as he might, Neji couldn't find anything logical in the arrangement.

_Is that why you are drawn to them…?_

His eyes traced the fractured gold that laced a feathery wisp. Like a bird's wing. And that wing of cloud would sail on and change form; it would break apart and the wind would breathe it into something different.

_Is that what has happened to me?_

Everything _had_ blown apart, after all. His image of his clan, his image of himself, his sense of control over his destiny…all of it lay before him in irreparable fragments.

_Where do I go from here?_

Neji blinked slowly, straightening up against the tree, shoulders canted back against the sturdy trunk. A knot in the bark dug into his shoulder blade, forcing him to angle for a better position. Shifting, he felt the knot graze along his back.

A memory flashed forward.

Teeth scraping along the sensitive vertebrae of his spine…

The gentle play of Shikamaru's breath across the scars there…

Neji pulled away from the tree, vaulting neatly over the bough to touch down into a smooth walk, the grass streaking dew across his sandals as he wove a path through the soft swish of foliage. The thin blades dragged across the clean white of his robes, a damp, welcome rustle as he followed the path that Shikamaru had led him down when he'd been drunk.

_Gods, never again…_

A faint smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, gone in a whisper as his breath misted away. While his memory of that night was foggy at best, flashes of clarity broke through the haze; one memory more shocking to him than it had probably been to Shikamaru at the time.

The sound of laughter.

His own laughter…

Completely unexpected and uninhibited; an unpractised sound he seldom let slip or even knew he had inside him. But it had rolled out of him that night in deep waves and rich flurries, natural as the tide.

Neji shook his head to dislodge the fractured memory. He slotted it away with the countless others he kept somewhere a little less distinct than the back of his mind. The memories didn't seem to belong there. So instead, he pushed them down somewhere deep in his chest.

It made sense to keep them there, blocking up the sadness.

Strange, it wasn't so different to what he'd done with the chakra blocks.

It seemed to be a pattern he kept repeating, although this was less self-destructive by a long shot. All the same, those knifing stabs of pain were now replaced by an ache he couldn't will away.

_I let you in…and now I cannot get you out…_

Neji blinked slowly, his pace lulling to a slow as he neared the borders of the Nara forest. It was on the outskirts that he stopped, planting his feet even as the breeze whipped at his back, pulling his hair over his shoulder and tugging playfully at his robes like some childish temptation trying to draw him into forbidden territory.

Another weak smile tugged mirthlessly at his lips.

_Haven't I had enough sorrow to last me a lifetime…?_

And yet a lifetime without having known the sorrow he held now would have been a lifetime half-lived in many ways. What had happened between him and Shikamaru had happened too intensely, too intimately, too irrationally and impossibly.

And it had broken him in the end.

_I knew it would…_

He'd known the moment he'd given over that control.

But he'd done it, against sense and self-preservation.

And now he was left with pieces of himself and no understanding of how to put himself back together. Or at least back into a form that made sense. The pieces didn't fit. Maybe he'd never been whole to begin with. In the chaos of what had happened with Shikamaru he'd been lost and found, damned and saved, imprisoned and freed all at the same time.

Neji drew his head back, gazing deep into the mists that cloaked the forest's borders.

Yes, he was in pieces.

But for the first time in God knew how long, he felt as though he could breathe again.

His control had shattered, but so had the cage he'd constructed in his chest. Perhaps it had been natural to protect himself that way. Kami, he'd lived in cages all his life, the fact that he'd created another one in an attempt to defend himself long enough to free himself should have come as no surprise.

Ironic, how he'd been imprisoned by his need for freedom.

He hadn't expected Shikamaru to see that cage, much less slip between the bars and break it from the inside.

_Did I need him to? Gods, what does that make me if not weak?_

The answer came in a heartbeat.

A heartbeat - and a flash of sharp eyes and a lazy smile.

_Human._

* * *

The canvas had held.

The oilskin tenting remained taut and secure over the bird's hut. It had taken a beating in the storm but fortunately the pegs Shikamaru had hammered it down with hadn't dislodged.

"Ugh…now…would be…the time…" the shadow-nin growled between tugs, pulling on the wet stakes, trying to undo his efforts without suffering splinters in the process.

Ripping the last peg free, he tugged aside the canvas with a crackle and rustle, trying to keep the noise to a minimum. The last thing he needed right now was to have his face clawed off by a disgruntled bird.

_Shit…let it be off the ground…_

Sliding back the bolt, he nudged the door open slowly, scowling at the loud creak of the wood. The returning squawk alerted him to movement across the pen, drawing his eye to one of the driftwood logs he'd dragged in.

From the safety of its wooden perch, the bird eyed him warily.

_Almost off the ground._

Shikamaru cocked his hip against the doorframe, watching the animal for a moment as if trying to gauge its intentions solely by the way those golden eyes observed him, keen and clear in their sharp stare.

The stalemate lasted no more than a few moments before Shikamaru made a move.

The shadow-nin swayed forward in a feint.

The bird cocked its head but made no agitated effort in response. If anything, the falcon seemed to adjust itself more comfortably on its perch. Shikamaru didn't wait for another signal. He took the opportunity to ease into the pen and go about checking the food, shrugging his shoulder bag to the crook of his arm.

"Troublesome bird." He crouched down beside the water tray, his eyes straying to the minced food he'd laid out before. "But better than nothing."

Half of the contents had been consumed, but the medicinal pellets he'd slipped into the pulp had been expertly pecked out and cast aside. Shikamaru breathed a sigh through his nose, a reluctant smirk twitching at his lips.

As troublesome as the bird was, it sure as hell wasn't stupid.

Shikamaru flicked a glance up at the falcon. "You're still a pain in the ass."

The bird ceased its preening and cocked its head back towards him, squawking in what could have been offence before it hobbled along its perch and teetered on the edge of the log, body bowed forward in preparation for flight.

_Shit._

Shikamaru tensed, ready to spring.

The bird see-sawed on the edge for a moment, then simply hopped down to ground level and nestled in the hay at the base of the log, turning small rotations to structure some semblance of a nest.

Shikamaru relaxed and watched it quietly for a moment, debating whether or not naming the troublesome animal was too much hassle. The last thing he wanted was to be in any way attached to this bird outside of getting it better and getting it gone.

_Yeah, doesn't that sound familiar…?_

Shaking his head against the thought, he went about laying out fresh food and water, focusing on the task to keep his mind from veering into that dangerous zone. True to clockwork, he'd been up at 4 AM and had spent the past couple of hours checking up on the deer.

The females had been oddly tactile, nipping at his hair and butting him playfully until a boisterous nudge from one doe had hit him in the ribs.

Rikumaru had ushered his harem away with a bellow.

Then the stag had walked Shikamaru to the bird pen; an oddly protective move.

The shadow-nin didn't claim to understand the workings of the herd's minds as well as his father, but the distinct personalities amongst the animals eased that sense of isolation he'd wrapped around himself.

They didn't ask questions and they demanded nothing of him.

_Not an excuse to stay holed up_.

Not that he intended to.

Even if he'd wanted to, it wasn't an option.

Life didn't put itself on hold for anyone; it trudged on regardless of the precious time it stepped on and the treasured moments it stole away with.

The pace had already begun to pick up and would only gain speed.

Shikamaru sighed, casting the bird a final glance as he scanned the pen and quit the scene, sliding the bolt into place before picking his path back through the forest.

_Time to get back on track…_

Other than whatever mischief Ino had in the works, he still had to hold up his end of the bargain he'd made with Tsunade; that classified booklet sure as hell wasn't going to predict itself into a pre-emptive game plan. Add to that the whole Nijū Shōtai business and Kotetsu's troublesome questions regarding his involvement.

_Such a damn drag…_

Which was probably a good sign; it meant normalcy was beginning to creep back in like light chasing back the shadows. While Shikamaru knew how to handle the shadows he withdrew to, he'd welcome a return to normality with the same lazy lack of enthusiasm he showed most things that breezed in and out of his life.

Most things…but not all things…

* * *

"Again!"

The deep echo of Neji's voice boomed off the walls of the courtyard, throwing the command around the chakra-charged yard.

The sound of an earth-cracking impact followed.

Dust exploded in a halo, showering grit as Neji hopped out of range, a half-smile barely lacing his lips. His Byakugan eyes scanned the kunoichi crouched in the centre of the courtyard, her palm smacked flat to the ground, deep cracks breaking up the stone from the force of her hit.

Neji nodded sharply. "Again."

Hinata snapped her head up, swishing the length of her blue-black mane as she fisted her shaking fingers and charged him. Neji slid a foot back, angling sideways as he watched her spring high, tucking her fist towards her ribs.

He watched a pulse of flaring blue glove the small ball of her hand.

_Hold it…hold it…_

Neji waited until she opened her mouth to roar.

Seconds before impact he reacted, throwing his weight back into a one-handed cartwheel and shoving hard to flip sideways instead of back. This time he stayed close enough to observe the exact point of contact when her fist struck the ground.

His feet touched down the moment her palm did.

Hinata clocked his proximity and her eyes flared wide.

He saw her hesitation and the cost was a wobble and backfire of her strike.

The chakra popped shallowly like a bubble around her fist, its strength weakened as her focus wavered. She lost her balance and would have toppled if Neji hadn't smacked his hand out, gripping her shoulder to steady her.

"You hesitate, so it doesn't hold." He frowned. "Why do you hesitate?"

Hinata dragged the back of her wrist across her forehead, panting through the pain she must have been in, betrayed by the tremble at her fingers. "I…"

"Do not hesitate." Neji released her and straightened away. "Your enemy never will."

"But you were…you stood too close…" she said, pushing to her feet, eyes settling on the shallow dip in the ground.

Neji arched a brow, a single stride putting him a pace behind her. "Turn around."

Hinata turned, somewhat hesitantly, only to find that Neji was already behind her again.

"Face me, Hinata-sama."

Hinata whirled, but Neji was a blur on her periphery. He was at her back again in an instant, his deep tones gaining an edge that was deliberately condescending.

"You are going to lose if you cannot face me."

Hinata's fingers twitched but didn't clench.

She whipped about again in the opposite direction, only to find that Neji had pre-empted her move and was already behind her, shoving forward before she could kick back. She staggered and twisted sharply, catching the whip of his hair as he darted around her.

In a spiral of movement they spun like dancers.

Neji kept fixed to her shadow as she struggled to face him and force him to confront her. He didn't. He literally ran a circle around her, turning in sidesteps and shifts so fluid and subtle it was infuriating to watch it all unfold through her narrowed Byakugan eyes.

"You fail because you hesitate," he murmured.

Hinata snapped around, her hair lashing the space he'd been standing in seconds before his voice hit the back of her head. "Come at me with intent to harm me, Hinata-sama."

"I won't," she whispered, leaping back to gain distance only to hit his chest and stumble forward again. "I don't want to harm you."

"Just as you never wish to harm your sister. This is why you continue to lose to her."

Hinata closed her eyes, a pang of hurt pulling her delicate features into a wince before she pivoted with a hiss, the side of her palm lashing out to scythe through the ends of Neji's hair as he put himself back in her shadow.

"You have the strength, but where is your will?"

"I don't want the will to hurt people!" Hinata cried, spinning again.

"Then have the will to protect them," Neji bit back, shoving her hard between the shoulder blades. "Like Naruto."

The words had the intended affect.

Hinata caught herself from stumbling, snapping her shoulders taut as she spun a neat revolution that kicked up dust, her leg sweeping low. Neji flipped back onto his hands then snapped back onto his feet, rocking forward in the same see-saw motion to cage her fist in his palm.

He raised his gaze with a slim twist at his lips.

"Good."

Hinata drew her other fist back, the chakra already flooding to her knuckles as she swung a solid punch towards his jaw, not forgetting to move her feet this time as she prepared to launch, her eyes flashing.

_Very good._

Neji slanted his chin, avoiding the strike and tugging her firmly to knock her balance. Hinata regained it instantly by following the movement and ducking under his arm, careening her chakra-laced fist towards the back of his head as she spun on the balls of her feet.

Neji smiled and ducked, hopping back as she leapt high.

This time when her fist struck the ground, the crash of chakra echoed through the compound. Neji didn't give her time to gape at her handiwork. He stepped into her guard and nudged her back a pace with the flat of his palm, twisting his wrist to curve his fingers in a 'bring it' gesture.

"Again!"

Hinata sucked in a breath and tugged both fists towards her ribs, eyes narrowed as focus eclipsed her earlier hesitation, passing tension across her face in a ripple brightened and coloured by the flare at her hands.

Neji started forward then held his ground.

His head jerked back in surprise.

_What is that?_

For a fleeting moment, it was like something took form in the twin blobs of chakra at Hinata's hands, the deep pulse of vibrant blue deepening into contours that almost looked like cat heads. But then they were gone, drawn into a massive surge of blue-white chakra.

Neji lifted his palm, curving his fingers in a snap. "Good. Hold it. Now, _use_ it."

Hinata charged.

Neji met her half-way, focusing solely on dodging as she wove her fists through the air, pale streams of light trailing after the gloves of chakra encasing her punches.

They moved in a helix, threads of Hinata's chakra crackling around them.

She was panting hard, but her eyes were fierce.

_She has made Naruto her strength…did I make you my weakness, Nara…?_

Neji snatched a breath, pushing their pace.

It was an impressive, awesome display of speed and stamina.

Mid-rotation, Neji caught the blurred figure of Hiashi observing from the sidelines, stoic and still like living granite. Hinata didn't notice, her focus channelled solely into the beginnings of her new jutsu.

"Hyaah!"

Neji snapped his attention back to her hands as one strike brushed precariously close to his jaw, the lick of chakra like a lash of white flame across his skin.

_Good._

He deflected the second hit with the side of his palm and danced back a pace, holding up his hand to end the spar. "Good."

Hinata stopped in a stagger, the jutsu cutting off in a flash and sputter. She wobbled on the spot, her lips pulling into a smile that brightened her eyes like polished quartz. She stared at her trembling hands in amazement.

"I…I _did_ it."

Her legs buckled.

Neji caught her around the waist, supporting her as she dug her heels in. "Yes, you did."

"But it's…it's not complete," Hinata panted, flexing her shaking fingers, her joy instantly overshadowed by her doubt. She curled in on herself a little, frowning.

Neji straightened up sharply, forcing her to do the same.

"You will perfect it," Neji said quietly, flicking his gaze across her shoulder towards Hiashi. "I have no doubt."

The Hyūga Lord raised his chin a notch at the pointed glance, hooding his eyes in an unreadable look. Neji's jaw tightened but he averted his gaze and aided Hinata to the porch, setting her down carefully before taking a broad step back.

"Are you alright?" he asked, brushing his fingertips along his jaw.

Hinata nodded heavily, gripping one of the posts as she leaned into its support, exhausted. A giddy smile fluttered at her lips.

"Thank you, Neji-niisan."

Neji inclined his head to her, then swiftly turned to bow as Hiashi stepped up behind his daughter. Hinata's spine straightened instantly and she went still against the post, breath hitched.

Hiashi wasn't looking at her. "Neji, you have been summoned by the Hokage."

Neji contained his surprise by bowing his head.

_The Hokage?_

That could only mean one of two things.

Hiashi eyed him for a moment longer and he took note of the way his uncle's gaze narrowed as if trying to read him. Then, unexpectedly, Hiashi glanced down at his daughter.

Sensing his gaze, Hinata stared nervously at the ground, her lips pinched into a thin line, fingernails digging in deep against the chipped wood of the post.

Neji glanced between them cautiously, uncertain whether it was disapproval or discomfort crawling behind the ice in Hiashi's eyes.

The tension didn't get a chance to settle.

"You have done well today, Hinata," Hiashi said, his velvet tones stilted and quiet as he shaped the rare words of praise.

Hinata's eyes squeezed shut. "Thank you, father."

Neji kept his head tipped down, watching through his bangs as the smooth marble of Hiashi's brow furrowed. The Hyūga considered his daughter in silence for a long moment, his gaze lingering on her trembling fingers before he turned away.

"You have done very well," he added, then moved on across the porch.

Neji glanced at his cousin and brushed past her gently, deactivating his dōjutsu just as her tears began to fall.

* * *

"Ino, why are you staring at Shikamaru like that?"

"I'm calculating."

Shikamaru, chin set at the edge of his palm, slid his gaze across from the window with a bored droop of his lashes. He set his focus on the scheming blonde currently peering across the table at him, her index finger pressed tightly to her pursed lips, a look of intense concentration on her face.

_This can't be good._

Shikamaru scowled and dropped his hand, turning his head toward her. "What?"

Ino gave an irate huff. "Argh! Shikamaru! Don't _move_!"

Shikamaru stared blankly, then glanced at Chōji.

Chōji shrugged and speared another piece of pork, popping it into his mouth with an appreciative hum. "Don't ask me."

Ino raised her hands, framing the image of Shikamaru's face with her palms before slowly twisting her wrists towards the window. "Turn your head back towards the window. I need to see it."

"See what?"

"Your stupid hair."

Shikamaru ironed his expression into a flat look.

Ino glared back, framing his face again across the table. "Seriously, turn your head."

"Eat your food," Shikamaru shot back, sending a pointed glance at the rapidly disappearing platter as Chōji happily took advantage of his teammate's distraction.

"Turn your head!"

"No."

"Ugh!" Ino twisted in her seat, glancing over the high-backed booth with a strained smile as she chirped sweetly between grit teeth. "Asuma-sensei! _Please_ get Shikamaru to turn his head."

Shikamaru made a face, glancing across as Asuma slid into the booth beside him. "She's harassing me."

Asuma chuckled beneath his breath, the sound shaking loose the tension. "I'm not tag-teaming any of you. I'm just here to pick up the tab."

"Thank you, Asuma-sensei!"Chōji hailed the Jōnin with his chopsticks.

"Well that's tag-teaming Chōji!" Ino accused, stabbing a finger at the Akimichi. "I haven't even put anything in my mouth yet!"

"Do us a favour and go right ahead," Shikamaru muttered, earning himself a dagger glare and an angled kick under the table that missed and hit Asuma instead.

The Jōnin jumped and rubbed his shin with a frown. "And to think I was complimenting your teamwork last night."

Ino folded her arms across her chest with a huff, fluttering the strands of blonde hanging by her face. She shot Shikamaru a withering look. "Well Shikamaru's the one who's _not_ cooperating."

"What the hell do you need to look at my hair for?"

"It's a surprise, _genius_."

"Tch." Shikamaru rolled his eyes and reached for his drink.

Despite the look Ino pinned him with, his lip quirked behind the rim of the glass as he transferred his attention away from her and across the restaurant.

Around them, the atmosphere hummed with the chatter of customers and the shouts of waiters rushing back and forth between booths. The warm air, occasionally buffeted by a cool breeze when the door swung open, was otherwise redolent with the heavy scents of sizzling hotpot and the strong aroma of coffee.

Beneath all this hung the heavy pall of Asuma's cigarette smoke.

The Sarutobi was the only customer allowed to light up, given that he helped keep the place in business with the rate Chōji went through their pork hotpot.

"What's the pig doing here?" Asuma said.

Chōji and Ino froze, both of them pinning their sensei with a look that dared him to clarify just who he was referring to. Asuma blinked innocently, held up a palm to ward off the glares and signalled towards the window.

Shikamaru was already looking through it. "Ugh…"

Staring up at him through the glass was none other than the Hokage's troublesome pig. Tonton cocked her head up and her snout wrinkled in a way that illustrated perfectly the utter displeasure with which she regarded him.

_What do you want?_

He squinted over the rim of his glass, as if he could telepathically skewer her by way of a narrow glare.

"Aww, Tonton." Ino tapped the glass with her fingers and waved.

Shikamaru frowned. "Please tell me you have medic training with Shizune."

Ino shook her head. "Not today."

_Dammit._

The shadow-nin tapped his brow against the window in a resigned thud, heaving a sigh that misted the glass. "Great."

Tonton ducked her head and stamped a hoof, her tubby body wobbling in a vexed ripple. Shikamaru scowled. Asuma smirked around his cigarette, already sliding out the booth so Shikamaru could get past.

"Have fun," the Jōnin teased.

Ino glanced up, frowning. "Hey, can't it at least wait until we're finished up here?"

Shikamaru sighed and gripped the far end of the table, biting back a wince at the stitch in his ribs. He slid across the seat and onto his feet. "And have the pig shit a brick? No thanks."

"You're just scared Ino will pick it up and chuck it at your head," Chōji chuckled, already leaning away when Ino whipped around, smacking his face with her hair.

She jabbed him with her chopsticks.

"It was _compost _for the new flowers!" she snapped, then stilled, an unexpected smile blooming across her face as she slowly clasped her hands to her cheek, batting her lashes up at Asuma coyly. "Oooh, sensei? We have some _really_ pretty flowers just come in! They're _crimson_ too."

Asuma's eyes widened, his smoke puffing out in a guttural cough as he rubbed a thumb along the bridge of his nose, eyebrows arched in embarrassment as he looked everywhere but at the cooing blonde.

Shikamaru smirked. "Have fun," he drawled, turning a lazy step around the Jōnin as Asuma reluctantly sank back into the booth.

Just as reluctantly, Shikamaru navigated a route towards the door, giving himself time to stretch out the cramp at his ribs as he twisted to avoid disastrous collision with the bustling waiters and customers.

Several narrow misses and a creative twist later, he was out the door.

Tonton looked up at him, thoroughly unimpressed at the drawn out sigh he whistled into the crisp air, slotting his hands into his pockets as he stopped at the edge of the sidewalk, arching his back to stretch out a kink.

"What a damn drag…" he groaned.

The pig grunted and charged his feet to turn him in the right direction.

Shikamaru didn't have time to free his hands and defamed Tonton's lineage beneath his breath as the hurtling sow knocked his balance and pitched him sideways in a graceless stagger that had his feet shifting fast to keep him upright.

_Fuck!_

Relying solely on footwork, he swerved his path in an abrupt veer, rounding the corner so fast he didn't see the glint of steel before he crashed into a burst of white. Cold metal struck his brow in a sharp crack that had his jaw snapping shut and his ears ringing from the impact.

_Arrgh…I swear to God…_

Shikamaru scowled, cracking an eye open before his dark orbs flashed wide.

Pale opalescent orbs gazed back at him.

Then a deep murmur caressed his mouth, the cultured tones like a drag of rough silk.

"You're still racing a mile a minute, Shikamaru…"

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **Because head trauma is a beautiful thing. ^_^ Forgive any typos! I'm up at stupid o'clock editing. I'll be sure to scour for mistakes again – just wanted to get this chapter posted – it's slightly more of a tying loose ends instalment, as well as leaving some of them untied in case other offshoot ficlets creep up on me. Method to the madness etc. Onwards to 49 and some ninja boy interaction!

**REVIEWERS: **Thank you, always. Two more chapters to go; hang in there with me and then the bunny is up for slaughter. You guys have been wonderful beyond my means to express it. But I'll keep trying. **Arigatou**. ^_^ Hope you enjoyed this one!

**Reviewers without accounts: **Thank You: **Ang, **

**Miin – **Miin, Luv! Yes indeed, Shikamaru and Ino's joint birthday ficlet will be up and coming as a piece to be included within the Break to Breathe storyline. Thank You for the interest, encouragement, support and love you've been showing this fic throughout the chapters. A pleasure always to hear from you! Thank You!**  
****Ayachan** – Heya poppet! This one goes out to you. Thanks for all the awesome support you've shown BtB. I appreciate it immensely. ^_^  
**plotted against fan** – Hello my dear! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the last two. My thanks also for your kind wishes and lovely support. Much, much, muchly appreciated!  
**Anonally** – THANK YOU, luv! I'm chuffed you enjoyed that interaction. It's always fun to write the teacher/student interaction between Asuma and Shikamaru. I'm glad you enjoyed it. ^_^  
**yamigoddesslj – **Hi there! Thank you so much for your review! I'm so happy to receive your kind feedback and it's a pleasure to know you've been enjoying the fic. Thanks for taking the time out to let me know. ^_^ *devours cookies*  
**Anna Banana** – Hi there! Aw, thank you for taking the time to give me such a wonderful review, dear. I really do appreciate it. I'm so happy to know you've enjoyed it!  
**HappyReader** – What a gem and joy of a review – thanks so much HappyReader, you sure as heck made me one Happy Writer! I appreciate every shared thought and encouraging word. Know that both mean a lot to me as I write this. Thanks for taking the time ^_^ What an honour to get those awesome comments from you. THANK YOU.

_Massive thanks again._


	49. Chapter 49

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Forty Nine**

[Dedicated to 3sa]

He sensed it before it happened.

Like a turn in the air before a storm.

He didn't expect a squeal, grunt and darting pig to follow. Neji halted as Tonton shot around the corner and straight past him, a vague, pink blur on his periphery.

_What on earth?_

The nerves at the base of his neck pricked.

He turned sharply.

Then thunder exploded in a sharp crack against his hitai-ate.

Fortunately, the metal took the impact. But while the collision didn't have Neji seeing stars, the sight of burnt sienna eyes cracking open set off a white-hot nova at the root of his spine. It scorched upwards and hit his eyes in a flash that dimmed but didn't chill.

A weak smirk hooked the corner of his mouth. "You're still racing a mile a minute, Shikamaru…"

Neji heard the shadow-nin's breath catch hard, then felt it fan across his mouth in a shaky chuckle that might have tasted bitter. The sound ruffled him, a sensation of feathers swirling and fluttering in his chest.

"Yeah," Shikamaru swallowed tightly, drawing his head back a fraction. "And you're still handing out concussions."

"Best to be predictable, I suppose."

Shikamaru hesitated at that, his lips tightening.

Their gazes fused into a stare of leashed intensity.

Neither backed off.

To an observer, the faceoff would have appeared predatory, but in the scant space between them there existed no aggression. There was only a skin-prickling tension and heightened sense of awareness. An awareness that fine-tuned Neji's body and mind into an instrument designed to detect and catalogue every subtle shift and signal.

Automatically, he raked his senses over Shikamaru.

This close, it was impossible not to pull in the Nara's scent.

Shikamaru smelt like tobacco and forest, with a hint of mint or menthol that must have been salve. Neji's eyes strayed to the gash on Shikamaru's cheekbone, where the barest sheen of a medicinal ointment highlighted the raw skin. That wasn't it. The scent of menthol came from higher, drawing Neji's gaze to the Nara's temples.

_He's still getting those headaches…_

The head-butt certainly wouldn't help.

Neji had to refrain from raising his hands to bracket the shadow-nin's head. After the damage his hands and touch had done to Shikamaru's body, it would not be welcome. He dropped his chin, glancing down through his lashes at the Nara's throat to spy the covered bruises cresting the rim of the Chūnin's turtleneck.

The chords in Shikamaru's throat tightened.

Neji frowned and dropped his eyes to Shikamaru's chest.

He traced his eyes over the dark cloth, trying to gauge by the Nara's breathing whether he was in pain. The fabric offered no answers, just a mesh of fibres that smelt of smoke.

_Broken, but still breathing…_

"You're alright?" Neji almost demanded, raising his chin without raising his eyes.

"Yeah." Shikamaru stepped back a pace, slotting his hands into his pockets with a faint shrug. "I'm fine."

While anyone else would have detected a total lack of concern in Shikamaru's voice, all Neji detected was a lack of conviction. The temptation to activate his dōjutsu had the skin at his temples tightening.

_What good is looking under your skin, when I still can't get you out from under mine?_

Neji's lips twitched weakly, his stare softening. His expression caused Shikamaru to tense in a barely discernable jolt, like someone catching themselves before a dangerous slip.

Gods, how many dangerous slips had led to this moment?

And how many moments would it take to slip into something dangerous all over again?

_That cannot happen again._

And yet it was happening anyway. He could feel it, eating through him, gnawing around the edges of his calm and centred mask.

The tension between them thickened.

But something began to crack through it, the same thing breaking into both their expressions as their gazes held and their breathing began to deepen.

Then Tonton shot out from the sidelines.

She butted Shikamaru in the leg, knocking him off centre.

"God dammit!" the shadow-nin snarled as he almost crashed into the wall. He took a moment to pull in a breath, steady himself and then scowled down at the pig. "We're gonna have a violent disagreement in a minute."

Neji arched a brow. "I see your charming way with animals is still as natural as a reflex, Nara," Neji commented dryly, his eyes not matching his humour.

"Troublesome pig." Shikamaru's scowl deepened as he watched said pig inch back slowly, dragging her hooves in a distinctly bull-like fashion. "Tsunade-sama should just send a damn Genin or something."

Neji's eyes flared a little in surprise, but he quickly schooled his expression. "You've been summoned?"

Shikamaru kept his eyes averted. "Yeah."

Tonton grunted and stamped out a weird kind of frustrated tap-dance, then trotted off along the sidewalk. Shikamaru watched her with slit-eyed irritation. Neji didn't even deign her with a glance. He kept his gaze on the shadow-nin, his face a blank mask to disguise the treacherous emotion echoing through him in a resounding, bottomless ache.

"Where are you headed?" Shikamaru asked with a bored lack of interest, rolling his steps after the pig, his eyes shuttered and cast down.

Neji didn't answer.

He took a broad step away as Shikamaru strolled past him.

Then he turned to move in the same direction.

* * *

"Hanegakure."

Shikamaru felt his stomach drop as fast as his expression.

"Hanegakure?" He had to lock his knees to keep from falling back a step.

Beside him, Neji offered no reaction.

"That's right," Tsunade confirmed, scrawling her signature across one of the many scrolls spread across her desk, rolls of lengthy paper that spilled over the edges of the broad surface like thick streamers.

Shikamaru stared at her, his lips pursed tightly. Her reply wasn't the answer he was looking for, so he shot a sidelong glance at Neji, hoping for a clue.

Neji closed his eyes.

_Dammit._

Shikamaru frowned, casting a wary glance back at Tsunade. "Why?"

"A Peace Treaty generally requires two signatures, Nara." Tsunade stretched across for the stamp block, her cleavage threatening to spill across the desk like one of her scrolls.

Shikamaru averted his eyes with a frown. "We have pigeon post for this kind of stuff."

"This is a Peace Treaty, Nara," Neji said, the deep calm in his voice matching his serene but closed expression. "Pigeon post is too impersonal."

_Yeah, why change tactic now, considering the whole damned mission got way too personal._

Shikamaru let out a rough breath, cocking a hip in a slouch. He slid his gaze away across the room, watching the sunlight white-wash the village beyond the windows.

God, they'd just got back.

The thought of traipsing back to Hanegakure held about as much appeal as a brain haemorrhage. Add to that the high possibility that if Neji was going as well, a brain haemorrhage might be the least of his worries.

"Don't look so put-out, Nara." Tsunade finally located and snatched up the stamp block, shoving aside the mess it had been trapped under, raining gambling tickets across the floor. "I didn't call you here for that."

_Which means…_

Shikamaru's gaze snapped back to her, then cut across to Neji just as the Hokage waved a hand vaguely in the Hyūga's direction.

"Neji will be sent as Konoha's emissary." The words hit with the same impact as the stamp-block she smacked onto the scroll, legitimising the Treaty in a loud thud. "Select a Genin team, Hyūga," she added, fanning her hand above the wet ink. "They'll be going with you."

Shikamaru stared at the blood-red Konoha seal, his expression tightening. "So what do you need me to do?"

"Nothing."

Shikamaru blinked. "What?"

"You heard me." Tsunade appraised the document, rolled it, slotted it into a carrier and held it out to Neji, summoning him with a tip of her wrist.

The Jōnin took it without a word.

Shikamaru just stared, frowning.

Tsunade swayed forward, propped her elbows at the edge of her desk and slowly laced her fingers. "You're to do nothing, Shikamaru. I want you to take a break."

Shikamaru's brows shot up and a dry, dismissive snort punched out of him before he could contain it, a half-smirk teasing the corner of his mouth. "A break?"

Tsunade's lips curved. "I thought you'd be happy about that."

"Not when there's a catch."

"Well…" Tsunade smiled a little. "I think you've got enough on your head without additional missions for the time being."

The bemused look was wiped off Shikamaru's face by the undercurrents in her tone. He knew what she was referring to. That stupid bargain, which linked to that stupid booklet, which tied to that stupid business he had to make sure remained nobody _else's_ business but his own.

_Great._

He raised his fingertips to his brow and kneaded the knot of tension forming there; or maybe it was the big fat bruise Neji had stamped into his head. It probably looked like the Leaf emblem on the stupid scroll.

He heard Neji shift beside him.

He didn't look up, taking refuge behind his hand as he pressed his brow.

Tsunade watched with detached curiosity, her amber gaze swinging like a steady pendulum between him and Neji before settling on the door.

"That'll be all. You're both dismissed."

* * *

The cool breeze pushed gently at Shikamaru's back, caressing his nape like an icy kiss. He rolled his shoulders against the chill, slotting his hands deeper into his pockets as he and Neji descended the walkway from the Hokage's mansion.

It was torture.

They walked a few paces apart, close enough that if one spoke, the other wouldn't miss it. Neither had said a word. They'd exited several strides apart only to gravitate towards each other and stop at some halfway point, caught in a weird kind of orbit around the massive rock of tension standing between them.

_Shit._

It seemed to grow with every step, layer upon layer of memories and unspoken words making it harder and crueller. It crushed and ground together all the emotions Neji had ever rattled loose inside of him and the dust settled like salt into the open wound his chest had become.

_What the hell is it gonna take to make this go away?_

Shikamaru kept his eyes cast down.

The leaves whispered over his feet and tumbled on ahead in a playful skitter across the paving. It didn't draw his gaze or his attention. Instead, he listened to the heavy scrape of his sandals. Neji barely made a sound, the scuff of his steps almost silent – meditative in a way. Slow. Steady. Not racing ahead.

Unlike Shikamaru's mind.

"When do you leave?" he asked, the words scraping out dry, like the leaves crackling ahead of them.

"Tomorrow morning."

"Got a team in mind?"

"Any team will do."

The stiff formality in Neji's tone mirrored itself in his bearing. The Hyūga's spine gave new definition to 'vertical' while his shoulders did an ace job on the horizontal front. He remained squared and stern, his jaw set, his gaze fixed ahead.

Focused, controlled, unapproachable.

_Back to square one…_

The bitter realisation struck Shikamaru like a kunai between the eyes. He knocked his head back as if hit, staring up at the clouds. A weak, humourless chuckle fluttered up his throat, snatched away by the wind.

Neji stopped walking.

Shikamaru slowed to a stop, bracing his hip against the railing leading down from the walkway as they reached the base of the incline. He kept his gaze on the pale wisps drifting overhead.

"I'll give your regards to Hibari," Neji said.

"Yeah…" Shikamaru crossed his ankles with a nonchalance he didn't feel as he leaned into the railing. "That kid will be happy to see you."

Neji blinked slowly, brushing his thumb across the scroll case. "From what I understand, she was rather attached to you by the end."

Shikamaru shifted at the awkward memory. "Yeah, literally attached."

The humour felt flat and forced. Shikamaru leaned further into the railing, making it look like a slouch. He pressed hard enough that his ribs throbbed warningly.

"If there are any relevant details I missed during my…" Neji paused, searching for an appropriate word, "…incapacitation…I trust I'll find them in the reports?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

"Right."

_God, what the hell are we doing?_

This whole situation was surreal. One massive smokescreen and failed attempt to reach back into the past and drag forward old ground rules of interaction. Too bad they'd broken every rule as well as each other. They were back to square one, but the board had changed. Shikamaru had no idea how to play this safe, let alone sane.

_I don't think that I can…_

He couldn't even find the strength to know where to start. It was uncharted terrain between them. But there were no landmines this time, just the painful pieces that had already been blown apart from the last reckless plunge into forbidden territory.

_I don't know how to do this…_

But Neji did.

The Jōnin turned his head, the barest tilt of his jaw. "This is as far as we go, Shikamaru."

And there it was, delivered in a tone as calm and cool as the breeze.

It left the shadow-nin numb.

He spent a moment digesting the meaning in those words, his eyes trained on some indistinguishable point in the distance. He should have guessed it would come to this. Hell, he'd been the one to cross the line two months ago – it made sense that Neji would be the one to draw it now.

Shikamaru nodded slowly and glanced back up at the sky.

"I know," he murmured.

He pinned his stare on the clouds, watching a cold current carry them beyond the village. A perfect illustration of what was playing out now. From this point on, his obligations as a shinobi would take him in one direction and Neji's desire to attain freedom would take him in another.

It was only the need that kept dragging them back.

"_You break me apart…but you're all I can breathe…"_

Shikamaru closed his eyes slowly, a deep line cutting into his brow. Then he smoothed out his expression, slipping his lashes open to their usual half-mast.

_I know…_

He watched the breeze break apart another cloud and waited for Neji to silently sweep away like one. It didn't happen for a long moment. But when it did, Shikamaru felt a part of himself break apart and drift away too.

* * *

Empty.

It wasn't a word Neji had ever used to describe his room. But kneeling in the centre of it now, for the first time it occurred to him how incredibly vacant and lacking in character it was.

Minimalistic and simple, the neutral shades removing distraction and distinction.

It was perfect for its purpose. A place to sleep, meditate and retreat to. It had never needed a splash of anything personal, because as vacant as it was, he'd always filled it with scent – and scent always triggered memories. Memories invited ghosts. So in effect, he shared his room with ghosts; a haunting of questions, regrets and doubts that forced him into a restless pace as if pushed by poltergeists.

The ghosts hadn't been banished, but somehow, they'd quietened.

They'd quietened enough that for the first time, the room felt empty and foreign. But nothing about it had changed.

_I have changed…and now I am a stranger in my own home…_

Which might have been a lie. This had been a prison, a cage. A Branch House he was born into, but never truly a home. But it's all he'd ever known and in that knowing, he'd created some small semblance of peace in this quiet, barren room.

_And now I cannot find rest here…after what I found with him…_

Neji frowned, running a sharpening stone along the blunt edge of a kunai. Several of the knives lay in a neat row beside his ninja bag. Preparation provided distraction. Distraction provided distance from his thoughts.

_From what I cannot escape._

Wasn't that why he was leaving?

_Am I running away…?_

Sparks flew from the tip of the blade as the stone rasped off the edge.

Neji sighed, set it down and took up another, repeating the process, breathing in the scent of burning sandalwood. Incense wafted idly around his room, creeping to all four corners like smoky fingers feeling along the walls, searching for cracks to escape through.

A sharp shout echoed from the courtyard, drawing his gaze across to the door.

_Hinata._

She hadn't stopped training. Perfecting her jutsu had become her goal and with the steady attention she was beginning to attract from the elders, the pressure to master her chakra continued to rise in order to meet a level of increasing expectation.

_She will be fine._

He slotted the kunai away and checked over his supplies.

Then he reached for his black-and-tan bag, pulling out unnecessary baggage before something caught between his fingers in a crackle. Neji frowned, closing his slender digits around the slip of paper that had got wedged in a loosely rolled scroll.

He flipped the crumpled sheet open with his thumb.

His breath caught hard.

_Food in fridge (takeaway). Painkillers in kitchen. Your stuff's in your bag and your ass is covered. Don't bother looking for what's missing - you won't find it. I'll be back soon. Don't be a pain. Try to __relax__  
– Shikamaru_

Neji stared for a long moment.

He passed his gaze several times over each word in a slow trace of the script.

He brushed his thumb across Shikamaru's name.

Then he read it again.

* * *

Shikamaru was good at reading between the lines.

It was one of the many things his brain did of its own volition, often dissecting expressions both facial and verbal to account for any possibilities that might fall either side of what was actually being said or expressed.

However, this talent wasn't infallible.

In fact, there were select occasions that it failed so magnificently that he had to question whether he possessed the ability at all. Usually, these occasions involved women. Bearing this in the very back of his mind, it should have come as no surprise that something was amiss when he crossed paths with Ino on his way to the hospital.

"Hey." She gave him a tight-lipped smile.

Shikamaru arched a brow, slowing his walk.

He'd come to pick up the prescribed painkillers for his ribs. He'd completely forgotten that Ino had medic training with Shizune. It seemed a lot had gone straight out of his head as he'd wandered the village in a directionless stroll for the past hour.

"Hey," he greeted warily, noting her strained smile.

What was even weirder was the way she didn't slow her step, suggesting that she intended to walk straight on past without another word. Given that Shikamaru had about as much desire for company now as he did for a kick in the head, he didn't bother to question what was up and kept walking.

They brushed past each other.

Ino stopped.

Shikamaru frowned and turned to glance over his shoulder.

He didn't get to finish turning his head before Ino tackled him into a bush.

The massive cushion of leaves lessened the impact, but the pain in his ribs shot straight to his eyes before they flared angrily.

"Ino!"

"Hold still!"

"Crazy woman! Get off me!"

"All you had to do was turn your stupid head!" the kunoichi growled, smacking a hand to his chest to keep him pinned as she whipped out a rolled-up length of what looked like measuring tape. "But nooooo."

Shikamaru's scowl paled into an expression of disbelief and horror. "What the hell are you doing!"

"Hold still!" She snapped her wrist to untangle the tape. "I need measurements."

Shikamaru's eyes rounded. "What?"

"Your _hair_, you pervert!" Ino reached for his ponytail.

Shikamaru scowled, a blush scraping across his cheeks as he craned his neck back, smacking her hands away. "Get _off_."

"Ne, just lie back and take it like a man, Shikamaru."

Laughter bubbled loudly over Ino's shoulder and Shikamaru tilted his head to see Chōji standing off to the side, guarding them from view, munching on potato chips. The setup was clear. Chōji, his best friend, his trusted stalwart in the most troublesome of situations, intended to do absolutely nothing in his power to help him.

Shikamaru shot him a murderous glare.

Chōji chuckled.

Ino grinned above him, angling for the best way to measure his hair. "Chōji loves me more than you."

"I hate you both," Shikamaru grumbled, jerking his head from side to side to avoid the troublesome tape before surrendering with a sigh. "Such a pain in the ass."

Ino beamed, victorious as she took her readings. "Didn't see that one coming, did'ya, genius?"

Shikamaru's glower remained set, his eyes narrowing on Chōji. "I'll remember this."

The Akimichi hunched his shoulders to contain his laughter, smothering it into his crisp packet. Some of Shikamaru's anger eased off, the whole situation was really too ridiculous to be mad about. And he just didn't have the energy.

Ino jumped up, dusting off her palms with a smug curve at her lips. "Okay boys, my work here is done."

Shikamaru grunted and batted aside the hand that Chōji offered. He pushed himself to his feet, biting back a wince. The last thing he needed was to draw attention to his injury. Hell, what he probably needed now was a higher drug prescription.

"Shikamaru, what are you doing _here _anyway?" Ino asked, slipping the tape measurer away after scraping her nail across one of the numbers. "Chōji and I were gonna come find you."

Resisting the urge to cradle his side, Shikamaru picked stray twigs and leaves from his clothing, shooting Chōji a look from under his lashes, shaking his head. The Akimichi grinned, finally looking a little bit shamefaced beneath his amusement.

"Heh, it's for a good cause, Shikamaru."

"I'm still gonna remember this."

Chōji held up a palm to ward off the black look. "Don't be like that. It's for your bir—"

Ino clapped a hand over Chōji's mouth. "Chōji!"

Shikamaru arched a brow very slowly.

Transferring her attention in a heartbeat, Ino flicked the shadow-nin hard on the forehead, bringing his focus away from his ribs and onto the sore spot.

"Don't be such a grump, Shikamaru." She pulled her finger back a little and traced out a swirl shape on his brow. "Wow. What happened to your head?"

Shikamaru growled, rocking back on his heels to escape the circling finger. "Would you stop? This day has been one god damned drag after ano—"

"Nara!"

_Hell fucking no…_

Shikamaru, with a deep sense of foreboding, glanced in the direction Chōji and Ino turned and really wished to the God that hated him that he hadn't. Kotetsu stood on the steps leading into the hospital, one arm banded around a box of scrolls, the other holding the door open for Izumo.

He abandoned both tasks the second Shikamaru met his gaze.

He dropped the box, a big grin splitting his face as the door swung back and smacked Izumo in the head mid-scowl.

Izumo went down in a crash, startling patients in the waiting area.

"Oh my god," Ino cupped a hand to her mouth.

Kotetsu, still grinning wildly, held up a hand to his cataleptic buddy without a backward glance. "We're cool. It's all good."

Oh, this wasn't good.

Shikamaru's eyes darted every which way as he sought an exit.

Kotetsu bobbed his eyebrows, sashaying his ass across the path, arms spread wide in welcome. "It's official! Your brain, my good looks, Asuma's beard and Izumo's syrup! It's a beautiful thing, Nara!"

Ino and Chōji exchanged glances, then looked to the shadow-nin for an explanation. Shikamaru shook his head. There were just no words for this kind of public humiliation. He made an effort to maintain a look of blank indifference and set it firmly on Kotetsu, hoping to ward off the grinning Chūnin with a complete lack of reaction.

This tactic, of course, was a fail.

Kotetsu cocked a finger at him, the white strip across his nose glowing bright in the afternoon sun. "Aww, c'mon. You can't tell me it's not a beautiful thing."

Shikamaru blinked slowly. "Your friend is bleeding on the floor."

Kotetsu blinked, his grin freezing in a comic expression of pause as he looked over his shoulder. A nurse was kneeling over the crumpled and twitching Izumo, fanning his face with her clipboard.

"Ah." Kotetsu tilted his head with a whistle. "Damn. She's kind of hot. I think I did him a favour."

Shikamaru wished someone would do _him_ a favour.

Ino smirked, catching his harassed look with an indulgent, sadistic kind of satisfaction that suggested she was going to take immense pleasure in his attempt to extricate himself.

He frowned at her, shaking his head.

The kunoichi pursed her lips in consideration before mouthing "_You owe me_".

Shikamaru arched a brow in nonverbal query.

Ino nodded and mouthed "_big time_". She combed her fingers through the long fall of her bangs, flicked her hair in a dramatic swish that clipped Kotetsu's face like a lash of sunshine, drawing his attention onto her. Without breaking stride, Ino kept her gait loose and her hips swinging as she rounded him with a frown, plumping out her lower lip.

"What's a girl got to do to be _respected_ around here?" She pouted petulantly, blinking the thick fan of her lashes. "We're not just objects for your ogling, you know." Ino set the double standard by planting a hand on her hip, her body slanting into the sensual "s pose" that best accentuated her figure.

Chōji looked across at her, frowning a little.

Shikamaru hesitated, not exactly a fan of this tactic either. It was one of Ino's most effective methods of manipulation. A good thing Asuma wasn't present. Shikamaru hated it about as much as Chōji, but the shadow-nin's disapproval was mitigated by the fact that it saved him from the madness.

He immediately began to idle back a few paces.

Chōji caught on and stepped into the space he'd been standing, covering him as Ino continued to bemoan the unfairness dealt to her gender, all the while flaunting her feminine curves with indecent hip sways and chest thrusts.

Kotetsu stared, clearly not taking in a word.

Shikamaru caught Ino's eye over Kotetsu's shoulder, nodded once, then slipped away down the sidewalk.

* * *

_Strange._

Of all the places to be summoned by his uncle, Neji did not expect to be directed to a quiet wing of the Main House where access was restricted solely to Hiashi, his wife and select elders.

"Enter."

Neji slid the shoji panel aside and stepped into the room.

It was bathed in the soft hues of candlelight and cast in a semi-haze from the incense hanging heavy in the air. The scent hooked his nose and tugged his focus across the meditation room to where Hiashi stood by the tokonoma.

The alcove was dominated by the traditional wall scroll and dais.

The dais supported a small, elegant flower arrangement, two slender candles and several sticks of incense steadily burning, the ash wrinkling back along the smoking stems.

Neji moved to the centre of the room and dropped to one knee in a bow. "Hiashi-sama."

Hiashi didn't turn, his eyes centred on the scroll. "I understand that you leave for Hanegakure tomorrow."

Neji's jaw twitched. "Yes."

"Alone."

"I have selected a Genin team, as requested by the Hokage."

"I see. And your mission's duration?"

"Two weeks, inclusive of journey time."

Silence settled between them, deep and distant.

Neji knew that this wide, ritual gulf would always be water regardless of the thickening blood between him and Hinata. He also knew that no matter the leniency shown him, Hiashi would inevitably go down with the Hyūga ship rather than change course.

_Just like my father…_

Only Hizashi had hoped the winds would change.

They never had.

The winds had been tradition. And those winds were cold and cruel. Even now, crossing the high sea of turbulence where the elders were concerned was an impossible goal. That ship of hope had sailed fourteen years ago only to violently crash on the gravestone Hizashi never had.

Neji clenched his eyes shut, sadness washing over him in waves.

Hiashi's next words hit him just as hard. "Nara Shikamaru. I spoke with him the other day."

Neji's eyes shot open, his bowed spine tightening in a jolt. Chalk-faced, he flicked his gaze up only to find that Hiashi kept his back turned, letting the sonorous roll of his voice carry over his shoulder.

"Tell me, do you work well together?"

Neji fought hard to contain the heat that fanned along his neck and face, managing to control his thoughts with a tight rein. He could detect nothing but neutral interest in Hiashi's tone and studied his uncle's shoulders, looking for tension, his own almost carrying in his voice.

"Yes, Hiashi-sama."

"Do you trust him?"

"He is Konoha's finest strategist. I trust his judgement."

"His judgement?"

"Yes."

Hiashi turned slowly and tapped down the bokken in his hands, resting his palms atop the wooden blade. He gazed down, the candlelight catching in his opal eyes like fire trapped in ice.

"Does he trust yours?"

Neji let every angle of his face harden into the familiar stone of his mask, his voice quiet and calm. "I imagine so."

"You consider yourself his comrade."

Neji narrowed his eyes in question. "Of course."

A long pause punctuated the moment before Hiashi spoke again. "You would protect him for this reason?"

"I would protect any Leaf shinobi for that reason."

"Is that the reason why he protected you?"

Neji's heart slammed into his sternum.

His chin came up. "I don't understand what you mean, Hiashi-sama."

Hiashi's eyes narrowed as they tracked over the tight, steely lines of Neji's expression. After a moment, a ruminating look steadily passed over the suspicion in the elder's pale orbs. Neji blinked slowly, returning the steady gaze until Hiashi refolded his hands atop the bokken, tapping it down conclusively.

The Hyūga Lord tilted his chin towards the exit. "You may leave. Journey safely tomorrow."

Neji bowed his head, his graceful rise impeded by the barest hesitation as he turned towards the door. Hiashi's voice stopped him short.

"Do you care to know what Nara answered in return to that question?"

Neji froze as he felt the unnerving weight of his uncle's gaze settle like a block of ice between his shoulder-blades, the stare causing his skin to prickle and his breath to lock.

"It wasn't that you were his comrade."

Neji offered no response to indicate that it even mattered. But the fact that he didn't leave was how Hiashi knew that it did.

"It was that he was your friend."

* * *

Halfway back towards the Nara forest, Shikamaru changed direction.

He'd intended to catch a nap back home, but figured he'd catch a sunset instead. It would beat a restless sleep. His mind was buzzing in a way that meant he'd dream. And lately his brain had taken up the sadistic habit of regurgitating in dreams everything he choked down in his waking hours.

_Great._

Shikamaru sighed, trudging into the woods on the outskirts of the training grounds. Over the years he'd picked out the best cloud-gazing spots, usually situated in places he could securely rest in without worrying about a violent plummet if he fell asleep and rolled over.

He selected a spot close to the lake.

It was secluded, quiet and a pain in the ass to get to.

Shikamaru knew the peace would be worth it, but cursed every root and reed that conspired against him as he picked his way along the eroding bank that eventually curved up in a grassy slope, boxed in by the natural tangle of shrubs and tree roots. The thick wooden vines gnarled up and down in confused twists and turns, as if the tree had intended to rip up its foundations and relocate.

_I'm sure as hell not moving…_

Shikamaru eased down into the smooth bowl at the base of the tree, pressing his back into the natural curve of the bark, like it had been crafted for this purpose. He let out a shaky breath as he rested back, his dark eyes struck with a touch of flame as the skies began to turn.

Perfect.

He'd caught the clouds just in time to watch them burn.

* * *

The setting sun turned the lake to lava, a massive body of liquid fire.

Silver ripples broke across the surface and a whisper fluttered the reeds sweeping the bank. A white heron rose on silent wings, gliding away on the same breeze that whipped at Neji's hair, stirring the mocha strands framing his face.

As silently at that white bird, the Hyūga glided along the edge of the bank, the graceful length of his strides carrying him closer to what his Byakugan eyes had sought and found.

"_It wasn't that you were his comrade. It was that he was your friend."_

The words had been like a violent tug on that bond of invisible heartstrings and sinew that had formed unbreakably between them. Tomorrow, distance might serve to weaken the threads, but right now, Neji could no more stay away than he could stop thinking about it.

He just didn't have the strength right now to fight the pull of that unseen chord, which reeled him in along the bank towards the reclining figure.

Shikamaru was sleeping. One arm curved back under his head, a small frown tugging at his brow.

Neji drew close then paused, bracing a foot on the gnarled roots roping up from the ground as he gazed down. The soft rustle of leaves filled the silence and the warm hues of the sunset spilt over the Hyūga's shoulder to paint across Shikamaru's form and face. It drew orange lines around the hollows and grooves of his long body, a blush of fire and a stroke of shadow defining the sharp planes of his face.

_Burning…_

The memory of Shikamaru burning beneath _his_ touch rather than the sun's drew a pang across Neji's chest. He felt his throat tighten and his breath scraped like a desert breeze in and out of his lungs, dry and parched.

He felt a sand-like sensation of something slipping through his fingers.

_Time…_

Swallowing down the rough pain in his throat, Neji stepped atop and over the tree roots, rising and falling in a wave of white that looked like wings as the wind ruffled the sleeves of his robes.

He crouched down in front of the sleeping shadow-nin.

Shikamaru didn't stir, his expression still pinched from whatever images were playing behind his closed eyes. Neji traced his gaze over every contour of the Nara's expression, cataloguing this particular image with the countless others of the shadow-nin's face.

_What's one more, when it's never enough?_

And suddenly, it wasn't enough just to gaze.

Like a blind man needing to touch to see, Neji raised a slender hand and without hesitation he set the tips of his fingers between the closed eyes, feeling the sharp brows twitch a little at the contact. When Shikamaru didn't wake, he traced his touch up along the high brow, across the zigzag hairline to the Nara's right temple, then down across the healing scar on Shikamaru's cheek.

The warmth of the Nara's skin seared straight through his cold fingertips, dragging the heat like gentle chakra up along his arm and deep into his chest, where it swelled and ached in tandem with his heartbeat.

Then Shikamaru's eyes slipped open and his heart stopped beating altogether.

The Nara's eyes were glassy as they settled on his face.

"Gonna smother me, Hyūga?" he croaked.

The familiar line almost drew a weak smile across Neji's mouth, but his lips barely shaped the curve, his eyes fixed on those shuttered orbs struck gold in the burning light.

"I don't suppose that is what a friend would do," Neji returned quietly.

Shikamaru's expression tightened, his gaze shifting away. "We've done a lot of things that friends wouldn't do."

"A good thing then, that we were never friends." Neji slid his fingers down to follow the edge of Shikamaru's jaw, his hand finally dropping away.

Shikamaru watched him guardedly, but a naked vulnerability played just beneath the surface of his eyes. Neji tilted his head, gazing back with a gentle intensity that began to taper and crease the corners of his eyes into a pained look scarred with an emotion he wasn't sure he could name.

"I once told you I knew my own weaknesses better than anyone else…"

"I know."

"I was wrong…"

Those dark eyes flickered in confusion.

"But then…" Neji raised his hand, grazing a knuckle under Shikamaru's jaw. "I never expected my greatest weakness to be you."

Shikamaru's eyes widened, the deep pools of his irises shining like black glass, reflecting fractured flashes of emotion. The broken look was all it took for Neji to know that he wasn't the only one in pieces.

Pulled by that unseen gravity between them, his fingers slipped around to Shikamaru's nape, kneading gently. Shikamaru's eyes drifted shut then clenched hard. Snarling, he slammed his palms into Neji's chest, shoving the Hyūga back and up, rising to his feet in the same motion.

"Don't," Shikamaru snapped, panting hard. "You're one hell of a sadist, Hyūga."

Neji watched him through lidded eyes, reading the hurt in the deepening expression, hearing the rough confusion in the smoky voice.

Neji shook his head. "I didn't come here to hurt you."

Shikamaru gave a gravelly laugh, leaning back against the tree. Neji noted the way the Nara curled an arm across his torso, supporting his ribs.

"Yeah, I forgot that you don't _think _this shit through, right? You just _do_ it."

The bitterness was weak, as forced as Shikamaru's earlier humour. The venom in his voice was watered down by the look in his eyes.

Neji shifted forward in slow but sure steps.

Shikamaru's lip curled angrily, but it didn't match the twitch around his eyes.

"_Back_ off, Neji."

Neji leaned in and with a slow and deliberate movement, he braced his hands to the tree, caging Shikamaru between the rigid lock of his arms as he glued their gazes. "Push me back."

The shadow-nin's head jerked a fraction. "You're fucking kidding me."

"No, I'm stealing your lines," Neji answered smoothly, his gaze dropping to Shikamaru's mouth as it pulled into another snarl.

"No, you're crossing your own damn lines," Shikamaru returned, not missing a beat.

Neji's lip curved wryly. Despite the dangerous ground they were on, that familiar and addictive repartee flowed flawlessly between them.

"Dawn will draw that line." Neji leaned in until their breaths mingled. "Until then, I'm under no obligation to toe it."

"Tch." Shikamaru sniffed derisively, but didn't pull back, not that he had much leeway to do so. "Moral obligation not enough for you?"

"Hn. What do you think, Nara?"

Shikamaru growled, teeth bared, eyes sharp as kunai. "I think the only line you walk is the one between sadist and masochist."

Neji sucked in a breath, arching a dark brow at the thin distinction; but the bite in the words drew no blood from him. They weren't fierce enough when Shikamaru's voice was shuddering out so raggedly.

"Does needing something before I walk away from it make me either of those things?" Neji slanted his head forward until he was brushing the words in a deep, velvet murmur against the shadow-nin's mouth. "Or does it make me human?"

Shikamaru went still against the tree, dark eyes struggling to retain their cutting edge even as his scowl began to crumble.

Neji watched closely, his heart tightening its beat into an aching throb.

_Gods, let me feel this…just one last time…_

He tilted his head up to feather his breath across Shikamaru's shuttered eyes, coaxing the dark lashes shut. Their brows tapped gently and the Jōnin gazed in silence as exhaustion stole the pain from Shikamaru's face, drawing his sharp expression into something softer.

For a long moment they stayed that way, sharing breath.

Neji blinked slowly, just gazing.

He absorbed everything, the way the flaming light hit on the ridges of Shikamaru's face, the way the scant space between them seemed to still even as their breaths stirred...and the way that time began to crystallize the edges of this moment so clearly that Neji would frame it in his mind and hang it on his heart even if he had to nail it in.

_If I cannot get you out…then I will make a place for you…_

He felt Shikamaru's brow press against his hitai-ate in a slow rub.

The shaking of the Nara's head oscillated a weak stream of breath across Neji's lips. That was all it took to pull him closer. Just a hint of that smoky taste. Neji flexed his fingers against the bark, shifted his weight onto his palms and slid one leg forward, shoulder-blades jutting in a fluid shift of muscle as he dipped his head and looked up from under the hood of his lashes at Shikamaru's face – waiting.

Shikamaru made to shake his head again.

Neji cut him off, nudging their mouths in a nod.

The bump of lips tipped Shikamaru's head back against the bark. Leaning in, Neji settled their mouths close without touching, his gaze on the dark lashes that flickered open half-way. The heavy-lidded look Shikamaru fixed on him couldn't hide the warmth spiralling in the coffee-coloured eyes. When Shikamaru spoke, his voice husked out as rich and dark as the brew.

"Whatever it was, don't ever let me know."

Neji blinked, a shadow of confusion passing across his face. "What makes you think I know what it was?"

Shikamaru arched a brow, his smile faint and wary. "You're not trying to strangle an answer out of me. So I figured you'd thought one up."

Neji hummed, the ghost of his smile loosening the tension in Shikamaru's mouth enough for the Jōnin to settle their lips in a slow press.

"_You_ think," he murmured. "I do."

Shikamaru sighed into the kiss, easing his tongue into Neji's mouth in a slow dip that barely delved past the barrier of teeth before withdrawing. "Fuck, Neji…don't start what I can't stop…"

The slick, teasing probe of that tongue, coupled with that damning, husky drawl set off a deep, hair-raising stir at the base of Neji's spine. Arousal stroked over his skin like callused fingertips and a flash of raw, incandescent heat flared in his opal eyes, softening to a warm glow as he drew back.

"We should have worked on your control, shouldn't we?"

Shikamaru shuddered once, fighting off the raw, sexual tension and waiting for it to settle into something less intense. "Yeah…" he swallowed hard. "Still not a Hyūga."

Neji smirked gently at that, sweeping a kiss across Shikamaru's brow. "It would be incredibly troublesome and awkward if you were."

Shikamaru grimaced. "Ugh. Thanks for that…you just took the edge off, right there…"

The affection that bloomed up inside of Neji warmed his smirk into a smile, a chuckle rolling out breathy and quiet. The sound drew Shikamaru's attention toward him more intensely and he had to ease his head back to keep from leaning in again.

An easy, restful quiet settled between them.

Which made no sense, considering the utter chaos that was still strewn inside and around them. A zone littered with hurt, unspoken words, questions, confusion and Kami knew what else.

It didn't seem to touch them though.

Once more, what they destroyed around and inside of each other never seemed to touch what they created in the centre of it. The dust hadn't exactly settled, but they were both walking blind through the haze. By the time dawn crested, Neji would be gone before it could clear.

_I have to…_

Neji shook his head, gazing quietly at Shikamaru. "Shikamaru..."

The Nara closed his eyes. "Which brat pack did you pick?"

Neji drew in a slow, deep breath, tamping down what had been riding up inside him. He cleared his throat and shrugged, adjusting the brace of his palms either side of the shadow-nin.

"Ebisu's."

A dark brow shot up as Shikamaru's eyes slipped open. "Being politically suggestive there Hyūga? Konohamaru's ties to the Sandaime. Good move."

"Precisely."

"Guess you _do_ think things through."

"Only when it's necessary," Neji joked weakly.

"You're lucky I'm too tired to go a verbal round on that one."

"I strongly suspect you're just too lazy."

Shikamaru smirked, tipped his head back against the bark and looked off to the side for a long moment. The rings under his eyes seemed darker from this angle.

But then, the light was fading.

_Gods…already?_

Neji's chest tightened, constricting reflexively against the pang.

The sunset was burning away into dusty shades of twilight, casting cooler hues across Shikamaru's face. And suddenly, abruptly, Neji felt the peace slipping away, turning colder by degrees as the light began to die.

Some absurdly childish part of him felt cheated.

Like time had promised a small eternity and had failed to deliver; teasing him with moments that it was now going to snatch back one by one and turn into memories. Memories that would one day fade to the same colourless grey as his dōjutsu; a washed-out reel that would never play out again other than in his mind.

The thought of that left him breathless with regret.

He'd been arrogant to assume he could do this and walk away unaffected. It was _because_ he was affected that he had to walk away.

Neji clenched his eyes shut, his fingers gnarling against the tree.

_I shouldn't have come here._

He didn't sense Shikamaru watching him.

* * *

The sunset might have been bleeding away, surrendering its fire to those cool, eerie hues of twilight, but inside of Shikamaru, those elements of fire and ice were waging war.

It was taking more strength than he could fake not to react.

He could sense the ephemeral sense of peace drifting away like smoke on the wind.

God, everything about the stolen time was pulling at his skin, at his sanity and at the scab he kept trying knit over the wound inside him. Leaning back against the tree might have kept him from pushing forward, but nothing was stopping the feeling of being pulled apart.

The beginnings of one damn kiss had devastated his control.

Now it was hanging by threads as tight as the chords in his throat.

The nearness to Neji was a heaven and hell all wrapped into one burning ball in the back of his throat, like a damn sun turning cold and slowly descending into his gut. Looking at Neji now, watching the pain creeping into the Hyūga's face turned that ball into a stone and it dropped so heavy inside Shikamaru he had to suck a sharp breath against the urge to jolt.

"Troublesome Hyūga…" he rasped, even as he reached up to slip his fingers through the mocha strands, rubbing Neji's scalp. "You shouldn't have come here."

Neji's deep, bitter laugh was black as the shadows beginning to creep in around them, chasing a shiver up Shikamaru's spine. "Gods, don't you think I know that, Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru fisted the Hyūga's hair tightly, his eyes flashing angrily. "Then why the hell did you come?"

The question was out of his mouth before he could register just how dangerous it was. Neji drew his head back and Shikamaru found himself levelled with a long, intense stare as cool and hard as the steel of the Hyūga's hitai-ate. Then those lunar orbs were eclipsed by a gentle sheen that stole the anger from them in an instant.

"Why the hell do you think?" Neji whispered.

The memory of those words hit so hard that Shikamaru _didn't_ think.

He leaned in so fierce and so fast that he almost knocked Neji back with the force of his mouth crashing down on the Jōnin's. Urgency flooded over his control in hot rushes, spilling into a clash of teeth and a deep thrust of tongues.

The kiss was rough and raw and shaking with need.

It was ripped up with the sounds of shattered control and broken breathing.

There was hunger, heat and a hint of that heart-wrenching desperation that came from knowing this would be the last time. They pulled on the taste of each other like ravenous addicts. Their lips clung, breaths heaving out of lungs struggling to drag in air around the roll of slick, searing tongues.

Neji pressed forward.

Shikamaru hissed at the pain in his ribs, but fisted his grip in Neji's dark mane when the Jōnin made to draw away, tugging him back with a growl on his tongue. Neji's mouth stopped an inch from sealing the kiss, his breath caressing Shikamaru's lips instead.

"Shikamaru…"

The deep purr of his name rattled his mind into responding.

The shadow-nin licked his lips, drawing back shakily, struggling to scrape together the frayed threads of his control. They slipped through his mental fingers just as his fingers slipped through Neji's hair.

Shikamaru shook his head sharply. "Fuck…I can't…"

"I know." Neji's palms moved to frame his face, holding him still. "You don't have to. I will do it."

Shikamaru's laugh was a rusty jitter of tension, grief and primal need, shivering husky and dark and low in his throat. "Right…real noble…"

"Necessary," Neji corrected, his voice just as hoarse, but his touch remained steady as he rolled his thumbs lightly at Shikamaru's temples. "I will walk away. One of us has to."

That was no lie.

"_Whatever I am when I'm with you Shikamaru…that doesn't change anything."_

At the time, Neji's words had taken on a different meaning, but now, Shikamaru understood them in their broader context. Everything had changed, but the one thing that never would was the fact that this thing between them had no place in the world in which they operated. He was smart enough to know that, even if he knew nothing else when it came to this need Neji pulled up inside him.

_I don't want to figure it out…but how the hell do I make it stop?_

"Fuck." Shikamaru knocked their brows together, shuddering. "How the hell do you do it? How the hell do you push this down?"

Neji hummed softly, continuing to rub soothing circles at his temples. "I wouldn't be here if I knew how to do that."

Shikamaru sighed quietly, closing his eyes against the salty burn steadily building there, the sadness pushing through the frustration. He only knew one way to deal with something he couldn't figure out and didn't want to. He'd find a way to keep it in the shadows; where he kept everything he could never and would never bring to light.

_I can do that…so long as you walk away this time…I can't…_

He felt Neji's lips trace his brow.

A gentle skim of breath and the lingering press of a kiss. "I should probably go."

Shikamaru swallowed hard, carding his fingers through Neji's hair to reach his nape, squeezing lightly. "Yeah…I was trying to catch a nap…"

He felt Neji's tremulous smile against his brow. "Why not catch a sunrise, Nara?"

Shikamaru drew back a little, cocking his head with a lopsided smirk, eyes wet but warm. "You being poetic or sadistic? You know what those hours do to me?"

Neji's glistening orbs flickered with amusement. "Allow me to introduce you to those hours. Although…" Neji swept a thumb under Shikamaru's eye. "I have the feeling you're well acquainted."

Shikamaru shrugged and looked away, unable to take the sorrowful glow in those pale eyes.

He'd see them plenty in his dreams.

"Sunrise, huh?" He kneaded his fingers along Neji's nape. "Guess I can take one more crappy hello…"

Neji spared him the correction, leaning in to settle their foreheads.

They both knew that by greeting the dawn, they would be saying goodbye.

* * *

**TBC.**

**A/N: **Argh! *nosebleed*Apologies for the delay in this one. Real life combined with a brain meltdown and dragged me away kicking and screaming. Crazy week. Forgive any typos – I'm functioning on ¼ of an editing braincell! Hope the slightly longer length of this chapter makes up for the delay. Onwards to the last chapter, my lovelies!

**REVIEWERS: **You guys have been epic, awesome, amazing and a hell of a lot more with all the kind support, feedback and encouragement. Thank You so much. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. ^_^

**Reviewers without Accounts: **Arigatou! **Ally** – Hey there, Ally! Thanks so much for your review! Hope this chapter made up for the evil cliffie! ^_^  
**Miin** – Thanks so much, Miin! ^_^ Glad you enjoyed the last one. Arigatou!  
**Ayachan** – Thank You, sweetheart for another of your great reviews! Appreciated so much. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. ^_^


	50. Chapter 50

Disclaimer: NARUTO and its characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: BREAK TO BREATHE

Pairings: Shikamaru/Neji

Rating: M / R

Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there. Shikamaru/Neji

Timeline: Shippuden. Neji and Shikamaru aged 17-18 (pre-Hidan and Kakuzu arc)

* * *

**BREAK TO BREATHE**

by Okami Rayne

**Chapter Fifty**

[Dedicated to Bre]

The clouds were holding the moon.

Gossamer, wispy streaks that created a vision of ghost-like arms embracing the glowing sphere. Watching the moon now, reminded Neji of the talismans he'd touched back in the cabin at Hanegakure.

The moon hung as smooth and round as polished silver, fixed on a cloak of midnight.

Brightness burning cold.

Neji wished he could reach up and take it between his fingers, flip it, brush his thumb over it and feel the imprint of a different destiny, a less futile fortune.

The stars shivered.

Neji tilted his brow up, his temple brushing Shikamaru's gently. The shadow-nin's leg tensed, stretched out, then knocked back against his again. They sat with their backs to the tree, cradled in tree roots and slanted against each other, shoulder to shoulder, knee-to-knee.

Simple contact.

Neji watched a wisp of Shikamaru's breath float away on the cold air, drawing his gaze across to the heavy-lidded eyes settled on the lake rather than the sky. In the moonlight, those sharp, silver-lined features took on a hazy glow. Like powered light had settled on Shikamaru and if he moved, it would slip off him like stardust.

Neji couldn't help but see the poignancy in it.

If cosmic forces had created this unnamed thing between them, then to feel this stolen time slipping through his fingers like dust rather than sand seemed fitting somehow.

"You used to give me shit for staring," Shikamaru murmured quietly.

"I'm not staring at you. I'm watching you."

Shikamaru's lips quirked weakly. "Pedantic, much? And yeah, you used to give me shit for that too."

Neji hummed quietly, letting his gaze stray towards the lake. "Well, you always saw too much, didn't you?"

He didn't get an immediate response to that. In fact, Shikamaru remained quiet for long enough that Neji suspected no answer would come. When it did, it misted away on a breath that puffed out soft and tired.

"Not always," Shikamaru sighed.

Neji curled his fingers into a loose fist to keep from reaching across. "Where do you go from here, Nara?"

Shikamaru shrugged, the movement rubbing their shoulders in a nudge. "In whichever direction the Godaime kicks me. I'm not exactly into final goals."

Neji pondered that, hedging his next words carefully. "And is that why you joined the Nijū Shōtai?"

Shikamaru stiffened beside him. "Hn. Sneaky."

"Somewhat," Neji replied, deliberately vague, although a case of eavesdropping was more to credit than any espionage work on his part. "I'm curious as to your motives."

"Kotetsu running his mouth off, huh?" Shikamaru muttered.

The speed at which the shadow-nin put that one together had Neji's lips curving.

"I don't suppose his words to Ino and Chōji were intended to carry beyond earshot."

"You stooped to the mere-mortal level of eavesdropping, Hyūga?" Shikamaru smirked at the thought, shaking off his irritation. "Damn. How the mighty fall."

Neji scowled, tucking his chin back as he looked across. "I was attempting to locate _you_. I have no interest in idle gossip."

"Yeah? Well rumour has it you don't need that to 'locate' someone."

Neji hesitated, glancing away. That was true enough. While he'd located Shikamaru using his dōjutsu, he'd only eavesdropped to glean information off Chōji and Ino regarding the shadow-nin's current disposition. He'd filtered out and discarded any useless chatter, which had narrowed facts down to exactly what Neji had suspected. Shikamaru's chameleon act remained intact, no matter what was broken beneath the surface.

On that thought, Neji glanced across again. "Byakugan or not, just like you, I don't always see as much as people assume I do."

"The head-butt tally seriously backs that up."

Opal eyes flickered with amusement. "Well if _rumour_ is correct about the size of my ego, it would insist that I make a lasting impression, however barbaric."

Shikamaru caught and held his gaze for a fleeting, intense moment, then slanted his jaw away with a throaty chuckle. "Yeah, thanks to you I'm gonna have a 'lasting impression' of the Leaf symbol stamped into my head."

Neji pinched his lips to keep from smiling.

_I will miss this…_

The lightness flitting in and out of the stolen moments was like a firefly of humour hovering between them, welcome and warm, but struggling against the encroaching black. Neji felt the stillness fall in around them again, heavier with each second slipping by.

In the beginning, it had irked him beyond measure to be drawn into these bantering exchanges with Shikamaru. Mostly because they had caught him, confused him, challenged him and pushed him to laugh, smile and otherwise set down his mask.

And given the literal mask he needed to take up, these were dangerous slips.

_Slips I cannot afford…_

Because for everything that had changed, his desire for freedom remained steady and unyielding. The stolen freedom and rest he'd found with Shikamaru could not save him from the cage of his clan's traditions.

_I cannot live that way…_

Shikamaru had saved him from himself, but now he needed to protect and strengthen what was left before the pieces became too scattered apart to ever be put back together again.

And then there was the question of Shikamaru's pieces.

"You didn't answer me, Shikamaru, regarding your motives for the Nijū Shōtai."

Shikamaru stared quietly at the lake and then unexpectedly he leaned away, straightening up against the tree. The loss of warmth was instant, the cold creeping in to fill the small space between them.

"That wasn't exactly phrased as a question."

"Now who's being pedantic?" Neji angled for a better position, twisting a little so he could settle his gaze on Shikamaru's face. "Why won't you answer?"

Shikamaru dismissed the question with an idle wave of his hand. "I thought you didn't care about my intentions, Hyūga. I'm just doing what I have to do. You should get that."

"Just one more direct order, Nara?" Neji said without thinking and regretted it instantly.

Shikamaru's expression caught between a frown and a flinch, but the hurt look shifted quickly as the shadow-nin fell back on his chameleon act, adjusting his face into unreadable flatness.

"Sure." Shikamaru shrugged again, his arm shifting over his torso as he cupped his side hard. "I might even get a promotion out of it that I actually deserve."

Neji didn't buy it for a second and made no attempt to humour him, arching a dark brow to illustrate the same bluntness as his voice. "You've never cared about that."

Shikamaru snorted, the sound as black as the shadows he slouched further into, watching Neji through his lashes. "You don't care what I care about, remember?"

A cheap shot.

And it struck hard.

It hit Neji square in the sternum, forcing him to suck in a breath as he drew his chin up a notch, his eyes narrowing. "Believe that if it makes it easier for you."

"Easier?" Shikamaru practically choked on the word, spitting it out with a snarl. "You think this is fucking _easy_?"

Their gazes locked in an unstable hold, a sensation of mental and emotional gears grinding stubbornly and hopelessly against each other, catching a spark, threatening a burn.

Neji tensed as an ache rolled through him.

It touched on his expression like ripples on the lake.

Shikamaru watched closely, the barest flit of the Nara's eyes indicating that he was trying to read those ripples, chasing them across Neji's face with his gaze until they broke on the stony mask the Jōnin tried to pull up. Shikamaru released a shaky sigh and closed his eyes, raising a hand to rub at his temples slowly.

"Shit…" he whispered.

Neji's mask dropped in an instant.

He leaned forward and tugged Shikamaru's hand away to brush the Nara's temples with his thumbs, cupping the shadow-nin's head gently. He traced out the tender areas, raising his touch to knead the balls of his thumbs around Shikamaru's brow bones, stroking a callused pad across the Nara's forehead.

He tapped the fading bruise.

"The mark will fade."

"Then you did a crappy job, didn't you?"

Neji arched a brow. "What?"

"Your _lasting_ impression," Shikamaru joked weakly, gesturing vaguely towards his forehead. "More like a parting gift at this point."

Neji stilled sharply. "Shikamaru…"

"Give me a break, Hyūga…" Shikamaru knocked off the Jōnin's hands, rubbing his own palms across his face, breathing hard. "Shit."

Neji swallowed uncomfortably, feeling like his heart was pounding at the base of his throat and impaling itself on his ribs all at the same time. He held his breath for a moment, hands hovering at a mid-way point as he fought the rise of feelings.

"Shikamaru…"

"Shut up, Neji."

A muscle in Neji's jaw ticked, but he watched in silence.

He searched Shikamaru's face through the slots of those long fingers as the shadow-nin sat forward, propping his elbows on his knees. He passed his hands across his face as if trying to wipe clean his expression, muttering several blue streaks that involved an underscore of "troublesome". Then he gave up and dropped his brow into the cradle of one hand, shaking his head.

It was torture, but Neji couldn't pull away.

Dawn would pull him away soon enough.

He would find the strength to walk away, as promised, but right now he wasn't sure he had the strength to even stand.

"Shikamaru…"

The Nara dropped his hand with a rough sigh, the whites of his eyes red and tired, his face creased with exhaustion as he shook his head at the futility of it all, staring out across the lake as if searching for something on the surface. Neji watched him with an intensity that had Shikamaru leaning away just to snatch a breath.

The shadow-nin worked his throat for a moment, then croaked out his words. "So where do _you_ go from here, Hyūga?"

Neji held off answering right away.

For all that Shikamaru had shattered inside of him, some things had become clearer. Neji had been forced to face the darkest facets of himself in those broken pieces. The ugly parts he'd been holding in with everything else.

_I have too much rage inside me._

That rage would need to be addressed. Hanegakure was his duty call, but not his destination. He hadn't quite planned it that way.

_Where do I go from here…_

"Wherever I have to, Shikamaru…" The answer was quiet, resigned, not burning with the conviction he knew he'd need to find again. "To attain what I want."

Shikamaru's eyes drifted shut half-way. "Don't forget what I told you."

"What you told me…?" Neji cocked his head, trying to urge Shikamaru's gaze toward him.

"About being human."

Neji's head came up sharply, but his eyes softened. "How could I forget?"

"Pretty easily in that zone," Shikamaru returned smoothly, flicking Neji a glance from under the hood of his lashes. "Don't forget."

_That zone. _

Neji looked away.

That zone was his way out of one cage into another. But then, freedom might as well be the right to _choose_, if nothing else. ANBU was a means to a painful end, but a painful end was better than the endless pain that came with living in the 'in-between' state of Branch Pet and Hyūga Prodigy.

If ANBU was just another cage, at least it was a bigger one.

And he'd take it. Following his father's path was not an option.

But neither was walking another fine edge.

"I will not forget," Neji said a breath later, his eyes clearing from their glazed stare to settle on Shikamaru's face.

Shikamaru frowned, lifting a hand to drag his fingers in a rough sweep through Neji's bangs, raking them away from the Hyūga's face to cup the back of his head. The sudden, almost aggressive movement surprised Neji, but he managed to control the urge to frown, gazing back steadily.

The look Shikamaru fixed him with turned sharper. "I mean it, Neji."

Neji's jaw came up a stubborn inch, but his voice remained calm and melodic in its deep tenor, smoothing over the tension. "I know. I cannot move backwards, Shikamaru, only forwards."

Those dark eyes studied him fiercely, flicking over the contours of his face, searching, scrutinising, then little by little the chiselled flint in Shikamaru's expression began to soften, his fingers easing their grip to rub at Neji's scalp.

"Progress, huh?"

"In leaps and bounds." Neji inclined his head into the touch, fighting off the nerve-rattling reaction inside him as his skin tightened and tingled in response to the simple caress. "It's what I do."

Shikamaru's hand slid down to cup his jaw, a thumb tracing out the faint curve of his lips with a frown. "Yeah. Just don't leap and bound into a deep end. It'll be a pain in the ass finding someone to pull you out."

The muttered irritation in those words was ruined by the crumple at Shikamaru's forehead, tugging the sardonic arch of his brows into a tight knit. This time when the pain squeezed at Neji's heart, it was affection that pushed through into his eyes, not the ache he fought back.

His mouth shaped a sad smile. "I will not forget, Shikamaru."

The undercurrents in his words didn't go undetected.

"I wish I could…" the Nara murmured so softly the words almost escaped unheard.

Neji felt Shikamaru's thumb graze the corner of his mouth, pressing just hard enough for him to part his lips. The second he did, that thumb slid down to hook his chin and tilt his face up.

Their mouths brushed gently, a tentative nudge.

Shikamaru took his time, as if trying to slow the moment, hold it and stretch it out into a smoulder. Neji felt the swell of his bottom lip teased with the barest scrape of teeth, then the wet glide of tongue, which traced his mouth in a moist flicker, shivering breath over his tingling lips.

Like a tongue of flame.

It singed over Neji's top lip, drew across the smooth enamel of his teeth and slid between the barrier with devastating intimacy, stroking his slick muscle into a blood-stirring response. Their tongues caressed in a slow, sultry roll, mouths opening together, lips rubbing as heads slanted to deepen the kiss.

A rough, breathy sound rattled deep in Shikamaru's throat.

The husky purr kissed down Neji's spine in a shiver.

Then Shikamaru's fingers drew up along his back like a rasping stone against his nerve endings. The sparks that flew and fired off inside him fluttered like embers low in his stomach, sucking the air from his lungs, spinning his blood into a wildfire stream.

"Neji. Breathe." Shikamaru pulled back a fraction and tilted his head to settle their mouths close. "Breathe…"

Dazed and dizzy from the sensation, Neji shuddered once. "You're not making this easy…"

"I know…" Shikamaru cupped his head gently, slanted their mouths and fed a soft, smoky breath between Neji's lips. "Breathe."

That dangerous tongue almost dipped in to follow that soft word, but then the shadow-nin stopped, swallowed hard and changed direction. He kissed Neji at the corner of his mouth – a lingering, hesitant press. Neji blinked in surprise, but said nothing as he caught his breath.

There was something distinctly endearing and gentle about the press of lips.

Strange, almost like a first kiss.

That's how Neji knew that this one was the last.

* * *

Dawn came in a steady blush, almost guiltily.

It graced the skies in soft, rose hues, blooming gently beneath the wings of broad, wind-stroked clouds. They spread out across Konoha's sky like a white flock. The lake reflected the vision back in ripples and reeds swayed gently in the cool breeze that ruffled at Shikamaru's ponytail.

Then a warmer breeze teased across his face.

His lashes flicked open a little, heavy, drowsy lids shielding his eyes. "Mn?"

"You missed it," Neji murmured against his brow. "I didn't want to wake you."

Shikamaru tried to shrug, but didn't have the energy.

"Early…" he croaked, his voice hoarser than the roots and bark biting into the small of his back.

"Go back to sleep, Shikamaru," Neji's advised in that deep, smooth voice which stroked over Shikamaru's brow again, then under his skin in a shiver.

Shikamaru craned his neck a little, trying to fight the tempting heaviness that pulled through him, dragging him back into black. He felt completely drained, like something had sucked out his chakra as well as his energy.

_What the hell?_

He frowned groggily. "Neji…"

He felt Neji's lips curve gently against his temple and a tickle of soft strands that must have been the Hyūga's bangs swished either side of his face. Neji's shadow fell across him, cool fingers tracing his temples, soothing the ache.

"Don't fight, Shikamaru."

_What?_

Shikamaru's eyes flared open a little wider, but not much, just about enough to discern a silhouette above him, cast against a backdrop of soft, peach-hued sky. When the hell had he ended up flat on the ground?

"Knocking me out again, Hyūga?"

He tried to move, dragging his heel up a little. He felt Neji's hand knead his calf lightly, easing his leg back down. "I didn't want to wake you. But I had to move."

_Move?_

Funny enough, this alarmed Shikamaru more than the realisation that Neji had helped his head along into the realms of sleep.

_Fuck…how much time did I lose just falling asleep? Why the hell did he let me?_

Panic crawled through him, a horrible sense of loss stealing cold across his chest, reaching the chords in his throat and wringing them mercilessly.

Neji's fingers traced his cheekbone. "It's the only way I can do this, Shikamaru."

"Neji…"

Warm lips settled against his to silence him, a fleeting sweep that couldn't be called a kiss; maybe a ghost of a kiss. Or maybe just the memory of one.

Neji's words feathered across his mouth. "Fate has always ripped people away from me before I've ever been forced to walk away from them. But you seem to be the exception to every rule I have ever lived by and understood."

Shikamaru drew a deep, shaky breath, pulling in the scent of Neji's skin and the lingering hint of sandalwood that clung to the pale robes. It was mixed with that sharp metallic trace from the hitai-ate and the barest whisper of something like rain hanging in the mocha strands fluttering against his jaw.

"I've known no greater freedom than the one which came from letting go of who I had to be…just long enough to be who I was when I was with you…" Neji admitted in deep, hushed tones, his touch just as reverent as it skimmed Shikamaru's mouth. "Gods, you make me want to stop fighting…"

The words knifed a sharp pang in Shikamaru's chest, cutting off his air and strangling his voice into a tight whisper. "I know…"

And he did know.

He knew it on the most basic and complex of levels.

Levels that had absolutely nothing to do with everything he understood. Knowing didn't necessarily mean understanding. He'd come to hold this knowing in places he'd never even _known_ existed inside of him. There were never any guidelines about this, no maps of the mental or emotional territory, no sure-fire way to walk it blind and not end up torn while trying to tame it into something that made sense.

In the end, they'd been as lost as each other.

Their only navigation had been their need.

And their needs had crashed them together.

They'd crashed, burned, gone up in flames and when the heat had eased they'd found an incredible peace in a warmth that should have turned cold. It hadn't. Even with the dust still up in the air, neither were blind to that.

"You make me crave a rest I cannot allow myself to need, Shikamaru."

"Yeah…" Shikamaru blinked slowly, feeling that horrible pain tightening his throat and pushing a sting into the backs of his eyes. "And I'm not sorry."

He felt Neji smile, then squinted through his exhaustion to just about discern the Hyūga's eyes through the screen of his lashes. Those pale, moonstone orbs were luminous and translucent, a moist sheen rippling across them like water over quartz.

"I know," Neji echoed his words back to him softly.

Then a knuckle grazed between his brows, coaxing his eyes shut. There was no spoken goodbye, but Shikamaru tasted it in the hint of salt when Neji's mouth traced his face, swept across his lashes then brushed in another ghosting kiss across his lips.

"Every time, Shikamaru," Neji murmured.

The words made no sense to the shadow-nin.

And they didn't need to.

There was only one need, burning strong even when the warmth of Neji's breath grew cold against his lips. He knew it was the breeze long before he found the strength to open his eyes.

Neji was gone.

* * *

The Shogi house was empty.

Shikamaru hadn't intended to come here. He'd marked no destination on the map of his mind, which seemed to have wiped itself clean of any direction. It had become a cool slate of numbing calm without a scratch of a thought to give him something to focus on.

He'd just got up and started walking, needing to move.

He'd walked wherever the wind pulled him, buffeting him like a leaf up along one sidewalk then down along another at an idle pace. He was oblivious to anyone and everyone, whether on the same stretch of pavement or across the street, whether he knew them or not, whether he should or shouldn't have pretended to.

He just kept walking.

The world passed by him and it felt abstract and out of place. Or maybe that was just him. The only thought that made a dent in his brain was the fleeting consideration that he might actually be dreaming.

He knew he wasn't.

He must have walked for a good few hours before he'd ended up here at the Shogi house.

_Back to the start…_

He traced his eyes over the script of a Shogi competition leaflet nailed into the door and didn't take in a word of it. The symbols just felt comforting somehow because even though he wasn't reading the script, it possessed a design that he could follow if he wanted to.

He'd never felt more lost.

The door to the Shogi house opened.

The old lady who'd labelled Neji as a prize catch for her granddaughter popped her head out, squinting through the thick lenses of the glasses perched on the edge of her nose.

"We're not open."

Shikamaru blinked slowly. "I know."

Her squint turned speculative and she raised a thin hand to tap at the air between them as if she were trying to put her finger on something. He knew it was his name. Which there was no way in hell she'd remember no matter how often he'd—

"Nara," she said. "That's right. I remember you and your friend."

Shikamaru might have looked impressed if his face wasn't feeling about as numb as his brain. Commanding a facial expression would take about the same effort to verbally respond.

He nodded instead.

The old lady adjusted her glasses on her nose and looked him up and down. "You look all done in, dear."

The words knocked the blank look off his face, pulling his mouth into a frown as he darted a glance at the windows, catching a hint of his reflection.

He looked like shit.

"Come in for a pot of tea?" She stepped back a little, opening the door.

Shikamaru declined politely, wondering at her pleasantness given her dismissal of him the last time. She didn't ask again, but she did hand him a leaflet before shuffling back indoors.

He looked down at the yellow sheet for long moment, staring at the illustration of two players sketched hastily, almost childishly, into the corner.

One had long hair and robes.

Engrossed in his study of the picture, he didn't notice the presence behind him until a scuff of feet deliberately announced the company. Shikamaru flicked his gaze up to the glass just as a thin plume of smoke skated over his shoulder, hitting the window and rolling across the pane.

"It's way too early for you to be up and way too soon for me to quit smoking again."

Shikamaru snorted and waved a hand to hold the leaflet up for Asuma to inspect over his head. "Relax. I'm taking the initiative."

He felt the sheet plucked from his fingers and slotted his hands into his pockets as he turned around. Asuma studied the details on the leaflet with a wry smirk, shaking his head.

"Public Shogi match? Gai will appreciate this." The Jōnin tipped his bearded jaw toward the sheet. "He's been bugging me about what to challenge Kakashi with. Shogi game should settle it."

It occurred to Shikamaru that a game of Shogi might actually settle something inside of him. He tried to keep his expression flat and neutral, but the hope for a distraction piqued inside him – the urge for something ordinary to focus on that wasn't likely to hit any raw spots. He couldn't take going home to an earful from his mother; she was going to have his ass for staying out given the recent events that had set her on edge.

Shikamaru stared quietly at the leaflet his sensei was still glancing over. "You up for a game?"

"Not sure public humiliation will do me any good."Asuma's brows shot up and he shook his head, a gruff laugh fluttering smoke across the sheet. "Especially if you get a cash prize out of it. That just adds insult to injury."

Shikamaru slouched against the glass, outwardly casual.

Inside, he deflated.

"You're supposed to encourage me," he drawled.

"I'm not going to encourage you to make me look like an idiot," the Jōnin chuckled, tipping his wrist to flip the sheet over his knuckles as he made to hand it back, waving it once. "I'm still working on the cool adult image."

Shikamaru made no move to take the leaflet, which Asuma folded and slipped into his flak jacket. Shikamaru watched the movements with apparent disinterest, until Asuma took a long drag on his cigarette and held the smoke in that deep, contemplative way that had the shadow-nin preparing himself for whatever was coming next.

"Did you know Ebisu's Team was selected for the Hanegakure emissary mission?" Asuma looked across, letting the smoke roll with his words. "Hyūga was heading it."

Shikamaru stared unseeingly at his sensei's cigarette, taking a second longer than intended to respond to that. "Yeah."

"Was that part of your game plan?" Asuma brushed a thumb along his beard thoughtfully. "Having a team sent back?"

Shikamaru smirked weakly, knocking his head back against the glass. "Not exactly, but I'm getting used to troublesome surprises."

Nothing had gone as planned, after all. But then, that seemed to suit the plotline of the past few weeks. The unpredictability and utter lack of control over it had been frustrating as hell.

Apart from when it had come to the lack of control he'd felt with Neji.

That had felt—

"Good," Asuma said suddenly, breaking into Shikamaru's thoughts with a gruff chuckle, not noticing the embarrassed and awkward shift of his student's eyes. "Because surprises are around the corner." The Sarutobi paused for effect. "Just like your birthday."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, straightening away from the glass. "Great."

"Ah, so enthusiastic." Asuma smacked the back of his hand lightly across Shikamaru's forehead. "Now _there's_ the student I know and take crap from."

Shikamaru scowled, but there was no menace in it. "Ino tackled me into a god-damned bush – in broad daylight – for 'birthday surprise' purposes in two weeks time. Not exactly feeling optimistic about this one."

"Give her a break. She took a knock after that Team switch," Asuma held up a hand quickly, "which I know wasn't your fault, but that doesn't mean you can't compromise and give a little here."

_Give_?

Shikamaru fought the urge to close his eyes. He was pretty sure that he had nothing left to give. He knew logically the empty feeling wouldn't last, but right now he didn't want to have to think about how long it would take to go away either.

_If it ever does…_

"Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru's scowl fell with his shoulders. "Such a drag…"

Asuma dropped his chin, pinning Shikamaru with a hooded look that immediately hit his evasive sense of guilt. It struck it dead-on-centre with that horrible bull's-eye effortlessness that only his sensei could pull off.

Shikamaru frowned, looking away.

"She's putting a lot of effort into this," Asuma added, driving the guilt home.

"Which means I'm gonna have to put in twice as much effort to get through it," Shikamaru muttered, heaving a final sigh of defeat. "Right. Whatever."

"It'll be good for you, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru arched a brow, picking up on a grave edge just beneath the humour. Asuma glossed it over with a grin, crushed his cigarette out against the door to the Shogi house, earned himself a dirty look from the old lady inside and backed away from the window with a hand held up in apology.

Shikamaru smirked. "Such a cool adult."

Asuma snorted, his bronze eyes bright with amusement as he plucked out another cigarette to perch at the corner of his mouth. "And just for that, I might crash the party and get in on the food I won't be paying for."

Shikamaru shrugged, watching a spark catch on Asuma's lighter in a gentle dance and sway. The end of the cigarette flared brightly, like the embers of need he'd felt in the pit of his stomach hours ago; they were still burning, rising higher up into his chest to sear in a tight ball behind his ribs.

Asuma's lighter lid cut out the flame in a sharp snap.

Shikamaru's lashes clamped shut over his eyes. "Sensei…"

"Mn?" Asuma mumbled around his smoke, slotting the lighter away.

"If you quit smoking, what would you take up instead?"

Asuma laughed, expelling a spiral of tobacco in rich swirls. "Never happen."

"What if you had to?"

The silence that followed that question hung heavier than the pall of smoke. Shikamaru slipped his eyes open, settling them on the molten end of the cigarette, steadily gathering ash at it burned. Asuma was watching the soft flakes falling from the end, frowning as he considered the question.

"I don't know. Smoking's more than a habit. It's kind of a need. If I had to give it up, I'd take up something better or something worse I guess." Asuma rolled the cigarette between his fingers, knocking the ash off completely as he looked up. "But replacing a need doesn't always get rid of it."

Shikamaru watched the breeze carry the cinders away, his lips pursed, his eyes intense as he tried to stomach his sensei's words and the deep ache they left him with. He shook his head against the feeling, dropping his gaze.

"Then how do you get rid of it?"

"Well, that depends on the need." Asuma shrugged idly, but his eyes held fast and steady on his student's face. "I guess you find a way to let it go."

Shikamaru frowned, staring through glazed eyes at a crack in the sidewalk. He swallowed down his immediate reply but it rose back up his throat, lodging like a rock in his windpipe. He locked his jaw, but couldn't hold it in.

"And if you can't let it go?" he whispered hoarsely.

Asuma pressed his lips around his smoke with a deep hum, whistling a thin stream through his nose. "If you can't let it go…" He plucked the cigarette free, pinching it between finger and thumb in a slow roll. "Then you do the only thing you can with a need like that."

"Which is what?"

Asuma smiled sadly. "You live with it, Shikamaru."

* * *

A blanket of ash stretched out before Neji.

Grey and lifeless.

But it turned into flame as he deactivated his Byakugan, the ashen hues of his dōjutsu fading as colour bled back into the world.

He stood at the highest aerial point, perched on the crest of a tree, looking out across the mantle of autumn fire that scorched the forest for miles ahead. The sun played off the crimson and yellow leaves, hints of orange and russet fanning along in ripples as the wind sailed over treetops, swaying the lighter boughs.

He felt that same wind at his cheek, carding unseen fingers through his hair.

Neji closed his eyes slowly, tilting his head into a phantom touch he could still feel from hours before.

"Neji-senpai!"

The voice startled him.

Neji channelled a surge of chakra to his feet to keep his balance, tipping his jaw to glance down through the tangle of boughs at the Genin trio waving wildly below. A blue scarf whipped on the wind like a streamer.

"Can we eat now! We did our time!" Konohamaru shouted, cupping his hands over his mouth so his voice shot up along the trunk, startling birds. "I'm really sorry!"

Neji inclined his head and touched two straight fingers to his lips, activating his dōjutsu. He scanned the campsite Konohamaru and his teammates had set up.

It was flawlessly done.

Moegi had even set a flower and note of apology outside his tent.

This placating gesture and excellent job wouldn't save them from having to undo all their efforts when he announced the fact that they wouldn't be staying here.

He had a destination in mind more important to him than Hanegakure.

There was a reason he'd chosen two weeks for this mission.

"Please, Neji-senpai!" the trio chorused together.

Blinking from his digression, Neji slid his gaze across to the large bundle of ration packs he'd confiscated from the Genin team after Konohamaru had decided it would be a brilliant idea to ruffle Neji's 'Hyūga composure' with Naruto's hand-me-down Perverted Jutsu technique.

The jutsu's redundancy had been announced by Neji's complete lack of reaction.

Konohamaru, not possessing the sense to stop, had been frankly offended at the thought that his improvements to the jutsu were anything short of original. He'd gone on to demonstrate with several boy-on-boy and girl-on-girl techniques that had resulted in a long, severe silence from Neji before he'd proceeded to punish the entire Team for the idiocy. Guilty by association, the young Sarutobi's teammates had given their friend an earful that saved Neji from giving a lecture.

This method was twice as effective.

"We pitched the tents and laid out traps and everything!" Konohamaru whined, cocking his head with what he hoped was a winning smile from down below. "C'mon, Neji-taicho!"

_Taicho?_

Neji snorted at the attempt at respect, not impressed, but not as irritated as he possibly should have been. He reached into his ninja bag to flip out a kunai and turned it over his knuckles in a sharp twirl.

With a snap of his wrist he let it fly.

It struck the confiscated bundle of food far below and pierced an exploding tag secured to it. The bomb didn't go off, despite his pokerfaced warning to the Genin team that if one of them so much as attempted to approach the food, this imbecile would garner themselves a cremation, never mind a grave.

"Oh man, no way!" Konohamaru pointed to the bundle. "It wasn't even rigged!"

Neji crouched on the branch, eyes scanning the periphery as the 'brat pack' rushed for the food they'd been denied. Ensuring their immediate zone was clear, he straightened up again. The Byakugan veins loosened around his eyes and he cast his gaze across the undulating sea of coloured leaves, scaling his focus higher until it hit on the sky.

His expression softened.

The breeze was blowing back in the direction of Konoha.

And so were the clouds.

* * *

The bird was off the ground.

_Already?_

Shikamaru hadn't believed it at first, assuming that his brain had finally packed up shop and left him to hallucinate the entire thing. But sure enough, the falcon had swooped down upon his entry to steal the last strip of meat between its talons, taking itself to the highest point of the pen with its prize.

_Progress in leaps and bounds…_

Shikamaru shook his head at the thought, a faint smile hooking one corner of his mouth as he went about filling empty food containers. "Good. Won't have to get Chōji to hand-feed you."

The falcon hovered in the makeshift rafters above his head, running a bird-talk commentary in sharp, loud "kee" calls.

Shikamaru glanced up, draping his forearms over his knees as he sat on the edge of a hay bale. "Chatty too, now? How troublesome."

The bird cocked its head left and right, bobbing its neck as it observed him with interest rather than its previous state of aggression and fear. Shikamaru wasn't sure how to feel about that. While he was used to building bonds with the deer, he'd never really felt the inclination to bother with other animals, for all the trouble they usually brought him.

_Besides, if it hates me it will fly away faster…_

Not liking where that thought was about to take him, he switched his focus onto his task and finished laying out the meat as the falcon preened. Its feathers were growing back and it moved with a surety that made it hard to believe that it had ever been in such a sorry, broken state.

_Healed or not, I still held it down and pissed it off._

Trust wasn't in the cards.

Or at least he assumed as much until the bird surprised him again.

He didn't get the chance to fully stand before the falcon dived down beside him and began to tuck into the fresh meat. Shikamaru froze mid-way into rising from his hay bale perch, not wanting to startle it.

It ignored him for the most part.

He watched it with a fascination he would never admit to showing a bird that had caused him so much damned trouble.

_Good thing I didn't name it._

Food goal accomplished, the falcon moved onto its next task; which involved flexing its wings and setting off on a migration mission around the pen. Shikamaru watched it with veiled amusement. Judging by the easy swoops it took from one perch to another, it would soon be well enough to take flight outside of the pen.

Well enough to find its way in bigger skies.

Well enough to fly free.

The ache came hard in his chest, prompting him to tuck his arm around his torso, as if supporting his ribs had anything to do with it.

"_You live with it, Shikamaru."_

Shikamaru let the ache roll through him, not fighting it as he watched the falcon swoop past, preparing itself for imminent freedom.

Freedom…

Shikamaru's lips twitched in a shadow of a smile.

_Guess I can live with this…knowing you'll find that…_

He closed his eyes, breathing deep as the bird swooped idly around him.

He didn't leave for a long time.

And when he finally did, he found a little slice of peace amongst his pieces.

* * *

"Neji-senpai, where are we going?"

Neji said nothing, moving smoothly along the forest trail, preferring to feel the earth beneath his feet rather than the sway of branches. The sensation of solid ground brought a steady calm to his mind. He'd been unsteady for a long time, hanging off an edge he didn't realise he'd barely been holding onto.

_If you had not pulled me back…_

It was a dark and disturbing thought that he hadn't wanted to face.

But then, that's why he was here.

"A guesthouse! Nice!" Konohamaru gave a hoot and with a wobble of heavy camping gear he hopped forward and staggered sideways, thumbs up. "I like this upgrade! I take back thinking that Kiba-kun was totally right when he said you had a massive stick up yo— "

Neji shot the youngster a warning glare that wordlessly spelled out how just how vital it was to the Genin's health that he didn't finish that sentence.

Konohamaru coughed, tucked his chin nervously into his scarf and laughed a little, jogging on a head. "I'll just check if the coast's clear!"

Udon hurried after him. "Hey! Konohamaru, wait up!"

"Well that's rather silly," Moegi sighed, assessing Neji's reaction as she looked up questioningly. "It's a shukubo. Right, senpai? A Temple retreat?"

Neji inclined his head, offering a short, deep hum as his only response. The sound of chanting confirmed Moegi's question for her as they approached the Temple lodging. To Neji's suspicious surprise, Konohamaru was hovering in an abiding silence.

"This reminds me of Asuma-ojisan," the young Sarutobi said, his ear cocked in the direction the Temple chanting was drifting from.

_Asuma?_

Neji might have questioned just what Konohamaru meant by that, but the moment passed when they were greeted by two elderly monks. The men were swathed in saffron and the heavy scent of incense, an aura of warmth settled across their serene faces.

"Welcome."

From that word on, Neji's attention became quickly divided between settling the Genin team, making arrangements to send a message on ahead to Hanegakure and another letter back to Konoha to confirm mission progress.

Then there was the matter of his less patriotic motives.

The sun had begun to slip into the molasses folds of sunset by the time he returned from the Temple's pigeon post. Once he'd sorted appropriate lodging and warned the team in no uncertain terms about the ramifications of any disrespect shown to the monks or the environment, he quickly swept out and away from the accommodation in steady, driven steps.

He cut a smooth path through the quiet grounds.

His pace only slowed as he neared the immaculate gardens used for meditation purposes. His shadow stretched on ahead of him, leading the way. He followed the same sandy path that he'd taken days before, only he walked it now as a different shinobi.

A different man.

He eventually reached the spot where he had practiced his kata, close to a clear opal pool. In the last few yards his senses heightened, bringing him an awareness of his immediate surroundings that he had lacked the first time he had been here.

This time, he sensed the hit long before it had a chance to catch him off guard.

He moved in a smooth response, rather than a sharp reflex.

The cane swooped through the air harmlessly, then swung back to settle in a gentle tap on the ground. The old monk hunched over the wood, his deeply lined-scarred face turning towards Neji, blind eyes adjusting their scan until they settled just to the side of the Jōnin's head.

"I thought it would take you longer," the old man croaked.

Neji bowed, lower than he ever had to any Hyūga elder. "I almost wished it had."

The old man's eyes crinkled a little, his raspy hum like the crackle of leaves.

"And now you wish to understand."

"Yes."

He shuffled over to the clear pool, dipping the end of his cane into the still waters to break a ripple across the surface.

"You found what you were looking for."

Neji shook his head, watching the shadows chase across the water.

"He found me."

* * *

The days found a steady, monotonous rhythm as they trickled by.

The normalcy Shikamaru had needed returned to him in pieces, slotting back into the holes in his life he didn't realise were there. The cracks were still present, but they were steadily sealing up.

Degrees of light helped him to start dragging certain things back into the shadows.

Memories mostly.

They found him in his dreams, every damn time.

And he'd watch the sunrise through his window every morning.

Because every morning 4AM pulled him from those dreams of eyes like moons and hands that made him see stars the second they were on his skin. He'd wake up in a fever and be left feeling cold. He always counted on the next day being the one where he'd get past the stupid O'clock mark.

Tomorrow_, _he'd tell himself.

And every time tomorrow came, so did 4AM, winking tauntingly at him in the dark of his room. And like the days before, he got up and got on.

He'd begun tackling that troublesome white booklet, studying Akatsuki enemies he'd never come up against and probably never would. He napped as often as he could, avoided Kotetsu unless forced to train with him and passed away lunches with his teammates and friends, always careful to avoid Hinata's eyes if ever she joined them.

The first time she'd flushed under his stare had been the last.

The early evenings were the easiest; he played Shogi with Asuma.

Stupid O'clock was time spent with the bird.

And standing where he was right now, watching the falcon follow the trail of meat he'd laid out from the pen to the clearing, Shikamaru wondered what the hell he'd do with the spare hours once it took flight.

The falcon hopped right up to his feet where the final piece of meat rested.

It let out a triumphant screech.

Shikamaru took a broad step back as the bird tore up the meat and swallowed it down, scouting around the immediate area for more.

"That's it," Shikamaru said flatly.

The falcon flexed its wings, jerked its head back and looked up at him expectantly.

"No more food." Shikamaru cocked a hip, his hands jammed impatiently at the waist of his Chūnin pants. "You're on your own now."

The falcon gave a soft screech, spread its wings wide as if to fly – then folded them again.

Shikamaru arched a brow. "You're free." He jerked his chin toward the sky. "Go on."

Nothing.

_Shit._

Shikamaru waved a hand. "Go away."

The bird shimmied back a little at the gesture, but made no move to take flight.

"Troublesome." Shikamaru open and closed his palm. "Look, I don't have any more food. You have to go." He raised his arm in an embarrassing imitation of a wing, scowling at the stupid mime before slashing his hand toward the sky. "Tch. Go away, dammit! Go home."

The falcon turned a pointless little circle on the ground, searching for morsels that weren't there.

"Stupid bird," Shikamaru growled, shaking his head. "I've got nothing left, you need to _go_."

The stupid simple solution to this problem would be for _him_ to go. To just turn around and walk away and leave the bird to its own devices. Even if its intelligence was in question, its instinct wouldn't be. It would eventually take to the trees, progress to the skies and then find its way to wherever the hell it was supposed to be.

_Stupid. Simple._

"Right. I'm leaving," Shikamaru announced, loathed to admit to himself just how idiotic he felt talking to it like it would understand.

He turned on his heel and began to walk.

The soft beat of wings sounded behind him, signalling the bird's departure.

For some inane reason, his chest began to tighten.

_Get a fucking grip. It's a bird._

The air held heavy in his lungs - only to be knocked out of him in a rather embarrassing yelp when the falcon swooped down out of nowhere and nicked his ponytail with its talons.

"What the hell!" Shikamaru waved a hand over his head with a growl, spinning around to watch the bird orbit him in a swift rotation. "Troublesome bird! Go away!"

It didn't.

It circled him in a fashion that proved to be more playful than pissed. Against instinct _and _intelligence, it seemed determined to harass him into a bothersome game.

"I don't have time for this crap."

Which was an utter lie given how early it was.

Time was actually the one thing he had in abundance at this stupid hour. The trouble was filling up that time until the rest of the day found him and slipped him back into the comfortable shoes of a routine that was steadily making each day easier to get through.

Apparently the bird was happy to oblige him up until then.

_Not happening._

But it continued to happen even as he upped his pace to walk away from it. The bird kept on at him in playful loops, never soaring beyond his scope of vision and always grazing his ponytail with every circuit.

Shikamaru attempted to duck and dart away from it and eventually just ran.

It didn't give up the game.

It followed him around the forest relentlessly, chasing him down.

Shikamaru began to curse…

Then at some point he began to chuckle…

And then for the first time in days, he began to laugh.

* * *

The cane shattered.

With barely a touch, it tapped the side of Neji's palm and it broke.

Neji's eyes widened, but instead of sucking in a sharp breath of surprise, he controlled his reaction and focused on exhaling in a slow, steady stream, letting the air flow as if trying to blow out a candle at a great distance.

The old monk blinked, examined the snapped off end of his cane with the tips of his fingers and nodded sharply. "Are you angry?"

Neji shook his head. "No, Hayabusa-sama. I feel no rage."

"Good. Now you understand the true power of breath. It is as vital as water." The monk dipped the splintered end of his cane into the clear pool, chasing ripples across the surface again. "Breath is life. Rage extinguishes breath; like fear and hate. It closes the chest. Closes the heart."

The monk swung the broken cane up again. When it struck Neji's brow it was whole once again, the shattered end smooth and blunt against his hitai-ate. Having come to expect the unexpected with this strange sage of a man, Neji didn't question the mystery of how the cane had been restored.

"Intention and action cannot be separate." The monk tipped his head to the flawless cane. "But a break between them is needed sometimes, to bring this understanding together again. Stronger than it was before."

Neji studied the weathered face, wondering how many breaks this monk had taken to come to this understanding.

Apparently it had only cost this man his eyes to attain it.

In Neji's case, the cost had almost been his life.

"You called him your greatest weakness," the old monk said. "But he has brought you to your greatest strength. Do not forget it."

Hayabusa left him alone with those words.

He would have meditated on them - but they physically moved him.

And as he walked, those words coursed through his veins as thick and strong as the ghost of Shikamaru he still carried under his skin and in his blood. He might as well have carved the Nara's name into his bones.

_I don't think I'll ever get you out…_

And Neji felt that need carry breath back into parts of himself he didn't think had survived the bitter suffocation of his denial. He felt those parts awakening now like the stirrings of tender roots; roots that had the potential to grow into something unshakeably strong.

Neji reached for his hitai-ate, removing it.

He set it down atop his black-and-tan bag and stepped over to the shadows of a tree that looked like a giant bonsai, hanging precariously off the edge of an outcrop. The ridge hung over an incline that dipped down into the forests, where the monks were burning dead foliage and clearing leaf litter.

Neji perched on the ridge, finding footholds in the tree roots.

He tipped his head back into the cleansing caress of a smoky wind. And it was the hint of smoke that caused his eyes to flicker open, look past the boughs above him and settle on the clouds rather than the birds finding their freedom.

"_The strength you need will not come from holding on."_

He understood it now.

And the wisdom had come only after he'd walked away.

The knowing had settled inside him quietly, then it had begun running through every fibre of him like chakra. He'd once believed that letting go of his control would break him apart completely and cast him off the edge he'd been holding onto…even as other parts of him were slipping away.

He'd been right about the breaking, but wrong about that edge.

Because when he'd let go, Shikamaru had held on.

_"I'm with you…let go..."_

Neji spread his arms, unfurled his fingers and let the chakra build and flood over him and through him with a power and warmth it had never possessed before. He felt it rush through the breaks he'd once tried so hard to block before Shikamaru had broken through them.

"_You called him your greatest weakness. But he has brought you to your greatest strength. Do not forget it."_

He couldn't forget it.

Because he _felt_ it; an ache and an answer deep in his chest.

_I will never forget._

Neji smiled slightly, finding a poignant sense of peace past the pain of having felt more deeply than he ever thought he could. What Shikamaru had given him was in every vein, every fibre, every sinew and heartstring, coursing in his blood and burning in places kept cold too long.

It hurt and it healed and it held him together the second he let go.

"_Let go…"_

He let go to the memory of that voice in a heartbeat.

And all he did was breathe…

**- END -**

* * *

**TBC. see A/N (3)**

**A/N (1): **At this stage, I have no idea what to say other than a massive I HOPE YOU HAVE ENJOYED THIS CRAZY RIDE, THANK YOU, PLEASE COME AGAIN. ^_^ Not sure how well this ending will be received, but I couldn't write this any other way than how it wanted to be written. As always, I greatly welcome reviews and appreciate any thoughts. (Please forgive typos = up at stupid o'clock editing this lol)

**A/N (2): **Yes, this story is **open-ended**, with some questions left unanswered and some avenues unexplored. This is for one-shot/_possible_ sequel purposes…and pretty much a hat-tip to real life, I guess.

**A/N (3):**An **aside piece** to Break to Breathe is going to be coming up. It's not a sequel, more like something that can be tagged onto this, featuring around Shikamaru/Ino's birthday. Watch this space lol.

**A/N (4): Updates/Replies:** updates on any other fics will be on my profile page and on my **dArt** account (where I'll reply should there be any questions from anon reviewers seeing as this is the last chappy!).

**TO ALL REVIEWERS****: **No words can adequately express the increasing levels of appreciation that I felt for your support as the chapters came along. Knowing that I had the amazing support of you people behind me, showing this fic so much love, interest and enthusiasm enabled me to complete it. You guys kept on raising the bar on the love and it's made all the difference in the world. **THANK YOU****.** It has been an absolutely insane ride writing this, but one that has altered me as a writer (and person) irreversibly. Writing had always been a dream in the distance. By writing this it put the dream in my hands and the amazing response has made it more of a reality than I ever allowed myself to believe it could be. **Thank You** so much for that, all of you who have taken the time out to share your thoughts with me.

And to those in the shadows who have read from the sidelines, thank you for your interest and I hope you have enjoyed this fic. ^_^

~ **Rayne**


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